Make Fun Of Life!

Is This a UFO?

7/22/2019

Is this a UFO, or Unidentified Flying Object?

The Vought XF5U ‘Flying Flapjack’ was an experimental United States Navy fighter plane designed during World War 2 by Charles H. Zimmerman. Seen by people on the ground from underneath during flight, it might have resembled a flying disk from out of this world, at least more so than other conventional fixed-wing aircraft would have. Though it certainly is not the only aircraft with a somewhat unearthly or otherworldly appearance, it was one of the first airplanes to have an all-metal body. Just two were built, and the program was cancelled in 1947 as the U.S. Navy transitioned from propeller-driven fighter aircraft to jet fighters.

We are MFOL! . . . reminding you to keep your eyes on the skies, because you never know what might be up there . . .

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Life and Living

7/21/2019

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“I like life. It’s something to do.” -Ronnie Shakes (born Ronald Michael Sakele (1947 - 1987))

“Life does not have to be perfect to be wonderful.” -Annette Funicello (Annette Joanne Funicello (1942 – 2013))

Life

When life seems just a dreary grind,
     And things seem fated to annoy,
Say something nice to someone else
     And watch the world light up with joy.

by Author Unknown

“I never lose sight of the fact that just being is fun.” -Katharine Hepburn (Katharine Houghton Hepburn (1907 - 2003))

“Life is the art of drawing sufficient conclusions from insufficient premises.” -Samuel Butler (1835 - 1902): “The Note-Books of Samuel Butler” (1912), ‘Life,’ ix

“Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious.” -Brendan Gill (1914 - 1997)

The World

This world that we’re a livin’ in
     Is mighty hard to beat;
You git¹ a thorn with ev’ry² rose,
     But ain’t the roses sweet!

-Frank L. Stanton (Frank Lebby Stanton (1857 - 1927))
¹ git: get
² ev’ry: every

“It never gets easier, you just go faster.” -Greg LeMond (Gregory James ‘Greg’ LeMond (born 1961))

“From now until the end of time no one else will ever see life with my eyes, and I mean to make the best of my chance.” -Christopher Darlington Morley (1890 - 1957)

“Murphy’s First Law of Infinite Priority: ‘Whatever you set out to do, something else must be done first.’” -Author Unknown

“Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.” -George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)

Overheard: How can I control my life when I cannot control my hair?

“Life’s not always fair. Sometimes you can get a splinter even sliding down a rainbow.” -Terri Guillemets (born 1973)

“The whole secret of life is to be interested in one thing profoundly and in a thousand other things well.” -Hugh Walpole (Hugh Seymour Walpole (1884 - 1941))

Life

Inch by inch,
     Life is a cinch.
Yard by yard,
     Life is hard.

by John Updike (John Hoyer Updike (1932 - 2009))

“Life’s tragedy is that we grow old too soon and wise too late.” -Author Unknown

“I can teach anybody how to get what they want out of life. The problem is that I can’t find anybody who can tell me what they want.” -Mark Twain (pseudonym of Samuel Langhorne Clemens (1835 - 1910))

“So one thing I want to say about life is don’t be scared and don’t hang back, and most of all, don’t waste it.” -Joan W. Blos (Joan Winsor Blos (1928 - 2017)): “A Gathering of Days” (1979)

“To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone, and a funnybone.” -Reba McEntire (Reba Nell McEntire (born 1955))

“You live and learn. Or at any rate, you live.” -Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001)

“Life is half spent before we know what it is.” -George Herbert (1593 - 1633): “Jacula Prudentum” (English: “Outlandish Proverbs”) (1640)

“Life is a series of commas, not periods.” -Matthew McConaughey (Matthew David McConaughey (born 1969))

“Life is a series of events strung together like a phrase of a sentence forever changing and forever adapting. Turn the page and read on.” -Author Unknown

“My formula for living is quite simple. I get up in the morning and I go to bed at night. In between, I occupy myself as best I can.” -Cary Grant (pseudonym of Archibald Alexander Leach (1904 - 1986))

“Now it is a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best you very often get it . . .” -W. Somerset Maugham (William Somerset Maugham (1874 - 1965)): “The Mixture as Before” (1940), ‘The Treasure’

“I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.” -Lily Tomlin (Mary Jean Tomlin (born 1939))

“The greatest gift . . . is the realization that life does not consist either of wallowing in the past or of peering anxiously at the future; and it is appalling to contemplate the great number of often painful steps by which one arrives at a truth so old, so obvious, and so frequently expressed. It is good for one to appreciate that life is now. Whether it offers little or much, life is now - this day - this hour.” -Charles Macomb Flandrau (1871 - 1938): “Viva Mexico” (1912), chapter 7

“Plunge boldly into the thick of life!” -Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832)

“I have measured out my life with coffee spoons.” -T. S. Eliot (Thomas Stearns Eliot (1888 - 1965)): “The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock” (1915)

“The problem of life is not to make life easier, but to make people stronger.” -David Starr Jordan (1851 - 1931)

“Life is not so much a matter of position as of disposition.” -Author Unknown

“In spite of the cost of living, it’s still popular.” -Kathy Norris (Kathleen Thompson Norris (1880 - 1966))

“Life is made up of giving and getting, forgiving and forgetting.” -Author Unknown

“Life is a verb.” -Author Unknown

“May you live all the days of your life.” -Jonathan Swift (1667 - 1745)

“Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hairstylist you like.” -Author Unknown

“Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.” -Neale Donald Walsch (born 1943)

Overheard: When your dreams turn to dust, vacuum.

“We are most alive when we’re in love.” -John Updike (John Hoyer Updike (1932 - 2009))

“I think I’ve discovered the secret of life - you just hang around until you get used to it.” -Charles Schulz (Charles Monroe ‘Sparky’ Schulz (1922 - 2000))

“Life is nothing without friendship.” -Cicero (Marcus Tullius Cicero (106 B.C.E. - 43 B.C.E.))

Overheard: You can’t have everything - where would you put it all?

“You have to take the bitter with the sweet.” -John Heywood (about 1497 - 1580): “All the Proverbs in the English Language” (1546)

“There are two means of refuge from the misery of life: music and cats.” -Albert Schweitzer (1875 - 1965)

“Everything has been figured out except how to live.” -Jean-Paul Sartre (1905 - 1980)

“Possibly the game of Life cannot be won; but if it can be won, it will be the players in the game who win it, not the superior people who pride themselves on not knowing the difference between a fair ball and a foul, to say nothing of those in the grandstand or in the bleachers whose contribution is throwing pop bottles at the umpire.” -Max Carl Otto (1876 - 1968)

“Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.” -Author Unknown

“When one subtracts from life infancy (which is vegetation), sleep, eating and swilling, buttoning and unbuttoning - how much remains of downright existence? The Summer of a dormouse.” -Lord Byron (George Gordon Noel Byron (1788 - 1824))

“Life may not be the party we had hoped for, but while we’re here, we should dance.” -Author Unknown

“Life goes by so quickly - we have to make every moment count.” -Author Unknown

“Too much credit is given to the end result. The true lesson is in the struggle that takes place between the dream and reality. That struggle is a thing called life!” -Garth Brooks

“Live each day in a way that will make you feel good about yourself tomorrow.” -Author Unknown

“The person who makes a success of living is the one who sees his goal steadily and aims for it unswervingly.” -Cecil B. Demille (1881 - 1959)

“Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.” -Author Unknown

“Life goes quickly. Seize it!” -Author Unknown

“Life is a journey and it helps to have a map.” -Author Unknown

“Life is not always what one wants it to be, but to make the best of it, as it is, is the only way of being happy.” -Jennie Jerome Churchill (1854 - 1921)

“Be a life long or short, its completeness depends on what it was lived for.” -David Starr Jordan (1851 - 1931)

“Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first.” -Ernestine Ulmer (born 1925)

“Our life is what we make it by our own thoughts and deeds.” -James Allen (1864 - 1912): “Light on Life’s Difficulties” (1912)

No Problem

Life is easier than you think.
All you have to do is:
accept the impossible,
do without the indispensable,
bear the intolerable,
and be able to smile at anything.

by Kathleen Norris (Kathleen Thompson ‘Kathy’ Norris (1880 - 1966))

“Just living is not enough . . . one must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower.” -Hans Christian Andersen (1805 - 1875)

“Work hard, play hard.” -Author Unknown

“What a wonderful life I’ve had! I only wish I’d realized it sooner.” -Sidonie Gabrielle Colette (1873 - 1954)

“Every day I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days I’ve stayed alive.” -George Carlin (1937 - 2008)

“Life is not always fair, but it can still be good if you work hard to make it that way.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)

Young Man of Cadiz

There was a young man of Cadiz,
Who concluded that life is what it is;
     For he early had learnt,
     If it were what it weren’t,
It could not be that which it is.

by Author Unknown

“No one finds life worth living; one must make it worth living.” -Author Unknown

“Life moves pretty fast! If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” -Author Unknown

Overheard: Life would be so much easier if everyone read the manual.

“Life is only traveled once. Today’s moment becomes tomorrow’s memory. Enjoy every moment, good or bad, because the gift of life is life itself.” -Author Unknown

“Not only strike while the iron is hot, but make it hot by striking.” -Oliver Cromwell (1599 - 1658): letter (1658)

“Life is always at some turning point.” -Irwin Edman (1896 - 1954)

“Life is like a camel - you can make it do anything except back up.” -Marcelene Cox

“All of life is learning; therefore education can never end.” -Eduard Lindeman (Eduard Christian Lindeman (1885 - 1953))

’Tis not so bad a world
     As some would like to make it -
But whether good or whether bad
     Depends on how you take it.
-Author Unknown

“A happy life is made up of little things - a gift sent, a letter written, a call made, a recommendation given, transportation provided, a cake made, a book lent, a check sent.” -Carol Holmes

“Start living now. Stop saving the good china for that special occasion. Stop withholding your love until that special person materializes. Every day you are alive is a special occasion. Every minute, every breath, is a gift from God.” -Mary Manin Morrissey (born 1949): as quoted in John D. Moore: “Quotations for Martial Artists” (2003), page 3

“Live all you can - it’s a mistake not to. It doesn’t so much matter what you do in particular, so long as you have your life. If you haven’t had that, what have you had?” -Henry James (Henry James, Junior (1843 - 1916))

“Be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love and to work and to play and to look up at the stars.” -Henry Van Dyke (1852 - 1933)

“Live, and be happy, and make others so.” -Mary Shelley (1797 - 1851)

Laugh a little more . . . learn a little more . . . love life a little more . . . every day . . . with Make Fun Of Life!

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Laughter and Laughing

7/17/2019

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Laughter has magical properties . . .

“Laughing is the sensation of feeling good all over, and showing it principally in one spot.” -Josh Billings (pseudonym of Henry Wheeler Shaw (1818 - 1885))

“There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.” -Charles Dickens (Charles John Huffam Dickens (1812 - 1870))

“I like people who make me laugh. I honestly think that laughing is the thing I like most. It cures a multitude of ills. It’s probably the most important thing in a person.” -Audrey Hepburn (1929 - 1993)

Overheard: I just want to spend the rest of my life laughing.

“Laughter gives us distance. It allows us to step back from an event, deal with it and then move on.” -Bob Newhart (George Robert ‘Bob’ Newhart (born 1929))

“I think laughter may be a form of courage.” -Linda Ellerbee (born 1944)

“There is little success where there is little laughter.” -Andrew Carnegie (1835 - 1919)

“The amount you laugh in your relationships with others is the true measure of the health of your personality.” -Brian Tracy (born 1944)

“You know, there’s endorphins in laughter, as there are endorphins in running in the park.” -Marlo Thomas (Margaret Julia ‘Marlo’ Thomas (born 1937))

Just Laughin’

Did it ever occur to you
Of the good that you might do,
Just Laughin’.
Did you ever stop to think
That a sorrow you could sink,
Just Laughin’.
The world is like a dream,
Your thoughts are mostly clean,
When you’re laughin’.
The whole world seems more bright,
Everything turns out right,
Just Laughin’.
Victory seems to be your pace
And love just floods most every face,
Just Laughin’.
Everyone’s so bright and gay,
Work just seems to be like play
When you’re laughin’.
You’ll find the world much sweeter
And yourself will feel much better,
Just Laughin’.
Life itself would be so fine,
You can make it more divine,
Just Laughin’.
It’s the little things you do
And you know God loves you too,
When you’re laughin’.

by Hudson W. Cady (Hudson Waterman Cady (1894 - 1973))

“A laugh is a smile that bursts.” -Mary H. Waldrip (Mary Helen Waldrip (1914 - 1988))

“So many tangles in life are ultimately hopeless that we have no appropriate sword other than laughter.” -Gordon W. Allport (Gordon Willard Allport (1897 - 1967))

Laughter is good exercise. Each time a person laughs, he or she burns an average of 3.5 calories.

“Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.” -Author Unknown

“Laughing helps; it’s like jogging on the inside.” -Author Unknown

“The One whose throne is in Heaven sits laughing . . .” -Author Unknown: as quoted in “The Bible,” ‘Book of Psalms,’ chapter 2, verse 4

“Laugh at yourself, before anyone else can.” -Elsa Maxwell (1883 - 1963)

Daryl: Why is it a bad idea to laugh at people when they are down?
Lydia: They might get up!

“Never be afraid to laugh at yourself. After all, you could be missing out on the joke of the century.” -Dame Edna Everage (fictional character portrayed by John Barry Humphries (born 1934))

“Laugh, if you are wise.” -Marcus Valerius Martialis (also known simply as Martial (about C.E. 40 - about C.E. 103))

“At first, I only laughed at myself. Then I noticed that life itself is amusing. I’ve been in a generally good mood ever since.” -Marilyn vos Savant (born 1946)

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Laughing Time

It was laughing time, and the tall Giraffe
     Lifted up his head, and began to laugh:
     Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

And the Chimpanzee on the ginkgo tree
     Swung merrily down with a “Tee Hee Hee”:
     Hee! Hee! Hee! Hee!

“It’s certainly not against the law!”
     Croaked Justice Crow with a loud guffaw:
     Haw! Haw! Haw! Haw!

The Dancing Bear who could never say, “No”
     Waltzed up and down on the tip of his toe:
     Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho!

The Donkey daintily took his paw,
     And around they went: “Hee-Haw! Hee-Haw!”
     Hee-Haw! Hee-Haw!

The Moon had to smile as it started to climb;
     All over the world it was laughing time!
     Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Hee-Haw! Hee-Haw!
     Hee! Hee! Hee! Hee! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

by William Jay Smith (1918 - 2015): “Laughing Time” (1955)

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“If you can laugh at it, you can live with it.” -Erma Bombeck (Erma Louise Bombeck (1927 - 1996))

“Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.” -Victor Borge (born as Bǿrge Rosenbaum (1909 - 2000))

“A laugh’s the wisest, easiest answer to all that’s queer.” -Herman Melville (1819 - 1891): “Moby Dick” (18 October 1851)

“Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.” -Mark Twain (Samuel Langhorne Clemens (1835 - 1910))

“Once you get people laughing, they’re listening, and you can tell them almost anything.” -Herbert Gardner

“A laugh is worth a hundred groans in any market.” -Charles Lamb (1775 - 1834)

“At the height of laughter, the Universe is flung into a kaleidoscope of new possibilities.” -Jean Houston (born 1937)

“Laughter is to life what shock absorbers are to automobiles. It won’t take the potholes out of the road, but it sure makes the ride smoother.” -Barbara Johnson

“Learn to laugh at your troubles and you’ll never run out of things to laugh at.” -Lyn Karol

“Of all days, the day on which one has not laughed is the one most surely wasted.” -Nicolas Chamfort (Sébastien-Roch Nicolas de Chamfort (1741 - 1794))

“Laughter is an instant vacation.” -Milton Berle (born Mendel Berlinger (1908 - 2002))

“Beware of too much laughter, for it deadens the mind and produces oblivion.” -Author Unknown: as quoted in “The Talmud”

“A good laugh is sunshine in the house.” -William Makepeace Thackeray (1811 - 1863)

“Laughter is the corrective force which prevents us from becoming cranks.” -Henri Bergson (Henri-Louis ‘Henri’ Bergson (1859 - 1941))

“He who laughs, lasts!” -Mary Pettibone Poole (? - 1941): “A Glass Eye at a Key Hole” (1938); type of work: book of aphorisms and apothegms

“Laugh at yourself and at life. Not in the spirit of derision or whining self-pity, but as a remedy . . . that will ease your pain, cure your depression, and help you to put in perspective that seemingly terrible defeat of the moment. Banish tension and concern and worry with laughter at your predicaments, thus freeing your mind to think clearly toward the solution that is certain to come. Never take yourself too seriously.” -Og Mandino (Augustine ‘Og’ Mandino II (1923 - 1996)): “A Better Way to Live” (1990), ‘Rule Eleven’

“A good time to laugh is any time you can.” -Linda Ellerbee (born 1944)

“Those who cannot laugh at themselves leave the job to others.” -Author Unknown

“Sharing laughter heals hearts.” -Patsy Clairmont (born 1945)

“Laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.” -Lord Byron (George Gordon Noel Byron (1788 - 1824))

“Laughter is the best medicine.” -Norman Vincent Peale (1898 - 1993)

What are the benefits of laughter? Laughter really is good medicine. Yes, studies have shown it time after time! Laughter lowers blood pressure, creates much better moods around the house, prevents illnesses, speeds up healing, and produces endorphins just like runners experience when they reach their peak running level, which prevents pain sensors from hurting so badly. Laughing may lower levels of stress hormones and strengthen the immune system.

“Laughter is the Sun that drives Winter from the human face.” -Victor Hugo (Victor Marie Hugo (1802 - 1885))

“Laugh, and the world laughs with you; weep, and you weep alone.” -Ella Wheeler Wilcox (1850 - 1919) (1883)

“If you don’t learn to laugh at trouble, you won’t have anything to laugh at when you are old.” -Edgar Watson Howe (1854 - 1937): as attributed in “Forbes” (1980)

“Laughter translates into any language.” -Author Unknown

“Laughter is God’s hand on the shoulders of a troubled world.” -Minnie Pearl (pseudonym of Sarah Ophelia Colley (1912 - 1996))

“As a general rule, the freedom of any people can be judged by the volume of their laughter.” -Author Unknown

“You show your character in nothing more clearly that by what you think laughable.” -Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832)

“I know not all that may be coming, but be it what it will, I’ll go to it laughing.” -Herman Melville (1819 - 1891): “Moby Dick” (18 October 1851)

“Joyfulness keeps the heart and face young. A good laugh makes us better friends with ourselves and everybody around us.” -Orison S. Marden (Orison Swett Marden (1850 - 1924))

“If you laugh a lot, when you get older your wrinkles will be in the right places.” -Andrew Mason

“Man alone suffers so excruciatingly in the world that he was compelled to invent laughter.” -Friedrich Nietzsche (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche (1844 - 1900))

“It is more fitting for a man to laugh at life than to lament over it.” -Lucius Annaeus Seneca (also known as Seneca the Younger or simply as Seneca (3 B.C.E. - C.E. 65))

World Laughter Day is celebrated on the first Sunday of May of every year. The first celebration was on 10 January 1998 in Mumbai, India, and was arranged by Doctor Madan Kataria, founder of the worldwide Laughter Yoga movement.

“The person who knows how to laugh at himself will never cease to be amused.” -Shirley MacLaine (pseudonym of Shirley MacLean Beaty (born 1934))

“A complete revaluation takes place in your physical and mental being when you’ve laughed and had some fun.” -Catherine Ponder (born 1927)

This is MFOL! Have you laughed today? If not, there is still time . . . just continue reading . . .

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Astronomy

7/13/2019

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Astronomy is for those who never stop looking up . . .

“We can’t all be stars, but we can all sparkle.” -Author Unknown

What are stars? Stars are massive spheres, or balls, of very hot burning gases, called plasma, held together by their own gravity. Most stars contain mostly hydrogen, with small amounts of helium. Some stars have tiny amounts of other elements as well.

“At night, an enormous blanket is placed over the Earth to keep it warm. The blanket is very old and worn out, and so it has many tiny holes in it. The holes where the Sun’s light comes through are called stars.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)

Stars form in nebulas, which are large gaseous areas of space. As gravity attracts and condenses more and more gas into clusters, young stars called protostars start to form.

“It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves.” -William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616)

Stars radiate energy created from nuclear fusion, which is a process that takes place in a star’s core and involves hydrogen fusing, or burning, to make helium. Once nuclear fusion has begun in the core, a star is sufficiently fueled to spend the majority of its life as a main sequence star, or twinkly thing, in its most stable form.

The Star

Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
     How I wonder what you are.
Giant thermonuclear reaction,
     Held by gravitational attraction.
Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
     You look small ’cause you’re so far.
As you burn through constant fusion,
     Your twinkle’s just an optical illusion
That happens when your light gets near,
     Distorted by our atmosphere.
Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
     Spreading light and heat so far.
As you use up fuel you’ll grow,
     And give off a scarlet glow.
Maybe you’ll go supernova
     Exploding elements all over.
Now I know just what you are,
     And I know I’m made of stars.

by Author Unknown: parody of “The Star” by Jane Taylor (1806)

“Even a small star shines in the darkness.” -Author Unknown: Finnish proverb

A brown dwarf forms if a star does not become hot enough to reach nuclear fusion. While a brown dwarf has failed to become a proper star, it is not a planet because it does glow dimly.

“There are stars called white dwarfs and red giants . . . but, alas, no jelly donuts.” -Author Unknown

The most common stars are red dwarfs. They are less than half the size and mass of our Sun, and burn their fuel very slowly. Red dwarfs last longer than any other type of star, at more than 100 billion years. They are cooler than most stars, and so shine less, eventually growing dimmer.

“We are made of stardust. Every atom of every element in your body except for hydrogen has been manufactured inside stars, scattered across the Universe in great stellar explosions, and recycled to become part of you.” -John Gribbin (John R. Gribbin (born 1946)): “Stardust” (10 September 2000)

When smaller stars such as red dwarfs or red giants use up all of their fuel and nuclear fusion slows, they start to die, and become small white dwarf stars, which emit white light until they finally darken into black dwarfs.

“All men have stars, but they are not the same things for different people. For some, who are travelers, the stars are guides. For others they are no more than little lights in the sky. For others, who are scholars, they are problems . . . But all these stars are silent. You - you alone, will have stars as no one else has them . . .” -Antoine de Saint-Exupéry (Antoine Marie Jean-Baptiste Roger (1900 - 1944))

A dwarf star is so dense that it would take eight people to lift a teaspoonful of its matter. As yellow dwarf stars like our Sun start to run out of hydrogen fuel, the core shrinks, heats, and pushes out the rest of the star, turning it into a red giant.

Wish Upon a Star

Star light, star bright,
     The first star I see tonight,
I wish I may, I wish I might,
     Have this wish I wish tonight.

by Author Unknown

Red supergiants, such as Betelgeuse in the constellation Orion, make our Sun look small, having 20 times its mass, and being 1,000 times bigger in size. Red hypergiants, such as the largest known star, VY Canis Majoris, are even bigger, at more than 1,800 times the size of our Sun.

“It is often in the darkest skies that we see the brightest stars.” -Author Unknown

Big stars like supergiants and hypergiants have shorter lives because they consume their fuel at a faster rate than smaller stars. As these massive stars die, they explode into massive bright supernovas.

“Why does someone believe you when you say there are four hundred billion stars in the sky, but when you say the paint is wet they have to touch it themselves to find out?” -Author Unknown

Star matter blown apart in supernova explosions forms new stellar nebulas (or nebulae), and the process of making stars begins all over again.

“Stars are beautiful, but they may not take an active part in anything; they must just look on forever. It is a punishment put on them for something they did so long ago that no star now knows what it is.” -J. M. Barrie (James Matthew Barrie (1860 - 1937)): “Peter Pan” (????)

Very heavy stars that go supernova can actually turn into black holes, while other supernovas leave behind white neutron stars that are 20 to 40 kilometers (12.5 to 25 miles) in diameter and have dense cores made of neutrons.

Riddle: I shine high in the sky - what am I?
Solution: I am a star.

As a star approaches the end of its life, it begins to change the helium into heavier chemical elements, such as carbon and oxygen, and the star will begin to change its color, density, mass, and size.

“With every passing hour our solar system comes forty-three thousand miles closer to globular cluster M13 in the constellation Hercules, and still there are some misfits who continue to insist that there is no such thing as progress.” -Kurt Vonnegut, Junior (1922 - 2007): “The Sirens of Titan” (1959), type of work: novel; line spoken by fictional character Ransom K. Ferm (printed as Ransom K. Fern in some instances)

Astronomers . . . mapping the way to future homeworlds for humanity . . .

An ancient astronomer stayed up all night trying to figure out where the Sun had gone. In the morning, it finally dawned on him.

Stars range in color depending on how hot they are. In order from lowest to highest temperature, they can be brown, red, orange, yellow, white, or blue in color.

“Stars have always helped me to get things into perspective . . . I tried to let the starlight heal something deep in me that hurt.” -Madeleine L’Engle (Madeleine L’Engle Camp (1918 - 2007))

Stars are often between 1 and 10 billion years old. Some stars may even be close to the age of the observed Universe, at nearly 13.8 billion years old.

There are more stars in the Universe than there are grains of sand on all the beaches of the world. We know this because we have been traveling the world’s beaches with a pencil, a notebook, and a magnifying glass, counting all of the itsy-bitsy granules of sand . . . if you see us out there, be sure to say hello!

Stars

The stars are tiny daisies high,
     Opening and shutting in the sky.
The daisies are the stars below,
     Twinkling and sparkling as they grow.

by Authors Unknown

Each galaxy contains hundreds of billions of stars and there are estimated to be more than 100 billion galaxies in the Universe. The total number of stars in the Universe is mind boggling, estimated to be at least 70 sextillion and possibly as high as 300 sextillion, which is 300,000,000,000,000,000,000,000.

“Put three grains of sand inside a vast cathedral, and the cathedral will be more closely packed with sand than space is with stars.” -James Jeans (James Hopwood Jeans (1877 - 1946)): as attributed in Laurence J. Peter’s “Peter’s Quotations: Ideas for Our Time” (1993)

Our Milky Way Galaxy is an area in space crowded with lots of stars - so many that it resembles a road of spilled milk. That is how it got its name! There are estimated to be somewhere between 200 and 400 billion stars in the Milky Way.

Galaxies are speeding away from Earth at 90,000 miles per second. What do you suppose they know that we don’t?

The light emitted by 200,000 galaxies makes our Universe a shade of beige. Scientists call the color ‘cosmic latte.’ Of course, if a scientist is up late at night looking at stars, it might be because he or she is highly caffeinated.

“There they stand, the innumerable stars, shining in order like a living hymn, written in light.” -Nathaniel Parker Willis (1806 - 1867)

The light from stars takes millions of years to reach Earth, so when you look at the stars, you are literally looking back in time.

“The stars are not so strange as the mind that studies them, analyzes their light, and measures their distances.” -Harry Emerson Fosdick (1878 - 1969): “On Being a Real Person” (1943)

While a clear night sky may appear to be full of stars, there are really only about 2,000 to 3,000 stars visible to the unaided eye, meaning without the use of a telescope. These stars are all either close to the Earth or intensely luminous, meaning very bright, like yourself.

Visiting an observatory, the backwoods man watched the astronomer look through his telescope. Just then a star fell. “Wow-wee!” exclaimed the man. “You sure are a great shot!”

Stars only appear to twinkle because we see them through the Earth’s atmosphere. Stars shine at an unblinking steady state, but atmospheric disturbances called eddies, which we experience as slight breezes and winds, make stars look sparkly.

If you get into the bottom of a well or a tall chimney and look up, you can see stars, even in the middle of the day. We know this because we spend a lot of time hanging out at the bottom of old wells and chimneys . . .

At an average distance of just 149,597,870 kilometers (92,955,807 miles), the nearest star to Earth is a yellow dwarf star called the Sun. The next nearest star to Earth is a red dwarf star called Proxima Centauri, also known as Alpha Centauri C. It was discovered in 1915 by Scottish astronomer Robert Innes while he was working at the Union Observatory in Johannesburg, South Africa. It is about 39.9 trillion kilometers (24.79 trillion miles) or 4.25 light years away. Light from this star reaches Earth in 4.25 years. A spacecraft using the newest, fastest propulsion systems would take about 75,000 years to get there.

Arnold: Did you know there’s a star called the Dog Star?
Owen: Are you Sirius?

Binary stars and multi-star systems are made up of two or more stars that are gravitationally linked, so that they orbit around each other.

“There wouldn’t be a sky full of stars if we were all meant to wish on the same one.” -Frances Clark (Frances Mary Clark (1860 - 1958))

A comet is a relatively small solar system body that orbits the Sun. When close enough to the Sun, comets display a visible coma, which is a fuzzy outline or atmosphere due to solar radiation, and sometimes also a tail.

When asked about flying saucers, the astronomer replied, “No comet.”

Asteroids are small solar system bodies that orbit the Sun. Made of rock and metal, they can also contain organic compounds. Asteroids are similar to comets but do not have a visible coma (fuzzy outline and tail) like comets do.

Telescope: A device for bringing the sky closer.

A meteoroid is a small rock or particle of debris in our solar system. They range in size from dust to around 10 meters in diameter. Larger objects are usually referred to as asteroids.

