Make Fun Of Life!

This Cat Is Seeing Something

5/19/2019

This cat is seeing what is on www.MakeFunOfLife.com and is keenly interested . . . perhaps you will be, too . . .

If you came here looking for fun, you are in the right place. Just travel down this page, skipping any topics that might not interest you, until you come to the ones that appeal to you. When you have a moment, be sure to explore some of the other pages on the website, such as the Inspiration and the Silly pages, which can be viewed by clicking on the menu bar above.

This is MFOL! . . . brought to you by cats . . . and the power of meow. . .

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Cats and Dogs

5/18/2019

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If you are having difficulty deciding whether to get a cat or a dog, we may be able to help . . .

One trait cats and dogs have in common is that they will both look up to you . . . but they look at you differently.

“If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because you lap is warmer.” -Alfred North Whitehead

“Your cat will never threaten your popularity by barking at three in the morning. He won’t attack the mailman or eat the drapes, although he may climb the drapes to see how the room looks from the ceiling.” -Helen Powers

“In order to keep a true perspective of one’s importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him.” -Dereke Bruce

When cats chase their prey, they keep their heads level. Dogs and humans bob their heads up and down when chasing prey.

In contrast to dogs, cats have not undergone major changes during the attempted domestication process.

“You can keep a dog; but it is the cat who keeps people, because cats find humans useful domestic animals.” -George Mikes: “How to Be Decadent” (1 January 1977)

Spot: What do you get when you cross a dog and a cat?
Fluffy: An animal that chases itself.

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Who Needs a Man?
- If you want someone who can scare away burglars without using a lethal weapon, get a dog.
- If you want someone who eats whatever you put in front of him and never says his mother made it better, get a dog.
- If you want someone who is always eager to go out anytime you ask and anywhere you want to go, get a dog.
- If you want someone who never criticizes anything you do, does not care how good or bad you look, acts as though every word you say is worth hearing, never complains, and loves you unconditionally all the time, get a dog!
- If you want someone who never touches the remote, could care less about Monday Night Football, and watches dramatic movies with you as long as you want, get a dog.
- If you want someone who will be content just to snuggle up and keep you warm in bed, and who you can kick out of bed if he slobbers and snores, get a dog.
- If you want someone who will bring you the newspaper without tearing through it first for the sports page, get a dog.
- If you want someone who will do anything to please you, get a dog.
- If you want someone who will make a total fool of himself because he is so glad to see you, get a dog.

On the other hand . . .
- If you want someone who never comes when you call him, totally ignores you when you walk in the room, leaves hair all over the place, walks all over you, prowls around all night and come home only to eat and sleep all day, and acts as though you are there only to see that he is happy . . . get a cat.

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Dogs have lived with humans for over 14,000 years. Cats have lived with humans for only 7,000 years.

A dog thinks: Wow, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me . . . They are amazing! A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me . . . I am amazing!

“Cat people are different, to the extent that they generally are not conformist. How could they be, with a cat running their lives?” -Louis J. Camuti

Every cat thinks he’s the cat’s meow, until he hears the dog’s bark, at which time he high-tails himself out of there.

Fuzzy: Why do you need a license for a dog and not for a cat?
Bowzer: Because cats cannot drive.

Cat brains are biologically more similar to human brains than they are to dog brains. Both humans and cats have identical regions in their brains that are responsible for emotions.

A dog is a dog, but a cat is a purrrrson.

Dogs have masters, cats have support staff.

When you have a cat, you can never be quite sure which one of you is the pet, or as someone once said, cats make great pets - out of their owners.

“Cats are the ultimate narcissists. You can tell this because of all the time they spend on personal grooming. Dogs aren’t like this. A dog’s idea of personal grooming is to roll on a dead fish.” -James Gorman

Cats can make more than 100 different vocal sounds. Dogs make only about 10. Conclusion: Cats talk too much - unless you have one of those dogs that barks all day and all night, of course . . . arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf . . .

Cats make ‘purrrfectly’ marvelous pets, but dogs make ‘doggone’ good pets.

“Dogs come when they’re called. Cats take a message and get back to you.” -Mary Bly

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Excerpts from a Dog’s Diary and a Cat’s Diary

The Dog’s Diary:
Day number 180
8:00 am - Oh Boy! Dog Food! My Favorite!
9:30 am - Oh Boy! A Car Ride! My Favorite!
9:40 am - Oh Boy! A Walk! My Favorite!
10:30 am - Oh Boy! A Car Ride! My Favorite!
11:30 am - Oh Boy! Dog Food! My Favorite!
12:00 noon - Oh Boy! The Kids! My Favorite!
1:00 pm - Oh Boy! The Yard! My Favorite!
4:00 pm - Oh Boy! The Kids! My Favorite!
5:00 PM - Oh Boy! Dog Food! My Favorite!
5:30 PM - Oh Boy! Mom! My Favorite!
Day number 181
8:00 am - Oh Boy! Dog Food! My Favorite!
9:30 am - Oh Boy! A Car Ride! My Favorite!
9:40 am - Oh Boy! A Walk! My Favorite!
10:30 am - Oh Boy! A Car Ride! My Favorite!
11:30 am - Oh Boy! Dog Food! My Favorite!
12:00 noon - Oh Boy! The Kids! My Favorite!
1:00 pm - Oh Boy! The Yard! My Favorite!
4:00 pm - Oh Boy! The Kids! My Favorite!
5:00 PM - Oh Boy! Dog Food! My Favorite!
5:30 PM - Oh Boy! Mom! My Favorite!
Day number 182
8:00 am - Oh Boy! Dog Food! My Favorite!
9:30 am - Oh Boy! A Car Ride! My Favorite!
9:40 am - Oh Boy! A Walk! My Favorite!
10:30 am - Oh Boy! A Car Ride! My Favorite!
11:30 am - Oh Boy! Dog Food! My Favorite!
12:00 noon - Oh Boy! The Kids! My Favorite!
1:00 pm - Oh Boy! The Yard! My Favorite!
1:30 pm - Ooooooo. Bath. Bummer.
4:00 pm - Oh Boy! The Kids! My Favorite!
5:00 PM - Oh Boy! Dog Food! My Favorite!
5:30 PM - Oh Boy! Mom! My Favorite!

Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary
Day 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
Day 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again scratched their favorite chair . . . I must try this on their favorite lampshade.
Day 765 - Pounced on a mouse and brought it to them, in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was . . . Hmmm, this is not working according to plan.
Day 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called shampoo. What sick minds could invent such a liquid? My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.
Day 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise. More importantly, I overheard that my confinement was due to my power of ‘allergies.’ I must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
Day 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and may be tattle-tales. The dog is routinely released and seems more than a little happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his present placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time before I get to him.

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Perhaps dogs chase cars because of their herding instinct: A dog sees your vehicle pulling away from the rest of the vehicles parked alongside the curbs and in the driveways. The dogs thinks, “One of them is straying from the rest of the flock, I must get it back with the others! Woof, woof!”

Would you rather be a dog and chase cars that you will never catch, or be a cat and climb trees and get stuck in them?

Furball: How can you get a cat to do tricks?
Fido: Put the dog in a cat suit.

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Dog and Cat Owners Have Different Personalities

Dog owners and cat owners are as different as night and day, says an expert - who reveals the distinctive personality traits of each. People are like their pets, said Dr. Vinsey, Professor of Anthropology at Pace University in New York City, who made a six-year study of pets and their owners.

Dr. Vinsey characterizes dog owners this way:
- They tend to be more outgoing and sociable and they are more apt to be openly affectionate.
- Dog owners are more generous and helpful. They are more ambitious and assertive and more apt to take risks to reach their goals.
- Dog owners are more ‘outdoorsy’ - they love to tramp the hills, go camping, and participate in active, energetic sports.

Cat owners are a different type says Dr. Vinsey:
- They tend to be well-read, articulate and cultured and more imaginative, creative and curious than dog owners.
- They are more apt to be loners. They enjoy privacy and tend to be aloof until they know someone well.
- Cat lovers are comfort lovers and tend to pamper themselves. They’re more finicky and choosy, have exotic tastes and are nonconformists. They also tend to be more opinionated and independent.
- Cat owners are indoor people. Their greatest joy is to curl up in front of a fire with a good book or a television miniseries to view.

But both cat and dog owners are far more flexible than people who don’t own pets, said the doctor. They take a less rigid approach to life and adjust more easily to changes in plans or circumstances, she said.

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“Cat’s Motto: No matter what you’ve done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it.” -Author Unknown

Dogs are mentioned 44 times in “The Bible”: 35 times in the ‘Old Testament’ and 9 times in the ‘New Testament.’ Curiously, cats are not mentioned anywhere in “The Bible.” We say ‘curiously’ because we are curious about why this is so.

Cat hearing is better than dog hearing. Cats can hear sounds up to two octaves higher than humans can hear - but they will never tell you this, preferring to keep this ability exclusively for their own benefit.

Proof that cats are smarter than dogs: You will never find a dozen cats pulling a sled through the snow. They know the best place to be in the winter is curled up in front of the fireplace.

“As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat.” -Ellen Perry Berkeley

While cats have only about 473 taste buds and do not have a ‘sweet tooth,’ dogs have about 1,700 taste buds, and appear to like sweets much more than cats do. Humans have approximately 9,000 taste buds.

“A dog, I have always said, is prose; a cat is a poem.” -Jean Burden

Good news: You do not have to choose between having a pet cat or having a pet dog - just get six of each, and then you’ll have an even dozen . . . your neighbors will not know if they should call you a crazy cat person, a crazy dog person, or a zookeeper!

All information appearing on the Make Fun Of Life! Website is fictitious . . . Any resemblance to actual facts is probably coincidental . . .

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Fortune Cookies

5/15/2019

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Some people dream of great fortunes . . . others dream of great fortune cookies.

Remember to fulfill the promises you made to yourself.

You will prosper in the field of wacky inventions.

Japanese Fortune Cookies, also known as tsujiura senbei, or fortune crackers, are larger than American Fortune Cookies, and are made of a batter containing sesame and miso rather than vanilla and butter as their American counterparts are. The strip of paper bearing the fortune for Japanese Fortune Cookies is placed in an outside fold or crease of the cookie instead of being hidden inside.

You will be rewarded for your patience and understanding.

Allow your mind to absorb new knowledge.

Next time, try the orange fried noodles with beef and broccoli.

Fortune cookies were first invented in Japan, then modified slightly upon their arrival in America, and are now a common desert item in American-style Chinese restaurants. So, in other words, the fortune cookie is an immigrant to the United States of America that has adapted itself well to its new homeland and become famous and successful in ‘the land of opportunity.’

An attractive, smart, and loving person will be coming into your life.

Believe in yourself and you will succeed.

You find great energy and you will be able to get many things done.

An American Fortune Cookie is a thin crisp cookie usually made of flour, sugar, butter, vanilla, and sesame seed oil, shaped into a container that holds a ‘fortune’ inside.

Good news will soon come to you.

Perhaps the fortune you seek is in another cookie?

You are magnetic in your bearing.

The ‘fortune’ inside a fortune cookie is a strip of paper with a proverb, prediction, humorous statement, advice, scripture, or other information printed on it. Some fortune cookie messages include lucky numbers for use in picking lottery numbers or in other games of chance (gambling).

You make delicious soups.

Your next meeting will be more productive.

He who laughs at himself never runs out of things to laugh at.

American Fortune Cookies are now served in Chinese restaurants all around the world, except in China, where the cookies are regarded as a cultural intrusion.

Ask a friend to join you on your next adventure.

A cheerful message is on its way to you.

You will get it all done.

Stop searching afar; happiness is just next to you.

Work methodically on one problem at a time.

What if you could have fortune cookies printed with a message you choose for your event, business, cause, or anything else? You can, and you can even have the fortune cookies in colors and flavors. Did you know that you can serve fortune cookies as a snack with tea or coffee, not just as a dessert item after full meals? Visit Fancy Fortune Cookies at https://www.fancyfortunecookies.com/Custom-Fortune-Cookies-s/50.htm.

Patient work produces fine goods.

A golden egg of opportunity falls into your lap this month.

A novice at the first attempt, adept at the second.

About time I got out of that cookie.

Beauty surrounds you because you create it.

A signature reveals a person’s character . . . and sometimes even their name.

Courtesy is contagious.

If you eat a box of fortune cookies, anything is possible.

A new wardrobe brings great joy and change to your life.

A leader is powerful to the degree he empowers others.

Good things are coming your way, especially if you stay here and order dessert.

A light heart carries you through hard times.

Never kiss an elephant on the lips.

A new perspective will come with the new year.

Boomerangs are coming back.

A person is never too old to learn . . . or too young.

Your eloquence has a persuasive impact.

I cannot talk right now. Even fortune cookies need to sleep sometime!

Determination is what you now need.

Some years ago, a man opened a fortune cookie outside a restaurant and found nothing inside it. Thinking it a bad omen, he went back in and came out with a new one. It said, “You are the chosen one.” He was thrilled and said this fortune is the only one he will ever need, and so to this very day, he has never opened another fortune cookie.

Your work will be recognized and suitably rewarded.

Good things are being said about you.

Feed moderately on wholesome food; garden herbs surpass rich dishes.

All your hopes, dreams, and fears are the beginning of the future.

Your home is the center of great love.

If you can read this, you do not need glasses.

New ideas could be profitable.

Someday everything will all make perfect sense.

Discover the power within yourself.

Good things take time.

Someone you care about seeks reconciliation.

Good to begin well, better to end well.

The best year-round temperature is a warm heart and a cool head.

Only eat fresh fish, fresh vegetables, and ripened rice.

Do something new each day.

There is dew for every blade of grass.

Pass no day idly, youth does not return.

There are customers for all sorts of goods.

Your mind is your greatest asset.

You are about to become $12.95 poorer ($9.95 if you had the buffet).

The first step to better times is to imagine them.

You may be hungry later, so order takeout now.

You cannot open a book without learning something.

The truly generous share, even with the undeserving.

Decide what you want and go for it.

Your biggest virtue is your modesty.

You must play the game to win.

You are a practical person with your feet on the ground.

You will soon witness a miracle.

You are heading in the right direction.

You are stunningly attractive.

When you see an opportunity, act.

Allow compassion to guide your decisions.

All of the efforts you are making will ultimately pay off.

Emulate what you admire in others.

You do not need the answers to all of life’s questions.

Living with a commitment to excellence will take you far.

Is there a time limit on fortune cookie predictions?

You will soon be crossing the great waters.

You will think for yourself when you stop letting others think for you.

You will travel far and wide, both for pleasure and business.

Your first love has never forgotten you.

You will be successful in your work.

You are a person of another time.

It is a great year for those who are cheerful and optimistic.

You will make changes for the better.

Great distances are covered one step at a time.

Relatives are coming to visit.

Beware of cookies bearing fortunes.

Dedicate yourself with a calm mind to the task at hand.

I am very fortunate to be a cookie. My friend was a ham sandwich, and he did not fare so well.

Tell them before it is too late.

A dream you have will come true.

You have charm and a winning personality.

You will be called upon to help a friend in trouble.

It is the beautiful bird that is caged.

You have the power to write your own fortune.

The best is yet to come. . . dessert!

Best to keep your plans secret for now.

There is mutual love between people of a creed, mutual jealousy between people of a trade.

Generosity can repay itself sooner than you might imagine.

You are one smart cookie!

The seeds of an idea you planted long ago finally blossom.

Who is without flaw?

There are pictures in poems, and poems in pictures.

To make a worthwhile person of yourself, you must toil; if you do not, you will not.

Expect great things and great things will come.

At MFOL! we say, “Don’t just have fun with life . . . be the fun!” Coming up next: Even more fun!

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Anatomy and Physiology

5/13/2019

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Curious Young Gal

There was a young gal who said, “Why
Can’t I look in my ear with my eye?
     If I put my mind to it,
     I’m sure I can do it;
You never can tell till you try.”

by Author Unknown

Humans are bioluminescent, meaning we glow in the dark, but the light we emit is 1,000 times weaker than our human eyes are able to detect.

Gladys: What kind of advice do you get from hands?
Douglas: Finger tips.

There are ten human body parts that are only three letters long: eye, hip, arm, leg, ear, toe, jaw, rib, lip, and gum.

Hair is made of the same substance as fingernails, but you cannot make that fun screeching sound that drives everyone bonkers by running your hair over a chalkboard; only your fingernails can do that.

The average person has 10,000 taste buds. Not all taste buds are on the tongue; about ten percent are on the insides of the cheeks. So, what does your tongue taste like?

Sit down and lift your right foot off the floor, and make clockwise circles. While doing this, draw the number 6 in the air with your right hand. Your foot will automatically change direction, and there is nothing you can do to stop it from doing so. Someone - and by someone we mean you - just kidding! - should investigate this phenomena to find out if it is in any way related to the rise in incidents of people hitting their accelerator pedals when they mean to hit their brake pedals, while driving a vehicle.

Nellie: What did one toe say to the other?
Stella: “Don’t look now, but I think we’re being followed by a heel.”

The normal human body temperature is about 37 degrees Celsius (about 98.6 degrees Fahrenheit). However, it is not uncommon for the temperature of some persons to be just slightly higher than this by as much as a degree due to their increased metabolism - particularly teenagers and young adults. As always, if you are concerned, seek a doctor’s opinion.

Becca: What has one foot on each end and a foot in the middle?
Becky: A yardstick.

The average human body contains enough iron to make a 3-inch nail, sulfur to kill all fleas on an average dog, carbon to make 900 pencils, potassium to fire a toy cannon, fat to make 7 bars of soap, phosphorous to make 2,200 match heads, and water to fill a ten-gallon tank.

Nonsense Poem

I’d rather have fingers than toes,
I’d rather have eyes than a nose;
     And as for my hair
     I’m glad it’s all there,
I’ll be awfully sad when it goes.

by Gelett Burgess (Frank Gelett ‘Gelett’ Burgess (1866 - 1951))

Fingerprints serve another useful function besides helping law enforcement officers catch criminals: the tiny ridges provide traction for the fingers to grasp objects. Fingers are among the many ‘tools’ integrated into our bodies, making humans the ultimate Swiss Army knife of the animal kingdom.

Shin: A specialized anatomical feature of the human body designed for finding furniture in the dark.

In addition to the better-known senses of hearing, sight, touch, smell, and taste, humans have at least fifteen other senses. These include balance, temperature, pain, and time, as well as internal senses for suffocation, thirst, and fullness. Some humans have also been found to have a sense of humor.

Did you know that it is physically impossible for you to lick your own elbows? Go ahead and try it - just do not injure yourself!

Chin

There was a young lady whose chin
Resembled the point of a pin;
     So she had it made sharp,
     And purchased a harp,
And played several tunes with her chin.

by Edward Lear (1812 - 1888)

The human face has 43 muscles that create 10,000 expressions. It would take a lifetime for a person to try them all out.

“If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn’t.” -Lyall Watson (1939 - 2008)

Humans use a total of 72 different muscles in speech. Be sure to give those muscles a real workout today, huh?

Like fingerprints, everyone’s tongue print is different. Now stick out your tongue and say, “Aaaaaaaaahhh!”

About eight percent of people have an extra rib, which is not really all that interesting . . . unless you happen to be a cannibal.

The Operation Game features an Adam’s apple, broken heart, wrenched ankle, butterflies in the stomach, spareribs, water on the knee, funny bone, writer’s cramp, Charley horse, anklebone connected to the knee bone, wishbone, breadbasket, and brain freeze. Players in the Operation Game attempt to remove each of these ailments from the patient, who is named Cavity Sam. The regular-size game can be purchased from www.Hasbro.com.

Your Nose Is Running

“Your nose is running,” Mother said.
     I answered, “Wow! That’s really neat!”
“Why’s that?” she asked. I said, “Because
     I never knew my nose had feet.”

by Jeff Moss (Jeffrey Arnold ‘Jeff’ Moss (1942 - 1998)): “The Other Side of the Door: Poems” (1991)

Our bodies burn a large amount of calories just to keep us at a steady 37 degrees Celsius (98.6 degrees Fahrenheit). The human body gives off enough heat in thirty minutes to bring two liters (a little more than two quarts, or half a gallon) of water to a boil. If you could capture and use the heat, you could cook a pasta dinner with it. First, though, you will need some kind of mad scientist laboratory . . .

“Not everyone can wiggle their ears, you know. It’s something you’re born with.” -Kevin Henkes (born 1960): “Sun and Spoon” (1997), website: https://kevinhenkes.com/

Why can humans move their eyes in opposite directions toward their noses, but not in opposite directions away from the noses?

“The chief function of the body is to carry the brain around.” -Thomas Edison (Thomas Alva Edison (1847 - 1931))

Riddle: What can you hold in your right hand that you cannot hold in your left hand?
Solution: Your left elbow.

Ahead: The thing on top of your neck.

Kerry: What should you do if your ear rings?
Karen: Answer it.

Lizzie: How do you keep your ear from ringing continuously?
Beth: Get an unlisted head.

Humans are said to have fifty percent of their DNA (Deoxyribonucleic Acid) in common with bananas. Perhaps we should get to better know the elongated yellow fruit with which we have so much in common?

The nose is that part of the body that shines, snubs, snoops, and sneezes.

If the human brain were a computer, it would perform 38 thousand-trillion operations per second. The world’s most powerful supercomputer, Blue Gene, can manage only 0.002 percent of that amount.

Sharon: How do you keep your feet from falling asleep?
Sherry: Wear loud socks.

A typical adult human is made up of more than 37,200,000,000,000 (37.2 trillion) living cells made up of 7,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 (7 octillion) atoms. For perspective, there are a mere 100,000,000,000 (100 billion) stars in our Milky Way Galaxy. Every year, about 98 percent of the atoms in human bodies are replaced by new ones. Now you finally know what is meant by the phrase ‘a whole new you.’

Riddle: What has fingers and thumbs but no hands?
Solution: A glove.

The human body has more than 600 muscles, which make up 40 percent of the body’s weight. Our muscles are actually much more powerful than they usually seem to be. Human strength is limited to prevent our tendons and muscles from tearing themselves apart; however, this limitation can be overcome in an adrenaline rush, during which there are recorded instances of people lifting heavy boulders and even automobiles off people and animals that have been trapped under them.

Joseph: Why is your nose in the middle of your face?
Joe: Because it is the ‘scenter.’

At any given time, your brain can generate up to 25 watts of power - enough energy to make a light bulb come on. You are indeed more powerful than you might have known.

Veronica: What has a head but no brain?
Vera: A cabbage.

Human blood has roughly the same concentration of salt that seawater has.

A condition called ‘synesthesia’ can cause the senses to overlap, so that affected people may taste words or hear colors.

Riddle: What can clap without using hands?
Solution: Thunder.

People with hexadectylism have six fingers or six toes on one or both hands and feet. This might give them an advantage over the rest of us when it comes to typing and texting, and perhaps other activities involving manual dexterity as well.

A sharp nose indicates curiosity, and a flat nose indicates . . . too much curiosity!

Lionel: What has four legs and one arm?
Lynette: A happy guard dog!

The human liver has more than 500 functions. Getting you to the airport to catch your next flight and washing the dog are not among them.

The bump at the front of the throat is called the Adam’s Apple, which is said to be from the forbidden fruit getting stuck in Adam’s throat as he ate it in the Garden of Eden.

If someone’s nose runs and his or her feet smell, is that person built upside-down?

Riddle: What has a head and mouth, but no eyes, nose, or ears?
Solution: A river.

The human brain is 70 percent cholesterol . . . and the experts are telling you to cut back on cholesterol - do you see a potential problem with their advice? That’s right, they seem to want you to have a smaller brain!

A Boastful Young Person

“I can pick up a cent with my toes,”
Said a boastful young person named Mose,
     But sharp-witted Millie
     Replied, “That’s just silly -
I can do the same thing with my nose.”

by Author Unknown

The human body is divided into three parts: the Brainium, the Borax, and the Abominable Cavity. The Brainium contains the Brain. The Borax contains the Lungs, the Heart, the Liver, and the Living Things. The Abominable Cavity contains the Bowels, of which there are five: A, E, I, O, and U.

If your DNA (Deoxyribonucleic Acid) were stretched out, it could reach to the Earth’s Moon 6,000 times - but would you really want to visit the Moon that often?

Fingertip to fingertip, the width of your armspan stretched out equals the length of your whole body from head to foot, which means you come pretty close to meeting the definition of a ‘square.’

Jenny: What has two legs, two arms, and two heads?
Jennifer: A two-headed monster.

The elements oxygen, carbon, hydrogen, and nitrogen make up 90 percent of the human body. The remaining 10 percent is made up of hamsters running on hamster wheels that make the body able to do things like stand up and walk around.

Overheard: I would like to thank my Arms, for always being by my side. My Legs, for always supporting me, and my Fingers, because I can always count on them.

The next time your anatomy teacher says, “Are there any questions?” raise your hand and ask, “Can a person laugh on the inside and on the outside at the same time?” More MFOL! just ahead . . .

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Choices and Decisions

5/11/2019

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Now, let us consider the pro’s and con’s of making pro’s and con’s lists . . .

“You are the possessor of a great and wonderful power. This power, when properly applied, will bring confidence instead of timidity, calmness instead of confusion, poise instead of restlessness, and peace of mind in place of heartache. What is your greatest power? The power to choose.” -J. Martin Kohe (Jack Martin Kohe (1902 - 1960)): “Your Greatest Power” (1953)

One way to weigh your difficult decisions is to make a decision chart, in which you list the good points under ‘Pros’ (In Favor) and bad points under ‘Cons’ (Against).

When faced with a decision, decide.
When faced with a choice, choose.
Sitting on the fence will leave you too tense,
Because you neither win not lose!
-Barry Spilchuk

“We are our choices.” -Jean-Paul Sartre (Jean-Paul Charles Aymard Sartre (1905 - 1980))

“You can never successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.” -Author Unknown

“We are living in a time when the best of things are on the Earth . . . and the worst of things. Are we taking advantage of the best of things . . . and staying away from the worst of things?” -Author Unknown

“There are always two choices, two paths to take. One is easy . . . and its only reward is that it’s easy.” -Author Unknown

“Daily decisions determine destiny.” -Author Unknown

“Our lives are, in reality, the sum total of our seemingly unimportant decisions and of our capacity to live by those decisions.” -Gordon B. Hinckley (Gordon Bitner Hinckley (1910 - 2008))

“You are only one decision away from a totally different life.” -Author Unknown

“We are a product of the choices we make, not the circumstances that we face.” -Roger Crawford

“Doing isn’t difficult. Deciding is.” -Foster Hibbard

“There is but bad choice, where the whole stock is bad.” -Author Unknown

“The most important choice we make is what we choose to make important.” -Michael Neill

“Life is the sum of all your choices.” -Albert Camus (1913 - 1960)

“In a moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing to do. The worst thing you can do is nothing.” -Theodore Roosevelt (Theodore ‘Teddy’ Roosevelt (1858 - 1919))

“We make our choices, then our choices make us. Choose carefully.” -Author Unknown

“Between two evils, choose neither; between two goods, choose both.” -Tryon Edwards (1809 - 1894): as quoted in Tryon Edwards, editor: “A Dictionary of Thoughts: Being a Cyclopedia of Laconic Quotations from the Best Authors of the World, Both Ancient and Modern” (1891), page 68

“There are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing them.” -Denis Waitley (born 1933)

“I must have a prodigious amount of mind; it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up!” -Mark Twain (Samuel Langhorne Clemens (1835 - 1910)): “The Innocents Abroad” (1869)

“Your life becomes the thing you have decided it shall be.” -Raymond Charles Barker

Does it scare you when someone says to you, “It’s your decision.”?

