A man said to his wife “What do you want for your birthday?” She said, “Surprise me.” So he said, “Boo!”
Did you know that your birthday comes 31,536,000 seconds after your last birthday? Wow! Seems too long, doesn’t it?
Patient: Doctor, I burn my tongue every time I eat birthday cake.
Doctor: Next time, take the candles off first.
Official recordkeeping of birthdates for people in the civilized world started in the 19th century (1800’s). Birth records before then were often not very precise and records were not made for the majority of the people. In fact, it was not uncommon for people in earlier times to not know the date of their birth or their exact age with certainty.
Dave: I want to buy my girlfriend a birthday present. What do you think she would like?
Wendy: Does she like you?
Dave: Yes, I’m positive she likes me.
Wendy: Well, then, if she likes you, she’ll like just about anything.
“It is proven that the celebration of birthdays is healthy. Statistics show that those people who celebrate the most birthdays become the oldest.” -S. den Hartog
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Bacon.
Bacon, who?
Bacon my friend a birthday cake!
Did you know you share your birthday with more than nineteen million other people in the world? That makes for a pretty big birthday party!
Did you know that your birthday comes 31,536,000 seconds after your last birthday? Wow! Seems too long, doesn’t it?
Patient: Doctor, I burn my tongue every time I eat birthday cake.
Doctor: Next time, take the candles off first.
Official recordkeeping of birthdates for people in the civilized world started in the 19th century (1800’s). Birth records before then were often not very precise and records were not made for the majority of the people. In fact, it was not uncommon for people in earlier times to not know the date of their birth or their exact age with certainty.
Dave: I want to buy my girlfriend a birthday present. What do you think she would like?
Wendy: Does she like you?
Dave: Yes, I’m positive she likes me.
Wendy: Well, then, if she likes you, she’ll like just about anything.
“It is proven that the celebration of birthdays is healthy. Statistics show that those people who celebrate the most birthdays become the oldest.” -S. den Hartog
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Bacon.
Bacon, who?
Bacon my friend a birthday cake!
Did you know you share your birthday with more than nineteen million other people in the world? That makes for a pretty big birthday party!
“Our birthdays are feathers in the broad wing of time.” -Jean Paul (pseudonym of Johann Paul Friedrich Richter (1763 - 1825))
Husband to wife: “How do you expect me to remember your birthday when you never look any older?”
So, if a person’s birthday falls on 29 February, when does he or she celebrate it in non-leap-years? Are people who are born on 29 February called leapers, leaplings, leapans, leapsters, or something else entirely?
To my brother,
Happy birthday to you!
Did you know I live in a canoe? -
It’s a little crowded in here,
What with the moose and the family of squirrels
440,618 rabbits, a rabbi, a priest, and a minister,
A duck, a clown, and an assortment of spiders -
Has anyone seen my right shoe?
Let’s get some frosting and candles on that cake.
Happy birthday to you!
by David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)
If you live in very merry England, you will receive a birthday card from the Queen for your 100th birthday and 105th birthday, and then another card each year thereafter.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Abby.
Abby, who?
Abby birthday to you!
Birthday cake: A sweet reward for making it through another trip around the Sun.
Question: What has wings, a long tail, and wears a bow?
Answer: A birthday pheasant!
Question: Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake?
Answer: Because it’s too hard to put them on the bottom!
An elderly lady was being interviewed by reporters on the occasion of her 100th birthday. ”What do you think is the reason for your long life?” they asked her. ”Oh,” she replied, “I suppose it’s because I was born such a long time ago.”
The largest birthday cake in the world was made in 1989 to celebrate the 100th birthday of the city of Fort Payne, Alabama, United States of America. The cake weighed more than 128,000 pounds and had more than 16,000 pounds of icing.
What do you give a person who already has everything? Try one of the following:
- a shot of penicillin
- a burglar alarm
- someplace to put it all
- a shoulder to cry on
- a calendar that shows when their payments are due
- the website address www.MakeFunOfLife.net.
Rudy: When’s your birthday?
Ruby: June 8th.
Rudy: What year?
Ruby: Every year!
You could walk the distance in three days that an average garden snail has covered since your last birthday.
Question: What does every birthday party end with?
Answer: The letter ‘y.’
The Sun has traveled 584,337,600 miles since your last birthday.
Husband to wife: “How do you expect me to remember your birthday when you never look any older?”
