Make Fun Of Life!

Library Table of Contents

11/12/2019

Welcome to the Library Table of Contents.

What will you find here? Fun short stories for people in a hurry, pretty-near-perfect pictures, rhythmically rhyming story poems, quirky quotations, and good clean humor. Click on a category shown below.

Fairy Tales

Adventure

Picture Quotations

Stories with Morals

Quotationary

Nursery Rhymes

Essays

Correspondence

Horror

More articles and additional pages will be added over time.

Thank you for visiting MFOL! . . . the internet’s most ridiculous website . . .

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Books to the Ceiling

11/11/2019

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Books to the Ceiling

Books to the ceiling,
     books to the sky.
My pile of books
     are a mile high.
How I love them!
     How I need them!
I’ll have a long beard
     by the time I read them.

by Arnold Lobel

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A New Learning Device

9/8/2019

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A New Learning Device

Introducing the new Bio-Optic Organized Knowledge device, trade-named BOOK.

BOOK is a revolutionary breakthrough in technology: no wires, no electric circuits, no batteries, nothing to be connected or switched on. It’s so easy to use, even a child can operate it.

Compact and portable, it can be used anywhere - even while sitting in an armchair by the fire - yet it is powerful enough to hold as much information as a CD-ROM disc.

Here’s how it works:

BOOK is constructed of sequentially numbered sheets of paper (recyclable), each capable of holding thousands of bits of information. The pages are locked together with a custom-fit device called a binder, which keeps the sheets in their correct sequence.

Opaque Paper Technology (OPT) allows manufacturers to use both sides of the sheet, doubling the information density and cutting costs. Experts are divided on the prospects for further increases in information density; for now, BOOKs with more information simply use more pages.

Each sheet is scanned optically, registering information directly into the user’s brain. A flick of the finger takes the user to the next sheet. BOOK may be taken up at any time and used merely by opening it.

Unlike other display devices, BOOK never crashes or requires rebooting, and it can even be dropped on the floor or stepped on without damage. However, it can become unusable if immersed in water for a significant period of time. The ‘browse’ feature allows users to move instantly to any sheet and move forward or backward as the user wishes. Many come with an ‘index’ feature, which pinpoints the exact location of selected information for instant retrieval.

An optional ‘BOOKMARK’ accessory allows users to open BOOK to the exact place the user left it in during a previous session - even if the BOOK has been closed. BOOKMARKS fit universal design standards; thus, a single BOOKMARK can be used in BOOKS by various manufacturers. Conversely, numerous BOOKMARKERS can be used in a single BOOK if the user wants to store numerous views at once.

The number is limited only by the number of pages in the BOOK.

You can also make personal notes next to BOOK text entries with an optional programming tool, the Portable Erasable Nib Cryptic Intercommunication Language Stylus (PENCILS).

Portable, durable, and affordable, BOOK is being hailed as a precursor of a new entertainment wave. Also, BOOK’s appeal seems so certain that thousands of content creators have committed to the platform and investors are reportedly flocking.

Look for a flood of new titles soon.

by Author Unknown

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Open a Book

7/20/2019

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Open a Book

Open a book,
     And you will find
People and places,
     Of every kind.

Open a book,
     And you can be
Anything at all,
     You want to be.

Open a book,
     And you can share
The wondrous words,
     You’ll find there.

Open a book,
     And I will, too -
You read to me,
     And I’ll read to you!

by Author Unknown

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Reading and Books

7/20/2019

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Sylvia Snake: What kinds of books do bunnies like?
Patrick Panda: Do they like stories with hoppy endings?
Ricky Rabbit: That’s right!

“‘What is the use of a book,’ thought Alice, ‘without pictures or conversations?’” -Lewis Carroll (pseudonym of Charles Lutwidge Dodgson (1832 - 1898)): “Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland” (1865), chapter 1

Lydia: What kind of bugs enjoy good books?
Linda: Bookworms.

“Books are the quietest and most constant of friends; they are the most accessible and wisest of counselors, and the most patient of teachers.” -Charles W. Eliot

Riddle: What is easy to pick up and hard to put down?
Solution: A good book.

