Fun & Learning

The Ultimate in Sophistication

10/14/2018

The remarkable vehicle shown is a 1957 Brutsch Mopetta, available only to those refined individuals who truly know how to travel in style.

If you came here looking for fun, you are in the right place. Just travel down this page, skipping any topics that might not interest you, until you come to the ones that appeal to you. When you have a moment, be sure to explore some of the other pages on the website, such as the Life and the Holidays pages, which can be viewed by clicking on the menu bar above.

This is MFOL! . . . and now, without further ado, we take you to . . .

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Ice Cream and Frozen Treats

10/11/2018

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“Without ice cream there would be darkness and chaos.” -Don Kardong (Donald Franklin Kardong (born 1948))

Charlene: When does an ice cream cone carry an umbrella?
Pauline: When there is a chance of sprinkles.

Clark: Why did the reporter run into the ice cream shop?
Kent: He was hoping to get a big scoop.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Ice cream.
Ice cream, who?
Ice cream every time I see a ghost!

Myrna: Why does everyone invite ice cream to the party?
Martha: It’s cool.

Bert: Would you like some ice cream?
Ernie: “Sherbert!” (“Sure, Bert!”)

Sherbert is a common corruption of the word sherbet, a frozen dessert made of fruit syrup, milk, and the white of an egg, whisked until smooth and opaque, and then frozen.

Sorbets are generally thought of as being fruit based, but can be made with other ingredients. Sorbets belong in the category of what are called ‘ices,’ and are sometimes referred to as granitas or Italian ices. Sorbets made without dairy products are preferred by some people, but always check the ingredients list on the package or ask the food server to find out what the sorbet contains.

Brenda: What did the chocolate syrup say to the ice cream?
Bernard: “I’m sweet on you!”

“My advice to you is not to inquire why or whither, but just enjoy your ice cream while it’s on your plate - that’s my philosophy.” -Thornton Wilder (Thornton Niven Wilder (1897 - 1975))

Ice cream soda was invented in 1874 by Robert Green. He was serving a mixture of syrup, sweet cream, and carbonated water at a celebration in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, United States of America. He ran out of sweet cream and in its place used ice cream.

Sally: What is ice cream’s favorite day of the week?
Molly: Sundae.

A ‘Classic Ice Cream Sundae’ consists of vanilla ice cream topped with flavored syrup, whipped cream, and a maraschino cherry with stem. The word ‘sundae’ (pronounced like Sunday, the day of the week) comes from sundae syrups commonly made in chocolate, butterscotch, or any of various fruit flavors.

Jasmine: What does ice cream do between Saturday and Monday?
Amber: It goes to Sundae School!

Laws forbidding the sale of sodas on Sundays prompted William Garwood of Evanston, Illinois, United States of America, to invent the ice cream sundae in 1875.

An ice cream cone is an edible wafer or waffle that facilitates the consumption of the melting frozen confection known as ice cream. What was that again, we couldn’t hear you, because we’re too busy eating ice cream.

Tip: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a rolled waffle cone or sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.

Timmy: Who serves ice cream faster than a speeding bullet?
Jimmy: Scooperman!

What is your favorite ice cream flavor?

Overheard: You can’t buy happiness, but you can buy ice cream, and that’s kind of the same thing.

Is there a ‘plain ice cream’ that has no flavors, sweeteners, or colors added to it, just as there is ‘plain yogurt’? Not vanilla ice cream, just plain ice cream? Wow, like, somebody could totally invent that! Howza ’bout you there?

‘À la mode’ is a French phrase meaning ‘fashionable’ or ‘up to date.’ In the world of dessert foods, it refers to a dish served with ice cream on the side or on the top of the food, as for example, a slice of pie with ice cream, called ‘pie à la mode.’ We’ll have ‘pie à la mode’ . . . because we are trying to keep up with the latest in food fashions!

Why can’t a fish stick be a frozen treat - just insert a chopstick in it! Wait, would that be redundant . . . a frozen fish stick on a stick . . . and then make it sticky with tartar sauce . . . a sticky frozen fish stick on a stick . . . this is why they won’t let us anywhere near places where food is being made - or let us engage in conversations with grownups!

Frank Epperson of California, United States of America, invented the Popsicle in 1905 when he was 11 years old.

The next time you go to a grocery store, look to see if ice cream is spelled as one word or two words on packages. You could be that person who leads the cause to change the world by spelling ‘ice cream’ as ‘icecream.’ After all, there is no country called ‘Ice Land,’ is there? Nope, instead it is ‘Iceland’!

“Age does not diminish the extreme disappointment of having a scoop of ice cream fall from the cone.” -Jim Fiebig (1956 - 2016)

Boris: What do you do when you see a Siberian ghost enjoying its favorite frozen dessert?
Igor: I-scream!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Ice cream soda.
Ice cream soda, who?
Ice cream soda people can hear me!

Dustin: When is ice cream bad at tennis?
Darren: When it’s a soft serve.

I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream!

Bernice: What happens when I watch a scary movie with my favorite frozen dessert?
Dennis: I don’t know - what?
Bernice: I scream!

August 6th of each year is National Root Beer Float Day.

Kenny: We’re having root beer floats - would you like one?
Lenny: Root beer floats?!
Kenny: No, it just kind of sits there in the mug - but it’s still pretty good!

To see our easy “Root Beer Float Recipe,” with picture, please visit the ‘Activities’ page by clicking on the link here:
www.MakeFunOfLife.net/activities.

Greg: How do you make an elephant float?
Judy: You take some soda water, add two scoops of ice cream, and then one elephant.

This is ‘MFOL!’ . . . we are diagonally parked somewhere in a parallel universe . . . and we are dripping melting ice cream all over the vehicle interior . . . it’s a good thing we brought the dogs along with us this time!

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Manners and Etiquette

10/5/2018

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When people speak of ‘quaint old-fashioned manners,’ they seem as if by magic to reappear . . .

Magic Words

There are three little magic words
     That will open any door with ease.
Two little words are “Thank you!”
     And the other little word is “Please!”

by Author Unknown

Elvis: May I have an apple?
Sylvia: What is the magic word?
Elvis: Abracadabra?

Overheard: Try being nice to people, even if it does scare them a little bit at first.

Too Polite

Broad met Stout
At the gate, and each
Was too polite to brush past.
“After you!” said Broad.
“After you!” said Stout.
They got in a dither
And went through together
And both
stuck
fast.

by Ian Serraillier (1912 - 1994)

“The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any.” -Fred Astaire (pseudonym of Frederick Austerlitz (1899 - 1987))

Lawrence: What do well-behaved young lambs say to their mothers?
Florence: “Thank ewe!”

“Politeness and consideration for others is like investing pennies and getting dollars back.” -Thomas Sowell (born 1930)

Al: When you yawn, you are supposed to put your hand over your mouth!
Lex: What, and get bitten?!

“Good manners and soft words have brought many a difficult thing to pass.” -John Vanbrugh (1664 - 1726)

Share Your Toys

Share, share, share your toys,
     Share them with your friends
It’s so much fun to share your toys,
     Sharing has no end.

by Author Unknown, sung to the melody of “Row, Row, Row Your Boat”

Etiquette is the glue that holds society together. It enables people to get on with other human beings without causing offense. It is manners, codified, or formalized. By learning a number of the various rules of etiquette, a person will eventually begin to understand the basic concept and perhaps perceive the overall underlying common thread that makes up the pattern, sometimes called ‘the Golden Rule.’

Netiquette: Manners on the internet, such as not using all-caps, or all-capital letters, which is referred to as, ‘SHOUTING!’

When it comes to jokes and funny stories, before you growl, “I’ve heard that one before,” consider this: Do you stop a pianist who is playing Chopin because you have heard that musical piece before?

Three Nice Mice

Three nice mice!
Three nice mice!
See how nice they are!
See how nice they are!
They’re always polite when they nibble their cheese;
They never forget to say thank you and please;
They cover their noses whenever they sneeze -
Ahhh ahhh ahhh-choo! (pretend sneeze)
Three nice mice!
Three nice mice!

by Author Unknown, sung to the melody of “Three Blind Mice”

Etiquette and manners vary greatly geographically, culturally, religiously, and by economic classes all around the world. There are even variations by generation or age, gender, trade or profession, subculture, other group identity, and other factors. ‘When in Rome, do as the Romans do’ is an old proverb that means one should respect and follow local laws, customs, and manners.

Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Elbows.
Elbows, who?
Elbows off the table, please!

“Good manners will often take people where neither money nor education will take them.” -Author Unknown

“Manners make man.” [Modern English translation]
“Manners makyth man.” [original Middle English]
-William of Wykeham (1320 - 1404); adopted as the motto of Winchester College and New College in Oxford, England

Overheard: Politeness is an inexpensive way of making friends.

Overheard: Be polite to the aged, because you will be one of them soon enough yourself - if you are fortunate.

“Allowing an unimportant mistake to pass without comment is a wonderful social grace.” -Judith ‘Miss Manners’ Martin (born 1938)

“I don’t recall your name, but your manners are familiar.” -Oliver Herford (1863 - 1935)

“Nothing is ever lost by courtesy. It is the cheapest of the pleasures; costs nothing and conveys much. It pleases him who gives and him who receives, and thus, like mercy, is twice blessed.” -Erastus Wiman (1834 - 1904): “Chances of Success” (1893)

“He was so generally civil, that nobody thanked him for it.” -Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784)

“Hail the small sweet courtesies of life, for smooth do they make the road of it.” -Laurence Sterne (1713 - 1768)

“Manners are of more importance than laws. Manners are what vex or soothe, corrupt or purify, exalt or debase, barbarize or refine us, by a constant, steady, uniform, insensible operation, like that of the air we breathe in.” -Edmund Burke (1729 - 1797)

Mabel: What person do you always take your hat off to?
Abel: The barber.

“Good manners will open doors that the best education cannot.” -Clarence Thomas (born 1948)

“Those that are good manners at the court are as ridiculous in the country, as the behavior of the country is most mockable at the court.” -William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616)

“Good manners: The noise you don’t make when you’re eating soup.” -Bennett Cerf (1898 - 1971)

“We must recall the most humanitarian guideline of all: be polite. Being polite is possibly the greatest daily contribution everyone can make to life on Earth.” -Caitlin Moran: “How to be a Woman” (16 June 2011)

Jimmy: Don’t you want to be well-mannered and polite?
Jenny: No, thank you.

“Hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even if you wish they were.” -Author Unknown

Do you recall those quaint old customs and manners of yesteryear? Tip your hats to the ladies, gentlemen. Girls curtsy, and boys bow. A gentleman always has a handkerchief to offer to a lady. A lady drops her handkerchief so that a gentleman can pick it up and hand it to her, a ruse used by the lady to get the gentleman to say a word to her. Gentlemen had calling cards, which they would leave so that people could contact them later. People smiled at strangers as they passed, and often greeted them, as for example, saying, “How do you do?” Well, don’t be sad at their passing - times haven’t changed so much - what’s old can be new again; all it takes is for you to demonstrate the newer versions of these acts yourself when opportunities avail themselves to you, and continue doing them until others begin to emulate you.