So, if a person’s birthday falls on 29 February, when does he or she celebrate it in non-leap-years? Are people who are born on 29 February called leapers, leaplings, leapans, leapsters, or something else entirely?
To my brother,
Happy birthday to you!
Did you know I live in a canoe? -
It’s a little crowded in here,
What with the moose and the family of squirrels
440,618 rabbits, a rabbi, a priest, and a minister,
A duck, a clown, and an assortment of spiders -
Has anyone seen my right shoe?
Let’s get some frosting and candles on that cake.
Happy birthday to you!
by David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)
If you live in very merry England, you will receive a birthday card from the Queen for your 100th birthday and 105th birthday, and then another card each year thereafter.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Abby.
Abby, who?
Abby birthday to you!
Birthday cake: A sweet reward for making it through another trip around the Sun.
Question: What has wings, a long tail, and wears a bow?
Answer: A birthday pheasant!
Question: Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake?
Answer: Because it’s too hard to put them on the bottom!
An elderly lady was being interviewed by reporters on the occasion of her 100th birthday. ”What do you think is the reason for your long life?” they asked her. ”Oh,” she replied, “I suppose it’s because I was born such a long time ago.”
The largest birthday cake in the world was made in 1989 to celebrate the 100th birthday of the city of Fort Payne, Alabama, United States of America. The cake weighed more than 128,000 pounds and had more than 16,000 pounds of icing.
What do you give a person who already has everything? Try one of the following:
- a shot of penicillin
- a burglar alarm
- someplace to put it all
- a shoulder to cry on
- a calendar that shows when their payments are due
- the website address www.MakeFunOfLife.net.
Rudy: When’s your birthday?
Ruby: June 8th.
Rudy: What year?
Ruby: Every year!
You could walk the distance in three days that an average garden snail has covered since your last birthday.
Question: What does every birthday party end with?
Answer: The letter ‘y.’
The Sun has traveled 584,337,600 miles since your last birthday.
Close your eyes, make a secret wish, and blow out the candles on your birthday cake . . . 106 candles should make for a great wish!
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Happy Birthday to You
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday dear (insert name of birthday guy or gal here)
Happy birthday to you.
by Patty Hill and Mildred J. Hill (1893)
Following the singing of the song above, an additional line is often added: “And many more!”
The popular “Happy Birthday to You” song was written by two sisters, Patty Hill and Mildred J. Hill, of Louisville, Kentucky, United States of America. Patty Hill was a kindergarten principal, and her sister Mildred J. Hill was a pianist and music composer. The song was originally written as “Good Morning to All,” which was revised to “Good Morning to You,” and then eventually became “Happy Birthday to You.” The song has been in the public domain since at least February 2016, meaning that is not copyrighted and anyone can freely use it as they see fit, for either private or commercial purposes . . . so sing away!
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Question: When is a birthday cake like a golf ball?
Answer: When it has been sliced.
Because of a minor infraction, a shipmate aboard the USS Reeves, bound for Japan, was dropped one rank, fined, and given extra duty for three weeks. Looking forward to celebrating his 21st birthday on 22 July, he consoled himself every night during his extra duty by reciting, “They can demote me, they can fine me - but they can’t take away my birthday.” As 22 July approached, his excitement increased. When he went to bed on 21 July, he happily repeated, “They can demote me, they can fine me - but they can’t take away my birthday.” Upon awakening the next morning, he found out that the ship had crossed the international date line - and it was 23 July.
The most popular birthday in the world is Christmas Day, which is a celebration of Jesus of Nazareth’s birthday.
“Birthdays are nature’s way of telling us to eat more cake.” -Author Unknown
●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●
Happy Birthday to You
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday dear (insert name of birthday guy or gal here)
Happy birthday to you.
by Patty Hill and Mildred J. Hill (1893)
Following the singing of the song above, an additional line is often added: “And many more!”
The popular “Happy Birthday to You” song was written by two sisters, Patty Hill and Mildred J. Hill, of Louisville, Kentucky, United States of America. Patty Hill was a kindergarten principal, and her sister Mildred J. Hill was a pianist and music composer. The song was originally written as “Good Morning to All,” which was revised to “Good Morning to You,” and then eventually became “Happy Birthday to You.” The song has been in the public domain since at least February 2016, meaning that is not copyrighted and anyone can freely use it as they see fit, for either private or commercial purposes . . . so sing away!