“Don’t base your decisions on the advice of people who don’t have to deal with the result.” -Author Unknown

“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” -Stephen Covey (Stephen Richards Covey (1932 - 2012))

A wise person once said, “When you come to a fork in the road . . . hey, take it, because further ahead, there might be a slice of blueberry pie.”

“It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.” -J. K. Rowling (Joanne ‘Jo’ Rowling (born 1965)): “Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets” (1998); line spoken by fictional character Professor Dumbledore

“Almost any decision is better than no decision at all.” -Brian Tracy (born 1944)

“Always go with the choice that scares you the most, because that’s the one that is going to require the most from you.” -Caroline Myss

“When you have to make a choice and don’t make it, that in itself is a choice.” -William James (1842 - 1910)

“Sometimes walking away is the best decision.” -Kimberley Blaine

Overheard: It is terrible to be indecisive. I feel like a centipede that has just been told to put its best foot forward.

“It is better to make a wrong decision than build up a habit of indecision. If you’re wallowing in indecision, you certainty can’t act - and action is the basis of success.” -Marie Beynon Ray (1886 - 1969)

“Choices are the hinges of destiny.” -Pythagoras (about 570 B.C.E. - about 495 B.C.E.)

“Dwelling on past bad decisions you’ve made only allows those decisions to keep defining you. Forgive yourself and move on.” -Mandy Hale

Matthew: Yippee, I get to make a decision! Yahoo! I finally get to decide something!
Martha: Yes . . . so would you like liver and onions or cauliflower and tripe for dinner?

“The man who insists upon seeing with perfect clearness before he decides, never decides.” -Henri-Frédéric Amiel (1821 - 1881)

“It does not take much strength to do things, but it requires great strength to decide what to do.” -Elbert Hubbard (Elbert Green Hubbard (1856 - 1915))

“There is no more miserable human being than one in whom nothing is habitual but indecision.” -William James (1842 - 1910): “The Principles of Psychology” (1890)

Decidophobia is a fear of making decisions. Perhaps one approach to overcoming the fear would be to start out with making small or minor decisions. Decide which decisions are small.

“It is choice and not chance which determines our destiny.” -Author Unknown

“We cannot lead a choiceless life. Every day, every moment, every second, there is a choice.” -Ernest Holmes (Ernest Shurtleff Holmes (1887 - 1960))

Overheard: I used to think I was indecisive, but now I am not even sure about that.

“Can you not see that to decide to do nothing is the most wretched of all decisions?” -Victor Hugo (1802 - 1885)

“Everything in your life is a reflection of a choice you have made. If you want a different result, make a different choice.” -Author Unknown

“When faced with two equally tough choices, most people choose the third choice: to not choose.” -Jarod Kintz (born 1982): “This Book Title is Invisible”

“It is not so much the major events as the small day-to-day decisions that map the course of our living.” -Gordon B. Hinckley (Gordon Bitner Hinckley (1910 - 2008))

“Your life is a result of the choices you make . . . If you do not like your life, it is time to start making better choices.” -Author Unknown

“Make your judgement trustworthy by trusting it. You can develop good judgement as you do the muscles of your body - by judicious, daily exercise. To be known as a man of sound judgement will be much in your favor.” -Grantland Rice (Henry Grantland ‘Grantland’ Rice (1880 - 1954))

“It’s not hard to make decisions once you know what your values are.” -Roy E. Disney (Roy Edward Disney (1930 - 2009))

“My basic principle is that you don’t make decisions because they are easy; you don’t make them because they are cheap; you don’t make them because they’re popular; you make them because they’re right.” -Theodore Hesburgh (Theodore Martin Hesburgh (born 1917))

“Be decisive. Right or wrong, make a decision. The road of life is paved with flat squirrels who couldn’t make a decision.” -Author Unknown

“Your life is the sum result of all the choices you make, both consciously and unconsciously. If you can control the process of choosing, you can take control of all aspects of your life. You can find the freedom that comes from being in charge of yourself.” -Robert F. Bennett

“Five frogs are sitting on a log. Four decide to jump off. How many are left? Five, because there’s a difference between deciding and doing.” -Mark L. Feldman & Michael F. Spratt: “Five Frogs on a Log” (1999)

“You’ve got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you’re not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice.” -Steven D. Woodhull (born 1976)

“Scan. Select. Move on.” -Author Unknown

“Nothing is so exhausting as indecision, and nothing is so futile.” -Bertrand Russell (Bertrand Arthur William Russell (1872 - 1970)): “The Conquest of Happiness” (1930)

“Decisiveness is a characteristic of high-performing men and women.” -Brian Tracy (born 1944)

“Indecisiveness is the key to flexibility.” -Author Unknown

“Good judgment comes from experience, and often experience comes from bad judgment.” -Rita Mae Brown (born 1944)

“Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.” -Paulo Coelho (born 1947)

“Sometimes it’s the smallest decisions that can change your life forever.” -Keri Russell

“There’s an alternative. There’s always a third way, and it’s not a combination of the other two ways - it’s a different way.” -David Carradine

“You make what seems a simple choice: choose a spouse or a job or a neighborhood - and what you have chosen is not a spouse or a job or a neighborhood but a life.” -Jessamyn West

“Weigh well what you can only once decide.” -Author Unknown

“Make choices today you can live with tomorrow.” -Author Unknown

“I believe that we are solely responsible for our choices, and we have to accept the consequences of every deed, word, and thought throughout our lifetime.” -Elizabeth Kübler-Ross (1926 - 2004)

“We almost always have choices, and the better the choice, the more we will be in control of our lives.” -William Glasser (1925 - 2013)

“Some decisions in life are difficult, like when you are asked if you would trade a car-load of bananas for a truck-load of monkeys.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

“Remember this, the choices you make in life, make you.” -John Wooden (1910 - 2010)

This is MFOL! . . . perhaps the easiest decision you will make today . . . or maybe just the best . . . you get to decide . . .

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Smiles and Smiling

5/9/2019

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It is very important to remember to smile as often as possible, because as we all know, there is not enough smiling going on in the world today . . .

“Smiling is a great way to look your best.” -Author Unknown

“I add a smile to everything I wear and that has worked great for me.” -David White (1916 - 1990)

“If you smile at someone, they might smile back.” -Author Unknown

Smile

I gave away my smile
     to the girl across the street.
She gave it to her brother
     as they sat down to eat.
Her brother gave it to their Mom,
     she wore it for a day.
Then gave it to another girl
     whose name was Paula Kay.
Paula took her smile outside
     and stood next to a tree.
She put her hands upon her hips
     then gave it back to me.

by Author Unknown

“A smile can brighten someone’s day without using a penny’s worth of electricity.” -Author Unknown

“Smiling is the best way to face every problem, to crush every fear, to hide every pain.” -Author Unknown

Worry less,
     Smile more,
Don’t regret,
     Just learn and grow!
-Author Unknown

“Always smile back at little children . . . to ignore them is to destroy their belief that the world is good.” -Pam Brown (Pamela Jane Barclay Brown (born 1948))

“If you see someone without a smile, give them one of yours.” -Author Unknown

“‘SMILE’ is an acronym for, ‘See Miracles In Life Everyday.’” -Author Unknown

“I have never seen a smiling face that was not beautiful.” -Author Unknown

“You’ll find that life is still worthwhile, if you just smile.” -Charlie Chaplin (Charles Spencer ‘Charlie’ Chaplin (1889 - 1977))

“It was only a sunny smile and little it cost in the giving but like morning light it scattered the night and made the day worth living.” -F. Scott Fitzgerald (Francis Scott Key Fitzgerald (1896 - 1940)): “The Great Gatsby” (10 April 1925)

“Wear a smile and have friends; wear a scowl and have wrinkles.” -George Eliot (pseudonym of Marian Evans Cross, also known as Mary Ann Evans (1819 - 1880))

“A smile is something you can’t give away; it always comes back to you.” -Author Unknown

“Sometimes it’s hard to force a smile, but sometimes we have to; it’s what gets us through the hard times.” -Author Unknown

“A smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.” -Charles Gordy (1871 -1944)

“You want to know who’s got the most amazing and beautiful smile ever - read the first word of the sentence again!” -Author Unknown

“Smile . . . there are more than seven billion people in the world - don’t let just one ruin your day.” -Author Unknown

“Is a smile a question? Or is it the answer?” -Lee Smith

“If you want people to like you, smile!” -Author Unknown

“Nothing is more beautiful than a real smile that has struggled through tears.” -Author Unknown

“The world always looks better from behind a smile.” -Author Unknown

“A warm smile is the universal language of kindness.” -William Arthur Ward (1921 - 1994)

“Lose your smile and lose your customers.” -Sam Walton (1918 - 1992)

“A smile is the shortest distance between two people.” -Victor Borge (1909 - 2000)

“Let your smile change the world; don’t let the world change your smile.” -Author Unknown

“A smile is worth much more than it costs.” -Author Unknown

“Sometimes just a smile on our face can help to make this world a better place.” -Robert Alan

“Smiles are great investments; the more you collect, the better you feel.” -Author Unknown

“I would walk miles for one of your smiles.” -Author Unknown

“A smile is the best makeup a girl can wear.” -Author Unknown

“Smiling is my favorite exercise.” -Author Unknown

“To receive a smile, give one away!” -Author Unknown

“A smile is a frown turned upside down.” -Author Unknown

“A smile is the lighting system of the face, the cooling system of the head, and the heating system of the heart.” -Unknown

“A smile is a powerful weapon; you can even break ice with it.” -Author Unknown

“It takes seventeen muscles to smile and forty-three muscles to frown.” -Author Unknown

“A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.” -Phyllis Diller (pseudonym of Phyllis Ada Driver (1917 - 2012))

“All people smile in the same language.” -Author Unknown

“If you will force yourself to smile, you’ll end up laughing. You will be cheerful because you smile. Repeated experiments have shown that when a person assumes the facial expression of a given mental mood - any given mood - then that mental mood itself will follow.” -Kenneth Goode

“A smile is the universal welcome.” -Max Eastman (1883 - 1969)

“After six years without seeing one, I love just seeing a smile - every smile I see gives me hope.” -Ingrid Betancourt (Ingrid Betancourt Pulecio (born 1961))

“A smile confuses an approaching frown.” -Author Unknown

“I smile because I do not know what in the world is going on.” -Author Unknown

“Keep smiling, because life is a beautiful thing and there is so much to smile about.” -Marilyn Monroe (Norma Jean Mortenson (1926 - 1962))

“A smile makes you feel good, and when you feel good, good things happen.” -Terri Lynn

“Smile! It increases your face value.” -Robert Harling (Robert M. Harling III (born 1951)): “Steel Magnolias” (5 November 1989)

“A smile on your face will do wonders for your appearance. It will give you youthfulness and optimism that beauty treatments or counselling sessions never could.” -Author Unknown

“Keep smiling - it makes people wonder what you are up to!” -Author Unknown

“A smile is the light in your window that tells others that there is a caring, sharing person inside.” -Denis Waitley (Denis E. Waitley (born 1933))

“Smile. The sunshine of your smile might chase the clouds from someone’s life today. It may be the ray of sunshine that someone needs in an otherwise stormy day.” -Author Unknown

“Smile, it is the key that fits the lock of everybody’s heart.” -Anthony J. D’Angelo

“A smile appeared upon her face as if she’d taken it directly from her handbag and pinned it there.” -Loma Chandler

Smile

It comforts the weary, gladdens the sad
     consoles those in trouble, good or bad.
To rich and poor, beggar or thief,
     it’s free to all of any belief.
A natural gesture of young and old
     cheers on the faint, disarms the bold.
Unlike most blessings for which we pray,
     it’s the only thing we keep when we give it away.

by Author Unknown

“Most smiles are started by another smile.” -Frank A. Clark (Frank Atherton Clark (1911 - 1991))

Ten Reasons to Smile

1. It makes you attractive
2. It changes your mood.
3. It is contagious.
4. It relieves stress.
5. It boosts your immune system.
6. It lowers your blood pressure.
7. It releases endorphins.
8. It lifts the face and makes you appear younger.
9. It makes you seem successful.
10. It helps you stay positive.

by Author Unknown

“Learn to smile at every situation. See it as an opportunity to prove your strength and ability.” -Joe Brown

“Smile, for everyone lacks self-confidence and more than any other one thing a smile reassures them.” -André Maurois (pseudonym of Émile Salomon Wilhelm Herzog (1885 - 1967))

“Before you put on a frown, make absolutely sure there are no smiles available.” -Jim Beggs

“A smile can brighten the darkest day.” -Author Unknown

The Smile

I had an extra smile
     When I left the house today
I thought I’d give it to someone
     I passed along the way.
I tried to give the smile away
     But incredibly
Each time I gave it to someone
     They’d give it back to me.
So now I have a bunch of smiles,
     What am I to do?
I think I’ll keep a couple
     And then give the rest to you!

by Author Unknown

“What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity. These are but trifles, to be sure; but scattered along life’s pathway, the good they do is inconceivable.” -Joseph Addison (1672 - 1719)

Smile and forgive;
It’s the only way to live.
-Author Unknown

“People are not perfect - except when they smile.” -Author Unknown

“If you did not start out the day with a smile, it is not too late to start practicing for tomorrow.” -Author Unknown

“Just because a person smiles all the time, doesn’t mean their life is perfect. That smile is a symbol of hope and strength.” -Lauryn Hill (Lauryn Noelle Hill (born 1975))

Lost Your Smile?

You haven’t lost your smile,
     It’s been there all the while,
Just waiting for the word,
     That smiling’s back in style!

by Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

“If you don’t have a smile, I’ll give you one of mine.” -Author Unknown

“A smile of encouragement at the right moment may act like sunlight on a closed up flower; it may be the turning point for a struggling life.” -Alfred A. Montapert (Alfred Armand Montapert (1906 - 1997))

“Smiling is good for you and it is good for the people around you.” -Author Unknown

“I hope you always find a reason to smile.” -Author Unknown

“A smile gives your face something to do and it is good exercise and makes you look better.” -Author Unknown

“Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.” -Author Unknown

“We do not smile because something good has happened; rather something good happens because we smile.” -Author Unknown

“If you’re not using your smile, you’re like a man with a million dollars in the bank and no checkbook.” -Les Giblin (born 1912)

“Anyone can smile on their best day. I like to meet a man who can smile on his worst.” -Lauren Graham (Lauren Helen Graham (born 1967)): “Someday, Someday, Maybe” (30 April 2013)

“Smile and the world will smile with you . . . Frown and it will leave you alone.” -Pamela Prichard

“Smile, it’s the easiest way to improve your day.” -Author Unknown

“Nobody needs a smile so much as the one who has none to give.” -Lawrence G. Lovasik (1913 - 1986)

“Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.” -Teresa of Calcutta (Anjezë Gonxhe Bojaxhiu (1910 - 1997))

“Today, give a stranger one of your smiles. It might be the only sunshine he sees all day.” -Author Unknown, as quoted in H. Jackson Brown, Junior (born 1940): “P.S. I Love You” (1990)

“Smile - happy looks good on you!” -Author Unknown

“Smile, even when life does not present reasons for doing so, because your smile is a reason for many others to smile.” -Author Unknown

“Make it a regular habit to smile - and watch as miracles begin to happen all around you.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

“Did you make someone smile today? You’ve still got time.” -Melissa Stewart

You look amazing when you smile . . . you should do it more often. Now back to further humor and inspiration and learning . . . on MFOL!

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Walking and Ambulating

5/8/2019

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Let us proceed after the man in the gray suit . . . he really seems to have a knack for this ‘walking’ thing . . .

In the average lifetime, a person will walk the equivalent of five times around the Earth’s equator. Be sure to pick up some coconuts and bananas while you are there.

Humans are the ‘walking animals.’ We were made to walk all day, originally as hunter-gatherers. We were not made to sit or lay about all the whole day through. In fact, being sedentary, or inactive, for too long slowly kills us by causing everything from bone mass loss to muscle atrophy. So, to maintain good physical fitness, walk a little or a lot, every single day, just like your long-ago ancestors did.

Walk this Way

There was an old person of Deal,
Who in walking used only his heel;
     When they said, “Tell us why?”
     He made no reply,
That mysterious old person of Deal.

by Author Unknown

“If you walk backwards, you’ll never stub your toe.” -Harvey McKay

The Ministry of Silly Walks is a British Government agency tasked with devising funny ways of walking. It is a fictional creation of the Monty Python comedy troupe, made for a segment in “Monty Python’s Flying Circus,” season 2, episode 14, titled ‘Face the Press,’ which first aired on television in 1970. The creation is commemorated on 7 January of each year in various locales around the world as International Silly Walks Day. If you would like to know more, and perhaps show the world your silly walk, visit the official Monty Python website at http://www.montypython.com/home and click on News.

Riddle: What has one hundred legs but cannot walk?
Solution: Fifty pairs of pants.

Amish men take about 18,425 steps per day. Amish women take about 14,196. The average American adult takes about 4,000 steps per day. Only 4 percent of Amish are obese, compared to 31 percent of the general American population.

“All truly great thoughts are conceived while walking.” -Friedrich Nietzsche (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche (1844 - 1900)): “Twilight of the Idols” (1888)

‘Walking’ is also known as ‘ambulating.’ The word ‘walk’ is derived from the Old English word ‘wealcan’ meaning ‘to roll’ . . . which brings a whole new meaning to the phrase, “Let’s roll!”

“Walking isn’t really a lost art. One must by some such means get to the garage or parking place.” -Herbert V. Prochnow (Herbert Victor Prochnow (1897 - 1998))

It would take about 225 million years to walk one lightyear, at the pace of 20 minutes a mile. We had better get started now if we are going to make it before dark.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Otis.
Otis, who?
Otis a wonderful day for a walk in the park!

With the Earth being about 40,234 kilometers (25,000 miles) in circumference and the average walking rate being 4.99 kilometers (3.1 miles) per hour, it would take a person walking nonstop approximately 336 days to walk around the world, assuming that he or she did not sleep and could walk on the surface of the water in rivers and oceans.

“You don’t learn to walk by following rules. You learn by doing, and by falling over.” -Richard Branson (Richard Charles Nicholas Branson (born 1950))

Ambulophobia is a persistent fear of walking. If you have this phobia and amaxophobia, a persistent fear of riding in a vehicle, you are pretty much not going anywhere ever, which in itself is a frightening thought.

“I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.” -Fred Allen (John Florence Sullivan (1894 - 1956))

Are walking tours available to you in your community? Walking tours are typically organized with a tour leader and a group of participants, who walk through an area for sightseeing, to sample foods and beverages at local eateries, to visit galleries and museums, to explore parks and gardens, or to learn about landmarks and history. Walking groups can be organized for physical fitness and exercise as well.

“An early-morning walk is a blessing for the whole day.” -Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862): “Journals” (1838 - 1859), ‘20 April 1840’

Humans became bipedal between three and six million years ago. Scientists believe that humans started walking on two legs to carry objects better and to use energy more efficiently. It also gives them a better view of their surroundings.

Girl of Majorca

There was a young girl of Majorca
Whose aunt was a very fast walker;
     She walked sixty miles
     And leaped fifteen stiles,
Which astonished that girl of Majorca.

by Edward Lear (1812 - 1888)
(A stile is a type of gate in a fence or a wall that cattle cannot step over or through, but which people can step over or through.

“If the Good Lord intended for us to walk, he wouldn’t have invented roller-skates.” -Roald Dahl (1916 - 1990)

An Old Person of Wilts

There was an old person of Wilts,
Who constantly walked upon stilts;
     He wreathed them with lilies
     And daffy-down-dillies,
That elegant person of Wilts.

by Author Unknown

“After a day’s walk everything has twice its usual value.” -George Macaulay Trevelyan (1876 - 1962)

“If you are seeking creative ideas, go out walking. Angels whisper to a man when he goes for a walk.” -Raymond Inmon

A woman went out for a walk. She came to a river and could not see a bridge anywhere. She spotted another woman on the opposite bank of the river and she shouted to her, “How can I get to the other side?!” The second woman looked up the river and down the river, and then shouted back, “You’re already on the other side!”

The longest walk around the world was completed by a former neon-sign salesman named Jean Béliveau (born 18 August 1955). He walked 46,600 miles around 64 countries. The trip took him 11 years and 2 months, from 18 August 2000 until 16 October 2011.

“Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.” -Steven Wright (Steven Alexander Wright (born 1955))

“There is nothing like walking to get the feel of a country. A fine landscape is like a piece of music; it must be taken at the right tempo. Even a bicycle goes too fast.” -Paul Scott Mowrer (1887 - 1971)

“A vigorous five-mile walk will do more good for an unhappy but otherwise healthy adult than all the medicine and psychology in the world.” -Paul Dudley White (1886 - 1973)

McGee: Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
O’Neill: To get away from the sound.

Walking may help decrease the risk of heart attack, decrease the risk of developing type 2 diabetes, and may even reduce the risk of bone fracture. Additionally, brisk walking may reduce stress and depression levels, and possibly improve cancer survival rates.

“In every walk with nature one receives far more than he seeks.” -John Muir (1838 - 1914)

“Me thinks that the moment my legs begin to move, my thoughts begin to flow.” -Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862)

Experts suggest walking 6,000 steps a day to improve health and 10,000 steps a day to lose weight - but who among us counts their steps? Small pedometers that use electromechanical switches can be worn on the hip to count steps, and GPS-enabled devices, including some cell phones, can be equipped with ‘aps’ to measure distance.

“Few people know how to take a walk. The qualifications are endurance, plain clothes, old shoes, an eye for nature, good humor, vast curiosity, good speech, good silence, and nothing too much.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882)

Experts note that when shopping for walking shoes, you should always buy shoes that feel comfortable right away. There is no “breaking-in period.” Also, feet swell during the day, so it is important to get fitted for walking shoes at the end of the day when feet are their largest.

“Lack of activity destroys the good condition of every human being, while movement and methodical physical exercise save it and preserve it.” -Plato (427 B.C.E. - 347 B.C.E.)

Scientists believe that walking was originated underwater by ‘hopping’ air-breathing fish.

“One step at a time is good walking.” -Author Unknown: Chinese proverb

[-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-]

Walking Woes

I’m sick and tired of walking,
     Walking here and there
Walking to and fro,
     Walking everywhere!

Tomorrow I won’t walk at all,
     I’m going to see it through,
I know I’ll have to get to school
     But walking I won’t do!

I’ll stomp downstairs,
     Creep through the door
And amble down the street
     I’ll wander round the corner
And traipse on my two feet!

I’ll plod, strut, limp, and march,
     I’ll stroll and hike and roam.
I’ll saunter, trek, and shuffle,
     As I trudge away from home.

I’ll meander past the school gates,
     And toddle through the door,
I’ll lumber to my classroom,
     And then I’ll walk no more!

by J. Shaw

[-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-]

As with any changes in lifestyle, you may need to consult a physician and other experts before beginning a program of walking or other activities that could impact any existing health condition you might have and your personal safety. That is just something we have to tell people for their own good and so they know that we are not advising any person to undertake activities that could place a person at risk of harm . . . okey-dokey, then.

“If you only walk on sunny days, you’ll never reach your destination.” -Paulo Coelho (born 1947)

Racewalking has been an official Olympic sport for more than 90 years. The course distances vary from 1.6 kilometers (1 mile) to 153 kilometers (95 miles).

“Walking: The action of repeatedly falling forward and then catching oneself each time with the foot and leg before one’s face can strike the ground.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

“I can’t bring myself to say, ‘Well, I guess I’ll be toddling along.’ It isn’t that I can’t toddle. It’s just that I can’t guess I’ll toddle.” -Robert Benchley (1889 - 1945)

The best way to lose weight by walking is to take a longer, moderately paced walk (40 minutes at 60 to 65 percent maximum heart rate). Shorter, faster walks (20 to 25 minutes at 75 percent to 85 percent maximum heart rate) are best for conditioning the heart and lungs.

“Many a false step is taken by standing still.” -Arnold Glasow (Arnold Henry Glasow (1905 - 1998))

“Thoughts come clearly while one walks.” -Thomas Mann

“It is impossible to walk rapidly and be unhappy.” -Teresa of Calcutta (also known as Mother Teresa, born Anjezë Gonxhe Bojaxhiu (1910 - 1997))

You are now free to move away from your computer and go outside for a walk . . . unless you are a passenger in a flying airplane . . .

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New Beginnings and Second Chances

5/7/2019

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“Don’t be afraid to start over. It’s a chance to build something better this time.” -Author Unknown

“It’s never too late for a new beginning in your life.” -Joyce Meyer (born 1943)

“Every day is a new beginning. Treat it that way. Stay away from what might have been, and look at what can be.” -Marsha Petrie Sue

“In spite of anyone or anything, all it take is you - yourself alone - to grant yourself a second chance.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

“Big journeys begin with small steps.” -Author Unknown

“Forget the long ago. We are here and we are now, and that is all. We are making a new start.” -Doris Lessing (Doris May Lessing (1919 - 2013))

“Every day is a second chance.” -Author Unknown

“Never too old, never too bad, never too late, never too sick to start from scratch once again.” -Bikram Choudhury

“Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it.” -L. M. Montgomery (Lucy Maud Montgomery (1874 - 1942))

Should life include more do-overs and second chances, for good people?

“The best thing you can give someone is a chance.” -Author Unknown

What is a ‘second chance’? Is it a miracle? Is it an example of love? Is it someone taking a risk?

“Dear God of second chances and new beginnings - here I am again!” -Nancy Spielberg

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A New Chance

When doubts and fears are growing,
     It’s hard to keep on going
From day to day not knowing
     Just what the end will be.

