Make Fun Of Life!

These Horses Are Seeing Something

6/2/2020

These horses are seeing what is on www.MakeFunOfLife.net and are keenly interested . . . perhaps you will be too . . .

If you came here looking for fun, you are in the right place. Just travel down this page, skipping the topics that might not interest you, until you come to the ones that appeal to you. When you have a moment, be sure to explore some of the other pages shown on the menu bar at the top of this page, including our Life pages, which includes Marriage, and the Silly pages, which includes Nonsense.

This is MFOL! . . . “Be wary of the horse with a sense of humor.” -Pam Brown

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Love

6/1/2020

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Melissa: Do you love me with all your heart?
Fred: Uh-huh.
Melissa: Do you think I am the most beautiful woman in the world?
Fred: Uh-huh.
Melissa: Am I the only one for you?
Fred: Uh-huh.
Melissa: Oh, you say the most wonderful things!

“You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” -Doctor Seuss (Theodor Seuss Geisel (1904 - 1991))

“Where there is great love, there are always miracles.” -Willa Sibert Cather (born Wilella Sibert Cather (1873 - 1947))

“Love is metaphysical gravity.” -R. Buckminster Fuller (1895 - 1983)

“No one is perfect until you fall in love with them.” -Author Unknown

“I love you, not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you.” -Roy Croft (1907 - 1973)

“Love is a verb.” -Clare Boothe Luce (1903 - 1987)

“What we love, we shall grow to resemble.” -Bernard of Clairvaux (C.E. 1090 - C.E. 1153)

“The heart that loves is always young.” -Author Unknown

“Love at first sight is a great time saver.” -Author Unknown

“In the arithmetic of love, one plus one equals everything, and two minus one equals nothing.” -Mignon McLaughlin (1913 - 1983)

“Love is the reward of love.” -Johann Friedrich von Schiller (Johann Christoph Friedrich von Schiller (1759 - 1805))

“Love is space and time measured by the heart.” -Marcel Proust (1871 - 1922)

“Sometimes I wish I was a little child again - because bruised knees heal faster than broken hearts.” -Author Unknown

“Love is never without some thorns.” -Author Unknown

Perfect Love

They walked in the lane together,
     The sky was covered with stars;
They reached the gate in silence,
     He lifted down the bars.
She neither smiled nor thanked him,
     Because she knew not how;
For he was a farmer’s son,
     And she, a Jersey cow.

by Author Unknown

“To be loved, be lovable.” -Ovid (Publius Ovidius Naso) (43 B.C. -17 A.D.)

“I love you more than yesterday, less than tomorrow.” -Edmond Rostand (1868 - 1918)

“Love is like the measles; we all have to go through it.” -Jerome K. Jerome (Jerome Klapka Jerome (1859 - 1927)): “Idle Thoughts of an Idle Fellow” (1886)

“Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that the person will love you back. Do not expect love in return, just wait for it to grow in their hearts but if it does not, be content it grew in yours.” -Author Unknown

Book of Love

If I could read you like a book,
     And if I chanced to steal a look,
I wonder if I’d find that you
     Were just as faithful, and as true
In chapter four, page sixty-seven
     As you were on page eleven?

by Author Unknown

“To love and be loved, is to feel the Sun from both sides.” -David Viscott (1938 - 1996)

“You don’t have to be perfect to be worth loving.” -Harold S. Kushner (Harold Samuel Kushner (born 1935))

“We find rest in those we love, and we provide a resting place in ourselves for those who love us.” -Bernard of Clairvaux (C.E. 1090 - C.E. 1153)

“It’s love that makes the world go ’round.” -W. S. Gilbert (William Schwenck Gilbert (1836 - 1911))

“Love is all we have, the only way that each can help the other.” -Euripides (480 B.C.E. - 406 B.C.E.)

The Opposite of Two

What is the opposite of two?
     A lonely me, a lonely you.

by Richard Wilbur (Richard Purdy Wilbur (born 1921)): “Opposites” (1973)

“All love shifts and changes. I don’t know if you can be wholeheartedly in love all the time.” -Julie Andrews

“True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked.” -Erich Segal

“The heart is a strange beast and not ruled by logic.” -Maria V. Snyder (born 1973)

“What the world really needs is more love and less paper work.” -Pearl Bailey (Pearl Mae Bailey (1918 - 1990)): as quoted in “Weekly World News” (25 April 2005)

“We don’t love qualities; we love a person; sometimes by reason of their defects as well as their qualities.” -Jacques Maritain

“Love the animals, love the plants, love everything. If you love everything, you will perceive the divine mystery in things. Once you perceive it, you will begin to comprehend it better every day. And you will come at last to love the whole world with an all-embracing love.” -Fyodor Dostoevsky (Fyodor Mikhailovich Dostoevsky (1821 - 1881))

“Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; It does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” -Paul of Tarsus: as quoted in “The Bible,” ‘First Corinthians,’ chapter 13, verses 4 through 8

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach.
-Elizabeth Barrett Browning (1806 - 1861): “Sonnets from the Portuguese” (1850)

People have made a silly pastime of holding a daisy and plucking off its petals while saying, “He loves me, he loves me not,” or “She loves me, she loves me not.” Supposedly, the last petal has the answer - but how would a flower know?

“Just because someone does not love you the way you want him or her to, does not mean they do not love you with everything they have got.” -Author Unknown

“Love is a canvas furnished by nature and embroidered by imagination.” -Voltaire (François-Marie Arouet (1694 - 1778))

“We loved with a love that was more than love.” -Edgar Allan Poe (1809 - 1849)

“He was happy and unhappy all at once. He was in love.” -Petra Mathers: “Victor and Christabel” (1993)

Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Olive.
Olive, who?
Olive you!

“The course of true love never did run smooth.” -William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616): “A Midsummer Night’s Dream” (1595), Act I, scene 1, line 140 (words spoken by fictional character Lysander)

“Hearts are wild creatures. That’s why our ribs are cages.” -Author Unknown

Jared: How do you mend a broken heart?
Annie: With ticker tape.

“The great acts of love are done by those who are habitually performing small acts of kindness.” -Victor Hugo (Victor Marie Hugo (1802 - 1885))

Together

Because we do
     All things together
All things improve,
     Even weather.

Our daily meat
     And bread taste better,
Trees are greener,
     Rain is wetter.

by Paul Engle (1908 - 1991)

“To fall in love is awfully simple, but to fall out of love is simply awful.” -Bess Myerson (1924 - 2014)

“Do you love me, warts and all?” -Author Unknown

“Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.” -Robert A. Heinlein (Robert Anson Heinlein (1907 - 1988)): “Stranger in a Strange Land”

“To love someone means to see him as God intended him.” -Fyodor Dostoyevsky (1821 - 1881)

“Love comforteth like sunshine after rain.” -William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616): “Venus and Adonis” (1593), line 821; type of work: narrative poem

“I wish I could turn back the clock. I’d find you sooner and love you longer.” -Author Unknown

“Draw a circle, not a heart, around the one you love, because a heart can break, but a circle goes on forever.” -Danny Kaye (born David Daniel Kaminsky (1911 - 1987))

Love wasn’t put in your heart to stay -
Love isn’t love till you give it away.
-Author Unknown

“When we first fall in love, we feel that we know all there is to know about life, and perhaps we are right.” -Author Unknown

“What power has love but forgiveness?” -William Carlos Williams (1883 - 1963)

Do you love me?
     Or do you not?
You told me once,
     But I forgot.
-Elena Helms

“I’m bananas for you - let’s never split!” -Author Unknown

“Love creates an ‘us’ without destroying the ‘me’.” -Leo Buscaglia (Felice Leonardo ‘Leo’ Buscaglia, also known as Leo F. Buscaglia (1924 - 1998))

“If we deny love that is given to us, if we refuse to give love because we fear pain or loss, then our lives will be empty, our loss greater.” -Author Unknown

“Love you to the Moon and back.” -Author Unknown

“Nobody has ever measured, even poets, how much a heart can hold.” -Zelda Fitzgerald (born Zelda Sayre (1900 - 1948))

“If you wish women to love you, be original; I know a man who used to wear fur hats summer and winter, and women fell in love with him.” -Anton Chekhov (Anton Pavlovich Chekhov (1860 - 1904))

I Love You!

I love you, I love you,
     I love you, I do.
But don’t get excited -
     I love monkeys, too!

by Author Unknown

“At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet.” -Plato (about 427 B.C.E. - 347 B.C.E.): “The Symposium”

“I think . . . if it is true that there are as many minds as there are heads, then there are as many kinds of love as there are hearts.” -Leo Tolstoy (Lev Nikolayevich Tolstoy (1828 - 1910))

“When you love someone, all your saved-up wishes start coming out.” -Elizabeth Bowen (Elizabeth Dorothea Cole Bowen (1899 - 1973))

“Perfect love casts out fear.” -Uell Stanley Andersen (1917 - 1986)

“I love you more than all the stars in the sky.” -Author Unknown

“Who ever lov’d, that lov’d not at first sight?” -Christopher Marlowe (1564 - 1593)

“We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.” -Sam Keen (born 1931)

“We can only learn to love by loving.” -Iris Murdoch (1919 - 1999)

“Do not think that love, in order to be genuine, has to be extraordinary.” -Teresa of Calcutta (also known as Mother Teresa; born Anjezë Gonxhe Bojaxhiu (1910 - 1997))

Overheard: I’ve been looking for you ever since I heard my first fairy tale . . .

“One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life; that word is love.” -Sophocles (496 B.C.E. - 406 B.C.E.)

“What a grand thing, to be loved! What a grander thing still, to love!” -Victor Hugo (Victor Marie Hugo (1802 - 1885))

“Love is by far the most important thing of all.” -Brian Tracy (born 1944)

“The secret of health, happiness, and long life: If you simply learn how to accept and express love, you will live longer . . . be happier . . . grow healthier. For love is a powerful force.” -Alfred A. Montapert (Alfred Armand Montapert (1906 - 1997))

“To love, and to be loved, is the greatest happiness of existence.” -Sydney Smith (1771 - 1845): “Lady Holland’s Memoir” (1855), ‘Of Friendship’

I loved you yesterday,
     I love you still -
I always have,
     I always will.
-Author Unknown

“To acquire love, fill yourself up with it until you become a magnet.” -Charles Haanel (1866 - 1949)

“The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.” -Author Unknown

This is MFOL! . . . where LMLML! (Levity Makes Life More Livable!)

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Road Crossings

5/26/2020

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A chicken crossing the road is ‘poultry in motion.’ But why did the chicken cross the road? Well, it sort of happened this way . . .

Carla: Why did the rubber chicken cross the road?
Marlene: She wanted to stretch her legs.

Gladys: How do you avoid that rundown feeling?
Clementine: Always look both ways before crossing the road!

Sonny: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Grandpa: In my day, we did not ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us. And that chicken would have had to walk barefoot five miles in the snow just to get to that road, too. They just do not make chickens like that anymore!

Austin: How did the egg cross the road?
Ozzie: It scrambled across.

Patrice: Why did it take so long for the elephant to cross the road?
Tricia: Because the chicken had trouble carrying him.

Louisa: Why did the cat cross the road?
Louie: The chicken had to take a day off to rest after carrying the elephant across.

Margaret: Why did the bad speller cross the road?
Margery: Too get two the other side.

Wilbur: Did you hear about the two kangaroos that crossed the road?
Orville: Yes, they jumped into each other’s pouches and were never seen again.

Phillip: Why did the monkey cross the road?
Ophelia: To show he was not chicken.

Gregory: Why did the orange stop in the middle of the road?
Megan: Because it ran out of juice.

Timmy: Why did the raccoon cross the road?
Tammy: Because she was chasing the chicken.

Curtis: Why did Captain Hook cross the road?
Howard: To get to the secondhand shop

Boris: Why did the monster help the little old ghoul across the road?
Doris: Because that is what fiends are for.

Alexander: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Aristotle: To fulfill its nature on the other side.

Minerva: What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?
Minnie: Catching the chickens as they crossed the road.

Harpo Marx: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Groucho Marx: Chicken? What is all this talk about chicken? Why, I had an uncle who thought he was a chicken. My aunt almost left him, but we needed the eggs!

Barbara: Why did the chicken cross the amusement park?
Candace: To get to the other ride.

Millicent: Why did the polar bear cross the road?
Lucinda: To show the alligator that it could be done.

Mirabelle: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Reuben: To get to the other side.

Rhoda: Why did the penguin cross the road?
Ronda: Because the chicken owed it $5.

Adrienne: Why did the woman cross the road?
Addie: So she could get her picture on www.MakeFunOfLife.net and be famous!

Percival: Why did the snake slither across the road?
Perry: To get to the other sss-sss-sss-side!

Mabelle: Why did the cows cross the road?
Bonnie: Because they are always on the moo-ve.

Artie: Why did the cookie cross the road?
Marty: To dunk itself in a glass of milk.

Justin: Why did the cell cross the microscope?
Dustin: To get to the other slide.

Kimberly: Why did the rooster cross the road?
Kimmy: He wanted something to crow about.

Agyrophobia, also called dromophobia, is a persistent fear of roads or of crossing roads. Even when no motor vehicles are present, some sufferers from this affliction still experience fear. Agyrophobia comes from the Greek words ‘gyrus’ meaning ‘turning’ or ‘whirling’ and ‘phobos’ meaning ‘fear,’ while dromophobia is derived from the Greek words ‘dromos’ meaning ‘running’ and ‘phobos’ meaning ‘fear.’ One of the things that could be said about the chicken that crossed the road is that he was not chicken to cross the road - and you should not be either.

Bernard: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Leonard: Just for the fun of it!

Siskel: I don’t know why the chickens crossed the road, but I loved it. Thumbs up!
Ebert: I disagree. The whole thing left the audience wondering; the chickens’ crossing the road was never clearly explained, and the chickens didn’t emote very well. Thumbs down.

Octavius: Why did the frog hop across the road?
Augustus: To see what the chicken was doing!

First Lab Tech: Why did the function cross the road?
Second Lab Tech: Because it was defined on both sides and continuous.

Tina: Why did the sheep cross the road?
Lena: To get to the baaa-baaa shop for a trim.

Doctor McCoy: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Captain James Tiberius Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

Karl: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Ludwig Wittgenstein: The possibility of ‘crossing’ was encoded into the objects ‘chicken’ and ‘road,’ and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.

Paul: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Saul: I don’t know.
Paul: To get to your house!

. . . long awkward pause . . .

Paul: Knock, knock.
Saul: Who’s there?
Paul: It’s the chicken from the last joke!

Amy: Why did the dog cross the road twice?
Annie: She was trying to catch a boomerang.

Beatrice: Why did the pigs cross the road with their laundry?
Tricia: They wanted to do their hogwash.

Kirsten: Why did the rabbit cross the road?
Christina: To get to the hopping mall.

Marv: Why did the shoe cross the road?
Irv: Because it’s on your foot.

Bored? Want to have some fun? Get together with your friends and play ‘The Road Crossing Game.’ Here’s how it works. One of you says, “Why did the __________________ (fill in the blank) cross the road?” The other of you tries to reply with a funny answer. The one who comes up with the best answer has the next turn, and you just keep on going with the game.

Jesse: Why did the duck cross the road?
Bessie: To visit the chicken of course!

Ticket Against Jaywalking Chicken. Ridgecrest, California: A chicken that got a ticket for crossing the road has clawed his way out of it. The $54 (RM205.20) citation for impeding traffic was dismissed after Linc and Helena Moore’s attorney argued that the fowl was domesticated and could not be charged as livestock. State law restricts livestock on highways, but not domestic animals. The chicken was ticketed on 26 March for impeding traffic after it wandered onto a road in Johannesburg, a rural mining town southeast of Ridgecrest. -AP

Jasper: Why did the chicken cross the internet?
Casper: To get to the Make Fun Of Life! Website.

Nick: Why did the seal cross the road?
Vick: To get to the otter side.

Marcella: Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip?
Marc: To get to the same side.

Artemus: Why did the snail cross the road?
Gordon: I don’t know, she hasn’t gotten there yet.

In Quitman, Georgia, United States of America, chickens are actually prohibited by law from crossing the road.

Hugh: Why did the horse cross the road?
Bert: He wanted to visit his neigh-bors.

John: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. A historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such a herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurrence.

Chrissy: Who lumbered across the road?
Lizzie: A lumberjack.

Petula: Why did the chicken nearly stop crossing the road?
Clark: It got tired of everyone making so many jokes!

Henry David Thoreau: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Ralph Waldo Emerson: The chicken did not merely cross the road . . . it transcended the road.

Julian: Why did the turkey cross the road?
Jillian: To go, “Gobble, gobble! Gobble, gobble!” on the other side.

George: Why did the comedian cross the road?
Jerry: To get to the punchline!

Can’t get enough of “Why did the chicken cross the road?” Here are a few more: Because . . . the pedestrian sign was flashing “WALK” and the road was clear of moving vehicles; Farmer Brown was across the road calling out, “Here, chick-chick-chick, here, chick-chick-chick,” while tossing corn around on the ground; go ask your mother; go ask your father; to catch the “L” train; to try the new hot ‘n’ spicy bacon double cheeseburger; to catch the show; she had a bee in her bonnet; to take a closer look at the cow; to feather her nest; to see what was on the other side; because at the time it seemed like a good idea; the sky was falling; to catch a falling star; to buy a copy of the new horror novel “Chicken Soup for the Human Soul”; to try to look important; to make a new friend; she was lost and headed in the wrong direction; to try something new; they told her there was a ham sandwich in it for her; to escape global warming; to escape the coming ice age; she was a good and faithful friend; I’m listening; oh, I love you so much; what was the question again?; it’s a little complicated; the other chickens said it couldn’t be done; we would have to look at it from the chicken’s perspective; what was the question again?; she’d already been around the block; to see what she could see; for the fun of it; it’s a bit of a mystery, isn’t it?; she knew she’d give the farmer nightmares for years to come; another chicken gave her an odd look; I can’t comment on an ongoing investigation; why don’t we go find out; she was certainly a funny bird, that one; truth be told, nobody really knows . . .

Mitchell: Why did the turtle cross the road?
Shelia: To get to the shell station.

Arlene: What happened when the skunks argued while crossing the road?
Aileen: They raised a big stink.

Eunice: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Eustice: Because the other chickens egged her on.

Tips for Safely Crossing Roads
- Stop, look, and listen.
- Wait until the signal shows “WALK” or a human figure lights up.
- Hold hands and stay together.
- Always look both ways before crossing the road.
- Look left, then right, then left again.
- Stay in the crosswalk.
- Cross at intersections and do not cross at other places.
- Be aware that drivers sometimes drive when and where they should not because they are not good drivers.
- Can you think of other tips for safely crossing roads?

Silvia: Why did the dog cross the road?
Ingrid: To get to the barking lot.

Larry: Why did the kiwi fruit run across the road?
Lawrence: Because it was being chased by a pineapple.

Charlotte: Why did the ambitious man cross the road?
Shelly: Because he was chasing his dreams.

Road Crossings Quiz: Who Am I?
1. I waddle across the road.
2. I bounce or roll across the road.
3. I inch across the road.
4. I dribble across the road.
5. I flow across the road.

Alex: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Lacy: Don’t ask me, ask the chicken!

Lenny: Why did the scientist cross the road?
Squiggy: Centrifugal force.

Road Crossings Quiz Answers: Who Am I?
1. I am a duck and I waddle across the road.
2. I am a ball and I bounce or roll across the road.
3. I am an inchworm and I inch across the road.
4. I am a basketball player and I dribble a basketball across the road.
5. I am water and I flow across the road.

Earl: Why did the procrastinator cross the road?
Lee: Because it was supposed to have been done two months ago!

Stop, Look, and Listen

I stop, I look, I listen,
Before I cross the street.
I use my eyes,
I use my ears,
And then I use my feet.

by Author Unknown

Carl: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Claire: Because the early bird catches the worm!

Emily: Why did the spider cross the road?
Amelia: To get to its other web site.

Buzz Aldrin: Have you heard that a chicken has finally crossed the road?
Neil Armstrong: That is one small step for a chicken . . . one giant leap for all poultry-kind.

Someone could make a full-length movie about a chicken crossing the road - how about you? We have much more humor for you on a huge variety of topics on the Make Fun Of Life! Website - just scroll down the page.

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New Beginnings and Second Chances

5/18/2020

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“It’s never too late for a new beginning in your life.” -Joyce Meyer (born 1943)

“Don’t be afraid to start over. It’s a chance to build something better this time.” -Author Unknown

“Every day is a new beginning. Treat it that way. Stay away from what might have been, and look at what can be.” -Marsha Petrie Sue

“In spite of anyone or anything, all it take is you - yourself alone - to grant yourself a second chance.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)

“Big journeys begin with small steps.” -Author Unknown

“Forget the long ago. We are here and we are now, and that is all. We are making a new start.” -Doris Lessing (Doris May Lessing (1919 - 2013))

“Every day is a second chance.” -Author Unknown

“Never too old, never too bad, never too late, never too sick to start from scratch once again.” -Bikram Choudhury

“Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it.” -L. M. Montgomery (Lucy Maud Montgomery (1874 - 1942))

“Dear God of second chances and new beginnings - here I am again!” -Nancy Spielberg

“The best thing you can give someone is a chance.” -Author Unknown

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l i v e ☆ l a u g h ツ www.MakeFunOfLife.net ♥ l o v e ☼ g r o w
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A New Chance

When doubts and fears are growing,
     It’s hard to keep on going
From day to day not knowing
     Just what the end will be.

Take each day as you find it,
     If things go wrong, don’t mind it,
For each day leaves behind it
     A chance to start anew.

by Gertrude Ellgas (Gertrude M. Ellgas (1896 - 1994))

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l i v e  ☆ l a u g h ツ  www.MakeFunOfLife.net  ♥ l o v e  ☼  g r o w
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What is a ‘second chance’? Is it a miracle? Is it an example of love? Is it someone taking a risk?

“Life always offers you a second chance. It’s called tomorrow.” -Author Unknown

“Every good person deserves a chance at a do-over.” -Author Unknown

“We’re given second chances every day of our life. We don’t usually take them, but they’re there for the taking.” -Andre Greely

Should life include more do-overs and second chances, for good people?

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l i v e  ☆ l a u g h ツ  www.MakeFunOfLife.net  ♥ l o v e  ☼  g r o w
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New Beginnings

It’s only the beginning now
     . . . a pathway yet unknown
At times the sound of other steps
     . . . sometimes we walk alone.

The best beginnings of our lives
     May sometimes end in sorrow
But even on our darkest days
     The Sun will shine tomorrow.

So we must do our very best
     Whatever life may bring
And look beyond the Winter chill
     To smell the breath of Spring.

Into each life will always come
     A time to start anew
A new beginning for each heart
     As fresh as morning dew.

Although the cares of life are great
     And hands are bowed so low
The storms of life will leave behind
     The wonder of a rainbow.

The years will never take away
     Our chance to start anew
It’s only the beginning now
     So dreams can still come true.

by Gertrude B. McClain

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“Vitality shows in not only the ability to persist but the ability to start over.” -F. Scott Fitzgerald (Francis Scott Key Fitzgerald (1896 - 1940))

“Then Peter came and said to him, ‘Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I ought to still forgive him? As many as seven times?’ Jesus said to him, ‘I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.’” -“The Bible,” ‘Gospel of Matthew,’ chapter 18, verse 22

By way of further explanation, Peter desired to go beyond what the religious leaders of the time and place did, for they would only forgive a person as many as three times. Peter thought he could do more, so he asked Jesus if he ought to forgive his brother, “as many as seven times.” Jesus replied, “seventy times seven,” meaning we are to forgive our brothers and sisters in Christ as often as they need to be forgiven. Second chances are not something we seek for ourselves alone, but which we also are to give lovingly to others.

“It’s never too late never too late to start over, never too late to be happy.” -Jane Fonda

“Every single moment of a person’s life, both of the understanding and of the will, is a new beginning.” -Emanuel Swedenborg

“I think I finally understand life - it is an endeavor, a path, a road, a journey, that starts anew with each step . . . every golden moment is a new beginning, every golden moment is another chance to begin again.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)

This is MFOL! . . . it’s magic . . . it really is . . . well, almost . . .

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Writing and Writers

5/15/2020

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If you could write something to change the world, what would it be?

“The best way to become acquainted with a subject is to write a book about it.” -Benjamin Disraeli (1804 - 1881)

“Writing is like walking in a deserted street. Out of the dust in the street you make a mud pie.” -John LeCarre

Not like Homer would I write,
     Not like Dante if I might,
Not like Shakespeare at his best,
     Not like Goethe or the rest,
Like myself, however small,
     Like myself, or not at all.
-William Allingham (1824 - 1889)

“Words are an inexpensive, and an extremely fun, plaything.” -Author Unknown

A four-year-old girl was diligently pounding away on her daddy’s old computer. She informed him that she was writing a story. “What is your story about?” he asked. “I don’t know,” she answered. “I can’t read.”

“If there’s a book you want to read but it hasn’t been written yet, then you must write it.” -Toni Morrison (born 1931)

“When I left home, my mum said, ‘Don’t forget to write.’ I thought, ‘That’s unlikely . . . It’s a basic skill, isn’t it . . .’” -Timothy Mark ‘Tim’ Vine (born 1967)

“I can shake off everything if I write; my sorrows disappear, my courage is reborn.” -Anne Frank (Annelies Marie ‘Anne’ Frank (1929 - 1945)): “Diary of a Young Girl” (1952), entry for 4 April 1944

Hugh: Hey, did you hear Stu’s writing a book?
Lou: Why doesn’t he just buy one? It’s faster.

“The only thing I was fit for was to be a writer, and this notion rested solely on my suspicion that I would never be fit for real work, and that writing didn’t require any.” -Russell Baker (Russell Wayne Baker (1925 - 2019))

“When audiences come to see us authors lecture, it is largely in the hope that we’ll be funnier to look at than to read.” -Sinclair Lewis (1885 - 1951)

“Writing is the hardest way of earning a living, with the possible exception of wrestling alligators.” -Olin Miller (1918 - 2002)

“Writers are a little below the clowns and a little above the trained seals.” -John Steinbeck (John Ernst Steinbeck, Junior (1902 - 1968))

“Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing.” -Benjamin Franklin (Benjamin ‘Ben’ Franklin (1706 - 1790))

“Oliver Herford once dropped a remark in a little group of writers who were telling how much trouble they took with their work. One said he sometimes took weeks working over a single chapter. Another said, ‘That’s nothing, I sometimes spend days struggling with a single paragraph.’ ‘And I,’ said Oliver in his faraway voice, ‘frequently spend months polishing a single word.’” -Curtis Brown

“What is written without effort is in general read without pleasure.” -Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784)

Helga: What are you doing?
Glenn: I’m writing a book.
Helga: What’s it about?
Glenn: Everything!

“Why had I become a writer in the first place? Because I wasn’t fit for society; I didn’t fit into the system.” -Brian Wilson Aldiss (1925 - 2017)

“Editing is a rewording activity.” -Author Unknown

The first novel written on a typewriter was “Tom Sawyer” (1876) by Mark Twain (pseudonym of Samuel Langhorne Clemens (1835 - 1910)).

Of all those arts in which the wise excel
Nature’s chief masterpiece is writing well.
-John Sheffield

“It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn’t give it up because by that time I was too famous.” -Robert Benchley (Robert Charles Benchley (1889 - 1945))

“For several days after my first book was published, I carried it about in my pocket, and took surreptitious peeps at it to make sure that the ink had not faded.” -James Matthew Barrie (1860 - 1937): speech (26 May 1922) at the Critics’ Circle in London, England

“Anyone who can think clearly can write clearly. But neither is easy.” -William Feather (1889 - 1981): “The Business of Life” (1949)

But words are things, and a small drop of ink,
Falling like dew, upon a thought, produces
That which makes thousands, perhaps millions, think.
-George Gordon Noel Byron (1788 - 1824): “Don Juan” (1818 - 1824), stanza 88
Often paraphrased as, “A drop of ink may make a million think.” -George Gordon Noel Byron (1788 - 1824)

“The only end of writing is to enable the readers better to enjoy life, or better to endure it.” -Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784)

“A writer is someone for whom writing is much harder than it is for the others.” -Ken Laws

“Every writer I know has trouble writing.” -Joseph Heller (1923 - 1999)

“I have tried simply to write the best I can; sometimes I have good luck and write better than I can.” -Ernest Hemingway (Ernest Miller Hemingway (1899 - 1961))

“The Pythagorean Theorem employed 24 words, the Lord’s Prayer has 66 words, Archimedes Principle has 67 words, the 10 Commandments have 179 words, the Gettysburg Address has 286 words, the Declaration of Independence has 1,300 words, and finally the European Commission’s regulation on the sale of cabbage: 26,911 words.” -Author Unknown

“A great many people now reading and writing would be better employed keeping rabbits.” -Edith Sitwell (1887 - 1964)

“I write because I don’t know what I think until I read what I say.” -Flannery O’Connor (Mary ‘Flannery’ O’Connor (1925 - 1964))

“I have very little of Mr. Blake’s company; he is always in “Paradise.”“ -Mrs. William Blake

“Writing isn’t hard, no harder than ditchdigging.” -Patrick Dennis

“I am, really, a great writer; my only difficulty is in finding great readers.” -Frank Harris (born James Thomas Harris (1855 - 1931)): as quoted in George Jean Nathan: “The World of George Jean Nathan” (1952), page 252

“I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.” -A. J. Liebling (Abbott Joseph ‘A. J.’ Liebling (1904 - 1963))

“The circumstance which gives authors an advantage above all these great masters, is this, that they can multiply their originals; or rather, can make copies of their works, to what number they please, which shall be as valuable as the originals themselves.” -Joseph Addison (1672 - 1719)

Writer: A wordsmith.

“To write well is to think well, feel well, and to render well; it is to possess at once intellect, soul, and taste.” -George Louis Buffon

“Writing is the only profession where no one considers you ridiculous if you earn no money.” -Jules Renard (1864 - 1910)

“It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents - except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness.” -Edward George Earl Bulwer-Lytton (Edward George Earle Lytton Bulwer-Lytton (1803 - 1873)): “Paul Clifford” (1830)

Writer: A word-dispensing machine.

“Altogether, the style of a writer is a faithful representative of his mind; therefore, if any man wish to write a clear style, let him be first clear in his thoughts; and if any would write in a noble style, let him first possess a noble soul.” -Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832) (14 April 1824): as quoted in “Conversations of Goethe with Eckermann and Soret” (1850)

“He has left off reading altogether, to the great improvement of his originality.” -Charles Lamb (1775 - 1834)

“Writing and rewriting are a constant search for what it is one is saying.” -John Updike (John Hoyer Updike (1932 - 2009))

“A man would do well to carry a pencil in his pocket and write down the thoughts of the moment. Those that come unsought for are commonly the most valuable, and should be secured, because they seldom return.” -Francis Bacon (1561 - 1626): as attributed in E. Bridgewater: “Extracts from Ancient and Modern Authors” (1828)

Ernest Vincent Wright was born in 1872. He was an American writer. He is known as the author of the 50,000-word book, “Gadsby” (1939), which does not contain the letter ‘e,’ except in the introduction and in a note at the end of the book. Ernest Vincent Wright passed on at about 67 years of age on 7 October 1939.