Star

Star light, star bright,
     First star I see tonight,
I wish I may, I wish I might,
     No - it’s just a satellite!

by Author Unknown

So-called ‘shooting stars’ and ‘falling stars’ are not actually stars, but are meteors. A meteoroid that burns up as it passes through the Earth’s atmosphere is known as a meteor. A meteoroid that survives falling through the Earth’s atmosphere and colliding with the Earth’s surface is known as a meteorite.

The odds of anyone being struck by a meteorite are said to be ‘astronomical.’

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When You Wish Upon a Star

When you wish upon a star
     Makes no difference who you are
Anything your heart desires
     Will come to you.

If your heart is in your dreams
     No request is to extreme
When you wish upon a star
     As dreamers do.

Fate is kind
     She brings to those who love
The sweet fulfillment
     of their secret longing.

Like a bolt out of the blue
     Fate steps in and sees you through
When you wish upon a star
     Your dreams come true.

If your heart is in your dreams
     No request is too extreme
When you wish upon a star
     As dreamers do.

When you wish upon a star
     Your dream comes true.

by Jesse McCartney

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Stars have played important roles throughout human history. They have become a part of religions, been grouped into constellations, used in astrology, helped to design calendars, and were very important navigational tools for early explorations across lands and seas.

“Silently, one by one in the infinite meadows of Heaven, blossomed the lovely stars, the forget-me-nots of angels.” -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807 - 1882)

If you would like to keep up-to-date on the goings on in a whole Universe of stars, click on the link www.stardate.org.

Reach high, for stars lie hidden in your soul.
Dream deep, for every dream precedes the goal.
-Pamela Vaull Starr (pseudonym of Violet Isabelle (Carter) Popp (1909 - 1993))

At MFOL! we think stars are, like, so stellar . . . and far out, too! Yeah, we know, we’re kinda weird sometimes . . . now go have fun with your life!

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Procrastination and Procrastinating

7/8/2019

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“Don’t put off till tomorrow what can be enjoyed today.” -Josh Billings (pseudonym of Henry Wheeler Shaw (1818 - 1885))

They said ‘procrastination’ was
     The source of all my sorrow
I don’t know what that big word means -
     I’ll look it up tomorrow
-Author Unknown

Jimmy: Can you give me the definition of procrastination?
Jenny: I will do it later.
Jimmy: You are right!

procrastination is the
art of keeping
up with yesterday
-Don Marquis (Donald Robert Perry ‘Don’ Marquis (1878 - 1937)): “the lives and times of archy & mehitabel” (1940), using lower case letters and no punctuation, in the style of the fictional writer character he created

“Procrastination makes easy things hard, hard things harder.” -Mason Cooley

“Slaying the dragon of delay is no sport for the short-winded.” -Sandra Day O’Connor

“Procrastination is not laziness,” I tell him. “It is fear. Call it by its right name, and forgive yourself.” -Julia Cameron: “The Prosperous Heart” (2012)

“It was my fear of failure that first kept me from attempting the master work. Now, I’m beginning what I could have started ten years ago. But I’m happy at least that I didn’t wait twenty years.” -Paulo Coelho (born 1947)

“Join the circus of chaos . . . juggling, stilt walking, and other skills for socially acceptable procrastination.” -Pat Murphy

“Every duty which is bidden to wait, returns with seven fresh duties at its back.” -Charles Kingsley (1819 - 1875): “Sermons for the Times” (1855)

“In delay there lies no plenty.” -William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616)

Overheard: I bought a book titled “How to Stop Procrastinating,” and I have promised myself that someday, I am going to actually read it.

“Do not put your work off till tomorrow and the day after; for a sluggish worker does not fill his barn.” -Hesiod (about 800 B.C.E. - about 720 B.C.E.)

“When we procrastinate, we also put a hold on happiness.” -Charles F. Glassman

“I’m a multi-tasking procrastinator . . . I can put off all kinds of things at once.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)

“Never do today what you can put off till tomorrow. Delay may give clearer light as to what is best to be done.” -Aaron Burr (Aaron Burr, Junior (1756 - 1836)): as quoted in Jacob Morton Braude: “The Complete Art of Public Speaking” (1970), page 84

“Amateurs sit and wait for inspiration, the rest of us just get up and go to work.” -Stephen King (born 1947)

“The dread of doing a task uses up more time and energy than doing the task itself.” -Rita Emmett

“Things dreaded require double time to accomplish them.” -James Lendall Basford

“If we wait for the moment when everything, absolutely everything is ready, we shall never begin.” -Ivan Turgenev

“Begin while others are procrastinating. Work while others are wishing.” -William Arthur Ward

“If you wait until all the lights are ‘green’ before you leave home, you’ll never get started on your trip to the top.” -Zig Ziglar (Hilary Hinton ‘Zig’ Ziglar (1926 - 2012))

“KISS Procrastination Away: Keep It Super Simple, Keep It Step-by-Step, Keep It Scheduled and Systematic.” -Lisa A. Mininni

“How soon ‘not now’ becomes ‘never’.” -Martin Luther (1483 - 1546)

“Doing just a little bit during the time we have available puts you that much further ahead than if you took no action at all.” -Byron Pulsifer (Byron R. Pulsifer)

“Someday is not a day of the week.” -Janet Dailey (Janet Anne Haradon Dailey (1944 - 2013))

“How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.” -Anne Frank (1929 - 1945): “The Diary of a Young Girl” (1952)

“All things come to those who wait, but when they come they’re out of date.” -Author Unknown

Lose This Day Loitering

Lose this day loitering - ‘twill be the same story
     To-morrow - and the next more dilatory;
Each indecision brings its own delays,
     And days are lost lamenting o’er lost days,
Are you in earnest? Seize this very minute -
     Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.
Only engage, and then the mind grows heated -
     Begin it, and then the work will be completed!

by Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe (1749 - 1832): “Faust” (Part 1 (1808) and Part 2 (1832))

Overheard: Some tasks have to be put off dozens of times before they will completely slip your mind.

“Things don’t get any easier by putting them off.” -W. Somerset Maugham (William Somerset Maugham (1874 - 1965)): “The Razor’s Edge” (1943)

“Lingering labors come to naught.” -Robert Southwell (1561 - 1595); as translated into modern parlance; original wording: “Linger’d labours come to nought.” -Robert Southwell: “Loss in Delay,” line 1; page 60, as quoted in William B. Turnbull, editor: “The Poetical Works of the Rev. Robert Southwell” (1856)

“I’m very busy doing things I don’t need to do in order to avoid anything I’m actually supposed to be doing.” -Author Unknown

“Do you know what happens when you give a procrastinator a good idea? Nothing!” -Donald Gardner

“Waiting to develop courage is just another form of procrastination. We must take action while we’re afraid.” -Author Unknown

“A procrastinator’s work is never done.” -Author Unknown

“Getting an idea should be like sitting on a pin; it should make you jump up and do something.” -E. L. Simpson

“Never put off till tomorrow what you can do today.” -Thomas Draxe (birth year unknown - 1618): “Adages” (1616)

“Remember, action today can prevent a crisis tomorrow.” -Steve Shallenberger: “Becoming Your Best: The 12 Principles of Highly Successful Leaders” (2014)

“What is deferred is not avoided.” -Thomas More (1478 - 1535): “Utopia” (1516)

Procrastination is the thief of time:
     Year after year it steals, till all are fled,
And to the mercies of a moment leaves
     The vast concerns of an eternal scene.
-Edward Young (1683 - 1765): “Night Thoughts” (1742 - 1745), line 393

“Procrastination is the thief of time, collar him.” -Charles Dickens (Charles John Huffam Dickens (1812 - 1870))

“Procrastination is a road-block in the path of success.” -Author Unknown

“Whatever can be done another day can be done today.” -Michel de Montaigne (Michel Eyquem de Montaigne (1533 - 1592)): “Essais” (“Essays”) (March 1580), Book 1, chapter 20

“The habit of always putting off an experience until you can afford it, or until the time is right, or until you know how to do it, is one of the greatest burglars of joy. Be deliberate, but once you’ve made up your mind - jump in.” -Charles R. Swindoll (Charles Rozell ‘Chuck’ Swindoll (born 1934)): “Living on the Ragged Edge” (1985), page 110

“Often greater risk is involved in postponement than in making a wrong decision.” -Harry A. Hopf (Harry Arthur Hopf (1882 - 1949))

“Procrastination is something best put off until tomorrow.” -Gerald Vaughan

“One of the most tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon - instead of enjoying the roses that are blooming outside our windows today.” -Dale Carnegie (Dale Breckenridge Carnegie (1888 - 1955)): “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living” (1948)

“I’m going to stop putting things off, starting tomorrow!” -Sam Levenson (Samuel ‘Sam’ Levenson (1911 - 1980))

“What may be done at any Time will be done at no Time.” -Thomas Fuller (1654 - 1734): “Gnomologia: Adages and Proverbs” (1732), number 5500

“Procrastination is a teardrop in the sands of time.” -Heath Byers

“One of these days is none of these days.” -H. G. Bohn (Henry George Bohn (1796 - 1884))

“If you procrastinate when faced with a big, difficult problem . . . break the problem into parts, and handle one part at a time.” -Robert Collier (1885 - 1950)

Overheard: It has been a productive day - I got a lot of procrastinating accomplished.

“The really happy people are those who have broken the chains of procrastination, those who find satisfaction in doing the job at hand. They’re full of eagerness, zest, productivity. You can be, too.” -Norman Vincent Peale (1898 - 1993)

“The man who will not act until he knows all will never act at all . . .” -Jim Elliot (1927 - 1956)

“Procrastination usually results in sorrowful regret. Today’s duties put off until tomorrow give us a double burden to bear; the best way is to do them in their proper time.” -Ida Scott Taylor (Ida Scott Taylor McKinney (1855 - 1932))

“The fact is, that to do anything in the world worth doing, we must not stand back shivering and thinking of the cold and danger, but jump in and scramble through as well as we can.” -Richard Cushing (Richard James Cushing (1895 - 1970))

“There are those of us who are always about to live. We are waiting until things change, until there is more time, until we are less tired, until we get a promotion, until we settle down - until, until, until. It always seems as if there is some major event that must occur in our lives before we begin living.” -George Sheehan (1918 - 1993)

“One day you will wake up and there won’t be any more time to do the things you’ve always wanted. Do it now.” -Paulo Coelho (born 1947)

Defer not till to-morrow to be wise,
To-morrow’s Sun to thee may never rise.
-William Congreve (1670 - 1729): “Letter to Cobham,” line 61

“Procrastination is the bad habit of putting off until the day after tomorrow what should have been done the day before yesterday.” -Napoleon Hill (Oliver Napoleon Hill (1883 - 1970))

“Putting off an easy thing makes it hard. Putting off a hard thing makes it impossible.” -George Claude Lorimer (1838 - 1904): as quoted in George Horace Lorimer (1867 - 1937): “Letters from a Self-Made Merchant to His Son” (1902), ‘June 25, 189-,’ page 48

“While we are postponing, life speeds by.” -Seneca (Lucius Annaeus Seneca (4 B.C.E. - C.E. 65))

“I have spent my days stringing and unstringing my instrument, while the song I came to sing remains unsung.” -Rabindranath Tagore (1861 - 1941)

“You can’t get much done in life if you only work on the days when you feel good.” -Jerry Alan West (Jerome ‘Jerry’ Alan West (born 1938))

“Postpone not a good action.” -Author Unknown: Irish proverb

“If you put off everything till you’re sure of it, you’ll never get anything done.” -Norman Vincent Peale (1898 - 1993)

All the Woulda-Coulda-Shouldas
Layin’ in the Sun,
Talkin’ bout the things
They woulda-coulda-shoulda done . . .
But those Woulda-Coulda-Shouldas
All ran away and hid
From one little did.
-Shel Silverstein (Sheldon Allan ‘Shel’ Silverstein (1930 - 1999)): “Falling Up” (1996)

“Let’s get started while we’re still young!” -Author Unknown: comment made by a man who was seventy-five years of age

“By the street of By-and-By, one arrives at the House of Never.” -Miguel de Cervantes (Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra (1547 - 1616)): “Don Quixote” (1605)

“I don’t wait for moods. You accomplish nothing if you do that. Your mind must know it has got to get down to work.” -Pearl S. Buck (Pearl Sydenstricker Buck (1892 - 1973))

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Butter.
Butter, who?
Butter late than never!

“Don’t put off for tomorrow what you should do today.” -Aesop: “The Grasshopper and the Ants” (about 6th century B.C.E.)

“By one delay after another they spin out their whole lives, till there’s no more future left for them.” -Roger L’Estrange (1616 - 1704)

“Do not wait; the time will never be ‘just right.’ Start where you stand, and work with whatever tools you may have at your command, and better tools will be found as you go along.” -Napoleon Hill (Oliver Napoleon Hill (1883 - 1970))

“If you have goals and procrastination, you have nothing. If you have goals and you take action, you will have anything you want.” -Thomas J. Vilord (Thomas Joseph Vilord (born 1975))

“Always put off till tomorrow what you should not do at all.” -Author Unknown

“A man who procrastinates in his choosing will inevitably have his choice made for him by circumstance.” -Hunter S. Thompson (Hunter Stockton Thompson (1937 - 2005)): “The Proud Highway” (1997)

“Following through is the only thing that separates dreamers from people that accomplish great things.” -Gene Hayden

“If and When were planted, and Nothing grew.” -Catherine Pulsifer (born 1927): “If and When”

“There is no avoidance in delay.” -Aeschylus (about 525 B.C.E. - about 456 B.C.E.): “Agamemnon” (about 458 B.C.E.)

“Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn’t the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment.” -Robert Benchley (1889 - 1945): as quoted in Robert E. Drennan, editor: “The Algonquin Wits” (1968)

“If it weren’t for the last minute, nothing would get done.” -Rita Mae Brown (born 1944)

Overheard: I am just waiting to do my work at the last minute, because by then I will be older and wiser.

“Often just by taking action, by doing something about the situation, you can relieve the stress and help correct the situation.” -Catherine Pulsifer (born 1927)

“He who begun has half done. Dare to be wise; begin.” -Horace

This is MFOL! . . . by choosing to make ‘someday’ into ‘today’ . . . we can make the future even greater than the present . . .

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A Wise Person Once Said

7/7/2019

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A wise person once said, “I am a fool, too, sometimes.”

A wise person once said, “A person who sits on the floor will not fall off a chair.”

A wise person once said, “Life is not about how fast you run, or how high you climb, but how well you bounce.”

A wise person once said, “With great power comes great electricity bill.”

A wise person once said, “If ignorance is bliss, why are there not more happy people?”

A wise person once said, “With time and patience, the banana at last becomes the monkey.”

A wise person once said, “You never know until you find out.” -Author Unknown

A wise person once said, “I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.”

A wise person once said, “When nothing goes right, go left.”

A wise person once said, “Folks often make fun of the wisdom of those they take for fools, while scarcely noticing the foolishness of those whom they imagine to be wise.”

A wise person once said, “Take my advice - I’m certainly not using it.”

A wise person once said, “Person who jumps through screen door likely to ‘strain’ self.”

A wise person once said, “No matter where you go, there you are.”

A wise person once said, “Person who runs in front of car will get ‘tired.’”

A wise person once said, “Person who runs behind car will get ‘exhausted.’”

A wise person once said, “Work eight hours and sleep eight hours, but not the same eight hours.”

A wise person once said, “Don’t believe everything you think.”

A wise person once said, “A wise person lowers a ladder before he jumps into a pit.”

A wise person once said, “Woman has small feet to be able to stand close to kitchen sink, and also wears high heels to be able to reach dishes on top shelf. Also, a man who says this needs to take out the garbage and walk the dog.”

A wise person once said, “It is colder outside than it would be if it was warmer than it is.”

A wise person once said, “If you are the smartest person in the room, you are in the wrong room.”

A wise person once said, “Person who laughs last, does not get joke.”

A wise person once said, “A day without sunshine is like night.”

A wise person once said, “Two wrongs do not make a right, but two lefts make a U-turn.”

A wise person once said, “Women take to good hearted men, also from.”

A wise person once said, “One who sits on tack gets point.”

A wise person once said, “A wise person listens no matter how stupidly someone is talking.”

A wise person once said, “A neat desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.”

A wise person once said, “In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.”

A wise person once said, “Never argue with fool . . . he may be doing the same thing.”

A wise person once said, “A person who drives like Hell is bound to get there.”

A wise person once said, “Practice moderation in everything, even in moderation itself.”

A wise person once said, “Person who thinks only of number one must remember this number is next to nothing.”

A wise person once said, “Starving person with one chopstick goes hungry.”

A wise person once said, “At night it gets dark.”

A wise person once said, “A closed mouth gathers no feet.”

A wise person once said, “All’s fear in love and war.”

A wise person once said, “I’m still waiting patiently for the wisdom that supposedly comes with old age.”

A wise person once said, “Adults are just wrinkled kids who owe money.”

A wise person once said, “People who eat cookies in bed wake up feeling crummy.”

A wise person once said, “Sometimes it is hard for a person to get away from him or herself.”

A wise person once said, “Grease monkey who goes to bed without bathing wakes up oily in the morning.”

A wise person once said, “Person who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement.”

A wise person once said, “Without wisdom, knowledge is more stupid than ignorance.”

A wise person once said, “Best time to buy new mattress, at first sign of Spring.”

A wise person once said, “If you do not give something, you will not get anything.”

A wise person once said, “You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.”

A wise person once said, “If you believe everything you read, better that you should not read.”

A wise person once said, “Even the greatest of whales is helpless in middle of desert.”

A wise person once said, “A smile is your personal welcome mat.”

A wise person once said, “The reverse side also has a reverse side.”

A wise person once said, “To make eggroll, push it.”

A wise person once said, “Those who throw dirt, lose ground.”

A wise person once said, “Don’t take any wooden nickels!” (Sometimes that wise person can be really annoying.)

A wise person once said, “Every wise person started out by asking many questions.”

A wise person once said, “Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties.”

A wise person once said, “Van Gogh was a painter because he did not have an ear for music.”

A wise person once said, “If you do not change the direction in which you are going, you will end up where you are headed.”

A wise person once said, “Person who attempts to stand on wall will soon be floored.”

Make Fun Of Life! is a very peculiar website, so always be sure to get your grandchildren’s permission before visiting . . .

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Hair Loss and Wigs

7/6/2019

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“We’re all born bald, baby.” -Author Unknown: “Kojack” television series; line spoken by fictional bald detective Kojack (portrayed by actor Telly Savalas)

Twig

A bald-headed person named Twig
Once went for advice to a pig.
     Said the pig, “Make some snares,
     And catch a few hares,
And weave the hares into a wig.”

by Willard R. Espy (Willard Richardson Espy (1910 - 1999))

“You can resent your bald spot or be glad you have a head.” -Timothy Miller

Angus: Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head?
Angelica: Because from a distance, they look like hares.

Julius Caesar wore a laurel wreath to cover his balding head. One might wonder if that is how the whole silly notion of crowns and tiaras began.

Consolation for Baldness

What’s the advantage of hair, anyhow?
     It blows in your eyes and it flops on your brow,
Disguising the shape of your scholarly head;
     It often is gray and it sometimes is red.
Perhaps it is golden and ringleted, but
     It needs to be combed and it has to be cut,
And even at best, it is nothing to boast of,
     Because it’s what barbarous men have the most of,
Then challenge yourself, mirror, defiant and careless,
     For lots of our handsomest people are hairless.

by Arthur Guiterman (1871 - 1943)

Bald-headed Man: One who, when expecting visitors, has only to straighten his necktie.

The balding man asked his barber, “Why charge me the full price for cutting my hair, as there’s so little of it?” “Well,” said the barber, “actually I charge very little for cutting it. What you’re paying for is my searching for it.”

Overheard: I am not bald; I am follicly-challenged.

There is a new remedy on the market for baldness. It is made of alum and persimmon juice. While it does not grow hair, it does shrink your head to fit what hair you have remaining.

Enoch: What did the bald man say when he got a comb for his birthday?
Ephraim: “Thanks, I’ll never part with this!”

As Star Trek’s Captain Jean-Luc Picard might say, “To baldly go where no man has gone before . . . !”

Overheard: “I’m not bald; I’m just a little taller than my hair.”

One advantage of being completely bald is that a person can wash his or her head with soap only - no need for a bothersome and sometimes confusing collection of bottles of shampoos and conditioners. This saves you 78.71 seconds of time each day that you can now put to good use - not to mention the fact that you now no longer need to waste time in the shampoo aisle at the store trying to find a shampoo that doesn’t smell like a beautifully fragrant flower growing next to a sewage treatment plant.

Gregory Griggs

Gregory Griggs, Gregory Griggs,
     Had twenty-seven different wigs.
He wore them up, he wore them down,
     To please the people of the town.
He wore them east, he wore them west,
    And never could tell which one he liked best.

by Author Unknown

Alternatives to wigs include hats, bonnets, and scarves.

Riddle: Six people went swimming but only five got wet hair - why?
Answer: One of the people was bald.

People with hair loss are no different than anyone else. In fact, at one time, they probably had hair just like you do, and at some time, you yourself may have some hair loss. So, when you see a bald man, woman, or child, treat him or her just as you would want to be treated if you were in the same circumstances. And, if a person has hair loss and wears a wig or toupée or has a comb-over, or wears a scarf or hat, avoid saying anything either good or bad about it - in fact, it is better to keep your thoughts to yourself and leave them unsaid than it would be to hurt someone’s feelings. Sometimes people do not have a choice in what happens to them, so they do as best they can to live with how their lives have turned out. Still, they too, like to Make Fun Of Life! . . . and they are always welcome here.

There Was an Old Person of Brigg

There was an old person of Brigg,
Who purchased no end of a wig;
So that only his nose,
And the end of his toes,
Could be seen when he walked about Brigg.

by Edward Lear: “More Nonsense, Pictures, Rhymes, Botany, Etc.” (1872), limerick 98

“There’s one thing about baldness - it’s neat.” -Don Herold

Bob: What is the cure for dandruff?
Otto: Baldness.

“Toupée or not toupée, that is the question.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)

“Experience is a comb which nature gives to men when they are bald.” -Author Unknown

Advice to fools: Bald people are intelligent and perceptive. Do not insult them, unless you are prepared to hear remarks about how one of your ears hangs lower than the other one, or how you have a freckle shaped like an otter on your left elbow and a trio of hairy moles dancing on your neck or some other characteristic that is twenty-thousand times worse than what you might imagine baldness to be.

“Grass doesn’t grow on a busy street.” -William Hague, commenting on being bald

“I seem to have developed a compulsion to powder my wig . . . about 50 times a day now . . . professionals just don’t seem to be of any help.” -Author Unknown

Baldness: An admirable trait of the ideal human being, according to minimalists and efficiency experts.

“Bald people never have bad hair days.” -Author Unknown

Chris: Why are you staring at me like that?
Kelly: I was just admiring your bald spot.

“Some folks say that worry causes hair loss - that when the going gets tough, the tufts get going.” -Author Unknown

Maybe it seemed like a good idea at the time . . . but today the company no longer exists . . . perhaps the proliferation of long-term hair-leasing companies put them out of business?

“A look at their domes makes it obvious that as men grow older, they become hard of hairing.” -Frank Tyger (1929 - 2011)

Old Man of Bombay

There once was a man from Bombay
Who wore on his head a toupée.
He thought that he might
Give friends a delight
And remove his toupée for a day.

by Author Unknown

The most common method to hide a bald spot is to remove all of one’s hair, making one’s entire self a giant bald spot.

Have you heard about the new worldwide holiday, called Make Fun of People with Hair Day?

An interesting thing about male pattern baldness is that it does not appear to come in checkers or plaids or stripes . . .

“I’ve always wanted to be bald. I mean it, completely bald. Wouldn’t it be great to be bald in the rain?” -Harrison Ford

Hair Loss and Wigs Quiz
- What hair color do they put on a bald person’s driver’s license?
- If a bald person works as a chef at a restaurant, does he or she have to wear a hairnet?
- Is there any way to avoid the ‘chrome dome’ look, in which a bald person’s head becomes shiny and reflective?
- Should bald people pay lower taxes than other taxpayers?
- How should bald people be treated?

“Underneath their hair, everyone is bald! Hair is just an ornament or decoration.” -Author Unknown

“The most delightful advantage to being bald: one can hear snowflakes.” -R. G. Daniels

We have been losing what little hair we still have trying to come up with more Hair Loss and Wigs humor and information. We have much more fun stuff on a surprising variety of other topics, if you will just continue traveling down the page . . . this way to further fun . . . on MFOL!

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Superheroes

7/3/2019

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This looks like a job for a superhero . . . or perhaps it is a job for you . . .

“Ask yourself who you want to help today, then put on your cape and do it.” -Scottie Somers

Judy: Who can leap higher than a tall building?
Jody: Anybody, because tall buildings cannot leap!

Admit it, at some point in life, you have tried to see if you have super powers.

Darla: Why did the superhero cross the road?
Marla: To get to the supermarket.

Overheard: I am not saying I am Batman, I am just saying that no one has ever seen me and Batman in a room together.

Myrna: What is Batman’s favorite part of a joke?
Verna: The ‘punch’ line!

We have a great idea for a new superhero: Spudman. Like all potato people, he has many ‘eyes’ so he can simultaneously see in all directions without having to turn and look. His secret hideout is underground in a farm field, although he is often spotted in the produce section at grocery stores. He has to contend with a number of villainous chefs who want to turn him into garlic mashed potatoes, onion-potato cakes, a bacon-and-chives topped stuffed baked potato, or other fabulous foodstuffs, while he tries to save the people of Vegopolis from a massive celery famine, all the while being distracted by Sweet Potato and Candied Yam, both of whom are competing for his attention . . . what’s that . . . oh, gotta go, the boss is yelling at us to stop goofing around and get back to work!

Eunice: Why is Superman’s shirt so tight?
Eustice: Because it is a size ‘S’!

Kirby: How does the butler Alfred Pennyworth call Batman to dinner?
Herbie: “Dinner-dinner-dinner-dinner-dinner-dinner-Batman!!!” (Sing it to the tune of the 1960’s “Batman” television show theme music to get the full effect of the joke.)

Overheard: If I could be a superhero, I would be called Ironic. That way, when there is any trouble and I am running away from it, people would say, “Isn’t that Ironic?”

Every episode of the television show “Seinfeld” has a reference to Superman somewhere in it.

Alvin: What is Spiderman’s favorite month?
Vincent: Webruary.

Superman first appeared in “Action Comics no. 1” (June 1938).

Jingle Bells, Batman smells,
Robin laid an egg,
The bat-mobile lost its wheels,
And Joker got away!
-Author Unknown

People tend to think they are physically stronger when wearing Superman t-shirts.

Superboy: Why could Batman and Robin not go fishing?
Superman: Why?
Superboy: Because Robin ate all the worms!

Spiderman went to the video rental store and asked if he could have “Batman Forever.” The clerk said, “No, just 24 hours like everyone else.”

It’s just an ordinary day . . . in the life of a superhero . . . who lives by the code, “Do a good deed each day.”

Emma: How does Spiderman repair holes in his costume?
Emmit: With super glue!

The unassuming Clark Kent wears regular-people clothes, but when he becomes Superman, he rapidly changes into a colorful red-and-blue spandex suit with a cape - so what does he do with his regular clothes when he is in super-mode? Rumor has it that he wears his superhero outfit under his regular clothes, and that he has a hidden pocket in his cape, into which he places his super-neatly-folded regular clothes. Mystery solved!

Charlene: What would you get if Batman and his sidekick Robin were run over by a herd of stampeding elephants?
Darlene: Flatman and Ribbon.

Superman, also known as Clark Kent, was created in 1934 by Jerome ‘Jerry’ Siegel, a graduate of Glenville High School in Cleveland, Ohio, United States of America. Mr. Siegel’s partner, Joseph ‘Joe’ Shuster, improved the character with tights, a cape, and a handsome face. They moved to New York City, where they faced hard times and sold all rights to the comic-strip character to DC Comics for a mere $130. In June 1938, the first Superman comic appeared, and the muscle-bound flying man ‘really took off.’

Merlin: What was Batman doing in a tree?
Marlena: Looking for Robin.

As the mild-mannered Clark Kent, Superman is afraid of girls. He is probably worried that he will run into the one he stole the red-and-blue outfit he wears from.

Archie: What is green and sour and flies?
Archibald: Super Pickle!

The name ‘Clark Kent’ (Superman) was derived from the names of actors Clark Gable and Kent Taylor.

Ernest: What is the difference between the Green Lantern and a leprechaun?
Nestor: Nothing; they are both fictional characters.

Legal disclaimer on an actual superhero costume: Wearing this costume does not enable its wearer to fly.

“DC Comics is reviving Superman’s old outfit. I never understood Superman’s clothes. We all got used to the fact that he wears his underpants over the leotard. But why do his underpants have a belt on them?” -Jay Leno

Does ‘Spiderman’ have a ‘website’?

Mathilda: Where do superheroes hold their annual convention?
Hilda: Cape Town.

