Quotation Collections

Alan Alexander Milne

4/19/2020

The animal characters shown above are from the Winnie-the-Pooh series, created by Alan Alexander Milne, including from left to right, Piglet, Pooh Bear, Eeyore, Rabbit, Tigger, and Roo. Christopher Robin is the human child in the series, and an actual photograph as well as an artist’s rendition of him appear later in this article.

“‘What day is it?’ ‘It’s today,’ squeaked Piglet. ‘My favorite day,’ said Pooh.” -A. A. Milne

“‘We’ll be Friends Forever, won’t we, Pooh?’ asked Piglet. ‘Even longer,’ Pooh answered.” -A. A. Milne

“You can’t stay in your corner of the forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes.” -A. A. Milne: “Winnie-the-Pooh” (1926)

“Christopher Robin was sitting outside his door, putting on his Big Boots. As soon as he saw the Big Boots, Pooh knew that an Adventure was about to happen, and he brushed the honey off his nose with the back of his paw, and spruced himself up as well as he could, so as to look Ready for Anything.” -A. A. Milne: “Winnie-the-Pooh” (1926)

“A bear however hard he tries grows tubby without exercise.” -A. A. Milne: “Teddy Bear”; type of work: poem

“Piglet noticed that even though he had a Very Small Heart, it could hold a rather large amount of Gratitude.” -A. A. Milne

“It’s so much more friendly with two.” -A. A. Milne

“‘Well,’ said Pooh, ‘what I like best -’ and then he had to stop and think. Because although Eating Honey was a very good thing to do, there was a moment just before you began to eat it which was better than when you were, but he didn’t know what it was called.” -A. A. Milne: “The House at Pooh Corner” (1928), Chapter Ten

“I do like a little bit of butter to my bread.” -A. A. Milne

“Friendship,” said Pooh, “is a very Comforting sort of Thing.” -A. A. Milne

“By the time it came to the edge of the Forest the stream had grown up, so that it was almost a river, and, being grown-up, it did not run and jump and sparkle along as it used to do when it was younger, but moved more slowly. For it knew now where it was going, and it said to itself, ‘There is no hurry. We shall get there some day.’” -A. A. Milne: “The House at Pooh Corner” (1928): Chapter Six

“Don’t underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can’t hear, and not bothering.” -A. A. Milne

A black bear cub named Winnipeg, or Winnie for short, was once one of the most popular attractions at the London Zoo, after it was donated to the zoo by Canada in 1915. Winnie became a favorite of Christopher Robin Milne and inspired the stories written by his father A. A. Milne about Winnie-the-Pooh.

“The things that make me different are the things that make me me.” -A. A. Milne: “Winnie-the-Pooh” (1926)

“Because my spelling is Wobbly. It’s good spelling but it Wobbles, and the letters get in the wrong places.” -A. A. Milne: “Winnie-the-Pooh” (1926), Chapter Six; words of Pooh

“Let’s begin by taking a smallish nap or two.” -A. A. Milne (Winnie-the-Pooh)

“When you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and you Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it.” -A. A. Milne: “The House at Pooh Corner” (1928), ‘Chapter Six - In which Pooh invents a new game and Eeyore joins in’

Once upon a time, not so long ago and not so far away, the fictional Winnie-the-Pooh and the fictional Christopher Robin originated as a real toy teddy bear and a real human child, named Christopher Robin Milne, who was the son of Alan Alexander Milne.

Christopher Robin Milne was born on 21 August 1920 in Chelsea, London, England, as the son of Daphne de Sélincourt and her husband, the writer Alan Alexander Milne, who is the subject of this collection of quotations and a bit more. As a child, Christopher Robin Milne was the basis of the character Christopher Robin in his father’s Winnie-the-Pooh stories and in two books of poems: “When We Were Very Young” (1924) and “Now We Are Six” (1927). Christopher Robin Milne passed on at 75 years of age on 20 April 1996 in Totnes, Devon, England.

“Kanga said to Roo, ‘Drink up your milk first, dear, and talk afterwards.’ So Roo, who was drinking his milk, tried to say that he could do both at once . . . and had to be patted on the back and dried for quite a long time afterwards.” -A. A. Milne: “Winnie-the-Pooh” (1926), Chapter Ten

“I am a Bear of Very Little Brain, and long words bother me.” -A. A. Milne: “Winnie-the-Pooh” (1926), Chapter 4

Pooh and Piglet walked home thoughtfully together in the golden evening, and for a long time they were silent. “When you wake up in the morning, Pooh,” said Piglet at last, “what’s the first thing you say to yourself?” “What’s for breakfast?” said Pooh. “What do you say, Piglet?” “I say, I wonder what’s going to happen exciting today?” said Piglet. Pooh nodded thoughtfully. “It’s the same thing,” he said. -A. A. Milne: “Winnie-the-Pooh” (1926)

How sweet to be a cloud
Floating in the blue.
-A. A. Milne: “Winnie-the-Pooh” (1926)

“Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it is not all mixed up.” -A. A. Milne

“What I say is, if a man really likes potatoes, he must be a pretty decent sort of fellow.” -A. A. Milne

Alan Alexander Milne, also known as A. A. Milne, was born on 18 January 1882 in Kilburn, London, England. He was married to Daphne de Sélincourt in 1913. Together, the couple had a son named Christopher Robin Milne, who became the character Christopher Robin in Mr. Milne’s books. Alan Alexander Milne became a humorist, a novelist, a playwright, and a poet. He is remembered as the author of the book, “Winnie-the-Pooh” (1926). Alan Alexander Milne passed on at 74 years of age on 31 January 1956 in Hartfield, Sussex, England.

Time is swift, it races by;
Opportunities are born and die . . .
Still you wait and will not try -
A bird with wings who dares not
rise and fly.
-A. A. Milne

“As I wandered round the bookstall, thinking, I came across a little book, sixpence in cloth, a shilling in leather, called “Proverbs and Maxims.” It contained some thousands of the best thoughts in all languages, such as have guided men along the path of truth since the beginning of the world . . . The thought occurred to me that an interesting article might be extracted from it, so I bought the book.” -A.A. Milne: “Not That It Matters,” ‘At the Bookstall’

“Pooh,” said Rabbit kindly, “you haven’t any brain.”
“I know,” said Pooh humbly.
-A. A. Milne: “Winnie-the-Pooh” (1926)

“To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.” -A. A. Milne: “Winnie-the-Pooh” (1926), line spoken by fictional character Eeyore

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Tigger or Eeyore?

Pooh, Piglet, Tigger, and Eeyore are all good pals. They play together, go on adventures, and learn things. Each of them cares deeply for his buddies. When you think of Tigger, what comes to mind? What is he like? Happy, silly, energetic, positive, not too smart, carefree . . . When you think of Eeyore, what comes to mind? Sad, slow, dejected, pessimistic . . .

