On 18 April 1930, the British Broadcasting Company (BBC) announced, “There is no news today,” and played piano music instead.
“People have the illusion that all over the world, all the time, all kinds of fantastic things are happening - when in fact, over most of the world, most of the time, nothing is happening.” -David Brinkley (1920 - 2003): as quoted in Sy Safransky, editor: “Sunbeams: A Book of Quotations” (1990)
“I would rather exercise than read a newspaper.” -Kim Alexis
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Physical Fitness And Exercising Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
Jim: I’ve got some good news.
James: Really?
Jim: Yes, there’s no bad news.
James: I think good news might mean more than just the absence of bad news.
This news just in: Mathematicians have announced the existence of a new whole number that lies between 27 and 28. “We don’t know why it’s there or what it does,” says Cambridge mathematician Dr. Hilliard Mumford. “We only know that it doesn’t behave properly when put into equations, and that it is divisible by six, though only once.”
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Numbers And Counting Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
“Journalism consists in buying white paper at two cents a pound and selling it at ten cents a pound.” -Charles A. Dana (Charles Anderson Dana (1819 - 1897)): as quoted in Herbert V. Prochnow and Herbert V. Prochnow, Junior, editors: “A Treasury of Humorous Quotations” (1969)
Leah: What is black and white and sleeps all day?
Alexia: A snooze-paper.
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Sleep And Sleeping Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
“Well, all I know is what I read in the papers.” -Will Rogers (William Penn Adair ‘Will’ Rogers (1879 - 1935)): “Blames All Ills on Earthquake” (1923), column number 42, newspaper column
News Story: New York. At LaGuardia Airport today, a high school mathematics teacher was arrested for trying to board a flight while in possession of a compass, a protractor, and a graphing calculator. According to law enforcement officials, he is believed to have ties to the Al Gebra network. He will be charged with carrying weapons of math instruction. It was discovered that he taught students to solve their problem with the help of radicals.
“I always turn to the sports pages first, which records people’s accomplishments. The front page has nothing but man’s failures.” -Earl Warren (1891 - 1974): as quoted in “Sports Illustrated” (22 July 1968)
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Failures And Successes Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
News Headlines
- Bridges Help People Cross Rivers
- British Left Waffles On Falkland Islands
- Bugs Flying Around With Wings Are Flying Bugs
- Cold Wave Linked To Temperatures
- Corporations Cashing In On The Year 200 Glitch
- Cows Lose Their Jobs As Milk Prices Drop
- Dealers Will Hear Car Talk At Noon
- Experts Say Economy Likely To Worsen Or Improve
- Hospital Sued By 7 Foot Doctors
- If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last A While
- Jail Releases Upset Judges
- Lawyer Says Client Is Not That Guilty
- March Planned For Next August
- Milk Drinkers Are Turning To Powder
- New Study Of Obesity Looks For Larger Test Group
- Peace May Be A Threat To Continuation Of War
- Police Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
- Rally Against Apathy Draws Small Crowd
- Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
- Slowdown Continues To Accelerate
- Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
- Stolen Painting Found By Tree
- Volunteers Search For Old Civil War Planes
- Yellow Perch Decline to Be Studied
“Journalism is the ability to meet the challenge of filling space.” -Rebecca West
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Daffynitions And Definitions Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
“Early in life I had noticed that no event is ever correctly reported in a newspaper.” -George Orwell (pseudonym of Eric Arthur Blair (1903 - 1950))
Slow news day: A day on which news-oriented folks have little or no new news to tell, and they go to extraordinary lengths to make anything they can find into a news story - this happens more often than you might think. Sometimes they even resort to showing pictures of grandmothers, kittens, or puppies to hold the viewers’ attention.
Marty: What do you get when you cross a dog with a journalist?
Clark: A rover reporting (a roving reporter).
