Fun & Learning

This Giraffe Is Seeing Something

7/14/2018

This giraffe is seeing what is on the ‘Make Fun Of Life!’ Website and is keenly interested . . . perhaps you will be, too . . .

Here at ‘MFOL!’ we are working hard to bring you new stuff . . . in the meantime, please enjoy the ‘Learning’ that follows below on this page, or feel free to explore the other pages shown on the menu bar at the top of this page, such as the ‘Library’ page.

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Daffynitions and Definitions

7/13/2018

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This stuff is amazing . . .

Abundance: A party held in a bakery, at which buns dance; not to be confused with abarndance.

“An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.” -Winston Churchill (Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill (1874 - 1965))

Aqualibrium (ak wa lib’ re um), noun. The point at which a stream of drinking fountain water is at the perfect height, thus relieving the drinker from having to suck the nozzle and from being squirted in the eye.

Atrophy: An award given to those who do not exercise.

Augmented reality: A step in the process of turning us all into cyborgs.

Beelzebug, noun. Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three o’clock in the morning and cannot be cast out.

“Bore: A person who talks when you want him to listen.” -Ambrose Bierce (Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce (1842 - 1914))

Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Brevity: Words that cover more ground than they occupy.

Brouhaha: A jolly tea party.

Buffet: A French word that means ‘get up and get it yourself.’

Buoyant: A young male ant.

“Buzzwords: How bees talk to each other.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

Cackleberry: A hen’s egg.

“Cat: A pygmy lion who loves mice, hates dogs, and patronizes human beings.” -Oliver Herford (1863 - 1935)

Chaos: What happens when a dog person marries a cat person.

“Christmas is sleeping with one eye shut while the other eye watches for Santa Claus.” -Charles Schulz (Charles Monroe ‘Sparky’ Schulz (1922 - 2000))

Cobweb site: A website that has not been updated for a long time.

Compromise: An agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted.

Computer chip: Any starchy foodstuff consumed in mass quantities while working at a computer.

Correctional facility: Rent-free public housing for law-breakers, who are thought to benefit from confinement in each other’s company.

Cosmetic makeup: War paint. (No doubt some folks will want to go to war over this definition.)

Courage: The art of being the only one who knows you are scared to death.

Definition: What you are now reading. Daffynition: A wacky definition.

Democracy: A system of government in which people take the law into their own hands.

Denial: A river in Egypt.

Dentist: 1. A collector of old magazines. 2. A filling station attendant.

Detail: What’s on the end of a dog.

“Diplomat: A man who remembers a woman’s birthday but not her age.” -Robert Frost (Robert Lee Frost (1874 - 1963))

Doctor: 1. A type of medical device used in making diagnoses. 2. Someone who practices medicine but charges as if he or she actually knew.

Doohicky: A doo-dad or a whatchyamacallit.

Dust: Mud with the juice squeezed out.

Eclipse: What an English barber does for a living.

Efficiency expert: Someone who waits to make up a foursome before going through a revolving door.

Elephant: A useful animal with a vacuum cleaner on one end and a rug-beater at the other.

“Exchequer: A playing piece from a checkers game that has left to join the chess set.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

Faith: The suspension of disbelief.

Farcical: A long bike race.

Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

Forthwith: adverb. Derived from ‘for Thwith,’ originally meaning to be completed in time for Thwith, an ancient Druidic feast of no fixed date. Now used to refer to any unspecified moment in the future and hence to completion of any task for which it would be unwise to provide a deadline.

Forum: Two-um plus two-um.

Fossil: An extinct animal; the older it is, the more extinct it is.

Fossil fuels: What dinosaurs used to run their cars.

Funology: The science of having fun.

Gardener: A plant manager.

Gazebo: A cross between a gazelle, a zebra, and a hippo.

Gihugeous: Really, really big.

Glitter: Fairy dust.

Grandparents: People who think your children are wonderful, but are sure you are not raising them right.

“Hammers: Manually-powered fastener-driving impact devices.” -Author Unknown: United States Pentagon

Happiness: What you can always find in the dictionary.

Hardware store: 1. Similar to a black hole in space if a husband goes in - he is not coming out anytime soon. 2. One of the rare shops in which women do not like to do shopping, and therefore, popular with men.

Harpist: A plucky musician

Hors d’oeuvres: A sandwich cut into twenty pieces.

Horsepower: Something that was much safer when only horses had it.

Hospital: A place where they wake you up to give you a sleeping pill.

Human: A useful domestic animal that is popular with cats, dogs, and fleas.

Humor: God’s gift to humankind to compensate for the law of gravity.

Immature: A word boring people use to describe fun people.

Impeccable: What every bird owner must be.

Intense: Where campers sleep.

Internet: The reason you are failing your classes.

“Junk is the stuff we throw away. Stuff is the junk we keep.” -Frank Tyger (1929 - 2011)

Kindred: A fear that relatives are coming to stay.

Laughingstock: Cattle with a sense of humor.

Lollipops: Behavior modification reinforcers.

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at statistics.

Magazine: A bunch of printed pages that tell you what is coming in the next issue.

Meterology: The study of parking meters.

Metronome: A city-dwelling dwarf.

Mirage: A place where a ghost keeps its car.

Mistakes: Proof that you are trying - so go ahead and keep making mistakes.

Mommy: The person who kisses the boo-boo after you scrape your knee.

Mouse Pad: Where Mickey and Minnie live.

Nitrate: Cheaper than day rate.

“Obsessed is a word the lazy use to describe the dedicated.” -Author Unknown

Ow: The first word spoken by a child with older siblings.

Peekaboo: Hide-and-Seek for ghosts.

Polarize: What penguins see with.

Predicament: When a woman does not want any more birthdays, but still wants the presents.

Prepone: To move forward in time; the opposite of postpone. Usage example: We are preponing tomorrow’s meeting by holding it today.

Propaganda: A gentlemanly goose or a proper gander; see also ‘impropaganda.’

Prophet: A person who foresees only ever doom and gloom; also known as a prophet of doom.

Public schools: A scheme for indoctrinating impressionable young minds with the ideology of political correctness, thereby creating the unthinking crazed zombie-like minions of Big Brother and his New World Order.

Quantum Physics: The dreams that stuff is made of.

Raisin: A worried grape.

Rectify: When you try to fix something, but end up wrecking it instead.

Relay: What chickens do when the farmer takes their eggs away.

Relief: What trees do in the Spring.

Sarcasm: Barbed ire.

Scandals: Footwear you should be ashamed of.

Seamstress: What occurs when 250 pounds of person are in a size 6 outfit.

Seven-course meal: Six cookies and a glass of milk.

Shingle: Sean Connery’s definition of a bachelor.

Slander: To lie or tell the truth about someone.

Slippers: Footwear made from bananas.

Snicker: A small laugh.

Stick: A boomerang that does not come back.

Stucco: What you get when you step on gummo.

Subdued: A guy who works on submarines.

Synergy: 1 + 1 = 3.

“Taxidermy: A skin condition caused by riding in taxicabs.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

Television: An electrical device which, when broken, stimulates conversation.

Thirteen o’clock: Time to get your clock fixed.

Top bunk: A bed where you should never put a child who is wearing Superman pajamas.

Traffic light: An apparatus that automatically turns red when your car approaches.

Tulips: The standard number of lips assigned to a person.

UFP: Unidentified Frying Pan. Usage example: The police report shows the would-be burglar appears to have been struck in the noggin by a UFP.

Vegetarian: 1. A bad fisherman. 2. A bad hunter.

Wasted energy: Telling a hair-raising story to a bald-headed man.

Webmaster: A spider. Usage example: Watch out for that creepy-crawly webmaster!

Yours: Anything which, up to the present, others have not been able to get away from you.

Zenophobia: The irrational fear of convergent sequences.

You can create your own zany word meanings and perhaps redefine the world! We now return you to further lightness and enlightenment . . . on ‘MFOL!’

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Zucchinis

7/11/2018

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Why, we seem to have a regular zucchini zoo going on here . . .

Karen: What is zucchinis favorite game?
Daren: Squash!

The variety of zucchini commonly grown in home gardens and sold commercially and in retail stores was cultivated by Italians from squash originally found in colonial America. Zucchinis, like all squash, originated in the Americas, meaning North and South America.

“You’re becoming a real vegetable any more, do you know that?” Tim’s wife said to him one day, for no apparent reason. “Who, me?” Tim replied, trying to make light of the situation by saying it with a sort of zucchini accent.

Zucchini also goes by the names Italian squash, courgette, vegetable marrow, long marrow, and garden marrow.

The word ‘zucchini’ is derived from the Italian word ‘zucca’ meaning ‘squash.’ ‘Courgette’ is a diminutive of the French word ‘courge’ meaning ‘gourd’ or ‘marrow.’

Together with pumpkins and some other squashes, zucchinis are a member of the species ‘Cucurbita pepo.’ Zucchinis are a variety of cucurtbits, genus cucurbita, meaning that they are in the same family as cucumbers, squashes, and melons.

Nikita: What vegetable looks like a bunch of animals?
Anita: Zoo-chini!

Zucchini is commonly found in a green-and-speckled variety, though there is also a yellow variety of zucchini.

The Zucchini Brothers, a band from Saratoga Springs, New York, United States of America, plays songs for children. They also have a cranberry bread recipe on their website . . . but alas, no zucchini bread recipe. To listen to their music, visit www.ZucchiniBrothers.com.

Zucchinis are ready for harvest about 35 to 55 days after planting from seed.

The three-day Annual Zucchini Fest in Obetz, Ohio, United States of America, is ‘everything zucchini.’ The event runs from 27 to 30 August of each year, and includes a parade, queen’s pageant, contests, arts and crafts, games, and much more. Information about the gala can be found at www.ObetzZucchiniFest.com.

Zucchini is harvested as a summer squash. Summer squash are squashes that are harvested when immature, meaning while the rind (skin or peel) is still tender enough to be edible. Biggest is not best when it comes to zucchini; the most flavorful zucchinis are small to medium in size.

A Christian couple heard that their vegetarian son would be coming home from college to spend the Thanksgiving Holiday with them. Said the man, “Let us prepare the fatted zucchini, Martha! Our prodigal son is returning.”

The largest zucchini on record was 176.5 centimeters (69.5 inches) long, and weighed 29.5 kilograms (65 pounds). The humongous veggie was grown by Mr. Bernard Lavery of Plymouth, Devon, England.

In parts of America, if you park your car in a suburban neighborhood in August, be sure to lock the doors, because if you fail to do so, the neighbors might fill your car with zucchini!

Slice a zucchini in half lengthwise, and hollow out the halves with a spoon. Add the fillings of your choice, which can be as varied as chili and cheese, diced tomatoes and sliced Italian sausage and Provolone cheese, chopped vegetables and hollandaise sauce, or whatever your heart desires. Bake in an oven at about 180 degrees Celsius (350 degrees Fahrenheit) for about 45 minutes, or microwave on high, until done. Allow to cool and . . . presto! . . . voila! . . . you have created the stuffed zucchini.

Some would say zucchini is a wonder food because of its fast growth, easy preparation, and low calorie content.

A typical whole zucchini has about 25 calories; by comparison, a typical baked potato has about 130 calories.

Zucchinis have more potassium than bananas have.

Even though zucchini is served as a vegetable, it is technically a fruit because it comes from a flower. Grocery stores usually do not sell the blooms, but they can often be found at farmers’ markets. The bright yellows beauties aren’t just for looking at - they can be stir-fried and eaten.

Overheard: A zucchini is a vegetable that can be baked, boiled, fried, or steamed before children refuse to eat it.

Raw, uncooked zucchini can be sliced and put into salads, similar to the way cucumbers are sliced and put into salads.

So, you have lots of fresh zucchinis, and you cook and prepare them, and they look great, but they have a bitter or sour taste. The next time, use smaller zucchinis that have been picked off the vine well before they are fully-grown and mature. As zucchinis grow larger, and as they age on the shelf at the market or in your refrigerator, they begin to ripen. The best zucchinis are ones that have not yet ripened and have not developed any bitter or sour taste. Much like cucumbers, you will want to eat zucchinis while they are small and well before they are full grown and ripened, preferably within a day or two of their arrival in your kitchen.

Zucchini zoodles can be added to spaghetti recipes, and it can be used as a replacement for other types of pasta noodles as well. ‘Zoodles’ are easy to make with the aid of some kitchen gadgets. Using a mandolin or a spiral slicer, first secure the zucchini on prongs, and then push the vegetable toward the blades. A smaller and less expensive option is a julienne peeler, which has a serrated blade that can be used to create thin wide strips.

Zucchini Quiz
- Zucchini is ready for harvest in how many days after planting from seeds?
- Are zucchini blossoms, or flowers, edible?
- What are zoodles made of?

According to www.NationalDayCalendar.com, 8 August of each year is National Sneak Some Zucchini Into Your Neighbor’s Porch Day.

Zucchini Quiz Answers
- Zucchini is ready for harvest 35 to 55 days after planting from seeds.
- Zucchini blossoms, or flowers, are edible, though usually stir-fried.
- Zoodles are strips of zucchini that can be used in place of pasta.

This is ‘MFOL!’ . . . where we plant smiles, grow fun, and harvest giggles . . . perhaps we should try that with zucchinis also . . .

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Eggs

7/8/2018

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Shelly: You’re a good egg!
Egbert: Eggcellent observation! Thank you!

Ross: What do you call an egg that goes on an adventure?
Rose: An eggsplorer!

Why are some chicken eggs brown? Many years ago, some people believed that brown bread, brown flour, brown rice, and brown sugar were more nutritious than their white counterparts, and these people also extrapolated that therefore, brown eggs must be healthier, too. In fact, the only difference between brown eggs and white eggs is that brown eggs are laid by rust-red chickens with red earlobes, such as the Rhode Island Red, while white eggs come from white chickens with white earlobes, most notably the White Leghorn, which makes up about ninety percent of the North American egg-laying chicken population. So, the color of an eggshell depends on the breed of hen that it came from. Chicken eggs come in white and off-white, brown, tan, pale blue, pale green, and other colors and shades, and there are even speckled eggs. Regardless of color, all chicken eggs of the same size have the same nutritional content, flavor, and cooking characteristics.

Eve: How do you make an egg laugh?
Adam: Tell it a yolk.

The color of egg yolks can range from light yellow to dark orange, and is determined by what the hen eats. If a hen gets plenty of the yellow-orange plant pigment xanthophyll in her food, it will be deposited into the yolk. Hens fed food containing yellow corn lay eggs with medium-yellow yolks. Hens eating wheat or barley lay lighter-color yolks. As with eggshell color, the color variations of egg yolks have no effect on the quality, flavor, or nutritional value of eggs.

Pearl: What do you call an egg from outer space?
Earl: An eggstraterrestrial.

The greenish coloration in some cooked eggs is due to the oxidation of the iron and sulfur compound that occurs naturally in eggs, and it typically forms when eggs are overcooked or not cooled quickly enough following the cooking process. It does not mean the eggs are bad. Although some people find it visually unappealing, it is harmless. The storybook character ‘Sam I Am,’ who initially refused to eat green eggs, eventually not only tried them, but also became an enthusiastic eater of them.

Glenard: How do monsters like their eggs?
Leonard: Terrifried!

Have your hard-boiled and raw eggs become comingled? To tell which is which, place an egg on a flat surface and give it a whirl. If the egg spins easily, it is hard-boiled. If the egg wobbles, it is raw.

Chelsea: Why was the father egg so strict?
Chester: He was hard-boiled.

Some people call eggs ‘nature’s multivitamin.’ Can you guess why?

Egbert: Did you hear the one about the egg?
Shelly: I heard it’s not all it’s cracked up to be!

Eggs are a highly nutritious food that can make an important contribution to a healthy diet. Egg protein has the exact ratios of all of the essential amino acids needed by humans to build cellular tissue, plus essential minerals and vitamins. They are a natural source of 13 vitamins and minerals, as well as high quality protein, omega-3 fats, and antioxidants. One vitamin not found in eggs is vitamin C, so when you have eggs, you might also want to eat fruits or vegetables containing vitamin C to help you meet your nutritional needs. A fresh tomato or slice of melon or other seasonal farm produce should fill the need.

Charles: How many eggs does it take to change a light bulb?
Chuck: None, eggs do not have hands.

Egg yolks are one of the few foods that naturally contain vitamin D, the ‘sunshine vitamin.’ If you do not spend enough time outdoors under the Sun to allow your body to produce its own vitamin D naturally, you could very well be vitamin-D-deficient, and eating eggs could help you to fill that deficiency. Your doctor, nutritionist, or other qualified health care professional can help you in determining this.

Meredith: Why wouldn’t the eggs go out on a hot Summer day?
Merry: They were afraid they might fry.

The egg yolk contains all of the fat in the egg, half of the proteins, and most of the vitamins and minerals. Yes, it is true that the yolk also contains most of the cholesterol as well. However, if you only eat the egg white in an attempt to avoid fat and cholesterol, you are missing out on much of the nutritional value of the egg. A large whole egg (egg yolk and egg white together) contains only 75 calories and only 5 grams of fat. You may have been informed by some well-meaning persons that you need to cut fat out of your diet, but you actually do need some fat in your diet for good health. It might be wise to consider seeking a second medical opinion about your diet to find out if whole eggs really are a concern, or if you can go ahead and enjoy them as part of a balanced diet.

Mae: Why was the egg on the internet?
Belle: Because it had its own eggsite.

The egg has been much maligned by some experts as being high in cholesterol and therefore supposedly bad for us, but is this really true? A single egg yolk does contain 214 milligrams, or two-thirds, of recommended daily cholesterol consumption. However, it turns out this isn’t as awful as it might seem. Studies show that eating eggs regularly does not increase the risk of heart disease, partly because the body does not absorb all of the cholesterol in the eggs eaten at any one time. In fact, studies show that eggs can actually improve the body’s cholesterol profile by raising HDL (the so-called ‘good cholesterol’) and increasing the size of LDL particles, which can lower the risk of heart disease. The lesson in this is that the people who try to pass themselves off as infallible experts and who want to tell you how to live your life can sometimes be completely wrong. Go ahead and enjoy your eggs. Some experts recommend eating up to six eggs a week as part of a healthy, balanced diet.

Burt: How did the egg get up the mountain?
Bernice: It scrambled up!

“A hen is only an egg’s way of making another egg.” -Samuel Butler: “Life and Habit” (1877), chapter 8

Choline is an essential nutrient for a healthy human brain, but by some estimates, about ninety percent of people are not getting enough of it. Egg yolks are an excellent source of choline.

Arnold: What part did the egg play in the movies?
Harold: He was an eggstra.

Eggs are very high in the antioxidants Lutein and Zeaxanthin, which can greatly reduce the risk of macular degeneration and cataracts.

“The incredible edible egg!” -American Egg Board, advertising slogan (1977)

Curtis: Why did the egg go to school?
Kirk: To be eggucated.

Eggs are a good food to include in weight loss diets, because they contain only miniscule amounts of carbohydrates and very little fat, but plenty of essential protein.

George: How do eggs stay healthy?
Martha: They eggcercize a lot.

Raw (uncooked) eggs can be consumed alone or in combination with other ingredients to make an easily digested protein drink, and athletes have been drinking raw eggs and concoctions containing them for countless generations. However, doing so is not without risk. Statistically, about one in 10,000 raw eggs contains salmonella, which can make people sick. Properly cooking eggs will destroy the salmonella and reduce the possibility of harm. If you are still thinking about consuming raw eggs, please consider this information.

Old Man of Madrid

There was an old man of Madrid
Who ate 65 eggs - yes, he did!
     When they asked, “Are you faint?”
     He replied, “No, I ain’t -
But I don’t feel as well as I did!”

by Author Unknown

The shortest -ology is oology, which is the scientific study of eggs.

Mac: What do you get if you cross an egg with a vacuum cleaner?
Beth: I have no idea, but I bet it’s messy!

Joseph Coyle, a newspaper editor in British Columbia (a province of Canada bordering the Pacific Ocean), invented egg cartons in 1911 to solve a dispute between two locals over a matter of broken eggs.

Rick: Why did the egg roll across the road?
Cedric: Because it wasn’t a chicken yet!

If an egg floats in water, does that mean it is bad and should not be eaten? As soon as eggs are laid, air begins to enter through the pores in the shell. A floating egg means that enough air has entered the shell to make the egg float. However, according to the United States Department of Agriculture, that does not necessarily mean the egg is bad, just older. The USDA recommends cracking the egg into a bowl and inspecting it. If the egg smells bad, it is spoiled and should be discarded.

Peggy: What did one egg say to another egg?
Megan: Let’s get cracking!

Two eggs were in a frying pan. The first egg said, “Well, hello, there!” The second egg screamed, “It’s a talking egg - help, somebody get me out of here!”

Melvin: How did the egg get across the road?
Calvin: It scrambled across.

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How to Make Scrambled Eggs

1. Beat eggs, milk, salt, and pepper together in a bowl.
2. Melt butter in frying pan.
3. Pour in the egg mixture.
4. Cook over a low heat.
5. Lift and turn the mixture with a spoon or spatula, keeping it in large soft masses.
6. Serve.

If you do not have a whisk or other suitable implement for beating eggs, just use a container with a wide lid and a tight seal. Crack the eggs into it, toss the shells aside, put the lid tightly on the container, and vigorously shake it until the eggs are thoroughly mixed up and confused, just like the folks who bring you the ‘Make Fun Of Life!’ Website. By the way, do you know how to unscramble an egg?

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Corey: How do you scramble an egg?
Cornelius: Here’s one way: ne gag.

Arthur: What do you call an egg that’s done many things?
Artemis: An egg with lots of eggsperience.

Paula: Why wouldn’t the egg take a hot bath?
Priscilla: It didn’t want to be hard-boiled.

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How to Make Boiled Eggs

First, you’ll need a fully-grown hen. Next - oh, you say you buy your eggs at the market? Okay, then just follow the simple and easy instructions that follow these words . . .

1. Carefully place eggs in a saucepan and cover with cold water.
2. Place saucepan on stove heating element and bring water to a boil.
3. Leave the pot on the stove but turn the element off.
4. Set the stove timer and leave the eggs until they’re just the way you like them as follows.
    3 to 4 minutes for runny eggs.
    5 to 6 minutes for soft-boiled eggs.
    8 to 9 minutes for hard-boiled eggs.
5. Immediately rinse or immerse the eggs in cold water to stop the cooking process.

Some people say to prevent egg shells from cracking, a pinch of salt should be added to the water before boiling.

Hard-boiled eggs that are made from fresh eggs will be harder to peel than eggs that are a little older. In fresher eggs, the shell and membrane are more tightly bonded with the cooked egg white. As eggs age, the membrane dries out and loosens its bond with the egg yolk. Raw eggs that are properly stored for a week or longer are best for making into hard-boiled eggs because they will be easy to peel.

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A traveling preacher was staying at the home of a good Christian family. He was awakened quite early by the soft tones of a soprano voice singing, “Nearer, My God, to Thee.” The preacher was much impressed by this way of starting the day and he commented on this to his hostess at breakfast. He told her how pleased he was to be in her home. “Oh,” she replied, “that’s the hymn I boil the eggs by: three verses for soft boiled and five for hard boiled.”

Goldie: What did the eggs do when they got on the highway?
Sylvia: They eggcellerated.

Don: How did the eggs leave the highway?
Gordon: They took the eggsit.

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How to Make Poached Eggs

1. Bring a pot or pan of water to a boil.
2. Add 2 teaspoons of white vinegar to the boiling water.
3. Lower the water to a simmer
4. Carefully crack eggs directly into the water, or crack eggs into a ladle or teacup and then gently lower the eggs into the water.
4. Allow the egg to set around the yolk like a white pillow. The egg should float to the top when the white is set.
5. Use a slotted spoon to remove the egg from the water.
6. Add salt, pepper, butter, sauce, or other flavorings, to taste.
7. Serve.

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Cecelia: Why couldn’t the egg family watch television?
Cedric: Because their cable was scrambled.

World Egg Day has been observed on the second Friday in October of every year since 1999. Let’s all scrabble to celebrate!

Martin: What do you call a city of 20 million eggs?
Robin: New Yolk City!

Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Omelette.
Omelette, who?
Omelette smarter than you might think.

To make scrambled eggs or omelets really rich, add a couple of spoonfuls of sour cream, cream cheese, or heavy cream; and then beat them.

“No clever arrangement of bad eggs ever made a good omelet.” -C. S. Lewis

Ruby: What do you call a mischievous egg?
Rudy: A practical yolker.

Poke a small hole in each end of a washed egg and cover one of the holes with your mouth. Blow forcefully until the entire contents of the egg have been expelled through the other hole. Run water through the inside of the egg to rinse out any remaining egg matter and set aside for several days to air dry. Now your eggshell is ready for decoration. You can draw a face on it, add feet and a hat or hair to cover the holes, and voila and ta-da, you have your very own egg person. Egg people are fragile, so handle with care - you may perhaps want to craft an egg carton vehicle for them to ride around in.

Mattie: What did the egg say to the clown?
Matilda: “You crack me up!”

Deviled eggs can be placed in an egg carton for easy transport to a party or to a new neighbor as a welcoming gift. Loosely lay a sheet of kitchen plastic wrap atop the bottom half of the egg carton containing the individual egg compartments, and place the deviled eggs into the carton one at a time to allow the plastic wrap to conform around them. This creates a layer of clean plastic between the carton and the deviled eggs. Place a second layer of plastic wrap loosely atop the deviled eggs and close the carton. Place the carton in a refrigerator to keep the eggs chilled until just before use.

Harriette: Why did the egg go to sleep?
Henrietta: Because it was eggzausted!

To make easy deviled eggs, put cooked egg yolks into a resealable plastic bag. Mash, then add remainder of ingredients, and continue mashing and mixing thoroughly. Cut a corner from the bag and squeeze mixture into egg into the cooked egg whites. Simply throw bag away when done for easy clean up.

Shelly: What happened to the egg when he was tickled too much?
Michelle: He cracked up.

Who’s ready to get eggcited about eggs? Let’s get eggy with it! We’ll just keep egging you on with more eggzillerating egg humor and egg learning - until you throw some eggstraordinary eggzamples right back at us in the form of your own eggcellent jokes and facts - how very eggscentric! Here’s how: Just take words that have hard g, k, x, or z sounds in them, and work ‘egg’ into them somehow. That’s eggzactly how it’s done!

We have much more learning fun for you on a huge variety of topics . . . just roll down this page to see more. Additionally, we have an ‘Inspiration’ page and a ‘Quotations’ page on the menu bar at the tippy-top of the page.

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Today and the Present

7/5/2018

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“Do something today that your future self will thank you for.” -Author Unknown

The Gift of a Day

Every day’s a perfect gift
     of time for us to use,
Hours waiting to be filled
     in any way we choose.
Each morning brings
   a quiet hope
     that rises with the Sun.
Each evening brings
     the sweet content
     that comes with work well done.

by Author Unknown

“Nothing is worth more than this day.” -Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832)

Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting,
So . . . get on your way!
by Doctor Seuss (Theodor Seuss Geisel (1904 - 1991)): “Oh, the Places You’ll Go!” (1990)

“The living moment is everything.” -D. H. Lawrence (David Herbert Lawrence (1885 - 1930))

Garth: Do you know what today is?
Heath: No - what is it?
Garth: It is the day after yesterday!