Unlikely Superheroes
- Vacuum Cleaner Sales & Repair Man: He not only sells you a vacuum cleaner, but he also fixes it if is ever broken.
- Shoe Collector Woman: Travels through the air in a flying shoe and throws shoes at criminals.
- Hysterical Parrot: Shows up and causes so much chaos and confusion that villains give up and flee the scene.
- Ironman: Saves people by removing the wrinkles from their clothes, as for example, just before their job interviews and weddings.
- The Historian: Has the power to become any person in history.
- The Caped Politician: Watches over polling places to make sure nobody cheats by voting more than once.
- The Cheapskate: A superhero who saves the world by showing people how to do everything for less money.
- The Element: A superhero who can become anything on the Periodic Table.
- The Angry Grenade: A superhero who explodes and then later reassembles.
- Can you think of others?

Superman climbed the Empire State Building to challenge King Kong to a fight. King Kong said, “I don’t have time - I’ve got to catch a plane!”

The Caped Crusader and the Boy Wonder, also known as Batman and Robin.

Thaddeus: Why did Batman go to the pet shop?
Tad: To buy a Robin.

Why do superheroes wear their underpants on the outside of their clothes? Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman all wear elaborate costumes. The trio of superhero characters was created between 1935 and 1945. They were meant to be men and women of action, so their costumes were based on the men and women of action of the time. Superman’s costume was originally like that of a circus strongman. Wonder Woman’s was modeled on the costume of a trapeze artist. Their costumes were meant to be flashy and exciting and glamorous. Batman’s costume was based more on the black-and-white ‘film noir’ movies of the times, which were about dark avengers who skulked about in the shadows, scaring the wits out of criminals (Sounds like fun, right? Maybe you should consider a career in law enforcement.). Because Batman was meant to be a scary character, his costume made him look like a creepy creature from the shadows. Those costume styles stuck and became clichéd, particularly since the three characters had become instant hits of that time period. So, when new superheroes began to arrive, they also tended to have capes and tights just like circus-strongman Superman wears, or colorful trapeze outfits like Wonder Woman wears, or dark cloaks and scary masks like Batman wears. Because superhero creators are competitive, the result over time was that superhero costumes became more and more show-offish. And, what looks like underwear worn on the outside of their superhero costumes is actually tight shorts commonly worn by circus performers of the time, which gave them freedom of movement as they did their stunts to entertain audiences. What may look like belts holding up their ‘underpants’ are ‘utility belts’ which can hold any number of tools and devices the superheroes deploy in their crime-fighting adventures.

Heather: Where does Spiderman hang out?
Heath: On the worldwide web.

“Faster than a speeding bullet! More powerful than a locomotive! Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound! Look! Up in the sky! It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s Superman!” -George Lother, making the program introduction for the “Superman” radio show (first broadcast on 12 February 1940)

Some superheroes have sidekicks, or partners, and some superheroes have no sidekicks.

If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer ever teamed up, would they become ‘alloys’?

Super Quiz
- What characteristics or traits do superheroes have in common with you?
- If you were a superhero, what would you choose as your alter-ego name?
- Which superhero would you like to have lunch with?
- If you were a superhero, what would your costume look like?
- Other than as entertainment, do superheroes serve any useful purpose?
- What people from history most resemble superheroes?

Mel: What was Batman’s ‘real’ name?
Nel: Bruce Wayne.

Overheard: If I could be any superhero, I would be Aluminum Man - my superpower would be ‘foiling’ crime . . .

Hope: How many caped crusaders does it take to change a light bulb?
Faith: None; for some reason, they actually seem to prefer the dark.

Have you ever wanted to be a superhero? Why wait? There is a place in cyberspace for real life superheroes - people who don costumes and fight crime or just do good deeds. Go to www.WorldSuperheroRegistry.com. Hope to see you there!

Aaron: What position did Bruce Wayne play on his little-league team?
Erin: He was the batboy.

Despite his name, ‘Spiderman’ does not eat bugs. He eats regular people food, just like the rest of us do.

Customer: Where does Superman shop for groceries?
Cashier: At the Supermarket!

We are MFOL! . . . saving humanity one joke at a time - remember, you do not need a cape or the ability to fly to go out into the world and Make Fun Of Life!

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Minds and Thinking

6/29/2019

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Are you thinking what we’re thinking?

“You live with your thoughts - so be careful what they are.” -Eva Arrington

“You need to learn how to select your thoughts just the same way you select your clothes every day.” -Elizabeth Gilbert

“Every thought we think is creating our future.” -Louise L. Hay (Louise Lynn Hay (1926 - 2017))

A Beautiful Thought

It just can’t be given or bought
And must be most tenderly sought.
With a velvety pelt,
So soft it may melt -
It’s known as a beautiful thought.

by Author Unknown

“Everything’s in the mind. That’s where it starts. Knowing what you want is the first step toward getting it.” -Mae West (1893 - 1980)

“Minds are for people who think.” -Mark Jones (born 1953): “The A-Team,” Season 3, Episode 1 (18 September 1984); words appearing on a T-shirt worn by fictional character Madman Murdoch

“Positive thoughts generate positive feelings and attract positive life experiences.” -Author Unknown

“Don’t feed your mind with negative thoughts. If you do, you will come to believe them.” -Catherine Pulsifer

“Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?” -Author Unknown

“Clear thinking requires courage rather than intelligence.” -Thomas Szasz (Thomas S. Szasz (1920 - 2012))

“Our life is what our thoughts make it.” -Marcus Aurelius (also known as Marcus Aurelius Antoninus Augustus (C.E. 121 - C.E. 180)): “The Meditations” (C.E. 167), Book 4, meditation 3

“How can I tell what I think till I see what I say?” -E. M. Forster (Edward Morgan Forster (1879 - 1970)): “Aspects of the Novel” (1927)

“Life is a mirror and will reflect back to the thinker what he thinks into it.” -Ernest Holmes (Ernest Shurtleff Holmes (1887 - 1960))

“Let one therefore keep the mind pure, for what a man thinks, that he becomes.” -Author Unknown: “The Upanishads”

“Where does a thought go when it’s forgotten?” -Sigmund Freud (1856 - 1939)

“Whatever you hold in your mind on a consistent basis is exactly what you will experience in your life.” -Anthony Robbins

“Thoughts, like fleas, jump from man to man, but they don’t bite everybody.” -Stanislaw Jerzy Lec (1909 - 1966): “Unkempt Thoughts” (1957)

“Throughout all history, the great wise men and teachers, philosophers and prophets, have disagreed with one another on many different things. It is only on this one point that they are in complete and unanimous agreement. We become what we think about.” -Earl Nightingale (1921 - 1989)

“Whatever you think about grows in your life.” -Author Unknown

“When people will not weed their own minds, they are apt to be overrun with nettles.” -Horace Walpole (1717 - 1797): in a letter (10 July 1779) to Caroline, Countess of Ailesbury

“Good thoughts bear good fruit, bad thoughts bear bad fruit.” -James Allen (1864 - 1912)

“A thought is a substance, producing the thing that is imagined by the thought.” -Wallace D. Wattles

“Change your thoughts, change your life.” -James Allen (1864 - 1912)

“It is your ability to think that is your chief source of value; in fact, you are a mind with a body to carry it around in.” -Brian Tracy (born 1944)

“A purely mental life may be destructive if it leads us to substitute thought for life and ideas for actions. The activity proper to man is not purely mental because man is not just a disembodied mind. Our destiny is to live out what we think, because unless we live what we know, we do not even know it. It is only by making our knowledge part of ourselves, through action, that we enter into the reality that is signified by our concepts.” -Thomas Merton (1915 - 1968)

“Guard your thoughts carefully. The quality of your thinking determines the quality of your life.” -Brian Tracy (born 1944)

“It is not enough to have a good mind. The main thing is to use it well.” - René Descartes (1596 - 1650)

“Don’t try to think too many thoughts all at once. Even the smartest among us can only think one or two things at a time.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)

“Thought is action in rehearsal.” -Author Unknown

“No mind is much employed on the present. Recollection and anticipation fill up almost all our moments.” -Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784)

“We are creatures of our thinking. We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory.” -Gordon B. Hinckley (Gordon Bitner Hinckley (1910 - 2008))

“The finest thought runs the risk of being irrevocably forgotten if we do not write it down.” -Arthur Schopenhauer (1788 - 1860): “Essays of Arthur Schopenhauer” (as translated by T. Bailey Saunders (1851)), ‘The Art of Literature: On Thinking for One’s Self’

“Think only about what you want . . . never dwell on what you don’t want.” -Shane K. Hughes

“When all men think alike, no one thinks very much.” -Walter Lippmann (1889 - 1974): as quoted in “Speakers Encyclopedia” (1955)

“Good impulses are naught, unless they become good actions.” -Joseph Joubert (1754 - 1824), as quoted in Paul Auster, translator: “The Notebooks of Joseph Joubert” (1883)

“We seem to do most of our thinking in our minds.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)

“Avoid destructive thinking. Improper negative thoughts sink people. A ship can sail around the world many, many times, but just let enough water get into the ship and it will sink.” -Alfred A. Montapert (Alfred Armand Montapert (1906 - 1997))

“Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.” -Author Unknown

“Nurture your mind with great thoughts; to believe in the heroic makes heroes.” -Benjamin Disraeli (1804 - 1881): “Coningsby” (1844), book 3, chapter I

“We can do only what we think we can do. We can be only what we think we can be. We can have only what we think we can have. What we do, what we are, what we have, all depend on what we think.” -Robert Collier (1885 - 1950)

“To think is easy. To act is hard. But the hardest thing in the world is to act in accordance with your thinking.” -Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832)

“What’s going on in the inside shows on the outside.” -Earl Nightingale (1921 - 1989)

“The mind attracts the thing it dwells upon.” -Napoleon Hill (born Oliver Napoleon Hill (1883 - 1970))

“A penny for your thoughts.” -Author Unknown

“Our best friends and our worst enemies are our thoughts.” -Frank Crane (1861 - 1928)

“We become what we think about.” -Napoleon Hill (born Oliver Napoleon Hill (1883 - 1970))

“My thinking is first and last and always for the sake of my doing.” -William James (1842 - 1910): “The Principles of Psychology” (1890), Chapter 22

“We become what we think about most of the time, and that’s the strangest secret.” -Earl Nightingale (1921 - 1989)

“If you realized how powerful your thoughts are, you would never think a negative thought.” -Author Unknown

“The biggest lesson I have ever learned is the stupendous importance of what we think. If I knew what you think, I would know what you are, for your thoughts make you what you are; by changing our thoughts, we can change our lives.” -Dale Carnegie (Dale Breckenridge Carnegie (1888 - 1955))

“If you change your way of thinking, you change your life.” -Brian Tracy (born 1944)

The mind is its own place, and in it self
Can make a Heave’n of Hell, a Hell of Heav’n.
-John Milton (1608 - 1674): “Paradise Lost” (1667), Book 1, lines 254 through 255

“Such as are your habitual thoughts, such also will be the character of your mind.” -Marcus Aurelius (also known as Marcus Aurelius Antoninus Augustus (C.E. 26 April 121 - C.E. 180))

“I realize that I will be, when my life’s labor is complete, the product of my thoughts.” -George Albert Smith

“A man is literally what he thinks.” -James Lane Allen (1849 - 1925)

“Every thought is a seed. If you plant crab apples, don’t count on harvesting Golden Delicious.” -Bill Meyer

“Few minds wear out; more rust out.” -Christian Nestell Bovee (1820 - 1904): “Intuitions and Summaries of Thought” (1862), volume 1

“Do not worry at all about negative thoughts, and do not try to control them. All you have to do is begin to think good thoughts each day. Plant as many good thoughts as you can in each day. As you begin to think good thoughts you will attract more and more good thoughts, and eventually the good thoughts will wipe out the negative thoughts altogether.” -Rhonda Byrne

“If we examine our thoughts, we shall find them always occupied with the past and the future.” -Blaise Pascal (1623 - 1662)

“Life is but thought.” -Sara Teasdale (Sara Teasdale Filsinger (1884 - 1933))

“Nurture your mind with great thoughts, for you will never go any higher than you think.” -Benjamin Disraeli (1804 - 1881)

“If we keep an open mind, too much is likely to fall into it.” -Natalie Clifford Barney (1876 - 1972)

“What you think about you bring about.” -Author Unknown

“Training and managing your own mind is the most important skill you could ever own, in terms of both happiness and success.” -T. Harv Eker

“Happy thoughts are half of your health.” -Author Unknown

“You are free to think thoughts of worry or joy, and whatever you choose will attract the same kind back to you. Worry attracts worry. Joy attracts joy.” -Rhonda Byrne

It is the mind that maketh good or ill,
That maketh wretch or happy, rich or poor.
by Edmund Spenser (1552 - 1599)

“Be careful of your thoughts; they may become words at any moment.” -Ira Gassen

“Your mind is a powerful thing. When you fill it with positive thoughts, your life will start to change.” -Author Unknown

“Thoughts have power. Thoughts are energy. You can make your world or break it by your thinking.” -Susan Taylor

“Ultimate human power is not in our possessions, but in our minds.” -Author Unknown

Overheard: Sometimes you have to think outside your mind . . .

“Man is made or unmade by himself . . . In the armory of thought he forges the weapons by which he destroys himself; he also fashions the tools with which he builds for himself heavenly mansions of joy and strength and peace. By the right choice and true application of thought, man ascends to the Divine Perfection; by the abuse and wrong application of thought, he descends below the level of the beast. Between these two extremes are all the grades of character, and man is their maker and master.” -James Allen (1864 - 1912): “As a Man Thinketh” (1903)

“You become what you think about all day long.” -Author Unknown

“Thought creates character.” -Annie Bessant (1847 - 1933)

“Whatever you hold in your mind will tend to occur in your life. If you continue to believe as you have always believed, you will continue to act as you have always acted. If you continue to act as you have always acted, you will continue to get what you have always gotten. If you want different results in your life or your work, all you have to do is change your mind.” -Author Unknown

“The thoughts we choose to think are the tools we use to paint the canvas of our lives.” -Louise L. Hay (Louise Lynn Hay (1926 - 2017))

“What you think about comes about.” -Author Unknown

“What you think means more than anything else in your life. More than you earn, more than where you live, more than you social position, and more than what anyone else may think about you.” -George M. Adams (George Matthew Adams (1878 - 1962))

“A thought is a thing as real as a cannonball.” -Joseph Joubert (1754 - 1824), as quoted in Paul Auster, translator: “The Notebooks of Joseph Joubert” (1883)

“Our lives would run a lot more smoothly if second thoughts came first.” -Author Unknown

“Our life is what our thoughts make it. A man will find that as he alters his thoughts toward things and other people, things and other people will alter towards him.” -James Allen (1864 - 1912)

“All that a man achieves and all that he fails to achieve is the direct result of his own thoughts.” -James Allen (1864 - 1912)

“You are what you think.” -Author Unknown

“The secret of living a life of excellence is merely a matter of thinking thoughts of excellence. Really, it’s a matter of programming our minds with the kind of information that will set us free.” -Charles R. Swindoll (Charles Rozell ‘Chuck’ Swindoll (born 1934))

“If you can think it, you can do it.” -Author Unknown

“You are today where your thoughts have brought you. You will be tomorrow where your thoughts take you.” -James Allen (1864 - 1912)

“Your life is a reflection of your thoughts. Think well.” -Danielle Pierre

We are MFOL! - and that is pretty much all of our thoughts on thinking . . .

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Sleep and Dreams

6/28/2019

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What nightmares are made of . . . or perhaps just a fury alarm clock?

An important part of your bedtime routine should include checking to see if there are any monsters hiding under your bed. If there are, get them each a glass of milk and some cookies.

Olive: What is the difference between a sleeping person and an awake person?
Oliver: With some people, it can be hard to tell the difference.

Sleep and Dreams Facts
- The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.
- The ideal temperature for falling asleep is between 18 and 30 degrees Celsius (64 and 86 degrees Fahrenheit).
- About ninety percent of people depend on an alarm clock to wake them up.
- The most frequently requested wakeup call time at hotels is 7:00 a.m.

With a butterfly kiss and a ladybug hug,
     Sleep tight little one, like a bug in a rug.
-Author Unknown

“Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the pillow was gone.” -Tommy Cooper

“The best bridge between despair and hope is a good night’s sleep.” -E. Joseph Cossman (Eli Joseph Cossman (1918 - 2002))

“Nothing makes us so sleepy as the bell of our alarm clock.” -William A. Feather (William Arthur Feather (1889 - 1981)): as quoted in Ted Landphair: “Featherisms” (6 October 2008)

In the days of English playwright William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616), mattresses were filled with straw and held up by rope stretched across the bed frames. When someone pulled on the rope to tighten it, a mattress would sag less and become firmer, for a more comfortable sleep . . . and that is supposedly the origin of the phrase, “Good night, sleep tight!”

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The Cock Crows

The cock crows in the morn
     To tell us to rise,
And he that lies late
     Will never be wise.

For early to bed
     And early to rise
Is the way to be healthy,
     Wealthy, and wise.

by Author Unknown

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“Sleeping is easy - I can even do it with my eyes closed.” -Author Unknown

Patient: Doctor, doctor, I walk in my sleep!
Doctor: Remember to take money for the bus, then!

“There is a close connection between getting up in the world and getting up in the morning.” -Author Unknown

Rumor has it that if you want to have interesting dreams, you should eat a big hunk of rich chocolate cake with chocolate frosting right before going to bed.

“The amount of sleep required by the average person is five minutes more.” - Wilson Mizner (1876 - 1933)

“To sleep, perchance to dream - ay, there’s the rub.” -William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616): “Hamlet,” Act 3, lines 65 - 68

Al: Did you hear the joke about the bed?
Len: No.
Al: That’s because it hasn’t been ‘made up’ yet.

Dream: Suspension of executive commands for an interval while executing random code in memory.

Georgia: How can you shorten a bed?
George: Don’t sleep ‘long’ on it.

“I had just dozed off into a stupor when I heard what I thought was myself talking to myself. I didn’t pay much attention to it, as I knew practically everything I would have to say to myself, and wasn’t particularly interested.” -Robert Benchley (1889 - 1945)

Pollyanna: What question can never be answered with, “Yes”?
Jenna: “Are you asleep?”

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Keep a Poem in Your Pocket

Keep a poem in your pocket
     and a picture in your head
and you’ll never feel lonely
     at night when you’re in bed.

The little poem will sing to you
     the little picture bring to you
a dozen dreams to dance to you
     at night when you’re in bed.

So - keep a picture in your pocket
     and poem in your head
and you’ll never feel lonely
     at night when you’re in bed.

by Beatrice Schenk de Regniers

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Edward: What is huge and gray and sends people to sleep?
Eduardo: A hypno-potamus.

“There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast.” -Author Unknown

“If people were meant to pop out of bed, we’d all sleep in toasters.” -Author Unknown

Robin: What is the best thing to do if you are a worm who is worried about being caught by the early bird?
Sparrow: Sleep late!

“Dreams . . . are very mysterious things. They float around in the night air like little clouds, searching for sleeping people.” -Roald Dahl (1916 - 1990): “Danny, the Champion of the World” (1975)

A proposed new invention, the microwave bed, would allow a person to get eight hours sleep in just three minutes. We are going to buy two of them, so that we can get eight hours of sleep in just one-and-a-half minutes!

“He who sleeps in continual noise is wakened by silence.” -W. D. Howells (William Dean Howells (1837 - 1920))

“Oversleeping keeps a lot of dreams from coming true.” -Charley Grant

Ellie: Why was the man running around his bed?
Lou: Because he wanted to catch up on his sleep.

“It is no small art to sleep, to achieve it one must keep awake all day. -Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche (1844 - 1900)

Elias Howe said one inspiration for his invention of the sewing machine came from a nightmare he had about being attacked by cannibals bearing spears that looked like the needle he then designed.

“All the things one has forgotten scream for help in dreams.” -Elias Cannetti

Jeffrey: Who sleeps at night with his shoes still on?
Geoffrey: A horse.

A Ruggie is a pressure-sensitive alarm clock that looks like a floor mat. You place it on the floor beside your bed, it awakens you in the morning with an alarm sound, and then it shuts off only after you get up and stand on it. Now that is one way to be sure you head out of bed in the morning! To learn more about Ruggies, visit www.ruggie.co (please note that the website suffix is ‘.co’ rather than ‘.com’).

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Goodnight!

Goodnight, sleep tight,
     Don’t let the bedbugs bite -
If they do, get your shoe,
     And hit them till they’re black and blue!

Goodnight, sleep tight,
     Don’t let the bedbugs bite -
If they do, here’s what to do:
     Blow them up with dynamite!

by Author Unknown

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Al: I haven’t slept for days.
Elle: How come?
Al: I only sleep at night.

“It’s hard to sleep at night if you’re worried that a ten-pound frog from Southern Cameroon may come and jump on your stomach.” -Charles M. Schulz (Charles Monroe Schulz (1922 - 2000))

A Young Lady Named Eams

There was a young lady named Eams,
Who, it seems, was troubled with dreams.
     She would wake in the night,
     And, in terrible fright,
Shake the beams of the house with her screams.

by Author Unknown

A man went to a doctor for a checkup. The doctor asked, “How do you sleep?” The man said, “I sleep good at night and I sleep good in the morning, but come afternoon, I get restless!”

Last night, as I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky, I thought to myself, “Where is the ceiling?”

Ersa: Where does the Little Mermaid sleep?
Erma: In her water-bed.

Late-Night Snack

There was an old man of Peru
Who dreamt he was eating his shoe.
     He woke in the night,
     With a terrible fright,
And found it was perfectly true.

by Author Unknown

“I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day because that means it’s going to be up all night.” -Steven Wright (born in 1955)

“May you sleep like a log . . . but not like a sawmill.” -Author Unknown

“When they cannot get to sleep, some people count sheep, and others talk to the Shepherd.” -Author Unknown

You may have heard about sleepwalking, but do you know that people are supposedly capable of doing other activities in their sleep? Maybe that person in the car ahead of you is sleep-driving, which would explain why they left their turn-signal on for the last twenty miles, and why when the traffic light turns green, they just continue to sit there.

Slept like a log last night . . . woke up this morning on top of the woodpile.

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Bedtime

The evening is coming,
     The Sun sinks to rest;
The rooks are all flying
     Straight home to their rest.

“Caw!” says the rook,
     As he flies overhead;
“It’s time little people
     Were going to bed!”

by Author Unknown

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If you cannot sleep, try counting your blessings. For example, you still have most of your fingers and toes, you can still think lots of interesting thoughts, and you have a sense of humor that allows you to recognize that this is a joke. What other blessings can you add to this list?

If you think you dream in color, isn’t it really just a pigment of your imagination?

Husband: It must be time to get up.
Wife: How can you tell?
Husband: The baby has finally fallen asleep.

“I find that when you have a real interest in life and a curious life, that sleep is not the most important thing.” -Martha Stewart

Wally: When are you most likely to dream about monsters?
Wallace: When you are asleep.

“He who sleeps on the floor will not fall off the bed.” -Robert Gronock

A Little Thought to Close the Day

The day, with the work God gave me to do, is done, and now He has given me the night, quiet and soothing, for rest. I will, therefore, trust myself - body and spirit - into His loving, tender care, through the mystery of sleep. As flood tides from the ocean fill each bay or inlet, so power and love and peace can fill my life to overflowing as I rest quietly, serenely, patiently, bravely, lovingly, with confidence and perfect faith.”

by Author Unknown

Helpful Tip: A spring-loaded mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep when you hit the snooze button.

Goodnight stars
Goodnight air
Goodnight noises everywhere
-Margaret Wise Brown: “Goodnight Moon” (1947)

Toby: How do you know an elephant is hiding under your bed?
Tobias: Because when you get into bed, your nose touches the ceiling.

Dream tonight of peacock tails,
     Diamond fields, and spouter whales.
Ills are many, blessing few,
     But dreams tonight will shelter you.
-Herman Melville (1819 - 1891)

MFOL! . . . because life is not fun enough . . .

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Horror Stories

6/26/2019

0 Comments

It seems like an inviting house - shall we see if anybody is home?

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Never Mind Them Watermelons

Well now, old Sam Gibb, he did not believe in ghosts. Not one bit. Everyone in town knew the old house back in the woods was haunted, but Sam Gibb just laughed whenever folks talked about it. Finally, the blacksmith dared Sam Gibb to spend the night in the haunted house. If he stayed there until dawn, the blacksmith would buy him a whole cartload of watermelons. Sam was delighted. Watermelon was Sam’s absolute favorite fruit. He accepted the dare at once, packed some matches and his pipe, and went right over to the house to spend the night.

Sam went into the old house, started a fire, lit his pipe, and settled into a rickety old chair with yesterday’s newspaper. As he was reading, he heard a creaking sound. Looking up, he saw that a gnarled little creature with glowing red eyes had taken the seat beside him. It had a long, forked tail, two horns on its head, claws at the ends of its hands, and sharp teeth that poked right through its large lips.

“There ain’t nobody here tonight except you and me,” the creature said to old Sam Gibb. It had a voice like the hiss of flames. Sam’s heart nearly stopped with fright. He leapt to his feet.

“There ain’t going to be nobody here but you in a minute,” Sam Gibb told the gnarled creature. He leapt straight for the nearest exit - which happened to be the window - and hi-tailed it down the lane lickety-split. He ran so fast he overtook two rabbits being chased by a coyote. But it wasn’t long before he heard the pounding of little hooves, and the gnarled creature with the red eyes had caught up with him.

“You’re making pretty good speed for an old man,” said the creature to old Sam Gibb.

“Oh, I can run much faster than this,” Sam Gibb told it. He took off like a bolt of lightning, leaving the gnarled creature in the dust. As he ran past the smithy, the blacksmith came flying out of the forge to see what was wrong.

“Never mind about them watermelons,” Sam Gibb shouted to the blacksmith without breaking his stride.

Old Sam Gibb ran all the way home and hid under his bed for the rest of the night. After that, he was a firm believer in ghosts and spooks, and he refused to go anywhere near the old house in the woods.

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In the Dark

In the dark, dark woods, there is a dark, dark house.
And in the dark, dark house, there is a dark, dark room.
And in the dark, dark room, there is a dark, dark cabinet.
And in the dark, dark cabinet, there is a dark, dark shelf.
And on the dark, dark shelf, there is a dark, dark box.
And in the dark, dark box . . . there is a ghost!

by Author Unknown

Horror stories can be more or less frightening than reality. They form an important part of human play, helping to immunize us against the real terrors of the world in which we live so that we can go on in spite of it all. And the humor? It is the sugar that helps the medicine go down.

A woman awakened in the night to see a hideous apparition with glowing red eyes at the foot of her bed. The creature had an appearance like some sort of fog or mist, and she could see right through it. It had a hand on her husband’s ankle and was pulling him off the bed. The woman cried, “Stop!” The thing said, “He’s mine!” and continued to pull her husband off the bed. The woman screamed, “Be gone with you in the name of all that is good!” The fog immediately released the man’s ankle and vanished down into the narrow spaces between the floorboards, glowing red eyes and all, to be seen no more. When her husband awoke in the morning, he had dark bruises all around his ankle.

Skeleton and Ghost

A skeleton once in Khartoum
Invited a ghost to its room.
They spent the whole night
In the eeriest fight
As to which should be frightened of whom.

by Author Unknown

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Bob and Betty Hill

Bob Hill and his new wife, Betty, were vacationing in Europe; as it happened, in Transylvania. They were driving a rental car along a rather deserted highway. It was late, and raining very hard. Bob could barely see ten feet in front of the car. Suddenly, the car skid out of control! Bob attempted to control the car, but to no avail. The car swerved and smashed into a tree.

Moments later, Bob shook his head to clear the fog. Dazed, he looked over at the passenger seat and saw his wife unconscious, with a large bump on her head. Despite the rain and unfamiliar countryside, Bob knew he had to carry her to the nearest phone. Bob carefully picked his wife up and began trudging down the road. After a short while, he saw a light.

He headed toward the light, which was coming from a big old house. He approached the door and knocked. A minute passed. A small, hunched man opened the door. Bob immediately blurted out, “Hello, my name is Bob Hill, and this is my wife, Betty. We have been in a terrible accident, and my wife has been seriously hurt. Can I please use your phone?”

“I am sorry,” replied the hunchback, “but we do not have a phone. My master is a doctor. Come in and I will go get him.”

Bob carried his wife in. An elegant man came down the stairs. “I am afraid my assistant may have misled you. I am not a medical doctor. I am a scientist. However, it is many miles to the nearest clinic, and I have had basic medical training. I will see what I can do. Igor, take them down to the laboratory.”

With that, Igor picked up Betty and carried her downstairs, with Bob following closely behind. Igor placed Betty on a table in the lab. Bob collapsed from exhaustion and his own injuries, so Igor placed Bob on an adjoining table. After a brief examination, Igor’s master looked worried. “Things are serious, Igor. Prepare a transfusion.”

Igor and his master worked feverishly, but to no avail. Bob and Betty were no more. The Hills’ deaths upset Igor’s master greatly. Wearily, he climbed the steps to his conservatory, which housed his pipe organ, for it was here that he had always found solace. He began to play, and a stirring, haunting melody filled the house.

Meanwhile, Igor was still in the lab tidying up. As the music filled the lab, his eyes spied movement. He noticed the fingers on Betty’s hand twitch. Stunned, he watched as Bob’s arm began to rise! He was even further amazed as Betty sat straight up! Unable to contain himself, he dashed up the stairs to the conservatory. He burst in and shouted to his master -

You sure you want to know? Okay, you asked for it -

“Master, Master! The Hills are alive with the sound of music!”