Take each day as you find it,
     If things go wrong, don’t mind it,
For each day leaves behind it
     A chance to start anew.

by Gertrude Ellgas (Gertrude M. Ellgas (1896 - 1994))

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“Life always offers you a second chance. It’s called tomorrow.” -Author Unknown

“Every good person deserves a chance at a do-over.” -Author Unknown

“We’re given second chances every day of our life. We don’t usually take them, but they’re there for the taking.” -Andre Greely

“Every single moment of a person’s life, both of the understanding and of the will, is a new beginning.” -Emanuel Swedenborg

“I think I have finally figured life out - it is an endeavor, a path, a road, a journey, that starts anew each moment . . . each moment a new beginning, each moment a second chance.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

This is MFOL! . . . it’s magic . . . it really is . . . well, almost . . .

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Road Crossings

5/6/2019

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A chicken crossing the road is ‘poultry in motion.’ But why did the chicken cross the road? Well, it happened this way . . .

Carla: Why did the rubber chicken cross the road?
Marla: She wanted to stretch her legs.

Sonny Boy: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Grandpa: In my day, we did not ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us. And that chicken would have had to walk barefoot five miles in the snow just to get to that road, too. They just do not make chickens like that anymore!

Austin: How did the egg cross the road?
Ozzie: It scrambled across.

Patrice: Why did it take so long for the elephant to cross the road?
Tricia: Because the chicken had trouble carrying him.

Louisa: Why did the cat cross the road?
Louie: The chicken had to take a day off to rest after carrying the elephant across.

Wilbur: Did you hear about the two kangaroos that crossed the road?
Orville: They jumped into each other’s pouches and were never seen again.

Phillip: Why did the turkey cross the road?
Ophelia: To show he was not chicken.

Amy: Why did the dog cross the road twice?
Annie: She was trying to catch a boomerang.

Shelia: Why did the ambitious man cross the road?
Shelly: Because he was chasing his dreams.

Gregory: Why did the orange stop in the middle of the road?
Megan: Because it ran out of juice.

Timmy: Why did the raccoon cross the road?
Tammy: Because she was chasing the chicken.

Curtis: Why did Captain Hook cross the road?
Howard: To get to the secondhand shop.

Boris: Why did the monster help the little old ghoul across the road?
Doris: Because that is what fiends are for.

Alexander: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Aristotle: To fulfill its nature on the other side.

Minerva: What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?
Minnie: Catching the chickens as they crossed the road.

Harpo Marx: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Groucho Marx: Chicken? What is all this talk about chicken? Why, I had an uncle who thought he was a chicken. My aunt almost left him, but we needed the eggs!

Barbara: Why did the chicken cross the amusement park?
Candace: To get to the other ride.

Millicent: Why did the polar bear cross the road?
Lucinda: To show the alligator that it could be done.

Mirabelle: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Reuben: To get to the other side.

Rhoda: Why did the penguin cross the road?
Ronda: Because the chicken owed it $5.

Percival: Why did the snake slither across the road?
Perry: To get to the other ssssssside!

Mabelle: Why did the cows cross the road?
Bonnie: Because they are always on the moo-ve.

Artie: Why did the cookie cross the road?
Marty: To dunk itself in a glass of milk.

Justin: Why did the cell cross the microscope?
Dustin: To get to the other slide.

Kimberly: Why did the rooster cross the road?
Kimmy: He wanted something to crow about.

Agyrophobia, also called dromophobia, is a persistent fear of roads or of crossing roads. Even when no motor vehicles are present, some sufferers from this affliction still experience fear. Agyrophobia comes from the Greek words ‘gyrus’ meaning ‘turning’ or ‘whirling’ and ‘phobos’ meaning ‘fear,’ while dromophobia is derived from the Greek words ‘dromos’ meaning ‘running’ and ‘phobos’ meaning ‘fear.’ One of the things that could be said about the chicken that crossed the road is that he was not chicken to cross the road - and you should not be either.

Bernard: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Leonard: Just for the fun of it!

Siskel: I don’t know why the chickens crossed the road, but I loved it. Thumbs up!
Ebert: I disagree. The whole thing left the audience wondering; the chickens' crossing the road was never clearly explained and the chickens didn’t emote very well. Thumbs down.

Octavius: Why did the frog hop across the road?
Augustus: To see what the chicken was doing!

First Lab Tech: Why did the function cross the road?
Second Lab Tech: Because it was defined on both sides and continuous.

Tina: Why did the sheep cross the road?
Lena: To get to the baaa-baaa shop for a trim.

Doctor McCoy: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Captain James Tiberius Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

Karl: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Ludwig Wittgenstein: The possibility of ‘crossing’ was encoded into the objects ‘chicken’ and ‘road,’ and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.

Paul: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Saul: I don’t know.
Paul: To get to your house!

. . . long awkward pause . . .

Paul: Knock, knock.
Saul: Who’s there?
Paul: It’s the chicken from the last joke!

Beatrice: Why did the pigs cross the road with their laundry?
Tricia: They wanted to do their hogwash.

Kirsten: Why did the rabbit cross the road?
Christina: To get to the hopping mall.

Marv: Why did the shoe cross the road?
Irv: Because it’s on your foot.

Bored? Want to have some fun? Get together with your friends and play ‘The Road Crossing Game.’ Here’s how it works. One of you says, “Why did the __________________ (fill in the blank) cross the road?” The other of you tries to reply with a funny answer. The one who comes up with the best answer has the next turn, and you just keep on going with the game.

Jesse: Why did the duck cross the road?
Bessie: To visit the chicken of course!

Ticket Against Jaywalking Chicken. Ridgecrest, California: A chicken that got a ticket for crossing the road has clawed his way out of it. The $54 (RM205.20) citation for impeding traffic was dismissed after Linc and Helena Moore’s attorney argued that the fowl was domesticated and could not be charged as livestock. State law restricts livestock on highways, but not domestic animals. The chicken was ticketed on 26 March for impeding traffic after it wandered onto a road in Johannesburg, a rural mining town southeast of Ridgecrest. -AP

Jasper: Why did the chicken cross the internet?
Casper: To get to the ‘Make Fun Of Life!’ Website.

Marcella: Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip?
Marc: To get to the same side.

Nick: Why did the seal cross the road?
Vick: To get to the otter side.

Artemus: Why did the snail cross the road?
Gordon: I don’t know, she hasn’t gotten there yet.

In Quitman, Georgia, United States of America, chickens are actually prohibited by law from crossing the road.

Hugh: Why did the horse cross the road?
Bert: He wanted to visit his neigh-bors.

John: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. A historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such a herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurrence.

Chrissy: Who lumbered across the road?
Lizzie: A lumberjack.

Petula: Why did the chicken nearly stop crossing the road?
Clark: It got tired of everyone making so many jokes!

Gladys: How do you avoid that rundown feeling?
Clementine: Always look both ways before crossing the road!

Arlene: What happened when the skunks argued while crossing the road?
Aileen: They raised a stink.

Eunice: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Eustice: Because the other chickens egged her on.

Jane: Why did the turkeys cross the road?
Jillian: Because the light was green.

Silvia: Why did the dog cross the road?
Ingrid: To get to the barking lot.

Larry: Why did the kiwi fruit run across the road?
Lawrence: Because it was being chased by a pineapple.

Can’t get enough of “Why did the chicken cross the road?” Here are a few more: Because . . . the pedestrian sign was flashing “WALK” and the road was clear of moving vehicles; to beat the early bird to the worm; Farmer Brown was across the road calling out, “Here, chick-chick-chick, here, chick-chick-chick,” while tossing corn around onto the ground; go ask your mother; go ask your father; to catch the “L” train; to try the new hot ‘n’ spicy bacon double cheeseburger; to catch the show; she had a bee in her bonnet; to take a closer look at the cow; to feather her nest; to see what was on the other side; because at the time it seemed like a good idea; the sky was falling; to catch a falling star; to buy a copy of the new horror novel “Chicken Soup for the Human Soul”; to try to look important; to make a new friend; she was lost and headed in the wrong direction; to try something new; they told her there was a ham sandwich in it for her; to escape global warming; to escape the coming ice age; she was a good and faithful friend; I’m listening; oh, I love you so much; what was the question again?; can’t I just finish my waffle?; it’s a little complicated; the other chickens said it couldn’t be done; we would have to look at it from the chicken’s perspective; what was the question again?; she’d already been around the block; to see what she could see; for the fun of it; it’s a bit of a mystery, isn’t it?; she knew she’d give the farmer nightmares for years to come; another chicken gave her an odd look; I can’t comment on an ongoing investigation; why don’t we go find out; she was certainly a funny bird, that one; truth be told, nobody really knows . . .

Vanetta: Why did the turtle cross the road?
Manetta: To get to the shell station.

Henry David Thoreau: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Ralph Waldo Emerson: The chicken did not merely cross the road . . . it transcended it.

Tips for Safely Crossing Roads
- Stop, look, and listen.
- Wait until the signal shows “WALK” or a human figure lights up.
- Hold hands and stay together.
- Always look both ways before crossing the road.
- Look left, then right, then left again.
- Stay in the crosswalk.
- Cross at intersections and do not cross at other places.
- Be aware that drivers sometimes drive when and where they should not because they are not good drivers.
- Can you think of other tips for safely crossing roads?

George: Why did the comedian cross the road?
Jerry: To get to the punchline!

Margaret: Why did the bad speller cross the road?
Margery: Too get two the other side.

Road Crossings Quiz: Who Am I?
1. I waddle across the road.
2. I bounce across the road.
3. I inch across the road.
4. I dribble across the road.
5. I flow across the road.

Alex: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Lacy: Don’t ask me, ask the chicken!

Lenny: Why did the scientist cross the road?
Squiggy: Centrifugal force.

Road Crossings Quiz Answers: Who Am I?
1. I am a duck and I waddle across the road.
2. I am a rubber ball and I bounce across the road.
3. I am an inchworm and I inch across the road.
4. I am a basketball player and I dribble a basketball across the road.
5. I am water and I flow across the road.

Winnie: How did the apple cross the road?
Fred: It fruited across.

Stop, Look, and Listen

I stop, I look, I listen,
Before I cross the street.
I use my eyes,
I use my ears,
And then I use my feet.

by Author Unknown

Emily: Why did the spider cross the road?
Amelia: To get to its other web site.

Buzz Aldrin: Have you heard that a chicken has finally crossed the road?
Neil Armstrong: That is one small step for a chicken . . . one giant leap for all poultry-kind.

Someone should make a full-length movie about a chicken crossing the road - how about you? We have much more humor for you on a huge variety of topics on the Make Fun Of Life! Website - just scroll down the page.

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Loners and Singles

5/6/2019

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“The four food groups for singles are: fast, frozen, junk, and spoiled.” -Author Unknown

“We are a select group, without personal obligation, social encumbrance, or any socks that match.” -P. J. O’Rourke (Patrick Jake O’Rourke (born 1947)): “The Bachelor Home Companion” (1987)

“Maybe ‘loner’ is too strong a word, but I’ve always enjoyed being on my own.” -George Best (1946 - 2005)

Overheard: I am not single - I’m between relationships . . . I am not single - I am romantically challenged. There was a time when people called single men bachelors and single women spinsters or old maids. Nowadays, you may call an unmarried adult ‘unattached’ - but you may not call them ‘incomplete’ because apparently, they really do not appreciate that!

“Single: A partial-person.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

“The trouble with living alone is that it’s always your turn to do the dishes.” -Author Unknown

“A bachelor, in my opinion, is only half alive.” -Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart (1756 - 1791)

“Hermits United. We meet up every ten years and swap stories about caves. It’s good fun . . . for a hermit.” -Author Unknown: “Doctor Who”

Loner: A party of one; a person who knows what ‘alone in a crowd’ means.

“You are what you eat. For example, if you eat garlic you’re apt to be a hermit.” -Franklin P. Jones (Franklin Pierce Jones (1908 - 1980))

“People assume I’m a loner by choice. They think I’m antisocial, when the truth is I’m terrified of people because I’m kind and sensitive and people tend to walk all over me.” -Author Unknown

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Lone Dog

I’m a lean dog, a keen dog, a wild dog, and lone;
     I’m a rough dog, a tough dog, hunting on my own;
I’m a bad dog, a mad dog, teasing silly sheep;
     I love to sit and bay the Moon, to keep fat souls from sleep.

I’ll never be a lap dog, licking dirty feet,
     A sleek dog, a meek dog, cringing for my meat,
Not for me the fireside, the well-filled plate,
     But shut door, and sharp stone, and cuff and kick, and hate.

Not for me the other dogs, running by my side,
     Some have run a short while, but none of them would bide.
O mine is still the lone trail, the hard trail, the best,
     Wide wind, and wild stars, and hunger of the quest!

by Irene Rutherford McLeod (1891 - 1968)

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“Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe unto him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.” -Author Unknown: “The Bible,” ‘Ecclesiastes,’ chapter 4, verses 9 - 10

“Bachelor: A laddy* in waiting.” -Frank Tyger (1929 - 2011)
(Pun on the phrase ‘a lady in waiting,’ that being a woman who attends to a queen or a princess, not dissimilar to a man’s valet.)
* laddy: a lad, a boy, or a young man.

An old guy who had spent his whole life as a recluse in the desert went to visit a friend. He had never seen a train in his life, but on his way, he happened upon a railroad track. Standing alongside the track, wondering what it was, he heard a loud whistle. Looking around, he saw a train bearing down on him like something out of the Apocalypse. The train just nudged him a glancing blow, but it still flipped him into a ravine, where his head smacked up against a rock and knocked him unconscious. A while later he got up, tenderly felt the bump on his head, shrugged off the dust, and then continued on to his friend’s house, the whole time wondering what that big thing was that had nearly killed him. His friend greeted him, put on a kettle for tea, and they started swapping old stories. A few minutes later, the teakettle started whistling like crazy on the stove and the hermit jumped up in a panic, grabbed a chair, and pounded the whistling teakettle flatter than a pancake. Amazed, his friend asked, “What in the world did you do that for?” The hermit said, “Those things are dangerous. You have to get rid them when they’re small!”

Bumper sticker: Honk If You’re Happily Single!

“A hermit is a deserter from the army of humanity.” -Henry Southgate (1818 - 1888)

A single guy went into a restaurant for a Christmas breakfast while visiting his home town for the holidays. After looking over the menu he said, “I’ll just have the Eggs Benedict.” His order came a while later and it was served on a big, shiny hubcap. He asked the waiter, “What’s with the hubcap?” The waiter sang out, “There’s no plate like chrome for the hollandaise!”

“Let me tell you this: If you meet a loner, no matter what they tell you, it’s not because they enjoy solitude. It’s because they have tried to blend into the world before, and people continue to disappoint them.” -Jodi Picoult (Jodi Lynn Picoult (born 1966)): “My Sister’s Keeper” (6 April 2004) novel

When people live alone, they more easily succumb to the temptation to just ‘let themselves go,’ meaning that they partially or entirely stop engaging in the grooming, dressing, housekeeping, and other habits associated with being someone who is living successfully in a society with other humans.

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The Loner

He never hurried,
     Nor made a fuss.
Just bided his time,
     Would never rush.

He lived his life,
     So fugerly.
Saved for rainy days,
     He’d never see.

There was no one,
     To share his life.
No children of his own,
     No love of a wife.

He had no friends,
     Neither enemies.
His self alone,
     Was his only company.

On his tombstone,
     When his life was spent,
Four simple words:
     He came and went.

by John Read (21 August 2012)

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“Now for a little humor for people who are single this holiday season: ‘I don’t live alone . . . I live with my imagination . . . and we have a lot of fun together . . .’” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

“A hermit is simply a person to whom civilization has failed to adjust itself.” -Will Cuppy (William Jacob ‘Will’ Cuppy (1884 - 1949))

Men’s Excuses for Staying Single:
- I do not have to explain why I’m wearing ‘that’ shirt with ‘those’ pants.
- I have saved $372,416.21 that would have been spent on groceries.
- I get to see what my paycheck looks like.
- I get to see what my credit cards look like.
- Bachelors do not have a mother-in-law.
- I do not have to watch sub-titled foreign films.
- I do not have a driving instructor grading me every time I go somewhere.

“Those who understand the true nature of humanity are always loners.” -Dean Cavanagh (born 1966)

Question: Why did the single person cross the road?
Answer: To get away from the married couple that was having an argument.

“It’s just like magic. When you live by yourself, all of your annoying habits are gone.” -Merrill Markoe (born 1948)

“If a hermit lives in a state of ecstasy, his lack of comfort becomes the height of comfort. He must relinquish it.” -Jean Cocteau (1889 - 1963)

Anuptaphobia is a persistent fear of not getting married, or of staying single. ‘Anuptaphobia’ is derived from the Latin word ‘nuptialis’ meaning ‘wedding’ and the Greek word ‘phobos’ meaning ‘fear.’

“I’m a loner as a person, but then I always was, even as a child.” -Bill Bixby (Wilfred Bailey Everett ‘Bill’ Bixby III (1934 - 1993))

Overheard: 1 Universe, 8 planets, 192 countries, 180,497 islands, 85 seas, 7 billion people - and I am still single!

“Please don’t make me sound like a crazy hermit, but I don’t like crowds or noise.” -Steve Burns (Steven Michael Burns (born 1973))

“The reason that a lot of men are bachelors is because they fail to embrace their opportunities.” -Author Unknown

“I was a loner and never hung out with anyone. I never had any friends.” -Richard Pryor (1940 - 2005)

“Singles are people who have convinced themselves that mono, black-and-white, 32-gigabytes is good enough for them, while married people live in high-fidelity stereo, full-color, 128-gigabytes.” -Author Unknown

“Hermits have no peer pressure.” -Steven Wright (Steven Alexander Wright (born 1955))

“Sometimes it’s better to be alone because nobody can hurt you.” -Author Unknown

The third week in September is National Singles Week in the United States of America.

Question: What holiday do single people celebrate every day?
Answer: Independence Day!

“The person who tries to live alone will not succeed as a human being. His heart withers if it does not answer another heart. His mind shrinks away if he hears only the echoes of his own thoughts and finds no other inspiration.” -Pearl S. Buck (Pearl Sydenstricker Buck (1892 - 1973))

Isn’t it interesting that we refer to some people as ‘singles,’ which is a plural noun, and how exactly is it that ‘loners’ also is a plural word?

“I was a loner in high school. I keep to myself, but I love life.” -Clea Duvall (Clea Helen D'Etienne DuVall (born 1977))

When people live alone, they tend to develop certain idiosyncrasies, as for example, adopting dozens of stray animals, or filling an entire room with a collection of empty cardboard boxes. Do not be dismayed, because these are instinctual behaviors, as you try to fill in the ‘gaps’ in your life, which other people typically fill with other people. However, you will need to examine your life if you begin holding parties with your stray animals at which you are the only human in attendance, or you go around the neighborhood at odd hours trying to find more empty cardboard boxes to complete your collection - these behaviors could be ‘cries for help.’ You might want to consider attending the weekly singles group meeting at a church or joining several clubs - just not the clubs where they dress up as vampires and some of the club members seriously believe that they are actual vampires (it should be noted that vampires are creations wholly of human imagination). We hope to see you at this week’s singles group meeting so that we can tell you all about our modest 30,488-piece pinecone collection.

“Deep in my heart I know I am a loner. I have tried to blend in with the world and be sociable, but the more people I meet the more disappointed I am, so I’ve learned to enjoy myself, my family, and a few good friends.” -Steven Aitchison (born 1968), website: https://www.guidedmind.com/

“The man who follows the crowd will usually get no further than the crowd. The man who walks alone is likely to find himself in places no one has ever been.” -Alan Ashley (Alan Ashley-Pitt, pseudonym of Francis Phillip Wernig (born 1947)): as quoted in Eda LeShan: “The Wonderful Crisis of Middle Age” (1973), page 304

Signs That You May Be Single
- Back in high school you were voted, ‘Most likely to grow old alone, in a big-empty house.’
- Instead of ‘Occupant,’ your junk mail is addressed to ‘Loner.’
- No woman can ever seem to make you feel as alive as you felt at the ‘TrekMania 2014’ convention.
- None of your twenty-three cats ever likes your boyfriend.
- The makers of ‘Frozen Meals for One’ made you their ‘Customer of the Year’ for the seventh consecutive year.
- Who has time for dating when you are building a life-size Spock out of Legos?
- You speak Klingon, which is unfortunately not a very romantic language.
- Online, you suggest the topic, ‘Top Signs You’re Going to Spend the Rest of Your Life Single,’ mistakenly thinking that your equally-hopeless fellow social media contributors might give you some clue as to what you’re doing wrong.
- You will master the art of meeting women as soon as they make a video game about it.
- You are already in line for the next ‘Star Wars’ movie release.

“I don’t hate people, I just feel better when they aren’t around.” -Charles Bukowski (1920 - 1994)

Trevor: If I tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
Ian: No, but it does make you a crazy forest hermit!

“But I’ll tell you what hermits realize. If you go off into a far, far forest and get very quiet, you’ll come to understand that you’re connected with everything.” -Alan Watts (1915 - 1973)

Lone wolf: A wolf that is not in a pack of wolves. When hunting alone, a wolf will catch small animals such as mice, squirrels, hares, chipmunks, raccoons, or rabbits. However, a wolf pack, or a group of wolves, can hunt large animals including deer, moose, caribou, and yaks.

“Alone, adjective: In bad company.” -Ambrose Bierce (Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce (1842 - 1914))

A Hermit Named Green

There once was a hermit named Green
Who grew so abnormally lean,
     And flat, and compressed,
     That his back touched his chest,
And sideways he couldn’t be seen.

by Author Unknown

“The mind can weave itself warmly in the cocoon of its own thoughts, and dwell a hermit anywhere.” -James Russell Lowell (1819 - 1891)

Hermit: A female hismit.

What would you say to someone who says to you, “I don’t go out because I have no friends, and I have no friends because I don’t go out.”?

This is MFOL! . . . you would think that we would know what we are doing by now . . . but no . . .

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Worries and Worrying

4/30/2019

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“Do not worry too much - you will create a problem that was not even there in the first place!” -Author Unknown

Every life has some trouble
When you worry you make it double.
-Bobby McFerrin (born 1950)

“Never borrow sorrow from tomorrow.” -Author Unknown

“If you spend your whole life waiting for the storm, you’ll never enjoy the sunshine.” -Morris West (Morris Langlo West (1916 - 1999))

A Worry

A worry crept into a mind,
Leaving claw marks and gashes behind.
     It turned the mind blue
     As it twisted each screw,
Then it chuckled, and left, with a grind.

by Author Unknown

“Let us be of good cheer, however, remembering that the misfortunes hardest to bear are those which never come.” -James Russell Lowell (1819 - 1891): “Democracy” (1887)

“Worry is a form of fear, and all forms of fear produce fatigue. A man who has learned not to feel fear will find the fatigue of daily life enormously diminished.” -Bertrand Russell (Bertrand Arthur William Russell (1872 - 1970))

If you’re worried and you can’t sleep,
Just count your blessings instead of sheep,
And you’ll fall asleep counting your blessings.
-Irving Berlin (1888 - 1989): “Count Your Blessings Instead of Sheep” (1954); type of work: song

“Our worst misfortunes never happen, and most miseries lie in anticipation.” -Honoré de Balzac (1799 - 1850)

“Stop worrying . . . and start making jokes!” -Author Unknown

My Worry

A little bitty worry
     Started early in the day;
By noon it seemed my worry
     Hovered, standing in my way;
The things and thoughts
     I should have had
Got buried in my mind,
     Until my little worry turned
Into the horrid kind.
     By bedtime I was frantic -
What to do, oh what to do!
     And then I couldn’t go to sleep,
For worrying - fretting, too.
     By morning I was almost sick,
When suddenly and soon,
     My worry had been all worked out
Before the toll of noon;
     Then I looked back
And saw my worry
     Just for what it was -
A thing that didn’t happen,
     As a worry seldom does.

by Bonnie Daisy Nelson: as published in “A Garden of Poems” from the Salesian Collection

“Drag your thoughts away from your troubles . . . by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it.” -Mark Twain (pseudonym of Samuel Langhorne Clemens (1835 - 1910))

“Let not your heart be troubled.” -John: as quoted in “The Bible” (King James Version, 1611), ‘The Gospel According to John,’ chapter 14, verse 1

“Wringing your hands only stops you from rolling up your sleeves.” -James Rollins

“Worrying does not take away tomorrow’s troubles; it takes away today’s peace.” - Author Unknown

“We would worry less about what others think of us if we realized how seldom they do.” -Ethel Barrett (1913 - 1998)

“Who says worry doesn’t help - all those things I worry about don’t happen!” -Author Unknown

“Meditate upon exile, torture, wars, diseases, shipwreck . . . so that you may not be a novice to any misfortune.” -Seneca (Lucius Annaeus Seneca, also known as Seneca the Younger (3 B.C.E. - C.E. 65))

“Worrying is using your imagination to create something you don’t want.” -Esther Hicks (born 1948)

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I Worried

I worried a lot. Will the garden grow, will the rivers
     flow in the right direction, will the Earth turn
     as it was taught, and if not how shall
     I correct it?

Was I right, was I wrong, will I be forgiven,
     can I do better?

Will I ever be able to sing, even the sparrows
     can do it well and I am, well
     hopeless.

Is my eyesight fading or am I just imagining it,
     am I going to get rheumatism,
     lockjaw, dementia?

Finally, I saw that worrying had come to nothing
     and gave it up. And took my old body
     and went out into the morning,
     and sang.

by Mary Oliver (born 1935)

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“Worrying takes up just as much time as work, but work pays better dividends.” -Author Unknown

“My life has been full of terrible misfortunes most of which never happened.” -Michel de Montaigne (Michel Eyquem de Montaigne (1533 - 1592)): “Essais” (“Essays”) (1595), Book 3, chapter 1

“The most pleasant and useful persons are those who leave some of the problems of the Universe for God to worry about.” -Don Marquis (1878 - 1937)

“Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.” -Dale Carnegie (Dale Breckenridge Carnegie (1888 - 1955))

“Happy is the man who has broken the chains which hurt the mind, and has given up worrying once and for all.” -Ovid (Publius Ovidius Naso (43 B.C.E. - C.E. 17 or 18))

“The longer we dwell on our misfortunes, the greater is their power to harm us.” -Voltaire (pseudonym of François-Marie Arouet (1694 - 1778))

“Some of today’s worries are like puddles: tomorrow they will have evaporated.” -Author Unknown

“Worry gives a small thing a big shadow.” -Author Unknown: Swedish proverb

“A day of worry is more exhausting than a week of work.” -John Lubbock (1834 - 1913): “The Use of Life” (1894)

“It is not work that kills men, it is worry. Work is healthy; you can hardly put more on a man than he can bear. But worry is rust upon the blade. It is not movement that destroys the machinery, but friction.” -Henry Ward Beecher (1813 - 1887)

“What worries you, masters you.” -John Locke (1632 - 1704)

“A worried person sees a problem, and a concerned person solves a problem.” -Harold Stephens (born 1926)

“Worry is an abuse of God’s gift of imagination.” -Corrine Lajeunesse

“Blessed is the person who is too busy to worry in the daytime, and too sleepy to worry at night.” -Leo Aikman (James Leo Aikman (1908 - 1978))

Worry: Mountain climbing over molehills.