“Good manners are just a way of showing other people that we have respect for them.” -Bill Kelly

“One of the greatest victories you can gain over someone is to beat him at politeness.” -Josh Billings (pseudonym of Henry Wheeler Shaw (1818 - 1885))

“Should you happen to notice that another person is extremely tall or overweight, eats too much or declines convivial drinks, has red hair, or goes about in a wheelchair, ought to get married or ought not to be pregnant - see if you can refrain from bringing these astonishing observations to that person’s attention.” -Judith ‘Miss Manners’ Martin (born 1938), as quoted in William Safire and Leonard Safir: “Words of Wisdom: More Good Advice” (1989)

“Dressing well is a form of good manners.” -Tom Ford

“Your mood should not dictate your manners.” -Author Unknown

“Associate with well-manner persons and your manners will improve. Run around with decent folk and your own decent instincts will be strengthened.” -Stanley Walker (1898 - 1962)

“Politeness is the art of choosing among one’s real thoughts.” -Abel Stevens (1815 - 1897): “Madame de Staël” (1881)

“Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners.” -Author Unknown

“Politeness a sign of dignity, not subservience.” -Theodore ‘Teddy’ Roosevelt (1858 - 1919)

“A man has no more right to say an uncivil thing than to act one; no more right to say a rude thing to another than to knock him down.” -Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784)

“A Man without Ceremony has need of great Merit in its Place.” -Thomas Fuller (1654 - 1734): Gnomologia: Adages and Proverbs” (1732), number 315

“Manners easily and rapidly mature into morals.” -Horace Mann (1796 - 1859)

“Politeness makes one appear outwardly as they should be within.” -Jean de la Bruyère (1645 - 1696)

“Visitors should behave in such a way that the host and hostess feel at home.” -J. S. Farynski (Jerzy Stanislaw Farynski)

“He is the very pineapple of politeness!” -Richard Brinsley Sheridan (1751 - 1816)

“Something happens inside of us when we are courteous and deferential toward others. It is all part of a refining process, which if persisted in, will change our very natures.” -Gordon B. Hinckley (Gordon Bitner Hinckley (1910 - 2008))

“The knowledge of courtesy and good manners is a very necessary study. It is like grace and beauty, that which begets liking and an inclination to love one another at the first sight.” -Michel de Montaigne (Michel Eyquem de Montaigne (1533 - 1592)): “Essais” (“Essays”) (1595), Book 1, chapter 7

“Politeness costs nothing and gains everything.” -Mary Montagu (Mary Wortley Montagu (1689 - 1762)): letter (30 May 1756) to Mary, Countess of Bute

“Every generation is convinced there has been a deplorable breakdown of manners.” -Byron Dobell (1927 - 2017)

“Politeness is the flower of humanity.” -Joseph Joubert (1754 - 1824)

“Good manners sometimes means simply putting up with other people’s bad manners.” -H. Jackson Brown, Junior (Harriett Jackson Brown (born 1940))

“Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter what fork you use.” -Emily Post (1873 - 1960): as attributed in Matthew Gara: “Hey! Let’s Talk It Over” (1967)

“Rudeness is the weak man’s imitation of strength.” -Eric Hoffer (1902 - 1983): “The Passionate State of Mind” (1955)

“To be a successful hostess, when guest arrive say, ‘At last!’ and when they leave say, ‘So soon!’” -Author Unknown

“Being nice to someone you dislike doesn’t mean you’re fake. It means you are mature enough to tolerate your dislike towards them.” -Author Unknown

“We cannot always oblige; but we can always speak obligingly.” -Voltaire (pseudonym of François-Marie Arouet (1694 - 1778))

“Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.” -Abraham Lincoln (1809 - 1865)

“Courtesy that is all on one side cannot last long.” -Author Unknown

“Good manners must be inspired by the good heart. There is no beautifier of complexion, or form, or behavior, like the wish to scatter joy and not pain around us.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882)

“Anyone can be polite to a king. It takes a gentleman to be polite to a beggar.” -Author Unknown

“Etiquette is all human social behavior. If you’re a hermit on a mountain, you don’t have to worry about etiquette; if somebody comes up the mountain, then you’ve got a problem. It matters because we want to live in reasonably harmonious communities.” -Judith ‘Miss Manners’ Martin (born 1938)

“The test of good manners is to be patient with bad ones.” -Gabirol (Solomon Ibn Gabirol (about 1022 - 1058))

“We’ve learned to dress for success, to speak for success. Now we need to learn how to behave for success.” -Marjabelle Young Stewart (1924 - 2007)

“Good manners are made up of petty sacrifices.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882)

“To sleep when others speak, to sit when others stand, to walk on when others stay, to speak when one should hold his peace, or hear others, are all things of ill manners.” -Francis Hawkins (1628 - 1624)

Manners

We say, “Thank you.”
     We say, “Please.”
We don’t interrupt or tease.
     We don’t argue. We don’t fuss.
We listen when folks talk to us.
     We share our toys and take our turn.
Good manners aren’t too hard to learn.
     It’s really easy, when you find
Good manners means
     Just being kind!

by Author Unknown

“Politeness is to do and say the nicest thing in the nicest way.” -Author Unknown

Goodness, how well-mannered you are! You must have had a very good upbringing, or you have taught yourself very well. Perhaps you can teach us a few of your ways of politeness . . . and be sure to come by for a visit from time to time . . . on your way to greatness . . . this is MFOL!

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Ducks

9/28/2018

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To succeed in life, we must be like ducks, which seem to effortlessly float along in the water, but which paddle energetically just out of sight beneath the water’s surface. Shown above is a pair of Pekin Ducks.

Pekin Ducks are a common farm duck raised for meat and eggs. The ducklings are covered in yellow down, and the adult birds have white feathers. They were brought to America from China in the 1870’s. Another popular farm duck is the Rouen duck, which was originally from France; this duck still has Mallard-like coloring. The Muscovy is an American breed of farm duck having dark feathers.

Jenny: What time do ducks wake up?
Denny: At the quack of dawn!

Ducks are mostly aquatic, or water, birds that live in freshwater and seawater. They can swim on the water’s surface by paddling with their webbed feet, and dive below the water’s surface to find food. Ducks can walk on land and fly through the air. Ducks build nests and lay eggs in them that hatch into ducklings.

Amelia: What type of movie is about water fowl?
Cecelia: A duckumentary.

Gretchen: Why did the duck join the military?
Gerard: She was good at quacking codes.

“When I see a bird that walks like a duck and swims like a duck and quacks like a duck, I call that bird a duck.” -James Whitcomb Riley (1849 - 1916)

“Suppose you see a bird walking around in a farm yard. This bird has no label that says ‘duck.’ But the bird certainly looks like a duck. Also, he goes to the pond and you notice that he swims like a duck. Then he opens his beak and quacks like a duck. Well, by this time you have probably reached the conclusion that the bird is a duck, whether he’s wearing a label or not.” -Richard Cunningham Patterson, Junior (1886 - 1966)

“If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, we have at least to consider the possibility that we have a small aquatic bird of the family Anatidae on our hands.” -Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001): “Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency” (1987)

“If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, but it needs batteries, you probably have the wrong abstraction.” -Author Unknown: analogy of the Liskov Substitution Principle, suggested by Barbara Liskov: “Data Extraction and Hierarchy” (1987) speech

Ducks cannot walk without bobbing their heads.

A duck was about to cross the road when a chicken walked up and said, “Don’t do it, Duck, because you’ll never hear the end of it!”

Amos: What do ducks put on their Christmas trees?
Moses: Duckerations!

Ducks Facts
- An adult male duck is called a drake.
- An adult female duck is called a hen.
- A young duck is called a duckling.
- The plural of duck is ducks.
- A group of ducks is called a flock.
- A group of ducks in water is called a raft.
- The sound made by ducks is called quacking.
- Ducks are omnivores, or animals that eat both plants and animals.
- Ducks can live for 3 to 10 years in the wild.
- Ducks can live for 8 or more years in captivity.
- Ducks are found on every continent except Antarctica.

Diving ducks and sea ducks search for food deep underwater. To be able to stay underwater more easily, diving ducks are heavy.

Mandarin Ducks seem to be in competition with butterflies for colors and patterns. The female Mandarin Duck is on the left, and the male Mandarin Duck is the colorful one on the right.

Laura: What do ducks like to eat with soup?
Lauren: Quackers!

Ducks in the wild are omnivores, or animals that eat plants and animals. They have a varied diet, feeding on aquatic (water) plants, grasses, frogs, small fish, small shellfish, snails, slugs, worms, grubs, insects, and other edibles in their environment.

Troubled Duck

A duck that I happened to hear
Was complaining quite sadly, “Oh, dear!
     Our picnic’s today,
     But the weathermen say
That the skies will be sunny and clear.”

by Author Unknown

Let’s make a new animal that we’ll call the ‘duckopotamus.’ Half duck, half hippopotamus, and perfect for flying between bodies of water like rivers and lakes to remove algae overgrowths from them with its huge appetite. Quick, let’s get to the patent office before anyone else thinks of doing this!

Jake: Why was the duck’s medical license revoked?
Jack: Because he was a quack.

A duck waddled into a store to buy some lipstick. The clerk asked how she would like to pay for it, and the duck said, “Just put it on my bill.”

Dabbling ducks feed on the surface of water, on land, or by ducking their heads underwater. Along the edge of their beaks is a comb-like structure called a pecten, which enables them to filter nutrients from the water and hold onto slippery food.

Margie: What goes, “Quick, quick!”?
Maggie: A duck with the hiccups.

Humans often throw pieces of bread to ducks as the ducks swim around in the water of lakes and rivers in parks. People consider this a relaxing recreational activity. To the ducks, it is free food that they get just for being ducks!

Riddle: A duck opens this a crack, and out comes a quack - what is it?
Answer: A bill.

“I was in downtown Boise, Idaho, and I saw a duck. I knew the duck was lost, because ducks aren’t supposed to be downtown. There’s nothing for them there. So I went to a Subway sandwich shop. I said, ‘Let me have a bun.’ She wouldn’t sell me just the bun; she said it had to have something on it. She said it’s against Subway regulations to sell just the bun. I guess the two halves aren’t supposed to touch. So, I said, ‘All right, put some lettuce on it.’ ‘That’ll be $1.75!’ I said, ‘It’s for a duck!’ ‘Oh, then it’s free.’ I did not know that ducks eat for free at Subway! Had I known that, I would have ordered a much larger sandwich. ‘Let me have the steak fajita sub, and don’t bother ringing it up - it’s for a duck! There are six ducks out there, and they all want Sun Chips!’” -Mitch Hedberg (1968 - 2005)

The Duck

Behold the duck.
     It does not cluck.
A cluck it lacks.
     It quacks.

It is especially fond
     Of a puddle or pond.
When it dines or sups,
     It bottoms up.

by Ogden Nash (Frederick Ogden ‘Ogden’ Nash (1902 - 1971))

Ducks are magical! A duck feather weighs about 0.016 to 0.063 grams, so when you see a duck feather, remember that it just barely exists.

Tucker: Who stole the bath soap?
Archer: A robber ducky!

Randall: When ducks fly in a V-formation, do you know why one side is longer than the other?
Russell: Is it because there are more ducks on that side?

The Duck Song

I’m a duck and I like the pond
     Swim and play, all day long
All my ducklings swim along
      “Quack, quack,” they sing my song

“Quack, quack, quack,” life is fun
     Search for food under the Sun
See some snails, they can’t run
     They taste so good, yummm . . .

Dad, the drake, he found slugs
     Then there were the water bugs
Called to us to share his luck
     And we all gave him big hugs

Together we swim along
     In and out of the reeds we play
We live a life that’s happy and gay
     Tomorrow is another day

by Author Unknown

The most common and recognized species of duck are Mallards, or Wild Ducks. They are dabbling ducks that live naturally in the Americas, Europe, Asia, and North Africa. They have also been introduced to New Zealand and Australia. The male Mallard has a glossy green head, and grey wings and belly, while the female Mallard has brown-speckled plumage.

Maribelle: How are you today?
Maryanne: Just ducky - quack, quack!

Ducks have interlocking feathers with a waxy coating that makes them waterproof. Ducks have a molting season, in which their feathers fall out and new ones grow to take their place. During molting, ducks are much more vulnerable to predators, or animals that want to eat them, because they need their feathers to be able to fly away from danger.

Dave: What do you call a duck that likes to swim with alligators?
Julia: Dinner.

Overheard: Whenever it’s raining and I walk past a stranger on the sidewalk, I make the comment that it’s great weather for ducks. They usually look at me like I’m goofy, but I wait a second and then I say, “Quack, quack!” which of course confirms that I must be.

Because ducks are curious and friendly creatures, they have been domesticated as pets and farm animals for more than five hundred years. All domestic ducks are descended from either the Mallard or the Muscovy duck.

Cosmo: What do you call a duck that leads an orchestra?
Stella: A con-duck-tor.

Phil said, “Look at that duck.”
Bill said, “That’s a swan, not a duck.”
“Duck,” insisted Phil.
“Swan,” insisted Bill.
All of a sudden, a low-flying goose was heading straight for Bill.
“Duck, Bill!” shouted Phil.
“Swan!” shouted Bill - and he was conked in the head by the goose.

Down is a layer of extremely soft feathers found under the outer feathers of birds such as ducks and geese. Ducks pluck down from themselves and use it to line their nests to keep their young warm and safe. Ducklings have only down growth covering them until they are old enough to develop feathers. Down is used as an insulator and padding in products such as jackets, pillows, and sleeping bags. It can be obtained without harming birds by gathering it from their nesting areas after young birds have become old enough to leave the nests and accompany their parent birds out into the wider world to learn the birds’ way of life and live on their own.

Patricia: What happens when you drop a duck egg?
Patrick: It quacks.

Marcia: What is the difference between a duck?
Darcy: One foot is the same.
(In case you are wondering, this ridiculous joke has no typing errors or omitted words. It is just as it is meant to be, which is to say, completely nonsensical.)

Amy: Where can you find out more about ducks?
Amelia: You can read all about them in the ducktionary.

Mallard-justed: A duck that does not fit in well.

Anatidaephobia is a persistent fear that, right this moment, somehow, somewhere in the world, a duck is watching you. ‘Anatidaephobia’ is derived from the combination of the Greek word ‘anatidae,’ meaning ducks, geese, or swans, and the Greek word ‘phobos,’ meaning fear. The phobia is actually fictitious (imaginary, not real), having originated in a “Far Side” cartoon by Gary Larson.

Stephen: Why do ducks fly south for the winter?
George: Because it’s too far to walk!