“I held a moment in my hand, brilliant as a star, fragile as a flower, a tiny sliver of one hour. I dropped it carelessly, Ah! I didn’t know, I held opportunity.” -Hazel Lee (Hazel Crutcher Lee (1917 - 2006))

“What we do today, right now, will have an accumulated effect on all our tomorrows.” -Alexandra Stoddard (born 1941)

“Each day, and the living of it, has to be a conscious creation in which discipline and order are relieved with some play and pure foolishness.” -May Sarton (pseudonym of Eleanore Marie Sarton (1912 - 1995))

“Remember what was. Anticipate what will be. But live in the moment that lies in between.” -Author Unknown

“Unless each day can be looked back upon by an individual as one in which he has had some fun, some joy, some real satisfaction, that day is a loss.” -Dwight D. Eisenhower (Dwight David ‘Ike’ Eisenhower (1890 - 1969)): as quoted in Louis Filler: “The President Speaks: From William McKinley to Lyndon B. Johnson” (1964)

“Act in the precious present.” -Author Unknown

“The clock is running. Make the most of today. Time waits for no man. Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That’s why it is called the present.” -Alice Morse Earle (1851 - 1911): “Sun Dials and Roses of Yesterday: Garden Delights Which Are Here Displayed in Very Truth and Are Morever Regarded As Emblems” (1902)

“Let today be the start of something new.” -Author Unknown

“Ask yourself if what you are doing today is getting you closer to where you want to be tomorrow.” -Author Unknown

Today

Today is mine. It is unique.
Nobody in the world has one exactly like it.
It holds the sum of all my past experiences and all my future potentials.
I can fill it with joyous moments or ruin it with fruitless worry.
If painful recollections of the past come into my mind,
or frightening thoughts of the future, I can put them away.
They cannot spoil today for me.

by Author Unknown

“Today is a brand new day. My past does not define me. My future is mine to create.” -Author Unknown

“There is only one time that is important - now! It is the most important time because it is the only time that we have any power.” -Leo Tolstoy (Lev Nikolayevich Tolstoy (1828 - 1910))

“If not now, when will you begin living your life?” -Jack Borland

“The future depends on what we do in the present.” -Mohandas Karamchand ‘Mahatma’ Gandhi (1869 - 1948)

“On a day no different than the one now dawning, Leonardo drew the first strokes of the Mona Lisa, Shakespeare wrote the first words of Hamlet, Beethoven began work on his Ninth Symphony, and Einstein discovered the theory of relativity. What are you going to do today?” -Author Unknown

“If you haven’t found something strange during the day, it hasn’t been much of a day.” -John A. Wheeler (John Archibald Wheeler (1911 - 2008))

“Every day is a gift.” -Author Unknown

“The passing moment is all that we can be sure of; it is only common sense to extract its utmost value from it . . .” -W. Somerset Maugham (William Somerset Maugham (1874 -1965))

“Days are expensive. When you spend a day, you have one less day to spend. So make sure you spend each one wisely.” -Jim Rohn (Emanuel James ‘Jim’ Rohn (1930 - 2009))

“I think, what has this day brought me, and what have I given it?” -Henry Moore (1898 - 1986)

“This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.” -Author Unknown: “The Holy Bible” (King James Version, Cambridge Edition (1769)), ‘Psalms,’ Psalm 118, verse 24

Live in the Present

One day at a time
this is enough.
Do not look back
and grieve over the past
for it is gone;
and do not be troubled
about the future
for it has not yet come.
Live in the present
and make it so beautiful
that it will be worth
remembering!

by Author Unknown

“Make the most of today. Translate your good intentions into actual deeds.” -Grenville Kleiser (1868 - 1953)

“If you are going to do something, do it now. Tomorrow is too late.” -Pete Goss (born 1961)

“No day passeth, without something we wish not.” -Thomas Fuller (1654 - 1734): “Gnomologia” (1732), number 3,558

“Never underestimate the value of a day.” -Author Unknown

“What very mysterious things days were. Sometimes they fly by, and other times they seem to last forever, yet they are all exactly twenty-four hours. There’s quite a lot we don’t know about them.” -Melanie Benjamin (pseudonym of Melanie Hauser (born 1962))

“A year from now you may wish you had started today.” -Karen Lamb (born 1956), website www.karenlamb.com

“Make good use of today.” -Author Unknown

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Today

Mend a quarrel. Search out a forgotten friend. Dismiss suspicion and replace it with trust. Write a love letter. Share some treasure. Give a soft answer. Encourage youth. Manifest your loyalty in a word or deed.

Keep a promise. Find the time. Forego a grudge. Forgive an enemy. Listen. Apologize if you were wrong. Try to understand. Flout envy. Examine your demands on others. Think first of someone else. Appreciate, be kind, be gentle. Laugh a little more.

Deserve confidence. Take up arms against malice. Decry complacency. Express your gratitude. Worship your God. Gladden the heart of a child. Take pleasure in the beauty and wonder of the Earth. Speak your love. Speak it again. Speak it still again. Speak it still once again.

by Author Unknown

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“One today is worth two tomorrows.” -Benjamin Franklin (1706 - 1790): “The Way to Wealth” (1758)

“Today will never happen again. Don’t waste it with a false start or no start at all.” -Og Mandino (Augustine ‘Og’ Mandino II (1923 - 1996))

“One has to live in the present. Whatever is past is gone beyond recall; whatever is future remains beyond one’s reach, until it becomes present. Remembering the past and giving thought to the future are important, but only to the extent that they help one deal with the present.” -S. N. Goenka (Satya Narayan Goenka (1924 - 2013))

“Just for today let us live this one day only, forgetting yesterday and tomorrow, and not trying to solve the whole problem of life at once.” -Joseph F. Newton (Joseph Fort Newton (1878 - 1949))

“Now is all there is.” -Author Unknown

“Day, noun: A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent.” -Ambrose Bierce (Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce (1842 - 1914))

“No time like the present.” -Mary de la Rivière Manley (also known as Delarivier Manley (1663 - 1724))

“Today is a perfect day to just be happy.” -Author Unknown

“You will never have this day again, so make it count.” -Author Unknown

“Today is tomorrow’s yesterday.” -Author Unknown

“As long as the day lasts, let’s give it all we’ve got.” -David O. McKay (David Oman McKay (1873 - 1970))

“One must never be in haste to end a day. There are too few of them in a lifetime.” -Author Unknown

“The past was. Tomorrow may be. Only today is.” -Sonya Friedman

“Our days are like identical suitcases, all the same size, but some can pack into them twice as much as others.” -Author Unknown

“Today . . . spend more time with people who bring out the best in you, not the stress in you.” -Author Unknown

“The only thing even in this world are the number of hours in a day. The difference in winning or losing is what you do with those hours.” -Woody Hayes (Wayne Woodrow ‘Woody’ Hayes (1913 - 1987))

“Love the moment, and the energy of that moment will spread beyond all boundaries.” -Mary Corita Kent (1918 - 1986)

“Look closely at the present you are constructing: it should look like the future you are dreaming.” -Alice Walker (born 1944)

“Your future is created by what you do today, not tomorrow.” -Robert T. Kiyosaki (Robert Toru Kiyosaki (born 1947))

“Seize the day, trust as little as possible in tomorrow.” [English translation]
“Carpe diem, quam minimum credula postero.” [original Latin]
-Horace (Quintus Horatius Flaccus (65 B.C.E. - 8 B.C.E.)): “Odes” (23 B.C.E.), book 1, number 11, final line

“There is no such thing in anyone’s life as an unimportant day.” -Alexander Woollcott (Alexander Humphreys Woollcott (1887 - 1943))

“Right now counts forever.” -R. C. Sproul (Robert Charles Sproul (1939 - 2017)): title of article in “Tabletalk” (May 1977) magazine

“Think that this day will never dawn again.” -Dante Alighieri (about 1265 - 1321)

“There are many fine things which you mean to do some day, under what you think will be more favorable circumstances. But the only time that is surely yours is the present, hence this is the time to speak the word of appreciation and sympathy, to do the generous deed, to forgive the fault of a thoughtless friend, to sacrifice self a little more for others. Today is the day in which to express your noblest qualities of mind and heart, to do at least one worthy thing which you have long postponed, and to use your God-given abilities for the enrichment of some less fortunate fellow traveler. Today you can make your life big, broad, significant, and worthwhile. The present is yours to do with it as you will.” -Grenville Kleiser (1868 - 1953): “Inspiration and Ideals: Thoughts for Every Day” (1918), ‘August Twenty-Eighth’

“Now is the only time anything happens.” -Sylvia Boorstein (born 1936)

“Whether it’s the best of times or the worst of times, it’s the only time we’ve got.” -Art Buchwald (1925 - 2007): as quoted in “The Journal of the Oklahoma State Medical Association” (1979)

“The man who waits until tomorrow, misses the opportunities of today.” -Author Unknown

“What day is it?” asked Pooh.
“It’s today,” squeaked Piglet. “My favorite day.”
-A. A. Milne (Alan Alexander Milne (1882 - 1956)): “Winnie the Pooh” (14 October 1926)

“How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.” -Annie Dillard (born Meta Ann Doak (born 1945)): “The Writing Life” (1989)

“What you do today can improve all your tomorrows.” -Ralph Marston (Ralph S. Marston, Junior (born 1955))

“Every man’s life lies within the present; for the past is spent and done with, and the future is uncertain.” -Marcus Aurelius (also known as Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (C.E. 121 - C.E. 180))

“There’s only now.” -Bill Murray

This is ‘MFOL!’ . . . encouraging you to go out today and make great memories . . . to carry forward in your life . . .

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Leadership and Leaders

7/2/2018

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“Every leader needs to look back once in a while to make sure he has followers.” -Author Unknown

“A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.” -Dwight D. Eisenhower (Dwight David ‘Ike’ Eisenhower (1890 - 1969))

“The best way to become a leader is to start acting like one.” -J. D. Cameron

“If you would win a man to your cause, first convince him that you are his sincere friend.” -Abraham Lincoln (1809 - 1865)

“The first task of a leader is to keep hope alive.” -Joe D. Batten (born 1925)

“By the time you have lined up the third person for something, the first two will have wandered off somewhere.” -Author Unknown

“Before you become a leader, success is all about growing yourself. After you become a leader, success is about growing others.” -Jack Welch (John Francis ‘Jack’ Welch, Junior (born 1935))

“What makes a leader - intelligence, integrity, imagination, skill: in brief, statecraft? Not at all. It is the fact that the man has a following.” -Gerald W. Johnson

“The challenge of leadership is to be strong, but not rude; be kind, but not weak; be bold, but not bully; be thoughtful, but not lazy; be humble, but not timid; be proud, but not arrogant; have humor, but without folly.” -Jim Rohn (Emanuel James ‘Jim’ Rohn (1930 - 2009))

“It’s lonely at the top, but you eat better.” -Author Unknown

“We are all leaders - whether we want to be or not. There is always someone we are influencing - either leading them to good - or away from good.” -Leif Erikson (about C.E. 970 - about C.E. 1020)

“The only real training for leadership is leadership.” -Anthony Jay

“The important work of moving the world forward does not wait to be done by perfect men.” -George Eliot (pseudonym of Mary Anne Evans (1819 - 1880))

“The qualities of leadership are not something you attain overnight.” -Betty McDonald: “Hello, Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle” (1957)

“If you would rule the world quietly, you must keep it amused.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882)

“The function of leadership is to produce more leaders, not more followers.” -Ralph Nader

“I make progress by having people around me who are smarter than I am - and listening to them. And I assume that everyone is smarter about something than I am.” -Henry J. Kaiser (Henry John Kaiser (1882 - 1967))

“Many people who lack the know-how to build better lives for themselves just need someone to give them a show-how . . . Could that someone be you?” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

“Really great men have a curious feeling that the greatness is not in them but through them.” -John Ruskin (1819 - 1900)

“Sometimes you gotta create what you want to be a part of.” -Geri Weitzman

“The first essential for leadership is a group of dumb guys to follow you.” -Author Unknown

“The task of leadership is not to put greatness into people, but to elicit it, for the greatness is there already.” -John Buchan (1875 - 1940)

“When someone demands blind obedience, you’d be a fool not to peek.” -Jim Fiebig

“A leader is one who knows the way, goes the way, and shows the way.” -John C. Maxwell (John Calvin Maxwell (born 1947))

And then there are the self-led people, who will not be led by others and who often will not be leaders, either . . . who are not stubborn, and not crazy, but simply possess a preference for being independent and self-reliant . . . and who recognize and admire those traits in others.

“I am not apt to follow blindly the lead of other men.” -Charles Darwin (1809 - 1882)

“Certainly a leader needs a clear vision of the organization and where it is going, but a vision is of little value unless it is shared in a way so as to generate enthusiasm and commitment. Leadership and communication are inseparable.” -Claude Taylor

“Outstanding leaders go out of their way to boost the self-esteem of their personnel. If people believe in themselves, it’s amazing what they can accomplish.” -Sam Walton (1918 - 1992)

“The best leader is the one who has sense enough to pick good men to do what he wants done, and self-restraint enough to keep from meddling with them while they do it.” -Theodore Roosevelt (Theodore ‘Teddy’ Roosevelt (1858 - 1919))

“The real leader has no need to lead; he is content to point the way.” -Henry Miller (1891 - 1980)

“A leader does not deserve the name unless he is willing occasionally to stand alone.” -Henry Alfred Kissinger (born 1923): “The Necessity for Choice: Prospects of American Foreign Policy” (1961)

“No man will make a great leader who wants to do it all himself, or to get all the credit for doing it.” -Andrew Carnegie (1835 - 1919)

“One of the true tests of leadership is the ability to recognize a problem before it becomes an emergency.” -Arnold H. Glasow (Arnold Henry Glasow (1905 - 1998))

“Most people who want to get ahead do it backward. They think, ‘I’ll get a bigger job, then I’ll learn how to be a leader. But showing leadership skill is how you get the bigger job in the first place. Leadership isn’t a position, it’s a process.” -John C. Maxwell (John Calvin Maxwell (born 1947))

“People prefer to follow those who help them, not those who intimidate them.” -C. Gene Wilkes (born 1953)

“Leadership is not about titles, positions, or flowcharts. It is about one life influencing another.” -John C. Maxwell (John Calvin Maxwell (born 1947))

“If you want to build a ship, don’t drum up the men to gather wood, divide the work, and give orders. Instead, teach them to yearn for the vast and endless sea . . .” -Antoine de Saint-Exupéry (Antoine Marie Jean-Baptiste Roger, comte de Saint-Exupéry (1900 - 1944))

“Leadership is an opportunity to serve. It is not a trumpet call to self-importance.” -Author Unknown

“The higher men climb, the longer their working day. There are no office hours for leaders.” -James Gibbons (1834 - 1921)

“The very essence of leadership is you have to have a vision.” -Theodore Hesburgh (Theodore Martin Hesburgh (1917 - 2015))

“Leadership: Understanding that blaming others will not generate trust and will not inspire people to join forces to create progress.” -Author Unknown

“A leader leads by example, not by force.” -Sun Tzu (possibly 544 B.C.E. - possibly 496 B.C.E.)

“The best leader is the one who has the sense to surround himself with outstanding people and self-restraint not to meddle with how they do their jobs.” -Author Unknown

“A good leader takes a little more than his share of the blame, and a little less than his share of the credit.” -Arnold H. Glasow (Arnold Henry Glasow (1905 - 1998))

“As a leader you should always start with where people are before you try to take them to where you want them to go.” -Jim Rohn (Emanuel James ‘Jim’ Rohn (1930 - 2009))

“Those who cannot think or take responsibility for themselves need, and clamor for, a leader.” -Hermann Hesse (1877 - 1962): “Reflections” (1974), number 106

“Leaders aren’t born, they are made. And they are made just like anything else, through hard work. And that’s the price we’ll have to pay to achieve that goal, or any goal.” -Vince Lombardi (Vincent Thomas Lombardi (1913 - 1970))

“Leaders must live by higher standards than their followers.” -John C. Maxwell (John Calvin Maxwell (born 1947))

“Self-control is a critical leadership skill. Leaders generally are able to plan and work at a task over a longer time span than those they lead.” -Gerald Faust

“There are no great men, only great challenges that ordinary men are forced by circumstances to meet.” -William F. Halsey (William Frederick ‘Bull’ Halsey, Junior (1882 - 1959)): as quoted in Thomas A. Bailey: “Presidential Greatness: The Image and the Man from George Washington to the Present” (1966)

“Nothing so conclusively proves a man’s ability to lead others as what he does from day to day to lead himself.” -Thomas J. Watson, Senior (1874 - 1956)

“Leadership is the capacity to translate vision into reality.” -Author Unknown

“No man is fit to command another that cannot command himself.” -William Penn (1644 - 1718)

“The best leaders are those most interested in surrounding themselves with assistants and associates smarter than they are. They are frank in admitting this and are willing to pay for such talents.” -Amos Parrish

“Leadership is action, not position.” -Samuel Gompers (1850 - 1924)

“Effective leadership is not about making speeches or being liked; leadership is defined by results not attributes.” -Peter F. Drucker (Peter Ferdinand Drucker (1909 - 2005))

“One of the best ways to persuade others is with your ears - by listening to them.” -Dean Rusk (1909 - 1994)

“You can’t lead a cavalry if you think that you look funny riding a horse.” -John Peers

“If the dogs are barking at your heels, you know you’re leading the pack.” -Author Unknown

“A leader leads by example whether he intends to or not.” -Author Unknown

“Leadership is more likely to be assumed by the aggressive than by the able, and those who scramble to the top are more often motivated by their own inner torments.” -Bergen Evans (Bergen Baldwin Evans (1904 - 1978))

“A leader is an ordinary person with extraordinary determination.” -Author Unknown

“The most dangerous leadership myth is that leaders are born-that there is a genetic factor to leadership. This myth asserts that people simply either have certain charismatic qualities or not. That’s nonsense; in fact, the opposite is true. Leaders are made rather than born.” -Warren G. Bennis

“True leadership would convince people, rather than force them.” -David C. Kifer

“Leaders are visionaries with a poorly developed sense of fear and no concept of the odds against them.” -Robert Jarvik

“There go the people. I must follow them, for I am their leader.” -Alexandre Ledru-Rollin (Alexandre Auguste Ledru-Rollin (1807 - 1874)) (15 May 1848): as quoted by Eugène de Mirecourt: “Histoire Contemporaine, No. 79” (1857)

“One man with courage makes a majority.” -Andrew Jackson

“You can’t lead anyone else further than you have gone yourself.” -Gene Mauch (Gene William Mauch (1925 - 2005))

“A leader must have the courage to act against an expert’s advice.” -James Callaghan (Leonard James ‘Jim’ Callaghan (1912 - 2005)): as quoted in “The Harvest Business Review” (1 November 1986)

“Leaders must be close enough to relate to others, but far enough ahead to motivate them.” -John C. Maxwell (John Calvin Maxwell (born 1947))

“Leadership is the ability to get extraordinary achievement from ordinary people.” -Brian Tracy (born 1944)

“The final test of a leader is that he leaves behind him in other men the conviction and the will to carry on.” -Walter Lippmann (1889 - 1974): ‘Roosevelt Has Gone’ published in “The New York Herald Tribune” (14 April 1945) newspaper

“As soon as a certain number of living beings are gathered together, whether they be animals or men, they place themselves instinctively under the authority of a chief.” -Gustave Le Bon (Charles-Marie Gustave Le Bon (1841 - 1931)): “The Crowd: A Study of the Popular Mind” (1895)

“A good objective of leadership is to help those who are doing poorly to do well and to help those who are doing well to do even better.” -Jim Rohn (Emanuel James ‘Jim’ Rohn (1930 - 2009))

“Few great men could pass personnel.” -Paul Goodman (1911 - 1972): “Growing Up Absurd” (1956), page 153

Overheard: All those who are opposed to the plan I am about to propose will reply by saying “I resign.”

“If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more, and become more, you are a leader.” -John Quincy Adams (1767 - 1848): as attributed in Pat Williams (born 1940): “The Paradox of Power” (2002)

“There is great force hidden in a gentle command.” -George Herbert (1593 - 1633)

“Ethics must begin at the top of an organization. It is a leadership issue and the chief executive must set the example.” -Edward Hennessy

“Example is leadership.” -Albert Schweitzer (1875 - 1965)

“Pull the string, and it will follow wherever you wish. Push it, and it will go nowhere at all.” -Dwight D. Eisenhower (Dwight David ‘Ike’ Eisenhower (1890 - 1969))

“When [Derek the mouse] went out briefly into the world, he noted that his friends treated him with more respect, perhaps because he was behaving in a more respect-commanding way.” -William Steig (1907 - 2003): “The Real Thief” (15 July 1973)

“He who has never learned to obey cannot be a good commander.” -Aristotle (384 B.C.E. - 322 B.C.E.): “Politics” (as translated by Benjamin Jowett)

“Leadership does not mean domination. The world is always well supplied with people who wish to rule and dominate others. The true leader is a different sort; he seeks effective activity which has a truly beneficent purpose. He inspires others to follow in his wake, and holding aloft the torch of wisdom, leads the way for society to realize its genuinely great aspirations.” -Haile Selassie I (born Ras Tafari Makonnen (1892 - 1975)): ‘Speech on Leadership’ published in “Speeches Delivered on Various Occasions” (May 1957 - December 1959) (1960), page 138

“A great person attracts great people and knows how to hold them together.” -Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832)

This is ‘MFOL!’ . . . leading the way to . . . ummm . . . we will get back to you on that one . . . in the meantime, please enjoy what is coming next . . .

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Shoes and Footwear

6/29/2018

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Presto: What results from wearing tight shoes.

“A handsome shoe often pinches the foot.” -Author Unknown

Shoe store sign: Limited Time Offer - Buy Two Shoes - And Get A Third Shoe Absolutely Free!

A man walked into a shoe store, and tried on a pair of shoes. “How do they feel?” asked the sales clerk. “Well . . . they feel a bit tight,” replied the man. The assistant promptly bent down and looked at the shoes and the man’s feet. “Try pulling out on the tongue,” offered the clerk. “Nath theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth,” the man said.

If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

The earliest known footwear is a pair of sandals that date back to about 7,000 B.C.E. However, anatomical analysis of early humans seems to indicate that they may have begun wearing shoes as early as 40,000 years ago. Before then, people ran around barefoot and ate rocks. What’s that . . . oh, apparently, early humans did not eat rocks . . . just wild plants, raw meat, and bugs. Say, aren’t you glad you wear shoes?

Dustin: Do your shoes have holes in them?
Austin: No.
Dustin: Then how did you get your feet into them?

“If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them.” -Sue Grafton

Edith: Who always goes to bed wearing shoes?
Edna: A horse, of course.

Shoes all over the world were identical until 1822, when left-footed and right-footed shoes were made for the first time in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, United States of America.

Overheard: “I have enough shoes.”

If the shoe fits, it must be some kind of trick - don't be fooled!

Ida: What has a tongue but cannot speak?
Emma: A shoe.

Overheard: Those shoes certainly make you look ‘well-heeled’!

Sonya: Why did the two shoes not get along?
Sonny: Because they both thought they were ‘right.’

The boots Neil Armstrong wore when he walked on the Moon are still floating around somewhere in outer space. He had to leave his boots there so that he could bring as many Moon rocks as possible back to Earth.

If the shoe fits, buy a pair in every color.

Sabrina: What runs around all day and then lies on the floor with its tongue hanging out?
Katrina: Your shoe!

In the silent movie “The Gold Rush” (August 1925), comedic actor Charlie Chaplin actually ate his shoe. He portrayed his signature character, ‘The Tramp’ as a gold prospector who was trapped in a cabin during a snowstorm. Starving, he decided to boil his boot and eat the laces like spaghetti. Fortunately for Mr. Chaplin’s digestive system, the shoe used in the movie was made of licorice candy provided by the American Licorice Company.

“High heels were invented by a woman who had been kissed on the forehead.” -Christopher Morley (Christopher Darlington Morley (1890 - 1957))

Tutor: Can you name at least six things you can wear on your feet that begin with the letter ‘s’?
Student: Sandals, shoes, skates, skis, slippers, sneakers, snowshoes, socks, stilts, and stockings.

Many years ago, two salesmen were sent by a British shoe manufacturer to Africa to investigate and report on market potential. The first salesman reported back, “There is no potential here - nobody wears shoes.” The second salesman reported back, “There is massive potential here - nobody wears shoes.”

Joe’s Shoes

The shoes of old Eskimo Joe
Fell apart as he walked in the snow.
“Have you needle and thread?”
I enquired, but he said,
“No, igloo them, not sew them, you know.”

-Author Unknown

If the shoe fits your foot, it will not fit your budget.

Apparently, bears never wear shoes, as they prefer to gallop around in just their ‘bear feet.’

“I have tennis shoes with little rhinestones that I slip on if I exercise. But I always wear heels, even around the house. I’m such a short little thing, I can’t reach my kitchen cabinets.” -Dolly Parton (born 1946)

“A man can walk without shoes, but shoes can’t walk without a man.” -George Daly

Squeakers: Shoes that mice wear.

Gregory: Who wears two pairs of shoes, both at the same time?
Geoffrey: Mules - as do horses, ponies, and ‘mammoth donkeys’ used for riding.

“You cannot put the same shoe on every foot.” -Publilius Syrus (85 B.C.E. - 43 B.C.E.)

If the shoe fits, you are asleep and having a dream about shoes.

“The shoe that fits one person pinches another; there is no recipe for living that suits all cases.” -Carl Gustav Jung (1875 - 1961)

Melody: What is made of leather and sounds like a sneeze?
Clarabelle: A shoe.

A typical pair of casual shoes will last for about 500 miles of walking.

“Give a girl the right pair of shoes and she’ll conquer the world.” -Marilyn Monroe (pseudonym of Norma Jean Mortenson Baker (1926 - 1962))

Al: What goes, “Thump, thump, thump, squish! Thump, thump, thump, squish!”?
Fred: An elephant wearing a soggy tennis shoe.

“Never buy shoes early in the day when your feet are their smallest.” -Frances Patiky Stein

The best time to buy shoes is when you are cranky and tired from walking and standing around all day, say for example, after work or school. This is because your feet are likely to be at their largest at this time of the day. That is right, your feet change in size throughout the day. It is shocking, we know. In the morning, you arise with your feet well-rested, but as the day progresses, you put a lot of pressure on your feet, causing them to spread out and swell up. If you try on shoes at the start of the day, well, that is when your feet are small, and if you were to continue to wear that same pair of shoes all day long, by the end of the day, your feet would not be happy, because they will be crammed into shoes that are too tiny.

Maxwell: Why do cobblers (shoemakers) go to Heaven?
Maxine: Because they have good soles.

“If the shoe fits, it’s too expensive.” -Adrienne Gusoff

Horace: Why did the simpleton write T.G.I.F. on his shoes?
Horatio: Toes Go In First.

If the shoe fits, it must be some kind of magical shoe.

These shoes are absolutely the cat’s meow . . .

A man walked into a shoe store and asked for a pair of shoes in size eight. The well-trained salesman said, “But sir, you need an eleven or an eleven-and-a-half.” “Just bring me a size eight,” the man said. The sales guy brought them out and the man stuffed his feet into them and stood up in obvious pain. He turned to the salesman and said, “I’ll take them. You see, I have lost my house to the tax collector, I live with my mother-in-law, my daughter ran off with her no-account boyfriend, and my business has filed for bankruptcy. The only pleasure I have left is at the end of the day when I go home and take my shoes off.”

“Sure, I may walk around as if everything is fine . . . but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off. I think that my shoe is trying to eat my sock, and that is a scary thought.” -Author Unknown

Darlene: What did the shoe say to the gum?
Darla: “Stick with me and we’ll go places!”

Shoe Facts
- The bottom of a shoe that touches the ground is called the ‘sole.’
- The part of a shoe above the sole is called the ‘upper.’
- The plastic casings on the ends of shoelaces that prevent them from unraveling are called ‘aglets.’
- The holes in shoes that laces are fed through are called ‘eyelets.’
- The tongue of a shoe will not lick your feet.
- The edge around the opening of a shoe is called the ‘collar.’

If the shoe fits, it’s obviously on somebody else’s foot.

Many people do not know that feet can increase by one-and-a-half shoe sizes or more throughout their lifetimes. A person’s feet can flatten and spread out as he or she ages, causing a permanent increase in both length and width. Additionally, changes in weight, surgery, amount of time spent standing and walking on the feet, lifting and moving heavy items all day long and other physical exertion at work and in play, and pregnancy can cause foot size to increase. You may want to consider this the next time you go shoe shopping, especially if you have been torturing yourself by trying to wear the same shoe size now that you wore years ago as a teenager or a young adult. Try on slightly larger size shoes in slightly bigger widths, perhaps with more toe room. Your feet will thank you!

“I bought these shoes in Taiwan, and they said in the inside, ‘Made around the corner.’” -Frank Carson

Shoes called sneakers were first produced in about 1800. They had a simple rubber sole design, with the name ‘sneaker’ coming from the fact that their soles are so smooth and yielding that they hardly make a sound on the ground.