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Domestic Dogs Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
“When a dog bites a man that is not news, but when a man bites a dog, that is news.” -Charles A. Dana (Charles Anderson Dana (1819 - 1897)): as quoted in the article, ‘What is News?’ in “The New York Sun” (1882) newspaper
Classified ad: Free to good home - Great Dane. Cheerful, playful, will eat anything. Especially fond of children.
“People have the illusion that all over the world, all the time, all kinds of fantastic things are happening - when in fact, over most of the world, most of the time, nothing is happening.” -David Brinkley (1920 - 2003): as quoted in Sy Safransky, editor: “Sunbeams: A Book of Quotations” (1990)
“I would rather exercise than read a newspaper.” -Kim Alexis
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Physical Fitness And Exercising Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
Jim: I’ve got some good news.
James: Really?
Jim: Yes, there’s no bad news.
James: I think good news might mean more than just the absence of bad news.
This news just in: Mathematicians have announced the existence of a new whole number that lies between 27 and 28. “We don’t know why it’s there or what it does,” says Cambridge mathematician Dr. Hilliard Mumford. “We only know that it doesn’t behave properly when put into equations, and that it is divisible by six, though only once.”
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Numbers And Counting Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
“Journalism consists in buying white paper at two cents a pound and selling it at ten cents a pound.” -Charles A. Dana (Charles Anderson Dana (1819 - 1897)): as quoted in Herbert V. Prochnow and Herbert V. Prochnow, Junior, editors: “A Treasury of Humorous Quotations” (1969)
Leah: What is black and white and sleeps all day?
Alexia: A snooze-paper.
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Sleep And Sleeping Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
“Well, all I know is what I read in the papers.” -Will Rogers (William Penn Adair ‘Will’ Rogers (1879 - 1935)): “Blames All Ills on Earthquake” (1923), column number 42, newspaper column
News Story: New York. At LaGuardia Airport today, a high school mathematics teacher was arrested for trying to board a flight while in possession of a compass, a protractor, and a graphing calculator. According to law enforcement officials, he is believed to have ties to the Al Gebra network. He will be charged with carrying weapons of math instruction. It was discovered that he taught students to solve their problem with the help of radicals.
“I always turn to the sports pages first, which records people’s accomplishments. The front page has nothing but man’s failures.” -Earl Warren (1891 - 1974): as quoted in “Sports Illustrated” (22 July 1968)
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Failures And Successes Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
News Headlines
- Bridges Help People Cross Rivers
- British Left Waffles On Falkland Islands
- Bugs Flying Around With Wings Are Flying Bugs
- Cold Wave Linked To Temperatures
- Corporations Cashing In On The Year 200 Glitch
- Cows Lose Their Jobs As Milk Prices Drop
- Dealers Will Hear Car Talk At Noon
- Experts Say Economy Likely To Worsen Or Improve
- Hospital Sued By 7 Foot Doctors
- If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last A While
- Jail Releases Upset Judges
- Lawyer Says Client Is Not That Guilty
- March Planned For Next August
- Milk Drinkers Are Turning To Powder
- New Study Of Obesity Looks For Larger Test Group
- Peace May Be A Threat To Continuation Of War
- Police Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
- Rally Against Apathy Draws Small Crowd
- Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
- Slowdown Continues To Accelerate
- Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
- Stolen Painting Found By Tree
- Volunteers Search For Old Civil War Planes
- Yellow Perch Decline to Be Studied
“Journalism is the ability to meet the challenge of filling space.” -Rebecca West
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Daffynitions And Definitions Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
“Early in life I had noticed that no event is ever correctly reported in a newspaper.” -George Orwell (pseudonym of Eric Arthur Blair (1903 - 1950))
Slow news day: A day on which news-oriented folks have little or no new news to tell, and they go to extraordinary lengths to make anything they can find into a news story - this happens more often than you might think. Sometimes they even resort to showing pictures of grandmothers, kittens, or puppies to hold the viewers’ attention.
Marty: What do you get when you cross a dog with a journalist?