Many wild ducks migrate seasonally. Some ducks are capable of flying 534 kilometers (332 miles) a day.

Cheryl: What is a fast duck?
Charlene: A quick quack.

Charlene: What is an even faster duck?
Cheryl: A quicker quacker!

Quack, Quack

We have two ducks: one blue, one black.
And when our blue duck goes, “Quack-quack,”
Our black duck quickly goes, “Quack-quack,” back.
The quacks Blue quacks make her quite a quacker
But the Black duck is a quicker quacker-backer.

by Author Unknown

Contrary to a common misconception, a duck’s quack does have an echo, though often too low to be heard.

Quentin: How do you fix a broken duck?
Quincy: Just use some duck-tape.

A duck walked into a feedstore and asked, “Got any duck feed?” The clerk told him, “No, we don’t have a market for it, so we don’t carry it.” The duck said, “Okay,” and left the store. The next day, the duck again walked in to the feedstore and asked, “Got any duck feed?” Again the clerk said no and the duck left. Next day, the duck again walked in to the feedstore and asked, “Got any duck feed?” The clerk said, “I’ve told you twice, we don’t have duck feed. We’ve never had duck feed, and we will never have duck feed. If you ask me again, I will nail your feet to the floor.” So the duck left. The next day, the duck walked in and asked, “Got any nails?” “No,” said the clerk. So the duck asked, “Got any duck feed?”

Six Little Ducks

Six little ducks that I once knew:
     Tall ones, short ones, skinny ones, too -
And the one little duck with the feathers on his back,
     He led them all with his quack, quack, quack.

Down to the river they would go,
     Wibble, wobble, wibble, wobble, to and fro -
And the one little duck with the feathers on his back,
     He led the others with his quack, quack, quack.

Into the water he would dive,
     Then in would go the other five.
The one little duck with the feathers on his back,
     He led them all with his quack, quack, quack.

by Author Unknown

Wise quacker: A smart duck.

Riddle: What do you call a crate of ducks?
Answer: A box of quackers.

Now let us all waddle about and be as happy as ducks . . . as we make our way to the next topic . . . on ‘MFOL!’

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Mistakes and Errors

9/21/2018

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“No one is perfect - that’s why pencils have erasers.” -Wolfgang Riebe

Charles: How can one person makes so many mistakes in a single day?
Chuck: I get up early.

“I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes. Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You are doing things you have never done before, and more importantly, you are doing something. So that is my wish for you, and all of us. And my wish for myself. Make new mistakes. Make glorious, amazing mistakes. Make mistakes nobody has ever made before. Do not freeze, do not stop, do not worry that it is not good enough, or it is not perfect, whatever it is. Art, or love, or work, or family, or life. Whatever it is you are scared of doing, do it. Make your mistakes. Next year and forever and ever.” -Neil Gaiman (Neil Richard MacKinnon Gaiman (born 1960))

“People seldom make the same mistake twice - usually it is ten or more times that they do so!” -Author Unknown

We are human.
We are not perfect.
We are alive.
We try things.
We make mistakes.
We stumble. We fall.
We get hurt. We rise again.
We try again.
We keep learning.
We keep growing.
And we are thankful
for this priceless
opportunity called life.
-Author Unknown

“From the errors of others, a wise man corrects his own.” -Publilius Syrus (85 B.C.E. - 43 B.C.E.)

“Making mistakes does not make you unworthy of love - it makes you human.” -Author Unknown

A Mistake

A mistake that I made said, “My Dear,
I’m dreadfully sorry I’m here,
But my feet are so big,
And my nails cut and dig,
So I’ll be here for a while, I fear.”

by Author Unknown

“A mistake shows that someone tried to do something.” -Author Unknown

“I’ve made a lot of mistakes and I don’t regret any of them. Sometimes that’s the only way you learn.” -Nick Nolte (Nicholas King Nolte (born 1941))

“What do you first do when you learn to swim? You make mistakes, do you not? And what happens? You make other mistakes, and when you have made all the mistakes you possibly can without drowning - and some of them many times over - what do you find? That you can swim? Well - life is just the same as learning to swim! Do not be afraid of making mistakes, for there is no other way of learning how to live!” -Alfred Adler (1870 - 1937)

“We all make mistakes, but everyone makes different mistakes.” -Ludwig van Beethoven (1770 - 1827)

“Remember your past mistakes just long enough to profit by them.” -Dan McKinnon

“My friend Danny Breslin from Florida tells the story of two men who were sitting on a bench in London’s Hyde Park. They wanted to go shopping in Oxford Street. One of them got up and started walking in the wrong direction, but he asked the way and a passerby put him right. He finally arrived at the shops but the other man just stayed on the bench. That guy who was walking in the wrong direction was on his way. Even his mistakes were part of getting there. The guy on the bench got nowhere. So if it feels right, give it a whirl, says Danny.” -Celia Haddon (born 1945)

“Your past mistakes are meant to guide you, not define you.” -Author Unknown

“We learn to walk by stumbling.” -Author Unknown: Bulgarian proverb

“Today is a new day. You will get out of it just what you put into it. If you have made mistakes, even serious ones, there is always another chance for you. And supposing you have tried and failed again and again, you may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call ‘failure’ is not the falling down, but the staying down.” -Mary Pickford (born Gladys Louise Smith (1893 - 1979))

“The wisest of the wise may err.” -Aeschylus (525 B.C.E. - 456 B.C.E.)

“My life is full of mistakes. They’re like pebbles that make a good road.” -Beatrice Wood (1893 - 1998)

“In school we learn that mistakes are bad, and we are punished for making them. Yet if you look at the way humans are designed to learn, we learn by making mistakes. We learn to walk by falling down. If we never fell down, we would never walk.” -Robert T. Kiyosaki (Robert Toru Kiyosaki (born 1947))

“A mistake is a lesson on its way to being learned.” -Robert Orben (born 1927)

“Mistakes are just steps, sometimes necessary, in the learning process.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

“When you make a mistake, don’t look back at it long. Take the reason of the thing into your mind and then look forward. Mistakes are lessons of wisdom. The past cannot be changed. The future is yet in your power.” -Hugh L. White

“The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing that you will make one.” -Elbert Hubbard (Elbert Green Hubbard (1856 - 1915)): “The Note Book” (1927)

“One good thing about being wrong is the joy it brings to others.” -Author Unknown

You may have noticed a large number of mistakes and errors on the Make Fun Of Life! Website. We have made them deliberately, for the benefit of the people who enjoy pointing out mistakes . . . because we want everyone to be joyous!

“You make mistakes. Mistakes don’t make you.” -Maxwell Maltz (1899 - 1975)

“If you’re not making mistakes then you’re not doing anything. I’m positive that a doer makes mistakes.” -John Wooden (John Robert Wooden (1910 - 2010))

“Don’t carry your mistakes around with you. Instead, place them under your feet and use them as stepping stones.” -Author Unknown

“Only some of us learn by other people’s mistakes; the rest of us have to be the other people.” -Author Unknown

“Whenever you make a mistake or get knocked down by life, don’t look back at it too long. Mistakes are life’s way of teaching you.” -Og Mandino (Augustine ‘Og’ Mandino II (1923 - 1996))

“One mistake does not have to rule a person’s entire life.” -Joyce Meyer (born Pauline Joyce Hutchison (born 1943)): “Any Minute” (30 June 2009)

“Mistakes are the portals of discovery.” -James Joyce (1882 - 1941)

“Just because you made a mistake doesn’t mean you are a mistake.” -Georgette Mosbacher (born 1947)

“Mistakes are the usual bridge between inexperience and wisdom.” -Phyllis Theroux (Phyllis Grissim-Theroux (born 1939))

“We’ve all heard that we have to learn from our mistakes, but I think it’s more important to learn from successes. If you learn only from your mistakes, you are inclined to learn only errors.” -Norman Vincent Peale (1898 - 1993)

“Making mistakes does not mean you’re a failure. It just means you’re trying and learning in life.” -Author Unknown

“If you must make a mistake, make a new one each time.” -Dale Carnegie (Dale Breckenridge Carnegie (1888 - 1955))

“You are making progress if each mistake you make is a new one.” -Author Unknown

“Mistakes are part of the dues one pays for a full life.” -Sophia Loren (pseudonym of Sophia Sciccoloni (born 1934))

“The successful man will profit from his mistakes and try again in a different way.” -Dale Carnegie (Dale Breckenridge Carnegie (1888 - 1955))

“Show us a man who never makes a mistake and we will show a man who never makes anything. The capacity for occasional blundering is inseparable from the capacity to bring things to pass.” -Herman Lincoln Wayland (1830 - 1898)

“We don’t make mistakes. We just have learnings.” -Anne Wilson Schaef (born 1934)

“No matter how far you have gone on the wrong road, turn back.” -Author Unknown: Turkish proverb

“Mistakes are a fact of life. It is the response to the error that counts.” -Nikki Giovanni (Yolande Cornelia ‘Nikki’ Giovanni, Junior (born 1943))

“I would rather surround myself with people who make a lot of mistakes and have no problem admitting them, than to surround myself with people who think they make none.” -Author Unknown

“I’ve failed over and over again in my life, and that is why I succeed.” -Michael Jordan (born 1963)

“The main thing we learn from our mistakes . . . is that we make a lot of them.” -Author Unknown

“While one person hesitates because he feels inferior, the other is busy making mistakes and becoming superior.” -Henry C. Link (Henry Charles Link (1889 - 1952))

“There is hardly a mistake which in the course of our lives we have committed, but some proverb, had we known and attended to its lesson, might have saved us from it.” -Richard Chenevix Trench (1807 - 1886): “Proverbs and Their Lessons” (1905)

“No one is perfect, we all make mistakes. Despite our failings, we still deserve respect. Don’t let anyone put you down.” -Author Unknown

Karen: What kind of mistakes do ghosts make?
Sharon: Boo-oo-oo-boos!

“Some people never make a mistake, nor do they ever make anything else.” -Author Unknown

“Never think about the mistakes you made. Think about the mistakes you will make.” -Bob Ross (Robert Norman Ross (1942 - 1995))

“The only real mistake is the one from which we learn nothing.” -John Powell (1882 - 1963)

Overheard: I am human and I make mistakes.

“The secret of success is not avoiding mistakes, but learning from them.” -Michael Josephson (born 1942)

“When you find your path, you must not be afraid. You need to have sufficient courage to make mistakes. Disappointment, defeat, and despair are the tools God uses to show us the way.” -Paulo Coelho (born 1947)

“It would be a mistake to not try something for fear of making a mistake.” -Elbert Hubbard (Elbert Green Hubbard (1856 - 1915))

“No man ever became great or good except through many and great mistakes.” -William Gladstone (William Ewart Gladstone (1809 - 1898))

“It is normal to make mistakes. If people cannot accept that, they do not deserve to be around you.” -Author Unknown

“Forget past mistakes. Forget failures. Forget about everything except what you’re going to do now and do it.” -Will Durant (1885 - 1981)

Overheard: Have you ever noticed that no one notices you until you make a mistake?

“When you are not afraid to do it wrong the first time, you will eventually get it right.” -Author Unknown

“Never make the same mistake twice or you’ll never get around to all of them.” -Author Unknown

“Making mistakes simply means you are learning faster.” -Weston H. Agor (Weston Harris Agor (1939 - 2007))

“I’ve learned so much from my mistakes that I am thinking about making a few more.” -Author Unknown

Overheard: We all make mistakes. Don’t let that be a reason to give up.

“He who makes no mistakes makes no progress.” -Teddy Roosevelt (Theodore ‘Teddy’ Roosevelt (1858 - 1919))

“A mistake is simply another way of doing things.” -Katharine Graham (1917 - 2001)

“You can learn from your mistakes, so be sure to make some.” -Bil Keane (William Aloysius ‘Bil’ Keane (1922 - 2011))

“Experience is what enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.” -Author Unknown

“It took me a long time to learn that mistakes aren’t good or bad, they’re just mistakes, and you clean them up and go on.” -Kaye Gibbons (born 1960)

“Mistakes show us what we need to learn.” -Peter McWilliams

“Whenever you fall, pick up something.” -Oswald Avery (Oswald Theodore Avery, Junior (1877 - 1955))

“By ignorance we make mistakes, and by making mistakes we learn.” -Edmund Fuller

“All great discoveries are made by mistake.” -Author Unknown

“Remember, there are no mistakes, only lessons. Love yourself, trust your choices, and everything is possible.” -Cherie Carter-Scott (born 1939)

“Without mistakes, there would be no accidental discoveries, and without accidental discoveries, there would be far fewer better methods found, far fewer inventions made, and much less beneficial progress. The great untold secret of everything in which humans engage is that much of it would never result in useful outcomes were it not for the vast number of mistakes within it, mistakes that go by the name ‘accidental discoveries.’” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

“If you’re making mistakes it means you’re out there doing something.” -Neil Gaiman (Neil Richard MacKinnon Gaiman (born 1960))

“Remember, we all stumble, every one of us. That’s why it’s a comfort to go hand in hand.” -Emily Kimbrough

“It seems that the necessary thing to do is not to fear mistakes, to plunge in, to do the best that one can, hoping to learn enough from blunders to correct them eventually.” -Abraham Maslow (Abraham Harold Maslow (1908 - 1970))

Well, that about wraps things up for now . . . we are eager to get back to making a whole lot more mistakes . . . because that is how we are certain to learn . . . and to succeed . . . let’s all go out and make some mistakes . . . and continue to ‘Make Fun Of Life!’

