Fun & Learning

Have You Ever Wondered

2/15/2019

Why do some nations have better athletes than others? Possibly it is because they are motivated to train harder.

If you came here looking for fun, you are in the right place. Just travel down this page, skipping any topics that might not interest you, until you come to the ones that appeal to you. When you have a moment, be sure to explore some of the other pages on the website, such as the Serious and the Silly pages, which can be viewed by clicking on the menu bar above.

Welcome to MFOL! Don’t just ‘have’ fun . . . ‘be’ the fun!

0 Comments

Quitting and Trying

2/13/2019

0 Comments

“There is an old saying: ‘If you hang in there long enough, keep trying, and don’t give up, something good is sure to happen.’” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

You Can Do It

Giving up is easy
     When your dreams seem far away,
And life is full of obstacles,
     You face them every day.
But, no matter what the challenge
     Some faith will get you through it.
So never quit believing,
     Just remember, you can do it!

by Author Unknown

“No matter how many mistakes you make or how slow you progress, you are still way ahead of everyone who isn’t trying.” -Tony Robbins (Anthony Jay ‘Tony’ Robbins (born 1960))

“I already know what giving up feels like. I want to see what happens if I don’t.” -Neila Rey (born 1986), website https://darebee.com

“Never quit. If you stumble, get back up. What happened yesterday no longer matters. Today is another day. So, get back on track and move closer to your dreams and goals. You can do it.” -Author Unknown

“Life is trying things to see if they work.” -Ray Bradbury (Ray Douglas Bradbury (1920 - 2012))

“It’s always too soon to quit!” -Norman Vincent Peale (1898 - 1993)

“The man who tried his best and failed is superior to the man who never tried.” -Bud Wilkinson (Charles Burnham ‘Bud’ Wilkinson (1916 - 1994))

“Defeat is not the worst of failures. Not to have tried is the true failure.” -George E. Woodberry (George Edward Woodberry (1855 - 1930))

“Your biggest break can come from never quitting. Being at the right place at the right time can only happen when you keep moving toward the next opportunity.” -Arthur Pine

“Try a thing you haven’t done three times. Once, to get over the fear of doing it. Twice, to learn how to do it. And a third time to figure out whether you like it or not.” -Vigil Thomson (1896 - 1989)

“There is no failure except in no longer trying.” -Elbert Hubbard (Elbert Green Hubbard (1856 - 1915))

“Before you quit, try.” -William Arthur Ward (1921 - 1994)

“Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.” -Dale Carnegie (Dale Breckenridge Carnegie (1888 - 1955))

“In great attempts it is glorious even to fail.” -Cassius Longinus (C.E. 213 - C.E. 273)

“Unless you’re willing to have a go, fail miserably, and have another go, success won’t happen.” -Phillip Adams (Phillip Andrew Hedley Adams (born 1939))

“If you only do what you know you can do, you never do very much.” -Tom Krause (Tom Gunnar Krause (1934 - 2013))

“Try and fail, but don’t fail to try.” -Stephen Kaggwa

“Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better.” -Samuel Beckett (1906 - 1989)

“Don’t give up. One day you will look back and be glad you didn’t.” -Author Unknown

“In every triumph there’s a lot of try.” -Frank Tyger (1929 - 2011)

“Don’t give up. Moses was once a basket case.” -Author Unknown

“No one knows what he can do till he tries.” -Publilius Syrus (85 B.C.E. - 43 B.C.E.): “Public Sayings”

“Never let a stumble in the road be the end of the journey.” -Author Unknown

“It doesn’t matter if you try and try and try again, and fail. It does matter if you try and fail, and fail to try again.” -Charles F. Kettering (Charles Franklin Kettering (1876 - 1958))

“Every accomplishment starts with a decision to try.” -Author Unknown

“If you don’t try, you can’t fail . . . or succeed.” -Author Unknown

“Resolve never to quit, never to give up, no matter what the situation.” -Jack Nicklaus (Jack William Nicklaus (born 1940))

“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” -Maya Angelou (Marguerite Ann Johnson (1928 - 2014))

“One must learn by doing the thing. For though you think you know it, you have no certainty until you try.” -Sophocles (496 B.C.E. - 406 B.C.E.)

“‘It’s impossible,’ said pride. ‘It’s risky,’ said experience. ‘It’s pointless,’ said reason. ‘Give it a try,’ whispered the heart.” -Author Unknown

“Many a man never fails because he never tries.” -Norman MacEwan (Norman Duckworth Kerr MacEwan (1881 - 1953))

“The worst thing one can do is not to try, to be aware of what one wants and not give in to it, to spend years in silent hurt wondering if something could have materialized - and never knowing.” -David Viscott (David Steven Viscott (1938 - 1996))

“If you find yourself in surroundings or around people who tell you that you are a failure before you have even begun to try, you must find a way to begin to try somewhere else and either around people who do not condemn you, or in peaceful solitude.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

“Trying will do anything in this world.” -Theocritus (about 300 B.C.E. - after 260 B.C.E.)

“Try something, anything. If it doesn’t work, try something else. The important thing is that you try, and keep on trying, and never give up trying.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

“Most people give up just when they’re about to achieve success. They quit on the one-yard line. They give up at the last minute of the game, one foot from a winning touchdown.” -Ross Perot (Henry Ross Perot (born 1930))

“What isn’t tried won’t work.” -Claude McDonald (Claude Maxwell McDonald (1852 - 1915))

“Michelangelo stated, ‘The greatest danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but it is too low and we reach it.’ Don’t give up. Success is within reach of everyone, as long as you try. As long as someone is willing to take the first step and continue taking steps, success can be realized. In fact, taking that first step could be the greatest success because it is the building block for all steps that follow and all successes that will be realized in your life. Remember, always try, and remember this simple saying. I never see failure as failure, but only an opportunity to practice and perfect my skills as I take the journey to becoming successful at whatever I decide to do.” -Author Unknown

“They fail, and they alone, who have not striven.” -Thomas Bailey Aldrich (1836 - 1907)

“Always remember: All that other folks can do, why with patient persistent trying should not you? Keep that noble chin up and keep trying - wonderful things can happen when we just try! Now, think happy thoughts, put your smile on, and have the best imaginable day!” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

“If you never try, you will never know.” -Author Unknown

“Life has two rules: Number one, never quit; Number two, always remember rule number one.” -Duke Ellington (1899 - 1974)

“It is better to have tried and failed than never to have tried at all.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

“Learned helplessness is the giving-up reaction, the quitting response that follows from the belief that whatever you do doesn’t matter.” -Martin Seligman (Martin E. P. ‘Marty’ Seligman (born 1942))

“You can’t even be a failure if you’ve never tried.” -Andy Capp

“You’ll never find out what you can do, until you do all you can to find out.” -John C. Maxwell (John Calvin Maxwell (born 1947))

“One does not always do the best there is. One does the best one can.” -Catherine the Great (also known as Catherine II (1729 - 1796))

“Losers quit when they are tired. Winners quit when they have won.” -Author Unknown

“The only failure is a failure to try. Everything else is just learning.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

“Have you ever considered the cost of quitting? For a real eye opener . . . ask Thomas Edison . . . Steve Jobs . . . Michael Jordan . . . or Jim Carrey . . . ask them how much it would have cost them if they had quit . . . what about you?” -Doug Firebaugh (born 1968)

Overheard: Give it one more try . . .

“To try and fail is at least to learn; to fail to try is to suffer the inestimable loss of what might have been.” -Chester Barnard (Chester Irving Barnard (1886 - 1961))

“Winners never quit, and quitters never win.” -Author Unknown

“Forget about all the reasons why something may not work. You only need to find one good reason why it will.” -Robert Anthony (Robert Newton Anthony (1916 - 2006))

“Try your best, and then on each succeeding try, attempt to best your last try.” -Author Unknown

“The last dejected effort often becomes the winning stroke.” -W. J. Cameron (William John Cameron (1879 - 1953))

“Ninety percent of those who fail are not actually defeated. They simply quit.” -Paul J. Meyer (Paul James Meyer (1928 - 2009))

“If you kinda sorta try, you get kinda sorta results.” -Author Unknown

“Next to trying and winning, the best thing is trying and failing.” -L. M. Montgomery (Lucy Maud Montgomery (1874 - 1942)): “Anne of Green Gables” (June 1908), Chapter 35; line spoken by fictional character Anne

“You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don’t try.” -Beverly Sills (1929 - 2007)

“Do not give up, the beginning is always the hardest.” -Author Unknown

“Every single one of us possesses the strength to attempt something he isn’t sure he can accomplish.” -Scott Jurek (Scott Gordon Jurek (born 1973))

“You won’t succeed unless you try.” -Author Unknown

“How many a man has thrown up his hands at a time when a little more effort, a little more patience, would have achieved success.” -Elbert Hubbard (Elbert Green Hubbard (1856 - 1915))

“People of mediocre ability sometimes achieve outstanding success because they don’t know when to quit. Most men succeed because they are determined to.” -George H. Allen (George Herbert Allen, Senior (1918 - 1990))

“The only ones who truly fail are those that never try.” -Author Unknown

“You can’t hit a home run unless you step up to the plate. You can’t catch fish unless you put your line in the water. You can’t reach your goals if you don’t try.” -Kathy Seligman

“If you try you might; if you don’t you won’t.” -Author Unknown

“You never fail until you stop trying.” -Florence Griffith Joyner (Florence Delorez Griffith-Joyner (1959 - 1998))

“When you win, nothing hurts.” -Joe Namath (Joseph William Namath (born 1943))

This is MFOL! . . . where we never stop trying . . . and that is why there is much more fun and learning coming up next . . .

0 Comments

Valentine's Day

2/5/2019

0 Comments

Roses are red, my love,
     Violets are blue;
Candy is sweet, my love,
     But none are as sweet as you!
-Author Unknown

The heart is the most common symbol of romantic love. Ancient cultures believed the human soul lived in the heart. Others thought it to be the source of emotion and intelligence. Some believed the heart embodied a person’s truth, strength, and nobility. The heart may be associated with love because the ancient Greeks believed it was the target of Eros, known as Cupid to the Romans. Anyone shot in the heart by one of Cupid’s arrows would fall hopelessly in love. Because the heart is so closely linked to love, its red color is thought to be the most romantic.

Blue Ribbon, Green Ribbon

If you love me, love me true,
     Send me a ribbon, and let it be blue;
If you do not, let it be seen,
     Send me a ribbon, a ribbon of green.

by Author Unknown

The color theme of Valentine’s Day is typically red, white, and pink. Red symbolizes warmth and feeling, and is associated with the color of the heart. White is a symbol of purity and faith, and so has come to mean the faith of the love two people have for each other. Pink, a combination of red and white, is a symbol of innocence. Red, white, and pink is common on most cards and decorations, and is found on commercial Valentine’s Day items, such as clothing, stuffed animals, candles, candies, and so forth.

Valentines, valentines
     Red, pink, and white
I’ll make a nice one
     Just for your delight!
-Author Unknown

The oldest surviving love poem was written on a clay tablet in about 3500 B.C.E., at the time of the Sumerians, who invented writing. It was unromantically labeled ‘Istanbul #2461’ by the archeologists who unearthed it.

Roses are red.
     Violets are blue.
Sugar is sweet.
     And so are you.
-Author Unknown

Originally, the word ‘Valentine’ meant a person whose name was picked from a box to be chosen as one’s sweetheart. Starting in about 1533, it meant a folded piece of paper with a sweetheart’s name on it. By 1610, it had become the gift given to this special someone, and by 1824 it had become a poem, letter, or verse to a sweetheart. In modern usage, Valentine can refer to a real or a legendary figure by that name, a person for whom one has feelings of love or liking or tolerance, or an object such as a letter or card or other message sent to a person for whom one has feelings of love or liking or tolerance.

About three percent of pet owners give Valentine’s Day gifts to their pets.

One is for lonely
     Two is for not.
Be my Valentine
     Or I’ll buy a dog named Spot.
-Author Unknown

Valentine’s Day can also be called Saint Valentine’s Day and the Feast of Saint Valentine. The name Valentine is believed to have originated with one or two early Christians by that name, although there are other possible historical figures and legendary, or unverifiable and possibly fictionalized, associated persons by that name. The actual connection of a person named Valentine with a holiday celebrating or observing love and the giving of a message or gift to a loved one is uncertain. Is the origin of the idea in ancient Roman tradition, paganism, or Christianity? We do not know, and the true story of the origins of Valentine’s Day may have been lost in the passage of time.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Darrel.
Darrel, who?
Darrel never be another you!

In long-ago England, the Romans, who had taken over the country, had introduced a pagan festival held every 14 February. After the Romans left England, nearly a century later, the pagan ritual was abolished by Pope Gelsius, who established Saint Valentine’s Day as a celebration of love in C.E. 496.

He: I dreamed I danced with the world’s most beautiful woman.
She: What was I wearing?

The English popularized expressing feelings to someone with printed cards. The first Valentine card was created by Charles, Duke of Orleans, who was imprisoned in the tower of London for several years following the Battle of Agincourt in 1415. He sent Valentine poems to his wife in France from his prison cell. Commercially made Valentines did not appear in England until about 1800, although handmade cards had been popular for years.

I asked you if you liked me, you said no. I asked you if I was pretty, you said no. I asked you if I was in your heart, you said no. I asked you if you would cry if I walked away, you said no. So I walked away . . . you grabbed my arm and said . . . I don’t like you, I love you . . . You’re not pretty, you’re beautiful . . . You’re not in my heart, you are my heart . . . And I wouldn’t cry if you walked away, I would be always lost . . . I love you.

In Wales, wooden love spoons were carved and given as gifts on 14 February. Hearts, keys, and keyholes were favorite decorations on the spoons. The decoration meant, “You unlock my heart!”

Abbie: “Do you love math more than me?”
Danny: “Of course not, dear - I love you much more.”
Abbie: “Then prove it!”
Danny: “Okay, let R be the set of all lovable objects . . .”

The oldest known of what we would recognize as a modern Valentine was sent in C.E. 1415 by the Duke of Orleans to his French wife, while he was imprisoned in the Tower of London. It is now on display in a museum in England.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Adore.
Adore who?
Adore is all that stands between us, my love!

Margery Brews of England wrote the oldest known valentine in letter form, in 1477, which she sent to John Paston. ‘Valentine’ once meant ‘sweetheart’ and later grew to represent ‘message of love.’

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Comma.
Comma, who?
Comma little closer and I’ll kiss you!

In the Middle Ages, young men and women drew names from a bowl to see who their valentines would be. They would wear these names on their sleeves for one week. To wear your heart on your sleeve now means that it is easy for other people to know how you are feeling.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Sherwood.
Sherwood, who?
Sherwood like to be your Valentine!

It was not until 1537 that Saint Valentine’s Day was declared an official holiday. England’s King Henry VIII declared 14 February of that year to be a holiday.

Plenty of love,
Tons of kisses -
Hope someday
To be your Mrs.
-Author Unknown

In the 17th century, young British women sprinkled bay leaves with rose water, and then pinned the leaves to their pillows before going to sleep on the eve of Valentine’s Day, in the hope this would make them dream of their future husbands.

Veggie Valentine

You may not ‘carrot’ all for me
     The way I care for you.
You may ‘turnip’ your nose
     When I plead with you
But if your ‘heart’ should ‘beet’ with mine
     Forever ‘lettuce’ hope
There is no reason in the world
     Why we two ‘cantaloupe.’

by Author Unknown

When Valentine Cards got to America, they also got more creative. The first known to come to the country is a note written by John Winthrop in 1629 to his wife before leaving England for the New World. It ended with “My sweet wife, Thou must be my valentine for none hath challenged me.” He later became governor of Massachusetts Bay Colony.

Engine, engine number nine,
Will you be my valentine?
-Willard R. Espy (Willard Richardson Espy (1910 - 1999))

People once believed that if a woman saw a robin flying overhead on Valentine’s Day, it meant she would marry a sailor. If she saw a sparrow, she would marry a poor man and be very happy. If she saw a goldfinch, she would marry a wealthy man.

Maribel Clarissa: Whom do birds marry?
Claribel: Their ‘tweethearts’!

On 14 February 1667, Samuel Pepys described in his diary a kind of valentine that he got from his wife. It was a sheet of blue paper in which her name was written in gold letters. This became the forerunner of later valentines. But the custom did not grow quickly. It took 100 years before it was common to leave a valentine love letter at the doorstep of one’s sweetheart.

I wrote a letter to my love,
     And on the way I dropped it -
A little puppy picked it up,
     And put it in her pocket.
-Author Unknown

In America, hand-made Valentines started appearing around 1740, and were sealed with red wax and left secretly on a beloved’s doorstep, or sent in the mail. Commercial cards for the most part took over in the 1880’s. But people still - and will always - make homemade ones too. Some included trinkets, some locks of hair and in some cases there were checks that were drawn against ‘The Bank of Love.’ Some valentines were printed to look like money, and one so closely resembled a real 5-pound note that it had to be quickly recalled!

Somebody loves you,
     Deep and true.
If I weren’t so bashful,
     I’d tell you who.
-Author Unknown

Valentines can be done not only in delicate pen and ink, but in watercolor. Handwriting is also a thing of beauty for the card as well, as good penmanship is considered a form of art as well as an indicator of the quality of a person.

Reusable Valentine

If you won’t be my Valentine,
     Then give this back to me.
I believe in recycling
     To help save a tree.

by Author Unknown

During the American Civil War Era, some Valentines were paper dolls dressed with cloth or paper, to resemble the person sending it.

Popsicles are cold
Cocoa is hot
I’m sending you this incognito
because I like you
a lot.
-Author Unknown

During the Roaring Twenties, or 1920’s, some valentines were shaped like tomatoes. At the time, tomatoes were grown in flower gardens and were an ornamental fruit referred to as ‘love apples.’

Roses are red,
     Violets are blue,
Honey is sweet,
     And so are you!
-Author Unknown

The red rose was said to be the favorite flower of Venus, the Roman deity of love. Red stands for strong feelings, which is why a red rose is a flower associated with love.

Darling: What do farmers give their wives on Valentine’s Day?
Darlene: Hogs and kisses!

Cupid is a mythical Roman deity. He became associated with Valentine’s Day because he was the son of Venus, the Roman deity of love and beauty. Originally, he was depicted as a handsome young man with a bow and arrows. His arrows were invisible and his victims, who could include other deities as well as humans, were unaware that they had been shot until they fell in love. Victorian era folks sought to make Valentine’s Day more acceptable for women and children, so they tossed out the handsome Roman Adonis image and made cupid into a pudgy baby with wings. Cupid often appears on Valentine cards holding a bow and arrows because he is believed to use magical arrows to inspire feelings of love.

Jerrold: Why did the farmer give the pig a bucket of slop?
Jerry: It was Valenswine’s Day!

●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●

How to Make an Acrostic Valentine

An ‘acrostic’ poem or list can be made from the name of your beloved. Just take the letters of the person’s name and use it to start a line or sentence. Following is an example.

Amanda

A - Another moment without you is
M - more pain than I can bear.
A- And no other love will ever be
N - nearer to my heart than yours.
D - Days pass slowly until we shall meet
A - again and our two lives we forever share.

by Author Unknown

●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●

An Angry Valentine

If you won’t be my Valentine,
     I’ll scream, I’ll yell, I’ll bite,
I’ll cry aloud, I’ll start to whine,
     If you won’t be my Valentine.
I’ll frown and fret, I’ll mope and pine, and
     It will serve you right -
If you won’t be my Valentine,
     I’ll scream, I’ll yell, I’ll bite!

by Myra Cohn Livingston (born 1926)

So far, the United States of America, Canada, Mexico, France, Australia, and the United Kingdom officially celebrate the holiday called Valentine’s Day. Will it spread to other nations?

Dear Lisa,

I am in love with you.
     I hope you love me too.
I love you more than pizza.
     You are so pretty Lisa.

by Author Unknown

Valentine’s Day is second only to Christmas in the number of greeting cards, emails, and other forms of personal messages and wishes between people.

Send lots and lots of Valentine cards, and sign them all anonymously with, “Someone who thinks you’re terrific!”

E-valentines are quick, fun, and easy, but swirly, rosebud graphics and ‘80’s soft jazz tunes may not adequately express your affection. Smilebox lets you incorporate personal photos, videos, and songs in your own personalized card. You send them through email or print them out. One other thing about Smilebox: It’s free! Click on Smilebox.

Bonnie: What do you call a very small valentine?
Lassie: A valentiny!

Teachers receive the most Valentine’s Day cards, followed by children, mothers, wives, and then last but not least, sweethearts. Children ages 6 to 10 exchange more than 650 million Valentine’s cards with teachers, classmates, and family members each year.

So, has your electric utility company sent you a Valentine’s Day card?

Valentine’s Day has changed over time to become what it is today, and is still changing . . . much like MFOL! . . .

0 Comments

Habits and Routines

1/31/2019

0 Comments

Consider carefully all things that you do, because a single choice - even if you tell yourself it will be only just this once - can begin the establishment of either a bad habit or a good one.

“All bad habits start gradually and before you know you have the habit, the habit has you.” -Zig Ziglar (Hilary Hinton ‘Zig’ Ziglar (1926 - 2012))

“It takes a few weeks of work to build a new habit. Once the habit is in place, it must be guarded diligently to prevent a reversion to the old ways, but keeping watch is not stressful or difficult once the new habit is secure.” -Charlotte Mason

Good Habit

I dreamed that I found a good habit,
It scurried and skipped like a rabbit.
It was shiny and neat,
Polite and quite sweet,
But escaped when I reached out to grab it.

by Author Unknown

“Focus on the good habit you want to do, not the bad habit you don’t want to do. Overcome the bad with good.” -Joyce Meyer (born Pauline Joyce Hutchison (born 1943))

“Folks with good habits also seem to have most of the good luck.” -Author Unknown: as quoted in “The Country Parson”

“Habits of thinking need not be forever. One of the most significant findings in psychology in the last twenty years is that individuals can choose the way they think.” -Martin Seligman (Martin E. P. ‘Marty’ Seligman (born 1942)): “Learned Optimism” (1991)

“Habits form character and character is destiny.” -Joseph Kaines: “Our Daily Faults and Failings” (21 October 1883) address

“Repetition of the same thought or physical action develops into a habit which, repeated frequently enough, becomes an automatic reflex.” -Norman Vincent Peale (1898 - 1993)

“Every grown-up man consists wholly of habits, although he is often unaware of it and even denies having any habits at all.” -Georges Gurdjieff (1866 - 1949)

“Everybody ought to do at least two things each day that he hates to do, just for practice.” -William James (1842 - 1910)

“You’ll never change your life until you change something you do daily. The secret of your success is found in your daily routine.” -John C. Maxwell (John Calvin Maxwell (born 1947))

“Any act often repeated soon forms a habit: and habit allowed, steadily gains in strength. At first it may be but as the spider’s web, easily broken through, but if not resisted it soon binds us with chains of steel.” -Tryon Edwards (1809 - 1894): as quoted in Tryon Edwards, editor: “A Dictionary of Thoughts: Being a Cyclopedia of Laconic Quotations from the Best Authors of the World, Both Ancient and Modern” (1891), page 212

“Curious things, habits. People themselves never knew they had them.” -Agatha Christie (Agatha Mary Clarissa Christie (1890 - 1976))

“Your net worth to the world is usually determined by what remains after your bad habits are subtracted from your good ones.” -Benjamin Franklin (1706 - 1790)

“Make it a point to do something every day that you don’t want to do. This is the golden rule for acquiring the habit of doing your duty without pain.” -Mark Twain (Samuel Langhorne Clemens (1835 - 1910)): “Following the Equator” (1897)

“Cultivate only the habits that you are willing should master you.” -Elbert Hubbard (Elbert Green Hubbard (1856 - 1915))

“The fixity of habit is generally in direct proportion to its absurdity.” -Marcel Proust (1871 - 1922)

“Only a habit can subdue another habit.” -Og Mandino (Augustine ‘Og’ Mandino II (1923 - 1996)): “The Greatest Salesman in the World” (1968)

“Powerful indeed is the empire of habit.” -Syrus (Publilius Syrus (85 B.C.E. - 43 B.C.E.))

Each year one vicious habit rooted out,
In time might make the worst Man good throughout.
-Benjamin Franklin (1706 - 1790): “Poor Richard’s Almanack” (1738)

“Habit, if not resisted, soon becomes necessity.” -Augustine of Hippo (also known as Aurelius Augustinus Hipponensis (C.E. 354 - C.E. 430)): as quoted in James Wood, editor: “Dictionary of Quotations from Ancient and Modern, English and Foreign Sources” (1899), page 138

“Good habits once established are just as hard to break as bad habits.” -Robert Puller

“The unfortunate thing about this world is that the good habits are much easier to give up than the bad ones.” -W. Somerset Maugham (William Somerset Maugham (1874 - 1965))

“Good habits result from resisting temptation.” -Author Unknown

“A nail is driven out by another nail, habit is overcome by habit.” [English translation]
“Clavus clavo pellitur, consuetudo consuetudine vincitur.” [original Latin]
-Erasmus (Desiderius Gerhard Erasmus (1469 - 1536)): “Diluculum”

“Old habits are strong and jealous.” -Dorothea Brande (1893 - 1948)

“Habit is a cable; we weave a thread each day, and at last we cannot break it.” -Horace Mann (1796 - 1859)

“A habit is something you can do without thinking - which is why most of us have so many of them.” -Frank A. Clark (Frank Atherton Clark (1911 - 1991))

“Habits are the shorthand of behavior.” -Julie Henderson

“Choose always the way that seems the best, however rough it may be; custom will soon render it easy and agreeable.” -Pythagoras (about 570 B.C.E. - about 495 B.C.E.)

“It seems, in fact, as though the second half of a man’s life is made up of nothing but the habits he has acquired during the first half.” -Fyodor Mikhailovich Dostoyevsky (1821 - 1881)

“We are what we repeatedly do.” -Aristotle (384 B.C.E. - 322 B.C.E.)

“Bad habits are easier to abandon today than tomorrow.” -Author Unknown: Yiddish proverb

In ways and thoughts of weakness and of wrong,
Threads turn to cords, and cords to cables strong.
-Isaac Williams (1802 - 1865): “The Baptistery, Or the Way of Eternal Life” (1842 - 1844), ‘Image 18’

“Not for nothing is habit called a second and a kind of manufactured nature.” -Augustine of Hippo (also known as Aurelius Augustinus Hipponensis (C.E. 354 - C.E. 430)): “On Music” (C.E. 389), Book VI, chapter 19

Overheard: Sorry, force of habit!

“Nothing so needs reforming as other people’s habits.” -Mark Twain (Samuel Langhorne Clemens (1835 - 1910)): “Pudd’nhead Wilson” (1894), ‘Calendar for 1894’

“Habit is a man’s sole comfort. We dislike doing without even unpleasant things to which we have become accustomed.” -Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832)

Ill habits gather by unseen degrees,
As brooks make rivers, rivers run to seas.
-Ovid (Publius Ovidius Naso (43 B.C.E. - C.E. 17 or 18.)): “Metamorphoses” (about C.E. 2), Book XV: ‘The Worship of Aesculapius, lines 155 and 156; as translated by John Dryden (1700)

“Make good habits and they will make you.” -Parks Cousins

“Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going.” -Jim Rohn (Emanuel James ‘Jim’ Rohn (1930 - 2009))

Habit with him was all the test of truth;
“It must be right: I’ve done it from my youth.”
-George Crabbe (1754 - 1832): “The Borough” (1810), Letter 3: ‘The Vicar’

“I will govern my life and my thoughts as if the whole world were to see the one and to read the other; for what does it signify to make anything a secret to my neighbor, when to God (who is the searcher of our hearts) all our privacies are open?” -Seneca (Lucius Annaeus Seneca (4 B.C.E. - C.E. 65))

“A single bad habit will mar an otherwise faultless character, as an ink-drop soileth the pure white page.” -Hosea Ballou (1771 - 1852)

●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●

Who Am I?

I am your constant companion.
I am your greatest helper or heaviest burden.
I will push you onward or drag you down to failure.
I am completely at your command.
Half of the things you do you might as well turn over to me and I will do them - quickly and correctly.
I am easily managed - you must be firm with me.
Show me exactly how you want something done and after a few lessons, I will do it automatically.
I am the servant of great people, and alas, of all failures as well.
Those who are great, I have made great.
Those who are failures, I have made failures.
I am not a machine though I work with the precision of a machine plus the intelligence of a person.
You may run me for profit or run me for ruin - it makes no difference to me.
Take me, train me, be firm with me, and I will place the world at your feet.
Be easy with me and I will destroy you.
Who am I? I am Habit.

by Dennis P. Kimbro

●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●

“The will that yields the first time with some reluctance does so the second time with less hesitation, and the third time with none at all, until presently the habit is adopted.” -Henry Giles (1809 - 1882)

“We first make our habits, and then our habits make us.” -John Dryden (1631 - 1700)

“A large part of Christian virtue consists in right habits.” -William Paley (1743 - 1805)

“Habit is stronger than nature.” [English translation]
“Consuetudo natura potentior est.” [original Latin]
-Quintus Curtius Rufus: “De Rebus Gestis Alexandri Magni,” V, 5, 21

“Habit is a compromise effected between an individual and his environment.” -Samuel Beckett (1906 - 1989): “Proust” (1930) essay

“To uproot an old habit is sometimes a more painful thing, and vastly more difficult, than to wrench out a tooth.” -Samuel Smiles (1812 - 1904): “Self-Help; with Illustrations of Character and Conduct” (1859), chapter 13: ‘Character: The True Gentleman’

“Conquer your bad habits or they will conquer you.” -Rob Gilbert

“Each day, compel yourself to do something you would rather not do.” -Author Unknown

“The best way to stop a bad habit is to never begin it.” -J. C. Penney (James Cash ‘J. C.’ Penney (1875 - 1971))

“We must make automatic and habitual, as early as possible, as many useful actions as we can.” -William James (1842 - 1910)

“The habits you practice every day will make you or break you.” -John C. Maxwell (John Calvin Maxwell (born 1947))

“It’s not what you do once in a while, it’s what you do day in and day out that makes the difference.” -Jenny Craig (born 1932)

“The worst boss anyone can have is a bad habit.” -Monta Crane (Monta Mildred Henrichs Crane (1911 - 2009))

“The secret to permanently breaking any bad habit is to love something greater than the habit.” -Bryant McGill (Bryant H. McGill (born 1969))

“Habit is, as it were, a second nature.” [English translation]
“Consuetude quasi altera natura effici.” [original Latin]
-Cicero (Marcus Tullius Cicero, also known as Tully (106 B.C.E. - 43 B.C.E.)): “De finibus bonorum et malorum” (“On the ends of good and evil”) (45 B.C.E.) V, 25, ’Tusculanarum Disputationum,’ II, 17

“Habit is either the best of servants or the worst of masters.” -Nathanael Emmons (also spelled Nathaniel Emmons (1745 - 1840))

“You will never change your life until you change something you do daily.” -Mike Murdock (Michael Dean ‘Mike’ Murdock (born 1946))

“Every day do at least one good thing.” [English translation in English characters]
“Ichi nichi, ichi zen.” [original Japanese in English characters]
「毎日少なくとも1つ良いことをする。」[original Japanese in Japanese characters]
-Author Unknown: Japanese proverb

“The way you react has been repeated thousands of times, and it has become a routine for you. You are conditioned to be a certain way. And that is the challenge: to change your normal reactions, to change your routine, to take a risk and make different choices.” -Don Miguel Ruiz (pseudonym of Miguel Ángel Ruiz Macias (born 1952))

“Habit had made the custom.” [English translation]
“Morem fecerat usus.” [original Latin]
-Ovid (Publius Ovidius Naso (43 B.C.E. - C.E. 17.)): “Metamorphoses,” II, line 345

“If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you have always gotten.” -Jane Kirkpatrick (born 1946): “What Once We Loved” (2001)

“Habits change into character.” -Ovid (Publius Ovidius Naso (43 B.C.E. - C.E. 17 or 18.))