●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●
Question: When is a birthday cake like a golf ball?
Answer: When it has been sliced.
Because of a minor infraction, a shipmate aboard the USS Reeves, bound for Japan, was dropped one rank, fined, and given extra duty for three weeks. Looking forward to celebrating his 21st birthday on 22 July, he consoled himself every night during his extra duty by reciting, “They can demote me, they can fine me - but they can’t take away my birthday.” As 22 July approached, his excitement increased. When he went to bed on 21 July, he happily repeated, “They can demote me, they can fine me - but they can’t take away my birthday.” Upon awakening the next morning, he found out that the ship had crossed the international date line - and it was 23 July.
The most popular birthday in the world is Christmas Day, which is a celebration of Jesus of Nazareth’s birthday.
“Birthdays are nature’s way of telling us to eat more cake.” -Author Unknown
When it comes to adult birthdays, just because you are no longer a child does not mean you have to stop celebrating your birthday. Do not think of a birthday as celebrating being another year older, think of it as celebrating all the good things that have happened over the past year.
Overheard: I tried to bake you a birthday cake but . . . the candles melted in the oven.
The earliest known birthday party invitation was sent out in about C.E. 100 by Claudia Severa, who was the wife of the Roman commander Aelius Brocchus. The invitations were written on wooden leaf fragments known as ‘Vindolanda Tablets.’ They are preserved in the British Museum.
“Birthdays are a great time to stop and appreciate gravity. Sure, it makes things sag as you get older, but it also keeps your birthday cake from flying all over the room so you don’t have to chase it.” -Greg Tamblyn
Kate’s Birthday
There once was a lady named Kate,
Whose birthday was on this fine date.
She wanted a cake,
But her friends could not bake,
So her candles just sat on a plate.
by Author Unknown
Riddle: A boy was born in 1901, and he just had his 18th birthday today - how did this happen?
Answer: 1901 is not the year he was born, it was the number of the hospital room in which he was born.
Angie: What do they serve at birthday parties in Heaven?
Angela: Angel food cake, of course!
An Acrostic Birthday Wish
B - Be yourself.
I - Invite new challenges.
R - Recall past achievements.
T - Trust your judgments.
H - Have faith in your abilities.
D - Desire only the best.
A - Affirm your strengths.
Y - You’ve got what it takes!
by Author Unknown
(An acrostic poem or list is one in which the first letter of each of the lines can be combined to spell a word or phrase; in this instance, the word is ‘birthday.’)
Overheard: My brother was sort of odd; I remember that on one of his birthdays, he fell down a well, so we lowered his birthday cake down to him - and he didn’t even tug on the rope to say thanks!
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Wanda!
Wanda, who?
Wanda wish you a happy birthday!
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Birthdays
We had waffles-with-syrup for breakfast
As many as we could hold;
And I had some presents extra,
Because I am nine years old.
I’ve thanked everyone for my presents,
And kissed ‘em, and now that that’s done
The family’s all ready to do things,
Whatever I think would be fun.
When Timothy had his birthday
We went to the circus, and Tim
Made friends with the seals and the monkeys
And a real clown winked at him.
And Dorothy chose a picnic
On the shores of a little lake,
With tadpoles, and buns, and diving,
And a four-layer birthday cake.
And now that it’s my turn for choosing,
I’m going to ask if we might
Take all of our family of rabbits
To bed with us just for tonight.
by Marchette Chute (1909 - 1994)
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A man asked his wife, “What would you like most for your birthday?” She said, “I’d love to be ten again.” So, on the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a theme park. He put her on every ride in the park: the Merry-Go-Round, the Slippery Super Slide, the Loop-the-Loop Roller-Coaster, and the Giant Ferris Wheel. They did not leave a single ride out. She staggered out of the theme park five hours later, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. Into a restaurant they went, where she was given a double cheeseburger with extra fries and a strawberry shake. Then off to a movie theater, for a show and popcorn, candy, and cola. At last she staggered home with her husband and collapsed on the sofa. Her husband asked, “Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?” One eye opened and she groaned, “I meant the dress size.”