“Le Train de Nulle Part” (English: “The Train from Nowhere”) (2004) is a 233-page novel by a Frenchman named Michel Dansel, published under the pseudonym Michel Thaler. Set on a train, it features a series of caustic cameos of fellow passengers who, while not doing much, somehow bring out the vitriol in Thaler’s pen. It contains lengthy passages of flowery prose, but not a lot of action. A notable example of constrained writing, the novel does not contain a single verb. Thaler says he loves words, but not verbs. “The verb is like a weed in a field of flowers. You have to get rid of it to allow the flowers to grow and flourish. Take away the verbs and the language speaks for itself.”

“There are a thousand thoughts lying within a man that he does not know till he takes up the pen to write.” -William Makepeace Thackeray (1811 - 1863)

“I am always at a loss to know how much to believe of my own stories.” -Washington Irving (1783 - 1859)

What is a ‘nom de plume’? A nom de plume (pronounced as näm də ˈplo͞om/) is a type of pseudonym. Pseudonyms are names people use for their professional work, typically that of a creative or entertainment nature. For example, actors use stage names, and writers use pen names.

“A man named Samuel Langhorne Clemens named his pen ‘Mark Twain,’ and then claimed credit for all of the things his pen wrote, using his hand.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)

“The pen is mightier than the sword.” -Edward George Earle Bulwer-Lytton (Edward George Earle Lytton Bulwer-Lytton (1803 - 1873)): “Richelieu,” II, ii (1839)

“There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.” -W. Somerset Maugham (William Somerset Maugham (1874 - 1965))

“‘Harry Potter’ author J.K. Rowling says she might not stop at 7 books and might make an 8th book about Harry as an adult. When asked why, she said, ‘There’s still money in the world that I don’t have yet’.” -Conan O’Brien

“I write when I’m inspired, and I see to it that I’m inspired at nine o’clock every morning.” -Peter DeVries

“A man may write at any time, if he will set himself doggedly to it.” -Samuel Johnson: as quoted in Boswell: “The Journal of a Tour to the Hebrides with Samuel Johnson, LL.D.” (1775)

“If you can’t annoy somebody, there’s little point in writing.” -Kingsley William Amis

“Your manuscript is both good and original, but the part that is good is not original and the part that is original is not good.” -Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784)

“To write a book is a task needing only pen ink and paper; to print a book is rather more difficult because genius often expresses itself illegibly; to read a book is more difficult still for one has to struggle with sleep; but to sell a book is the most difficult task of all.” -Frank Mumny

“Unprovided with original learning, unformed in the habits of thinking, unskilled in the arts of composition, I resolved to write a book.” -Edward Gibbon

“I take the view and always have that if you cannot say what you are going to say in twenty minutes, you ought to go away and write a book about it.” -Reginald Lord Brabazon

“Writing is manual labor of the mind: a job like laying pipe.” -John Gregory Dunne

“The secret of successful writing lies in striking the right keys on the typewriter.” -Evan Esar

“I never understand anything until I have written about it.” -Horace Walpole

“Novelists do not write as birds sing, by the push of nature. It is part of the job that there should be much routine and some daily stuff on the level of carpentry.” - William Golding (1911 - 1993): “Rough Magic” (16 February 1977) lecture

“Write without pay until somebody offers pay. If nobody offers within three years the candidate may look upon this circumstance with the most implicit confidence as the sign that sawing wood is what he was intended for.” -Mark Twain (pseudonym of Samuel Langhorne Clemens (1835 - 1910))

“That writer does the most who gives his reader the most knowledge and takes from him the least time.” -Charles Caleb Colton

“The fact that writers will go through so much to remain writers says something perhaps everything. It would be far easier (and nearly always more profitable) to become a real estate agent.” -Maria Lenhart

“I always tell people that I became a writer not because I went to school but because my mother took me to the library. I wanted to become a writer so I could see my name in the card catalog.” -Sandra Cisneros

This is MFOL! . . . brought to you by the magic of words . . . each one a tiny magician with hidden superpowers . . .

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Risks and Rewards

5/6/2020

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All things considered, activities such as skydiving are less dangerous to your health and longevity than eating starchy foods and staring at a computer screen day after day . . . give yourself a break!

“When we try to be safe, we live our lives being very, very careful; and we wind up having no lives.” -Byron Katie (Byron Kathleen ‘Katie’ Mitchell (born 1942))

“Nothing ventured, nothing gained.” -John Heywood (1497 - 1580): “A Dialogue of Proverbs” (1546)

“You have to be careful about being too careful.” -Beryl Pfizer (1928 - 2016)

“Wanted: Young, skinny, wiry fellows not over 18. Must be expert riders willing to risk death daily. Orphans preferred. Wages $25 per week.” -Author Unknown: Pony Express advertisement (1860)

“What is life, but one long risk?” -Dorothy Canfield Fisher (1879 - 1958)

“Of all forms of caution, caution in love is perhaps the most fatal to true happiness.” -Bertrand Russell (Bertrand Arthur William Russell (1872 - 1970))

“I risked much, but I made much.” -P. T. Barnum (Phineas Taylor Barnum (1810 - 1891))

“All men’s gains are the fruit of venturing.” -Herodotus (484 B.C.E. - 425 B.C.E.)

“The greatest rewards in life go to the risk takers.” -Jim McCormick (James ‘Jim’ McCormick (1856 - 1918))

“Don’t be afraid to take a big step if one is indicated. You can’t cross a chasm in two small jumps.” -David Lloyd George (1863 - 1945)

“They say we are all one risk away from being financially independent.” -Author Unknown

“‘You’ve got to be able to make those daring leaps or you’re nowhere,’ said Muskrat.” -Russell Hoban (Russell Conwell Hoban (1925 - 2011)): “The Mouse and His Child” (1967)

The Cautious Man

There was a very cautious man
     Who never laughed or played.
He never risked, he never tried,
     He never sang or prayed.
And when he one day passed away,
     His insurance was denied.
For since he never really lived,
     They claimed he never died.

by Author Unknown

“Ever since I started flying jets I’ve been driving cars slower and slower. I can’t explain why - just cautious.” -James Jabara (1923 - 1966)

“Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.” -Karl Wallenda (1905 - 1978)

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Aaron!
Aaron, who?
Aaron on the side of caution!

“If you want something you have never had, you must be willing to do something you have never done.” -Hank Aaron (Henry Louis ‘Hank’ Aaron (born 1934))

“Stop being afraid of what could go wrong, and start being excited about what could go right.” -Author Unknown

“There is no security on this Earth; there is only opportunity.” -Douglas MacArthur (1880 - 1964)

“And the trouble is, if you don’t risk anything, you risk even more.” -Erica Jong (Erica Mann Jong (born 1942))

“There’s as much risk in doing nothing as in doing something.” -Trammell Crow (Fred ‘Trammell’ Crow (1914 - 2009))

“Never let the odds keep you from doing what you know in your heart you were meant to do.” -H. Jackson Brown, Junior (Harriett Jackson Brown, Junior (born 1940))

“The greatest risk is to risk nothing at all.” -Leo Buscaglia (Felice Leonardo ‘Leo’ Buscaglia, also known as Leo F. Buscaglia (1924 - 1998))

“There’s no such thing as a risk-free life.” -Author Unknown

“Just remember, kid: if it doesn’t kill you, it makes a great story later on.” -Adam Savage (Adam Whitney Savage (born 1967))

“Take risks - if you win, you will be happy; if you lose, you will be wise.” -Author Unknown

“You fail by not taking risks.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)

“Land is always in the mind of the flying birds.” -Author Unknown

“Better hazard once than always be in fear.” -Thomas Fuller (1608 - 1661)

“The only way to be absolutely safe is never to try anything for the first time.” -Magnus Pyke (Magnus Alfred Pyke (1908 - 1992))

“If you’re never scared or embarrassed or hurt, it means you never take any chances.” -Julia Sorel (pseudonym of Rosalyn Drexler): “See How She Runs” (1978)

“Great deeds are usually wrought at great risks.” -Herodotus (484 B.C.E. - 425 B.C.E.)

“Anything can be achieved in small, deliberate steps. But there are times you need the courage to take a great leap; you can’t cross a chasm in two small jumps.” -David Lloyd George (1863 - 1945)

“It is only by risking our persons from one hour to another that we live at all. And often enough our faith beforehand in an uncertified result is the only thing that makes the result come true.” -William James (1842 - 1910): “Is Life Worth Living?” (1895)

“Security is not the meaning of my life. Great opportunities are worth the risk.” -Shirley Hufstedler (Shirley Ann Mount Hufstedler (1925 - 2016))

“Don’t be careful. You could hurt yourself.” -Byron Katie (Byron Kathleen ‘Katie’ Mitchell (born 1942))

“Half the failures of this world arise from pulling in one’s horse as he is leaping.” -Augustus Hare (Augustus William Hare (1792 - 1834))

“Playing it safe is the riskiest choice we can ever make.” -Sarah Ban Breathnach (born 1947)

“Take calculated risks. That is quite different from being rash.” -George S. Patton (George Smith Patton, Junior (1885 - 1945))

“Unless a man undertakes more than he possibly can do, he will never do all that he can.” -Henry Drummond (1851 - 1897)

“Don’t play for safety. It’s the most dangerous thing in the world.” -Hugh Walpole (Hugh Seymour ‘Hugh’ Walpole (1884 - 1941))

“Every noble acquisition is attended with its risks; he who fears to encounter the one must not expect to obtain the other.” -Pietro Metastasio (pseudonym of Pietro Antonio Domenico Trapassi (1698 - 1782))

“Leap, and the net will appear.” -John Burroughs (1837 - 1921)

“Look before you leap.” -Robert Greene (1558 - 1592): “Greenes Never Too Late” (1590)

“The policy of being too cautious is the greatest risk of all.” -Jawaharlal Nehru (1889 - 1964)

“When you play it too safe, you’re taking the biggest risk of your life. Time is the only wealth we’re given.” -Barbara Sher (born 1935)

“Naught venture, naught have.” -Thomas Tusser (about 1524 - 1580)

“If no one ever took risks, Michelangelo would have painted the Sistine floor.” -Neil Simon (Marvin ‘Neil’ Simon (1927 - 2018))

“There is no safety. Only varying degrees of risk.” -Lois McMaster Bujold (born 1949)

“Playing safe is probably the most unsafe thing in the world. You cannot stand still. You must go forward.” -Robert Collier (1885 - 1950)

“He that would have the fruit must climb the tree.” -Thomas Fuller (1654 - 1734): “Gnomologia: Adages and Proverbs” (1732)

“Risk! Risk anything! Care no more for the opinion of others, for those voices. Do the hardest thing on Earth for you. Act for yourself.” -Katherine Mansfield (Katherine Mansfield Beauchamp Murry (1888 - 1923)): “Journal” (14 October 1922)

“If you don’t live on the edge, you can’t see the view.” -Vicky Corrington

“Take a risk a day - one small or bold stroke that makes you feel great once you’ve done it.” -Susan Jeffers (1938 - 2012)

Who Am I?

Who am I?
Where you go, I go.
I am always there,
I am built into everything.
Though perhaps you think of me not,
Though perhaps you do not even know,
I am dangerous.
There are stairs to fall down,
Curbs to trip over.
Falling trees.
Yet also new friendships, gardens to grow.
There is rejection, failure, disappointment.
There is acceptance, success, satisfaction.
I await you in every new attempt.
I am every risk you take,
And every risk you do not take.

by David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)

“Yes, risk taking is inherently failure-prone. Otherwise, it would be called sure-thing-taking.” -Tim McMahon (born 1949)

“The successful man is the one who had the chance and took it.” -Roger Babson (1875 - 1967)

“If you’re not living on the edge, you’re taking up too much space.” -Colin Cowherd (Colin Murray Cowherd (born 1964))

“Take risks: if you win, you will be happy; if you lose, you will be wise.” -Author Unknown

“The biggest risk you will ever take is not taking one at all.” -Author Unknown

“Take a chance! All life is a chance. The man who goes farthest is generally the one who is willing to do and dare.” -Dale Carnegie (Dale Harbison Carnegie (born Dale Breckenridge Carnagey (1888 - 1955)))

“If you take no risks, you’ll never be hurt, but you won’t really live, either.” -James Shiovitz (James Lowell Shiovitz (born 1949))

“It is not given us to live lives of undisrupted calm, boredom, and mediocrity. It is given us to be edge-dwellers.” -Jay Deacon (F. Jay Deacon)

“Live dangerously and you live right.” -Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832)

“We fail more often by timidity than by over-daring.” -David Grayson (1870 - 1946)

“The secret for harvesting from existence the greatest fruitfulness and greatest enjoyment is - to live dangerously!” -Friedrich Nietzsche (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche (1844 - 1900)): “Die fröhliche Wissenschaft” (English: “The Gay Science”) (1882), book 4

“If you risk nothing, then you risk everything.” -Geena Davis (Virginia Elizabeth ‘Geena’ Davis (born 1956))

“The chief danger in life is that you may take too many precautions.” -Alfred Adler (1870 - 1937): as attributed in Ichak Adizes: “How to Solve the Mismanagement Crisis” (1979)

Affirmation: “I will subject myself to life’s challenges so that I may know the grace of survival.” -Author Unknown

Overheard: Take a chance; you never know what might happen.

“Who dares nothing, need hope for nothing.” -Johann von Schiller (Johann Christoph Friedrich von Schiller (1759 - 1805)): “Don Carlos” (1787) play

“The biggest rewards usually go to those who take the biggest risks.” -Author Unknown

“Of course risk taking does not always pay off. But it’s a lot of fun!” -Mary Wesley (born Mary Aline Mynors Farmar (1912 - 2002))

“He that is overcautious will accomplish nothing.” [translation to English]
“Wer gar zu viel bedenkt, wird wenig leisten.” [original German]
-Friedrich von Schiller (Johann Christoph Friedrich von Schiller (1759 - 1805)): “Wilhelm Tell” (1804)

“The desire for security stands against every great and noble enterprise.” -Tacitus (about C.E. 56 - about C.E. 120)

“Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.” -T. S. Eliot (Thomas Stearns Eliot (1888-1965))

“If it’s both terrifying and amazing, then you should definitely pursue it.” -Erada Svetlana

“It is when we all play safe that we create a world of utmost insecurity.” -Dag Hammarskjöld (1905 - 1961)

“Without the very few risk takers who risk it all, none of us would enjoy freedom, because tyrants and oppressors are tireless and fearless in their determination to control humanity and the world, and the majority will do absolutely nothing to stop them.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)

“If you don’t take risks, you will always work for someone who does.” -Author Unknown

“Life is inherently risky. There is only one big risk you should avoid at all costs, and that is the risk of doing nothing.” -Denis Waitley (Denis E. Waitley (born 1933))

“Everything is a risk. What if it doesn’t work out? Oh - but what if it does?” -Mary Engelbreit (born 1952)

“Dare to be what you ought to be; dare to be what you dream to be; dare to be the finest you can be. The more you dare, the surer you will be of gaining just what you dare!” -Norman Vincent Peale (1898 - 1993)

This is MFOL! . . . the website for hard-working people like you . . .

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Wishes and Wishing

4/30/2020

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Have you ever made a wish on a dandelion flower that has gone to seed, and then blew the tiny seed tufts into the breeze?

“Few wishes come true by themselves.” -June Smith

“Make a wish . . . then make it happen!” -Author Unknown

“We can do whatever we wish to do, provided our wish is strong enough. But the tremendous effort needed - one doesn’t always want to make it - does one? . . . But what else can be done? What’s the alternative? What do you want most to do? That’s what I have to keep asking myself, in the face of difficulties.” -Katherine Mansfield (Katherine Mansfield Beauchamp Murry (1888 - 1923))

Wishes

If wishes were horses,
     beggars would ride.
If turnips were watches,
     I’d wear one by my side.
If ‘ifs’ and ‘ands’
     Were pots and pans,
There’d be no work
     for tinkers’ hands!

by Author Unknown

“They told us not to wish in the first place, not to aspire, not to try; to be quiet, to play nice, to shoot low, and aspire not at all. They are always wrong. Follow your dreams. Make your wishes. Create the future. And above all, believe in yourself.” -J. Michael Straczynski

“A wish is a desire without an attempt.” -Author Unknown: as quoted in “Reader’s Digest”

“It is always wise to stop wishing for things long enough to enjoy the fragrance of those now flowering.” -Patricia Clafford (Mary ‘Patricia’ (Wise) Clafford (1900 - 1998))

“Wishes are the echo of a lazy will.” -Author Unknown

It’s your birthday . . . make a secret wish and blow out the candles! What did you wish for - wait, it’s a ‘secret’ wish, so you can’t tell anyone or it might not come true!

“Work will win when wishy washy wishing won’t.” -Thomas S. Monson (born 1927)

“Any Fish You Wish.” -Author Unknown: sign at Larry’s Fish House in the movie “The Flamingo Kid” (21 December 1984)

This one makes a net,
     this one stands and wishes.
Would you like to make a bet -
     which one gets the fishes?
-Author Unknown

“Stop saying, ‘I wish,’ and start saying, ‘I will.’” -Author Unknown

“You can’t cross the sea merely by standing and staring at the water. Don’t let yourself indulge in vain wishes.” -Rabindranath Tagore (1861 - 1941)

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l i v e ☆ l a u g h ツ www.MakeFunOfLife.net ♥ l o v e ☼ g r o w
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Away with Wishing!

If wishing were being, we’d all be beautiful,
     Healthy and wealthy, wise and dutiful;
If wishing were having - what pleasure untold;
     With a heartful of joy and purseful of gold!

But wishes, alas! are but empty bubbles,
     And the longing heart may teem with troubles,
So idle wishing is vain, forsooth
     As the endless search for the fountain of youth.

But work that holds wealth may be had for the taking,
     Though it may not bring health, ’tis a balm for heart-aching;
And study makes wise, and love, people say,
     Gives the beauty that’s truest, which lasts for aye.

Then away with wishing; and ho! for labor!
     And ho! for love - each one for his neighbor!
For a life of labor and study and love
     Is the life that fits for the joy above.

by Emma C. Dowd (1851 - 1938)

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l i v e ☆ l a u g h ツ www.MakeFunOfLife.net ♥ l o v e ☼ g r o w
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“Don’t wish for it . . . work for it!” -Author Unknown

“We will receive not what we idly wish for but what we justly earn. Our rewards will always be in exact proportion to our service.” -Earl Nightingale (1921 - 1989)

“You don’t get what you want in life just by wishing.” -Author Unknown

“Many of us spend half our time wishing for things we could have if we didn’t spend half our time wishing.” -Alexander Woollcott (Alexander Humphreys Woollcott (1887 - 1943))

“We wish upon stars, coins tossed into fountains and wishing wells, birthday candles, wishbones, and dandelion tufts . . . perhaps it is time we placed our wishes upon hard work and made our dreams come true.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)

“You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it come true. You may have to work for it, however.” -Richard Bach (Richard David Bach (born 1936)): “Illusions” (1977)

We are MFOL! . . . may your every good wish come true . . .

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Habits and Routines

4/25/2020

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“Consider carefully all things that you do, because a single choice - even if you tell yourself it will be only just this once - can begin the establishment of either a good or a bad habit.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)

“It takes a few weeks of work to build a new habit. Once the habit is in place, it must be guarded diligently to prevent a reversion to the old ways, but keeping watch is not stressful or difficult once the new habit is secure.” -Charlotte Mason

Good Habit

I dreamed that I found a good habit,
It scurried and skipped like a rabbit.
     It was shiny and neat,
     Polite and quite sweet,
But escaped when I reached out to grab it.

by Author Unknown

“Focus on the good habit you want to do, not the bad habit you don’t want to do. Overcome the bad with good.” -Joyce Meyer (born Pauline Joyce Hutchison (born 1943))

“All bad habits start gradually and before you know you have the habit, the habit has you.” -Zig Ziglar (Hilary Hinton ‘Zig’ Ziglar (1926 - 2012))

“Folks with good habits also seem to have most of the good luck.” -Author Unknown: as quoted in “The Country Parson”

“Habits of thinking need not be forever. One of the most significant findings in psychology in the last twenty years is that individuals can choose the way they think.” -Martin Seligman (Martin E. P. ‘Marty’ Seligman (born 1942)): “Learned Optimism” (1991)

“Habits form character and character is destiny.” -Joseph Kaines: “Our Daily Faults and Failings” (21 October 1883) address

Habit

How shall I a habit break?
     As you did that habit make.
As you gathered, you must lose;
     As you yielded, now refuse.
Thread by thread the strands we twist
     Till they bind us, neck and wrist.
Thread by thread the patient hand
     Must untwine, ere free we stand.
As we builded, stone by stone,
     We must toil, unhelped, alone,
     Till the wall is overthrown.

by John Boyle O’Reilly (1844 - 1890): “A Builder’s Lesson”

“Repetition of the same thought or physical action develops into a habit which, repeated frequently enough, becomes an automatic reflex.” -Norman Vincent Peale (1898 - 1993)

“Every grown-up man consists wholly of habits, although he is often unaware of it and even denies having any habits at all.” -Georges Gurdjieff (1866 - 1949)

“You’ll never change your life until you change something you do daily. The secret of your success is found in your daily routine.” -John C. Maxwell (John Calvin Maxwell (born 1947))

“Everybody ought to do at least two things each day that he hates to do, just for practice.” -William James (1842 - 1910)

“Any act often repeated soon forms a habit: and habit allowed, steadily gains in strength. At first it may be but as the spider’s web, easily broken through, but if not resisted it soon binds us with chains of steel.” -Tryon Edwards (1809 - 1894): as quoted in Tryon Edwards, editor: “A Dictionary of Thoughts: Being a Cyclopedia of Laconic Quotations from the Best Authors of the World, Both Ancient and Modern” (1891), page 212

“Curious things, habits. People themselves never knew they had them.” -Agatha Christie (Agatha Mary Clarissa Christie (1890 - 1976))

“Make it a point to do something every day that you don’t want to do. This is the golden rule for acquiring the habit of doing your duty without pain.” -Mark Twain (Samuel Langhorne Clemens (1835 - 1910)): “Following the Equator” (1897)

“Powerful indeed is the empire of habit.” -Syrus (Publilius Syrus (85 B.C.E. - 43 B.C.E.))

“Cultivate only the habits that you are willing should master you.” -Elbert Hubbard (Elbert Green Hubbard (1856 - 1915))

“The fixity of habit is generally in direct proportion to its absurdity.” -Marcel Proust (1871 - 1922)

Each year one vicious habit rooted out,
In time might make the worst Man good throughout.
-Benjamin Franklin (1706 - 1790): “Poor Richard’s Almanack” (1738)

“Habit, if not resisted, soon becomes necessity.” -Augustine of Hippo (also known as Aurelius Augustinus Hipponensis (C.E. 354 - C.E. 430)): as quoted in James Wood, editor: “Dictionary of Quotations from Ancient and Modern, English and Foreign Sources” (1899), page 138

“Only a habit can subdue another habit.” -Og Mandino (Augustine ‘Og’ Mandino II (1923 - 1996)): “The Greatest Salesman in the World” (1968)

“The unfortunate thing about this world is that the good habits are much easier to give up than the bad ones.” -W. Somerset Maugham (William Somerset Maugham (1874 - 1965))

“Good habits once established are just as hard to break as bad habits.” -Robert Puller

To rise at six, to dine at ten,
To sup at six, to sleep at ten,
Makes a man live for ten times ten.
-Author Unknown: inscription in Victor Hugo’s study

“Good habits result from resisting temptation.” -Author Unknown

“A nail is driven out by another nail, habit is overcome by habit.” [English translation]
“Clavus clavo pellitur, consuetudo consuetudine vincitur.” [original Latin]
-Erasmus (Desiderius Gerhard Erasmus (1469 - 1536)): “Diluculum”

“Old habits are strong and jealous.” -Dorothea Brande (1893 - 1948)

“Habit is a cable; we weave a thread each day, and at last we cannot break it.” -Horace Mann (1796 - 1859)

“Choose always the way that seems the best, however rough it may be; custom will soon render it easy and agreeable.” -Pythagoras of Samos (about 570 B.C.E. - about 496 B.C.E.): as quoted in Tryon Edwards, editor: “A Dictionary of Thoughts: Being a Cyclopedia of Laconic Quotations from the Best Authors of the World, both Ancient and Modern” (1908), page 101

“It seems, in fact, as though the second half of a man’s life is made up of nothing but the habits he has acquired during the first half.” - Fyodor Dostoevsky (Fyodor Mikhailovich Dostoevsky (1821 - 1881))

“We are what we repeatedly do.” -Aristotle (384 B.C.E. - 322 B.C.E.)

“A habit is something you can do without thinking - which is why most of us have so many of them.” -Frank A. Clark (Frank Atherton Clark (1911 - 1991))

“Bad habits are easier to abandon today than tomorrow.” -Author Unknown: Yiddish proverb

In ways and thoughts of weakness and of wrong,
Threads turn to cords, and cords to cables strong.
-Isaac Williams (1802 - 1865): “The Baptistery, Or the Way of Eternal Life” (1842 - 1844), ‘Image 18’

“Not for nothing is habit called a second and a kind of manufactured nature.” -Augustine of Hippo (also known as Aurelius Augustinus Hipponensis (C.E. 354 - C.E. 430)): “On Music” (C.E. 389), Book VI, chapter 19

Overheard: Sorry, force of habit!

“Nothing so needs reforming as other people’s habits.” -Mark Twain (Samuel Langhorne Clemens (1835 - 1910)): “Pudd’nhead Wilson” (1894), chapter 15 epigraph: ‘Pudd’nhead Wilson’s Calendar’

Ill habits gather by unseen degrees,
As brooks make rivers, rivers run to seas.
-Ovid (Publius Ovidius Naso (43 B.C.E. - C.E. 17 or 18)): “Metamorphoses” (about C.E. 2), Book XV: ‘The Worship of Aesculapius, lines 155 and 156; as translated by John Dryden (1700)

“Make good habits and they will make you.” -Parks Cousins

“Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going.” -Jim Rohn (Emanuel James ‘Jim’ Rohn (1930 - 2009))

“A single bad habit will mar an otherwise faultless character, as an ink-drop soileth the pure white page.” -Hosea Ballou (1771 - 1852)

Habit with him was all the test of truth;
“It must be right: I’ve done it from my youth.”
-George Crabbe (1754 - 1832): “The Borough” (1810), Letter 3: ‘The Vicar’

“Conquer your bad habits or they will conquer you.” -Rob Gilbert

“To uproot an old habit is sometimes a more painful thing, and vastly more difficult, than to wrench out a tooth.” -Samuel Smiles (1812 - 1904): “Self-Help; with Illustrations of Character and Conduct” (1859), chapter 13: ‘Character: The True Gentleman’

“The will that yields the first time with some reluctance does so the second time with less hesitation, and the third time with none at all, until presently the habit is adopted.” -Henry Giles (1809 - 1882)

“We first make our habits, and then our habits make us.” -John Dryden (1631 - 1700)

“Habit is stronger than nature.” [English translation]
“Consuetudo natura potentior est.” [original Latin]
-Quintus Curtius Rufus: “De Rebus Gestis Alexandri Magni,” V, 5, 21

“A large part of Christian virtue consists in right habits.” -William Paley (1743 - 1805)

“Habit is a compromise effected between an individual and his environment.” -Samuel Beckett (1906 - 1989): “Proust” (1930) essay

“Each day, compel yourself to do something you would rather not do.” -Author Unknown

“The best way to stop a bad habit is to never begin it.” -J. C. Penney (James Cash ‘J. C.’ Penney (1875 - 1971))

“First we form habits, then they form us.” -Rob Gilbert

“We must make automatic and habitual, as early as possible, as many useful actions as we can.” -William James (1842 - 1910)

“The habits you practice every day will make you or break you.” -John C. Maxwell (John Calvin Maxwell (born 1947))

“The secret to permanently breaking any bad habit is to love something greater than the habit.” -Bryant McGill (Bryant H. McGill (born 1969))

“Habit is, as it were, a second nature.” [English translation]
“Consuetude quasi altera natura effici.” [original Latin]
-Cicero (Marcus Tullius Cicero, also known as Tully (106 B.C.E. - 43 B.C.E.)): “De finibus bonorum et malorum” (“On the ends of good and evil”) (45 B.C.E.) V, 25, ’Tusculanarum Disputationum,’ II, 17

“It’s not what you do once in a while, it’s what you do day in and day out that makes the difference.” -Jenny Craig (born 1932)

“The worst boss anyone can have is a bad habit.” -Monta Crane (Monta Mildred Henrichs Crane (1911 - 2009))

“Every day do at least one good thing.” [English translation in English characters]
“Ichi nichi, ichi zen.” [original Japanese in English characters]
「毎日少なくとも1つ良いことをする。」[original Japanese in Japanese characters]
-Author Unknown: Japanese proverb

“Habits are at first cobwebs, then cables.” -Author Unknown

“The way you react has been repeated thousands of times, and it has become a routine for you. You are conditioned to be a certain way. And that is the challenge: to change your normal reactions, to change your routine, to take a risk and make different choices.” -Don Miguel Ruiz (pseudonym of Miguel Ángel Ruiz Macias (born 1952))

“Habit had made the custom.” [English translation]
“Morem fecerat usus.” [original Latin]
-Ovid (Publius Ovidius Naso (43 B.C.E. - C.E. 17.)): “Metamorphoses,” II, line 345

“If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you have always gotten.” -Jane Kirkpatrick (born 1946): “What Once We Loved” (2001)

“Infinite toil would not enable you to sweep away a mist, but by ascending a little you may often look over it altogether. So it is with our moral improvement; we wrestle fiercely with a vicious habit, which could have no hold upon us if we ascended to a higher atmosphere.” -Arthur Helps (1813 - 1875)

“Habits change into character.” -Ovid (Publius Ovidius Naso (43 B.C.E. - C.E. 17 or 18.))

“Habits are formed by the repetition of particular acts. They are strengthened by an increase in the number of repeated acts. Habits are also weakened or broken, and contrary habits are formed, by the repetition of contrary acts.” -Mortimer J. Adler (Mortimer Jerome Adler (1902 - 2001))

“Habit is either the best of servants or the worst of masters.” -Nathanael Emmons (also spelled Nathaniel Emmons (1745 - 1840))

“Read something positive every night and listen to something helpful every morning.” -Tom Hopkins (born 1944)

“The chains of habit are generally too small to be felt till they are too strong to be broken.” -Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784): as quoted in “The Guardian” (May 1871) magazine, volume XXII

“Habit is more important in determining our destiny than almost any other influence.” -Author Unknown

“Have regular hours for work and play; make each day both useful and pleasant, and prove that you understand the worth of time by employing it well. Then youth will be delightful, old age will bring few regrets, and life will become a beautiful success.” -Louisa May Alcott (1832 - 1888)

“A bad habit is nothing more than a mistake repeated.” -Author Unknown

“We should get into the habit of reading inspirational books, looking at inspirational pictures, hearing inspirational music, associating with inspirational friends.” -Alfred A. Montapert (Alfred Armand Montapert (1906 - 1997))

“Nothing is stronger than habit.” [English translation]
“Nil consuetudine majus.” [original Latin]
-Ovid (Publius Ovidius Naso (43 B.C.E. - C.E. 17 or 18.)): “Ars Amatoria,” II, line 345

“It is worth a thousand pounds a year to have the habit of looking on the bright side of things.” -Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784)

“Pursuits become habits.” [English translation]
“Abeunt studia in mores.” [original Latin]
-Ovid (Publius Ovidius Naso (43 B.C.E. - C.E. 17 or 18.)): “Heroides,” XV, line 83

“It takes 3 weeks to break a habit, 6 weeks to develop a new habit, and 36 weeks to hardwire this new habit.” -Patrick Holford

“The secret of your success is hidden in your daily habits.” -Mike Murdock (born 1946)

“I never could have done what I have done without the habits of punctuality, order, and diligence, without the determination to concentrate myself on one subject at a time.” -Charles Dickens (Charles John Huffam Dickens (1812 - 1870))

This is MFOL! . . . if it’s getting to be a habit, at least it’s a good one!