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“It’s fascinating to think that all around us there’s an invisible world we can’t even see. I’m speaking, of course, of the ‘World of the Invisible Scary Skeletons.’” -Jack Handy (born 1949)

Perhaps now would be a good time for you to make the maniacal laugh you have been working on . . .

A couple was walking home after a Halloween party, and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery, they were startled by a tap-tap-tap sound coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, they discovered an old man with a hammer and chisel was chipping away at one of the headstones. “Hey, Mister,” the guy said after catching his breath, “You scared us half to death - we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working out here so late at night?” “Those fools!” the old man grumbled. “They misspelled my name!”

Overheard: If people in horror movies would only listen to me, they might be able to escape!

A man was walking home alone late one night when he heard a BUMP . . . BUMP . . . BUMP . . . behind him. Walking faster, he looked back, and made out the image of an upright coffin banging its way down the middle of the street towards him. BUMP . . . BUMP . . . BUMP . . . Terrified, the man began to run towards his home, the coffin bouncing quickly behind him . . . faster . . . faster . . . BUMP . . . BUMP . . . BUMP . . . He ran up to his door, fumbled with his keys, opened the door, rushed in, slammed and locked the door behind him. However, the coffin crashed through his door, with the lid of the coffin clapping . . . clappity-BUMP . . . clappity-BUMP . . . clappity-BUMP . . . on the heels of the terrified man. Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locked himself in. His heart was pounding; his head was reeling; his breath was coming in sobbing gasps. With a loud crash, the coffin started breaking down the door . . . Bumping and clapping towards him. The man screamed and reached for something heavy, anything . . . his hand came to rest on a roll of cough drops. Desperate, he threw the cough drops as hard as he could at the apparition . . . and . . . the coffin stopped! Why, you ask? Because, as everyone knows, cough drops stop the coffin!

Earth itself is a horror story in a terrifying Universe. Here is just one example that proves it: Lightning strikes the planet about 6,000 times every minute, and little gray-green creatures called television repairmen run around all over the planet, chasing the lightning to try to catch it - what, that isn’t true at all?

“I grew up in Michigan on the Lower Peninsula, on Lake Saint Clair. We lived out in the country, at a time when there was still some of it around, and the woods spread as far as you could see. Other than the main road, everything was dirt. The road that this story takes place on is not far from my childhood home. I can’t say for sure if it is true or not. Some people insist that it is, while others insist it is just a made-up story. I never saw it but that does not mean it is not real. So here is the tale of my hometown ghost. It took place in Algonac, on Marrow Road. The story behind the road is that a woman went out in the middle of a winter night to try to find her toddler, who had somehow gotten out alone. Sadly, they both froze solid in the cold. If you park on the bridge at midnight and honk your car horn three times, she will appear to see if you have her baby. She is also said to be wearing a white gown at times and carrying her baby. At other times, a green light will hover and chase people away.” -Author Unknown

Overheard: I have seen things . . . awful things . . . empty coffee cup things . . .

Horror stories and scary tales can have unstated morals - stories about haunted houses can keep people from trespassing in abandoned properties, which are often unsafe and can result in injury, typically from such things as people falling through floors with rotten floorboards, or old rafters and beams falling on people. Can you think of other possibly unsafe places that horror stories might protect people from?

This story comes from the early twentieth century. Some of you may be old enough to remember the twentieth century. It happened in the life of a man named Jedidiah Jeremiah. As he tells it, “I inherited an estate in New Hampshire from my grandmother on my father’s side of the family. The house was a twenty-bedroom mansion. Large orchards covered the property. I stayed in the mansion to watch over the property until it could be sold at auction. I slept in the only heated part of the mansion, the servants’ quarters adjoining the kitchen. At nights, just before dawn, while I slept, my covers would be pulled off. After a few nights, this became tiresome, so I lay awake in bed one night, and when the covers began to be pulled off me, I pulled back. I became involved in a tug-of-war with some things that growled at me. I jumped up in terror, stood up on top of the mattress, and threw the covers on the floor at the foot of the bed. After that, for the remaining nights, I stayed in a hotel several miles away. I drove to the estate during the day. I arrived early one morning to look over the bedroom, and in the closet I found some loose floorboards that I pulled up. Underneath was a sort of tunnel leading through a crawl space to the outside of the mansion, with the orchards just a few hundred yards beyond. A few days following, while in the nearby town, I looked up the old cook. I mentioned the nighttime goings on.” “That,” he said, “Would have been the tree imps. They were waking you to let you know to begin preparations for breakfast.” “Tree imps?” I said. “Yes, the souls of the poor departed servants, staying on to care for the orchards, house, and grounds of the estate.”

In the Dark

In the dark, dark world
     There’s a dark, dark, country;
In the dark, dark, country,
     There are dark, dark woods;
In the dark, dark woods
     There’s a dark, dark house;
And in the dark, dark house
     There’s a man trying to find the circuit breaker!

by Author Unknown

For a frightfully good time, read Maurice Sendaks’ book “Where the Wild Things Are” (9 April 1963). This children’s picture book is 40 pages long and has just 338 words. It is available from your local public library or bookseller or on the interwebs.

End It Your Way!

There was a young lady from Norway
Who saw something strange in a doorway.
     What she saw she won’t say,
     But her red hair turned gray,
Now won’t you just end it your way?

by Author Unknown

“The witching hour, somebody had once whispered to her, was a special moment in the middle of the night when every child and every grown-up was in a deep, deep sleep, and all the dark things came out from hiding and had the world all to themselves.” -Roald Dahl (1916 - 1990): “The BFG” (1982)

Would it be better to have a horrible ending, or to have horrors without end?

A Gruesome Story

Do you want to hear a gruesome story?
     A farmer planted a pumpkin seed.
He watered it and cared for it very well,
     And soon it grew some, and grew some!

by Author Unknown

Some time ago, a woman who was an up-and-coming nature photographer decided to spend a day and a night alone in the woods outside of town. She wanted to get photos of the woods and wildlife as naturally as she could, for her portfolio. She was not afraid of being alone, as she had camped by herself many times before. She set up a tent in the middle of a small clearing and spent the day taking pictures. She filled up two memory cards on that trip, but something was strange about them. What she saw in those pictures has stayed with ever since, and she is still trying to recover from the trauma they have caused her . . . almost every picture was accounted for, save for one picture in each memory card. These pictures were of her, asleep in her tent in the middle of the night.

Emma: What would you get if you crossed scary stories with nursery rhymes?
Esmeralda: Mother Goosebumps.

A man stood on the side of the road hitchhiking on a very dark night in the middle of a storm. As the night went by no cars passed him. The storm was so strong, he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly he saw a car come towards him and stop. The guy, without thinking about it, got in the car and closed the door, only to realize that nobody was behind the wheel. The car started slowly. The guy looked at the road and saw a curve coming his way. Scared, he started praying, and begged for his life. He hadn’t come out of shock, when just before he hit the curve, a hand appeared through the window and moved the wheel. The guy, paralyzed in terror, watched as the hand appeared every time just before a curve. The guy gathered his strength, got out of the car, and ran to the nearest town. Wet from the falling rain and in shock, he ran into a diner and asked for a glass of water, and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he had gone through. A silence enveloped everybody when they realized the guy was crying and seemed sincere. About half an hour later, two guys walked into the same diner, and one said to the other, “Look, that’s the guy who climbed into the car while we were pushing it.”

“Monsters are real and ghosts are real. They live inside us and sometimes they win.” -Stephen King (born 1947)

A young American tourist went on a guided tour of a creepy old castle. At the end of the tour, the guide asked her if she enjoyed it. She admitted to being a bit worried about seeing a ghost in some of the dark cobweb-lined rooms and passages. “Don’t worry,” said the guide, “I’ve never seen a ghost in all of the time I’ve been here.” “How long is that?” asked the girl. “About four hundred years.”

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Antigonish

“Yesterday, upon the stair,
     I met a man who wasn’t there!
He wasn’t there again today,
     Oh how I wish he’d go away!”

When I came home last night at three,
     The man was waiting there for me
But when I looked around the hall,
     I couldn’t see him there at all!
Go away, go away, don’t you come back any more!
     Go away, go away, and please don’t slam the door . . .

Last night I saw upon the stair,
     A little man who wasn’t there,
He wasn’t there again today
     Oh, how I wish he’d go away . . .

by William Hughes Mearns (1875 - 1965): “The Psyco-ed” (1899)

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Poltergeists: Bothersome ghosts that make noises and make objects move.
Poultrygeists: Haunted chickens.

Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Ghoul.
Ghoul, who?
Ghoul D. Locks . . . and the Three Scares!

This is MFOL! . . . weird and wonderful fun . . .

0 Comments

Criticisms and Critics

6/26/2019

0 Comments

One wonders, might there be more to life than just expressing likes and dislikes?

“I am not given to finding fault, for there are innumerable fools.” -Plato (about 427 - about 347 B.C.E.): “Protagoras”

“Some people find fault like there’s a reward for it.” -Zig Ziglar (Hilary Hinton ‘Zig’ Ziglar (1926 - 2012))

“A critic is a gong at a railroad crossing clanging loudly and vainly as the train goes by.” -Christopher Morley (Christopher Darlington Morley (1890 - 1957))

“Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you’re a mile away from them - and you have their shoes!” -Henny Youngman (1906 - 1998)

“I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.” -Marcus Tullius Cicero (also known as Tully or simply Cicero (106 B.C.E. - 43 B.C.E.))

Riddle: What is easier to give than receive?
Solution: Criticism.

“The reason to not take things personally is to understand that what people say about you is a reflection of them, not you.” -Author Unknown

Critics

What one approves, another scorns,
     And thus his nature each discloses;
You find the rosebush full of thorns,
     I find the thornbush full of roses.

by Arthur Guiterman (1871 - 1943)

“Never allow anyone to rain on your parade and thus cast a pall of gloom and defeat on the entire day. Remember that no talent, no self-denial, no brains, no character, are required to set up in the fault-finding business. Nothing external can have any power over you unless you permit it. Your time is too precious to be sacrificed in wasted days combating the menial forces of hate, jealously, and envy. Guard your fragile life carefully. Only God can shape a flower, but any foolish child can pull it to pieces.” -Og Mandino (Augustine ‘Og’ Mandino II (1923 - 1996))

“All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.” -Author Unknown

“The sad part about life is that we tend to comment only on those who do it wrong and neglect to balance it with praise for those who do it right.” -Keith Ready

“Wink at small faults.” -John Clarke (1596 - 1658): “Proverbs: English and Latine” (1639)

“Instead of condemning people, let’s try to understand them. Let’s try to figure out why they do what they do. That’s a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance, and kindness.” -Dale Carnegie (Dale Harbison Carnegie (born Dale Breckenridge Carnagey (1888 - 1955)))

“Sandwich every bit of criticism between two thick layers of praise.” -Mary Kay Ash (born Mary Kathlyn Wagner (1918 - 2001))

“Much of what people attempt to pass off as criticism or even constructive criticism is actually condemnation and an effort to slight or wound or destroy another person. You must develop a hard protective shell around your essential self to stop the slings and arrows of the critical and judgmental people you will encounter throughout your lifetime.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)

“Long experience has taught me that to be criticized is not always to be wrong.” -Anthony Eden: in a speech at the Lord Mayor’s Guildhall banquet during the Suez crisis, as quoted in the “Daily Herald” (10 November 1956) newspaper

The stones that critics hurl with harsh intent
     A man may use to build his monument.
-Arthur Guiterman (1871 - 1943)

“Criticism is a destroyer of self-worth and esteem.” -H. Burke Peterson (Harold Burke Peterson (1923 - 2013)): ‘Preparing the Heart,’ in “Ensign” (May 1990) magazine, page 83

“When a man points a finger at someone else, he should remember that four of his fingers are pointing at himself.” -Louis Nizer (1902 - 1994)

Many people who call themselves ‘critics’ would better serve the world if they instead made themselves into ‘reviewers’ and their ‘critiques’ into ‘reviews.’

“Criticizing another’s garden does not keep the weeds out of your own.” -Author Unknown

“To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticize.” -Voltaire (François-Marie Arouet (1694 - 1788))

“The man who trims himself to suit everybody will soon whittle himself away.” -Charles M. Schwab (Charles Michael Schwab (1862 - 1939))

“If you have no will to change it, you have no right to criticize it.” -Author Unknown

“Criticism of others is futile and if you indulge in it often you should be warned that it can be fatal to your career.” -Dale Carnegie (Dale Harbison Carnegie (born Dale Breckenridge Carnagey (1888 - 1955)))

Hypercritical: Excessively and unreasonably critical, especially of small faults.

“He who fancies himself very enlightened, because he sees the deficiencies of others, may be very ignorant, because he has not studied his own.” -Edward George Earle Bulwer-Lytton (1803 - 1873)

“Pay no attention to what the critics say. A statue has never been put up in honor of a critic.” -Jean Sibelius (1865 - 1957)

“Wagner’s music is better than it sounds.” -Bill Nye (Edgar Wilson ‘Bill’ Nye (1850 - 1896)), referring to Richard Wagner

“What you dislike in another, take care to correct in yourself.” -Thomas Sprat

“Movie Critic: A person who gives the best jeers of his or her life to the theater.” -Author Unknown

“People who judge others are insecure about themselves.” -Author Unknown

“Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain, but it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.” -Dale Carnegie -Dale Carnegie (Dale Harbison Carnegie (born Dale Breckenridge Carnagey (1888 - 1955)))

“Blowing out someone else’s candle doesn’t make yours burn any brighter.” -Author Unknown

“To find fault is easy; to do better may be difficult.” -Plutarch (C.E. 46 - C.E. 120)

“Allowing an unimportant mistake to pass without comment is a wonderful social grace.” -Judith Martin (born 1938)

“Sometimes people try to expose what’s wrong with you because they can’t handle everything that’s right about you.” -Author Unknown

“Make it your habit not to be critical about small things.” -Edward Everett Hale (1822 - 1909): as quoted in Jessie K. Freeman and Sarah S. B. Yule, editors: “Thoughts Selected from the Writings of Favorite Authors” (1901)

“Criticism is something we can easily avoid by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.” -Aristotle (384 B.C.E. - 322 B.C.E.)

“Judge not, that ye be not judged.” -Matthew: as quoted in “The Bible,” ‘Matthew,’ chapter 7, verse 1

“If we had no faults we should not take so much pleasure in noting those of others.” -Duc de Rochefoucauld (1613 - 1680)

“Court not the critic’s smile, nor dread his frown.” -Walter Scott (1771 - 1832)

“The most insignificant people are the most apt to sneer at others. They are safe from reprisals and have no hope of rising in their own self-esteem but by lowering their neighbors.” -William Hazlitt (1778 - 1830)

“People who try to whittle you down are only trying to reduce you to their size.” -Author Unknown

“Criticism comes easier than craftsmanship.” -Zeuxis of Heraclea (464 B.C.E. - 400 B.C.E.)

“Don’t worry about what people say about you; they are busy finding faults in your life instead of fixing the faults in their own lives.” -Author Unknown

“Criticism is a life without risk.” -John Lahr (born 1941): “Light Fantastic: Adventures in Theatre” (1996)

“You can run with the big dogs or sit on the porch and bark.” -Wallace Arnold

“Our worst fault is our preoccupation with the faults of others.” -Kahlil Gibran (1883 - 1931): as quoted in Robin Waterfield, editor: “The Voice of Kahlil Gibran: An Anthology” (1995)

“Wouldn’t it be nice if we could find other things as easily as we find fault?” -Author Unknown

“It is much easier to be critical than to be correct.” -Benjamin Disraeli (1804 - 1881)

“The man who is anybody and who does anything is surely going to be criticized, vilified, and misunderstood. This is part of the penalty for greatness, and every man understands, too, that it is no proof of greatness.” -Elbert Hubbard (Elbert Green Hubbard (1856 - 1915))

Overheard: People who have time to point out others’ mistakes have time to do some work.

“Pay more attention to your Creator than your critics.” -Author Unknown

“No matter what you or anyone else does, there will be someone who says that there’s something bad about it. Whenever somebody comes up with a good idea, there’s somebody else who has never had a good idea in his life who stands up and says, ‘Oh, you can’t do that . . .’” -Tom Clancy (born 1947)

“When one dog barks another will join it.” -Author Unknown

“Let the refining and improving of your own life keep you so busy that you have little time to criticize others.” -H. Jackson Brown, Junior (born 1940)

“Usually our criticism of others is not because they have faults, but because their faults are different than ours.” -Roger Eastman

Can you list ten things more fun and interesting to do than criticizing others?

“Those who can, do. Those who can’t, criticize.” -Robin Sharma (born 1965)

“Be a doer and not a critic.” -Tony Blair

“Criticism does not make you smarter or better than the one you are criticizing. In fact, the stuff you are critical of in others is the same stuff you don’t like about yourself.” -Iyanla Vanzant

“It is easier to pull down than to build up.” -Author Unknown

“He has never learned anything, and he can do nothing in decent style.” -Author Unknown: comment made by Beethoven’s teacher

“It is only imperfection that complains of what is imperfect. The more perfect we are, the more gentle and quiet we become towards the defects of others.” -Joseph Addison (1672 - 1719)

“When we criticize another person, it says nothing about that person; it merely says something about our own need to be critical.” -Richard Carlson (1961 - 2006)

“Don’t be distracted by criticism. Remember - the only taste of success some people have is when they take a bite out of you.” -Zig Ziglar (Hilary Hinton ‘Zig’ Ziglar (1926 - 2012))

“People criticized me. So I changed. But people still criticized me. So I changed more. And still people criticized me. Then finally I realized it’s what they will do, no matter what. And I changed once more, by no longer listening to those people.” -Brian Vaszily

“I have yet to find the man, however exalted his station, who did not do better work and put forth greater effort under a spirit of approval than under a spirit of criticism.” -Charles M. Schwab (Charles Michael Schwab (1862 - 1939))

“Be an encourager. The world has plenty of critics already.” -Dave Willis

“‘Whenever you feel like criticizing anyone,’ he told me, ‘just remember that all the people in this world haven’t had the advantages you’ve had.’” -F. Scott Fitzgerald (Francis Scott Key Fitzgerald (1896 - 1940)): “The Great Gatsby,” Chapter 1

“In reality, the world have payed too great a compliment to critics, and have imagined them men of much greater profundity than they really are.” -Henry Fielding (1707 - 1754): “Tom Jones” (1749), book 5, chapter 1

“The higher we soar, the smaller we appear to those who cannot fly.” -Friedrich Nietzsche (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche (1844 - 1900))

“Has anybody ever seen a dramatic critic in the daytime? Of course not. They come out after dark up to no good.” -P. G. Wodehouse (Pelham Grenville Wodehouse (1881 - 1975))

“It is ridiculous for any man to criticize the works of another if he has not distinguished himself by his own performances.” -Joseph Addison

“Our souls may lose their peace and even disturb other people’s, if we are always criticizing trivial actions - which often are not real defects at all, but we construe them wrongly through our ignorance of their motives.” -Teresa of Ávila (born Teresa de Cepeda y Ahumada (1515 - 1582))

“When criticized, consider the source.” -Author Unknown

“Criticism is easy, art is difficult.” -Philippe Destouches

“If you are always finding fault, you will seldom find anything else.” -Author Unknown

“Answer them with silence and indifference. It works better, I assure you, than anger and argument.” -Gioacchino Rossini (1792 - 1868), commenting on critics

“Let he who is without fault cast the first stone.” -Jesus of Nazareth: as quoted in “The Bible,” ‘John,’ chapter 8, verse 7

“Anybody can point out anybody else’s bad qualities. If you want to distinguish yourself, go around pointing out good qualities.” -Author Unknown

This is MFOL! . . . a website put together by some folks who could have been clowns but who lack costumes . . . and who also have no discernible talent for being clowns . . . how’s that for criticism?

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Hopes and Dreams

6/24/2019

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“Everything begins as a dream.” -Author Unknown

“Hope sees the invisible, feels the intangible, and achieves the impossible.” -Author Unknown

“Help others achieve their dreams and you will achieve yours.” -Les Brown (Leslie Calvin ‘Les’ Brown (born 1945))

“To accomplish great things we must not only act, but also dream, not only plan, but also believe.” -Anatole France (pseudonym of Jacques Anatole François Thibault (1844 - 1924)): as quoted in Sidney Greenberg, editor: “Treasury of the Art of Living” (1964)

“Everything that is done in the world is done by hope.” -Martin Luther (1483 - 1546)

“Do all you can to make your dreams come true.” -Joel Osteen (born 1963)

“HOPE: Hanging Onto Positive Expectations.” -Author Unknown

“If one dream should fall and break into a thousand pieces, never be afraid to pick one of those pieces up and begin again.” -Flavia Weedn (Flavia Marie Weedn (1929 - 2015)): “Flavia and the Dream Maker” (1998)

“Hope costs nothing.” -Colette (Sidonie Gabrielle Colette 1873 - 1954))

“The hopeful man sees success where others see failure; sunshine where others see shadows and storm.” -Orison S. Marden (Orison Swett Marden (1850 - 1924))

“Hope has two beautiful daughters, named Anger and Courage; Anger at the way things are, and Courage to change them.” -Augustine of Hippo (also known as Aurelius Augustinus Hipponensis (C.E. 354 - C.E. 430))

“Dreams come a size too big so you can grow into them.” -Author Unknown

“In all things it is better to hope than to despair.” -Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832)

“Hold on to your dreams, for they are, in a sense, the stuff of which reality is made. It is through our dreams that we maintain the possibility of a better, more meaningful life.” -Leo Buscaglia (Felice Leonardo ‘Leo’ Buscaglia, also known as Leo F. Buscaglia (1924 - 1998))

“The very least you can do in your life is to figure out what you hope for. And the most you can do is live inside that hope.” -Barbara Kingsolver (born 1955)

“No dreamer is ever too small; no dream is ever too big.” -Author Unknown

“Don’t lose hope. When the Sun goes down, the stars come out.” -Author Unknown

“What steps could you take right now to begin turning your dreams into realities?” -Brian Tracy (born 1944)

“Hope works for one reason: Those who believe something is possible will work toward achieving it and encourage others; those who believe something is not possible will give up, never begin, and disparage those who have hope.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)

“Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born.” -Dale E. Turner (1917 - 2006)

“While there’s life, there’s hope.” -Terence (Publius Terentius Afer (185 B.C.E. - 159 B.C.E.)): “Heuton timoroumenos,” line 981

“Dreams come true; without that possibility, nature would not incite us to have them.” -John Updike (John Hoyer Updike (1932 - 2009))

“Hope doesn’t require a massive chain where heavy links of logic hold it together. A thin wire will do . . . just strong enough to get us through the night until the winds die down.” -Charles R. Swindoll (Charles Rozell ‘Chuck’ Swindoll (born 1934))

“Set out each day believing in your dreams. Know without a doubt that you were made for amazing things.” -Josh Hinds (Josh Stephen Hinds (born 1973))

“Hope, like the gleaming taper’s light,
Adorns and cheers our way;
And still, as darker grows the night,
Emits a brighter ray.”
-Oliver Goldsmith (1728 - 1774): “The Captivity” (1764), Act II

“So many of our dreams at first seem impossible, then they seem improbable, and then, when we summon the will, they soon become inevitable.” -Christopher Reeve (Christopher D’Olier Reeve (1952 - 2004))

“Hope is necessary in every condition. The miseries of poverty, of sickness, or captivity, would, without this comfort, be insupportable; nor does it appear that the happiest lot of terrestrial existence can set us above the want of this general blessing; or that life, when the gifts of nature and of fortune are accumulated upon it, would not still be wretched, were it not elevated and delighted by the expectation of some new possession, of some enjoyment yet behind, by which the wish shall at last be satisfied, and the heart filled up to its utmost extent.” -Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784): as quoted in “The Rambler” (1750 - 1752), number 67

“Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so shall you become. Your vision is the promise of what you shall at last unveil.” -John Ruskin (1819 - 1900)

“When the world says, ‘Give up,’ Hope whispers, ‘Try one more time.’” -Author Unknown

“We all have dreams. But in order to make dreams come into reality, it takes an awful lot of determination, dedication, self-discipline, and effort.” -Jesse Owens (1913 - 1980)

“Let your hopes, not your hurts, shape your future.” -Robert H. Schuller (Robert Harold Schuller (1926 - 2015))

“Happy are those who dream dreams and are ready to pay the price to make them come true.” -Leo J. Suenens (Leo Jozef Suenens (1904 - 1996))

“At the darkest moment comes the light.” -Joseph Campbell (1904 - 1987)

“Dreams are necessary to life.” -Anaïs Nin (born Angela Anaïs Juana Antolina Rosa Edelmira Nin y Culmell (1903 - 1977))

“Hope, like faith, is nothing if it is not courageous; it is nothing if it is not ridiculous.” -Thornton Wilder (Thornton Niven Wilder (1897 - 1975))

“Dreams are the seedlings of realities.” -James Allen (1864 - 1912)

“Hope is important because it can make the present moment less difficult to bear. If we believe that tomorrow will be better, we can bear a hardship today.” -Thich Nhat Hanh (born 1926)

“It may be that those who do most, dream most.” -Stephen Butler Leacock (1869 - 1944)

“Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work; you don’t give up.” -Anne ‘Annie’ Lamott (born 1954)

“Most people never run far enough on their first wind to find out they’ve got a second. Give your dreams all you’ve got and you’ll marvel at the energy that comes out of you.” -William James (1842 - 1910)

“Hope is a vigorous principle; it is furnished with light and heat to advise and execute; it sets the head and heart to work, and animates a man to do his utmost. And thus, by perpetually pushing and assurance, it puts a difficulty out of countenance, and makes a seeming impossibility give way.” -Jeremy Collier (1650 - 1726)

“I have had dreams and I have had nightmares. I overcame the nightmares because of my dreams.” -Jonas Salk (1914 - 1995)

“The path to a dream is paved with sacrifices and lined with determination. And although it has many stumbling blocks along the way and may go in more than one direction, it is marked with faith. It is traveled by belief in you and others but requires courage, persistence, and hard work. It is conquered with a willingness to face challenges and take chances, to fail and try again and again. Along the way, you may have to confront doubts, setbacks, and unfairness. But when the path comes to an end, you will find that there is no greater joy than making your dream come true.” -Author Unknown

“Never deprive someone of hope; it might be all they have.” -H. Jackson Brown, Junior (born 1940)

“It is good to dream, but it is better to dream and work. Faith is mighty, but action with faith is mightier. Desiring is helpful, but work and desire are invincible.” -Thomas Robert Gaines

“Hope is both the earliest and the most indispensable virtue inherent in the state of being alive. If life is to be sustained hope must remain, even where confidence is wounded, trust impaired.” -Erik Erikson (1902 - 1994)

“The only thing that stands in between you and your dreams is the will to try and the belief that it is actually possible.” -Joel Brown

“There is always hope.” -Author Unknown

“Miracles start to happen when you give as much energy to your dreams as you do to your fears.” -Richard Wilkins

“A pocket full of hope is worthless if spent in all the wrong places on all the wrong people.” -S. L. Heaton (Shirley L. Heaton)

“Don’t let someone who gave up on their dreams talk you out of going after yours.” -Author Unknown

“The hopes of men have been justly called waking dreams.” -Basil (C.E. 330 - C.E. 379): letter to Gregory of Nazianzus: as quoted in S. Baring-Gould (Sabine Baring-Gould (1834 - 1924)): “The Lives of the Saints” (1873)

“The capacity for hope is the most significant fact of life. It provides human beings with a sense of destination and the energy to get started.” -Norman Cousins (1915 - 1990)

“Of all the people I have ever known, those who have pursued their dreams and failed have lived a much more fulfilling life than those who have put their dreams on a shelf for fear of failure.” -Author Unknown

“Hope is like the Sun, which, as we journey toward it, casts the shadow of our burden behind us.” -Samuel Smiles (1812 - 1904)

“At every crossroad, follow your dream. It is courageous to let your heart lead the way.” -Leland Thomas

“Never stop believing in hope because miracles happen every day.” -Author Unknown

“Dreams don’t work unless you do.” -John C. Maxwell (John Calvin Maxwell (born 1947))

“Hope is as cheap as Despair.” -Thomas Fuller (1654 - 1734): “Gnomologia: Adages and Proverbs” (1732), number 2542

“Dreams can come true if you take the time to think about what you want in life.” -Author Unknown

“Practice hope. As hopefulness becomes a habit, you can achieve a permanently happy spirit.” -Norman Vincent Peale (1898 - 1993)

“When you have a dream, you’ve got to grab it and never let go.” -Carol Burnett (Carol Creighton Burnett (born 1933))

“My hopes are not always realized, but I always hope.” -Ovid (Publius Ovidius Naso (43 B.C.E. - C.E. 17 or 18))

“Every moment is another chance to make your dreams come true.” -Author Unknown

“False hope is better than no hope at all.” -Author Unknown

“It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live, remember that.” -J. K. Rowling (pseudonym of Joanne ‘Jo’ Rowling (1965)): “Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone” (1997)

“If you do not hope, you will not find what is beyond your hopes.” -Clement of Alexandria (also known as Titus Flavius Clemens (about C.E. 150 - about C.E. 215))

“Nothing is as real as a dream. The world can change around you, but your dream will not. Responsibilities need not erase it. Duties need not obscure it. Because the dream is within you, no one can take it away.” -Tom Clancy (Thomas Leo Clancy, Junior (1947 - 2013))

“Where there is no hope, there can be no endeavor.” -Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784): as quoted in “The Rambler” (6 April 1751) journal

“All men who have achieved great things have been great dreamers.” -Orison S. Marden (Orison Swett Marden (1850 - 1924))

“The real people of genius were resolute workers, not idle dreamers.” -George Henry Lewes (1817 - 1878)

“For hope is but the dream of those that wake.” -Matthew Prior (1664 - 1721): “Solomon on the Vanity of the World,” book iii, line 102

“All men of action are dreamers.” -James G. Huneker (James Gibbons Huneker (1860 - 1921))

“Trust your hopes, not your fears.” -David Mahoney

“Never laugh at anyone’s dreams. People who don’t have dreams don’t have much.” -Author Unknown

“Dreaming, after all, is a form of planning.” -Gloria Steinem (born 1934)

“People too weak to follow their own dreams typically tend to find a way to discourage yours.” -Author Unknown

“Hope never abandons you; you abandon it.” -George Weinberg

“Dreams and wishes do not come true by themselves, but without dreams and wishes behind them, actions - and even life itself - can seem undirected and purposeless.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)

“If it were not for Hopes, the Heart would break.” -Thomas Fuller (1654 - 1734): Gnomologia: Adages and Proverbs” (1732), number 2689

“Nothing happens unless first a dream.” -Carl Sandburg (1878 - 1967)

“Everything that is done in the world is done by the hopeful. No matter your age. No matter your circumstances. No matter your financial wealth. Without hope, nothing is possible. But with hope . . . well . . . watch out.” -Martin Luther (1483 - 1546)

“Your dreams tell you what to do; your reason tells you how to do it.” -Jonas Salk (1914 - 1995)

“Hope is itself a species of happiness, and, perhaps, the chief happiness which this world affords.” -Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784)

Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it.
Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it!
-Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832): “Faust,” lines 214 and 215, as translated by John Anster (1835)

“Always believe that something wonderful is about to happen.” -Author Unknown

“All our dreams can come true - if we have the courage to pursue them.” -Walt Disney: as quoted in Pat Williams: “How to Be Like Walt: Capturing the Magic Every Day of Your Life” (2004), Chapter 3, ‘Imagination Unlimited,’ page 63

“Always chase your dreams instead of running from your fears.” -Author Unknown

“There is nothing like a dream to create the future.” -Victor Hugo (Victor Marie Hugo (1802 - 1885))

This is MFOL! . . . where our fondest Hopes and Dreams are that you will visit us often . . . as you make your way toward all the good that life has in store for you . . .