“If you’re overwhelmed by thinking of all there is to be done, stop thinking about it so much and start working on it.” -Author Unknown

“Don’t let your worries get the best of you. Remember, Moses started out as a basket case.” -Author Unknown

“The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work.” -Robert Frost (Robert Lee Frost (1874 - 1963))

Worry

Worry is a futile thing,
     It’s somewhat like a rocking chair;
Although it keeps you occupied,
     It doesn’t get you anywhere.

by Author Unknown

Overheard: Don’t tell me worrying doesn’t do any good - I know better! Most of the things I worry about never happen.

“Worry is a cycle of inefficient thoughts whirling around a center of fear.” -Corrie ten Boom (Cornelia ‘Corrie’ ten Boom (1892 - 1983))

“Nothing wastes more energy than worrying. The longer one carries a problem, the heavier it becomes. Don’t take life too seriously. Live a life full of serenity, not of regrets.” -Douglas Pagels (born 1950)

“You can destroy your now by worrying about tomorrow.” -Janis Joplin (1943 - 1970)

“How to Stop Worrying and Start Living” (1948) is a self-help book by Dale Carnegie (Dale Breckenridge Carnegie (1888 - 1955)). Mr. Carnegie wrote in the preface of the book that he wrote it because he “was one of the unhappiest lads in New York.” He said that he made himself sick with worry because he hated his position in life. The goal of the book is to lead the reader to a more enjoyable and fulfilling life, helping them to become more aware of not only themselves, but of others around them. Mr. Carnegie addresses the everyday nuances of living, in order to get the reader to focus on the larger canvas of life.

“Worry never accomplishes anything. When you have a problem, it is best to concentrate on the solution to that problem, not the problem itself.” -Thomas D. Willhite (1940 - 1983)

“Worry is an unhealthy and destructive mental habit.” -Norman Vincent Peale (1898 - 1993)

“There is only one way to happiness, and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will.” -Epictetus (C.E. 55 - C.E. 135)

“If you worry about what might be, and wonder what might have been, you will overlook what is.” -Author Unknown

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Do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?

Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?

Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?

So do not worry, saying, “What shall we eat?” or “What shall we drink?” or “What shall we wear?” For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

by Jesus of Nazareth: as quoted in “The Bible,” ‘Matthew,’ chapter 6, verses 25 through 34

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“Worry is interest paid on trouble before it falls due.” -William R. Inge (William Ralph Inge (1860 - 1954))

“Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow. It empties today of its strength.” -Corrie ten Boom (Cornelia ‘Corrie’ ten Boom (1892 - 1983)): “Clippings from my Notebook” (1982)

“Worrying is silly - it is like walking around with an umbrella, waiting for it to rain.” -Author Unknown

How can you make the ‘Worry List’ you carry in your head a little shorter?

“Never bear more than one trouble at a time. Some people bear three kinds - all they have had, all they have now, and all they expect to have.” -Edward Everett Hale (1822 - 1909)

“To worry about tomorrow is to be unhappy today.” -Author Unknown

“You can’t change the past, but you can a ruin a perfectly good present worrying about the future.” -Author Unknown

“People spend most of their lives worrying about things that never happen.” -Jean Molière (pseudonym of Jean-Baptiste Poquelin (1622 - 1673))

Worrying and Worriers Quiz
- Do you have enough to worry about?
- Do other people often cause us to worry unnecessarily?
- How do you know if you are worrying too much?
- Can worrying make you sick?
- Can you teach yourself to worry less?

“Worry is a total waste of time. It doesn’t change anything. All it does is steal your joy and keep you busy doing nothing.” -Author Unknown

“If you truly want to test your memory, try to remember the things you worried about yesterday.” -Author Unknown

“Don’t fill your head with worries. There won’t be room for anything else.” -Author Unknown

“Worry a little bit every day and in a lifetime you will lose a couple of years. If something is wrong, fix it if you can. But train yourself not to worry. Worry never fixes anything.” -Mary Hemingway (1908 - 1986)

“Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep always in the sunlight.” -Benjamin Franklin (1706 - 1790)

“Worrying is like wishing for something that you do not want.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

“I’ve got 99 problems and 86 of them are completely made up scenarios in my head that I’m stressing about for absolutely no logical reason.” -Author Unknown

“Do not let trifles disturb your tranquility of mind. The little pinpricks of daily life, when dwelt upon and magnified, may do great damage, but if ignored or dismissed from thought, will disappear from inanition. Most men have worried about things which never happened, and more men have been killed by worry than by hard work. Life is so great in its opportunities and possibilities, that you should rise confidently above the inevitable trifles incident to daily contact with the world. Life is too precious to be sacrificed for the nonessential and transient . . . Ignore the inconsequential.” -Grenville Kleiser (1868 - 1953)

At MFOL! we are worried that we might be taken seriously . . . okay, that’s enough worrying for one day . . . now let’s go have some fun!

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Physical Fitness and Exercising

4/29/2019

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“Physical fitness is the first requisite of happiness.” -Joseph Pilates (1880 - 1967)

“Your mental energy is limited by your physical energy. How do you develop more energy of all kinds? You start by putting your body in top physical condition. Unless you do that, all your other activities won’t help much - you’ll be stuck with the mental and emotional energy that you have now.” -Tom Hopkins

“You’re only one workout away from a good mood.” -Author Unknown

“You eat every day, you sleep every day, and your body was made to exercise every day.” -Jack LaLanne (François Henri ‘Jack’ LaLanne (1914 - 2011))

Affirmation: Today I will love myself enough to exercise.

“Just thinking about exercising . . . burns zero calories.” -Author Unknown

“It turns out that the only realistic and practical way to achieve physical fitness is by some form of exercising. You must physically move yourself around or move other objects around.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

“I don’t sweat, I sparkle!” -Author Unknown

Physical Fitness and Exercising Facts
- 0.45 kilograms (1 pound) of muscle burns about 9 calories a day while 0.45 kilograms (1 pound) of fat burns only about 2 calories per day.
- It takes two times as long to lose new muscle when a person stops working out as it did to gain the muscle from working out.

“Fifty years ago, people finished a day’s work and needed rest. Today they need exercise.” -Author Unknown

“Those who think they have no time for exercise will sooner or later have to find time for illness.” -Edward Stanley

Miserly Tip: You do not need to spend hundreds of dollars on a gym or health club membership, or spend thousands of dollars on exercise equipment or a personal trainer. You can start your exercise program with just a sensible pair of shoes for walking, running, hiking, skipping, or stair climbing.

Stair climbing is said to be one of the better cardiovascular-strengthening, muscle-building, calorie-burning exercises.

According to some people, thinking about your muscles can make you stronger. Of course, that could be just wishful thinking . . .

No treadmill? Roads do not exist to be gawked at. No weights? Use furniture. No machines? Gravity works wonders for crunches and pushups. No stair machine? Climb some real stairs, a tree, a hill - who cares, just go upward against gravity. No money for healthy food? Then you must have no money for candy, chips, and soft drinks, either, right? Excuses? I can’t hear you! Harsh? You will not see success by wishing. So get out and do it!

Riddle: What has one hundred legs and lives on yogurt and salads?
Solution: An aerobics class.

“A feeble body weakens the mind.” -Jean-Jacques Rousseau (1712 - 1778): “Emile; or, Treatise on Education” (1762)

Does this describe your fitness program?
- Bending the rules.
- Dragging your feet.
- Fidgeting nervously.
- Jumping to conclusions.
- Lifting your fork.
- Pushing your luck.
- Running late for appointments.
- Shuffling paper.
- Sidestepping responsibility.
- Wading through information.

“Why do strong arms fatigue themselves with frivolous dumbbells? To dig a vineyard is worthier exercise.” -Martial (Marcus Valius Martialis)

Possible Benefits of Exercising
- Physical exercise makes you younger.
- Physical exercise makes your brain more powerful.
- Physical exercise makes you more attractive.
- Can you think of other benefits that might belong in this list?

At MFOL! we would like to start a new holiday called ‘National Jump for Joy Day.’ What month and day of the year do you think it should be held on? (Please note that while we have not personally experienced a ‘Jump for Joy’ ourselves, our research indicates that someone makes a noise such as, “Whoo-hoo!” and then attempts to momentarily defy the Earth’s gravitational pull by propelling him or herself in the direction of outer space.)

“I may not jog or workout - but I’m a very brisk eater.” -Jim Moore, Junior

“I exercised once but found that I was allergic to it. My skin flushed and my heart raced. I got sweaty and short of breath. Very dangerous stuff, this exercise!” -Unidentified Hypochondriac

No one will be able to give you better advice, and treatment if necessary, than your personal physician and any medical specialists, when it comes to your body interacting with the environment through exercise. This is especially true of health conditions that might require special considerations when exercising, as might be the case with conditions such as asthma, diabetes, or seizures. Listen to your doctor rather than what you might hear on television or read on the internet or are told by your friends or other people.

“I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I had any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn’t have signed up in the first place!” -Author Unknown

People burn more calories while sleeping than they do when watching television, so turn off the television and go to bed, because apparently, watching late-night television makes you fat! No television watching after 8:00 p.m. - go and read a good book instead.

Question: What did the personal trainer pick up at the bakery?
Answer: Head rolls.

Common exercise injuries include twisted ankles, pulled shoulders, bruises, soreness, and sunburn. You can minimize these by starting an exercise routine slowly, and gradually increasing the time and effort spent exercising so that your muscles, tendons, joints, and even your skin has time to toughen up. It is easy to deceive oneself into thinking it is possible to handle anything, but that simply is not likely. If you are trying to go from a mostly sedentary lifestyle to a fully active lifestyle, you may need a couple of years to achieve it. You can succeed, but allow your body time to adjust to changes.

“Exercise your mind as well as your body.” -Andrew Weil

“Physically fit people are more intellectually inclined, emotionally stable, composed, self-confident, easy-going, and relaxed.” -A. H. Ismail (Abdelrahman ‘Hafez’ Ismail (1923 - 1984))

“Muscles come and go; flab lasts.” -Bill Vaughan (William Edward ‘Bill’ Vaughan (1915 - 1977))

“Mr. LaLanne said he performed his exercises until he experienced “muscle fatigue,” lifting weights until it was impossible for him to continue. It produced results and, as he put it, “the ego in me” made the effort worthwhile.” -Author Unknown: as quoted in ‘Jack LaLanne, Founder of Modern Fitness Movement,’ published in the “New York Times” newspaper

“Exercise: you don’t have time not to.” -Author Unknown

“Movement is a medicine for creating change in a person’s physical, emotional, and mental states.” -Carol Welch

Walking Groups are organized groups of people who go walking together, usually for exercise, and sometimes for sightseeing or touring. The benefits of walking with others is the mutual motivation, support, safety, socializing, and conversation. Walking groups can be in shopping centers, parks, neighborhoods, and other areas. If enough people cannot be found to make up a group, flyers can be printed and placed on bulletin boards, in building lobbies, in business windows, in mailboxes, in doctors’ offices, and handed out in person. Notices and advertisements can be placed on social media websites and other locations on the internet. One way to get the word out that you are putting together a group is www.MeetUp.com. Advise people to wear comfortable shoes and loose clothing appropriate for weather conditions.

Overheard: Exercise burns calories.

“It’s all in the attitude - housework is exercise. Slim your way to a clean home!” -Linda Solegato

Exercises Requiring Little or No Equipment
- Walking
- Stair Climbing
- Jumping Jacks (Side-Straddle Hops)
- Pushup
- Sit-ups
- Toe Touchers
- Pullups and Chin-ups
- Can you think of others?

Overheard: If you have time to eat a doughnut, or watch television, or surf the internet, you definitely have time for exercise.

“It is remarkable how one’s wits are sharpened by physical exercise.” -Pliny the Younger (Gaius Plinius Caecilius Secundus (C.E. 61 - C.E. 112))

Physical Fitness and Exercising Quiz
- What are three benefits of exercise?
- What is the meaning of the word ‘sedentary’?
- What is the meaning of the word ‘active’?
- What are three exercises you can do right now right where you are?
- What three things will happen to someone who does not exercise and who continues to live a sedentary lifestyle?
- Name three people who do not exercise, and three people who do exercise.

“If it weren’t for the fact that the TV set and the refrigerator are so far apart, some of us wouldn’t get any exercise at all.” -Joey Adams

“Exercise is the chief source of improvement in our faculties.” -Hugh Blair (1718 - 1800)

Your body burns only 1.3 calories a minute when you are reading about physical fitness and exercising - but you burn a whopping 1.5 calories a minute when you are typing jokes on your computer to email to your friends!

“Stay Active!” -Author Unknown

“Physical exercise is you caring for you.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

This is MFOL! . . . you are now free to turn off your computer and go exercise . . .

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Happiness

4/28/2019

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“There is always something to be happy about.” -Author Unknown

Cheerfulness

I’m glad the sky is painted blue
And the Earth is painted green
And such a lot of nice fresh air
All sandwiched in between.

by Author Unknown

“On the whole, the happiest people seem to be those who have no particular cause for being happy except that they are so.” -William R. Inge (William Ralph Inge (1860 - 1954))

“A happy life is built up of little clumps of violets noticed along the roadside.” -Author Unknown

“The grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for.” -Joseph Addison (1672 - 1719): as quoted in Tryon Edwards: “A Dictionary of Thoughts” (1908), page 217

“The pursuit of happiness is the chase of a lifetime.” -Author Unknown

“You have it easily in your power to increase the total sum of this world’s happiness now. How? By giving a few words of sincere appreciation to someone who is lonely or discouraged. Perhaps you will forget tomorrow the kind words you say today, but the recipient may cherish them over a lifetime.” -Dale Carnegie (Dale Breckenridge Carnegie (1888 - 1955))

“Happiness is a choice.” -Barry Neill Kaufman (born 1942), website: http://www.barryneilkaufman.com/

“Happiness seems made to be shared.” [English translation]
“Le bonheur semble fait pour être partagé.” [original French]
-Pierre Corneille (1606 - 1684): “Notes par Rochefoucauld”

“Being happy doesn’t mean everything’s perfect; it just means you’ve decided to see beyond the imperfections.” -Author Unknown

“Even if happiness forgets you a little bit, never completely forget about it.” -Jacques Prévert (1900 - 1977)

“Happiness walks on busy feet.” -Kitte Turmell

“A lot of happiness is overlooked because it doesn’t cost anything.” -Author Unknown

“Whoever is happy will make others happy too.” -Anne Frank (1929 - 1945): “The Diary of a Young Girl” (1952)

“It’s being so cheerful as keeps me going.” -Mona Lott’s catchphrase on “ITMA” (1939 - 1949), a BBC radio program; Mona Lott is a fictional character portrayed by Joan Harben (1909 - 1953)

“Happiness is not perfected until it is shared.” -Jane Porter (1776 - 1850)

“Not only is there a right to be happy, there is a duty to be happy. So much sadness exists in the world that we are all under obligation to contribute as much joy as lies within our powers.” -John Sutherland Bonnell (1893 - 1992)

“Happiness will bring you good luck.” -Author Unknown: fortune cookie saying

“Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design for the present.” -Jim Rohn (Emanuel James ‘Jim’ Rohn (1930 - 2009))

“Look at the trees, look at the birds, look at the clouds, look at the stars . . . and if you have eyes you will be able to see that the whole existence is joyful. Everything is simply happy. Trees are happy for no reason; they are not going to become prime ministers or presidents and they are not going to become rich and they will never have any bank balance. Look at the flowers - for no reason. It is simply unbelievable how happy flowers are.” -Osho (Rajneesh Chandra Mohan Jain)

“Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier.” -Teresa of Calcutta (also known as Mother Teresa (1910 - 1997))

“Whoever said you can’t buy happiness forgot about puppies.” -Gene Hill (Gene Atkins Hill (1928 - 1997))

“Happiness is a choice that requires effort at times.” -Aeschylus (about 525 B.C.E. - about 456 B.C.E.): “Agamemnon,” 928

“Happiness! Can any human being undertake to define it for another?” -Dinah Craik (Dinah Maria Craik (1826 - 1887)): “A Woman’s Thoughts about Women” (1858), Chapter 10

“Happiness is a direction, not a destination.” -Author Unknown

“I am determined to be cheerful and happy in whatever situation I may find myself. For I have learned that the greater part of our misery or unhappiness is determined not by our circumstance but by our disposition.” -Martha Washington (1731 - 1802)

“Happiness is a way-station between too little and too much.” -Channing Pollock (1880 - 1946)

“To me there is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy.” -Robert Louis Stevenson (Robert Louis Balfour Stevenson (1850 - 1894))

“How true it is that, if we are cheerful and contented, all nature smiles, the air seems more balmy, the sky clearer, the Earth has a brighter green . . . the flowers are more fragrant . . . and the Sun, Moon, and stars all appear more beautiful, and seem to rejoice with us.” -Orison S. Marden (Orison Swett Marden (1850 - 1924))

“True happiness consists in making others happy.” -Author Unknown

Happiness: hap-pi-ness, ha-pē-nǝs, noun. A mental state of well-being characterized by positive emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy.

“Happiness is in the heart, not in circumstances or in things.” -Author Unknown

“Happiness makes up in height for what it lacks in length.” -William Cowper (1731 - 1800): “Task,” book III, line 41

“Folks are generally as happy as they make up their minds to be.” -Abraham Lincoln (1809 - 1865)

Do more of what makes you happy . . . like writing messages on foggy windows and on sandy beaches.

“Spread happiness; a candle loses nothing by lighting another candle.” -Author Unknown

“The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts: therefore, guard accordingly, and take care that you entertain no notions unsuitable to virtue and reasonable nature.” -Marcus Aurelius (also known as Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (C.E. 121 - C.E. 180))

“Jumping for joy is good exercise.” -Author Unknown

“Happiness doesn’t depend on what we have, but it does depend on how we feel toward what we have. We can be happy with little and miserable with much.” -William Dempster Hoard (1836 - 1918)

“A merry heart doeth good like a medicine.” -Author Unknown: “Holy Bible,” (King James Version (1611)), ‘The Book of Proverbs,’ chapter 17, verse 22

“Happiness belongs to those who are sufficient unto themselves. For all external sources of happiness and pleasure, are by their very nature, highly uncertain, precarious, ephemeral, and subject to chance.” -Arthur Schopenhauer (1788 - 1860)

“People need joy. Quite as much as clothing. Some of them need it far more.” -Margaret Collier Graham (1850 - 1910)

“There is no happiness except in the realization that we have accomplished something.” -Henry Ford (1863 - 1947)

“Happiness is to be found along the way, not at the end of the road, for then the journey is over and it is too late.” -Robert R. Updegraff (Robert Rawls Updegraff (1889 - 1977))

“Cheerful people, the doctors say, resist disease better than glum people. In other words, ‘The surly bird catches the germ.’” -Author Unknown

“We deem those happy who, from the experience of life, have learned to bear its ills, without being overcome by them.” [English translation]
“Ducimus autem hos quoque felices, qui ferre incommoda vitæ, nec jactare jugum vita didicere magistra.” [original Latin]
-Juvenal (Decimus Iunius Iuvenalis (about C.E. 55 - C.E. 130)): “Satires,” XII, 20

“Happiness is not a goal; it is a by-product.” -Eleanor Roosevelt (Anna Eleanor ‘Eleanor’ Roosevelt (1884 - 1962))

“The greatest happiness is to be that which one is.” -Theodore Herzl (1860 - 1904)

“Now and then it’s good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy.” -Guillaume Apollinaire (Wilhelm Apollinaris de Dostrowitsky (1880 - 1918))

“Happiness is not a station you arrive at, but a manner of traveling.” -Margaret Runbeck (Margaret Lee Runbeck (1900 - 1956)): “Time for Each Other” (1944)

“A single joy can scatter a hundred griefs.” -Author Unknown

“The great end of all human industry is the attainment of happiness. For this were arts invented, sciences cultivated, laws ordained, and societies modelled, by the most profound wisdom of patriots and legislators. Even the lonely savage, who lies exposed to the inclemency of the elements and the fury of wild beasts, forgets not, for a moment, this grand object, of his being.” -David Hume (1711 - 1776): “The Stoic,” ‘Essays, Moral, Political and Literary,’ part 1, essay 16, as published in “The Philosophical Works of David Hume” (1826), volume 3, page 167

“Happiness is a direction and not a place.” -Sydney J. Harris (Sydney Justin Harris (1917 - 1986))

“The happy people are those who are producing something; the bored people are those who are consuming much and producing nothing.” -William R. Inge (William Ralph Inge (1860 - 1954))

“We tend to forget that happiness doesn’t come as a result of getting something we don’t have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.” -Frederick Koenig (Friedrich Gottlob Koenig (1774 - 1833))

“A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes.” -Author Unknown

“The path to cheerfulness is to sit cheerfully and to act and speak as if cheerfulness were already there.” -William James (1842 - 1910)

“I have chosen to be happy because it is good for my health.” -Voltaire (pseudonym of François-Marie Arouet (1694 - 1788))

“Happiness is not the absence of problems, it’s the ability to deal with them.” -Steve Maraboli (born 1975)

“A light heart lives long.” -William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616)

“What is happiness and unhappiness? It depends so little on the circumstances; it depends really only on what happens inside a person. I am grateful for every day . . . and that makes me happy.” -Dietrich Bonhoeffer (1906 - 1945)

“The happiest people are the ones who make others happy.” -Author Unknown

“When you seek happiness for others, you will find it for yourself.” -Lori Moreno

“The happiest people are those who think the most interesting thoughts. Those who decide to use leisure as a means of mental development, who love good music, good books, good pictures, good company, good conversation, are the happiest people in the world. And they are not only happy in themselves, they are the cause of happiness in others.” - William L. Phelps (William Lyon Phelps (1865 - 1943))

“Resolve to make at least one person happy every day, and then in ten years you may have made three thousand, six hundred and fifty persons happy, or brightened a small town by your contribution to the fund of general enjoyment.” -Sydney Smith (1771 - 1845)

“I do not know of any sure way of making others happy as being so oneself.” -Arthur Helps (1813 - 1875)

“Be happy. It’s one way of being wise.” -Sidonie Gabrielle Colette (1873 - 1954)

“The joy that you give to others is the joy that comes back to you.” -John Greenleaf Whittier (1807 - 1892)

“Happiness is no laughing matter.” -Richard Whately (1787 - 1863): “Apophthegms” (1854)

“You cannot always have happiness, but you can always give happiness.” -Author Unknown

“Happiness lies, first of all, in health.” -George William Curtis (1824 - 1892)

“Happiness is not an ideal of reason but of imagination.” -Immanuel Kant (1724 - 1804): “Fundamental Principles of the Metaphysics of Ethics” (1785)

“Happiness is not a matter of events; it depends upon the tides of the mind.” -Alice Meynell (1847 - 1922)

“If you do not have the capacity for happiness with a little money, great wealth will not bring it to you.” -William Feather (William Arthur Feather (1889 - 1981)): “The Business of Life” (1949)

Affirmation: I choose happiness.

“The happiness of life is made up of minute fractions - the little soon-forgotten charities of a kiss, a smile, a kind look, a heartfelt compliment in the disguise of a playful raillery, and the countless other infinitesimal of pleasurable thought and genial feeling.” -Samuel Taylor Coleridge (1772 - 1834)

“Happiness is not a possession to be prized, it is a quality of thought, a state of mind.” -Daphne du Maurier (1907 - 1989)

“It is the inalienable right of all to be happy.” -Elizabeth Cady Stanton (1815 - 1902) (1861)

“Happiness is surely the best teacher of good manners: only the unhappy are churlish in deportment.” -Christopher Morley (Christopher Darlington Morley (1890 - 1957)): “Where the Blue Begins” (1922)

“The happy man is not he who seems thus to others, but who seems thus to himself.” -Publilius Syrus (85 B.C.E. - 43 B.C.E.)

“Some pursue happiness, while others create it.” -Author Unknown

“Happiness is the atmosphere in which all things grow.” -Author Unknown

We are MFOL! . . . spread the merriment . . .

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Encouragement and Praise

4/27/2019

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“Praise works with only three types of people; men, women, and children.” -Author Unknown

“Everybody likes a compliment.” -Abraham Lincoln (1809 - 1865)

“I can live for two months on a good compliment.” -Mark Twain (Samuel Langhorne Clemens (1835 -1910))

“Remember the compliments you have received and forget the rude remarks.” -Author Unknown

Arnold Bennett, the British novelist, had a publisher who boasted about the extraordinary efficiency of his secretary. One day while visiting the publisher’s office, Bennett asked her: “Your boss claims you’re extremely efficient. What’s your secret?” “It’s not my secret,” said the secretary, “it’s his.” Each time she did something for him, no matter how insignificant, she explained, he never failed to acknowledge and appreciate it. Because of this, she took infinite pains with her work.

Flattery

’Tis an old maxim in the schools,
That flattery’s the food of fools;
Yet now and then your men of wit
Will condescend to take a bit.

by Jonathan Swift (1667 - 1745): “Cadenus and Vanessa” (1713)

“Celebrate what you want to see more of.” -Tom Peters (born 1942)

“When you feel in need of a compliment give one to someone else.” -Author Unknown

“You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windshield; it said ‘Parking Fine.’ So that was nice.” -Tim Vine (Timothy Mark ‘Tim’ Vine (born 1967))

“Be quick to praise people. People like to praise those who praise them.” -Bernard Baruch (1870 - 1965): as attributed in William Safire and Leonard Safir: “Words of Wisdom: More Good Advice” (1989), page 294

“Any man’s life will be filled with constant and unexpected encouragement if he makes up his mind to do his level best each day.” -Booker T. Washington (Booker Taliaferro Washington (1856 - 1915))

An Old Person of Filey

There was an old person of Filey,
Of whom his acquaintance spoke highly;
He danced perfectly well,
To the sound of a bell,
And delighted the people of Filey.

by Author Unknown

“A person places themselves on a level with the ones they praise.” -Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832)

“What really flatters a man is that you think him worth flattering.” -George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950): “John Bull’s Other Island” (1904), Act 4

“Note how good you feel after you have encouraged someone else. No other argument is necessary to suggest that one never miss the opportunity to give encouragement.” -George Adams (George Matthew Adams (1878 - 1962))

“You can’t eat compliments.” -Charles M. Schulz (Charles Monroe ‘Sparky’ Schulz (1922 - 2000)): “Things I’ve Had to Learn Over and Over Again (Plus a Few Minor Discoveries)” (1984)

“The sweetest of all sounds is praise.” -Xenophon (430 B.C.E. - 352 B.C.E.) (about 380 B.C.E.)