When anything happens, Eeyore expects the worst. He expects the weather to be rainy, the shelter to be uncomfortable, the hike to be too long, the water be too warm and the food too cold. He sets his expectations way low so he is seldom disappointed, but then he has nothing to look forward to.

Tigger, on the other hand, sees fun and adventure in everything. He hops rather than walks, jumps rather than runs, and bounces rather than sitting still. He sees the rainbow through the clouds, notices something new at every step of a hike, and believes every minute of life is a gift to enjoy. He may not always think things through, but he is always looking ahead to the next adventure.

So, who are you? Are you more of an Eeyore, plodding through life, sure that school will be hard, friends will be few, and there won’t be much fun to do on the weekend? Or are you like Tigger, ready to make every task a game, every day an adventure, and every challenge an opportunity?

by Author Unknown

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“If you want to make a song more hummy add a few tiddely poms.” -A. A. Milne

“If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you.” -A. A. Milne

“It is hard to be brave,” said Piglet, sniffing slightly, “when you’re only a Very Small Animal.” -A. A. Milne: “Winnie-the-Pooh” (1926), Chapter Seven

“Piglet was so excited at the idea of being useful that he forgot to be frightened anymore.” -A. A. Milne: “Winnie-the-Pooh” (1926)

“Piglet took Pooh’s arm, in case Pooh was frightened.” -A. A. Milne: “The House at Pooh Corner” (1928), Chapter Four

“Then Christopher Robin and Winnie-the-Pooh walked hand in hand down the forest path and they said goodbye. So they went off together. But wherever they go, and whatever happens to them on the way, in that enchanted place on the top of the forest a little boy and his bear will always be playing and waiting.” -A. A. Milne: “The House at Pooh Corner” (1928), Chapter 10

“One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries.” -A. A. Milne

“He said, ‘If ever there is tomorrow when we’re not together, there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart, I’ll always be with you.’” -A. A. Milne: “Winnie-the-Pooh” (1926), words of fictional character Christopher Robin

“I’m not going to do just nothing anymore.” -A. A. Milne: “The House at Pooh Corner” (1928)

This is MFOL! . . . because the world’s a fun and funny place . . .

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Erma Bombeck

4/18/2020

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“If you can’t make it better, you can laugh at it.” -Erma Bombeck

“My children refuse to eat anything that hasn’t danced on television.” -Erma Bombeck

“We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin, the saltwater off our bodies and the sand out of our belongings.” -Erma Bombeck, commenting on vacations

“Children make your life important.” -Erma Bombeck

“Graduation day is tough for adults. They go to the ceremony as parents. They come home as contemporaries. After twenty-two years of child-rearing, they are unemployed.” -Erma Bombeck

“Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.” -Erma Bombeck

“Laughter rises out of tragedy, when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage.” -Erma Bombeck

“There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.” -Erma Bombeck

“For years it has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it’s time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward.” -Erma Bombeck, about her wedding ring

“Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen? Three. It takes one to say, ‘What light?’ and two more to say, ‘I didn’t turn it on.’” -Erma Bombeck

“I come from family where gravy is considered a beverage.” -Erma Bombeck

“Who, in their infinite wisdom, decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.” -Erma Bombeck

“A grandmother pretends she doesn’t know who you are on Halloween.” -Erma Bombeck

“I’ve been on a constant diet for the last two decades. I’ve lost a total of 789 pounds. By all accounts, I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.” -Erma Bombeck

“It seemed rather incongruous that in a society of super sophisticated communication, we often suffer from a shortage of listeners.” -Erma Bombeck

“There is nothing more miserable in the world than to arrive in paradise and look like your passport photo.” -Erma Bombeck

“Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments.” -Erma Bombeck

“I am not a glutton - I am an explorer of food.” -Erma Bombeck: as attributed in Bill Adler: “Funny Ladies: The Best Humor from America’s Funniest Women” (23 February 2001)

“My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.” -Erma Bombeck

“Christmas Shopping: Wouldn’t it be wonderful to find one gift that you didn’t have to dust, that had to be used right away, that was practical, fit everyone, was personal, and would be remembered for a long time? I penciled in ‘Gift certificate for a flu shot.’” -Erma Bombeck

“Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.” -Erma Bombeck

“When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me.’” -Erma Bombeck: as attributed in Anne Wilson Schaef: “Meditations for Women Who Do Too Much” (1991)

“The age of your children is a key factor in how quickly you are served in a restaurant. We once had a waiter in Canada who said, ‘Could I get you your check?’ and we answered, ‘How about the menu first?’” -Erma Bombeck

“When humor goes, there goes civilization.” -Erma Bombeck

“The family. We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another’s desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together.” -Erma Bombeck: “Family - The Ties that Bind . . . and Gag!” (31 October 1988)

“Sometimes I can’t figure designers out. It’s as if they flunked human anatomy.” -Erma Bombeck

“All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.” -Erma Bombeck

“How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?” -Erma Bombeck

“Most women put off entertaining until the kids are grown.” -Erma Bombeck

“Making coffee has become the great compromise of the decade. It’s the only thing ‘real’ men do that doesn’t seem to threaten their masculinity. To women, it’s on the same domestic entry level as putting the spring back into the toilet-tissue holder or taking a chicken out of the freezer to thaw.” -Erma Bombeck

“Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.” -Erma Bombeck

“Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.” -Erma Bombeck: as quoted in “Time” (2 July 1984)

“Youngsters of the age of two and three are endowed with extraordinary strength. They can lift a dog twice their own weight and dump him into the bathtub.” -Erma Bombeck

“Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter-productivity.” -Erma Bombeck

“Kids have little computer bodies with disks that store information. They remember who had to do the dishes the last time you had spaghetti, who lost the knob off the TV set six years ago, who got punished for teasing the dog when he wasn’t teasing the dog, and who had to wear girl’s boots the last time it snowed.” -Erma Bombeck

“Most children’s first words are ‘Mama’ or ‘Daddy.’ Mine were, ‘Do I have to use my own money?’” -Erma Bombeck

“Mothers have to remember what food each child likes or dislikes, which one is allergic to penicillin and hamster fur, who gets carsick and who isn’t kidding when he stands outside the bathroom door and tells you what’s going to happen if he doesn’t get in right away. It’s tough. If they all have the same hair color they tend to run together.” -Erma Bombeck

“The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.” -Erma Bombeck

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I see children as kites. You spend a lifetime trying to get them off the ground. You run with them until you’re both breathless . . . they crash . . . you add a longer tail . . . they hit the rooftop . . . you pluck them out of the spout . . . you patch and comfort, adjust and teach. You watch them lifted by the wind and assure them that someday they’ll fly.