“Once you learn to read, you will be forever free.” -Frederick Douglass (pseudonym of Frederick Augustus Washington Bailey (1817 - 1895))

“Going to Aunt Mirandy’s is like going down to the cellar in the dark. There might be ogres and giants under the stairs, but as I tell Hannah, there might be elves and fairies and enchanted frogs!” -Kate Douglas Wiggin (1856 - 1923): “Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm” (1903)

Overheard: I was reading this book the other day - “The History of Glue.” I just could not put it down!

“The worth of a book is to be measured by what you can carry away from it.” -James Bryce

Becca: Who wrote mysteries about fried chicken?
Becky: Agatha Crispy.

“From the moment I picked up your book until the moment I put it down, I could not stop laughing. Someday I hope to read it.” -Groucho Marx (Julius Henry ‘Groucho’ Marx (1890 - 1977))

Roger: Do you know how many librarians it takes to change a light bulb?
Gerald: No, but I know where you can look it up!

“Never judge a book by its movie.” -J. W. Eagan

The Library

It looks like any building
     When you pass it on the street,
Made of stone and glass and marble,
     Made of iron and concrete.
But once inside you can ride
     A camel or a train,
Visit Rome, Siam, or Nome,
     Feel a hurricane.
Meet a king, learn to sing,
     How to bake a pie,
Go to sea, plant a tree,
     Find how airplanes fly.
Train a horse, and of course,
     Have all the dogs you like,
See the Moon, a sandy dune,
     Or catch a whopping pike.
Everything that books can bring
     You’ll find inside those walls.
A world is there for you to share
     When adventure calls.
You cannot tell its magic
     By the way the building looks,
But there’s wonderment within it,
     The wonderment of books.

by Barbara A. Huff

A woman walked into a building and up to the counter. She said, “I’d like a hamburger with a side salad and a diet cola.” The person behind the counter said, “Ma’am, this is a library.” So the woman said in a low whisper, “I’m terribly sorry. I’d like a hamburger with a side salad and a diet cola.”

In the 10th century, the Grand Vizier of Persia took his entire library with him wherever he went. The 117,000-volume library was carried by camels trained to walk in alphabetical order.

Library: A hands-on book museum.

A Branch Library

There is an old fellow named Mark,
Who lives in a tree in the park.
     You can see him each night,
     By his library light,
Turning over the leaves after dark.

by James Montgomery Flagg

“Nothing is pleasanter than exploring a library.” -Walter Savage Landor (1775 - 1864)

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Rita.
Rita, who?
Rita book, you might learn something!

“I have always imagined that paradise will be a kind of library.” -Jorge Luis Borges (1899 - 1986)

Raymond: Why does the ghost go back to the library every day for more books?
Rachelle: Because she goes through them so quickly.

Donald: Why do elephants never pay overdue fines?
Ronald: Elephants always take their library books back on time - they never forget!

“Sometimes you just have to turn the page to realize there is more to your book of life than the pages you’re stuck on. Stop being afraid to move on. Close this chapter of hurt, and never re-read it again. It’s time to get what your life deserves, and move on from the things that don’t deserve you. Don’t spend your days trying to correct your past, instead, let go and let God create something better for your future.” -Author Unknown

“Man is what he reads.” -Joseph Brodsky (Iosif Aleksandrovich Brodsky (1940 - 1996))

Mervin: What is the tallest building in town?
Marvin: The library, of course, because it is full of stories!

A compilation of writings, or ‘anthology,’ is a type of book that typically contains short written works such as quotations, poems, stories, or essays by many different authors, selected by the compiler or editor of the anthology. ‘Anthology’ is derived from the Greek expression for ‘flower gathering.’

Paula: Where does a librarian sleep?
Pamela: Between the covers.

Abibliophobia (ay-bib-li-uh-fo-bee-uh): A persistent fear of being without books.

“I cannot live without books.” -Thomas Jefferson (1743 - 1826): letter (10 June 1885) to John Adams

Samantha: Why was the T-Rex afraid to go to the library?
Samuel: Because her books were sixty million years overdue!