Clark: A rover reporting (a roving reporter).
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Domestic Dogs Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
“When a dog bites a man that is not news, but when a man bites a dog, that is news.” -Charles A. Dana (Charles Anderson Dana (1819 - 1897)): as quoted in the article, ‘What is News?’ in “The New York Sun” (1882) newspaper
Classified ad: Free to good home - Great Dane. Cheerful, playful, will eat anything. Especially fond of children.
“Trying to determine what is going on in the world by reading newspapers is like trying to tell the time by watching the second hand of a clock.” -Ben Hecht (1893 - 1964)
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Clocks And Timepieces Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
The cub reporter’s first assignment was to stand outside on the sidewalk and interview people as they laughed all the way to the bank.
“Name names!” the crusty old editor insisted to his young reporters. “No story is complete without the names of everyone involved.” The youngest and newest member of his staff wrote the following news article on a local disaster: Three farms in our area were affected by the severe lightning storm that struck Tuesday night. Mr. and Mrs. Jacob Morrison reported a fire in one of their barns. Bernard Hewitt said several of his trees were knocked down by severe wind gusts. And, Alfred Jones reported that three of his cows were struck by lightning. Their names were Daisy, Bonnie, and Milky Way.
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Cattle Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
“I’m not convinced that the world is in any worse shape than it ever was. It’s just that in this age of almost instantaneous communication, we bear the weight of problems our forefathers only read about after they were solved.” -Burton Hillis (pseudonym of William Edward ‘Bill’ Vaughan (1915 - 1977))
Marjory: Who is always alert to current events?
Jerome: An electrician.
Newspaper Advertisements And Classified Ads
- Cute Kitten For Sale, 2 Cents Or Best Offer.
- For Sale: Lee Majors (Six Million Dollar Man) - $50.
- Found: Dirty Dog, Looks Like A Rat, Been Out A While, Better Be A Reward.
- Free Puppies. Part German Shepherd, Part Dog.
- Free Yorkshire Terrier. 8 Years Old. Unpleasant Little Dog.
- Free: 1 Can Of Pork & Beans With Purchase Of 3-Bedroom, 2-Bath House.
- Georgia Peaches - California Grown - 89 Cents A Pound.
- German Shepherd. 85 Pounds. Speaks German. Free.
- Fishing Gear - Largest Selection Ever - If It’s In Stock, We Have It!
- Exercise Machine $300 - Hardly Used - Call Chubby, 555-5182.
- Notice: To Person Or Persons Who Took The Large Pumpkin On Highway 87 Near Southridge Storage. Please Return The Pumpkin And Be Checked. Pumpkin May Be Radioactive.
- Shakespeare’s Pizza - Free Chopsticks.
“The duty of a newspaper is to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable.” -Finley Peter Dunne (1867 - 1938) (1902)
Two news editors on vacation met on the beach.
First Editor: I say, are you burning from the Sun?
Second Editor: No, I’m Smith from the “Times.”
“Went to a rubbish heap and got some evening newspapers. Shoved ’em in my boots. Shoved ’em up my trousers, stuffed ’em down my waistcoat. As good as leather against an east wind. Thank God for the Press, the friend of the poor.” -Joyce Caiy: as quoted in Herbert V. Prochnow and Herbert V. Prochnow, Junior, editors: “A Treasury of Humorous Quotations” (1969)
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Poverty And Prosperity Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
There was a man who entered a local paper’s pun contest. He sent in ten different puns hoping at least one of the puns would win but, unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
“None love the bearer of bad news.” -Sophocles (496 B.C.E. - 406 B.C.E.)
Riddle: What is black and white and read all over?
Solution: A newspaper.
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Puzzles And Riddles Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
According to some, the word ‘news’ is said to have come about because it was the plural of ‘new.’ Others say it came from the first letters of the words North, East, West, and South, purportedly was because information was being gathered from all different directions.