Finally, they are airborne, but they need more string and you keep letting it out and with each twist of the ball of twine, there is a sadness that goes with the joy because the kite becomes more distant and somehow you know that it won’t be long before that beautiful creature will snap the lifeline that bound you together and soar as it was meant to soar . . . free and alone.

Only then do you know that you did your job.

by Erma Bombeck: “At Wit’s End” (15 May 1977)

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“Why is it when you want a nice souvenir, you find a great shell in a gift shop, but some yo-yo has affixed a ten-cent thermometer to it?” -Erma Bombeck

“Everyone is guilty at one time or another of throwing out questions that beg to be ignored, but mothers seem to have a market on the supply. ‘Do you want a spanking or do you want to go to bed?’ ‘Don’t you want to save some of the pizza for your brother?’ ‘Wasn’t there any change?’” -Erma Bombeck

“Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they’re not trying to keep up with you.” -Erma Bombeck

“Mother’s words of wisdom: ‘Answer me! Don’t talk with food in your mouth!’” -Erma Bombeck

“Friends are annuals that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a perennial that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There’s a place in the garden for both of them.” -Erma Bombeck

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Great Accomplishments Depend on More Than Genetic Genius

- I was thinking about this the other morning when I turned on the light in my bathroom. Had a deaf man not invented it, I would be in darkness.
- I turned on the radio for my morning news fix and realized if a deformed hunchback had not had a major part in its development, I would be left in silence.
- I literally grew up under a president whose political record has never been matched, yet who could not walk or, indeed, move his legs.
- A high school dropout had invented the automobile I drove.
- Two brothers from Dayton, Ohio, who dropped out of high school, had developed the planes I traveled in.
- I thought of Leo Tolstoy, Thomas Hardy, and Joseph Conrad, who never had won a Nobel Prize for literature.
- I thought of Martin Luther, who had an I.Q. of 115, and Abraham Lincoln, who also was below ‘genius’ level.

by Erma Bombeck

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“What we’re really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?” -Erma Bombeck: “No One Diets on Thanksgiving”

“Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.” -Erma Bombeck

“Don’t confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.” -Erma Bombeck

“As a graduate of the Zsa Zsa Gabor School of Creative mathematics, I honestly do not know how old I am.” -Erma Bombeck

“Dreams have only one owner at a time. That is why dreamers are lonely.” -Erma Bombeck

“When mothers talk about the depression of the empty nest, they’re not mourning the passing of all those wet towels on the floor, or the music that numbs your teeth, or even the bottle of capless shampoo dribbling down the shower drain. They’re upset because they’ve gone from supervisor of a child’s life to a spectator. It’s like being the Vice President of the United States.” -Erma Bombeck

“I’ve exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.” -Erma Bombeck

“Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.” -Erma Bombeck

Erma Bombeck found the fun in everyday living . . . and made a livelihood out of it . . . how about you?

“I remember buying a set of black plastic dishes once, after I saw an ad on television where they actually put a blowtorch to them and they emerged unscathed. Exactly one week after I bought them, one of the kids brought a dinner plate to me with a large crack in it. When I asked what happened to it, he said it hit a tree. I don’t want to talk about it.” -Erma Bombeck

“It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.” -Erma Bombeck

“When your mother asks, “Do you want a piece of advice?” it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.” -Erma Bombeck

Erma Louise Bombeck was born as Erma Louise Fiste on 21 February 1927 in Bellbrook, Ohio, United States of America. She became the beloved American humorist whose newspaper column, “At Wit’s End” grew to such popularity that it became nationally syndicated in 1965, and eventually became a regular feature in 800 different newspapers. From 1965 to 1996, she wrote more than 4,000 newspaper columns. Erma Louise Bombeck passed on at 69 years of age on 22 April 1996 in San Francisco, California, United States of America. Her 15 published books are available from your favorite booksellers.

“There’s a territorial ritual to an aerobics class. I entered a class for the first time a few years ago and ended up where no one wanted to be . . . in the front row next to the mirror. It was three years before I could work my way to the back row.” -Erma Bombeck

“When my kids are wild and unruly, I use a playpen. When they are finished, I climb out.” -Erma Bombeck: as quoted in Robert Kelly “In Celebration of Children” (1992), page 109

Thank you for joining us today on Make Fun Of Life! We are here to bring a little happiness to the world . . . and if you have broken your funny bone on the bumpy road of life, be sure to go to the top of this page where you will find a menu bar that includes Inspiration - give it a click and see if there is something you might like.

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Mitch Hedberg

4/17/2020

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Do people ever tell you that your sense of humor is a little odd? Well, here’s some stuff said by a guy with a really offbeat sense of humor . . .

“When I was younger, my mother told me, ‘Mitch, some day you’re going to have to move out of the house and get a job.’ Well, today is the day, that’s why I’m here with you people.” -Mitch Hedberg

“I find that a duck’s opinion of me is influenced by whether or not I have bread. A duck loves bread, but he does not have the capability to buy a loaf. That’s the biggest joke on the duck ever. If I worked at a convenience store, and a duck came in and stole a loaf of bread, I would let him go. I’d say, ‘Come back tomorrow, bring your friends!’ When I think of a duck’s friends, I think of other ducks. But he could have, say, a beaver in tow.” -Mitch Hedberg

“I did a radio interview; the DJ’s first question was ‘Who are you?’ I had to think. Is this guy really deep, or did I drive to the wrong station?” -Mitch Hedberg

“I like rice. Rice is great when you’re hungry and you want 2,000 of something.” -Mitch Hedberg

“People think I’m into sports because I’m a man. But I’m not into sports.” -Mitch Hedberg

“I want to hang a map of the world in my house, and then I’m going to put pins into all the locations that I’ve traveled to. But first I’m going to have to travel to the top two corners of the map, so it won’t fall down.” -Mitch Hedberg

“I saw a human pyramid once. It was very unnecessary.” -Mitch Hedberg

“How does a sesame seed stick to a bun? That’s magical. There must be some sesame seed glue out there. Either that or they’re adhesive on one side. Peel off the backing, place it on the bun.” -Mitch Hedberg

“I like to hold the microphone cord like this, I pinch it together and then I let it go, then you hear a whole bunch of jokes all at once.” -Mitch Hedberg

“I was going to get a candy bar; the button I was supposed to push is HH. So I pressed the H button twice. Potato chips came out! Turns out there was an HH button. You got to let me know. I’m not familiar with the concept of HH. I did not learn my AA, BB, CC’s.” -Mitch Hedberg

“I think foosball is a combination of soccer and shish kabobs.” -Mitch Hedberg

“I saw a commercial on late night TV. It said, ‘Forget everything you know about slipcovers.’ So I did, and it was a load off my mind. Then the commercial tried to sell me slipcovers, and I didn’t know what in the world they were.” -Mitch Hedberg

“I type 101 words a minute. But it’s in my own language.” -Mitch Hedberg

“As an adult, I’m not supposed to go down slides. So if I’m at the top of a slide, I have to pretend that I got there accidentally. ‘How did I get up here? I guess I have to slide down. Wee!’ That’s what you say when you’re having fun. You refer to yourself and some other people.” -Mitch Hedberg

“I went to a tent store. ‘What kind of tent do you need?’ ‘Circus.’” -Mitch Hedberg

“I wish I could play little league now. I’d be way better than before.” -Mitch Hedberg

“I got a smoke alarm at home, but really it’s more like a 9-volt-battery-slow-drainer.” -Mitch Hedberg

“An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You would never see an ‘Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order’ sign, just ‘Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.’” -Mitch Hedberg

“I got a business card because I want to win some lunches. That’s what my business card says: Mitch Hedberg, Potential Lunch Winner. Give me a call, maybe we’ll have lunch. If I’m lucky!”