Hubert: What kind of shoes do detectives wear?
Hugh: Sneakers!

Another name for a detective is a ‘gumshoe,’ because detectives have traditionally worn soft-soled shoes.

If the shoe fits, buy it.

“It is totally impossible to be well-dressed in cheap shoes.” -Hardy Amies (Edwin Hardy Amies (1909 - 2003))

Otis: What does a shoemaker use to repair shoes?
Otto: Toe-nails.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Pear.
Pear, who?
Pear of shoes.

Shoestring: What every self-made businessperson claims to have built a business on.

You can tell a lot about a person’s character by the shoes he or she wears.

Need money? How about this zany idea: Become a ‘shoe reading’ expert. People come to you, you look at their shoes, you tell them what their shoes reveal about them, and you then advise them on what kind of shoes to buy if they want people to have a different opinion of them based on their shoes. This idea makes a lot more sense than palm reading and other methods of ‘fortune telling.’

Overheard: So many shoes . . . and only two feet.

“Your shoes are only as good as the laces they’re attached to.” -Greg Sampson

Norma: Why did the shoelaces arrive late at the party?
Nora: Because they got all tied up earlier.

If the shoe fits, it is too good to be true.

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe . . . rumor has it that it once belonged to a giant who lived at the top of a beanstalk . . . the old woman was walking along, looking for affordable housing in a safe neighborhood for herself and her children, when all of a sudden, a really big shoe dropped out of the sky. Aren’t fairy tales fun?

If the shoe fits, buy the store.

Emma: What is six feet long, green, and has two tongues?
Emily: The Jolly Green Giant’s sneakers!

Shoes Quiz
- What features should a person look for in a shoe?
- What are arch supports?
- What is a padded collar on a shoe?
- What are aglets and what is their purpose?
- Which of the following shoe toe shapes is best for your feet: pointed, squared, or rounded?
- In what types of jobs do people need steel-toed boots or shoes?
- Describe the perfect pair of shoes.
- What items make up a shoeshine kit?
- What are sensible shoes?

“I stand corrected!” said the man in the orthopedic shoes.

Shoe store sign: Buy One Shoe - Get Second Shoe Free!

The ‘boat shoe’ was invented by Paul Sperry. He modeled the sole of the shoe after his dog’s paw.

Ernie: What did one shoe say to the other shoe?
Bernie: “You stay here, and I’ll go on ahead to see what’s underfoot.”

Here’s a great title for a song: “I’ve Got the Squeaky Shoes Blues, Yeah!” Now we just need you to write the lyrics, or words, to go along with the song title.

“Shoes speak louder than words.” -Author Unknown

Moses: What kind of shoes are made from banana skins?
Moe: Slippers!

If the shoe fits, you have somehow been magically transported to a fairy tale land.

This just in: There is more to life than shoes. We are kidding, of course!

Riddle:
I run over fields and woods all day;
Under a bed at night, I wait not alone
With long tongue hanging out,
I will be filled in the morn.
What am I?
Answer:
I am a shoe.

If the shoe fits, you are daydreaming again . . . time to get back to work.

Geoffrey: What has no feet but wears out shoes?
George: A sidewalk.

This is ‘MFOL!’ . . . what’s that . . . our shoes are calling to us . . . seems they want to go out walking . . . maybe we will see you out there . . .

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Fun Facts and Trivia

6/27/2018

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‘Meow’ means ‘woof’ in cat.

Maurice: What is a ‘camel’s hair’ brush made of?
Maureen: Squirrel fur!

The word ‘trivia’ comes from the Latin word ‘trivium,’ meaning a place where three roads meet. At such places, just as at public squares, people would gather and talk about all sorts of matters, most of which were ‘trivial.’

The English Channel between England and France grows about 300 millimeters wider each year. Perhaps the British are on their way to visit their cousins in America?

Instead of a birthday cake, many children in Russia are given a birthday pie.

“There is much pleasure to be gained from useless knowledge.” -Bertrand Russell (Bertrand Arthur William Russell (1872 - 1970)): “In Praise of Idleness” (1932)

Boston College is in Chestnut Hill, Massachusetts . . . much to the consternation of people who arrive in Boston, expecting to find it there.

The very first computer ‘mouse’ was made in 1964 by a man named Doug Engelbert. The mouse was made of wood.

Worcestershire sauce is really just anchovy ketchup.

Why do the wires on telephone poles hum? Well, it is not the electricity or people’s phone conversations that produce the hum. The hum you sometimes hear is caused by the wind passing through the wires and making them vibrate to make a sound, which varies in pitch depending upon the speed of the wind and the tightness of the wire.

There is no egg in eggplant, no ham in hamburger, and neither apple nor pine in pineapple. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads are meat - and not at all sweet.

The coins thrown into the Trevi Fountain in Italy are collected for charity.

The Antpitta avis canis Ridgley is a species of bird that barks like dog.

The international telephone dialing code for Antarctica is 672.

The average person consumes 45,424 liters (12,000 gallons) of water in a lifetime.

The most common time for wakeup calls at hotels is 7:00 a.m.

Van Camp’s Pork and Beans were a staple food for Union soldiers during the American Civil War.

The expression ‘three dog night’ originated with the Eskimos and means a very cold night - so cold that you have to bed down with three dogs to keep warm.

Aphesis is when unstressed vowels are skipped. Examples: Because - ’cause, amid - ’mid, especially - ’specially.

The United States Federal Aviation Administration once did a study that found the average airline stewardess (flight attendant) has a nose that is 5.5372 centimeters (2.18 inches) long. Does knowing this help stewardesses move around in the narrow spaces inside airplanes?

While she never lived further west than Ohio, Annie Oakley (pseudonym of Phoebe Anne Moses) was famous as an expert shotgun and rifle marksman in ‘Buffalo Bill’s Wild West Show.’

The world’s largest human-made hole is in Kimberly, South Africa. It has a circumference, or distance around its outer edge, of 1.6 kilometers, and a depth of 800 meters. Digging was started on it 1871, to find buried diamonds.

The letter combination ‘ough’ can be pronounced in nine different ways. The following sentence contains all of them: “A rough-coated, dough-faced, thoughtful ploughman strode through the streets of Scarborough; after falling into a slough, he coughed and hiccoughed.”

‘Moon trees’ were grown from seeds taken to the Moon during the Apollo 14 mission in early 1971. NASA and USFS wanted to see if being in space or the Moon’s orbit caused the seeds to grow differently.

Why is it that when people are in the public eye they are said to be ‘in the limelight’? Invented in 1825, limelight was used in lighthouses and stage lighting by burning a cylinder of lime in an oxyhydrogen flame that produced a brilliant light. In the theatre, performers on stage ‘in the limelight’ were seen by the audience to be the center of attention.

Abdul Kassem Ismael, the Grand Vizier of Persia in the 10th century, could not bear to part with his 177,000-volume library when he traveled, and he had the books carried by a caravan of 400 camels trained to walk in alphabetical order.

Phonetic ABC’s: A system used by the military and others when they have to spell out a word to make it clear in a radio transmission. Usually this is used when words or letters have a similar sound. Alpha, Bravo, Charlie, Delta, Echo, Foxtrot, Golf, Hotel, India, Juliet, Kilo, Lima, Mike, November, Oscar, Papa, Quebec, Romeo, Sierra, Tango, Uniform, Victor, Whiskey, X-ray, Yankee, Zulu.

Blackboard chalk is not chalk, but is plaster of Paris.

China is believed to be the world’s oldest continuously existing civilization.

An average person consumes more than a ton of food and drink each year.

The car in the foreground on the back of an American $10 bill is a 1925 Hupmobile.

The real name of the horse in the television show “Mister Ed” was Bamboo Harvester.

Cartoon character Sylvester the Cat’s full name is Sylvester J. Pussycat.

The oldest business in the United States of America is the cymbal company Zildjian, which was originally founded in Constantinople in 1623, according to “American Heritage of Invention & Technology” (Winter 2000)

Question: If you were to spell out each number, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter ‘a’?
Answer: One thousand.

Intelligent people are said to have more zinc and copper in their hair.

A car traveling at 80 kilometers (50 miles) per hour burns half of its fuel just to overcome wind resistance. What a drag . . . on your wallet.

The Ten Commandments contain 297 words.
The Bill of Rights is stated in 463 words.
Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address contains 266 words.
A recent federal directive to regulate the price of cabbage contains 26,911 words.

Mike Hayes, a man from Rochelle, Illinois, funded his education by asking 2.8 million people for one penny each. This happened in 1987, so if you wanted to pay for your college education the same way today, you would have to ask more than ten million people.

Fried chicken is the most popular meal ordered in formal, or sit-down, restaurants in the United States of America. The next in popularity are roast beef, spaghetti, turkey, baked ham, and fried shrimp.

American car horns beep in the tone of F.

Hurricanes are storms that form over the sea or ocean and last for up to ten days.

Bali, an island of Indonesia, has the world’s largest variety of flora, or plant life.

All the people on Earth could fit into a 1-kilometer cube, if done so in the manner groups of people once stuffed themselves into telephone booths.

Cars were first started with ignition keys in 1949.

Chalk is made from tiny plankton fossils.

What is ‘dry ice’? Dry ice is compressed carbon dioxide gas. It is compressed until it is liquefied; after liquefaction, it is frozen. Dry ice is used as a refrigerant, as it changes back to a gas without becoming a liquid. Dry ice transforms directly from being a solid to a gas. It remains in a solid state for a longer time, and at cooler temperatures, than ordinary ice.

Most of the vitamin C in fruits is in the skin.

William Moulton Marston was the creator of the fictional superhero Wonder Woman. He also invented the polygraph machine, also known as the lie detector.

England’s first great industry was wool.

The world record for a photographic memory feat is held by a man in Burma who recited 16,000 pages of Buddhist canonical texts from memory.

Each year, there is one ton of cement poured for each man, woman, and child on Earth.

Dreamt is the only English word that ends in ‘mt.’

Half of all crimes are committed by people under the age of 18.

During a total solar eclipse, the temperature can drop by 6 degrees Celsius (20 degrees Fahrenheit).

A wire clothes hanger is about 112 centimeters (44 inches) long when straightened.

Halley’s Comet passes the Earth every 76 years, and the next time it will return will be 2062.

An electric eel can produce a shock of up to 650 volts.

Jack is the most common name in nursery rhymes.

About 45 percent of the world’s human population lives in China and India.

The first comic strip was, “The Yellow Kid,” published in the “New York World” newspaper starting in 1896. The cartoonist was named Richard Felton Outcault.

It is said that it takes 17 muscles to smile and 43 to frown.

Two of the words in the English language that have all five vowels in alphabetical order are ‘abstemious’ and ‘facetious.’ Even more amazing is that no one really knows what these words mean.

It takes 1,100 watts of electricity to power a toaster.

The Sea of Tranquility on the Moon is deeper than the highest mountain on Earth.

‘Sheik’ means ‘old man’ in Arabic.

The symbol # is known as a pound sign, a hashtag, an octothorpe, and by other names. Octo means eight, and it does appear to have 8 legs. It also resembles the grid used in the game tic-tac-toe.

More than 500 meteorites hit the Earth each year.

Rubber bands last longer when kept refrigerated.

The Tower of Independence clock on the back of a U.S. $100 dollar bill shows the time as 4:10.

The first rugby club was formed in 1843.

The sari or saree, the traditional dress of women on the Indian subcontinent, has been used continuously and relatively unchanged for thousands of years.

The typical wave height from a Pacific tsunami is between 6 and 9 meters (20 and 30 feet).

Ninety percent or more of an iceberg is under water.

In 1872, Yellowstone Park in the United States of America became the world’s first national park.

The dishwasher was invented in 1889.

The largest island in the Mediterranean Sea is Sicily.

An average person consumes 100 tons of food and 45,424 liters (12,000 gallons) of water in a lifetime.

The supersonic Concorde jet made its first trial flight on 1 January 1969.

The oldest word in the English language is ‘town.’

The average person has 10,000 taste buds.

The Pyramid of Giza, one of the Great Pyramids in Egypt, is made of 2.5 million blocks of stone.

The longest one-syllable word in the English language is ‘screeched.’

Yahoo was originally called Jerry’s Guide to the World Wide Web.

At a National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) conference in 1972, Roxcy Bolton proposed naming hurricanes after Senators instead of women. She also preferred “him-i-canes.”

Classical music composer Ludwig van Beethoven was once told by a music teacher that he has no talent for music.

Before jets and jet lag, there were boats and boat lag.

The world’s knowledge is growing so fast that ninety percent of what we will know in 50 years’ time will be discovered in those 50 years.

The doorbell was invented in 1831.

The world’s record for continuous pogo stick jumping is 41 hours.

Fathers tend to determine the height of their child, mothers their weight.

‘Karoke’ means ‘empty orchestra’ in Japanese.

In 1972, a Swedish man balanced on one foot for over five hours, using nothing for support.

Castor oil is used as a lubricant in jet airplanes.

The three most common languages in the world are Mandarin Chinese, Spanish, and English.

Clark Gable’s middle name was Clark, and his first name was William.

Possibly, every person is afraid of something, and some people are said to be afraid of everything. Panophobia is a fear of everything, and nihilophobia is a fear of absolutely nothing, also known as being foolhardy.

‘Almost’ is the longest word in the English language with all the letters in alphabetical order.

The largest living structure on Earth is the 2,000 kilometer (1,243 mile) long Great Barrier Reef on Australia’s coast.

This is ‘MFOL!’ . . . where there is no such thing as an unimportant fact . . . more follows . . . with some fun . . .

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Flowering Plants and Flowers

6/23/2018

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“Earth laughs in flowers.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882): “Hamatreya” (1846)

Daisy: What did one rose say to the other?
Iris: “Hi, Bud!”

In 1634 in the Netherlands, a collector traded 454 kilograms (1,000 pounds) of cheese, four oxen, eight pigs, twelve sheep, a bed, and a suit of clothes for a single bulb of the Viceroy tulip . . . seems he traded a farm for a flower.

Who bends a knee where violets grow
     A hundred secret things shall know.
by Rachael Field (Rachael Lyman Field (1894 - 1942)): “The Pointed People” (1924), ‘A Charm for Spring Flowers’

A gentleman entered a busy florist shop which displayed a large sign reading, “Let Flowers Do Your Talking.” “Wrap up one rose,” he told the florist. “Only one?” the florist asked. “Just one,” the customer replied. “I’m a man of few words.”

Jeremy: How do you make a flower grow faster?
Jerome: Just push the ‘accelerator petal.’

“There are always flowers for those who want to see them.” -Henri Matisse (1869 - 1954)

Caught Stealing

A maiden caught stealing a dahlia
Said, “Oh, you shan’t tell on me, shahlia?
     But the florist was hot,
     And he said, “Like as not,
They’ll send you to jail, you bad gahlia!

by Author Unknown

Broccoli and cauliflower are not only flowers, but are vegetables for your dinner plate as well.

Rose: Why could the flower not ride a bicycle?
Daisy: Because she could not reach the pedals with her petals.

“Flowers are the sweetest things God ever made, and forgot to put a soul into.” -Henry Ward Beecher (1813 - 1887): “Life Thoughts” (1858)

“Always take time to stop and smell the roses, and sooner or later, you will inhale a bee.” -Author Unknown

“If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers.” -Doug Larson (1902 - 1981): as quoted in “Reader’s Digest” (1984)

“When I walk with you, I feel as if I had a flower in my buttonhole.” -William Makepeace Thackeray (1811 - 1863)

“The fragrance always stays in the hand that gives the rose.” -Hada Béjar (1931 - 2014)

Molly: What kind of flowers grow on your face?
Darla: Tulips.

These red lips are commonly called flowers, but are actually plant bracts. For an explanation, please visit
http://davesgarden.com/guides/articles/view/3156/.

Things to Do If You Are a Flower
- Be a wonderful color like purplish-pink or peach or yellow.
- Listen to the wind.
- Dance in the breeze.
- Smell good.
- Be tickled by raindrops.
- Speak of love without saying a word.
- Grow toward the Sun.
- Count every star in the night sky.
- Be beautiful in your own way.
- What would you do if you were a flower?

“People from a planet without flowers would think we must be mad with joy the whole time to have such things about us.” -Iris Murdoch (1919 - 1999): “A Fairly Honorable Defeat” (1970)

I will be the gladdest thing
     Under the Sun!
I will touch a hundred flowers
     And not pick one.
by Edna Saint Vincent Millay (1892 - 1950): “Afternoon on a Hill”

“I hope that while so many people are out smelling the flowers, someone is taking the time to plant some.” -Herbert Rappaport (Gerbert Moritsevich Rappaport (1908 - 1983))

“It’s okay to send flowers, but don’t let the flowers do all the talking. Flowers have a limited vocabulary. About the best flowers can say is that you remembered. But your words tell the rest.” -Jim Rohn (Emanuel James ‘Jim’ Rohn (1930 - 2009))

Pluck not the wayside flower;
     It is the traveler’s dower.
A thousand passersby
     Its beauties may espy,
To win a touch of blessing
     From nature’s mild caressing.
by William Allingham (1824 - 1889): “Wayside Flowers”

“All flowers are not to be picked; some are meant to stay rooted so their beauty may continue to sing praises unto nature.” -Grace Terrell

I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud

I wandered lonely as a cloud
     That floats on high o’er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
     A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
     Fluttering and dancing in the breeze
Continuous as the stars that shine
     And twinkle on the Milky Way,
They stretched in never-ending line
     Along the margin of a bay:
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
     Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

by William Wordsworth (1770 - 1850) (1804)

“Take care of your peonies and the dahlias will take care of themselves.” -F. P. Adams (Franklin Pierce Adams (1881 - 1960))

Ezekiel: What do you get when you cross a flower with a monkey?
Daniel: Chimp-pansies.

Wild Flower Alphabet

A for the Aconite, first of the year,
B for the Buttercup, able to hold Dewdrop
And rain in its chalice of gold.
C for the Cowslip, sweet joy of the spring;
When cowslips are blooming the nightingales sing.
D for the Daisy, white star of the grass,
Lifting its bright eye to us as we pass.
E for the Eglantine, lovely wild rose,
Sheds fragrance of sweetbriar where - ever it grows.
F for the Foxglove, the sentinel tall,
Guarding the forest from summer to fall.
G for the Gorse of rich golden delight;
Linnaeus went down on his knees at the sight.
H for the Harebell, so fragile, yet strong,
The dear little Blue Bells of Scotland in song.
I for the Iris which grows by the stream,
The Flower of the Rainbow, how golden its gleam!
J for Saint John’s Wort, of medical fame,
Balm of the Warrior’s Wound was its name.
K for the Kingcup that loves marshy fields,
And glorious the harvest of gold that it yields!
L for the Ling, the dear flower of the heath,
How tender its color, how fragrant its breath!
M for the Meadowsweet, pleasant and rare
Is the perfume with which it enchanteth the air!
N for the Nightshade, or Bittersweet, flower,
With its berries and blossoms of poisonous power.
O for the Oxlip, a flower that you’ll find
When cowslips and orchids in posies you bind.
P for the Primrose, recalling to sight
Paths in the woodland a-shimmer with light.
Q for the Quaking grass, name that it takes
From the way it unceasingly shivers and shakes.
R for the Rest-harrow, staying the plough,
Food for the gentle-eyed, ruminant cow.
S for the Speedwell, tenderest blue;
From the skies it has taken its exquisite hue.
T for the traveler’s Joy that you’ll find
Where sweet sheltering hedgerows wander and wind.
U for the Upright Sea-lavender flower;
The sand-swallows claim it for sheltering bower.
V for the Violet, flower of the soul,
Heart’s-ease of Paradise, making us whole.
W for windflower, so fair to the sight,
That throws o’er the woodlands her mantle of light.
X forms a cross in the Passion- flower wild
In Southern America, balmy and mild.
Y for the Yarrow, all wayfarers know,
As it grows by the wayside where ever you go.
Z is the ribbon this posy to bind,
With the thoughts and the fragrance
It brings to your mind.

by Author Unknown

“Whatever a man’s age, he can reduce it several years by putting a bright-colored flower in his buttonhole.” -Mark Twain (pseudonym of Samuel Langhorne Clemens (1835 - 1910))

“God gave us our memories so that we might have roses in December.” -James Matthew Barrie (1860 - 1937)

Plato: What kind of flowers do you give to a monster?
Socrates: Mari-ghouls and morning-gories.

“Every flower blooms in its own sweet time.” -Author Unknown

“Many flowers are good fried or frittered. Blossoms of squash, pumpkin, honey locust, daylily, elderberry, and yucca are all tasty. Yucca flowers are also delicious stir-fried with green peppers and garlic.” -Homer Stillson (1930)

The largest flower in the world, Rafflesia arnoldii, grows in Indonesia and can be as much as 0.9 meters (3 feet wide) and weigh as much as 6.8 kilograms (15 pounds).

When you look at them, these orchids almost seem to be looking back at you . . . . but do not worry, they are benign . . . or perhaps there are more than nine . . .

“Flowers are as common in the country as people are in London.” -Oscar Wilde (Oscar Fingal O’Flahertie Wills Wilde (1854 - 1900))

Annabelle: If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
Bernice: Blushing June brides! (Alternative answers would include ‘Pilgrims’ or ‘Allergies.’)

“The flower which is single, need not envy the thorns that are numerous.” - Rabindranath Tagore (1861 - 1941)

A man walked into a flower shop “I’d like some flowers, please.” “Certainly, sir. What did you have in mind?” asked the florist. The man shrugged, “Well, I’m not sure, I uh, I uh, I uh . . .” “Perhaps I can help. What exactly have you done?”

The name of the flower ‘heliotrope’ is derived from the ancient Greek words ‘helios’ meaning ‘sun’ and ‘trepos’ meaning ‘turning to go into to,’ because its leaves and flowers turn toward the Sun. The daffodil flower’s name is from the Old English ‘affo dyle’ meaning ‘that which cometh early’ because it is one of the earliest blooming flowers. The iris flower is named after the Greek goddess Iris, who was believed to carry messages of love from Heaven to Earth using a rainbow as her bridge. Irises are named after her because they bloom in just about all the colors of the rainbow. Doctor Joel Poinsett, the first American ambassador to Mexico, brought the poinsettia to the United States in 1828. The plant, called ‘flower of the blessed night’ in Mexico, was renamed in Poinsett’s honor.

“If a flower blooms once, it goes on blooming somewhere forever. It blooms on for whoever has seen it blooming.” -William H. Armstrong (William Howard Armstrong (1911 - 1999)): “Sounder” (1969)

“Some people are always grumbling because roses have thorns. I am thankful that thorns have roses.” -Alphonse Karr (Jean-Baptiste Alphonse Karr (1808 - 1890))

“Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food, and medicine to the mind.” -Luther Burbank (1849 - 1926)

“The flower that follows the Sun does so even in cloudy days.” -Robert Leighton (1611 - 1684)

Anthophobia is a persistent fear of flowers, or parts of flowers. It is not difficult to imagine someone having this fear, considering that flowers are associated with bees and commitment. Still, dating someone with anthophobia could save you a lot of money around Valentine’s Day, birthdays, and other holidays. ‘Anthophobia’ is derived from the Greek words ‘anthos’ meaning ‘flower’ and ‘phobos’ meaning ‘fear.’ My, what pretty - and scary - flowers!

Wild Flowers

“Of what are you afraid, my child?” inquired the kindly teacher.
“Oh, sir! The flowers, they are wild,” replied the timid creature.

by Peter Newell (1862 - 1924): “Pictures and Rhymes” (1899)

“The grape Hyacinth is the favorite spring flower of my garden - but no! I though a minute ago the Scilla was! and what place has the Violet? the Flower de Luce? I cannot decide, but this I know - it is some blue flower.” -Alice Morse Earle (1851 - 1911)

“I perhaps owe having become a painter to flowers.” -Claude Monet (Oscar-Claude ‘Claude’ Monet (1840 - 1926))

Flowering plants that need to attract moths for pollination are generally white or pale yellow, to be better seen in dim light. Plants that depend on butterflies for pollination have brightly colored flowers.

“Flowers are happy things.” -P. G. Wodehouse (Pelham Grenville Wodehouse (1881 - 1975))

Merlin: What flower is the happiest?
Mervin: The glad-iola.

“Where flowers bloom so does hope.” -Claudia Alta ‘Lady Bird’ Taylor Johnson (1912 - 2007)

This is ‘MFOL!’ . . . now let us tiptoe through the tulips . . . on our way to more ‘making fun of life’ . . .

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Rainbows

6/20/2018

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After the storm comes the rainbow . . .

“The way I see it, if you want the rainbow you gotta be willing to put up with the rain.” -Dolly Parton (born 1946)

“A rainbow occurs when it is raining in one part of the sky and sunny in another.” -Author Unknown

Riddle: How did the rainbow know it was lost?
Solution: It was out on a clear day.

Rainbows remained a mystery until the seventeenth century, when scientist René Descartes (1596 - 1650) investigated interactions between light and water, and scientist Isaac Newton (1642 - 1727) determined that white sunlight is a combination of red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, and violet light - exactly the colors that make up a rainbow! The wondrous apparitions called rainbows are still objects of fascination to humans.

Sunlight is made of the colors of the rainbow. When the colors are mixed together, it is called white light. White light is the light we commonly see every day.

When all sunlight moves through the air in the same direction, we see white light. When sunlight travels through a raindrop, the colors that the white light is made of separate, creating a rainbow.

Are rainbows natural prisms? What we call rainbows are the visible colors, and the millions of tiny raindrops are each individual natural prisms through which ‘white’ sunlight passes to separate and become the ‘colors of the rainbow.’ Every one of the tiny raindrops makes its own tiny rainbow, but it takes millions of raindrops to make enough color for us to be able to see a rainbow with our eyes.

You can make a rainbow by standing with your back to the Sun and taking a water hose and spraying it in front of you, being sure to keep the Sun behind you. You may also be able to make a rainbow with a spray-nozzle bottle filled with water. Spray water into the air, and watch a rainbow form.

“There can be no rainbow without a cloud and a storm.” -John Heyl Vincent (1832 - 1920)

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Rainbow Song

Red and yellow and pink and green,
Purple and orange and blue.
I can sing a rainbow,
Sing a rainbow,
And you can sing one too!

See with your eyes,
See with your eyes,
And sing everything you see.
You can sing a rainbow,
Sing a rainbow,
Just sing along with me.

Red and yellow and pink and green,
Purple and orange and blue.
You can sing a rainbow,
Sing a rainbow,
And now you’ve sung a rainbow too!

by Author Unknown

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“You’ll never find a rainbow if you’re always looking down.” -Author Unknown

Scientifically explained, a rainbow is an arc of spectral colors that appears in the sky opposite the Sun as a result of refractive dispersion of sunlight in drops of rain.

“It takes both rain and sunshine to make a rainbow.” -Author Unknown

“Rainbows apologize for angry skies.” -Sylvia Voirol (1944 - 2003)

Earth is the only planet in our solar system on which rainbows are possible.

It is believed that rainbows got their name from their shape. Rainbow arcs look similar to a bow for shooting arrows. People also noticed that this colorful arc would only form when it was raining, so they called them rainbows.

When chasing rainbows, there are a few things to keep in mind. For instance, in order to see a rainbow, you must have your back to the Sun. If you face another direction, you will not be able to see it. When standing on the Earth’s surface, rainbows can be seen only in the morning or late afternoon, when the Sun is at less than 40 degrees above the horizon.

When the Sun is low, rainbows will be higher than the Sun in the sky, and when the Sun is high, rainbows will be lower than the Sun in the sky.

On the ground, we see only a semi-circle or arc-shaped rainbow, but from high up, such as when viewed from an airplane, a rainbow appears as a complete circle.

No two people see the same rainbow. A person standing next to you is standing in a slightly different spot and will see the rainbow in a slightly different place. The rainbow may look the same but is different because the person sees different raindrops from a slightly different position and angle.

For those of you who are always chasing rainbows, did you know you can never get to the end of a rainbow, because when you move, the rainbow moves too?