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Clocks And Timepieces Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
The cub reporter’s first assignment was to stand outside on the sidewalk and interview people as they laughed all the way to the bank.
“Name names!” the crusty old editor insisted to his young reporters. “No story is complete without the names of everyone involved.” The youngest and newest member of his staff wrote the following news article on a local disaster: Three farms in our area were affected by the severe lightning storm that struck Tuesday night. Mr. and Mrs. Jacob Morrison reported a fire in one of their barns. Bernard Hewitt said several of his trees were knocked down by severe wind gusts. And, Alfred Jones reported that three of his cows were struck by lightning. Their names were Daisy, Bonnie, and Milky Way.
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Cattle Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
“I’m not convinced that the world is in any worse shape than it ever was. It’s just that in this age of almost instantaneous communication, we bear the weight of problems our forefathers only read about after they were solved.” -Burton Hillis (pseudonym of William Edward ‘Bill’ Vaughan (1915 - 1977))
Marjory: Who is always alert to current events?
Jerome: An electrician.
Newspaper Advertisements And Classified Ads
- Cute Kitten For Sale, 2 Cents Or Best Offer.
- For Sale: Lee Majors (Six Million Dollar Man) - $50.
- Found: Dirty Dog, Looks Like A Rat, Been Out A While, Better Be A Reward.
- Free Puppies. Part German Shepherd, Part Dog.
- Free Yorkshire Terrier. 8 Years Old. Unpleasant Little Dog.
- Free: 1 Can Of Pork & Beans With Purchase Of 3-Bedroom, 2-Bath House.
- Georgia Peaches - California Grown - 89 Cents A Pound.
- German Shepherd. 85 Pounds. Speaks German. Free.
- Fishing Gear - Largest Selection Ever - If It’s In Stock, We Have It!
- Exercise Machine $300 - Hardly Used - Call Chubby, 555-5182.
- Notice: To Person Or Persons Who Took The Large Pumpkin On Highway 87 Near Southridge Storage. Please Return The Pumpkin And Be Checked. Pumpkin May Be Radioactive.
- Shakespeare’s Pizza - Free Chopsticks.
“The duty of a newspaper is to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable.” -Finley Peter Dunne (1867 - 1938) (1902)
Two news editors on vacation met on the beach.
First Editor: I say, are you burning from the Sun?
Second Editor: No, I’m Smith from the “Times.”
“Went to a rubbish heap and got some evening newspapers. Shoved ’em in my boots. Shoved ’em up my trousers, stuffed ’em down my waistcoat. As good as leather against an east wind. Thank God for the Press, the friend of the poor.” -Joyce Caiy: as quoted in Herbert V. Prochnow and Herbert V. Prochnow, Junior, editors: “A Treasury of Humorous Quotations” (1969)
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Poverty And Prosperity Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
There was a man who entered a local paper’s pun contest. He sent in ten different puns hoping at least one of the puns would win but, unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
“None love the bearer of bad news.” -Sophocles (496 B.C.E. - 406 B.C.E.)
Riddle: What is black and white and read all over?
Solution: A newspaper.
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Puzzles And Riddles Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
According to some, the word ‘news’ is said to have come about because it was the plural of ‘new.’ Others say it came from the first letters of the words North, East, West, and South, purportedly was because information was being gathered from all different directions.
If you don’t read the newspaper, you are uninformed; if you do read the newspaper, you are misinformed. -Mark Twain (Samuel Langhorne Clemens (1835 - 1910))
Two editors of rival local newspapers did not get along, and used their newspapers to do battle. “The editor of the “Daily Express” is mean enough to steal the swill from a blind hog,” wrote the editor of the “Daily Post.” The next day the following comment appeared in the “Daily Express,” “The editor of the “Daily Post” knows that we never stole his swill.”
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Pigs And Hogs Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
Newspaper clippings can be preserved by soaking them in a mixture made of a large bottle of club soda and a cup of milk of magnesia; soak for twenty minutes, and air dry. The results will last for many years.