“If you’re a fish, and you want to be a fish stick, you must have very good posture.” -Mitch Hedberg

“I would like it if four people did a cartwheel all at once . . . so I can make a cart.” -Mitch Hedberg

“I have a cheese-shredder at home, which is its positive name. They don’t call it by its negative name, which is sponge-ruiner.” -Mitch Hedberg

“I had my palm read. I wrote something on it first to see if she would read that too.” -Mitch Hedberg

“If 13 is unlucky, then 12 and 14 are guilty by association.” -Mitch Hedberg

“I know a lot about cars. I can look at a car’s headlights and tell you exactly which way it’s coming.” -Mitch Hedberg

“I went to the store and bought eight apples; the clerk said, ‘Do you want these in a bag?’ I said, ‘Oh, no, man, I juggle.’” -Mitch Hedberg

“I don’t wear a watch because I want my arms to weigh the same.” -Mitch Hedberg

“I’ve never stayed at a bed and breakfast. If I did, I figure you would start to get hungry! ‘Is that all you got around here? Well, maybe you can direct me to a chair lunch dinner.’” -Mitch Hedberg

“If you’re watching a parade, make sure you stand in one spot, don’t follow it, it never changes. And if the parade is boring, run in the opposite direction, you will fast-forward the parade.” -Mitch Hedberg

“Someone handed me a picture and said, ‘This is a picture of me when I was younger.’ Every picture of you is when you were younger. ‘Here’s a picture of me when I’m older.’ How you’d pull that off? What’s that camera look like?” -Mitch Hedberg

“I made $3,000 opening for the Neville Brothers, and they paid me in cash. That was a bad situation, because I bought ridiculous stuff. I bought a snake bite emergency kit.” -Mitch Hedberg

“I saw a seagull hanging out by a lake, but I said, ‘Don’t worry, dude. I won’t say anything.’” -Mitch Hedberg

“I hate dreaming. Because when you sleep, you want to sleep. Dreaming is work, you know - there I am in a comfortable bed, the next thing you know I have to build a go-cart with my ex-landlord. I want a dream of me watching myself sleep.” -Mitch Hedberg

“When you’re doing a show on stage, and they show you a red light, that means you have five minutes left. At some clubs, they hold a candle up in the back. That’s the worst method. You’re up here, and then you see a floating candle. ‘Oh, no! This place is haunted!’ I can’t be funny when I’m frightened.” -Mitch Hedberg

“I like vending machines, because snacks are better when they fall. If I buy a candy bar in a store, sometimes I will drop it so it will reach its maximum flavor potential.” -Mitch Hedberg

“I want to get a job naming kitchen appliances. That seems easy; refrigerator, toaster, blender. You just say what the thing does and add ‘er.’” -Mitch Hedberg

“A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.” -Mitch Hedberg

“When I was a boy, I would lay in my twin-size bed, wondering where my brother was.” -Mitch Hedberg

“I got a king sized bed. I don’t know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he’d be comfortable. ‘Oh, you’re a king, you say? Well you won’t believe what I have in store for you! It’s to your exact specifications! I believe I can set up your old lady, too!’” -Mitch Hedberg

“This is what my friend said to me; he said ‘Guess what I like? Mashed potatoes.’ It’s like, ‘Dude, you got to give me time to guess. If you’re going to quiz me, you must insert a pause in there.’” -Mitch Hedberg

“I bought a seven dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.” -Mitch Hedberg

“If you can’t sleep, count sheep. Don’t count endangered animals. You will run out.” -Mitch Hedberg

“If I’m out to dinner with a group of friends, and somebody offers to pay for the check, I immediately reach for my wallet. Inside is a note that says, ‘Say thanks!’” -Mitch Hedberg

“I don’t have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who’d be mad at me for saying that.” -Mitch Hedberg

“I like the public hot-tub at the hotels. I like when a guy is already in there, I say, ‘Hey, do you mind if I join you?’ Then I go turn the heat up, and I add some carrots and onions.” -Mitch Hedberg

“A friend said to me, ‘I think the weather is trippy.’ I said, ‘No, man, it’s not the weather that’s trippy, perhaps it’s the way we perceive it.’ And then I realized I just should have said, ‘Yeah.’” -Mitch Hedberg

“I don’t own a cell phone or a pager. I just hang around everyone I know, all the time. If someone needs to get a hold of me they just say, ‘Mitch?’ and I say, ‘What?’ and turn my head slightly.” -Mitch Hedberg

“Kittens play with yarn, they bat it around. What they’re really doing is saying, ‘I can’t knit, get this away from me!’” -Mitch Hedberg

“I wish my name was Brian, because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That’s a free compliment, and you don’t even have to be smart to notice it.” -Mitch Hedberg

“If a drink was ice cold, it would be impossible to drink. Because it would be solid. Here’s a drink, Mitch - it’s ice cold. I guess I could lick it.” -Mitch Hedberg

“I hope the next time I move I get a real easy phone number, something that’s real easy to remember. Something like 222-2222. I would say ‘Sweet.’ And then people would say ‘Mitch, how do I get a hold of you?’ I’d say, ‘Just press 2 for a while and when I answer, you will know you have pressed 2 enough.’” -Mitch Hedberg

“The thing about tennis is, no matter how much I play, I’ll never be as good as a wall. I played a wall once. They’re relentless.” -Mitch Hedberg

“I was going to get my teeth whitened, but I said, ‘I’ll just get a tan instead.’” -Mitch Hedberg

Mitchell Lee ‘Mitch’ Hedberg was born on 24 February 1968 in Saint Paul, Minnesota, United States of America. He was a standup comedian. Mitchell Lee ‘Mitch’ Hedberg passed on at 37 years of age on 30 March 2005.