If I traveled to the end of the rainbow
As Dame Fortune did intend,
Murphy would be there to tell me
The pot’s at the other end.
-Bert Whitney

We cannot touch rainbows, because if we attempt to move close enough to touch them, they either move or become no longer visible to us. Thus, the pot of gold said to be at the end of a rainbow is an eternally elusive object, forever and always just beyond reach.

“Leroy bet me I couldn’t find a pot of gold at the end, and I told him that was stupid because the rainbow was enough.” -Rita Mae Brown (born 1944)

Eliot: In addition to a pot of gold, what else can be found at the end of a rainbow?
Eloise: The letter ‘w.’

Sometimes sunlight is reflected twice inside a raindrop. When this occurs, a secondary rainbow, or a double rainbow, is created. The colors of a secondary or double rainbow are in opposite order of the primary or first rainbow. Violet will show at the top of a secondary rainbow rather than red.

“I do set My rainbow in the cloud, and it shall be for the sign of a covenant between Me and the earth.” -“The Bible” (NKJV), ‘Genesis,’ chapter 9, verse 13

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Rainbows

Rainbows appear after mighty storms,
     when things look their very worst.
Just when the skies are darkest gray,
     look for the rainbow first.

The rainbow is a sign of God’s promise,
     that He will guide us
through all our troubles,
     no matter what their form.

When you feel battered by life’s storms,
     and you are filled with doubt and dismay;
just remember God’s rainbow is coming,
     it’s only a prayer away.

by B. J. Morbitzer

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“Count your rainbows, not your thunderstorms.” -Alyssa Knight, age 12

Rainbows are more common in warm tropical locations and near waterfalls, where the water content of the air is higher, especially as a mist or a fine, light rain.

Rainbows are rare in winter and in cold climates, because during these conditions, water in the air usually freezes into tiny ice crystals, called snowflakes, rather than becoming raindrops. However, during cold weather, upside down rainbows, also known as ‘sun smiles’ or circumzenithal arcs, occasionally form when sunlight reflects through ice crystals that are suspended, or floating, in the atmosphere.

What is a ‘night rainbow’? Moonbows, or lunar rainbows, occur when the Moon’s light reflects through raindrops. Night rainbows are rare because the Moon’s light is usually not bright enough for a rainbow to appear.

Rainbow to Windward

Rainbow to windward,
Foul fall the day.
Rainbow to leeward,
Rain runs away.

-Author Unknown: weather lore for sailors

The colors of the rainbow are Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, Indigo, and Violet. An easy way to remember the colors of the rainbow is with the acronymic mnemonic ROY G. BIV. An acronym is a word typically formed from the initial, or first, letters of words, and a mnemonic is a method that aids in the memorization of information.

Who is Roy G. Biv? Hello, allow me to introduce myself. My name is ROY G. BIV. I am here to help you remember the colors of the rainbow. I am an acronym, and so each letter in my name stands for one of the colors found in a rainbow, like the colorful rainbow shown above. R is for Red, O is for Orange, Y is for Yellow, G is for Green, B is for Blue, I is for Indigo, and V is for Violet. So that’s me, ROY G. BIV.

ROY G. BIV

ROY G. BIV is
An odd name for a fellow
But what his name means is
Red, Orange, Yellow
The G is for Green
Which as you may know
Comes right in the middle
Of every rainbow.
Next come Blue and Indigo
More pale than dark
Then V for Violet -
And that completes the arc.

by Author Unknown

Fun fact: The word 'rainbow' has 7 letters in it, and a rainbow has 7 colors in it.

“May your skies be always filled with great and glorious rainbows.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

Rainbows Quiz
- Is a rainbow a spectrum of light that appears when the Sun shines on water droplets in the air?
- How many colors are commonly recognized as being in a rainbow?
- What are the colors of the rainbow?

“We may run, walk, stumble, drive, or fly, but let us never lose sight of the reason for the journey, or miss a chance to see a rainbow on the way.” -Gloria Gaither

Rainbows Quiz Answers
- A rainbow can be described as a spectrum of light that appears when the Sun shines on water droplets in the air.
- Rainbows have seven commonly recognized colors.
- The colors of the rainbow are red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, and violet.

This is ‘MFOL!’ . . . wishing you rainbow skies forever . . .

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Questions and Queries

6/16/2018

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Where did you get that big, beautiful smile?

How can I get people to like me?

If you were to be trapped in a television show forever, which show would you choose?

Aren’t you just the cutest thing?

If you were a robot but did not know it, would you want people to tell you?

“Why is this thus? What is the reason of this thusness?” -Artemus Ward (Charles Farrar Browne (1834 - 1867)): “Artemus Ward’s Lecture” (1869), ‘Mr. Heber C. Kimball’s Harem’

Why do we never hear any father-in-law jokes?

How can you know what you think until you speak so that you can hear what you have to say?

“It’s a healthy thing now and then to hang a question mark on the things you have long taken for granted.” -Bertrand Russell (Bertrand Arthur William Russell (1872 - 1970))

If you were on the second floor of a three-story building, would you not be upstairs and downstairs at the same time?

Would you tell me a true thing?

Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites?

Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?

If we can make semi-conductors, why can we not make complete conductors?

What is the speed of dark?

Why are violets blue and not violet?

Do you realize just how many holes there could be in the ground if people like you would just take the time to get a shovel and dig the dirt out of them?

What could possibly go wrong?

Why do British people not sound British when they sing?

Should Friday the 13th be made into a holiday?

If a chameleon was placed in a mirrored box, what color would it be - clear?

Why is it that when you walk up the stairs and you get to the top, you always think there is still one more step?

Is there a butterscotch flavored soft drink?

Can you make another word using all the letters in ‘anagram’?

Is there something else you should be doing right now?

Does it seem that some people specialize in turning positives into negatives?

What did moths congregate around before campfires, torches, and light bulbs were invented?

Does killing time damage eternity?

Can we spell creativity any way we want to?

How old were you when you were born?

Why doesn’t the fattest man in the world become a hockey goalie?

Do some people have a condition that makes it difficult for them to remember the good things that happen and easy to remember the bad things that happen?

Why is a square meal served on a round plate?

If you could have picked your own name, what would it be?

What do penguins wear for play clothes?

Have you noticed that since everyone has a camcorder and cell phone with a built-in camera these days, no one talks about seeing UFO’s and monsters and ghosts like they used to?

Who wants to go outside and play?

Is there mouse-flavored cat food?

What are male ladybugs called?

How can you tell when it is time to tune your bagpipes?

If you joined the circus, what kind of performer would you want to be?

Why don’t they call mustaches “mouthbrows?”

What do you think is the right age for marriage and why?

Whether you need the answer to a serious question or a silly question, call 1-334-844-4244 to reach the Foy Information Line at Auburn University in Auburn, Alabama, United States of America. The service is staffed by students, who try to answer questions on any subject, and is available during the school year, 24 hours a day Monday through Thursday and until 9:00 p.m. Friday through Sunday. Be sure to tell them you found out about them from www.MakeFunOfLife.net.

What are humans?

Since there is a speed of light and a speed of sound, is there a speed of smell and a speed of taste?

What’s next?

Was the pole vault accidentally discovered by a clumsy javelin thrower?

Are we ever going to make it up this hill?

An average four-year-old child asks 437 questions a day. Have you asked even one question today?

Do you have all of your ducks in a row?

What are male ballerinas called?

“He who asks a question may be a fool for five minutes, but he who never asks a question remains a fool forever.” -Tom J. Connelly

What would love do now?

How many days are in a light year?

Are adults just older children?

Can you name something that is not weird, odd, or unusual?

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Alex?
Alex, who?
Alex the questions around here!

Why hasn’t someone invented a bed that makes itself yet?

If you were a crayon, what color would you be?

Question Everything.

Why do people go to the top of tall buildings and then put money in telescopes so they can see things on the ground in close-up?

Teacher: What if this was not a rhetorical question?
Student: What if this was not a hypothetical situation?

What do you like to do for fun?

A year from now, what will you wish you had done today?

“The word ‘question’ originates from the Latin root ‘quaestio’ meaning ‘to seek.’ Inside the word ‘question’ is the word ‘quest,’ suggesting that within every question is an adventure, a pursuit which can lead us to hidden treasure.” -Tom Wujec: “Five Star Mind” (1995)

Since we have kneecaps, why do we not have elbowcaps to protect our funny bones?

“If not you who? If not now when?” -Garry Herbert

How fast do you have to go to keep up with the Sun so that you are never in darkness?

“There are no foolish questions and no man becomes a fool until he has stopped asking questions.” -Charles Steinmetz (Charles Proteus Steinmetz (1865 - 1923))

If you could be any kind of animal, what would you want to be and why?

Are there legitimate ways to earn money online?

“Asking silly questions now is better than correcting serious mistakes later.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

Why is there one in every crowd?

If life is so wonderful and exciting and full of interesting people and places and things, then why are we all by ourselves looking at the screens of our electronic devices?

At the end of the day, are you better off than you were at the start of the day?

When a word is erased with a pencil eraser, where does the word go?

Who has been the biggest influence on your life?

Why do we believe everything we see on the internet but question what The Bible says?

What is your favorite work of art?

Which is a sign of higher intelligence, asking questions, or not asking questions?

What kind of place is this?

Which do you like more: scary movies, romantic movies, or comedy movies?

Why does this keep happening?

“Bromidic though it may sound, some questions don’t have answers, which is a terribly difficult lesson to learn.” -Katharine Graham (1917 - 2001)

If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?

What is the best advice you ever received?

Would you rather go shopping or sightseeing, and why?

If a thousand seagulls were in an airplane while it was flying, with each bird weighing two pounds, and all of them flying around inside the airplane, would the airplane weigh 2,000 pounds more?

Do you play a musical instrument?

If you could go back in time and speak to your younger self, what age would you choose and what would you say?

Why do we say an alarm is going off when it is actually turning on?

Would we all be better off if we refused to accept anything that was offered to us for free?

What is your favorite song?

“You’ve got to ask! Asking is, in my opinion, the world’s most powerful - and neglected - secret to success and happiness.” -Percy Ross

Who is the funniest person in the world?

What things do you always carry with you in your pocket, purse, or wallet?

What just happened?

If the Universe is expanding, why are parking spaces still so hard to find?

“If water had a flavor, what color would it sound like?” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

What do you think is beyond the stars?

Wow, those were some challenging and difficult questions! Fortunately, the topic that follows below this one is much easier . . .

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Appearances and Looks

6/13/2018

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“A beautiful thing is never perfect.” -Author Unknown

“Won’t you come into my garden? I would like my roses to see you.” -Richard B. Sheridan (Richard Brinsley Sheridan (1751 - 1816))

“Beauty is a mystery. You can neither eat it nor make flannel out of it.” -David Herbert Lawrence (1885 - 1930)

“I used to be very self-conscious. I used to wish I was pretty. My cousin Georgia always taught me that if you smile, people will like you. Sometimes people will say something you don’t like, and you get angry a bit, but you just smile. You let it go by, even if you really would like to choke ‘em. By smiling, I think I’ve made more friends than if I was the other way.” -Ella Fitzgerald (1918 - 1996)

Keep up appearances; there lies the test;
The world will give thee credit for the rest.
-Charles Churchill (1731 - 1764): “Night” (1761), lines 311 and 312

“Some of the most beautiful women I have ever met tell me, ‘I hate myself when I look in the mirror.’ I hear that again and again” -Henry Miller (1891 - 1980)

“First impressions are the most lasting.” -Jonas Hanway (1712 - 1786): “A Journal of Eight Days Journey” (1756)

“A plain face is often surprisingly beautiful by reason of an inner light.” -Henry E. Walbery

“Real beauty isn’t about symmetry or weight or makeup; it’s about looking life right in the face and seeing all its magnificence reflected in your own.” -Valerie Monroe

“Some of you may feel that you are not as attractive and beautiful and glamorous as you would like to be. Rise above any such feelings, cultivate the light you have within you, and it will shine through as a radiant expression that will be seen by others.” -Gordon B. Hinckley (Gordon Bitner Hinckley (1910 - 2008))

“Do not judge others by appearances; a rich heart may be under a poor coat.” -Author Unknown: Scottish proverb

“Physical differences are what make it possible for our friends to find us in a crowd.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

“Beauty isn’t about having a pretty face. It’s about having a pretty mind, pretty heart, and a pretty soul.” -Author Unknown

Beauty to no complexion is confined,
Is of all colors, and by none defined.
-George Granville

“Beauty isn’t something on the outside. It’s your insides that count! You gotta eat green stuff to make sure you’re pretty on the inside.” -Takayuki Ikkaku, Arisa Hosaka, and Toshihiro Kawabata in “Animal Crossing: Wild World” (2005)

Body Dysmorphic Disorder is a body image condition that causes some people to imagine they presently have, or will later develop, physical deformities. Most people with the condition are not all that different from other people in appearance; it is just that their perception of themselves is erroneously distorted by inner or outer influences. BDD is also known by the term ‘dysmorphophobia,’ which is derived from the Greek words ‘dys’ meaning ‘abnormal,’ ‘morphe’ meaning ‘form,’ and ‘phobos’ meaning ‘fear.’ The good news is that the condition can be treated through therapeutic psychological counseling and by other methods.

“There is no excellent beauty that hath not some strangeness in the proportion.” -Francis Bacon (1561 - 1626): “Essays” (1625), ‘Of Beauty’

The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole,
but true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul.
It is the caring that she lovingly gives,
the passion that she knows.
-Audrey Hepburn (1929 - 1993)

“The beauty does not live out there; the beauty’s in my eyes.” -Jonathan Lockwood Huie (born 1945)

He: My, what lovely eyes you have!
She: I am glad you like them. They were a birthday present.

“Do not judge men by mere appearances; for the light laughter that bubbles on the lip often mantles over the depths of sadness, and the serious look may be the sober veil that covers a divine peace and joy. The bosom can ache beneath diamond brooches; and many a blithe heart dances under coarse wool.” -E. H. Chapin (Edwin Hubbell Chapin (1814 - 1880))

She is not fair to outward view
As many maidens be;
Her loveliness I never knew
Until she smiled on me:
Oh! then I saw her eye was bright,
A well of love, a spring of light.
-Hartley Coleridge (David Hartley ‘Hartley’ Coleridge (1796 - 1849)): “Poems” (1851), ‘She Is Not Fair’

“I am not beautiful like you. I am beautiful like me.” -Author Unknown

Who is that pretty lady?

Her very frowns are fairer far
Than smiles of other maidens are.
-Hartley Coleridge (David Hartley ‘Hartley’ Coleridge (1796 - 1849)): “Poems” (1851), ‘She Is Not Fair’

“You know who’s beautiful? Read this first word.” -Author Unknown

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The Ugly Duckling Syndrome

“The Ugly Duckling” is a story about someone who was not really ugly at all; he was just different. The other ducks teased and pecked at him with their beaks until the ugly duckling flew away. He wandered around for a year, and was treated as an outcast everywhere. In the Spring, he saw a group of swans on a lake, and wanted very much to join them. As he swam out toward them, he was astounded to notice his reflection in the water - he was a swan! The other swans welcomed him warmly, and found him to be beautiful.

Like many fairy tales, “The Ugly Duckling” was created with a lesson, or moral, in mind, if we will listen or read with the idea of finding it.

Most of us go through times when we feel different from those around us. These can be painful and lonely times, but it does not mean there is anything wrong with us. Like the ugly duckling, we will come into a time and place when we will be loved. All the pain and loneliness we have felt will one day be a fading memory.

“I never dreamed of so much happiness when I was the ugly duckling.” -Hans Christian Andersen (1805 - 1875): “The Ugly Duckling” (11 November 1843)

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“I used to look in the mirror and feel shame; I look in the mirror now and I absolutely love myself.” -Drew Barrymore (born 1975)

“To all the girls who think they’re fat because they’re not a size zero, you’re the beautiful ones; it’s society who’s ugly.” -Marilyn Monroe (Norma Jean Mortenson (1926 - 1962))

“Appearances often deceive.” -Author Unknown: English saying

“It is amazing how complete is the delusion that beauty is goodness.” -Leo Tolstoy (Lev Nikolayevich Tolstoy (1828 - 1910)): “The Kreutzer Sonata” (1889)

“Trust not too much to an enchanting face.” -Vergil (Publius Vergilius Maro, also known as Virgil (70 B.C.E. - 19 B.C.E.))

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” -Margaret Wolfe Hungerford (1855 - 1897): “Molly Bawn” (1878)

“The beauty seen is partly in him who sees it.” -Christian Bovee (Christian Nestell Bovee (1820 - 1904))

“Common-looking people are the best in the world. That is the reason the Lord made so many of them.” -Abraham Lincoln (1809 - 1865)

“The weirder you’re going to behave, the more normal you should look. It works in reverse, too. When I see a kid with three or four rings in his nose, I know there is absolutely nothing extraordinary about that person.” -Oscar Levant (1906 - 1972)

“Beauty is the promise of happiness.” -Edmund Burke (1729 - 1797)

“Remember, the most beautiful things in the world are the most useless: peacocks and lilies, for instance.” -John Ruskin (1819 - 1900): “The Stones of Venice” (1851)

“A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.” -Roald Dahl (1916 - 1990)

“I cannot tell you how many times people have come up to me to compliment me on my lavish figure.” -Miss Piggy, as quoted in Henry Beard: “Miss Piggy’s Guide to Life” (1981)

“No matter how plain a woman may be, if truth and honesty are written across her face, she will be beautiful.” -Eleanor Roosevelt (Anna Eleanor Roosevelt (1884 - 1962))

“It is the common wonder of all men, how among so many millions of faces there should be none alike.” -Thomas Browne (1605 - 1682): “Religio Medici” (1643), Part II, Section 2

The above artwork is available in different sizes, starting at a thickness of 0.3175 centimeters (1/8th inch or 0.125 inches), precision laser-cut from Baltic Birch plywood. For details, click on The Wooden Hare.

“Always try to look your best, because you never get a second chance to make a first impression, and first impressions are lasting impressions.” -Author Unknown

“Beauty starts in your head, not in your mirror.” -Joubert Botha

“A woman deserves no credit for her beauty at twenty, but at sixty, her beauty is of her own doing.” -Author Unknown

O wad some Pow’r the giftie gie us
To see oursels as ithers see us!
-Robert Burns (1759 - 1796): “To a Louse” (1786)

In Standard English, the above lines would be as follows:
And would some Power the small gift give us
To see ourselves as others see us!

“There are no ugly women, there are women who do not know how to look pretty.” -Jean de La Bruyère (1645 - 1696)

“To keep your good looks, you should smile often, because every 2,000 frowns on your face create one wrinkle.” -Author Unknown

“Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.” -Hedy Lamarr (Hedwig Eva Maria Kiesler (1914 - 2000))

“Beware so long as you live, of judging people by appearances.” -Jean de La Fontaine (1621 - 1695)

Never judge someone
By the way he looks
Or a book by the way it’s covered;
For inside those tattered pages,
There’s a lot to be discovered
-Stephen Cosgrove (born 1945)

“If being beautiful in the eyes of the Creator means being ugly in the eyes of the created, then it’s worth it.” -Author Unknown

“You can only perceive real beauty in a person as they get older.” -Anouk Aimee

“The appearances of things change according to the emotions and thus we see magic and beauty in them, while the magic and beauty are really in ourselves.” -Kahlil Gibran (1883 - 1931)

“Outer beauty pleases the eye. Inner beauty captivates the heart.” -Mandy Hale (born 1978): “The Single Woman: Life, Love, and a Dash of Sass” (2013)

Appearances and Looks Quiz
- What is the meaning of the word ‘beauty’?
- What is the meaning of the phrase ‘inner beauty’?
- Why might you not want to answer your door dressed and groomed sloppily?

“I’m beautiful in my own way because God makes no mistakes.” -Author Unknown

Appearances and Looks Quiz Answers
- Beauty is the quality of being pleasing to the mind.
- Inner beauties are virtues such as goodness, politeness, and caring.
- Always answer the door dressed and groomed well, because you never know when you might be greeting the Queen or the President.

“Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it.” -Confucius (K’ung Fu-tzu or K’ung Ch’iu (about 551 B.C.E. - about 479 B.C.E.))

“I am, as I am; whether hideous, or handsome, depends upon who is made judge.” -Herman Melville (1819 - 1891)

“Beauty in things exists in the mind which contemplates them.” -David Hume (1711 - 1776)

People who are ‘animated’ are more attractive.

“It’s not the face, but the expressions on it. It’s not the voice, but what you say. It’s not how you look in that body, but the thing you do with it. You are beautiful.” -Stephenie Meyer (born 1973): “The Host” (6 May 2008)

“That’s the thing about inner beauty: Unlike physical beauty, which grabs the spotlight for itself, inner beauty shines on everyone, catching them, holding them in its embrace, making them more beautiful too.” -Author Unknown

“Anyone is automatically a lot more attractive when they’re funny.” -Author Unknown

The folks at the ‘Make Fun Of Life!’ Website hope you will laugh a little more, learn a little more, and love life a little more . . . each day - we just want you to be happy.

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Problems and Solutions

6/9/2018

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“The next best thing to solving a problem is finding some humor in it.” -Frank A. Clark (Frank Atherton Clark (1911 - 1991))

“A problem well stated is a problem half-solved.” -Charles F. Kettering (Charles Franklin Kettering (1876 - 1958))

“Each person deserves a day away in which no problems are confronted, no solutions searched for.” -Maya Angelou (born Marguerite Ann Johnson (1928 - 2014))

“The best angle to approach a problem is from the try angle.” -Author Unknown

“A problem is a chance for you to do your best.” -Duke Ellington (1899 - 1974)

“What a pity human beings can’t exchange problems. Everyone knows exactly how to solve the other fellow’s.” -Olin Miller (1918 - 2002)

“All life is problem solving.” -Karl Popper (1902 - 1994)

“Every big problem was at one time a wee little disturbance.” -Author Unknown

“The easiest way to solve a problem is to pick an easy one.” -Franklin P. Jones (Franklin Pierce Jones (1908 - 1980))

“Problems worthy of attack prove their worth by fighting back.” -Paul Erdos (1913 - 1996)

“The solution of every problem is another problem.” -Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832)

Overheard: Everything is figureoutable.

“The greatest challenge to any thinker is stating the problem in a way that will allow a solution.” -Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)

“I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which, when you looked at it in the right way, did not become still more complicated.” -Paul Anderson

“Discovery of a solution consists of looking at the same thing as everyone else and thinking something different.” -Albert Szent-Györgyi (1893 - 1986)

“A feeling of confidence and personal power comes from facing challenges and overcoming them.” -Brian Tracy (born 1944)

“Problems are the price of success.” -Branch Rickey (Wesley Branch Rickey (1881 - 1965))

“. . . so it will be forever; that after every storm the Sun will smile, for every problem there is a solution, and that the soul’s indefeasible duty is to be of good cheer . . .” -William R. Alger (William Rounseville Alger (1822 - 1905)): “The School of Life” (1881), ‘Lesson of Faith,’ page 71

“It’s not easy taking my problems one at a time when they refuse to get in line.” -Ashleigh Brilliant (Ashleigh Ellwood Brilliant (born 1933))

“It is a common experience that a problem difficult at night is resolved in the morning after the committee of sleep has worked on it.” -John Steinbeck (John Ernst Steinbeck, Junior (1902 - 1968))

“No problem can be solved until it is reduced to some simple form. The changing of a vague difficulty into a specific, concrete form is a very essential element in thinking.” -J. P. Morgan (John Pierpont ‘J. P.’ Morgan (1837 - 1913))

“There are as many solutions as there are human beings.” -George Tooker (George Clair Tooker, Junior (1920 - 2011))

“It is no good getting furious if you get stuck. What I do is keep thinking about the problem but work on something else. Sometimes it is years before I see the way forward. In the case of information loss and black holes, it was 29 years.” -Stephen Hawking (Stephen William Hawking (1942 - 2018))

“‘We have a problem.’ ‘Congratulations.’ ‘But it’s a tough problem.’ ‘Then double congratulations.’” -W. Clement Stone (William Clement Stone (1902 - 2002))

“The one common challenge of all humanity is the challenge of problems.” -R. Buckminster Fuller (Richard Buckminster ‘Bucky’ Fuller (1895 - 1983))

“After every difficulty, ask yourself two questions: ‘What did I do right?’ and ‘What would I do differently?’” -Brian Tracy (born 1944)

“Talking about our problems is our greatest addiction. Break the habit. Talk about your joys.” -Author Unknown

“Your problems aren’t going to solve themselves, you know.” -Author Unknown

“Focus on remedies, not faults.” -Jack Nicklaus (born 1940)

“Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.” -Joshua J. Marine

“All problems become smaller if you don’t dodge them, but confront them.” -William F. Halsey (William Frederick ‘Bull’ Halsey, Junior (1882 - 1959))

“This problem, too, will look simple after it is solved.” -Charles F. Kettering (Charles Franklin Kettering (1876 - 1958))

“We will find the solution . . . together.” -Author Unknown

A mollusk has an elegant solution to a problem. When something irritates the lining of its shell, the mollusk responds by coating the irritant in a layer of the same material as the inside of its shell, commonly referred to as mother of pearl. The result is often the highly sought-after shiny smooth hard round object called a pearl. The problem is an irritant such as a grain of sand; the solution is a pearl. Does the mollusk teach us a lesson for dealing with problems?

“An expert problem solver must be endowed with two incompatible qualities - a restless imagination and a patient pertinacity.” -Howard W. Eves (Howard Whitley Eves (1911 - 2004))

“Do not be pushed by your problems; be led by your dreams.” -Author Unknown

“Don’t wish it were easier, wish you were better. Don’t wish for fewer problems, wish for more skills. Don’t wish for less challenges, wish for more wisdom.” -Earl Shoaff (John Earl Shoaff (1916 - 1965))

“You are the only problem you will ever have and you are the only solution.” -Bob Proctor (born 1934)

“A small trouble is like a pebble. Hold it too close to your eye, and it puts everything out of focus. Hold it at proper viewing distance, and it can be examined and classified. Throw it at your feet, and it can be seen in its true setting, just one more tiny bump on the pathway to eternity.” -Celia Luce (Celia Larsen Luce (1914 - 2008))

“Nobody, as long as he moves among the chaotic currents of life, is without trouble.” -C. G. Jung (Carl Gustav Jung (1875 - 1961))

“The best way to escape from your problem is to solve it.” -Robert Anthony Eden (1897 - 1977)

“Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.” -René Descartes (1596 - 1650): “Discours de la Methode” (1637)

“Beset by a difficult problem? Now is your chance to shine. Pick yourself up, get to work, and get triumphantly through it.” -Ralph Marston (Ralph S. Marston, Junior (born 1955))

“There are no problems, just challenges.” -Author Unknown

“Don’t tell me that this problem is difficult. If it wasn’t difficult, it wouldn’t be a problem.” [English translation]
“Ne me dites pas que ce problème est difficile. S’il n’était pas difficile, ce ne serait pas un problème.” [original French]
-Ferdinand Foch (Ferdinand Jean Marie Foch (1851 - 1929))

“Avoid problems, and you’ll never be the one who overcame them.” -Richard Bach (Richard David Bach (born 1936))

“The problem is not that there are problems. The problem is expecting otherwise and thinking that having problems is a problem.” -Theodore Rubin (Theodore Isaac Rubin (born 1923))

Overheard: All of the easy problems have already been solved.