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Procrastination and Procrastinating

4/24/2020

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“Don’t put off till tomorrow what can be enjoyed today.” -Josh Billings (pseudonym of Henry Wheeler Shaw (1818 - 1885))

They said ‘procrastination’ was
     The source of all my sorrow
I don’t know what that big word means -
     I’ll look it up tomorrow
-Author Unknown

Jimmy: Can you give me the definition of procrastination?
Jenny: I will do it later.
Jimmy: You are right!

procrastination is the
art of keeping
up with yesterday
-Don Marquis (Donald Robert Perry ‘Don’ Marquis (1878 - 1937)): “the lives and times of archy & mehitabel” (1940), using lower case letters and no punctuation, in the style of the fictional writer character he created

“Procrastination makes easy things hard, hard things harder.” -Mason Cooley (1927 - 2002)

“Slaying the dragon of delay is no sport for the short-winded.” -Sandra Day O’Connor (born 1930)

“Procrastination is not laziness,” I tell him. “It is fear. Call it by its right name, and forgive yourself.” -Julia Cameron (Julia B. Cameron (born 1948)): “The Prosperous Heart” (2012)

“It was my fear of failure that first kept me from attempting the master work. Now, I’m beginning what I could have started ten years ago. But I’m happy at least that I didn’t wait twenty years.” -Paulo Coelho (born 1947)

“Join the circus of chaos . . . juggling, stilt walking, and other skills for socially acceptable procrastination.” -Pat Murphy (Patrice Ann ‘Pat’ Murphy (born 1955))

“Every duty which is bidden to wait, returns with seven fresh duties at its back.” -Charles Kingsley (1819 - 1875): “Sermons for the Times” (1855)

“In delay there lies no plenty.” -William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616)

Overheard: I bought a book titled “How to Stop Procrastinating,” and I have promised myself that someday, I am going to actually read it.

“Do not put your work off till tomorrow and the day after; for a sluggish worker does not fill his barn.” -Hesiod (about 800 B.C.E. - about 720 B.C.E.)

“When we procrastinate, we also put a hold on happiness.” -Charles F. Glassman

“I’m a multi-tasking procrastinator . . . I can put off all kinds of things at once.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)

“Never do today what you can put off till tomorrow. Delay may give clearer light as to what is best to be done.” -Aaron Burr (Aaron Burr, Junior (1756 - 1836)): as quoted in Jacob Morton Braude: “The Complete Art of Public Speaking” (1970), page 84

“Amateurs sit and wait for inspiration, the rest of us just get up and go to work.” -Stephen King (born 1947)

“The dread of doing a task uses up more time and energy than doing the task itself.” -Rita Emmett (1943 - 2019)

“Things dreaded require double time to accomplish them.” -James Lendall Basford (1845 - 1915)

“If we wait for the moment when everything, absolutely everything is ready, we shall never begin.” -Ivan Turgenev (Ivan Sergeyevich Turgenev (1818 - 1883))

“Begin while others are procrastinating. Work while others are wishing.” -William A. Ward (William Arthur Ward (1921 - 1994))

“If you wait until all the lights are ‘green’ before you leave home, you’ll never get started on your trip to the top.” -Zig Ziglar (Hilary Hinton ‘Zig’ Ziglar (1926 - 2012))

“KISS Procrastination Away: Keep It Super Simple, Keep It Step-by-Step, Keep It Scheduled and Systematic.” -Lisa A. Mininni (Lisa Ann Mininni (born 1954))

“How soon ‘not now’ becomes ‘never’.” -Martin Luther (1483 - 1546)

“Doing just a little bit during the time we have available puts you that much further ahead than if you took no action at all.” -Byron Pulsifer (Byron R. Pulsifer), website https://www.quoteschristian.com

“Someday is not a day of the week.” -Janet Dailey (Janet Anne Haradon Dailey (1944 - 2013))

“How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.” -Anne Frank (1929 - 1945): “The Diary of a Young Girl” (1952)

Lose This Day Loitering

Lose this day loitering - ‘twill be the same story
     To-morrow - and the next more dilatory;
Each indecision brings its own delays,
     And days are lost lamenting o’er lost days,
Are you in earnest? Seize this very minute -
     Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.
Only engage, and then the mind grows heated -
     Begin it, and then the work will be completed!

by Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe (1749 - 1832): “Faust,” Part 1 (1808) and Part 2 (1832)

Overheard: Some tasks have to be put off dozens of times before they will completely slip your mind.

“Things don’t get any easier by putting them off.” -W. Somerset Maugham (William Somerset Maugham (1874 - 1965)): “The Razor’s Edge” (1943)

Shun delays, they breed remorse;
     Take thy time while time is lent thee;
Creeping snails have weakest force,
     Fly their fault lest thou repent thee.
Good is best when soonest wrought,
     Linger’d labours come to nought.
-Robert Southwell (1561 - 1595): “Loss in Delay”; as quoted in William B. Turnbull, editor: “The Poetical Works of the Rev. Robert Southwell” (1856)

“I’m very busy doing things I don’t need to do in order to avoid anything I’m actually supposed to be doing.” -Author Unknown

“Do you know what happens when you give a procrastinator a good idea? Nothing!” -Donald Gardner

“Waiting to develop courage is just another form of procrastination. We must take action while we’re afraid.” -Author Unknown

“A procrastinator’s work is never done.” -Author Unknown

“Getting an idea should be like sitting on a pin; it should make you jump up and do something.” -E. L. Simpson

“Never put off till tomorrow what you can do today.” -Thomas Draxe (birth year unknown - 1618): “Adages” (1616)

“Remember, action today can prevent a crisis tomorrow.” -Steve Shallenberger (Steven R. Shallenberger (born 1958)): “Becoming Your Best: The 12 Principles of Highly Successful Leaders” (2014)

“What is deferred is not avoided.” -Thomas More (1478 - 1535): “Utopia” (1516)

Procrastination is the thief of time:
     Year after year it steals, till all are fled,
And to the mercies of a moment leaves
     The vast concerns of an eternal scene.
-Edward Young (1683 - 1765): “Night Thoughts” (1742 - 1745), line 393

“Procrastination is the thief of time, collar him.” -Charles Dickens (Charles John Huffam Dickens (1812 - 1870))

“Procrastination is a road-block in the path of success.” -Author Unknown

“The habit of always putting off an experience until you can afford it, or until the time is right, or until you know how to do it, is one of the greatest burglars of joy. Be deliberate, but once you’ve made up your mind - jump in.” -Charles R. Swindoll (Charles Rozell ‘Chuck’ Swindoll (born 1934)): “Living on the Ragged Edge” (1985), page 110

“Often greater risk is involved in postponement than in making a wrong decision.” -Harry A. Hopf (Harry Arthur Hopf (1882 - 1949))

“Procrastination is something best put off until tomorrow.” -Gerald Vaughan

“One of the most tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon - instead of enjoying the roses that are blooming outside our windows today.” -Dale Carnegie (Dale Harbison Carnegie (born Dale Breckenridge Carnagey (1888 - 1955))): “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living” (1948)

“I’m going to stop putting things off, starting tomorrow!” -Sam Levenson (Samuel ‘Sam’ Levenson (1911 - 1980))

“What may be done at any Time will be done at no Time.” -Thomas Fuller (1654 - 1734): “Gnomologia: Adages and Proverbs” (1732), number 5500

“Procrastination is a teardrop in the sands of time.” -Heath Byers

“One of these days is none of these days.” -H. G. Bohn (Henry George Bohn (1796 - 1884))

“If you procrastinate when faced with a big, difficult problem . . . break the problem into parts, and handle one part at a time.” -Robert Collier (1885 - 1950)

“It has been a productive day - I got a lot of procrastinating accomplished.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)

“The man who will not act until he knows all will never act at all . . .” -Jim Elliot (1927 - 1956)

“Procrastination usually results in sorrowful regret. Today’s duties put off until tomorrow give us a double burden to bear; the best way is to do them in their proper time.” -Ida Scott Taylor (Ida Scott Taylor McKinney (1855 - 1932))

“The fact is, that to do anything in the world worth doing, we must not stand back shivering and thinking of the cold and danger, but jump in and scramble through as well as we can.” -Richard Cushing (Richard James Cushing (1895 - 1970))

“There are those of us who are always about to live. We are waiting until things change, until there is more time, until we are less tired, until we get a promotion, until we settle down - until, until, until. It always seems as if there is some major event that must occur in our lives before we begin living.” -George Sheehan (1918 - 1993)

“One day you will wake up and there won’t be any more time to do the things you’ve always wanted. Do it now.” -Paulo Coelho (born 1947)

Defer not till to-morrow to be wise,
To-morrow’s Sun to thee may never rise.
-William Congreve (1670 - 1729): “Letter to Cobham,” line 61

“Procrastination is the bad habit of putting off until the day after tomorrow what should have been done the day before yesterday.” -Napoleon Hill (Oliver Napoleon ‘Napoleon’ Hill (1883 - 1970))

“Putting off an easy thing makes it hard. Putting off a hard thing makes it impossible.” -George Claude Lorimer (1838 - 1904): as quoted in George Horace Lorimer (1867 - 1937): “Letters from a Self-Made Merchant to His Son” (1902), ‘June 25, 189-,’ page 48

“While we are postponing, life speeds by.” -Seneca (Lucius Annaeus Seneca (4 B.C.E. - C.E. 65))

“I have spent my days stringing and unstringing my instrument, while the song I came to sing remains unsung.” -Rabindranath Tagore (1861 - 1941)

“You can’t get much done in life if you only work on the days when you feel good.” -Jerry Alan West (Jerome ‘Jerry’ Alan West (born 1938))

“Postpone not a good action.” -Author Unknown: Irish proverb

“If you put off everything till you’re sure of it, you’ll never get anything done.” -Norman Vincent Peale (1898 - 1993)

All the Woulda-Coulda-Shouldas
Layin’ in the Sun,
Talkin’ bout the things
They woulda-coulda-shoulda done . . .
But those Woulda-Coulda-Shouldas
All ran away and hid
From one little did.
-Shel Silverstein (Sheldon Allan ‘Shel’ Silverstein (1930 - 1999)): “Falling Up” (1996)

“Let’s get started while we’re still young!” -Author Unknown: comment made by a man who was seventy-five years of age

“By the street of By-and-By, one arrives at the House of Never.” -Miguel de Cervantes (Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra (1547 - 1616)): “Don Quixote” (1605)

“I don’t wait for moods. You accomplish nothing if you do that. Your mind must know it has got to get down to work.” -Pearl S. Buck (Pearl Sydenstricker Buck (1892 - 1973))

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Butter.
Butter, who?
Butter late than never!

“Don’t put off for tomorrow what you should do today.” -Aesop: “The Grasshopper and the Ants” (about 6th century B.C.E.)

“By one delay after another they spin out their whole lives, till there’s no more future left for them.” -Roger L’Estrange (1616 - 1704)

“Do not wait; the time will never be ‘just right.’ Start where you stand, and work with whatever tools you may have at your command, and better tools will be found as you go along.” -Napoleon Hill (Oliver Napoleon Hill (1883 - 1970))

“He who hesitates is last.” -Mae West

“If you have goals and procrastination, you have nothing. If you have goals and you take action, you will have anything you want.” -Thomas J. Vilord (Thomas Joseph Vilord (born 1975))

“Always put off till tomorrow what you should not do at all.” -Author Unknown

“A man who procrastinates in his choosing will inevitably have his choice made for him by circumstance.” -Hunter S. Thompson (Hunter Stockton Thompson (1937 - 2005)): “The Proud Highway” (1997)

“Following through is the only thing that separates dreamers from people that accomplish great things.” -Gene Hayden

“If and When were planted, and Nothing grew.” -Catherine Pulsifer (born 1927): “If and When,” website https://www.quoteschristian.com

“There is no avoidance in delay.” -Aeschylus (about 525 B.C.E. - about 456 B.C.E.): “Agamemnon” (about 458 B.C.E.)

“Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn’t the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment.” -Robert Benchley (Robert Charles Benchley (1889 - 1945)): as quoted in Robert E. Drennan, editor: “The Algonquin Wits” (1968)

“If it weren’t for the last minute, nothing would get done.” -Rita Mae Brown (born 1944)

Overheard: I am just waiting to do my work at the last minute, because by then I will be older and wiser.

“Often just by taking action, by doing something about the situation, you can relieve the stress and help correct the situation.” -Catherine Pulsifer (born 1927), website https://www.quoteschristian.com

“He who begun has half done. Dare to be wise; begin.” -Horace (Quintus Horatius Flaccus (65 B.C.E. - 8 B.C.E.))

“The really happy people are those who have broken the chains of procrastination, those who find satisfaction in doing the job at hand. They’re full of eagerness, zest, productivity. You can be, too.” -Norman Vincent Peale (1898 - 1993)

This is MFOL! . . . by choosing to make ‘someday’ into ‘today,’ we can make the future even greater than the present . . .

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Impossible and Possible

4/17/2020

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“I’ve always had the feeling that nothing is impossible if one applies a certain amount of energy in the right direction. If you want to do it, you can do it.” -Nellie Bly (pseudonym of Elizabeth Cochrane Seaman (1864 - 1922))

“Impossible things are simply those which so far have never been done.” -Elbert Hubbard (Elbert Green Hubbard (1856 - 1915))

“You can’t pick a lock with a pickle, you can’t cure the sick with a sickle, pluck figs with a figment, drive pigs with a pigment, nor make your watch tick with a tickle. You can’t slacken your gait with a gaiter, you can’t get a crate with a crater, catch moles with a molar, or bake rolls with a roller. But you can get a wait from a waiter.” -Author Unknown: in “Sunshine Magazine”

“Never let the word ‘impossible’ stop you from pursuing what your heart and spirit urge you to do. Impossible things come true every day.” -Robert Cooper

“We would accomplish many more things if we did not think of them as impossible.” -Vince Lombardi (Vincent Thomas Lombardi (1913 - 1970))

“Those who say it cannot be done should not interrupt the person doing it.” -Author Unknown

“I’m always doing what I cannot do yet, in order to learn how to do it.” -Vincent van Gogh (Vincent Willem van Gogh (1853 - 1890)): letter (1885) to Anthon van Rappard

“When work, commitment, and pleasure all become one and you reach that deep well where passion lives, nothing is impossible.” -Nancy Coey

“The only thing that stands between a man and what he wants from life is often merely the will to try it and the faith to believe that it is possible.” -Richard M. DeVos (Richard Marvin DeVos, Senior (1926 - 2018))

“I have learned to use the word ‘impossible’ with the greatest caution.” -Wernher von Braun (Wernher Magnus Maximilian, Freiherr von Braun (1912 - 1977))

“I believe anything is possible. Research into quantum physics proves that a system changes simply by someone observing it. Therefore, all you have to do is be awake and aware of your environment, and that enables you to transform everything around you. It sounds like hocus pocus, but scientists are coming to realize that just thinking about something can make it happen. Turns out maybe faith can move mountains.” -Christine Anderson

“Most of the things worth doing in the world were said to be impossible before they were done.” -Louis Brandeis (Louis Dembitz Brandeis (1856 - 1941))

“Things that are impossible just take longer.” -Ian Hickson

“Some of the world’s greatest feats were accomplished by people not smart enough to know they were impossible.” -Doug Larson (1902 - 1981)

“Alice laughed. ‘There’s no use trying,’ she said. ‘One can’t believe impossible things.’ ‘I daresay you haven’t had much practice,’ said the Queen. ‘When I was your age, I always did it half an hour a day. Why, sometimes, I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.’” -Lewis Carroll (pseudonym of Charles Lutwidge Dodgson (1832 - 1898)): “Through the Looking-Glass” (1872), chapter 5

“What is impossible today that if made possible would change everything?” -Joel Barker

“If you develop the absolute sense of certainty that powerful beliefs provide, then you can get yourself to accomplish virtually anything, including those things that other people are certain are impossible.” -William L. Phelps (William Lyon Phelps (1865 - 1943))

“The difficult is what takes a little time; the impossible is what takes a little longer.” -Fridtjof Nansen (1861 - 1930): as quoted in the “Listener” (14 December 1939)

“The impossible is often the untried.” -Jim Goodwin

“It is our duty as human beings to proceed as though the limits of our capabilities do not exist.” -Pierre Teilhard de Chardin (1881 - 1955)

“Impossible: Something that nobody can do - until somebody does it!” -Author Unknown

“We have no limits - we create them in our mind.” -Bud LaBranche

“The only way to discover the limits of the possible is to go beyond them into the impossible.” -Arthur C. Clarke (Arthur Charles Clarke (1917 - 2008))

“Yes, you can be a dreamer and a doer too, if you will remove one word from your vocabulary: impossible.” -Robert Schuller (Robert Harold Schuller (1926 - 2015))

“There is nothing impossible to him who will try.” -Alexander of Macedonia (also known as Alexander the Great (356 B.C.E. - 323 B.C.E.))

“Nothing is impossible to a willing heart.” -John Heywood (about 1497 - 1580): “Proverbs” (1546)

“The impossible is possible if you want it to be.” -Author Unknown

“Nothing is impossible.” -Author Unknown

“Everything is always impossible before it works.” -Albert Schweitzer (1875 - 1965)

“What we need are more people who specialize in the impossible.” -Theodore Roethke (1908 - 1963)

“Nothing is impossible; the word itself says ‘I’m possible’!” -Audrey Hepburn (1929 - 1993)

“You can do the impossible, because you have been through the unimaginable.” -Christina Rasmussen (born 1972)

“When someone tells you that you can’t do something, perhaps you should consider that they are only telling you what they can’t do.” -Sheldon Cahoon

“Start by doing what’s necessary; then do what’s possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible.” -Francis of Assisi (1181 - 1226)

“It is impossible to walk rapidly and be unhappy.” -Howard Murray

“It is the act of a madman to pursue impossibilities.” -Marcus Aurelius (also known as Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (C.E. 121 - C.E. 180))

“It always seems impossible until it’s done.” -Author Unknown

“Limitations live only in our minds. But if we use our imaginations, our possibilities become limitless.” -Jamie Paolinetti (born 1964)

“It is difficult to say what is impossible, for the dream of yesterday is the hope of today and the reality of tomorrow.” -Robert H. Goddard (Robert Hutchings ‘Bob’ Goddard (1882 - 1945))

“There is no limitation other than what you think.” -Kenneth Mills

“You have to believe in the impossible.” -Howard Head

“To get profit without risk, experience without danger, and reward without work is as impossible as it is to live without being born.” -A. P. Gouthey (Aldolph Philip Gouthey (some sources may show Adolph Philip Gouthey) (1892 - 1963))

“All things are possible until they are proved impossible and even the impossible may only be so, as of now.” -Pearl S. Buck (Pearl Sydenstricker Buck (1892 - 1973)): “A Bridge for Passing” (1962)

“You cannot make a silk purse of a sow’s ear.” -Stephen Gosson (1554 - 1624): “The Ephemerides of Phialo” (1579)

“So many things are possible just as long as you don’t know they’re impossible.” -Norton Juster (born 1929): “The Phantom Tollbooth” (1961)

“To believe a Business impossible, is the Way to make it so.” -Thomas Fuller (1654 - 1734): “Gnomologia: Adages and Proverbs” (1732), number 5138

“A great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.” -Walter Bagehot (1826 - 1877)

“If you will tell me why the fen* appears impassable, I then will tell you why I think that I can cross it if I try.” -Marianne Moore (1887 - 1972)
*fen: a wetland or often flooded area.

“Knowledge of what is possible is the beginning of happiness.” -George Santayana (1863 - 1952)

“Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live in the world they’ve been given than to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible is not a fact. It’s an opinion. Impossible is not a declaration. It’s a dare. Impossible is potential. Impossible is temporary. Impossible is nothing.” -Author Unknown: Adidas print advertisement published in “ESPN” (1972) magazine, as attributed in John C. Maxwell (John Calvin Maxwell (born 1947)): “The Difference Maker” (2006), page 53

“Don’t undertake a project unless it is manifestly important and nearly impossible.” -Edwin Land

“Ordinary people believe only in the possible. Extraordinary people visualize not what is possible or probable, but rather what is impossible. And by visualizing the impossible, they begin to see it as possible.” -Cherie Carter-Scott (born 1949)

“Anything in life is possible if you make it happen. And it’s never too late.” -Jack LaLanne (François Henri ’Jack’ LaLanne (1914 - 2011))

“What is now proven was once only imagined.” -William Blake (1757 - 1827): “Proverbs of Hell” (1790 - 1793)

“To the timid and hesitating everything is impossible because it seems so.” -Walter Scott

“Nothing is impossible to industry*.” -Periander (about 625 B.C.E. - 585 B.C.E.)
*industry: hard work.

“Impossibility simply means ‘I’m possibility.’” -Monsieur Nana Adom

“When someone tells you it can’t be done, it’s more a reflection of their limitations, not yours.” -Author Unknown

“Nothing is impossible: there are ways which lead to everything; and if we had sufficient will we should always have sufficient means. It is often merely for an excuse that we say things are impossible.” -François de La Rochefoucauld (also known as François Duc de La Rochefoucauld (1613 - 1680))

“Only those who attempt the absurd can achieve the impossible.” -Author Unknown

“There are many things that seem impossible only so long as one does not attempt them.” -André Gide (André Paul Guillaume Gide (1869 - 1951))

“Impossible is only an opinion.” -Author Unknown

“Never tell me the sky’s the limit when there are footprints on the Moon.” -Paul Brandt

“What ‘exists’ is only a small part of what is ‘possible.’” -Pere Alberch (born Pere Alberch Vie (1954 - 1998))

“Jesus said unto him, ‘If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth.’” -Author Unknown: “The Bible,” ‘Mark,’ chapter 9, verse 23

“Do not suppose that, if you find something hard to achieve, it is beyond human capacity; rather, if something is possible and appropriate for man, assume that it must also be within your own reach.” -Marcus Aurelius (also known as Marcus Aurelius Antoninus Augustus (C.E. 121 - C.E. 180)): “The Meditations” (C.E. 167)

“Think of the thing you cannot do, and then do it.” -Author Unknown

“Every noble work is at first impossible.” -Thomas Carlyle (1795 - 1881)

“It’s going to be difficult, but difficult is not impossible.” -Author Unknown

“Become a possibilitarian. No matter how dark things seem to be or actually are, raise your sights and see possibilities - always see them, for they’re always there.” -Norman Vincent Peale (1898 - 1993)

“Either I will find a way, or I will make one.” -Philip Sidney (1554 - 1586)

“Most of the things worth doing in the world have been declared impossible before they were attempted.” -Earl Nightingale (1921 - 1989)

“The difference between the impossible and the possible lies in a man’s determination.” -Tommy Lasorda (Thomas Charles Lasorda (born 1927))

“It is certain because it is impossible.” [English translation]
“Certum est quia impossibile.” [original Latin]
-Quintus Septimius Florens Tertullianus (also known simply as Tertullian (C.E. 155 - C.E. 240))

“Nothing is impossible to the man who can will and then do; this is the only law of success.” -Mirabeau (Honoré Gabriel Riqueti, Count of Mirabeau (1749 - 1791))

“All big things in this world are done by people who are naive and have an idea that is obviously impossible.” -Frank Richards

“There is a better way to spell ‘impossible’: ‘I’m possible.’” -Author Unknown

“I dwell in possibility.” -Emily Dickinson (1830 - 1886)

“Few things are impossible to diligence and skill.” -Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784): “Rasselas” (1759)

“We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as impossible situations.” -Charles R. Swindoll (Charles Rozell ‘Chuck’ Swindoll (born 1934))

“Once you stop dismissing something as unattainable, then you start working on its development.” -Jerome Pearson

“The most rewarding things you do in life are often the ones that look like they cannot be done.” -Arnold Palmer (Arnold Daniel Palmer (1929 - 2016))

“You can’t roller-skate in a buffalo herd, but you can be happy if you’ve a mind to.” -Roger Miller

We are MFOL! . . . wishing you many trouble-free days as you make your way through a world in which more and more is possible all the time . . .

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Happiness

4/10/2020

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“There is always something to be happy about.” -Author Unknown

Cheerfulness

I’m glad the sky is painted blue
And the Earth is painted green
And such a lot of nice fresh air
All sandwiched in between.

by Author Unknown

“On the whole, the happiest people seem to be those who have no particular cause for being happy except that they are so.” -William R. Inge (William Ralph Inge (1860 - 1954))

“A happy life is built up of little clumps of violets noticed along the roadside.” -Author Unknown

“The grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for.” -Joseph Addison (1672 - 1719): as quoted in Tryon Edwards: “A Dictionary of Thoughts” (1908), page 217

“You have it easily in your power to increase the total sum of this world’s happiness now. How? By giving a few words of sincere appreciation to someone who is lonely or discouraged. Perhaps you will forget tomorrow the kind words you say today, but the recipient may cherish them over a lifetime.” -Dale Carnegie (Dale Harbison Carnegie (born Dale Breckenridge Carnagey (1888 - 1955)))

“Happiness is a choice.” -Barry Neill Kaufman (born 1942), website: http://www.barryneilkaufman.com/

“Happiness is a choice that requires effort at times.” -Aeschylus (about 525 B.C.E. - about 456 B.C.E.): “Agamemnon,” 928

“Happiness seems made to be shared.” [English translation]
“Le bonheur semble fait pour être partagé.” [original French]
-Pierre Corneille (1606 - 1684): “Notes par Rochefoucauld”

“Being happy doesn’t mean everything’s perfect; it just means you’ve decided to see beyond the imperfections.” -Author Unknown

“Even if happiness forgets you a little bit, never completely forget about it.” -Jacques Prévert (1900 - 1977)

“Happiness walks on busy feet.” -Kitte Turmell

“A lot of happiness is overlooked because it doesn’t cost anything.” -Author Unknown

“Whoever is happy will make others happy too.” -Anne Frank (1929 - 1945): “The Diary of a Young Girl” (1952)

“It’s being so cheerful as keeps me going.” -Mona Lott’s catchphrase on “ITMA” (1939 - 1949), a BBC radio program; Mona Lott is a fictional character portrayed by Joan Harben (1909 - 1953)

“Happiness is not perfected until it is shared.” -Jane Porter (1776 - 1850)

“Not only is there a right to be happy, there is a duty to be happy. So much sadness exists in the world that we are all under obligation to contribute as much joy as lies within our powers.” -John Sutherland Bonnell (1893 - 1992)

“Happiness will bring you good luck.” -Author Unknown: fortune cookie saying

“Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design for the present.” -Jim Rohn (Emanuel James ‘Jim’ Rohn (1930 - 2009))

“Look at the trees, look at the birds, look at the clouds, look at the stars . . . and if you have eyes you will be able to see that the whole existence is joyful. Everything is simply happy. Trees are happy for no reason; they are not going to become prime ministers or presidents and they are not going to become rich and they will never have any bank balance. Look at the flowers - for no reason. It is simply unbelievable how happy flowers are.” -Osho (Rajneesh Chandra Mohan Jain)

“Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier.” -Teresa of Calcutta (also known as Mother Teresa (1910 - 1997))

“Whoever said you can’t buy happiness forgot about puppies.” -Gene Hill (Gene Atkins Hill (1928 - 1997))

“Happiness! Can any human being undertake to define it for another?” -Dinah Craik (Dinah Maria Craik (1826 - 1887)): “A Woman’s Thoughts about Women” (1858), Chapter 10

“Happiness is a direction, not a destination.” -Author Unknown

“I am determined to be cheerful and happy in whatever situation I may find myself. For I have learned that the greater part of our misery or unhappiness is determined not by our circumstance but by our disposition.” -Martha Washington (1731 - 1802)

“Happiness is a way-station between too little and too much.” -Channing Pollock (1880 - 1946)

“To me there is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy.” -Robert Louis Stevenson (Robert Louis Balfour Stevenson (1850 - 1894))

“How true it is that, if we are cheerful and contented, all nature smiles, the air seems more balmy, the sky clearer, the Earth has a brighter green . . . the flowers are more fragrant . . . and the Sun, Moon, and stars all appear more beautiful, and seem to rejoice with us.” -Orison S. Marden (Orison Swett Marden (1850 - 1924))

“True happiness consists in making others happy.” -Author Unknown

Happiness: hap-pi-ness, ha-pē-nǝs, noun. A mental state of well-being characterized by positive emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy.

“Happiness is in the heart, not in circumstances or in things.” -Author Unknown

“Happiness makes up in height for what it lacks in length.” -William Cowper (1731 - 1800): “Task,” book III, line 41

“Folks are generally as happy as they make up their minds to be.” -Abraham Lincoln (1809 - 1865)

“Happiness belongs to those who are sufficient unto themselves. For all external sources of happiness and pleasure, are by their very nature, highly uncertain, precarious, ephemeral, and subject to chance.” -Arthur Schopenhauer (1788 - 1860)

Do more of what makes you happy . . . like writing messages on foggy windows and sandy beaches.