“Habits are formed by the repetition of particular acts. They are strengthened by an increase in the number of repeated acts. Habits are also weakened or broken, and contrary habits are formed, by the repetition of contrary acts.” -Mortimer J. Adler (Mortimer Jerome Adler (1902 - 2001))

“Nothing is stronger than habit.” [English translation]
“Nil consuetudine majus.” [original Latin]
-Ovid (Publius Ovidius Naso (43 B.C.E. - C.E. 17 or 18.)): “Ars Amatoria,” II, line 345

“Read something positive every night and listen to something helpful every morning.” -Tom Hopkins (born 1944)

“The chains of habit are generally too small to be felt till they are too strong to be broken.” -Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784): as attributed in “The Guardian” (May 1871) magazine, volume XXII

“Old habits die hard, I guess. If you don’t kick them, they kick you.” -Author Unknown: “Payback” (1999) movie; line spoken by fictional character Porter portrayed by actor Mel Gibson

“Have regular hours for work and play; make each day both useful and pleasant, and prove that you understand the worth of time by employing it well. Then youth will be delightful, old age will bring few regrets, and life will become a beautiful success.” -Louisa May Alcott (1832 - 1888)

“Pursuits become habits.” [English translation]
“Abeunt studia in mores.” [original Latin]
-Ovid (Publius Ovidius Naso (43 B.C.E. - C.E. 17 or 18.)): “Heroides,” XV, line 83

“Some things you have to do every day. Eating seven apples on Saturday night instead of one a day just isn’t going to get the job done.” -Jim Rohn (Emanuel James ‘Jim’ Rohn (1930 - 2009))

“It takes 3 weeks to break a habit, 6 weeks to develop a new habit, and 36 weeks to hardwire this new habit.” -Patrick Holford

“The secret of your success is hidden in your daily habits.” -Mike Murdock

This is MFOL! . . . if it’s getting to be a habit, at least it’s a good one!

0 Comments

Best Wishes and Toasts

1/28/2019

0 Comments

We wish you every happiness!

“I see only blue skies and green lights for you.” -Author Unknown

“May you never have to eat your hat.” -Author Unknown

Happy

Happy have we met,
     Happy have we been,
Happy may we part,
     And happy meet again.

by Author Unknown

“May every sunrise bring you hope, and may every sunset bring you peace.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

I Wish Thee

I wish thee health,
     I wish thee wealth,
I wish thee gold in store,
     I wish thee Heaven upon Earth -
What could I wish thee more?
     May your troubles be little ones.

by Author Unknown

“May your every good wish come true.” -Author Unknown

Imagine you are sending a congratulatory email, posting a message on someone’s page on a social networking website, making a dinner party or wedding toast, creating a home-made greeting card, calling a relative or business associate, signing a school yearbook . . . what would you write or say? In this ‘Best Wishes and Toasts’ topic on ‘MFOL!’ you will find examples.

If love were a raindrop,
    I would send you a shower.
If hope were a minute,
    I would send you an hour.
If happiness were a leaf,
    I would send you a tree.
If you need a friend,
    you will always have me!
-Author Unknown

May you have a long, fulfilling life.

A Toast to Us

A toast to us, my good round friends,
     To bless the things we eat;
For it has been full many a year
     Since we have seen our feet.
Yet who would lose a precious pound
     By trading sweets for sours?
It takes a mighty girth indeed
     To hold such hearts as ours.

by Wallace Irwin (1875 - 1959)

“May your strengths be greater than your weaknesses.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

Be well.

“Live long and prosper.” -Spock (fictional character portrayed by actor Leonard Nimoy (1931 - 2015)): “Star Trek,” season 2, episode 1: “Amok Time” (1968); based on the “Star Trek” series created by Eugene Wesley ‘Gene’ Roddenbery (1921 - 1991)

Here’s to In-Laws

Here’s to bride and mother-in-law,
Here’s to groom and father-in-law,
Here’s to sister and brother-in-law,
Here’s to friends and friends-in-law,
May none of them need an attorney-at-law.

by Author Unknown

“May your life be as smooth as butter.” -Author Unknown

“I wish you all very good lives.” -Plutarch (C.E. 46 - C.E. 120)

The Arithmetic of Life

May your life be like arithmetic:
Joys added,
Sorrows subtracted,
Friends multiplied,
Love un-divided,
Blessings to infinity.

by Author Unknown

“May you find a moment of joy in each day to come!” -Author Unknown

“May all of your horrible beginnings have wonderful endings.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

A Thanksgiving Day Dinner Toast

Here’s to the day when first
The Yankees acknowledged
Heaven’s good gifts
With Thank’ees.

by Author Unknown

“May your today be better than your yesterday, but not as good as your tomorrow.” -Author Unknown

“To your health!” [English translation]
Sláinte! [original Irish Gaelic]
-Author Unknown

“May the Lord bless you and protect you. May the Lord smile on you and be gracious to you. May the Lord show you His favor and give you His peace.” -Author Unknown: “The Bible,” ‘Book of Numbers,’ chapter 6, verses 26 – 26

Take care!

“Long life to you.” [English translation]
“Fad saol agat.” [original Irish Gaelic]
-Author Unknown

Question: What is big and gray, and carries flowers to cheer you up when you do not feel well?
Answer: A Get-Well-Ephant!

“Here’s to the two great American birds! May you always have one on your table and the other in your pocket - the turkey and the eagle.” -Author Unknown

“May you fear no outer darkness, and know no lack of inner light.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

“May God’s love be with you.” -Author Unknown

“May your life be so full of good people and good things that you never have to say goodbye to more than one of them at a time, so that no part of your life may ever be empty.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

Blessed be.

“May the warmth of our affections survive the frosts of age.” -Author Unknown

“May your days be many and may you succeed in life beyond your greatest expectations!” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

Get Well Soon!

I’m in a 10der mood 2day
     & feel poetic, 2;
4 fun I’ll just - off a line
     & send it off 2U.

I’m sorry you’ve been 6 o long;
     Don’t B disconsol8;
But bear your ills with 42de,
     & they won’t seem so gr8.

by Author Unknown

“Love many, trust a few, always paddle your own canoe!” -Author Unknown

“Hail wedded love, mysterious law, true source of human happiness.” -John Milton (1608 - 1674)

An Irish Blessing

May flowers always line your path
     and sunshine light your day.
May songbirds serenade you
    every step along the way.
May a rainbow run beside you
    in a sky that’s always blue.
And may happiness fill your heart
    each day your whole life through.

by Author Unknown

“May the rest of your life be the best of your life!” -Author Unknown

Graduation

I do not know beneath what sky
     Nor on what seas shall be thy fate;
I only know it shall be high,
     I only know it shall be great.

by Author Unknown

“I wish you well in your endeavors.” -Author Unknown

“May we be alive at this time next year!” [English translation]
“Go mbeire muid beo ar an am seo aris!” [original Irish Gaelic]
-Author Unknown

●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●

I Wish You All the Happiness

I wish you all the happiness
You’ll ever need to get by

I wish you all the happiness
You’ll ever need to get by

I hope your dreams will all come true
I hope you find what works for you
I hope you live and never die
I hope you spread your wings and fly

And if you ever need a friend
I’ll be right here ’round the bend
’Cause I got my eyes on you
And all the crazy things you do

I wish you all the happiness
You’ll ever need to get by

I wish you all the happiness
You’ll ever need to get by

I hope you finally find your truth
I hope you hold onto your youth
I hope you pass your days with a smile
I hope you travel many miles

I hope you never feel the hurt
Of all the pain that’s buried in the dirt
I hope you always find the time
To be with those who ease your mind

And if you ever need a friend
I’ll be with you ’til the end
’Cause I got my eyes on you
And all the beauty inside you

I wish you all the happiness
You’ll ever need to get by

I wish you all the happiness
You’ll ever need to get by

I wish you all the happiness
You’ll ever need to get by

by Calvin Becker

●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●

We wish all good things for you.

“May the most you wish for be the least you get!” -Jay O’Brian

Ships

There are strong ships
     And there are fast ships,
Among ships that sail the sea -
     But the best ships
Are friendships.
     So here’s to you,
And here’s to me,
     Good friends may we always be.

by Author Unknown

Have a beautiful life.

“We never eat [to] anybody’s health, always drink [to] it. Why should we not stand up now and then and eat a tart to somebody’s success?” -Jerome K. Jerome (Jerome Klapka Jerome (1859 - 1927)): “The Idle Thoughts of an Idle Fellow: A Book for an Idle Holiday” (1892)

In your life, may everything be good.

May the blessings of each day
Be the blessings you need most.
-Author Unknown

May good things come your way!

“May the hinges of friendship never rust, or the wings of love lose a feather.” -Edward Bannerman Ramsey (1793 - 1872): “Reminiscences of Scottish Life: A Toast”

Overheard: I hope you always find always find a reason to smile!

This is MFOL! . . . may we all keep thinking happy thoughts until the Universe becomes positively radiant with them . . . wow, look at how sparkly it is!

0 Comments

Horror Stories

1/27/2019

0 Comments

It seems like an inviting house - shall we see if anybody is home?

<O> <O> <O> <O> <O> <O> <O> <O> <O> <O> <O> <O>

Never Mind Them Watermelons

Well now, old Sam Gibb, he did not believe in ghosts. Not one bit. Everyone in town knew the old house back in the woods was haunted, but Sam Gibb just laughed whenever folks talked about it. Finally, the blacksmith dared Sam Gibb to spend the night in the haunted house. If he stayed there until dawn, the blacksmith would buy him a whole cartload of watermelons. Sam was delighted. Watermelon was Sam’s absolute favorite fruit. He accepted the dare at once, packed some matches and his pipe, and went right over to the house to spend the night.

Sam went into the old house, started a fire, lit his pipe, and settled into a rickety old chair with yesterday’s newspaper. As he was reading, he heard a creaking sound. Looking up, he saw that a gnarled little creature with glowing red eyes had taken the seat beside him. It had a long, forked tail, two horns on its head, claws at the ends of its hands, and sharp teeth that poked right through its large lips.

“There ain’t nobody here tonight except you and me,” the creature said to old Sam Gibb. It had a voice like the hiss of flames. Sam’s heart nearly stopped with fright. He leapt to his feet.

“There ain’t going to be nobody here but you in a minute,” Sam Gibb told the gnarled creature. He leapt straight for the nearest exit - which happened to be the window - and hi-tailed it down the lane lickety-split. He ran so fast he overtook two rabbits being chased by a coyote. But it wasn’t long before he heard the pounding of little hooves, and the gnarled creature with the red eyes had caught up with him.

“You’re making pretty good speed for an old man,” said the creature to old Sam Gibb.

“Oh, I can run much faster than this,” Sam Gibb told it. He took off like a bolt of lightning, leaving the gnarled creature in the dust. As he ran past the smithy, the blacksmith came flying out of the forge to see what was wrong.

“Never mind about them watermelons,” Sam Gibb shouted to the blacksmith without breaking his stride.

Old Sam Gibb ran all the way home and hid under his bed for the rest of the night. After that, he was a firm believer in ghosts and spooks, and he refused to go anywhere near the old house in the woods.

<O> <O> <O> <O> <O> <O> <O> <O> <O> <O> <O> <O>

In the Dark

In the dark, dark woods, there is a dark, dark house.
And in the dark, dark house, there is a dark, dark room.
And in the dark, dark room, there is a dark, dark cabinet.
And in the dark, dark cabinet, there is a dark, dark shelf.
And on the dark, dark shelf, there is a dark, dark box.
And in the dark, dark box . . . there is a ghost!

by Author Unknown

Horror stories can be more or less frightening than reality. They form an important part of human play, helping to immunize us against the real terrors of the world in which we live so that we can go on in spite of it all. And the humor? It is the sugar that helps the medicine go down.

A woman awakened in the night to see a hideous apparition with glowing red eyes at the foot of her bed. The creature had an appearance like some sort of fog or mist, and she could see right through it. It had a hand on her husband’s ankle and was pulling him off the bed. The woman cried, “Stop!” The thing said, “He’s mine!” and continued to pull her husband off the bed. The woman screamed, “Be gone with you in the name of all that is good!” The fog immediately released the man’s ankle and vanished down into the narrow spaces between the floorboards, glowing red eyes and all, to be seen no more. When her husband awoke in the morning, he had dark bruises all around his ankle.

Skeleton and Ghost

A skeleton once in Khartoum
Invited a ghost to its room.
They spent the whole night
In the eeriest fight
As to which should be frightened of whom.

by Author Unknown

<O> <O> <O> <O> <O> <O> <O> <O> <O> <O> <O> <O>

Bob and Betty Hill

Bob Hill and his new wife, Betty, were vacationing in Europe; as it happened, in Transylvania. They were driving a rental car along a rather deserted highway. It was late, and raining very hard. Bob could barely see ten feet in front of the car. Suddenly, the car skid out of control! Bob attempted to control the car, but to no avail. The car swerved and smashed into a tree.

Moments later, Bob shook his head to clear the fog. Dazed, he looked over at the passenger seat and saw his wife unconscious, with a large bump on her head. Despite the rain and unfamiliar countryside, Bob knew he had to carry her to the nearest phone. Bob carefully picked his wife up and began trudging down the road. After a short while, he saw a light.

He headed toward the light, which was coming from a big old house. He approached the door and knocked. A minute passed. A small, hunched man opened the door. Bob immediately blurted out, “Hello, my name is Bob Hill, and this is my wife, Betty. We have been in a terrible accident, and my wife has been seriously hurt. Can I please use your phone?”

“I am sorry,” replied the hunchback, “but we do not have a phone. My master is a doctor. Come in and I will go get him.”

Bob carried his wife in. An elegant man came down the stairs. “I am afraid my assistant may have misled you. I am not a medical doctor. I am a scientist. However, it is many miles to the nearest clinic, and I have had basic medical training. I will see what I can do. Igor, take them down to the laboratory.”

With that, Igor picked up Betty and carried her downstairs, with Bob following closely behind. Igor placed Betty on a table in the lab. Bob collapsed from exhaustion and his own injuries, so Igor placed Bob on an adjoining table. After a brief examination, Igor’s master looked worried. “Things are serious, Igor. Prepare a transfusion.”

Igor and his master worked feverishly, but to no avail. Bob and Betty were no more. The Hills’ deaths upset Igor’s master greatly. Wearily, he climbed the steps to his conservatory, which housed his pipe organ, for it was here that he had always found solace. He began to play, and a stirring, haunting melody filled the house.

Meanwhile, Igor was still in the lab tidying up. As the music filled the lab, his eyes spied movement. He noticed the fingers on Betty’s hand twitch. Stunned, he watched as Bob’s arm began to rise! He was even further amazed as Betty sat straight up! Unable to contain himself, he dashed up the stairs to the conservatory. He burst in and shouted to his master -

You sure you want to know? Okay, you asked for it -

“Master, Master! The Hills are alive with the sound of music!”

<O> <O> <O> <O> <O> <O> <O> <O> <O> <O> <O> <O>

“It’s fascinating to think that all around us there’s an invisible world we can’t even see. I’m speaking, of course, of the ‘World of the Invisible Scary Skeletons.’” -Jack Handy (born 1949)

Perhaps now would be a good time for you to make the maniacal laugh you have been working on . . .

A couple was walking home after a Halloween party, and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery, they were startled by a tap-tap-tap sound coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, they discovered an old man with a hammer and chisel was chipping away at one of the headstones. “Hey, Mister,” the guy said after catching his breath, “You scared us half to death - we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working out here so late at night?” “Those fools!” the old man grumbled. “They misspelled my name!”

Overheard: If people in horror movies would only listen to me, they might be able to escape!

A man was walking home alone late one night when he heard a BUMP . . . BUMP . . . BUMP . . . behind him. Walking faster, he looked back, and made out the image of an upright coffin banging its way down the middle of the street towards him. BUMP . . . BUMP . . . BUMP . . . Terrified, the man began to run towards his home, the coffin bouncing quickly behind him . . . faster . . . faster . . . BUMP . . . BUMP . . . BUMP . . . He ran up to his door, fumbled with his keys, opened the door, rushed in, slammed and locked the door behind him. However, the coffin crashed through his door, with the lid of the coffin clapping . . . clappity-BUMP . . . clappity-BUMP . . . clappity-BUMP . . . on the heels of the terrified man. Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locked himself in. His heart was pounding; his head was reeling; his breath was coming in sobbing gasps. With a loud crash, the coffin started breaking down the door . . . Bumping and clapping towards him. The man screamed and reached for something heavy, anything . . . his hand came to rest on a roll of cough drops. Desperate, he threw the cough drops as hard as he could at the apparition . . . and . . . the coffin stopped! Why, you ask? Because, as everyone knows, cough drops stop the coffin!

Earth itself is a horror story in a terrifying Universe. Here is just one example that proves it: Lightning strikes the planet about 6,000 times every minute, and little gray-green creatures called television repairmen run around all over the planet, chasing the lightning to try to catch it - what, that isn’t true at all?

“I grew up in Michigan on the Lower Peninsula, on Lake Saint Clair. We lived out in the country, at a time when there was still some of it around, and the woods spread as far as you could see. Other than the main road, everything was dirt. The road that this story takes place on is not far from my childhood home. I can’t say for sure if it is true or not. Some people insist that it is, while others insist it is just a made-up story. I never saw it but that does not mean it is not real. So here is the tale of my hometown ghost. It took place in Algonac, on Marrow Road. The story behind the road is that a woman went out in the middle of a winter night to try to find her toddler, who had somehow gotten out alone. Sadly, they both froze solid in the cold. If you park on the bridge at midnight and honk your car horn three times, she will appear to see if you have her baby. She is also said to be wearing a white gown at times and carrying her baby. At other times, a green light will hover and chase people away.” -Author Unknown

Overheard: I have seen things . . . awful things . . . empty coffee cup things . . .

Horror stories and scary tales can have unstated morals - stories about haunted houses can keep people from trespassing in abandoned properties, which are often unsafe and can result in injury, typically from such things as people falling through floors with rotten floorboards, or old rafters and beams falling on people. Can you think of other possibly unsafe places that horror stories might protect people from?

This story comes from the early twentieth century. Some of you may be old enough to remember the twentieth century. It happened in the life of a man named Jedidiah Jeremiah. As he tells it, “I inherited an estate in New Hampshire from my grandmother on my father’s side of the family. The house was a twenty-bedroom mansion. Large orchards covered the property. I stayed in the mansion to watch over the property until it could be sold at auction. I slept in the only heated part of the mansion, the servants’ quarters adjoining the kitchen. At nights, just before dawn, while I slept, my covers would be pulled off. After a few nights, this became tiresome, so I lay awake in bed one night, and when the covers began to be pulled off me, I pulled back. I became involved in a tug-of-war with some things that growled at me. I jumped up in terror, stood up on top of the mattress, and threw the covers on the floor at the foot of the bed. After that, for the remaining nights, I stayed in a hotel several miles away. I drove to the estate during the day. I arrived early one morning to look over the bedroom, and in the closet I found some loose floorboards that I pulled up. Underneath was a sort of tunnel leading through a crawl space to the outside of the mansion, with the orchards just a few hundred yards beyond. A few days following, while in the nearby town, I looked up the old cook. I mentioned the nighttime goings on.” “That,” he said, “Would have been the tree imps. They were waking you to let you know to begin preparations for breakfast.” “Tree imps?” I said. “Yes, the souls of the poor departed servants, staying on to care for the orchards, house, and grounds of the estate.”

In the Dark

In the dark, dark world
     There’s a dark, dark, country;
In the dark, dark, country,
     There are dark, dark woods;
In the dark, dark woods
     There’s a dark, dark house;
And in the dark, dark house
     There’s a man trying to find the circuit breaker!

by Author Unknown

For a frightfully good time, read Maurice Sendaks’ book “Where the Wild Things Are” (9 April 1963). This children’s picture book is 40 pages long and has just 338 words. It is available from your local public library or bookseller or on the interwebs.

End It Your Way!

There was a young lady from Norway
Who saw something strange in a doorway.
     What she saw she won’t say,
     But her red hair turned gray,
Now won’t you just end it your way?

by Author Unknown

“The witching hour, somebody had once whispered to her, was a special moment in the middle of the night when every child and every grown-up was in a deep, deep sleep, and all the dark things came out from hiding and had the world all to themselves.” -Roald Dahl (1916 - 1990): “The BFG” (1982)

Would it be better to have a horrible ending, or to have horrors without end?

A Gruesome Story

Do you want to hear a gruesome story?
     A farmer planted a pumpkin seed.
He watered it and cared for it very well,
     And soon it grew some, and grew some!

by Author Unknown

Some time ago, a woman who was an up-and-coming nature photographer decided to spend a day and a night alone in the woods outside of town. She wanted to get photos of the woods and wildlife as naturally as she could, for her portfolio. She was not afraid of being alone, as she had camped by herself many times before. She set up a tent in the middle of a small clearing and spent the day taking pictures. She filled up two memory cards on that trip, but something was strange about them. What she saw in those pictures has stayed with ever since, and she is still trying to recover from the trauma they have caused her . . . almost every picture was accounted for, save for one picture in each memory card. These pictures were of her, asleep in her tent in the middle of the night.

Emma: What would you get if you crossed scary stories with nursery rhymes?
Esmeralda: Mother Goosebumps.

A man stood on the side of the road hitchhiking on a very dark night in the middle of a storm. As the night went by no cars passed him. The storm was so strong, he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly he saw a car come towards him and stop. The guy, without thinking about it, got in the car and closed the door, only to realize that nobody was behind the wheel. The car started slowly. The guy looked at the road and saw a curve coming his way. Scared, he started praying, and begged for his life. He hadn’t come out of shock, when just before he hit the curve, a hand appeared through the window and moved the wheel. The guy, paralyzed in terror, watched as the hand appeared every time just before a curve. The guy gathered his strength, got out of the car, and ran to the nearest town. Wet from the falling rain and in shock, he ran into a diner and asked for a glass of water, and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he had gone through. A silence enveloped everybody when they realized the guy was crying and seemed sincere. About half an hour later, two guys walked into the same diner, and one said to the other, “Look, that’s the guy who climbed into the car while we were pushing it.”

“Monsters are real and ghosts are real. They live inside us and sometimes they win.” -Stephen King (born 1947)

A young American tourist went on a guided tour of a creepy old castle. At the end of the tour, the guide asked her if she enjoyed it. She admitted to being a bit worried about seeing a ghost in some of the dark cobweb-lined rooms and passages. “Don’t worry,” said the guide, “I’ve never seen a ghost in all of the time I’ve been here.” “How long is that?” asked the girl. “About four hundred years.”

<O> <O> <O> <O> <O> <O> <O> <O> <O> <O> <O> <O>

Antigonish

“Yesterday, upon the stair,
     I met a man who wasn’t there!
He wasn’t there again today,
     Oh how I wish he’d go away!”

When I came home last night at three,
     The man was waiting there for me
But when I looked around the hall,
     I couldn’t see him there at all!
Go away, go away, don’t you come back any more!
     Go away, go away, and please don’t slam the door . . .

Last night I saw upon the stair,
     A little man who wasn’t there,
He wasn’t there again today
     Oh, how I wish he’d go away . . .

by William Hughes Mearns (1875 - 1965): “The Psyco-ed” (1899)

<O> <O> <O> <O> <O> <O> <O> <O> <O> <O> <O> <O>

Poltergeists: Bothersome ghosts that make noises and make objects move.
Poultrygeists: Haunted chickens.

Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Ghoul.
Ghoul, who?
Ghoul D. Locks . . . and the Three Scares!

This is MFOL! . . . weird and wonderful fun . . .

0 Comments

Thomas Alva Edison

1/23/2019

0 Comments

The inventor at work . . .

“If we did all the things we are capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves.” -Thomas A. Edison: as quoted in Martin E. Ford: “Motivating Humans: Goals, Emotions, and Personal Agency Beliefs” (1992), page 17

Thomas Edison is known for developing commercial light bulbs, but he also invented moving pictures, or movies, and recordable sound machines, or phonographs, which preceded record players, cassette tape players, compact disk players, and MP3 players.

“To invent, you need a good imagination and a pile of junk.” -Thomas A. Edison: as quoted in Ronald C. Arkin: “Behavior-Based Robotics” (1998), page 8

On 20 November 1877, the first sound recording, made on wax cylinders, was demonstrated by Thomas Edison. His voice was the first human voice in history ever to be recorded, with his recitation of the poem, “Mary Had a Little Lamb.”

“The three great essentials to achieve anything worthwhile are: first, hard work; second, stick-to-it-iveness; and third, common sense.” -Thomas A. Edison

On 19 February 1878, Thomas Alva Edison patented a music player that he called a ‘speaking machine.’ Eventually, it evolved into the modern phonograph.

“My main purpose in life is to make money so I can afford to go on creating more inventions . . .” -Thomas A. Edison

Thomas Alva Edison (tŏmꞋəs ălꞋvə/älꞋvä ĕdꞋĭ-sən) was born on 11 February 1847 in Milan, Ohio, United States of America. Although he was a school dropout, hard of hearing, and suffered temporary impairment of his sight, he is considered by many to have been the greatest inventor of all time, holding 1,093 United States patents. The ones for which he is perhaps best known are on a device called the carbon granule microphone (1877), which converts acoustic vibrations, or sound, into fluctuating electrical signals that can be transmitted through wires between telephones; a device for recording and playing back sound, called the phonograph (1878); and the first practical long lasting electric light, called the carbon filament incandescent lamp (1879). In addition to being an inventor, he was a businessman and the founder of General Electric. Thomas Alva Edison passed on at 84 years of age on 18 October 1931 in West Orange, New Jersey, United States of America.

“Thomas Edison dreamed of a lamp that could be operated by electricity, began where he stood to put his dream into action, and despite more than ten thousand failures, he stood by that dream until he made it a physical reality. Practical dreamers do not quit.” -Napoleon Hill

“To have a great idea, have a lot of them.” -Thomas A. Edison

Many people, including Joseph Swan, created electric lights, but none succeeded in creating commercially successful lighting. Then along came Thomas Edison. His first successful incandescent lamp, or light bulb, was patented on 27 January 1879. It was intended to have “a carbon filament or strip coiled and connected to platina contact wires.” A few months later, he made a longer lasting carbonized bamboo filament, and the light bulb it was placed in still burns today at the Smithsonian Museum in Washington, District of Columbia, United States of America.

“I speak without exaggeration when I say that I have constructed 3,000 different theories in connection with the electric light, each one of them reasonable and apparently likely to be true. Yet only in two cases did my experiments prove the truth of my theory. My chief difficulty was in constructing the carbon filament. . . . Every quarter of the globe was ransacked by my agents, and all sorts of the queerest materials used, until finally the shred of bamboo, now utilized by us, was settled upon.” -Thomas A. Edison: as quoted in George Parsons Lathrop: ‘Talks with Edison’ published in “Harper’s New Monthly Magazine” (February 1890), Volume 80, page 425

“If Thomas Edison had had an MBA*, he probably would have tried to invent a bigger candle.” -Bennett Goodspeed
*MBA: Master of Business Administration.

“College men are amazingly ignorant.” -Thomas A. Edison

“Good enough for our transatlantic friends . . . but unworthy of the attentions of practical or scientific men.” -Author Unknown: British Parliamentary Committee (1878), commenting on Thomas Edison’s electric lamp

“One might think that the money value of an invention constitutes its reward to the man who loves his work. But speaking for myself, I can honestly say this is not so . . . I continue to find my greatest pleasure, and so my reward, in the work that precedes what the world calls ‘success.’” -Thomas A. Edison

“Nearly every man who develops an idea works at it up to the point where it looks impossible, and then gets discouraged. That’s not the place to become discouraged.” -Thomas A. Edison

How did Thomas Alva Edison get started as an inventor? Once upon a time, there was a little six-year-old boy who took home a note saying he need not come to school since he was “too stupid to learn.” That boy was Thomas Alva Edison.

In 1854, Thomas Edison’s family had moved to Port Huron, Michigan, United States of America, where he attended public school for a total of 12 weeks. What some would call a hyperactive child or prone to distraction, he was deemed ‘difficult’ by his teacher. His mother promptly removed him from school and taught him at home.

“I remember that I was never able to get along at school. I was at the foot of the class*.” -Thomas A. Edison
*Foot of the class: The position or place opposite of the ‘head’ of a class, head of the class referring to the top-ranking student or students.

Thomas Edison never graduated from grade school. But suppose if some of the students who are classified as difficult to teach, like young Mr. Edison, are simply the smart students who have normal, healthy impulses, or natural instincts, to do something rather than just sit in a chair all day, and suppose the students who sit motionless and quiet in their chairs and are called ‘well-behaved’ and ‘obedient’ are in some cases actually duds? We might be entirely mistaken in our diagnosis of many young people, and we just have to change our entire way of thinking about how we treat them!

As a child, Thomas Edison began to experiment with chemicals in the basement of his home. At 12 years of age, using some of his early inventive knowledge, he set up a laboratory at the back of a train on which he had a job selling food, sweets, and newspapers to the passengers. One day when the train jarred, the chemicals in his laboratory spilled and caused a fire, so he was fired from the job. However, he had learned Morse code, which later allowed him to get another job, as a telegraph operator.

When he was 14 years of age, Thomas Edison contracted scarlet fever. The effect of the fever, as well as an incident in which he was yanked by someone onto a running train by his ear while attempting to board late, eventually caused him to become completely deaf in his left ear and 80 percent deaf in his right ear.

“Barring serious accidents, if you are not preoccupied with worry and you work hard, you can look forward to a reasonably lengthy existence . . . It’s not the hard work that kills, it’s the worrying that kills.” -Thomas A. Edison

“Of course I’m proud that you invented the electric light bulb. Now turn it off and get to bed!” -Thomas Edison’s mother (This quotation is a highly imaginative attribution.)

“I owe my success to the fact that I never had a clock in my workroom. Seventy-five of us worked twenty hours every day and slept only four hours - and thrived on it.” -Thomas A. Edison: diary entry, as quoted in Scott Teel: “Defending and Parenting Children Who Learn Differently: Lessons from Edison’s Mother” (2007), page 12

It is said that Thomas Edison’s wife used to complain that he worked too hard and needed a rest. “You must forget about work and go on a vacation,” she declared. “But where would I go?” he asked. She replied very simply, “Just decide where you’d rather be more than anywhere else on Earth, and then go there.” “Very well,” promised Mr. Edison. “I will go there tomorrow.” The next morning, he went back to work in his laboratory. (This anecdote, or short story, is likely a highly imaginative one.)

“There is no substitute for hard work.” -Thomas A. Edison

“Edison was a giant. He had gigantic successes and gigantic failures.” -Keith Ellis: “Thomas Edison: Genius of Electricity” (1974)

“X-rays . . . I am afraid of them. I stopped experimenting with them two years ago, when I came near to losing my eyesight and Dally, my assistant practically lost the use of both of his arms.” -Thomas A. Edison: as quoted in ‘Edison Fears Hidden Perils of the X-Rays’ as published in the "New York World" (3 Aug 1903), page 1

After his sight improved, Thomas Edison still preferred using Braille to more conventional reading.

“Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.” -Thomas A. Edison: as quoted in Edison & Ford Winter Estates, editors: “Edison & Ford Quote Book” (2003)

Following are more quotations from Thomas Alva Edison, in no particular order.