“Never argue with people who buy ink by the barrel.” -Author Unknown
“It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.” -Jerry Seinfeld (Jerome Allen ‘Jerry’ Seinfeld (born 1954))
“A newspaper consists of just the same number of words, whether there be any news in it or not.” -Henry Fielding (1707 - 1754)
“Newspapers should have no friends.” -Joseph Pulitzer (1847 - 1911)
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read How To Make And Keep Friends Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
A car accident occurred in a small town. A crowd surrounded the victim, so that a newspaper reporter could not manage to get close enough to see. He immediately hit upon an idea. “I’m the father of the victim!” he cried. “Please let me through.” The crowd let him pass, and he was able to get right up to the scene of the accident and discover, to his embarrassment, that the victim was a donkey.
“Generally speaking, the press lives on disaster.” -Clement Attlee (Clement Richard Attlee (1883 - 1967))
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Employment And Work Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
“Headlines twice the size of events.” -John Galsworthy (1867 - 1933)
When Eugene Field was a newspaper reporter in Chicago, he wrote in his column, “Half the aldermen in the city are crooks.” The mayor demanded a retraction, so the next day Field wrote, “Half the aldermen in the city are not crooks.”
“World Ends; Women And Impoverished Hardest Hit” -Author Unknown: proposed newspaper headline
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read The End Of The World Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
“‘USA Today’ has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up seventy-five percent of the population.” -David Letterman (David Michael Letterman (born 1947))
The Kiss of Life. Marian Morris from Arkadelphia, Arkansas, resuscitated her brother’s pet chicken Boo-Boo, and saved its life, after it was found floating face down in the family’s pond. Mrs. Morris, a retired nurse, said, “I breathed into its beak, and its eyes popped open. I breathed into its beak again, and its eyes popped open again. I said, ‘I think this chicken’s alive now. Keep it warm.’” Boo-Boo got her name because she is easily frightened. It is thought she flopped into the pond after being startled. She made a full recovery, reports “The Sun.”
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Chickens Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
Old Proverbs Re-Imagined As News Headlines
- Bad Workman Blames Tools - Again
- Birds Of A Feather Go Their Separate Ways
- Ducks Refuse To Get All In A Row
- Fool Is Reunited With His Money
- Late Bird Misses Early Worm
- Mice Play During Cat’s Absence
- Moss Finally Succeeds In Growing On Rolling Stone
- Old Dog Learns New Tricks
- Scientists Discover Cat With Fewer Than Nine Lives
- Sheep Dressed In Wolf’s Clothing Confuse Shepherds
“The ‘evening news’ is when they begin with “Good evening,” and then proceed to tell you why it is not.” -Author Unknown
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Pessimism And Optimism Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
“Nothing travels faster than light, with the possible exception of bad news, which follows its own rules.” -Douglas Adams (Douglas Noel Adams (1952 - 2001))
News Story: A fisherman is selling his pet dog because it kept catching more fish than him. Slobodan Paparella from the Adriatic island of Lastovo, Croatia said he was fed up with being embarrassed in front of his fishing buddies. He complained that most days when he went fishing, he would catch only the odd fish, but that his Irish setter Lipi would jump into the water and use her jaws to catch dozens of fish. Paparalla added that the last straw was when he tried to reel in a 15-pound fish but lost it at the last second only to see Lipi jump in and catch the fish with one bite and bring it back to shore. He complained, “The other fishermen were all laughing at me. I have no choice but to sell the dog because it keeps humiliating me.”
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Fishing And Angling Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
“Get it first, but first get it right.” -Seymour Berkson (Seymour Joel Berkson (1905 - 1959))
Two editors of rival local newspapers did not get along, and used their newspapers to do battle. “The editor of the “Daily Express” is mean enough to steal the swill from a blind hog,” wrote the editor of the “Daily Post.” The next day the following comment appeared in the “Daily Express,” “The editor of the “Daily Post” knows that we never stole his swill.”