“Spread happiness; a candle loses nothing by lighting another candle.” -Author Unknown

“The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts: therefore, guard accordingly, and take care that you entertain no notions unsuitable to virtue and reasonable nature.” -Marcus Aurelius (also known as Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (C.E. 121 - C.E. 180))

“Jumping for joy is good exercise.” -Author Unknown

“Happiness doesn’t depend on what we have, but it does depend on how we feel toward what we have. We can be happy with little and miserable with much.” -William Dempster Hoard (1836 - 1918)

“A merry heart doeth good like a medicine.” -Author Unknown: “Holy Bible,” (King James Version (1611)), ‘The Book of Proverbs,’ chapter 17, verse 22

“There is no happiness except in the realization that we have accomplished something.” -Henry Ford (1863 - 1947)

“Happiness is to be found along the way, not at the end of the road, for then the journey is over and it is too late.” -Robert R. Updegraff (Robert Rawls Updegraff (1889 - 1977))

“Cheerful people, the doctors say, resist disease better than glum people. In other words, ‘The surly bird catches the germ.’” -Author Unknown

“We deem those happy who, from the experience of life, have learned to bear its ills, without being overcome by them.” [English translation]
“Ducimus autem hos quoque felices, qui ferre incommoda vitæ, nec jactare jugum vita didicere magistra.” [original Latin]
-Juvenal (Decimus Iunius Iuvenalis (about C.E. 55 - C.E. 130)): “Satires,” XII, 20

“Happiness is not a goal; it is a by-product.” -Eleanor Roosevelt (Anna Eleanor ‘Eleanor’ Roosevelt (1884 - 1962))

“The greatest happiness is to be that which one is.” -Theodore Herzl (1860 - 1904)

“He is happy that knoweth not himself to be otherwise.” -Thomas Fuller (1608 - 1661)

“The pursuit of happiness is the chase of a lifetime.” -Author Unknown

“Now and then, it’s good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy.” -Guillaume Apollinaire (Wilhelm Apollinaris de Dostrowitsky (1880 - 1918))

“Happiness is not a station you arrive at, but a manner of traveling.” -Margaret Runbeck (Margaret Lee Runbeck (1900 - 1956)): “Time for Each Other” (1944)

“A single joy can scatter a hundred griefs.” -Author Unknown

“The great end of all human industry is the attainment of happiness. For this were arts invented, sciences cultivated, laws ordained, and societies modelled, by the most profound wisdom of patriots and legislators. Even the lonely savage, who lies exposed to the inclemency of the elements and the fury of wild beasts, forgets not, for a moment, this grand object, of his being.” -David Hume (1711 - 1776): “The Stoic,” ‘Essays, Moral, Political and Literary,’ part 1, essay 16, as published in “The Philosophical Works of David Hume” (1826), volume 3, page 167

“The happy people are those who are producing something; the bored people are those who are consuming much and producing nothing.” -William R. Inge (William Ralph Inge (1860 - 1954))

“We tend to forget that happiness doesn’t come as a result of getting something we don’t have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.” -Frederick Koenig (Friedrich Gottlob Koenig (1774 - 1833))

“A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes.” -Hugh Downs (Hugh Malcolm Downs (born 1921)): as quoted in Roy B. Zuck: “The Speaker’s Quote Book: Over 4,500 Illustrations” (1997), page 185

“The path to cheerfulness is to sit cheerfully and to act and speak as if cheerfulness were already there.” -William James (1842 - 1910)

“I have chosen to be happy because it is good for my health.” -Voltaire (pseudonym of François-Marie Arouet (1694 - 1788))

“Happiness is not the absence of problems, it’s the ability to deal with them.” -Steve Maraboli (born 1975)

“A light heart lives long.” -William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616)

“What is happiness and unhappiness? It depends so little on the circumstances; it depends really only on what happens inside a person. I am grateful for every day . . . and that makes me happy.” -Dietrich Bonhoeffer (1906 - 1945)

“The happiest people are the ones who make others happy.” -Author Unknown

“There is only one happiness in this life, to love and be loved.” -George Sand (pseudonym of Amandine-Aurore-Lucile Dupin (1804 - 1876))

“When you seek happiness for others, you will find it for yourself.” -Lori Moreno

“The happiest people are those who think the most interesting thoughts. Those who decide to use leisure as a means of mental development, who love good music, good books, good pictures, good company, good conversation, are the happiest people in the world. And they are not only happy in themselves, they are the cause of happiness in others.” - William L. Phelps (William Lyon Phelps (1865 - 1943))

“Resolve to make at least one person happy every day, and then in ten years you may have made three thousand, six hundred and fifty persons happy, or brightened a small town by your contribution to the fund of general enjoyment.” -Sydney Smith (1771 - 1845)

“I do not know of any sure way of making others happy as being so oneself.” -Arthur Helps (1813 - 1875)

“Be happy. It’s one way of being wise.” -Sidonie Gabrielle Colette (1873 - 1954)

“The joy that you give to others is the joy that comes back to you.” -John Greenleaf Whittier (1807 - 1892)

“Happiness is no laughing matter.” -Richard Whately (1787 - 1863): “Apophthegms” (1854)

“You cannot always have happiness, but you can always give happiness.” -Author Unknown

“Happiness lies, first of all, in health.” -George William Curtis (1824 - 1892)

“There is only one real happiness in life, and that is the happiness of creating.” -Frederick Delius (1862 - 1934)

“In whatever situation we are placed, our greater or less degree of happiness must be derived from ourselves. Happiness is in a great measure the result of our own dispositions and actions.” -Hannah Webster Foster (about 1758 - 1840)

“Happiness is not a matter of events; it depends upon the tides of the mind.” -Alice Meynell (1847 - 1922)

“The true secret of happiness lies in taking a genuine interest in all the details of daily life.” -William Morris (1834 - 1896)

“An effort made for the happiness of others lifts us above ourselves.” -Lydia M. Child (Lydia Maria Francis Child (1802 - 1880))

“Happiness is not an ideal of reason but of imagination.” -Immanuel Kant (1724 - 1804): “Fundamental Principles of the Metaphysics of Ethics” (1785)

“If you do not have the capacity for happiness with a little money, great wealth will not bring it to you.” -William Feather (William Arthur Feather (1889 - 1981)): “The Business of Life” (1949)

Affirmation: I choose happiness.

“The happiness of life is made up of minute fractions - the little soon-forgotten charities of a kiss, a smile, a kind look, a heartfelt compliment in the disguise of a playful raillery, and the countless other infinitesimal of pleasurable thought and genial feeling.” -Samuel Taylor Coleridge (1772 - 1834)

“Happiness is not a possession to be prized, it is a quality of thought, a state of mind.” -Daphne du Maurier (1907 - 1989)

“It is the inalienable right of all to be happy.” -Elizabeth Cady Stanton (1815 - 1902) (1861)

“Happiness is surely the best teacher of good manners: only the unhappy are churlish in deportment.” -Christopher Morley (Christopher Darlington Morley (1890 - 1957)): “Where the Blue Begins” (1922)

“The happy man is not he who seems thus to others, but who seems thus to himself.” -Publilius Syrus (85 B.C.E. - 43 B.C.E.)

“Some pursue happiness, while others create it.” -Author Unknown

“There are only two roads that lead to something like human happiness. They are marked by the words: love and achievement . . . In order to be happy oneself it is necessary to make at least one other person happy . . . The secret of human happiness is not in self-seeking but in self-forgetting.” -Theodore Reik

“Happiness is the atmosphere in which all things grow.” -Author Unknown

We are MFOL! . . . spread the merriment . . .

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Clowning and Clowns

4/8/2020

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Chuckles the Clown: Why did Jolly the Clown cross the road?
Giggles the Clown: To be funny on the other side!

Baggy Trousers

Baggy trousers
     Nose, bright red,
A silly hat
     Upon his head.
Squirting flower
     Spinning tie,
A teardrop falling
     From his eye.
Elastic braces
     Going twang,
His car exploding
     With a bang!
A patchwork coat
     Those flapping shoes,
A painted smile
     To chase the blues.
Making us laugh
     And banish that frown,
The simple duties
     Of a clown.

by Pip the Clown (written for Bluey the Clown)

True clowns bring happiness wherever they are seen, and not the horrors of the creepy clowns that make people fearful or the depression of the sad clowns that make people feel bad. True clowns perform for the benefit of others; they give joy. Send in the happy clowns!

“Yesterday, a clown held a door open for me. I thought it was a nice jester.” -Author Unknown

Peachy the Clown: How does Jokey the Clown like her eggs?
Pinky the Clown: Funny side up!

The word ‘clown’ is possibly derived from the Icelandic word ‘klunni’ meaning ‘clumsy person.’

Laughy the Clown: Why does Snoozy the Clown wear loud socks?
Smiley the Clown: So his feet won’t fall asleep!

There are believed to be more than 20,000 clowns in the world today. The most famous ones have their faces painted onto chicken eggs or goose eggs, which are then displayed in collections in the United Kingdom and the United States of America. The tradition was started in the United Kingdom in about 1946.

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A Prayer for Clowns

God bless all clowns
Who star in the world with laughter
Who ring the rafters with flying jest,
Who make the world spin merry on its way
And somehow add more beauty to each day.

God bless all clowns
So poor the world would be
Lacking their piquant, hilarity,
The belly laughs, the ringing lovely mirth
That makes a friendly place of Earth.

God bless all clowns -
Give them a long good life.
Make bright their way - they’re a breed apart!
Alchemists most, who turn their hearts’ pain
Into a dazzling jest to lift the heart.
God bless all clowns.

by Author Unknown

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The nickname for a clown is a Joey, after the English actor, comedian, dancer, and pantomime performer Joseph Grimaldi (1778 - 1837).

“But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright Brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown.” -Carl Sagan

If you’ve ever wondered what’s inside the really big clown shoes . . . well, now you know!

National Clown Week was signed into law on 2 August 1971 by American President Richard Milhous Nixon. It has since become International Clown Week, and is observed from 1 August to 7 August of every year.

There are too many different types of clowns to list them all, but here are a few of them -
- Birthday party clowns
- Carnival clowns
- Circus clowns
- Commercial clowns
- Event clowns
- Random clowns
- Rodeo clowns
- Street performer clowns
- Visiting clowns
What kind of clown would you like to be?

In the early 1970’s, an American doctor named Hunter Doherty ‘Patch’ Adams started the practice of clowning for patients in hospitals, which helps patients recover faster and lightens the gloominess often associated with hospital stays.

Signs That You Might Be a Clown
- You attract crowds wherever you go.
- People compliment you on your big shoes, bright-red nose, and painted-on smile.
- You share your ‘home on wheels’ with a trained seal, a fortune teller, a trapeze artist, and a magician.
- You spend every free minute practicing your routine - in fact, you do not have a moment to spare in your life.
- You have been to more birthday parties than the “Happy Birthday” song has.
- You put sprinkles on everything: ice cream, chicken soup, oatmeal - and you have even thought about putting sprinkles on sprinkles.
- Even your name draws smiles and laughs.
- You will cry yourself to sleep tonight because you think you did not make enough people happy today.
- When someone says he would like to be clown, you are tempted to tell the person, “You might think that being a clown is just fun all day, but many hours of hard work go with the job.” But you don’t, and instead, you do something silly.
- You cannot imagine any other kind of life.

Are you a clown? Are you a clown costume maker? Are you a clown school operator? Do you write skits for clowns? Are you a talent agent who helps clowns find gigs? Do you make portrait paintings of clowns? Do you sell clown supplies? Are you in any way associated with clowning and clowns? If so, you probably need a website to let people know. Visit www.Weebly.com to find out how you can make a website without a whole lot of difficulty or cost. Be sure to let them know you found out about them from www.MakeFunOfLife.net.

A big part of the rodeo clowns’ job is to distract agitated beasts so that thrown horse riders and thrown bull riders can make it to safety without being trampled, chomped, butted, or gored by the animals. Rodeo clowns also do comedy routines to keep crowds entertained between competitions. If you feel comfortable around large animals and you know something about animal nature, and if you want to live a life of danger and have people laugh at you, become a rodeo clown!

Margaret: What protects clowns from the sun?
Maggie: The Bozone layer!

Holy Trinity Church in London, England is dedicated to clowns. The church has a stained-glass window depicting Joseph Grimaldi, who was a major influence on modern clowning. It also has an altar rail where clowns can kneel and pray, and a clowns gallery with items from famous clowns. Once a year, clowns from all over the world attend Holy Trinity Church in makeup and costume for a special service, asking God’s blessing on all clowns everywhere. Holy Trinity Church is in a section of London described as economically depressed, and the citizens are pleased that clowns have their church in an area where laughter is needed the most.

A Clown’s Blessing

May your nose be red and shiny,
     And your smile always bright.
May your cheeks be nice and rosy,
   Your eyes sparkle in the light.
May your shoes be always too big,
     Your costume be perma-pressed,
Your heart overflow with laughter,
     Each time you’re clownishly dressed.
May face paint be at the ready,
     And your balloons be ‘easy-blow.’
May children run to greet you,
     Wherever you may go.

by Author Unknown

Sunny the Clown: Where was Jelly the Clown when the lights went out?
Sparkles the Clown: In the dark!

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The Clown’s Prayer

As I stumble through this life,
     help me to create more laughter than tears,
dispense more happiness than gloom,
     spread more cheer than despair.

Never let me become so indifferent
     that I will fail to see
the wonders in the eyes of a child,
     or the twinkle in the eyes of the aged.

Never let me forget that my total effort
     is to cheer people, make them happy,
and forget momentarily,
     all the unpleasantness in their lives.

And in my final moment,
     may I hear You whisper:
“When you made My people smile,
     you made Me smile.”

by Author Unknown

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Anna: Which clown wears the biggest shoes?
Hannah: The one with the biggest feet, of course!

Now back to even more clowning around . . . on MFOL!

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Actions and Doing

4/7/2020

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“If we all did the things we are capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves.” -Thomas Edison (Thomas Alva Edison (1847 - 1931))

“The undertaking of a new action brings new strength.” -Evenius (42 B.C.E. - C.E. 13)

“We are built to conquer environment, solve problems, achieve goals; and we find no real satisfaction or happiness in life without obstacles to conquer and goals to achieve.” -Maxwell Maltz (1899 - 1975): “Psycho-Cybernetics” (1960)

“The few who do are the envy of the many who only watch.” -Jim Rohn (Emanuel James ‘Jim’ Rohn (1930 - 2009))

“There are generations yet unborn whose very lives will be shifted and shaped by the moves you make and the actions you take today.” -Andy Andrews (born 1959): “The Butterfly Effect: How Your Life Matters” (September 2009)

There are three ways to get things done:
1. Do it yourself.
2. Hire someone to do it.
3. Forbid your children to do it.
-Author Unknown

“If you limit your actions in life to things that nobody can possibly find fault with, you will not do much.” -Lewis Carroll (pseudonym of Charles Lutwidge Dodgson (1832 - 1898))

“Whatever you want to do, do it now. There are only so many tomorrows.” -Michael Landon (born Eugene Michael Orowitz (1936 - 1991))

“The smallest action is better than the largest plan.” -John Graves (John Alexander Graves (1920 - 2013))

“Today I will do what others won’t, so tomorrow I can accomplish what others can’t.” -Jerry Rice (Jerry Lee Rice, Senior (born 1962))

“Reality is not the same to the doer as it is to the sayer.” -Haki R. Madhubuti (born 1942 as Don Luther Lee)

“If we are ever in doubt about what to do, it is a good rule to ask ourselves what we shall wish on the morrow that we had done.” -John Lubbock (1834 - 1913)

“‘ACT’ is an acronym standing for ‘Action Changes Things.’” -Author Unknown

“Whatever you do, do it with all your might. Work at it, early and late, in season and out of season, not leaving a stone unturned, and never deferring for a single hour that which can be done just as well now.” -P. T. Barnum (Phineas Taylor Barnum (1810 - 1891))

“Actions speak louder than words.” -Author Unknown

“They can because they think they can.” -Vergil (Publius Vergilius Maro, also known as Virgil (70 B.C.E. - 19 B.C.E.))

“Some men have thousands of reasons why they cannot do what they want to, when all they need is one reason why they can.” -Willis Whitney (Willis Rodney Whitney (1868 - 1958))

“Deeds not words.” -Author Unknown

“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.” -Dale Carnegie (Dale Breckenridge Carnegie (1888 - 1955))

“Small deeds done are better than great deeds planned.” -Peter Marshall (1902 - 1949)

“Begin doing what you want to do now. We are not living in eternity. We have only this moment, sparkling like a star in our hand and melting like a snowflake. Let us use it before it is too late.” -Marie Beynon Ray (1886 - 1969)

“Doing is better than saying.” -Thomas Draxe (unknown - 1618)

“The price of inaction is far greater than the cost of making a mistake.” -Meister Eckhart (Eckhart von Hochheim (1260 - 1327))

“If you want a thing done well, do it yourself.” -Author Unknown: French proverb

“Action is a great restorer and builder of confidence. Inaction is not only the result, but the cause, of fear. Perhaps the action you take will be successful; perhaps different action or adjustments will have to follow. But any action is better than no action at all.” -Norman Vincent Peale (1898 - 1993)

“It is time for us all to stand and cheer for the doer, the achiever - the one who recognizes the challenge and does something about it.” -Vince Lombardi (Vincent Thomas ‘Vince’ Lombardi (1913 - 1970))

“I have always thought the actions of men the best interpreters of their thoughts.” -John Locke (1632 - 1704): “An Essay Concerning Human Understanding” (1690)

“Never undertake anything for which you wouldn’t have the courage to ask the blessings of Heaven.” -G. C. Lichtenberg (Georg Christoph Lichtenberg (1742 - 1799))

“It is the greatest of all mistakes to do nothing because you can only do a little. Do what you can.” -Sydney Smith (1771 - 1845)

“The best time to do a thing is when it can be done.” -William Pickens (1881 - 1954): “Fifty Years after Emancipation” (1912)

“Action is the foundational key to all success.” -Pablo Picasso (Pablo Diego Jose Francisco do Paula Juan Nepomuceno Cipriano de la Santissima Trinidad (1881 - 1971))

“Heaven never helps the man who will not act.” -Sophocles (496 B.C.E. - 406 B.C.E.)

“I move forward in my life every day, even if it’s only a tiny step, because I know that great things are accomplished with tiny moves, but nothing is accomplished by standing still.” -Zig Ziglar (Hilary Hinton ‘Zig’ Ziglar (1926 - 2012))

“Do lovely things, not dream them, all day long.” -Charles Kingsley (1819 - 1875): “Andromeda and Other Poems” (1858), ‘A Farewell to C. E. G.’

“Many people carry a Can’t Do It List around in their heads as they travel on their journey in life, and it becomes their guide for every decision in their lives and for every moment they are alive and awake. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if that list were transformed into a Possibilities List, or a Things to Try List?” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)

“What you do every day should contribute to giving your life meaning. If it doesn’t, why are you doing it?” -Don Hutcheson (Don ‘Hutch’ Hutcheson)

“Good intentions are not enough. They’ve never put an onion in the soup yet.” -Sonya Levien (born Sara Opesken (1888 - 1960))

“In doing we learn.” -George Herbert (1593 - 1633)

Throw away your wishbone,
Straighten up your backbone,
Stick out your jawbone,
And go to it!
-Author Unknown

“If you don’t have time to do it right, you must have time to do it over.” -Author Unknown

“The more we do, the more we can do; the more busy we are, the more leisure we have.” -William Hazlitt (1778 - 1830)

Out of the strain of the Doing,
Into the peace of the Done.
-Julia Louise Woodruff (Julia Louise Matilda Woodruff (1832 - 1909)): ‘Harvest Home’ poem published in “Sunday at Home” (1910) magazine

“What we think, or what we know, or what we believe is, in the end, of little consequence. The only consequence is what we do.” -John Ruskin (1819 - 1900)

“Never mistake motion for action.” -Ernest Hemingway (Ernest Miller Hemingway (1899 - 1961))

“Every living creature that comes into the world has something allotted to him to perform, therefore he should not stand an idle spectator of what others are doing.” -Sarah Kirby Trimmer (1741 - 1810): “Fabulous Histories” (1821)

“The deeds you do today may be the only sermon some people will hear today.” - Francis of Assisi (1181 - 1226)

“The world is blessed most by men who do things and not by those who merely talk about them.” -James Oliver

“Take a chance! All life is a chance. The man who goes farthest is generally the one who is willing to do and dare.” -Dale Carnegie (Dale Harbison Carnegie (born Dale Breckenridge Carnagey (1888 - 1955))

“Be content to act, and leave the talking to others.” -Baltasar Gracián (1601 - 1658)

“I’m not the type to sit on the porch and watch life go by.” -Sally Rand (born Helen Gould Beck (1904 - 1979))

“This world is but the vestibule of an immortal life. Every action of our lives touches on some chord that will vibrate in eternity.” -E. H. Chapin (Edwin Hubbell Chapin (1814 - 1880)): as attributed in Charles Northend: “Memory Gems” (1890), page 6

“Believe and act as if it were impossible to fail.” -Charles F. Kettering (Charles Franklin Kettering (1876 - 1958))

“You don’t have to do everything, but you can always do something.” -Malia Blake (Malia T. Blake (born 1965))

“Do all that you can and all you thought you could not.” -Author Unknown

“The fact is that in order to do anything in this world worth doing, we must not stand shivering on the bank thinking of the cold and the danger, but jump in and scramble through as well as we can.” -Sydney Smith (1771 - 1845)

“It is not only for what we do that we are held responsible, but also for what we do not do.” -Jean Molière (pseudonym of Jean-Baptiste Poquelin (1622 - 1673))

“Our grand business undoubtedly is, not to see what lies dimly at a distance, but to do what lies clearly at hand.” -Thomas Carlyle (1795 -1881)

“Continuous effort - not strength or intelligence - is key to unlocking our potential.” -Winston Churchill (Winston Leonard Spencer-Churchill (1874 - 1965)): as attributed in Liane Cordes (Liane Jo Cordes (born 1946)): “The Reflecting Pond: Meditations for Self-Discovery” (1981), page 89

“Do something. If it doesn’t work, do something else. No idea is too crazy.” -Jim Hightower (James Allen ‘Jim’ Hightower (born 1943))

“Unselfish and noble actions are the most radiant pages in the biography of souls.” -David Thomas (1776 - 1859)

“During a very busy life I have often been asked, “How did you manage to do it all?” The answer is very simple. It is because I did everything promptly.” -Richard Tangye (1833 - 1906)

“People who soar, are those who refuse to sit back and wish things would change.” -Charles R. Swindoll (Charles Rozell ‘Chuck’ Swindoll (born 1934))

“Facta non verba.” [Latin]
“Deeds, not words.” [English]
-Author Unknown

“Do not wait to strike till the iron is hot; but make it hot by striking.” -William Butler Yeats (1865 - 1939)

“The world cares very little about what a man or woman knows; it is what the man or woman is able to do that the world cares about.” -Booker T. Washington (Booker Taliaferro Washington (1856 - 1915)): “Mind and Matter” (5 June 1895), address to the Alabama State Teachers’ Association, Selma, Alabama, United States of America

“Life is too short to sit on the sidelines; it is much more fun to give it your enthusiastic best.” -Bob Apple

“Acting on a good idea is better than just having a good idea.” -Robert Half (1918 - 2001)

“Every man feels instinctively that all the beautiful sentiments in the world weigh less than a single lovely action.” -James Russell Lowell (1819 - 1891): as quoted in the “North American Review” (July 1867)

“Don’t just stand there, make something happen.” -Lee Iacocca (Lido Anthony ‘Lee’ Iacocca (born 1924))

“Action springs not from thought, but from a readiness for responsibility.” -Dietrich Bonhoeffer (1906 - 1945)

Affirmation: If it is to be, it is up to me.

“It has long since come to my attention that people of accomplishment rarely sat back and let things happen to them. They went out and happened to things.” -Elinor Smith (1911 - 2010)

“Well done is better than well said.” -Author Unknown

“Doing little things well is a step toward doing big things better.” -Vincent van Gogh (Vincent Willem van Gogh (1853 - 1890))

“The time when you need to do something is when no one else is willing to do it, when people are saying it can’t be done.” -Will Durant (William James ‘Will’ Durant (1885 - 1981))

“The shortest way to do many things is to do one thing at once.” -Samuel Smiles (1812 - 1904)

“Let us turn our ‘To Do Lists’ into ‘All Done Lists.’” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)

“Do, doing, done.” -Author Unknown

“The greatest things ever done on Earth have been done little by little.” -Thomas Guthrie (1803 - 1873)

“Step by step and the thing is done.” -Charles Atlas (born Angelo Siciliano (1892 - 1972))

“It is our attitude at the beginning of a difficult task which, more than anything else, will affect its successful outcome.” -William James (1842 - 1910)

“Action is the antidote to despair.” -Joan Baez (Joan Chandos Baez (born 1941))

“Do it. Do it right. Do it right now.” -Author Unknown

“Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising which tempt you to believe that your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires courage.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882)

“Action makes more fortune than caution.” -Luc DeClapiers (1715 - 1747)

“Always say nothing doing to doing nothing.” -Frank Tyger (1929 - 2011)

“And, having once decided to achieve a certain task, achieve it at all costs of tedium and distaste. The gain in self-confidence of having accomplished a tiresome labor is immense.” -Enoch A. Bennett (Enoch Arnold Bennett (1867 - 1931)): “How to Live on Twenty-Four Hours a Day” (1910), Chapter 12

“So little done, so much to do.” -Cecil Rhodes (1853 - 1902)

“The more things you do, the more you can do.” -Lucille Ball (Lucille Désirée Ball (1911 - 1989))

“In a world where there is so much to be done, I felt strongly impressed that there must be something for me to do.” -Dorothea Dix (Dorothea Lynde Dix (1802 - 1887)): as quoted in Lydia Maria Child: “Letters from New York,” Volume 2 (1845), ‘Letter 31’ (31 December 1844), page 284

This is MFOL! . . . we must take immediate action to make the world funnier . . .

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Philosophies and Philosophers

4/4/2020

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As can be seen from these statues of ancient philosophers, they consisted entirely of heads, with no arms or legs or bodies, and so they spent their lives deep in thought . . .

The French existentialist Jean-Paul Sartre was sitting in a diner when a waitress approached him. “Can I get you something to drink, Monsieur Sartre?” Sartre replied, “Yes, I would like a cup of coffee with sugar, but no cream.” Nodding, the waitress walked off to fill the order, and Sartre returned to working. A few minutes later, however, the waitress returned and said, “I’m sorry, Monsieur Sartre, we are all out of cream - how about with no milk?”

“There is nothing so absurd but that some philosopher has said it.” -Cicero (Marcus Tullius Cicero (106 B.C.E. - 43 B.C.E.)): “De Divinatione” (“On Divination”) (44 B.C.E.), book 2, chapter 119, section 58

The following are thought to be profound thoughts from famous philosophers.
1. “To be is to do.” -Socrates (470 B.C.E. - 399 B.C.E.)
2. “To do is to be.” -Jean-Paul Sartre (1905 - 1980)
3. “Do be do be do.” -Frank Sinatra (1915 - 1998)

“I think, therefore I am.” [translation to English]
“Je pense, donc je suis.” [original French]
-René Descartes (1596 - 1650): “Discours de la méthode” (“Discourse on the Method”) (1637)

Monsieur Sartre liked this line so much that he used it again as follows.

“I think, therefore I am.” [translation to English]
“Cogito ergo sum.” [original Latin]
-René Descartes (1596 - 1650): “Principia philosophiae” (“Principles of Philosophy”) (1644)

“Philosophum non facit barba.” [original Latin]
“The beard does not define a philosopher.” [translation to English]
-Author Unknown

“Cartesian, adj. Relating to Descartes, a famous philosopher, author of the celebrated dictum, ‘Cogito ergo sum’ - whereby he was pleased to suppose he demonstrated the reality of human existence. The dictum might be improved, however, thus: ‘Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum’ - ‘I think that I think, therefore I think that I am;’ as close an approach to certainty as any philosopher has yet made.” -Ambrose Bierce (Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce (1842 - 1914)): “The Cynic’s Word Book” (1906; retitled in 1911 as “The Devil’s Dictionary”)

“I am, because my little dog knows me.” -Gertrude Stein (1874 - 1946): “Identity a Poem” (1936)

“Cogito ergo spud.”
“I think, therefore I yam.”
-Graffito reported by Herb Caen

“I think, therefore, I yam . . . or potato, perhaps . . .” -Author Unknown

“Being a philosopher, I have a problem for every solution.” -Author Unknown

“At times I think, and at times I am.” -Author Unknown

“I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior.” -Hippolyte Taine (Hippolyte Adolphe Taine (1828 - 1893))

“I think, therefore I am overqualified.” -Author Unknown

“Philosophy: unintelligible answers to insoluble problems.” -Henry Brooks Adams: as quoted in Bert Leston Taylor: “The So-Called Human Race” (1922)

“I think, therefore I am a waffle.” [original English]
“Cogito eggo sum.” [translation to pseudo-Latin]
-Author Unknown: as quoted in “New York” (23 December 1985) magazine

“Philosophy, noun: A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.” - Ambrose Bierce (Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce (1842 - 1914)): “The Cynic’s Word Book” (1906; retitled in 1911 as “The Devil’s Dictionary”)

“An idealist is one who, on noticing that roses smell better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup.” -H. L. Mencken (Henry Louis Mencken (1880 - 1956))

“I think I am. Therefore, I am . . . I think.” [original English]
“Cogito sum, ergo sum cogito.” [translated to Latin]
-attributed to George Carlin (1937 - 2008)

Percy: I think, therefore I am . . . I think . . . what do you think?
Mercy: I am not sure, therefore, I mumble.

“I doubt, therefore, I might be.” -Author Unknown

“The highest point of philosophy is to be both wise and simple; this is the angelic life.” -attributed to John Chrysostom (about C.E. 347 - C.E. 407)

“I forget, therefore, I was.” -Author Unknown

“The reason to get a degree in philosophy is so that you can become a professor in philosophy and teach other students how to get degrees in philosophy so they can become professors in philosophy . . . and so on to infinity. Nothing exists outside this construct . . . nothing else is real. In time, all matter in the Universe and everything that has, does, can, or will exist, consists of philosophy professors. Beware, however, as their low mumblings, interspersed with periodic outbreaks of philosophical arguments, could threaten to break down the entire system and return everything to a primordial state of matter and energy, which contains no known traces of philosophers or philosophies, other than that it exists. Now what were you saying?” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Plato.
Plato, who?
Plato fish and chips, please.

So you want to be a philosopher? First, you should consider the practical implications of your chosen pursuit. What will become of you? How much do philosophers earn in a year? What do philosophers actually produce? What kind of people would you be working with? What would people think of you? Where would you live? What kind of shoes do philosophers wear?

“Sometimes I don’t think, so I might not be.” -Author Unknown

Philosophobia is a persistent fear of philosophy or of philosophers. Possibly some people might not want to be bored to excruciation . . .

“I’m an idealist. I don’t know where I’m going, but I’m on my way.” -Carl Sandburg (1878 - 1967)

“Any philosophy that can be put in a nutshell belongs there.” -Sydney J. Harris (Sydney Justin Harris (1917 - 1986))

“A philosopher went into a closet for ten years to contemplate the question, ‘What is life?’ When he came out, he went into the street and met an old colleague, who asked him where in Heaven’s name he had been all those years. ‘In a closet,’ he replied. ‘I wanted to know what life really is.’ ‘And have you found the answer?’ ‘Yes,’ he replied. ‘I think it can best be expressed by saying that life is like a bridge.’ ‘That’s well and good,’ replied the colleague, ‘but can you be a little more explicit? Can you tell me how life is like a bridge?’ ‘Oh,’ replied the philosopher, after some thought, ‘maybe you’re right - perhaps life is not like a bridge.’” - Raymond Smullyan: “5,000 B.C. and Other Philosophical Fantasies” (15 February 1983)

Marge: What is the difference between a philosopher and an engineer?
Madge: About $190,000 a year.

“The point of philosophy is to start with something so simple as to seem not worth stating, and to end with something so paradoxical that no one will believe it.” -Bertrand Russell (Bertrand Arthur William Russell (1872 - 1970)): “Science and Religion” (1935)

“Philosophy is a game with objectives and no rules; mathematics is a game with rules and no objectives.” -Author Unknown

Ancient philosophers, in attempting to understand the world in which they lived, placed humans and chickens into the same category, since both are bipeds, that is, creatures that walk upright on two legs. We have come a long way since then . . . maybe.

Nellie: How many Marxists does it take to change a light bulb?
Neal: None; every light bulb contains the seeds of its own ‘revolution.’