“Your worth consists in what you are and not in what you have.” -Thomas A. Edison

“I’ve failed my way to success.” -Thomas A. Edison

“When you’ve exhausted all possibilities, remember this: You Haven’t!” -Thomas A. Edison: as attributed in Robert H. Schuller: “Tough Times Never Last, But Tough People Do!” (1983)

“Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” -Thomas A. Edison: as quoted in John L. Mason: “An Enemy Called Average” (1990), page 55

“I find out what the world needs. Then, I go ahead and invent it.” -Thomas A. Edison: as quoted in Robert A. Wilson and Stanley Marcus, editors: “American Greats” (1999), page 70

“If there is a way to do it better, find it.” -Thomas A. Edison

“We shall have no better conditions in the future if we are satisfied with all those which we have at present.” -Thomas A. Edison

“The first requisite of success is the ability to apply your physical and mental energies to one problem without growing weary.” -Thomas A. Edison

“I did not fail two thousand times. I merely found two thousand ways not to make a light bulb.” -Thomas A. Edison

“Many of life’s failures are men who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.” -Thomas A. Edison

“From his neck down a man is worth a couple of dollars a day, from his neck up he is worth anything that his brain can produce.” -Thomas A. Edison

“The value of an idea lies in using it.” -Thomas A. Edison

“The successful person makes a habit of doing what the failing person doesn’t like to do.” -Thomas A. Edison

“I have not failed 700 times. I have succeeded in proving that those 700 ways will not work. When I have eliminated the ways that will not work, I will find the way that will work.” -Thomas A. Edison

“I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward.” -Thomas A. Edison

“Because I readily absorb ideas from every source - frequently starting where the last person left off - I never pick up an item without thinking of how I might improve it.” -Thomas A. Edison

“They say President Wilson has blundered. Perhaps he has, but I notice he usually blunders forward.” -Thomas A. Edison

“Everything comes to him who hustles while he waits.” -Thomas A. Edison: as quoted in Francis Arthur Jones: “Thomas Alva Edison: Sixty Years of an Inventor’s Life” (1908), page 14

“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” -Thomas A. Edison: as attributed in J. L. Elkhorne: ‘Edison - The Fabulous Drone’ published in “73 Magazine” (March 1967), Volume XLVI, Number 3, page 52

“Genius is one percent inspiration, ninety-nine percent perspiration.” -Thomas A. Edison: as quoted in the “Washington Post” (10 May 1915) newspaper

“I am not overly impressed by the great names and reputations of those who might be trying to beat me to an invention . . . It’s their ‘ideas’ that appeal to me.” -Thomas A. Edison

“The doctor of the future will give no medicine, but will instruct his patient in the care of the human frame, in diet, and in the cause and prevention of disease.” -Thomas A. Edison: as quoted in ‘Wizard Edison’ article published in “The Newark Advocate” (2 January 1903) newspaper, page 1

“Just because something doesn’t do what you planned it to do doesn’t mean it’s useless.” -Thomas A. Edison

“Until man duplicates a blade of grass, nature can laugh at his so-called scientific knowledge.” -Thomas A. Edison

“There is no expedient to which a man will not go to avoid the labor of thinking.” -Joshua Reynolds (1723 - 1792); Thomas Edison liked the quote and posted it around his factory

“I believe in the existence of a Supreme Intelligence pervading the Universe.” -Thomas A. Edison: as quoted in Francis Trevelyan Miller: “Thomas A. Edison, Benefactor of Mankind: The Romantic Life Story of the World’s Greatest Inventor” (1931), page 293, Chapter 25: ‘Edison’s Views on Life - His Philosophy and Religion’

“When I have finally decided that a result is worth getting, I go ahead on it and make trial after trial until it comes.” -Thomas A. Edison

“I have far more respect for the person with a single idea who gets there than for the person with a thousand ideas who does nothing.” -Thomas A. Edison

“Time is really the only capital that any human being has and the thing that he can least afford to waste or lose.” -Thomas A. Edison

“We should remember that good fortune often happens when opportunity meets with preparation.” -Thomas A. Edison

“Unfortunately, there seems to be far more opportunity out there than ability . . .” -Thomas A. Edison

“It’s obvious that we don’t know one millionth of one percent about anything.” -Thomas A. Edison

“Restlessness is discontent - and discontent is the first necessity of progress. Show me a thoroughly satisfied man - and I will show you a failure.” -Thomas A. Edison: as quoted in Dagobert D. Runes, editor: “The Diary and Sundry Observations of Thomas Alva Edison” (1948), page 110

“I never failed once. It just happened to be a 2,000-step process.” -Thomas A. Edison

“Because ideas have to be original only with regard to their adaptation to the problem at hand, I am always extremely interested in how others have used them.” -Thomas A. Edison

“Fail? I haven’t failed! I now know 3,800 ways not to make an electric storage battery.” -Thomas A. Edison

“None of my inventions came by accident. I see a worthwhile need to be met and I make trial after trial until it comes. What it boils down to is one per cent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration.” -Thomas A. Edison: statement in a press conference (1929), as quoted in James D. Newton: “Uncommon Friends: Life with Thomas Edison, Henry Ford, Harvey Firestone, Alexis Carrel & Charles Lindbergh” (1987), page 24

“Failure is really a matter of conceit. People don’t work hard because, in their conceit, they imagine they’ll succeed without ever making an effort. Most people believe that they’ll wake up some day and find themselves rich. Actually, they’ve got it half right, because eventually they do wake up.” -Thomas A. Edison

“My principal business is giving commercial value to the brilliant - but misdirected - ideas of others.” -Thomas A. Edison

“Results! Why, man, I have gotten a lot of results. I know several thousand things that won’t work.” -Thomas A. Edison

“Being busy does not always mean real work. The object of all work is production or accomplishment and to either of these ends there must be forethought, system, planning, intelligence, and honest purpose, as well as perspiration. Seeming to do is not doing.” -Thomas A. Edison

“Be courageous. I have seen many depressions in business. Always America has emerged from these stronger and more prosperous. Be brave as your fathers before you. Have faith! Go forward!” -Thomas A. Edison

“What you are will show in what you do.” -Thomas A. Edison

This is MFOL! . . . never stop imagining, inventing, and innovating . . .

0 Comments

Attitudes and Expectations

1/18/2019

0 Comments

“You ‘can do’ with a ‘can do’ attitude!” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

“Be someone who finds something good in each day, and then share it with others.” -Author Unknown

“A great attitude precedes a great performance.” -Author Unknown

A Bad Attitude

A boy who was terribly rude
Found his trouble: a bad attitude.
He pulled thorns from its side,
Smoothed its raw, ruffled hide,
Cut its claws, and his life was renewed.

by Author Unknown

“Change your attitude and change your life.” -Ann Bench

“A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.” -Herm Albright (1876 - 1944): as attributed in “Reader’s Digest” (1995)

“Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.” -Winston Churchill (Winston Leonard Spencer-Churchill (1874 - 1965))

“The world always looks better from behind a smile.” -Author Unknown

“Clear your mind of can’t.” -Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784)

“In one minute you can change your attitude and in that minute you can change your entire day.” -Spencer Johnson

“The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for the day.” -Charles R. Swindoll (Charles Rozell ‘Chuck’ Swindoll (born 18 October 1934))

“It’s hard to have a good day with a bad attitude or a bad day with a good attitude.” -Joe Moore

“Train your mind to see something good in everything.” -Author Unknown

“A bad attitude is like a flat tire; you can’t go anywhere without changing it.” -Author Unknown

“There is little difference in people, but that little difference makes a big difference. The little difference is attitude. The big difference is whether it is positive or negative.” -W. Clement Stone (William Clement Stone (1902 - 2002))

“It’s so hard when I have to, and so easy when I want to.” -Annie Gottlier

“‘You become what you think about’ is the foundation of your actions and reactions. What are your thoughts? Positive all the time? How are you guiding them?” -Jeffrey Gitomer (born 1946)

“Our attitude toward life determines life’s attitude towards us.” -Earl Nightingale (1921 - 1989)

“The most significant change in a person’s life is a change of attitude. Right attitudes produce right actions.” -William J. Johnson

“Weakness of attitude becomes weakness of character.” -Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955)

“An entire sea of water can’t sink a ship unless it gets inside the ship. Similarly, the negativity of the world can’t put you down unless you allow it to get inside you.” -Author Unknown

“Your attitude is an outward expression of an inward feeling.” -Author Unknown

“A propensity to hope and joy is real riches; one to fear and sorrow, real poverty.” -David Hume (1711 - 1776): “Essays Moral, Political, and Literary” (1875), volume 1, ‘The Sceptic’ (about 1750)

“We tend to live up to our expectations.” -Earl Nightingale (1921 - 1989)

“A Great Attitude becomes a great day which becomes a great month which becomes a great year which becomes a great life.” -Mandy Hale

“A man sees in the world what he carries in his heart.” -Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832)): “Faust” (1808)

“Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape.” -Michael McGriffy

“Attitudes are contagious - is yours worth catching?” -Author Unknown

“Refuse to criticize, condemn, or complain. Instead, think and talk only about the things you really want.” -Brian Tracy (born 1944)

“Any fact facing us is not as important as our attitude toward it, for that determines our success or failure. The way you think about a fact may defeat you before you ever do anything about it. You are overcome by the fact because you think you are.” -Norman Vincent Peale (1898 - 1993)

“The person who says something is impossible should not interrupt the person who is doing it.” -Author Unknown

“Positive attitudes create a chain reaction of positive thoughts.” -Author Unknown

“The predominant thought or the mental attitude is the magnet, and the law is that like attracts like. Consequently, the mental attitude will invariably attract such conditions as to correspond to its nature.” -Charles Haanel

“Surely the world we live in is but the world that lives in us.” -Daisy Bates

“Just because you can’t be a shining star is no reason you have to be a dark cloud.” -Author Unknown

“Declarations are powerful. If you declare that you are going to be an optimistic, upbeat person at all times, an interesting phenomenon takes place. When people expect you to be positive, you don’t want to let them down. You live your intentions every day - every minute.” -Neil Eskelin

“What is important to you is not so much the circumstances of your life as your attitude toward them.” -Ernest C. Wilson

“Attitude is everything.” -Author Unknown

“The world is a looking-glass and gives back to every man the reflection of his own face. Frown at it and it will in turn look sourly upon you; laugh at it and with it, and it is a jolly, kind companion.” -William Makepeace Thackeray (1811 - 1863)

“If you have a positive attitude and constantly strive to give your best effort, eventually you will overcome your immediate problems and find you are ready for greater challenges.” -Pat Riley

“A bad attitude is merely a reflection of how you feel about yourself.” -David Roppo

“Everything can be taken away from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms - to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” -Viktor Frankl (Viktor E. Frankl (1905 - 1997)

●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●

Formula for Living Successfully
(It is easier than you might think!)

Assign each letter of the alphabet a number.
A = 1, B = 2, C = 3, and so forth all the way to Z = 26.

Next, we formulate equations as follows.
H+A+R+D+W+O+R+K = 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%.
K+N+O+W+L+E+D+G+E = 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%.
L+U+C+K = 12+21+3+11 = 47%.

You will notice that none of the above add up to 100%.

So, what does make 100%?

Is it BEING PERFECT? No!
Is it EDUCATION? No!
Is it FATE? No!
Is it GENETICS? No!
Is it MONEY? No!
Is it OTHER PEOPLE? No!

Our ‘ATTITUDE’ in life is what makes for success, as in A+T+T+I+T+U+D+E = 1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%.

To refresh, ‘Attitude matters 100% in life.’ Now wasn’t that fun?

Every problem or condition has a solution, only if we are willing to change our ‘ATTITUDE.’

●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●

“Look at everything as though you were seeing it either for the first time or the last time. Then your time on Earth will be filled with glory.” -Betty Smith (1896 - 1972): “A Tree Grows in Brooklyn” (1943)

“We attract what we habitually expect; we become what we deeply believe.” -William Arthur Ward (1921 - 1994)

“This is the precept by which I have lived: Prepare for the worst; expect the best; and take what comes.” -Hannah Arendt (Johanna ‘Hannah’ Arendt (1906 - 1975))

“It is the nature of man to rise to greatness if greatness is expected of him.” -John Steinbeck (1902 - 1968)

“Every year of my life I grow more convinced that it is wisest and best to fix our attention on the beautiful and the good, and dwell as little as possible on the evil and the false.” -Richard Cecil

“Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting a bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian.” -Dennis Wholey

“Too many people miss the silver lining because they’re expecting gold.” -Maurice Setter

“There are in life as many aspects as attitudes towards it; and aspects change with attitudes . . . Could we change our attitude, we should not only see life differently, but life itself would come to be different. Life would undergo a change of appearance because we ourselves had undergone a change in attitude.” -Katherine Mansfield (1888 - 1923)

“The word ‘lose’ simply stands for Lack Of Success Expectancy.” -Doug Firebaugh

“Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on Earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude.” -Thomas Jefferson (1743 - 1826)

“There is nothing so easy but that it becomes difficult when you do it reluctantly.” -Terence (Publius Terentius Afer (185 B.C.E. - 159 B.C.E.))

“Attitude, more than aptitude, will determine your altitude in life.” -Zig Ziglar (Hilary Hinton ‘Zig’ Ziglar (1926 - 2012))

“Attitude is greatly shaped by influence and association.” -Jim Rohn (Emanuel James ‘Jim’ Rohn (1930 - 2009))

“Be thine own palace, or the world’s thy jail.” -John Donne (1572 - 1631)

“It is our attitude at the beginning of a difficult task which, more than anything else, will affect its successful outcome.” -William James (1842 - 1910)

“We don’t see things as they are, but as we are ourselves.” -Henry M. Tomlinson (1873 - 1958): “Out of Soundings” (1931), chapter 10

“Make it a practice to judge persons and things in the most favorable light at all times and under all circumstances.” -Vincent de Paul (1581 - 1660)

“Take charge of your attitude. Don’t let someone choose it for you.” -Author Unknown

“The quality of our expectations determines the quality of our actions.” -André Godin

“It’s all in the way you look at things.” -Norton Juster (born 1929)

“For success, attitude is equally as important as ability.” -Harry F. Banks

“A little bird is content with a little nest.” -Thomas Draxe (unknown - 1618)

“A healthy attitude is contagious but don’t wait to catch it from others. Be a carrier.” -Author Unknown

“The world can change in an instant. So can the way you choose to see it. Why not choose to see the good in yourself and others?” -Bob Perks

“Your attitude is either the lock on, or the key to the door of success.” -Denis Waitley

“Live up to the highest you know in all things.” -Mildred Mann (1904 - 1971)

“Your mental attitude is something you can control outright and you must use self-discipline until you create a positive mental attitude - your mental attitude attracts to you everything that makes you what you are.” -Napoleon Hill (1883 - 1970)

“What we see depends mainly on what we look for.” -John Lubbock (1834 - 1913)

“Ability is what you’re capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it.” -Raymond Chandler (1888 - 1959)

“The most unknown, unused and unrecognized tool of the human mind, is the recognition that attitude is always a choice.” -Mark Horton

“I am responsible for my attitude. My attitude determines my actions.” -Author Unknown

“The greatest discovery of my generation is that human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitudes of mind.” -William James (1842 - 1910): as attributed in Norman Vincent Peale: “The Power of Positive Thinking” (1952)

“A great attitude does much more than turn on the lights in our worlds; it seems to magically connect us to all sorts of serendipitous opportunities that were somehow absent before we changed.” -Earl Nightingale (1921 - 1989)

This is ‘MFOL!’ . . . it’s a whole new ‘fun’ attitude . . .

0 Comments

Tongue Twisters

1/12/2019

0 Comments

A tongue twister is a group of words that gets your tang all tongueled up . . .

On Holidays and Fridays

Down the slippery slide they slid
     Sitting slightly sideways;
Slipping swiftly, see them skid,
     On holidays and Fridays.

by Author Unknown

Katie saw a kitten eating chicken in the kitchen.

News headline: Grin-Again Gang Gets Gung-Ho About Gladness.

Oyster Stew

An oyster met an oyster,
     And they were oysters two;
Two oysters met two oysters,
     And they were oysters too;
Four oysters met a pint of milk,
     And they were oyster stew.

by Author Unknown

Six slippery snails suddenly slid seaward.

Tongue twisters consist of sequences of sounds, typically of an alliterative type (we will have more to say about that in our upcoming ‘Alliterations’ topic; suffice it to say for now that they are repeated sounds). Tongue twisters are difficult to pronounce quickly and correctly, as for example, ‘Matilda tied twine to three tree twigs.’ Tongue twisters can help students, actors, speakers, and other people develop their speech skills, and are used in speech therapy as an aid in helping people overcome stammers, stutters, lisps, and accents. To obtain the full benefit of a tongue twister, try to repeat it several times, as quickly as possible, without stumbling or mispronouncing the words. Remember, practice makes perfect.

A tiny tiger thinks tough thoughts.

Round and round the rugged rocks the ragged rascal ran.

Betty Botter

Betty Botter had some butter,
     “But,” she said, “this butter’s bitter.
If I bake this bitter butter,
     it would make my batter bitter.
But a bit of better butter
     would make my batter better.”
So she bought a bit of butter,
     better than her bitter butter,
And she baked it in her batter,
     and the batter was not bitter.
So ’twas better that Betty Botter
     bought a bit of better butter.

by Carolyn Wells (1862 - 1942)

How many tweets could a tweeter tweet, if a tweeter could tweet tweets? A tweeter would tweet as many tweets as a tweeter could tweet, if a tweeter could tweet tweets.

There once was a man who had a sister, his name was Mr. Fister. Mr. Fister’s sister sold sea shells by the sea shore. Mr. Fister didn’t sell sea shells, he sold silk sheets. Mr. Fister told his sister that he sold six silk sheets to six sheiks. The sister of Mr. Fister said she sold six shells to six sheiks, too!

She Sells Sea-Shells

She sells sea-shells on the sea-shore;
     The shells she sells are sea-shells, I’m sure,
For if she sells sea-shells on the sea-shore,
     Then I’m sure she sells sea-shore shells.

by Terry Sullivan: “She Sells Sea-Shells” (1908), lyrics; music by Harry Gifford

The zany zoo’s zesty zebra zigzags with zeal.

Yellow Butter

Yellow butter, purple jelly, red jam, black bread;
     Spread it thick, say it quick!
Yellow butter, purple jelly, red jam, black bread;
     Spread it thicker, say it quicker!
Yellow butter, purple jelly, red jam, black bread;
     Don’t say it with your mouth full!

by Author Unknown

Mares eat oats and does eat oats, and little lambs eat ivy. A kid* will eat ivy too, now wouldn’t you?
* kid: a young goat.

“In Hertford, Hereford, and Hampshire hurricanes hardly ever happen.” -Author Unknown: “My Fair Lady” (25 December 1964), a movie musical based upon George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950): “Pygmalion” (16 October 1913)

Sally Swim and Sadie Slee

Sally Swim saw Sadie Slee
     Slowly, sadly swinging.
“She seems sorrowful,” said she.
     So she started singing.

Sadie smiled: soon swiftly swung;
     Sitting straight, steered swiftly.
“So,” said Sally, “something sung
     Scatters sunshine swiftly!”

by Author Unknown

Five fat friars furiously fanned flames for frying frogs’ legs.

Silly Sally’s Sheep

Silly Sally swiftly shooed
    Seven silly sheep.
The seven silly sheep Silly Sally shooed
     Shilly-shallied south.
These sheep shouldn’t sleep in a shack;
     Sheep should sleep in a shed.

by Author Unknown

“Mrs. Smith’s Fish Sauce Shop,” said the shiny sign.

Bust to Dust

A maid with a duster
     Made a furious bluster
          Dusting a bust in the hall.

When the bust it was dusted
     The bust it was busted,
          The bust it was dust, that’s all.

by Author Unknown

Sarah saw a shot-silk sash shop full of shot-silk sashes as the sunshine shone on the side of the shot-silk sash shop.

Shut the Shutter

“Go, my son, and shut the shutter,”
     This I heard a mother utter.
“Shutter’s shut,” the boy did mutter,
     “I can’t shut ’er any shutter.”

by Author Unknown

“Little by little and whittle by whittle the whittler whittled a little winged warbler of willow wood.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

In the movie “Singin’ in the Rain” (1 January 1952), voice coaches use tongue twisters to help silent film actors Don Lockwood (played by actor Gene Kelly) and Lina Lamont (played by actress Jean Hagen) learn proper diction so that they can make the transition from silent films to talkies (movies with sound) in 1920’s Hollywood. In the movie “My Fair Lady” (25 December 1964), phonetics Professor Henry Higgins (played by Rex Harrison), made use of the tongue twister “the rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain” as an aid in training flower girl Eliza Doolittle (played by Audrey Hepburn) to speak without a Cockney accent and to speak like a proper English lady. In the movie “The King’s Speech” (6 September 2010), speech therapist Lionel Logue (played by actor Geoffrey Rush) trains Prince Albert, Duke of York, later to become King George VI (played by actor Colin Firth) to overcome his stammer using the tongue twister, “I have a sieve full of sifted thistles and a sieve full of unsifted thistles, because I am a thistle sifter,” so that he can make public speeches. These are examples, the first two fictional and the second based on actual historical events, in which tongue twisters were used to help people correct or change how they spoke.

How much myrtle would a wood turtle hurdle if a wood turtle could hurdle myrtle? A wood turtle would hurdle as much myrtle as a wood turtle could hurdle if a wood turtle could hurdle myrtle.

A Twister of Twists

A twister of twists once twisted a twist,
And the twist she was twisting
Was a three-twisted twist.
And in twisting this twist
She became entwisted -
Will you pray untwist
The three-twisted twist
In which the twister of twists is entwisted?

by Author Unknown

Say each number and letter aloud:
2 Y’s U R.
2 Y’s U B.
I C U R.
2 Y’s 4 me!

Wristwatch

I wish I hadn’t washed this wristwatch.
     I’ve washed all the wheels and works.
This wristwatch which was washed,
     Oh, how it jumps and jerks!

by Author Unknown

Samuel said several slippery slithering snakes snickered snootily.

How many cookies could a good cook cook, if a good cook could cook cookies? A good cook would cook as much cookies as a good cook who could cook cookies.

Woodchuck

How much wood
     Would a woodchuck chuck,
If a woodchuck
     Could chuck wood?

A woodchuck would chuck
     All the wood he could chuck,
If a woodchuck
     Could chuck wood.

by Author Unknown

Rubber baby buggy bumpers. (Say it three times fast!)

The Smothers brothers’ father’s mother’s brothers are the Smothers brothers’ mother’s father’s other brothers.

“Proper prior planning prevents poor performance.” -Author Unknown

Bear and Boar

Once upon a barren moor
     There dwelt a bear, also a boar.
The bear could not bear the boar.
     The boar thought the bear a bore.

At last the bear could bear no more
     Of that boar that bored him on the moor,
And so one morn he bored the boar -
     That boar will bore the bear no more!

by Author Unknown

Two tree toads tied together tried to trot to town twice.
(We’re thinking it must have been similar to one of those three-legged races humans have.)

Tongue twister: A thing distinctly hard to say, but harder still to do.

Six sly sailors sold seven slightly salted salmon.

Mr. See and Mr. Soar

Mr. See owned a saw.
     And Mr. Soar owned a seesaw.
Now See’s saw sawed Soar’s seesaw
     Before Soar saw See,
Which made Soar sore.
     Had Soar seen See’s saw
Before See sawed Soar’s seesaw,
     See’s saw would not have sawed
Soar’s seesaw.
     So See’s saw sawed Soar’s seesaw.
But it was sad to see Soar so sore
     Just because See’s saw sawed
Soar’s seesaw!

by Author Unknown

If you wanted to become the world’s foremost authority on tongue-twisters, how would you start, and then what would be your next step, and your next step after that? Could you find employment in the language or speech department of a university?

This meeting of the super-secret Society of Tongue Twisters Creators will come to order.

You’ve No Need to Light a Night-Light

You’ve no need to light a night-light
     On a light night like tonight,
For a night-light’s light’s a slight light,
     And tonight’s a night that’s light.
When a night’s light, like tonight’s light,
     It is really not quite right
To light night-lights with their slight lights
     On a light night like tonight.

by Author Unknown

How many cans could a camel can if a camel could can cans?

A sporty tongue twister for athletes: Three free throws.

Tongue twisters can be used just for fun, yet tongue twisters can also be used to treat hiccups; aid in overcoming speech defects such as lisps and stuttering; test the fit of dentures; assist in screening applicants for positions as announcers and broadcasters; and reduce violence between people (as part of an overall effort at humor). It’s all said to be true!

“Martha makes marvelous muffins,” muttered Matthew.

“A pop-up blocker blocks bothersome pop-ups.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●

The following is a diction test for would-be radio announcers, “To be read clearly, without mistakes, in less than 20 seconds.”

“I bought a bit of baking powder and baked a batch of biscuits. I brought a big basket of biscuits back to the bakery and baked a basket of big biscuits. Then I took the big basket of biscuits and the basket of big biscuits and mixed the big biscuits with the basket of biscuits that was next to the big basket and put a bunch of biscuits from the basket into a biscuit mixer and brought the basket of biscuits and the box of mixed biscuits and the biscuit mixer to the bakery and opened a tin of sardines.”

-Author Unknown: as published in “Coronet Magazine” (August 1948)

●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●

Sometimes Cheryl thinks such lofty soft thoughts.

Eleven elves laughingly licked eleven little licorice lollipops.

Imagine if instead of ‘tongue twisters,’ they were called ‘tongue ticklers,’ and every time you tried to say one, you started laughing uncontrollably . . . what a wonderful world that would be!

Wandering Walter went to Wales to watch walruses.

Tongue twisters can help us to identify which letters and sounds in speech we need to practice more so that we can communicate clearly when speaking and sound polished when making speeches.

Do tell, do tongue twisters twist your tongue terribly? Anyone can make a tongue twister, no special skills required, so grab a pen and paper and make your very own personalized verbal calisthenics to get your tongue in great shape for your next speech, job interview, or poetry recital! Now we’re off to the next zany topic . . .

0 Comments

Apple Trees and Apples

1/9/2019

0 Comments

“An apple a day keeps the doctor away.” -Author Unknown: as quoted in the “Anaconda Standard” (23 December 1900) newspaper of Montana, United States of America

Jack: How do you make an apple turnover?
Jill: Roll it down a hill, silly.

According to school tradition, for a period of more than 100 years in the 18th and 19th centuries, the prestigious Yale University (at the time a college) of New Haven, Connecticut, United States of America, served its students the same supper every night: apple pie.

Brenda: What do you call an apple that plays the trumpet?
Melinda: A tooty-fruity!

A city slicker was driving through the country. He stopped at an orchard and asked the owner how much his apples were. “All you can pick for one dollar,” said the orchard’s owner. “All right,” said the city slicker. “I’ll take two dollars’ worth.”

Apple Trees and Apples Facts
- Apple trees produce apples after four or five years of age.
- Most apple blossoms (flowers) are pink when they open but gradually fade to white.
- Apple trees typically blossom in the Spring, with the fruit maturing in the Autumn (Fall).
- Apples can be eaten raw and are used to make juice, cider, vinegar, applesauce, dried apple slices, and many types of desserts and snacks.
- Apple trees can live for more than one hundred years.

Jimmy: What is red and goes putt, putt, putt?
Jeremy: An outboard apple. (Or an apple on a golf course.)

Apples come in a variety of colors, including lime green, golden yellow, burgundy, and chocolate brown.

Apple varieties range in size from a little larger than a cherry to as big as a grapefruit. The largest apple ever picked weighed 1.417 kilograms (3 pounds and 2 ounces).

Apple: A nutritious lunchtime dessert that children will trade for factory-made sugary cupcakes that some people say are a cause of obesity, diabetes, tooth decay, and nutritional deficiencies that lead to poor overall health.

The energy from about fifty apple tree leaves is needed to produce one apple. The apples harvested from an average tree can fill 20 bushel-size boxes that weigh 42 pounds each. A bushel of apples will yield 20 to 24 quarts of applesauce. About 36 apples make a gallon of apple cider. Two pounds of apples go into one 9-inch apple pie.

Daniel: If it took six pigs two hours to eat the apples in an orchard, how many hours would it take three pigs to do the same thing?
Samuel: None, because the six pigs have already eaten them all.

Apple trees can grow to be more than 12 meters (40 feet) tall, so orchard owners must buy or rent equipment that can reach those heights at harvest-time. To avoid the cost and complications that come with the equipment, apple orchard owners are starting to grow dwarf apple trees. Their shorter heights make it easier to prune the branches and harvest the apples. The moral of the story is that taller is not always better - often shorter is.

●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●

An Apple a Day

An apple a day
     Sends the doctor away.

Apple in the morning,
     Doctors take warning.

Roast apple at night,
     Starves the doctor outright.

Eat an apple going to bed,
     Knock a doctor on the head.

An apple each day, seven days a week,
     Rosy apple, rosy cheek.

by Author Unknown

●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●

What are apple peels good for? The peels are a source of substances called ‘antioxidants.’ Antioxidants can help reduce the type of damage to cells that triggers some diseases. An average person’s daily requirement for fiber is 25 grams, and one apple has about five grams of fiber, two-thirds of which is found in the peel. Apples are a good source of the soluble fiber called pectin, which can help lower cholesterol levels.

Peach: When is an apple not an apple?
Plum: When it is a pineapple!

A persistent fear of apples is called malusdomesticaphobia. The word is derived from the scientific name for apples, ‘Malus domestica,’ and the Greek word ‘phobos’ meaning ‘fear.’ The apples are coming to get you! Sorry, we didn’t mean to frighten you. One way to lessen fear is to learn something about what you are fearful of - what would you like to know about apples? It is also possible for a fear of apples to originate with something a person associates with apples. For example, maybe a person was bullied as a child by someone who habitually ate apples, or maybe a person was brought up in extreme poverty, neglect, and abuse, with apples being one of the few available foods, and the person fears returning to live again that part of his or her past.

Lucinda: If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, what does an onion do?
Lucille: It keeps everyone away!

The apple is commonly known as the supposed forbidden fruit of the Garden of Eden. But contrary to this erroneous belief, there is no mention of the apple as the forbidden fruit in “The Bible.” The forbidden fruit mentioned in “The Bible” is referred to as the “fruit from the Tree of Knowledge,” with no specification as to which kind of fruit. It was Hugo Van Der Goes who first implicated the apple as the forbidden fruit in C.E. 1470 in his painting, “The Fall of Man.” After that, it became popular to depict the apple as the forbidden fruit. So, the apple is not the fruit that got Adam and Eve into trouble with God. People can confidently eat an apple without worrying that they are committing a transgression.

Bertha: What is worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Bert: Finding only half a worm.

Eat an apple on going to bed,
And you’ll keep the doctor from earning his bread.
-Author Unknown: Pembrokeshire proverb as quoted in “Notes and Queries” (1866)

“Good apple pies are a considerable part of our domestic happiness.” -Jane Austen (1775 - 1817)

Everybody likes apples! Animals that eat apples include horses, monkeys, squirrels, chimpanzees, bears, raccoons, rabbits, and your younger brother.

The world’s longest continuous length of apple peel was created by the then 16 years of age Kathy Wafler Madison on 16 October 1976 in Rochester, New York, United States of America. It was 52.5 meters (172 feet and 4 inches) long. She grew up to become a sales manager for an apple tree nursery.

Eat an Apple

Eat an apple;
Save the core.
Plant the seeds.
And grow some more.

by Author Unknown

Sweet, flavorful, crunchy, colorful apples are a great alternative to candy, chips, soda pop, and other processed, chemically-laden junk foods and junk beverages. An apple will provide you with energy, fill you up, and at about 84 percent water, will quench your thirst. Apples contain high levels of boron, which stimulates electrical activity in the brain, increasing mental alertness and improving memory. Apples may not be rich in calcium, but the high level of boron also makes them a great food to prevent osteoporosis and strengthen bones. Apples are fat-free, sodium-free, and cholesterol-free. A typical medium-size apple contains about 80 calories.

The ‘Adam’s apple’ is so-called because of a popular idea that it was created when the forbidden fruit got stuck in Adam’s throat when he swallowed it, causing a visible lump in the throat.

Inside every apple is a five-pointed star, somewhat resembling a pentagram in shape. If you want to see the star, ask a responsible grownup to cut an apple in half horizontally, or through its girth.

Torey: What is the difference between apples and worms?
Corey: Apple pies are more common than worm pies.

Apples have five seed pockets, or carpels that contains seeds. The number of seeds per carpel is determined by the vigor and health of the plant. Additionally, different varieties of apples can have different numbers of seeds. On average, apples each have 10 seeds.