“At my hotel room, my friend came over and asked to use the phone. I said ‘Certainly.’ He said ‘Do I need to dial 9?’ I say ‘Yeah. Especially if it’s in the number. You can try 4 and 5 back to back real quick.’” -Mitch Hedberg

“My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana, I said ‘No, but I want a regular banana later, so . . . yeah.’”

“I was walking down the street with my friend, and he said, ‘I hear music’ . . . as if there was any other way you can take it in. You’re not special, that’s how I receive it too. I tried to taste it, but that did not work.” -Mitch Hedberg

Mitch Hedberg (Mitchell Lee ‘Mitch’ Hedberg (1968 - 2005)) was a stand-up comedian. Some doughnut shops have printed his lines on their receipts.

“I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut. I don’t need a receipt for the doughnut. I give you the money, and you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. We don’t need to bring ink and paper into this. I can’t imagine a scenario where I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut.” -Mitch Hedberg

“Is a hippopotamus a hip opatamus, or just a really cool opotamus?” -Mitch Hedberg

“I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at turkeys. There’s turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Someone needs to tell the turkey, ‘man, just be yourself.’” -Mitch Hedberg

“I haven’t slept for ten days . . . because that would be for too long.” -Mitch Hedberg

“I didn’t go to college, but if I did, I would have taken all my tests at a restaurant. Because the customer is always right.” -Mitch Hedberg

“I went to a restaurant, and I saw a guy wearing a leather jacket, eating a hamburger, and drinking a glass of milk. I said, ‘Dude, you are a cow. The metamorphosis is complete.’” -Mitch Hedberg

“I ate one anchovy, and that is why I did not eat two anchovies.” -Mitch Hedberg

“See, I write jokes for a living, man. I sit in my hotel at night and think of something that’s funny and then I go get a pen and write ’em down. Or, if the pen’s too far away, I have to convince myself that what I thought of ain’t funny.” -Mitch Hedberg

“I went to a record store; they said they specialized in hard-to-find records. Nothing was alphabetized.” -Mitch Hedberg

“I think animal crackers make people think that all animals taste the same.” -Mitch Hedberg

“I wear a necklace, because I want to know when I’m upside down.” -Mitch Hedberg

“If I bought a company that made hotdog buns, on Day 1 we would add two buns to every package . . . Day 2, work on deliciousness.” -Mitch Hedberg

“You know when you go into a restaurant, and it gets busy and they start a waiting list, and they start calling out names, ‘DuFresnes, party of two.’ They say again, ‘DuFresnes, party of two.’ But then if no one answers, they’ll just go to the next name, ‘Bush, party of three.’ Yeah, but what happened to the DuFresnes? No one seems to care. Who can eat at a time like this? People are missing! And they’re hungry! That’s a double whammy! ‘Bush, search party of three!’ You can eat once you find the DuFresnes!” -Mitch Hedberg

“I use the word totally too much. I need to change it up and use a word that is different but has the same meaning. Mitch, do you like submarine sandwiches? All-encompassingly!” -Mitch Hedberg

“I got an ant farm. Those fellows didn’t grow anything. Hey, how about some celery?” -Mitch Hedberg

“I can’t wait to get off the stage, because I’ve got some Life Savers in my pocket and pineapple is next!” -Mitch Hedberg

“I’m a hard act to follow, because when I’m done, I take the microphone with me.” -Mitch Hedberg

Some people live by the idea, “Figure out how to make fun pay, and you’re set for life!” Maybe we need more people like that . . . more Walt Disneys, more Erma Bombecks, more Jack Bennys, more Lucille Balls . . . how would you like to join them in bringing fun to the world? Remember, you don’t have to be born funny - it’s something you can develop through practice and hard work, just like anything else in life. You make mistakes, but you keep trying; that’s the method. The joviality and edification continues below . . . on MFOL!

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Henry David Thoreau

4/16/2020

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Let us get to know Henry David Thoreau through his own words . . .

“Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other’s eyes for an instant?” -Henry David Thoreau

“It is not worth while to go around the world to count the cats in Zanzibar.” -Henry David Thoreau: “Walden” (1854)

“The bluebird carries the sky on his back.” -Henry David Thoreau: “Journals” (1838 - 1859), ‘3 April 1852’

Henry David Thoreau was born on 12 July 1817 in Concord, Massachusetts, United States of America. He is remembered as an essayist, a poet, a naturalist, a transcendentalist, and a practical philosopher.

“An early-morning walk is a blessing for the whole day.” -Henry David Thoreau

“Pursue, keep up with, circle round and round your life, as a dog does his master’s chaise. Do what you love. Know your own bone; gnaw at it, bury it, unearth it, and gnaw it still.” -Henry David Thoreau

Henry David Thoreau, the writer of the book “Walden” (1854), was a pencil-maker by trade. Of course, as everyone knows, if you allow a person to have a pencil, the next thing he or she might very well do is to start using it to put words on paper.

“Writing your name can lead to writing sentences. And the next thing you’ll be doing is writing paragraphs, and then books. And then you’ll be in as much trouble as I am!” -Henry David Thoreau

“I know of no more encouraging fact than the ability of a man to elevate his life by conscious endeavor.” -Henry David Thoreau: “Walden, or Life in the Woods”

“Almost all wild apples are handsome. They cannot be too gnarly and crabbed and rusty to look at. The gnarliest will have some redeeming traits even to the eye.” -Henry David Thoreau: “Wild Apples”

“It’s not enough to be busy, so are the ants. The question is, what are we busy about?” -Henry David Thoreau: letter (16 November 1857) to Harrison Gray Otis Blake

“If a man constantly aspires, is he not elevated?” -Henry David Thoreau

“I was never unusually squeamish; I could sometimes eat a fried rat with a good relish, if it was necessary.” -Henry David Thoreau

“Water is the only drink for a wise man.” -Henry David Thoreau

“The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. What is called resignation is confirmed desperation.” -Henry David Thoreau: “Walden” (1854), chapter I, ‘Economy’

“Nowadays most men lead lives of noisy desperation.” -James Thurber (1894 - 1961): “Fables for Our Time” (1940)

“I once had a sparrow alight upon my shoulder for a moment, while I was hoeing in a village garden, and I felt that I was more distinguished by that circumstance than I should have been by any epaulet I could have worn or been awarded.” -Henry David Thoreau

“It is characteristic of wisdom not to do desperate things.” -Henry David Thoreau

“The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it.” -Henry David Thoreau

“It is as hard to see one’s self as to look backwards without turning around.” -Henry David Thoreau

“Our life is frittered away by detail . . . Simplify, simplify.” -Henry David Thoreau: “Walden” (1854)

“Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it.” -Henry David Thoreau: as attributed in “Locomotive Engineers Journal” (1942), Volume 76, page 711