“Flattery must be pretty thick before anybody objects to it.” -William Feather (William Arthur Feather (1889 - 1981)): “The Business of Life” (1949)

“When your goal is to build people up, to make them feel better, to share in their joy, you too reap the rewards of their positive feelings. The next time you have the chance to correct someone, even if their facts are a little off, resist the temptation. Instead, ask yourself, “What do I really want out of this interaction?” Chances are, what you want is a peaceful interaction where all parties leave feeling good. Each time you resist ‘being right,’ and instead choose kindness, you’ll notice a peaceful feeling within.” -Richard Carlson (1961 - 2006): “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff” (1997), page 37; website: https://dontsweat.com/

Now that is indeed a job whale done . . .

“The most effective way to achieve right relations with any living thing is to look for the best in it, and then help that best into the fullest expression.” -J. Allen Boone (John Allen Boone (1882 - 1965))

“Praise, like gold and diamonds, owes its value only to its scarcity.” -Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784): “The Rambler” (6 June 1751)

“Appreciate good people. They are hard to come by.” -Author Unknown

“If you mean to profit, learn to praise.” -Charles Churchill (1731 - 1764): “Gotham” (1764), book II

“Praise does wonders for our sense of hearing.” -Arnold H. Glasow (Arnold Henry Glasow (1905 - 1998))

“Praise makes good Men better, and bad Men worse.” -Thomas Fuller (1654 - 1734): “Gnomologia: Adages and Proverbs” (1732), number 3918

High praise indeed . . . comes from mountaintops!

“Be advised that all flatterers live at the expense of those who listen to them.” -Jean de La Fontaine (1621 - 1695)

“The people who are lifting the world onward and upward are those who encourage more than they criticize.” -Elizabeth Harrison (1849 - 1927)

“People are in greater need of your praise when they try and fail, than when they try and succeed.” -Bob Moawad (Robert Abraham Moawad (1941 - 2007))

“Flattery is like chewing gum. Enjoy it but don’t swallow it.” -Hank Ketcham (born Henry King Ketcham (1920 - 2001))

“Correction does much, but encouragement does more.” -Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832)

“One kind word can change someone’s entire day.” -Author Unknown

“. . . envy is a kind of praise.” -John Gay (1685 - 1732)

Flattery: False praise, a form of lying; see also exaggeration, another form of lying.

Compliment: A hug by way of words.

“Flatterers look like friends, as wolves like dogs.” -George Chapman

Overheard: If you can’t get a compliment any other way, pay yourself one.

“A compliment is something like a kiss through a veil.” -Victor Hugo (Victor Marie Hugo (1802 - 1885))

“Nothing else can quite substitute for a few well-chosen, well-timed, sincere words of praise. They’re absolutely free and worth a fortune.” -Sam Walton (1918 - 1992)

“I have always said that if I were a rich man I’d hire a professional praiser.” -Osbert Sitwell (Francis Osbert Sacheverell Sitwell (1892 - 1969))

“Fair words butter no parsnips.” -John Clarke (1596 - 1658): “Paroemiologia” (1639), page 21

“When someone does something well, applaud! You will make two people happy.” -Samuel Goldwyn (also known as Samuel Goldfish, born Szmuel Gelbfisz (1879 - 1974))

“You are every lovely word I could possibly think of.” -Author Unknown

“Never let an opportunity pass to say a kind or encouraging word to another person.” -Author Unknown

“Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit: we cannot flower and grow without it.” -Jess Lair (1927 -2000)

“You need to be aware of what others are doing, applaud their efforts, acknowledge their successes, and encourage them in their pursuits. When we all help one another, everybody wins.” -Jim Stovall (born 1958)

“When a proud Man hears another praised, he thinks himself injured.” -Thomas Fuller (1654 - 1734)

“Compliment people; magnify their strengths, not their weaknesses.” -Author Unknown

“Let’s cease thinking of our accomplishments, our wants. Let’s try to figure out the other man’s good points. Then forget flattery. Give honest, sincere appreciation. Be hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise, and people will cherish your words and treasure them and repeat them over a lifetime - repeat them years after you have forgotten them.” -Dale Carnegie (Dale Breckenridge Carnegie (1888 - 1955))

“I would like to compliment you on the fine job you are doing of complimenting me.” -Author Unknown

“Flattery corrupts both the receiver and the giver.” -Edmund Burke (1729 - 1797): “Reflections on the Revolution in France” (1790)

“Compliments are free of cost and obligation; indeed, they are ‘complimentary.’” -Author Unknown

“Encourage one another. Many times a word of praise or thanks or appreciation or cheer has kept people on their feet.” -Charles R. Swindoll (Charles Rozell ‘Chuck’ Swindoll (born 1934))

“Compliments are the gift of prosperity. I have learned to accept them graciously.” -Louise Hay (Louise Lynn Hay (1926 - 2017))

“To encourage someone is literally to instill courage in someone.” -Author Unknown

“Most of us, swimming against the tides of trouble the world knows nothing about, need only a bit of praise or encouragement - and we will make the goal.” -Jerome P. Fleishman

“It’s always worthwhile to make others aware of their worth.” -Malcolm Forbes (Malcolm Stevenson Forbes (1919 - 1990))

“Find the good - and praise it.” -Alex Haley (Alexander Murray Palmer Haley (1921 - 1992))

“A gentle word, a kind look, a good-natured smile can work wonders and accomplish miracles.” -William Hazlitt (similar quotation attributed to Leo Buscaglia)

“The way to develop the best that is in a person is by appreciation and encouragement.” -Charles Schwab (Charles Michael Schwab (1862 - 1939))

Some encouragement consists of praise combined with expectation, as for example, “You are always mommy’s little angel,” or “You are the best thing that has ever happened to this company.” So, there is the praise or compliment, plus the expectation, all melded into one. It is as though someone is being encouraged to do and be good, while his or her previous or present goodness is being acknowledged.

This is MFOL! . . . a website for exceedingly extraordinarily exceptionally excellent extra-special people like yourself . . .

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Boomerangs and Throwing Sticks

4/26/2019

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For a while, I could not quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually, it came back to me.

A boomerang makes a good whittling project. Start with a piece of a bent tree branch, split it lengthwise with an axe, and whittle away at it with a knife until you have made your own handcrafted throwing stick. Experiment with body and edge shapes to find what creates the best results when you fling your projectile into the wild blue yonder.

Boomerang: What you say to frighten a meringue.

Boomerangs come in two general categories: returning and non-returning.

A native Australian was given a new boomerang as a gift. The trouble was that he spent the rest of his life trying to throw his old one away.

The returning boomerang can be used for recreation and sports, as a leisure toy, or as a weapon. A returning boomerang consist of two or more connected airfoil wings, configured so as to create an aerodynamically imbalanced shape that follows an elliptical trajectory, so that if used properly, it will fly away from the thrower, follow a curved flight path, and then return to the thrower.

Jack: What do you get if you cross a skunk and a boomerang?
Jill: A smell you cannot get rid of.

The non-returning boomerang, or throwing stick, is intended primarily as a lethal weapon for use by hunters to kill animals for food, and doubles as an implement for digging and for starting friction fires, and even as a sound-producing instrument or signaling device when two of the sticks are struck together.

Riddle: What do you call a boomerang that does not return after you throw it?
Answer: A stick.

A group of hunters armed with boomerangs can launch them into a flock of birds or a herd of animals in a coordinated effort, and with some statistical likelihood, achieve the objective of bringing down one or more of the birds or animals for their next meal.

Anne: What is an Australian ghost’s favorite snack?
Gus: Boo-meringue pie.

Boomerangs use the same general principle as the wings of airplanes which, when moving forward through the air, develop lift. Indeed, boomerangs are among the earliest known human-made heavier-than-air flying objects, developed before even the bow-and-arrow and the slingshot.

“The game of life is the game of boomerangs. Our thoughts, deeds, and words return to us sooner or later, with astounding accuracy.” -Florence Scovel Shinn (1871 - 1940): “The Game of Life and How to Play It” (1925)

Boomerang: A cross between a cannon and a bell.

Although boomerangs are often associated with the continent of Australia, they have also been discovered in much older sites in the part of the world that is now the country of Poland, and which are associated with early humans of about 30,000 years ago. Other boomerangs have been found in the tombs of Egyptian pharaohs that are over 2,000 years old.

Overheard: My uncle Will had a boomerang that he did not want, but every time he tried to throw it away, he ended up badly injured.

In 1992, German astronaut Ulf Merbold performed an experiment aboard the orbiting Spacelab that demonstrated boomerangs can function in zero gravity just as they do on Earth. French astronaut Jean-François Clervoy demonstrated the experiment while aboard the Mir space station in 1997. In 2008, Japanese astronaut Takao Doi again repeated the experiment. Who says people cannot have fun in space?

Samantha: How do you get rid of a boomerang?
Tabitha: Throw it down a one-way street?

Boomerangs: Echo sticks.

The best place to be when your boomerang makes its return flight would be behind a tree or rock, wearing a helmet, goggles, and thick padded protective clothes. Until you have gotten significant practice in throwing boomerangs, it is recommended that you do so only under the supervision of an experienced boomerang thrower. Practice in an area with plenty of room and with no people or animals or breakable objects within the throwing stick’s flight path, which of course means you will not want anyone standing close to you, either. An open field will do nicely. A boomerang is a potential killing weapon, so when it comes flying back to you, never try to catch it as you would a ball or a Frisbee; instead, let it hit the ground and then go pick it up.

He wondered why the boomerang kept getting bigger until it finally hit him.

“Life is like a boomerang; the more good you throw out, the more you get in return.” -Author Unknown

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A Boomerang World

As I was sitting outside this morning sipping my coffee and watching the Sun climb over the horizon, I looked down and saw a curved stick on the ground that reminded me of a boomerang. Suddenly I was caught up in memories of me as a kid playing for hours on end in my grandfather’s backyard with a small wooden boomerang he had given to me as a gift.

Remember when you were a kid, how fascinated you were with boomerangs? (At least I was.) You take this flat, curved piece of wood and throw it and then watch in amazement as it curves around in the air and comes right back to you.

As ‘miraculous’ as that seemed when we were kids, I’ve found that most of our life is like that. Whatever we throw out there, comes back to us.

We live in a boomerang world.

Let me explain:

If you smile at someone, in almost every case, they will smile back. Try it now with someone nearby and see if it works.

If you are kind toward someone, he or she will usually be kind in return. Of course, this also works in the other direction.

If you complain to someone, they will share their complaints with you. In fact, you may quickly find yourself in a subtle competition to see who is more miserable.

If you get angry at someone, they will usually get angry with you. And so on . . .

The fact is, whatever you decide to throw out into the world will usually circle around and land right back at your feet, much like the boomerangs we played with as kids.

Here’s what struck me this morning.

I have a choice about what I decide to throw out into my world. I have a choice about what I want to land at my feet?

If you want more joy - throw it out there.

If you want more happiness - throw some happiness out there to someone else and watch it miraculously come back to you.

It even works with money. Need money? Give some away. The spiritual leaders from the beginning of time have been telling us this, but most of us are afraid to believe it.

It works in just about every area of our life. When we give something away, when we throw it out there - it comes back to us.

But here’s the good news and this is really the miraculous part, we actually get more back than what we throw out there. Plant a seed and you don’t just get one seed back. You get hundreds - maybe even thousands!

So today and for as many days afterwards as you want, make a conscious choice about what you want to throw out into the world. By doing this, you will be making a choice about what is going to come back and land at your feet.

Remember the boomerang and that whatever you throw out there, will come back to you many times over.

by Author Unknown

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Jeremiah: What do you get when you cross a boomerang and a rubber band?
Jeremy: A snappy comeback!

“Everything you unleash into the world will find its way back to you.” -Author Unknown

Bernie: Why did the dog cross the road twice?
Barney: He was trying to fetch a boomerang.

Overheard: “I threw a boomerang six years ago, and it never came back. Now I live in constant fear.”

This is MFOL! . . . boomeranging out all across the internet . . . we can hardly wait to see its return flight . . . there it is . . . run for your life!

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Pigs and Hogs

4/26/2019

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You are such a good little piggy . . . yes, you are!

“I like pigs. Dogs look up to us, cats look down on us, but pigs treat us as equals.” -Winston Churchill (Winston Leonard Spencer-Churchill (1874 - 1965))

Mabel: What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede?
Hazel: Bacon and legs.

Pigs were domesticated, or tamed from wild animals, by humans about 9,000 years ago. Many wild pigs still exist, including wild boars, warthogs, and bushpigs. Some wild pigs have large tusks, which are long teeth used for fighting and digging for food.

Seth: What goes, “Oink, oink,” and steals your money?
Beth: A pig-pocket.

Pig Facts
- An adult male pig is called a boar.
- An adult female pig is called a sow.
- A young pig is called a piglet.
- A group of piglets is called a litter.
- A group of pigs is called a sounder, a herd, a drove, a passel, a parcel, or a drift.
- The sounds made by pigs are called grunts, snorts, oinks, and squeals.
- Pigs are omnivores, or animals that eat both plants and animals.
- Pigs can live to be 15 years of age.
- Hogs are very large, very heavy pigs.
- Pigs are found on every continent except Antarctica.

Garth: Where do Eskimo pigs live?
Garret: In pig-loos!

oO0oO0oO0oO0oO0oO0oO0oO0oO0oO0oO0oO0oO0oO0oO0oO0oO0oO0o

You’re Eating Like a Pig Again!

“You’re eating like a pig again!”
     my mother scolded me,
“If you keep eating like a pig,
     a pig is what you’ll be!”

I simply cannot fathom
     what the fuss is all about,
and haven’t I a lovely tail,
     and see my splendid snout.

by Author Unknown

oO0oO0oO0oO0oO0oO0oO0oO0oO0oO0oO0oO0oO0oO0oO0oO0oO0oO0o

Gertie: Why did the pig become an actor?
Gertrude: Because he was such a ham.

About 2 billion pigs call the Earth their home. Look, here they all come now, headed right in our direction.

Herb looked up from fishing on a riverbank to see a herd of pachyderms stampeding directly toward his picnic basket. They must have escaped from Freddy’s hog farm - or were they just on their regular Saturday outing? Herb did not know the answer to this question, but one thing he did know for sure: If he did not reach the picnic basket before the pigs reached it, his coffee cup full of nightcrawlers might be all eaten up. Herb was in a definite pigdicament.

Lee: What happened when the pigpen broke?
Roy: The pigs had to write with a pencil.

An average pig squeals at a range of between 100 and 115 decibels. Piglets are known to get their heads stuck between the wood slats of fences and in other places in their perpetual search for edibles. When a piglet is unable to get free, it will panic and cry for help by ‘squealing like stuck hog.’

Seven Piglets

Seven piglets, pink and gray,
     who could not keep from squealing,
chased each other all the way
     from Wichita to Wheeling.
Under fences, over rails,
     they raced with one another,
then turned around and twitched their tails,
     and hurried home to Mother.

by Jack Prelutsky

Pigs are animals with stout bodies, small eyes, flat snouts, hoofed feet, and short tails. They vary in color from brown to black to white to pinkish.

Pigs are omnivores, or animals that eat both plants and animals. Pigs eat a variety of small animals, including worms, grubs, and snakes. However, most domesticated pigs that live on farms eat corn as well as agricultural waste and waste products from food manufacturing. After fields and orchards have been harvested of fruits and vegetables and grains, farmers sometimes release pigs to run around in them, where they gorge themselves on unharvested plant parts, as well as rotten fruits, vegetables, and grains that are not suitable for human consumption. If the fields and orchards were not cleaned up in this way by pigs, rodents, birds, insects, and other scavengers would be attracted to them, and the scavengers would then pose a threat to other crops. On small farms, pigs are often fed swill or slop, made up of kitchen scraps, restaurant waste, and foods discarded by grocers and markets.

“When I come to one of the forks in the road of life, I don’t waste time and energy wishing it was a spoon.” -Miss Piggy

“Never attempt to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and annoys the pig.” -Robert Heinlein (Robert Anson Heinlein (1907 - 1988)): “Time Enough for Love” (1973), ‘Prelude II’

Pigs are smarter than dogs - in fact, pigs are very intelligent animals. They are ranked as the fourth smartest animal on Earth.
1. Humans
2. Primates other than Humans
3. Whales and Dolphins
4. Pigs
5. Dogs

“A pig bought on credit is forever grunting.” -Author Unknown

Hog-Calling Competition

A bull-voiced young fellow of Rawling
Competes in the meets for hog-calling;
The people applaud,
And the judges are awed,
But the hogs find it simply appalling.

by Morris Bishop

People with allergies sometimes keep pigs as pets because they have hair instead of fur, and so they shed very little. Pigs are easily trained to walk on a leash and do tricks. They can even be house-trained. Pot-bellied pigs are particularly popular as pets. Unfortunately, however, even adorable little piggies do eventually grow up to become gigantic fat hogs that take up a lot of space and demand a lot of attention. Oink!

Sue: Are you a great-big fat hog?
Ron: No.
Sue: Don’t worry, little piggy, you’ll grow up someday!

Pinky: What do you call a sunburned pig?
Rosie: Bacon.

Pigs roll around in the mud to keep cool because they do not have sweat glands. Mud also helps to keep them clean - what? Yes, it is true, mud baths help pigs keep their skin free of bothersome flies, fleas, tics, and lice. Additionally, because pigs can become sunburned, dirt and dried-on mud can provide them with sun-protection.

Curly: What did the pig say when he was sun-tanning in the summer?
Porky: “I’m bacon out here!”

Priscilla Pig: “Wow, I never sausage heat!”
Harvey Hog: “I know - I’m almost bacon!”

A man was walking down the street with a pig under his arm. Another man walking in the other direction asked him, “Where did you get that animal?” The pig replied, “I won him in a raffle!”

Humans farm pigs for meat such as pork, bacon, and ham. Leather, lard, and glue can also be made from pigs. And, of course, jars of pickled pigs feet are a standard interior decoration of many grocery stores.

Little Pig: Hey, there!
Big Pig: Hay, hey? Hay is for horses - aren’t you glad we’re pigs?! Grunt, grunt.

Pigs have an excellent sense of smell. Pigs’ snouts are an important tool for finding food, for digging and poking around to uncover food hidden in the ground, and for sensing the world around them.

Could a small pig be called a ‘hamlet’?

Piglets weigh about 1.1 kilograms (2.5 pounds) when they are born. Adult pigs can weigh on average 136 kilograms to 318 kilograms (300 to 700 pounds). In the United States of America, a pig must weigh more than 82 kilograms (180 pounds) to earn the name hog; however, in much of the rest of the world, 54 kilograms (120 pounds) is accepted.

Gail: Why do pigs eat so much?
Glen: So they can make hogs of themselves.

“It was the best place to be, thought Wilbur, this warm delicious cellar, with the garrulous geese, the changing seasons, the heat of the sun, the passage of swallows, the nearness of rats, the sameness of sheep, the love of spiders, the smell of manure, and the glory of everything.” -E. B. White (Elwyn Brooks White (1899 - 1985)): “Charlotte’s Web” (15 October 1952)

Question: What do you get if you cross a pig and a conifer?
Answer: A porcupine.

Rhoda: What do veterinarians put on sick pigs?
Ronda: Oinkment.

“One disadvantage of being a hog is that at any moment some blundering fool may try to make a silk purse out of your wife’s ear.” -J. B. Morton (John Cameron Andrieu Bingham Michael Morton (1893 - 1979))

We cannot make up our minds - should we be pigs or sheep today? Wait, we know - we will confuse everybody by being both! Actually, these somewhat sheepish looking ‘wooly pigs’ are one hundred percent pig and not closely related to sheep. They are Mangalica, also known as Mangalitsa or Mangalitza, pigs of proud Hungarian descent.

Jacque: What did one pig say to the other pig?
Pierre: “Let’s be pen pals!”

Anablephobia is a persistent fear of looking up. Pigs do not have this problem, because it is physically impossible for them to do so, since their eyes are on the sides of their big fat heads, and their stocky necks do not allow them to bend their heads far enough. But that is fine for pigs, because most of their food is stuff that has fallen on the ground anyway, and it is not up in the sky.

Flying Pig

Hickory, dickory, dare,
The pig flew in the air;
     Net in hand, Farmer Brown
     Soon brought him down,
Hickory, dickory, dare.

by Author Unknown

Daphne: What would happen if pigs could fly?
Phoebe: The price of bacon would go way up.

If you push a pig down a hill, does he then become a sausage roll?

Aggie: What do you call a kosher hog?
Agatha: A Harley motorbike.

Patty: Why did the three little pigs go play outside?
Patsy: Because their father was an awful boar.

Five Little Piggies

“It’s time for my piggies to go to bed.”
     The great big mother piggy said.
“So I will count them first to see
     If all my piggies came back to me.
One little piggy, two little piggies,
     Three little piggies dear,
Four little piggies, five little piggies
     Yes, they’re all here!”

by Author Unknown

If a pig loses its voice, is it 'disgruntled'?

Little Piggy: Where can we store our computer files?
Boss Hog: On sloppy disks.

Swine Flu symptoms include a propensity for saying, “Oink, oink!” and an urge to roll in the mud. You can reduce your chances of getting the condition by being jabbed with a sharp needle by your doctor or other health care provider.

Laverne: What game do hogs like to play?
Shirley: Pig-pong.

A mother pig was walking through a barnyard one day with one of her piglets. Suddenly, a raccoon raced out from behind the barn, giving the mother pig quite a scare, and the little hog laughed to see such sport, as the sow jumped over the coon.

Shauna: What do you get when you put a pig behind the wheel?
Shane: A road hog.

Pigment: Something you give to a pig so that it will have fresh breath.

Ode to the Pig: His Tail

My tail is not impressive
     But it’s elegant and neat.
In length it’s not excessive -
     I can’t curl it ’round my feet -
But it’s awfully expressive,
     And its weight is not excessive,
And I don’t think it’s conceit,
     Or foolishly possessive
If I state with some aggressive-
     ness that it’s
the final master touch
     That makes a pig complete.

by Walter R. Brooks (Walter Rollin Brooks (1886 - 1958))

Samantha: What wallows in the mud and carries colored eggs?
Samuel: The Easter Piggy!

Run to save your bacon! Pigs have four toes on each of their feet, but they walk on only two toes. Perhaps that is why pigs can cover a mile in 7.5 minutes when running at top speed. The fastest that an adult pig can run is 17.7 kilometers (11 miles) an hour for short distances.

Arabelle: What do you call a pig with three eyes?
Annabelle: A piiig.

This is MFOL! . . . we do it all for the love of laughter and learning . . .

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End of the World

4/26/2019

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People are making jokes like there is no tomorrow . . .

Once upon a time in a magical land, there lived a snake named Nate. His purpose in life was to stay in the desert and guard the lever. This lever was no ordinary one, for if it were moved, it would cause the world to be destroyed. Nate took his job very seriously, and he let nothing get close to the lever. One day, he saw a cloud of dust off in the distance. He kept his eye on it because he was guarding the lever. The dust cloud continued to move closer to the lever. Nate saw that it was caused by a huge boulder - and the boulder was rolling straight for the lever! Nate thought about what he could do to save the world. He decided if he could get in front of the boulder, he could change its path and cause it to miss the lever. Nate slithered quickly to intersect the boulder. The boulder ran right over Nate, leaving him as flat as a pancake, but fortunately, the boulder was deflected as planned and missed the lever . . . leaving history to conclude that it was better Nate than lever.

“If the world comes to an end, I want to be in Cincinnati. Everything comes there ten years later.” -Mark Twain (Samuel Langhorne Clemens (1835 - 1910))

When will the world end? Scientists believe that Earth will exist for another 7.5 billion years before the Sun becomes a red giant star and, in all likelihood, destroys the planet. Earth may cease to support life far before that time, however, due to the increased energy output from the Sun over time. Well before all of this occurs, humans will likely locate several extremely large rocks floating around in space, attach rocket engines to them, build habitable caves inside the rocks, pilot them out of the solar system, and become a spacefaring species until we discover new home-worlds. We will persevere as we have since our long-ago beginnings.

The world may be ending tomorrow, but we’ve still got today . . .

Good Things about the End of the World
- No more waiting in rush hour traffic with your fuel gage near ‘E’ for ‘empty.’
- No more surprises in the amounts of your utility bills and phone bills.
- No more waiting in long lines at grocery stores while the ice cream in your shopping cart melts.
- No more phone calls in which a recording says, “Press 1 for English,” “Press 2 for billing questions,” “Press 3 to speak to a representative,” “Press 4 if you dozed off during this recording and forgot why you called,” and then you finally hear, “Sorry, all of our representatives are busy with other callers, please try again later.”
- No more homework or tests or restrictions on when and where you can chew bubble gum.
- No more hard-luck relatives asking to borrow money or sleep on your sofa.
- No more worrying about runaway shopping carts denting your car.
- No more dead cell phone batteries.
- No more trying to explain simple things to people who seem to have heads made from blocks of wood or some other hard, impenetrable substance.
- No more alarm clocks.
- No more need to worry about being short, bald, or overweight.

“I decline to accept the end of man.” -William Faulkner (William Cuthbert ‘Will’ Faulkner (1897 - 1962))

Mark and Luke were fishing on the side of a road. They made a sign reading, “The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it is too late!” and showed it to each passing car. One driver who passed by was not happy with the sign and shouted at them, “Leave us alone, you nutty end-of-the-worlders!” Then, all of a sudden, they heard a big splash. Mark grinned at Luke, laughed, and said, “Do you think we should just make a sign that reads, ‘Bridge Out’ instead?”

Overheard: Actually, the world has already ended, but the government covered it up in a great big conspiracy!

Fire and Ice

Some say the world will end in fire,
   Some say in ice.
From what I’ve tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
   But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
   To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
   And would suffice.

by Robert Frost (Robert Lee Frost (1874 - 1963)): “New Hampshire” (1923); type of work: collected poems by a single author in book form

Overheard: They say that the world is going to end in a few days, and I still do not know what I am going to wear . . .