A man traveling through the country stopped at a roadside fruit stand and bought some apples. When he commented that they were awfully small, the farmer replied, “Yup.” The man took a bite of one of the apples and exclaimed, “Not very flavorful, either.” “That’s right,” said the farmer. “Lucky they’re small, ain’t it?”

Apples contain malic acid, a chemical used in some teeth whitening products, which helps dissolve stains. For more information about this, be sure to ask your dentist on your next visit to his or her office.

The saying, “An apple a day keeps the doctor away,” is derived from an old Welsh adage, “To eat an apple before going to bed, will make the doctor beg his bread.” While eating apples does not guarantee good health, they do have amazing nutritional value and recognized health benefits.

“Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree.” -Martin Luther (1483 - 1546)

Commercial grade wax is applied to some apples after they are harvested and cleaned, in an effort to keep out bacteria and slow the ripening process. It also makes them shinier. The waxes are made of natural ingredients.

“Surely the apple is the noblest of fruits.” -Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862): “Wild Apples” (1862)

Let’s consider liquefied apples. The difference between apple juice and apple cider is that apple juice is squeezed from only the usually white flesh of the fruit, while apple cider is squeezed from the whole apple - skin, seeds, stem, and all - which gives it a fuller body and deeper color. Additionally, apple juice is pasteurized, or flash heated to reduce the level of active naturally occurring microorganisms, and apple cider is generally not. Freshly pressed apple juice will immediately turn brown upon contact with air because of oxidation; however, a way to prevent this from happening is to add a few drops of lemon juice or lime juice to it, which helps prevent oxidation. One other liquid made from apples is apple cider vinegar, which is derived from the fermentation, or controlled spoilage, of apple mush. Apple cider vinegar is a brownish yellow color.

Apples for Sale! Apple varieties tend to have names chosen in hopes of making them commercially successful, just as other products have brand names. The ‘Delicious’ variety of apples originally was called ‘Hawkeyes.’ Without doubt, the name change makes them more appealing. There are thousands more varieties of apples with great names, including Gala, Golden Delicious, and Granny Smith. Even the saying that ‘an apple a day keeps the doctor away’ might be just a clever way to promote apple-awareness without spending an arm and a leg on advertising.

“Anyone can count the seeds in an apple, but only God can count the number of apples in a seed.” -Robert H. Schuller (Robert Harold Schuller (1926 - 2015))

Archeologists have found evidence that humans have been enjoying apples since at least 6500 B.C.E. Apple trees are thought to have originated in Central Asia between the Caspian Sea and the Black Sea, in the area of present-day Kazakhstan. The only apple variety native to North America is the crabapple. Other varieties of apples were brought to North America by European settlers, who planted orchards all across the continent. The first apple tree in the United States of America was planted in 1620 by pilgrims who traveled from Europe by sea to what was then the Massachusetts Bay Colony. In time, the early settlers would discover that hardy varieties of apples could be successfully grown farther north than most other fruits because apple trees blossom late in the Spring, minimizing any frost damage.

Johnny Appleseed was the nickname of John Chapman (1774 - 1845), an American pioneer who planted apple seeds in Ohio, Indiana, and Illinois.

Crab apples are small green apples with origins in North America. They are often just a little bigger than a cherry. They are not as popular for eating right off the tree as other varieties of apples are, because crab apples are bitter and tart in flavor and possess hardly any sweetness. However, they still grow wild in many areas, meaning they are often free for the taking. Crab apples can be used to make crab apple jelly for spreading on toast or used in fancy cuisine similar to the way mint jelly is used.

Martin: When is an apple a grouch?
Marvin: When it is a crab apple.

The word ‘apple’ is derived from the Old English word ‘aeppel.’ The Celtic word for ‘apple’ is the similar sounding ‘abhall.’

Granny Smith apples were originally cultivated in 1868 by Maria Ann Smith of Eastwood, New South Wales, Australia.

More than 7,500 varieties of apples are grown worldwide. The top apple-producing countries are China, the United States, Turkey, Poland, and Italy. The largest importers of apples are Russia, Germany, and the United Kingdom. Apples are available year-around in most areas thanks to bulk transport and climate-controlled warehouses. Apples can be shipped from orchards by truck, train, and cargo ship to warehouses where they are stored at low temperatures for as long as a year, and then the temperature is raised to cause them to ripen shortly before selling them to buyers.

A large shiny red apple is a traditional gift a student might bring to a teacher - and the student does not have to wait for Teacher Appreciation Day, also known as National Teacher Day, which is observed on the Tuesday of the first full week in May of each year. Rather than a single apple, why not give a teacher a full bushel size basket of apples?

There are so many apple varieties that if you were to eat an apple a day, it would take you more than 27 years to try them all - and still more new varieties of apples are produced every year.

About 2,500 varieties of apples are grown in the United States, including 100 varieties that are grown commercially. Apples are grown in all 50 states and commercially in 36 states. The top apple producing states are Washington, New York, Michigan, Pennsylvania, California, and Virginia. Red Delicious is the most popular and most-produced apple in the United States, and Golden Delicious is the second most popular, with Granny Smith coming in third. The apple is the state fruit of Illinois, Minnesota, New York, Vermont, Washington, and West Virginia.

Some people claim that apples have a rosy aroma because they come from the Rose family, which is also known as ‘Rosaceae’ or ‘Rosacea.’

Apples Quiz
- How are apples harvested, or gathered?
- What are five uses for apples?
- Can you name two animals that eat apples?

Bobbing for apples at parties is possible because fresh apples are twenty-five percent air, making them buoyant. Buoyant means they float in water.

It is said that the custom of ‘apple polishing’ hails from the little red schoolhouses of yore, when young children whose math skills were less than exemplary sought to win their teacher’s favor instead with a bright, shiny apple. Remember this ditty: An apple for the teacher will always do the trick, when you don’t know your lesson in arithmetic.

Apples Quiz Answers
- Apples are harvested by hand-picking them off the trees, although machines that shake trees to cause the apples to fall to nets or tarps placed below the trees can be used.
- Uses for apples include making cider, juice, vinegar, pies, and snacks.
- Two animals that eat apples are horses and rabbits (and many other animals as well).

“Everybody’s 12 years old in an apple orchard.” -Rachael Ray (Rachael Domenica Ray (born 1968))

Crunch, crunch - mmm! Now that’s a good apple. More fun continues below . . . or you can join the stampede of people going out to get apples . . .

0 Comments

Fishing and Anglers

12/29/2018

0 Comments

At the end of the day, you can take your catch home . . . with full bragging rights.

Grace and her grandson Eddy were digging for fishing bait in the garden. Uncovering a many-legged creature, Eddy proudly dangled it before his grandmother. “No, honey, he won’t do for bait,” she said. “He’s not an earthworm.” “He’s not?” Eddy asked, his eyes wide. “What planet is he from?”

Fishing

When I go fishing
I’m always wishing
Some fish will be my prize;
But while I’m fishing,
The fish are wishing
Otherwise.

And all the wishes
Of all the fishes
Seem always to come true;
So all my wishes
To catch some fishes
Never do.

by Author Unknown

“Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish and he eats for a lifetime.” -Author Unknown

One way to tell the age of a fish is by looking at its scales. Fish have growth rings just as trees do. The growth rings on fish are called circuli, and clusters of circuli are called annuli. Each annuli marks one year of life in a fish. Somewhere out there might be somebody who knows what all of this means.

“Nothing makes a fish bigger than almost being caught.” -Author Unknown

Three men were sitting on a park bench. The one in the middle was reading a newspaper; the others were pretending to fish. They baited imaginary hooks, cast lines, and reeled in their catch. A passing policeman stopped to watch the spectacle, and asked the man in the middle if he knew the other two. “Oh, yes,” he said. “They’re my friends.” “In that case,” warned the officer, “you’d better get them out of here.” “Yes, sir,” the man replied, and he began rowing furiously.

“If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there’d be a shortage of fishing poles.” -Doug Larson (1902 - 1981)

“Give a man a fish, and he’ll eat for a day. Give a fish a man, and he’ll eat for weeks!” -Toshihiro Kawabata

Fisherman Fisher

A fitful young fisher named Fisher
Once fished for some fish in a fissure,
Till a fish, with a grin,
Pulled the fisherman in -
Now they’re fishing the fissure for Fisher!

by Author Unknown

“The fishing was good, it was the catching that was bad.” -A. K. Best

“Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Teach him how to fish and you get rid of him for the whole weekend.” -Zenna Schaffer

How many fishermen does it take to change a light bulb? Seven - and you should have seen the size of that light bulb. It was this long . . . Seven of us were almost not enough; we could barely handle it!

Fishing has been around for a long time. The oldest fishhook found so far dates back to about 42,000 years ago. Do you think the fish were any bigger back then?

“You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let it go. They don’t want to eat the fish, but they do want to make it late for something. ‘Where were you?’ ‘I got caught!’ ‘I don’t believe you, let me see the inside of your lip.’” -Mitch Hedberg

“Give a man a fish, and it will feed him for a day; give a man a fishing rod, and he will sell it for more fish, or burn it for firewood.” -Jon Culshaw

A five-year-old boy had gone fishing with his grandmother. After an hour or so, his grandmother asked him, “Are you having any luck?” He replied indignantly, “No, I don’t think my worm is really trying.”

James: What do you call a couple who go fishing together?
Elijah: Rod and Annette.

Once upon a time, there was a fisherman who was always talking about the giant fish he almost caught. One day he took his two sons, Toward and Away, fishing with him. That night, he returned more excited than ever. “Honey,” he yelled to his wife, “you should have seen the fish I saw today. A tremendous green fish, ten feet long, with horns and fur all over its back. It came crawling out of the water, snatched our son Toward, and swallowed him in one gulp!” “Good gracious!” exclaimed his wife. “That’s horrible!” “Oh, that was nothing,” said her husband. “You should have seen the one that got Away!”

A fisherman accidentally dropped his wallet into the water, and was amazed to see a school of carp deftly balancing the wallet on their heads and tossing it from one fish to another. “Golly,” said the fisherman, “that’s the first time I’ve ever seen carp-to-carp walleting.” (pun on ‘wall-to-wall carpeting’)

Why not make fishing a family affair?

“Caution is a most valuable asset in fishing, especially if you are a fish.” -Author Unknown

“Give a man a fish, and you’ll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he’ll buy a funny hat.” -Author Unknown

Fish can be frozen, canned, and smoked to build a stockpile of food for the winter season.

“The first rule of fishing: The least experienced fisherman always catches the biggest fish.” -Author Unknown

Give a man a fish, and he has food for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he has to buy fishing licenses, park passes, rods, reels, fishing lines, hooks, tackle boxes, lures, spinners, sinkers, bobbers, nets, bait, knives, hats, fishing vests, fish finders, depth sounders, boats, outboard motors, gas cans, trailers, global positioning systems, ice chests, bags of ice, waders, buckets, sunglasses, sunscreen lotions, first aid kits, floatation vests, sandwiches, beverages, fishing pliers, cameras, binoculars, weight scales, tape measures, folding chairs, a 4-wheel drive vehicle, bumper stickers, ropes . . . did we forget anything?

“A fishing rod is a stick with a hook at one end and a fool at the other.” -Samuel Johnson

The Good Lord Sends the Fishing

Sitting still and wishing
     Made no person great;
The good Lord sends the fishing,
     But you must dig the bait.

by Author Unknown

To catch a Swedish fish . . . use a gummy worm. (A ‘Swedish fish’ is a candy.)

“Let your hook be always cast, for a fish lurks even in the most unlikely waters.” -Ovid (Publius Ovidius Naso)

The Fishing Pole

A fishing pole’s a curious thing,
     It’s made of just a stick and string;
A boy at one end and a wish,
     And on the other end a fish.

by Mary Caroline Davies

“The fish does not go after the hook, but after the bait.” -Author Unknown: Czech proverb

Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they will not bother you for weeks.

“Most of the world is covered by water. A fisherman’s job is simple: Pick out the best parts.” -Charles Waterman

“Fish: An underwater creature that grows fastest between when it is caught and the time the fisherman describes it to his friends.” -Author Unknown

“Bragging may not bring happiness, but no man having caught a large fish goes home through an alley.” -Ann Landers

Bret: How do you get your little sister to find so many worms for you when you want to go fishing?
Bert: Oh, that’s easy. Out of every ten she digs up, I let her have one to eat.

“Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Unless he doesn’t like sushi - then you also have to teach him to cook.” -Auren Hoffman

Kel: Are you fishing?
Cal: No, just teaching worms to swim.

“When you fall into a river, you are no longer an angler, you are a swimmer.” -Author Unknown

Fish

One, two, three, four, five,
     I caught a fish alive.
Six, seven, eight, nine, ten,
     I let him go again!
Why did I let him go?
     Because he bit my finger so.
Which finger did he bite?
     The little one on the right.

by Author Unknown

A man went ice fishing. He took out an ice pick and began to hack away. He heard a voice from above say, “There are no fish there.” He went to another spot and started to pick away. Again came the voice: “There are no fish there, either.” He tried a third spot. Once more he heard the voice from above - “Nope. Not there, either.” Finally, the man grew a little nervous, so he looked up and asked, “Are you God?” The voice from above boomed, “No, I’m the arena manager.”

“Fishing gives you a sense of where you fit in the scheme of things - your place in the Universe . . . I, mean, here I am, one small guy with a fishing pole on this vast beach and out there in the blue expanse of ocean are hundreds of millions of fish . . . all of them laughing at me . . .” -Author Unknown

“The early angler catches the best fishing spot.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born in 1966)

A fisherman returned to shore with a giant marlin that was bigger and heavier than he was. On the way to the cleaning shed, he ran into a second fisherman who had a stringer with a dozen baby minnows on it. The second fisherman looked at the marlin, turned to the first fisherman, and said, “Only caught one, eh?”

“Net income: The money a fisherman earns.” -Author Unknown

Two would-be fishermen rented a boat, and one caught a large fish. “We should mark the spot,” he said. The other fisherman drew a large ‘X’ in the bottom of the boat with a black felt-tip marker. “That’s no good,” said the first fisherman. “Next time out we might not get the same boat.”

“All men are equal before fish.” -Herbert Hoover

“Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will stop bothering you.” -Author Unknown

●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●

Fishin’

S’pose the fish don’t bite at fust,
     What be yew goin’ tur dew?
Chuck down yewr pole, throw out yewr bait
     An’ say yewr fishin’s threw?
Uv course yew hain’t; yew’re goin’ tur fish,
     An’ fish, an’ fish, an’ wait
Until yew’ve ketched yewr baskit full,
     An’ used up all yewr bait.

S’pose success don’t come at fust,
     What be yew goin’ tur dew?
Throw up the sponge an’ kick yewrself,
     An’ go tur feelin’ blew?
Uv course yew hain’t; yew’re goin’ tur fish,
     An’ bait, an’ bait agin’;
Bimeby success will bite yewr hook,
     An’ yew will pull him in.

by Harry N. Dascomb

●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●

Fishing and Anglers Quiz
- What other creatures besides fishes can be caught with a rod and reel?
- How are freshly caught fishes cleaned and prepared before cooking?
- How much does a fishing license cost in your area?

“An angler is a man who spends rainy days sitting around on the muddy banks of rivers doing nothing because his wife won’t let him do it at home.” -Author Unknown: as quoted in the “Irish News”

That Fish Was Just Too Fussy

I said to a fish in a lake
“I have worms, peas, and chocolate cake.
     Would you care for a bite?”
     Said the fish, “I just might,
But I think it would be a mistake.”

by John Ciardi

“The charm of fishing is that it is the pursuit of what is elusive but attainable, a perpetual series of occasions for hope.” -John Buchan

“The two best times to fish is when it’s rainin’ and when it ain’t.” -Patrick F. McManus

Could you catch fish, and sell them to luckless anglers who caught nothing, or to local restaurants, hotels, and grocers?

“Catch a man a fish, and you can sell it to him. Teach a man to fish, and you ruin a wonderful business opportunity.” -Author Unknown

“When I’m tired and can’t sleep, I count fish instead of sheep.” -Author Unknown

“Give a lazy person a fish and he will eat it. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and sleep all day.” -Author Unknown

This is MFOL! . . . Now we had all better get to bed early so we can get up early to get the best fishing spot early tomorrow morning to catch the food called fish . . .

0 Comments

Magic

12/22/2018

0 Comments

“Magic is all around, you just have to believe.” -Author Unknown

“The art of a magician is to create wonder. If we all live with a sense of wonder, our lives will become filled with joy.” -The Great Doug Henning

In 1799, Count de Grisley became the first magician to perform the trick of sawing a woman in half, and ever since then, women everywhere have been eagerly lining up to be sawed in half . . . or maybe not . . .

First Magician: What happened to the saw-a-woman-in-half act you used to do?
Second Magician: My assistant left me - she moved to New York and Los Angeles.

Magic Words
- Abracadabra!
- Hocus-pocus!
- Hot potato, jump-rope, kick-the-can!
- Parsley, peas, potatoes!
- Presto, change-o!
- Many magicians create their own magic phrases, and so can you.

Boris: Why did the magician have to cancel his show?
Doris: He had just washed his hare and could not do anything with it.

The word ‘abracadra’ may have originated from the Aramaic phrase ‘avra kehdabra’ meaning ‘I will create as I speak.’

Howie: How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?
Howard: That is one trick they do not know - and besides, that is why they have assistants!

A Magician from Vermont

A magician who came from Vermont
Sawed a woman in half for a stunt.
When she mildly asked whether
He would put her together,
He replied, “I’ve decided I won’t.”

by Author Unknown

“Magic is believing in yourself, if you can do that, you can make anything happen.” -Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832)

One technique for creating funny magic words is to ask for audience participation. Would someone please name a color? Would someone please name an animal? Would someone please name a food? Then you combine their answers, which might make something silly, such as, “Purple elephant pie!” which you use as the ‘magic words’ during your show.

Abracadabbler: An amateur magician.

Famous Magic Tricks
- Pulling a coin out from behind someone’s ear.
- Making a person or an object disappear and then reappear.
- Cutting something in half or destroying it and then making it reappear whole and undamaged, as for example, money or a handkerchief.
- Levitating (floating) someone or something.
- Can you think of other magic tricks?

A magician was driving down a road when, Poof! . . . he turned into a parking lot.

Just as there are silent movies with musical accompaniment, there are magicians who perform without speaking, sometimes with dramatic music played during their shows or even a person who stands offstage or a short distance from the magician’s side and narrates, or describes what is happening, during the show, by reading from a memorized or printed prepared script.

“Magic is a secret, and without the secret there is no magic.” -Author Unknown

“Magic exists. Who can doubt it, when there are rainbows and wildflowers, the music of the wind and the silence of the stars? Anyone who has loved has been touched by magic. It is such a simple and such an extraordinary part of the lives we live.” -Nora Roberts: “Charmed” (1993)

“I had loved magic tricks from the time I was six or seven. I bought books on magic. I did magic acts for my parents and their friends. I was aiming for show business from early days, and magic was the poor man’s way of getting in: you buy a trick for $2, and you’ve got an act.” -Steve Martin: “Time Magazine” (24 August 1987)

“Perform as many times as you can in front of people you don’t know.” -Lance Burton, advice to those who would be magicians

Camilla: You know, I have half a mind to become a professional magician.
Pamela: That should do.

One way to make yourself and your magic show memorable is to do something that is unusual, different, or unique. For example, maybe you could use fruit such as apples, oranges, and bananas in your act. Make a piece of fruit disappear and reappear, and then toss it to a member of the audience. Make a piece of fruit levitate, and then throw it to someone in your audience. You could have someone dressed in a gorilla costume as your assistant. Instead of pulling a live rabbit or a toy rabbit out of a hat, you could pull balloon animals out of your hat and then hand them to children in the audience. Put your imagination to work!

“We do not need magic to change the world. We carry all the power we need inside ourselves already: we have the power to imagine better.” -J. K. Rowling (born 1966): in a speech (2008) to Harvard Alumni Association

If you were going to pull a rabbit out of a hat, would you wave a magic wand . . . or would you entice the rabbit by waving a bright orange carrot?

“Spring animals are fake animals that are often used by magicians, clowns, comedians, and other entertainers. They can be made to appear very realistic with practice. The basic construction of the animal is of a spring wrapped in either real or artificial animal fur. Different colored fur is used for different spring animals.” -Greg McMahan

Whether you are an amateur or a professional magician, you must consider safety before doing any magic. You might develop a safety checklist to go over before each show. You would probably want to avoid using fire and flames and heat to avoid injuries to yourself, your assistant, any living creatures used in your act, and your audience members, and to avoid costly damage to your equipment or the building in which you are doing your show. If you use live animals, you will want to have the telephone number of more than one veterinarian in case an animal becomes sick or injured. You will likely want to either exercise caution or even completely avoid using anything with a sharp edge that could injure someone, including breakable glass and knives. Once you are certain everything is safe, get the show started and have fun!

A magician seeking to have his act booked at Radio City Music Hall asserted, “I’ve got a trick that will panic them.” “What is it?” asked the manager. “I saw a woman in half,” announced the magician proudly. “You call that a new trick?” scoffed the manager. “Why, they’ve been doing that around here for years.” “Oh, yeah,” snapped the magician. “How about lengthwise?”

Ask for a volunteer from the audience. Tell the person to take a coin from his or her pocket and hold it up in a closed fist so that you cannot see the date on the coin, and announce that you are going to tell everyone the date. Then, you say today’s date, which might be, for example, something like, “It’s Saturday, April 30, 2021,” even though the actual date on the coin might be something like just the year 1983. This is usually good for a laugh from the audience.

The teacher was discussing different jobs held by the parents of the students. When she called on Little Johnny, she asked, “And what does your father do?” “Oh, he’s a magician,” replied Johnny. “Really - and what’s his best trick?” “His best trick is sawing people in half.” “Wonderful!” exclaimed the teacher. “Tell me, are there any more children in your family?” “Yes ma’am, I have a half-brother and two half-sisters.”

Magicians and their magic acts are the center of their shows; however, magicians may have assistants. A magician’s assistant often does not speak during the magic acts, but stands by quietly and helps with the props or becomes a prop in the act, as when he or she is made to disappear, is sawed in half, or is levitated. Sometimes magicians encourage audience participation by asking people to be part of a magic act or to provide simple props such as coins or bills. While these audience members may seem to be randomly chosen people who are like everyone else in the audience, they actually may be friends or people the magician met with before the show and practiced the act with to be sure everything goes as planned.

Marlene: Why did illusionist Harry Houdini spend hours at the gym?
Arlene: He wanted to be fit to be tied.

If you did the old magic trick of sawing a lady in half, and you put the top half together with another lady, what you’d have is a ‘gallon a half’ . . . quite possibly that joke needs a little more work . . .

Magicians We Have Yet to See
- Cheery Houdini . . . the clown-magician.
- Dairy Houdini . . . the magic moo-cow.
- Fairy Houdini . . . does sprightly winged magic.
- Hairy Houdini . . . the magic monkey with a human assistant.
- Harry Linguini . . . the pasta chef magician.
- Harry Whoodini . . . the magician who gives a hoot like an owl.
- Hippie Houdini . . . does groovy magic with peace and love, man.
- Santa Houdini . . . arrives in a magic flying sleigh and pulls Christmas toys from a magic sack.
- Scary Houdini . . . shows up at your door on Halloween and makes your candy magically disappear.

“As a magician I promise never to reveal the secret of any illusion to a non-magician, unless that one swears to uphold the Magician’s Oath in turn. I promise never to perform any illusion for any non-magician without first practicing the effect until I can perform it well enough to maintain the illusion of magic.” -Author Unknown: Magician’s Oath

Allison: What does a martial arts magician say?
Allie: Jitsu-judo-karate . . . chop!

“You know, I do believe in magic. I was born and raised in a magic time, in a magic town, among magicians. Oh, most everybody else didn’t realize we lived in that web of chance and circumstance. But I knew it all along. When I was twelve years old, the world was my magic lantern, and by its glow I saw the past, the present, and into the future. You probably did too; you just don’t recall it. See, this is my opinion: we all start out knowing magic. We are born with whirlwinds, lightning bugs, and comets inside us. We are born able to sing to birds and read the clouds and see our destiny in dewdrops. But then we get the magic educated right out of our souls. We get it disciplined out, washed out, and combed out. We are told to be responsible. Told to act our age. Told to grow up for goodness’ sake. And you know why we were told that? Because the people doing the telling were afraid of our wildness and youth, and because the magic we knew made them ashamed and sad of what they had allowed to wither in themselves. After you go so far away from it, though, you can never really get it all back. You can get seconds of it. Just seconds of knowing and remembering. When people get weepy at movies, it is because in that dark theater the golden pool of magic is touched, just briefly. Then they come out into the harsh sunlight of logic and reason again and it dries up, and they are left feeling a little heart-sad and not knowing why. When a song stirs a memory, when motes of dust twirling in a shaft of light takes your attention from the world, when you listen to a coyote howling in the distance and wonder what it might be saying, you step beyond who you are and where you are. For the briefest of instants, you have stepped into the magic realm.” -Author Unknown

In addition to their costumes, magicians have ‘props’ that they use in their magic acts. Typical props might be a deck of playing cards, a small lightweight table with a tablecloth, several colored handkerchiefs, rabbits, birds, large coins, and specially made items for tricks.

“Cats are magical . . . the more you pet them, the longer you both live.” -Author Unknown (We suspect that some sneaky cat slipped that line in here, because it is not exactly relevant to this topic.)

Famous People Who Started Out As Magicians
- Bob Barker
- Milton Berle
- Bill Bixby
- Johnny Carson
- Dick Cavett
- Charles Dickens
- Cary Grant
- Jerry Lewis
- Steve Martin
- Jimmy Stewart
- Dick Van Dyke
- How about you?

Martin: Have you heard about the magician who fell through the floorboards in the middle of his performance?
Marvin: Yes, but it is all right - he was just ‘going through a stage.’

A magician’s costume is commonly a top hat, a magic wand, and a set of clothes meant to help hold the audience’s attention through the use of eye-catching colors, quaint old-fashionedness, or an exotic appearance. A magician’s clothes may have many hidden pockets sewn into them. Some magicians also wear capes, false mustaches, false eyebrows, false beards, face paint, and other theatrical effects.

The most accomplished female magician in the world is Dorothy Dietrich. She performs regularly at the Houdini Museum in Scranton, Pennsylvania, United States of America. She is also a ‘debunker,’ or someone who exposes lies, deceptions, and false ideas.

“A little magic can take you a long way.” -Roald Dahl (1916 - 1990): “James and the Giant Peach” (1961)

People who learn to do magic in front of an audience also learn showmanship: timing, quick comebacks, appropriateness and inappropriateness of certain language, and the skill of continuing on even when things go wrong.

Whenever something goes wrong in your magic show, just tell your audience, “That is just how I planned it!” Pause, and continue on to your next trick.

Attempts have been made to link performance magic, or magic tricks, to occultism, but this is a misuse of magic by occultists to try to make their occult beliefs appealing to people, and thereby draw people into occultism. Performance magic stands on its own and is not to be confused with occultism.

Double or Nothing Magic Trick. Tell a friend or an adult that you will be able to double their money without buying anything, going on the Stock Exchange, or using a computer. Then ask them for a dollar bill. Simply fold the bill in half and say, “There! I doubled your money!”

“Shazam!” is a magic acronymic word created from Solomon, Hercules, Atlas, Zeus, Achilles, and Mercury, and it is said to invoke their powers. An acronym is a word created typically by combining the first letter in each word in a phrase or list.

Magic: Sleight of hand.

Why pull a rabbit out a hat when you could pull out something such as another hat, a cat, a chicken, a duck, a fish, a skunk, a slice of pizza, a snake, or a teddy bear. What else might you pull out of a magic hat?

“That’s the thing with magic. You’ve got to know it’s still here, all around us, or it just stays invisible for you.” -Charles de Lint

Some magic wands are hollow inside to conceal handkerchiefs, powders that produce puffs like smoke but without fire or flames, or shiny colorful glitter. Magic wands can be made from rolled-up sheets of paper or wood or plastic sticks. Magicians typically wave their magic wands or tap other props such as their magic hats atop their heads, while saying magic words such as, “Abrakadabra alakazam, let’s hope it goes as planned!”

“Everything is made out of magic: leaves and trees, flowers and birds, badgers and foxes, and squirrels and people. So it must be all around us. In this garden - in all the places.” -Frances Hodgson Burnett (1849 - 1924): “The Secret Garden” (1911)

What do magicians have in common with clowns, actors, musicians, and authors? Like the aforementioned folks, most professional, part-time, and amateur magicians have stage names, or names that they use in association with their magic acts, often in conjunction with somewhat exaggerated descriptive words about their acts and personas. Their stage names include words such ‘the Great’ or ‘the Amazing.’ So, if you are Jimmy O’Reilly in your private life, you might take up your hat, wand, and cape to become ‘Jacob the Fantastical Wizard of Illusion and Master of Magical Mayhem’ or if you are Sarah Sumner in your personal life, you might grab your rabbits, doves, baby chicks, and artificial flowers to become ‘the Astounding Animal Acts and Flying Floral Arrangements of Mrs. Priscilla Piccadilly’ (any resemblance to persons living or otherwise is purely coincidental). Even the magical Harry Houdini had a real name: Erich Weiss (born Erik Weisz and also known as Harry Weiss and possibly by other names (1874 - 1926)).

“And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you, because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don’t believe in magic will never find it.” -Roald Dahl (1916 - 1990): “The Minpins” (1990)

This is MFOL! . . . all it takes is a little magic . . . and as for our next act, we will be doing even more silly fun stuff . . .

0 Comments

Cookies

12/15/2018

0 Comments

Sunny yellow optimism cookies, or gloomy blue-gray pessimism cookies . . . if only all decisions in life were so easy to make!

Elvis: What kind of cookies do birds like?
Priscilla: Chocolate-chirp cookies.

“In the cookie of life, friends are the sweet chocolate chips.” -Author Unknown

The American word ‘cookie’ comes from the Dutch word ‘koekjes,’ which came from the Dutch word ‘koek’ meaning ‘cake.’ ‘Cookie’ was introduced into the English language in the early eighteenth century. It is thought the term caught on in early America because of the evident Dutch presence. The British call cookies ‘small cakes,’ ‘sea biscuits,’ or ‘tea cakes.’

Victoria: Why was the little cookie sad?
Flora: Because its mom had been a wafer so long.

Tough cookie, noun: 1. Someone with just the right mixture of sweetness and strength. 2. Someone who does not crumble under pressure.

Making Cookies

I am making cookie dough
     Round and round the beaters go
Add some flour from a cup
     Stir and stir the batter up
Roll them, cut them nice and neat
     Put them on a cookie sheet
Bake them, count them - one, two, three
     Serve them to my friends for tea.*

by Author Unknown
*‘Tea’ is this instance refers not merely to the beverage, but to ‘teatime,’ the time traditionally set aside each day in many places for partaking in tea and sometimes edibles such as cookies.

“I just figured if I was going to make the world a better place, I’d do it with cookies.” -Ana Pascal: “Stranger than Fiction” (10 November 2006); type of work: movie

Cookies baked in a muffin tray will not spread out and stick together, and may be fluffier.

Let us all return to a kinder, gentler, simpler time . . . a time of milk and cookies!

Overheard: I went to dunk my cookie in a glass of milk . . . and I fell right in! Good thing the cookie fell in with me . . . crunch, crunch . . . glug, glug . . . mmm-mmm, yummy!

George: What kind of snack do little monkeys like with milk?
Geoffrey: Chocolate-chimp cookies.

Making Cookies

Stir the dough and roll it flat
     Then cut cookies just like that
Into the oven, watch them go
     They must bake a while, you know
When they’re brown and nicely done
     We’ll have cookies for everyone!

by Author Unknown

No-Bake Chocolate Peanut Butter Oatmeal Cookies, just as the name suggests, need no baking. For the recipe, please visit our activities page by clicking on the link here: https://www.makefunoflife.net/activities.

Penny: Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
Penelope: Because it was feeling crumby.