“There is no record in history of a happy philosopher.” -H. L. Mencken (Henry Louis Mencken (1880 - 1956)): as quoted in Herbert V. Prochnow: “Speaker’s Handbook of Epigrams and Witticisms” (1955)

“A great truth is a truth whose opposite is also a great truth.” -Christopher Morley (Christopher Darlington Morley (1890 - 1957))

Be careful that no one else’s karma runs over your dogma! (car-ma, dog-ma)

1. The First Law of Philosophy: For every philosopher, there exists an equal and opposite philosopher.
2. The Second Law of Philosophy: They are both wrong.

I Will Be a Toad

“Think as I think,” said a man,
“Or you are abominably wicked;
You are a toad.”
And after I had thought of it,
I said, “I will, then, be a toad.”

by Stephen Crane (1871 - 1900)

“If I wished to punish a province, I would have it governed by philosophers.” -Frederick the Great

Aristotle: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Plato: For the greater good.

The French philosopher René Descartes was in a cafe having a cup of tea. A waiter asked him if he would like another. “I think not,” Mr. Descartes said, and then he promptly vanished in a puff of philosophy.

I’m Not Really Here

There was a young student called Fred,
Who was questioned on Descartes and said:
     “It’s perfectly clear
     That I’m not really here,
For I haven’t a thought in my head.”

by V. R. Ormerod

A college dean, on speaking to the staff of the physics department, said, “Why do I always have to give you guys so much money for laboratories and expensive equipment and stuff? Why can’t you be like the math department - all they need is money for pencils, paper, and wastebaskets. Or even better, like the philosophy department - all they need is pencils and paper.”

“Given time and plenty of paper, a philosopher can prove anything.” -Robert A. Heinlein (Robert Anson Heinlein (1907 - 1988)): “Double Star” (1956)

“Philosophers are adults who persist in asking childish questions.” -Isaiah Berlin

“There is only one thing a philosopher can be relied upon to do, and that is to contradict other philosophers.” -William James (1842 - 1910)

Philosophy drips gently from his tongue
     Who hath three meals a day in guarantee.
-Christopher Morley (Christopher Darlington Morley (1890 - 1957)): “Parson’s Pleasure” (1923), ‘So This Is Arden’

Is knowledge knowable? If not, how do we know this?

“A serious and good philosophical work could be written consisting entirely of jokes.” -Ludwig Wittgenstein (1889 - 1951): as quoted in Henry Dribble: “Philosophical Investigations from the Sanctity of the Press” (15 November 2004), ‘A View from the Asylum,’ page 87

Reality: The dream of a mad philosopher.

“Monism is the theory that anything less than everything is nothing.” -Saul Gorn: “S. Gorn’s Compendium of Rarely Used Clichés,” as quoted in Raymond Smullyan: “5,000 B.C. and Other Philosophical Fantasies” (15 February 1983)

“To make light of philosophy is to be a true philosopher.” -Blaise Pascal (1623 - 1662)

“Most philosophers are poor, so most of them give the poor the best of it.” -Edgar W. Howe (Edgar Watson ‘Ed’ Howe, also known as E. W. Howe (1853 - 1937))

“There is no record in human history of a happy philosopher, they exist only in romantic legends.” -George Santayana (1863 - 1952)

“I have tried, too, in my time to be a philosopher, but I don’t know how; cheerfulness was always breaking in.” -Oliver Edwards

“‘There are no truths,’ he [Nietzsche] wrote, ‘only interpetations.’ Now, either what Nietzsche said is true - in which case it is not true, since there are no truths - or it is false.” -Roger Scruton: “The West and the Rest” (2002), page 74

So, a while back, a decidedly unemployable derelict wandered onto a college campus, and the faculty helped him by buying for him a cup of coffee and then another. Being much impressed, they then granted to him an on-the-spot philosophy professorship because he could string together enough words to make the at-least meandering half-thoughts which they took for pure genius because they had never heard them uttered by such a weather-beaten and antique personage before . . . and that is the story of why today your philosophy professor has holes in the souls of his shoes and his clothes look all decayed and stuff and you do not want to stand too close to him because he smells funny . . . but he sure can make up some fascinating high falutin,’ sincere sounding sentences - and he does have that impeccable acclaimed ‘degree in philosophy.’

Philosopher Phil: Have you heard about the guy who went to the solipsist convention?
Philosopher Phoebe: Yes, it turned out that nobody showed up.

“Philosophy to him was rather like a maze in which he happened to find himself wandering, and what he was looking for was the way out.” -George Santayana (1863 - 1952): “Character and Opinion in the United States” (1920), referring to William James (1842 - 1910)

“Primum viveri diende philosophari.” [original Latin]
“Live before you philosophize.” [translation to English]
-Author Unknown

Philosophers ask questions such as, “Why is there something rather than nothing?” and “What is real?” and “Do we have free-will or are our lives predestined?” and “Why is yellow yellow and not orange or 6.12?”

“I am sitting with a philosopher in the garden; he says again and again, ‘I know that that’s a tree,’ pointing to a tree that is near us. Someone else arrives and hears this, and I tell them, ‘This fellow isn’t insane. We are only doing philosophy.’” -Ludwig Wittgenstein (1889 - 1951)

“The true function of philosophy is to educate us in the principles of reasoning and not to put an end to further reasoning by the introduction of fixed conclusions.” -George Henry Lewes (1817 - 1878): “The Biographical History of Philosophy”

We can make fun of philosophy and even call it idle musings, because philosophers have said some very amusing things across the span of human history, and we suspect that sometimes they were being funny - on purpose! However, it is worth noting that philosophy began as an attempt to understand ourselves and our world. Many sciences began in philosophy: mathematics, chemistry, biology, medicine, and so forth. From these sciences have sprung developments including many of the things we now take for granted, from larger crop yields to being able to launch rockets into space to treatments for infectious diseases. Thanks, philosophers!

This is MFOL! . . . we add new articles regularly, so be sure to visit often . . .

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Age and Aging

4/3/2020

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“Life begins at eighty.” -Author Unknown

How to Grow Old

If you want to be an old man long before your time,
     Never fool with poetry, never make a rhyme.
Never play with children, never skip the rope,
     Never have a good time blowing bubble soap.
Never go a-fishing, never pass the ball,
     Never ramble in the woods in Summer or in Fall.
Never lift your eyes to God, keep ‘em looking down,
     Never wear a pleasant smile, always wear a frown.
Never take your time to eat, always overstuff,
     Never have the sense to know when you’ve had enough.

by Alex Rennie

“Once you reach 80, everyone wants to carry your baggage and help you up the steps. If you forget your name or anybody else’s name, or an appointment, or your own telephone number, or promise to be three places at the same time, or can’t remember how many grandchildren you have, you need only explain that you are 80.” -Frank Laubach: as quoted in Ann Landers: “Wake Up and Smell the Coffee! Advice, Wisdom, and Uncommon Good Sense” (1996)

“At age 7, Mozart wrote his first symphony. At 12, Shane Gould won an Olympic medal. At 14, Leann Rimes topped the Country Music charts. At 17, Joan of Arc led an army in defense of Europe. At 57, Ray Kroc founded the McDonald’s Restaurant chain. At 71, Michelangelo painted the Sistine Chapel. At 80, George Burns won his first Oscar. At 104, Cal Evans wrote his first book on the American West.” -Gil Atkinson: as quoted in Dan Zadra: “I Believe in You: To Your Heart, Your Dream, and the Difference You Make” (August 1999)

“When you are dissatisfied with the present and would like to go back to your youth, just think of Algebra and Geometry.” -Author Unknown

“Wrinkles mean you laughed, gray hair means you cared, and scars mean you lived!” -Author Unknown

“Ah, being young is beautiful . . . but being old is comfortable.” -Author Unknown

At a nursing home in Florida, some senior citizens were sitting around talking about their aches and pains. “My arms are so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee,” said one. “I know what you mean. My cataracts are so bad I can’t even see my coffee,” replied another. “I can’t turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck,” said a third. “My blood pressure pills make me dizzy,” another contributed. “I guess that’s the price we pay for getting old,” winced an old man. Then there was a short moment of silence followed by, “Thankfully, we can all still drive!” chimed in one cheerful woman.

On Growing Up

My grandmother is coming tomorrow
     And then I’m going to be four;
I’m getting so big that already,
     I can open the kitchen door;
I’m very much taller than Baby,
     Though today I am still only three,
And I’m bigger than bob-tail the puppy,
     Who used to be bigger than me.

by Author Unknown

“It is not by the gray of the hair that one knows the age of the heart.” -Edward George Earle Bulwer-Lytton (1803 - 1873)

Three sisters, who were 92, 94, and 96 years of age, lived in a house together. One night the 96 year old drew a bath. She put her foot in and paused. She yelled to the other sisters, “Was I getting in or out of the bath?” The 94-year-old yelled back, “I don’t know. I’ll come up and see.” She started up the stairs and paused. “Was I going up the stairs or down?” The 92 year old was sitting at the kitchen table having tea and listening to her sisters. She shook her head and said, “I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood.” She then yelled, “I’ll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who’s at the door.”

“We turn not older with years, but newer every day.” -Emily Dickinson (1830 - 1886)

Age

Mary’s five and Bea is three,
     Bob is nine, that’s three times Bea.
In four more years I’ll be eleven,
     That’s much better than being seven.
Granddad’s sixty I am told,
     How many years till I’m that old?
Funny how mum’s age never changes,
     She’s been twenty-one for ages!

by Author Unknown

“As I get older, I just prefer to knit.” -Tracey Ullman

“Wrinkles should merely indicate where the smiles have been.” -Mark Twain (pseudonym of Samuel Langhorne Clemens (1835 - 1910)): “Following the Equator” (1897), chapter 52

Advantages of Growing Old
- You can eat supper at 4:00 p.m.
- People call at 8:00 p.m. and ask, ‘Did I wake you?’
- There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
- Things you buy now won’t wear out.
- You enjoy hearing about other people’s problems.
- Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
- You realize how wise you are to have bought long-term care insurance.
- You have a party and the neighbors don’t even realize it.
- Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.
- You can’t remember where you found this list.

“The great thing about getting older is that you don’t lose all the other ages you’ve been.” -Madeleine L’Engle (Madeleine L’Engle Camp (1918 - 2007))

“As you get older three things happen. The first is, your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two . . .” -Norman Wisdom

A little silver-haired lady called her neighbor and said, “Please come over here and help me. I have a new jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to get started.” Her neighbor asked, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?” The little silver-haired lady said, “According to the picture on the box, it’s a rooster.” Her neighbor decided to go over and help with the puzzle. She let him in and showed him where she had the puzzle spread all over her table. He studied the pieces for a moment, looked at the box, and then turned to her and said, “First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to assemble the pieces into anything resembling a rooster.” He gently put his hand on her shoulder and said, “Secondly, I want you to relax. Let’s have a nice cup of tea, and well . . .” he said with a deep sigh, “. . . let’s put all the corn flakes back in the box.”

“Age is nothing at all . . . unless you are a cheese.” -Billie Burke (Mary William Appleton ‘Billie’ Burke (1886 - 1970))

“When I was little, I thought being an adult meant not having a bedtime, but I’ve come to realize that it just means being in charge of my own bedtime and it turns out that I am not equipped to handle that responsibility.” -Author Unknown

Games for When We Are Older
1. Sag, You’re It!
2. Pin the Toupee on the Bald Person
3. Twenty Questions Shouted Into Your One Good Ear
4. Musical Recliners
5. Doc, Doc - Nurse!
6. Simon Says Something Incoherent
7. Spin the Medication Bottle
8. Has Anyone Seen Where I Mislaid My Teeth?
9. Cane Dueling
10. Who Am I and How Did I Get Here?

Overheard: I just turned 92, and I have finally figured out what I want to do with my life.

Be wise with speed;
     A fool at forty is a fool indeed.
-Edward Young (1683 - 1765)

“How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you was?” - Satchel Paige (Leroy Robert ‘Satchel’ Paige (1906 - 1982)): as quoted in the “New York Times” (8 June 1984)

“I still have a full deck; I just shuffle slower now.” -Author Unknown

“I have often noticed that a kindly, placid, good humor is the companion of longevity, and I suspect, frequently the leading cause of it.” -Walter Scott (1771 - 1832): “Sir Walter Scott’s Journal 1825 - 1832” (1890), ‘20 September 1826’

“Youth is happy because it has the ability to see beauty. Anyone who keeps the ability to see beauty never grows old.” -Franz Kafka (1883 - 1924)

Old Age

I like my new bifocals,
     My dentures fit just fine,
My hearing aid is perfect,
     But, Lord, I miss my mind!

by Author Unknown

“I will never be an old man. To me, old age is always fifteen years older than I am.” -Bernard M. Baruch (Bernard Mannes Baruch (1870 - 1965)): as quoted in “Newsweek” (29 August 1955) (similar quotation attributed to René Descartes)

“The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom.” -H. L. Mencken (Henry Louis Mencken (1880 - 1956)): “Prejudices: Third Series” (1922), chapter 3

“As soon as you feel too old to do a thing, do it!” -Margaret Deland (1857 - 1945)

How Old Is Old?

An elephant outlives a monkey,
     A turtle, longer than man,
A housefly will last but a summer,
     A tree has a long life span.
A camel has humps when a baby,
     A deer slows down when fifteen,
Eight years is life’s span for a squirrel,
     One older is seldom seen.
You are young, my friend, not old but young
     If you find deep in your heart
Beautiful thoughts of deeds to be done
     Or some kind words to impart.

by Author Unknown

“It’s not the age of a person, but the attitude that matters.” -Author Unknown

“The older one gets, the more one comes to resemble oneself.” -Maurice Chevalier (Maurice Auguste Chevalier (1888 - 1972))

“You’ve heard of the three stages of man - youth, age, and ‘you’re looking wonderful’.” -Francis Cardinal Spellman

It’s happening so fast . . . all those Rock ‘n’ Rollers are now in rocking chairs! Some of the artists from the 1960’s and 1970’s are re-releasing their hits with new lyrics to accommodate us in our golden years. This is good news for those of us who are missing all of those great old tunes.
- Herman’s Hermits: “Mrs. Brown, You’ve Got a Lovely Walker”
- The Bee Gees: “How Can You Mend a Broken Hip”
- The Temptations: “Papa’s got a Kidney Stone”
- Marvin Gaye: “I Heard It through the Grape Nuts”
- Johnny Nash: “I Can’t See Clearly Now”
- ABBA: “Denture Queen”

“Age doesn’t always make you as forgetful as you may have been led to believe. It’s really having far too many worthless facts to remember that makes you forgetful.” -Author Unknown

“If you don’t learn to laugh at trouble, you won’t have anything to laugh at when you are old.” -Author Unknown

“He was of that awkward age, being too old for military service and too young for retirement.” -Author Unknown

“The key to successful aging is to pay as little attention to it as possible.” -Judith Regan

Randy: What goes up, but never comes down?
Sandy: Your age.

Grandpa was celebrating his 100th birthday and everybody complimented him on how athletic and well preserved he appeared. “I will tell you the secret of my success,” he cackled. “My wife and I were married 75 years ago. On our wedding night, we made a solemn pledge that whenever we had a fight, the one who was proved wrong would go out and take a walk. Gentlemen, I have been in the open air practically continuously for 75 years.”

“Age is just a number - you are as young or as old as you feel.” -Author Unknown

“A man is getting old when he walks around a puddle instead of through it.” -R. C. Ferguson

Sandra: How can a woman be 94 on her last birthday and 96 on her next birthday?
Cassandra: Today is her 95th birthday!

“Age does not protect you from love. But love, to some extent, protects you from age.” -Anaïs Nin (1903 - 1977)

“When one has reached 81 . . . one likes to sit back and let the world turn by itself without trying to push it.” -Sean O’Casey (1880 - 1964): as quoted in “The New York Times” (25 September 1960)

“It is a mistake to regard age as a downhill grade toward dissolution. The reverse is true. As one grows older, one climbs with surprising strides.” -George Sand (pseudonym of Amandine-Aurore-Lucile Dupin (1804 - 1876))

“We are always the same age inside.” -Gertrude Stein (1874 - 1946)

Stan: How can you tell that you are getting old?
Dan: You go to an antiques auction and three people bid on you.

“A man over ninety is a great comfort to all his elderly neighbors: he is a picket-guard at the extreme outpost; and the young folks of sixty and seventy feel that the enemy must get by him before he can come near their camp.” -Oliver Wendell Holmes, Senior (1809 - 1894): “The Guardian Angel” (1867)

“Age is a question of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” -Satchel Paige (Leroy Robert ‘Satchel’ Paige (1906 - 1982))

“Do not regret growing old . . . it is a privilege denied to many.” -Author Unknown

“Seasoned citizen - seasonings may include salt and pepper.” -Author Unknown

“There is a fountain of youth: it is your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to your life and the lives of the people you love. When you learn to tap this source, you will have truly defeated age.” -Sophia Loren (pseudonym of Sophia Sciccoloni (born 1934))

“As one grows older, one becomes wiser and more foolish.” -François de La Rochefoucauld (also known as François Duc de La Rochefoucauld (1613 - 1680))

“I am still learning.” -Michelangelo (Michelangelo di Lodovico Buonarroti Simoni, also known as Buonarroti Michelangelo (1475 - 1564)), at 80 years of age

“I’m not interested in age. People who tell me their age are silly. You’re as old as you feel.” -Henri-Frédéric Amiel (1821 - 1881)

For age is opportunity no less
     Than youth itself, though in another dress,
And as the evening twilight fades away,
     The sky is filled with stars, invisible by day.
-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807 - 1882): “Morituri Salutamus” (1875)

“You can tell you are getting old when you sit down in a rocking chair and cannot get it started.” -Author Unknown

“For years I wanted to be older, and now I am.” -Margaret Atwood (born 1939)

“One of the many things nobody ever tells you about middle age is that it’s such a nice change from being young.” -Dorothy Canfield Fisher (1879 - 1958)

“The older the fiddle, the sweeter the sound.” -Author Unknown

“I think all this talk about age is foolish. Every time I’m one year older, everyone else is too.” -Gloria Swanson (1897 - 1983): “Swanson on Swanson” (1981)

“The belief that youth is the happiest time of life is founded on a fallacy. The happiest person is the person who thinks the most interesting thoughts and we grow happier as we grow older.” -William Lyon Phelps (1865 - 1943)

“I am getting to an age when I can only enjoy the last sport left. It is called hunting for your spectacles.” -Edward Grey

“The older you get, the faster time passes in your mind, so use your time according to what is most important.” -A. J. Darkholme: “Rise of the Morningstar” (????)

Well, hello there! Did you know that right now you are the oldest you have ever been before and the youngest you will ever be again? We would like to encourage you to enjoy every moment you have. Now go out there and Make Fun Of Life!

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Mnemonics and Memory Aids

4/1/2020

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What is a mnemonic? A mnemonic is an aid to the memorization and recall of information or knowledge.

How is mnemonic pronounced? The word mnemonic is pronounced as nuh-mah-nik, with the letter ‘m’ at the beginning of the word being silent, similar to the way the letter ‘g’ at the beginning of the word gnu is silent.

Does anyone have a mnemonic that is useful for remembering how to spell the word mnemonic?

Mnemonic Devices Can Help in Memorizing
- Birthdays
- Dates
- Faces
- Phrases in foreign languages
- Names
- Order in which things have occurred or are to be done
- Shopping lists
- Subjects in school
- To do lists
Can you think of other uses for mnemonics?

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General Knowledge Mnemonics

Colors of the Rainbow
The colors of the rainbow in the visual spectrum are red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, and violet. Mnemonics for remembering them include the following.
- Roy G. Biv
- Richard Of York Gave Battle In Vain.

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Metric System
The prefixes of the metric system of measure from largest to smallest units are Kilo, Hecto, Deka, Base, Deci, Centi, and Milli. They can be memorized with the mnemonic, “King Henry dieted by drinking chocolate milk.”

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Days in the Months

Thirty days has September,
     April, June, and November;
All the rest have thirty-one
     Excepting February alone,
To which we twenty-eight assign
     Till leap year makes it twenty-nine.

by Author Unknown

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English Grammar Mnemonics

Coordinating Conjunctions
The seven coordinating conjunctions in English can be arranged to form the acronymic mnemonic FANBOYS: For, And, Nor, But, Or, Yet, So.

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Parts of Speech

Nouns and Verbs
Nouns are persons, or places, or things
Such as Benjamin, Egypt, or wings.
Verbs cause them to move
As this sentence will prove:
“When Benjamin sings, Egypt swings!”

Adverbs
On adverbs we always rely
To tell where or when, how or why,
And to what extent, too
As ‘exceedingly few’
Tells about elephants in the sky.

Prepositions
If you want to locate or position
Some thing, use a good preposition.
To, around, in, and out,
Up and down, or about
Put things in their place or condition.

by Author Unknown

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Eight Parts of Speech
An acronymic mnemonic for the eight parts of speech is PAPANVIC, standing for: Pronoun, Adjective, Preposition, Adverb, Noun, Verb, Interjection, Conjunction.

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Vowels
The five vowels of the alphabet can be memorized with the mnemonic, “Angry elephant in orange underpants,” representing a, e, i, o, u.

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Spelling Rule

‘I’ before ‘e,’
     Except after ‘c,’
Or when sounded like ‘a,’
     As in ‘neighbor’ and ‘weigh.’

by Author Unknown

The following sixteen words are exceptions to the ‘i before e’ rule or guideline: seize, weird, neither, either, foreign, sovereign, forfeit, counterfeit, leisure, heifer, protein, height, sleight, feisty, seismograph, and kaleidoscope.

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Mnemonics for Spelling Words
- Because: Big elephants can always understand smaller elephants.
- Does it help to think of the r in separate as separating two like letters?
- Geography: George Eliot’s old grandfather rode a pig home yesterday.
- The three e’s in cemetery are as three tombstones in a row.
- When you think of spelling stationery, think of the e in envelope.
Can you create more mnemonics for words that are difficult to spell?

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Achievement Mnemonics

Goals
SMART Goals are Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, Time-Bound.

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Cooperation
The benefit of teamwork is spelled out in the acronym TEAM: Together Everyone Achieves More.

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Studying for Tests
BREAK: Break memorization into short time periods, Recite information aloud, Establish mnemonics, Always try to picture information in your mind, Key words help.

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Science Mnemonics

The Scientific Method, or What do scientists do all day? Answer: Question, research, hypothesis, experiment, conclusion, report.
Mnemonic for remembering this: Quickly run home eating chewy raisins.

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Electromagnetic Spectrum
The electromagnetic spectrum is broken down into waves or rays, called Radio, Micro, Infrared, Visible, Ultraviolet, X-Rays, and Gama. A mnemonic for remembering this is, “Real monkeys invent very useful X-mas gifts.”

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Geography Mnemonics

Earth’s Continents
Earth has seven continents, which are named Europe, Antarctica, Asia, Africa, Australia, North America, South America. A mnemonic for remembering them is as follows: Eat an alligator after a nighttime snack.

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The Five Great Lakes of North America
HOMES: Huron, Ontario, Michigan, Erie, Superior.
The five great lakes are ‘homes’ to numerous fishes.

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The Countries of Central America
Big gorillas eat halava, not cold pizza.
Belize, Guatamala, El Salvador, Honduras, Nicaragua, Costa Rica, Panama.

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Earth’s Oceans
The Earth’s five oceans in order from largest to smallest are Pacific, Atlantic, Indian, Southern, and Arctic. A mnemonic remembering them is, People attack irritatingly simple art.

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American States
The states just west of the Mississippi River from north to south are Minnesota, Iowa, Missouri, Arkansas and Louisiana. A mnemonic for the names of the states is MIMAL the Silly Elf, based on the shapes of the states. Minnesota is his hat, Iowa is his face, Missouri is his body, Arkansas is his legs, and Louisiana is his boots. Look at a map for help in understanding this idea.

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Mathematics Mnemonics

Order of Operations in Arithmetic

The order of operations in arithmetic can be memorized with the aid of the mnemonic acronym GEMDAS, which stands for Groupings, Exponents, Multiplication, Division, Addition, Subtraction.

Groupings are mathematical expressions affected by grouping symbols such as parenthesis ( ), square brackets [ ], curly brackets { }, and the fraction bars — or /.

A further aid to memorization of the order of operations in arithmetic is to replace each letter in GEMDAS with a word, to create the sentence, “George, Excuse My Dear Aunt Sally.” Otherwise, GEMDAS is a ‘gem’ of a mnemonic.

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Pi

The mathematical value π or pi, expressed to thirty-one decimal places, is 3.1415926535897932384626433832795.

The letter count of each word in the following poem represents a number in pi. The first word, Sir, contains 3 letters representing the whole number 3 to the left of the decimal point, and the number of letters in each word following the word Sir is a number to the right of the decimal point.

Sir,
I bear a rhyme excelling
In mystic force, and magic spelling
Celestial sprites elucidate
All my own striving can’t relate
Or locate they who can cogitate
And so finally terminate.
Finis.

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Biology Mnemonic

Taxonomic Hierarchies
The order of taxonomic hierarchies in biology are: Kingdom, Phylum, Class, Order, Family, Genus, Species. Some mnemonics for remembering them include the following.
- Kids prefer cheese over fried green spinach.
- King Philip came over for good soup.
- Kings play chess on fine glass sets.

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History Mnemonic

Christopher Columbus
Columbus sailed the ocean blue
     In fourteen-hundred ninety-two.
-Author Unknown

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Astronomy Mnemonics

Basic Solar System
Some mnemonics for the eight planets or Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, plus one dwarf planet Pluto, in order of distance from the Sun star, are as follows.
My very eager mother just served us nine pickles.
My very easy method just speeds up naming planets.
My very educated mother just served us nine pizzas.
My very educated mother just showed us nine planets.

All-Inclusive Solar System
All of the planets and all of the dwarf planets in order from the Sun star outward are Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Ceres, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, Pluto, Haumea, Makemake, and Eris. Some mnemonics for the eight planets plus the four dwarf planets in order from the Sun outward are as follows.
- My very exciting mermaid career just sunk underwater. Now, pedestrian hobbies mean everything.
- ‘Man,’ Voldemort exclaimed, ‘my catastrophic jinx shall utterly nuke Potter!’ Harry’s Move: ‘Expelliarmus!’

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Names and Titles Mnemonics

- When you meet someone for the first time, say the person’s name aloud, as for example, “I am pleased to meet you, Margaret.” Use the person’s name in conversation, as for example, “I agree with your observation on that subject, Margaret.” Then, when parting, say the person’s name again, as for example, “I hope to see you again, Margaret.” Repetition is one of the best ways to place information in memory.
- Associate the person’s name with a place, school, team, church, company, or other organization, as for example, ‘Steve from New Brunswick’ or ‘Karen with the Christian Polo Players Club’ or ‘Martin Shoreberg of Custom Electronics.’
- Think of a short rhyme using the person’s name, such as ‘Jed the Red’ or ‘Stan the Man with the Hopeful Plan’ or ‘Carmella and her longtime fella.’ You might not want to say the rhyme aloud, to avoid embarrassing the person and yourself, and just think it silently to yourself.
- If it helps, write the person’s name down on paper, with any information that helps you make the connection, such as a telephone number, company name,
- Can you think of other tips for remembering people’s names?

***   ***   ***   ***   ***   ***   ***   ***   ***   ***   ***   ***   ***   ***

The English or United Kingdom Peerage

The titles of the five ranks of peerage in ascending order are: baron, viscount, earl, marquess, duke.

The title ‘Lord’ is used most often by barons who are rarely addressed with any other. The style of this address is ‘Lord __________________,’ as, for example, ‘Alfred Tennyson, 1st Baron Tennyson,’ commonly known as ‘Lord Tennyson.’

The ranks of marquess, earl, and viscounts commonly use lord as well, with viscounts using the same style as used for baron. However, marquises and earls have a slightly different form of address where they can be called either the ‘Marquess/Earl of __________________,’ or ‘Lord __________________.’

Dukes also use the style, ‘Duke of __________________,’ but it is not acceptable to refer to them as ‘Lord __________________.’ Dukes are formally addressed as ‘Your Grace,’ rather than ‘My Lord.’

A mnemonic for remembering the titles in ascending order of rank is, “Bobbies very eagerly munch doughnuts.”

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Mnemonics are not magic, and in fact, some of them are atrocious, but they can be useful nonetheless. Did you know you can create your own mnemonics, to help you memorize nearly anything? Just put your imagination to work.

This is MFOL! . . . the internet’s most mildly amusing website . . .

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Waiting and Patience

3/26/2020

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Everybody’s waiting for something . . .

“Good things come to those who wait - but better things come to those who work for it.” -Author Unknown

“I was not born to wait.” -Gwenda Bond: “Double Down” (1 May 2016)

“I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.” -Steven Wright (Steven Alexander Wright (born 1955))

“Beware the Fury of a Patient Man.” -John Dryden (1631 - 1700): “Absalom and Achitophel” (1681), Part 1, line 1005; type of work: satiric poem

“Patience is the ability to count down without blasting off.” -Author Unknown

“You’re trying to eat grass that isn’t there. Why don’t you give it a chance to grow?” -Richard Adams (1920 - 2016): “Watership Down” (November 1972)

Pay-Off

All things may come
To those who wait,
But when they do,
They’re out of date.

by George Hill

“If you are patient in a moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow.” -Author Unknown

“Be patient with your impatience.” -Roy Masters (born Reuben Obermeister (born 1928))

“The secret of patience is to do something else in the meantime.” -Croft M. Pentz (Croft Miner Pentz (1931 -2008))

“What is done hastily is not done well.” -Author Unknown

“Everything comes too late for those who only wait.” -Elbert Hubbard (Elbert Green Hubbard (1856 - 1915))

Overheard: Patience is something that can only be learned by waiting.

“‘Patience is a virtue’ is always said by those who make others wait, and never by those who must wait.” -Author Unknown

“There is, however, a limit at which forbearance ceases to be a virtue.” -Edmund Burke (1729 - 1797): “Observations on a Late Publication on the Present State of the Nation”

“The key to everything is patience. You get the chicken by hatching the egg, not by smashing it.” -Arnold H. Glasow (Arnold Henry Glasow (1905 - 1998))

“Patience is powerful.” -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807 - 1882)

“How can a society that exists on instant mashed potatoes, packaged cake mixes, frozen dinners, and instant cameras teach patience to its young?” -Paul Sweeney

“In putting off what one has to do, one runs the risk of never being able to do it.” -Charles Baudelaire (1821 - 1867)

Once upon a time, there was a man who was very impatient with other people. To him, everyone seemed to be too slow to understand and too slow to do the right things. Also to him, people seemed too quick to come to the wrong conclusions and too quick to do the wrong things. The more the man had to deal with people, the more impatient he became with them, so he decided that he must get away from people until he could learn how to be patient. He built himself a little home deep in the woods, and far away from civilization, and lived as a hermit. Years later, a man was hiking through the woods, and met the impatient man. The hiker was amazed to find anyone living so deep in the woods and so far away from the rest of the world, so he asked the man why he was there all by himself. The man said that he was there to learn patience. The hiker asked how long he had been living all alone in the woods, and the man replied, “Thirty-one years.” Stunned, the hiker asked, “If there are no other people around you, how will you know when you have learned to be patient?” Annoyed by this lengthy conversation, the impatient man replied, “Go away, I have no time for you.”