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Smiles and Smiling

9/16/2018

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It is very important to remember to smile as often as possible, because as we all know, there is not enough smiling going on in the world today . . .

“Smiling is a great way to look your best.” -Author Unknown

“I add a smile to everything I wear and that has worked great for me.” -David White (1916 - 1990)

“If you smile at someone, they might smile back.” -Author Unknown

Smile

I gave away my smile
     to the girl across the street.
She gave it to her brother
     as they sat down to eat.
Her brother gave it to their Mom,
     she wore it for a day.
Then gave it to another girl
     whose name was Paula Kay.
Paula took her smile outside
     and stood next to a tree.
She put her hands upon her hips
     then gave it back to me.

by Author Unknown

“A smile can brighten someone’s day without using a penny’s worth of electricity.” -Author Unknown

“Smiling is the best way to face every problem, to crush every fear, to hide every pain.” -Author Unknown

Worry less,
     Smile more,
Don’t regret,
     Just learn and grow!
-Author Unknown

“Always smile back at little children . . . to ignore them is to destroy their belief that the world is good.” -Pam Brown

“If you see someone without a smile, give them one of yours.” -Author Unknown

“SMILE is an acronym for See Miracles In Life Everyday.” -Author Unknown

“I have never seen a smiling face that was not beautiful.” -Author Unknown

“You’ll find that life is still worthwhile, if you just smile.” -Charlie Chaplin (Charles Spencer ‘Charlie’ Chaplin (1889 - 1977))

“It was only a sunny smile and little it cost in the giving but like morning light it scattered the night and made the day worth living.” -F. Scott Fitzgerald (Francis Scott Key Fitzgerald (1896 - 1940)): “The Great Gatsby” (10 April 1925)

“Wear a smile and have friends; wear a scowl and have wrinkles.” -George Eliot (pseudonym of Marian Evans Cross, also known as Mary Ann Evans (1819 - 1880))

“A smile is something you can’t give away; it always comes back to you.” -Author Unknown

“Sometimes it’s hard to force a smile, but sometimes we have to; it’s what gets us through the hard times.” -Author Unknown

“A smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.” -Charles Gordy

“You want to know who’s got the most amazing and beautiful smile ever - read the first word of the sentence again!” -Author Unknown

“Smile . . . there are more than seven billion people in the world - don’t let just one ruin your day.” -Author Unknown

“Is a smile a question? Or is it the answer?” -Lee Smith

“If you want people to like you, smile!” -Author Unknown

“Nothing is more beautiful than a real smile that has struggled through tears.” -Author Unknown

“The world always looks better from behind a smile.” -Author Unknown

“A warm smile is the universal language of kindness.” -William Arthur Ward (1921 - 1994)

“Lose your smile and lose your customers.” -Sam Walton (1918 - 1992)

“A smile is the shortest distance between two people.” -Victor Borge (1909 - 2000)

“Let your smile change the world; don’t let the world change your smile.” -Author Unknown

“A smile is worth much more than it costs.” -Author Unknown

“Sometimes just a smile on our face can help to make this world a better place.” -Robert Alan

“Smiles are great investments; the more you collect, the better you feel.” -Author Unknown

“I would walk miles for one of your smiles.” -Author Unknown

“A smile is the best makeup a girl can wear.” -Author Unknown

“Smiling is my favorite exercise.” -Author Unknown

“To receive a smile, give one away!” -Author Unknown

“A smile is a frown turned upside down.” -Author Unknown

“A smile is the lighting system of the face, the cooling system of the head, and the heating system of the heart.” -Unknown

“A smile is a powerful weapon; you can even break ice with it.” -Author Unknown

“It takes seventeen muscles to smile and forty-three muscles to frown.” -Author Unknown

“A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.” -Phyllis Diller (pseudonym of Phyllis Ada Driver (1917 - 2012))

“All people smile in the same language.” -Author Unknown

“If you will force yourself to smile, you’ll end up laughing. You will be cheerful because you smile. Repeated experiments have shown that when a person assumes the facial expression of a given mental mood - any given mood - then that mental mood itself will follow.” -Kenneth Goode

“A smile is the universal welcome.” -Max Eastman

“After six years without seeing one, I love just seeing a smile - every smile I see gives me hope.” -Ingrid Betancourt (Ingrid Betancourt Pulecio (born 1961))

“A smile confuses an approaching frown.” -Author Unknown

“I smile because I do not know what in the world is going on.” -Author Unknown

“Keep smiling, because life is a beautiful thing and there is so much to smile about.” -Marilyn Monroe (Norma Jean Mortenson (1926 - 1962))

“A smile makes you feel good, and when you feel good, good things happen.” -Terri Lynn

“Smile! It increases your face value.” -Robert Harling (Robert M. Harling III (born 1951)): “Steel Magnolias” (5 November 1989)

“A smile on your face will do wonders for your appearance. It will give you youthfulness and optimism that beauty treatments or counselling sessions never could.” -Author Unknown

“Keep smiling - it makes people wonder what you are up to!” -Author Unknown

“A smile is the light in your window that tells others that there is a caring, sharing person inside.” -Denis Waitley (Denis E. Waitley (born 1933))

“Smile, it is the key that fits the lock of everybody’s heart.” -Anthony J. D’Angelo

“A smile appeared upon her face as if she’d taken it directly from her handbag and pinned it there.” -Loma Chandler

Smile

It comforts the weary, gladdens the sad
     consoles those in trouble, good or bad.
To rich and poor, beggar or thief,
     it’s free to all of any belief.
A natural gesture of young and old
     cheers on the faint, disarms the bold.
Unlike most blessings for which we pray,
     it’s the only thing we keep when we give it away.

by Author Unknown

“Most smiles are started by another smile.” -Frank A. Clark (Frank Atherton Clark (1911 - 1991))

Ten Reasons to Smile

1. It makes you attractive
2. It changes your mood.
3. It is contagious.
4. It relieves stress.
5. It boosts your immune system.
6. It lowers your blood pressure.
7. It releases endorphins.
8. It lifts the face and makes you appear younger.
9. It makes you seem successful.
10. It helps you stay positive.

by Author Unknown

“Learn to smile at every situation. See it as an opportunity to prove your strength and ability.” -Joe Brown

“Smile, for everyone lacks self-confidence and more than any other one thing a smile reassures them.” -André Maurois (pseudonym of Émile Salomon Wilhelm Herzog (1885 - 1967))

“Before you put on a frown, make absolutely sure there are no smiles available.” -Jim Beggs

“A smile can brighten the darkest day.” -Author Unknown

The Smile

I had an extra smile
     When I left the house today
I thought I’d give it to someone
     I passed along the way.
I tried to give the smile away
     But incredibly
Each time I gave it to someone
     They’d give it back to me.
So now I have a bunch of smiles,
     What am I to do?
I think I’ll keep a couple
     And then give the rest to you!

by Author Unknown

“What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity. These are but trifles, to be sure; but scattered along life’s pathway, the good they do is inconceivable.” -Joseph Addison (1672 - 1719)

“Smile. The sunshine of your smile might chase the clouds from someone’s life today. It may be the ray of sunshine that someone needs in an otherwise stormy day.” -Author Unknown

Smile and forgive;
It’s the only way to live.
-Author Unknown

“People are not perfect - except when they smile.” -Author Unknown

“If you did not start out the day with a smile, it is not too late to start practicing for tomorrow.” -Author Unknown

“Just because a person smiles all the time, doesn’t mean their life is perfect. That smile is a symbol of hope and strength.” -Lauryn Hill (Lauryn Noelle Hill (born 1975))

Lost Your Smile?

You haven’t lost your smile -
     It’s been there all the while,
Just waiting for the word -
     That smiling’s back in style!

by Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

“If you don’t have a smile, I’ll give you one of mine.” -Author Unknown

“A smile of encouragement at the right moment may act like sunlight on a closed up flower; it may be the turning point for a struggling life.” -Alfred A. Montapert (Alfred Armand Montapert (1906 - 1997))

“Smiling is good for you and it is good for the people around you.” -Author Unknown

“I hope you always find a reason to smile.” -Author Unknown

“A smile gives your face something to do and it is good exercise and makes you look better.” -Author Unknown

“Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.” -Author Unknown

“We do not smile because something good has happened; rather something good happens because we smile.” -Author Unknown

“If you’re not using your smile, you’re like a man with a million dollars in the bank and no checkbook.” -Les Giblin (born 1912)

“Anyone can smile on their best day. I like to meet a man who can smile on his worst.” -Lauren Graham (Lauren Helen Graham (born 1967)): “Someday, Someday, Maybe” (30 April 2013)

“Smile and the world will smile with you . . . Frown and it will leave you alone.” -Pamela Prichard

“Smile, it’s the easiest way to improve your day.” -Author Unknown

“Nobody needs a smile so much as the one who has none to give.” -Lawrence G. Lovasik (1913 - 1986)

“Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.” -Teresa of Calcutta (Anjezë Gonxhe Bojaxhiu (1910 - 1997))

“Today, give a stranger one of your smiles. It might be the only sunshine he sees all day.” -Author Unknown, as quoted in H. Jackson Brown, Junior (born 1940): “P.S. I Love You” (1990)

“Smile - happy looks good on you!” -Author Unknown

“Smile, even when life does not present reasons for doing so, because your smile is a reason for many others to smile.” -Author Unknown

“Make it a regular habit to smile - and watch as miracles begin to happen all around you.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

“Did you make someone smile today? You’ve still got time.” -Melissa Stewart

You look amazing when you smile . . . you should do it more often . . . now back to further fun and learning on ‘MFOL!’ . . .

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Attire and Accessories

9/9/2018

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“The way we dress affects the way we think, the way we feel, the way we act, and the way others react to us.” -Judith Rasband

“Dress as if you have made something of yourself in the world, even if you have not.” -Author Unknown

“Never wear anything that panics the cat.” -P. J. O’Rourke (Patrick Jake O’Rourke (born 1947))

“Your shoes have to match your belt. That’s rule number one for guys. You can’t put the brown shoes with the black belt. Or a brown belt with a black wristwatch. Just don’t do it! Also, I don’t like boots with suits. And when you wear sneakers, make sure they go with your shirt.” -Ashton Kutcher (Christopher Ashton Kutcher (born 1978))

Riddle: What has two legs but cannot run?
Solution: A pair of trousers.

“Successful dress is really no more than achieving good taste and the look of the upper middle class.” -John T. Molloy (born 1937): “Dress for Success” (1975)

What do your clothes and other articles you wear or carry say about you? Do they accurately tell people who you really are? Are they giving people the wrong impression or the right impression, insofar as how you wish to be regarded?

One of the oldest pieces of women’s clothing discovered to date is a skirt similar to a Pacific-islander grass skirt, with bronze ornaments on the lower edge that would have jingled when its wearer walked or danced. Was it an article of clothing or a musical instrument?

“When in doubt, wear red.” -Bill Blass (William Ralph ‘Bill’ Blass (1922 - 2002))

“The well-dressed man never stands out in a crowd; his elegance sets him apart.” -Oscar de la Renta (pseudonym of Óscar Arístides Renta Fiallo (1932 - 2014))

Andy: Why were the suspenders sent to jail?
Barney: For holding up a pair of trousers.

“A well-dressed man is the best accessory a woman can have.” -Coco Chanel (1883 -1971)

“If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater . . . suggest that he wear a tail.” -Fran Lebowitz (Frances Ann ‘Fran’ Lebowitz (born 1950))

Animal hides and furs were one of the first types of clothing humans wore, and they continue to be worn even now for their warmth in areas that have an extremely cold climate. However, in most places today, wearing fur is regarded as a luxury and has been made increasingly socially unacceptable through the efforts of animal rights activists.

Jesse: Why are you wearing that fur coat?
Bessie: To stay warm, that’s what fur!

“No one in the world needs a mink coat but a mink.” -Murray Banks (1917 - 2008)

“If you look good and dress well, you don’t need a purpose in life.” -Robert Pante

Until the mid-Middle Ages, clothes were usually fastened with ties (short lengths of rawhide or other material), beads-and-loops, or toggles. Lacing similar to the kind now used on shoes was still favored on clothes until the late 1600’s, as the best way to create a fit that could grow or shrink with one’s figure, during those times of alternating feast and famine. The first buttons as we recognize them appeared on clothes in the Middle Ages as a form of decoration. Zippers and Velcro would appear only much later in history.