Cookie: A method for converting sugar, flour, and butter into body fat.

●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●

Chocolate Chip Cookies Recipe for Engineers and Scientists

Ingredients

□ 532.35 cm3 gluten
□ 4.9 cm3 NaHCO3
□ 4.9 cm3 refined halite
□ 236.6 cm3 partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride
□ 177.45 cm3 crystalline C12H22O11
□ 177.45 cm3 unrefined C12H22O11
□ 4.9 cm3 methyl ether of protocatechuic aldehyde
□ Two calcium carbonate-encapsulated avian albumen-coated protein units
□ 473.2 cm3 theobroma cacao
□ 236.6 cm3 de-encapsulated legume meats (sieve size #10)

Directions

To a 2-L jacketed round reactor vessel (reactor #1) with an overall heat transfer coefficient of about 100 Btu/F-ft2-hr, add ingredients one, two, and three with constant agitation. In a second 2-L reactor vessel with a radial flow impeller operating at 100 rpm, add ingredients four, five, six, and seven until the mixture is homogenous.

To reactor #2, add ingredient eight, followed by three equal volumes of the homogenous mixture in reactor #1. Additionally, add ingredient nine and ten slowly, with constant agitation. Care must be taken at this point in the reaction to control any temperature rise that may be the result of an exothermic reaction.

Using a screw extrude attached to a #4 nodulizer, place the mixture piecemeal on a 316SS sheet (300 x 600 mm). Heat in a 460K oven for a period of time that is in agreement with Frank & Johnston’s first order rate expression (see JACOS, 21, 55), or until golden brown. Once the reaction is complete, place the sheet on a 25C heat-transfer table, allowing the product to come to equilibrium before serving.

by Steve Strunk

●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●

We are trying really hard to remember . . . what is it Moses, Noah, or Job who led the Canaanites to the land of milk and cookies?

Common Cookies
- Chocolate Chip Cookies
- Fortune Cookies
- Ginger Snaps
- Oatmeal Raisin Cookies
- Peanut Butter Cookies
- Sandwich Cookies
- Sugar Cookies
- Vanilla Wafers
Can you think of other types of cookies?

Image shown above is from “A Field Guide to Animal Crackers” by Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

Animal Crackers are cookies that were imported to the United States of America from England in the late 1800’s. Barnum’s Circus-like boxes were designed with a string handle so that they could be hung on Christmas trees.

●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●

Animal Crackers

Animal crackers, and cocoa to drink,
     That is the finest of suppers, I think;
When I’m grown up and can have what I please
     I think I shall always insist upon these.

What do you choose when you’re offered a treat?
     When Mother says, “What would you like best to eat?”
Is it waffles and syrup, or cinnamon toast?
     It’s cocoa and animals that I love most!

The kitchen’s the cosiest place that I know:
     The kettle is singing, the stove is aglow,
And there in the twilight, how jolly to see
     The cocoa and animals waiting for me.

by Christopher Morley (Christopher Darlington Morley (1890 - 1957)): “Chimneysmoke” (1921)

●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●

National Animal Crackers Day is observed on 18 April of each year.

If the folks at ‘Make Fun Of Life!’ made the “Sesame Street” television show . . .
Scene: Bert and Ernie are seeing Oscar the Grouch for the first time, as Mr. Grouch suddenly pops up out of a garbage can, and Bert points at him.
Bert: Hey, Ernie, is that a cookie over there?
Ernie: Gee, I don’t know, Bert. Let’s dunk it in a glass of milk and find out!
Just then, Cookie Monster appears and says: Cookie?!
Oscar the Grouch makes a surprised shriek and disappears back into the garbage can. Bert, Ernie, and Cookie Monster all laugh.
Cut to next scene: The actual producers of “Sesame Street” are shown taking out a restraining order against the folks at ‘Make Fun Of Life!’

This is MFOL! . . . the search for funny continues . . . along with milk and cookies . . .

0 Comments

Farming and Farmers

12/8/2018

0 Comments

Now, everybody hold still while we try to figure out how to work the camera . . . hey, where did the pig run off to this time?

Marvin: Why are barns so noisy?
Martin: Because all the cows have horns.

●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●

The Farmer

Sun is coming up
     Farmer’s out the door,
He will go to milk the cows,
     And start his daily chores.

Sun is going down
     Horse is in the stable,
All the fields are planted now,
     Supper’s on the table.

by Author Unknown

●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●

Young man, age 26, with 350 acres of farmland, would like to meet charming, intelligent young lady with tractor. Please send picture of tractor.

Farming and Farmers Facts
- Most of the plants and animals on farms are ‘domesticated’ rather than wild or natural.
- Domesticated plants and animals are ones that have been developed with specific traits in mind, such as rapid growth, hardiness, and high yield.
- Many different types of farms exist, including family farms, corporate farms, pig farms, fish farms, dairy farms . . . and for those with limited space, ant farms.

Joey: How do you spell farm?
Jody: ‘E-I-E-I-O’!

A man owned a small farm. The Wage and Hour Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent a social security agent to interview him. “You just give me a list of your employees and tell me how much you pay them.” “All right,” said the farmer. “I have a hired man. Been with me for three years. I pay him $400 a week, plus room and board. I have a cook. She’s been here six months. She gets $300 a week plus room and board.” “Anybody else?” asked the agent as he scribbled on a note pad. “Yeah,” the farmer said. “There’s a half-wit here. Works about eighteen hours a day. I pay him five dollars a week and give him a day off once every ten years.” “Aha!” the agent roared. “I want to talk to that man!” “You’re talkin’ to him now,” said the farmer.

“When tillage begins, other arts follow. The farmers, therefore, are the founders of human civilization.” -Daniel Webster: remarks on the Agriculture of England at the Boston, Massachusetts State House (13 January 1840)

Pearl: What runs around a farm without moving?
Earl: A fence.

Farming and Farmers Wisdom
- Rise before the Sun and go to bed when the chickens do.
- Fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight, and bull-strong.
- An agitated bumblebee is considerably faster than a tractor.
- Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.
- After a bad harvest, sow again.
- There is talking and there is doing, and it isn’t the talking that gets the work done.

Gilbert: What does a farmer grow if he works very hard?
Herbert: Tired.

After running over a rooster that had been crossing the road, a motorist stopped his car at a nearby farmhouse to find the chicken’s owner. Seeing the farmer, the motorist rushed over to him and said, “I’m very, very sorry. I’ve just run over your rooster, but I want you to know that I’m prepared to replace him.” “Alright,” said the farmer, “let’s hear you crow.”

“If one plants in the Springtime, one will harvest in the Fall.” -Author Unknown

Wally: Why did the farmer not become upset with his wife when she traded their prize milk-cow for a book of poetry?
Walter: Because he had vowed to love her for butter or for verse.

An efficient farmer can make use of every part of a pig, even the ears, which can become chew toys for dogs and the feet, which can become pickled pigs’ feet - in fact, a farmer can make good use of every part of a pig - except for the squeal.

●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●

Farm Animal Roll Call

Baa-baa black sheep, have you any wool?
     Yes sir, yes sir, three bags full.
One for your sweater, and one for your rug . . .
     One for your blanket that keeps you warm and snug.

Cluck-cluck red hen, have you any eggs?
     Yes sir, yes sir, as many as your legs.
One for your breakfast, and one for your lunch.
     Come back tomorrow; I’ll have another bunch.

Moo-moo brown cow, have you milk for me?
     Yes sir, yes sir, tasty as can be.
Churn it into butter or make it into cheese.
     Freeze it into ice cream or drink it if you please.

Buzz-buzz busy bee, is your honey sweet?
     Yes sir, yes sir, sweet enough to eat.
Honey on your muffin and honey on your cake.
     Honey by the spoonful as much as I can make.

by Author Unknown

●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●

A farmer who was much troubled by trespassers during the nutting season consulted his botanical friend. The botanist furnished him with the technical name of the hazelnut, and the farmer placed the following notice at conspicuous points: Trespassers Take Warning! All Persons Entering This Wood Do So At Their Own Risk, For Although Common Snakes Are Not Found, The Corylus Avellana Abounds Everywhere, And Never Gives Warning Of Its Presence. The place was undisturbed after that, and the farmer gathered his crops of hazelnuts in peace.

To the Farm!

Horses, donkeys, cows that moo,
     Chickens, kittens, piglets too,
Fish that swim down in the pond,
     Ducklings quacking all day long.
All these animals you can see
     If you go to the farm with me!

by Author Unknown

Meanwhile, back at the farm, the chickens had completely surrounded the strange looking beast . . . when suddenly it grunted, “Hey, I’m trying to take a nap here!”

“Farming looks mighty easy when your plow is a pencil and you’re a thousand miles from a cornfield.” -Dwight D. Eisenhower (Dwight David 'Ike' Eisenhower (1890 - 1969))

All Around the Barnyard

All around the barnyard
     The animals are fast asleep.
Sleeping cows and horses,
     Sleeping pigs and sheep.
Here comes the cocky rooster,
     To sound his daily alarm.
“Cock-a-doodle-doo!
     Wake up, sleepy farm!”

by Author Unknown

“Striving for success without hard work is like trying to harvest where you haven’t planted.” -David Bly

Marty: Why did the farmer plough his field with a steamroller?
Martha: Because he wanted to grow mashed potatoes.

“It is a rule of nature that taking a day off on a farm sets a person back at least a week.” -Jane Hamilton: “A Map of the World” (1994), Chapter Eleven

Cybil: What is the best kind of beans to raise on a farm?
Tyrone: Jellybeans!

“If you tickle the Earth with a hoe she laughs with a harvest.” -Douglas Jerrold (Douglas William Jerrold (1803 - 1857))

Barry: If a farmer raises wheat in dry weather, what does he raise in wet weather?
Manny: An umbrella.

“What do you raise on this farm?” the big-city lawyer asked. “Cotton, corn, lima beans, and other things,” the farmer answered. “It must keep you pretty busy. What time do you go to work in the morning?” asked the lawyer. “I don’t go to work,” the farmer said. “I wake up surrounded by it.”

Chuck: What is green and yellow, ploughs fields, harvests corn, and pulls a trailer load of hay?
Hank: A John Deere tractor!
When you visit the John Deere Company website at www.Deere.com to see their lineup of tractors, mowers, earthmovers, and other equipment for your needs, please be sure to tell them you found out about them from www.MakeFunOfLife.net.

Pinky: What has five fingers and drives a tractor?
Thumb: A farm hand.

“Agriculture is the earliest and most honorable of arts.” -Jean-Jacques Rousseau (1712 - 1778)

“And so we plow along, as the fly said to the ox.” -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807 - 1882)

●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●

We’re Going to the Farm

We’re going to the farm . . .

We’ll see the chickens and the ducks,
     We’ll hear the quacks and all the clucks!

We’ll ride a big tractor, and feed a tall horse,
     But the best will be the goats, of course!!!

by Hilary Martin

●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●

“Even if the farmer intends to loaf, he gets up in time to get an early start.” -Edgar W. Howe (Edgar Watson ‘Ed’ Howe, also known as E. W. Howe (1853 - 1937))

A farmer’s son was returning home from the chicken show at the county fair, with a crate of chickens his father had entrusted to him, when all of a sudden the crate fell off the cart and broke open. Chickens scurried off in all different directions, but the determined boy walked through the neighborhood, scooping up the wayward birds and returning them to the crate. Hoping he had found them all, the boy returned home, expecting the worst. “Pa, the chickens got loose,” the boy confessed sadly, “but I managed to find all twelve of them.” “Well, you did real well, son,” the farmer beamed. “You left with seven.”

“To own a bit of ground, to scratch it with a hoe, to plant seeds, and watch the renewal of life - this is the commonest delight of the race, the most satisfactory thing a man can do.” -Charles Dudley Warner (1829 - 1900)

A farmer was counting his cows when they were all out grazing in the field. He counted 196, but when he ‘rounded them up,’ he had 200.

The Giving Farm

Hens give eggs.
     Pigs give ham.
Cows give milk.
     Strawberries give jam.
Bees give honey.
     Goats give cheese.
Farms give food,
     I’d like some, please.

by Vicki Witcher

A magical tractor was driving down the road - and it turned into a field!

Jacob: Why was the farmer surprised when he found cucumbers growing out of his ears?
Jake: Because he had planted carrots.

“No farmer ever plowed a field by turning it over in his mind.” -George E. Woodbury (George Edward Woodbury (1855 - 1930))

“You must plow with such Oxen as you have.” -Thomas Fuller (1654 - 1734): “Gnomologia: Adages and Proverbs” (1732), number 5968

“When the Sun shineth*, make hay.” -John Heywood (1497 - 1580): “A Dialogue of Proverbs” (1546)
*shineth: archaic form of ‘shines.’

“It is thus with farming, if you do one thing late, you will be late in all your work.” -Cato the Elder (Marcus Porcius Cato (233 B.C.E. - 148 B.C.E.))

“My father asserted that there was no better place to bring up a family than in a rural environment . . . There’s something about getting up at 5 a.m., feeding the stock and chickens, and milking a couple of cows before breakfast that gives you a lifelong respect for the price of butter and eggs.” -Burton Hillis (pseudonym of William Edward ‘Bill’ Vaughan (1915 - 1977))

We plough the fields and scatter
     The good seeds on the land,
But it is fed and watered
     By God’s almighty hand.
-Jane Montgomery Campbell (1817 - 1878): “We Plough the Fields, and Scatter” (1861) hymn

“He gave it for his opinion, that whoever could make two ears of corn, or two blades of grass, to grow upon a spot of ground where only one grew before, would deserve better of mankind, and do more essential service to his country, than the whole race of politicians put together.” -Jonathan Swift (1667 - 1745)

Farmyard

Little hen
     feathered and red
          pecking round for scraps of bread.
Little goat
     fierce and white
          thinks his rope is much too tight.
Little calf
     soft and shy
          peeking out with one brown eye.
Little cat
     black and lean
          crouching so he won’t be seen.
Little pig
     muddy and stout
          trying hard to wriggle out.

by Gail Gregory

Math Problem: If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in another field, how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in the center field?
Solution: One, because if the farmer combines all of his haystacks, they all become one big stack.

Well, the farmers are plain tuckered out from all this silliness. It is time to hit the sack so we can be up before the Sun to milk the chickens and see if the cows laid any eggs. Oink! Moo! Baa! Goodnight, all!

0 Comments

Housekeeping and Housecleaning

12/1/2018

0 Comments

It turns out that real men actually can do real housecleaning . . . when they have an admiring audience . . .

“The obvious and fair solution to the housework problem is to let men do the housework for, say, the next six thousand years, to even things up. The trouble is that men, over the years, have developed an inflated notion of the importance of everything they do, so that before long they would turn housework into just as much of a charade as business is now. They would hire secretaries and buy computers and fly off to housework conferences in Bermuda, but they’d never clean anything.” -Dave Barry (David McAlister ‘Dave’ Barry (born 1947))

Dorothy Parker was a writer and a humorist who led a very busy life. One day she was foolish enough to accept two baby alligators as a gift. She brought them home, ran a little water in the bathtub, and put them there until she could decide what to do with them. The next day, the cleaning woman came by while Parker was out. When Parker returned that evening, she found the house uncleaned and this note: “Dear Madam, I am leaving. I cannot work in a house with alligators. I would have told you this before, but I never thought the subject would come up.”

“Twenty-one percent of people do not make their beds in morning.” -Author Unknown

Bed-Making Machine

“I’ve been thinking it over, I mean,”
Said a child to her girl-friend Irene,
     “It’s a shame and a crime,
     After all this long time,
No one’s built a bed-making machine.”

by Author Unknown

Does vacuuming count as aerobic exercise?

Overheard: A clean house is a happy house!

“I keep a bowl of plastic fruit on the table in case a couple of mannequins drop in for a visit.” -Author Unknown

Dirty Dishes

Thank God for dirty dishes,
     They have a tale to tell.
While others may go hungry,
     We’ve eaten very well.
With home, health, and happiness;
     I shouldn’t want to fuss.
By the stack of evidence,
     God’s been very good to us.

by Author Unknown

“I’m not going to vacuum ’til Sears makes one you can ride on.” -Roseanne Barr (Roseanne Cherrie Barr (born 1952))

“I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes - and six months later you have to start all over again.” -Joan Rivers (pseudonym of Joan Alexandra Molinsky (1933 - 2014)): as quoted in Michèle Brown and Ann O’Connor, editors: “Woman Talk” (1984), ‘Work’

“Cleaning: Moving dirt from one place to another.” -Author Unknown

Why is there a light in the refrigerator and not in the freezer? Why do home refrigerators not have windows in the doors so people can look inside them without opening the doors?

“My husband and I have figured out a really good system about the housework: neither one of us does it.” -Dottie Archibald (Dorothy Bales ‘Dottie’ Archibald (born 1942))

Spring Cleaning

I’m really determined and keen
To start giving this house a Spring clean.
     I will do it I say,
     Yes, I’ll do it today . . .
Well, I’ll do it tomorrow, I mean.

by Author Unknown

“Our house is clean enough to be healthy, and dirty enough to be happy.” -Author Unknown

A woman admitted to being a less than fastidious housekeeper. One evening her husband returned home from work, walked into the kitchen, and said, “You know, dear, I can write my name in the dust on the mantel.” The woman turned to him and sweetly replied, “Well, darling, that’s why I married a college graduate.”

Fred: Why do refrigerators hum?
Ginger: Because they do not know the words.

“A new broom sweeps clean, but the old one knows the corners.” -Author Unknown

When Young Melissa Sweeps

When young Melissa sweeps a room
     I vow she dances with the broom!
She curtsies in a corner brightly
     And leads her partner forth politely.
Then up and down in jigs and reels,
     With gold dust flying at their heels,
They caper. With a whirl or two
     They make the wainscot shine like new;
They waltz beside the hearth, and quick
     It brightens, shabby brick by brick.
A gay gavotte across the floor,
     A Highland fling from door to door,
And every crack and corner’s clean
     Enough to suit a dainty queen.
If ever you are full of gloom,
     Just watch Melissa sweep a room!

by Nancy Byrd Turner (1880 - 1971)

“Housework is like stringing beads with no knot on the end.” -Author Unknown

“The washing of dishes does seem to me the most absurd and unsatisfactory business that I ever undertook. If, when once washed, they would remain clean forever and ever (which they ought in all reason to do, considering how much trouble it is), there would be less occasion to grumble; but no sooner is it done, than it requires to be done again. On the whole, I have come to the resolution not to use more than one dish at each meal.” -Nathaniel Hawthorne (1804 - 1864)

“Please Do Not Feed The Dust Bunnies.” -Author Unknown

Dust bunnies are magical. Santa’s elves make them at the North Pole during the off-season, and they are then delivered to people’s homes by the other little people: fairies, gnomes, pixies, leprechauns, and so forth, just in time for Spring cleaning.

“A house becomes a home when you can write, ‘I love you’ on the furniture.” -Author Unknown: “Dust If You Must”

A Request

Please be a dear
     And do your dish here
For if you do not
     The house will be wrought
With people disgusted
     By the mess that’s displayed
And hence are not able
     To dine at the table
For lack of clean dishes
     Restricts their good wishes.

by Author Unknown

“Cleaning is just putting stuff in less obvious places.” -Author Unknown

“There were times, indeed, when the vigor she put into her work was more of a relief to her feelings than it was an ardor to efface dirt . . .” -Eleanor H. Porter (Eleanor Emily Hodgman Porter (1868 - 1920)): “Pollyanna” (1912)

Amathophobia is a persistent fear of dust. Amathophobia is derived from the Greek words ‘amathos’ meaning ‘sand’ and ‘phobos’ meaning ‘fear.’

“Dust is a protective coating for fine furniture.” -Mario Buatta (1935 - 2018)

Ivy: What do you call a pretty woman using a broom?
Ivan: Sweeping beauty.

“The meal’s complete when the kitchen’s neat.” -Author Unknown

“There was no need to do any housework at all. After the first four years the dirt doesn’t get any worse.” -Quentin Crisp (Denis Charles Pratt (1908 - 1999))

“Nature abhors a vacuum. And so do I.” -Anne Gibbons

“Housework is something you do that nobody notices until you don’t do it.” -Author Unknown

Don’t overlook any available tongues when cleaning. Cats and dogs and other pets can lick clean food surfaces such as plates and floors; children can lick clean mixing spoons and eggbeaters.

“You sometimes see a woman who would have made a Joan of Arc in another century and climate, threshing herself to pieces over all the mean worry of housekeeping.” -Rudyard Kipling (Joseph Rudyard Kipling (1865 - 1936))

“I got the blues thinking of the future, so I left off and made some marmalade. It’s amazing how it cheers one up to shred oranges and scrub the floor.” -D. H. Lawrence (David Herbert Lawrence (1885 - 1930))

“My theory on housework is, if the item doesn’t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?” -Erma Bombeck (Erma Louise Bombeck (1927 - 1996))

“The best time for planning a book is while you’re doing the dishes.” -Agatha Christie (Agatha Mary Clarissa Christie (1890 - 1976))

“You don’t get anything clean without getting something else dirty.” -Cecil Baxter (Cecil Richard Baxter (1922 - 2014))

“When it comes to housework, the one thing no book of household management can ever tell you is how to begin. Or maybe I mean why.” -Katharine Whitehorn (Katharine Elizabeth Whitehorn (born 1928)): “Roundabout” (1962), ‘Nought for Homework’

Overheard: I got a new dishwasher today . . . I don’t know how long she will want the job.

If the shelves are dusty and the pots don’t shine,
It’s because I have better things to do with my time.
-Author Unknown

“The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.” -Author Unknown

“There may be dust in my house but there isn’t any on me.” -Author Unknown

“Have a place for everything and keep the thing somewhere else; this is not a piece of advice, it is merely a custom.” -Mark Twain (Samuel Langhorne Clemens (1835 - 1910))

What I Like

I like hugs
     And I like kisses,
But what I really love
     Is help with the dishes!

by Author Unknown

Overheard: When it comes to house cleaning, I always keep the nuclear option open.

May

Scrub and polish, - sweep and clean, -
     Fling your windows wide!
See, the trees are clad in green!
     Coax the Spring inside!
Home, be shining fair to-day
     For the guest whose name is May!

by Louise Bennett Weaver (Louise Bennett Weaver George (1889 - 1949)) and Helen Cowles LeCron (1886 - 1963): “A Thousand Ways to Please a Husband with Bettina’s Best Recipes” (1917)

“Are you an untidy or forgetful housekeeper? Just remember this simple saying, ‘ABC - Always Be Cleaning.’” -Author Unknown

“Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.” -Phyllis Diller (pseudonym of Phyllis Ada Driver (1917 - 2012)): as quoted in Jilly Cooper and Tom Hartman: “Violets and Vinegar” (1980), ‘I Liked You Better Smaller’

Housecleanin’ Time

Well, housecleanin’ time is with us once more;
     And, landsakes alive, it’s an awful chore!
What with scrubbin’, rubbin’, and washin’ paint,
     It’s not any picnic; you bet it ain’t! . . .
For it has to be done each Spring and Fall:
     The attic and cellar, bedrooms and hall.
Each room, in its order, gives up its dirt,
     Till I am weary and my back does hurt!

by Gertrude Tooley Buckingham (born 1880) (1940’s)

“My idea of superwoman is someone who scrubs her own floors.” -Bette Midler (born 1945)

“This business is ‘really cleaning up’!” -Author Unknown: owner of a successful cleaning service

“I make no secret of the fact that I would rather lie on the sofa than sweep underneath it. But you have to be efficient if you’re going to be lazy.” -Shirley Conran (born 1932): “Superwoman” (1975), ‘The Reason Why’

“At my house, ‘dust’ is a noun, not a verb.” -Author Unknown

“Housekeeping is like being caught in a revolving door.” -Marcelene Cox

“I think housework is the reason most women go to the office!” -Heloise Cruse (Ponce Kiah Marchelle Heloise Cruse Evans (born 1951))

“This is a honeydew day. That is when you get a day off and the wife says, ‘Honey, do this,’ and ‘Honey, do that,’ around the house.” -Jim Lemon (James Robert ‘Jim’ Lemon (1928 - 2006))

“One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries.” -A. A. Milne (Alan Alexander Milne (1882 - 1956))

Overheard: I avoid cleaning my house because I get easily distracted by all of the interesting things I keep finding.

Ethan: Did you hear about the man who crossed a bale of straw with an octopus?
Ethel: Yes, he got a broom with eight handles.

“Housekeeping ain’t no joke.” -Louisa May Alcott (1832 - 1888): “Little Women” (1868), part 1, chapter 11; line spoken by cook Hannah

“Always turn out your closet light. Otherwise, you’ll get up some morning and find you can’t start your closet.” -Charles Schulz (Charles Monroe ‘Sparky’ Schulz (1922 - 2000))

“An efficient homemaker is one who, after dinner, gives the children something to play with in the bathtub, namely, the dinner dishes!” -Author Unknown

“A place for everything, and everything in its place.” -Author Unknown: proverb

May the very lightness of your being have you walking on air . . . as you ‘Make Fun Of Life!’ each and every day . . .

0 Comments

The Future and Predictions

11/23/2018

0 Comments

People who have looked into the future say that while we might think it would be exciting, it is actually pretty boring, because in the future, many problems have been solved, and very few new problems have been found to take their place . . . how can humankind possibly be happy with fewer problems to solve?

What Lies Ahead?

I wish, I wish that I could know
     The places I have yet to go,
The ways I’ll change, the things I’ll do,
     The special dreams I’ll make come true,
I wish, I wish that I could see
     The life that lies ahead of me.

by Author Unknown

All right, who is ready for the future? Good, then let us get started!

“By the year 1975, people will be shot from city to city across the country in tubes.” -Edward Everett Hale (1822 - 1909) (1899)

Watch Your Step

The future lies before you,
     Like a field of driven snow,
Be careful how you tread it,
     For every step will show.

by Author Unknown

“We must discipline ourselves to convert dreams into plans, and plans into goals, and goals into those small daily activities that will lead us, one sure step at a time, toward a better future.” -Jim Rohn (Emanuel James ‘Jim’ Rohn (1930 - 2009)): “Five Major Pieces to the Life Puzzle” (1991)

“A rocket will never be able to leave the Earth’s atmosphere.” -Author Unknown: as quoted in the “New York Times” (1936) newspaper

“Your future is as bright as your faith!” -Thomas S. Monson (Thomas Spencer Monson (1927 - 2018))

“It looks like the future’s really bright.” -Michael P. Anderson (Michael Philip Anderson (1959 - 2003))

“Fooling around with alternating current is just a waste of time. Nobody will use it, ever.” -Thomas Edison (Thomas Alva Edison (1847 - 1931)) (1889)

“By the year 2000, amid general plenty, politics will simply fade away.” -R. Buckminster Fuller (Richard Buckminster ‘Bucky’ Fuller (1895 - 1983)) (1966)

“The only limit to our realization of tomorrow will be our doubts of today. Let us move forward with strong and active faith.” -Franklin D. Roosevelt (Franklin Delano Roosevelt (1882 - 1945)): “The Public Papers and Addresses of Franklin D. Roosevelt, 1944 - 1945” (1950), page 616

“I must confess that my imagination refuses to see any sort of submarine doing anything but suffocating its crew and floundering at sea.” -H. G. Wells (Herbert George Wells (1866 - 1946)) (1901)

“To be hopeful in bad times is not just foolishly romantic. It is based on the fact that human history is a history not only of cruelty, but also of compassion, sacriﬁce, courage, kindness. What we choose to emphasize in this complex history will determine our lives. If we see only the worst, it destroys our capacity to do something. If we remember those times and places - and there are so many - where people have behaved magniﬁcently, this gives us the energy to act, and at least the possibility of sending this spinning top of a world in a different direction. And if we do act, in however small a way, we don’t have to wait for some grand utopian future. The future is an inﬁnite succession of presents, and to live now as we think human beings should live, in deﬁance of all that is bad around us, is itself a marvelous victory.” -Howard Zinn (1922 - 2010): “A Power Governments Cannot Suppress” (1 December 2006), page 270

“In the year 3000, everything will be instant.” -Dane Cook (Dane Jeffrey Cook (born 1972))

“The problem with the future is that it keeps turning into the present.” -Bill Watterson (William Boyd ‘Bill’ Watterson II (born 1958)): “Calvin & Hobbes” (1985) cartoon

“The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a ‘C,’ the idea must be feasible.” -Unidentified Yale University management professor in response to Fred Smith’s paper proposing reliable overnight delivery service; Fred Smith went on to found the Federal Express Corporation

“The future, according to some scientists, will be exactly like the past, only more expensive.” -John Sladek (John Thomas Sladek (1937 -2000))

“Nuclear-powered vacuum cleaners will probably be a reality in ten years.” -Alex Lewyt (Alexander M. Lewyt (1908 - 1988)): as quoted in the “New York Times” (1955) newspaper

“The future is not what it used to be.” -Paul Valéry (1871 - 1945)

“The energy produced by the breaking down of the atom is a very poor kind of thing. Anyone who expects a source of power from the transformation of these atoms is talking moonshine.” -Ernest Rutherford (1871 - 1937), shortly after the atom had been split for the first time.

“We have no way of knowing what lays ahead for us in the future. All we can do is use the information at hand to make the best decision possible.” -Christopher ‘Chris’ Walken (born Ronald ‘Ronnie’ Walken (born 1943))

“The world potential market for copying machines is 5,000 at most.” -Author Unknown: statement of International Business Machines (1959), to the eventual founders of Xerox

“The future is not laid out on a track. It is something that we can decide, and to the extent that we do not violate any known laws of the Universe, we can probably make it work the way that we want to.” -Alan Kay (Alan Curtis Kay (born 1940)): in his paper ‘Inventing the Future,’ as published in Patrick Henry Winston and Karen Prendergast, editors: “The AI Business: The Commercial Uses of Artificial Intelligence” (1984)

“The cinema is little more than a fad. It’s canned drama. What audiences really want to see is flesh and blood on the stage.” -Charlie Chaplin (Charles Spencer ‘Charlie’ Chaplin (1889 - 1977)) (1916)

“You create a good future by creating a good present.” -Eckhart Tolle (born Ulrich Leonard Tölle (born 1948))

“Law will be simplified. Lawyers will have diminished, and their fees will have been vastly curtailed.” -Junius Henri Browne (1833 - 1902) (1893), predictions he made for over the next century

“I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today.” -William Allen White (1868 - 1944)

We are now living in the future, so where are the flying cars the futurists promised us all those years ago . . . it seems we have no choice but to build them ourselves!

“The future lies hidden in the past, waiting for us to uncover it, quite as surely as history repeats itself.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

“If I had thought about it, I wouldn’t have done the experiment. The literature was full of examples that said you can’t do this.” -Spencer Silver (Spencer Ferguson Silver (born 1941)): on the work that led to the unique adhesive used in 3-M ‘Post-It’ notepads

“My will shall shape the future. Whether I fail or succeed shall be no man’s doing but my own. I am the force; I can clear any obstacle before me or I can be lost in the maze. My choice; my responsibility; win or lose, only I hold the key to my destiny.” -Elaine Maxwell

“Inventions have long since reached their limit, and I see no hope for further development.” -Julius Sextus Frontinus (1st century C.E.)