“It’s good to remember that the tea kettle, although up to its neck in hot water, continues to sing.” -Author Unknown

“Focus on the solution, not the problem.” -Walter Anderson

“Every problem contains within itself the seeds of its own solution.” -Stanley Arnold

“A lot of problems in the world would disappear if we talked to each other instead of about each other.” -Author Unknown

“When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.” -R. Buckminster Fuller (Richard Buckminster ‘Bucky’ Fuller (1895 - 1983))

“It isn’t that they can’t see the solution. It is that they can’t see the problem.” -G. K. Chesterton (Gilbert Keith Chesterton (1874 - 1936))

“When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to resemble a nail.” -Abraham Maslow (Abraham Harold Maslow (1908 - 1970)): “The Psychology of Science” (1966)

“Problems are only opportunities in work clothes.” -Henry J. Kaiser (Henry John Kaiser (1882 - 1967))

“Nothing lasts forever - not even your troubles.” -Arnold Glasow (Arnold Henry Glasow (1905 - 1998))

“No problem is so complicated that you cannot make it more complicated.” -Andy Grove (Andrew Stephen ‘Andy’ Grove (1936 - 2016))

“There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands. We seek out problems because we need their gifts.” -Richard Bach (Richard David Bach (born 1936))

“Don’t dwell on what went wrong. Instead, focus on what to do next. Spend your energies on moving forward toward finding the answer.” -Denis Waitley (born 1933)

“Muddy water is best cleared by leaving it alone.” -Alan Watts (Alan Wilson Watts (1915 - 1973))

Problems worthy of attack
prove their worth by hitting back.
-Piet Hein (1905 - 1996)

“Whenever we have a really difficult or impossible problem in life, we should take it to a math teacher. Math teachers are good at giving problems to us, and they are good at showing us how to solve them, as well.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

“Problems are not stop signs, they are guidelines.” -Robert H. Schuller (Robert Harold Schuller (1926 - 2015))

“The issue is not that our problems are too big but that our imaginations are too small.” -Marianne Williamson (born 1952)

“It often happens that I wake at night and begin to think about a serious problem and decide I must tell the Pope about it. Then I wake up completely and remember that I am the Pope.” -Pope John XXIII (born Angelo Giuseppe Roncalli (1881 - 1963))

“Problems are to the mind what exercise is to the muscles, they toughen and make strong.” -Norman Vincent Peale (1898 - 1993)

“The first requisite for success is the ability to apply your physical and mental energies to one problem incessantly without growing weary.” -Herbert Spencer (1820 - 1903)

“The ‘how’ thinker gets problems solved effectively because he wastes no time with futile ‘ifs.’” -Norman Vincent Peale (1898 - 1993)

“Real difficulties can be overcome; it is only the imaginary ones that are unconquerable.” -Theodore N. Vail (Theodore Newton Vail (1845 - 1920))

“I am so grateful for my troubles. As I reflect back on my life, I have come to realize that my greatest triumphs have been born of my greatest troubles.” -Steve Maraboli (born 1975): “Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience” (2013)

“No problem can withstand the assault of sustained thinking.” -Voltaire (pseudonym of François-Marie Arouet (1694 - 1778))

“To solve a problem, walk around.” -Jerome (also known as Eusebius Sophronius Hieronymus (about C.E. 347 - C.E. 420))

“Divide each difficulty into as many parts as necessary to resolve it.” -René Descartes (1596 - 1650)

“The first step towards the solution of any problem is optimism.” -John Baines

“Never make troubles of trifles.” -Author Unknown

“When I’m working on a problem, I never think about beauty. I think only how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.” -R. Buckminster Fuller (Richard Buckminster ‘Bucky’ Fuller (1895 - 1983))

“Trouble is My Business.” -Raymond Chandler (1888 - 1959): title of article in “Dime Detective Magazine” (August 1939), and the credo of his fictional detective Philip Marlowe

“Problems are questions that ask, ‘How can you best handle us?’” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

“The most important thing to do in solving a problem is to begin.” -Frank Tyger (1929 - 2011)

This is ‘MFOL!’ . . . may all of your problems be funny ones . . . and may all of your solutions be fun . . .

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Bats

6/8/2018

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Has the whole world gone batty? Let us count the bats: 1 bat, 2 bats, 3 bats . . . How many bats are there? Does eleven seem about right?

Amanda: What did the bat say to his girlfriend?
Mandy: “You are fun to hang around with!”

Bats Facts
- Bats are the only flying mammals on Earth.
- A young bat is called a pup.
- The plural of bat is bats.
- A group of bats is called a colony when roosting upside down to rest or sleep, and a cloud or flock when in flight.
- The sounds made by bats are called screeches, squeaks, and squeals.
- Bats are nocturnal, meaning that they are most active at night.
- Bats can live for up to about 30 years, but typically live for only about 6 years.
- Bats live on every continent except Antarctica.

Herbert: What do you get if you cross a bat with a ball?
Herbie: A home run!

What do bats look like? Most bats have brown or black fur, although there are a few species with colorful shades of orange or red fur. They have wings made of long finger bones covered by thin wing-skin. Only their short thumbs are not covered by wing-skin, and they can use their thumbs independently of their wing-skin-covered wing-fingers. Unlike birds, which flap their entire forelimbs, bats flap their spread-out digits, or fingers, and with their multi-jointed wings, bats are more efficient fliers than birds. Bats generally have weak legs and are not good at walking. Vampire bats are the only bats that move well on the ground. Bats have fived toes on their two back feet. Some bats have short tails, while other bats have no tails.

Right up there with, “How now, brown cow?” we would like to add, “What bat is that?” If we are successful in this effort, it will increase the world’s supply of useless questions that make no sense, but are fun to say because they rhyme.

Are bats blind? The expression ‘blind as a bat’ is based on a generalized false notion that because some bats might have poor eyesight, especially when awakened from slumbering in near-total darkness by intruding humans who subject them to the intensely bright daylight before their eyes have had time to adjust, that all bats must be either blind, or nearly so. Not only are bats not blind, but many bats actually have good eyesight for daylight and can see quite well - some species of bats can even detect ultraviolet light that humans cannot sense. However, bats do not have good night vision, and therefore do not use sight as a primary sense at night, but instead rely on echolocation to find their way around in the dark.

Fictional characters based on bats include Batman, Batgirl, and Dracula. Hey, do you suppose they are related - the fictional characters, we mean?

There are no specific names for adult male bats or for adult female bats, in the English language. Perhaps adult male bats could be called roosters and adult female bats could be called hens. True, bats are not birds, but they are nonetheless winged animals, so it seems fitting. Other suggestions include ‘bobs’ for adult male bats and ‘bobbettes’ for adult female bats. However, ‘bob’ could be confused with the human male name ‘Bob,’ as in, “Hello, Bob!” and then Bob would reply, “Who are you talking to . . . me, or the bat over there?”

While other mammals such as flying squirrels can glide for short distances, bats are the only mammals capable of sustaining continuous flight.

When flying at night, bats can sense their way around and locate food by using a specialized ability called ‘echolocation.’ Bats make a continuous stream of high-pitched ultrasonic squeaks with their mouths and sometimes their noses. If bats do not hear echoes from the sounds they make, they know that the space in front of them is clear of objects, and they can safely fly forward. Bats can tell the distance of objects and what type of objects are around them by how quickly the sound waves echo back to them. A bat’s echolocation can detect objects as thin as a human hair or as wide as a big rock. We cannot hear the echolocation sounds bats make because it is extremely high-pitched. Other animals, such as dolphins and some cave-dwelling birds, also use similar echolocation senses.

Scientists believe that flight in bats developed before echolocation, meaning that early bats, when flying around in the dark, would have bumped into things a lot. They would have screamed a lot about this, too, and while screaming, they would have noticed the echoes of their screams, and this is how bats acquired echolocation senses . . . well, not really, we kind of thought that up with our imaginations . . . but it sounds almost plausible!

Nonsense Limerick

Bat, bat, come under my hat,
I’ll give you a slice of bacon,
     And when I bake
     I’ll give you a cake,
If I am not mistaken.

by Author Unknown: a Mother Goose rhyme

What do bats eat? Bats are divided into two broad categories based on what foods they eat and the ways in which they sense and obtain their food. Larger bats, called megabats, feed mostly on fruit, nectar, flowers, pollen, and leaves. Smaller bats, called microbats, eat insects, fish, frogs, and small mammals such as rodents. Vampire bats feed mostly on blood.

Unfortunately for bats, some people think they are all the same, and think that because some bats eat blood, they think that all bats do so. All bats are not the same. While bats are now placed in two groups, called the megabats and the microbats, scientists have recently begun exploring other ways of categorizing bats, but for now, we will consider the existing way in which bats are categorized until scientists have settled on any new ways.

So, just how long will the bats have to wait while the scientists make up their minds? We will probably have to go ask the wise old owl who lives in the woods. Let us all put on our boots, coats, and hats, everybody - we are going to the great outdoors!

The first broad category of bats are the microchiropterans, or microbats. These bats rely on echolocation to find insects and small animals to eat. Examples of microchiropterans are vampire bats and frog-eating bats. Approximately 70 percent of Earth’s bats, or 70 out of every 100, are in the microchiropterans category.

The second broad category of bats are the megachiropterans, or megabats. These bats tend to use their sense of smell to find food, which can include fruits and nectar from flowering plants. Examples of megachiropterans are fruit bats and blossom bats. Approximately 30 percent of Earth’s bats, or 30 out of every 100, are in the megachiropterans category.

There are differences in appearances between megabats and microbats. Megabats have two claws on each ‘hand,’ one on the thumb and one on the finger next to the thumb, also known as the index finger. Microbats have only one claw on each ‘hand,’ located on their thumbs.

Lilith: When does a bat say, “Moo”?
Lily: When it is learning a new language.

Bumblebee Bats, also known as Kitti’s Hog-nosed Bats, are the smallest bats, as well as possibly the smallest living mammals on Earth. At about the size of bumblebees, they have a typical body length of 3 centimeters (1.25 inches), a wingspan of 15 centimeters (6 inches), and a weight of 2 grams (0.07 ounces). Due to habitat loss in their native Thailand, scientists list Bumblebee Bats as a critically endangered species.

Bats live all over the world, except for the Arctic, the Antarctic, and on some islands. Bats do not live in the extreme cold of polar regions or in the extreme heat of deserts. They mostly prefer warmer areas that are closer to the equator, and they can be found in rain forests, mountains, farmland, woods, and cities. Bats can live in caves, trees, under bridges, inside abandoned mines and buildings, in human-made bat houses, and sometimes in the attics of houses.

Chiroptophobia, also known as vespertiliophobia, is a persistent fear of bats. The word ‘chiroptophobia’ is derived from the Greek words ‘cheir’ meaning ‘hand, ‘pteron’ meaning ‘wing,’ and ‘phobos’ meaning ‘fear.’ One way to reduce fear is to learn about the thing that is feared, perhaps learning a little at a time until the fear gradually fades away to near-nothingness or total-nothingness.

Baby Bat

The baby bat
     Screamed out in fright,
“Turn on the dark,
     I’m afraid of the light!”

-Author Unknown

Bats have two strategies for weathering cold winters. Some bats migrate to warmer areas, while other bats go into torpor, a form of hibernation in which a bat reduces its metabolic rate by lowering its body temperature and slowing its heart rate and breathing.

The Bat

By day the bat is cousin to the mouse;
     He likes the attic of an aging house.
His fingers make a hat about his head.
     His pulse-beat is so slow we think him dead.
He loops in crazy figures half the night
     Among the trees that face the corner light.
But when he brushes up against a screen,
     We are afraid of what our eyes have seen:
For something is amiss or out of place
     When mice with wings can wear a human face.

-Theodore Roethke

Do bats attack people? Bats fear humans because they rightly see us as predators, and they will avoid us whenever possible. If bats are trapped in a cave or a building with people, the bats might panic and accidently fly into people as they attempt to escape, but they will not do it on purpose as an attack. Contrary to how they are portrayed in horror movies, bats do not compulsively fly about blindly and immediately become entangled in the nearest person’s hair, as if human hair is somehow some kind of weird ‘bat magnet.’

In Southeast Asia, small club-footed bats roost inside the hollow segments of bamboo stalks. To reach their home, the bats squeeze into openings as small as 1 centimeter (0.4 inches), which is about the width of a human fingernail.

Cora: Why do some bats not live alone?
Corey: Because they literally like to ‘hang out’ with their friends and family!

Bats are tuned-in to the environment better than humans are, at least when it comes to hearing. Bats can hear sound frequencies between 20 Hertz and 120,000 Hertz. Humans can only hear sounds between 20 Hertz and 20,000 Hertz, and even dogs with their sharp hearing can only detect sounds between 40 Hertz and 60,000 Hertz.

Fruit bats are a traditional food source for the people living on the island of Guam, and have been hunted to the point that they are how listed as an endangered species. Presently, the people of Guam must import bat meat from other islands, though Guam still serves as a major trade center for bat meat. What is for dinner?

The word ‘bat’ first appeared in 1570. ‘Bat’ is derived from the Middle English word ‘bakke,’ which is related to the Old Swedish word ‘natbakka’ and the Old Danish word ‘nathbakkae,’ both meaning ‘night bat,’ and also the Old Norse word ‘leđrblaka’ meaning ‘leather flapper.’

Bert: What do you call a bat in a belfry that has a bell in it?
Herbert: A ding-bat.

Bats make their homes in places that provide them with shelter from the weather, protection from predators, and seclusion for raising their young. They spend their days at home, where they roost, which means sleeping while hanging upside down and tightly holding on to things with their sharp claws. Bats roost from tree branches and the ceilings inside caves, mines, barns, attics, belfries, abandoned buildings, and in any other bat-friendly places where they can ‘hang out.’ While some bats roost with hundreds, thousands, or even millions of other bats in groups called colonies, other bats such as hoary bats and red bats roost alone.

Drake: What is green and hangs from cave ceilings?
Jake: Unripe bats.

Bats always turn left when exiting a cave or other shelter. If you know why they do this, please let us know . . . is it because of the direction of the Earth’s rotation, or so that they can coordinate their efforts like synchronized swimmers? Are they left-winged? Do they always return to their cave from the opposite direction?

Like standup-comedians, bats are usually found hanging upside down from the ceilings in dark, dank places during the day, and they come out only as nighttime approaches. We believe this to be accurate because so far, no standup-comedians have told us any differently.

Bats are nocturnal, meaning that they are animals that are most active at night. Some bats may fly up to 50 kilometers (31 miles) each night to find food.

Andy: Why do bats fly at night?
Andrew: Because they cannot drive.

The Bracken Bat Cave in Texas is the largest known bat colony in the world. More than 20 million bats live in the cave, which is more bats than there are people living in Mumbai, India, one of the world’s largest human cities. When the bats leave the cave, the group is so large that it looks like a huge storm on radar. The bats eat more than 200 tons of bugs each night, including Texas-sized mosquitoes that are as big as barn doors. What, you say there is no such thing as mosquitoes as big as barn doors - not even in Texas?

Bats are immensely helpful to humans, although we do not see most of what they do because they work at night while we are usually sleeping. Bats eat insects that destroy farm crops. A single little brown bat can eat up to 1,200 mosquito-sized insects in just one hour. Some bats pollinate flowers and spread seeds for new flowers and plants, including the trees that make up forests.

Bat this around: The phrase ‘bats in your belfry’ was coined by American writer George W. Peck in his book “Peck’s Uncle Ike and the Red-Headed Boy” (1901). The term ‘batty’ was coined by another American writer, Al Kleberg, in his book, “Slang Fables from Afar” (1903), in which he states, “She . . . acted so queer . . . that he decided she was Batty.”

The scientific name for bats is ‘Chiroptera’ which is derived from the Greek words ‘cheir’ meaning ‘hand’ and ‘pteron’ meaning ‘wing.’ One might think of bats as animals with hands adapted to serve as wings.

Pipistrelle bats weigh less than two pennies each, and they are only as long as a human’s little finger - yet each one of these tiny bats can eat 3,000 insects in one night. They are real-life superheroes, because they help to keep us safe by eating insects that might otherwise bite and nibble on us.

Reginald: Why did the vampire bat cross the road?
Reggie: Because it was attached to the chicken’s neck.

Do bats drink blood? Only vampire bats drink blood. The three living species of vampire bats are all found in Central America and South America, so if you live outside these areas, the only vampire bats you are ever likely to see would be in zoos and in horror movies. They feed exclusively on blood, most of which comes from wild birds and less often from deer, cattle, and chickens. Vampire bats have small and extremely sharp teeth with which they can pierce, or cut into, the skin of animals and humans. They are so highly skilled at biting that their victims seldom know they are being bitten. They do not suck blood, but instead make V-shaped cuts and then very delicately lick up the blood. Vampire bats can carry the dangerous rabies disease, and people who are bitten can get sick and die unless they get immediate medical attention. People who are bitten by vampire bats never turn into Dracula or other bizarre human-bat combinations with long pointy teeth who speak with Eastern European accents and make hissing-sucking sounds to scare people.

Elias: How can you tell when a vampire bat has been in a bakery?
Elijah: All the jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts.

Are bats harmful to humans? Bats can carry rabies, but statistically, people are much more likely to be infected with rabies by any domesticated dogs and cats that might have the disease. Bats can spread histoplasmosis, also known as ‘Cave disease’ or ‘Darling’s disease,’ which is caused by a type of fungus. If you see a live bat or a dead bat, the best thing to do is not to touch it, and to move yourself and pets or livestock away from it immediately so that no diseases are contracted. Call the authorities, such as the law enforcement or animal control department of your local government, let them know where you found the bat, and then let them handle the situation from there. Bats do not deliberately infect people and animals with diseases, but their physiology and the physiology of other animals and humans have different tolerances for infectious diseases, so that a disease a bat might be carrying with little or no harm to itself might be a disease that could make another animal or a person sick or worse. Bats and other animals and humans all live on the Earth together, and we benefit from bats being here - and in fact, we might not be able to survive without the good work that they do. Yet bats and humans occupy significantly different niches in the Earth’s ecosystem, also understood as the circle of life or balance of nature, and we should allow a respectable distance between bats and ourselves so that we, as members of vastly different species, do not harm one another.

Long ago, in about 600 B.C.E., a fabulist (storyteller) of ancient Greece named Aesop told of a bat that borrowed money to start a business. The business failed, so the bat had to hide during the day, to avoid the people to whom it owed the money. According to Aesop, this explains why bats come out only at night. Is the lesson to be learned from the story always to pay back your debts, or you might have to spend your life in hiding?

Bats Quiz
- Are bats mammals, insects, birds, or small dinosaurs?
- Do bats have claws?
- Would it be fun to be able to fly with your hands, as bats do?
- Do bats live on the continent on which you live?
- Do bats have scales, fur, feathers, or bare skin?
- Do vampire bats live in the woods and in abandoned houses near you?

Winston: What is the first thing that little bats learn in school?
Winifred: The alphabat.

Bats Quiz Answers
- Bats are mammals.
- Bats have claws.
- While it might be fun to be able to use your hands to fly, if you became bat-like, you would likely lose the ability to do certain other things with your hands, such as catching and grasping objects.
- Bats live on every continent on Earth except for Antarctica, so if you live on a continent on Earth, and the continent you live on is not Antarctica, then bats also live on the continent on which you live.
- Bats have fur that covers much of their bodies.
- Vampire bats live only in Central America, in South American, and in some zoos.

Eleanor: Why did the bat join the circus?
Eliot: Because she wanted to be an acro-bat!

This is ‘MFOL!’ . . . remember, nothing drives the bats out of your belfry like a little silliness . . . and more follows just below . . .

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Riddles and Puzzles

6/7/2018

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Riddle: What do you get if you cross a chili pepper, a shovel, and a terrier?
Solution: A hot-diggity-dog!

Riddle: What do you get if you cross a porcupine with a sheep?
Solution: An animal that knits its own sweaters.

Do you enjoy riddles and puzzles? Well, then, you have come to the right place. We think you will have a lot of fun pondering these mini-mysteries.

Riddle: What can you hold without touching?
Solution: Your breath.

Riddle: What do you get if you cross a cat and a parrot?
Solution: A carrot.

Riddles are of two types.
- Enigmas, which are problems generally expressed in metaphorical or allegorical languages, and which require ingenuity and careful thinking for their solution.
- Conundrums, which are questions relying for their effects on punning in either the question or in the answer.

Riddle: What is brown and sticky?
Solution: A stick.

Riddle: What can you sit on, sleep on, and brush your teeth with?
Solution: A chair, a bed, and a toothbrush.

Puzzles are games, toys, or problems designed to test skill, ingenuity, or knowledge. Examples of puzzles are crossword puzzles, jigsaw puzzles, and mazes.

English journalist Arthur Wayne is credited with being the inventor of the modern crossword. The diamond-shaped puzzle appeared in the “New York World” newspaper on 21 December 1913.

Crossword Compiler

A crossword compiler named Moss,
Who found himself quite at a loss,
When asked, “Why so blue?”
Said, “I haven’t a clue -
I’m 2 Down to put 1 Across.”

by Author Unknown

When the first book of crossword puzzles was published, the creator received $500 down and $300 across.

Riddle: What flies without wings?
Solution: Time.

Riddle: What is better than the best thing and worse than the worst thing?
Solution: Nothing.

Riddle:
We are four siblings in this world that were all born together.
The first he runs and never wearies,
The second eats and is never full.
The third he drinks and is ever thirsty,
And the fourth sings a song that is never good.
Who are we?
Solution:
We are Water, Fire, Earth, and Wind.

Riddle: What has two arms, two wings, two tails, three heads, three bodies, and eight legs?
Solution: A man on a horse holding a chicken.

Riddle: Why are lost items always in the last place you look?
Solution: Because when you find them, you stop looking.

Riddle: What has a man’s name, is as small as a mouse, and wears a red vest?
Solution: A robin.

Ed: Pete and Repeat were sitting on a log and Pete fell off - who was left?
Fred: Repeat.
Ed: Pete and Repeat were sitting on a log and Pete fell off - who was left?
Fred: Repeat.
Ed: Pete and Repeat . . .

Riddle: What belongs to you but is used more often by others?
Solution: Your name.

Riddle: Which is faster, heat or cold?
Solution: Heat, because people can catch a cold.

Riddle:
Proprietors of an ice cream shop want to host a giveaway day to boost business. To avoid large crowds, however, they do not want to advertise the free ice cream cone day broadly. Instead, they post three clues as to the date.
1. The giveaway will be in the first week of a month without an ‘a’ in it.
2. It will be on a day of the week that has a ‘u’ in it.
3. The month has no ‘e’ but the day of the week has an ‘e.’
Can you figure out when to go for a free cone?
Solution:
The first Tuesday in July is free ice cream day.

Riddle: I have a face and two hands; what am I?
Solution: A clock.

Riddle: What is the difference between a cat and a comma?
Solution: One has claws at the end of its paws, and one is a pause at the end of a clause.

Riddle: What is so fragile that it can be broken just by the sound of someone speaking?
Solution: Silence.

Riddle: What does the following tell you about Calvin?
○ Appreciated
○ Calvin
○ Weight
Solution: Calvin is ‘underappreciated’ and ‘overweight.’

Riddle: What part of you disappears when you stand up?
Solution: Your lap.

Riddle: What question can someone ask all day long, always get completely different answers, and yet all the answers could be correct?
Solution: “What time is it?”

Riddle: Joe was asked how many ducks he had seen. He answered, “As they ran along a path, I saw one duck in front of two ducks, a duck behind two ducks, and a duck between two ducks.” How many ducks did Joe see?
Solution: Joe saw three ducks, running along a path in single file.

Riddle: If you take away the whole, some still remains - what is it?
Solution: Wholesome.

Riddle: What can you not keep until you have given it?
Solution: Your word.

Riddle: How can you arrange for two people to stand on the same piece of newspaper and yet be unable to touch each other without stepping off the newspaper?
Solution: Slide the newspaper half way under a closed door and ask the two people to stand on the part of the newspaper on their side of the door.

Riddle: Forward I am heavy, but backward I am not. What am I?
Solution: Forward I am ‘ton,’ backwards I am ‘not.’

Riddle: What five-letter word becomes shorter when two letters are added to it?
Solution: Short.

Riddle: David’s father has three sons; two of them are John and William; what is the name of David’s father’s third son?
Solution: David.

Riddle: What can swallow you if you do not swallow it first?
Solution: Pride.

Riddle: What asks no question but demands an answer?
Solution: A telephone.

Riddle: What do cars, trees, and elephants all have in common?
Solution: They all have trunks.

Riddle: I follow you everywhere you go. Who am I?
Solution: I am your shadow.

Riddle: Two legs sat upon four legs eating one leg. In came four legs - and out went four legs with one leg. Close behind was two legs, without one leg, shaking four legs at four legs.
Solution: A person sat on a chair eating a chicken leg. In comes a dog - and out it went with the chicken leg. Close behind was the person, without the chicken leg, shaking the chair at the dog.

Riddle: I run around but never race, my hands are always on my face, I cannot count very many numbers, you hit me and I let you slumber - what am I?
Solution: An alarm clock.

Riddle: What stays hot even if you put it in the refrigerator?
Solution: Pepper.

Riddle: Name three things that have eyes but that cannot see.
Solution: Sewing needles, storms, and potatoes.

Riddle: What has no fingers, but many rings?
Solution: A tree.

Riddle: What has one eye but cannot see?
Solution: A needle.

Riddle: Four legs sat on four legs waiting for four legs to come out of its hole.
Solution: A cat sat on a chair waiting for a mouse to come out of its hole.

Riddle: What is white when it is dirty and black when it is clean?
Solution: A chalkboard (blackboard).

Riddle: What do a mole and an eagle have in common?
Solution: They both live underground, apart from the eagle.

Riddle: I work only after I have been fired. Who am I?
Solution: I am a rocket.

Riddle: Why did Beethoven not finish the “Unfinished Symphony”?
Solution: Because the Unfinished Symphony was started by Schubert, not Beethoven.

Riddle: What room is never entered?
Solution: A mushroom.

Riddle: What is the longest word in the English language?
Solution: ‘Smiles,’ because there is a mile between the first and last letter (or ‘rubber’ because it stretches).

Riddle: What never was and never will be?
Solution: A mouse’s nest in a cat’s ear.

Riddle: A man built a house with all four sides facing south. A bear walked past the house. What color is the bear?
Solution: The bear is a white polar bear, and the house is at the North Pole.

Riddle: What is the first thing you know?
Solution: “The first thing you know, Old Jed’s a millionaire. The kin folks said, ‘Jed, move away from there!’”

Riddle: What is the biggest room in the world?
Solution: Room for improvement.

Polly: What is the difference between ‘ignorance’ and ‘apathy?’
Esther: ‘I do not know,’ and ‘I do not care’!
Polly: You answered correctly!

Riddle: What do you find in the middle of nowhere?
Solution: The letter ‘h.’

Riddle: What did the eye say to the ear?
Solution: Do you hear what I see, hear what I see, hear what I see?

“Do I rue a life wasted doing crosswords? No, but I do know the three-letter-word for regret.” -Robert Brault

Riddle: What is easy to get into but hard to get out of?
Solution: Trouble.

Riddle: The more you take, the more you leave behind - what is it?
Solution: Footsteps.

Riddle: If a north-facing rooster was sitting at the point of the roof of a building on the Earth’s equator at exactly 12:00 noon, and laid an egg, which side of the roof would the egg roll down?
Solution: Roosters do not lay eggs, you silly goose - hens lay eggs!

Riddle: What has to be broken before it can be used?
Solution: An egg.

“If you call a tail a leg, how many legs has a dog? Five? No - calling a tail a leg doesn’t make it a leg.” -Abraham Lincoln

Riddle: What is the difference between an onion and an oboe?
Solution: Nobody cries when you chop up an oboe.

Riddle: If leather makes good shoes, what do banana skins make?
Solution: Good slippers!

Puzzle Poem

When it’s boring
Because of rainy weather
Nothing’s so fun as
Putting a puzzle together.

by Author Unknown

Riddle: How do you get to Carnegie Hall?
Solution: Practice, practice, practice.

Riddle: What has four legs and feathers?
Solution: A featherbed.

Riddle: Brian’s mom has four children. The first was a boy named Jerry. The second was a girl named Susan. The third was a boy called Robert, and the fourth was another boy. What was his name?
Solution: Brian.

Riddle: What has four legs but no feet?
Solution: A table.

Math Problem: $21 in one-dollar bills is split evenly among two fathers and two sons. How is this possible?
Solution: There are only three people: a grandfather, a father, and the father’s son, who each receive $7.

Riddle: What has six legs, four eyes, and five ears?
Solution: A man sitting on a horse eating an ear of corn.

Riddle: What is the difference between a dressmaker and a farmer?
Solution: A dressmaker sews what she gathers, and a farmer gathers what he sows.

This is ‘MFOL!’ . . . a website most puzzling indeed . . .

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Boomerangs and Throwing Sticks

6/5/2018

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For a while, I could not quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually, it came back to me.