“People seldom notice old clothes if you wear a big smile.” -Author Unknown

God Bless My Underwear

God bless my underwear
     My only pair
Stand beside us
     And guide us
Through the wash and
     The wear and the tear
Through the washer
     And the dryer
And the clothesline back to me
     God bless my underwear
My only pair.

by Author Unknown: sung to the same tune as “God Bless America”

The YKK seen on most zippers stands for Yoshida Kogyo Kabushikkaisha, which roughly translates as the Yoshida Company Limited. Founded in 1934, YKK is the most widely-recognized zipper maker in the world.

Overheard: Amazing - you just hang something in your closet for a while, and it shrinks two sizes!

Old Person of Brill

There was an old person of Brill,
Who purchased a shirt with a frill;
     But they said, “Don’t you wish,
     You mayn’t look like a fish,
You obsequious old person of Brill?”

by Edward Lear (1812 - 1888)

The clingy material Velcro was inspired by Burdock seeds, which have soft stickers that cling to clothing.

Not long ago, most people wore clothing made at home, usually of wool, linen, or less commonly, cotton. First, animal or plant fibers had to be spun into long pieces of thread, and then the thread had to be woven into cloth. The fabric was either left in its natural color or colored with dyes made from plants.

“The best-dressed woman is one whose clothes wouldn’t look too strange in the country.” -Hardy Amies (Edwin Hardy Amies (1909 - 2003))

“Dressing well is a form of politeness.” -Tom Ford

During the 1860’s, dresses were so wide that women often found themselves stuck while trying to get through doorways. But women alone cannot be blamed for this silliness, because historically and right up to the present time, both men and women have been fashion designers and dressmakers.

“Fashions have done more harm than revolutions.” -Victor Hugo (Victor Marie Hugo (1802 - 1885))

“To me, clothing is a form of self-expression - there are hints about who you are in what you wear.” -Marc Jacobs (born 1963)

Nothing to Wear

Dresses for breakfasts, and dinners, and balls;
Dresses to sit in, and stand in, and walk in;
Dresses to dance in, and flirt in, and talk in;
Dresses in which to do nothing at all;
Dresses for Winter, Spring, Summer, and Fall.

by William Allen Butler (1825 -1902)

The invention of the automobile and the bicycle had a noticeable influence on women’s fashions. In the 1900’s, skirts became shorter to enable women to step into automobiles and climb onto bicycles more easily.

“There’s no such thing as a designer of menswear - it’s only history. The suit around the world is based on the English suit, which began in about 1670.” -Hardy Amies (Edwin Hardy Amies (1909 - 2003))

“Fashions fade, style is eternal.” -Yves Saint-Laurent (Yves Henri Donat Mathieu-Saint-Laurent (1936 - 2008))

By law, in Carmel, New York, United States of America, men are not allowed to go outside while wearing a jacket and pants that do not match.

“When you can’t do something truly useful, you tend to vent the pent up energy in something useless but available, like snappy dressing.” -Lois McMaster Bujold (born 1949)

“My dad’s pants kept creeping up on him. By sixty-five, he was just a pair of pants and a head.” -Jeff Altman (born 1951)

Sharp Dresser

I once had a cousin named Bruce
Whose clothing was always quite spruce.
     To people who stared
     He frankly declared
“Without them, I’d be a recluse.”

by Author Unknown

Harry S Truman was a haberdasher before becoming an American President. In partnership with his old Army buddy Edward Jacobson, he owned the Truman & Jacobson haberdashery at 104 West 12th Street in Kansas City, Kansas, United States of America. The pair started selling suits and accessories for gentlemen on 28 November 1919, and continued in the business until the Great Depression of the 1930’s forced them out of business.

“I often take a brand-new suit or hat and throw it up against the wall a few times to get that stiff, square newness out of it.” -Fred Astaire (pseudonym of Frederick Austerlitz (1899 - 1987))

The wasting moth ne’er spoil’d my best array;
The cause was this: I wore it every day.
-Alexander Pope (1688 - 1744)

“Over the years I have learned that what is important in a dress is the woman who is wearing it.” -Yves Saint-Laurent (Yves Henri Donat Mathieu-Saint-Laurent (1936 - 2008))

Khakis: What you need to start a car in Boston.

Women’s trousers, including pants and slacks and jeans, as worn now, were not regarded as acceptable for wearing in public until the Second World War. It was during the war that women began to do work that had formerly been done more commonly by men. Able-bodied men had been sent off to distant battlefields, and with a shortage of men to do work, manufacturers, businesses, farmers, and even the government began hiring women workers in their place. Before that time, women usually wore dresses or skirts with blouses, and worked in the home.

“Don’t get your knickers in a knot. Nothing is solved and it just makes you walk funny.” -Kathryn Carpenter

An increased emphasis on youth culture began in America during the 1950’s. Clothing styles started to lean toward the younger folks. The poodle skirt, which is a circle skirt having an embroidered dog and leash on the front, became fashionable. Who says we can’t put bit of whimsy into our attire?

Jeans are trousers made from a heavy cotton fabric called denim. ‘Denim’ was originally called ‘serge de Nîmes,’ and came from the French seaside manufacturing town of Nîmes starting in the late 17th century. Over time, ‘de Nîmes’ was shortened to ‘denim.’ Jeans themselves were named after Genoan sailors from Genoa, Italy, who were locally known as ‘Genes,’ and who wore the material as clothing. Jeans were further developed as heavy-duty work trousers in the 1870’s by Levi Strauss, in California, United States of America. Levi’s jeans were originally dyed brown, but later were dyed the now-familiar blue color. Because all jeans are made from denim cloth, the term ‘denim jeans’ is redundant. One bale of cotton can be made into as many as 215 pairs of jeans.

“I have jeans with holes in them and I have nice jeans. I have casual and I have dressy jeans. I’ve got all kinds.” -Amanda Seyfried (Amanda Michelle Seyfried (born 1985))

Bell-bottom trousers were first worn by navy sailors, and were introduced to the fashion world by the hippies, with widespread popularity following soon thereafter. Also known as ‘flared’ pants, bell-bottoms are a garment associated with the societal trends of the 1960’s and 1970’s. They are a clothing article that many people still consider as an essential item in women’s wardrobes, and can even be paired with blouses that have flared sleeves and platform shoes to complete the hip flower-child look.

“Sweater: Garment worn by a child when his mother is feeling chilly.” -Ambrose Bierce (Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce (1842 - 1914))

“You should never wear your best trousers when you go out to fight for freedom and truth.” -Henrik Ibsen (Henrik Johan ‘Henrik’ Ibsen (1828 - 1906)): “An Enemy of the People” (1882), act 5

“Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important.” -Janet Lane

“Semper ubi sub ubi.” [Latin]
“Always wear underwear.” [English translation]

Business people wear uniforms, though they may not think of what they wear as being such. They usually have greater leeway in choices of colors and patterns and styles and in choosing where to buy their clothes. Uniforms rules for business people are either stated openly in employee manuals and by workplace supervisors, or individual business people are expected to arrive at their own understanding of how to dress based on their own observations of other business people.

“With an evening coat and a white tie, anybody, even a stockbroker, can gain a reputation for being civilized.” -Oscar Wilde (Oscar Fingal O’Flahertie Wills Wilde (1854 - 1900))

Women’s clothes have buttons on the left side, while men’s clothes have buttons on the right side. When buttons were invented, they were expensive and worn primarily by the rich. Because women were dressed by maids or servants, and because most people are right-handed, dressmakers placed the buttons where they would be easily reached. Men’s clothes had the button on the right, because they tended to dress themselves. Additionally, as men’s and women’s clothing became more similar and was mass produced and mass marketed, some type of way to easily tell men’s and women’s clothing apart was needed.

“It is difficult to see why lace should be so expensive; it is mostly holes.” -Mary Wilson Little (possibly born about 1880)

Fond pride of dress is sure a very curse;
Ere fancy you consult, consult your purse.
-Author Unknown

Frank: Do you have holes in your clothes?
Ernest: No, of course not.
Frank: Then how do you get them on?

Evelyn: I think the clothes dryer must have shrunk my blouse. The collar is so tight that I can hardly breathe.
Daniel: Don’t be silly; you have put your head through the buttonhole.

“Dress like you are already the successful person you hope to become.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

“I wear V-neck shirts. I can’t wear a regular neck shirt, it hurts. And I especially hate turtlenecks. Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy all day.” -Mitch Hedberg (1968 - 2005)

“Labels on garments stating ‘One Size Fits All’ or even One Size Fits Most’ are a very un-funny joke that has been played on all of us for far too long - is there a lawyer somewhere out there who is willing to defend us against this kind of false advertising?” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Euripides.
Euripides, who?
Euripides pants and you won’t get another pair!

“Nothing else you can wear will ever make you feel as warm as a wedding band.” -Marilyn vos Savant (born 1946): “Ask Marilyn” (25 September 2005)

“Know, first, who you are; then adorn yourself accordingly.” -Epictetus (C.E. 55 - C.E. 135.)

Marie de Medici, a member of that famous Italian family and a 17th-century queen of France, had expensive tastes in clothes. One of her dresses was outfitted with 39,000 tiny pearls and 3,000 diamonds, and cost the equivalent of $20 million at the time it was made, in 1606. She wore it just once.

“She wears her clothes as if they had been thrown on her with a pitchfork.” -Jonathan Swift (1667 - 1745)

“You’re never fully dressed without a smile.” -Martin Charnin (born 1934)

“Dress for success. Image is very important. People judge you by the way you look on the outside.” -Brian Tracy (born 1944)

Question: What did the shoe say to the hat?
Answer: You go on ‘a-head,’ and I will follow you ‘on foot.’

“What belts do is finish a look. Whether you’re wearing pants, jeans, a dress or skirt, a belt gives the outfit a finishing touch. It’s polished.” -Julie Helman

“Good clothes open all doors.” -Thomas Fuller (1654 - 1734)

You will always look simply smashing in properly chosen garments. There is much more to learn coming up next . . . on 'MFOL!'

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Pirates

9/7/2018

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Here we have one of those fancy ‘made for the movies’ pirates. A real pirate would be wearing filthy rags and have the dreaded scurvy, and because we would not want to disgust you by showing you such a person, we won’t! Now let’s all make pirate noises. Rrr! Argh! Rrr-rrr-rrr!

Rich: What are pirates afraid of?
Rick: The darrrrrrrrrrrrrrrk!

Serendipity: What kind of socks does a pirate wear?
Felicity: Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgyle!

Agatha: What does a fancy pirate add to his dinner?
Agnes: A garrrrrrrrrrrrrrrnish!

Pirates: No-good people who most assuredly arrive at a no-good end.

Real-life pirates are murderous, thieving, low-life criminal scum who steal ships and have historically met their end on the hangman’s noose, and in recent times have been sent to filthy, overcrowded, rat-infested prisons for the remainder of their miserable days, but we will have some fun at their expense nonetheless.

Morris: Where do pirates keep their cookies?
Morton: In cookie jarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrs!

Amelia: How much did the pirate pay for his peg-leg and hook-hand?
Emily: An arm and a leg!

William the Crook

A pirate named William the Crook,
Serves his crew with his gigantic hook,
“I impale some marshmallows,
Toast them up for the fellows,
Make some cocoa, and read them a book.”

by Author Unknown

Forget about the treasure chests shown in pretend pirate movies - the one shown above is how a real treasure chest would have looked. What, is it not glamorous enough for the likes of you? Well, suit yourself. If by chance you want to see what an authentic pirate chest would have held inside, continue reading and you will soon come to a picture of real pirate loot, shown further below.

Clark: Why can you not take a picture of a pirate with a wooden leg?
Kent: Because a wooden leg does not take pictures!

Tucker: What goes, “99-thump, 99-thump?”
Tyler: A pirate centipede with a wooden leg.

Annette: Where do pirates park their ships?
Nettie: In the harrrrrrrrrrrrrrrbor!

Merrill: What is a pirate’s second favorite type of transportation?
Marla: A carrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Scurvy is a preventable health condition caused by going too long without eating foods containing vitamin C, as some seafarers such as pirates do. The symptoms are too horrible to describe here, so just be sure to eat plenty of fruits and vegetables so that you do not become a scurvy pirate!

Byron: What “Star Wars” character is really a pirate?
Myron: Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrr-2-D-2!

Helga: What is a pirate’s favorite doll?
Hilda: Barrrrrrrrrrrrrrrbie!