“Everything that can be invented has been invented.” -Charles H. Duell (Charles Holland Duell (1850 - 1920)) (1899)

“If you take no part in the design of your future, it will be designed for you by others.” -Edward de Bono (born 1933)

“The only way to predict the future is to have power to shape the future.” -Eric Hoffer (1902 - 1983)

“When the Paris Exhibition closes, electric light will close with it and no more will be heard of it.” -Erasmus Wilson (William James Erasmus Wilson (1809 - 1884)) (1878)

“The best way to suppose what may come, is to remember what is past.” -George Savile (1633 - 1695): “Political, Moral, and Miscellaneous Thoughts and Reflections” (1750), ‘Miscellaneous: Experience’

“The idea that cavalry will be replaced by these iron coaches is absurd. It is little short of treasonous.” -Unidentified Aide-de-camp (1916), speaking to Field Marshal Haig at a tank demonstration

“When all else is lost, the future still remains.” -Christian Nestell Bovée (1820 - 1904)

“X-rays will prove to be a hoax.” -Lord Kelvin (William Thomson (1824 - 1907)) (1883)

“Cease to inquire what the future has in store, and take as a gift whatever the day brings forth.” -Horace (Quintus Horatius Flaccus (65 B.C.E. - 8 B.C.E.)): “Carmina,” book I, number 9, line 13

“Television won’t last. It’s a flash in the pan.” -Mary Somerville (1897 - 1963) (1948)

“The best way to predict the future is to create it.” -Peter F. Drucker (Peter Ferdinand Drucker (1909 - 2005))

“Louis Pasteur’s theory of germs is ridiculous fiction” -Pierre Pachet (1937 - 2016) (1872)

“I have seen the future and it’s like the present, only longer.” -Dan Quisenberry (Daniel Raymond ‘Quiz’ Quisenberry (1953 - 1998))

“You want to have consistent and uniform muscle development across all of your muscles? It can’t be done. It’s just a fact of life. You just have to accept inconsistent muscle development as an unalterable condition of weight training.” -Author Unknown: response to Arthur Jones, who solved the ‘unsolvable’ problem by inventing Nautilus

“We could use up all the proven reserves of oil in the entire world by the end of the next decade.” -Jimmy Carter (James Earl Carter, Junior (born 1924)) (18 April 1977), televised speech

“The future is made of the same stuff as the present.” -Simone Weil (Simone Adolphine Weil (1909 - 1943))

“The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to no one in particular?” -Unidentified Associates (1921) of David Sarnoff, responding to his urging for investment in radio

“Coming events cast their shadows before.” -Thomas Campbell (1777 - 1844): “Lochiel’s Warning” (1802), line 56; type of work: poem

“I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won’t last out the year.” -Unidentified Editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall (1957)

“Let him who would enjoy a good future waste none of his present.” -Roger Babson (1875 - 1967)

“Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau.” -Irving Fisher: speech (16 October 1929) to the Purchasing Agents Association, 5 days before the stock market crash leading into the Great Depression Era

“The future has a habit of suddenly and dramatically becoming the present.” -Roger Babson (1875 - 1967)

“There is practically no chance communications space satellites will be used to provide better telephone, telegraph, television, or radio service inside the United States.” -T. Craven (Tunis Augustus Macdonough Craven, also known as T. A. M. Craven (1893 - 1972)) (1961); the first commercial communications satellite went into service in 1965

“The future’s already here - it just isn’t evenly distributed.” -William Gibson (William Ford Gibson (born 1948))

“Fifty years hence automobile traffic will have entirely disappeared from the surface thoroughfares of New York City, and people will be shot through tubes like merchandise.” -Harvey W. Corbett (Harvey Wiley Corbett (1873 - 1954)): as attributed in “The American Institute of Architects” (1925)

“Take therefore no thought for the morrow; for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.” -Jesus of Nazareth: as quoted in “The Bible,” ‘Matthew,’ chapter 6, verse 34

“To place a man in a multi-stage rocket and project him into the controlling gravitational field of the Moon where the passengers can make scientific observations, perhaps land alive, and then return to Earth - all that constitutes a wild dream worthy of Jules Verne. I am bold enough to say that such a man-made voyage will never occur regardless of all future advances.” -Lee de Forest (born Lee DeForest (1873 - 1961)) (1926)

“The future you shall know when it has come; before then forget it.” -Aeschylus (about 525 B.C.E. - about 456 B.C.E.)

“This ‘telephone’ has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us.” -Author Unknown: Western Union internal memo (1876)

Your Future Is Up to You

What does your future hold?
     Some things new and some things old,
Some things lead and some things gold.
     All will be determined, it can be foretold,
Whether, as this passing moment does unfold,
     You choose to be timid or decide to be bold.

by Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

“But what . . . is it good for?” -Unidentified Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of International Business Machines (1968), commenting on the microchip

“The trouble with the future is that it usually arrives before we are ready for it.” -Arnold H. Glasow (Arnold Henry Glasow (1905 - 1998))

“There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.” -Ken Olson (1977), president, chairman, and founder of Digital Equipment Corporation, maker of mainframe computers, arguing against the personal computer

“Our futures are formed by the thoughts we hold most often.” -Wayne Dyer (Wayne Walter Dyer (born 1940))

“The danger of the past was that men became slaves. The danger of the future is that man may become robots.” -Erich Fromm (1900 - 1980)

“The future will soon be a thing of the past.” -George Carlin (George Denis Patrick Carlin (1937 - 2008)): “Napalm and Silly Putty” (2001), page 260

“Men might as well project a voyage to the Moon as attempt to employ steam navigation against the stormy North Atlantic Ocean.” -Dionysius Lardner (1793 - 1859)

At the beginning of this topic, we mentioned that there will be fewer problems remaining to be solved in the future, and how, in order to be happy, people need problems to solve. There is good news about this: Folks in the future, upon finding that few problems remain to be solved, will decide that they will all share the remaining problems and work on them together, so that there will still be some happiness to go around for all the folks . . . isn’t that nice?

“Do your duty and a little more and the future will take care of itself.” -Andrew Carnegie (1835 - 1919)

“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.” -Eleanor Roosevelt (Anna Eleanor ‘Eleanor’ Roosevelt (1884 - 1962)): as quoted in Leonard C. Schlup and Donald W. Whisenhunt: “It Seems to Me: Selected Letters of Eleanor Roosevelt” (2001), page 2

“Your future depends on many things, but mostly you.” -Frank Tyger (1929 - 2011)

This is MFOL! . . . and here comes the future . . . wow, it sure is moving fast . . . it just flew right by us . . . and now it is the gone into the past . . . wait, here it comes again . . . see if you can grab onto it this time!

0 Comments

Gardening and Gardeners

11/17/2018

0 Comments

“Gardening and laughing are two of the best things in life you can do to promote good health and a sense of well-being.” -David Hobson (David M. Hobson): “Diary of a Mad Gardener” (2000)

“Gardening adds years to your life and life to your years.” -Author Unknown

“Growing your own food is like printing your own money.” -Ron Finley (2013)

I’m a Gardener

I’m a gardener and I’m okay;
     I sleep all night and I plant all day!
I dress in grubby clothing,
     And hang around with slugs.
Oh, I’m happy in the garden,
     With dirt and plants and bugs!

by Author Unknown: sung to the same tune as that of Monty Python’s “I’m a Lumberjack” (14 December 1969)

“Our vegetable garden is coming along well, with radishes and beans up, and we are less worried about revolution than we used to be.” -E. B. White (Elwyn Brooks White (1899 - 1985))

“A garden is always a series of losses set against a few triumphs, like life itself.” -May Sarton (pseudonym of Eleanore Marie Sarton (1912 - 1995))

The very first secret to having a great garden is the soil, not the plants. Mix into the soil large amounts of organic materials, such as leaves, grass clippings, broken up or chopped up twigs, and kitchen waste to nourish the plants.

Rosemary: Do you know about the woman who planted an herb garden?
Cinnamon: Yes, I heard she is having the thyme of her life!

“True gardeners never cease to garden, not even in their sleep, because gardening is not just something they do. It is how they live.” -Vigen Guroian (born 1948), author website www.Guroian.com

“God made rainy days so gardeners could get the housework done.” -Author Unknown

Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary

Mary, Mary, quite contrary,
   How does your garden grow?
With silver bells and cockle-shells,
   And pretty maids all of a row.

by Author Unknown

“What is a weed? A plant whose virtues have not yet been discovered.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882)

Garden Types
- Backyard garden
- Community garden
- English garden
- Flower garden
- Herb garden
- Rose garden
- Salad garden
- Tea garden
- Vegetable garden
- Wildflower garden
What type of garden would you like to have?

“In the Spring, at the end of the day, you should smell like dirt.” -Margaret Atwood (born 1939)

Signs of Gardening
- Watch Out For Snap Dragons!
- Cultivate Lasting Friendships In A Garden
- Do Not Let The Little Things Bug You!
- Free Weeds - Pick Your Own
- Gardeners Have The Best Dirt
- Grow Happy In A Garden
- How’s It Growing?
- So Many Weeds . . . So Little Thyme
- Sow Seeds Of Kindness

“I have never had so many good ideas day after day as when I worked in a garden.” -John Erskine

Sundial Poem

The kiss of the Sun for pardon,
     The song of the birds for mirth,
One is nearer God’s Heart in a garden
     Than anywhere else on Earth.

by Dorothy Frances Gurney (Dorothy Frances Blomfield Gurney (1858 - 1932)): “Poems” (1913), ‘God’s Garden’

“Plant the garden of your life with friendship’s lovely flowers.” -Author Unknown

You can grow your own salad in a space-efficient garden made of rain gutters. How about a nice cup of tea? Yes, you can grow your own tea, too! And herbs for cooking, and strawberries for dessert . . . and lots more! (Small plants work best, and be sure to use a drill or a hammer and a nail to make a few holes in the bottom of each rain gutter for water drainage.)

“When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.” -Author Unknown

Garden of Love
(A Gardener’s Valentine)

Cabbage always has a heart;
     Green beans string along.
You’re such a Tomato,
     Will you Peas to me belong?

You’ve been the Apple of my eye,
     You know how much I care;
So Lettuce get together,
     We’d make a perfect Pear.

Now, something’s sure to Turnip,
     To prove you can’t be Beet;
So, if you Carrot all for me
     Let’s let our Tulips meet.

Don’t Squash my hopes and dreams now,
     Bee my Honey, dear;
Or tears will fill Potato’s eyes,
     While Sweet Corn lends an ear.

I’ll Cauliflower shop and say
     Your dreams are Parsley mine.
I’ll work and share my Celery,
     So be my Valentine.

by Author Unknown

“When all the chores are done, the avid gardener will invent new ones.” -Author Unknown

Gardener’s Palindrome: Mr. Owl ate my metal worm. (A palindrome is a word or phrase that reads the same both forward and backward.)

What are weeds good for? Pull them up with their roots, before they have grown flowers or seeds, let them dry in the sun, chop them up, and mix them with soil to provide nutrients for the non-weed plants.

“What a man needs in gardening is a cast-iron back, with a hinge in it.” -Charles Dudley Warner (1829 - 1900): “My Summer in a Garden” (1870), ‘Third Week’

“A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival skill except for learning how to grow in rows.” -Doug Larson (1902 - 1981)

Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary

Mary, Mary quite contrary,
     How has your garden thrived?
With fertilizers and chemicals?
     Or is it genetically modified?

by Paul Curtis

Dirt + Seeds + Water + Sun = Weeds.

Lou: How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?
Lulu: Take away his shovel!

“No Garden is without its Weeds.” -Thomas Fuller (1654 - 1734): “Gnomologia: Adages and Proverbs” (1732), number 3576

Whether you need wild flower bulbs to grow flowers around your front door, tomato seeds for your container vegetable garden, Gala apple tree seedlings for your side yard or orchard, ladybugs for natural pest control, or any of many different varieties of plants and gardening supplies, please visit www.Gurneys.com - and be sure to tell them you found out about them from www.MakeFunOfLife.net. Have you ever considered giving someone seeds or a tree or other plant as a gift?

Gardening: A person’s efforts to improve their lot.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gruesome.
Gruesome, who?
Gruesome tomatoes in my garden - would you care for some?

“The philosopher who said that work well done never needs doing over never weeded a garden.” -Ray D. Everson (Raymond D. ‘Ray’ Everson (1884 - 1960))

Barney: What kind of jokes do gardeners tell?
Bernard: Corny ones!

And when your back stops aching and your hands begin to harden,
You will find yourself a partner in the Glory of the Garden.
-Rudyard Kipling (Joseph Rudyard Kipling (1865 - 1936)): “The Glory of the Garden” (1923)

“He who sows courtesy reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.” -Basil (C.E. 330 - C.E. 379)

“There’s little risk in becoming overly proud of one’s garden, because by its very nature, it is humbling. It has a way of keeping you on your knees.” -JoAnn Barwick

“New gardeners learn by trowel and error.” -Author Unknown

“There are no gardening mistakes, only experiments.” -Janet Kilburn Phillips

Knock, Knock!
Who’s there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce, who?
Lettuce in, it’s freezing out here!

“Hoeing: A manual method of severing roots from stems of newly planted flowers and vegetables.” -Henry Beard (Henry Nichols Beard (born 1945))

“Every garden may have some weeds.” -Author Unknown: English proverb

Fern: What do you call an avid gardener?
Rose: Herb.

“Let us be grateful to people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.” -Marcel Proust (1871 - 1922)

“All the flowers and fruit of tomorrow are in the seeds of today.” -Author Unknown

I have a little garden, I scratch it with a hoe
I happily plant the seeds and happily watch them grow.
-Author Unknown

Kelly: Why do melons have fancy weddings?
Nellie: Because they ‘cantaloupe.’

“Half the interest of a garden is the constant exercise of the imagination.” -Alice Morse Earle (1851 - 1911)

“If you need five tools to solve a problem in the garden, four of them will be easy to find.” -Mike Garofalo (Michael Peter Garofalo (born 1946)): “Pulling Onions” (May 2007)

“Though an old man, I am but a young gardener.” -Thomas Jefferson (1743 - 1826)

“All gardeners live in beautiful places because they make them so.” -Joseph Joubert (1754 - 1824), as quoted in Paul Auster, translator: “The Notebooks of Joseph Joubert” (1883)

“Give weeds an inch, and they’ll soon take a yard.” -Author Unknown

Holly: Who says, “Hoe, hoe, hoe!”
Ivy: A gardener laughing at your jokes.

“Your first job is to prepare the soil. The best tool for this is your neighbor’s motorized garden tiller. If your neighbor does not own a garden tiller, suggest that he buy one.” -Dave Barry (born 1947)

“Gardening: A leisure activity that is much activity and little leisure.” -Author Unknown

“To plant a garden is to believe in tomorrow.” -Audrey Hepburn (1929 -1993)

Inch by inch and row by row,
I’m gonna make this garden grow.
-Author Unknown

“Without hard work, nothing grows but weeds.” -Gordon B. Hinckley (Gordon Bitner Hinckley (1910 - 2008))

“Maybe a person’s time would be as well spent raising food as raising money to buy food.” -Frank A. Clark (Frank Atherton Clark (1911 - 1991))

“My green thumb came only as a result of the mistakes I made while learning to see things from the plant’s point of view.” -H. Fred Dale (H. Frederick Dale (1924 - 1994))

“You must have a garden. Wherever you are.” -Patricia MacLachlan (Patricia ‘Patty’ MacLachlan (born 1938)): “Sarah, Plain and Tall” (1985)

This is MFOL! . . . the most down-to-earth people we know grow their food for thought in a vegetable garden . . .

0 Comments

Astronomy

11/14/2018

0 Comments

Never stop looking up . . .

“We can’t all be stars, but we can all sparkle.” -Author Unknown

What are stars? Stars are massive spheres, or balls, of very hot burning gases, called plasma, held together by their own gravity. Most stars contain mostly hydrogen, with small amounts of helium. Some stars have tiny amounts of other elements as well.

“At night, an enormous blanket is put over the Earth to keep it warm. The blanket is very old and worn out, and so it has many tiny holes in it. The holes where the Sun’s light comes through are called stars.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

Stars form in nebulas, which are large gaseous areas of space. As gravity attracts and condenses more and more gas into clusters, young stars called protostars start to form.

“It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves.” -William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616)

Stars radiate energy created from nuclear fusion, which is a process that takes place in a star’s core and involves hydrogen fusing, or burning, to make helium. Once nuclear fusion has begun in the core, a star is sufficiently fueled to spend the majority of its life as a main sequence star, or twinkly thing, in its most stable form.

The Star

Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
     How I wonder what you are.
Giant thermonuclear reaction,
     Held by gravitational attraction.
Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
     You look small ’cause you’re so far.
As you burn through constant fusion,
     Your twinkle’s just an optical illusion
That happens when your light gets near,
     Distorted by our atmosphere.
Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
     Spreading light and heat so far.
As you use up fuel you’ll grow,
     And give off a scarlet glow.
Maybe you’ll go supernova
     Exploding elements all over.
Now I know just what you are,
     And I know I’m made of stars.

by Author Unknown: parody of “The Star” (1806) by Jane Taylor

“Even a small star shines in the darkness.” -Author Unknown: Finnish proverb

A brown dwarf forms if a star does not become hot enough to reach nuclear fusion. While a brown dwarf has failed to become a proper star, it is not a planet because it does glow dimly.

“There are stars called white dwarfs and red giants . . . but, alas, no jelly donuts.” -Author Unknown

The most common stars are red dwarfs. They are less than half the size and mass of our Sun, and burn their fuel very slowly. Red dwarfs last longer than any other type of star, at more than 100 billion years. They are cooler than most stars, and so shine less, eventually growing dimmer.

“We are made of stardust. Every atom of every element in your body except for hydrogen has been manufactured inside stars, scattered across the Universe in great stellar explosions, and recycled to become part of you.” -John Gribbin (John R. Gribbin (born 1946)): “Stardust” (10 September 2000)

When smaller stars such as red dwarfs or red giants use up all of their fuel and nuclear fusion slows, they start to die, and become small white dwarf stars, which emit white light until they finally darken into black dwarfs.

“All men have stars, but they are not the same things for different people. For some, who are travelers, the stars are guides. For others they are no more than little lights in the sky. For others, who are scholars, they are problems . . . But all these stars are silent. You - you alone, will have stars as no one else has them . . .” -Antoine de Saint-Exupéry (Antoine Marie Jean-Baptiste Roger (1900 - 1944))

A dwarf star is so dense that it would take eight people to lift a teaspoonful of its matter. As yellow dwarf stars like our Sun start to run out of hydrogen fuel, the core shrinks, heats, and pushes out the rest of the star, turning it into a red giant.

Wish Upon a Star

Star light, star bright,
     The first star I see tonight,
I wish I may, I wish I might,
     Have this wish I wish tonight.

by Author Unknown

Red supergiants, such as Betelgeuse in the constellation Orion, make our Sun look small, having 20 times its mass, and being 1,000 times bigger in size. Red hypergiants, such as the largest known star, VY Canis Majoris, are even bigger, at more than 1,800 times the size of our Sun.

“It is often in the darkest skies that we see the brightest stars.” -Author Unknown

Big stars like supergiants and hypergiants have shorter lives because they consume their fuel at a faster rate than smaller stars. As these massive stars die, they explode into massive bright supernovas.

“Why does someone believe you when you say there are four hundred billion stars in the sky, but when you say the paint is wet they have to touch it themselves to find out?” -Author Unknown

Star matter blown apart in supernova explosions forms new stellar nebula, and the process of making stars begins all over again.

“Stars are beautiful, but they may not take an active part in anything; they must just look on forever. It is a punishment put on them for something they did so long ago that no star now knows what it is.” -J. M. Barrie (James Matthew Barrie (1860 - 1937)): “Peter Pan” (????)

Very heavy stars that go supernova can actually turn into black holes, while other supernovas leave behind white neutron stars that are 20 to 40 kilometers (12.5 to 25 miles) in diameter and have dense cores made of neutrons.

Riddle: I shine high in the sky - what am I?
Solution: I am a star.

As a star approaches the end of its life, it begins to change the helium into heavier chemical elements, such as carbon and oxygen, and the star will begin to change its color, density, mass, and size.

“With every passing hour our solar system comes forty-three thousand miles closer to globular cluster M13 in the constellation Hercules, and still there are some misfits who continue to insist that there is no such thing as progress.” -Kurt Vonnegut, Junior (1922 - 2007): “The Sirens of Titan” (1959), type of work: novel; line spoken by fictional character Ransom K. Ferm (printed as Ransom K. Fern in some instances)

Astronomers . . . mapping the way to future homeworlds for humanity . . .

An ancient astronomer stayed up all night trying to figure out where the Sun had gone. In the morning, it finally dawned on him.

Stars range in color depending on how hot they are. In order from lowest to highest temperature, they can be brown, red, orange, yellow, white, or blue in color.

“Stars have always helped me to get things into perspective . . . I tried to let the starlight heal something deep in me that hurt.” -Madeleine L’Engle (Madeleine L’Engle Camp (1918 - 2007))

Stars are often between 1 and 10 billion years old. Some stars may even be close to the age of the observed Universe, at nearly 13.8 billion years old.

There are more stars in the Universe than there are grains of sand on all the beaches of the world. We know this because we have been traveling the world’s beaches with a pencil, a notebook, and a magnifying glass, counting all of the itsy-bitsy granules of sand . . . if you see us out there, be sure to say hello!

Stars

The stars are tiny daisies high,
     Opening and shutting in the sky.
The daisies are the stars below,
     Twinkling and sparkling as they grow.

by Authors Unknown

Each galaxy contains hundreds of billions of stars and there are estimated to be more than 100 billion galaxies in the Universe. The total number of stars in the Universe is mind boggling, estimated to be at least 70 sextillion and possibly as high as 300 sextillion, which is 300,000,000,000,000,000,000,000.

“Put three grains of sand inside a vast cathedral, and the cathedral will be more closely packed with sand than space is with stars.” -James Jeans (James Hopwood Jeans (1877 - 1946)): as attributed in Laurence J. Peter’s “Peter’s Quotations: Ideas for Our Time” (1993)

Our Milky Way Galaxy is an area in space crowded with lots of stars - so many that it resembles a road of spilled milk. That is how it got its name! There are estimated to be somewhere between 200 and 400 billion stars in the Milky Way.

Galaxies are speeding away from Earth at 90,000 miles per second. What do you suppose they know that we don’t?

The light emitted by 200,000 galaxies makes our Universe a shade of beige. Scientists call the color ‘cosmic latte.’ Of course, if a scientist is up late at night looking at stars, it might be because he or she is highly caffeinated.

“There they stand, the innumerable stars, shining in order like a living hymn, written in light.” -Nathaniel Parker Willis (1806 - 1867)

The light from stars takes millions of years to reach Earth, so when you look at the stars, you are literally looking back in time.

“The stars are not so strange as the mind that studies them, analyzes their light, and measures their distances.” -Harry Emerson Fosdick (1878 - 1969): “On Being a Real Person” (1943)

While a clear night sky may appear to be full of stars, there are really only about 2,000 to 3,000 stars visible to the unaided eye, meaning without the use of a telescope. These stars are all either close to the Earth or intensely luminous, meaning very bright, like yourself.

Visiting an observatory, the backwoods man watched the astronomer look through his telescope. Just then a star fell. “Wow-weee!” exclaimed the man. “You sure are a great shot!”

Stars only appear to twinkle because we see them through the Earth’s atmosphere. Stars shine at an unblinking steady state, but atmospheric disturbances called eddies, which we experience as slight breezes and winds, make stars look sparkly.

If you get into the bottom of a well or a tall chimney and look up, you can see stars, even in the middle of the day. We know this because we spend a lot of time hanging out at the bottom of old wells and chimneys . . .

At an average distance of just 149,597,870 kilometers (92,955,807 miles), the nearest star to Earth is a yellow dwarf star called the Sun. The next nearest star to Earth is a red dwarf star called Proxima Centauri, also known as Alpha Centauri C. It was discovered in 1915 by Scottish astronomer Robert Innes while he was working at the Union Observatory in Johannesburg, South Africa. It is about 39.9 trillion kilometers (24.79 trillion miles) or 4.25 light years away. Light from this star reaches Earth in 4.25 years. A spacecraft using the newest, fastest propulsion systems would take about 75,000 years to get there.

Arnold: Did you know there’s a star called the Dog Star?
Owen: Are you Sirius?

Binary stars and multi-star systems are made up of two or more stars that are gravitationally linked, so that they orbit around each other.

“There wouldn’t be a sky full of stars if we were all meant to wish on the same one.” -Frances Clark (Frances Mary Clark (1860 - 1958))

A comet is a relatively small solar system body that orbits the Sun. When close enough to the Sun, comets display a visible coma, which is a fuzzy outline or atmosphere due to solar radiation, and sometimes also a tail.

When asked about flying saucers, the astronomer replied, “No comet.”

Asteroids are small solar system bodies that orbit the Sun. Made of rock and metal, they can also contain organic compounds. Asteroids are similar to comets but do not have a visible coma (fuzzy outline and tail) like comets do.

Telescope: A device for bringing the sky closer.

A meteoroid is a small rock or particle of debris in our solar system. They range in size from dust to around 10 meters in diameter. Larger objects are usually referred to as asteroids.

Star

Star light, star bright,
     First star I see tonight,
I wish I may, I wish I might,
     No - it’s just a satellite!

by Author Unknown

So-called ‘shooting stars’ and ‘falling stars’ are not actually stars, but are meteors. A meteoroid that burns up as it passes through the Earth’s atmosphere is known as a meteor. A meteoroid that survives falling through the Earth’s atmosphere and colliding with the Earth’s surface is known as a meteorite.

The odds of anyone being struck by a meteorite are said to be ‘astronomical.’

*******************************************************************

When You Wish Upon a Star

When you wish upon a star
     Makes no difference who you are
Anything your heart desires
     Will come to you.

If your heart is in your dreams
     No request is to extreme
When you wish upon a star
     As dreamers do.

Fate is kind
     She brings to those who love
The sweet fulfillment
     of their secret longing.

Like a bolt out of the blue
     Fate steps in and sees you through
When you wish upon a star
     Your dreams come true.

If your heart is in your dreams
     No request is too extreme
When you wish upon a star
     As dreamers do.

When you wish upon a star
     Your dream comes true.

by Jesse McCartney

*******************************************************************

Stars have played a very important role throughout human history. They have formed a part of religious practices, been grouped into constellations, used in astrological star signs, helped to design calendars, and were very important navigational tools for early explorations across lands and seas.

“Silently, one by one in the infinite meadows of Heaven, blossomed the lovely stars, the forget-me-nots of angels.” -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807 - 1882)

If you would like to keep up-to-date on the goings on in a whole Universe of stars, click on the link www.stardate.org.

Reach high, for stars lie hidden in your soul.
Dream deep, for every dream precedes the goal.
-Pamela Vaull Starr (pseudonym of Violet Isabelle (Carter) Popp (1909 - 1993))

At ‘MFOL!’ we think stars are, like, so stellar . . . and far out, too! Yeah, we know, we’re kinda weird sometimes . . . now go have fun with your life!

0 Comments

Shyness and Shy People

11/7/2018

0 Comments

“Even wallflowers bloom.” -Author Unknown

“There is a shyness about me, and I really need to get out more.” -Priscilla Presley (Priscilla Ann Presley (born 1945))

“What the word shyness basically refers to is if someone is worried about how he or she appears to other people.” -Wanda Bethea

“Shyness displays itself differently in me. I think it’s more an awkwardness.” -Daniel Radcliffe

“Quiet people have the loudest minds.” -Stephen King (Stephen Edwin King (born 1947))

“If you want to do something big in your life, you must remember that shyness is only in the mind. If you think shy, you act shy. If you think confidant, you act confidant. Therefore, never let shyness conquer your mind.” -Arfa Karim Randhawa (Arfa Abdul Karim Randhawa (1995 - 2012))

“You know what my greatest personal stumbling block is? My shyness.” -Susan Lucci (Susan Victoria Lucci (born 1946))

“I like parties, but I’m shy, and I often find myself standing around, feeling awkward.” -Michael Bergin (Michael John Bergin (born 1969))

What is shyness? Shyness is a feeling of extreme discomfort and intense inhibition in social situations, preventing an individual from participating in interpersonal interactions and relationships. The physical symptoms of shyness can include blushing, sweating, rapid heartbeat, trembling or shaking, difficulty speaking, and upset stomach. Shy individuals feel insecure about themselves, have huge concerns about how others view them, and have a strong tendency to withdraw from and avoid social situations.

“I am quite shy and people think I’m aloof.” -Kristen Stewart (Kristen Jaymes Stewart (born 1990))

“The two commonest mistakes in judgement . . . are, the confounding of shyness with arrogance - a very common mistake indeed - and the not understanding that an obstinate nature exists in a perpetual struggle with itself.” -Charles Dickens (Charles John Huffam Dickens (1812 -1870))

“When you’re worried, tell yourself the truth: Shyness is a strength to build on, not a character flaw to be stamped out.” -Author Unknown: “Shyness Is Not a Character Flaw” (at the Malvern School)

“Scientists have found the gene for shyness. They would have found it years ago, but it was hiding behind a couple of other genes.” -Jonathan Katz (Jonathan Paul Katz (born 1946))

What causes shyness? Some people claim shyness is caused entirely by genetics, but it is likely closer to the truth that shyness has more than a single cause. Individuals vary, but other possible causes of shyness include emotional abuse, physical abuse, being bullied, moving often, being different from other people - and there are so many ways in which people are different that there is not enough space to list them here, prolonged isolation, poverty, hardships, losses, medical conditions, traumatization, upbringing, being the new guy or gal, culture shock, social inexperience, or a general difference in life experiences. Some shy people may have dealt with every single one of these things and more in their lives.

“If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.” -Dorothy Law Nolte (1924 - 2005): “Children Learn What They Live: Parenting to Inspire Values” (1998), page vi

“I bought a book to help me overcome my shyness and it really works - now I can talk to people while hiding behind it!” -Author Unknown

Shyness can hold back a student’s progress in school . . .

“I was actually pretty shy in school. My defense mechanism was to be the class clown. I remember getting into a lot of trouble for being disruptive, and I was brought in front of the head teacher, who said, ‘What’s going to happen to you - what are you going to do when you grow up?’ And I said, ‘Well, I’m obviously going to be a comedian.’” -Adam Clayton

“I’m very shy, so I became very outgoing to protect my shyness.” -Don Rickles (Donald Jay ‘Don’ Rickles (1926 - 2017))

“And like the old stereotype, I overcame my shyness by making my friends laugh.” -Paul Merton (pseudonym of Paul James Martin (born 1957))

“The level of shyness has gone up dramatically in the last decade. I think shyness is an index of social pathology rather than a pathology of the individual.” -Philip Zimbardo (Philip George Zimbardo (born 1933))

“In talking, shyness and timidity distort the very meaning of my words. I don’t pretend to know anybody well. People are like shadows to me and I am like a shadow.” -Gwen John (Gwendolen Mary John (1876 - 1939))

Wallflower: A decoration for ballrooms.

“If you do not make small talk, you will never make big talk.” -Author Unknown

Is it possible that shyness is sometimes a temporary state, like anger or fear, rather than being something permanent, like height or eye color?

“Life is too short to be shy!” -Carolyn Schrieber

●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●

Shyness and Self-Esteem

While not all shy people have low self-esteem, shyness is often seen as a symptom of fear or lack of self-confidence. When you’re shy, it usually means that you’re self-conscious and worried about what other people think about you. Occasional shyness is normal, but when it becomes a habit, it can be detrimental to your progress in all of life: work, school, friendships, and social activities.

Because of the connection between shyness and self-esteem, building your self-esteem step-by-step can help you overcome your shyness. There are several things you can do to boost your self-esteem, whether you’re suffering from depression or you’re just having a bad day.

Make an inventory of things that you like about yourself. Do this as often as necessary. You can write anything - from simple things such as your ability to whistle, or more complex things such as your strength of character. It doesn’t mean that you should ignore your weaknesses and pretend that they don’t exist, you just have to accept yourself for who you are. Don’t include things such as financial success, the admiration of your peers, or the way you look. After all, self-esteem is about how you view yourself - these external factors don’t matter. When you gauge your strengths, you’ll be able to see how unique and valuable you are.

Find something that you’re good at, and work on it. If you have the talent for cooking, why not work on some new and original dishes? Activities involving art, such as painting and writing, can definitely give your mind a feeling of freedom and accomplishment. Even bird watching can improve your mood greatly. Whatever your talents are, make sure that you get to ‘practice’ them once a week, so that your mind will be given a chance to refresh itself after a stressful week of work or school.