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Extraterrestrials and UFO’s

6/23/2019

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“We come in peace.” -Unidentified Extraterrestrial Being

“Innumerable suns exist; innumerable earths revolve around these suns in a manner similar to the way the seven planets revolve around our sun. Living beings inhabit these worlds.” -Giordano Bruno (1548 - 1600): “On the Infinite Universe and Worlds” (1584)

“Take me to your leader.” -Unidentified Extraterrestrial Being

Eddy: What did the metric alien say?
Freddy: “Take me to your liter.”

Scientists have yet to discover a sign of extraterrestrial life, but the discovery of planets outside of our solar system, having what is believed to be life-sustaining matter and supposedly habitable climates, is claimed to be a promising possible indication of life outside Earth.

It Came from Outer Space

There was a Martian named Zed
With antennae all over his head.
He sent out a lot
Of di-di-dash-dot,
But nobody knows what he said.

by John Ciardi (John Anthony Ciardi (1916 - 1986))

“Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.” -Bill Watterson (Bill Waterson II (born 1958))

Bernice: What are the slowest space monsters?
Bernard: Snailiens!

Extra = beyond. Terrestrial = Earth. Extraterrestrial = beyond Earth.

Overheard: Are you from outer space . . . or just from out of town?

“Personally, I don’t think there’s intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one?” -Bob Monkhouse (Robert Alan ‘Bob’ Monkhouse (1928 - 2003))

Otis: Where do alien fish swim?
Otto: In the Galax Sea. (galaxy)

Two outer space aliens stopped to look at a parking meter. One of them picked up a quarter from the ground, and after a little trial and error, inserted the quarter into the meter. When she saw the needle on the dial move, she said to her companion, “How about that? I weigh an hour.”

Hans: What did the space alien cook for breakfast?
Hansel: An Unidentified Frying Object (UFO).

Curiously, now that so many people have cell phones with built-in cameras, claims of Unidentified Flying Objects sightings have dropped to nearly zero. You would think that just the opposite would be the case if UFO’s were real.

The Alien

The alien
     Was as round as the moon.
Five legs he had
     And his ears played a tune.
His hair was pink
     And his knees were green,
He was the funniest thing I’d seen
     As he danced in the door
Of his strange spacecraft,
     He looked at me -
And laughed and laughed!

by Julie Holder

Spaceship landmark in Mars, Pennsylvania, United States of America . . . oddly, the aliens were nowhere to be found.

Pam: Have you ever noticed that space aliens have no noses?
Sam: Really? How do they smell?
Pam: Terrible!

“I think that it is much more likely that the reports of flying saucers are the results of the known irrational characteristics of terrestrial intelligence than of the unknown rational efforts of extra-terrestrial intelligence.” -Richard Feynman (Richard Phillips Feynman (1918 - 1988))

Ella: If you run into a three-headed alien, what should you say?
Ellie: “Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye!”

Autogeddon

If an alien were to hover a few
     Hundred yards above the planet
It could be forgiven for thinking
     That cars were the dominant life form,
And that human beings were a kind of
     Ambulatory fuel cell:
Injected when the car wished to move off,
     And ejected when they were spent.

by Heathcote Williams (1988)

If the United States government has no knowledge of aliens, then why does Title 14, Section 1211 of the Code of Federal Regulations, implemented on 16 July 1969, make it illegal for American citizens to have any contact with extraterrestrials or their vehicles?

“Klaatu barada nikto!” -Author Unknown: “The Day the Earth Stood Still,” line of fictional character Helen Benson (portrayed by actor Patricia Neal)

“Sometimes I think we’re alone in the Universe, and sometimes I think we’re not. In either case the idea is quite staggering.” -Arthur C. Clarke (Arthur Charles Clarke (1917 - 2008))

Greta: What kind of music do aliens listen to in their spaceships?
Gretchen: Neptunes!

The shocking truth: Extraterrestrials and their spacecraft, commonly called UFO’s, possibly have never visited Earth and may not even exist. The entire space aliens and alien spacecraft idea was a propaganda campaign created by the government of the United States of America around the end of World War 2, and continued over the next several years. It was an attempt to gain a psychological edge over the former Union of Soviet Socialist Republics (U.S.S.R.) as both sides raced to reach supremacy in the military technological advancements of the Cold War Era. The technologies that now allow us to have cell phones, computers, and other comparatively recent and stunning advances, are not reverse-engineered from alien technologies, but have been created entirely by our fellow human beings.

“There are many intelligent species in the universe. They are all owned by cats.” -Author Unknown

The image shown above is how a United States Air Force Lenticular Reentry Vehicle might have looked. Some information on the experimental flying disk program was declassified in 1997, but none of the original aircraft are known to still exist. The flying disks had problems with flight stability and suffered from a high crash rate, so the government ultimately chose to go with more reliable conventional fixed-wing aircraft designs similar to what are in use today. However, the LRV’s were real aircraft, conceptually designed to operate as re-entry vehicles in near-space and at high-altitude, for reconnaissance (spying) and deploying special (nuclear) weapons. Casual observers who spotted these craft in the sky above them decades ago might have imagined they were seeing flying saucers from outer space that were filled with space aliens.

An alien spaceship was running low on fuel, so it landed at a gas station in the middle of the desert near area 51. On one side were printed the letters ‘UFO.’ The station attendant was completely stunned as he came out to see what was going on. Pointing to the side of the craft, he asked, “I’ll bet that stands for ‘Unidentified Flying Object,’ right?” “Nope,” said one of the aliens. “It stands for ‘Unleaded Fuel Only’.”

Experimental aircraft and other seemingly odd things can be seen in the sky from time to time. What does it mean? Inventors, governments, and other folks are simply going about their usual activities, which includes trying out new ideas.

First Space Alien: Is there somewhere around here where I can wash up?
Second Space Alien: Sure, just keep going straight ahead until you come to the meteor showers.

While the fantasy that beings or entities from other places in the Universe would build spaceships and fly them all the way to Earth might be momentarily fascinating, it might not be the best long-term idea to have as one’s life focus. Planting orchards, teaching Sunday school, learning and using good manners, building furniture, raising children, or any of an endless number of other activities, all can yield greater rewards and a richer life than obsessing over the remote possibility of the existence of extraterrestrials and UFO’s. Use your imagination to help you create real things and real results; do not allow your imagination or fantasies to become your entire life. The risk of living in imagination or becoming wrapped up in fantasy is that a person can come to his or her senses at the end of a lifetime to find out he or she never had anything that was real.

Elsa: What did the alien say when he walked into his spaceship?
Elsie: “Ouch!”

You can still watch and enjoy movies about pretend space aliens and pretend people. Have fun in life, but do not lose your focus on the real world, in which you live every moment.

Cosmo: On what kind of plates do space aliens serve their food?
Astoria: Flying saucers!

So, just what is the truth about extraterrestrials and UFO’s? Our conclusion is that alien spacecraft and space aliens have never visited Earth, given the lack of any real evidence, but every person is free to believe as he or she chooses.

“What is the name of your spaceship?” we asked. “We call it our ‘Imagination,’” the alien said.

Now let’s have further harmless fun . . . on MFOL!

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Adversities and Persevering

6/21/2019

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When you think your life is bad, just remember this furry fellow, who lives in a trash can. Of course, your expectations in life may be a little different than his . . .

“If you are ever in real trouble, don’t panic. Sit down and think about it. Remember two things, always. There must be some way out of it, and there must be humor in it somewhere.” -Louise Fitzhugh (1928 - 1974)

“Our way is not soft grass, it’s a mountain path with lots of rocks. But it goes upwards, forward, toward the Sun.” -Ruth Westheimer (born 1928)

“Life can be wildly tragic at times, and I’ve had my share. But whatever happens to you, you have to keep a slightly comic attitude. In the final analysis, you have got not to forget to laugh.” -Katharine Hepburn (Katharine Houghton Hepburn (1907 - 2003))

“Some falls are means the happier to arise.” -William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616): “Cymbeline, King of Britain” (1609), Act IV, scene 2, line 2822; words of character Caius Lucius, general of the Roman forces

“I truly believe that we can overcome any hurdle that lies before us and create the life we want to live. I have seen it happen time and time again.” -Gillian Anderson (Gillian Leigh Anderson (born 1968))

“The human spirit is stronger than anything that can happen to it.” -Author Unknown

“It is a rough road that leads to the heights of greatness.” [English translation]
“Confragosa in fastigium dignitatis via est.” [original Latin]
-Seneca (Lucius Annaeus Seneca, also known as Seneca the Younger (3 B.C.E. - C.E. 65)): letter to Lucilius

“When the going gets tough, the tough get going.” -Frank Leahy (1908 - 1973): as quoted in the “Daily Mail” (4 May 1954) of Charleston, West Virginia

“No man lives without jostling and being jostled; in all ways he has to elbow himself through the world, giving and receiving offence.” -Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881): ‘Sir Walter Scott,’ published in the “London and Westminster Review” (12 November 1838)

“If things go wrong, don’t go with them.” -Roger Babson (Roger Ward Babson (1875 - 1967))

“Trouble can always be borne when it is shared.” -Katherine Paterson (born 1932): “The Tale of the Mandarin Ducks” (1 January 1990)

“Determination, patience, and courage are the only things needed to improve any situation.” -Author Unknown

“Remember, if you ever get into a difficult situation, you can always count on your fingers and toes!” -Author Unknown

“No life is so hard that you can’t make it easier by the way you take it.” -Ellen Glasgow (1873 - 1945)

“By perseverance the snail reached the ark.” -Charles Spurgeon (Charles Haddon Spurgeon (1834 - 1892)): “The Salt-cellars: Being a Collection of Proverbs, Together with Homely Notes Thereon” (1889), ‘Proverbs,’ page 89

“Greatness is best measured by how well an individual responds to the happenings in life that appear to be totally unfair, unreasonable, and undeserved.” -Marvin J. Ashton (Marvin Jeremy Ashton (1915 - 1994)): as quoted in “Ensign” (November 1984), page 22

“I am an old man and have known many troubles. But most of them never happened.” -Mark Twain (pseudonym of Samuel Langhorne Clemens (1835 - 1910))

“Turn your stumbling blocks into stepping stones.” -Author Unknown: English proverb

“There is no education like adversity.” -Benjamin Disraeli (1804 - 1881)

“Trying times are no time to quit trying.” -Author Unknown

“Adversity causes some to break, others to break records.” -William A. Ward (William Arthur Ward (1921 - 1994))

“Troubles are often the tools by which God fashions us for better things.” -Henry Ward Beecher (1813 - 1887)

“If people speak ill of you, live so that no one will believe them.” -Plato (about 427 B.C.E. - about 347 B.C.E.)

“People need trouble - a little frustration to sharpen the spirit on, toughen it. Artists do; I don’t mean you need to live in a rat hole or gutter, but you have to learn fortitude, endurance. Only vegetables are happy.” -William Faulkner (William Cuthbert ‘Will’ Faulkner (1897 - 1962))

“Adversity in immunological doses has its uses; more than that crushes.” -John Updike (John Hoyer Updike (1932 - 2009))

“If you don’t climb the mountain, you can’t see the view.” -Author Unknown

“There are no hopeless situations; there are only men who have grown helpless about them.” -Clare Boothe Luce (1903 - 1987)

“No matter how far you have gone on a wrong road, turn back.” -Author Unknown: Turkish proverb

“The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor can man be perfected without trials.” -Confucius (K’ung Fu-tzu or K’ung Ch’iu (about 551 B.C.E. - about 479 B.C.E.))

“The burden becomes light which is cheerfully borne.” -Publius Ovidius Naso (also known as Ovid (43 B.C.E. - C.E. 17 or 18.))

“Life’s challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they’re supposed to help you discover who you are.” -Bernice Johnson Reagon (born 1942)

“Show me someone who has done something worthwhile, and I’ll show you someone who has overcome adversity.” -Lou Holtz (Louis Leo ‘Lou’ Holtz (born 1937))

“If you would not have affliction visit you twice, listen at once to what it teaches.” -James Burgh (1714 - 1775): “The Dignity of Human Nature” (1754)

“When we long for life without difficulties, remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary winds and diamonds are made under pressure.” -Peter Marshall (1902 - 1949)

Square your shoulders to the world,
Be not the kind to quit -
It’s not the load that weighs you down,
But the way you carry it.
-Author Unknown

“Every adversity can make you bitter or better.” -Mary Kay Mueller (born 1953)

“Life begins to become truly livable once we have learned how to get back up after we stumble and fall. The mastery of that knowledge may come about only following many falls but it finally comes to us and softens the pain and humiliation on each occasion that we stumble after that, and so we are able to face life with some courage because of what we have learned after falling. Everything eventually becomes easier with time and experience.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)

“History has demonstrated that the most notable winners usually encountered heartbreaking obstacles before they triumphed. They won because they refused to become discouraged by their defeats.” -B. C. Forbes (Robert Charles ‘Bertie’ Forbes (1880 - 1954)): as quoted in “Forbes” (1958)

“Life is thickly sown with thorns, and I know no other remedy than to pass quickly through them. The longer we dwell on our misfortunes, the greater is their power to harm us.” -Voltaire (pseudonym of François-Marie Arouet (1694 - 1778))

“Even if I lost everything, I would still have God, and that is enough to start over.” -Author Unknown

“Sir, what is the secret of your success?” a reporter asked a bank president. “Two words.” “And, sir, what are they?” “Right decisions.” “And how do you make right decisions?” “One word.” “And, sir, what is that?” “Experience.” “And how do you get experience?” “Two words.” “And, sir, what are they?” “Wrong decisions.”

“If you’re going through Hell, keep going.” -Winston Churchill (Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill (1874 - 1965))

“A great part of the happiness of life consists not in fighting battles, but in avoiding them. A masterly retreat is in itself a victory.” -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807 - 1882)

“For a just man falleth seven times, and riseth up again.” -Author Unknown: “The Bible,” ‘Proverbs,’ chapter 24, verse 16

“The brook would lose its song if you removed the rocks.” -Author Unknown

“Every trial endured and weathered in the right spirit makes a soul nobler and stronger than it was before.” -James Buckham (1858 - 1908)

“Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat.” -F. Scott Fitzgerald (Francis Scott Key Fitzgerald (1896 - 1940))

“If you get up one more time than you fall, you will make it through.” -Author Unknown

“Expecting life to treat you well because you are a good person is like expecting an angry bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.” -Shari R. Barr

“Search for the seed of good in every adversity. Master that principle and you will own a precious shield that will guard you well through all the darkest valleys you must traverse. Stars may be seen from the bottom of a deep well, when they cannot be discerned from the mountaintop. So will you learn things in adversity that you would never have discovered without trouble. There is always a seed of good. Find it and prosper.” -Og Mandino (Augustine ‘Og’ Mandino II (1923 - 1996))

“Never despair. But if you do, work on in despair.” -Edmund Burke (1729 - 1797): as attributed in “The Christian Pioneer” (1878), volume 32

“Adversity has the effect of eliciting talents, which in prosperous circumstances, would have lain dormant.” -Horace (Quintus Horatius Flaccus (65 B.C.E. - 8 B.C.E.)): “Satires”

“I’ve traveled a long way and some of the roads weren’t paved.” -Author Unknown

“The mind which does not wholly sink under misfortune rises above it more lofty than before, and is strengthened by affliction.” -Richard Chenevix Trench (known as Richard Trench until 1873 (1807 - 1886)): “An Essay Upon National Character” (1832), book I, part II, chapter III

“Life knocks a man down and he gits up and it knocks him down again . . . What’s he to do when he gits knocked down? Why, take it for his share and go on.” -Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings

“You desire to know the art of living, my friend? It is contained in one phrase: make use of suffering.” -Henri Frédéric Amiel (1821 - 1881)

“The rewards for those who persevere far exceed the pain that precedes the victory.” -Karen Bliss Livingston

“Difficulties are meant to rouse, not discourage. The human spirit is to grow strong by conflict.” -William Ellery Channing (1780 - 1842)

“I have never known anyone to achieve anything without overcoming adversity.” -Lou Holtz (Louis Leo ‘Lou’ Holtz (born 1937))

“Life has its peaks and its valleys.” -Author Unknown

“Never let life’s hardships disturb you . . . no one can avoid problems, not even saints or sages.” -Nichiren Daishonen (1222 - 1282)

“Defeat is nothing but the first steps to something better.” -Author Unknown

“One of the most difficult things everyone has to learn is that for your entire life you must keep fighting and adjusting if you hope to survive. No matter who you are or what your position is you must keep fighting for whatever it is you desire to achieve.” -George H. Allen (George Herbert Allen, Senior (1918 - 1990))

“Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle.” -Christian D. Larson (Christian Daa Larson (1874 - 1962))

“Those who turn back know only the ordeal, but those who persevere remember the adventure.” -Milo Arnold

“There is no chance, no destiny, no fate that can circumvent or hinder or control the firm resolve of a determined soul.” -Ella Wheeler Wilcox (1850 - 1919)

“Most of the important things in this world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.” -Dale Carnegie (Dale Breckenridge Carnegie (1888 - 1955))

“Strong men are made by opposition; like kites they go up against the wind.” -Frank Harris (born James Thomas Harris (1855 - 1931)): “Oscar Wilde” (1916), chapter 6, page 59

“He that falls to-day, may be up again to-morrow.” -Thomas Fuller (1654 - 1734): “Gnomologia: Adages and Proverbs” (1732), number 2097

“If there is no struggle there is no progress.” -Frederick Douglass (pseudonym of Frederick Augustus Washington Bailey (1817 - 1895)): personal letter (30 March 1849) to Gerrit Smith

“I admire people who choose to shine even after all the storms they’ve been through.” -Author Unknown

“When you get into a tight place, and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hold on a moment longer, never give up then - for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.” -Harriet Beecher Stowe (Harriet Elizabeth Beecher Stowe (1811 - 1896)): “Old Town Folks” (1869), chapter 39: ‘Last Days in Cloudland’

“Life, misfortunes, isolation, abandonment, poverty, are battlefields which have their heroes; obscure heroes, sometimes greater than the illustrious heroes.” -Victor Hugo (Victor Marie Hugo (1802 - 1885))

“If all our misfortunes were laid in one common heap, whence everyone must take an equal portion, most people would be content to take their own and depart.” -Solon (636 B.C.E. - 558 B.C.E.) (similar quotation attributed to Socrates)

“Fresh activity is the only means of overcoming adversity.” -Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832)

“Fight the good fight with all thy might.” -John S. B. Monsell (John Samuel Bewley Monsell (1811 - 1875)): “Fight the Good Fight” (1863) hymn

“However hard the road, however difficult today, tomorrow things will be better.” -Benjamin E. Mays (Benjamin Elijah Mays (1894 - 1984)): as quoted in Dorothy Winbush Riley: “My Soul Looks Back, ’Less I Forget” (1995)

“The work of many of the greatest men, inspired by duty, has been done amidst suffering and trial and difficulty. They have struggled against the tide, and reached the shore exhausted.” -Samuel Smiles (1812 - 1904)

“I would never have amounted to anything were it not for adversity. I was forced to come up the hard way.” -James Cash Penney (1875 - 1971)

“The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.” -Dolly Parton (born 1946): as quoted in Bob Phillips: “Phillips’ Book of Great Thoughts” (1993), page 264

Just remember, it’s all going to make for a great story someday . . . now who’s ready to go out into the big wide world and Make Fun Of Life?

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Chuck Norris

6/17/2019

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Chuck Norris sleeps with a night-light, not because he’s afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

There once was a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris.

“If you want to accomplish anything in life, you can’t just sit back and hope it will happen. You’ve got to make it happen.” -Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris has never worn glasses in his life. If he can’t see it, then it doesn’t exist.

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you do.

When Chuck Norris enters a room, he does not turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.

Chuck Norris has appeared in a number of action films, such as “Way of the Dragon” in which he starred alongside Bruce Lee, and he was The Cannon Group’s leading star in the 1980s. He acted the starring role in the television series “Walker, Texas Ranger” from 1993 to 2001.

Chuck Norris can eat just one potato chip.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris never has to balance his household budget. One look from Chuck, and it balances itself.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

It is considered a great accomplishment to go over Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. Chuck Norris can go up Niagara Falls in a cardboard box.

Before the boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks inside his closet and under his bed for Chuck Norris.

When somebody yells, “Last one there is a rotten egg!” Chuck Norris is never the rotten egg.

The last digit of pi is Chuck Norris. He is the end of things.

Chuck Norris wakes up his alarm clock.

Carlos Ray ‘Chuck’ Norris was born on 10 March 1940. He became an American Martial Artist and has been 6-times World Black Belt Karate Champion and an actor. After serving in the United States Air Force, he began his rise to fame as a Martial Artist and founded his own Martial Arts school, called Chun Kuk Do. Mr. Norris has appeared in several action films. As a result of his ‘tough guy’ image, an internet phenomenon began in 2005 known as Chuck Norris facts, ascribing various implausible or even impossible feats to Mr. Norris.

Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Chuck Norris.

No matter what your mother always said, Chuck Norris can tune a fish.

So you think you can be like Chuck Norris . . . how high can you kick?

When Google has a question, they ‘Norris’ it.

Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

“People whine, ‘I haven’t succeeded because I haven’t had the breaks.’ You create your own breaks.” -Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

If you work in an office with Chuck Norris, don’t ask him for a three-hole-punch.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

“The only time we fail is when we stop trying.” -Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris is ‘The best a man can get.’

It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself, to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

Chuck Norris once shot down an enemy fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”

Once each year, on 24 December, Chuck Norris puts on a red and white suit and rides all around the world in a flying sleigh pulled by magical reindeer . . . so you had better watch out . . . and be good for goodness sake!

Chuck Norris knows how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie-Pop lollipop.

“I’ve always found that anything worth achieving will always have obstacles in the way and you’ve got to have that drive and determination to overcome those obstacles on route to whatever it is that you want to accomplish.” -Chuck Norris

Before sliced bread, people used to say “That’s the greatest thing since Chuck Norris.” But Chuck was displeased by this. So he roundhouse-kicked a loaf of bread into slices.

Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris is a devout Christian and a political conservative. He has written several books on Christianity and has supported a number of Republican candidates and causes. Mr. Norris also writes a column for the conservative website WorldNetDaily.

Chuck Norris got a perfect score on his Scholastic Aptitude Tests (SAT), simply by writing Chuck Norris for every answer.

Chuck Norris once won a game of ‘Connect 4’ in just 3 moves.

Chuck Norris is simultaneously a noun and a verb.

Fear of spiders is arachnophobia, fear of tight spaces is claustrophobia, and fear of Chuck Norris is logic.

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars - that’s why there are no signs of life there.

Chuck Norris can eat rice using only one chopstick.

Ghosts sit around campfires and tell Chuck Norris stories.

Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants. Chuck Norris felt sorry for Superman because he lost, so he taught him how to fly, and the two have been chums ever since.

Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.

If you feel like people ignore you sometimes, it is probably because you are not Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn’t have to cross the road - the other side comes over to him.

Chuck Norris has legitimate credentials in Martial Arts. Some of his past students are probably familiar to you. They include The Osmonds - yes, those Osmonds, Bob Barker, Steve Mcqueen, and Priscilla Presley.

In the rain, Chuck Norris does not need an umbrella. The raindrops avoid him.

Chuck Norris once had a boomerang. It was way too scared to come back.

Become a better you! Chuck Norris wants you to get in shape and lose weight and become more confidant, all through an intense, dedicated program of Martial Arts, which is the training of both mind and body.

Chuck Norris makes onions cry.

Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn’t deceased, it is just afraid to move.

The only time Chuck Norris was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.

Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.

“A lot of people give up just before they’re about to make it. You know, you never know when that next obstacle is going to be the last one.” -Chuck Norris

If at first you don’t succeed, you are not Chuck Norris.

Vera: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Harvey: Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is 1.78 meters (5 feet, 10 inches) tall, which is the average height for men in the developed world. In all other ways, he is above average and, from what we have heard, better than you.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

They found Chuck Norris’ diary. It is now known as the “Guinness Book of World Records.”

Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife with butter.

Arnold: Who would win in a fight between King Kong and Godzilla?
Rocky: Neither, Chuck Norris never lets his pets fight.

Chuck Norris can read minds but he does not do so because he doesn’t care what you think.

Chuck Norris uses a stunt double when making movies - for crying scenes.

When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways.

When giving a warning, Chuck Norris never has to count higher than 1.

Chuck Norris does not have an ESC key on his computer, because there is no escape from Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can believe it is butter.

If you can spell Chuck Norris in a game of Scrabble, you win . . . forever.

Chuck Norris doesn’t call the wrong number. You answer the wrong phone.

“A lot of times people look at the negative side of what they feel they can’t do. I always look on the positive side of what I can do.” -Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris can bake a cake in a freezer.

Chuck Norris destroyed the Periodic Table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

The Chuck Norris Website is www.ChuckNorris.com. When you visit, see if he still sells Chuck Norris Action Jeans for the Martial Artist, which will allow you to do high kicks and other fancy moves without cramping your style.

The only thing Chuck Norris says in a job interview is, “Hi. I’m Chuck Norris and I start tomorrow. Any questions?”

When there’s a meteor shower, Chuck Norris grabs a bar of soap.

When asked how many pushups he can do, Chuck Norris responded, “All of them.”

This is MFOL! and we cannot say anything more at this time because we’re too busy running from Chuck Norris!

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Differences and Individuality

6/13/2019

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Birds of a feather flock together . . . and then there are the birds of a different feather. Shown is Major Mitchell’s Pink Cockatoo, a native of Australia, perhaps as different as different can be - and, like yourself, not like all the others . . .

“You laugh at me because I’m different; I laugh at you because you’re all the same.” -Jonathan Davis

“We do not expect everyone to be exactly alike, and if we feel a cat should be like a dog, we are missing something important.” -Gladys Taber (Gladys Bagg Taber (1899 - 1980))

“Every human being is intended to have a character of his own; to be what no other is, and to do what no other can do.” -William Ellery Channing (1780 - 1842)

“I’m different. Always have been. It took a while but I have accepted that I am a magic not meant for everyone to understand, so they question. That’s okay. I will stay in my lane being all magical and stuff.” -Author Unknown

“There are just two kinds of people in the world: you, and everyone else.” -Author Unknown

“An unlearned carpenter of my acquaintance once said in my hearing: ‘There is very little difference between one man and another; but what little there is, is very important.’” -William James (1842 - 1910): “The Will to Believe and Other Essays in Popular Philosophy” (1897), ‘The Importance of Individuals’

Overheard: There are two types of people: those who are forgetful and . . . uh . . .