A Pirate ship came ashore for a night at a mysterious island between Arabia and India. The first mate ended up in an eatery sitting at a table with an oil lamp on it. The lamp was dirty, so he rubbed it clean, and a genie came out, promising to grant him any three wishes he wanted. Immediately he wished for a huge mug of cold apple cider that would never run dry. “Granted,” said the genie. Excitedly the pirate downed the entire mug, and as promised, it magically refilled itself. He emptied it again, and it again magically refilled, just as he had wished. “This is great!” he said. “And what about your second and third wishes?” asked the genie. The pirate, still delighted about his magic mug, quickly replied, “I’ll have two more just like this!”

This pirate treasure may not be much to look at, but to a real pirate, it is the stuff of dreams. Up until quite recent times, coins were basically lumps of metal such as silver, copper, gold, or alloys (combinations of different metals melted together) that had been hammered flat or made by clumsily pouring molten metal into rough molds. Old coins from the time of pirates and sailing ships often were not perfectly round, not very shiny, and were well-worn down, but were nonetheless valuable.

Jeffrey: What did the pirate ship captain keep in his musical treasure chest?
Geoffrey: The lute!

Pirate from Nertskinski

A pirate who hailed from Nertskinski
Became so exceedingly thinski
That while cleaning his gun,
When the day’s fight was done,
He looked down the bore and fell inski.

by Lewis Carroll (pseudonym of Charles Lutwidge Dodgson (1832 - 1898))

Pearl: How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced for earrings?
Cora: A buccaneer!

Cassandra: Where do pirates get their hair cut?
Cassie: At the barrrrrrrrrrrrrrrber shop!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Interrupting pirate!
Interrup -
Arrrggghhh!

Knock, scratch, knock.
Who’s there?
Captain Hook.

Jack: What is a pirate’s favorite letter?
Jake: You would think it is the ‘r’ but it is really the ‘c.’

Pirate ship: A thugboat.

Pirates often did not take pride in their vessels, so what we see here is typical of the sad state of disrepair in which a gang of murderous thieves would have kept a ship.

Connie: What clings to the underside of pirate ships and slows them down?
Constance: Barrrrrrnacles!

For any landlubbers who might be foolhardy enough to want to learn about real pirates, we heartily recommend the book, “Thomas Jefferson and the Tripoli Pirates” (3 November 2015) by Brian Kilmeade and Don Yaeger. You can get it into your grubby paws by making a visit to your local library, or you can exchange some gold doubloons or whatever currency you might have for it at your favorite bookseller.

Martin: How much does a pirate pay for corn?
Mortimer: A buccaneer!

A man went to the employment office looking for work. He was told that he could have the part of Long John Silver in a new movie version of “Treasure Island.” “That’s marvelous!” said the man. “How much will I be paid?” “Ten thousand dollars a week,” was the reply. “Great!” said the man. “So do I start acting on Monday?” “Oh, no,” said the clerk. “On Monday, you’re having your leg amputated.”

Pirate Pete: What do you call a pirate with two eyes and two legs and two hands?
Pirate Paul: Rookie.

Toby: When do pirates plant trees?
Tobias: On Arrrborrr Day! (For to make their wooden legs, don’t you be a-knowin’!)

Swashbuckling: To engage in daring and romantic adventures with ostentatious bravado or flamboyance. Aaarrrggghhh, don’t ask us, we really don’t know what that means, either.

Erma: Why could the pirate not play cards?
Myrna: Because the captain was standing on the deck!

Pegleg: Why do pirate ships have Global Positioning System (GPS) devices?
Captain Hook: So that pirates always know where they arrr-rrr!

A flag bearing a black field, upon which is displayed a skull and crossbones, is associated with pirate ships . . . but what if real pirates do not give such warnings, instead preferring to make surprise sneak attacks, or raids, upon sleepy coastal towns and unprotected merchant trading ships?

Agatha: Why did the pirate take his mother to the movie theater with him?
Amanda: Because the movie was rated ‘arrrrrrrrrgh!’

Creative types think pirates are so great that they are making up new kinds of pirates: pirate princesses, pirate cheerleaders, pirate cats, pirate fairies . . . how much further can this silliness go?

Pirate cheerleaders have it easy: “Give me an Rrrrrr!”

Astor: Why are pirates called pirates?
Reed: They just arrrrrrgh!

Naomi: Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
Vanessa: Because they spend years at ‘c’!

Pirate of Boulder

There was a bold pirate of Boulder
Whose cutlass was slung from his shoulder.
He’d mighty fine notions
Of plundering oceans,
But his mom said, “Perhaps when you’re older.”

by Graham Lester

Milford: What is a pirate’s second career choice?
Milton: Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrchitect!

A common belief about pirates is that they made people walk along a plank until they fell into the sea, where they would be eaten by sharks. This popular notion simply is not true; author James Matthew Barrie made it up for his children’s storybook, “Peter Pan” (1928).

Riddle: What has eight arms and eight legs and eight eyes?
Solution: Eight pirates!

“I’ll never pet an alligator again,” Captain Hook said offhandedly.

Patrice: What is a pirate’s favorite hobby?
Tricia: Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrt.

Lydia: What is a pirate’s favorite country?
Lynette: Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgentina!

Renée: Where do pirates put their trash?
Sheila: In the garrrrrrrrrrrrrrrbage can!

Blake: Why does Captain Hook have trouble telling time?
Caleb: His second hand keeps falling off.

Sue: What does a vegan pirate do?
Stu: He starrrrrrrrrrrrrrrves!

Well, shiver me timbers, laddies and lassies, thar’s pirates in them thar waters! Yes, indeed, the pirates aaaaaargh coming, the pirates aaaaaargh coming! Quick, we’d better think up some more pirate jokes before they get here so we can entertain them! More fun and learning coming up next . . .

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Chewing Gum and Bubble Gum

9/1/2018

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Bubble gum girl . . .

How to Blow a Bubble
1. Take a piece of gum and chew it until the flavor is gone.
2. Stretch the gum around your tongue.
3. Blow air into the gum, and close your mouth to seal the bubble.
4. Peel the gum off your face and start all over again.

Humans are the only animals on Earth that chew gum. If you give a monkey a piece of gum, the monkey will chew it for a couple of minutes, and then the monkey will take the gum out of his mouth and stick it in his hair.

Mary Had Some Bubble Gum

Mary had some bubble gum,
     She chewed it long and slow,
And everywhere that Mary went,
     Her gum was sure to go.

She chewed the gum in school one day,
     Which was against the rule,
The teacher took her pack away,
     And chewed it after school.

by Author Unknown

People have enjoyed chewing gum-like substances in many lands and from very early times. Some of the materials were thickened resins and latexes from certain kinds of trees. Others were various sweet grasses, leaves, grains, and waxes. Modern chewing gum was originally made from the natural gum chicle, found in the sapodilla tree. Chicle is expensive, so other natural gums and chewy synthetic materials are also in use presently.

“For some reason, chewing gum for me gets my brain going.” -Brie Larson

Studies have shown that chewing gum helps people concentrate. It’s true - in fact, right now we’re concentrating on the cinnamon-peach flavor of the chewing gum in our mouths! Seriously, though, chewing gum can help in studying for exams, tests, quizzes, and other brain-taxing endeavors.

Eunice: How did the chewing gum get across the road?
Josie: By sticking to the chicken’s foot.

William Wrigley, Junior originally got his start in the baking powder business in Chicago, Illinois. With each can of his baking powder, he included a free pack of chewing gum. However, when he learned people were buying the baking powder only because they wanted the gum, he stopped selling the baking powder altogether and focused solely on the gum. In 1893, he began selling two of the most popular chewing gums ever: Juicy Fruit and Wrigley’s Spearmint Gum. The rest is history . . .

Hugh: Where is the best place to have a bubble gum bubble-blowing contest?
Bert: On a chew-chew train.

Chocolate-flavored chewing gum is not possible because the cocoa butter in chocolate acts as an emulsifier on the chewing gum base, making it too soft and ruining the chewability of the product. You can test this yourself by putting a piece of chocolate and a piece of gum in your mouth at the same time and chewing them together.

Chewing gum burns about 11 calories per hour.

Who is that person? She is Natalie Wood (1938 - 1981), acting and chewing gum at the same time, in the comedy film, “Penelope” (1966)

Studies have shown that chewing sugarless gum sweetened with xylitol has an antibacterial action. It fights bacteria that cause tooth decay. Gum also increases the flow of saliva, which dilutes acid produced by bacteria. Saliva also contains calcium and phosphorous minerals that can help to repair soft spots in tooth enamel, actually healing early tooth decay.

Eugene: What did the shoe say to the chewing gum?
Wallace: “Stick with me, and we’ll go places.”

During World War 2, American military personnel increased the popularity of chewing gum by trading it and giving it as a gift to people in Europe, Africa, Asia, and other parts of the world.

You probably will not want to go out and nibble on any tires after reading this, but the fact is that chewing gum is made from rubber, just like the tires on bicycles and automobiles. No wonder rodents like to chew the insulation off wires - it’s like chewing gum for them!

Cheryl: Would you like some ABC gum?
Daryl: What’s ABC gum?
Cheryl: It’s ‘Already Been Chewed’ gum.
Daryl: No, thanks!

Chewing gum is a very stable product. It has a non-reactive nature and low moisture content. Because of this, chewing gum retains its quality for a longer time than most other food products - so long, in fact, that in most countries, chewing gum is not required by law to be labeled with an expiration date. Chewing gum can, however, become brittle and lose some flavor as it ages, but will still remain safe to chew.

“Does the spearmint lose its flavor on the bedpost overnight?” -Billy Rose: title of song (1924), music by Ernest Breuer; revived in 1959 by Lonnie Donegan with the title “Does your chewing-gum lose its flavor on the bedpost overnight?”

On 28 December 1869, a patent for an ‘improved’ type of chewing gum was obtained by dentist William Finley Semple of Mount Vernon, Ohio. He combined rubber with chalk, powdered licorice root, and other substances to make his gum. The resulting gum purportedly cleaned the teeth and strengthened the jaw. Other types of chewing gum did exist prior to Mr. Semple’s product, including a ‘State of Maine Pure Spruce Gum’ made by John B. Curtis starting in 1848, and an earlier patent for chewing gum obtained by Toledo, Ohio resident Amos Tyler on 27 July 1869. Mr. Tyler’s gum was made of white rosin and olive oil, which he heated and mixed together. Once it cooled, he cut it into strips, or sticks, and packaged each piece individually. Of course, prior to all of this, chewing gum had been around for thousands of years of human history, but it was of a simpler form and not widely sold commercially to the public.

Cinnamon, spearmint, and peppermint are among the most popular flavors of chewing gum today.

Modern chewing gum emerged from a series of failures. American inventor Thomas Adams had tried for an entire year to use chicle as a substitute for rubber in waterproof boots, rainwear, and toys. Mr. Adams was frustrated when the experiments did not work as he had hoped, and he was ready to throw away all of the remaining chicle. Then a visit to a drug store gave him an idea. There, he overheard a girl ask for a penny’s worth of paraffin wax candy, and he recalled that chicle had been chewed by people for many centuries. By 1870, he had developed a chewing gum manufacturing process, for which he obtained United States Patent #111,798 issued on 14 February 1871. He sold his product as ‘Adams’ New York Gum No. 1.’ In 1871, he made a licorice-flavored gum called Black Jack, the first flavored chewing gum.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Oswald.
Oswald, who?
Oswald my chewing gum!

The color of the first successful bubble gum was pink because it was the only color the inventor had. The color ‘stuck,’ and today, bubble gum is still predominantly pink.

According to a leading columnist on the subject of etiquette, chewing gum in public is perfectly all right as long as it is not done with too much gusto.

In 1919 in Lockport, New York, United States of America, a Baptist minister named W. H. Mason invented the first modern gumball machine, which he patented and turned over to his son, Ford Mason, who began manufacturing the machines in the basement of his father’s church. Ford Gum & Machine Company soon began producing gumballs, too, and the younger Mason spent a decade perfecting ways to protect the candy from moisture condensation inside the see-through glass globes. A single drop of water would ruin the colors of a barrel of gumballs. Once he had invented a water-resistant glaze, a person could take a handful of glazed gumballs and hold them under a running faucet without the color coming off.

Alike Yet Different Somehow

The gum-chewing student,
     The cud-chewing cow,
Somewhat alike,
     Yet different somehow.

Just what is the difference -
     I think I know now -
It’s the thoughtful look
     On the face of the cow.

by Author Unknown

The largest bubble ever blown was about 58 centimeters (23 inches) in diameter. The record was set on Tuesday 19 July 1994 by Susan Montgomery Williams of Fresno, California, United States of America. Hmmm, seems like that bubble might have been large enough to hold a small dog, a cat, a parakeet, and a goldfish inside it.

At one time, a manufacturer ordered his workers to stop chewing on the job - but the workers went to the National Labor Relations Board and won the right to do so.

Chewing gum while cutting onions can help keep people from producing tears.