“The secret of achievement is to hold a picture of a successful outcome in the mind.” -Henry David Thoreau

“If you would convince a man that he does wrong, do right. But do not care to convince him. Men will believe what they see. Let them see.” -Henry David Thoreau

“I have lived some thirty years on this planet and I have yet to hear the first syllable of valuable or even earnest advice from my seniors.” -Henry David Thoreau

“It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see.” -Henry David Thoreau

“As if you could kill time without injuring eternity.” -Henry David Thoreau: “Walden” (1854), ‘Economy’

“Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.” -Henry David Thoreau (similar quotation attributed to Ralph Waldo Emerson)

“I never found a companion that was so companionable as solitude.” -Henry David Thoreau

“I am grateful for what I am and have. My Thanksgiving is perpetual.” -Henry David Thoreau: letter (6 December 1856) to Harrison Gray Otis Blake, as published in “The Correspondence of Henry David Thoreau” (1958), page 444

“I think that I cannot preserve my health and spirits unless I spend four hours a day at least . . . sauntering through the woods and over the hills and fields, absolutely free from all worldly engagements.” -Henry David Thoreau

“I have no doubt that it is a part of the destiny of the human race, in its gradual improvement, to leave off eating animals, as surely as the savage tribes have left off eating each other.” -Henry David Thoreau: “Walden” (1854)

“The smallest seed of faith is better than the largest fruit of happiness.” -Henry David Thoreau

“A single footstep will not make a path on the earth, so a single thought will not make a pathway in the mind. To make a deep physical path, we walk again and again. To make a deep mental path, we must think over and over the kind of thoughts we wish to dominate our lives.” -Henry David Thoreau

“I believe that there is a subtle magnetism in Nature, which, if we unconsciously yield to it, will direct us aright.” -Henry David Thoreau

“What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals.” -Henry David Thoreau (similar quotation attributed to Johann Wolfgang von Goethe)

“Heaven is under our feet as well as over our heads.” -Henry David Thoreau

“Pursue some path, however narrow and crooked, in which you can walk with love and reverence.” -Henry David Thoreau

“A man is rich in proportion to the number of things which he can afford to let alone.” -Henry David Thoreau

“All good things are wild and free.” -Henry David Thoreau

“The fault-finder will find faults even in paradise. Love your life, poor as it is. You may perhaps have some pleasant, thrilling, glorious hours, even in a poor-house. The setting sun is reflected from the windows of the alms-house as brightly as from the rich man’s adobe; the snow melts before its door as early in the spring. I do not see but a quiet mind may live as contentedly there, and have as cheering thoughts, as in a palace.” -Henry David Thoreau

“I would rather sit on a pumpkin, and have it all to myself, than be crowded on a velvet cushion.” -Henry David Thoreau

“We must walk consciously only part way toward our goal, and then leap in the dark to our success.” -Henry David Thoreau

“Men are born to succeed, not to fail.” -Henry David Thoreau

“Thoreau wants a little ambition in his mixture. Fault of this, instead of being the head of American Engineers, he is captain of a huckleberry party.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson: as quoted in Lawrence Rosenwald, editor: “Selected Journals 1841 - 1877” (2010), page 557

“When were the good and the brave ever in a majority?” -Henry Thoreau

“All misfortune is but a stepping stone to fortune.” -Henry David Thoreau

“Every child begins the world again.” -Henry David Thoreau

“Aim above morality. Be not simply good, be good for something.” -Henry David Thoreau

“None are so old as those who have outlived enthusiasm.” -Henry David Thoreau: as attributed in Kate Sanborn: “A Year of Sunshine” (1886)

“Live your beliefs and you can turn the world around.” -Henry David Thoreau

“Every creature is better alive than dead, men and moose and pine trees, and he who understands it aright will rather preserve its life than destroy it.” -Henry David Thoreau: “The Main Woods” (1848), ‘Chesuncook’

“Man is the artificer* of his own happiness.” -Henry David Thoreau
*artificer: maker

“We live but a fraction of our lives.” -Henry David Thoreau

“There is no value in life except what you choose to place upon it and no happiness in any place except what you bring to it yourself.” -Henry David Thoreau

“When I hear music, I fear no danger. I am invulnerable. I see no foe. I am related to the earliest times, and to the latest.” -Henry David Thoreau

“There is no remedy for love but to love more.” -Henry David Thoreau

“How vain it is to sit down to write when you have not stood up to live.” -Henry David Thoreau: “Journals” (1838 - 1859), ’19 August 1851’

“Happiness is like a butterfly; the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder.” -Henry David Thoreau (similar quotation attributed to Nathaniel Hawthorne)

“Live each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influences of each.” -Henry David Thoreau

“There are a thousand hacking at the branches of evil to one who is striking at the root.” -Henry David Thoreau: “Walden” (1854)

“I learned this, at least, by my experiment; that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. He will put some things behind, will pass an invisible boundary; new, universal, and more liberal laws will begin to establish themselves around and within him; or the old laws be expanded, and interpreted in his favor in a more liberal sense, and he will live with the license of a higher order of beings. In proportion as he simplifies his life, the laws of the universe will appear less complex, and solitude will not be solitude, nor poverty, poverty, nor weakness, weakness. If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them.” -Henry David Thoreau: “Walden” (1854), ‘Conclusion’

“Nothing is so much to be feared as fear.” -Henry David Thoreau: “Journals” (1838 - 1859), ‘7 September 1851’

“Live your life as though every act were to become a universal law.” -Henry David Thoreau

“What lies before us and what lies behind us . . . are small matters compared to what lies within us . . . and when we bring what lies within into the world . . . miracles happen!” -Henry David Thoreau: as attributed in Dan Millman: “The Life You Were Born to Live” (1995), page xi (similar quotation attributed to Henry Stanley Haskins)

“Our truest life is when we are in dreams awake.” -Henry David Thoreau

“Be yourself - not your idea of what you think somebody else’s idea of yourself should be.” -Henry David Thoreau

“Be true to your work, your word, and your friend.” -Henry David Thoreau

“The man who goes alone can start today. But he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.” -Henry David Thoreau

“‘Hear! hear!’ screamed the jay from a neighboring tree, where I had heard a tittering for some time, ‘winter has a concentrated and nutty kernel, if you know where to look for it.’” -Henry David Thoreau: journal entry on 28 November 1858

“Who hears the rippling of rivers will not utterly despair of anything.” -Henry David Thoreau

“Public opinion is a weak tyrant compared with our own private opinion. What a man thinks of himself, that it is which determines, or rather indicates, his fate.” -Henry David Thoreau: “Walden” (1854)

“Many men go fishing all their lives not knowing it is not fish they are after.” -Henry David Thoreau

“Every generation laughs at the old fashions, but follows religiously the new.” -Henry David Thoreau: “Walden” (1854)