Only recall good, happy, and exciting memories. Whenever you’re sitting down to think, make sure that you actively call out happy memories. This is because when you start thinking negatively, an entire swarm of negative feelings and memories will come right at you. Don’t waste your time with the bad. Think only of the good things you experienced, the great people you encountered, and even funny jokes you have heard.

Volunteer your time to the community or work with outreach programs. Being in a team that helps others allows you to think beyond yourself. Keep yourself busy by interacting with other people and learning from them. You’ll find that most people are very much like you - they all want to be surrounded by their loved ones, they have their own fears, and they also deal with feelings of inadequacy. When you realize that other people are just like you, you’ll see that there’s nothing to fear in social situations.

By conquering any feelings of low self-esteem, you will realize that you are deserving of love, admiration, and respect. When you realize this, you will also be able to conquer your shyness during social situations.

by Author Unknown

●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●

“I love being by myself, love being outdoors, love taking a long walk with my dogs and looking at the trees, flowers, the sky.” -Audrey Hepburn (1929 - 1993)

“My personality is hard to explain. I’m a big personality, and I enjoy being social. But I’m shy at first and sometimes ramble too much. I’m a shy extrovert.” -Author Unknown

Being ‘introverted’ and being ‘shy’ are not the same thing. Many introverts are not shy and many shy people are not introverts. The literal meaning of ‘introvert’ is ‘inward focused’ and usually refers to people who give their greatest attention to their own interests, often having little inclination to the interests of others. Shy people, however, are very often frustrated extroverts, that is, people who would like to be outgoing and social, but who also feel inhibited or held back.

“Shyness is the fear of social disapproval or humiliation, while introversion is a preference for environments that are not overstimulating. Shyness is inherently painful; introversion is not.” -Susan Cain (Susan Horowitz Cain (born 1968)): “Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking” (24 January 2012)

Shyness can stall a person’s work and career success - if he or she can get started at all . . .

“Shyness is nice, but shyness can stop you from doing all the things in life that you’d like to do.” -Steven Morrissey (Steven Patrick Morrissey (born 1959))

“Introductions are hard to come by when your natural state is shyness.” -Steve Martin (Stephen Glenn ‘Steve’ Martin (born 1945))

“We fail more often by timidity than by over-daring.” -David Grayson (1870 - 1946)

“I cannot make you understand. I cannot make anyone understand what is happening inside me. I cannot even explain it myself.” -Author Unknown

“The way you overcome shyness is to become so wrapped up in something that you forget to be afraid.” -Claudia Alta (Taylor) ‘Lady Bird’ Johnson (1912 - 2007)

“I grew up being very shy, very much a bookworm, and I remember desperately wondering how to be accepted by the popular kids.” -Lisa Kleypas (born 1964)

“I genuinely enjoy talking one-to-one. I have no shyness about that.” -Stephanie Beacham (born 1947)

“Sometimes those who don’t socialize much aren’t actually anti-social, they just have no tolerance for drama and fake people.” -Author Unknown

“I’m just shy - not antisocial - you can talk to me!” -Author Unknown

“Even when a person is as shy as a mouse, you still have to beware of the tiger within.” -Author Unknown

“I have had strange animals as pets all my life. I was shy growing up, and shy people tend to interact better with animals than people. Animals are direct, not duplicitous.” -Yvonne Craig (Yvonne Joyce Craig (1937 - 2015))

We cannot make shy people suddenly become non-shy by causing them to feel bad about being shy. Do not call a shy person antisocial, arrogant, egotistical, narcissistic, self-centered, mentally ill, introverted, slow, or sneaky - none of these things are what shyness is, and name calling and labeling will not help. Always remember: Just because you have labeled people does not mean you have helped them. Do not ridicule, tease, shame, or bully shy people. Instead, focus on encouragement, and if you know how, coaching or social skills teaching, keeping in mind that many shy people may very well know more about social skills than you do, but may simply have never had a safe opportunity to try them out and put them into regular practice.

“Women like silent men. They think they’re listening.” -Marcel Achard (born Marcel-Augustin Ferréol (1899 - 1974))

Overheard: My shyness has ruined so many opportunities.

“Cameras are a lifesaver for very shy people who have nowhere else to hide. Behind a lens they can disguise the fact that they have nothing to say to strangers.” -Pat Conroy: “Beach Music” (July 1995) novel

“It’s funny - when people call you ‘shy,’ they usually smile. Like it’s cute, some funny little habit you’ll grow out of when you’re older, like the gaps in your grin when your baby teeth fall out. If they knew how it felt - really being shy, not just unsure at first - they wouldn’t smile. Not if they knew how the feeling knots up your stomach or makes your palms sweat or robs you of the ability to say anything that makes sense. It’s not cute at all.” -Author Unknown

“A struggle with shyness is in every actor more than anyone can imagine.” -Marilyn Monroe (Norma Jean Mortenson (1926 - 1962))

“Stage persona notwithstanding, I’m extremely shy and quiet. Almost painfully shy. People misinterpret that as being above it all or not interested.” -J. Michael Straczynski (Joseph Michael Straczynski (born 1954))

“The fact of the matter is that most actors are shy people.” -Roger Moore (Roger George Moore (born 1927))

“I think I had a shyness about me, I think I discovered acting as a way to break out of that and as a way of belonging, a sense of being special.” -Michael C. Hall (Michael Carlyle Hall (born 1971))

Perhaps the most important consideration in addressing shyness is that we not waste people’s entire lifetimes while we argue over how to categorize shyness, whether it is caused by nature or nurture, or genetics or environment, or who is at fault. Instead, we need to focus on determining whether particular shy individuals are comfortable with their shyness or if they are suffering from their shyness. If they are comfortable with their shyness, we should let them be who they are. If they are suffering from their shyness, we should use the best of our humanity to help them. We can experiment a little - trying different ideas, discarding ideas that do not work and keeping ideas that do work.

“Shyness is really wondering if you have other people’s approval.” -Dorothy Sarnoff (1914 - 2008)

“I am very shy - really shy - I even had a stutter as a kid, which I slowly got over, but I still regress into that shyness. So I don’t like walking into a crowded restaurant by myself; I don’t like going to a party by myself.” -Nicole Kidman (Nicole Mary Kidman (born 1967))

“Writing is show business for shy people. That’s how I see it.” -Lee Child (pseudonym of James D. ‘Jim’ Grant (born 1954))

“I’ve gotten better at not making people feel uncomfortable with my shyness.” -Clea DuVall (Clea Helen D’Etienne DuVall (born 1977))

“I don’t really want to wax philosophic, but I will say that if you’re alive, you got to flap your arms and legs, you got to jump around a lot, you got to make a lot of noise . . . as I see it, if you’re quiet, you’re not living. You’ve got to be noisy, or at least your thoughts should be noisy and colorful and lively.” -Mel Brooks (born Melvin Kaminsky (born 1926))

“Sometimes quiet people really do have a lot to say, they’re just being careful about who they open up to.” -Author Unknown

Maribelle: What did the shy pebble say?
Clarabelle: “I wish I was a little boulder.”

“If you are shy, know that there can be some situations and circumstances in which you are not shy. Try to find them, and within them, give yourself the chance to learn and grow and develop, and in time, you will find yourself less shy in a wider range of situations and circumstances.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

Golly, you sure look swell when you smile - you should do that more often! Much more MFOL! follows . . .

0 Comments

Zig Ziglar

11/4/2018

0 Comments

“Among the things you can give and still keep are your word, a smile, and a grateful heart.” -Zig Ziglar

“Positive thinking will let you do everything better than negative thinking will.” -Zig Ziglar

“There is no such thing as a lazy person; he is either sick or uninspired.” -Zig Ziglar: “See You at the Top” (2000)

“People who have good relationships at home are more effective in the marketplace.” -Zig Ziglar

“Don’t be distracted by criticism. Remember - the only taste of success some people have is when they take a bite out of you.” -Zig Ziglar

“The way you see life will largely determine what you get out of it.” -Zig Ziglar

“Failure has been correctly identified as the line of least persistence.” -Zig Ziglar: “See You at the Top” (2000)

“You are free to choose, but the choices you make today will determine what you will have, be, and do in the tomorrow of your life.” -Zig Ziglar

“Don’t wait until you feel like taking a positive action. Take the action and then you will feel like doing it.” -Zig Ziglar

“If you go looking for a friend, you’re going to find they’re very scarce. If you go out to be a friend, you’ll find them everywhere.” -Zig Ziglar: as quoted in Deborah Norville: “The Power of Respect: Benefit from the Most Forgotten Element of Success” (2009), page 65

“When your image improves, your performance improves.” -Zig Ziglar

“Many people spend more time in planning the wedding than they do in planning the marriage.” -Zig Ziglar

“I am intelligent, competent, persistent, and creative. I am health conscious, balanced, and clean. I am flexible, punctual, and thrifty.” -Zig Ziglar

“You were born to win, but to be a winner, you must plan to win, prepare to win, and expect to win.” -Zig Ziglar

“How you see your future is much more important than what happened in your past.” Zig Ziglar

“For every sale you miss because you’re too enthusiastic, you will miss a hundred because you’re not enthusiastic enough.” -Zig Ziglar

“Outstanding people have one thing in common: an absolute sense of mission.” -Zig Ziglar: as quoted in Kevin Baerg: “Created for Excellence: 12 keys to Godly Success” (1996), page 25

“Winning is not everything, but the effort to win is.” -Zig Ziglar

“Obviously, there is little you can learn from doing nothing.” -Zig Ziglar

“People who truly understand God’s purpose for their lives know that we are called to be intimately involved with one another.” -Zig Ziglar: “Better than Good: Creating a Life You Can’t Wait to Live” (2007)

“People don’t buy for logical reasons. They buy for emotional reasons.” -Zig Ziglar

“Expect the best. Prepare for the worst. Capitalize on what comes.” -Zig Ziglar: as quoted in Alen Majer: “Trigger Events - How to Find Your Next Customer” (2007), page 22

“A man or woman is seldom happy unless he or she is sustaining him or herself and making a contribution to others.” -Zig Ziglar: “See You at the Top” (2000)

“End the day with gratitude. There is someone, somewhere, that has less than you.” -Zig Ziglar

“Success occurs when opportunity meets preparation.” -Zig Ziglar: “See You at the Top” (2000)

“Kids go where there is excitement. They stay where there is love.” -Zig Ziglar

“A lot of people have gone further than they thought they could because someone else thought they could.” -Zig Ziglar

“You build a successful career, regardless of your field of endeavor, by the dozens of little things you do on and off the job.” -Zig Ziglar

“When you forgive somebody else you accept the responsibility for your own future.” -Zig Ziglar

“Success is in the details.” -Zig Ziglar

“You are at the top when you’ve made friends with the past, are focused on the present, and optimistic about your future.” -Zig Ziglar

“The most practical, beautiful, workable philosophy in the world won’t work - if you won’t.” -Zig Ziglar

“The foundation stones for a balanced success are honesty, character, integrity, faith, love, and loyalty.” -Zig Ziglar

“Be firm on principle but flexible on method.” -Zig Ziglar

“Never let your past determine your future.” -attributed to Zig Ziglar

“For every sale you miss because you’re too enthusiastic, you will miss a hundred because you’re not enthusiastic enough.” -Zig Ziglar

“The only way to coast is downhill.” -Zig Ziglar

“A positive attitude will have positive results because attitudes are contagious.” -Zig Ziglar

“If you learn from defeat, you haven’t really lost.” -Zig Ziglar

“There’s often no way you can look into the game of life and determine whether or not you’ll get that big break tomorrow or whether it will take another week, month, year or even longer. But it will come!” -Zig Ziglar

“You can get everything in life you want if you will just help enough other people get what they want.” -Zig Ziglar: “Secrets of Closing the Sale” (1984)

“You cannot consistently perform in a manner which is inconsistent with the way you see yourself.” -Zig Ziglar

“They don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” -Zig Ziglar

“It was character that got us out of bed, commitment that moved us into action, and discipline that enabled us to follow through.” -Zig Ziglar

“Failure is a detour, not a dead-end street.” -Zig Ziglar

“You’ve got to be before you can do, and you’ve got to do before you can have.” -Zig Ziglar

“What comes out of your mouth is determined by what goes into your mind.” -Zig Ziglar

“As I point out in another section, when you’re frustrated you can either wring your hands and lose what you have or roll up your sleeves and get what you want.” -Zig Ziglar: “Biscuits, Fleas, and Pump Handles” (1974), page 145

“It is easy to get to the top after you get through the crowd at the bottom.” -Zig Ziglar

“When things seem bad, look to see if you’re not facing the wrong direction . . . When the outlook isn’t good, try the uplook - it’s always good.” -Zig Ziglar

In addition to the books mentioned in this topic, Zig Ziglar wrote other books, available in paperback from your favorite bookseller and as downloads for your favorite e-reader device. Following is a partial list.
□ “Conversations with My Dog” (2004)
□ “How to Get What You Want” (1987)
□ “Raising Positive Kids in a Negative World” (1985)
□ “Zig Ziglar’s Life Lifters” (2003)
□ “Secrets of Closing the Sale” (1982)
□ “Developing the Qualities of Success” (2010)
□ “See You at the Top” (1975)
□ “Confessions of a Happy Christian” (1978)
□ “Zig: The Autobiography” (2002)
□ “Courtship After Marriage” (1990)
The above list of works by Zig Ziglar is far from complete, so if you would like to see other titles included, please let us know.

“If you want to reach a goal, you must ‘see the reaching’ in your own mind before you actually arrive at your goal.” -Zig Ziglar

“Ability is important in our quest for success, but dependability is critical.” -Zig Ziglar

“Failure is an event, never a person; an attitude, not an outcome.” -Zig Ziglar

“The most influential person who will talk to you all day is you, so you should be very careful about what you say to you!” -Zig Ziglar

“When obstacles arise, you change your direction to reach your goal; you do not change your decision to get there.” -Zig Ziglar

“When you are tough on yourself, life is going to be infinitely easier on you.” -Zig Ziglar

“You cannot tailor-make the situations in life, but you can tailor-make your attitudes to fit those situations.” -Zig Ziglar

“The more you recognize and express gratitude for the things you have, the more things you will have to express gratitude for.” -Zig Ziglar

“Fortunately, problems are an everyday part of our life. Consider this: If there were no problems, most of us would be unemployed. Realistically, the more problems we have and the larger they are, the greater our value to our employer.” -Zig Ziglar

“Will you look back on life and say, ‘I wish I had’ or ‘I’m glad I did’?” -Zig Ziglar

“Desire is the ingredient that changes the hot water of mediocrity to the steam of outstanding success.” -Zig Ziglar: “See You at the Top” (2000)

“If you don’t see yourself as a winner, then you cannot perform as a winner.” -Zig Ziglar

“Obstacles are the things we see when we take our eyes off our goals.” -Zig Ziglar

“Man was designed for accomplishment, engineered for success, and endowed with the seeds of greatness.” -Zig Ziglar

“There are no traffic jams on the extra mile.” -Zig Ziglar

“When we do more than we are paid to do, eventually we will be paid more for what we do.” -Zig Ziglar

“When you focus on problems, you get more problems. When you focus on possibilities, you have more opportunities.” -Zig Ziglar

“Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude.” -Zig Ziglar

“You cannot climb the ladder of success dressed in the costume of failure.” -Zig Ziglar

“If God would have wanted us to live in a permissive society He would have given us Ten Suggestions and not Ten Commandments.” -Zig Ziglar

“You don’t have to have it all figured out to move forward.” -Zig Ziglar

“Success is like a ladder, and no one has ever climbed a ladder with their hands in their pockets.” -Zig Ziglar

“You don’t have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great.” -Zig Ziglar

“A goal properly set is halfway reached.” -Zig Ziglar

“Fewer people are bent from hard work than are crooked from avoiding it.” -Zig Ziglar: “See You at the Top” (2000)

“What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals.” -Zig Ziglar: as quoted in Lilly Walters: “Secrets of Superstar Speakers: Wisdom from the Greatest Motivators of Our Time” (2000), page 96

“When you give a man a dole, you deny him his dignity, and when you deny him his dignity you rob him of his destiny.” -Zig Ziglar: “See You at the Top” (2000)

“Every sale has five basic obstacles: no need, no money, no hurry, no desire, no trust.” -Zig Ziglar

“Happiness is not pleasure - it is victory.” -Zig Ziglar: “See You at the Top” (2000)

“Other people and things can stop you temporarily . . . You’re the only one who can do it permanently!” -Zig Ziglar

“Confidence is going after Moby Dick in a rowboat and taking the tartar sauce with you.” -Zig Ziglar

“The price of success is much lower than the price of failure.” -Zig Ziglar

“Discipline yourself to do the things you need to do when you need to do them, and the day will come when you will be able to do the things you want to do when you want to do them!” -Zig Ziglar

“Of all the ‘attitudes’ we can acquire, surely the attitude of gratitude is the most important and by far the most life-changing.” -Zig Ziglar

“If you don’t save something on your current income, you won’t save anything on your future income.” -Zig Ziglar: “See You at the Top” (2000)

“Most people who fail in their dreams fail not from lack of ability but from lack of commitment.” -Zig Ziglar

“The most important persuasion tool you have in your entire arsenal is integrity.” -Zig Ziglar: as quoted in Dave Stone: “Refining Your Style: Learning from Respected Communicators” (2004), page 143

“Success means doing the best we can with what we have. Success is the doing, not the getting - in the trying, not the triumph. Success is a personal standard - reaching for the highest that is in us - becoming all that we can be. If we do our best, we are a success. Success is the maximum utilization of the ability that you have.” -Zig Ziglar: as quoted in Hugh B. Sanders: “The Subconscious Diet: It’s Not What You Put in Your Mouth; It Is What You Put in Your Mind” (2005), page 104

“The way to get what you want is to help others get what they want.” -Zig Ziglar

“Far too many people have no idea of what they can do because all they have been told is what they can’t do. They don’t know what they want because they don’t know what’s available for them.” -Zig Ziglar

“When you associate with winners, your chances of winning go up!” -Zig Ziglar

Hilary Hinton ‘Zig’ Ziglar was born on 6 November 1926 in Coffee County, Alabama, United States of America, as the tenth of twelve children to parents John Silas Ziglar and Lila Wescott Ziglar. He became a writer, a salesman, and a motivational speaker. Hilary Hinton ‘Zig’ Ziglar passed on at 86 years of age on 28 November 2012 in Plano, Texas, United States of America.

“People who build hope into their own lives and who share hope with others become powerful people.” -Zig Ziglar

Zig Ziglar devoted his life to helping others get what they want in their lives. To find out what this can mean for your own professional and personal development, click on Zig Ziglar.

“Life is an echo. What you send out comes back. What you sow you reap. What you give you get. What you see in others exists in you. Regardless of who you are or what you do, if you are looking for the best way to reap the most reward in all areas of life, you should look for the good in every person and in every situation and adopt the golden rule as a way of life.” -Zig Ziglar

“Make today worth remembering.” -Zig Ziglar

This is MFOL! . . . your wonderful free source for the good in life: humor, inspiration, motivation, learning, and more . . .

0 Comments

Elephants

10/29/2018

0 Comments

William: What is gray and tons of fun?
Katherine: An elephant!

The Elephant

The elephant is quite a beast,
     He’s rather large to say the least,
And though his size is quite impressive,
     The elephant is not aggressive,
He never throws his weight around,
     Still he always holds his ground.
He only wants to feel secure.
     Long may the elephant endure!

by Arnold Sundgaard (Arnold Olaf Sundgaard (1909 - 2006))

Minerva: What is big and gray and goes, “Bubble-bubble-ka-boom!”
Minnie: An elephant experimenting with a chemistry set.

Elephants Facts
- An adult male elephant is called a bull.
- An adult female elephant is called a cow.
- A young elephant is called a calf.
- The plural of elephant is elephants.
- A group of elephants is called a herd, or imaginatively, a memory.
- A group of elephants walking in single-file is called a parade.
- The sound made by elephants is called trumpeting.
- Elephants are the largest land animals on Earth.
- Elephants are herbivores, or plants-eaters.

Terry: How can you tell when there are elephants in your refrigerator?
Theresa: You can hear them giggling.

Elephants belong to the family of animals known as pachyderms, meaning thick-skinned animals. Other members of the pachyderm family are rhinoceroses, hippopotamuses, pigs, tapirs, and extinct wooly mammoths and mastodons.

Sandra: Why do elephants catch colds?
Sandy: Well, you would too, if you ran around all the time without any clothes on!

The two main types of elephants are the African elephant and the Asian elephant.

Lee: What is the difference between African elephants and Asian elephants?
Lars: About three thousand miles!

Both male and female African elephants have tusks. Their ears are about 1.5 meters (5 feet) long. African elephants are known by the scientific name Loxodonta africana. They are divided into two subspecies: the African Forest Elephant and the African Bush Elephant.

Bill: Why do elephants live in the jungle?
Glen: Because they are too big to fit in Tarzan’s treehouse.

Asian elephants have smaller bodies and smaller ears than African elephants, and only the males of the Asian elephants have tusks. The scientific name for Asian elephants is Elephas maximus. The four subspecies of Asian elephants are Indian, Ceylon, Sumatran, and Malaysian.

Marybeth: What is gray and weighs 200 pounds?
Maribelle: A bouncing baby elephant!

Newborn baby elephants weight about 91 kilograms (200 pounds). Adult elephants weigh between 2,268 and 6,350 kilograms (5,000 and 14,000 pounds). Some male elephants can grow to be 4 meters (13 feet tall) and weigh between 4,536 and 6,350 kilograms (10,000 and 14,000 pounds). The largest elephant on record weighed about 12,000 kilograms (26,000 pounds).

Darlene: What do elephants say when they bump into each other?
Charlene: “Small world, isn’t it?”

Elephants are the only mammals that cannot jump, and that is good, because the last thing we need is more earthquakes!

Hickory dickory dock,
An elephant ran up the clock,
The clock is being repaired.

Arvin: How can you tell that elephants are always ready for adventure?
Allen: They always have their trunks ready to go!

Anne: What has four legs and a trunk?
Drew: An elephant?
Anne: A mouse going on vacation - fooled you!

After their size, the most noticeable feature of elephants is their trunks. A trunk is an elongation of an elephant’s nose and upper lip. An elephant’s trunk can grow to be about 2 meters (6.5 feet) long, and has about 40,000 muscles, but contains no bones. Besides being used for breathing and smelling, the trunk can be used in much the same way that humans use their arms and hands. Elephants are able to sense the size, shape, texture, and temperature of objects by feeling with their trunks. Elephants have two finger-like projections at the tips of their trunks, which can be used to manipulate and grasp small objects and to pluck grass and leaves to eat. Elephants use their trunks to lift food and to suck up water, which they then pour into their mouths. In summary, elephant’s trunks are very useful tools.

Michelle: Why do elephants have trunks?
Mabelle: Because glove compartments are not nearly so stylish.

Geronimo: What do you say when you scold an elephant?
Tecumseh: “Tusk! Tusk!”

Elephants have pairs of tusks, which are long teeth made of a substance called ivory. Elephant tusks grow throughout their lifetimes and can weigh more than 200 pounds. Their tusks help them obtain food and dig in the ground for water. Elephants can also use their tusks to carry heavy objects such as tree trunks.

Jeremy: What is big and gray and protects you from the rain?
Jered: An umbrellaphant!

Elephants have large, thin ears. Within them is a complex network of blood vessels. As blood circulates through their ears, it releases heat into the air. Elephants can flap their ears, causing the blood within them to release heat at an even faster rate. The cooled blood then circulates through the rest of the elephants’ massive bodies, helping to keep elephants cool in the hot climates where they live.

Pete: What is big and gray and hums?
Paul: An electric elephant!

Rudy: Why do more elephants not go to college?
Ruby: Because so few of them graduate from high school.

Bernice: What is large, gray, and writes?
Brad: A ballpoint elephant!

Willow: Why do you never see elephants hiding up in trees?
Mahogany: Because they are really good at it.

Jimmy: Why can elephants not fly?
James: Because they do not have propellers.

“Nature’s great masterpiece, an elephant, the only harmless great thing.” -John Donne (1572 - 1631)

Owen: How do elephants get squinty eyes?
Wendell: From reading the small print on peanut packages.

Elephants are herbivores, and spend 16 to 20 hours a day eating leaves, twigs (small branches), bark, tree roots, bamboo, and grasses. They especially like leaves from upper branches, which they get by pushing down trees with their large heads and bodies. They get bark by scraping it off trees with their sharp tusks. During the wet or rainy season, elephants eat things low to the ground, and during the dry season, they use their trunks to gather food from trees and bushes that are higher off the ground. Adult elephants eat 136 to 272 kilograms (300 to 600 pounds) of food every day.

Aaron: Why do elephants eat raw plants?
Isaac: Because they do not know how to cook.

Beverly: Why was the elephant sitting on the marshmallow?
Christine: Because she did not want to fall into the hot chocolate.

Adult elephants need to drink at least 210 liters (55 gallons) of water every day. If an elephant’s trunk holds about 9.5 liters (2.5 gallons) of water, how many times would an elephant need to fill its trunk each day?

Roderick: Why is it dangerous to tell elephant jokes?
Reginald: Because elephants never forget!

Patrice: Why do elephants not like elephant jokes?
Patrick: They think they are Dumbo.

Melanie: Who started all these crazy elephant jokes?
Pamela: That is what the elephants would like to know!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gladys.
Gladys, who?
Gladys you and not another elephant joke!

Tabitha: Why did the elephant cross the road?
Tabbie: Because she did not want to hear that last joke.

Elephants . . . among the last dignified inhabitants of Earth . . .

Adult elephants sleep between 4 and 5 hours in a 24-hour time period. Their sleep is often broken up into shorter time periods and naps throughout the day and night. In family herds, some of the elephants stay awake while others are sleeping, to guard against predators, especially when the herd has baby elephants to protect. Elephants can adjust their sleep patterns when the weather is hot, napping more in the daytime and staying awake during the cooler nighttime to find food and water.

Male elephant mature and leave their herds at about 12 or 13 years of age, living fairly solitary lives from that point onward.

Ernest: Why do elephants travel in herds?
Otis: Because if they traveled in flocks, they might be mistaken for sheep.

Female elephants spend their entire lives living in family herds of up to ten females and their young. Each family herd is led by a female elephant called a matriarch, usually the oldest and largest female in the herd. All of the females in the herd are directly related to the matriarch. Herds are known to travel distances of 16 kilometers (10 miles) or farther in a day to look for food and water. When elephants travel, they walk very quietly in single file. Young elephants are led by the older elephants with their tails. They stay close to their mothers at all times. The entire herd will protect the young ones if there are any signs of danger.

Chad: What is big and gray, and wears glass slippers?
Chet: Cinderelephant.

Carrie: What is big and grey and has horns?
Karen: An elephant marching band!

While not noted for their musical talent, the most familiar sound made by elephants is called trumpeting. Elephants can purr as cats do. Elephants can also communicate by making singing and rumbling sounds at between 14 and 35 hertz, which is below human hearing range. Elephants can communicate by stomping on the ground, which makes sounds and vibrations that can be detected by other elephants. These varied types of communication allow elephants to locate other elephants and to call wandering individuals back to the herd, and can ever allow several different herds to stay in direct contact over distances of many miles.

Maude: How can you tell if there is an elephant in your snack food?
Todd: Read the list of ingredients.

Overheard: The only reason that a great many people do not own an elephant is that they have never been offered an elephant for ten dollars down and ten dollars a week.

Going to Work

An elephant, going to work,
Was heard to remark, with a smirk,
     “I’ll keep my good manners
     For hay and bananers
But quit if my mahout should shirk.”

by Author Unknown

Danny: What would you get if you crossed an elephant and a computer?
Daniel: The biggest know-it-all you ever saw.

Because of their large size, great strength, and defensive capabilities, full-grown elephants have few natural predators. Elephants can fight with their tusks to defend themselves, and wrap their muscular trunks around other animals. They can push things around with their sheer weight and strength. Elephants can raise their front legs off the ground, standing briefly on just their rear legs, and kick with their front legs or drop their front legs and crushing body weight back down onto any threatening animal. If need be, elephants can also run about 39 kilometers (24 miles) an hour for short distances. Even so, elephants in the wild are vulnerable to lions that prey on young or weak elephants, and humans destroy elephant habitats and kill elephants for their ivory tusks.

Darcy: What is big and gray and takes the bus everywhere?
Marcy: An elephant who failed her driver’s license test.

Mortimer: What is gray, has 800 feet, and cannot get off the ground?
Gerard: An airplane full of elephants.

Elephants are good swimmers. They can also walk along the bottom of a lake or river while extending their trunks up to the surface like snorkels to breathe air. Going into water helps them to stay cool when the weather is hot, and they also bathe themselves in the water.

Sherman: Why are elephants wrinkled?
Herman: Have you ever tried to iron one?

Opal: Why are elephants so poor?
Violet: Because they work for peanuts!

Eva: Why is an elephant gray?
Evaline: So you will not mistake him for a bluebird.

Dana: Why do elephants not ride bicycles?
Gina: They do not have thumbs to ring the bells.

Elephantine: Resembling or characteristic of an elephant or elephants, especially in being large, clambering, or awkward. Agile elephants may disagree with this generalization!

John: Why do elephants not use computers?
Joan: They are afraid of the mouse.

Alexander: How would you recognize an elephant on the Moon?
Alexia: By the big ‘E’ on her spacesuit.

An Elephant

When people call this beast to mind
     They marvel more and more
At such a little tail behind
     So large a trunk before.

by Author Unknown

Merry: What did the elephant wish for on his birthday?
Mary: A trunkful of presents!

Alice: What should you always remember when telling elephant jokes?
Ellis: Elephants never forget!

This is MFOL! . . . Ha, ha, ha - wait, we don’t get it . . .

0 Comments

Poetic Epigrams

10/26/2018

0 Comments

Look around the habitable world: how few
Know their own good, or knowing it, pursue.
-Juvenal (Decimus Iunius Iuvenalis (about C.E. 55 - about C.E. 130)): as quoted in John Dryden (1631 - 1700), translator: “The Satires of Decimus Junius Juvenalis: And of Aulus Persius Flaccus” (1693), Satire 10, lines 1 and 2

Once upon a time, it happened to me,
     the very sweetest thing, that could even be.
It was a fantasy, a dream come true,
     it was the day I saw you.
-Author Unknown

It sounds like stories from the land of spirits
If any man obtain that which he merits,
Or any merit that which he obtains.
-Samuel Taylor Coleridge (1772 - 1834)

Two cats can live as cheaply as one,
And their owner has twice as much fun.
-Lloyd Alexander (Lloyd Chudley Alexander (1924 - 2007))

A poetic epigram is a short and often witty poem expressing a single thought or observation. The word ‘epigram’ comes from the Greek word ‘epigraphein’ meaning ‘to write on’ or ‘to inscribe,’ and originally referred to inscriptions written on stone monuments in ancient Greece.

What is an epigram? A dwarfish whole;
Its body brevity, and wit its soul.
-Samuel Taylor Coleridge (1772 - 1834) (1802)

A house is built of logs and stone,
     of piles and post and piers;
A home is built of loving deeds,
     that stand a thousand years.
-Victor Hugo (Victor Marie Hugo (1802 - 1885))

A house is made of bricks and beams,
A home is made of love and dreams.
-Author Unknown

Early to bed,
     Early to rise
Makes a man healthy,
     Wealthy and wise.
-Benjamin Franklin (1706 - 1790)

The Joke

The joke you just told isn’t funny one bit;
     It’s pointless and dull, wholly lacking in wit;
It’s so old and stale, it’s beginning to smell -
     Besides, it’s the one I was going to tell!

by Author Unknown

Contentment is wealth, the riches of the mind;
And happy is he who can such riches find.
-John Dryden (1631 - 1700)

My mom (who’s on a diet)
     says she’s lost another pound.
I’ve tried to help her find it,
     but it’s nowhere to be found.
-Babs Bell Hajdusiewicz (born 1944)

Life is mostly froth and bubble,
     Two things stand like stone:
Kindness in another’s trouble,
     Courage in your own.
-Adam Lindsay Gordon (1833 - 1870)

When Adam Joked

Whatever trouble Adam had,
     No man in days of yore
Could say, when Adam cracked a joke,
     “I’ve heard that one before.”

by Author Unknown

Pursue thy work without delay,
For the short hours run fast away.
-Author Unknown

Words

A careless word may kindle strife;
     A cruel word may wreck a life;
A timely word may level stress;
     A loving word may heal and bless.

