Earth Is Losing Its Gravity
According to a recent report, gravity, which is a non-renewable resource, is gradually diminishing. A top scientist reports that, “With the present rate of consumption, the Earth’s supply of gravity will be exhausted before the 22nd century.” As one prominent physicist says, “There is a direct link between the vanishing of the ozone layer and the decrease in the Earth’s gravity supply. We’re already seeing the effects of the disappearance of the ozone layer, but we’re not likely to feel the effects of vanishing gravity during our lifetimes. However, our children will probably have to deal with the issue.” It is interesting to think of some of the results science has yet to consider. The obvious impact will be on engineering, like keeping bridges and buildings weighted down, but what about sports? Breaking records for the high jump will become easier. Football kicks will grow longer and a 92-yard field goal will become commonplace. Until scientists discover a cheaper alternative to natural gravity, we will each need to do our part to help alleviate this crisis.
We can conserve Gravity by following these simple suggestions:
(1) Walk with a light step. Carry helium balloons if possible.
(2) Use tape, magnets or glue instead of paperweights.
(3) Give up skiing and skydiving for more horizontal sports like snorkeling.
(4) Avoid showers . . . take baths instead.
(5) Don’t hang all your clothes in the closet, keep them in one big pile.
(6) Stop flipping pancakes.
This is most assuredly not a joke. What could be more serious? After all, gravity is the opposite of comedy. You may be laughing now, but just picture your great grandchildren wearing safety tethers and tied to concrete posts, unable to play outdoors for fear of floating away on a windy day.
The permanent loss of gravity is a weighty matter. Please be gravity conscious, while we still have some.
by Rex King, Staff Writer