“You will develop patience if you wait long enough.” -Author Unknown

“Patience is also a form of action.” -Auguste Rodin (also known as François Auguste René Rodin or Auguste-René Rodin (1840 - 1917))

Macrophobia is a fear of long waits. Personally, we are afraid of short waits. “The dentist will see you now.” “Oh, no . . . couldn’t we wait just a little longer?”

“Lateness is rudeness - always. There is no such thing as being ‘fashionably late.’ If you are running late, call to let your host know.” -Author Unknown

‘Hurry up and wait!’ could be the slogan of many individuals and organizations. Military people are familiar with this saying. People with government appointments may have heard this saying. People with medical appointments may suspect that this is what is going on. You make all kinds of advance preparations in order to be absolutely certain that you have everything ready that they require, and you make sure that you are not just on time, but at least a few minutes early - and what happens? You are made to wait for hours, because the people who insisted that you show up prepared and on time did not make the same efforts to be sure they were prepared and on time to meet you! It can be hard not to feel that these people do not respect you and that they are stealing your time away from you.

“Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish.” -John Quincy Adams (1767 - 1848)

“All things come to those who wait - provided they work continually while waiting.” -Author Unknown

“Patience with others is love. Patience with self is hope. Patience with God is faith.” -Adel Bestavros (Adel Azer Bestavros (1924 - 2005))

“Men count up the faults of those who keep them waiting.” -Author Unknown: French proverb

Overheard: Thank you for your patience.

“Patience is the greatest of all virtues.” -Cato the Elder (Marcus Porcius Cato (233 B.C.E. - 148 B.C.E.))

“If you have been waiting for someone or something for so long that you can actually feel yourself getting older while you wait, then you know that you have been waiting for far too long.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)

“Patience will come to him who waits for it.” -Author Unknown

“If the cat sits long enough at the hole, it will catch the mouse.” -Author Unknown: Irish proverb

“Patience is a key element of success.” -Bill Gates (born 1955)

“It is better to have a hen tomorrow than an egg today.” -Thomas Fuller (1654 - 1734)

“There is nothing to be gained by waiting for a better situation. You see where you are and you do what you can with that.” -Jacob K. Javits (Jacob Koppel Javits (1904 - 1986))

“Patience is not simply the ability to wait. It’s how we behave while we’re waiting.” -Joyce Meyer (born Pauline Joyce Hutchison (born 1943))

“If you wait, all that happens is that you get older.” -Larry McMurtry (born 1936): “Some Can Whistle” (1989)

“Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet.” [English translation]
“La patience est amère, mais son fruit est doux.” [original French]
-Jean Chardin (1643 - 1713): “Voyages en Perse et autres lieux de l’Orient” (1711), page 175

“Our patience will achieve more than our force.” -Edmund Burke (1729 - 1797): “Reflections on the Revolution in France” (1790)

“Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself.” -Francis de Sales (1567 - 1622)

“Abused Patience turns to Fury.” -Thomas Fuller (1654 - 1734): “Gnomologia: Adages and Proverbs” (1732), number 757

“When you are tempted to lose patience with someone, think how patient God has been with you all the time.” -Author Unknown

“You can chase a butterfly all over the field and never catch it. But if you sit quietly in the grass it will come and sit on your shoulder.” -Author Unknown

“No great thing is created suddenly.” -Epictetus (C.E. 55 - C.E. 135)

“Patience means self-suffering.” -Mahatma Gandhi (Mohandas Karamchand ‘Mahatma’ Gandhi (1869 - 1948))

“Waiting is one thing, but when people force us to wait for an exorbitant amount of time, they are actually taking a part of our lives away from us, because time is a measure of life.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)

“He that can have patience can have what he will.” -Benjamin Franklin (1706 - 1790): “Poor Richard’s Almanack” (June 1736)

“Even the nicest person’s patience has a limit.” -Author Unknown

“I have noticed that the people who are late are often so much jollier than the people who have to wait for them.” -E. V. Lucas (Edward Verrall Lucas (1868 - 1938)): “365 Days and One More” (1926), ‘October 3’

“Patience is the art of hoping.” [English translation]
“La patience est l’art d’espérer.” [original French]
-Luc de Clapiers, Marquis de Vauvenargues (1715 - 1747): “Réflexions” (1746), CCLI

“Patience and tenacity of purpose are worth more than twice their weight of cleverness.” -T. H. Huxley (Thomas Henry Huxley (1825 - 1895))

“Patience, noun. A minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue.” -Ambrose Bierce (Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce (1842 - 1914)): “The Cynic’s Word Book” (1906; retitled in 1911 as “The Devil’s Dictionary”)

“Patience is the art of concealing your impatience.” -Guy Kawasaki (Guy Takeo Kawasaki (born 1954))

“Patience is the calm acceptance that things can happen in a different order than the one you have in mind.” -David G. Allen (born 1945)

“Regardless of how much patience we have, we would prefer never to use any of it.” -James T. O’Brien

“If you wait until all the lights are ‘green’ before you leave home, you’ll never get started on your trip to the top.” -Zig Ziglar (Hilary Hinton ‘Zig’ Ziglar (1926 - 2012))

“When you are tempted to lose patience with God, remember how patient God has been with you.” -Author Unknown

“Patience is a virtue. The Moon and the Sun learned long ago that, if each patiently waits its turn, they will both have their chance to shine.” -Author Unknown

“Please be patient. God has not finished with me yet.” -Author Unknown

“Good things come to those who believe, better things come to those who are patient, and the best things come to those who don’t give up.” -Author Unknown

This is life’s dilemma and it is sure as fate
Some things can’t be hurried and other things can’t wait.
-Author Unknown

Overheard: Good things take time.

“Patience is the companion of wisdom.” -Augustine of Hippo (also known as Aurelius Augustinus Hipponensis and Aurelius Augustine (C.E. 354 - C.E. 430))

“Your capacity for patience will be rewarded eventually.” -Author Unknown

“Patience is the ability to let your light shine after your fuse has blown.” -Bob Levey

“A man who is a master of patience is master of everything else.” -George Savile (also known as Lord Halifax (1633 - 1695))

“Even a waiter finally comes to him who waits.” -Author Unknown

“Patience is the ability to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without becoming angry or upset.” -Author Unknown

“The things that come to those who wait may be the things left by those who got there first.” -Author Unknown

The two most common meanings of patience are as follows.
1. To wait without being frustrated, angry, complaining, and so forth.
2. To understandingly bear with the faults of others.

“Impatience can cause wise people to do foolish things.” -Janette Oke (born 1935)

“I feel like I’m waiting for something that isn’t going to happen.” -Author Unknown

“Patience is a necessary ingredient of genius.” -Benjamin Disraeli (1804 - 1881)

“People wait all week for Friday, all year for Summer, all of a lifetime for happiness.” -Author Unknown

“Impatience never commanded success.” -Edwin H. Chapin (Edwin Hubbell Chapin (1814 - 1880))

A little boy was standing patiently at the bottom of an escalator in a big department store. A saleswoman asked him, “Sonny, are you lost?” The boy answered, “No ma’am, I’m waiting for my chewing gum to come back.”

“The man who is waiting for something to turn up might start on his shirt sleeves.” -Garth Henrichs

Overheard: Be patient with people - nobody is perfect.

“Patience is not the ability to wait, but the ability to keep a good attitude while waiting.” -Author Unknown

“Don’t wait. The time will never be just right.” -Napoleon Hill (Oliver Napoleon Hill (1883 - 1970))

We would be flattering ourselves if we said that this topic was certainly worth waiting for . . . more fun and learning continues below . . . on MFOL!

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Housekeeping and Housecleaning

3/21/2020

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It turns out that real men actually can do real housework . . .

“The obvious and fair solution to the housework problem is to let men do the housework for, say, the next six thousand years, to even things up. The trouble is that men, over the years, have developed an inflated notion of the importance of everything they do, so that before long they would turn housework into just as much of a charade as business is now. They would hire secretaries and buy computers and fly off to housework conferences in Bermuda, but they’d never clean anything.” -Dave Barry (David McAlister ‘Dave’ Barry (born 1947))

Ethan: Did you hear about the man who crossed a bale of straw with an octopus?
Ethel: Yes, he got a broom with eight handles.

Dorothy Parker was a writer and a humorist who led a very busy life. One day she was foolish enough to accept two baby alligators as a gift. She brought them home, ran a little water in the bathtub, and put them there until she could decide what to do with them. The next day, the cleaning woman came by while Parker was out. When Parker returned that evening, she found the house uncleaned and this note: “Dear Madam, I am leaving. I cannot work in a house with alligators. I would have told you this before, but I never thought the subject would come up.”

“Twenty-one percent of people do not make their beds in the morning.” -Author Unknown

Bed-Making Machine

“I’ve been thinking it over, I mean,”
Said a child to her girl-friend Irene,
     “It’s a shame and a crime,
     After all this long time,
No one’s built a bed-making machine.”

by Author Unknown

Does vacuuming count as aerobic exercise?

Overheard: A clean house is a happy house!

“I keep a bowl of plastic fruit on the table in case a couple of mannequins drop in for a visit.” -Author Unknown

Dirty Dishes

Thank God for dirty dishes,
     They have a tale to tell.
While others may go hungry,
     We’ve eaten very well.
With home, health, and happiness;
     I shouldn’t want to fuss.
By the stack of evidence,
     God’s been very good to us.

by Author Unknown

“I’m not going to vacuum ’til Sears makes one you can ride on.” -Roseanne Barr (Roseanne Cherrie Barr (born 1952))

“I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes - and six months later you have to start all over again.” -Joan Rivers (pseudonym of Joan Alexandra Molinsky (1933 - 2014)): as quoted in Michèle Brown and Ann O’Connor, editors: “Woman Talk” (1984), ‘Work’

“Cleaning: Moving dirt from one place to another.” -Author Unknown

Why is there a light in the refrigerator and not in the freezer? Why do home refrigerators not have windows in the doors so people can look inside them without opening the doors?

“My husband and I have figured out a really good system about the housework: neither one of us does it.” -Dottie Archibald (Dorothy Bales ‘Dottie’ Archibald (born 1942))

Spring Cleaning

I’m really determined and keen
To start giving this house a Spring clean.
     I will do it I say,
     Yes, I’ll do it today . . .
Well, I’ll do it tomorrow, I mean.

by Author Unknown

“Our house is clean enough to be healthy, and dirty enough to be happy.” -Author Unknown

A woman admitted to being a less than fastidious housekeeper. One evening her husband returned home from work, walked into the kitchen, and said, “You know, dear, I can write my name in the dust on the mantel.” The woman turned to him and sweetly replied, “Well, darling, that’s why I married a college graduate.”

Fred: Why do refrigerators hum?
Ginger: Because they do not know the words.

“A new broom sweeps clean, but the old one knows the corners.” -Author Unknown

When Young Melissa Sweeps

When young Melissa sweeps a room
     I vow she dances with the broom!
She curtsies in a corner brightly
     And leads her partner forth politely.
Then up and down in jigs and reels,
     With gold dust flying at their heels,
They caper. With a whirl or two
     They make the wainscot shine like new;
They waltz beside the hearth, and quick
     It brightens, shabby brick by brick.
A gay gavotte across the floor,
     A Highland fling from door to door,
And every crack and corner’s clean
     Enough to suit a dainty queen.
If ever you are full of gloom,
     Just watch Melissa sweep a room!

by Nancy Byrd Turner (1880 - 1971)

“Housework is like stringing beads with no knot on the end.” -Author Unknown

“The washing of dishes does seem to me the most absurd and unsatisfactory business that I ever undertook. If, when once washed, they would remain clean forever and ever (which they ought in all reason to do, considering how much trouble it is), there would be less occasion to grumble; but no sooner is it done, than it requires to be done again. On the whole, I have come to the resolution not to use more than one dish at each meal.” -Nathaniel Hawthorne (1804 - 1864)

“Please Do Not Feed The Dust Bunnies.” -Author Unknown

Dust bunnies are magical. Santa’s elves make them at the North Pole during the off-season, and they are then delivered to people’s homes by the other little people: fairies, gnomes, pixies, leprechauns, and so forth, just in time for Spring cleaning.

“A house becomes a home when you can write, ‘I love you’ on the furniture.” -Author Unknown: “Dust If You Must”

A Request

Please be a dear
     And do your dish here
For if you do not
     The house will be wrought
With people disgusted
     By the mess that’s displayed
And hence are not able
     To dine at the table
For lack of clean dishes
     Restricts their good wishes.

by Author Unknown

“Cleaning is just putting stuff in less obvious places.” -Author Unknown

“There were times, indeed, when the vigor she put into her work was more of a relief to her feelings than it was an ardor to efface dirt . . .” -Eleanor H. Porter (Eleanor Emily Hodgman Porter (1868 - 1920)): “Pollyanna” (1912)

Amathophobia is a persistent fear of dust. Amathophobia is derived from the Greek words ‘amathos’ meaning ‘sand’ and ‘phobos’ meaning ‘fear.’ What is a fear of dust bunnies called?

“Dust is a protective coating for fine furniture.” -Mario Buatta (1935 - 2018)

Ivy: What do you call a pretty woman using a broom?
Ivan: Sweeping beauty.

Ataxophobia is a persistent fear of disorder or untidiness. Ataxophobia is derived from the Greek words ‘taxo’ meaning ‘order’ and ‘phobia’ meaning ‘fear.’

“The meal’s complete when the kitchen’s neat.” -Author Unknown

“There was no need to do any housework at all. After the first four years the dirt doesn’t get any worse.” -Quentin Crisp (Denis Charles Pratt (1908 - 1999))

“Nature abhors a vacuum. And so do I.” -Anne Gibbons

“Housework is something you do that nobody notices until you don’t do it.” -Author Unknown

Don’t overlook any available tongues when cleaning. Cats and dogs and other pets can lick clean food surfaces such as plates and floors; children can lick clean mixing spoons and eggbeaters.

“You sometimes see a woman who would have made a Joan of Arc in another century and climate, threshing herself to pieces over all the mean worry of housekeeping.” -Rudyard Kipling (Joseph Rudyard Kipling (1865 - 1936))

“I got the blues thinking of the future, so I left off and made some marmalade. It’s amazing how it cheers one up to shred oranges and scrub the floor.” -D. H. Lawrence (David Herbert Lawrence (1885 - 1930))

Come on In

Although you’ll find our house a mess
     Come-in - sit down - converse.
It doesn’t always look like this;
     Some days it’s even worse.

by Author Unknown

“My theory on housework is, if the item doesn’t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?” -Erma Bombeck (Erma Louise Bombeck (1927 - 1996))

“The best time for planning a book is while you’re doing the dishes.” -Agatha Christie (Agatha Mary Clarissa Christie (1890 - 1976))

“You don’t get anything clean without getting something else dirty.” -Cecil Baxter (Cecil Richard Baxter (1922 - 2014))

“When it comes to housework, the one thing no book of household management can ever tell you is how to begin. Or maybe I mean why.” -Katharine Whitehorn (Katharine Elizabeth Whitehorn (born 1928)): “Roundabout” (1962), ‘Nought for Homework’

Overheard: I got a new dishwasher today . . . I don’t know how long she will want the job.

If the shelves are dusty and the pots don’t shine,
It’s because I have better things to do with my time.
-Author Unknown

“The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.” -Author Unknown

“There may be dust in my house but there isn’t any on me.” -Author Unknown

“Have a place for everything and keep the thing somewhere else; this is not a piece of advice, it is merely a custom.” -Mark Twain (Samuel Langhorne Clemens (1835 - 1910))

What I Like

I like hugs
     And I like kisses,
But what I really love
     Is help with the dishes!

by Author Unknown

Overheard: When it comes to house cleaning, I always keep the nuclear option open.

May

Scrub and polish, - sweep and clean, -
     Fling your windows wide!
See, the trees are clad in green!
     Coax the Spring inside!
Home, be shining fair to-day
     For the guest whose name is May!

by Louise Bennett Weaver (Louise Bennett Weaver George (1889 - 1949)) and Helen Cowles LeCron (1886 - 1963): “A Thousand Ways to Please a Husband with Bettina’s Best Recipes” (1917)

“Are you an untidy or forgetful housekeeper? Just remember this simple saying, ‘ABC - Always Be Cleaning.’” -Author Unknown

“Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.” -Phyllis Diller (pseudonym of Phyllis Ada Driver (1917 - 2012)): as quoted in Jilly Cooper and Tom Hartman: “Violets and Vinegar” (1980), ‘I Liked You Better Smaller’

Housecleanin’ Time

Well, housecleanin’ time is with us once more;
     And, landsakes alive, it’s an awful chore!
What with scrubbin’, rubbin’, and washin’ paint,
     It’s not any picnic; you bet it ain’t! . . .
For it has to be done each Spring and Fall:
     The attic and cellar, bedrooms and hall.
Each room, in its order, gives up its dirt,
     Till I am weary and my back does hurt!

by Gertrude Tooley Buckingham (born 1880) (1940’s)

“My idea of superwoman is someone who scrubs her own floors.” -Bette Midler (born 1945)

“This business is ‘really cleaning up’!” -Author Unknown: owner of a successful cleaning service

“I make no secret of the fact that I would rather lie on the sofa than sweep underneath it. But you have to be efficient if you’re going to be lazy.” -Shirley Conran (born 1932): “Superwoman” (1975), ‘The Reason Why’

“At my house, ‘dust’ is a noun, not a verb.” -Author Unknown

“Helping his wife wash the dishes, a minister protested, ‘This isn’t a man’s job.’ ‘Oh yes it is,’ his wife retorted, quoting 2nd Kings, chapter 21, verse 13: ‘I will wipe Jerusalem as a man wipeth a dish, wiping it, and turning it upside down.’” -Tal Bonham

“Housekeeping is like being caught in a revolving door.” -Marcelene Cox

“I think housework is the reason most women go to the office!” -Heloise Cruse (Ponce Kiah Marchelle Heloise Cruse Evans (born 1951))

“This is a honeydew day. That is when you get a day off and the wife says, ‘Honey, do this,’ and ‘Honey, do that,’ around the house.” -Jim Lemon (James Robert ‘Jim’ Lemon (1928 - 2006))

“One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries.” -A. A. Milne (Alan Alexander Milne (1882 - 1956))

Overheard: I avoid cleaning my house because I get easily distracted by all of the interesting things I keep finding.

“Housekeeping ain’t no joke.” -Louisa May Alcott (1832 - 1888): “Little Women” (1868), part 1, chapter 11; line spoken by cook Hannah

“Always turn out your closet light. Otherwise, you’ll get up some morning and find you can’t start your closet.” -Charles Schulz (Charles Monroe ‘Sparky’ Schulz (1922 - 2000))

“An efficient homemaker is one who, after dinner, gives the children something to play with in the bathtub, namely, the dinner dishes!” -Author Unknown

“A place for everything, and everything in its place.” -Author Unknown: proverb

May the very lightness of your being have you walking on air . . . as you MFOL! each and every day . . .

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Smiles and Smiling

3/16/2020

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It is very important to remember to smile as often as possible, because as we all know, there is not enough smiling going on in the world today . . .

“I really don’t know how to smile. Is there someplace I could get lessons, like a school or a seminar?” -Author Unknown

“Smiling is a great way to look your best.” -Author Unknown

“I add a smile to everything I wear and that has worked great for me.” -David White (1916 - 1990)

“If you smile at someone, they might smile back.” -Author Unknown

Smile

I gave away my smile
     to the girl across the street.
She gave it to her brother
     as they sat down to eat.
Her brother gave it to their Mom,
     she wore it for a day.
Then gave it to another girl
     whose name was Paula Kay.
Paula took her smile outside
     and stood next to a tree.
She put her hands upon her hips
     then gave it back to me.

by Author Unknown

“A smile can brighten someone’s day without using a penny’s worth of electricity.” -Author Unknown

“Smiling is the best way to face every problem, to crush every fear, to hide every pain.” -Author Unknown

Worry less,
     Smile more,
Don’t regret,
     Just learn and grow!
-Author Unknown

“Always smile back at little children . . . to ignore them is to destroy their belief that the world is good.” -Pam Brown (Pamela Jane Barclay Brown (born 1948))

“If you see someone without a smile, give them one of yours.” -Author Unknown

“‘SMILE’ is an acronym for, ‘See Miracles In Life Everyday.’” -Author Unknown

“I have never seen a smiling face that was not beautiful.” -Author Unknown

“You’ll find that life is still worthwhile, if you just smile.” -Charlie Chaplin (Charles Spencer ‘Charlie’ Chaplin (1889 - 1977))

“It was only a sunny smile and little it cost in the giving but like morning light it scattered the night and made the day worth living.” -F. Scott Fitzgerald (Francis Scott Key Fitzgerald (1896 - 1940)): “The Great Gatsby” (10 April 1925)

“A smile is an act of kindness.” -A. D. Williams (Anthony Douglas Williams)

“Wear a smile and have friends; wear a scowl and have wrinkles.” -George Eliot (pseudonym of Marian Evans Cross, also known as Mary Ann Evans (1819 - 1880))

“A smile is something you can’t give away; it always comes back to you.” -Author Unknown

“Sometimes it’s hard to force a smile, but sometimes we have to; it’s what gets us through the hard times.” -Author Unknown

“A smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.” -Charles Gordy (1871 -1944)

“You want to know who’s got the most amazing and beautiful smile ever - read the first word of the sentence again!” -Author Unknown

“Smile . . . there are more than seven billion people in the world - don’t let just one ruin your day.” -Author Unknown

“Is a smile a question? Or is it the answer?” -Lee Smith

“If you want people to like you, smile!” -Author Unknown

“Nothing is more beautiful than a real smile that has struggled through tears.” -Author Unknown

“The world always looks better from behind a smile.” -Author Unknown

“A warm smile is the universal language of kindness.” -William A. Ward (William Arthur Ward (1921 - 1994))

“Lose your smile and lose your customers.” -Sam Walton (1918 - 1992)

“A smile is the shortest distance between two people.” -Victor Borge (1909 - 2000)

“Let your smile change the world; don’t let the world change your smile.” -Author Unknown

“A smile is worth much more than it costs.” -Author Unknown

“Sometimes just a smile on our face can help to make this world a better place.” -Robert Alan

“Smiles are great investments; the more you collect, the better you feel.” -Author Unknown

“I would walk miles for one of your smiles.” -Author Unknown

“A smile is the best makeup a girl can wear.” -Author Unknown

“Smiling is my favorite exercise.” -Author Unknown

“To receive a smile, give one away!” -Author Unknown

“A smile is a frown turned upside down.” -Author Unknown

“It takes seventeen muscles to smile and forty-three muscles to frown.” -Author Unknown

“A smile is the lighting system of the face, the cooling system of the head, and the heating system of the heart.” -Unknown

“All people smile in the same language.” -Author Unknown

“A smile is a powerful weapon; you can even break ice with it.” -Author Unknown

“If you will force yourself to smile, you’ll end up laughing. You will be cheerful because you smile. Repeated experiments have shown that when a person assumes the facial expression of a given mental mood - any given mood - then that mental mood itself will follow.” -Kenneth Goode

“A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.” -Phyllis Diller (pseudonym of Phyllis Ada Driver (1917 - 2012))

“After six years without seeing one, I love just seeing a smile - every smile I see gives me hope.” -Ingrid Betancourt (Ingrid Betancourt Pulecio (born 1961))

“A smile is the universal welcome.” -Max Eastman (1883 - 1969)

“I smile because I do not know what in the world is going on.” -Author Unknown

“A smile confuses an approaching frown.” -Author Unknown

“Keep smiling, because life is a beautiful thing and there is so much to smile about.” -Marilyn Monroe (Norma Jean Mortenson (1926 - 1962))

“A smile makes you feel good, and when you feel good, good things happen.” -Terri Lynn

“Smile! It increases your face value.” -Robert Harling (Robert M. Harling III (born 1951)): “Steel Magnolias” (5 November 1989)

“A smile on your face will do wonders for your appearance. It will give you youthfulness and optimism that beauty treatments or counselling sessions never could.” -Author Unknown

“Smile. The sunshine of your smile might chase the clouds from someone’s life today. It may be the ray of sunshine that someone needs in an otherwise stormy day.” -Author Unknown

“A smile is the light in your window that tells others that there is a caring, sharing person inside.” -Denis Waitley (Denis E. Waitley (born 1933))

“Smile, it is the key that fits the lock of everybody’s heart.” -Anthony J. D’Angelo

“A smile appeared upon her face as if she’d taken it directly from her handbag and pinned it there.” -Loma Chandler

Smile

It comforts the weary, gladdens the sad
     consoles those in trouble, good or bad.
To rich and poor, beggar or thief,
     it’s free to all of any belief.
A natural gesture of young and old
     cheers on the faint, disarms the bold.
Unlike most blessings for which we pray,
     it’s the only thing we keep when we give it away.

by Author Unknown

“Most smiles are started by another smile.” -Frank A. Clark (Frank Atherton Clark (1911 - 1991))

Ten Reasons to Smile

1. It makes you attractive
2. It changes your mood.
3. It is contagious.
4. It relieves stress.
5. It boosts your immune system.
6. It lowers your blood pressure.
7. It releases endorphins.
8. It lifts the face and makes you appear younger.
9. It makes you seem successful.
10. It helps you stay positive.

by Author Unknown

“Learn to smile at every situation. See it as an opportunity to prove your strength and ability.” -Joe Brown

“Smile, for everyone lacks self-confidence and more than any other one thing a smile reassures them.” -André Maurois (pseudonym of Émile Salomon Wilhelm Herzog (1885 - 1967))

“Before you put on a frown, make absolutely sure there are no smiles available.” -Jim Beggs

“A smile can brighten the darkest day.” -Author Unknown

The Smile

I had an extra smile
     When I left the house today
I thought I’d give it to someone
     I passed along the way.
I tried to give the smile away
     But incredibly
Each time I gave it to someone
     They’d give it back to me.
So now I have a bunch of smiles,
     What am I to do?
I think I’ll keep a couple
     And then give the rest to you!

by Author Unknown

“What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity. These are but trifles, to be sure; but scattered along life’s pathway, the good they do is inconceivable.” -Joseph Addison (1672 - 1719)

Smile and forgive;
It’s the only way to live.
-Author Unknown

“People are not perfect - except when they smile.” -Author Unknown

“If you did not start out the day with a smile, it is not too late to start practicing for tomorrow.” -Author Unknown

“Just because a person smiles all the time, doesn’t mean their life is perfect. That smile is a symbol of hope and strength.” -Lauryn Hill (Lauryn Noelle Hill (born 1975))

Lost Your Smile?

You haven’t lost your smile,
     It’s been there all the while,
Just waiting for the word,
     That smiling’s back in style!

by David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)

“If you don’t have a smile, I’ll give you one of mine.” -Author Unknown

“A smile of encouragement at the right moment may act like sunlight on a closed up flower; it may be the turning point for a struggling life.” -Alfred A. Montapert (Alfred Armand Montapert (1906 - 1997))

“Smiling is good for you and it is good for the people around you.” -Author Unknown

“I hope you always find a reason to smile.” -Author Unknown

“A smile gives your face something to do and it is good exercise and makes you look better.” -Author Unknown

“Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.” -Author Unknown

“We do not smile because something good has happened; rather something good happens because we smile.” -Author Unknown

“If you’re not using your smile, you’re like a man with a million dollars in the bank and no checkbook.” -Les Giblin (born 1912)

“Anyone can smile on their best day. I like to meet a man who can smile on his worst.” -Lauren Graham (Lauren Helen Graham (born 1967)): “Someday, Someday, Maybe” (30 April 2013)

“Smile and the world will smile with you . . . Frown and it will leave you alone.” -Pamela Prichard

“Smile, it’s the easiest way to improve your day.” -Author Unknown

“Nobody needs a smile so much as the one who has none to give. So get used to smiling heart-warming smiles, and you will spread sunshine in a sometimes dreary world.” -Lawrence G. Lovasik (1913 - 1986)

“Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.” -Teresa of Calcutta (Anjezë Gonxhe Bojaxhiu (1910 - 1997))

“Today, give a stranger one of your smiles. It might be the only sunshine he sees all day.” -Author Unknown, as quoted in H. Jackson Brown, Junior (born 1940): “P.S. I Love You” (1990)

“Smile - happy looks good on you!” -Author Unknown

“Smile, even when life does not present reasons for doing so, because your smile is a reason for many others to smile.” -Author Unknown

“Make it a regular habit to smile - and watch as miracles begin to happen all around you.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)

“Did you make someone smile today? You’ve still got time.” -Melissa Stewart

You look amazing when you smile . . . you should do that more often. Now back to further humor and inspiration and learning . . . on MFOL!

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Resenting and Forgiving

3/15/2020

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“Forgiving is not forgetting, it’s letting go of the hurt.” -Mary McLeod Bethune (Mary Jane McLeod Bethune (1875 - 1955))

“Without forgiveness life is governed by . . . an endless cycle of resentment and retaliation.” -Roberto Assagioli (1888 - 1974)

“Don’t carry a grudge. While you’re carrying the grudge the other guy’s out dancing.” -Buddy Hackett (1924 - 2003)

“The best revenge is a vow to never be like the one who hurt you.” -Author Unknown

“Resentment or grudges do no harm to the person against whom you hold these feelings but every day and every night of your life, they are eating at you.” -Norman Vincent Peale (1898 - 1993)

Forgiveness is a funny thing;
It warms the heart and cools the sting.
by William Arthur Ward (1921 - 1994)

“When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.” -Catherine Ponder (born 1927)

“When you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.” -Author Unknown

“Time spent in getting even would be better spent in getting ahead.” -Author Unknown

“I bear no grudges. I have a mind that retains nothing.” -Bette Midler (born 1945)

“Forgiveness means letting go of the past.” -Gerald Jampolsky (Gerald Gersham Jampolsky (born 1925))

“Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much.” -Oscar Wilde (Oscar Fingal O’Flahertie Wills Wilde (1854 - 1900))

“If you hug to yourself any resentment against anybody else, you destroy the bridge by which God would come to you.” -Peter Marshall (1902 - 1949)

“Life is an adventure in forgiveness.” -Norman Cousins (1915 - 1990): as quoted in the “Saturday Review” (15 April 1978)

“There is no revenge so complete as forgiveness.” -Josh Billings (pseudonym of Henry Wheeler Shaw (1818 - 1885))

“Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.” -Suzanne Somers (pseudonym of Suzanne Mahoney (born 1946)), website www.suzannesomers.com

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Let’s let bygones be bygones
     And start all over again.
Let us forget we parted
     And be the same as we started.