It actually may be a little arrogant of people to think that the world is going to end in their lifetimes. After all, the Earth has been around for billions of years, and untold numbers of generations of people have existed on it for a meager part of that time. So, just what is it about our generation that makes us think that we are so special that the world is going to come to an end while we inhabit the planet?

Warning: Reality.SYS corrupted. Reboot Universe? Yes / No

Popular Ways for the World to End
- An ice age turns the Earth into a giant ball of ice and snow, and nobody can get their cars out of their driveways.
- Acid rain eats holes in everything, including plants, fishes, cows, and your new patio furniture.
- A hole in the ozone layer lets cosmic rays come in to cook everything.
- Global warming or climate change causes droughts, floods, and you know, like, whatever.
- A really big space rock collides with the planet and we disappear like the dinosaurs did.
- A pandemic follows an accident at a lab in which viruses or germs escape.
- Extraterrestrial invaders come to live on our planet and tell us to leave or else.
- The Sun goes supernova - we might have to wait patiently for several billion years for this possibility.
- Scientific advancement or an invention goes all wrong, and doom happens in the form of robots, computers, or other machines.
- Genetically altered or mutated life forms either refuse to share the planet’s resources with us or they eat us.
- Boredom: A lack of excitement causes everyone to become lackadaisical from unbearable boredom, which can be helped only by thinking up new and exciting ways for the world to end.
- The atmosphere burns up, because the oxygen and other gasses in it are highly flammable.
- Can you think of other ways in which the world could end, and if you can, why are you wasting your time thinking about it?

Notice: Due to the lack of experienced trumpeters, the end of the world has been postponed for three weeks.

‘The end of the world’ and ‘nearly the end of the world’ are often depicted fictionally in movies, novels, television shows, and video games. However, it is best to keep in mind that these are common themes for entertainment purposes and should not be taken seriously. What should be taken seriously is making sure you are putting as much effort into your personal life as you possibly can so that you can enjoy the rewards of hard work, smart planning, and taking measured risks. Show up on time at your job, work hard, and be nice to people. Pay attention in school, do your homework, and have fun with your friends. Keep your home neat and presentable, pay your bills on time, and make excuses for visiting your neighbors. Spend time in family activities. Try new things and go on adventures. These are the important things in life, and ridiculously exaggerated fantasies about statistically improbable calamities should never overshadow them. Perhaps we really should end any unhealthy obsession with doom and gloom and each of us should get busy living our one and only life.

“The end of the human race will be that it will eventually die of civilization.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882)

In 7.5 billion years, the Sun will run out of fuel and turn into a Red Giant, at which time the Earth will be uninhabitable. For some unknown reason, this concerns many folks a whole lot and some can think of little else - given all the possible things that they could be thinking about!

“Do not expect too much of the end of the world.” -Stanislaw Jerzy Lec (1909 - 1966): as quoted in Umberto Eco: “Foucault’s Pendulum” (1989), Chapter 7, page 49

When the End of the World Arrives, How Will the Media Report It?
- The New York Times: “World to end tomorrow; story and analysis on page B11.”
- The Wall Street Journal: “World to end tomorrow; market to close early.”
- USA Today: “It’s Over!”
- The Washington Post: “World to end tomorrow; impoverished nations will be hardest hit.”
- Business Week: Dow Jones Plummets As World Ends.
- Microsoft Systems Journal: Apple Loses Market Share.
- Sports Illustrated: Game Over.
- Wired: The Last New Thing.
- Readers Digest: ’Bye.
- Discover Magazine: How will the extinction of all life affect the way we view the cosmos?
- Lady’s Home Journal: Lose 10 Pounds by Judgement Day with Our New ‘Armageddon’ Diet!
- America Online: System Temporarily Down. Try Calling Back In 15 Minutes.
- Inc. magazine: Ten Ways You Can Profit from the Apocalypse.
- Microsoft’s Web Site: If You Did Not Experience the Apocalypse, Download Software Patch APOT777.EXE.

“End of time: What happens when your clock stops working.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

Overheard: Chicken Little only has to be right once.

Ode to End Timers

Fanatics are trying to fend
     With this concept: the world’s gonna end.
When portentous predictions
     Turn out to be fictions,
They re-do their math and amend.

by Madeleine Begun Kane (born 1949)

“Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.” -Charles M. Schulz (Charles Monroe ‘Sparky’ Schulz (1922 - 2000))

Yesterday is proof there will be a tomorrow. There was a yesterday to yesterday, and a yesterday to that yesterday, and so on, going far, far back in time. If you could know when the first yesterday was, and look forward from that day, you would find that the first yesterday had a tomorrow and that tomorrow had a tomorrow, and so on. All those yesterdays and tomorrows, going on and on . . . builds the case that there will be not only a tomorrow, but a tomorrow for that tomorrow and so on, and so, many tomorrows will follow today, going far into the future, and so, there will be many tomorrows . . . perhaps even beyond our ability to count.

“I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it said on the packet, ‘Best Before End.’” -Tim Vine (Timothy Mark ‘Tim’ Vine (born 1967))

What does the Bible say about the end of the world? “But of that day and hour knoweth no man, no, not the angels of heaven, but my Father only.” -Jesus Christ: as quoted in “The Bible,” ‘Book of Matthew,’ chapter 24, verse 36

Some people lead dull lives because they aren’t the kind of people who actually do things, but are instead the kind of people who wait for things to happen. These are the people who talk endlessly about silly nonsense such as when and how the end of the world will happen. There is nothing going on in their lives; they aren’t doing anything with their lives; they are bored and spend their lives wishing something would happen, and if it doesn’t, they talk about what they wish would happen or what they wish other people would or should do. Do not let yourself be one of those people; rather, be one of the people who are doing things. Life is so much richer for the people who do things than it is for the people who wait and idle their lives away in fearful imaginings. So grab a ball and play catch with someone, or write an essay or a silly poem, or build a table and some chairs, or get a camera and take pictures of people and nature and events, or talk to someone about a new job, or just do anything that comes to mind or that you have been putting off doing. Do not wait, and do not engage in wasting time talking about the end of the world or what you wish other people would do. Be a doer yourself.

“End of the world? Why, I can’t even find the beginning, because the world is round!” -Author Unknown

On 31 March 1940, the Franklin Institute issued a press release stating that the world would end the next day. The release was picked up by radio station KYW, which broadcast the following message: “Your worst fears that the world will end are confirmed by astronomers of the Franklin Institute in Philadelphia. Scientists predict that the world will end at 3:00 p.m. Eastern Standard Time tomorrow. This is no April Fool’s Day joke. Confirmation can be obtained from Wagner Schlesinger, director of the Fels Planetarium of this city.” The public reaction was immediate. Local authorities were flooded with frantic phone calls. The panic only subsided after the Franklin Institute assured people that it had made no such prediction. The prankster responsible for the press release turned out to be William Castellini, the Institute’s press agent. He had intended to use the fake release to publicize an April 1st lecture at the institute titled, “How Will the World End?” Soon afterwards, the Institute dismissed Mr. Castellini from his job.

“What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly.” -Richard Bach (Richard David Bach (born 1936))

“Our Earth is degenerate in these last days; there are signs that the world is speedily coming to an end; bribery and corruption are common; children no longer listen to their parents; every man wants to write a book; indeed, the end of the world is approaching.” -Author Unknown: Assyrian inscription carved in stone (about 1500 B.C.E.)

End of the World Quiz
- Does any person really know when or how or if the world will end?
- When a person predicts the world will end in a certain way on a certain day, and he or she is wrong, what happens?
- Was Chicken Little right when she proclaimed the sky was falling because a pinecone fell out of a tree and hit her head?
- Might a person say the world is ending because he or she is bored and wanting excitement or is seeking to be the center of attention?
- Has anyone ever predicted the end of the world in order to defraud people of their money and other assets, to get people to buy books, or to get people to pay to see movies or attend lectures?
- If you and I do not know when the world will end, why would we suppose that other people know that information either?
- What is the difference between predicting when the world will end and predicting whether it will rain or not rain on this date ten years from now?
- Make a list of one hundred things more important for you to do than worrying about the end of the world.

The following pretty well sums it all up: If you are planting a tree or teaching a child to read, and someone comes along shouting, “The world is ending, the world is ending!” first finish planting the tree or teaching the child to read, and then go look into the matter of the world ending.

“Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree.” -Martin Luther (1483 - 1546)

Cheer up - it’s not the end of the world! Another somewhat silly and somewhat serious topic is coming right up . . . on MFOL!

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Employment and Work

4/24/2019

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Jack

All work and no play
makes Jack a dull boy;
All play and no work
makes Jack a mere toy.

by Author Unknown

“I tell you, sir, the only safeguard of order and discipline in the modern world is a standardized worker with interchangeable parts. That would solve the entire problem of management.” -Jean Giraudoux (Hippolyte Jean Giraudoux (1882 - 1944))

“Doctor Lillian Gilbreth, professor of management at Purdue University, studied women in a dress factory. Some of them were limp with fatigue; some bright-eyed and wide awake. Yet all the women had been working the same number of hours. Doctor Gilbreth found that most of the wide-awake ones had plans for the evening - a party or a date - and were anticipating a good time. The tired ones were those who had nothing to look forward to.” -Amy Selwyn: as quoted in “Coronet” magazine

Let us realize that:
the privilege to work is a gift,
the power to work is a blessing,
the love of work is success!
-David O. McKay (David Oman McKay (1873 - 1970))

Boss: The person who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

“Work banishes those three great evils: boredom, vice, and poverty.” -Voltaire (pseudonym of François-Marie Arouet (1694 - 1778))

A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom, and said, “Your first job will be to sweep out the store.” “But I’m a college graduate,” the young man replied indignantly. “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know that,” said the manager. “Here, give me the broom - I’ll show you how.”

The first United States Minimum Wage Law was instituted in 1938. The minimum wage was set at 25 cents per hour.

“Work is either fun or drudgery. It depends on your attitude. I like fun.” -Colleen C. Barrett (born 1944)

“It doesn’t matter whose payroll you are on, you are working for yourself.” -Author Unknown

●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●

One manager let employees know how valuable they are with the following memo:

You Arx A Kxy Pxrson

Xvxn though my typxwritxr is an old modxl, it works vxry wxll - xxcxpt for onx kxy. You would think that with all thx othxer kxys functioning propxrly, onx kxy not working would hardly bx noticxd; but just onx kxy out of whack sxxms to ruin thx wholx xffort.

You may say to yoursxlf - Wxll, I’m only onx pxrson. No onx will noticx if I don’t do my bxst. But it doxs makx a diffxrxncx, bxcausx an xffxctivx organization nxxds activx participation by xvxry onx to thx bxst of his or hxr ability.

So, thx nxxt timx you think you arx not important, rxmxmbxr my old typxwritxr. You arx a kxy pxrson.

by Thx Boss

●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●

“The highest reward from your working is not what you get for it but what you become by it.” -Sydney J. Harris (Sydney Justin Harris (1917 - 1986))

Employee: Sir, I’ve been with you for twenty-seven years, and I’ve never before asked for a raise.
Boss: That’s why you’ve been with me for twenty-seven years.

The following was found in an employee handbook: “Be thankful for your problems, because if they were less difficult, someone with less ability and lower pay would have your job.”

The Fable of the Crow and the Rabbit.

A crow was sitting in a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?” The crow answered: “Sure, why not.” So, the rabbit sat on the ground under the tree, and took his leisure. Suddenly, a fox appeared, pounced on the rabbit, and ate it. The moral of the story is, to be able to lounge around and do nothing all day, you must be sitting very, very high up.

by Author Unknown

“Variety may be the spice of life, but monotony provides the groceries.” -Author Unknown

Workplace Rules
1. The boss is always right.
2. When the boss is wrong, refer to Rule 1.

On the morning of the last day of school, Johnny’s mother went into his bedroom and hollered, “Wake up and get ready for school!” Johnny pulled the sheets up over his face and muttered, “Give me one good reason why I should go to school today.” His mother answered, “Well, for starters, you are the school principal.”

A guy showed up late for work. The boss yelled, “You should’ve been here at 8:30!” The guy replied, “Why? What happened at 8:30?”

Career Advice

Don’t be
A jerk
At work.

by Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

“A human being must have occupation, if he or she is not to become a nuisance to the world.” -Dorothy L. Sayers (Dorothy Leigh Sayers (1893 - 1957)): “Are Women Human?” (1938); type of work: address given to a women’s society

“I have to take my paycheck to the bank. It’s too little to go by itself.” -Author Unknown

“If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys.” -James Goldsmith (1933 - 1997)

“. . . a fair day’s wages for a fair day’s work.” -Author Unknown: as quoted by Alpheus Cary in a speech (7 October 1824) at Faneuil Hall, Boston, Massachusetts, United States of America

Personnel Director, speaking to new trainee: “. . . or, if you prefer, you can elect to skip coffee breaks entirely, and retire three years sooner.”

“Give sail to ability.” -Author Unknown: Japanese proverb

“Now, before I agree to take this job,” the young applicant said, “I have one question. Are the hours long?” “Well,” the manager said, “we try our best to keep them limited to sixty minutes.”

A meeting was in progress when all the lights went out. The department head asked everyone present to raise their hands. As soon as everyone complied, the lights went on again. The department head said, “We have just proved the truth of the saying, ‘Many hands make light work.’”

“What we do for a living does not matter as much as how we do it.” -Orison Swett Marden (1850 - 1924)

“Business clothes are naturally attracted to staining liquids. This attraction is strongest just before important meetings.” -Scott Adams

Overheard: At the end of the work day, we tell our employees, “You are fired. Come back tomorrow, and we’ll re-hire you.”

“There are no menial jobs, only menial attitudes.” -William Bennett (William John Bennett (born 1943))

The boss joined a group of workers in a meeting and told some jokes he’d heard recently. Everybody laughed loudly. Everybody, that is, except Bonnie. When the boss noticed that he was getting no reaction from Bonnie, he said, “What’s the matter, Bonnie? No sense of humor?” “My sense of humor is fine,” she said. “But I don’t have to laugh. I’m starting a job with another company tomorrow.”

Employee Breakroom Notice: Your Mother Does Not Work Here, So You Will Have To Clean Up Your Own Messes.

“Thank God every morning when you get up that you have something to do that day which must be done, whether you like it or not. Being forced to work, and forced to do your best, will breed in you temperance and self-control, diligence and strength of will, cheerfulness and content, and a hundred virtues which the idle never know.” -Charles Kingsley (1819 - 1875)

“Don’t let your superiors know that you are better than they are.” -Arthur Bloch (born 1948)

So, you are thinking of becoming a comedian, musician, artist, song writer, actor, inventor, poet . . . these are interesting ‘sidelines,’ but as they say, “Don’t quit your day job,” because you will need a means to support yourself while you pursue your creative ideas, and that means having a ‘real job’ with a real income that pays the rent and puts food on the table during the years it will take for you to develop a talent and years it will take for you to be discovered. Yes, you should definitely pursue your dreams - while continuing to work at the job that provides you with an income.

A man said to his wife, “I don’t want to go to work today. It’s a jungle out there.” She said, “Don’t worry, I put a banana in your lunchbox.”

“You don’t get paid for the hour. You get paid for the value you bring to the hour.” -Jim Rohn (1930 - 2009)

Desk: A waste-paper basket with drawers.

“We spend most of our lives working. So why do so few people have a good time doing it?” -Richard Branson (Richard Charles Nicholas Branson (born 1950)), as quoted in the “New York Times” (18 February 1993)

“Don’t bother to boast of your work to others; good work speaks for itself.” -Author Unknown

“Without work, all life goes rotten.” -Albert Camus (1913 - 1960)

“They laughed when they saw him put iodine on his paycheck. They didn’t know he had an awful cut in his salary.” -Author Unknown

“Doing a job right the first time gets the job done.” -Author Unknown

“Everything considered, work is less boring than amusing oneself.” -Charles Baudelaire (1821 - 1867)

“Keep your eye on the ball, your shoulder to the wheel, and your ear to the ground - now try to work in that position.” -Author Unknown

“The price one pays for pursuing any profession or calling is an intimate knowledge of its ugly side.” -James Baldwin (1924 - 1987)

“I don’t want any yes-men around me. I want everybody to tell me the truth, even if it costs them their jobs.” -Samuel Goldwyn (born Szmuel Gelbfisz (1879 - 1974))

“Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done.” -Peter Drucker (Peter Ferdinand Drucker (1909 - 2005))

“Work is more fun than fun.” -Noël Coward (1899 - 1973)

Boss to new employee: Amazing - you’ve been with us only two days and already you’re a month behind.

“Labor, if it were not necessary for existence, would be indispensable for the happiness of man.” -Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784)

Overheard: I was thinking that with a few more deductions, my take-home pay wouldn’t be enough to get me there. Then, it finally happened - the deductions and withholdings have now exceeded my earnings, and last week, the company didn’t send me a pay check, they sent me a bill!

“Work offers us the opportunity to discover who we are and what we can do.” -Author Unknown

“Work is the basis of living. I’ll never retire. A man’ll rust out quicker than he’ll wear out.” -Harland Sanders (Harland David ‘Colonel’ Sanders (1890 - 1980))

Overheard: When I asked for a work break, my supervisor said, “You don’t need a break. We gave you one when we hired you.”

Work: Something to do between weekends.

“As a remedy against all ills - poverty, sickness, and melancholy - only one thing is absolutely necessary: a liking for work.” -Charles Baudelaire (1821 - 1867)

“By 1960, work will be limited to three hours a day.” -John Langdon-Davies (1897 - 1971)

“Be a friendly person to your co-workers. Say nice things to them. Help them when they least expect it.” -Jeffrey Gitomer (born 1946)

“It is the first of all problems for a man to find out what kind of work he is to do in this Universe.” -Thomas Carlyle (1795 - 1881): “Address at Edinburgh” (2 April 1866)

“Find something in life you can give the best of yourself to.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

Well, it is time to go to work again . . . we hope to see you right back here at MFOL! when your shift ends . . .

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Actions and Doing

4/19/2019

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“If we all did the things we are capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves.” -Thomas Edison (Thomas Alva Edison (1847 - 1931))

“The undertaking of a new action brings new strength.” -Evenius (42 B.C.E. - C.E. 13)

“We are built to conquer environment, solve problems, achieve goals; and we find no real satisfaction or happiness in life without obstacles to conquer and goals to achieve.” -Maxwell Maltz (1899 - 1975): “Psycho-Cybernetics” (1960)

“The few who do are the envy of the many who only watch.” -Jim Rohn (Emanuel James ‘Jim’ Rohn (1930 - 2009))

“There are generations yet unborn whose very lives will be shifted and shaped by the moves you make and the actions you take today.” -Andy Andrews (born 1959): “The Butterfly Effect: How Your Life Matters” (September 2009)

There are three ways to get things done:
1. Do it yourself.
2. Hire someone to do it.
3. Forbid your children to do it.
-Author Unknown

“If you limit your actions in life to things that nobody can possibly find fault with, you will not do much.” -Lewis Carroll (pseudonym of Charles Lutwidge Dodgson (1832 - 1898))

“Whatever you want to do, do it now. There are only so many tomorrows.” -Michael Landon (born Eugene Michael Orowitz (1936 - 1991))

“The smallest action is better than the largest plan.” -John Graves (John Alexander Graves (1920 - 2013))
John Graves

“Today I will do what others won’t, so tomorrow I can accomplish what others can’t.” -Jerry Rice (Jerry Lee Rice, Senior (born 1962))

“Reality is not the same to the doer as it is to the sayer.” -Haki R. Madhubuti (born 1942 as Don Luther Lee)

“If we are ever in doubt about what to do, it is a good rule to ask ourselves what we shall wish on the morrow that we had done.” -John Lubbock (1834 - 1913)

“‘ACT’ is an acronym standing for ‘Action Changes Things.’” -Author Unknown

“Whatever you do, do it with all your might. Work at it, early and late, in season and out of season, not leaving a stone unturned, and never deferring for a single hour that which can be done just as well now.” -P. T. Barnum (Phineas Taylor Barnum (1810 - 1891))

“Actions speak louder than words.” -Author Unknown

“They can because they think they can.” -Vergil (Publius Vergilius Maro, also known as Virgil (70 B.C.E. - 19 B.C.E.))

“Some men have thousands of reasons why they cannot do what they want to, when all they need is one reason why they can.” -Willis Whitney (Willis Rodney Whitney (1868 - 1958))

“Deeds not words.” -Author Unknown

“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.” -Dale Carnegie (Dale Breckenridge Carnegie (1888 - 1955))

“Small deeds done are better than great deeds planned.” -Peter Marshall (1902 - 1949)

“Begin doing what you want to do now. We are not living in eternity. We have only this moment, sparkling like a star in our hand and melting like a snowflake. Let us use it before it is too late.” -Marie Beynon Ray (1886 - 1969)

“Doing is better than saying.” -Thomas Draxe (unknown - 1618)

“The price of inaction is far greater than the cost of making a mistake.” -Meister Eckhart (Eckhart von Hochheim (1260 - 1327))

“If you want a thing done well, do it yourself.” -Author Unknown: French proverb

“Action is a great restorer and builder of confidence. Inaction is not only the result, but the cause, of fear. Perhaps the action you take will be successful; perhaps different action or adjustments will have to follow. But any action is better than no action at all.” -Norman Vincent Peale (1898 - 1993)

“It is time for us all to stand and cheer for the doer, the achiever - the one who recognizes the challenge and does something about it.” -Vince Lombardi (Vincent Thomas ‘Vince’ Lombardi (1913 - 1970))

“I have always thought the actions of men the best interpreters of their thoughts.” -John Locke (1632 - 1704): “An Essay Concerning Human Understanding” (1690)

“Never undertake anything for which you wouldn’t have the courage to ask the blessings of Heaven.” -G. C. Lichtenberg (Georg Christoph Lichtenberg (1742 - 1799))

“It is the greatest of all mistakes to do nothing because you can only do a little. Do what you can.” -Sydney Smith (1771 - 1845)

“The best time to do a thing is when it can be done.” -William Pickens (1881 - 1954): “Fifty Years after Emancipation” (1912)

“Action is the foundational key to all success.” -Pablo Picasso (Pablo Diego Jose Francisco do Paula Juan Nepomuceno Cipriano de la Santissima Trinidad (1881 - 1971))

“Heaven never helps the man who will not act.” -Sophocles (496 B.C.E. - 406 B.C.E.)

“I move forward in my life every day, even if it’s only a tiny step, because I know that great things are accomplished with tiny moves, but nothing is accomplished by standing still.” -Zig Ziglar (Hilary Hinton ‘Zig’ Ziglar (1926 - 2012))

“Do lovely things, not dream them, all day long.” -Charles Kingsley (1819 - 1875): “Andromeda and Other Poems” (1858), ‘A Farewell to C. E. G.’

“Many people carry a Can’t Do It List around in their heads as they travel on their journey in life, and it becomes their guide for every decision in their lives and for every moment they are alive and awake. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if that list were transformed into a Possibilities List, or a Things to Try List?” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

“What you do every day should contribute to giving your life meaning. If it doesn’t, why are you doing it?” -Don Hutcheson (Don ‘Hutch’ Hutcheson)

“Good intentions are not enough. They’ve never put an onion in the soup yet.” -Sonya Levien (born Sara Opesken (1888 - 1960))

“In doing we learn.” -George Herbert (1593 - 1633)

Throw away your wishbone,
Straighten up your backbone,
Stick out your jawbone,
And go to it!
-Author Unknown

“If you don’t have time to do it right, you must have time to do it over.” -Author Unknown

“The more we do, the more we can do; the more busy we are, the more leisure we have.” -William Hazlitt (1778 - 1830)

Out of the strain of the Doing,
Into the peace of the Done.
-Julia Louise Woodruff (Julia Louise Matilda Woodruff (1832 - 1909)): ‘Harvest Home’ poem published in “Sunday at Home” (1910) magazine

“What we think, or what we know, or what we believe is, in the end, of little consequence. The only consequence is what we do.” -John Ruskin (1819 - 1900)

“Never mistake motion for action.” -Ernest Hemingway (Ernest Miller Hemingway (1899 - 1961))

“Every living creature that comes into the world has something allotted to him to perform, therefore he should not stand an idle spectator of what others are doing.” -Sarah Kirby Trimmer (1741 - 1810): “Fabulous Histories” (1821)

“The deeds you do today may be the only sermon some people will hear today.” - Francis of Assisi (1181 - 1226)

“The world is blessed most by men who do things and not by those who merely talk about them.” -James Oliver

“Take a chance! All life is a chance. The man who goes farthest is generally the one who is willing to do and dare.” -Dale Carnegie (Dale Breckenridge Carnegie (1888 - 1955))

“Be content to act, and leave the talking to others.” -Baltasar Gracián (1601 - 1658)

“I’m not the type to sit on the porch and watch life go by.” -Sally Rand (Born Helen Gould Beck (1904 - 1979))

“This world is but the vestibule of an immortal life. Every action of our lives touches on some chord that will vibrate in eternity.” -E. H. Chapin (Edwin Hubbell Chapin (1814 - 1880)): as attributed in Charles Northend: “Memory Gems” (1890), page 6

“Believe and act as if it were impossible to fail.” -Charles F. Kettering (Charles Franklin Kettering (1876 - 1958))

“You don’t have to do everything, but you can always do something.” -Malia Blake (Malia T. Blake (born 1965))

“Do all that you can and all you thought you could not.” -Author Unknown

“Take tiny, wobbly, baby steps towards action. I made so much more progress in one year by doing a few small things consistently than I did in thirty years of overthinking and massive to-do lists.” -Ishita Gupta, website: https://ishitagupta.com/

“It is not only for what we do that we are held responsible, but also for what we do not do.” -Jean Molière (pseudonym of Jean-Baptiste Poquelin (1622 - 1673))

“Our grand business undoubtedly is, not to see what lies dimly at a distance, but to do what lies clearly at hand.” -Thomas Carlyle (1795 -1881)

“Continuous effort - not strength or intelligence - is key to unlocking our potential.” -Winston Churchill: as attributed in Liane Cordes (Liane Jo Cordes (born 1946)): “The Reflecting Pond: Meditations for Self-Discovery” (1981), page 89

“Continuous effort, not strength or intelligence, is key to unlocking our potential. It it is then, that problems become opportunities when the right people join together.” -Hans Von Gordon (1885 - 1918)

“Do something. If it doesn’t work, do something else. No idea is too crazy.” -Jim Hightower (James Allen ‘Jim’ Hightower (born 1943))

“Unselfish and noble actions are the most radiant pages in the biography of souls.” -David Thomas (1776 - 1859)

“During a very busy life I have often been asked, “How did you manage to do it all?” The answer is very simple. It is because I did everything promptly.” -Richard Tangye (1833 - 1906)

“People who soar, are those who refuse to sit back and wish things would change.” -Charles R. Swindoll (Charles Rozell ‘Chuck’ Swindoll (born 1934))

“Facta non verba.” [Latin]
“Deeds, not words.” [English]
-Author Unknown

“Do not wait to strike till the iron is hot; but make it hot by striking.” -William Butler Yeats (1865 - 1939)

“The world cares very little about what a man or woman knows; it is what the man or woman is able to do that the world cares about.” -Booker T. Washington (Booker Taliaferro Washington (1856 - 1915)): “Mind and Matter,” (5 June 1895), address to the Alabama State Teachers’ Association, Selma, Alabama, United States of America

“Life is too short to sit on the sidelines; it is much more fun to give it your enthusiastic best.” -Bob Apple

“Acting on a good idea is better than just having a good idea.” -Robert Half (1918 - 2001)

“Every man feels instinctively that all the beautiful sentiments in the world weigh less than a single lovely action.” -James Russell Lowell (1819 - 1891): as quoted in the “North American Review” (July 1867)

“Don’t just stand there, make something happen.” -Lee Iacocca (Lido Anthony ‘Lee’ Iacocca (born 1924))

“Action springs not from thought, but from a readiness for responsibility.” -Dietrich Bonhoeffer (1906 - 1945)

Affirmation: If it is to be, it is up to me.