“A lake is the landscape’s most beautiful and expressive feature. It is the earth’s eye; looking into which the beholder measures the depth of his own nature.” -Henry David Thoreau

Any fool can make a rule,
And any fool will mind it.
-Henry David Thoreau: “Journals” (1838 - 1859), ‘3 February 1860’

“Goodness is the only investment that never fails.” -Henry David Thoreau: “Walden” (1854), ‘Higher Laws’

“Do not hire a man who does your work for money, but him who does it for love of it.” -Henry David Thoreau: “Life Without Principle” (1863)

“This world is but a canvas to our imagination.” -Henry David Thoreau: “A Week on the Concord and Merrimack Rivers” (1849), ‘Wednesday’

“If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away.” -Henry David Thoreau: “Walden” (1854), chapter 18

“I like the story about Henry David Thoreau, who, when he was on his deathbed, his family sent for a minister. The minister said, ‘Henry, have you made your peace with God?’ Thoreau said, ‘I didn’t know we’d quarreled.’” -Stewart Udall

Henry David Thoreau passed on at 44 years of age on 6 May 1862 in Concord, Massachusetts, United States of America, succumbing to the then-common condition tuberculosis. His thoughts live on in books, and are scattered across the internet like brilliantly colored wildflowers growing in a vast prairie.

“Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in.” -Henry David Thoreau

“Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth.” -Henry David Thoreau: “Walden” (1854), ‘Conclusion’

This is MFOL! . . . doing the best with what we’ve been given . . .

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Zig Ziglar

4/14/2020

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“Among the things you can give and still keep are your word, a smile, and a grateful heart.” -Zig Ziglar

“Positive thinking will let you do everything better than negative thinking will.” -Zig Ziglar

“There is no such thing as a lazy person; he is either sick or uninspired.” -Zig Ziglar: “See You at the Top” (2000)

“People who have good relationships at home are more effective in the marketplace.” -Zig Ziglar

“Don’t be distracted by criticism. Remember - the only taste of success some people have is when they take a bite out of you.” -Zig Ziglar

“The way you see life will largely determine what you get out of it.” -Zig Ziglar

“Failure has been correctly identified as the line of least persistence.” -Zig Ziglar: “See You at the Top” (2000)

“You are free to choose, but the choices you make today will determine what you will have, be, and do in the tomorrow of your life.” -Zig Ziglar

“Don’t wait until you feel like taking a positive action. Take the action and then you will feel like doing it.” -Zig Ziglar

“If you go looking for a friend, you’re going to find they’re very scarce. If you go out to be a friend, you’ll find them everywhere.” -Zig Ziglar: as quoted in Deborah Norville: “The Power of Respect: Benefit from the Most Forgotten Element of Success” (2009), page 65

“When your image improves, your performance improves.” -Zig Ziglar

“Many people spend more time in planning the wedding than they do in planning the marriage.” -Zig Ziglar

“I am intelligent, competent, persistent, and creative. I am health conscious, balanced, and clean. I am flexible, punctual, and thrifty.” -Zig Ziglar

“You were born to win, but to be a winner, you must plan to win, prepare to win, and expect to win.” -Zig Ziglar

“How you see your future is much more important than what happened in your past.” -Zig Ziglar

“For every sale you miss because you’re too enthusiastic, you will miss a hundred because you’re not enthusiastic enough.” -Zig Ziglar

“Outstanding people have one thing in common: an absolute sense of mission.” -Zig Ziglar: as quoted in Kevin Baerg: “Created for Excellence: 12 keys to Godly Success” (1996), page 25

“Winning is not everything, but the effort to win is.” -Zig Ziglar

“Obviously, there is little you can learn from doing nothing.” -Zig Ziglar

“People who truly understand God’s purpose for their lives know that we are called to be intimately involved with one another.” -Zig Ziglar: “Better than Good: Creating a Life You Can’t Wait to Live” (2007)

“People don’t buy for logical reasons. They buy for emotional reasons.” -Zig Ziglar

“Expect the best. Prepare for the worst. Capitalize on what comes.” -Zig Ziglar: as quoted in Alen Majer: “Trigger Events - How to Find Your Next Customer” (2007), page 22

“A man or woman is seldom happy unless he or she is sustaining him or herself and making a contribution to others.” -Zig Ziglar: “See You at the Top” (2000)

“End the day with gratitude. There is someone, somewhere, that has less than you.” -Zig Ziglar

“Success occurs when opportunity meets preparation.” -Zig Ziglar: “See You at the Top” (2000)

“Kids go where there is excitement. They stay where there is love.” -Zig Ziglar

“A lot of people have gone further than they thought they could because someone else thought they could.” -Zig Ziglar

“You build a successful career, regardless of your field of endeavor, by the dozens of little things you do on and off the job.” -Zig Ziglar

“When you forgive somebody else you accept the responsibility for your own future.” -Zig Ziglar

“Success is in the details.” -Zig Ziglar

“You are at the top when you’ve made friends with the past, are focused on the present, and optimistic about your future.” -Zig Ziglar

“The most practical, beautiful, workable philosophy in the world won’t work - if you won’t.” -Zig Ziglar

“The foundation stones for a balanced success are honesty, character, integrity, faith, love, and loyalty.” -Zig Ziglar

“Be firm on principle but flexible on method.” -Zig Ziglar

“Never let your past determine your future.” -attributed to Zig Ziglar

“For every sale you miss because you’re too enthusiastic, you will miss a hundred because you’re not enthusiastic enough.” -Zig Ziglar

“The only way to coast is downhill.” -Zig Ziglar

“A positive attitude will have positive results because attitudes are contagious.” -Zig Ziglar

“If you learn from defeat, you haven’t really lost.” -Zig Ziglar

“There’s often no way you can look into the game of life and determine whether or not you’ll get that big break tomorrow or whether it will take another week, month, year or even longer. But it will come!” -Zig Ziglar

“You can get everything in life you want if you will just help enough other people get what they want.” -Zig Ziglar: “Secrets of Closing the Sale” (1984)

“You cannot consistently perform in a manner which is inconsistent with the way you see yourself.” -Zig Ziglar

“They don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” -Zig Ziglar

“It was character that got us out of bed, commitment that moved us into action, and discipline that enabled us to follow through.” -Zig Ziglar

“Failure is a detour, not a dead-end street.” -Zig Ziglar

“You’ve got to be before you can do, and you’ve got to do before you can have.” -Zig Ziglar

“What comes out of your mouth is determined by what goes into your mind.” -Zig Ziglar

“As I point out in another section, when you’re frustrated you can either wring your hands and lose what you have or roll up your sleeves and get what you want.” -Zig Ziglar: “Biscuits, Fleas, and Pump Handles” (1974), page 145

“It is easy to get to the top after you get through the crowd at the bottom.” -Zig Ziglar

“When things seem bad, look to see if you’re not facing the wrong direction . . . When the outlook isn’t good, try the uplook - it’s always good.” -Zig Ziglar

In addition to the books mentioned in this topic, Zig Ziglar wrote other books, available in paperback from your favorite bookseller and as downloads for your favorite e-reader device. Following is a partial list.
□ “Conversations with My Dog” (2004)
□ “How to Get What You Want” (1987)
□ “Raising Positive Kids in a Negative World” (1985)
□ “Zig Ziglar’s Life Lifters” (2003)
□ “Secrets of Closing the Sale” (1982)
□ “Developing the Qualities of Success” (2010)
□ “See You at the Top” (1975)
□ “Confessions of a Happy Christian” (1978)
□ “Zig: The Autobiography” (2002)
□ “Courtship After Marriage” (1990)
The above list of works by Zig Ziglar is far from complete, so if you would like to see other titles included, please let us know.