“My father (Danny Thomas) used to tell me there are two kinds of people, the takers and the givers. ‘The takers sometimes eat better,’ he would say, ‘but the givers always sleep better.’” -Marlo Thomas (born 1937)

“All mankind is divided into three classes: those that are immovable, those that are movable, and those that move.” -attributed to Ben Franklin (Benjamin ‘Ben’ Franklin (1706 - 1790))

“Read, every day, something no one else is reading. Think, every day, something no one else is thinking. Do, every day, something no one else would be silly enough to do. It is bad for the mind to continually be part of unanimity.” -Christopher Morley (Christopher Darlington Morley (1890 - 1957))

“There are three types of people the world does not understand: madmen, geniuses, and people who mumble.” -Author Unknown

“Different men seek after happiness in different ways and by different means, and so make for themselves different modes of life and forms of government.” -Aristotle (384 B.C.E. - 322 B.C.E.)

“People can be divided into three groups. Those who make things happen. Those who watch things happen. And those who wonder what happened.” -Nicholas Murray Butler (1852 - 1947)

“There are three kinds of people: those who can count and those who cannot.” -Author Unknown

“Some people work up steam and some only generate a fog.” -Author Unknown

“There may be said to be two classes of people in the world: those who constantly divide the people of the world into two classes, and those who do not.” -Robert Benchley (Robert Charles Benchley (1889 - 1945))

“There are three kinds of people in the world. There are wolves and there are sheep - and then there are those who protect the sheep from the wolves.” -Christopher Shields

“In the not-so-long-ago-days, there were only four kinds of people: menfolk, womenfolk, youngfolk, and oldfolk. These days, they’ve divided us up into a near-infinite number of classifications, not to help us or to make the world a better place, but to manipulate us into being and doing what folks may not necessarily want to be and do.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)

“In life we shall find many men that are great, and some that are good, but very few men that are both great and good.” -C. C. Colton (Charles Caleb Colton (1780 - 1832))

Great minds discuss ideas;
Average minds discuss events;
Small minds discuss people.
-Eleanor Roosevelt (Anna Eleanor ‘Eleanor’ Roosevelt (1884 - 1962))

“I don’t divide the world into the weak and the strong, or the successes and the failures, those who make it or those who don’t. I divide the world into learners and non-learners.” -Benjamin Barber

“Youth looks ahead, old age looks back, and middle age looks tired.” -Author Unknown

Overheard: As different as two peas in a pod . . .

“There are two kinds of people one can call reasonable: those who serve God with all their heart because they know him, and those who seek him with all their heart because they do not know him.” -Blaise Pascal (1623 - 1662)

“A boss creates fear, a leader confidence. A boss fixes blame, a leader corrects mistakes. A boss knows all, a leader asks questions. A boss makes work drudgery, a leader makes it interesting. A boss is interested in himself or herself, a leader is interested in the group.” -Russell H. Ewing

“I’d rather be a climbing ape than a falling angel.” -Terry Pratchett (1948 - 2015)

There are at least two sorts of people who work in complex organizations like governments, businesses, and schools. There are those who, when a problem reaches them, contribute to its solution; and there are those who, when a problem comes to them, escalate it into something worse. A man of the latter type was called into the chief executive’s office and told, “Mikhail, don’t be an embolus.” “A what?” Mikhail asked. “A kind of blood clot - something that circulates through the system causing trouble.”

“Many are destined to reason wrongly; others, not to reason at all, and others to persecute those who reason.” -Voltaire (pseudonym of François-Marie Arouet (1694 - 1778))

“You be you and I’ll be me.” -Billy Connolly

Somebody once said that there are only two kinds of people in the world. There are those who wake up in the morning and say, “Good morning, Lord,” and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, “Good Lord, it’s morning!”

“Often the people who are different are the ones who make all the difference in this world.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)

“The world is divided into people who do things and people who get the credit. Try, if you can, to belong to the first class. There’s far less competition.” -Dwight Morrow (Dwight Whitney Morrow (1873 - 1931)): in a letter to his son, as quoted in Harold Nicolson: “Dwight Morrow” (1935), page 52

“Cherish forever what makes you unique, ’cuz you’re really a yawn if it goes.” -Bette Midler (born 1945)

Unique

Always remember that you’re unique
     Unequalled, uncommon, c’est magnifique
One of a kind, quite special and rare
     Singular, original, not one of a pair
Special, the exceptional you embody
     You’re really unique, just like everybody!

by Author Unknown

“Know that although in the eternal scheme of things you are small, you are also unique and irreplaceable, as are all your fellow humans everywhere in the world.” -Margaret Laurence

“By being yourself, you put something wonderful in the world that was not there before.” -Edwin Elliot

It is possible to be different . . . and yet also, remarkably similar . . .

Variety’s the very spice of life,
That gives it all its flavor.
-William Cowper (1731 - 1800)

“Everybody is unique. Compare not yourself with anybody else lest you spoil God’s curriculum.” -Israel ben Eliezer

“There are three kinds of people in the world, the wills, the won’ts, and the can’ts. The first accomplish everything; the second oppose everything; the third fail in everything.” -Author Unknown: as quoted in “Eclectic Magazine”

“Some people bear three kinds of trouble - the ones they’ve had, the ones they have, and the ones they expect to have.” -H. G. Wells (Herbert George Wells (1866 - 1946))

“Appreciate your uniqueness. Never in history has there been anyone exactly like you. Being one of a kind, you must be the best you can possibly be; develop your talents to the fullest. You can do anything you wish to do; the only limitation is your will. Make the most of the one and only you.” -Bob Keeshan (Robert James ‘Bob’ Keeshan (1927 - 2004))

“Each of us must dance to his own tune.” -Author Unknown: “M*A*S*H” television series; line spoken by character Charles Emerson Winchester III

“Beaten paths are for beaten men.” -Eric Johnston

“The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. To be your own man is a hard business. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.” -Rudyard Kipling (1865 - 1936)

“There are two types of people, those who extrapolate from incomplete data sets.” -Author Unknown

“Dare to be yourself.” -André Gide (1869 - 1951)

“Today, there are three kinds of people: the have’s, the have-not’s, and the have-not-paid-for-what-they-have’s.” -Earl Wilson

“A fruit salad is delicious precisely because each fruit maintains its own flavor.” -Sean Covey

“There are two kinds of men who never amount to very much: Those who cannot do what they are told, and those who can do nothing else.” -Cyrus H. K. Curtis (Cyrus Hermann Kotzschmar Curtis (1850 - 1933))

“You are unrepeatable. There is a magic about you that is all your own.” -D. M. Dellinger

“Let’s acknowledge our differences and not deny them; appreciate them and value them; and each of us with our own uniqueness can contribute where we are needed. There is no need to go to war with each other upon the insistence that only one way of being or of doing is right.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)

“Why are you trying so hard to fit in, when you’re born to stand out?” -Oliver James

“Here’s to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in square holes . . . the ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules . . . you can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can’t do is ignore them, because they change things . . . they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.” -Steve Jobs (1955 - 2011)

“There is only one you for all time. Fearlessly be yourself.” -Anthony Rapp

“At bottom every man knows well enough that he is a unique being, only once on this Earth; and by no extraordinary chance will such a marvelously picturesque piece of diversity in unity as he is, ever be put together a second time.” -Friedrich Nietzsche (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche (1844 - 1900))

“People can be divided into two classes: those who go ahead and do something, and those who sit still and inquire, ‘Why wasn’t it done the other way?’” -Oliver Wendell Holmes, Junior (1841 - 1935)

“Differences were meant not to divide but to enrich.” -J. H. Oldham

“Whatever else you may be sure of, be sure of this: that you are dreadfully like other people.” -James Russell Lowell (1819 - 1891): “My Study Windows” (1871)

“People are eternally divided into two classes: the believer, builder, and praiser; and the unbeliever, destroyer, and critic.” -John Ruskin (1819 - 1900)

“There are ten kinds of people in the world, those who understand binary math, and those who do not.” -Author Unknown

“Cultivate your own capabilities, your own style. Appreciate the members of your family for who they are, even though their outlook or style may be miles different from yours. Rabbits don’t fly. Eagles don’t swim. Ducks look funny trying to climb. Squirrels don’t have feathers. Stop comparing. There’s plenty of room in the forest.” -Charles R. Swindoll (Charles Rozell ‘Chuck’ Swindoll (born 1934))

“The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.” -Bertrand Russell (Bertrand Arthur William Russell (1872 - 1970))

“When we lose the right to be different, we lose the privilege to be free.” -Charles Evans Hughes (1862 - 1948): in an address at Faneuil Hall, Boston, Massachusetts, United States of America (17 June 1925)

“People are much more alike inside than they are on the surface.” -Verne Burnett

“How glorious it is - and also how painful - to be an exception.” -Alfred de Musset (1810 - 1857): “Histoire d’un merle blanc” (“Story of the White Blackbird”) (1842)

“Don’t be like the rest of them, darling.” -Author Unknown

“There are two types of people - those who come into a room and say, ‘Well, here I am!’ and those who come in and say, ‘Ah, there you are.’” -Frederick L. Collins

“Everyone has his own specific vocation or mission in life; everyone must carry out a concrete assignment that demands fulfillment. Therein he cannot be replaced, nor can his life be repeated, thus, everyone’s task is unique as his specific opportunity to implement it.” -Viktor E. Frankl (1905 - 1997)

“It takes all kinds of people to make a world.” -Author Unknown

“Nobody can be exactly like me. Even I have trouble doing it.” -Tallulah Bankhead (1903 - 1968)

“You’re an original, an individual, a masterpiece. Celebrate that; don’t let your uniqueness make you shy. Don’t be someone other than the wonder you are. Every star is important to the sky.” -Douglas Pagels (born 1950)

“Allow the world to live as it chooses, and allow yourself to live as you choose.” -Richard Bach (Richard David Bach (born 1936))

“When you’re different, sometimes you don’t see the millions of people who accept you for what you are. All you notice is the person who doesn’t.” -Jodi Picoult (Jodi Lynn Picoult (born 1966))

“Don’t undermine your worth by comparing yourself to others. It is because we are different that each of us is special. Don’t set your goals by what other people deem important, only know what is best for you.” -Ken Lewis

“People have one thing in common: They are all different.” -Robert Zend (1929 - 1985)

“All of us are stars and deserve the right to twinkle.” -Marilyn Monroe (Norma Jean Mortenson (1926 - 1962))

Make Fun Of Life! . . . because we are all a little bit funny . . . sometimes . . . if not all the time . . .

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Clowning and Clowns

6/11/2019

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Chuckles the Clown: Why did Jolly the Clown cross the road?
Giggles the Clown: To be funny on the other side!

Baggy Trousers

Baggy trousers
     Nose, bright red,
A silly hat
     Upon his head.
Squirting flower
     Spinning tie,
A teardrop falling
     From his eye.
Elastic braces
     Going twang,
His car exploding
     With a bang!
A patchwork coat
     Those flapping shoes,
A painted smile
     To chase the blues.
Making us laugh
     And banish that frown,
The simple duties
     Of a clown.

by Pip the Clown (written for Bluey the Clown)

True clowns bring happiness wherever they are seen, and not the horrors of the creepy clowns that make people fearful or the depression of the sad clowns that make people feel bad. True clowns perform for the benefit of others; they give joy. Send in the happy clowns!

“Yesterday, a clown held a door open for me. I thought it was a nice jester.” -Author Unknown

Peachy the Clown: How does Jokey the Clown like her eggs?
Pinky the Clown: Funny side up!

The word ‘clown’ is possibly derived from the Icelandic word ‘klunni’ meaning ‘clumsy person.’

Laughy the Clown: Why does Snoozy the Clown wear loud socks?
Smiley the Clown: So his feet won’t fall asleep!

There are believed to be more than 20,000 clowns in the world today. The most famous ones have their faces painted onto chicken eggs or goose eggs, which are then displayed in collections in the United Kingdom and the United States of America. The tradition was started in the United Kingdom in about 1946.

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A Prayer for Clowns

God bless all clowns
Who star in the world with laughter
Who ring the rafters with flying jest,
Who make the world spin merry on its way
And somehow add more beauty to each day.

God bless all clowns
So poor the world would be
Lacking their piquant, hilarity,
The belly laughs, the ringing lovely mirth
That makes a friendly place of Earth.

God bless all clowns -
Give them a long good life.
Make bright their way - they’re a breed apart!
Alchemists most, who turn their hearts’ pain
Into a dazzling jest to lift the heart.
God bless all clowns.

by Author Unknown

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The nickname for a clown is a Joey, after the English actor, comedian, dancer, and pantomime performer Joseph Grimaldi (18 December 1778 - 31 May 1837).

“But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright Brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown.” -Carl Sagan

So, are you a hound dog - or a clown dog? Wait, we know . . . you are Ruffy the Clown Hound!

National Clown Week was signed into law on 2 August 1971 by American President Richard Milhous Nixon. It has since become International Clown Week, and is observed from 1 August to 7 August of every year.

There are too many different types of clowns to list them all, but here are a few of them -
- Birthday party clowns
- Carnival clowns
- Circus clowns
- Commercial clowns
- Event clowns
- Random clowns
- Rodeo clowns
- Street performer clowns
- Visiting clowns
What kind of clown would you like to be?

In the early 1970’s, an American doctor named Hunter Doherty ‘Patch’ Adams started the practice of clowning for patients in hospitals, which helps patients recover faster and lightens the gloominess often associated with hospital stays.

Signs That You Might Be a Clown
- You attract crowds wherever you go.
- People compliment you on your big shoes, bright-red nose, and painted-on smile.
- You share your ‘home on wheels’ with a trained seal, a fortune teller, a trapeze artist, and a magician.
- You spend every free minute practicing your routine - in fact, you do not have a moment to spare in your life.
- You have been to more birthday parties than the “Happy Birthday” song has.
- You put sprinkles on everything: ice cream, chicken soup, oatmeal - and you have even thought about putting sprinkles on sprinkles.
- Even your name draws smiles and laughs.
- You will cry yourself to sleep tonight because you think you did not make enough people happy today.
- When someone says he would like to be clown, you are tempted to tell the person, “You might think that being a clown is just fun all day, but many hours of hard work go with the job.” But you don’t, and instead, you do something silly.
- You cannot imagine any other kind of life.

Are you a clown? Are you a clown costume maker? Are you a clown school operator? Do you write skits for clowns? Are you a talent agent who helps clowns find gigs? Do you make portrait paintings of clowns? Do you sell clown supplies? Are you in any way associated with clowning and clowns? If so, you probably need a website to let people know. Visit www.Weebly.com to find out how you can make a website without a whole lot of difficulty or cost. Be sure to let them know you found out about them from www.MakeFunOfLife.net.

A big part of the rodeo clowns’ job is to distract agitated beasts so that thrown horse riders and thrown bull riders can make it to safety without being trampled, chomped, butted, or gored by the animals. Rodeo clowns also do comedy routines to keep crowds entertained between competitions. If you feel comfortable around large animals and you know something about animal nature, and if you want to live a life of danger and have people laugh at you, become a rodeo clown!

Margaret: What protects clowns from the sun?
Maggie: The Bozone layer!

Holy Trinity Church in London, England is dedicated to clowns. The church has a stained-glass window depicting Joseph Grimaldi, who was a major influence on modern clowning. It also has an altar rail where clowns can kneel and pray, and a clowns gallery with items from famous clowns. Once a year, clowns from all over the world attend Holy Trinity Church in makeup and costume for a special service, asking God’s blessing on all clowns everywhere. Holy Trinity Church is in a section of London described as economically depressed, and the citizens are pleased that clowns have their church in an area where laughter is needed the most.

A Clown’s Blessing

May your nose be red and shiny,
     And your smile always bright.
May your cheeks be nice and rosy,
     Your eyes sparkle in the light.
May your shoes be always too big,
     Your costume be perma-pressed,
Your heart overflow with laughter,
     Each time you’re clownishly dressed.
May face paint be at the ready,
     And your balloons be ‘easy-blow.’
May children run to greet you,
     Wherever you may go.

by Author Unknown

Sunny the Clown: Where was Jelly the Clown when the lights went out?
Sparkles the Clown: In the dark!

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The Clown’s Prayer

As I stumble through this life,
     help me to create more laughter than tears,
dispense more happiness than gloom,
     spread more cheer than despair.

Never let me become so indifferent
     that I will fail to see
the wonders in the eyes of a child,
     or the twinkle in the eyes of the aged.

Never let me forget that my total effort
     is to cheer people, make them happy,
and forget momentarily,
     all the unpleasantness in their lives.

And in my final moment,
     may I hear You whisper:
“When you made My people smile,
     you made Me smile.”

by Author Unknown

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Anna: Which clown wears the biggest shoes?
Hannah: The one with the biggest feet, of course!

Now back to even more clowning around . . . on MFOL!

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Fears and Courage

6/10/2019

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“If you’re scared, just holler and you’ll find it ain’t so lonesome out there.” -Joe Sugden (Joseph ‘Joe’ Sugden (1870 - 1959))

“Action cancels fear.” -Silver Rose

“We learn courageous action by going forward whenever fear urges us back. A little boy was asked how he learned to skate. ‘Oh, by getting up every time I fell down,’ he answered.” -David Seabury (1885 - 1960)

Heights Made Him Dizzy

There was a young fellow so frail
He could fly on a kite - as the tail.
     That gave him a view
     From Maine to Peru;
But when he looked down he turned pale!

by John Ciardi (John Anthony Ciardi (1916 - 1986))

“When you are afraid, do the thing you are afraid of and soon you will lose your fear of it.” -Norman Vincent Peale (1898 - 1993)

Reality of Fear

You’re not scared of the dark;
     You’re scared of what’s in it.
You’re not afraid of heights;
     You’re afraid of falling.
You’re not afraid of the people around you;
     You’re afraid of rejection or mistreatment.
You’re not afraid of love;
     You’re afraid of not being lovable.

by Author Unknown

“To have courage for whatever comes in life - everything lies in that.” -Teresa of Ávila (Teresa de Cepeda y Ahumada (1515 - 1582))

“A lot of people are afraid of heights; not me, I’m afraid of widths.” -Steven Wright (Steven Alexander Wright (born 1955)): “Steven Wright Special” (1985)

“You’ll never do a whole lot unless you’re brave enough to try.” -Dolly Parton (born 1946)

“Fears are educated into us and can, if we wish, be educated out.” -Karl A. Menninger (Karl Augustus Menninger (1893 - 1990))

“We have to start teaching ourselves not to be afraid.” -Will Faulkner (William Cuthbert ‘Will’ Faulkner (1897 - 1962))

“Many of our fears are tissue-paper-thin, and a single courageous step would carry us clear through them.” -Brendan Francis (Brendan Francis Aidan Behan (1923 - 1964))

Fear is a slinking cat I find
     Beneath the lilacs of my mind.
-Sophie Tunnell (Sophia Letitia ‘Sophie’ Tunnell (1884 - 1936))

“Courage is being scared to death - but saddling up anyway.” -John Wayne (pseudonym of Marion Michael Morrison (1907 - 1979))

“What would you do if you weren’t afraid?” -Author Unknown

A psychologist, interviewed on the Steve Allen Show, announced that the only two instinctive fears in man are a fear of loud noises and a fear of falling. “I have a great fear,” replied Steve Allen (Stephen Valentine Patrick William Allen (1921 - 2000)), without missing a beat, “of making a loud noise while falling.”

“Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow.’” -Mary Anne Radmacher

“Fear is that little darkroom where negatives are developed.” -Michael Pritchard

“What would life be if we had no courage to attempt anything?” -Vincent van Gogh (Vincent Willem van Gogh (1853 - 1890))

“If it scares you, it might be a good thing to try.” -Seth Godin (born 1960)

“F.E.A.R. has two meanings: ‘Forget Everything And Run’ or ‘Face Everything And Risk.’ You decide.” -Author Unknown

“FEAR is an acronym in the English language for ‘False Evidence Appearing Real.’” -Neale Donald Walsch (born 1943)

“Do what you fear and fear disappears.” -David J. Schwartz (David Joseph Schwartz, Junior (1927 - 1987))

“Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less.” -Marie Curie (Marie Sklodowska-Curie (1867 - 1934))

“Fear has a large shadow, but he himself is small.” -Ruth Gendler (J. Ruth Gendler)

Overheard: I discovered I scream the same way whether I am about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

“Perhaps the most important thing we can undertake toward the reduction of fear is to make it easier for people to accept themselves; to like themselves.” -Bonaro Overstreet (Bonaro Wilkinson Overstreet (1902 - 1985))

“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” -Theodore Roosevelt (Theodore ‘Teddy’ Roosevelt (1858 - 1919))

“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself - nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance.” -Martin Luther (1483 - 1546)

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself . . . and spiders!

“You can conquer almost any fear if you will only make up your mind to do so. For remember, fear doesn’t exist anywhere except in the mind.” -Dale Carnegie (Dale Breckenridge Carnegie (1888 - 1955))

“If we let things terrify us, life will not be worth living.” -Seneca (Lucius Annaeus Seneca, also known as Seneca the Younger (3 B.C.E. - C.E. 65))

“The thing I fear most is fear.” -Michel de Montaigne (Michel Eyquem de Montaigne (1533 - 1592)): “Essais” (“Essays”) (1595), Book 1, chapter 18

“Some have been thought brave because they were afraid to run away.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882)

“Happiness is a form of courage.” -Holbrook Jackson (George ‘Holbrook’ Jackson (1874 - 1948))

“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.” -Anaïs Nin (born Angela Anaïs Juana Antolina Rosa Edelmira Nin y Culmell (1903 - 1977)): “Diary” (1969)

“The strongest man in the world is he who stands most alone.” -Henrik Ibsen (1828 - 1906): “An Enemy of the People” (1882), act 5

Luposlipaphobia is a persistent fear of being pursued by timber wolves around a kitchen table while wearing socks on a newly-waxed floor. This is actually a fictional phobia created by Gary Larson (born 1950), found in his “Far Side” comics.

“Fear makes the wolf bigger than he is.” -Author Unknown: German proverb

“I laugh in the face of danger. And then I hide until it goes away.” -Buffy (portrayed by actress Xander Harris)

“Courage is fear that has said its prayers.” -Dorothy Bernard (Nora Dorothy ‘Dorothy’ Bernard (1890 - 1955))

“Fear makes strangers of people who should be friends.” -Shirley MacLaine (pseudonym of Shirley MacLean Beaty (born 1934))

“Anything I’ve ever done that ultimately was worthwhile . . . initially scared me to death.” -Betty Bender (born 1948)

“The only way to get rid of my fears is to make films about them.” -Alfred Hitchcock (1899 - 1980)

New things to fear are emerging constantly in our ever-changing world. Learning to overcome the associated fears as they appear is a life-long process.

“Everything you’ve ever wanted is on the other side of fear.” -George Addair (George Washington Addair, Junior (1931 - 2012))

“Fear is nature’s warning signal to get busy.” -Henry C. Link (Henry Charles Link (1889 - 1952))

“When you do what you fear most, then you can do anything.” -Stephen Richards

“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.” -Ambrose Redmoon (Ambrose Hollingworth Redmoon (pseudonym of James Neil Hollingworth (1933 - 1996)))

“What you are afraid to do is a clear indicator of the next thing you need to do.” -Author Unknown

“To fear is one thing. To let fear grab you by the tail and swing you around is another.” -Katherine Paterson (born 1932): “Jacob I Have Loved” (1980)

“Courage is rightly esteemed the first of human qualities because as has been said, it is the quality which guarantees all others.” -Winston Churchill (Winston Leonard Spencer-Churchill (1874 - 1965)): “Great Contemporaries” (1932)

“The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?” -Author Unknown: “The Bible,” ‘Book of Psalms,’ Psalm 27, verse 1

“The phrase ‘do not be afraid’ is written in the Bible 365 times. That’s a daily reminder from God to live every day being fearless.” -Author Unknown

“I have not ceased being fearful, but I have ceased to let fear control me.” -Erica Jong (born 1942)

“He who seeks to terrify others is more in fear himself.” -Claudian (Claudius Claudianus (about C.E. 370 - about C.E. 404))

“Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear. Except a creature be part coward, it is not a compliment to say it is brave.” -Mark Twain (pseudonym of Samuel Langhorne Clemens (1835 - 1910)): “Pudd’nhead Wilson” (1894), chapter 12

“Most of us have far more courage than we ever dreamed we possessed.” -Dale Carnegie (Dale Breckenridge Carnegie (1888 - 1955))

“Keep your fears to yourself, but share your courage with others.” -Robert Louis Stevenson (1850 - 1894)

“Courage grows by daring, fear by holding back.” -Publilius Syrus (85 B.C.E. - 43 B.C.E.)

“You can’t be brave if you’ve only had wonderful things happen to you.” -Mary Tyler Moore (1937 - 2017)

“Courage is doing what you are afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you’re scared.” -John Dewey (1859 - 1952)

“Fears are nothing more than states of mind.” -Napoleon Hill (Oliver Napoleon Hill (1883 - 1970))

“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ . . . You must do the thing you think you cannot do.” -Eleanor Roosevelt (Anna Eleanor Roosevelt (1884 - 1962)): “You Learn by Living” (1960)

“To one who is afraid, everything rustles.” -Sophocles (496 B.C.E. - 406 B.C.E.)

“Courage from hearts and not from numbers grows.” -John Dryden (1631 - 1700)

“We must travel in the direction of our fear.” -John Berryman (1914 - 1972)

“You can discover what your enemy fears most by observing the means he uses to frighten you.” -Eric Hoffer (1902 - 1983): as quoted in W. H. Auden and Louis Kronenberger, editors: “The Faber Book of Aphorisms” (1962)

“Courage is very important. Like a muscle, it is strengthened by use.” -Ruth Gordon

“How very little can be done under the spirit of fear.” -Florence Nightingale (1820 - 1910)

“Be brave. Even if you’re not, pretend to be. No one can tell the difference.” -H. Jackson Brown, Junior (Harriett Jackson Brown, Junior (born 1940)): “Life’s Little Instruction Book” (1991)

“What we fear doing most is usually what we most need to do.” -Tim Ferriss (Timothy ‘Tim’ Ferriss (born 1977))

“Give yourself a pat on the back each time you hang in there when you’re scared.” -Marilyn Barrick (Marilyn Cooper Barrick (1932 - 2007))

“Stop letting fear rule your life.” -Author Unknown

14 October of every year is National Face Your Fears Day.

“You do not have to be fearless, just don’t let fear stop you.” -Charles Day

“Do the thing you fear to do and keep on doing it . . . that is the quickest and surest way ever yet discovered to conquer fear.” -Dale Carnegie (Dale Breckenridge Carnegie (1888 - 1955))

“We fear things in proportion to our ignorance of them.” -Livy (Titus Livius (59 B.C.E. - C.E. 17.))

“Do you really want to look back on your life and see how wonderful it could have been had you not been afraid to live it?” -Caroline Myss (born 1952)

“If you do not do the thing you fear, the fear controls your life.” -Brian Tracy (born 1944)

Overheard: Don’t let your fears win.

“There is no courage without fear.” -Author Unknown

“Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears.” -Les Brown (Leslie Calvin ‘Les’ Brown (born 1945))

“Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live.” -Dorothy Thompson (1894 - 1961)

“Courage doesn’t mean you don’t get afraid. Courage means you don’t let fear stop you.” -Bethany Hamilton (Bethany Meilani Hamilton-Dirks (born 1990))

“Courage is a muscle that you can develop.” -Tony Robbins (Anthony Jay ‘Tony’ Robbins (1960))

“If you want to conquer fear, don’t sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.” -Dale Carnegie (Dale Breckenridge Carnegie (1888 - 1955))

“The only known cure for fear is faith.” -Lena Kellogg Sadler (1875 - 1939)

“Tell a man he is brave, and you help him to become so.” -Thomas Carlyle (1795 - 1881)

“Ultimately we know deeply that the other side of every fear is freedom.” -Marilyn Ferguson

“We cannot escape fear. We can only transform it into a companion that accompanies us on all our exciting adventures.” -Susan Jeffers (Susan Jane Jeffers (1938 - 2012)): “Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway” (1987)

Fear not, brave soul, for there is no shortage of fun, right here on MFOL! . . . just courageously continue down the page . . .

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Riddles and Puzzles

6/9/2019

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Riddle: What do you get if you cross a chili pepper, a shovel, and a terrier?
Solution: A hot-diggity-dog!

Riddle: What do cars, trees, and elephants all have in common?
Solution: They all have trunks.

Do you enjoy riddles and puzzles? Well, then, you have come to the right place. We think you will have a lot of fun pondering these mini-mysteries.

Riddle: What can you hold without touching?
Solution: Your breath.

Riddle: What do you get if you cross a cat and a parrot?
Solution: A carrot.

Riddles are of two types.
- Enigmas, which are problems generally expressed in metaphorical or allegorical languages, and which require ingenuity and careful thinking for their solution.
- Conundrums, which are questions relying for their effects on punning in either the question or in the answer.

Riddle: What is brown and sticky?
Solution: A stick.

Riddle: What can you sit on, sleep on, and brush your teeth with?
Solution: A chair, a bed, and a toothbrush.

Puzzles are games, toys, or problems designed to test skill, ingenuity, or knowledge. Examples of puzzles are crossword puzzles, jigsaw puzzles, and mazes.

Riddle: What do you get if you cross a porcupine with a sheep?
Solution: An animal that knits its own sweaters.

Riddle: I follow you everywhere you go. Who am I?
Solution: I am your shadow.