“It has long since come to my attention that people of accomplishment rarely sat back and let things happen to them. They went out and happened to things.” -Elinor Smith (1911 - 2010)

“Doing little things well is a step toward doing big things better.” -Vincent van Gogh (Vincent Willem van Gogh (1853 - 1890))

“The time when you need to do something is when no one else is willing to do it, when people are saying it can’t be done.” -Will Durant (William James ‘Will’ Durant (1885 - 1981))

“The shortest way to do many things is to do one thing at once.” -Samuel Smiles (1812 - 1904)

“Let us turn our ‘To Do Lists’ into ‘All Done Lists.’” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

“Do, doing, done.” -Author Unknown

“The greatest things ever done on Earth have been done little by little.” -Thomas Guthrie (1803 - 1873)

“Step by step and the thing is done.” -Charles Atlas (born Angelo Siciliano (1892 - 1972))

“It is our attitude at the beginning of a difficult task which, more than anything else, will affect its successful outcome.” -William James (1842 - 1910)

“Action is the antidote to despair.” -Joan Baez (Joan Chandos Baez (born 1941))

“Do it. Do it right. Do it right now.” -Author Unknown

“Action makes more fortune than caution.” -Luc DeClapiers (1715 - 1747)

“Always say nothing doing to doing nothing.” -Frank Tyger (1929 - 2011)

“And, having once decided to achieve a certain task, achieve it at all costs of tedium and distaste. The gain in self-confidence of having accomplished a tiresome labor is immense.” -Enoch A. Bennett (Enoch Arnold Bennett (1867 - 1931)): “How to Live on Twenty-Four Hours a Day” (1910), Chapter 12

“So little done, so much to do.” -Cecil Rhodes (1853 - 1902)

“The more things you do, the more you can do.” -Lucille Ball Lucille Désirée Ball (1911 - 1989)

“In a world where there is so much to be done, I felt strongly impressed that there must be something for me to do.” -Dorothea Dix (Dorothea Lynde Dix (1802 - 1887)): as quoted in Lydia Maria Child: “Letters from New York,” Volume 2 (1845), ‘Letter 31’ (31 December 1844), page 284

This is MFOL! . . . we must take immediate action now to make the world funnier . . .

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Problems and Solutions

4/18/2019

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“The next best thing to solving a problem is finding some humor in it.” -Frank A. Clark (Frank Atherton Clark (1911 - 1991))

“A problem well stated is a problem half-solved.” -Charles F. Kettering (Charles Franklin Kettering (1876 - 1958))

“Each person deserves a day away in which no problems are confronted, no solutions searched for.” -Maya Angelou (born Marguerite Ann Johnson (1928 - 2014))

“The best angle to approach a problem is from the try angle.” -Author Unknown

“A problem is a chance for you to do your best.” -Duke Ellington (Edward Kennedy ‘Duke’ Ellington (1899 - 1974))

“What a pity human beings can’t exchange problems. Everyone knows exactly how to solve the other fellow’s.” -Olin Miller (1918 - 2002)

“All life is problem solving.” -Karl Popper (1902 - 1994)

“Every big problem was at one time a wee little disturbance.” -Author Unknown

“The easiest way to solve a problem is to pick an easy one.” -Franklin P. Jones (Franklin Pierce Jones (1908 - 1980))

“Problems worthy of attack prove their worth by fighting back.” -Paul Erdos (1913 - 1996)

“The solution of every problem is another problem.” -Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832)

Overheard: Everything is figureoutable.

“The greatest challenge to any thinker is stating the problem in a way that will allow a solution.” -Bertrand Russell (Bertrand Arthur William Russell (1872 - 1970))

“I’ve yet to see any problem, however complicated, which when you looked at it the right way didn’t become still more complicated.” -Poul Anderson (Poul William Anderson (1926 - 2001)): ‘Call Me Joe’ novelette published in “Astounding Science Fiction” (April 1957) magazine

“Discovery of a solution consists of looking at the same thing as everyone else and thinking something different.” -Albert Szent-Györgyi (1893 - 1986)

“A feeling of confidence and personal power comes from facing challenges and overcoming them.” -Brian Tracy (born 1944)

“Problems are the price of success.” -Branch Rickey (Wesley ‘Branch’ Rickey (1881 - 1965))

“. . . so it will be forever; that after every storm the Sun will smile, for every problem there is a solution, and that the soul’s indefeasible duty is to be of good cheer . . .” -William R. Alger (William Rounseville Alger (1822 - 1905)): “The School of Life” (1881), ‘Lesson of Faith,’ page 71

“It’s not easy taking my problems one at a time when they refuse to get in line.” -Ashleigh Brilliant (Ashleigh Ellwood Brilliant (born 1933))

“It is a common experience that a problem difficult at night is resolved in the morning after the committee of sleep has worked on it.” -John Steinbeck (John Ernst Steinbeck, Junior (1902 - 1968))

“No problem can be solved until it is reduced to some simple form. The changing of a vague difficulty into a specific, concrete form is a very essential element in thinking.” -J. P. Morgan (John Pierpont ‘J. P.’ Morgan (1837 - 1913))

“There are as many solutions as there are human beings.” -George Tooker (George Clair Tooker, Junior (1920 - 2011))

“It is no good getting furious if you get stuck. What I do is keep thinking about the problem but work on something else. Sometimes it is years before I see the way forward. In the case of information loss and black holes, it was 29 years.” -Stephen Hawking (Stephen William Hawking (1942 - 2018))

“‘We have a problem.’ ‘Congratulations.’ ‘But it’s a tough problem.’ ‘Then double congratulations.’” -W. Clement Stone (William Clement Stone (1902 - 2002))

“The one common challenge of all humanity is the challenge of problems.” -R. Buckminster Fuller (Richard Buckminster ‘Bucky’ Fuller (1895 - 1983))

“After every difficulty, ask yourself two questions: ‘What did I do right?’ and ‘What would I do differently?’” -Brian Tracy (born 1944)

“Talking about our problems is our greatest addiction. Break the habit. Talk about your joys.” -Rita Schiano

“Your problems aren’t going to solve themselves, you know.” -Author Unknown

“Focus on remedies, not faults.” -Jack Nicklaus (Jack William Nicklaus (born 1940))

“Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.” -Joshua J. Marine

“All problems become smaller if you don’t dodge them, but confront them.” -William F. Halsey (William Frederick ‘Bull’ Halsey, Junior (1882 - 1959))

“This problem, too, will look simple after it is solved.” -Charles F. Kettering (Charles Franklin Kettering (1876 - 1958))

“We will find the solution . . . together.” -Author Unknown

“Don’t wish it were easier, wish you were better. Don’t wish for fewer problems, wish for more skills. Don’t wish for less challenges, wish for more wisdom.” -Earl Shoaff (John Earl Shoaff (1916 - 1965))

“You are the only problem you will ever have and you are the only solution.” -Bob Proctor (born 1934)

“A small trouble is like a pebble. Hold it too close to your eye, and it puts everything out of focus. Hold it at proper viewing distance, and it can be examined and classified. Throw it at your feet, and it can be seen in its true setting, just one more tiny bump on the pathway to eternity.” -Celia Luce (Celia Larsen Luce (1914 - 2008))

An oyster has an elegant solution to a problem. When something irritates the lining of its shell, the oyster responds by coating the irritant in a layer of the same material as the inside of its shell, commonly referred to as mother of pearl. The result is often the highly sought-after shiny smooth hard round object called a pearl. The problem is an irritant such as a grain of sand; the solution is a pearl. Does the oyster teach us a lesson for dealing with problems?

“An expert problem solver must be endowed with two incompatible qualities - a restless imagination and a patient pertinacity.” -Howard W. Eves (Howard Whitley Eves (1911 - 2004))

“Do not be pushed by your problems; be led by your dreams.” -Author Unknown

“The biggest problem in the world could have been solved when it was small.” -Witter Bynner (Harold ‘Witter’ Bynner (1881 - 1968))

“Nobody, as long as he moves among the chaotic currents of life, is without trouble.” -C. G. Jung (Carl Gustav Jung (1875 - 1961))

“The best way to escape from your problem is to solve it.” -Robert Anthony Eden (1897 - 1977)

“I’ve never seen a problem that was solved by only complaining about it.” -Steve Keating (Stephen F. Keating (1918 - 2001))

“Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.” -René Descartes (1596 - 1650): “Discours de la Methode” (1637)

“Beset by a difficult problem? Now is your chance to shine. Pick yourself up, get to work, and get triumphantly through it.” -Ralph Marston (Ralph S. Marston, Junior (born 1955))

“There are no problems, just challenges.” -Author Unknown

“Don’t tell me that this problem is difficult. If it wasn’t difficult, it wouldn’t be a problem.” [English translation]
“Ne me dites pas que ce problème est difficile. S’il n’était pas difficile, ce ne serait pas un problème.” [original French]
-Ferdinand Foch (Ferdinand Jean Marie Foch (1851 - 1929))

“Avoid problems, and you’ll never be the one who overcame them.” -Richard Bach (Richard David Bach (born 1936))

“The problem is not that there are problems. The problem is expecting otherwise and thinking that having problems is a problem.” -Theodore Rubin (Theodore Isaac Rubin (born 1923))

Overheard: All of the easy problems have already been solved.

“It’s good to remember that the tea kettle, although up to its neck in hot water, continues to sing.” -Author Unknown

“We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as unsolvable problems.” -John W. Gardner (John William Gardner (1912 - 2002))

“Focus on the solution, not the problem.” -Walter Anderson (born 1944)

“Every problem contains within itself the seeds of its own solution.” -Edward Somers

“A lot of problems in the world would disappear if we talked to each other instead of about each other.” -Author Unknown

“When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.” -R. Buckminster Fuller (Richard Buckminster ‘Bucky’ Fuller (1895 - 1983))

“It isn’t that they can’t see the solution. It is that they can’t see the problem.” -G. K. Chesterton (Gilbert Keith Chesterton (1874 - 1936))

“When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to resemble a nail.” -Abraham Maslow (Abraham Harold Maslow (1908 - 1970)): “The Psychology of Science” (1966)

“Problems are only opportunities in work clothes.” -Henry J. Kaiser (Henry John Kaiser (1882 - 1967))

“Nothing lasts forever - not even your troubles.” -Arnold Glasow (Arnold Henry Glasow (1905 - 1998))

“No problem is so complicated that you cannot make it more complicated.” -Andy Grove (Andrew Stephen ‘Andy’ Grove (1936 - 2016))

“There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands. We seek out problems because we need their gifts.” -Richard Bach (Richard David Bach (born 1936))

“Don’t dwell on what went wrong. Instead, focus on what to do next. Spend your energies on moving forward toward finding the answer.” -Denis Waitley (born 1933)

“Muddy water is best cleared by leaving it alone.” -Alan Watts (Alan Wilson Watts (1915 - 1973))

Problems worthy of attack
prove their worth by hitting back.
-Piet Hein (1905 - 1996)

“Whenever we have a really difficult or impossible problem in life, we should take it to a math teacher. As you will remember from school, math teachers are good at giving problems to us, and they are good at showing us how to solve them, as well.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

“Problems are not stop signs, they are guidelines.” -Robert H. Schuller (Robert Harold Schuller (1926 - 2015))

“The issue is not that our problems are too big but that our imaginations are too small.” -Marianne Williamson (born 1952)

“It often happens that I wake at night and begin to think about a serious problem and decide I must tell the Pope about it. Then I wake up completely and remember that I am the Pope.” -Pope John XXIII (born Angelo Giuseppe Roncalli (1881 - 1963))

“Problems are to the mind what exercise is to the muscles, they toughen and make strong.” -Norman Vincent Peale (1898 - 1993)

“The first requisite for success is the ability to apply your physical and mental energies to one problem incessantly without growing weary.” -Herbert Spencer (1820 - 1903)

“The ‘how’ thinker gets problems solved effectively because he wastes no time with futile ‘ifs.’” -Norman Vincent Peale (1898 - 1993)

“Real difficulties can be overcome; it is only the imaginary ones that are unconquerable.” -Theodore N. Vail (Theodore Newton Vail (1845 - 1920))

“I am so grateful for my troubles. As I reflect back on my life, I have come to realize that my greatest triumphs have been born of my greatest troubles.” -Steve Maraboli (born 1975): “Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience” (2013)

“No problem can withstand the assault of sustained thinking.” -Voltaire (pseudonym of François-Marie Arouet (1694 - 1778))

“To solve a problem, walk around.” -Jerome (also known as Eusebius Sophronius Hieronymus (about C.E. 347 - C.E. 420))

“Divide each difficulty into as many parts as necessary to resolve it.” -René Descartes (1596 - 1650)

“The first step towards the solution of any problem is optimism.” -John Baines

“Never make troubles of trifles.” -Author Unknown

“When I’m working on a problem, I never think about beauty. I think only how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.” -R. Buckminster Fuller (Richard Buckminster ‘Bucky’ Fuller (1895 - 1983))

“Trouble is My Business.” -Raymond Chandler (1888 - 1959): title of article in “Dime Detective Magazine” (August 1939), and the credo of his fictional detective Philip Marlowe

“Problems are questions that ask, ‘How can you best handle us?’” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

“The most important thing to do in solving a problem is to begin.” -Frank Tyger (1929 - 2011)

This is MFOL! . . . may all of your problems be funny ones . . . and may all of your solutions be fun . . .

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Meeting and Parting

4/17/2019

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Most things in life start with hello . . .

“Be the first to say hello to others. You will have a happier day.” -Author Unknown

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Howie.
Howie, who?
I’m fine - Howie you?

Meeting Lines
- How are you?
- How do you do, kangaroo?
- How do you do?
- Long time no see.
- Say hello, happy fellow!
- What's new?
- What’s the word, mocking bird?
- What’s up, buttercup?
- What else can one say?

‘Cheerio’ is a way of saying ‘goodbye’ and ‘be of good cheer’ both at once.

Jody: What do wolves say when they are introduced?
Cody: “Howl do you do?”

Goodbyes

Goodbyes are not forever,
Goodbyes are not the end;
They simply mean I’ll miss you,
Until we meet again.

by Author Unknown

“A simple hello could lead to a million things.” -Author Unknown

Parting Lines
- Adieu, cockatoo!
- Adios, hippos!
- After a while, crocodile!
- Be well, speedy snail!
- Better shake, rattlesnake!
- Bye-bye, butterfly!
- Don’t meander, salamander!
- Give us a hug, ladybug!
- Good wishes, little fishes!
- Goodbye, dragonfly!
- Goodbye, fruit fly!
- Gotta go, buffalo!
- Hasta mañana, iguana!
- Hit the road, hoppy toad!
- In an hour, sunflower!
- Keep it real, lemon peel!
- See you later, alligator!
- See you soon, hairy baboon!
- See you soon, raccoon!
- See you then, penguin!
- So long, King Kong!
- So nice to have met you.
- Stay well, gazelle!
- Take care, grizzly bear!
- Ta-ta, chihuahua!
- Think happy thoughts!
- Toe the line, Frankenstein!
- Toodle-oo, kangaroo!
- Tout de suite, parakeet!
- Until then, little red hen!

Matthew: How are you?
Luke: Too blessed to be stressed!

‘Goodbye’ is derived from ‘God bye’ which is a contraction of ‘God be by ye’ or ‘God be with ye.’

“God be with you.” [English]
“Deus vobiscum.” [Latin]

The proper response to the Irish greeting, “Top of the morning to you,” is, “And the rest of the day to yourself.”

Overheard: If you see me getting smaller, it means I am leaving.

‘Die dulci fruere.’ and ‘Habetis bona deum.’ are both Latin for ‘Have a nice day.’ ‘Quid novi?’ is Latin for ‘What’s new?’

Lucy: So, how are you today?
Anne: Just ducky!

‘So-long’ is derived from the Arabic ‘salaam’ and the Hebrew ‘shalom.’

Overheard: It was a brief encounter, and so I quickly said, “Hello - and goodbye!”

“Never part without loving words to think of during your absence. It may be that you will not meet again in life.” -Jean Paul Richter (1763 - 1825): as attributed in “The Pulpit Treasury” (March 1884)

Al: How are you, my friend?
Vin: I’m doing swimmingly!

“All farewells should be sudden.” -Lord Byron (George Gordon Noel Byron (1788 - 1824)): “Sardanapalus” (1821), act V

Elvis: How are you?
Sonny: Feelin’ groovy!

“We part only to meet again.” -Author Unknown

“Millions and millions of years would still not give me half enough time to describe that tiny instant of all eternity when you put your arms around me and I put my arms around you.” -Jacques Prévert (1900 - 1977)

Carpenter Bob: How are you?
Tailor Jill: Just sew-sew!

Paul: How are you doing?
Harvey: Better than I deserve.

“The two hardest things to say in life are, “Hello,” for the first time and, “Goodbye,” for the last time.” -Author Unknown

Cool Cat: How are things?
Hot Dog: Dyn-o-mite, baby.

The phrase ‘long time no see’ is believed to be a literal translation of a Native American or Chinese phrase as it is not grammatically correct.

Elmer: Hi, how are you?
Bert: Better and better!

Good-night, good-night! parting is such sweet sorrow
That I shall say good-night till it be morrow.
-William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616): “Romeo and Juliet” (1595), Act II, scene ii

How are you?
- About average.
- Couldn’t be better.
- Everything’s copacetic.
- Fair to partly cloudy.
- Fit as a fiddle.
- Good.
- Just peachy
- Marvelous.
- Not bad.
- Outstanding.
- Perfect.
- Pretty good.
- Spectacular.
- Super!
- What do you say?

“Don’t be dismayed at good-byes. A farewell is necessary before you can meet again. And meeting again, after moments or lifetimes, is certain for those who are friends.” -Richard Bach (Richard David Bach (born 1936)): “Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah” (1977), chapter 18

‘CU L8R’ is an abbreviation for ‘See you later.’

“Fare thee well.” -William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616): “Antony and Cleopatra” (1606 - 1607), Act 4, scene 4

Velma: How are things in the fast-paced business world?
Wilma: I’m just about breakin’ even.

“Always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.” -Author Unknown

Thomas Edison coined the word ‘hello’ and introduced it as a way to answer the telephone. This begs the question, what did people commonly say in greeting each other before ‘hello’ was invented?

“Merry may we meet, merry may we be together, and merry may we part.” -Author Unknown

Edmund: What’s the good word?
Edgar: Aardvark.

“We only part to meet again.” -John Gay (1685 - 1732)

“This is not goodbye, it’s just good night.” -Alan Freed (1922 - 1965): signature sign-off as a radio announcer

Jean: How are you?
Gene: Everything’s copacetic!*
* copacetic (koh-puh-SET-ik), adjective: satisfactory; fine.

“Good-bye is always hello to something else.” -George Ella Lyon (born 1949): “Borrowed Children” (March 1988)

Matthew: How are you?
Mathilda: I am as I am.

The custom of shaking hands began in ancient times when strangers shook hands to show that they were unarmed and had no ill intent.

Alex: Morning glory.
Felix: Evening grace.

Fare thee well! and if forever,
Still forever, fare thee well.
-Lord Byron (George Gordon Noel Byron (1788 - 1824)): “Fare Thee Well” (1816), stanza 1

“Take me to your leader.” -Unidentified Space Alien: line from a science fiction movie

Armored knights raised their visors to identify themselves when they rode past their king. This custom has become the modern military salute.

Logic: How are you?
Reason: I exist.

“Sometimes you have to find the good in goodbye.” -Author Unknown

Anne: How are you getting along?
Gus: Fair to midlin’.

“I’ll be back.” -James Cameron (born 1954): “The Terminator” (1984) movie; line spoken by fictional character Terminator (portrayed by actor Arnold Schwarzenegger)

“It is generally agreed that ‘Hello’ is an appropriate greeting because if you entered a room and said ‘Goodbye,’ it could confuse a lot of people.” -Dolph Sharp (born 1914)

Some people do not want to be hugged or to be made to hug other people at meeting or parting, and it is rude - and yes, even potentially a punishable criminal act of assault and battery - to hug or otherwise have physical contact with someone who does not consent. These people owe no explanation to anyone for why they do not hug; it is simply a preference to which they have a right. So, to help people with this, we have a list of alternative behaviors, as follows.

Meeting and Parting - With No Physical Contact and Spoken Words Optional
- Bowing.
- Curtsying.
- Saluting.
- Waving.
- Head nodding.
- Hat tilting.
- Hand gestures such as the Hippie ‘peace sign.’
- Can you add to this list?
(‘Sticking out your tongue’ has been purposefully left off this list. )

Suzette: Y’all come back real soon now, ya hear?
Angus: You mean, like, right now?
Suzette: No, like, later!
Angus: Well, then . . . how about right now, is that later enough?

“‘It is never good dwelling on good-byes,’ she said. ‘It is not the being together that it prolongs, it is the parting.’” -Elizabeth Charlotte Lucy, Princess Bibesco (born Elizabeth Charlotte Lucy Asquith; also known as Elizabeth Bibesco and Elizabeth Asquith (1897 - 1945))

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Willy.
Willy, who?
Willy good to see you today, my friend!

What does it mean to ‘always leave people on a high note’? It means to always leave them wanting more by saying positive things when you are on the way out.

“To all, to each, a fair good-night, and pleasing dreams, and slumbers light.” Walter Scott (1771 - 1832)

Smokey Bear: See ya later!
Woodsy Owl: Owl be seeing you!

‘Håfa adai’ (pronounced approximately like ‘half a day’ but leaving out the ‘l’ sound in ‘half’) is an expression for ‘hello’ in the native Chamorro language of the island of Guam and the Northern Marianas, both of which are in the Mariana islands chain. The literal translation is ‘what friend’ and the expression is sometimes informally shortened to just ‘håfa.’ We have just been informed that it is regrettably not possible to exchange two håfa adais for a full day.

‘Ciao’ (pronounced like ‘chow’) is an Italian expression that can be said either at meeting or at parting.

‘Aloha’ (pronounced like ‘uh-loh-uh or ‘ah-loh-hah’) is Hawaiian for both ‘hello’ and ‘goodbye.’

Roseanne: How are you?
Marianne: I’m doing my best!

Overheard: I like waving at random people, because for the rest of the day, they will be trying to figure out who the stranger was that waved at them.

May your hellos far outnumber your goodbyes as you continue on your journey in life . . . and may you never forget to Make Fun Of Life!

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Wishes and Wishing

4/17/2019

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Have you ever made a wish and then blown dandelion tufts into the breeze?

“Make a wish . . . then make it happen!” -Author Unknown

“It is always wise to stop wishing for things long enough to enjoy the fragrance of those now flowering.” -Patrice Gifford

“We can do whatever we wish to do, provided our wish is strong enough. But the tremendous effort needed - one doesn’t always want to make it - does one? . . . But what else can be done? What’s the alternative? What do you want most to do? That’s what I have to keep asking myself, in the face of difficulties.” -Katherine Mansfield (Katherine Mansfield Beauchamp Murry (1888 - 1923))

Wishes

If wishes were horses,
     beggars would ride.
If turnips were watches,
     I’d wear one by my side.
If ‘ifs’ and ‘ands’
     Were pots and pans,
There’d be no work
     for tinkers’ hands!

by Author Unknown

“Few wishes come true by themselves.” -Author Unknown

It’s your birthday . . . make a wish and blow out the candles!

“Work will win when wishy washy wishing won’t.” -Thomas S. Monson (born 1927)

“Stop saying, ‘I wish,’ and start saying, ‘I will.’” -Author Unknown

“You can’t cross the sea merely by standing and staring at the water. Don’t let yourself indulge in vain wishes.” -Rabindranath Tagore (1861 - 1941)

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Away with Wishing!

If wishing were being, we’d all be beautiful,
     Healthy and wealthy, wise and dutiful;
If wishing were having - what pleasure untold;
     With a heartful of joy and purseful of gold!

But wishes, alas! are but empty bubbles,
     And the longing heart may teem with troubles,
So idle wishing is vain, forsooth
     As the endless search for the fountain of youth.

But work that holds wealth may be had for the taking,
     Though it may not bring health, ’tis a balm for heart-aching;
And study makes wise, and love, people say,
     Gives the beauty that’s truest, which lasts for aye.

Then away with wishing; and ho! for labor!
     And ho! for love - each one for his neighbor!
For a life of labor and study and love
     Is the life that fits for the joy above.

by Emma C. Dowd

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“They told us not to wish in the first place, not to aspire, not to try; to be quiet, to play nice, to shoot low, and aspire not at all. They are always wrong. Follow your dreams. Make your wishes. Create the future. And above all, believe in yourself.” -J. Michael Straczynski

“Don’t wish for it . . . work for it!” -Author Unknown

“We will receive not what we idly wish for but what we justly earn. Our rewards will always be in exact proportion to our service.” -Earl Nightingale (1921 - 1989)

“You don’t get what you want in life just by wishing.” -Author Unknown

This one makes a net,
     this one stands and wishes.
Would you like to make a bet -
     which one gets the fishes?
-Author Unknown

“Many of us spend half our time wishing for things we could have if we didn’t spend half our time wishing.” -Alexander Woollcott (Alexander Humphreys Woollcott (1887 - 1943))

“We wish upon stars, coins tossed into fountains and wishing wells, birthday candles, wishbones, and dandelion tufts . . . perhaps it is time we placed our wishes upon hard work and made our dreams come true.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

“A wish is a desire without an attempt.” -Author Unknown: as quoted in “Reader’s Digest”

“Wishes are the echo of a lazy will.” -Author Unknown

“You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it come true. You may have to work for it, however.” -Richard Bach (Richard David Bach (born 1936)): “Illusions” (1977)

We are MFOL! . . . may your every good wish come true . . .