“There’s nothing to match curling up with a good book when there’s a repair job to be done around the house.” -Joe Ryan

“If you believe everything you read, better not read.” -Author Unknown: Japanese proverb

Sign on a bookstore in Jacksonville, Florida: Rare, Out-Of-Print, and Nonexistent Books.

“The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you’ll go.” -Dr. Seuss (Theodor Seuss Geisel (1991)): “I Can Read With My Eyes Shut!” (12 November 1978)

“What time does the library open?” the man on the phone asked. “Nine a.m.,” came the reply. “And what’s the idea of calling me at home in the middle of the night to ask a question like that?” “Not until nine a.m.?” the man asked in a disappointed voice. “No, not until nine a.m.!” the librarian said. “Why do you want to get in before nine a.m.?” “Who said I wanted to get in?” the man sighed. “I want to get out!”

Jimmy: How do librarians catch fish?
Jeremy: With bookworms.

“Sometimes a library of words can’t say what a hug from a friend can.” -Author Unknown

“I always start reading a book in the middle. I get more out of it that way. I not only wonder how it’s going to end, I also wonder how it began.” -Author Unknown

Overheard: Never turn down the opportunity to read a book, they are just movies for smart people.

“I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading contest. I hit a bookmark.” -Steven Wright (Steven Alexander Wright (born in 1955))

“When you give someone a book, you don’t give him just paper, ink, and glue. You give him the possibility of a whole new life.” -Christopher Morley (Christopher Darlington Morley (1890 - 1957))

God wove a web of loveliness,
     Of clouds and stars and birds,
But made not anything at all
     So beautiful as words.
-Anne Hempstead Branch

“The world is like a book, but if you stay home, you only read one page.” -Author Unknown

“The love of reading enables a man to exchange the wearisome hours of life, which come to everyone, for hours of delight.” -Charles de Montesquieu (Charles-Louis de Secondat, Baron de La Brède et de Montesquieu, also known simply as Montesquieu (1689 - 1755))

“An ordinary man can . . . surround himself with two thousand books . . . and thence forward have at least one place in the world in which it is possible to be happy.” -Augustine Birrell (1850 - 1933)

“He who reads is never alone.” -Helder Simone

John Allen Paulos opens his book “Mathematics and Humor” (1980) with a paragraph that contains a story of a friend of his who took a speed-reading course. The friend mentioned this fact in a letter to his mother. His mother responded with a long, chatty letter in the middle of which she wrote, “Now that you’ve taken that speed-reading course, you’ve probably already finished reading this letter.”

“There is no friend as loyal as a book.” -Ernest Hemingway ((1899 - 1961))

Why pay a dollar for a bookmark when you can use the dollar itself as a bookmark?

From 1853 comes a rule to be taken quite seriously: The perfect hostess will see to it that the works of male and female authors be properly separated on her bookshelves. Their proximity, unless they happen to be married, should not be tolerated.

“To acquire the habit of reading is to construct for yourself a refuge from almost all of the miseries of life.” -W. Somerset Maugham (William Somerset Maugham (1874 - 1965))

Ernest Vincent Wright is the author of the novel “Gadsby” (1939). The book contains more than 50,000 words, and the letter ‘e’ is not contained in a single word of the story.

“No matter how busy you may think you are, you must find time for reading, or surrender yourself to self-chosen ignorance.” -Confucius (K’ung Fu-tzu or K’ung Ch’iu (about 551 B.C.E. - about 479 B.C.E.))

“Read the best books first, or you may not have a chance to read them at all.” -Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862)

“Books are no more threatened by Kindle than stairs by elevators.” -Stephen Fry

“You can never be wise unless you love reading.” -Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784): in a letter to Francis Barber, as quoted in Robert de Maria, Junior: “Samuel Johnson and the Life of Reading” (1997)

“A truly great book should be read in youth, again in maturity and once more in old age, as a fine building should be seen by morning light, at noon, and by moonlight.” -Robertson Davies

“Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body.” -Joseph Addison (1672 - 1719)