“If you want to reach a goal, you must ‘see the reaching’ in your own mind before you actually arrive at your goal.” -Zig Ziglar

“Ability is important in our quest for success, but dependability is critical.” -Zig Ziglar

“Failure is an event, never a person; an attitude, not an outcome.” -Zig Ziglar

“The most influential person who will talk to you all day is you, so you should be very careful about what you say to you!” -Zig Ziglar

“When obstacles arise, you change your direction to reach your goal; you do not change your decision to get there.” -Zig Ziglar

“When you are tough on yourself, life is going to be infinitely easier on you.” -Zig Ziglar

“You cannot tailor-make the situations in life, but you can tailor-make your attitudes to fit those situations.” -Zig Ziglar

“The more you recognize and express gratitude for the things you have, the more things you will have to express gratitude for.” -Zig Ziglar

“Fortunately, problems are an everyday part of our life. Consider this: If there were no problems, most of us would be unemployed. Realistically, the more problems we have and the larger they are, the greater our value to our employer.” -Zig Ziglar

“Will you look back on life and say, ‘I wish I had’ or ‘I’m glad I did’?” -Zig Ziglar

“Desire is the ingredient that changes the hot water of mediocrity to the steam of outstanding success.” -Zig Ziglar: “See You at the Top” (2000)

“If you don’t see yourself as a winner, then you cannot perform as a winner.” -Zig Ziglar

“Obstacles are the things we see when we take our eyes off our goals.” -Zig Ziglar

“Man was designed for accomplishment, engineered for success, and endowed with the seeds of greatness.” -Zig Ziglar

“There are no traffic jams on the extra mile.” -Zig Ziglar

“When we do more than we are paid to do, eventually we will be paid more for what we do.” -Zig Ziglar

“When you focus on problems, you get more problems. When you focus on possibilities, you have more opportunities.” -Zig Ziglar

“Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude.” -Zig Ziglar

“You cannot climb the ladder of success dressed in the costume of failure.” -Zig Ziglar

“If God would have wanted us to live in a permissive society He would have given us Ten Suggestions and not Ten Commandments.” -Zig Ziglar

“You don’t have to have it all figured out to move forward.” -Zig Ziglar

“Success is like a ladder, and no one has ever climbed a ladder with their hands in their pockets.” -Zig Ziglar

“You don’t have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great.” -Zig Ziglar

“A goal properly set is halfway reached.” -Zig Ziglar

“Fewer people are bent from hard work than are crooked from avoiding it.” -Zig Ziglar: “See You at the Top” (2000)

“What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals.” -Zig Ziglar: as quoted in Lilly Walters: “Secrets of Superstar Speakers: Wisdom from the Greatest Motivators of Our Time” (2000), page 96

“When you give a man a dole, you deny him his dignity, and when you deny him his dignity you rob him of his destiny.” -Zig Ziglar: “See You at the Top” (2000)

“Every sale has five basic obstacles: no need, no money, no hurry, no desire, no trust.” -Zig Ziglar

“Happiness is not pleasure - it is victory.” -Zig Ziglar: “See You at the Top” (2000)

“Other people and things can stop you temporarily . . . You’re the only one who can do it permanently!” -Zig Ziglar

“Confidence is going after Moby Dick in a rowboat and taking the tartar sauce with you.” -Zig Ziglar

“The price of success is much lower than the price of failure.” -Zig Ziglar

“Discipline yourself to do the things you need to do when you need to do them, and the day will come when you will be able to do the things you want to do when you want to do them!” -Zig Ziglar

“Of all the ‘attitudes’ we can acquire, surely the attitude of gratitude is the most important and by far the most life-changing.” -Zig Ziglar

“If you don’t save something on your current income, you won’t save anything on your future income.” -Zig Ziglar: “See You at the Top” (2000)

“Most people who fail in their dreams fail not from lack of ability but from lack of commitment.” -Zig Ziglar

“The most important persuasion tool you have in your entire arsenal is integrity.” -Zig Ziglar: as quoted in Dave Stone: “Refining Your Style: Learning from Respected Communicators” (2004), page 143

“Success means doing the best we can with what we have. Success is the doing, not the getting - in the trying, not the triumph. Success is a personal standard - reaching for the highest that is in us - becoming all that we can be. If we do our best, we are a success. Success is the maximum utilization of the ability that you have.” -Zig Ziglar: as quoted in Hugh B. Sanders: “The Subconscious Diet: It’s Not What You Put in Your Mouth; It Is What You Put in Your Mind” (2005), page 104

“The way to get what you want is to help others get what they want.” -Zig Ziglar

“Far too many people have no idea of what they can do because all they have been told is what they can’t do. They don’t know what they want because they don’t know what’s available for them.” -Zig Ziglar

“When you associate with winners, your chances of winning go up!” -Zig Ziglar

Hilary Hinton ‘Zig’ Ziglar was born on 6 November 1926 in Coffee County, Alabama, United States of America, as the tenth of twelve children born to parents John Silas Ziglar and Lila Wescott Ziglar. He became a salesman, a professional motivational speaker, and a writer. Hilary Hinton ‘Zig’ Ziglar passed on at 86 years of age on 28 November 2012 in Plano, Texas, United States of America.

“People who build hope into their own lives and who share hope with others become powerful people.” -Zig Ziglar

Zig Ziglar devoted his life to helping others get what they want in their lives. To find out what this can mean for your own professional and personal development, click on Zig Ziglar.

“Life is an echo. What you send out comes back. What you sow you reap. What you give you get. What you see in others exists in you. Regardless of who you are or what you do, if you are looking for the best way to reap the most reward in all areas of life, you should look for the good in every person and in every situation and adopt the golden rule as a way of life.” -Zig Ziglar

“Make today worth remembering.” -Zig Ziglar

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