-Author Unknown

Genius, that power which dazzles mortal eyes,
Is oft’ but perseverance in disguise.
-Henry W. Austin (Henry Willard Austin (1858 - 1912)): “Perseverance Conquers All”

Great wits are sure to madness near allied,
And thin partitions do their bounds divide.
-John Dryden (1631 - 1700): “Absalom and Achitophel” (1681), part I, line 163

Whirls

Big whirls have little whirls,
     That feed on their velocity;
And little whirls have lesser whirls,
     And so on to viscosity.

by Lewis Fry Richardson (1881 - 1953): “The Supply of Energy from and to Atmospheric Eddies” (1920)

“An epigram often flashes light into regions where reason shines but dimly.” -Edwin Percy Whipple (1819 - 1886): lecture to the Boston Mercantile Library Association (October 1846), as quoted in Edwin Percy Whipple: “Lectures on Subjects Connected with Literature and Life” (1850)

No bees, no honey;
No work, no money.
-Author Unknown

Oh, words may rhyme,
     And sound sublime,
And sing and shout,
     Yet still say nowt.
-Author Unknown
nowt: nothing; naught

Keep out of ruts; a rut is something which
If traveled in too much, becomes a ditch.
-Arthur Guiterman (1871 - 1943)

Short Sermon

To give and forgive
Is a good way to live.

by Author Unknown

Joy and Temperance and Repose
Slam the door on the doctor’s nose.
-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807 - 1882)

Happy Ending?

There are no happy endings.
     Endings are the saddest part,
So just give me a happy middle
     And a very happy start.

by Author Unknown

Could fools to keep their own contrive,
On what, on whom could gamesters thrive?
-John Gay (1685 - 1732): as quoted in W. H. Kearley Wright, editor: “The Fables of John Gay" (1889), 'Fable XII: Pan and Fortune,' lines 25 and 26

Are You a Poet?

You might not think it,
     You might not know it,
But somewhere inside you,
     There might be a poet!

by Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

Do not loiter or shirk,
Do not falter or shrink
But just think out your work
And then work out your think.
-Nixon Waterman (1859 - 1944)

Mariner, do not ask whose tomb this may be,
but go with good fortune:
I wish you a kinder sea.
-Plato (about 427 B.C.E. - 347 B.C.E.)

Getting Along

We know how to get along
     every single day.
We take turns and share a lot
     while we work and play.

by Author Unknown

That man who lives for self alone
Lives for the meanest mortal known.
-Joaquin Miller (pseudonym of Cincinnatus Heine Miller (born Cincinnatus Hiner Miller (1837 - 1913)): “The Building of the City Beautiful” (1905), Chapter V: ‘How Beautiful!’ page 48

Always Finish

If a task is once begun
     Never leave it till it’s done.
Be the labor great or small,
     Do it well or not at all.

by Author Unknown: possibly also known by the title “Perseverance”

For every evil under the sun
     There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try and find it;
     If there be none, never mind it.
by Author Unknown: as published in John Newbery, editor: “Mother Goose’s Melody” (1765)

Poetic epigrams vary in structure. They are typically couplets, or poems having two lines; tercets, or poems having three lines; and quatrains, or poems having four lines. Poetic epigrams of more than four lines are less common, in keeping with ‘brevity,’ a word often used in describing them. Some have titles, some have none. Poetic epigrams can be found as a few lines within longer poems, in much the same way that couplets, tercets, quatrains, and structures of more lines can be found within much longer poems.

Little strokes
Fell great oaks
-Benjamin Franklin (1706 - 1790)

Think that day lost whose low descending sun
Views from thy hand no noble action done.
-Jacob Bobart (1641 - 1719)

So all my best is dressing old words new,
Spending again what is already spent:
For as the sun is daily new and old,
So is my love still telling what is told.
-William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616): ‘Sonnet 76’

Day-Dreamer

Too much thought:
Too little wrought.

by Author Unknown
wrought: brought into being or put together; archaic past tense of ‘work’

That man is thought a dangerouse knave,
     Or zealot plotting crime,
Who for advancement of his kind
      Is wiser than his time.
-Richard Monckton Milnes (also known as 1st Baron Houghton or Lord Houghton (1809 - 1885))
dangerouse: dangerous
knave: a no-good person
zealot: a fanatic

A Man Said to the Universe

A man said to the universe:
“Sir, I exist!”
“However,” replied the universe,
“The fact has not created in me
A sense of obligation.”

by Stephen Crane (1871 - 1900): “War Is Kind and Other Lines” (1899)

For he who fights and runs away
     May live to fight another day;
But he who is in battle slain
     Can never rise and fight again.
-Author Unknown: as published in Oliver Goldsmith, editor: “The Art of Poetry on a New Plan” (1762)

The Rooster

Hear the rooster crow out loud,
At the break of day:
“R-r-r-r-r, r-r-r-r-r!”
He says, “Get your chores done,
If you want to play.”
“R-r-r-r-r, r-r-r-r-r!”

by Author Unknown

Would you like to speak to your contemporaries, meaning people now living, or pass on learning across a great span of years, perhaps to coming generations, who have not yet arrived? Write a poetic epigram, carve it in stone, and let the passage of time carry your message to them.

To see a World in a Grain of Sand
     And a Heaven in a Wild Flower,
Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand
     And Eternity in an hour.
-William Blake (1757 - 1827): “Auguries of Innocence” (1803), lines 1 through 4

This is Make Fun Of Life! . . . the website for which you have been looking . . . is not proper English . . . ever so . . . peculiar?

0 Comments

Homes and Families

10/19/2018

0 Comments

“The family is the nucleus of civilization.” -Will Durant (William James ‘Will’ Durant (1885 - 1981))

“In most homes, the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space.” -Evan Esar (1899 - 1995)

“What makes a house a home are the people who live there.” -Author Unknown

“My dad, he’s a nuclear physicist, my mom, she’s a mathematician, my brother is a chemical engineer - and I like to color.” -Shashi Bhatia

“There is no synthetic replacement for a decent home life. Our high crime rate, particularly among juveniles, is directly traceable to a breakdown in moral fiber - to the disintegration of home and family life. Religion and home life are supplementary. Each strengthens the other. It is seldom that a solid and wholesome home life can be found in the absence of religious inspiration.” -J. Edgar Hoover (John Edgar Hoover (1895 - 1972)): as quoted in the “Christian Herald”

Father: Did you children help your mother today?
First Child: Yes, daddy. I washed the dishes.
Second Child: I dried them.
Third Child: I picked up the pieces.

“A clean, comfortable dwelling, with wholesome meals, is no small aid to intellectual and moral progress. A man living in a damp cellar or a garret open to rain and snow, breathing the foul air of a filthy room, and striving without success to appease hunger on scanty or unsavory food, is in danger of abandoning himself to a desperate, selfish recklessness. Improve, then, your lot. Multiply comforts, and, still more, get wealth if you can by honorable means, and if it does not cost too much.” -William Ellery Channing (1780 - 1842)

My Little Sister

My little sister
     Likes to eat.
But when she does
     She’s not too neat.
The trouble is
     She doesn’t know
Exactly where
     The food should go!

by William Wise (born 1923)

“We often speak of a family circle, but there are none too many of them. Parallel lines never meeting, squares, triangles . . . these and other geometrical figures abound, but circles are comparatively few.” -Kate Douglas Wiggin (1856 - 1923): “Mother Carey’s Chickens” (1911)

Daryl: Your sister is spoiled, isn’t she?
Aaron: No, that’s just the perfume she’s wearing.

●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●

The Family Bible

Old Brother Higgins built a shelf
     for the Family Bible to rest itself
lest a sticky finger or grimy thumb
     might injure the delicate pages some.
He cautioned his children to touch it not
     and it rested there with never a blot
     though the Higgins tribe were a troublesome lot.

His neighbor, Miggins, built a shelf
     “Come children,” he said, “and help yourself.”
His book is old and ragged and worn,
     with some of the choicest pages torn,
where children have fingered and thumbed and read.
     But of the Miggins tribe I’ve heard it said,
     each carries a Bible in his head.

by Author Unknown

●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●

“In our family,” a little girl told her teacher, “everybody married relatives. My father married my mother, my uncle married my aunt, and just the other day I found out that my grandfather married my grandmother.”

“One day as we were driving through the country, my small son David spoke up excitedly, saying, “Oh, mother, look at the cow’s popsicle!” I looked over in a field and saw a cow calmly licking a large block of salt which was placed atop a small post in the ground.” -Helen MacMillan

A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. The door of his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room, the television was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door. He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened. He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside, he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Towels lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls. As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, “What happened here today?” She again smiled and answered, “You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world I do all day?” “Yes?” was his incredulous reply. She answered, “Well, today I didn’t do it.”

“The family is both the fundamental unit of society as well as the root of culture. It . . . is a perpetual source of encouragement, advocacy, assurance, and emotional refueling that empowers a child to venture with confidence into the greater world and to become all that he can be.” -Marianne E. Neifert: “Dr. Mom’s Parenting Guide” (1991)

Home: A place where a man can say what he likes - because no one takes any notice of him anyway.

“All happy families resemble one another, each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” -Leo Tolstoy (Lev Nikolayevich Tolstoy (1828 - 1910)): “Anna Karenina” (1875 - 1877), part I, chapter 1

“A man travels the world over in search of what he needs and returns home to find it.” -George Moore (George Augustus Moore (1852 - 1933)): “The Brook Kerith” (1916), chapter 11

“Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your head.” -Martin Mull (Martin Eugene Mull (born 1943))

“Home is where the heart is.” -Pliny (Gaius Plinius Secundus, also known as Pliny the Elder (C.E. 23 - C.E. 79)) (similar quotation attributed to James J. McCloskey)

Homes and Families Quiz
- What is fun for the whole family?
- How often should a family share a meal together?
- Who leads a family?

“[Matthew] knows what he would like to do but he’s not sure where he could find a rocket that would shoot [his sister] Vanessa to Mars.” -Paula Danziger: “Earth to Matthew” (1991)

“A family is a haven of rest, a sanctuary of peace, and most of all, a harbor of love.” -Manny Feldman

“For a man’s home is his castle.” -Edward Coke (1552 - 1634): “Third Institute” (1644)

“I was raised as an only child, which really annoyed my sister.” -Will Marsh (2012)

“The family that prays together stays together.” -Al Scalpone (Alfred James Scalpone (1913 - 2000))

“The ache for home lives in all of us, the safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned.” -Maya Angelou (Marguerite Ann Johnson (1928 - 2014))

“A loving family provides the foundation children need to succeed, and strong families with a man and a woman - bonded together for life - always have been, and always will be, the key to such families.” -Jim Bunning (James Paul David Bunning (1931 - 2017))

“This world will be no better than its homes.” -Richard L. Evans (Richard Louis Evans (1906 - 1971))

“The family is one of nature’s masterpieces.” -George Santayana (1863 - 1952): “The Life of Reason” (1905)

’Mid pleasures and palaces though we may roam,
Be it ever so humble, there’s no place like home.
-J. H. Payne (John Howard Payne (1791 - 1852)): “Clari, or The Maid of Milan” (1823), ‘Home! Sweet Home!’; poem and ballad (song) within an opera

“A happy family is but an earlier Heaven.” -John Bowring (1792 - 1872) (similar quotation attributed to George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950))

There Was an Old Woman

There was an old woman
     Who lived in a shoe.
She had so many children
     She didn’t know what to do.
She gave them some broth
     Without any bread.
She kissed them all sweetly
     And sent them to bed.

by Author Unknown: a Mother Goose rhyme

“He that will have none but a perfect brother must resign himself to remain brotherless.” -Author Unknown

“Wherever we are together, that is home.” -Author Unknown

“What can you do to promote world peace? Go home and love your family.” -Teresa of Calcutta (Anjezë Gonxhe Bojaxhiu (1910 - 1997))

“Blessed be the ties that bind generations.” -Author Unknown

“Having a place to go - is a home. Having someone to love - is a family. Having both - is a blessing.” -Donna Hedges

“Family: A unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold virus.” -Ogden Nash (Frederick Ogden Nash (1902 - 1971))

“Good homes are still the best source of good humans.” -Neal A. Maxwell (Neal Ash Maxwell (1926 - 2004)): as quoted in “Ensign” (October 1974), page 71

“Family: A group of people, no two of whom like their breakfast eggs cooked the same way.” -Author Unknown

“Home is home, be it never so homely.” -Thomas Fuller (1654 - 1734): “Gnomologia: Adages and Proverbs” (1732), number 2523

“Three essential ingredients in the recipe for a happier family life are prayer, patience, and understanding.” -Author Unknown

“What is the use of a house if you haven’t got a tolerable planet to put it on?” -Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862): letter (20 May 1860) to Harrison Gray Otis Blake, as published in “Familiar Letters” (1865)

“The family unit plays a critical role in our society and in the training of the generation to come.” -Sandra Day O’Connor (born 1930)

“If this world affords true happiness, it is to be found in a home where love and confidence increase with the years, where the necessities of life come without severe strain, where luxuries enter only after their cost has been carefully considered.” -Alfred Edward Newton

“Family is just accident . . . They don’t mean to get on your nerves. They don’t even mean to be your family, they just are.” -Marsha Norman (born 1947)

“Home wasn’t built in a day.” -Jane Sherwood Ace (1905 - 1974): “Easy Aces” radio show (1928 - 1945): “The Fine Art of Hypochondria by Goodman Ace” (1966)

“A family is where holidays are celebrated with feasting, birthdays are acknowledged with gifts, and thoughts of days gone by kept alive with fond remembrances.” -Manny Feldman

“When there is love in the home there is joy in the heart.” -Author Unknown

“Family means no one gets left behind or forgotten.” -David Ogden Stiers (David Allen Ogden Stiers (1942 - 2018))

A house is made of wood and stone,
But only love can make a home.
-Author Unknown

“Feelings of worth can flourish only in an atmosphere where individual differences are appreciated, mistakes are tolerated, communication is open, and rules are flexible - the kind of atmosphere that is found in a nurturing family.” -Virginia Satir

This is ‘MFOL!’ . . . much more follows below . . . some serious and some not so serious . . . and some that is difficult to be sure of at all . . .

0 Comments

Ice Cream and Frozen Treats

10/11/2018

0 Comments

“Without ice cream there would be darkness and chaos.” -Don Kardong (Donald Franklin Kardong (born 1948))

Charlene: When does an ice cream cone carry an umbrella?
Pauline: When there is a chance of sprinkles.

Clark: Why did the reporter run into the ice cream shop?
Kent: He was hoping to get a big scoop.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Ice cream.
Ice cream, who?
Ice cream every time I see a ghost!

Myrna: Why does everyone invite ice cream to the party?
Martha: It’s cool.

Bert: Would you like some ice cream?
Ernie: “Sherbert!” (“Sure, Bert!”)

Sherbert is a common corruption of the word sherbet, a frozen dessert made of fruit syrup, milk, and the white of an egg, whisked until smooth and opaque, and then frozen.

Sorbets are generally thought of as being fruit based, but can be made with other ingredients. Sorbets belong in the category of what are called ‘ices,’ and are sometimes referred to as granitas or Italian ices. Sorbets made without dairy products are preferred by some people, but always check the ingredients list on the package or ask the food server to find out what the sorbet contains.

Brenda: What did the chocolate syrup say to the ice cream?
Bernard: “I’m sweet on you!”

“My advice to you is not to inquire why or whither, but just enjoy your ice cream while it’s on your plate - that’s my philosophy.” -Thornton Wilder (Thornton Niven Wilder (1897 - 1975))

Ice cream soda was invented in 1874 by Robert Green. He was serving a mixture of syrup, sweet cream, and carbonated water at a celebration in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, United States of America. He ran out of sweet cream and in its place used ice cream.

Sally: What is ice cream’s favorite day of the week?
Molly: Sundae.

A ‘Classic Ice Cream Sundae’ consists of vanilla ice cream topped with flavored syrup, whipped cream, and a maraschino cherry with stem. The word ‘sundae’ (pronounced like Sunday, the day of the week) comes from sundae syrups commonly made in chocolate, butterscotch, or any of various fruit flavors.

Jasmine: What does ice cream do between Saturday and Monday?
Amber: It goes to Sundae School!

Laws forbidding the sale of sodas on Sundays prompted William Garwood of Evanston, Illinois, United States of America, to invent the ice cream sundae in 1875.

An ice cream cone is an edible wafer or waffle that facilitates the consumption of the melting frozen confection known as ice cream. What was that again, we couldn’t hear you, because we’re too busy eating ice cream.

Tip: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a rolled waffle cone or sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.

Timmy: Who serves ice cream faster than a speeding bullet?
Jimmy: Scooperman!

What is your favorite ice cream flavor?

Overheard: You can’t buy happiness, but you can buy ice cream, and that’s kind of the same thing.

Is there a ‘plain ice cream’ that has no flavors, sweeteners, or colors added to it, just as there is ‘plain yogurt’? Not vanilla ice cream, just plain ice cream? Wow, like, somebody could totally invent that! Howza ’bout you there?

‘À la mode’ is a French phrase meaning ‘fashionable’ or ‘up to date.’ In the world of dessert foods, it refers to a dish served with ice cream on the side or on the top of the food, as for example, a slice of pie with ice cream, called ‘pie à la mode.’ We’ll have ‘pie à la mode’ . . . because we are trying to keep up with the latest in food fashions!

Why can’t a fish stick be a frozen treat - just insert a chopstick in it! Wait, would that be redundant . . . a frozen fish stick on a stick . . . and then make it sticky with tartar sauce . . . a sticky frozen fish stick on a stick . . . this is why they won’t let us anywhere near places where food is being made - or let us engage in conversations with grownups!

Frank Epperson of California, United States of America, invented the Popsicle in 1905 when he was 11 years old.

The next time you go to a grocery store, look to see if ice cream is spelled as one word or two words on packages. You could be that person who leads the cause to change the world by spelling ‘ice cream’ as ‘icecream.’ After all, there is no country called ‘Ice Land,’ is there? Nope, instead it is ‘Iceland’!

“Age does not diminish the extreme disappointment of having a scoop of ice cream fall from the cone.” -Jim Fiebig (1956 - 2016)

Boris: What do you do when you see a Siberian ghost enjoying its favorite frozen dessert?
Igor: I-scream!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Ice cream soda.
Ice cream soda, who?
Ice cream soda people can hear me!

Dustin: When is ice cream bad at tennis?
Darren: When it’s a soft serve.

I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream!

Bernice: What happens when I watch a scary movie with my favorite frozen dessert?
Dennis: I don’t know - what?
Bernice: I scream!

August 6th of each year is National Root Beer Float Day.

Kenny: We’re having root beer floats - would you like one?
Lenny: Root beer floats?!
Kenny: No, it just kind of sits there in the mug - but it’s still pretty good!

To see our easy “Root Beer Float Recipe,” with picture, please visit the ‘Activities’ page by clicking on the link here:
www.MakeFunOfLife.net/activities.

Greg: How do you make an elephant float?
Judy: You take some soda water, add two scoops of ice cream, and then one elephant.

This is ‘MFOL!’ . . . we are diagonally parked somewhere in a parallel universe . . . and we are dripping melting ice cream all over the vehicle interior . . . it’s a good thing we brought the dogs along with us this time!

0 Comments

Manners and Etiquette

10/5/2018

0 Comments

When people speak of ‘quaint old-fashioned manners,’ they seem as if by magic to reappear . . .

Magic Words

There are three little magic words
     That will open any door with ease.
Two little words are “Thank you!”
     And the other little word is “Please!”

by Author Unknown

Elvis: May I have an apple?
Sylvia: What is the magic word?
Elvis: Abracadabra?

Overheard: Try being nice to people, even if it does scare them a little bit at first.

Too Polite

Broad met Stout
At the gate, and each
Was too polite to brush past.
“After you!” said Broad.
“After you!” said Stout.
They got in a dither
And went through together
And both
stuck
fast.

by Ian Serraillier (1912 - 1994)

“The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any.” -Fred Astaire (pseudonym of Frederick Austerlitz (1899 - 1987))

Lawrence: What do well-behaved young lambs say to their mothers?
Florence: “Thank ewe!”

“Politeness and consideration for others is like investing pennies and getting dollars back.” -Thomas Sowell (born 1930)

Al: When you yawn, you are supposed to put your hand over your mouth!
Lex: What, and get bitten?!

“Good manners and soft words have brought many a difficult thing to pass.” -John Vanbrugh (1664 - 1726)

Share Your Toys

Share, share, share your toys,
     Share them with your friends
It’s so much fun to share your toys,
     Sharing has no end.

by Author Unknown, sung to the melody of “Row, Row, Row Your Boat”

Etiquette is the glue that holds society together. It enables people to get on with other human beings without causing offense. It is manners, codified, or formalized. By learning a number of the various rules of etiquette, a person will eventually begin to understand the basic concept and perhaps perceive the overall underlying common thread that makes up the pattern, sometimes called ‘the Golden Rule.’

Netiquette: Manners on the internet, such as not using all-caps, or all-capital letters, which is referred to as, ‘SHOUTING!’

When it comes to jokes and funny stories, before you growl, “I’ve heard that one before,” consider this: Do you stop a pianist who is playing Chopin because you have heard that musical piece before?

Three Nice Mice

Three nice mice!
Three nice mice!
See how nice they are!
See how nice they are!
They’re always polite when they nibble their cheese;
They never forget to say thank you and please;
They cover their noses whenever they sneeze -
Ahhh ahhh ahhh-choo! (pretend sneeze)
Three nice mice!
Three nice mice!

by Author Unknown, sung to the melody of “Three Blind Mice”

Etiquette and manners vary greatly geographically, culturally, religiously, and by economic classes all around the world. There are even variations by generation or age, gender, trade or profession, subculture, other group identity, and other factors. ‘When in Rome, do as the Romans do’ is an old proverb that means one should respect and follow local laws, customs, and manners.

Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Elbows.
Elbows, who?
Elbows off the table, please!

“Good manners will often take people where neither money nor education will take them.” -Author Unknown

“Manners make man.” [Modern English translation]
“Manners makyth man.” [original Middle English]
-William of Wykeham (1320 - 1404); adopted as the motto of Winchester College and New College in Oxford, England

Overheard: Politeness is an inexpensive way of making friends.

Overheard: Be polite to the aged, because you will be one of them soon enough yourself - if you are fortunate.

“Allowing an unimportant mistake to pass without comment is a wonderful social grace.” -Judith ‘Miss Manners’ Martin (born 1938)

“I don’t recall your name, but your manners are familiar.” -Oliver Herford (1863 - 1935)

“Nothing is ever lost by courtesy. It is the cheapest of the pleasures; costs nothing and conveys much. It pleases him who gives and him who receives, and thus, like mercy, is twice blessed.” -Erastus Wiman (1834 - 1904): “Chances of Success” (1893)

“He was so generally civil, that nobody thanked him for it.” -Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784)

“Hail the small sweet courtesies of life, for smooth do they make the road of it.” -Laurence Sterne (1713 - 1768)

“Manners are of more importance than laws. Manners are what vex or soothe, corrupt or purify, exalt or debase, barbarize or refine us, by a constant, steady, uniform, insensible operation, like that of the air we breathe in.” -Edmund Burke (1729 - 1797)

Mabel: What person do you always take your hat off to?
Abel: The barber.

“Good manners will open doors that the best education cannot.” -Clarence Thomas (born 1948)

“Those that are good manners at the court are as ridiculous in the country, as the behavior of the country is most mockable at the court.” -William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616)

“Good manners: The noise you don’t make when you’re eating soup.” -Bennett Cerf (1898 - 1971)

“We must recall the most humanitarian guideline of all: be polite. Being polite is possibly the greatest daily contribution everyone can make to life on Earth.” -Caitlin Moran: “How to be a Woman” (16 June 2011)

Jimmy: Don’t you want to be well-mannered and polite?
Jenny: No, thank you.

“Hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even if you wish they were.” -Author Unknown

Do you recall those quaint old customs and manners of yesteryear? Tip your hats to the ladies, gentlemen. Girls curtsy, and boys bow. A gentleman always has a handkerchief to offer to a lady. A lady drops her handkerchief so that a gentleman can pick it up and hand it to her, a ruse used by the lady to get the gentleman to say a word to her. Gentlemen had calling cards, which they would leave so that people could contact them later. People smiled at strangers as they passed, and often greeted them, as for example, saying, “How do you do?” Well, don’t be sad at their passing - times haven’t changed so much - what’s old can be new again; all it takes is for you to demonstrate the newer versions of these acts yourself when opportunities avail themselves to you, and continue doing them until others begin to emulate you.

“Good manners are just a way of showing other people that we have respect for them.” -Bill Kelly

“One of the greatest victories you can gain over someone is to beat him at politeness.” -Josh Billings (pseudonym of Henry Wheeler Shaw (1818 - 1885))

“Should you happen to notice that another person is extremely tall or overweight, eats too much or declines convivial drinks, has red hair, or goes about in a wheelchair, ought to get married or ought not to be pregnant - see if you can refrain from bringing these astonishing observations to that person’s attention.” -Judith ‘Miss Manners’ Martin (born 1938), as quoted in William Safire and Leonard Safir: “Words of Wisdom: More Good Advice” (1989)

“Dressing well is a form of good manners.” -Tom Ford

“Your mood should not dictate your manners.” -Author Unknown

“Associate with well-manner persons and your manners will improve. Run around with decent folk and your own decent instincts will be strengthened.” -Stanley Walker (1898 - 1962)

“Politeness is the art of choosing among one’s real thoughts.” -Abel Stevens (1815 - 1897): “Madame de Staël” (1881)

“Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners.” -Author Unknown

“Politeness a sign of dignity, not subservience.” -Theodore ‘Teddy’ Roosevelt (1858 - 1919)

“A man has no more right to say an uncivil thing than to act one; no more right to say a rude thing to another than to knock him down.” -Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784)

“A Man without Ceremony has need of great Merit in its Place.” -Thomas Fuller (1654 - 1734): Gnomologia: Adages and Proverbs” (1732), number 315

“Manners easily and rapidly mature into morals.” -Horace Mann (1796 - 1859)

“Politeness makes one appear outwardly as they should be within.” -Jean de la Bruyère (1645 - 1696)

“Visitors should behave in such a way that the host and hostess feel at home.” -J. S. Farynski (Jerzy Stanislaw Farynski)

“He is the very pineapple of politeness!” -Richard Brinsley Sheridan (1751 - 1816)

“Something happens inside of us when we are courteous and deferential toward others. It is all part of a refining process, which if persisted in, will change our very natures.” -Gordon B. Hinckley (Gordon Bitner Hinckley (1910 - 2008))

“The knowledge of courtesy and good manners is a very necessary study. It is like grace and beauty, that which begets liking and an inclination to love one another at the first sight.” -Michel de Montaigne (Michel Eyquem de Montaigne (1533 - 1592)): “Essais” (“Essays”) (1595), Book 1, chapter 7

“Politeness costs nothing and gains everything.” -Mary Montagu (Mary Wortley Montagu (1689 - 1762)): letter (30 May 1756) to Mary, Countess of Bute

“Every generation is convinced there has been a deplorable breakdown of manners.” -Byron Dobell (1927 - 2017)

“Politeness is the flower of humanity.” -Joseph Joubert (1754 - 1824)

“Good manners sometimes means simply putting up with other people’s bad manners.” -H. Jackson Brown, Junior (Harriett Jackson Brown (born 1940))

“Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter what fork you use.” -Emily Post (1873 - 1960): as attributed in Matthew Gara: “Hey! Let’s Talk It Over” (1967)

“Rudeness is the weak man’s imitation of strength.” -Eric Hoffer (1902 - 1983): “The Passionate State of Mind” (1955)

“To be a successful hostess, when guest arrive say, ‘At last!’ and when they leave say, ‘So soon!’” -Author Unknown

“Being nice to someone you dislike doesn’t mean you’re fake. It means you are mature enough to tolerate your dislike towards them.” -Author Unknown

“We cannot always oblige; but we can always speak obligingly.” -Voltaire (pseudonym of François-Marie Arouet (1694 - 1778))

“Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.” -Abraham Lincoln (1809 - 1865)

“Courtesy that is all on one side cannot last long.” -Author Unknown

“Good manners must be inspired by the good heart. There is no beautifier of complexion, or form, or behavior, like the wish to scatter joy and not pain around us.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882)

“Anyone can be polite to a king. It takes a gentleman to be polite to a beggar.” -Author Unknown

“Etiquette is all human social behavior. If you’re a hermit on a mountain, you don’t have to worry about etiquette; if somebody comes up the mountain, then you’ve got a problem. It matters because we want to live in reasonably harmonious communities.” -Judith ‘Miss Manners’ Martin (born 1938)

“The test of good manners is to be patient with bad ones.” -Gabirol (Solomon Ibn Gabirol (about 1022 - 1058))

“We’ve learned to dress for success, to speak for success. Now we need to learn how to behave for success.” -Marjabelle Young Stewart (1924 - 2007)

“Good manners are made up of petty sacrifices.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882)

“To sleep when others speak, to sit when others stand, to walk on when others stay, to speak when one should hold his peace, or hear others, are all things of ill manners.” -Francis Hawkins (1628 - 1624)

Manners

We say, “Thank you.”
     We say, “Please.”
We don’t interrupt or tease.
     We don’t argue. We don’t fuss.
We listen when folks talk to us.
     We share our toys and take our turn.
Good manners aren’t too hard to learn.
     It’s really easy, when you find
Good manners means
     Just being kind!

by Author Unknown

“Politeness is to do and say the nicest thing in the nicest way.” -Author Unknown

Goodness, how well-mannered you are! You must have had a very good upbringing, or you have taught yourself very well. Perhaps you can teach us a few of your ways of politeness . . . and be sure to come by for a visit from time to time . . . on your way to greatness . . . this is MFOL!

0 Comments

<<Previous

Welcome to the Make Fun Of Life! Website. We are here to bring a little happiness to the world. Would you like to be among the first people to see new articles when they appear on the website? Click on the social media buttons on the left side of your screen and then follow us. We wish you the very best imaginable day, and thanks for visiting!

Further fantastically fascinating frivolity and factuality awaits you on the Make Fun Of Life! Website if you will courageously click on any of these colorful page links.
Activities
Alphabet
Animals
Arbor Day
Author Quotations
Child Abuse
Childhood
Christian Faith
Christmas
Colors
Correspondence
Easter
Essays
Fairy Tales
Fake News
Family
Foods
Friendship
Groundhog Day
Halloween
Holidays
Humorous Memes
In Memory
Inspiration
Learning
Library
Life
Marriage
Moral Conduct
Nathan’s Creations
Nature
New Year’s Day
Numbers
Nursery Rhymes
Parenting
Picture Quotations
Plants
Quotations
Seasons
Serious
Serious Poems
Serious Topics
Silly
Silly Poems
Stories with Morals
Thanksgiving Day
Valentine’s Day
Weather
Website Information
Work
World

Do you need a joke, quotation, paragraph, or poem about a particular subject or topic? Go to the search box found at the top right side of this page and type it in. We have a surprising variety of material and we add new stuff regularly, so you just might find what you want.

You need a long-lasting and reliable lawn mower, whether to ride in, to ride on, to walk behind, or to set it and let it work on its own. From anywhere in the world click on the name John Deere to see the entire line of lawn mowers . . . Because nothing runs like a Deere.

Make Fun Of Life! can be right there with you, at home or wherever you go, on a laptop, cell phone, tablet, or any other internet connected device. Bookmark us and visit whenever you can. We regularly add fascinating new material for you!

When you reach the bottom of this page on Make Fun Of Life! click on <<Previous or Forward>> to see the next page.