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Pigs And Hogs Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
Newspaper clippings can be preserved by soaking them in a mixture made of a large bottle of club soda and a cup of milk of magnesia; soak for twenty minutes, and air dry. The results will last for many years.
“Never argue with people who buy ink by the barrel.” -Author Unknown
“It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.” -Jerry Seinfeld (Jerome Allen ‘Jerry’ Seinfeld (born 1954))
“A newspaper consists of just the same number of words, whether there be any news in it or not.” -Henry Fielding (1707 - 1754)
“Newspapers should have no friends.” -Joseph Pulitzer (1847 - 1911)
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read How To Make And Keep Friends Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
A car accident occurred in a small town. A crowd surrounded the victim, so that a newspaper reporter could not manage to get close enough to see. He immediately hit upon an idea. “I’m the father of the victim!” he cried. “Please let me through.” The crowd let him pass, and he was able to get right up to the scene of the accident and discover, to his embarrassment, that the victim was a donkey.
“Generally speaking, the press lives on disaster.” -Clement Attlee (Clement Richard Attlee (1883 - 1967))
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Employment And Work Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
“Headlines twice the size of events.” -John Galsworthy (1867 - 1933)
When Eugene Field was a newspaper reporter in Chicago, he wrote in his column, “Half the aldermen in the city are crooks.” The mayor demanded a retraction, so the next day Field wrote, “Half the aldermen in the city are not crooks.”
“World Ends; Women And Impoverished Hardest Hit” -Author Unknown: proposed newspaper headline
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read The End Of The World Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
“‘USA Today’ has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up seventy-five percent of the population.” -David Letterman (David Michael Letterman (born 1947))
The Kiss of Life. Marian Morris from Arkadelphia, Arkansas, resuscitated her brother’s pet chicken Boo-Boo, and saved its life, after it was found floating face down in the family’s pond. Mrs. Morris, a retired nurse, said, “I breathed into its beak, and its eyes popped open. I breathed into its beak again, and its eyes popped open again. I said, ‘I think this chicken’s alive now. Keep it warm.’” Boo-Boo got her name because she is easily frightened. It is thought she flopped into the pond after being startled. She made a full recovery, reports “The Sun.”
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Chickens Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
Old Proverbs Re-Imagined As News Headlines
- Bad Workman Blames Tools - Again
- Birds Of A Feather Go Their Separate Ways
- Ducks Refuse To Get All In A Row
- Fool Is Reunited With His Money
- Late Bird Misses Early Worm
- Mice Play During Cat’s Absence
- Moss Finally Succeeds In Growing On Rolling Stone
- Old Dog Learns New Tricks
- Scientists Discover Cat With Fewer Than Nine Lives
- Sheep Dressed In Wolf’s Clothing Confuse Shepherds
“The ‘evening news’ is when they begin with “Good evening,” and then proceed to tell you why it is not.” -Author Unknown
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Pessimism And Optimism Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
“Nothing travels faster than light, with the possible exception of bad news, which follows its own rules.” -Douglas Adams (Douglas Noel Adams (1952 - 2001))
News Story: A fisherman is selling his pet dog because it kept catching more fish than him. Slobodan Paparella from the Adriatic island of Lastovo, Croatia said he was fed up with being embarrassed in front of his fishing buddies. He complained that most days when he went fishing, he would catch only the odd fish, but that his Irish setter Lipi would jump into the water and use her jaws to catch dozens of fish. Paparalla added that the last straw was when he tried to reel in a 15-pound fish but lost it at the last second only to see Lipi jump in and catch the fish with one bite and bring it back to shore. He complained, “The other fishermen were all laughing at me. I have no choice but to sell the dog because it keeps humiliating me.”