“I thought I would share some of my childhood birthday memories with you, so here they are. When I was a child my family was so poor that the only thing I got on my birthday was a year older. I didn’t even get to celebrate my 14th birthday until I was 38 years old.” -Author Unknown
“The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.” -E. Joseph Cossman (Eli Joseph Cossman (1918 - 2002))
“My son asked me for a pet spider for his birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were $85! Then I thought . . . I can get one cheaper off the web.” -Author Unknown
Were you born on your birthday?
“The best birthdays of all are those that haven’t arrived yet.” -Robert Orben
“All the world is birthday cake, so take a piece . . . but not too much!” -Author Unknown
Did you have fun today? If you put your imagination to work, you can have fun today, tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that . . . imagine a whole lifetime of fun!
Overheard: I tried to bake you a birthday cake but . . . the candles melted in the oven.
The earliest known birthday party invitation was sent out in about C.E. 100 by Claudia Severa, who was the wife of the Roman commander Aelius Brocchus. The invitations were written on wooden leaf fragments known as ‘Vindolanda Tablets.’ They are preserved in the British Museum.
“Birthdays are a great time to stop and appreciate gravity. Sure, it makes things sag as you get older, but it also keeps your birthday cake from flying all over the room so you don’t have to chase it.” -Greg Tamblyn
Kate’s Birthday
There once was a lady named Kate,
Whose birthday was on this fine date.
She wanted a cake,
But her friends could not bake,
So her candles just sat on a plate.
by Author Unknown
Riddle: A boy was born in 1901, and he just had his 18th birthday today - how did this happen?
Answer: 1901 is not the year he was born, it was the number of the hospital room in which he was born.
Angie: What do they serve at birthday parties in Heaven?
Angela: Angel food cake, of course!
An Acrostic Birthday Wish
B - Be yourself.
I - Invite new challenges.
R - Recall past achievements.
T - Trust your judgments.
H - Have faith in your abilities.
D - Desire only the best.
A - Affirm your strengths.
Y - You’ve got what it takes!
by Author Unknown
(An acrostic poem or list is one in which the first letter of each of the lines can be combined to spell a word or phrase; in this instance, the word is ‘birthday.’)
Overheard: My brother was sort of odd; I remember that on one of his birthdays, he fell down a well, so we lowered his birthday cake down to him - and he didn’t even tug on the rope to say thanks!
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Wanda!
Wanda, who?
Wanda wish you a happy birthday!
●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●
Birthdays
We had waffles-with-syrup for breakfast
As many as we could hold;
And I had some presents extra,
Because I am nine years old.
I’ve thanked everyone for my presents,
And kissed ‘em, and now that that’s done
The family’s all ready to do things,
Whatever I think would be fun.
When Timothy had his birthday
We went to the circus, and Tim
Made friends with the seals and the monkeys
And a real clown winked at him.
And Dorothy chose a picnic
On the shores of a little lake,
With tadpoles, and buns, and diving,
And a four-layer birthday cake.
And now that it’s my turn for choosing,
I’m going to ask if we might
Take all of our family of rabbits
To bed with us just for tonight.
by Marchette Chute (1909 - 1994)
●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●
A man asked his wife, “What would you like most for your birthday?” She said, “I’d love to be ten again.” So, on the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a theme park. He put her on every ride in the park: the Merry-Go-Round, the Slippery Super Slide, the Loop-the-Loop Roller-Coaster, and the Giant Ferris Wheel. They did not leave a single ride out. She staggered out of the theme park five hours later, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. Into a restaurant they went, where she was given a double cheeseburger with extra fries and a strawberry shake. Then off to a movie theater, for a show and popcorn, candy, and cola. At last she staggered home with her husband and collapsed on the sofa. Her husband asked, “Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?” One eye opened and she groaned, “I meant the dress size.”
“I thought I would share some of my childhood birthday memories with you, so here they are. When I was a child my family was so poor that the only thing I got on my birthday was a year older. I didn’t even get to celebrate my 14th birthday until I was 38 years old.” -Author Unknown
“The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.” -E. Joseph Cossman (Eli Joseph Cossman (1918 - 2002))
“My son asked me for a pet spider for his birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were $85! Then I thought . . . I can get one cheaper off the web.” -Author Unknown
Were you born on your birthday?
“The best birthdays of all are those that haven’t arrived yet.” -Robert Orben
“All the world is birthday cake, so take a piece . . . but not too much!” -Author Unknown
Did you have fun today? If you put your imagination to work, you can have fun today, tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that . . . imagine a whole lifetime of fun!