Chewing gum on an airplane will prevent a person’s ears from popping. Chewing gum makes the salivary glands produce 250 percent more saliva than is normally produced, so people swallow more. This helps balance the pressure in the head.

Japanese chemists have invented ‘Mood Gum.’ Like the Mood Rings once popular in America, Mood Gum changes color when you are happy, sad, angry, and so forth.

Chewing-gum was illegal in all of Eastern Europe until Czechoslovakia began manufacturing it in 1957. Poland and East Germany quickly followed suit, but it was not until 1976 that the Soviet Union lifted its ban on gum. Tourists who visit Singapore are allowed to bring gum with them, but only a maximum of two packs per person. Any more than that and they can be charged with ‘gum smuggling’ which carries the penalty of one year in jail and $5,500 fine. A doctor’s prescription may be required for chewing gum. Anyone caught leaving chewing gum in a public area can be charged with a monetary fine, community work, or commonly, a public beating with a bamboo stick.

Do you have gum stuck in your hair, and you don’t want to cut your hair to get rid of the gum? It’s a sticky situation, but you can apply ice to the gum to make it cold and harden it, and then try to break it off in pieces. Or, you can use peanut butter or vegetable oil to soften the gum and then try to remove it. Afterward, wash your hair thoroughly.

Better than cough drops? Cough drops are just candy, but the act of chewing gum may provide some real relief from the sore throat that frequently accompanies a cold, influenza (flu), and some other conditions, by stimulating the flow of saliva.

Chewing gum first went into orbit when astronauts Edward Higgins White II and James Alton McDivitt smuggled the stuff onboard their space capsule during the Gemini IV mission that was launched on 3 June 1965 from Cape Canaveral, Florida, United States of America.

Any guesses as to what percentage of people are incapable of blowing bubbles with gum? Get a clipboard, a pen, a piece of paper, and decide how you are going to word your question or questions. Now go out and begin asking people, writing down the number of people who say they can blow bubbles and the number of people who say they cannot blow bubbles. But wait, there are probably a statistically significant number of people who have never tried and therefore do not know if they can or cannot blow bubbles, and you will want to count those people also. As an inducement to get people to participate in your study, you might offer them each a piece of gum. When you have your results, please let us know.

That is not all . . . we have much more humor for you on a huge variety of topics on ‘Make Fun Of Life!’ - just scroll down the page. We are people . . . being silly . . . while chewing gum . . .

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Goals and Planning

8/28/2018

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Never give up on your dreams . . .

“Take your dreams up off the shelf! Put your goals in front of you, and follow them. Focus. Strive. This is what you should be doing; this is what you are here for! You are here to dream, and to live your dreams! This is how things were meant to be. It is time to get back to basics. The essence of your life is your dream! What have you always been dreaming about, ever since you were a youngster? Visualize it, define it, and then go for it! Become happy and share that happiness with the world.” -Author Unknown

“I have come up with a plan so cunning you could stick a tail on it and call it a weasel.” -Rowan Atkinson (born 1955): “Black Adder the Third” (British television show)

“If you go to work on your goals, your goals will go to work on you. If you go to work on your plan, your plan will go to work on you. Whatever good things we build end up building us.” -Jim Rohn (Emanuel James ‘Jim’ Rohn (1930 - 2009))

“If ‘Plan A’ fails, remember there are twenty-five more letters.” -Claire Cook

“One simple mental trick has changed my life. A wise retired railway worker named Danny Breslin told me about it. When you are faced with a task you do not want to perform, do not think of the task as a whole. Do not focus on the hardest part of it. Instead, ask yourself, ‘What is the least I can do towards accomplishing this task? What is the irreducible minimum?’ Do that and you have started on the task itself. So, for instance, if you are procrastinating about a letter you have to write, put aside the thought of the letter itself and what you will say in it. Instead, think of the least you can do towards it, which is getting a pen and paper ready. By doing this you will usually find that you can then actually start writing the letter itself.” -Celia Haddon (born 1945)

“To achieve great things, two things are needed: a plan, and not quite enough time.” -Leonard Bernstein (1918 - 1990)

When any great design thou dost intend,
Think on the means, the manner, and the end.
-John Denham (1615 - 1669): “Of Prudence”

“The weakest living creature, by concentrating his powers on a single object, can accomplish something; whereas the strongest, by dispersing his over many, may fail to accomplish anything.” -Thomas Carlyle (1795 - 1881)

“Plan your work and work your plan.” -Author Unknown

“He who every morning plans the transaction of the day and follows out that plan, carries a thread that will guide him through the maze of the most busy life. But where no plan is laid, where the disposal of time is surrendered merely to the chance of incidence, chaos will soon reign.” -Victor Hugo (Victor Marie Hugo (1802 - 1885))

“Don’t be afraid of the space between your dreams and reality. If you can dream it, you can make it so.” -Belva Davis (born Belvagene Melton (1932))

“It takes a mad genius to reach some goals.” -Daniel Akst (born 1956)

“We rarely succeed at anything unless we have fun doing it.” -Author Unknown

Work diligently toward a goal;
On plans and dreams often dwell;
Don’t wait until you are thirsty,
Before you dig a well.
-Rosemary Perry

“People with goals succeed because they know where they’re going.” -Earl Nightingale (1921 - 1989)

“The person with a fixed goal, a clear picture of his desire, or an ideal always before him, causes it, through repetition, to be buried deeply in his subconscious mind and is thus enabled, thanks to its generative and sustaining power, to realize his goal in a minimum of time and with a minimum of physical effort. Just pursue the thought unceasingly. Step by step you will achieve realization, for all your faculties and powers become directed to that end.” -Claude M. Bristol (Claude Myron Bristol (1891 - 1951))

“The vital, successful people I have met all had one common characteristic. They had a plan.” -Marilyn Van Derbur (Marilyn Elaine Van Derbur (born 1937))

“The discipline of writing something down is the first step toward making it happen.” -Lee Iacocca (Lido Anthony ‘Lee’ Iacocca (born 1924))

“You will have wonderful surges forward. Then there must be a time of consolidating before the next forward surge. Accept this as part of the process and never become downhearted.” -Eileen Caddy (1917 - 2006)

“The most important thing about having goals is having one.” -Geoffrey F. Abert
Abert F. Geoffrey

“Decide what you want, decide what you are willing to exchange for it. Establish your priorities and go to work.” -H. L. Hunt (Haroldson Lafayette ‘H. L.’ Hunt, Junior (1889 - 1974))

“The basic goal-reaching principle is to understand that you go as far as you can see, and when you get there you will be able to see farther.” -Zig Ziglar (Hilary Hinton ‘Zig’ Ziglar (1926 - 2012))

Write Down Your Goals!

If you don’t write your goal down on paper,
Beware, it may try to be an escaper.
But when you do write your goal in your journal,
What you have done is planted a kernel.
And everyone, who knows anything knows,
That what a man reaps is what a man sows!
So write down your hopes and journal your goals
And press on through the highs and the lows.
Through the thick and through the thin,
If you never, never quit - eventually you win.
In every failure is a seed of success,
So keep trying, keep trying -
And you’ll be the best.
Write down your goals
And surprise the rest.

by Al Argo

“If you want your dreams to come true, don’t oversleep.” -Author Unknown

“What you get by reaching your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals.” -Zig Ziglar (Hilary Hinton ‘Zig’ Ziglar (1926 - 2012)): “Biscuits, Fleas, and Pump Handles” (1974), ‘Segment 4: Goals,’ Chapter 4: Reaching Your Goals, page 171

“Goals that are not written down are just wishes.” -Author Unknown

Make a written plan . . . and re-read it often . . .

“You can do anything you want in your life and in your career if you have written goals and a plan to get there, and also the commitment to follow through.” -Carol Halsey

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Achieving Your Goals

1. Break your goals into smaller parts.
- Many people abandon their goals because the goals are too big and vague.
- Break goals down into smaller parts.
- Decide on concrete and measurable actions.
- Have solid ideas of what a successful completion of a goal looks like.
2. Commit time daily to goals.
- You do not have necessarily have to commit hours at a time to accomplish a goal, you just have to be focused.
- The greatest advances often occur as the sum total of a series of small efforts.
- Commit to spending at least 15 minutes a day on specific goals.
- Do something that moves you closer to accomplishing your goals.
3. Talk to yourself.
- Repetition is the root of success.
- Remind yourself of your goals every day.
- Turn your most important goal into a one-sentence afﬁrmation.
- Phrase it as though you have already accomplished your goal.
- Repeat regularly and it becomes your natural way of thinking.
4. Make a serious commitment to your goals.
- Make yourself accountable by telling a few trustworthy people of your plans.
- Hope they become interested in your progress and check in with you.
- This will inspire you to keep going and overcome obstacles.
- It is hard not to achieve goals when others are watching and encouraging us.
5. Write your goals down.
- If you write goals down, they are more likely to come to pass.
- Invest time and energy writing your goals down.
- Putting goals on paper makes you more committed to the outcome.
- Reread your goals list periodically.
- It is beneficial to cross items off when they are completed.
6. Review your goals and your progress weekly.
- Re-evaluate each goal as circumstances change.
- If your priorities change, drop goals from your list or add new ones.
- Ask yourself ‘why’ if you have not made progress; ﬁnd out what is in your way.
- Question if unachieved goals are still important to you.
7. If possible, ﬁnd a friend.
- Try to get friends to help out with your project.
- Offer to reciprocate and help your friend in return.
- Two can get more done in a shorter period of time than one.
- You hold each other accountable to accomplishing your goals.
8. Reward yourself.
- As you plan your goals, attach speciﬁc rewards to each goal.
- The reward should be commensurate with the amount of work.
- Be consistent about rewarding yourself for every accomplishment.
- Each completion deserves a reward, no matter how small.
9.Take time to enjoy success.
- Take time to acknowledge the fact that you have accomplished a goal.
- Don’t simply charge into the next task or in time, you will likely burn out.
- Remember the time and effort you invested.
- Savor the feeling of completion.
- Refresh and renew your enthusiasm before you continue.

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“Yes, you can be a dreamer and a doer, too, if you will remove one word from your vocabulary: impossible.” -Robert Schuller (Robert Harold Schuller (1926 - 2015))

“Create a definite plan for carrying out your desire, and begin at once, whether you’re ready or not, to put it into action.” -Napoleon Hill (1883 - 1970)

“Whether or not you reach your goals in life depends entirely on how well you prepare for them and how badly you want them.” -Ronald McNair (1950 - 1986)

“Cultivate the habit of setting clearly-defined written goals; they are the road maps that guide you to your destination.” -Roy Bennett (Roy T. Bennett)

“You must keep your mind on the objective, not on the obstacle.” -William Randolph Hearst (1863 - 1951)

“The secret to productive goal setting is in establishing clearly defined goals, writing them down and then focusing on them several times a day with words, pictures, and emotions as if we’ve already achieved them.” -Denis Waitley (Denis E. Waitley (born 1933))

“Each step forward is one less step that has to be taken.” -Brian Adams

The goal shapes the plan.
The plan shapes the action.
The action achieves the results.
The results bring success.
-Author Unknown

“Goals are simply tools to focus your energy in positive directions, these can be changed as your priorities change, new ones added, and others dropped.” -O. Carl Simonton (Oscar Carl Simonton, Junior (1942 - 2009))

“Know what you want to do, hold the thought firmly, and do every day what should be done, and every sunset will see you that much nearer the goal.” -Elbert Hubbard (Elbert Green Hubbard (1856 - 1915))

“If you have no goals, another day of your life just passes you by.” -Author Unknown

“To reach a goal you have never before attained, you must do things you have never before done.” -Richard G. Scott (Richard Gordon Scott (1928 - 2015))

“Have the dogged determination to follow through to achieve your goal; regardless of circumstances or whatever other people say, think, or do.” -Paul J. Meyer (Paul James Meyer (1928 - 2009))

“You cannot trust everyone with your dreams, just a very few people. Beware of dream destroyers, those people who pick away at you and your ideas, people who only find fault and reason to criticize, people who keep themselves and others locked into small lives that lack any worthy attainments. Seek out those exceedingly rare individuals who can inspire and motivate you as you work to make your dreams come true.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

“Don’t let anyone steal your dream. It’s your dream, not theirs.” -Dan Zadra

“Reduce your plan to writing . . . The moment you complete this, you will have definitely given concrete form to the intangible desire.” -Napoleon Hill (1883 - 1970)

“Every minute you spend in your life is either spent bringing you closer to your goals or moving you away from your goals.” -Bo Bennett

“Even if I don’t reach all my goals, I’ve gone higher than I would have if I hadn’t set any.” -Danielle Fotopoulis (Danielle Ruth Garrett Fotopoulos (born 1976))

“You can achieve almost any goal if you just do what other successful people have done to achieve the same goals before you.” -Brian Tracy (born 1944)