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Time

4/15/2019

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“If it weren’t for the last minute, a lot of things wouldn’t get done.” -Michael S. Traylor

Beverly: How is getting up at 4:00 a.m. like a pig’s tail?
Kimberly: It’s twirly!

“Time is eternity begun.” -James Montgomery (1771 - 1854): “A Mother’s Love,” stanza 8, line 6; type of work: poem

Jonah: How many seconds are in a year?
Jonas: Twelve, starting with the second (2nd) of January.

“It is astonishing what a lot of odd minutes one can catch during the day, if one really sets about it.” -Dinah Maria Craik (born Dinah Maria Mulock (1826 - 1887))

Late

How did it get so late so soon?
     It’s night before it’s afternoon.
December is here before it’s June.
     My goodness how the time has flewn.
How did it get so late so soon?

by Doctor Seuss (pseudonym of Theodor Seuss Geisel (1904 - 1991))

“Time is free, but it’s priceless. You can’t own it, but you can use it. You can’t keep it, but you can spend it. Once you’ve lost it, you can never get it back.” -Harvey Mackay (Harvey B. Mackay (born 1932))

“If I could have time in a bottle, I’d make it a glass bottle. That way, I could see the dinosaurs.” -Dick Bowden

Why do the hours drag on endlessly, while the years seem to fly past?

There Was a Man

There was a man who never was.
     This tragedy occurred because
His parents, being none too smart,
     Were born two hundred years apart.

by Dennis Lee

“Counting time is not so important as making time count.” -James J. Walker

“If time be judiciously employed, there is time for everything.” -George Head (1782 - 1855): “A Home Tour Through the Manufacturing Districts of England in the Summer of 1835” (1836), page 198

In the time a person says, “One hundred and one,” one second of time has passed.

Bill: What time would it be if it were not the time it is now?
Tim: Some other time.

“Time devours all things.” [English translation]
“Tempus edax rerums.” [original Latin]
-Ovid (Publius Ovidius Naso (43 B.C.E. - C.E. 17))

“Time equals life; therefore, waste your time and waste of your life, or master your time and master your life.” -Alan Lakein (born 1938)

“If you don’t make time to work on creating the life you want, you’re eventually going to be forced to spend a lot of time dealing with a life you don’t want.” -Kevin Ngo

Seymour: What time is it?
Rosemary: Now.

“Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in.” -Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862)

“How you spend your hours equals who you are today.” -Stephen Bavolek (Stephen J. Bavolek)

In 1984, the “Eldorado Daily Journal” newspaper of Illinois, United States of America, announced a contest to see who could save the most daylight for daylight savings time. The rules of the contest were simple: beginning with the first day of daylight savings time, contestants would be required to save daylight. Whoever succeeded in saving the most daylight would win. Only pure daylight would be allowed - no dawn or twilight light, though light from cloudy days would be allowed. Moonlight was strictly forbidden. Light could be stored in any container. The contest received a huge nationwide response. The paper’s editor was interviewed by correspondents from television news shows and was featured in papers around the country.

“Time is God’s way of keeping everything from happening at once.” -Havelock Ellis (Henry Havelock Ellis (1859 - 1939))

Overheard: She’s always late. Her ancestors arrived on the June Flower.

“By losing present time, we lose all time.” -W. Gurney Benham (William Gurney Benham (1859 - 1944))

Overheard: In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.

“Minutes are worth more than money. Spend them wisely.” -Thomas P. Murphy

Chronophobia is a persistent fear of time. Perhaps at the root of this fear is yet another fear, a fear of having all of one’s most beautiful dreams going forever unrealized. Let’s do something about that today by getting started on dreams and goals and plans, even if only in the tiniest of ways, like writing them down on paper or typing them out on your computer, and re-reading them at the start of each day.

“Lost, yesterday, somewhere between sunrise and sunset, two golden hours, each set with sixty diamond minutes. No reward is offered, for they are gone forever.” -Horace Mann (1796 - 1859)

“A man who dares to waste one hour of time has not discovered the value of life.” -Charles Darwin (Charles Robert Darwin (1809 - 1882))

Overheard: Just think, tomorrow at this same time, we will all be living exactly one day in the future . . .

“Lost time is never found again.” -John H. Aughey (John Hill Aughey (1828 - 1911))

“The supply of time is a daily miracle. Each day twenty-four hours are given to us to do with as we wish. It is the most precious possession we have, so live it daily and take advantage of every opportunity.” -Author Unknown

Time Facts
- 60 seconds make up a minute.
- 60 minutes make up an hour.
- 24 hours make up a day.
- 7 days make up a week.
- 28 to 31 days make up a month.
- 12 months make up a year.
- 10 years make up a decade.
- 100 years make up a century.
- 1,000 years make up a millennium.
- An infinite number of years make up an eternity.

“Don’t say, ‘There’s still time,’ or ‘Maybe next time,’ because there’s also the concept of, ‘It’s too late.’” -Author Unknown

“Those who know the value of time use it in preparation for eternity.” -Dugnet (also variously attributed to Duguet and Dugnat)

“Time has no divisions to mark its passage, there is never a thunderstorm or blare of trumpets to announce the beginning of a new month or year. Even when a new century begins it is only we mortals who ring bells and fire off pistols.” -Thomas Mann (Paul ‘Thomas’ Mann (1875 - 1955)): “The Magic Mountain” (1924), Chapter 5

Riddle: What flies without wings?
Solution: Time.

“The bad news is time flies. The good news is you’re the pilot.” -Michael Altshuler, website: http://michaelaltshuler.com

“All that really belongs to us is time; even he who has nothing else has that.” -Baltasar Gracián (1601 - 1658)

How to stop time: kiss.
How to travel in time: read.
How to escape time: music.
How to feel time: write.
How to release time: breathe.
by Matt Haig (born 1975)

“Each moment, as it passes, is the meeting place of two eternities.” -Madame Swetchine (Anne Sophie Swetchine (1782 - 1857))

“Our great object in time is not to waste our passions and gifts on the things external that we must leave behind, but that we cultivate within us all that we can carry into the eternal progress beyond.” -Edward Bulwer-Lytton (Edward George Earle Lytton Bulwer-Lytton (1803 - 1873))

“Time revealeth all things.” -Thomas Draxe (unknown - 1618)

“Time is like a snowflake - it melts away while we try to decide what to do with it.” -Author Unknown

May memory restore again and again
The smallest color of the smallest day:
Time is the school in which we learn,
Time is the fire in which we burn.
-Delmore Schwartz (1913 - 1966): “Calmly We Walk Through This April’s Day” (1937), also found in Delmore Schwartz: “For Rhoda” (1938), stanza 1

“Nothing is as far away as one minute ago.” -Jim Bishop

“The illimitable, silent, never-resting thing called Time, rolling, rushing on, swift, silent, like an all-embracing ocean-tide, on which we and all the Universe swim like exhalations, like apparitions which are, and then are not.” -Thomas Carlyle (1795 - 1881)

“When it’s three o’clock in New York, it’s still 1938 in London.” -Bette Midler (born 1945): as quoted in the “Jerusalem Post” (24 February 1989) newspaper

“You wake up in the morning, and lo! your purse is magically filled with twenty-four hours of the magic tissue of the Universe of your life. No one can take it from you. No one receives either more or less than you receive. Waste your infinitely precious commodity as much as you will, and you cannot draw on the future. Impossible to get into debt. You can only waste the passing moment. You cannot waste tomorrow; it is kept for you.” -Arnold Bennett (Enoch Arnold Bennett (1867 - 1931))

“Time is not a reality, but a concept or a measure . . .” -Antiphon the Sophist (479 B.C.E. - 411 B.C.E.): “Truth”

“Lost wealth may be replaced by industry, lost knowledge by study, lost health by temperance or medicine, but lost time is gone forever.” -Samuel Smiles (1812 - 1904)

More Time Facts
- According to the old English time system, a moment is one and a half minutes.
- A jiffy is an actual unit of time, equaling 1/100th of a second.
- A nanosecond is one billionth of a second.
- The smallest unit of time is a yoctosecond, or 1 septillionth of a second, being 10 to the power of negative 24.
- A million seconds is about 11 days.
- A billion seconds is about 31 years.
- 31,536,000 seconds is about one year.
- 168 hours are in a week.

“Time is more valuable than money. You can get more money, but you cannot get more time.” -Jim Rohn (Emanuel James Rohn (1930 - 2009))

“Whether it’s the best of times or the worst of times, it’s the only time we’ve got.” -Art Buchwald (Arthur Buchwald (1925 - 2007))

“Time eases all things.” -Sophocles (496 B.C.E. - 406 B.C.E.)

“Time flies whether you’re having fun or not. The choice is yours.” -Author Unknown

“You will never have more time than you do right now.” -Author Unknown

Time Quiz
- What time is it?
- What time would you rather it be?
- Is it the same time for everybody?
- Does anybody really know what time it is?
- What is time?
- Do you have enough time?
- If you do not have enough time, where can you get some more?
- When people borrow some of your time, do they ever pay you back?

“You can’t make up for lost time. You can only do better in the future.” -Ashley Ormon (born 1958)

“We shall never have more time. We have, and have always had, all the time there is. No object is served in waiting until next week or even until tomorrow. Keep going day in and day out. Concentrate on something useful. Having decided to achieve a task, achieve it at all costs.” -Arnold Bennett (Enoch Arnold Bennett (1867 - 1931))

“God hath given to man a short time here upon Earth, and yet upon this short time eternity depends.” -Jeremy Taylor (1613 - 1667): “Holy Living” (1650)

“Time will explain it all.” -Euripides (480 B.C.E. - 406 B.C.E.)

“All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.” -J. R. R. Tolkien (John Ronald Reuel Tolkien (1892 - 1973)): “The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring” (1954)

Wow, where did all the time go? Apparently, time flies when you are having fun! And, since that is all the time we have to cover the topic of Time, we will now go on to our next topic . . . on MFOL!

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Childhood and Children

4/12/2019

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“Keeping in touch with childhood memories keeps us believing in life’s simplest pleasures, like a rainy afternoon, a swing-set, and a giant puddle to play in.” -Chrissy Ogden

“There are children playing in the streets who could solve some of my top problems in physics, because they have modes of sensory perception that I lost long ago.” -J. Robert Oppenheimer (Julius Robert Oppenheimer (1904 - 1967))

“Every child should have mud pies, grasshoppers, water-bugs, tadpoles, frogs, mud-turtles, elderberries, wild strawberries, acorns, chestnuts, trees to climb, brooks to wade in, water-lilies, woodchucks, bats, bees, butterflies, various animals to pet, hay-fields, pine-cones, rocks to roll, sand, snakes, huckleberries, and hornets; and any child who has been deprived of these has been deprived of the best part of his education.” -Luther Burbank (1849 - 1926): “Training of the Human Plant” (1907)

“Simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.” -Author Unknown

Children have always been around, but the concept of childhood, as we know it now, is a relatively new one in human history. It began in the mid-twentieth century, when childhood was emphasized as an important time to play and imagine. Prior to then, childhood was a period of surviving the harshness of existence long enough to reach young adulthood, with an emphasis on learning skills such as hunting and gathering, or in more complex civilizations, skills needed to earn a living and participate in a society.

“Truly wonderful the mind of a child is.” -Yoda: in “Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones” (16 May 2002)

Children laugh about 400 times a day, while adults laugh on average only 15 times a day. Are children having too much fun - or are adults far too serious?

“Childhood is measured out by sounds and smells and sights, before the dark hour of reason grows.” -John Betjeman: “Summoned by Bells”

“As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.” -Buddy Hackett

Children grow faster in the springtime than any other season during the year.

Billy: Can youngsters learn to fly jet airplanes?
Bobby: Yes, but they have to use training wheels!

“A three-year-old child is a being who gets almost as much fun out of a fifty-six dollar set of swings as it does out of finding a small green worm.” -Burton Hillis (pseudonym of William E. ‘Bill’ Vaughan (1915 - 1977))

“Childhood is that time of life when anything is possible.” -Author Unknown

“Six-year-old announces plans to become ballerina gymnast veterinarian horseback-riding princess.” -Author Unknown: “The Onion”

“When I was a kid my parents used to tell me, “Don’t go near the cellar door, Emo!” One day when they were away, I went to the door and opened it . . . and I saw birds and trees.” -Emo Philips (born Philip Soltanec (born 1956))

Toddler Rules

If it is on, I must turn it off.
If it is off, I must turn it on.
If it is high, it must be reached.
If it is shelved, it must be unshelved.
If it is plugged, it must be unplugged.
If it is closed, it must be opened.
If it has buttons, they must be pressed.
If it is a drawer, it must be pulled upon.
If it is a bug, it must be swallowed.
If it is not food, it must be tasted.
If it is food, it must not be tasted.
If it is Mommy, it must be hugged.

by Author Unknown

“A happy childhood is the best horseshoe nail.” -Author Unknown

“I was forced to live far beyond my years when just a child, now I have reversed the order and I intend to remain young indefinitely.” -Mary Pickford (born Gladys Louise Smith, also known as Gladys Marie Pickford (1893 - 1979))

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Wisdom from Children

“Never trust a dog to watch your food.” -Patrick, 10 years of age

“When your dad is mad and asks you, ‘Do I look stupid?’ - don’t answer.” -Hannah, 9 years of age

“Never tell your mom her diet’s not working.” -Michael, 14 years of age

“If life gives you nothing but lemons, make up a better shopping list for it.” -Steven, 8 years of age

“When your Mom is mad at your dad, don’t let her brush your hair.” -Jennifer, 11 years of age

“Never leave your three-year old brother in the same room as your school
assignment.” -Tracy, 14 years of age

“Never hold a hand-held vacuum cleaner and a cat at the same time.” -Katherine, 11 years of age

“You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.” -Aaron, 9 years of age

“If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse.” -Nancy, 15 years of age

“Felt-tip markers are not good to use as lipstick.” -Laura, 9 years of age

“When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your Mom when she’s on
the phone.” -Jill, 13 years of age

“Laugh and the world laughs with you; cry and the world laughs at you.” -Robert, 8 years of age

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“Childhood is that state which ends the moment a puddle is first viewed as an obstacle instead of an opportunity.” -Kathy Williams (1964 - 1996)

“I love child things because there’s so much mystery when you’re a child. When you’re a child, something as simple as a tree doesn’t make sense. You see it in the distance and it looks small, but as you go closer, it seems to grow - you haven’t got a handle on the rules when you’re a child. We think we understand the rules when we become adults but what we really experienced is a narrowing of the imagination.” -David Lynch

“Children despise their parents until the age of forty, when they suddenly become just like them, thus preserving the system.” -Quentin Crewe

“Some people seem as if they can never have been children, and others seem as if they could never be anything else.” -George D. Prentice (George Dennison Prentice (1802 - 1870)): “Prenticeana” (1860)

“I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.” -Greg Norman

“A lot of children think their parents are all-no-ing.” -Author Unknown

“Children are happy because they don’t have a file in their minds called ‘All the Things That Could Go Wrong.’” -Marianne Williamson (born in July 1952)

Whole Duty of Children

A child should always say what’s true,
And speak when he is spoken to;
And behave mannerly at table,
At least as far as he is able.

by Robert Louis Stevenson (Robert Louis Balfour Stevenson (1850 - 1894)): “A Child’s Garden of Verses” (1885)

“It’s never too late to have a happy childhood.” -Tom Robbins (Thomas Eugene 'Tom' Robbins (born 1932)): “Still Life with Woodpecker” (October 1980)

“Grown-ups never understand anything for themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explaining things to them.” -Antoine de Saint-Exupéry (Antoine Marie Jean-Baptiste Roger (1900 - 1944)): “The Little Prince” (1943)

This is MFOL! . . . for the child in all of us . . . who can still feel, smell, taste, hear, and see . . . the wonder of it all . . .

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Impossible and Possible

4/8/2019

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“I’ve always had the feeling that nothing is impossible if one applies a certain amount of energy in the right direction. If you want to do it, you can do it.” -Nellie Bly (pseudonym of Elizabeth Cochrane Seaman (1864 - 1922))

“Impossible things are simply those which so far have never been done.” -Elbert Hubbard (Elbert Green Hubbard (1856 - 1915))

“You can’t pick a lock with a pickle, you can’t cure the sick with a sickle, pluck figs with a figment, drive pigs with a pigment, nor make your watch tick with a tickle. You can’t slacken your gait with a gaiter, you can’t get a crate with a crater, catch moles with a molar, or bake rolls with a roller. But you can get a wait from a waiter.” -Author Unknown: in “Sunshine Magazine”

“Never let the word ‘impossible’ stop you from pursuing what your heart and spirit urge you to do. Impossible things come true every day.” -Robert Cooper

“We would accomplish many more things if we did not think of them as impossible.” -Vince Lombardi (Vincent Thomas Lombardi (1913 - 1970))

“Those who say it cannot be done should not interrupt the person doing it.” -Author Unknown

“I’m always doing what I cannot do yet, in order to learn how to do it.” -Vincent van Gogh (Vincent Willem van Gogh (1853 - 1890)): letter (1885) to Anthon van Rappard

“When work, commitment, and pleasure all become one and you reach that deep well where passion lives, nothing is impossible.” -Nancy Coey

“The only thing that stands between a man and what he wants from life is often merely the will to try it and the faith to believe that it is possible.” -Richard M. DeVos (Richard Marvin DeVos, Senior (1926 - 2018))

“I have learned to use the word ‘impossible’ with the greatest caution.” -Wernher von Braun (Wernher Magnus Maximilian, Freiherr von Braun (1912 - 1977))

“I believe anything is possible. Research into quantum physics proves that a system changes simply by someone observing it. Therefore, all you have to do is be awake and aware of your environment, and that enables you to transform everything around you. It sounds like hocus pocus, but scientists are coming to realize that just thinking about something can make it happen. Turns out maybe faith can move mountains.” -Christine Anderson

“Most of the things worth doing in the world were said to be impossible before they were done.” -Louis Brandeis (Louis Dembitz Brandeis (1856 - 1941))

“Things that are impossible just take longer.” -Ian Hickson

“Some of the world’s greatest feats were accomplished by people not smart enough to know they were impossible.” -Doug Larson (1902 - 1981)

“Alice laughed. ‘There’s no use trying,’ she said. ‘One can’t believe impossible things.’ ‘I daresay you haven’t had much practice,’ said the Queen. ‘When I was your age, I always did it half an hour a day. Why, sometimes, I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.’” -Lewis Carroll (pseudonym of Charles Lutwidge Dodgson (1832 - 1898)): “Through the Looking-Glass” (1872), chapter 5

“What is impossible today that if made possible would change everything?” -Joel Barker

“The difficult is what takes a little time; the impossible is what takes a little longer.” -Fridtjof Nansen (1861 - 1930): as quoted in the “Listener” (14 December 1939)

“The impossible is often the untried.” -Jim Goodwin

“It is our duty as human beings to proceed as though the limits of our capabilities do not exist.” -Pierre Teilhard de Chardin (1881 - 1955)

Impossible: Something that nobody can do - until somebody does it!

“The impossible is possible if you want it to be.” -Author Unknown

“If you develop the absolute sense of certainty that powerful beliefs provide, then you can get yourself to accomplish virtually anything, including those things that other people are certain are impossible.” -William L. Phelps (William Lyon Phelps (1865 - 1943))

“We have no limits - we create them in our mind.” -Bud LaBranche

“The only way to discover the limits of the possible is to go beyond them into the impossible.” -Arthur C. Clarke (Arthur Charles Clarke (1917 - 2008))

“You have to believe in the impossible.” -Howard Head

“There is nothing impossible to him who will try.” -Alexander of Macedonia (also known as Alexander the Great (356 B.C.E. - 323 B.C.E.))

“Nothing is impossible to a willing heart.” -John Heywood (about 1497 - 1580): “Proverbs” (1546)

“Yes, you can be a dreamer and a doer too, if you will remove one word from your vocabulary: impossible.” -Robert Schuller (Robert Harold Schuller (1926 - 2015))

“Nothing is impossible.” -Author Unknown

“Everything is always impossible before it works.” -Albert Schweitzer (1875 - 1965)

“What we need are more people who specialize in the impossible.” -Theodore Roethke (1908 - 1963)

“Nothing is impossible; the word itself says ‘I’m possible’!” -Audrey Hepburn (1929 - 1993)

“You can do the impossible, because you have been through the unimaginable.” -Christina Rasmussen (born 1972)

“When someone tells you that you can’t do something, perhaps you should consider that they are only telling you what they can’t do.” -Sheldon Cahoon

“Start by doing what’s necessary; then do what’s possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible.” -Francis of Assisi (1181 - 1226)

“It is impossible to walk rapidly and be unhappy.” -Howard Murray

“It is the act of a madman to pursue impossibilities.” -Marcus Aurelius (also known as Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (C.E. 121 - C.E. 180))

“It always seems impossible until it’s done.” -Author Unknown

“Limitations live only in our minds. But if we use our imaginations, our possibilities become limitless.” -Jamie Paolinetti (born 1964)

“It is difficult to say what is impossible, for the dream of yesterday is the hope of today and the reality of tomorrow.” -Robert H. Goddard (Robert Hutchings ‘Bob’ Goddard (1882 - 1945))

“Do not suppose that, if you find something hard to achieve, it is beyond human capacity; rather, if something is possible and appropriate for man, assume that it must also be within your own reach.” -Marcus Aurelius (also known as Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (C.E. 121 - C.E. 180)): “The Meditations” (C.E. 167)

“To get profit without risk, experience without danger, and reward without work is as impossible as it is to live without being born.” -A. P. Gouthey (Aldolph Philip Gouthey (some sources may show Adolph Philip Gouthey) (1892 - 1963))

“All things are possible until they are proved impossible and even the impossible may only be so, as of now.” -Pearl S. Buck (Pearl Sydenstricker Buck (1892 - 1973)): “A Bridge for Passing” (1962)

“You cannot make a silk purse of a sow’s ear.” -Stephen Gosson (1554 - 1624): “The Ephemerides of Phialo” (1579)

“So many things are possible just as long as you don’t know they’re impossible.” -Norton Juster (born 1929): “The Phantom Tollbooth” (1961)

“To believe a Business impossible, is the Way to make it so.” -Thomas Fuller (1654 - 1734): “Gnomologia: Adages and Proverbs” (1732), number 5138

“A great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.” -Walter Bagehot (1826 - 1877)

“If you will tell me why the fen* appears impassable, I then will tell you why I think that I can cross it if I try.” -Marianne Moore (1887 - 1972)
*fen: a wetland or often flooded area.

“Ordinary people believe only in the possible. Extraordinary people visualize not what is possible or probable, but rather what is impossible. And by visualizing the impossible, they begin to see it as possible.” -Cherie Carter-Scott (born 1949)

“There is no limitation other than what you think.” -Kenneth Mills

“Anything in life is possible if you make it happen. And it’s never too late.” -Jack LaLanne (François Henri ’Jack’ LaLanne (1914 - 2011))

“What is now proven was once only imagined.” -William Blake (1757 - 1827): “Proverbs of Hell” (1790 - 1793)

“Every great achievement was once considered impossible.” -Author Unknown

“Nothing is impossible to industry*.” -Periander (about 625 B.C.E. - 585 B.C.E.)
*industry: hard work.

“Impossibility simply means ‘I’m possibility.’” -Monsieur Nana Adom

“When someone tells you it can’t be done, it’s more a reflection of their limitations, not yours.” -Author Unknown

“The difference between the impossible and the possible lies in a man’s determination.” -Tommy Lasorda (Thomas Charles Lasorda (born 1927))

“Nothing is impossible: there are ways which lead to everything; and if we had sufficient will we should always have sufficient means. It is often merely for an excuse that we say things are impossible.” -François de La Rochefoucauld (also known as François Duc de La Rochefoucauld (1613 - 1680))

“Only those who attempt the absurd can achieve the impossible.” -Author Unknown

“There are many things that seem impossible only so long as one does not attempt them.” -André Gide (André Paul Guillaume Gide (1869 - 1951))

“Never tell me the sky’s the limit when there are footprints on the Moon.” -Paul Brandt

“What ‘exists’ is only a small part of what is ‘possible.’” -Pere Alberch (born Pere Alberch Vie (1954 - 1998))

“Jesus looked at them and said, ‘With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.’” -Jesus of Nazareth: as quoted in “The Bible” (NIV), ‘Matthew,’ chapter 19, verse 26

“Think of the thing you cannot do, and then do it.” -Author Unknown

“Impossible is only an opinion.” -Author Unknown

“Every noble work is at first impossible.” -Thomas Carlyle (1795 - 1881)

“It’s going to be difficult, but difficult is not impossible.” -Author Unknown

“Become a possibilitarian. No matter how dark things seem to be or actually are, raise your sights and see possibilities - always see them, for they’re always there.” -Norman Vincent Peale (1898 - 1993)

“Either I will find a way, or I will make one.” -Philip Sidney (1554 - 1586)

“Most of the things worth doing in the world have been declared impossible before they were attempted.” -Earl Nightingale (1921 - 1989)

“It is certain because it is impossible.” [English translation]
“Certum est quia impossibile.” [original Latin]
-Quintus Septimius Florens Tertullianus (also known simply as Tertullian (C.E. 155 - C.E. 240))

“Nothing is impossible to the man who can will and then do; this is the only law of success.” -Mirabeau (Honoré Gabriel Riqueti, Count of Mirabeau (1749 - 1791))

“All big things in this world are done by people who are naive and have an idea that is obviously impossible.” -Frank Richards

“There is a better way to spell ‘impossible’: ‘I’m possible.’” -Author Unknown

“I dwell in possibility.” -Emily Dickinson (1830 - 1886)

“Few things are impossible to diligence and skill.” -Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784): “Rasselas” (1759)

“We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as impossible situations.” -Charles R. Swindoll (Charles Rozell ‘Chuck’ Swindoll (born 1934))

“Once you stop dismissing something as unattainable, then you start working on its development.” -Jerome Pearson

“The most rewarding things you do in life are often the ones that look like they cannot be done.” -Arnold Palmer (Arnold Daniel Palmer (1929 - 2016))

“You can’t roller-skate in a buffalo herd, but you can be happy if you’ve a mind to.” -Roger Miller

We are MFOL! . . . wishing you many trouble-free days as you make your way through a world in which more things are possible all the time . . .

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