A boomerang makes a good whittling project. Start with a piece of a bent tree branch, split it lengthwise with an axe, and whittle away at it with a knife until you have made your own handcrafted throwing stick. Experiment with body and edge shapes to find what creates the best results when you fling your projectile into the wild blue yonder.

Boomerang: What you say to frighten a meringue.

Boomerangs come in two general categories: returning and non-returning.

A native Australian was given a new boomerang as a gift. The trouble was that he spent the rest of his life trying to throw his old one away.

The returning boomerang can be used for recreation and sports, as a leisure toy, or as a weapon. A returning boomerang consist of two or more connected airfoil wings, configured so as to create an aerodynamically imbalanced shape that follows an elliptical trajectory, so that if used properly, it will fly away from the thrower, follow a curved flight path, and then return to the thrower.

Question: What do you get if you cross a skunk and a boomerang?
Answer: A smell you cannot get rid of.

The non-returning boomerang, or throwing stick, is intended primarily as a lethal weapon for use by hunters to kill animals for food, and doubles as an implement for digging and for starting friction fires, and even as a sound-producing instrument or signaling device when two of the sticks are struck together.

Riddle: What do you call a boomerang that does not come back to you after you have thrown it?
Answer: A stick.

A group of hunters armed with boomerangs can launch them into a flock of birds or a herd of animals in a coordinated effort, and with some statistical likelihood, achieve the objective of bringing down one or more of the birds or animals for their next meal.

Question: What is an Australian ghost’s favorite snack?
Answer: Boo-meringue pie.

Boomerangs use the same general principle as the wings of airplanes which, when moving forward through the air, develop lift. Indeed, boomerangs are among the earliest known human-made heavier-than-air flying objects, developed before even the bow-and-arrow and the slingshot.

“The game of life is the game of boomerangs. Our thoughts, deeds, and words return to us sooner or later, with astounding accuracy.” -Florence Scovel Shinn (1871 - 1940): “The Game of Life and How to Play It” (1925)

Boomerang: A cross between a cannon and a bell.

Although boomerangs are often associated with the continent of Australia, they have also been discovered in much older sites in the part of the world that is now the country of Poland, and which are associated with early humans of about 30,000 years ago. Other boomerangs have been found in the tombs of Egyptian pharaohs that are over 2,000 years old.

Overheard: My uncle Will had a boomerang that he did not want, but every time he tried to throw it away, he ended up badly injured.

In 1992, German astronaut Ulf Merbold performed an experiment aboard the orbiting Spacelab that demonstrated boomerangs can function in zero gravity just as they do on Earth. French astronaut Jean-François Clervoy demonstrated the experiment while aboard the Mir space station in 1997. In 2008, Japanese astronaut Takao Doi again repeated the experiment. Who says people cannot have fun in space?

Samantha: How do you get rid of a boomerang?
Tabitha: Throw it down a one-way street?

Boomerangs: Echo sticks.

The best place to be when your boomerang makes its return flight would be behind a tree or rock, wearing a helmet, goggles, and thick padded protective clothes. Until you have gotten significant practice in throwing boomerangs, it is recommended that you do so only under the supervision of an experienced boomerang thrower. Practice in an area with plenty of room and with no people or animals or breakable objects within the throwing stick’s flight path, which of course means you will not want anyone standing close to you, either. An open field will do nicely. A boomerang is a potential killing weapon, so when it comes flying back to you, never try to catch it as you would a ball or a Frisbee; instead, let it hit the ground and then go pick it up.

He wondered why the boomerang kept getting bigger until it finally hit him.

“Life is like a boomerang; the more good you throw out, the more you get in return.” -Author Unknown

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A Boomerang World

As I was sitting outside this morning sipping my coffee and watching the Sun climb over the horizon, I looked down and saw a curved stick on the ground that reminded me of a boomerang. Suddenly I was caught up in memories of me as a kid playing for hours on end in my grandfather’s backyard with a small wooden boomerang he had given to me as a gift.

Remember when you were a kid, how fascinated you were with boomerangs? (At least I was.) You take this flat, curved piece of wood and throw it and then watch in amazement as it curves around in the air and comes right back to you.

As ‘miraculous’ as that seemed when we were kids, I’ve found that most of our life is like that. Whatever we throw out there, comes back to us.

We live in a boomerang world.

Let me explain:

If you smile at someone, in almost every case, they will smile back. Try it now with someone nearby and see if it works.

If you are kind toward someone, he or she will usually be kind in return. Of course, this also works in the other direction.

If you complain to someone, they will share their complaints with you. In fact, you may quickly find yourself in a subtle competition to see who is more miserable.

If you get angry at someone, they will usually get angry with you. And so on . . .

The fact is, whatever you decide to throw out into the world will usually circle around and land right back at your feet, much like the boomerangs we played with as kids.

Here’s what struck me this morning.

I have a choice about what I decide to throw out into my world. I have a choice about what I want to land at my feet?

If you want more joy - throw it out there.

If you want more happiness - throw some happiness out there to someone else and watch it miraculously come back to you.

It even works with money. Need money? Give some away. The spiritual leaders from the beginning of time have been telling us this, but most of us are afraid to believe it.

It works in just about every area of our life. When we give something away, when we throw it out there - it comes back to us.

But here’s the good news and this is really the miraculous part, we actually get more back than what we throw out there. Plant a seed and you don’t just get one seed back. You get hundreds - maybe even thousands!

So today and for as many days afterwards as you want, make a conscious choice about what you want to throw out into the world. By doing this, you will be making a choice about what is going to come back and land at your feet.

Remember the boomerang and that whatever you throw out there, will come back to you many times over.

-Tim Wright

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Question: What do you get when you cross a boomerang and a rubber band?
Answer: A snappy comeback!

“Everything you unleash into the world will find its way back to you.” -Author Unknown

Bernie: Why did the dog cross the road twice?
Barney: He was trying to fetch a boomerang.

Overheard: “I threw a boomerang six years ago, and it never came back. Now I live in constant fear.”

This is ‘MFOL!’ . . . boomeranging out all across the internet . . . we can hardly wait to see its return flight . . . there it is . . . run for your life!

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Life and Living

6/1/2018

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“I like life. It’s something to do.” -Ronnie Shakes (born Ronald Michael Sakele (1947 - 1987))

“Life does not have to be perfect to be wonderful.” -Annette Funicello (Annette Joanne Funicello (1942 – 2013))

Life

When life seems just a dreary grind,
     And things seem fated to annoy,
Say something nice to someone else
     And watch the world light up with joy.

by Author Unknown

“I never lose sight of the fact that just being is fun.” -Katharine Hepburn (Katharine Houghton Hepburn (1907 - 2003))

“Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious.” -Brendan Gill (1914 - 1997)

“Life is the art of drawing sufficient conclusions from insufficient premises.” -Samuel Butler (1835 - 1902): “The Note-Books of Samuel Butler” (1912)

The World

This world that we’re a livin’ in
     Is mighty hard to beat;
You git¹ a thorn with ev’ry² rose,
     But ain’t the roses sweet!

-Frank L. Stanton (Frank Lebby Stanton (1857 - 1927))
¹ git: get
² ev’ry: every

“It never gets easier, you just go faster.” -Greg LeMond (Gregory James ‘Greg’ LeMond (born 1961))

“From now until the end of time no one else will ever see life with my eyes, and I mean to make the best of my chance.” -Christopher Darlington Morley (1890 - 1957)

“Murphy’s First Law of Infinite Priority: ‘Whatever you set out to do, something else must be done first.’” -Author Unknown

“Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.” -George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)

Overheard: How can I control my life when I cannot control my hair?

“Life’s not always fair. Sometimes you can get a splinter even sliding down a rainbow.” -Terri Guillemets (born 1973)

“The whole secret of life is to be interested in one thing profoundly and in a thousand other things well.” -Hugh Walpole (Hugh Seymour Walpole (1884 - 1941))

Life

Inch by inch,
Life is a cinch.
Yard by yard,
Life is hard.

by John Updike (John Hoyer Updike (1932 - 2009))

“Life’s tragedy is that we grow old too soon and wise too late.” -Author Unknown

“I can teach anybody how to get what they want out of life. The problem is that I can’t find anybody who can tell me what they want.” -Mark Twain (pseudonym of Samuel Langhorne Clemens (1835 - 1910))

“So one thing I want to say about life is don’t be scared and don’t hang back, and most of all, don’t waste it.” -Joan W. Blos (Joan Winsor Blos (1928 - 2017)): “A Gathering of Days” (1979)

“To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone, and a funnybone.” -Reba McEntire (Reba Nell McEntire (born 1955))

“You live and learn. Or at any rate, you live.” -Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001)

“Life is half spent before we know what it is.” -George Herbert (1593 - 1633): “Jacula Prudentum” (English: “Outlandish Proverbs”) (1640)

“Life is a series of commas, not periods.” -Matthew McConaughey (Matthew David McConaughey (born 1969))

“Life is a series of events strung together like a phrase of a sentence forever changing and forever adapting. Turn the page and read on.” -Author Unknown

“My formula for living is quite simple. I get up in the morning and I go to bed at night. In between, I occupy myself as best I can.” -Cary Grant (pseudonym of Archibald Alexander Leach (1904 - 1986))

“Now it is a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best you very often get it . . .” -W. Somerset Maugham (William Somerset Maugham (1874 - 1965)): “The Mixture as Before” (1940), ‘The Treasure’

“I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.” -Lily Tomlin (Mary Jean Tomlin (born 1939))

“The greatest gift . . . is the realization that life does not consist either of wallowing in the past or of peering anxiously at the future; and it is appalling to contemplate the great number of often painful steps by which one arrives at a truth so old, so obvious, and so frequently expressed. It is good for one to appreciate that life is now. Whether it offers little or much, life is now - this day - this hour.” -Charles Macomb Flandrau (1871 - 1938): “Viva Mexico” (1912), chapter 7

“Plunge boldly into the thick of life!” -Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832)

“I have measured out my life with coffee spoons.” -T. S. Eliot (Thomas Stearns Eliot (1888 - 1965)): “The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock” (1915)

“The problem of life is not to make life easier, but to make people stronger.” -David Starr Jordan (1851 - 1931)

“Life is not so much a matter of position as of disposition.” -Author Unknown

“In spite of the cost of living, it’s still popular.” -Kathy Norris (Kathleen Thompson Norris (1880 - 1966))

“Life is made up of giving and getting, forgiving and forgetting.” -Author Unknown

“Life is a verb.” -Author Unknown

“May you live all the days of your life.” -Jonathan Swift (1667 - 1745)

“Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hairstylist you like.” -Author Unknown

“Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.” -Neale Donald Walsch (born 1943)

Overheard: When your dreams turn to dust, vacuum.

“We are most alive when we’re in love.” -John Updike (John Hoyer Updike (1932 - 2009))

“I think I’ve discovered the secret of life - you just hang around until you get used to it.” -Charles Schulz (Charles Monroe ‘Sparky’ Schulz (1922 - 2000))

“Life is like a coin; you may spend it in many ways, but you spend it only once.” -Author Unknown

“Life is nothing without friendship.” -Cicero (Marcus Tullius Cicero (106 B.C.E. - 43 B.C.E.))

Overheard: You can’t have everything - where would you put it all?

“You have to take the bitter with the sweet.” -John Heywood (about 1497 - 1580): “All the Proverbs in the English Language” (1546)

“There are two means of refuge from the misery of life: music and cats.” -Albert Schweitzer (1875 - 1965)

“Everything has been figured out except how to live.” -Jean-Paul Sartre (1905 - 1980)

“Possibly the game of Life cannot be won; but if it can be won, it will be the players in the game who win it, not the superior people who pride themselves on not knowing the difference between a fair ball and a foul, to say nothing of those in the grandstand or in the bleachers whose contribution is throwing pop bottles at the umpire.” -Max Carl Otto (1876 - 1968)

“Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.” -Author Unknown

“When one subtracts from life infancy (which is vegetation), sleep, eating and swilling, buttoning and unbuttoning - how much remains of downright existence? The Summer of a dormouse.” -Lord Byron (George Gordon Noel Byron (1788 - 1824))

“Life may not be the party we had hoped for, but while we’re here, we should dance.” -Author Unknown

“Life goes by so quickly - we have to make every moment count.” -Author Unknown

“Life moves pretty fast! If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” -Author Unknown

“Live each day in a way that will make you feel good about yourself tomorrow.” -Author Unknown

“The person who makes a success of living is the one who sees his goal steadily and aims for it unswervingly.” -Cecil B. Demille (1881 - 1959)

“Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.” -Author Unknown

“It is not true that we have only one life to live; if we can read, we can live as many more lives and as many kinds of lives as we wish.” -S. I. Hayakawa (Samuel Ichiye Hayakawa (1906 - 1992))

“Life goes quickly. Seize it!” -Author Unknown

“Life is a journey and it helps to have a map.” -Author Unknown

“Life is not always what one wants it to be, but to make the best of it, as it is, is the only way of being happy.” -Jennie Jerome Churchill (1854 - 1921)

“Be a life long or short, its completeness depends on what it was lived for.” -David Starr Jordan (1851 - 1931)

“Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first.” -Ernestine Ulmer (born 1925)

“Our life is what we make it by our own thoughts and deeds.” -James Allen (1864 - 1912): “Light on Life’s Difficulties” (1912)

No Problem

Life is easier than you think.
All you have to do is:
accept the impossible,
do without the indispensable,
bear the intolerable,
and be able to smile at anything.

by Author Unknown

“Just living is not enough . . . one must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower.” -Hans Christian Andersen (1805 - 1875)

“Work hard, play hard.” -Author Unknown

“What a wonderful life I’ve had! I only wish I’d realized it sooner.” -Sidonie Gabrielle Colette (1873 - 1954)

“Every day I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days I’ve stayed alive.” -George Carlin (1937 - 2008)

“Life is not always fair, but it can still be good if you work hard to make it that way.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

Young Man of Cadiz

There was a young man of Cadiz,
Who concluded that life is what it is;
     For he early had learnt,
     If it were what it weren’t,
It could not be that which it is.

by Author Unknown

“No one finds life worth living; one must make it worth living.” -Author Unknown

Overheard: Life would be so much easier if everyone read the manual.

“Life is only traveled once. Today’s moment becomes tomorrow’s memory. Enjoy every moment, good or bad, because the gift of life is life itself.” -Author Unknown

“Not only strike while the iron is hot, but make it hot by striking.” -Oliver Cromwell (1599 - 1658): letter (1658)

“Life is always at some turning point.” -Irwin Edman (1896 - 1954)

“Life is like a camel - you can make it do anything except back up.” -Marcelene Cox

“All of life is learning; therefore education can never end.” -Eduard Lindeman (Eduard Christian Lindeman (1885 - 1953))

“Live all you can - it’s a mistake not to. It doesn’t so much matter what you do in particular, so long as you have your life. If you haven’t had that, what have you had?” -Henry James (Henry James, Junior (1843 - 1916))

“Be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love and to work and to play and to look up at the stars.” -Henry Van Dyke (1852 - 1933)

’Tis not so bad a world
     As some would like to make it -
But whether good or whether bad
     Depends on how you take it.
by Author Unknown

“A happy life is made up of little things - a gift sent, a letter written, a call made, a recommendation given, transportation provided, a cake made, a book lent, a check sent.” -Carol Holmes

“Live, and be happy, and make others so.” -Mary Shelley (1797 - 1851)

“Start living now. Stop saving the good china for that special occasion. Stop withholding your love until that special person materializes. Every day you are alive is a special occasion. Every minute, every breath, is a gift from God.” -Mary Manin Morrissey (born 1949): as quoted in John D. Moore: “Quotations for Martial Artists” (2003), page 3

Laugh a little more . . . learn a little more . . . love life a little more . . . every day . . . with ‘Make Fun Of Life!’

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Inquisitiveness and Curiosity

5/30/2018

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“The quest quotient has always excited me more than the intelligence quotient.” -Eugene S. Wilson

Patrice: You’re a real curiosity - did you know that?
Shaun: Well, thank you, though I doubt if you shall ever solve me.

“Be aware of wonder. And then remember the, “Dick and Jane,” books and the first word you learned - the biggest word of all - look.” -Robert Fulghum (Robert Lee Fulghum (born 1937))

Inquisitive Lad

There once was a boy of Bagdad,
An inquisitive sort of a lad.
He said, “I will see
If a sting has a bee.”
And he very soon found that it had!

-Author Unknown

“A good scientist is a person in whom the childhood quality of perennial curiosity lingers on. Once he gets an answer, he has other questions.” -Frederick Seitz (1911 - 2008)

“Millions saw the apple fall, but Newton asked why.” -Bernard Baruch (1870 - 1965)

“Be curious always! For knowledge will not acquire you; you must acquire it.” -Sudie Back (Sudie E. Back)

“He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever.” -Author Unknown

“Curiosity is a willing, a proud, an eager confession of ignorance.” -S. Leonard Rubinstein (Samuel Leonard Rubinstein (1922 - 2013)): “Writing: A Habit of Mind” (1972)

“A generous and elevated mind is distinguished by nothing more certainly than an eminent degree of curiosity.” -Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784)

“Not to know is bad; not to wish to know is worse.” -Author Unknown

“Curiosity is one of the permanent and certain characteristics of a vigorous intellect.” -Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784): as quoted in “The Rambler” (12 March 1751)

“I think, at a child’s birth, if a mother could ask a fairy godmother to endow it with the most useful gift, that gift should be curiosity.” -Eleanor Roosevelt (Anna Eleanor ‘Eleanor’ Roosevelt (1884 - 1962))

“There are two sorts of curiosity - the momentary and the permanent. The momentary is concerned with the odd appearance on the surface of things. The permanent is attracted by the amazing and consecutive life that flows on beneath the surface of things.” -Robert Lynd (Robert Wilson Lynd (1879 - 1949))

“Curiosity is the one thing invincible in nature.” -Freya Stark (Freya Madeline Stark (1893 - 1993))

“The greatest virtue of man is perhaps curiosity.” -Anatole France (pseudonym of Jacques Anatole François Thibault (1844 - 1924))

“Curiosity killed the cat.” -Author Unknown: as quoted in the “Lose Angeles Times” (22 August 1901) newspaper

Overheard: ‘Curiosity killed the cat’ is a common saying, but until someone shows me the record of the incident, I shall be disinclined to believe it.

“Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.” -Carl Edward Sagan (1934 - 1996)

“Leave no stone unturned.” -Euripides (484 B.C.E. - 406 B.C.E.)

“To find what you seek in the road of life, the best proverb of all is that which says: ‘Leave no stone unturned.’” -Edward George Earle Bulwer-Lytton (1803 - 1873)

“Curiosity is one of the great secrets of happiness.” -Bryant McGill (born 1969)

“The true delight is in the finding out rather than in the knowing.” -Isaac Asimov (1919 - 1992)

“I would rather live in a world where life is surrounded by mystery, than live in a world so small that my mind could comprehend it.” -Harry Emerson Fosdick (1878 - 1969): “Riverside Sermons”

“Look and you will find it - what is unsought will go undetected.” -Sophocles (496 B.C.E. - 406 B.C.E.)

“The place where you lose the trail is not necessarily the place where it ends.” -Tom Brown, Junior

A ‘clue’ originally meant a ball of thread . . . hence, one ‘unravels’ the clues of a mystery.

Amy: Who crossed the road and left everyone wanting an explanation?
Eva: The chicken.

“The first and simplest emotion which we discover in the human mind, is curiosity.” -Edmund Burke (1729 - 1797)

“Satisfaction of one’s curiosity is one of the greatest sources of happiness in life.” - Linus Pauling (1901 - 1994)

“Things that people learn purely out of curiosity can have a revolutionary effect on human affairs.” -Frederick Seitz (1911 - 2008): in an interview (3 September 1997) for the George C. Marshall Institute

“‘Curiouser and curiouser!’ cried Alice.” -Lewis Carroll (pseudonym of Charles Lutwidge Dodgson (1832 - 1898)): “Alice in Wonderland” (1865), Chapter II

“Isn’t it splendid to think of all the things there are to find out about? It just makes me feel glad to be alive - it’s such an interesting world. It wouldn’t be half so interesting if we knew all about everything, would it? There’d be no scope for imagination then, would there?” -L. M. Montgomery (Lucy Maud Montgomery): “Anne of Green Gables” (June 1908), Chapter 2; line spoken by fictional character Anne

This is ‘MFOL!’ . . . the website for anyone who has ever been told that he or she is a real curiosity . . .

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Fate and Free Will

5/26/2018

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“If you don’t like the road you’re walking, start paving another one.” -Dolly Parton (born 1946)

“We each choose between two lives, the one given to us, and the one we can make.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

“We are what we think. We are what we say. We are what we believe. We are what we do. So isn’t it wonderful that we are completely in charge of all that we are?” -Regina Cates

“There is no chance, no destiny, no fate that can circumvent or hinder or control the firm resolve of a determined soul.” -Ella Wheeler Wilcox (1850 - 1919)

“Life is a compromise between fate and free will.” -Elbert Hubbard (Elbert Green Hubbard (1856 - 1915)): “A Thousand & One Epigrams: Selected from the Writings of Elbert Hubbard” (1911), page 36

“Your life is in your hands, to make of it what you choose.” -John Kehoe

“Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for; it is a thing to be achieved.” -William Jennings Bryan (1860 - 1925): speech (22 February 1899) in Washington, District of Columbia, United States of America

“Create your own destiny, because if you don’t, others will.” -Author Unknown

“You can begin to shape your own destiny by the attitude that you keep.” -Michael Beckwith

“No fate, but what we make.” -Author Unknown

“Every man makes his own fate.” [Non-literal modern parlance]
“Every man is the architect of his own fortune.” [English translation]
“Faber est suae quisque fortunae.” [original Latin]
-Claudius (Appius Claudius Caecus (340 B.C.E. - 273 B.C.E.))

Cassius: Men at some time are masters of their fate:
The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars,
But in ourselves, that we are underlings.
-William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616): “Julius Caesar” (1599), Act 1, scene 2, line 138

“A wise man shall overrule his stars, and have a greater influence upon his own content than all the constellations and planets of the firmament.” -Jeremy Taylor (1613 - 1667): as quoted in Reginald Heber: “The Whole Works of the Right Rev. Jeremy Taylor” (1822), book IV, chapter II, section vi

“Your word is your magic wand. The words you speak create your own destiny.” -Florence Scovel Shinn (1871 - 1940)

“Destiny is all about the choices we make and the chances we take.” -Author Unknown

“I don’t know what your destiny will be, but one thing I do know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who have sought and found how to serve.” -Albert Schweitzer (1875 - 1965)

“Man was predestined to have free will.” -Hal Lee Luyah

“Don’t let anyone tell you what you can or cannot do, or cannot achieve. Just don’t allow it. It’s wrong. It’s so wrong. Be what you want to be - and prove them wrong.” -Emma Watson (Emma Charlotte Duerre Watson (born 1990))

“We are not creatures of circumstance, we are creators of circumstance.” -Benjamin Disraeli (1804 - 1881)

“Up to a point a man’s life is shaped by environment, heredity, and movements and changes in the world about him. Then there comes a time when it lies within his grasp to shape the clay of his life into the sort of thing he wishes to be. Only the weak blame parents, their race, lack of good fortune, or the quirks of fate. Everyone has it within his power to say, ‘This I am today, that I will be tomorrow.’” -Louis L’Amour (Louis Dearborn LaMoore (1908 - 1988))

“We make our own fortunes and we call them fate.” -Benjamin Disraeli (1804 - 1881): “Miriam Alroy” (1870)

“A desire to be in charge of our own lives, a need for control, is born in each of us. It is essential to our mental health, and our success, that we take control.” -Robert F. Bennett

“No trumpets sound when the important decisions of our life are made. Destiny is made known silently.” -Agnes de Mille (1905 - 1993)

“Just because fate doesn’t deal you the right cards, it doesn’t mean you should give up. It just means you have to play the cards you get to their maximum potential.” -Les Brown (Leslie Calvin ‘Les’ Brown (born 1945))

“If fate means you to lose, give him a good fight anyhow.” -William McFee (1881 - 1966)

“The sin, both of men and of angels, was rendered possible by the fact that God gave them free will.” -C. S. Lewis (Clive Staples Lewis (1898 - 1963)): “Miracles” (1947)

“I am master of my own destiny, and I can make my life anything that I wish it to be.” -John Dennis McDonald (1906 - 1998)

“A man’s fate is his own temper; and according to that will be his opinion as to the particular manner in which the course of events is regulated. A consistent man believes in destiny - a capricious man in chance.” -Benjamin Disraeli (1804 - 1881): “Vivian Grey” (1826), ‘A Visit to a Celebrated Diplomatist’

“You are the designer of your destiny. You are the author, you write the story, the pen is in your hand, and the outcome is whatever you choose.” -Abraham Hicks (via Esther Hicks (born 1948))

I am the master of my fate
I am the captain of my soul.
-William Ernest Henley (1849 - 1903): “Invictus” (1875); type of work: poem

“I do not believe in a fate that falls on men however they act; but I do believe in a fate that falls on them unless they act.” -G. K. Chesterton (Gilbert Keith Chesterton (1874 - 1936))

“A belief in an unchangeable, fixed destiny is fatalism, which happens in the absence of hope and optimism.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

“Life will always be to a large extent what we ourselves make it.” -Samuel Smiles (1812 - 1904) (similar quotation attributed to William James and Henry James)

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The Winds of Fate

One ship drives east and another drives west
With the selfsame winds that blow.
     ‘Tis the set of the sails
     And not the gales
Which tells us the way to go.

Like the winds of the sea are the ways of fate;
As we voyage along through life,
     ‘Tis the set of a soul
     That decides its goal,
And not the calm or the strife.

-Ella Wheeler Wilcox (1850 - 1919)

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Here’s a sigh to those who love me,
And a smile to those who hate;
And, whatever sky’s above me,
Here’s a heart for every fate.
-Lord Byron (George Gordon Noel Byron (1788 - 1824)): “To Thomas Moore” (1817), stanza 2

“Men are not prisoners of fate, but only prisoners of their own minds.” -Franklin D. Roosevelt (Franklin Delano Roosevelt (1882 - 1945))

“Do not take the agenda that someone else has mapped out for your life.” -John C. Maxwell (John Calvin Maxwell (born 1947))

“Freed, you are longer fated, and your free will takes you to places of your own choosing.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

“Man is not the creature of circumstances, circumstances are the creatures of man. We are free agents, and man is more powerful than matter.” -Benjamin Disraeli: “Vivian Grey” (1827), volume II, book VI, chapter 7

And now for your ‘Fate and Free-Will’ anagram: The letters in the word ‘predestination’ can be rearranged to spell the phrase ‘I pertain to ends.’

“Events will take their course, it is no good of being angry at them; he is happiest who wisely turns them to the best account.” -Euripides (about 484 B.C.E. - about 406 B.C.E.)

“He picked up the lemons that Fate had sent him and started a lemonade-stand.” -Elbert Hubbard (Elbert Green Hubbard (1856 - 1915)): “Selected Writings of Elbert Hubbard” (1922), page 237

“If you don’t design your own life plan, chances are you’ll fall into someone else’s plan.” -Jim Rohn (Emanuel James ‘Jim’ Rohn (1930 - 2009))

“A lobster, when left high and dry among the rock, has not instinct or energy enough to work his way back to the sea, but waits for the sea to come to him. If it does not come, he remains where he is and dies, although the slightest effort would enable him to reach the waves, which are perhaps within a yard of him. The world is full of human lobsters; men stranded on the rocks of indecision and procrastination, who, instead of putting forth their own energies, are waiting for some grand billow of good fortune to set them afloat.” -Orison S. Marden (Orison Swett Marden (1848 - 1924))

“Our destiny changes with our thought; we shall become what we wish to become, do what we wish to do, when our habitual thought corresponds with our desire.” -Orison S. Marden (Orison Swett Marden (1848 - 1924))

“Some people succeed because they are destined but most because they are determined.” -Author Unknown

“Our history is not our destiny.” -Alan Cohen: as quoted in Eric Allenbaugh: “Wake-Up Calls: You Don’t Have to Sleepwalk Through Your Life, Love, or Career!”