Remember, the sunshine
     Must always follow the rain.
So, let’s let bygones be bygones
     And start all over again.

by Joseph George Gilbert: “Let Bygones Be Bygones” (1933), stanzas 1 and 2

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“The heaviest thing to carry is a grudge.” -Author Unknown

“Don’t get even . . . get odd!” -Author Unknown

“You must forgive those who trespass against you before you can look to Heaven for forgiveness.” -Author Unknown: “The Talmud”

Good, to forgive;
Best, to forget.
by Robert Browning (1812 - 1889)

“The best revenge is massive success.” -Frank Sinatra (1915 - 1998)

“Let us forget and forgive injuries.” -Miguel de Cervantes (Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra (1547 - 1616))

“It is easier to forgive and forget than to resent and remember.” -Author Unknown

“He that cannot forgive others, breaks the bridge over which he himself must pass if he would ever reach Heaven; for all men need to be forgiven.” -George Herbert (1593 - 1633)

“The best manner of avenging ourselves is by not resembling him who has injured us.” -Jane Porter (1776 - 1850)

“The best revenge is to live on and prove yourself.” -Eddie Vedder (born 1964)

“Not to forgive is to be imprisoned by the past, by old grievances that do not permit life to proceed with new business.” -Robin Casarjian

“Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.” -Paul Boese (Paul Lewis Boese (1923 - 1976))

“Forgive, son; men are men; they needs must err.” -Euripides (484 B.C.E. - 406 B.C.E.)

“Forgiveness takes the burden of hate, guilt, and bitterness off your back and, with a lighter load, you can climb higher and faster, and be much happier in the process.” -Zig Ziglar (Hilary Hinton ‘Zig’ Ziglar (1926 - 2012))

“I think there are two kinds of forgiveness: the kind that when you forgive you’re also giving them another chance, or the kind where you forgive, but move on without them. Use both wisely.” -S. B.

“A man that studieth revenge keeps his own wounds green.” -Francis Bacon (1561 - 1626): “Essays” (1597)

“Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.” -Jesus of Nazareth: as quoted in “The Bible,” ‘Luke,’ chapter 23, verse 34

“Since nothing we intend is ever faultless, and nothing we attempt ever without error, and nothing we achieve without some measure of finitude and fallibility we call humanness, we are saved by forgiveness.” -David Augsburger (David W. Augsburger (born 1938))

“How often could things be remedied by a word. How often is it left unspoken.” -Norman Douglas (1868 - 1952)

“Forgive others, not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace.” -Jonathan Lockwood Huie (born 1945)

“No man can think clearly when his fists are clenched.” -George Nathan (George Jean Nathan (1882 - 1958))

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong.” -Mahatma Gandhi (Mohandas Karamchand ‘Mahatma’ Gandhi (1869 - 1948))

“Those who are free of resentful thoughts surely find peace.” -Buddha (also known as Siddhārtha Guatama or Shakyamuni Buddha (about 563 B.C.E. - about 483 B.C.E.))

“The practice of forgiveness is our most important contribution to the healing of the world.” -Marianne Williamson (born 1952)

“Forgiveness is the final form of love.” -Reinhold Niebuhr (1892 - 1971)

“Holding on to anger, resentment, and hurt only gives you tense muscles, a headache, and a sore jaw from clenching your teeth. Forgiveness gives you back the laughter and the lightness in your life.” -Joan Lunden (born 1950)

“Life appears to me too short to be spent in nursing animosity or registering wrongs.” -Charlotte Brontë (1816 - 1855): “Jane Eyre” (1847), chapter VI

“In taking revenge, a man is but even with his enemy, but in passing it over he is superior.” -Francis Bacon (1561 - 1626): “Essays” (1597)

“Nothing produces such odd result as trying to get even.” -Franklin P. Jones (Franklin Pierce Jones (1908 - 1980))

“Let It Go: Forgive So That You Can Be Forgiven” (2013): title of book by T. D. Jakes (Thomas Dexter Jakes, Senior (born 1957))

“Hold hands, not grudges.” -Author Unknown

“If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we would find in each person’s life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility.” -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807 - 1882)

“Sometimes the best revenge is to smile and move on.” -Author Unknown

“To forgive and forget means to throw away dearly bought experience.” -Arthur Schopenhauer (1788 - 1860)

“Forgiveness is just another name for freedom.” -Byron Katie (born 1942)

“People are more than the worst thing they have ever done in their lives.” -Helen Prejean (born 1939)

“I must forgive without noise or fuss.” -Albert Schweitzer (1875 - 1965)

“Forgiving is not a gift to someone else. Forgiving is your gift to yourself - a great gift - the gift of happiness.” -Jonathan Lockwood Huie (born 1945)

“He who forgives ends the quarrel.” -Author Unknown

“Forgiveness is not an emotion, it’s a decision.” -Randall Worley

“Holding a grudge does not hurt the person against whom the grudge is held, it hurts the one who holds it.” -Booker T. Washington (Booker Taliaferro Washington (1856 - 1915))

“Forgive yourself for your faults and your mistakes and move on.” -Les Brown (Leslie Calvin ‘Les’ Brown (born 1945))

“Some people insist - often very forcefully - that we must both forgive and forget, or that we have to either forgive or forget . . . as if those are our only options. Those are not our only options. When what has been done to us is horrendous, it becomes unforgiveable and unforgettable, so we can only choose an eventual third option: We neither forgive nor forget, but we learn to move past the pain, the fear, the disappointment, and the constant awareness, to a point at which we can live our lives.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)

“Forgiveness does not mean excusing.” -C. S. Lewis (Clive Staples Lewis (1898 - 1963))

“The more a man knows, the more he forgives.” -Catherine II (also known as Catherine the Great (1729 - 1796))

“Forgotten is forgiven.” -F. Scott Fitzgerald (Francis Scott Key Fitzgerald (1896 - 1940))

“Do not burn bridges that you might have to cross again someday.” -Author Unknown

“Any man can seek revenge; it takes a king or prince to grant a pardon.” -Arthur J. Rehrat

“The most important trip you may take in life is meeting people halfway.” -Henry Boye

“To err is human; to forgive, divine.” -Alexander Pope (1688 - 1744): “An Essay on Criticism”

I forgive myself for having believed for so long that . . .
I was never good enough to have, get, be what I wanted.
-Ceanne DeRohan

“Let not the Sun go down upon your wrath.” -Author Unknown: “The Bible,” Ephesians,’ chapter 4, verse 26

“Forgiveness is not something we do for other people. We do it for ourselves to get well and move on.” -Author Unknown

“The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive, but do not forget.” -Thomas Szasz (1920 - 2012): “The Second Sin” (1973), ‘Personal Conduct’

“Holding a grudge is letting someone live rent free in your head.” -Author Unknown

“I once met a man who had forgiven an injury. I hope some day to meet the man who has forgiven an insult.” -Thomas Buxton (Thomas Fowell Buxton (1786 - 1845))

“Forgive all who have offended you, not for them, but for yourself.” -Harriet Nelson (Harriet Uts Nelson)

“I forgive people, but that doesn’t mean I trust them.” -Author Unknown

“Forgiving people can be extremely difficult, if not impossible, when you fear that people will wrong you again, and that once again, just as before, you will be powerless to stop them.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)

“The best revenge is to be unlike him who performed the injury.” -Marcus Aurelius (also known as Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (C.E. 121 - C.E. 180)): “The Meditations” (C.E. 167), Book 6, meditation 5

“Forgiveness is freeing up and putting to better use the energy once consumed by holding grudges, harboring resentments, and nursing unhealed wounds.” -Sidney and Suzanne Simon

“Nothing on Earth consumes a man more quickly than the passion of resentment.” -Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche (1844 - 1900): “Ecce Homo” (English: “Behold the Man”) (1888)

“Forgive, forget. Bear with the faults of others as you would have them bear with yours. Be patient and understanding. Life is too short to be vengeful or malicious.” -Phillips Brooks (1835 - 1893)

“Never does the human soul appear so strong as when it forgoes revenge, and dares forgive an injury.” -E. H. Chapin (Edwin Hubbell Chapin (1814 - 1880)): “Living Words” (1861)

“Forgiveness is the noblest vengeance.” -H. G. Bohn (Henry George Bohn (1796 - 1884))

“Living well is the best revenge.” -Author Unknown: as quoted in George Herbert (1593 - 1633): “Jacula Prudentum; or Outlandish Proverbs, Sentences, &c. Selected by Mr. George Herbert” (1651), proverb 520

This is MFOL! . . . accompaniment for the journey called life . . .

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Shyness and Shy People

3/11/2020

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“Even wallflowers bloom.” -Author Unknown

“There is a shyness about me, and I really need to get out more.” -Priscilla Presley (Priscilla Ann Presley (born 1945))

“What the word shyness basically refers to is if someone is worried about how he or she appears to other people.” -Wanda Bethea

“Shyness displays itself differently in me. I think it’s more an awkwardness.” -Daniel Radcliffe

“Quiet people have the loudest minds.” -Stephen King (Stephen Edwin King (born 1947))

“If you want to do something big in your life, you must remember that shyness is only in the mind. If you think shy, you act shy. If you think confidant, you act confidant. Therefore, never let shyness conquer your mind.” -Arfa Karim Randhawa (Arfa Abdul Karim Randhawa (1995 - 2012))

“You know what my greatest personal stumbling block is? My shyness.” -Susan Lucci (Susan Victoria Lucci (born 1946))

“I like parties, but I’m shy, and I often find myself standing around, feeling awkward.” -Michael Bergin (Michael John Bergin (born 1969))

What is shyness? Shyness is a feeling of extreme discomfort and intense inhibition in social situations, preventing an individual from participating in interpersonal interactions and relationships. The physical symptoms of shyness can include blushing, sweating, rapid heartbeat, trembling or shaking, difficulty speaking, and upset stomach. Shy individuals feel insecure about themselves, have huge concerns about how others view them, and have a strong tendency to withdraw from and avoid social situations.

“I am quite shy and people think I’m aloof.” -Kristen Stewart (Kristen Jaymes Stewart (born 1990))

“The two commonest mistakes in judgement . . . are, the confounding of shyness with arrogance - a very common mistake indeed - and the not understanding that an obstinate nature exists in a perpetual struggle with itself.” -Charles Dickens (Charles John Huffam Dickens (1812 -1870))

“When you’re worried, tell yourself the truth: Shyness is a strength to build on, not a character flaw to be stamped out.” -Author Unknown: “Shyness Is Not a Character Flaw” (at the Malvern School)

“Scientists have found the gene for shyness. They would have found it years ago, but it was hiding behind a couple of other genes.” -Jonathan Katz (Jonathan Paul Katz (born 1946))

What causes shyness? Some people claim shyness is caused entirely by genetics, but it is likely closer to the truth that shyness has more than a single cause. Individuals vary, but other possible causes of shyness include emotional abuse, physical abuse, being bullied, moving often, being different from other people - and there are so many ways in which people are different that there is not enough space to list them here, prolonged isolation, poverty, hardships, losses, medical conditions, traumatization, upbringing, being the new guy or gal, culture shock, social inexperience, or a general difference in life experiences. Some shy people may have dealt with every single one of these things and more in their lives.

“If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.” -Dorothy Law Nolte (1924 - 2005): “Children Learn What They Live: Parenting to Inspire Values” (1998), page vi

“In talking, shyness and timidity distort the very meaning of my words. I don’t pretend to know anybody well. People are like shadows to me and I am like a shadow.” -Gwen John (Gwendolen Mary John (1876 - 1939))

“I bought a book to help me overcome my shyness and it really works - now I can talk to people while hiding behind it!” -Author Unknown

Shyness can hold back a student’s progress in school . . .

“I was actually pretty shy in school. My defense mechanism was to be the class clown. I remember getting into a lot of trouble for being disruptive, and I was brought in front of the head teacher, who said, ‘What’s going to happen to you - what are you going to do when you grow up?’ And I said, ‘Well, I’m obviously going to be a comedian.’” -Adam Clayton

“I’m very shy, so I became very outgoing to protect my shyness.” -Don Rickles (Donald Jay ‘Don’ Rickles (1926 - 2017))

“And like the old stereotype, I overcame my shyness by making my friends laugh.” -Paul Merton (pseudonym of Paul James Martin (born 1957))

“The level of shyness has gone up dramatically in the last decade. I think shyness is an index of social pathology rather than a pathology of the individual.” -Philip Zimbardo (Philip George Zimbardo (born 1933))

Wallflower: A decoration for ballrooms.

“If you do not make small talk, you will never make big talk.” -Author Unknown

Is it possible that shyness is sometimes a temporary state, like anger or fear, rather than being something permanent, like height or eye color?

“Life is too short to be shy!” -Carolyn Schrieber

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Shyness and Self-Esteem

While not all shy people have low self-esteem, shyness is often seen as a symptom of fear or lack of self-confidence. When you’re shy, it usually means that you’re self-conscious and worried about what other people think about you. Occasional shyness is normal, but when it becomes a habit, it can be detrimental to your progress in all of life: work, school, friendships, and social activities.

Because of the connection between shyness and self-esteem, building your self-esteem step-by-step can help you overcome your shyness. There are several things you can do to boost your self-esteem, whether you’re suffering from depression or you’re just having a bad day.

Make an inventory of things that you like about yourself. Do this as often as necessary. You can write anything - from simple things such as your ability to whistle, or more complex things such as your strength of character. It doesn’t mean that you should ignore your weaknesses and pretend that they don’t exist, you just have to accept yourself for who you are. Don’t include things such as financial success, the admiration of your peers, or the way you look. After all, self-esteem is about how you view yourself - these external factors don’t matter. When you gauge your strengths, you’ll be able to see how unique and valuable you are.

Find something that you’re good at, and work on it. If you have the talent for cooking, why not work on some new and original dishes? Activities involving art, such as painting and writing, can definitely give your mind a feeling of freedom and accomplishment. Even bird watching can improve your mood greatly. Whatever your talents are, make sure that you get to ‘practice’ them once a week, so that your mind will be given a chance to refresh itself after a stressful week of work or school.

Only recall good, happy, and exciting memories. Whenever you’re sitting down to think, make sure that you actively call out happy memories. This is because when you start thinking negatively, an entire swarm of negative feelings and memories will come right at you. Don’t waste your time with the bad. Think only of the good things you experienced, the great people you encountered, and even funny jokes you have heard.

Volunteer your time to the community or work with outreach programs. Being in a team that helps others allows you to think beyond yourself. Keep yourself busy by interacting with other people and learning from them. You’ll find that most people are very much like you - they all want to be surrounded by their loved ones, they have their own fears, and they also deal with feelings of inadequacy. When you realize that other people are just like you, you’ll see that there’s nothing to fear in social situations.

By conquering any feelings of low self-esteem, you will realize that you are deserving of love, admiration, and respect. When you realize this, you will also be able to conquer your shyness during social situations.

by Author Unknown

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“I love being by myself, love being outdoors, love taking a long walk with my dogs and looking at the trees, flowers, the sky.” -Audrey Hepburn (1929 - 1993)

“My personality is hard to explain. I’m a big personality, and I enjoy being social. But I’m shy at first and sometimes ramble too much. I’m a shy extrovert.” -Author Unknown

Being ‘introverted’ and being ‘shy’ are not the same thing. Many introverts are not shy and many shy people are not introverts. The literal meaning of ‘introvert’ is ‘inward focused’ and usually refers to people who give their greatest attention to their own interests, often having little inclination to the interests of others. Shy people, however, are very often frustrated extroverts, that is, people who would like to be outgoing and social, but who also feel inhibited or held back.

“Shyness is the fear of social disapproval or humiliation, while introversion is a preference for environments that are not overstimulating. Shyness is inherently painful; introversion is not.” -Susan Cain (Susan Horowitz Cain (born 1968)): “Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking” (24 January 2012)

Shyness can stall a person’s work and career success - if he or she can get started at all . . .

“Shyness is nice, but shyness can stop you from doing all the things in life that you’d like to do.” -Steven Morrissey (Steven Patrick Morrissey (born 1959))

“Introductions are hard to come by when your natural state is shyness.” -Steve Martin (Stephen Glenn ‘Steve’ Martin (born 1945))

“We fail more often by timidity than by over-daring.” -David Grayson (1870 - 1946)

“I cannot make you understand. I cannot make anyone understand what is happening inside me. I cannot even explain it myself.” -Author Unknown

“The way you overcome shyness is to become so wrapped up in something that you forget to be afraid.” -Claudia Alta (Taylor) ‘Lady Bird’ Johnson (1912 - 2007)

“I grew up being very shy, very much a bookworm, and I remember desperately wondering how to be accepted by the popular kids.” -Lisa Kleypas (born 1964)

“I genuinely enjoy talking one-to-one. I have no shyness about that.” -Stephanie Beacham (born 1947)

“Sometimes those who don’t socialize much aren’t actually anti-social, they just have no tolerance for drama and fake people.” -Author Unknown

“I’m just shy - not antisocial - you can talk to me!” -Author Unknown

“Even when a person is as shy as a mouse, you still have to beware of the tiger within.” -Author Unknown

“I have had strange animals as pets all my life. I was shy growing up, and shy people tend to interact better with animals than people. Animals are direct, not duplicitous.” -Yvonne Craig (Yvonne Joyce Craig (1937 - 2015))

We cannot make shy people suddenly become non-shy by causing them to feel bad about being shy. Do not call a shy person antisocial, arrogant, egotistical, narcissistic, self-centered, mentally ill, introverted, slow, or sneaky - none of these things are what shyness is, and name calling and labeling will not help. Always remember: Just because you have labeled people does not mean you have helped them. Do not ridicule, tease, shame, or bully shy people. Instead, focus on encouragement, and if you know how, coaching or social skills teaching, keeping in mind that many shy people may very well know more about social skills than you do, but may simply have never had a safe opportunity to try them out and put them into regular practice.

“Women like silent men. They think they’re listening.” -Marcel Achard (born Marcel-Augustin Ferréol (1899 - 1974))

Overheard: My shyness has ruined so many opportunities.

“Cameras are a lifesaver for very shy people who have nowhere else to hide. Behind a lens they can disguise the fact that they have nothing to say to strangers.” -Pat Conroy: “Beach Music” (July 1995) novel

“It’s funny - when people call you ‘shy,’ they usually smile. Like it’s cute, some funny little habit you’ll grow out of when you’re older, like the gaps in your grin when your baby teeth fall out. If they knew how it felt - really being shy, not just unsure at first - they wouldn’t smile. Not if they knew how the feeling knots up your stomach or makes your palms sweat or robs you of the ability to say anything that makes sense. It’s not cute at all.” -Author Unknown

“A struggle with shyness is in every actor more than anyone can imagine.” -Marilyn Monroe (Norma Jean Mortenson (1926 - 1962))

“Stage persona notwithstanding, I’m extremely shy and quiet. Almost painfully shy. People misinterpret that as being above it all or not interested.” -J. Michael Straczynski (Joseph Michael Straczynski (born 1954))

“The fact of the matter is that most actors are shy people.” -Roger Moore (Roger George Moore (born 1927))

“I think I had a shyness about me, I think I discovered acting as a way to break out of that and as a way of belonging, a sense of being special.” -Michael C. Hall (Michael Carlyle Hall (born 1971))

Perhaps the most important consideration in addressing shyness is that we not waste people’s entire lifetimes while we argue over how to categorize shyness, whether it is caused by nature or nurture, or genetics or environment, or who is at fault. Instead, we need to focus on determining whether particular shy individuals are comfortable with their shyness or if they are suffering from their shyness. If they are comfortable with their shyness, we should let them be who they are. If they are suffering from their shyness, we should use the best of our humanity to help them. We can experiment a little - trying different ideas, discarding ideas that do not work and keeping ideas that do work.

“Shyness is really wondering if you have other people’s approval.” -Dorothy Sarnoff (1914 - 2008)

“I am very shy - really shy - I even had a stutter as a kid, which I slowly got over, but I still regress into that shyness. So I don’t like walking into a crowded restaurant by myself; I don’t like going to a party by myself.” -Nicole Kidman (Nicole Mary Kidman (born 1967))

“Writing is show business for shy people. That’s how I see it.” -Lee Child (pseudonym of James D. ‘Jim’ Grant (born 1954))

“I’ve gotten better at not making people feel uncomfortable with my shyness.” -Clea DuVall (Clea Helen D’Etienne DuVall (born 1977))

“I don’t really want to wax philosophic, but I will say that if you’re alive, you got to flap your arms and legs, you got to jump around a lot, you got to make a lot of noise . . . as I see it, if you’re quiet, you’re not living. You’ve got to be noisy, or at least your thoughts should be noisy and colorful and lively.” -Mel Brooks (born Melvin Kaminsky (born 1926))

“Sometimes quiet people really do have a lot to say, they’re just being careful about who they open up to.” -Author Unknown

Maribelle: What did the shy pebble say?
Clarabelle: “I wish I was a little boulder.”

“If you are shy, know that there can be some situations and circumstances in which you are not shy. Try to find them, and within them, give yourself the chance to learn and grow and develop, and in time, you will find yourself less shy in a wider range of situations and circumstances.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)

Golly, you sure look swell when you smile - you should do that more often! Much more MFOL! follows . . .

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Telephones

3/10/2020

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Cell phones are turning people everywhere into downward-facing zombies . . .

A man called a company and asked to speak to Bob. The person who answered the telephone said, “Bob will be on vacation for the next two weeks. Would you like to hold?”

Patrick: Why did old Mrs. Crow have such a huge phone bill?
Patricia: She made many long distance caws.

In the late 1930’s, Abe Pickens of Cleveland, Ohio, United States of America, attempted to promote world peace by placing personal calls to various national leaders. He managed to contact Mussolini, Hirohito, Franco, and Hitler (Hitler did not understand English and transferred him to an aide). He spent $10,000 on telephone calls in an effort to bring about world peace.

Caller: I would like the number for a Reverend in Marysville, please.
Operator: Do you have his name?
Caller: No, but he has a dog named Ben.

Mrs. Rogers picked up the phone to hear an anguished voice on the other end of the line saying, “Ma, this has been the worst day of my life. I am going crazy. The kids are all sick and home from school. I haven’t a thing in the house. I have a doctor’s appointment. I’m going out of my mind!” “I’ll come over,” Mrs. Rogers said, “but I don’t know why Robert can’t take care of the kids.” “Who’s Robert?” “Your husband.” “My husband’s name is William.” “You must have the wrong number.” “Oh . . . does this mean you’re not coming over?”

Caller: I would like the number of the Argoed Fish Café in Cardiff, please.
Operator: I am sorry, there is no such listing. Are you sure you have the spelling correct?
Caller: Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Café, but the B fell off.

How far do you have to stand from a telephone to make a long-distance call?

The first telephone conversation happened between two people who were just 18 feet apart - you might say it was a close call.

Suggested Recordings for Voice Mail and Answering Machines
- Glad you called but I just am not able to entertain you right now. However, if you are offering to buy dinner, I may be available sooner than you think. Don’t forget to leave your name and number so I don’t get mixed up with different offers and go to the wrong restaurant. Bye.
- Hello, this is Beulah’s toaster. Beulah’s new answering machine is in the shop for repairs, so please leave your message when the toast is done . . . cachunk!
- Hello. This is Ron. I am home right now but I cannot find the phone. Please leave a message and I will call you up as soon as I find it.
- Hi, I am not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.
- Hi, this is Arthur’s answering machine. He is not here, so speak freely at the beep.
- Hi. Now you say something.
- T is for turkey, D is for deer. One of those reasons is why we are not here. So leave a message at the beep.
-This is a test of the Answering Machine Broadcast System. This is only a test.

Darcy: Why there are so many people named Smith in the phone book?
Craig: They all have phones.

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Did you know that you can play tunes by pushing the buttons on a telephone? All you need to do is call a friend and push the numbered buttons as shown.

Row, Row, Row Your Boat
Row, row, row your boat
4, 4, 4, 8, 6
Gent-ly down the stream
6, 2, 6, 9, #
Mer-ri-ly mer-ri-ly
#, #, #, 0, 0, 0
Life is but a dream.
6, 2, 2, 1, 1

London Bridge
Lon-don Bridge is fall-ing down
6, 9, 6, 8, 7, 8, 6
Fall-ing down fall-ing down
1, 4, 5, 7, 8, 9
Lon-don Bridge is fall-ing down
6, 9, 6, 8, 7, 8, 6
My fair la-day
8, 6, 0, 4

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“If I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone?” -James Thurber

“Information. Can I help you?”
“I’d like the telephone number of the Theater Guild, please.”
“One moment, please . . . I’m sorry, sir, I have no listing for Theodore Guild.”
“No, no, it isn’t a person. It’s an organization. It’s ‘Theater Guild’.”
“I told you, sir, I have no listing for a Theodore Guild.”
“Not Theodore! Theater! The word is theater! T-h-e-a-t-e-r!”
“That, sir, is not the way Theodore is spelled.”

Riddle: I have a ring, but no finger - what am I?
Solution: A telephone.

The first bathtub came in 1850. The telephone was not invented until 1876. A lucky gal or guy could have spent twenty-six years in the bathtub without the telephone ringing once!

If you are in the United States of America or Canada, free wakeup calls are available from http://www.wakeupdialer.com/. Type in your telephone number and wakeup time, and the service will wake you with a ring. Don’t thank us, thank them!

“How does the phone cord get so tangled? All I do is talk, and hang up. I don’t pick it up and do a cartwheel and a somersault.” -Larry Miller

Caller: The water board please.
Operator: Which department?
Caller: Tap water

“One person’s wrong number is another person’s phone number.” -Author Unknown

John: What do you get if you cross a telephone and a dog?
Nadia: A Golden Receiver.

“Your cell phone has replaced your watch, camera, etc. Don’t let it replace your friends and family.” -Author Unknown

“For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.” -Author Unknown

A telephone rang. “Hello! Is your phone number 444-4444?” “Yes, it is,” came the reply. “Thank goodness! Could you call 911 for me? I super-glued my finger to the phone.”

More Suggested Recordings for Answering Machines and Voice Mail
- Hello, this is Sally’s microwave. Her answering machine just ran away with her tape deck, so I’m stuck taking her calls. Say, if you want anything cooked while you leave your message, just hold it up to the phone.
- Hi. Do you ever feel, like, your head is full of sand, not your regular loose sand, mind you, but compacted sand, and there were like, I dunno, bugs or something jumping up and down on the compacted sand? Well, sometimes I do. Bye.
- You have reached the number you have dialed. Please leave a message after the beep.
- Hello. You are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My humans do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through the office and do not need their picture taken. If you are still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.
- We’re not home, we’re rarely home,
And when we’re home, we’re on the phone,
So please leave a message at the tone!
- Hi! Cassi’s answering machine is broken. This is her refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I will stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.

A woman was being swamped with calls from strangers. The reason? A billing service had launched a toll-free 800 number that was identical to hers. When she called to complain, she was told to get a new number. “I’ve had mine for twenty years,” she pleaded. “Couldn’t you change yours?” The company refused, so she said, “Fine. From now on, I’m going to tell everyone who calls that their bill is paid in full.” The company got a new number the next day.

Caller: I would like the RSPCA please.
Operator: Where are you calling from?
Caller: The living room.

“Uneasy lies the head that ignores a telephone call late at night.” -William Feather (1889 - 1981): “The Business of Life” (1949)

The scene: Alexander Graham Bell’s laboratory. An exciting new discovery is about to take place. In the next room sits Bell’s assistant, a man named Watson, hard at work on Bell’s new invention to transmit sound over wires. As Mr. Watson toiled away in the room with the receiver, it suddenly rings - it must be Bell! He picked it up, and heard: “Good evening, sir. Are you paying too much for your long distance service?”

“Utility is when you have one telephone, luxury is when you have two, and paradise is when you have none.” -Author Unknown

The next time you try to call someone and their answering machine or voice mail greets you and asks you to leave a message, have a little fun with them. For example, say, “Hello? Hello? Is anybody there? I’m trapped inside your phone. It’s cold and dark in here, and I’m hungry and scared. I’ve got to get out of here. Please, please, help me!”

“I finally realized it . . . People are prisoners of their phones. That’s why they are called cell phones.” -Author Unknown

More than 50 percent of the people in the world have never made or received a telephone call. They depend on face-to-face live-in-person communication instead. If only the rest of us could be so fortunate!

Caller: The Union of Shopkeepers and Alligators, please.
Operator: You mean the Amalgamated Union of Shopkeepers?
Caller: Er, yes . . . that would be the one.

In Icelandic phone books, people are listed by their first names and not their surnames, or last names.

We’re sorry. You have reached an imaginary number. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees, divide by zero, and try again.

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Eletelephony

Once there was an elephant,
     Who tried to use the telephant -
No! No! I mean an elephone
     Who tried to use the telephone -
(Dear me! I am not certain quite
     That even now I’ve got it right.)

Howe’er it was, he got his trunk
     Entangled in the telephunk;
The more he tried to get it free,
     The louder buzzed the telephee -
(I fear I’d better drop the song
     Of elephop and telephong!)

by Laura Richards (Laura Elizabeth Richards (1850 - 1943))

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‘Telephone’ is derived from the Greek words ‘tele’ meaning ‘at a distance’ and ‘phonos’ meaning ‘sound.’ A telephone is an electronic apparatus that originally allowed people to send and receive sounds over a distance, and which now also allows people to send and receive text in text messages, sound recordings such as music, and images such as photographs.

You could answer the telephone with, “Hello.” However, you could also answer the telephone with, “Yellow,” and most people would simply regard you as having a ‘colorful’ regional dialect or accent.

Telepathy: A condition caused by talking too much on telephones.

In the first month of the Bell Telephone Company’s existence in 1877, only six telephones were sold. The first telephone book, made in 1878, contained only 50 names. Fast-forward to the present, when the world in which we live is essentially a very large telephone company.

Riddle: What do you call a rhinoceros in a telephone booth?
Solution: Stuck!

Nomophobia is a persistent fear of being out of mobile phone contact . . . and we had always thought it referred to a fear of gnomes . . . those terrifying and yet annoying little figures . . .

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Emergency Use Tips for Cell Phones

Your cell phone can actually be an aid to survival in serious emergencies.

The emergency number worldwide for cell phones is 112. If you find yourself outside of the coverage area of your cellular network and there is an emergency, dial 112 and the service will search any existing network to establish the emergency number for you, and the number 112 can be dialed even if the keypad is locked.

Have you locked your keys in the car? Does your car have remote keyless entry? If you lock your keys in the car, and the spare keys are at home, call someone at home on their cell phone from your cell phone. Hold your cell phone about a foot from your car door and have the person at your home press the unlock button, holding it near the cell phone on their end. Your car will unlock. This saves someone from having to drive your keys to you. Distance is no object; you could be hundreds of miles away, and if you can reach someone who has the other ‘remote’ for your car, you can unlock the doors, or the trunk, if you should somehow become locked inside it.

Your cell phone has hidden battery power. When your cell phone battery is very low, press the keys *3370#. Your cell phone will restart with this reserve, and will show a fifty percent increase in battery strength. This reserve will be recharged the next time your charge your cell phone.

To disable a stolen cell phone, first find your cell phone’s serial number, by keying in the following digits on your phone: *#06#. A 15-digit code will appear on the screen. This number is unique to your handset. Write it down and keep it somewhere safe. If your phone is ever stolen, you can call your cell phone service provider and give them this code. They can block your handset so that even if a thief changes the SIM card, your phone will be completely useless. You probably will not get your stolen phone back, but at least you know that the person who stole it will not be able to use it or sell it. If everyone did this, there would be no point in people stealing cell phones.

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The first transatlantic wedding took place on 2 December 1933. The groom was in Michigan. The bride was in Sweden. The ceremony took seven minutes and cost $47.50.

“So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said, ‘Who’s speaking please?’ And a voice said, ‘You are.’” -Tim Vine (Timothy Mark ‘Tim’ Vine (born 1967))

The dial tone of a typical telephone is in the key of ‘F.’