English journalist Arthur Wayne is credited with being the inventor of the modern crossword. The diamond-shaped puzzle appeared in the “New York World” newspaper on 21 December 1913.

Crossword Compiler

A crossword compiler named Moss,
Who found himself quite at a loss,
When asked, “Why so blue?”
Said, “I haven’t a clue -
I’m 2 Down to put 1 Across.”

by Author Unknown

When the first book of crossword puzzles was published, the creator received $500 down and $300 across.

Riddle: What flies without wings?
Solution: Time.

Riddle: What is better than the best thing and worse than the worst thing?
Solution: Nothing.

Riddle:
We are four siblings in this world that were all born together.
The first he runs and never wearies,
The second eats and is never full.
The third he drinks and is ever thirsty,
And the fourth sings a song that is never good.
Who are we?
Solution:
We are Water, Fire, Earth, and Wind.

Riddle: What has two arms, two wings, two tails, three heads, three bodies, and eight legs?
Solution: A man on a horse holding a chicken.

Riddle: Why are lost items always in the last place you look?
Solution: Because when you find them, you stop looking.

Riddle: What has a man’s name, is as small as a mouse, and wears a red vest?
Solution: A robin.

Ed: Pete and Repeat were sitting on a log and Pete fell off - who was left?
Fred: Repeat.
Ed: Pete and Repeat were sitting on a log and Pete fell off - who was left?
Fred: Repeat.
Ed: Pete and Repeat . . .

Riddle: What belongs to you but is used more often by others?
Solution: Your name.

Riddle: Which is faster, heat or cold?
Solution: Heat, because people can catch a cold.

Riddle:
Proprietors of an ice cream shop want to host a giveaway day to boost business. To avoid large crowds, however, they do not want to advertise the free ice cream cone day broadly. Instead, they post three clues as to the date.
1. The giveaway will be in the first week of a month without an ‘a’ in it.
2. It will be on a day of the week that has a ‘u’ in it.
3. The month has no ‘e’ but the day of the week has an ‘e.’
Can you figure out when to go for a free cone?
Solution:
The first Tuesday in July is free ice cream day.

Riddle: I have a face and two hands; what am I?
Solution: A clock.

Riddle: What is the difference between a cat and a comma?
Solution: One has claws at the end of its paws, and one is a pause at the end of a clause.

Riddle: What is so fragile that it can be broken just by the sound of someone speaking?
Solution: Silence.

Riddle: What does the following tell you about Calvin?
○ Appreciated
○ Calvin
○ Weight
Solution: Calvin is ‘underappreciated’ and ‘overweight.’

Riddle: What five-letter word becomes shorter when two letters are added to it?
Solution: Short.

Riddle: Joe was asked how many ducks he had seen. He answered, “As they ran along a path, I saw one duck in front of two ducks, a duck behind two ducks, and a duck between two ducks.” How many ducks did Joe see?
Solution: Joe saw three ducks, running along a path in single file.

Riddle: If you take away the whole, some still remains - what is it?
Solution: Wholesome.

Riddle: What can you not keep until you have given it?
Solution: Your word.

Riddle: How can you arrange for two people to stand on the same piece of newspaper and yet be unable to touch each other without stepping off the newspaper?
Solution: Slide the newspaper half way under a closed door and ask the two people to stand on the part of the newspaper on their side of the door.

Riddle: Forward I am heavy, but backward I am not. What am I?
Solution: Forward I am ‘ton,’ backwards I am ‘not.’

Riddle: What question can someone ask all day long, always get completely different answers, and yet all the answers could be correct?
Solution: “What time is it?”

Riddle: David’s father has three sons; two of them are John and William; what is the name of David’s father’s third son?
Solution: David.

Riddle: What can swallow you if you do not swallow it first?
Solution: Pride.

Riddle: What asks no question but demands an answer?
Solution: A telephone.

Riddle: Two legs sat upon four legs eating one leg. In came four legs - and out went four legs with one leg. Close behind was two legs, without one leg, shaking four legs at four legs.
Solution: A person sat on a chair eating a chicken leg. In comes a dog - and out it went with the chicken leg. Close behind was the person, without the chicken leg, shaking the chair at the dog.

Riddle: I run around but never race, my hands are always on my face, I cannot count very many numbers, you hit me and I let you slumber - what am I?
Solution: An alarm clock.

Riddle: What stays hot even if you put it in the refrigerator?
Solution: Pepper.

Riddle: What part of you disappears when you stand up?
Solution: Your lap.

Riddle: Name three things that have eyes but that cannot see.
Solution: Sewing needles, storms, and potatoes.

Riddle: What has no fingers, but many rings?
Solution: A tree.

Riddle: What has one eye but cannot see?
Solution: A needle.

Riddle: Four legs sat on four legs waiting for four legs to come out of its hole.
Solution: A cat sat on a chair waiting for a mouse to come out of its hole.

Riddle: What is white when it is dirty and black when it is clean?
Solution: A chalkboard (blackboard).

Riddle: What do a mole and an eagle have in common?
Solution: They both live underground, apart from the eagle.

Riddle: I work only after I have been fired. Who am I?
Solution: I am a rocket.

Riddle: Why did Beethoven not finish the “Unfinished Symphony”?
Solution: Because the Unfinished Symphony was started by Schubert, not Beethoven.

Riddle: What room is never entered?
Solution: A mushroom.

Riddle: What never was and never will be?
Solution: A mouse’s nest in a cat’s ear.

Riddle: A man built a house with all four sides facing south. A bear walked past the house. What color is the bear?
Solution: The bear is a white polar bear, and the house is at the North Pole.

Riddle: What is the first thing you know?
Solution: “The first thing you know, Old Jed’s a millionaire. The kin folks said, ‘Jed, move away from there!’”

Riddle: What is the biggest room in the world?
Solution: Room for improvement.

Polly: What is the difference between ‘ignorance’ and ‘apathy?’
Esther: ‘I do not know,’ and ‘I do not care’!
Polly: You answered correctly!

Riddle: What do you find in the middle of nowhere?
Solution: The letter ‘h.’

Riddle: What did the eye say to the ear?
Solution: Do you hear what I see, hear what I see, hear what I see?

“Do I rue a life wasted doing crosswords? No, but I do know the three-letter-word for regret.” -Robert Brault

Riddle: What is easy to get into but hard to get out of?
Solution: Trouble.

Riddle: The more you take, the more you leave behind - what is it?
Solution: Footsteps.

Riddle: If a north-facing rooster was sitting at the point of the roof of a building on the Earth’s equator at exactly 12:00 noon, and laid an egg, which side of the roof would the egg roll down?
Solution: Roosters do not lay eggs, you silly goose - hens lay eggs!

“If you call a tail a leg, how many legs has a dog? Five? No - calling a tail a leg doesn’t make it a leg.” -Abraham Lincoln

Riddle: What is the difference between an onion and an oboe?
Solution: Nobody cries when you chop up an oboe.

Riddle: If leather makes good shoes, what do banana skins make?
Solution: Good slippers!

Puzzle Poem

When it’s boring
Because of rainy weather
Nothing’s so fun as
Putting a puzzle together.

by Author Unknown

Riddle: What has four legs and feathers?
Solution: A featherbed.

Riddle: Brian’s mom has four children. The first was a boy named Jerry. The second was a girl named Susan. The third was a boy called Robert, and the fourth was another boy. What was his name?
Solution: Brian.

Riddle: What has four legs but no feet?
Solution: A table.

Jigsaw Puzzle fans are called ‘dissectologists’ and have a society called the Benevolent Confraternity of Dissectologists.

Riddle: What has to be broken before it can be used?
Solution: An egg.

Math Problem: $21 in one-dollar bills is split evenly among two fathers and two sons. How is this possible?
Solution: There are only three people: a grandfather, a father, and the father’s son, who each receive $7.

Riddle: What has six legs, four eyes, and five ears?
Solution: A man sitting on a horse eating an ear of corn.

Riddle: What is the difference between a dressmaker and a farmer?
Solution: A dressmaker sews what she gathers, and a farmer gathers what he sows.

“The nice thing about doing a crossword puzzle is, you know there is a solution.” -Stephen Sondheim

In 2008, 15,000 enthusiasts took five hours to assemble the world’s largest puzzle, in Ravensburg, Germany. It had 1,141,800 pieces and measured 65 feet by 98 feet.

Riddle: How can you tell when there’s been an elephant in your refrigerator?
Solution: By the footprints in the butter.

This is MFOL! . . . a website most puzzling indeed . . .

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Birthdays

6/5/2019

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A man said to his wife “What do you want for your birthday?” She said, “Surprise me.” So he said, “Boo!”

Did you know that your birthday comes 31,536,000 seconds after your last birthday? Wow! Seems too long, doesn’t it?

Patient: Doctor, I burn my tongue every time I eat birthday cake.
Doctor: Next time, take the candles off first.

Official recordkeeping of birthdates for people in the civilized world started in the 19th century (1800’s). Birth records before then were often not very precise and records were not made for the majority of the people. In fact, it was not uncommon for people in earlier times to not know the date of their birth or their exact age with certainty.

Dave: I want to buy my girlfriend a birthday present. What do you think she would like?
Wendy: Does she like you?
Dave: Yes, I’m positive she likes me.
Wendy: Well, then, if she likes you, she’ll like just about anything.

“It is proven that the celebration of birthdays is healthy. Statistics show that those people who celebrate the most birthdays become the oldest.” -S. den Hartog

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Bacon.
Bacon, who?
Bacon my friend a birthday cake!

Did you know you share your birthday with more than nineteen million other people in the world? That makes for a pretty big birthday party!

“Our birthdays are feathers in the broad wing of time.” -Jean Paul (pseudonym of Johann Paul Friedrich Richter (1763 - 1825))

Husband to wife: “How do you expect me to remember your birthday when you never look any older?”

So, if a person’s birthday falls on 29 February, when does he or she celebrate it in non-leap-years? Are people who are born on 29 February called leapers, leaplings, leapans, leapsters, or something else entirely?

To my brother,
Happy birthday to you!
Did you know I live in a canoe? -
It’s a little crowded in here,
What with the moose and the family of squirrels
440,618 rabbits, a rabbi, a priest, and a minister,
A duck, a clown, and an assortment of spiders -
Has anyone seen my right shoe?
Let’s get some frosting and candles on that cake.
Happy birthday to you!
by David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)

If you live in very merry England, you will receive a birthday card from the Queen for your 100th birthday and 105th birthday, and then another card each year thereafter.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Abby.
Abby, who?
Abby birthday to you!

Birthday cake: A sweet reward for making it through another trip around the Sun.

Question: What has wings, a long tail, and wears a bow?
Answer: A birthday pheasant!

Question: Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake?
Answer: Because it’s too hard to put them on the bottom!

An elderly lady was being interviewed by reporters on the occasion of her 100th birthday. “What do you think is the reason for your long life?” they asked her. “Oh,” she replied, “I suppose it’s because I was born such a long time ago.”

The largest birthday cake in the world was made in 1989 to celebrate the 100th birthday of the city of Fort Payne, Alabama, United States of America. The cake weighed more than 128,000 pounds and had more than 16,000 pounds of icing.

What do you give a person who already has everything? Try one of the following:
- a shot of penicillin
- a burglar alarm
- someplace to put it all
- a shoulder to cry on
- a calendar that shows when their payments are due
- the website address www.MakeFunOfLife.net.

Rudy: When’s your birthday?
Ruby: June 8th.
Rudy: What year?
Ruby: Every year!

You could walk the distance in three days that an average garden snail has covered since your last birthday.

Question: What does every birthday party end with?
Answer: The letter ‘y.’

The Sun has traveled 584,337,600 miles since your last birthday.

Close your eyes, make a secret wish, and blow out the candles on your birthday cake . . . 106 candles should make for a great wish!

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Happy Birthday to You

Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday dear (insert name of birthday guy or gal here)
Happy birthday to you.

by Patty Hill and Mildred J. Hill (1893)

Following the singing of the song above, an additional line is often added: “And many more!”

The popular “Happy Birthday to You” song was written by two sisters, Patty Hill and Mildred J. Hill, of Louisville, Kentucky, United States of America. Patty Hill was a kindergarten principal, and her sister Mildred J. Hill was a pianist and music composer. The song was originally written as “Good Morning to All,” which was revised to “Good Morning to You,” and then eventually became “Happy Birthday to You.” The song has been in the public domain since at least February 2016, meaning that is not copyrighted and anyone can freely use it as they see fit, for either private or commercial purposes . . . so sing away!

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Question: When is a birthday cake like a golf ball?
Answer: When it has been sliced.

Because of a minor infraction, a shipmate aboard the USS Reeves, bound for Japan, was dropped one rank, fined, and given extra duty for three weeks. Looking forward to celebrating his 21st birthday on 22 July, he consoled himself every night during his extra duty by reciting, “They can demote me, they can fine me - but they can’t take away my birthday.” As 22 July approached, his excitement increased. When he went to bed on 21 July, he happily repeated, “They can demote me, they can fine me - but they can’t take away my birthday.” Upon awakening the next morning, he found out that the ship had crossed the international date line - and it was 23 July.

The most popular birthday in the world is Christmas Day, which is a celebration of Jesus of Nazareth’s birthday.

“Birthdays are nature’s way of telling us to eat more cake.” -Author Unknown

When it comes to adult birthdays, just because you are no longer a child does not mean you have to stop celebrating your birthday. Do not think of a birthday as celebrating being another year older, think of it as celebrating all the good things that have happened over the past year.

Overheard: I tried to bake you a birthday cake but . . . the candles melted in the oven.

The earliest known birthday party invitation was sent out in about C.E. 100 by Claudia Severa, who was the wife of the Roman commander Aelius Brocchus. The invitations were written on wooden leaf fragments known as ‘Vindolanda Tablets.’ They are preserved in the British Museum.

“Birthdays are a great time to stop and appreciate gravity. Sure, it makes things sag as you get older, but it also keeps your birthday cake from flying all over the room so you don’t have to chase it.” -Greg Tamblyn

Kate’s Birthday

There once was a lady named Kate,
Whose birthday was on this fine date.
     She wanted a cake,
     But her friends could not bake,
So her candles just sat on a plate.

by Author Unknown

Riddle: A boy was born in 1901, and he just had his 18th birthday today - how did this happen?
Answer: 1901 is not the year he was born, it was the number of the hospital room in which he was born.

Angie: What do they serve at birthday parties in Heaven?
Angela: Angel food cake, of course!

An Acrostic Birthday Wish

B - Be yourself.
I - Invite new challenges.
R - Recall past achievements.
T - Trust your judgments.
H - Have faith in your abilities.
D - Desire only the best.
A - Affirm your strengths.
Y - You’ve got what it takes!

by Author Unknown
(An acrostic poem or list is one in which the first letter of each of the lines can be combined to spell a word or phrase; in this instance, the word is ‘birthday.’)

Overheard: My brother was sort of odd; I remember that on one of his birthdays, he fell down a well, so we lowered his birthday cake down to him - and he didn’t even tug on the rope to say thanks!

Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Wanda!
Wanda, who?
Wanda wish you a happy birthday!

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Birthdays

We had waffles-with-syrup for breakfast
     As many as we could hold;
And I had some presents extra,
     Because I am nine years old.

I’ve thanked everyone for my presents,
     And kissed ’em, and now that that’s done
The family’s all ready to do things,
     Whatever I think would be fun.

When Timothy had his birthday
     We went to the circus, and Tim
Made friends with the seals and the monkeys
     And a real clown winked at him.

And Dorothy chose a picnic
     On the shores of a little lake,
With tadpoles, and buns, and diving,
     And a four-layer birthday cake.

And now that it’s my turn for choosing,
     I’m going to ask if we might
Take all of our family of rabbits
     To bed with us just for tonight.

by Marchette Chute (1909 - 1994)

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A man asked his wife, “What would you like most for your birthday?” She said, “I’d love to be ten again.” So, on the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a theme park. He put her on every ride in the park: the Merry-Go-Round, the Slippery Super Slide, the Loop-the-Loop Roller-Coaster, and the Giant Ferris Wheel. They did not leave a single ride out. She staggered out of the theme park five hours later, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. Into a restaurant they went, where she was given a double cheeseburger with extra fries and a strawberry shake. Then off to a movie theater, for a show and popcorn, candy, and cola. At last she staggered home with her husband and collapsed on the sofa. Her husband asked, “Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?” One eye opened and she groaned, “I meant the dress size.”

“I thought I would share some of my childhood birthday memories with you, so here they are. When I was a child my family was so poor that the only thing I got on my birthday was a year older. I didn’t even get to celebrate my 14th birthday until I was 38 years old.” -Author Unknown

“The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.” -E. Joseph Cossman (Eli Joseph Cossman (1918 - 2002))

“My son asked me for a pet spider for his birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were $85! Then I thought . . . I can get one cheaper off the web.” -Author Unknown

Were you born on your birthday?

“The best birthdays of all are those that haven’t arrived yet.” -Robert Orben

“All the world is birthday cake, so take a piece . . . but not too much!” -Author Unknown

Did you have fun today? If you put your imagination to work, you can have fun today, tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that . . . imagine a whole lifetime of fun!

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Monsters

6/3/2019

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Even monsters like to have fun. Here we see Frankenstein’s Monster and Wolf Man sharing a laugh.

Arnie: What is big, red, and eats rocks?
Arnold: A big red rock eater!

Lydia: Why don’t monsters play hide-and-seek?
Lindsey: Who would want to look for them?

“There are very few monsters who warrant the fear we have of them.” -André Gide (André Paul Guillaume Gide (1869 - 1951))

Estelle: Where should a 3,000-pound monster go?
Esther: On a diet!

Hughie: Why did the monster eat a light bulb?
Goldie: Because he wanted a light snack.

Teratrophobia is a persistent fear of monsters, but did you know that the reason monsters hide under beds, ghosts hide in vacant houses, and the boogieman hides in closets is that they are all afraid of you?

Pauline: What is the best way to speak to a big scary monster?
Lynette: From a long distance!

Dom: What do monsters call human beings?
Don: Breakfast, lunch, and dinner!

Monster Facts
- A monster is an imaginary creature that is often large or frightening in appearance.
- Monsters can be ogres, ghouls, goblins, half-human-half-animals, space aliens, sea monsters, or any of many other types.
- A group of monsters is called a gang, a troupe, or a horror.
- Monsters will eat anything, including people, buildings, rocks, and lasagna.
- If you see a motionless monster, do not poke it with a stick to see if it is alive, because it might be just taking a nap - and monsters can wake up grumpy or hungry from their naps.
- People often mistake ordinary animals and other people for monsters when they cannot see them clearly, as for example, when it is dark or wooded.

Manny: When is the best time to talk to a monster?
Manuel: When it isn’t hungry!

Ronnie: What did the monster eat after the dentist worked on its teeth?
Ronald: The dentist.

Ghouls

Do ghouls
Go out
On a rainy day?
When it
Splishes and
Splashes,
Do
Ghouls
Wear
Ghoul-oshes?

by Lilian Moore

Mae: What is the best way to talk to a huge hideous scary monster?
Kay: By long-distance phone call.

Julius: Why did the monster cross the road?
Julia: Why, are you afraid to ask him?

Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Arthur.
Arthur, who?
Arthur any monsters under the bed?

Chet: What should you do with a blue monster?
Chester: Cheer her up!

Myrtle: How do you make a blue monster green?
Gertie: Take her on a roller coaster ride!

It’s Boring Being a Monster

It’s boring being a monster,
     Chasing kids around,
Hiding underneath their beds,
     Not making any sound -
It’s boring waiting on the stairs,
     Hoping they’ll walk by,
Boring making little creaks,
     Trying to make kids cry.
It takes so long to learn this trade,
     To skulk and tap and moan,
It’s boring waiting all the time
     In someone else’s home.
I want to see the world out there,
     I want to make some friends,
Waiting for the night-time
     Never seems to end.
I’d like to slide down banisters,
     Shriek and yell and scream,
Boogie to some disco songs,
     Let off a bit of steam,
I’d like to run around the house,
     Turn on all the lights,
Eat marshmallows, watch TV,
     On dark and dismal nights.
I’d like to have a bath sometimes,
     And clean my smelly hair -
Put some decent clothes on,
     For someone who would care.
I’d like to sit down to a meal,
     Smile and laugh and chat,
Have a coffee and ice-cream,
     Put on a little fat.
I dream of being normal,
     Having a little fun -
It’s boring being a monster,
     When all is said and done.

by Author Unknown

Annette: What do you call a monster that has a bunch of children?
Annie: A momster!

Pierce: Where can lost monsters be found?
Percy: Monsters are so big that they never get lost.

These ‘monsters’ are just silly people in costumes.

Howard: What does a boy monster call a girl who has three eyes, two noses, and three mouths?
Howie: Cute!

Melonie: How does a monster count to twenty-three?
Melody: On his fingers.

Alvin Schwartz’s book “Kickle Snifters” (1 January 1976) describes creatures that maybe don’t really exist. The rubberado moves by bouncing, and laughs each time it lands. Bouncing is the only way a rubberado can get around. The squonk is always crying. If you catch a squonk and put it in a sack, it will cry so hard that nothing is left but a puddle. Kickle snifters live in old men’s beards. They laugh all the time because beards tickle. When a wunk gets scared, it digs a hole and jumps in, and then it pulls the hole in after it. These and other creatures are found in this astounding book available at your local public library and through booksellers.

Bartholomew: Why did the Blob eat the North Pole?
Barry: Because it wanted a frozen dinner.

Dorothy: What’s the difference between a huge, scary monster and a puppy?
Dottie: People like puppies.

Official Bedtime Checklist for Monsters in the Home
□ Say loudly, “Come out, come out, wherever you are!”
□ Check under beds with flashlight.
□ Check behind curtains.
□ Look in closets.
□ Look behind you.
□ Listen for noises.
□ Look inside all major appliances: washing machine, dryer, refrigerator, oven.
□ Jump into bed and hide under the covers.
□ Breath deep and relax.
□ Sweet dreams!

Eve: Why did the monster knit herself three socks?
Evelyn: Because she grew another foot.

Pearl: What happened to the monster who took the five o’clock train home?
Ruby: He had to give it back.

“Don’t eat with your fingers, dear,” said the humongous monster to her son. “Use your shovel.”

Patricia: How do you keep a monster from biting his nails?
Patty: Give him some screws.

Zeke: What do you say when you greet a two-headed monster?
Ezekiel: “Hello! Hello!”

Ghoul

A ghoul stood on a bridge one night,
Its lips were all a-quiver;
     It gave a cough,
     Its leg fell off,
And floated down the river.

by Author Unknown
(Don’t worry for the ghoul - it grew a new leg - but for almost a month it had the nickname ‘Hop-Along.’)

Floyd: Why did everyone laugh when the ogre sat down to play the grand piano?
Lloyd: Because there wasn’t a piano bench!

Florence: Where do ogres dance?
Laurence: At the odd ball!

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The Monster

I thought I saw a monster
     Underneath my bed -
His tongue was yellow,
     And his eyes were red.

I thought I saw a monster
     Underneath my chair -
His face was purple,
     And he had pink hair.

I thought I saw a monster
     In my room last night -
His legs were orange,
     And his feet were white.

I thought I saw a monster
     And that he saw me -
But don’t tell my mother,
     She’ll be scared you see.

by Author Unknown

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Daniel: What did the ogre get for his birthday?
Danny: Another year older!

Cecilia: What is green and purple and goes, “Crunch, crunch”?
Amelia: A monster eating crackers in bed.

Aggie: Why can’t you join a monster in a glass of milk?
Agnes: Because there isn’t room for both of you in one glass.

“Two heads are better than one . . . as every two-headed monster will tell you.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)

Brenda: What kind of fur do you get from a monster?
Branden: As fur as you can get.

First Monster: There is an awful rumbling in my stomach - like a cart going over a cobblestone street.
Second Monster: It is probably just that truck you ate for dinner.

Monsters Quiz
- Are monsters real?
- Is ‘imagination run wild’ a good definition of a monster, and what other ways are there to describe a monster?
- After escaping from our imaginations, where do monsters go to live?
- Are there enough monsters in the world, or should we use our imaginations to make some more?
- What should you do if you see a monster?
- Can you draw a monster for us?

Dawn: What is big, scary, and has three wheels?
Don: A monster riding a tricycle!

Clarissa: Where can a monster always find a friend?
Melissa: In the dictionary.

Why do monsters hide under beds?
- They feel safe there.
- They hope to hear a bedtime story.
- They can just roll right into the space.
- It’s like, out of sight, man.
- Monster hunters rarely go under beds.
- They’re afraid you might eat them.

Stan: What is the best thing about being a two-headed monster?
Lee: You can always tell when you have bad breath.

Mandy: How does a ghoul eat?
Amanda: By goblin.

Overheard: I am 36 years old, and I am still afraid that there are monsters under my bed, and that they will eat my feet and hands if they dangle off the edge of the bed!

Sylvia: Who grants wishes to unhappy goblins?
Leah: Their scary godmother.

Owen: What should you do if a monster shows up at your door?
Osmer: Hope it’s Halloween!

Gorgon

The Gorgon, it’s known, is quite prone
To stare and turn people to stone.
     Some Greek myths declare
     She had snakes for hair.
It’s enough to make Frankenstein groan.

by Author Unknown

Lemuel: Why do demons and ghouls spend so much time together?
Samuel: Because demons are a ghoul’s best fiend.

Phoebe: Why did it take the monster ten months to finish a book?
Ophelia: Because he wasn’t very hungry.

Do ghouls gorge on goulash?

Daddy Monster: Why does our little boy have so many holes in his head?
Mommy Monster: Isn’t it just darling? He’s learning to eat with a fork today.

Eli: What is round and green, is covered with yellow hair, has big scaly claws, weighs five hundred pounds, and goes, “Peckety-peck-peck!”?
Lilly: There is no such creature, you silly person!

Sometimes, one joke is just not enough to get a monster through the day, so we have many monster jokes. Now go out there and make monstrous fun of life - because out there is where it is all happening!

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Anger and Rage

5/31/2019

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Please do not blow your top, because we might not be able to find all the pieces and put you back together . . .

“We can’t let the anger overshadow the good things in life.” -Author Unknown

“Every time you give someone a piece of your mind, you make your head a little emptier.” -Author Unknown

“Where there is anger, there is always pain underneath.” -Eckhart Tolle

“The world needs anger. The world often continues to allow evil because it isn’t angry enough.” -Bede Jarrett

“There is no angry way to say ‘bubbles.’” -Author Unknown

“The best remedy for anger is delay.” -Seneca (Lucius Annaeus Seneca, also known as Seneca the Younger (3 B.C.E. - C.E. 65)): “De ira” (“On Anger”)

“Don’t let the Sun go down upon your anger; forgive each other, help each other, and begin again tomorrow.” -Louisa May Alcott (1832 - 1888)

“Letting off steam always produces more heat than light.” -Neal A. Maxwell (Neal Ash Maxwell (1926 - 2004)): “Murmur Not” in “Ensign” (November 1989) magazine, page 84

Riddle: What is round and has a bad temper?
Solution: A vicious circle.

“Don’t ever slam a door; you might want to go back.” -Author Unknown

“Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were.” -Chérie Carter-Scott (born 1939) www.drcherie.com

“People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing.” -Will Rogers (William Penn Adair ‘Will’ Rogers (1879 - 1935))

Angrophobia is a persistent fear of anger or of becoming angry. Many folks look ridiculous and do regrettable actions or speak in haste when angry, so perhaps the phobia stems in part from a fear of doing permanent damage to their personal images and reputations.

“The broad general rule is that a person is no bigger than the things that make him or her angry.” -Author Unknown

Hangry (han-gree), adjective: A state of anger caused by lack of food; hunger causing a negative change in emotional state.

“The line between hunger and anger is a thin line.” -John E. Steinbeck (1902 - 1968): “The Grapes of Wrath”

“Sometimes when I’m angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn’t give me the right to be cruel.” -Author Unknown

“You can’t stay mad at someone who makes you laugh.” -Jay Leno (born 1950)

“If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow.” -Author Unknown: Chinese proverb

“Temper tantrums, however fun they may be to throw, rarely solve whatever problem is causing them.” -Lemony Snicket (pseudonym of Daniel Handler (born 1970))

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A Bag of Nails

Once upon a time, there lived a little boy, and he had a very bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the wooden fence that surrounded their home.

The first day, the boy hammered an entire handful of nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails he hammered into the fence each day became fewer in number. He had discovered that it was easier for him to hold his temper than it was to drive nails into the fence.

Finally, the day came when the boy did not lose his temper at all. He told his father about this, and his father suggested that the boy then pull out one nail for each day that he had been able to control his temper.

The days passed, and at last, the young boy could finally tell his father that all the nails he had hammered into the fence had been removed.

The father led his son to the fence. He said, “You have done well, my son, but look at all the holes in the fence. The nails are gone, but the fence itself will never be the same.”