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Fishing And Angling Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
“Get it first, but first get it right.” -Seymour Berkson (Seymour Joel Berkson (1905 - 1959))
“Journalism is organized gossip.” -Edward Eggleston (1837 - 1902): as quoted in Herbert V. Prochnow and Herbert V. Prochnow, Junior, editors: “A Treasury of Humorous Quotations” (1969)
“Journalism is popular, but it is popular mainly as fiction. Life is one world, and life seen in the newspapers is another.” -G. K. Chesterton (Gilbert Keith Chesterton (1874 - 1936))
“If you don’t like the news, go out and make some.” -Author Unknown
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Actions And Doing Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
Newspaper headline, about a short fortune teller who escaped from prison: Small Medium At Large
“I try not to pay too much attention to the news. It’s always full of other people’s problems.” -Solomon Short
“It is part of the social mission of every great newspaper to provide a refuge and a home for the largest possible number of salaried eccentrics.” -Roy Thompson: as quoted in Herbert V. Prochnow and Herbert V. Prochnow, Junior, editors: “A Treasury of Humorous Quotations” (1969)
“What is a newspaper, anyway, but the aggregate gossip of the world.” -Dorothy Dix (pseudonym of Elizabeth Meriwether Gilmer (1861 - 1951))
“Journalism a profession whose business it is to explain to others what it personally does not understand.” -Lord Northcliffe: as quoted in Herbert V. Prochnow and Herbert V. Prochnow, Junior, editors: “A Treasury of Humorous Quotations” (1969)
“We’ve got good news and bad news - which would you like to hear first?” -Author Unknown
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Choices And Decisions Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
“I get all my news from newspapers printed one hundred years ago.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)
“I’ve always tried to live with the following simple rule; ‘Don’t do what you would feel uncomfortable reading about in the newspaper the next day.” -Josh Weston (Josh S. Weston (born 1928))
“One of the things the news media does very well is to make a minority look like a majority.” -Author Unknown
“Ignore the junk news - work on a worthwhile project, make a plan, or do something to enhance your life.” -Jeffrey Gitomer (born 1946)
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Self-Improvement And Self-Help Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
This just in: The Great Chicago Fire of 1871 was not caused by Mrs. O’Leary’s cow kicking over a lantern. A newspaper reporter later admitted to fabricating the entire the story.
Euphobia is a persistent fear of hearing good news. In particular, this condition seems to affect those who report the news to the public, because they seldom tell us any of the good news that there is.
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Fears And Courage Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
Classified Advertisement in England: Missing - big yellow object usually seen in the sky. Goes by the name of ‘Sun.’ If you see him, tell him it is summertime!
“The newspapers print what the people want, and thus does the savage still swing his club and flourish his spear.” -Elbert Hubbard (Elbert Green Hubbard (1856 - 1915)): as quoted in Elbert Hubbard II, compiler: “The Note Book of Elbert Hubbard: Mottoes, Epigrams, Short Essays, Passages, Orphic Sayings, and Preachments” (1927), page 142
“The one function TV news performs very well is that when there is no news, we give it to you with the same emphasis as if there were.” -David Brinkley (1920 - 2003)
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Television Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
News And Current Events Quiz
- If you went for a month without hearing any local, national, and international news, would it matter to you?
- What is ‘good news’?
- What is ‘bad news’?
- Why do media organizations over-report and exaggerate ‘bad news,’ and under-report or fail to report ‘good news’?
- What is ‘fake news’?
- Can you spot the ‘fake news’ in this article?
“To your request of my opinion of the manner in which a newspaper should be conducted, so as to be most useful, I should answer, ‘by restraining it to true facts and sound principles only.’” -Thomas Jefferson: letter to John Norvell (11 June 1807)
“There is good news tonight.” -Gabriel Heatter: “There’s Good News Tonight” (1960), page 122; years before, Gabriel Heatter had began his evening radio newscasts in these words, trying to give hope to people when the news stories during World War II had been grim
All right, then, that’s all the news that’s fit to print - and some that ain’t . . . but wait, there’s more ‘tee-hee-hee’ and ‘my goodness’ about other stuff just below . . . on Make Fun Of Life!