Bill was a frequent user of a pay telephone at a popular truck stop, and was greatly inconvenienced when the phone went out of commission. Repeated requests for repair brought only promises. After several days, Bill again contacted the phone company and told them there was no longer a rush. The phone was now working fine . . . except that all money was being returned upon completion of each call. A repairman arrived within the hour!

There are hundreds of millions of telephones in the world, so when you dial a number right in two tries, you are not doing badly at all.

Caller: I would like the number of the Scottish knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: I cannot find a town called ‘Woven.’ Are you sure of the name?
Caller: Yes. That’s what it says on the label - Woven in Scotland.

“Telephones [will] bring peace on Earth, eliminate Southern accents, and save the farm by making farmers less lonely.” -Author Unknown: printed in “The Wall Street Journal” (1995) ‘Century-old Pronouncements’

Are you receiving too many telemarketer calls? In the United States, call the Do Not Call Registry at 1-888-382-1222 or go to www.donotcall.gov. If you do not wish to be called by telemarketers, call the preceding number from the cell phone or landline phone you want to have placed on the Do Not Call Registry. Telephone numbers must be re-registered every five years, and people may continue to receive calls from politicians and pollsters, who are exempt from the registry.

“We can hardly realize now the blissful quietude of the pre-telephone epoch.” -Norman Douglas (George Norman Douglas (1868 - 1952))

Ring, ring . . . Hello? Hello? Is anybody out there?

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Poetic Epigrams

3/8/2020

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Look around the habitable world: how few
Know their own good, or knowing it, pursue.
-Juvenal (Decimus Iunius Iuvenalis (about C.E. 55 - about C.E. 130)): as quoted in John Dryden (1631 - 1700), translator: “The Satires of Decimus Junius Juvenalis: And of Aulus Persius Flaccus” (1693), Satire 10, lines 1 and 2

Once upon a time, it happened to me,
     the very sweetest thing, that could even be.
It was a fantasy, a dream come true,
     it was the day I saw you.
-Author Unknown

It sounds like stories from the land of spirits
If any man obtain that which he merits,
Or any merit that which he obtains.
-Samuel Taylor Coleridge (1772 - 1834)

Two cats can live as cheaply as one,
And their owner has twice as much fun.
-Lloyd Alexander (Lloyd Chudley Alexander (1924 - 2007))

A poetic epigram is a short and often witty poem expressing a single thought or observation. The word ‘epigram’ comes from the Greek word ‘epigraphein’ meaning ‘to write on’ or ‘to inscribe,’ and originally referred to inscriptions written on stone monuments in ancient Greece.

What is an epigram? A dwarfish whole;
Its body brevity, and wit its soul.
-Samuel Taylor Coleridge (1772 - 1834) (1802)

A house is built of logs and stone,
     of piles and post and piers;
A home is built of loving deeds,
     that stand a thousand years.
-Victor Hugo (Victor Marie Hugo (1802 - 1885))

A house is made of bricks and beams,
A home is made of love and dreams.
-Author Unknown

Early to bed,
     Early to rise
Makes a man healthy,
     Wealthy and wise.
-Benjamin Franklin (1706 - 1790)

The Joke

The joke you just told isn’t funny one bit;
     It’s pointless and dull, wholly lacking in wit;
It’s so old and stale, it’s beginning to smell -
     Besides, it’s the one I was going to tell!

by Author Unknown

Contentment is wealth, the riches of the mind;
And happy is he who can such riches find.
-John Dryden (1631 - 1700)

My mom (who’s on a diet)
     says she’s lost another pound.
I’ve tried to help her find it,
     but it’s nowhere to be found.
-Babs Bell Hajdusiewicz (born 1944)

Life is mostly froth and bubble,
     Two things stand like stone:
Kindness in another’s trouble,
   Courage in your own.
-Adam Lindsay Gordon (1833 - 1870)

When Adam Joked

Whatever trouble Adam had,
     No man in days of yore
Could say, when Adam cracked a joke,
     “I’ve heard that one before.”

by Author Unknown

Pursue thy work without delay,
For the short hours run fast away.
-Author Unknown

Words

A careless word may kindle strife;
     A cruel word may wreck a life;
A timely word may level stress;
     A loving word may heal and bless.

by Author Unknown

Genius, that power which dazzles mortal eyes,
Is oft’ but perseverance in disguise.
-Henry W. Austin (Henry Willard Austin (1858 - 1912)): “Perseverance Conquers All”

Great wits are sure to madness near allied,
And thin partitions do their bounds divide.
-John Dryden (1631 - 1700): “Absalom and Achitophel” (1681), part I, line 163

Whirls

Big whirls have little whirls,
     That feed on their velocity;
And little whirls have lesser whirls,
     And so on to viscosity.

by Lewis Fry Richardson (1881 - 1953): “The Supply of Energy from and to Atmospheric Eddies” (1920)

“An epigram often flashes light into regions where reason shines but dimly.” -Edwin Percy Whipple (1819 - 1886): lecture to the Boston Mercantile Library Association (October 1846), as quoted in Edwin Percy Whipple: “Lectures on Subjects Connected with Literature and Life” (1850)

No bees, no honey;
No work, no money.
-Author Unknown

Oh, words may rhyme,
     And sound sublime,
And sing and shout,
     Yet still say nowt.
-Author Unknown
nowt: nothing; naught

Keep out of ruts; a rut is something which
If traveled in too much, becomes a ditch.
-Arthur Guiterman (1871 - 1943)

Short Sermon

To give and forgive
Is a good way to live.

by Author Unknown

Joy and Temperance and Repose
Slam the door on the doctor’s nose.
-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807 - 1882)

Happy Ending?

There are no happy endings.
     Endings are the saddest part,
So just give me a happy middle
     And a very happy start.

by Author Unknown

Could fools to keep their own contrive,
On what, on whom could gamesters thrive?
-John Gay (1685 - 1732): as quoted W. H. Kearley Wright, editor: “The Fables of John Gay” (1889), ‘Fable XII: Pan and Fortune,’ lines 25 and 26

Are You a Poet?

You might not think it,
     You might not know it,
But somewhere inside you,
     There might be a poet!

by David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)

Do not loiter or shirk,
Do not falter or shrink
But just think out your work
And then work out your think.
-Nixon Waterman (1859 - 1944)

Mariner, do not ask whose tomb this may be,
but go with good fortune:
I wish you a kinder sea.
-Plato (about 427 B.C.E. - 347 B.C.E.)

Getting Along

We know how to get along
     every single day.
We take turns and share a lot
     while we work and play.

by Author Unknown

That man who lives for self alone
Lives for the meanest mortal known.
-Joaquin Miller (pseudonym of Cincinnatus Heine Miller (born Cincinnatus Hiner Miller (1837 - 1913)): “The Building of the City Beautiful” (1905), Chapter V: ‘How Beautiful!’ page 48

Always Finish

If a task is once begun
     Never leave it till it’s done.
Be the labor great or small,
     Do it well or not at all.

by Author Unknown: possibly also known by the title “Perseverance”

For every evil under the Sun
     There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try and find it;
     If there be none, never mind it.
by Author Unknown: as published in John Newbery, editor: “Mother Goose’s Melody” (1765)

Poetic epigrams vary in structure. They are typically couplets, or poems having two lines; tercets, or poems having three lines; and quatrains, or poems having four lines. Poetic epigrams of more than four lines are less common, in keeping with ‘brevity,’ a word often used in describing them. Some have titles, some have none. Poetic epigrams can be found as a few lines within longer poems, in much the same way that couplets, tercets, quatrains, and structures of more lines can be found within much longer poems.

Little strokes
Fell great oaks
-Benjamin Franklin (1706 - 1790)

Think that day lost whose low descending sun
Views from thy hand no noble action done.
-Jacob Bobart (1641 - 1719)

So all my best is dressing old words new,
Spending again what is already spent:
For as the Sun is daily new and old,
So is my love still telling what is told.
-William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616): ‘Sonnet 76’

Day-Dreamer

Too much thought:
Too little wrought.

by Author Unknown
wrought: brought into being or put together; archaic past tense of ‘work’

That man is thought a dangerouse knave,
     Or zealot plotting crime,
Who for advancement of his kind
      Is wiser than his time.
-Richard Monckton Milnes (also known as 1st Baron Houghton or Lord Houghton (1809 - 1885))
dangerouse: dangerous
knave: a no-good person
zealot: a fanatic

A Man Said to the Universe

A man said to the Universe:
“Sir, I exist!”
“However,” replied the Universe,
“The fact has not created in me
A sense of obligation.”

by Stephen Crane (1871 - 1900): “War Is Kind and Other Lines” (1899)

For he who fights and runs away
     May live to fight another day;
But he who is in battle slain
     Can never rise and fight again.
-Author Unknown: as published in Oliver Goldsmith, editor: “The Art of Poetry on a New Plan” (1762)

The Rooster

Hear the rooster crow out loud,
At the break of day:
“R-r-r-r-r, r-r-r-r-r!”
He says, “Get your chores done,
If you want to play.”
“R-r-r-r-r, r-r-r-r-r!”

by Author Unknown

Would you like to speak to your contemporaries, meaning people now living, or pass on learning across a great span of years, perhaps to coming generations, who have not yet arrived? Write a poetic epigram, carve it in stone, and let the passage of time carry your message to them.

To see a World in a Grain of Sand
     And a Heaven in a Wild Flower,
Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand
     And Eternity in an hour.
-William Blake (1757 - 1827): “Auguries of Innocence” (1803), lines 1 through 4

This is Make Fun Of Life! . . . the website for which you have been looking . . . is not proper English ever so peculiar?

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The End of the World

3/3/2020

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People are making jokes like there is no tomorrow . . .

Once upon a time in a magical land lived a snake named Nate. His purpose in life was to stay in the desert and guard the lever. This lever was no ordinary one, for if it was moved, it would cause the world to be destroyed. Nate took his job very seriously, and he let nothing get close to the lever. One day, he saw a cloud of dust off in the distance. He kept his eye on it because he was guarding the lever. The dust cloud continued to move closer to the lever. Nate saw that it was caused by a huge boulder - and the boulder was rolling straight for the lever! Nate thought about what he could do to save the world. He decided if he could get in front of the boulder, he could change its path and cause it to miss the lever. Nate slithered quickly to intersect the boulder. The boulder ran right over Nate, leaving him as flat as a pancake, but fortunately, the boulder was deflected as planned and missed the lever . . . leaving history to conclude that it was better Nate than lever.

“If the world comes to an end, I want to be in Cincinnati. Everything comes there ten years later.” -Mark Twain (pseudonym of Samuel Langhorne Clemens (1835 - 1910))

When will the world end? Scientists believe that Earth will exist for another 7.5 billion years before the Sun star becomes a red giant star and, in all likelihood, destroys the planet. Earth may cease to support life far before that time, however, due to the increased energy output from the Sun over time. Well before all of this occurs, humans will likely locate several extremely large rocks floating around in space, attach rocket engines to them, build habitable caves inside the rocks, pilot them out of the solar system, and become a spacefaring species until we discover new home-worlds. We will continue the fight for survival as we have since our long-ago beginnings.

The world may be ending tomorrow, but we’ve still got today . . .

Good Things about the End of the World
- No more waiting in rush hour traffic with your fuel gage near ‘E’ for ‘empty.’
- No more surprises in the amounts of your utility bills and phone bills.
- No more waiting in long lines at grocery stores while the ice cream in your shopping cart melts.
- No more phone calls in which a recording says, “Press 1 for English,” “Press 2 for billing questions,” “Press 3 to speak to a representative,” “Press 4 if you dozed off during this recording and forgot why you called,” and then you finally hear, “Sorry, all of our representatives are busy with other callers, please try again later.”
- No more homework or tests or restrictions on when and where you can chew bubble gum.
- No more hard-luck relatives asking to borrow money or sleep on your sofa.
- No more worrying about runaway shopping carts denting your car.
- No more dead cell phone batteries.
- No more trying to explain simple things to people who seem to have heads made from blocks of wood or some other hard, impenetrable substance.
- No more alarm clocks.
- No more need to worry about being short, bald, or overweight.

“I decline to accept the end of man.” -William Faulkner (William Cuthbert ‘Will’ Faulkner (1897 - 1962))

Mark and Luke were fishing on the side of a road. They made a sign reading, “The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it is too late!” and showed it to each passing car. One driver who passed by was not happy with the sign and shouted at them, “Leave us alone, you nutty end-of-the-worlders!” Then, all of a sudden, they heard a big splash. Mark grinned at Luke, laughed, and said, “Do you think we should just make a sign that reads, ‘Bridge Out’ instead?”

Overheard: Actually, the world has already ended, but the government covered it up in a huge conspiracy!

Fire and Ice

Some say the world will end in fire,
   Some say in ice.
From what I’ve tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
   But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
   To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
   And would suffice.

by Robert Frost (Robert Lee Frost (1874 - 1963)): “New Hampshire” (1923); type of work: collected poems by a single author in book form

Overheard: They say that the world is going to end in a few days, and I still do not know what I am going to wear . . .

It actually may be a little arrogant of people to think that the world is going to end in their lifetimes. After all, the Earth has been around for billions of years, and untold numbers of generations of people have existed on it for a meager part of that time. So, just what is it about our generation that makes us think that we are so special that the world is going to come to an end while we inhabit the planet?

Warning: Reality.SYS corrupted. Reboot Universe? Yes / No

Popular Ways for the World to End
- An ice age turns the Earth into a giant ball of ice and snow, and nobody can get their cars out of their driveways.
- Acid rain eats holes in everything, including plants, fishes, cows, and your new patio furniture.
- A hole in the ozone layer lets cosmic rays come in to cook everything.
- Global warming or climate change causes droughts, floods, and you know, like, whatever.
- A really big space rock collides with the planet and we disappear like the dinosaurs did.
- A pandemic follows an accident at a lab in which viruses or germs escape.
- Extraterrestrial invaders come to live on our planet and tell us to leave or else.
- The Sun goes supernova - we will have to wait patiently for several billion years for this possibility.
- Scientific advancement or an invention goes all wrong, and doom happens in the form of robots, computers, or other machines.
- Genetically altered or mutated life forms either refuse to share the planet’s resources with us or they eat us.
- Boredom: A lack of excitement causes everyone to become lackadaisical from unbearable boredom, which can be helped only by thinking up new and exciting ways for the world to end.
- The atmosphere burns up, because the oxygen and other gasses in it are highly flammable.
- Can you think of other ways in which the world could end, and if you can, why are you wasting your time thinking about it?

It’s the end of the world - please pass the hot buttered popcorn this way.

Notice: Due to the lack of experienced trumpeters, the end of the world has been postponed for three weeks.

‘The end of the world’ and ‘nearly the end of the world’ are often depicted fictionally in movies, novels, television shows, and video games. However, it is best to keep in mind that these are common themes for entertainment purposes and should not be taken seriously. What should be taken seriously is making sure you are putting as much effort into your personal life as you possibly can so that you can enjoy the rewards of hard work, smart planning, and taking measured risks. Show up on time at your job, work hard, and be nice to people. Pay attention in school, do your homework, and have fun with your friends. Keep your home neat and presentable, pay your bills on time, and make excuses for visiting your neighbors. Spend time in family activities. Try new things and go on adventures. These are the important things in life, and ridiculously exaggerated fantasies about statistically improbable calamities should never overshadow them. Perhaps we really should end any unhealthy obsession with doom and gloom and each of us should get busy living our one and only life.

“The end of the human race will be that it will eventually die of civilization.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882)

In 7.5 billion years, the Sun will run out of fuel and turn into a Red Giant, at which time the Earth will be uninhabitable. For some unknown reason, this concerns many folks a whole lot and some can think of little else - given all the possible things that they could be thinking about!

“Do not expect too much of the end of the world.” -Stanislaw Jerzy Lec (1909 - 1966): as quoted in Umberto Eco: “Foucault’s Pendulum” (1989), Chapter 7, page 49

When the End of the World Arrives, How Will the Media Report It?
- The New York Times: “World to end tomorrow; story and analysis on page B11.”
- The Wall Street Journal: “World to end tomorrow; market to close early.”
- USA Today: “It’s Over!”
- The Washington Post: “World to end tomorrow; impoverished nations will be hardest hit.”
- Business Week: Dow Jones Plummets As World Ends.
- Microsoft Systems Journal: Apple Loses Market Share.
- Sports Illustrated: Game Over.
- Wired: The Last New Thing.
- Readers Digest: ’Bye.
- Discover Magazine: How will the extinction of all life affect the way we view the cosmos?
- Lady’s Home Journal: Lose 10 Pounds by Judgement Day with Our New ‘Armageddon’ Diet!
- America Online: System Temporarily Down. Try Calling Back In 15 Minutes.
- Inc. magazine: Ten Ways You Can Profit from the Apocalypse.
- Microsoft’s Web Site: If You Did Not Experience the Apocalypse, Download Software Patch APOT777.EXE.

“End of time: What happens when your clock stops working.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)

Overheard: Chicken Little only has to be right once.

Ode to End Timers

Fanatics are trying to fend
With this concept: the world’s gonna end.
When portentous predictions
Turn out to be fictions,
They re-do their math and amend.

by Madeleine Begun Kane (born 1949)

“Have you noticed that in ‘the end of the world’ movies and books, the world does not actually explode, burn up, or become barren and devoid of all life, but instead, the sky becomes dark and people are still milling about as usual, but acting just slightly more confused and disorderly than usual?” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)

“There’s no end in sight!” -Author Unknown

“Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.” -Charles M. Schulz (Charles Monroe ‘Sparky’ Schulz (1922 - 2000))

Yesterday is proof there will be a tomorrow. There was a yesterday to yesterday, and a yesterday to that yesterday, and so on, going far, far back in time. If you could know when the first yesterday was, and look forward from that day, you would find that the first yesterday had a tomorrow and that tomorrow had a tomorrow, and so on. All those yesterdays and tomorrows, going on and on . . . builds the case that there will be not only a tomorrow, but a tomorrow for that tomorrow and so on, and so, many tomorrows will follow today, going far into the future, and so, there will be many tomorrows . . . perhaps even beyond our ability to count.

“I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it said on the packet, ‘Best Before End.’” -Tim Vine (Timothy Mark ‘Tim’ Vine (born 1967))

What does “The Bible” say about the end of the world? “But of that day and hour knoweth no man, no, not the angels of heaven, but my Father only.” -Jesus Christ: as quoted in “The Bible,” ‘Book of Matthew,’ chapter 24, verse 36

Some people lead dull lives because they aren’t the kind of people who actually do things, but are instead the kind of people who wait for things to happen. These are the people who talk endlessly about silly nonsense such as when and how the end of the world will happen. There is nothing going on in their lives; they aren’t doing anything with their lives; they are bored and spend their lives wishing something would happen, and if it doesn’t, they talk about what they wish would happen or what they wish other people would or should do. Do not let yourself be one of those people; rather, be one of the people who are doing things. Life is so much richer for the people who do things than it is for the people who wait and idle their lives away in fearful imaginings. So grab a ball and play catch with someone, or write an essay or a silly poem, or build a table and some chairs, or get a camera and take pictures of people and nature and events, or talk to someone about a new job, or just do anything that comes to mind or that you have been putting off doing. Do not wait, and do not engage in wasting time talking about the end of the world or what you wish other people would do. Be a doer yourself.

“End of the world? Why, I can’t even find the beginning, because the world is round!” -Author Unknown

On 31 March 1940, the Franklin Institute issued a press release stating that the world would end the next day. The release was picked up by radio station KYW, which broadcast the following message: “Your worst fears that the world will end are confirmed by astronomers of the Franklin Institute in Philadelphia. Scientists predict that the world will end at 3:00 p.m. Eastern Standard Time tomorrow. This is no April Fool’s Day joke. Confirmation can be obtained from Wagner Schlesinger, director of the Fels Planetarium of this city.” The public reaction was immediate. Local authorities were flooded with frantic phone calls. The panic only subsided after the Franklin Institute assured people that it had made no such prediction. The prankster responsible for the press release turned out to be William Castellini, the Institute’s press agent. He had intended to use the fake release to publicize an April 1st lecture at the institute titled, “How Will the World End?” Soon afterwards, the Institute dismissed Mr. Castellini from his job.

“What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly.” -Richard Bach (Richard David Bach (born 1936))

“Our Earth is degenerate in these last days; there are signs that the world is speedily coming to an end; bribery and corruption are common; children no longer listen to their parents; every man wants to write a book; indeed, the end of the world is approaching.” -Author Unknown: Assyrian inscription carved in stone (about 1500 B.C.E.)

End of the World Quiz
- Does any person really know when or how or if the world will end?
- When a person predicts the world will end in a certain way on a certain day, and he or she is wrong, what happens?
- Was Chicken Little right when she proclaimed the sky was falling because a pinecone fell out of a tree and hit her head?
- Might a person say the world is ending because he or she is bored and wanting excitement or is seeking to be the center of attention?
- Has anyone ever predicted the end of the world in order to defraud people of their money and other assets, to get people to buy books, or to get people to pay to see movies or attend lectures?
- If you and I do not know when the world will end, why would we suppose that other people know that information either?
- What is the difference between predicting when the world will end and predicting whether it will rain or not rain on this date ten years from now?
- Make a list of one hundred things more important for you to do than worrying about the end of the world.

The following pretty well sums it all up: If you are planting a tree or teaching a child to read, and someone comes along shouting, “The world is ending, the world is ending!” first finish planting the tree or teaching the child to read, and then go look into the matter of the world ending.

“Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree.” -Martin Luther (1483 - 1546)

“In my estimation, we are far closer to the beginning of the world than we are to the end of the world.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)

Cheer up - it’s not the end of the world! Another somewhat silly and somewhat serious topic is coming right up . . . on MFOL!

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Chewing Gum and Bubble Gum

2/29/2020

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Bubble gum girl . . .

How to Blow a Bubble
1. Take a piece of gum and chew it until the flavor is gone.
2. Stretch the gum around your tongue.
3. Blow air into the gum, and close your mouth to seal the bubble.
4. Peel the gum off your face and start all over again.

Humans are the only animals on Earth that chew gum. If you give a monkey a piece of gum, the monkey will chew it for a couple of minutes, and then the monkey will take the gum out of his mouth and stick it in his hair.

Mary Had Some Bubble Gum

Mary had some bubble gum,
     She chewed it long and slow,
And everywhere that Mary went,
     Her gum was sure to go.

She chewed the gum in school one day,
     Which was against the rule,
The teacher took her pack away,
     And chewed it after school.

by Author Unknown

People have enjoyed chewing gum-like substances in many lands and from very early times. Some of the materials were thickened resins and latexes from certain kinds of trees. Others were various sweet grasses, leaves, grains, and waxes. Modern chewing gum was originally made from the natural gum chicle, found in the sapodilla tree. Chicle is expensive, so other natural gums and chewy synthetic materials are also in use presently.

“For some reason, chewing gum for me gets my brain going.” -Brie Larson

Studies have shown that chewing gum helps people concentrate. It’s true - in fact, right now we’re concentrating on the cinnamon-peach flavor of the chewing gum in our mouths! Seriously, though, chewing gum can help in studying for exams, tests, quizzes, and other brain-taxing endeavors.

Eunice: How did the chewing gum get across the road?
Josie: By sticking to the chicken’s foot.

William Wrigley, Junior originally got his start in the baking powder business in Chicago, Illinois. With each can of his baking powder, he included a free pack of chewing gum. However, when he learned people were buying the baking powder only because they wanted the gum, he stopped selling the baking powder altogether and focused solely on the gum. In 1893, he began selling two of the most popular chewing gums ever: Juicy Fruit and Wrigley’s Spearmint Gum. The rest is history . . .

Hugh: Where is the best place to have a bubble gum bubble-blowing contest?
Bert: On a chew-chew train.

Chocolate-flavored chewing gum is not possible because the cocoa butter in chocolate acts as an emulsifier on the chewing gum base, making it too soft and ruining the chewability of the product. You can test this yourself by putting a piece of chocolate and a piece of gum in your mouth at the same time and chewing them together.

Chewing gum burns about 11 calories per hour.

Who is that person? She is Natalie Wood (born Natalia Nikolaevna Zakharenko (1938 - 1981)), acting and blowing bubbles at the same time, in the comedy film, “Penelope” (1966)

Studies have shown that chewing sugarless gum sweetened with xylitol has an antibacterial action. It fights bacteria that cause tooth decay. Gum also increases the flow of saliva, which dilutes acid produced by bacteria. Saliva also contains calcium and phosphorous minerals that can help to repair soft spots in tooth enamel, actually healing early tooth decay.

Eugene: What did the shoe say to the chewing gum?
Wallace: “Stick with me, and we’ll go places.”

During World War 2, American military personnel increased the popularity of chewing gum by trading it and giving it as a gift to people in Europe, Africa, Asia, and other parts of the world.

You probably will not want to go out and nibble on any tires after reading this, but the fact is that chewing gum is made from rubber, just like the tires on bicycles and automobiles. No wonder rodents like to chew the insulation off wires - it’s like chewing gum for them!

Cheryl: Would you like some ABC gum?
Daryl: What’s ABC gum?
Cheryl: It’s ‘Already Been Chewed’ gum.
Daryl: No, thanks!

Chewing gum is a very stable product. It has a non-reactive nature and low moisture content. Because of this, chewing gum retains its quality for a longer time than most other food products - so long, in fact, that in most countries, chewing gum is not required by law to be labeled with an expiration date. Chewing gum can, however, become brittle and lose some flavor as it ages, but will still remain safe to chew.

“Does the spearmint lose its flavor on the bedpost overnight?” -Billy Rose: title of song (1924), music by Ernest Breuer; revived in 1959 by Lonnie Donegan with the title “Does your chewing-gum lose its flavor on the bedpost overnight?”

On 28 December 1869, a patent for an ‘improved’ type of chewing gum was obtained by dentist William Finley Semple of Mount Vernon, Ohio. He combined rubber with chalk, powdered licorice root, and other substances to make his gum. The resulting gum purportedly cleaned the teeth and strengthened the jaw. Other types of chewing gum did exist prior to Mr. Semple’s product, including a ‘State of Maine Pure Spruce Gum’ made by John B. Curtis starting in 1848, and an earlier patent for chewing gum obtained by Toledo, Ohio resident Amos Tyler on 27 July 1869. Mr. Tyler’s gum was made of white rosin and olive oil, which he heated and mixed together. Once it cooled, he cut it into strips, or sticks, and packaged each piece individually. Of course, prior to all of this, chewing gum had been around for thousands of years of human history, but it was of a simpler form and not widely sold commercially to the public.

Cinnamon, spearmint, and peppermint are among the most popular flavors of chewing gum today.

Modern chewing gum emerged from a series of failures. American inventor Thomas Adams had tried for an entire year to use chicle as a substitute for rubber in waterproof boots, rainwear, and toys. Mr. Adams was frustrated when the experiments did not work as he had hoped, and he was ready to throw away all of the remaining chicle. Then a visit to a drug store gave him an idea. There, he overheard a girl ask for a penny’s worth of paraffin wax candy, and he recalled that chicle had been chewed by people for many centuries. By 1870, he had developed a chewing gum manufacturing process, for which he obtained United States Patent #111,798 issued on 14 February 1871. He sold his product as ‘Adams’ New York Gum No. 1.’ In 1871, he made a licorice-flavored gum called Black Jack, the first flavored chewing gum.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Oswald.
Oswald, who?
Oswald my chewing gum!

The color of the first successful bubble gum was pink because it was the only color the inventor had. The color ‘stuck,’ and today, bubble gum is still predominantly pink.

According to a leading columnist on the subject of etiquette, chewing gum in public is perfectly all right as long as it is not done with too much gusto.

In 1919 in Lockport, New York, United States of America, a Baptist minister named W. H. Mason invented the first modern gumball machine, which he patented and turned over to his son, Ford Mason, who began manufacturing the machines in the basement of his father’s church. Ford Gum & Machine Company soon began producing gumballs, too, and the younger Mason spent a decade perfecting ways to protect the candy from moisture condensation inside the see-through glass globes. A single drop of water would ruin the colors of a barrel of gumballs. Once he had invented a water-resistant glaze, a person could take a handful of glazed gumballs and hold them under a running faucet without the color coming off.

Alike Yet Different Somehow

The gum-chewing student,
     The cud-chewing cow,
Somewhat alike,
     Yet different somehow.

Just what is the difference -
     I think I know now -
It’s the thoughtful look
     On the face of the cow.

by Author Unknown

The largest bubble ever blown was about 58 centimeters (23 inches) in diameter. The record was set on Tuesday 19 July 1994 by Susan Montgomery Williams of Fresno, California, United States of America. Hmmm, seems like that bubble might have been large enough to hold a small dog, a cat, a parakeet, and a goldfish inside it.

At one time, a manufacturer ordered his workers to stop chewing on the job - but the workers went to the National Labor Relations Board and won the right to do so.

Chewing gum while cutting onions can help keep people from producing tears.

Chewing gum on an airplane will prevent a person’s ears from popping. Chewing gum makes the salivary glands produce 250 percent more saliva than is normally produced, so people swallow more. This helps balance the pressure in the head.

Japanese chemists have invented ‘Mood Gum.’ Like the Mood Rings once popular in America, Mood Gum changes color when you are happy, sad, angry, and so forth.

Chewing-gum was illegal in all of Eastern Europe until Czechoslovakia began manufacturing it in 1957. Poland and East Germany quickly followed suit, but it was not until 1976 that the Soviet Union lifted its ban on gum. Tourists who visit Singapore are allowed to bring gum with them, but only a maximum of two packs per person. Any more than that and they can be charged with ‘gum smuggling’ which carries the penalty of one year in jail and $5,500 fine. A doctor’s prescription may be required for chewing gum. Anyone caught leaving chewing gum in a public area can be charged with a monetary fine, community work, or commonly, a public beating with a bamboo stick.

Do you have gum stuck in your hair, and you don’t want to cut your hair to get rid of the gum? It’s a sticky situation, but you can apply ice to the gum to make it cold and harden it, and then try to break it off in pieces. Or, you can use peanut butter or vegetable oil to soften the gum and then try to remove it. Afterward, wash your hair thoroughly.

Better than cough drops? Cough drops are just candy, but the act of chewing gum may provide some real relief from the sore throat that frequently accompanies a cold, influenza (flu), and some other conditions, by stimulating the flow of saliva.

Chewing gum first went into orbit when astronauts Edward Higgins White II and James Alton McDivitt smuggled the stuff onboard their space capsule during the Gemini IV mission that was launched on 3 June 1965 from Cape Canaveral, Florida, United States of America.

Any guesses as to what percentage of people are incapable of blowing bubbles with gum? Get a clipboard, a pen, a piece of paper, and decide how you are going to word your question or questions. Now go out and begin asking people, writing down the number of people who say they can blow bubbles and the number of people who say they cannot blow bubbles. But wait, there are probably a statistically significant number of people who have never tried and therefore do not know if they can or cannot blow bubbles, and you will want to count those people also. As an inducement to get people to participate in your study, you might offer them each a piece of gum. When you have your results, please let us know.

That is not all . . . we have much more humor for you on a huge variety of topics on Make Fun Of Life! - just scroll down the page. We are people . . . being silly . . . while chewing gum . . .

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