“What an astonishing thing a book is. It’s a flat object made from a tree with flexible parts on which are imprinted lots of funny dark squiggles. But one glance at it and you’re inside the mind of another person, maybe somebody dead for thousands of years. Across the millennia, an author is speaking clearly and silently inside your head, directly to you. Writing is perhaps the greatest of human inventions, binding together people who never knew each other, citizens of distant epochs. Books break the shackles of time. A book is proof that humans are capable of working magic.” -Carl Sagan (Carl Edward Sagan (1934 - 1996)): “Cosmos” (1980), ‘Part 11: The Persistence of Memory’

“Parents should leave books lying around marked ‘forbidden’ if they want their children to read.” -Doris Lessing (Doris May Lessing (born 1919))

“Some books are to be tasted, others to be swallowed, and some few to be chewed and digested.” -Francis Bacon (1561 - 1626): “Essays” (1597), ‘Of Studies’

“Reading is a basic tool in the living of a good life.” -Mortimer J. Adler (Mortimer Jerome Adler (1902 - 2001))

Reading and Books Facts
- A foreword is usually written by someone other than the book’s author, and is often intended to promote or sell the book and the author’s reputation.
- A preface is an introduction to a book, stating its subject, scope, or aims.
- A table of contents is a list of divisions within a book, such as sections, chapters, or articles, and the numbers of the pages on which they begin.
- An index is an alphabetical list of names, subjects, and so forth, with the numbers of the pages where they can be found, and is usually placed at the end of a book.

“I figured I’d better get it in before we waited another ten years. Fifty-seven years would be embarrassing.” -Robert Nuranen (January 2007), returning a library book that was forty-seven years overdue

“If there’s a book you really want to read, but it hasn’t been written yet, then you must write it.” -Toni Morrison

“He that loves reading has everything within his reach.” -William Godwin (1756 - 1836)

“I have never known any distress that an hour’s reading did not relieve.” -Charles de Montesquieu (Charles-Louis de Secondat, Baron de La Brède et de Montesquieu, also known simply as Montesquieu (1689 - 1755))

“Books will always be your greatest friends. They give you wisdom and advice. They are there when you need them, and quiet when you don’t.” -Author Unknown

“There is no remedy so easy as books, which if they do not give cheerfulness, at least restore quiet to the most troubled mind.” -Mary Wortley Montagu (1689 - 1762)

Reading and Books Quiz
- Why are the pages in books numbered?
- Are the even numbers on the left-hand or right-hand pages of books?
- What is a table of contents?
- What is a preface?
- What is the difference between foreword and forward?
- What is an index?

“Books are no substitute for living, but they can add immeasurably to its richness.” -Mill Hill Arbuthnot

If you were marooned on an island, what three books would you like to have with you?

“You learn to read, and then you read to learn.” -Kirby Smith

“People say that life is the thing, but I prefer reading.” -Logan Pearsall Smith (1865 - 1946)

“A book is a dream that you can hold in your hands.” -Neil Gaiman

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What Readers Can Do

10/22/2018

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What Readers Can Do

Did you know you can do the most marvelous stuff?
You can go around the world and if that’s not enough,
You can travel in time - to the future, to the past,
Be a king, be a queen, be a pirate, Avast!
You can swim with the fishes beneath the blue sea,
And soar the wide sky where the eagles fly free.
All you need is a book - well, maybe a few.
And the magic will happen. It’s what readers can do!

by Douglas Wood

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The Library

10/21/2018

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The Library

It looks like any building
     When you pass it on the street,
Made of stone and glass and marble,
     Made of iron and concrete.

But once inside you can ride
     A camel or a train,
Visit Rome, Siam, or Nome,
     Feel a hurricane,
Meet a king, learn to sing,
     How to bake a pie,
Go to sea, plant a tree,
     Find how airplanes fly,
Train a horse, and of course
     Have all the dogs you’d like,
See the moon, a sandy dune,
     Or catch a whopping pike.
Everything that books can bring
     You’ll find inside these walls.
A world is there for you to share
     When adventure calls.

You cannot tell its magic
     By the way the building looks,
But there’s wonderment within it,
     The wonderment of books.

by Barbara A. Huff

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