“Journalism is popular, but it is popular mainly as fiction. Life is one world, and life seen in the newspapers is another.” -G. K. Chesterton (Gilbert Keith Chesterton (1874 - 1936))
“If you don’t like the news, go out and make some.” -Author Unknown
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Actions And Doing Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
Newspaper headline, about a short fortune teller who escaped from prison: Small Medium At Large
“I try not to pay too much attention to the news. It’s always full of other people’s problems.” -Solomon Short
“It is part of the social mission of every great newspaper to provide a refuge and a home for the largest possible number of salaried eccentrics.” -Roy Thompson: as quoted in Herbert V. Prochnow and Herbert V. Prochnow, Junior, editors: “A Treasury of Humorous Quotations” (1969)
“What is a newspaper, anyway, but the aggregate gossip of the world.” -Dorothy Dix (pseudonym of Elizabeth Meriwether Gilmer (1861 - 1951))
“Journalism a profession whose business it is to explain to others what it personally does not understand.” -Lord Northcliffe: as quoted in Herbert V. Prochnow and Herbert V. Prochnow, Junior, editors: “A Treasury of Humorous Quotations” (1969)
“We’ve got good news and bad news - which would you like to hear first?” -Author Unknown
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Choices And Decisions Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
“I get all my news from newspapers printed one hundred years ago.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)
“I’ve always tried to live with the following simple rule; ‘Don’t do what you would feel uncomfortable reading about in the newspaper the next day.” -Josh Weston (Josh S. Weston (born 1928))
“One of the things the news media does very well is to make a minority look like a majority.” -Author Unknown
“Ignore the junk news - work on a worthwhile project, make a plan, or do something to enhance your life.” -Jeffrey Gitomer (born 1946)
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Self-Improvement And Self-Help Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
This just in: The Great Chicago Fire of 1871 was not caused by Mrs. O’Leary’s cow kicking over a lantern. A newspaper reporter later admitted to fabricating the entire the story.
Euphobia is a persistent fear of hearing good news. In particular, this condition seems to affect those who report the news to the public, because they seldom tell us any of the good news that there is.
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Fears And Courage Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
Classified Advertisement in England: Missing - big yellow object usually seen in the sky. Goes by the name of ‘Sun.’ If you see him, tell him it is summertime!
“The newspapers print what the people want, and thus does the savage still swing his club and flourish his spear.” -Elbert Hubbard (Elbert Green Hubbard (1856 - 1915)): as quoted in Elbert Hubbard II, compiler: “The Note Book of Elbert Hubbard: Mottoes, Epigrams, Short Essays, Passages, Orphic Sayings, and Preachments” (1927), page 142
“The one function TV news performs very well is that when there is no news, we give it to you with the same emphasis as if there were.” -David Brinkley (1920 - 2003)
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Television Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
News And Current Events Quiz
- If you went for a month without hearing any local, national, and international news, would it matter to you?
- What is ‘good news’?
- What is ‘bad news’?
- Why do media organizations over-report and exaggerate ‘bad news,’ and under-report or fail to report ‘good news’?
- What is ‘fake news’?
- Can you spot the ‘fake news’ in this article?
“To your request of my opinion of the manner in which a newspaper should be conducted, so as to be most useful, I should answer, ‘by restraining it to true facts and sound principles only.’” -Thomas Jefferson: letter to John Norvell (11 June 1807)
“There is good news tonight.” -Gabriel Heatter: “There’s Good News Tonight” (1960), page 122; years before, Gabriel Heatter had began his evening radio newscasts in these words, trying to give hope to people when the news stories during World War II had been grim
All right, then, that’s all the news that’s fit to print - and some that ain’t . . . but wait, there’s more ‘tee-hee-hee’ and ‘my goodness’ about other stuff just below . . . on Make Fun Of Life!