“Control your own destiny or someone else will.” -Jack Welch (John Francis ‘Jack’ Welch, Junior (born 1935))

“Life consists not simply in what heredity and environment do to us, but in what we make out of what they do to us.” -Harry Emerson Fosdick (1878 - 1969)

“It is almost more important how a person takes his fate than what it is.” -Wilhelm von Humboldt (Friedrich Wilhelm Christian Karl Ferdinand Freiherr von Humboldt (1767 - 1835))

“We must believe in free will. We have no choice.” - Isaac Bashevis Singer (born Izaak Zynger (1902 - 1991))

“Personality, too, is destiny.” -Erik Erikson (1902 - 1994)

“If you don’t run your own life, somebody else will.” -John Atkinson

“My will shall shape my future. Whether I fail or succeed shall be no man’s doing but my own. I am the force; I can clear any obstacle before me or I can be lost in the maze. My choice; my responsibility; win or lose, only I hold the key to my destiny.” -Elaine Maxwell

“Be a creator of circumstances rather than just a creature of circumstances. Be proactive rather than reactive.” -Brian Tracy (born 1944)

“Whatever the place allocated us by providence, that is for us the post of honor and duty. God estimates us not by the position we are in, but by the way in which we fill it.” -Tryon Edwards (1809 - 1894): as quoted in Tryon Edwards, editor: “A Dictionary of Thoughts: Being a Cyclopedia of Laconic Quotations from the Best Authors of the World, Both Ancient and Modern” (1891) page 545

“If you don’t take charge of shaping your destiny, others will do it for you.” -Eric Allenbaugh

“I can’t change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination.” -Jimmy Dean

This is ‘MFOL!’ . . . and we believe every adult should be free to decide their own destiny . . . because no human is the property of another.

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Wishes and Wishing

5/22/2018

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Have you ever made a wish and then blown dandelion tufts into the breeze?

“Make a wish . . . then make it happen!” -Author Unknown

“It is always wise to stop wishing for things long enough to enjoy the fragrance of those now flowering.” -Patrice Gifford

This one makes a net,
this one stands and wishes.
Would you like to make a bet -
which one gets the fishes?
-Author Unknown

“We will receive not what we idly wish for but what we justly earn. Our rewards will always be in exact proportion to our service.” -Earl Nightingale (1921 - 1989)

“We can do whatever we wish to do, provided our wish is strong enough. But the tremendous effort needed - one doesn’t always want to make it - does one? . . . But what else can be done? What’s the alternative? What do you want most to do? That’s what I have to keep asking myself, in the face of difficulties.” -Katherine Mansfield (Katherine Mansfield Beauchamp Murry (1888 - 1923))

“Few wishes come true by themselves.” -Author Unknown

It’s your birthday . . . make a wish and blow out the candles!

“Work will win when wishy washy wishing won’t.” -Thomas S. Monson (born 1927)

“Stop saying, ‘I wish,’ and start saying, ‘I will.’” -Author Unknown

“You can’t cross the sea merely by standing and staring at the water. Don’t let yourself indulge in vain wishes.” -Rabindranath Tagore (1861 - 1941)

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Away with Wishing!

If wishing were being, we’d all be beautiful,
     Healthy and wealthy, wise and dutiful;
If wishing were having - what pleasure untold;
     With a heartful of joy and purseful of gold!

But wishes, alas! are but empty bubbles,
     And the longing heart may teem with troubles,
So idle wishing is vain, forsooth
     As the endless search for the fountain of youth.

But work that holds wealth may be had for the taking,
     Though it may not bring health, ’tis a balm for heart-aching;
And study makes wise, and love, people say,
     Gives the beauty that’s truest, which lasts for aye.

Then away with wishing; and ho! for labor!
     And ho! for love - each one for his neighbor!
For a life of labor and study and love
     Is the life that fits for the joy above.

-Emma C. Dowd

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“They told us not to wish in the first place, not to aspire, not to try; to be quiet, to play nice, to shoot low, and aspire not at all. They are always wrong. Follow your dreams. Make your wishes. Create the future. And above all, believe in yourself.” -J. Michael Straczynski

“Don’t wish for it . . . work for it!” -Author Unknown

“You don’t get what you want in life just by wishing.” -Author Unknown

“Many of us spend half our time wishing for things we could have if we didn’t spend half our time wishing.” -Alexander Woollcott (Alexander Humphreys Woollcott (1887 - 1943))

“Wishes are the echo of a lazy will.” -Author Unknown

“If wishes were horses, beggars would ride.” -Author Unknown

“You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it come true. You may have to work for it, however.” -Richard Bach (Richard David Bach (born 1936)): “Illusions” (1977)

When you are finally tired of putting Awesome Sauce on Nothing Burgers, visit 'MFOL!'

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Hopes and Dreams

5/21/2018

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“Everything begins as a dream.” -Author Unknown

“Hope sees the invisible, feels the intangible, and achieves the impossible.” -Author Unknown

“Help others achieve their dreams and you will achieve yours.” -Les Brown (Leslie Calvin ‘Les’ Brown (born 1945))

“The hopeful man sees success where others see failure; sunshine where others see shadows and storm.” -Orison S. Marden (Orison Swett Marden (1850 - 1924))

“To accomplish great things we must not only act, but also dream, not only plan, but also believe.” -Anatole France (pseudonym of Jacques Anatole François Thibault (1844 - 1924)): as quoted in Sidney Greenberg, editor: “Treasury of the Art of Living” (1964)

“Everything that is done in the world is done by hope.” -Martin Luther (1483 - 1546)

“Do all you can to make your dreams come true.” -Joel Osteen (born 1963)

“HOPE: Hanging Onto Positive Expectations.” -Author Unknown

“If one dream should fall and break into a thousand pieces, never be afraid to pick one of those pieces up and begin again.” -Flavia Weedn (Flavia Marie Weedn (1929 - 2015)): “Flavia and the Dream Maker” (1998)

“Hope has two beautiful daughters, named Anger and Courage; Anger at the way things are, and Courage to change them.” -Augustine of Hippo (also known as Aurelius Augustinus Hipponensis (C.E. 354 - C.E. 430))

“Dreams come a size too big so you can grow into them.” -Author Unknown

“In all things it is better to hope than to despair.” -Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832)

“Hold on to your dreams, for they are, in a sense, the stuff of which reality is made. It is through our dreams that we maintain the possibility of a better, more meaningful life.” -Leo Buscaglia (Felice Leonardo ‘Leo’ Buscaglia, also known as Leo F. Buscaglia (1924 - 1998))

“The very least you can do in your life is to figure out what you hope for. And the most you can do is live inside that hope.” -Barbara Kingsolver (born 1955)

“No dreamer is ever too small; no dream is ever too big.” -Author Unknown

“Don’t lose hope. When the Sun goes down, the stars come out.” -Author Unknown

“What steps could you take right now to begin turning your dreams into realities?” -Brian Tracy (born 1944)

“Hope works for one reason: Those who believe something is possible will work toward achieving it and encourage others; those who believe something is not possible will give up, never begin, and disparage those who have hope.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

“Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born.” -Dale E. Turner (1917 - 2006)

“While there’s life, there’s hope.” -Terence (Publius Terentius Afer (185 B.C.E. - 159 B.C.E.)): “Heuton timoroumenos,” line 981

“Dreams come true; without that possibility, nature would not incite us to have them.” -John Updike (John Hoyer Updike (1932 - 2009))

“Hope doesn’t require a massive chain where heavy links of logic hold it together. A thin wire will do . . . just strong enough to get us through the night until the winds die down.” -Charles R. Swindoll (Charles Rozell ‘Chuck’ Swindoll (born 1934))

“Set out each day believing in your dreams. Know without a doubt that you were made for amazing things.” -Josh Hinds (Josh Stephen Hinds (born 1973))

“Hope, like the gleaming taper’s light,
Adorns and cheers our way;
And still, as darker grows the night,
Emits a brighter ray.”
-Oliver Goldsmith (1728 - 1774): “The Captivity” (1764), Act II

“So many of our dreams at first seem impossible, then they seem improbable, and then, when we summon the will, they soon become inevitable.” -Christopher Reeve (Christopher D’Olier Reeve (1952 - 2004))

“Hope is necessary in every condition. The miseries of poverty, of sickness, or captivity, would, without this comfort, be insupportable; nor does it appear that the happiest lot of terrestrial existence can set us above the want of this general blessing; or that life, when the gifts of nature and of fortune are accumulated upon it, would not still be wretched, were it not elevated and delighted by the expectation of some new possession, of some enjoyment yet behind, by which the wish shall at last be satisfied, and the heart filled up to its utmost extent.” -Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784)

“Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so shall you become. Your vision is the promise of what you shall at last unveil.” -John Ruskin (1819 - 1900)

“When the world says, ‘Give up,’ Hope whispers, ‘Try one more time.’” -Author Unknown

“We all have dreams. But in order to make dreams come into reality, it takes an awful lot of determination, dedication, self-discipline, and effort.” -Jesse Owens (1913 - 1980)

“Let your hopes, not your hurts, shape your future.” -Robert H. Schuller (Robert Harold Schuller (1926 - 2015))

“Happy are those who dream dreams and are ready to pay the price to make them come true.” -Leo J. Suenens (Leo Jozef Suenens (1904 - 1996))

“At the darkest moment comes the light.” -Joseph Campbell (1904 - 1987)

“Dreams are necessary to life.” -Anaïs Nin (Angela Anaïs Juana Antolina Rosa Edelmira Nin y Culmell (1903 - 1977))

“Hope, like faith, is nothing if it is not courageous; it is nothing if it is not ridiculous.” -Thornton Wilder (Thornton Niven Wilder (1897 - 1975))

“Dreams are the seedlings of realities.” -James Allen (1864 - 1912)

“Hope is important because it can make the present moment less difficult to bear. If we believe that tomorrow will be better, we can bear a hardship today.” -Thich Nhat Hanh (born 1926)

“It may be that those who do most, dream most.” -Stephen Butler Leacock (1869 - 1944)

“Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work; you don’t give up.” -Anne ‘Annie’ Lamott (born 1954)

“Most people never run far enough on their first wind to find out they’ve got a second. Give your dreams all you’ve got and you’ll marvel at the energy that comes out of you.” -William James (1842 - 1910)

“Hope is a vigorous principle; it is furnished with light and heat to advise and execute; it sets the head and heart to work, and animates a man to do his utmost. And thus, by perpetually pushing and assurance, it puts a difficulty out of countenance, and makes a seeming impossibility give way.” -Jeremy Collier (1650 - 1726)

“I have had dreams and I have had nightmares. I overcame the nightmares because of my dreams.” -Jonas Salk (1914 - 1995)

“The path to a dream is paved with sacrifices and lined with determination. And although it has many stumbling blocks along the way and may go in more than one direction, it is marked with faith. It is traveled by belief in you and others but requires courage, persistence, and hard work. It is conquered with a willingness to face challenges and take chances, to fail and try again and again. Along the way, you may have to confront doubts, setbacks, and unfairness. But when the path comes to an end, you will find that there is no greater joy than making your dream come true.” -Author Unknown

“Never deprive someone of hope; it might be all they have.” -H. Jackson Brown, Junior (born 1940)

“It is good to dream, but it is better to dream and work. Faith is mighty, but action with faith is mightier. Desiring is helpful, but work and desire are invincible.” -Thomas Robert Gaines

“Hope is both the earliest and the most indispensable virtue inherent in the state of being alive. If life is to be sustained hope must remain, even where confidence is wounded, trust impaired.” -Erik Erikson (1902 - 1994)

“The only thing that stands in between you and your dreams is the will to try and the belief that it is actually possible.” -Joel Brown

“There is always hope.” -Author Unknown

“Miracles start to happen when you give as much energy to your dreams as you do to your fears.” -Richard Wilkins

“A pocket full of hope is worthless if spent in all the wrong places on all the wrong people.” -S. L. Heaton (Shirley Heaton)

“Don’t let someone who gave up on their dreams talk you out of going after yours.” -Author Unknown

“The hopes of men have been justly called waking dreams.” -Basil (C.E. 330 - C.E. 379): in a letter to Gregory of Nazianzus: as quoted in S. Baring-Gould (Sabine Baring-Gould (1834 - 1924)): “The Lives of the Saints” (1873)

“Of all the people I have ever known, those who have pursued their dreams and failed have lived a much more fulfilling life than those who have put their dreams on a shelf for fear of failure.” -Author Unknown

“Hope is like the Sun, which, as we journey toward it, casts the shadow of our burden behind us.” -Samuel Smiles (1812 - 1904)

“At every crossroad, follow your dream. It is courageous to let your heart lead the way.” -Leland Thomas

“Never stop believing in hope because miracles happen every day.” -Author Unknown

“Dreams don’t work unless you do.” -John C. Maxwell (John Calvin Maxwell (born 1947))

“Hope is as cheap as Despair.” -Thomas Fuller (1654 - 1734): “Gnomologia: Adages and Proverbs” (1732), number 2542

“Dreams can come true if you take the time to think about what you want in life.” -Author Unknown

“Practice hope. As hopefulness becomes a habit, you can achieve a permanently happy spirit.” -Norman Vincent Peale (1898 - 1993)

“When you have a dream, you’ve got to grab it and never let go.” -Carol Burnett (Carol Creighton Burnett (born 1933))

“My hopes are not always realized, but I always hope.” -Ovid (Publius Ovidius Naso (43 B.C.E. - C.E. 17 or 18))

“Every moment is another chance to make your dreams come true.” -Author Unknown

“False hope is better than no hope at all.” -Author Unknown

“It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live, remember that.” -J. K. Rowling (pseudonym of Joanne ‘Jo’ Rowling (1965)): “Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone” (1997)

“If you do not hope, you will not find what is beyond your hopes.” -Clement of Alexandria (also known as Titus Flavius Clemens (about C.E. 150 - about C.E. 215))

“Nothing is as real as a dream. The world can change around you, but your dream will not. Responsibilities need not erase it. Duties need not obscure it. Because the dream is within you, no one can take it away.” -Tom Clancy (Thomas Leo Clancy, Junior (1947 - 2013))

“Where there is no hope, there can be no endeavor.” -Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784): as quoted in “The Rambler” (6 April 1751) journal

“All men who have achieved great things have been great dreamers.” -Orison S. Marden (Orison Swett Marden (1850 - 1924))

“For hope is but the dream of those that wake.” -Matthew Prior (1664 - 1721): “Solomon on the Vanity of the World,” book iii, line 102

“All men of action are dreamers.” -James G. Huneker (James Gibbons Huneker (1860 - 1921))

“Trust your hopes, not your fears.” -David Mahoney

“Never laugh at anyone’s dreams. People who don’t have dreams don’t have much.” -Author Unknown

“Hope is necessary in every condition. The miseries of poverty, sickness, of captivity, would, without this comfort, be insupportable.” -Samuel Johnson (1709-1784) “The Rambler” (1750 - 1752), number 67

“Dreaming, after all, is a form of planning.” -Gloria Steinem (born 1934)

“People too weak to follow their own dreams typically tend to find a way to discourage yours.” -Author Unknown

“Hope never abandons you; you abandon it.” -George Weinberg

“Dreams and wishes do not come true by themselves, but without dreams and wishes behind them, actions - and even life itself - can seem undirected and purposeless.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

“If it were not for Hopes, the Heart would break.” -Thomas Fuller (1654 - 1734): Gnomologia: Adages and Proverbs” (1732), number 2689

“Nothing happens unless first a dream.” -Carl Sandburg (1878 - 1967)

“Everything that is done in the world is done by the hopeful. No matter your age. No matter your circumstances. No matter your financial wealth. Without hope, nothing is possible. But with hope . . . well . . . watch out.” -Martin Luther (1483 - 1546)

“Your dreams tell you what to do; your reason tells you how to do it.” -Jonas Salk (1914 - 1995)

“Hope is itself a species of happiness, and, perhaps, the chief happiness which this world affords.” -Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784)

Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it.
Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it!
-Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832): “Faust,” lines 214 and 215, as translated by John Anster (1835)

“Always believe that something wonderful is about to happen.” -Author Unknown

“All our dreams can come true - if we have the courage to pursue them.” -Walt Disney: as quoted in Pat Williams: “How to Be Like Walt: Capturing the Magic Every Day of Your Life” (2004), Chapter 3, ‘Imagination Unlimited,’ page 63

“Always chase your dreams instead of running from your fears.” -Author Unknown

“There is nothing like a dream to create the future.” -Victor Hugo (Victor Marie Hugo (1802 - 1885))

This is ‘MFOL!’ . . . where our fondest ‘Hopes and Dreams’ are that you will visit us often . . . as you make your way toward all the good that life has in store for you . . .

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Best Wishes and Toasts

5/17/2018

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We wish you every happiness!

“I see only blue skies and green lights for you.” -Author Unknown

“May you never have to eat your hat.” -Author Unknown

Happy

Happy have we met,
     Happy have we been,
Happy may we part,
     And happy meet again.

-Author Unknown

“May every sunrise bring you hope, and may every sunset bring you peace.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

I Wish Thee

I wish thee health,
     I wish thee wealth,
I wish thee gold in store,
     I wish thee Heaven upon Earth -
What could I wish thee more?
     May your troubles be little ones.

-Author Unknown

“May your every good wish come true.” -Author Unknown

Imagine you are sending a congratulatory email, posting a message on someone’s page on a social networking website, making a dinner party or wedding toast, creating a home-made greeting card, calling a relative or business associate, signing a school yearbook . . . what would you write or say? In this ‘Best Wishes and Toasts’ topic on ‘MFOL!’ you will find examples.

If love were a raindrop, I would send you a shower.
If hope were a minute, I would send you an hour.
If happiness were a leaf, I would send you a tree.
If you need a friend, you will always have me!
-Author Unknown

May you have a long, fulfilling life.

A Toast to Us

A toast to us, my good round friends,
     To bless the things we eat;
For it has been full many a year
     Since we have seen our feet.
Yet who would lose a precious pound
     By trading sweets for sours?
It takes a mighty girth indeed
     To hold such hearts as ours.

-Wallace Irwin (1875 - 1959)

“May your strengths be greater than your weaknesses.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

Be well.

“Live long and prosper.” -Spock (fictional character portrayed by actor Leonard Nimoy (1931 - 2015)): “Star Trek,” season 2, episode 1: “Amok Time” (1968); based on the “Star Trek” series created by Eugene Wesley ‘Gene’ Roddenbery (1921 - 1991)

Here’s to In-Laws

Here’s to bride and mother-in-law,
Here’s to groom and father-in-law,
Here’s to sister and brother-in-law,
Here’s to friends and friends-in-law,
May none of them need an attorney-at-law.

-Author Unknown

“May your life be as smooth as butter.” -Author Unknown

“I wish you all very good lives.” -Plutarch (C.E. 46 - C.E. 120)

The Mathematics of Life

May your life be like arithmetic:
Joys added,
Sorrows subtracted,
Friends multiplied,
Love un-divided,
Blessings to infinity.

-Author Unknown

“May you find a moment of joy in each day to come!” -Author Unknown

“May all of your horrible beginnings have wonderful endings.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

A Thanksgiving Day dinner toast -
Here’s to the day when first
The Yankees acknowledged
Heaven’s good gifts with Thank’ees.
-Author Unknown

“May your today be better than your yesterday, but not as good as your tomorrow.” -Author Unknown

“To your health!” [English translation]
Sláinte! [original Irish Gaelic]
-Author Unknown

“May the Lord bless you and protect you. May the Lord smile on you and be gracious to you. May the Lord show you His favor and give you His peace.” -Author Unknown: “The Bible,” ‘Book of Numbers,’ chapter 6, verses 26 – 26

Take care!

“Long life to you.” [English translation]
“Fad saol agat.” [original Irish Gaelic]
-Author Unknown

Question: What is big and gray, and carries flowers to cheer you up when you do not feel well?
Answer: A Get-Well-Ephant!

“Here’s to the two great American birds! May you always have one on your table and the other in your pocket - the turkey and the eagle.” -Author Unknown

“May you fear no outer darkness, and know no lack of inner light.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

“May God’s love be with you.” -Author Unknown

“May your life be so full of good people and good things that you never have to say goodbye to more than one of them at a time, so that no part of your life may ever be empty.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

Blessed be.

“May the warmth of our affections survive the frosts of age.” -Author Unknown

“May your days be many and may you succeed in life beyond your greatest expectations!” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

Get Well Soon!

I’m in a 10der mood 2day
& feel poetic, 2;
4 fun I’ll just - off a line
& send it off 2U.

I’m sorry you’ve been 6 o long;
Don’t B disconsol8;
But bear your ills with 42de,
& they won’t seem so gr8.

-Author Unknown

“Love many, trust a few, always paddle your own canoe!” -Author Unknown

“Hail wedded love, mysterious law, true source of human happiness.” -John Milton (1608 - 1674)

An Irish Blessing

May flowers always line your path
     and sunshine light your day.
May songbirds serenade you
    every step along the way.
May a rainbow run beside you
    in a sky that’s always blue.
And may happiness fill your heart
    each day your whole life through.

-Author Unknown

“May the rest of your life be the best of your life!” -Author Unknown

I wish you well in your endeavors.

“May we be alive at this time next year!” [English translation]
“Go mbeire muid beo ar an am seo aris!” [original Irish Gaelic]
-Author Unknown

●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●

I Wish You All the Happiness

I wish you all the happiness
You’ll ever need to get by

I wish you all the happiness
You’ll ever need to get by

I hope your dreams will all come true
I hope you find what works for you
I hope you live and never die
I hope you spread your wings and fly

And if you ever need a friend
I’ll be right here ’round the bend
’Cause I got my eyes on you
And all the crazy things you do

I wish you all the happiness
You’ll ever need to get by

I wish you all the happiness
You’ll ever need to get by

I hope you finally find your truth
I hope you hold onto your youth
I hope you pass your days with a smile
I hope you travel many miles

I hope you never feel the hurt
Of all the pain that’s buried in the dirt
I hope you always find the time
To be with those who ease your mind

And if you ever need a friend
I’ll be with you ’til the end
’Cause I got my eyes on you
And all the beauty inside you

I wish you all the happiness
You’ll ever need to get by

I wish you all the happiness
You’ll ever need to get by

I wish you all the happiness
You’ll ever need to get by

-Calvin Becker

●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●

We wish all good things for you.

“May the most you wish for be the least you get!” -Jay O’Brian

Ships

There are strong ships
And there are fast ships,
Among ships that sail the sea -
But the best ships
Are friendships.
So here’s to you,
And here’s to me,
Good friends may we always be.

-Author Unknown

Have a beautiful life.

“We never eat [to] anybody’s health, always drink [to] it. Why should we not stand up now and then and eat a tart to somebody’s success?” -Jerome K. Jerome (Jerome Klapka Jerome (1859 - 1927)): “The Idle Thoughts of an Idle Fellow: A Book for an Idle Holiday” (1892)

In your life, may everything be good.

May the blessings of each day
Be the blessings you need most.
-Author Unknown

May good things come your way!

“May the hinges of friendship never rust, or the wings of love lose a feather.” -Edward Bannerman Ramsey (1793 - 1872): “Reminiscences of Scottish Life: A Toast”

Overheard: I hope you always find always find a reason to smile!

This is ‘MFOL!’ . . . may we all keep thinking happy thoughts until the Universe becomes positively radiant with them . . . wow, look at how sparkly it is!

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Tea

5/14/2018

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We saved a chair just for you . . .

“There is no trouble so great or grave that cannot be much diminished by a nice cup of tea.” -Bernard-Paul Heroux

The tea plant, scientifically named ‘Camellia sinensis,’ is believed to have originated in the geographic area presently known as northern Myanmar (formerly called Burma), in northern India, and in the provinces of Yunnan and Sichuan of China.

“Come, let us have some tea and continue to talk about happy things.” -Chaim Potok

The tea plant is an evergreen, meaning that it has leaves throughout the year. Because growing tea plants from seed can be difficult, they are often grown from cuttings. The plants need about 3 years of growth before the leaves are ready to harvest, and will produce seeds after about 12 years. Tea plants can live for 25 to 100 years. If left untrimmed, the plants can grow to a height of 15 to 20 meters (about 49 to 66 feet). Cultivated plants are usually pruned to waist height for ease of harvesting. Just the top 2.5 to 5 centimeters (1 to 2 inches) of a mature plant, known as the flush, are picked to make tea. A new flush occurs about every 6 to 15 days during the growing season. The leaves on each plant range from fuzzy and white-haired to smooth and shiny.

“While there is tea, there is hope.” -Arthur Wing Pinero (1855 - 1934)

The more than 3,000 varieties of tea in the world are all derived from the leaf of the Camellia sinensis plant. The color and variety of tea comes from the way the tea leaves are processed, which produces the six major categories: white, green, yellow, black, oolong, and pu-erh. With so many kinds of tea, one cannot simply say, “Tea, please.” We have to be specific as to which one of the more than 3,000 varieties we are referring.

“What would the world do without tea? How did it exist? I am glad I was not born before tea.” -Sydney Smith: “Lady Holland’s Memoir” (1855), volume 1, page 383

White tea is usually regarded as the least processed type of tea. The leaves are harvested before they are fully open and while still covered in fine silvery-white hairs, which is what gives this category of tea the name ‘white tea.’ The white tea beverage is a light straw-color with a hint of sweetness and floweriness.

Kelly: Will you join me in a cup of tea?
Keith: Do you think there will be room enough for both of us?

Green tea is made by briefly steaming mature tea leaves immediately following their harvest. After steaming, the leaves are typically dried with hot air. The entire process prevents the leaves from fermenting or changing color, so that more of the phytonutrients, or plant nutrients, are retained, and the flavor is closer to that of freshly picked mature leaves than other categories of tea. Green tea has 50 percent more vitamin C than black tea. Brewed green tea is a pale yellowish-green color with a delicate flavor.

“Remember the tea kettle - it is always up to its neck in hot water, yet it still sings!” -Author Unknown

Yellow tea is made by steaming green tea leaves under mats or cloths to allow oxidation of the leaves, giving them a yellow tinge. The yellow tea beverage is a yellow or golden color, with less of the grassy flavor found in green teas.

Riddle: What starts with ‘t,’ ends with ‘t,’ and is full of ‘t’?
Solution: A teapot.

Black tea, called red tea in China, is prepared by spreading the leaves on racks and blowing air across them to remove about a third of their moisture. They are next rolled to release the juices for fermentation, and then spread out and kept under high humidity to allow fermentation. The process turns the leaves a dark color and develops the distinct flavor. Lastly, the leaves are fully dried. The black tea beverage is an amber or reddish-brown brew with a stronger flavor than green teas and oolong teas.

“Waiter to customer: ‘You’ll have to wait for your tea . . . someone else is using the bag.’” -Tom Wilson

Oolong tea is made from leaves that are partially fermented before being dried, with a level of processing that is partway between the amount of processing given to green teas and that given to black teas. The oolong tea beverage is greenish-brown color with a flavor richer than green tea and more delicate than black tea.

The Tea Party

I had a little tea party
     This afternoon at three.
’Twas very small -
     Three guests in all -
Just I, myself, and me.
     Myself ate all the sandwiches,
While I drank up the tea;
     ’Twas also I who ate the pie
And passed the cake to me.

-Jessica Nelson North (1891 - 1988)

Pu-erh is a category of tea that originated in the Yunnan province of China. Traditional ‘raw’ pu-erh tea is made of leaves that have been fermented and aged typically for 10 to 15 years, though sometimes for as long as 30 years or more. Modern ‘ripe’ pu-erh tea is made by a process that takes as little as a few months. The tea leaves for making pu-erh come compressed in a cake form, and the entire cake or a few of the leaves separated from a cake are used in brewing tea. The ripe pu-erh tea beverage is a deep-brown-red color and has a flavor that calls to mind dried fruit; if a prepared drink has an unpleasant aroma, it has been brewed from an inferior tea made by a process of fermentation in which the wrong type of mold has been used. The raw pu-erh tea beverage has a brownish-yellow color and an earthy aroma.