The little boy then understood how powerful his words were. He looked up at his father and said, “I hope I can be forgiven for all the damage my anger has done to people.”

by Author Unknown

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“When you are angry say nothing and do nothing until you have recited the alphabet.” -Athenodorus Cananites

“Nothing gives one person so much advantage over another as to remain always cool and unruffled under all circumstances.” -Thomas Jefferson (1743 - 1826)

“Just try to be angry with someone who fed you something delicious.” -Carmen Cook

“Anger is a wind which blows out the lamp of the mind.” -Robert G. Ingersoll (Robert Green ‘Bob’ Ingersoll (1833 - 1899))

“Most people usually do not assume responsibility for their anger. Instead, what we typically hear is, “You made me angry.” “They made me upset,” etc. I trust it is evident that these types of statements are not true. No one else can ‘make’ you angry. We have to make ourselves angry. What others say and do is, yes, a part of the equation, but without our contribution to the equation, anger cannot arise nor exist. This can be a very threatening conception of anger, and yet it is also very freeing, for as long as we do determine our own emotional responses, we are free to change and to control them. If other people or events were, in fact, responsible for our emotional responses, then we would not have the freedom nor ability to change them - unless we could control other people and events, which is much more challenging and usually impossible. Thus, principle one in the case against anger is, we are ultimately responsible for our own anger.” -Burton C. Kelly: “Let All . . . Anger . . . Be Put Away from You . . . or the Case Against Anger” as published in the “AMCAP Journal” (February 1979), pages 6 through 13

“Speak when you’re angry and you’ll make the best speech you’ll ever regret.” -Henry Ward Beecher (1813 - 1887)

“A quick temper will make a fool of you soon enough.” -Bruce Lee (1940 - 1973)

“Anger is a bad adviser.” -Author Unknown: French proverb

“Anger and worry are caused by phantoms that we create within ourselves and whose only strength is that with which we endow them.” -Horace Fletcher: “Menticulture” (1895)

“When angry, count ten before you speak; if very angry, a hundred.” -Thomas Jefferson (1743 - 1826)

“Anger is a feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind.” -Evan Esar (1899 - 1995)

“I understand the fury in your words, but not the words.” -William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616): “Othello” (about 1603)

“There was never an angry man that thought his anger unjust.” -Francis de Sales (1567 - 1622): “Introduction to the Devout Life” (1609)

“He who can suppress a moment’s anger may prevent a day of sorrow.” -Tryon Edwards (1809 - 1894)

Anger is a strong feeling of displeasure, often resulting from a perceived injustice or unfairness. While anger is often momentary, rage is usually thought of as being a period of sustained anger.

“Never forget what a man says to you when he is angry.” -Henry Ward Beecher (1813 - 1887)

“Anger helps straighten out a problem like a fan helps straighten out a pile of papers.” -Susan Mancotte

“No man can think clearly when his fists are clenched.” -George Jean Nathan (1882 - 1958)

“Anger begins with folly, and ends with repentance.” -Pythagoras (about 570 B.C.E. - about 495 B.C.E.): as quoted in “The Mirror of Literature, Amusement, and Instruction” (6 January 1844), volume V, number 1

“Before you give someone a piece of your mind, make sure you can get by with what is left.” -Author Unknown

“An angry man is again angry with himself when he returns to reason.” -Publilius Syrus (85 B.C.E. - 43 B.C.E.)

“Anger makes dull men witty, but it keeps them poor.” -Queen Elizabeth I of England, as quoted in Francis Bacon: “Certain Apophthegms of Lord Bacon” (1625), number IV

“When anger rises, think of the consequences.” -Confucius (551 B.C.E. - 479 B.C.E.)

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Temper

When I have lost my temper, I have lost my reason, too.
     I’m never proud of anything which angrily I do.
When I have talked in anger and my cheeks were flaming red,
     I have always uttered something which I wish I hadn’t said.

In anger I have never done a kindly deed or wise,
     But many things for which I felt I should apologize.
In looking back across my life, and all I’ve lost or made,
     I can’t recall a single time when fury ever paid.

So I struggle to be patient, for I’ve reached a wiser age;
     I do not want to do a thing or speak a word in rage.
I have learned by sad experience that when my temper flies,
     I never do a worthy thing, a decent deed or wise.

by Author Unknown

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“Anger is never without an argument, but seldom with a good one.” -George Savile (1633 - 1695): “Political, Moral, and Miscellaneous Thoughts and Reflections” (1750), ‘Of Anger’

“When a wise man is angry, he is no longer wise.” -Author Unknown: “The Talmud”

“We are all crazy when we are angry.” -Philemon (about 300 B.C.E.)

“If a small thing has the power to make you angry, does that not indicate something about your size?” -Sydney J. Harris (Sydney Justin Harris (1917 - 1986))

“I always tumble into trouble when I lose my temper.” -Jane Louise Curry: “Robin Hood and His Merry Men” (1994)

“Whatever is begun in anger, ends in shame.” -Benjamin Franklin (1706 - 1790)

“Don’t make me angry. You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.” -Author Unknown: “Incredible Hulk” television series based on a comic book, episode 1 (10 March 1978), line spoken by character David Banner (portrayed by actor Wilfred Bailey Everett ‘Bill’ Bixby III)

“There are some people who always seem angry and continuously look for conflict. Walk away; the battle they are fighting isn’t with you, it’s with themselves.” -Author Unknown

“Anger is a momentary madness, so control your passion or it will control you.” -Horace (Quintus Horatius Flaccus (65 B.C.E. - 8 B.C.E.))

“He who angers you, controls you.” -Author Unknown

“Two things a man should never be angry at; what he can help, and what he cannot help.” -Author Unknown

“You can tell the size of a man by the size of the thing that makes him mad.” -Adlai Stevenson (Adlai E. Stevenson (1900 - 1965))

“The best remedy for a short temper is a long walk.” -Author Unknown (variously attributed to Joseph Joubert or Jacqueline Schiff)

“Anger is the only thing to put off till tomorrow.” -Author Unknown: Slovakian proverb

“Do not teach your children never to be angry; teach them how to be angry.” -Lyman Abbott

“A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention.” Author Unknown: “The Bible,” ‘Proverbs,’ chapter 15, verse 18

“Angry people are not always wise.” -Jane Austen (1775 - 1817)

“We boil at different degrees.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882)

“Anger and jealousy can no more bear to lose sight of their objects than love.” -George Eliot (pseudonym of Marian Evans Cross, also known as Mary Ann Evans (1819 - 1880))

“Men are like steel. When they lose their temper, they lose their worth.” -Chuck Norris (Carlos Ray ‘Chuck’ Norris (born 1940))

“Anger is not only inevitable, it is necessary. Its absence means indifference, the most disastrous of all human failings.” -Arthur Ponsonby

“For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882)

“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.” -Mark Twain (pseudonym of Samuel Langhorne Clemens (1835 - 1910))

“Explain your anger instead of expressing it, and you will find solutions instead of arguments.” -Author Unknown

“Anger manages everything badly.” -Statius

“Never respond to an angry person with a fiery comeback, even if he deserves it . . . don’t allow his anger to become your anger.” -Author Unknown

“Temper, if ungoverned, governs the whole man.” -Anthony Shaftesbury

“How much more grievous are the consequences of anger than the causes of it.” -Marcus Aurelius (also known as Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (C.E. 121 - C.E. 180))

“You can never get rid of a bad temper by losing it.” -Author Unknown

“Anybody can become angry - that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way - that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy.” -Aristotle (384 B.C.E. - 322 B.C.E.)

“The prudent man does not let his temper boil over lest he get into hot water.” -Author Unknown

“Anger is one letter away from danger.” -Eleanor Roosevelt (Anna Eleanor ‘Eleanor’ Roosevelt (1884 - 1962))

“Never do anything when you are in a temper, for you will do everything wrong.” -Baltasar Gracián (1601 - 1658)

“Nobody ‘makes’ you angry. You ‘decide’ to use anger as a response.” -Author Unknown

“Anger seems to be all the rage now with some people.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)

“My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down, and go about business as usual.” -Phyllis Diller (1917 - 2012)

We are MFOL! . . . promoting better living through humor and inspiration and learning . . .

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Appearances and Looks

5/28/2019

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“Some of the most beautiful women I have ever met tell me, ‘I hate myself when I look in the mirror.’ I hear that again and again” -Henry Miller (1891 - 1980)

“A beautiful thing is never perfect.” -Author Unknown

“To all the girls who think they’re fat because they’re not a size zero, you’re the beautiful ones; it’s society who’s ugly.” -Marilyn Monroe (Norma Jean Mortenson (1926 - 1962))

“Beauty is a mystery. You can neither eat it nor make flannel out of it.” -David Herbert Lawrence (1885 - 1930)

“I used to be very self-conscious. I used to wish I was pretty. My cousin Georgia always taught me that if you smile, people will like you. Sometimes people will say something you don’t like, and you get angry a bit, but you just smile. You let it go by, even if you really would like to choke ‘em. By smiling, I think I’ve made more friends than if I was the other way.” -Ella Fitzgerald (1918 - 1996)

“Won’t you come into my garden? I would like my roses to see you.” -Richard B. Sheridan (Richard Brinsley Sheridan (1751 - 1816))

Keep up appearances; there lies the test;
     The world will give thee credit for the rest.
-Charles Churchill (1731 - 1764): “Night” (1761), lines 311 and 312

“A plain face is often surprisingly beautiful by reason of an inner light.” -Henry E. Walbery

“Real beauty isn’t about symmetry or weight or makeup; it’s about looking life right in the face and seeing all its magnificence reflected in your own.” -Valerie Monroe

“Some of you may feel that you are not as attractive and beautiful and glamorous as you would like to be. Rise above any such feelings, cultivate the light you have within you, and it will shine through as a radiant expression that will be seen by others.” -Gordon B. Hinckley (Gordon Bitner Hinckley (1910 - 2008))

“Do not judge others by appearances; a rich heart may be under a poor coat.” -Author Unknown: Scottish proverb

“Beauty isn’t about having a pretty face. It’s about having a pretty mind, pretty heart, and a pretty soul.” -Author Unknown

Beauty to no complexion is confined,
     Is of all colors, and by none defined.
-George Granville (1666 - 1735)

“First impressions are the most lasting.” -Jonas Hanway (1712 - 1786): “A Journal of Eight Days Journey” (1756)

“Beauty isn’t something on the outside. It’s your insides that count! You gotta eat green stuff to make sure you’re pretty on the inside.” -Takayuki Ikkaku, Arisa Hosaka, and Toshihiro Kawabata: “Animal Crossing: Wild World” (2005)

Body Dysmorphic Disorder is a body image condition that causes some people to imagine they presently have, or will later develop, physical deformities. Most people with the condition are not all that different from other people in appearance; it is just that their perception of themselves is erroneously distorted by inner or outer influences. BDD is also known by the term ‘dysmorphophobia,’ which is derived from the Greek words ‘dys’ meaning ‘abnormal,’ ‘morphe’ meaning ‘form,’ and ‘phobos’ meaning ‘fear.’ The good news is that the condition can be treated through therapeutic psychological counseling and by other methods.

“There is no excellent beauty that hath not some strangeness in the proportion.” -Francis Bacon (1561 - 1626): “Essays” (1625), ‘Of Beauty’

The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole,
     but true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul.
It is the caring that she lovingly gives,
     the passion that she knows.
-Audrey Hepburn (1929 - 1993)

“The beauty does not live out there; the beauty’s in my eyes.” -Jonathan Lockwood Huie (born 1945)

He: My, what lovely eyes you have!
She: I am glad you like them. They were a birthday present.

“Do not judge men by mere appearances; for the light laughter that bubbles on the lip often mantles over the depths of sadness, and the serious look may be the sober veil that covers a divine peace and joy. The bosom can ache beneath diamond brooches; and many a blithe heart dances under coarse wool.” -E. H. Chapin (Edwin Hubbell Chapin (1814 - 1880))

She is not fair to outward view
     As many maidens be;
Her loveliness I never knew
     Until she smiled on me:
Oh! then I saw her eye was bright,
     A well of love, a spring of light.
-Hartley Coleridge (David Hartley ‘Hartley’ Coleridge (1796 - 1849)): “Poems” (1851), ‘She Is Not Fair’

“I am not beautiful like you. I am beautiful like me.” -Author Unknown

“Appearances often deceive.” -Author Unknown: English saying

“It is amazing how complete is the delusion that beauty is goodness.” -Leo Tolstoy (Lev Nikolayevich Tolstoy (1828 - 1910)): “The Kreutzer Sonata” (1889)

“The weirder you’re going to behave, the more normal you should look. It works in reverse, too. When I see a kid with three or four rings in his nose, I know there is absolutely nothing extraordinary about that person.” -Oscar Levant (1906 - 1972)

“Physical differences are what make it possible for our friends to find us in a crowd.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)

“Beauty is the promise of happiness.” -Edmund Burke (1729 - 1797)

“Remember, the most beautiful things in the world are the most useless: peacocks and lilies, for instance.” -John Ruskin (1819 - 1900): “The Stones of Venice” (1851)

“A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.” -Roald Dahl (1916 - 1990)

What do you think makes a person good-looking?

Who is that pretty lady?

Her very frowns are fairer far
     Than smiles of other maidens are.
-Hartley Coleridge (David Hartley ‘Hartley’ Coleridge (1796 - 1849)): “Poems” (1851), ‘She Is Not Fair’

“You know who’s beautiful? Read this first word.” -Author Unknown

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The Ugly Duckling Syndrome

“The Ugly Duckling” is a story about someone who was not really ugly at all; he was just different. The other ducks teased and pecked at him with their beaks until the ugly duckling flew away. He wandered around for a year, and was treated as an outcast everywhere. In the Spring, he saw a group of swans on a lake, and wanted very much to join them. As he swam out toward them, he was astounded to notice his reflection in the water - he was a swan! The other swans welcomed him warmly, and found him to be beautiful.

Like many fairy tales, “The Ugly Duckling” was created with a lesson, or moral, in mind, if we will listen or read with the idea of finding it.

Most of us go through times when we feel different from those around us. These can be painful and lonely times, but it does not mean there is anything wrong with us. Like the ugly duckling, we will come into a time and place when we will be loved. All the pain and loneliness we have felt will one day be a fading memory.

“I never dreamed of so much happiness when I was the ugly duckling.” -Hans Christian Andersen (1805 - 1875): “The Ugly Duckling” (11 November 1843)

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“I used to look in the mirror and feel shame; I look in the mirror now and I absolutely love myself.” -Drew Barrymore (born 1975)

“Trust not too much to an enchanting face.” -Vergil (Publius Vergilius Maro, also known as Virgil (70 B.C.E. - 19 B.C.E.))

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” -Margaret Wolfe Hungerford (1855 - 1897): “Molly Bawn” (1878)

“The beauty seen is partly in him who sees it.” -Christian Bovee (Christian Nestell Bovee (1820 - 1904))

“Common-looking people are the best in the world. That is the reason the Lord made so many of them.” -Abraham Lincoln (1809 - 1865)

“To keep your good looks, you should smile often, because every 2,000 frowns on your face create one wrinkle.” -Author Unknown

“Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.” -Hedy Lamarr (Hedwig Eva Maria Kiesler (1914 - 2000))

“I cannot tell you how many times people have come up to me to compliment me on my lavish figure.” -Miss Piggy, as quoted in Henry Beard: “Miss Piggy’s Guide to Life” (1981)

“No matter how plain a woman may be, if truth and honesty are written across her face, she will be beautiful.” -Eleanor Roosevelt (Anna Eleanor Roosevelt (1884 - 1962))

“It is the common wonder of all men, how among so many millions of faces there should be none alike.” -Thomas Browne (1605 - 1682): “Religio Medici” (1643), Part II, Section 2

“Always try to look your best, because you never get a second chance to make a first impression, and first impressions are lasting impressions.” -Author Unknown

“Beauty starts in your head, not in your mirror.” -Joubert Botha

“A woman deserves no credit for her beauty at twenty, but at sixty, her beauty is of her own doing.” -Author Unknown

O wad some Pow’r the giftie gie us
     To see oursels as ithers see us!
-Robert Burns (1759 - 1796): “To a Louse” (1786)

In standard contemporary English, the above lines would be as follows:

And would some Power the small gift give us
     To see ourselves as others see us!

“There are no ugly women, there are women who do not know how to look pretty.” -Jean de La Bruyère (1645 - 1696)

“Nothing makes a woman more beautiful than the belief that she is beautiful.” -Sophia Loren

“Beware so long as you live, of judging people by appearances.” -Jean de La Fontaine (1621 - 1695)

Never judge someone
     By the way he looks
Or a book by the way it’s covered;
     For inside those tattered pages,
There’s a lot to be discovered
-Stephen Cosgrove (born 1945)

“If being beautiful in the eyes of the Creator means being ugly in the eyes of the created, then it’s worth it.” -Author Unknown

“You can only perceive real beauty in a person as they get older.” -Anouk Aimée (born 1932 as Nicole Françoise Florence Dreyfus)

“The appearances of things change according to the emotions and thus we see magic and beauty in them, while the magic and beauty are really in ourselves.” -Kahlil Gibran (1883 - 1931)

“Outer beauty pleases the eye. Inner beauty captivates the heart.” -Mandy Hale (born 1978): “The Single Woman: Life, Love, and a Dash of Sass” (2013)

Appearances and Looks Quiz
- What is the meaning of the word ‘beauty’?
- What is the meaning of the phrase ‘inner beauty’?
- Why might you not want to answer your door dressed and groomed sloppily?

“I’m beautiful in my own way because God makes no mistakes.” -Author Unknown

Appearances and Looks Quiz Answers
- Beauty is the quality of being pleasing to the mind.
- Inner beauties are virtues such as goodness, politeness, and caring.
- Always answer the door dressed and groomed well, because you never know when you might be greeting the Queen or the President.

“Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it.” -Confucius (K’ung Fu-tzu or K’ung Ch’iu (about 551 B.C.E. - about 479 B.C.E.))

“I am, as I am; whether hideous, or handsome, depends upon who is made judge.” -Herman Melville (1819 - 1891)

“Beauty in things exists in the mind which contemplates them.” -David Hume (1711 - 1776)

People who are ‘animated’ are more attractive.

“It’s not the face, but the expressions on it. It’s not the voice, but what you say. It’s not how you look in that body, but the thing you do with it. You are beautiful.” -Stephenie Meyer (born 1973): “The Host” (6 May 2008)

“That’s the thing about inner beauty: Unlike physical beauty, which grabs the spotlight for itself, inner beauty shines on everyone, catching them, holding them in its embrace, making them more beautiful too.” -Author Unknown

“Anyone is automatically a lot more attractive when they’re funny.” -Author Unknown

The folks at the Make Fun Of Life! Website hope you will laugh a little more, learn a little more, and love life a little more . . . each and every day . . . we just want you to be happy.

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Television

5/26/2019

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There was a show on television the other day that was so old . . . the cowboys were riding dinosaurs.

“After 20 years of searching, you are forced to admit that there just isn’t anything good on TV.” -Author Unknown: “The Onion,” ‘Horoscope’

Question: Which television show had characters that lived at 1313 Mockingbird Lane in Mockingbird Heights?
Answer: “The Munsters”

“The worst thing about television is that everybody you see on television is doing something better than what you’re doing. You never see anybody on TV just sliding off the front of the sofa, with potato chip crumbs all over their shirt.” -Jerry Seinfeld

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love, and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was good.

“Television is the single greatest threat to communications and connections within a family. You may as well be fifty miles away from the person sitting next to you if you’re both watching television.” -Author Unknown

The first television commercial for a toy was in 1946 for Mr. Potato Head.

“There are days when any electrical appliance in the house, including the vacuum cleaner, seems to offer more entertainment possibilities than the TV set.” -Harriet Van Horne

‘Laugh tracks’ are also known as ‘canned laughter.’ Many of the laugh tracks now used in television programs, especially sitcoms and talk shows, were recorded in the 1950’s.

“Television: An electrical device which, when broken, stimulates conversation.” -Author Unknown

In 1965, BBC TV featured an interview with a professor who had just invented a device called “smellovision.” This miraculous technology allowed viewers to experience directly in their own home aromas produced in the television studio. The professor offered a demonstration by cutting some onions and brewing coffee. A number of viewers called in to confirm that they distinctly experienced these scents as if they were there in the studio with him. Since no aromas were actually being transmitted, whatever these viewers thought they smelled coming out of their TV sets must be chalked up to the power of suggestion.

What kinds of things on television and in movies make you laugh?

Young Lady from Trent

There was a young lady from Trent
Whose TV antenna got bent -
The neighbors went crazy;
Their screens all got hazy,
For instead of receiving, she sent!

by John Etheridge

“Television has changed the American child from an irresistible force to an immovable object.” -Laurence J. Peter (Laurence Johnston Peter (1919 - 1990))

“You open it with the key of imagination. Beyond it is another dimension. A dimension of sound. A dimension of sight. A dimension of mind. You are moving into a land of both shadow and substance, of things and ideas. You’ve just crossed over into the Twilight Zone.” -Rod Serling: one of the intros to the “Twilight Zone” show

“Television is about watching a life instead of having one.” -Beth Mazur

“The Brady Bunch is a live action modern fairytale of family. In this context it’s less odd that it’s lasted for over thirty years; and why it may last in some respects as long as Mother Goose!” -Christopher Knight

“If you read a lot of books you are considered well read. But if you watch a lot of TV, you’re not considered well viewed.” -Lily Tomlin (born 1939)

The first episode of “Leave it to Beaver” aired on 4 October 1957.

“Late night television is very educational. It teaches you that you should have gone to bed earlier.” -James Dent

“The story you have just heard is true. Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent.” -Author Unknown: “Dragnet” (1949 - 1957)

“Television contracts the imagination and radio expands it.” -Terry Wogan (born 1938): as quoted in the “Observer” (December 1984) of London

The television network executives were constantly infuriated by Jay Ward, creator of “The Adventures of Bullwinkle and Rocky” (“The Bullwinkle Show”). He continually pulled off-the-wall stunts on his show. In one episode, he had Bullwinkle tell audience members to pull the knobs off their televisions so that, “We’ll be sure to be with you next week.” 20,000 kids obliged the request. The following week, Bullwinkle told those kids to glue the knobs back on.

“There is an educational channel. It’s called ‘off.’” -Lily Henderson, at 11 years of age

“There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man’s fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area which we call the Twilight Zone.” -Rod Serling: one of the intros to the “Twilight Zone” show

“I don’t know what’s wrong with my television set. I was getting C-Span and the Home Shopping Network on the same station. I actually bought a congressman.” -Bruce Baum

“I wish there was a knob on the television to turn up the intelligence. There’s a knob called brightness, but it doesn’t work.” -Eugene P. Gallagher

Hey, who stole our “TV Guide”?!

“Television is the first truly democratic culture - the first culture available to everybody and entirely governed by what the people want. The most terrifying thing is what people do want.” -Clive Barnes

Question: Who was the first dog in history to adopt a little boy and to build a time machine?
Answer: Mr. Peabody, in “The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle.”

“TV - a clever contraction derived from the words ‘Terrible Vaudeville’ . . . we call it a medium because nothing’s well done.” -Goodman Ace: letter to Groucho Marx

[Television] “. . . won’t be able to hold on to any market it captures after the first six months. People will soon get tired of staring at a plywood box every night.” -Darryl F. Zanuck (1946)

What is your favorite television show?

“My husband wanted one of those new big-screen TV’s for his birthday. So I just moved his chair closer to the one we have already.” -Wendy Liebman

Question: What was the television doing at the beach?
Answer: Channel surfing.

“Television is a form of theater - even news ‘shows’ are simply actors who sit in front of cameras and read from edited scripts displayed on teleprompters or other devices. Reality shows are just as far from reality as people can get without being permanently institutionalized.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)

Question: How many channels are on a VHF TV dial?
Answer: 12 (there is no #1).

“The remarkable thing about television is that it permits several million people to laugh at the same joke and still feel lonely.” -T. S. Eliot (Thomas Stearns Eliot (1888 - 1965))

“Television has proven that people will look at anything rather than each other.” -Ann Landers

An estimated one in every four Americans has appeared on television, though most are not shown in close-up facial images. You might be walking down the street, standing in a line, sitting down at a sports or other entertainment event, eating lunch at a sidewalk cafe, or spending a leisurely day at a park. You won’t necessarily know that a camera is trained on you or scanning the area you are in, and in most cases, they don’t need your permission legally to do so. Most likely the video of you will be put into storage as ‘stock footage’ at a television studio, to be used at a later time to illustrate a news story. For example, a news program might do a segment on obesity. Someone will be sent to search through the stock footage until something is found that shows a sidewalk full of people walking. They will then edit the video in order to emphasize the obviously overweight people, and show it while a news commentator reads aloud some statistics or health information. This is just another good reason to always try to be at your best when you are out in public.

Fred: Hey, look, Helen, you’re on TV.
Helen: Fred, that’s ridiculous. I’m standing right over here - how could I possibly be on TV?

“Television is chewing gum for the eyes.” -Frank Lloyd Wright (born Frank Lincoln Wright (1867 - 1959))

Shows that may be appearing on TV soon, as a result of the electronic and computer age:
- Modem, She Wrote: Each week, our intrepid detective tries to solve the ultimate mystery: Why her modem won’t ever connect at 56k.
- Micro-CHiPs: Ponch and Jon now patrol the Information Superhighway.
- Hawaii 6.0: An upgraded version of the classic series. Steve McGarrett goes surfing for bad guys online.
- T. J. Hacker: A retired cop, with an uncanny resemblance to James T. Kirk, takes up computer hacking to track down the miscreants who canceled his TV show.
- The Excel Files: Inexplicable things are happening to the data in Microsoft Excel spreadsheets. Can this puzzle be solved? The truth is out there.
- Magnum, PC: This series about a crime-solving personal computer that goes by the code name Deep Blue is based in beautiful Hawaii. Season finale cliff-hanger: Will Deep Blue be led into a life of crime by the wily charms of the Texas Instruments Speak ‘n’ Spell?
- The Incredible Bulk: The exciting adventures of Windows, which just keeps growing and growing.

“Television enables you to be entertained in your home by people you wouldn’t have in your home.” -David Frost

The human race is faced with a cruel choice: get a job or watch daytime television.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Brady Bunch

Boys:
Here’s the story of a lovely lady
     Who was bringing up three very lovely girls.
All of them had hair of gold like their mother,
     The youngest one in curls.

Girls:
It’s the story of a man named Brady
     Who was busy with three boys of his own.
There were four men living all together,
     Yet they were all alone.

All:
Till the one day when the lady met this fellow,
     And they knew that it was much more than a hunch
That this group must somehow form a family.
     That’s the way we all became the Brady Bunch.
The Brady Bunch, the Brady Bunch.
     That’s the way we became the Brady Bunch.

Words and Music by Sherwood Schwartz and Frank Devol

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Television programming: Material that fills the time between commercials.” -Author Unknown

“There is a lot of hype going on about high-definition television. But is it really worth it to pay more money to see the same junk in sharper detail?” -Thomas Sowell (born 1930)

“I hate television. I hate it as much as peanuts. But I can’t stop eating peanuts.” -Orson Welles (1915 - 1985)

TV announcer: “Our regularly scheduled program will not be seen tonight - because we’ve discovered that dead air did better in the ratings than the program itself!”

“I find television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I go in the other room and read a book.” -Groucho Marx

“While theoretically and technically television may be feasible, commercially and financially I consider it an impossibility, a development of which we need waste little time or dreaming.” -Lee De Forest (1926)

“Television, a medium. So called because it is neither rare nor well done.” -Ernie Kovacs

“Television has done much for psychiatry by spreading information about it, as well as contributing to the need for it.” -Alfred Hitchcock (1899 - 1980)

We control your horizontal . . . we control your vertical . . . we are . . . television executives. So you’re who’s responsible! Somebody get them!

My TV’s Under the Weather

My TV came down with a chill.
As soon as I saw it was ill
     I wrapped up its channels
     In warm winter flannels
And gave its antenna a pill.

by Willard R. Espy

The Society for the Eradication of Television (SET) no longer exists, and Couch Potatoes likewise is defunct, so some of us must organize to eradicate the beastly television hobgoblin monster thing before it turns us all into gelatinous masses with non-functioning legs and bloodshot eyes. Who will go forth to slay the dragon? Will it be you? How about you? You, over there, can you do it? Hey, can somebody get us some fresh batteries for the remote?

Quiz Show Questions and Answers
Song with the word Moon in the title? Blue Suede Moon.
An item of clothing worn by the “Three Musketeers?” A horse.
Something you wear on a beach? A deck-chair.
Something that flies that doesn’t have an engine? A bicycle with wings.
A famous bridge? “The Bridge over Troubled Waters.”
Something people might be allergic to? Skiing.
Something you put on walls? A roof.
Something slippery? A con-man.
A food that can be brown or white? A potato.

“I have never seen a bad television program, because I refuse to. God gave me a mind, and a wrist that turns things off.” -Jack Paar (Jack Harold Paar (1918 - 2004)): as quoted in “TV Guide”

In the United States of America, federal law states that children’s television shows may contain only 10 minutes of advertising per hour and on weekends the limit is 10 and one-half minutes.

“The best show on TV can usually be found on the OFF channel.” -Author Unknown

“If television shows continue the way they’re going, the public will soon be demanding longer commercials.” -Author Unknown

So please, oh please, we beg, we pray,
     Go throw your TV set away,
And in its place you can install
     A lovely bookshelf on the wall.
-Roald Dahl: “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory” (1964)

Just remember, kids, watching television is not good for your eyes and it causes your brain to shrink . . . so instead hang out on MFOL! . . . or even better, go outside and play . . .

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