“Bread and water can so easily be toast and tea.” -Author Unknown

The word ‘tea’ is commonly used to describe any beverage that is prepared or served in a manner similar to the way tea is prepared or served. However, true ‘tea’ is made from the Camellia sinensis, or tea plant, and any beverage made from non-tea ingredients is not really tea, but is instead an ‘herbal infusion’ or ‘tisane’ (pronounced as ‘tea-zahn’). Tisane is often called ‘herbal tea.’ It is a beverage made by steeping herbs, spices, flowers, fruits, barks, and so forth, in boiling water. The term ‘herbal infusion’ refers to a drink made by steeping an herb in hot water. Herbal drinks are often thought of as conducive to physical and mental well-being, and are consumed for their supposed soothing or rejuvenating qualities. They also serve as a tea alternative for people who want to avoid caffeine. Chamomile, lemon verbena, fennel, ginger, peppermint, cinnamon, and rosehip are examples of names given to herbal drinks.

Maxine: What is a baby teapot’s favorite game?
Marlene: Pekoe-boo.

Blends are made by combining different types of teas, often in order to achieve flavor consistency from one season to the next. Common blends include English Breakfast, Earl Grey, Irish Breakfast, and Caravan.

I’m a Little Teapot

I’m a little teapot, short and stout,
Here is my handle, (place one hand on hip)
Here is my spout (bend opposite arm at elbow and wrist, with hand pointing out to make a spout).
When I get all steamed up, hear me shout;
Just tip me over, and pour me out! (lean over toward the ‘spout’ side)

by Clarence Kelley and George Harry Sanders (1939), Tin Pan Alley songwriters

What causes bad tea and how can bad tea be avoided? Horribly bitter tea can be the result of brewing or soaking the tea leaves too long in water. Dry tea leaves, tea in bags, instant tea, and the tea beverage made from them should not have an awful aroma, flavor, aftertaste, or odor; if they do, throw away the tea and switch to a different brand, lot, or supplier. With the possible exception of pu-erh tea, dry tea should be stored in tins (metal containers), jars, or other airtight containers. If dampness or moisture comes in contact with dry tea, mold or fungus can grow on it; discard any musty, moldy, or otherwise spoiled tea. For pu-erh tea, ask the seller or supplier how to best store it.

Peter: Why did the tea get away?
Paul: Because it was loose.

What do people put in their tea? Sugar, lemon juice, milk, and so forth. Tibetans, Mongolians, and some people in parts of western China put salt in their tea instead of sugar. In many Arabic nations, mint along with a generous amount of sugar is the flavoring of choice. In India, the spicy ‘masala tea’ is a popular beverage. It is made by boiling black tea with spices such as cardamom, cinnamon, ginger, cloves, and black or white pepper; milk and sugar are usually added as well. Beyond herbs and spices, the flavor craze has more recently spurred manufacturers to produce tea with just about every flavor imaginable, from peaches and cream to gingerbread.
________________________________________________________

Rhymes with Tea

Suggestion: Jot down any of the following short poems on paper and enclose it in an envelope with a bag or two of tea, to send a cheery note to someone you know.

I cannot sit and chat with you,
     The way I’d like to do.
So brew yourself a cup of tea,
     I’ll think of you, you think of me.

-[Your name or signature goes here]

A cup of tea to say, ‘thank you’
     For all the things you’ve done,
And wishes that the day will bring you
     Happiness and fun!

-[Your name or signature goes here]

If I could take your troubles,
     I would toss them in the sea.
But since I can’t, I’m sending you
     My favorite cup of tea.

-[Your name or signature goes here]
________________________________________________________

After water, tea is the second most consumed beverage in the world.

How to have a tea party: Find examples of invitations to a Tea Party on the internet. Print them or hand-write them on paper. Gather a few items: tea bags, cups and saucers, spoons, a flower and a vase, sugar, some kind of baked goods (cookies, crumpets, biscuits, toast, finger sandwiches, etc), butter and jam if needed, and whatever else your heart desires. Think up a few topics for conversation. Put out the invitations. Repeat on a regular basis. Watch as your garden of friends grows and blossoms.

Matthew: How does Moses make his tea?
Luke: ‘Hebrews’ it.

Tea that helps our head and heart.
     Tea medicates most every part.
Tea rejuvenates the very old.
     Tea warms the hands of those who’re cold.
-J. Jonker (about 1670)

“The people there gave us a certaine Drinke called Chaa, which is only water with akind of herbe boyled in itt. It must bee Drancke warme and is accompted wholesome.” -Peter Mundy: “Travels in Europe and Asia” (1637)

At Tea

Two maidens were seated at t,
Discussing the things that may b,
     “I think I’ll wed Willie,”
     Said Mollie to Millie,
“That is, if he asks me, you c.”

-Author Unknown

“Consider the used tea bag. You lift it, dripping, from the cup. Then, feeling somewhat inadequate, you search for a way to dispose of the thing gracefully. It tends to swing diabolically on its stirring, depositing drops of tea on the surroundings, so you try to keep your hand steady. Perhaps you choose the edge of your cake plate; in that case, you must quickly shove your slice of cake to the side before it gets soaked by the overflow. Or you may decide to sacrifice your napkin. Most likely, though, you plop the bag onto your saucer. Excess tea will then run into the well of the saucer, ready to drip from the bottom of the cup when you raise it to drink.” -Author Unknown: ‘Taming the Terrible Tea Bag,’ in “Consumer Reports” (March 1969), page 110

If you are cold, tea will warm you.
     If you are heated, it will cool you.
If you are depressed, it will cheer you.
     If you are excited, it will calm you.
-William Ewart Gladstone

This is 'MFOL!' . . . Reminding you that you can share the gift of laughter and so much more . . . and with the whole world in dire need . . . why not get started today?

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Health and Healthcare Practitioners

5/12/2018

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Why, yes, these are real doctors . . .

Patient: Doctor, can you give me something for my liver?
Doctor: Certainly - here is an onion!

Patient, on telephone: Doctor, there’s something very wrong with me. My head feels squashed, my voice sounds strange, I smell something peculiar, and one of my feet is cold. What could be wrong with me?
Doctor: You are probably wearing one of your socks on your head.

A doctor decided to take a week off from the pressures of his busy medical practice, and went skiing. Alas, no sooner did he reach the slopes than he heard an ominous rumbling. Seconds later, a sheet of snow came crashing toward him. Fortunately, the doctor was able to jump into a cave just before the avalanche could overtake him. Just as luckily, he had matches with him and was able to light a fire. Hours later, when everyone but the doctor had returned to the lodge from a day of skiing, a rescue team was sent out to search for him. It was nearly dark when the searchers saw smoke curling from the cave and went to investigate. Poking his head in the cave, one of the rescuers yelled, “Doctor, are you in there? It’s the Red Cross.” Bristling, the harried doctor called back, “I already gave at the office!”

Doctor: Your pulse is as steady as a clock.
Patient: You have your hand on my wristwatch.

A man went to visit his doctor. “Doc, my arm hurts! Can you check it out?” The doctor rolled up the man’s sleeve and suddenly, the man’s arm started talking. “Hello, doctor,” said the arm. “Could you lend me twenty dollars, please? I’m desperate!” “Aha!” said the doctor. “I see the problem. Your arm is broke!”

Have you heard about the doctor who made enough money in his medical practice that he could occasionally tell a patient that there was nothing wrong with him?

A nurse was giving a young medical intern a tour of the hospital. The intern approached one bedridden patient and asked, “Why are you here?” The patient replied, “O my Luve’s like a red, red rose that’s newly sprung in June.” The intern moved on to the next bed and asked the same question, “Why are you here?” The patient answered, “Man’s inhumanity to man makes countless thousands mourn!” The intern moved on to a third bed and asked again, “Why are you here?” to which the third patient replied, “The best laid plans of mice and men may often gang awry.” At this, the intern turned to the nurse and asked, “What ward is this anyway?” The nurse answered, “It’s the Burns Unit.”

Doctor: Face the window, please. Now stick out your tongue.
Patient: Why do I have to face the window?
Doctor: Because I do not like the man next door.

If one doctor doctors another doctor, does the doctor who doctors the doctor doctor the doctor the way the doctor he is doctoring doctors? Or does he doctor the doctor the way a doctor who doctors doctors doctors doctors?

Patient: Doctor, I feel like a pony!
Doctor: Do not worry - you are just a little hoarse!

Doctor: I have some good news and some bad news.
Patient: Tell me the bad news first.
Doctor: You have canary disease.
Patient: What is the good news?
Doctor: It is tweetable.

“The great secret of medicine, known to doctors but still hidden from the public, is that most things get better by themselves.” -Lewis Thomas

A man went to see his doctor. He was suffering from acute anxiety and seemed on the verge of a nervous breakdown. After the examination, the doctor went into the consultation room to discuss the case with the patient’s wife. “What your husband needs most of all is rest and quiet,” said the doctor. “These are tranquilizer pills. You should take one every three hours.”

Doctor: You cough sounds much better today.
Patient: It should - I stayed up all night practicing.

A man sat in a doctor’s office and kept up a strange litany: “I hope I am sick . . . I hope I am sick . . .” Another waiting patient asked, “Why do you want to be sick?” The man replied, “I would hate to be well and feel like this!”

Patient: Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains.
Doctor: Pull yourself together, man!

A typical American hospital has three to six times more employees than patients. So, the next time you go to the hospital, perhaps it should be to fill out an employment application.

Patient: Doctor, how long will my arm be in this cast?
Doctor: At least six weeks.
Patient: When you remove it, will I be able to play the violin?
Doctor: Of course.
Patient: That is great, because I could never play one before.

A woman rushed into a doctor’s office and shouted, “Doctor, I think I’m shrinking!” The doctor calmly responded, “Now settle down. You will just have to be a little patient.”

Doctor: The only person who actually enjoys poor health.

Farmer: Doctor, I have potatoes in my ears.
Doctor: How did that happen?
Farmer: I do not know - I planted carrots.

Have you heard about the doctor who wrote out a prescription in the usual doctor’s fashion? The patient used it for two years as a railroad pass. Twice it got him into Radio City Music Hall, and once into Yankee Stadium. It came in handy as a letter from his supervisor to the personnel director to increase his salary. And, to top it off, his daughter played it on the piano and won a scholarship to the Curtis Music Conservatory.

A man walked into a doctor’s office and said, “Doctor, Doctor, I have a strawberry growing on my arm!” The doctor replied, “I can give you some cream for that.”

Tonsillectomy

“Your tonsils, it seems, are too big,”
Said my doctor, and straightened his wig.
“There isn’t a doubt
That they’ll have to come out.”
And he giggled and danced a short jig.

-Author Unknown

“If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it’s free.” -P. J. O’Rourke

Patient: Doctor, you have to help me!
Doctor: What seems to be the problem?
Patient: I have some coins stuck in my ear.
Doctor: How long have they been there?
Patient: A year.
Doctor: Why did you not come in sooner?
Patient: I did not need the money until now.

A quack is a doctor who ‘ducks’ the law.

Doctor’s office: A place where people who are run down wind up.

Stuart: “First I got tonsillitis, followed by appendicitis and pneumonia. After that, I got erysipelas with hemochromatosis. Following that, I got poliomyelitis, and finally, I ended up with neuritis. Then they gave me hypodermics and inoculations.”
Wallace: “Wow, you had a time!”
Stuart: “I’ll say! I thought I would never pull through that spelling test.”

Marcia: How do you know if you have Upside-Down Disease?
Marcy: You nose runs and your feet smell.

Mister Lee was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet. “I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you will have lost at least five pounds.” When Mr. Lee returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly sixty pounds. “Why, that is simply amazing!” the doctor said, “Did you follow my instructions?” Mr. Lee nodded. “I will tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead on the third day.” “From hunger, you mean?” “No, from skipping.”

“A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor’s book.” -Author Unknown: Irish proverb

“I cannot do the things I used to do,” a patient said to the doctor. “I wish you had some magic way of making me younger.” “You have it all wrong,” the doctor said. “My job is to see that you get older.”

A Brief History of Medicine: “Doctor, I have an ear ache.”
- “Here, eat this root.” (2000 B.C.E.)
- “That root is heathen; here, say this magic spell.” (1000 B.C.E.)
- “That magic spell is superstition, drink this potion.” (1850)
- “That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill.” (1940)
- “That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic.” (1985)
- “That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.” (2000)

A doctor had worked out the vacation plans for the people he had working in his office. As they looked at the schedule, the doctor said, “All in favor, stick out your tongues and say, ‘Aaahhh.’”

Doctor: Have you ever had trouble with dyspepsia?
Patience: Only once.
Doctor: When was that?
Patient: When I tried to spell it.

“My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass.” -Leslie Grimutter (pseudonym of Terri Guillemets (born 1973))

A fellow walked into a doctor’s office, and the receptionist asked him what he had. He said, “Shingles.” She took down his name, address, medical insurance number, and then told him to have a seat. Fifteen minutes later a nurse’s aide came out and asked him what he had. He said, “Shingles.” She took down his height, weight, and medical history, and then told him to wait in the waiting room. Half an hour later, a nurse came in and asked him what he had. He said, “Shingles.” So she gave him a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and then told him to take off his clothes and wait for the doctor. An hour later, the doctor came in and asked him what he had. He said, “Shingles.” The doctor said, “Where?” The man said, “Outside in the truck. Where do you want them?”

Patient: Doctor, how do I cure my sleepwalking?
Doctor: Put bubble-wrap on your bedroom floor.

“The best of healers is good cheer.” -Pindar: “Nemean Ode”

Patient: Doctor, do I have an underactive thyroid?
Doctor: No, just an overactive fork.

“If you ignore your health for long enough, it will go away.” -Author Unknown

Patient: “When I touch my tongue to aluminum foil wrapped around a balloon while leaning against my washing machine, I feel a peculiar tingling in my toes - what is wrong with me?”
Doctor: “You have too much spare time.”

Will doctors ever go from ‘practicing medicine’ to ‘doing medicine’?

Patient: Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a yo-yo.
Doctor: Are you stringing me along?

“The best six doctors: sunshine, water, rest, air, exercise, diet.” -Wayne Fields

Patient on phone: I cannot sleep, Doctor. Can you do anything for me?
Doctor: Stay on the phone and I will sing you a lullaby.

“No families take so little medicine as those of doctors, except those of apothecaries*.” -Oliver Wendell Holmes, Junior (1841 - 1935): “Medical Essays”
*apothecaries are similar to pharmacists

A man walked into a doctor’s office and was sent immediately to an exam room. The doctor entered and looked him over. The man had a green bean sticking out of his left ear, a carrot sticking out of his right ear, and a celery stalk sticking out of one nostril. “Doc, it is just terrible, I am in awful shape - what do you think it could be that is the matter with me?” The doctor replied, “Well, for starters, you are not eating properly.”

“If you want to stay healthy, just follow my proven method: I am so poor that I cannot afford to be sick, and so busy that I don’t have time to be sick.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

A doctor was consulting with his patient. “I checked your symptoms on Google. If you want a second opinion, I’ll check with Yahoo.”

Patient: I think I’m losing my memory.
Doctor: When did it start?
Patient: When did what start?

“I wonder why you can always read a doctor’s bill but you can never read his prescription.” -Finley Peter Dunne (1867 - 1936)

Parent: Doctor, Doctor, my child has swallowed a pen!
Doctor: Do not worry - just use a pencil until I get there.

A young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain. “Where are you hurting?” asked the doctor. “You have to help me, I hurt all over,” said the woman. “What do you mean, all over?” asked the doctor, “be a little more specific.” The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, “Oh, that hurts!” Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, “Ouch! That hurts, too.” Then she touched her right earlobe, “Even that hurts,” she cried. The doctor checked her thoughtfully for a moment and then told her his diagnosis: “You have a broken finger.”

“First, do no harm.” [English translation]
“Primum non nocere.” [original Latin]
-Author Unknown: “Hippocratic Oath”

A saintly Christian fellow went to the doctor for a medical checkup. He said to the doctor, “I feel terrible. I have excruciating pains in my head. Please tell me what is wrong with me.” “Let’s begin with a few questions,” said the doctor. “Do you drink much?” “Alcohol?” said the man. “I’m a teetotaler. Never touch a drop of that stuff.” “How about smoking?” asked the doctor. “Never,” replied the man. “Tobacco is bad and I have strong principles against it.” “Are you up late nights?” asked the doctor. “Oh, no,” said the man. “Worldliness is a sin. I’m against it. I am always in bed by 9:30 every night - always have been.” “I have seen this before,” said the doctor. “It just may be that your halo is on too tight.”

Doctor: You appear to have a cold.
Patient: Actually, I am just rehearsing for the part of Sneezy in “Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.”

“After these two, Dr. Diet and Dr. Quiet, Dr. Merriman is requisite to preserve health.” -James Howell (1593 - 1666)

Patient: Doctor, I think my eyesight is getting worse.
Clerk: It certainly is - this is a jewelry store!

“My stomach has been bothering me, Doctor,” complained the patient. “What have you been eating?” asked the doctor. “I only eat jelly beans.” “Jelly beans?!” exclaimed the astonished doctor. “Maybe that is the trouble. What kind do you eat?” “All kinds,” replied the man, “Red ones for breakfast, yellow and orange ones for lunch, blue ones for afternoon snacks, and purple and black for dinner.” “I see the problem,” said the doctor. “You haven’t been getting any greens!”

Patient: Doctor, Doctor, I keep thinking there are two of me.
Doctor: One at a time, please.

One afternoon, a man went to his doctor and told him that he had not been feeling well lately. The doctor examined the man, left the room, and came back with three different bottles of pills. The doctor said, “Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you wake up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after you eat lunch. Then, just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water.” Surprised to be put on so much medicine, the man stammered, “Doc, exactly what is my ailment?” The doctor replied, “You are not drinking enough water.”

A doctor told a man that if he ran 5 miles a day for 300 days, he would lose 75 pounds. At the end of 300 days, the man called the doctor to report he had lost the weight, but he had a problem. “What’s the problem?” asked the doctor. The man said, “I’m 1,500 miles from home.”

If these jokes are not making you feel better, it may be time to see your doctor, and if these jokes are making you feel better, it may be time to see your doctor - what do we know, we are not doctors and we do not give medical advice! This is ‘MFOL!’ . . .

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Employment and Work

5/10/2018

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“Work offers us the opportunity to discover who we are and what we can do.” -Author Unknown

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy;
All play and no work makes Jack a mere toy.
-Author Unknown

“Find something in life you can give the best of yourself to.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

Personnel Director, speaking to new trainee: “. . . or, if you prefer, you can elect to skip coffee breaks entirely, and retire three years sooner.”

“Work is the basis of living. I’ll never retire. A man’ll rust out quicker than he’ll wear out.” -Harland Sanders

Employee: Sir, I’ve been with you for twenty-seven years, and I’ve never before asked for a raise.
Boss: That’s why you’ve been with me for twenty-seven years.

Worker’s Prayer

Now I get me up to work,
I pray the Lord I may not shirk.
If I should die before tonight,
I pray the Lord my work’s all right.

-Author Unknown

“It is the first of all problems for a man to find out what kind of work he is to do in this Universe.” -Thomas Carlyle: “Address at Edinburgh” (2 April 1866)

They laughed when they saw him put iodine on his paycheck. They didn’t know he had an awful cut in his salary.

“Don’t bother to boast of your work to others; good work speaks for itself.” -Author Unknown

Keep your eye on the ball, your shoulder to the wheel, and your ear to the ground - now try to work in that position.

“Thank God every morning when you get up that you have something to do that day which must be done, whether you like it or not. Being forced to work, and forced to do your best, will breed in you temperance and self-control, diligence and strength of will, cheerfulness and content, and a hundred virtues which the idle never know.” -Charles Kingsley

“Everything considered, work is less boring than amusing oneself.” -Charles Baudelaire (1821 - 1867)

“I tell you, sir, the only safeguard of order and discipline in the modern world is a standardized worker with interchangeable parts. That would solve the entire problem of management.” -Jean Giraudoux

“The most important question to ask on the job is not, “What am I getting?” The most important question to ask on the job is, ‘What am I becoming?’” -Jim Rohn (Emanuel James ‘Jim’ Rohn (1930 - 2009)): “Jim Rohn’s Weekly E-zine” (11 February 2003)

Let us realize that:
the privilege to work is a gift,
the power to work is a blessing,
the love of work is success!
-David O. McKay (David Oman McKay (1873 - 1970))

“Doctor Lillian Gilbreth, professor of management at Purdue University, studied women in a dress factory. Some of them were limp with fatigue; some bright-eyed and wide awake. Yet all the women had been working the same number of hours. Doctor Gilbreth found that most of the wide-awake ones had plans for the evening - a party or a date - and were anticipating a good time. The tired ones were those who had nothing to look forward to.” -Amy Selwyn: as quoted in “Coronet” magazine

A guy showed up late for work. The boss yelled, “You should’ve been here at 8:30!” The guy replied, “Why? What happened at 8:30?”

“Work banishes those three great evils: boredom, vice, and poverty.” -Voltaire (pseudonym of François-Marie Arouet (1694 - 1778))

“I have to take my paycheck to the bank. It’s too little to go by itself.” -Author Unknown

“It doesn’t matter whose payroll you are on, you are working for yourself.” -Author Unknown

A man said to his wife, “I don’t want to go to work today. It’s a jungle out there.” She said, “Don’t worry, I put a banana in your lunchbox.”

“The highest reward from your working is not what you get for it but what you become by it.” -Sydney J. Harris

The first United States Minimum Wage Law was instituted in 1938. The minimum wage was set at 25 cents per hour.

Boss: The person who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

“Labor, if it were not necessary for existence, would be indispensable for the happiness of man.” -Samuel Johnson

“There are two kinds of people: People who like their jobs, and people who don’t work here anymore.” -Author Unknown

“Work is either fun or drudgery. It depends on your attitude. I like fun.” -Colleen C. Barrett (born 1944)

“We spend most of our lives working. So why do so few people have a good time doing it?” -Richard Branson: as quoted in the “New York Times” (18 February 1993) newspaper

On the morning of the last day of school, Johnny’s mother went into his bedroom and hollered, “Wake up and get ready for school!” Johnny pulled the sheets up over his face and muttered, “Give me one good reason why I should go to school today.” His mother answered, “Well, for starters, you are the school principal.”

Workplace Sign: ‘2’ days without a Human Rights Violation!

“The price one pays for pursuing any profession or calling is an intimate knowledge of its ugly side.” -James Baldwin (1924 - 1987)

“If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys.” -James Goldsmith (1933 - 1997)

“. . . a fair day’s wages for a fair day’s work.” -Author Unknown: as quoted by Alpheus Cary in a speech (7 October 1824) at Faneuil Hall, Boston, Massachusetts, United States of America

A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom, and said, “Your first job will be to sweep out the store.” “But I’m a college graduate,” the young man replied indignantly. “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know that,” said the manager. “Here, give me the broom - I’ll show you how.”

“If you do a good job and work hard, you may get a job with a better company someday.” -Author Unknown

Career Advice

Don’t be
A jerk
At work.

-Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

“There are no small jobs, only small people.” -Author Unknown

The following was found in an employee handbook: “Be thankful for your problems, because if they were less difficult, someone with less ability and lower pay would have your job.”

“What we do for a living does not matter as much as how we do it.” -Orison S. Marden (Orison Swett Marden (1850 - 1924))

The Fable of the Crow and the Rabbit.

A crow was sitting in a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?” The crow answered: “Sure, why not.” So, the rabbit sat on the ground under the tree, and took his leisure. Suddenly, a fox appeared, pounced on the rabbit, and ate it. The moral of the story is, to be able to lounge around and do nothing all day, you must be sitting very, very high up.

-Author Unknown

“Give sail to ability.” -Author Unknown: Japanese proverb

Workplace Rules
1. The boss is always right.
2. When the boss is wrong, refer to Rule 1.

So, you are thinking of becoming a comedian, musician, artist, song writer, actor, inventor, poet . . . these are interesting ‘sidelines,’ but as they say, “Don’t quit your day job,” because you will need a means to support yourself while you pursue your creative ideas, and that means having a ‘real job’ with a real income that pays the rent and puts food on the table during the years it will take for you to develop a talent and years it will take for you to be discovered. Yes, you should definitely pursue your dreams - while continuing to work at the job that provides you with an income.

“Business clothes are naturally attracted to staining liquids. This attraction is strongest just before important meetings.” -Scott Adams

A meeting was in progress when all the lights went out. The department head asked everyone present to raise their hands. As soon as everyone complied, the lights went on again. The department head said, “We have just proved the truth of the saying, ‘Many hands make light work.’”

“Without work, all life goes rotten.” -Albert Camus

Desk: A waste-paper basket with drawers.

“Don’t let your superiors know that you are better than they are.” -Arthur Bloch

Overheard: When I asked for a work break, my supervisor said, “You don’t need a break. We gave you one when we hired you.”

Boss to new employee: Amazing - you’ve been with us only two days and already you’re a month behind.

●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●

The Man Who Gets Promoted

The ordinary fellow does an ordinary task,
     He’s mighty fond of ‘good enough’ and lets it go at that;
But the chap who gets promoted, or the raise he doesn’t ask,
     Has just a little something more than hair beneath his hat.

The ordinary fellow lives an ordinary day,
     With the ordinary fellow he is anxious to be quit;
But the chap who draws attention and the larger weekly pay,
     Has a vision for the future and is working hard for it.

He tackles every problem with the will to see it through,
     He does a little thinking of the work that comes to hand;
His eyes are always open for the more that he can do,
     You never find him idle, merely waiting a command.

The ordinary fellow does precisely as he’s told,
     But someone has to tell him what to do, and how, and when;
But the chap who gets promoted fills the job he has to hold
     With just a little something more than ordinary men.

-Edgar A. Guest: “The Passing Throng” (1923)

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Overheard: At the end of each shift, we tell all of our employees, “You are fired. Come back tomorrow morning, and we’ll re-hire you.”

“There are no menial jobs, only menial attitudes.” -William J. Bennett

The boss joined a group of workers in a meeting and told some jokes he’d heard recently. Everybody laughed loudly. Everybody, that is, except Bonnie. When the boss noticed that he was getting no reaction from Bonnie, he said, “What’s the matter, Bonnie? No sense of humor?” “My sense of humor is fine,” she said. “But I don’t have to laugh. I’m starting a job with another company tomorrow.”

Employee Breakroom Notice: Your Mother Does Not Work Here, So You Will Have To Clean Up Your Own Messes.

Work: Something to do between weekends.

“By 1960, work will be limited to three hours a day.” -John Langdon-Davies (1897 - 1971)

Overheard: I was thinking that with a few more deductions, my take-home pay wouldn’t be enough to get me there. Then, it finally happened - the deductions and withholdings have now exceeded my earnings, and last week, the company didn’t send me a pay check, they sent me a bill!

“I don’t want any yes-men around me. I want everybody to tell me the truth, even if it costs them their jobs.” -Samuel Goldwyn

●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●

A manager let employees know how valuable they are with the following memo:

You Arx A Kxy Pxrson

Xvxn though my typxwritxr is an old modxl, it works vxry wxll - xxcxpt for onx kxy. You would think that with all thx othxer kxys functioning propxrly, onx kxy not working would hardly bx noticxd; but just onx kxy out of whack sxxms to ruin thx wholx xffort.

You may say to yoursxlf - Wxll, I’m only onx pxrson. No onx will noticx if I don’t do my bxst. But it doxs makx a diffxrxncx, bxcausx an xffxctivx organization nxxds activx participation by xvxry onx to thx bxst of his or hxr ability.

So, thx nxxt timx you think you arx not important, rxmxmbxr my old typxwritxr. You arx a kxy pxrson.

-Thx Boss

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“Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done.” -Peter Drucker

“You don’t get paid for the hour. You get paid for the value you bring to the hour.” -Jim Rohn (Emanuel James ‘Jim’ Rohn (1930 - 2009))

“A human being must have occupation, if he or she is not to become a nuisance to the world.” -Dorothy L. Sayers (1893 - 1957): “Are Women Human?” (1938); type of work: address given to a women’s society

“Variety may be the spice of life, but monotony provides the groceries.” -Author Unknown

“Work is more fun than fun.” -Noël Coward (1899 - 1973)

Well, it is time to go to work again . . . we hope to see you back here at ‘MFOL!’ right after your shift ends . . .

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