“Review your goals twice every day in order to be focused on achieving them.” -Les Brown (Leslie Calvin ‘Les’ Brown (born 1945))

“You become successful the moment you start moving toward a worthwhile goal.” -Author Unknown

“The secret of life is to have a task, something you devote your entire life to, something you bring everything to, every minute of the day for the rest of your life. And the most important thing is, it must be something you cannot possibly do.” -Henry Moore (1898 - 1986)

“Arriving at one goal is the starting point to another.” -John Dewey (1859 - 1952)

“Find a peaceful place where you can make plans for the future. Clear away all distractions: everything within your visual field, everything in your periphery vision, all noises . . . now get to the work of considering what you want to achieve, writing it down in simple yet specific words.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

“A goal without a plan is just a wish.” -Antoine de Saint-Exupéry (1900 - 1944)

“You’ve got to think about big things while you’re doing small things, so that all the small things go in the right direction.” -Alvin Toffler (1928 - 2016)

“Don’t be afraid to take a big step if one is indicated. You can’t cross a chasm in two small steps.” -David Lloyd George (1863 - 1945)

“You can do what you want to do, accomplish what you want to accomplish, attain any reasonable objective you may have in mind - not all of a sudden, perhaps not in one swift and sweeping act of achievement - but you can do it gradually, day by day and play by play, if you want to do it, if you work to do it, over a sufficiently long period of time.” -William E. Holler (William E. ‘Bill’ Holler)

“Keep true to the dreams of thy youth.” -Johann Friedrich von Schiller (1759 - 1805)

“The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and then starting on the first one.” -attributed to Mark Twain (Samuel Langhorne Clemens (1835 - 1910))

“Goals mean little without action.” -Author Unknown

“Our goals can only be reached through a vehicle of a plan, in which we must fervently believe, and upon which we must vigorously act. There is no other route to success.” -Pablo Picasso (1881 - 1973)

“Instead of thinking about where you are, think about where you want to be.” -Diana Rankin

“If you really want something, and really work hard, and take advantage of opportunities, and never give up, you will find a way.” -Jane Goodall (born 1934)

“Goals. There’s no telling what you can do when you get inspired by them. There’s no telling what you can do when you believe in them. There’s no telling what will happen when you act upon them.” -Author Unknown

At ‘MFOL!’ we asked ourselves, “Selves, what’s the good of having fun if we cannot learn something while doing it, something we can take with us throughout all of life . . .”

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Birthdays

8/23/2018

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Happy B-day! Buzzz-buzzz!

A man said to his wife “What do you want for your birthday?” She said, “Surprise me.” So he said, “Boo!”

Did you know that your birthday comes 31,536,000 seconds after your last birthday? Wow! Seems too long, doesn’t it?

Patient: Doctor, I burn my tongue every time I eat birthday cake.
Doctor: Next time, take the candles off first.

Official recordkeeping of birthdates for people in the civilized world started in the 19th century (1800’s). Birth records before then were often not very precise and records were not made for the majority of the people. In fact, it was not uncommon for people in earlier times to not know the date of their birth or their exact age with certainty.

Dave: I want to buy my girlfriend a birthday present. What do you think she would like?
Wendy: Does she like you?
Dave: Yes, I’m positive she likes me.
Wendy: Well, then, if she likes you, she’ll like just about anything.

“It is proven that the celebration of birthdays is healthy. Statistics show that those people who celebrate the most birthdays become the oldest.” -S. den Hartog

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Bacon.
Bacon, who?
Bacon my friend a birthday cake!

Did you know you share your birthday with more than nineteen million other people in the world? That makes for a pretty big birthday party!

“Our birthdays are feathers in the broad wing of time.” -Jean Paul (pseudonym of Johann Paul Friedrich Richter (1763 - 1825))

Husband to wife: “How do you expect me to remember your birthday when you never look any older?”

So, if a person’s birthday falls on 29 February, when does he or she celebrate it in non-leap-years? Are people who are born on 29 February called leapers, leaplings, leapans, leapsters, or something else entirely?

To my brother,
Happy birthday to you!
Did you know I live in a canoe? -
It’s a little crowded in here,
What with the moose and the family of squirrels
440,618 rabbits, a rabbi, a priest, and a minister,
A duck, a clown, and an assortment of spiders -
Has anyone seen my right shoe?
Let’s get some frosting and candles on that cake.
Happy birthday to you!
by Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

If you live in very merry England, you will receive a birthday card from the Queen for your 100th birthday and 105th birthday, and then another card each year thereafter.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Abby.
Abby, who?
Abby birthday to you!

Birthday cake: A sweet reward for making it through another trip around the Sun.

Question: What has wings, a long tail, and wears a bow?
Answer: A birthday pheasant!

Question: Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake?
Answer: Because it’s too hard to put them on the bottom!

An elderly lady was being interviewed by reporters on the occasion of her 100th birthday. “What do you think is the reason for your long life?” they asked her. “Oh,” she replied, “I suppose it’s because I was born such a long time ago.”

The largest birthday cake in the world was made in 1989 to celebrate the 100th birthday of the city of Fort Payne, Alabama, United States of America. The cake weighed more than 128,000 pounds and had more than 16,000 pounds of icing.

What do you give a person who already has everything? Try one of the following:
- a shot of penicillin
- a burglar alarm
- someplace to put it all
- a shoulder to cry on
- a calendar that shows when their payments are due
- the website address www.MakeFunOfLife.net.

Rudy: When’s your birthday?
Ruby: June 8th.
Rudy: What year?
Ruby: Every year!

You could walk the distance in three days that an average garden snail has covered since your last birthday.

Question: What does every birthday party end with?
Answer: The letter ‘y.’

Close your eyes, make a secret wish, and blow out the candles on your birthday cake!

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Happy Birthday to You

Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday dear (insert name of birthday guy or gal here)
Happy birthday to you.

by Patty Hill and Mildred J. Hill (1893)

Following the singing of the song above, an additional line is often added: “And many more!”

The popular “Happy Birthday to You” song was written by two sisters, Patty Hill and Mildred J. Hill, of Louisville, Kentucky, United States of America. Patty Hill was a kindergarten principal, and her sister Mildred J. Hill was a pianist and music composer. The song was originally written as “Good Morning to All,” which was revised to “Good Morning to You,” and then eventually became “Happy Birthday to You.” The song has been in the public domain since at least February 2016, meaning that is not copyrighted and anyone can freely use it as they see fit, for either private or commercial purposes . . . so sing away!

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Question: When is a birthday cake like a golf ball?
Answer: When it has been sliced.

Because of a minor infraction, a shipmate aboard the USS Reeves, bound for Japan, was dropped one rank, fined, and given extra duty for three weeks. Looking forward to celebrating his 21st birthday on 22 July, he consoled himself every night during his extra duty by reciting, “They can demote me, they can fine me - but they can’t take away my birthday.” As 22 July approached, his excitement increased. When he went to bed on 21 July, he happily repeated, “They can demote me, they can fine me - but they can’t take away my birthday.” Upon awakening the next morning, he found out that the ship had crossed the international date line - and it was 23 July.

The most popular birthday in the world is Christmas Day, which is a celebration of Jesus of Nazareth’s birthday.

The Sun has traveled 584,337,600 miles since your last birthday.

When it comes to adult birthdays, just because you are no longer a child does not mean you have to stop celebrating your birthday. Do not think of a birthday as celebrating being another year older, think of it as celebrating all the good things that have happened over the past year.

“Birthdays are nature’s way of telling us to eat more cake.” -Author Unknown

Overheard: I tried to bake you a birthday cake but . . . the candles melted in the oven.

The earliest known birthday party invitation was sent out in about C.E. 100 by Claudia Severa, who was the wife of the Roman commander Aelius Brocchus. The invitations were written on wooden leaf fragments known as ‘Vindolanda Tablets.’ They are preserved in the British Museum.

“Birthdays are a great time to stop and appreciate gravity. Sure, it makes things sag as you get older, but it also keeps your birthday cake from flying all over the room so you don’t have to chase it.” -Greg Tamblyn

Kate’s Birthday

There once was a lady named Kate,
Whose birthday was on this fine date.
     She wanted a cake,
     But her friends could not bake,
So her candles just sat on a plate.

by Author Unknown

Riddle: A boy was born in 1901, and he just had his 18th birthday today - how did this happen?
Answer: 1901 is not the year he was born, it was the number of the hospital room in which he was born.

Angie: What do they serve at birthday parties in Heaven?
Angela: Angel food cake, of course!

An Acrostic Birthday Wish

B - Be yourself.
I - Invite new challenges.
R - Recall past achievements.
T - Trust your judgments.
H - Have faith in your abilities.
D - Desire only the best.
A - Affirm your strengths.
Y - You’ve got what it takes!

by Author Unknown
(An acrostic poem or list is one in which the first letter of each of the lines can be combined to spell a word or phrase; in this instance, the word is ‘birthday.’)

Overheard: My brother was sort of odd; I remember that on one of his birthdays, he fell down a well, so we lowered his birthday cake down to him - and he didn’t even tug on the rope to say thanks!

Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Wanda!
Wanda, who?
Wanda wish you a happy birthday!

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Birthdays

We had waffles-with-syrup for breakfast
     As many as we could hold;
And I had some presents extra,
     Because I am nine years old.

I’ve thanked everyone for my presents,
     And kissed ’em, and now that that’s done
The family’s all ready to do things,
     Whatever I think would be fun.

When Timothy had his birthday
     We went to the circus, and Tim
Made friends with the seals and the monkeys
     And a real clown winked at him.

And Dorothy chose a picnic
     On the shores of a little lake,
With tadpoles, and buns, and diving,
     And a four-layer birthday cake.

And now that it’s my turn for choosing,
     I’m going to ask if we might
Take all of our family of rabbits
     To bed with us just for tonight.

by Marchette Chute (1909 - 1994)

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A man asked his wife, “What would you like most for your birthday?” She said, “I’d love to be ten again.” So, on the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a theme park. He put her on every ride in the park: the Merry-Go-Round, the Slippery Super Slide, the Loop-the-Loop Roller-Coaster, and the Giant Ferris Wheel. They did not leave a single ride out. She staggered out of the theme park five hours later, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. Into a restaurant they went, where she was given a double cheeseburger with extra fries and a strawberry shake. Then off to a movie theater, for a show and popcorn, candy, and cola. At last she staggered home with her husband and collapsed on the sofa. Her husband asked, “Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?” One eye opened and she groaned, “I meant the dress size.”

“I thought I would share some of my childhood birthday memories with you, so here they are. When I was a child my family was so poor that the only thing I got on my birthday was a year older. I didn’t even get to celebrate my 14th birthday until I was 19 years old.” -Author Unknown

“The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.” -E. Joseph Cossman (Eli Joseph Cossman (1918 - 2002))

“My son asked me for a pet spider for his birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were $85! Then I thought . . . I can get one cheaper off the web.” -Author Unknown

Were you born on your birthday?

“The best birthdays of all are those that haven’t arrived yet.” -Robert Orben

All the world is birthday cake, so take a piece . . . but not too much!

Did you have fun today? If you put your imagination to work, you can have fun today, tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that . . . imagine a whole lifetime of fun!

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Dating and Courting

8/19/2018

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He: Where did you get those big eyes?
She: They came with the face.

Overheard: I was on a date recently, and the guy took me horseback riding, and that was kind of fun . . . until we ran out of quarters!

The goal of dating is to determine if the two of you can become friends first, before doing anything else. Do not rush or be rushed into anything, such as dating exclusively, kissing, or sharing too much personal information. If you cannot be friends with your partner, then a long-term relationship may not be possible, and you will want to move on and date other people. Remember that you will want to be able to boast someday to people that you married your best friend.

Francis: What did the elephant say to his girlfriend?
Frances: “I love you tons and tons!”

Julia: Did Adam and Eve ever have a date?
Jules: No, they had an apple.

Date Activities and Places
- Concert, live theater play, comedy performance, or lecture.
- Sightseeing, gallery or museum tour, or boat tour.
- Dinner and a movie.
- Religious services.
- Roller skating, bowling, walking.
- Rodeo, ballet, opera.
Can you think of other good date activities and places, and perhaps some activities and places that would not be good for dates, as for example, whale harpooning on the open seas, or coal mining?

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

Remember When?

Remember when nearly sixteen,
On your very first date as a teen
     At the movies? If yes,
     Then I bet you can’t guess
What was shown on the cinema screen.

by Author Unknown

Linda: Who did the Little Mermaid date?
Lucinda: She went out with the tide.

You have to kiss a few frogs before you find your prince - at least, that is the way it happens in fairy tales!

She: Would you remember me in a day?
He: Yes.
She: Would you remember me in a week?
He: Certainly.
She: Would you remember me in a month?
He: No doubt about it.
She: Would you remember me in year?
He: Why, of course.
She: Knock, knock.
He: Who’s there?
She: I thought you said that you would remember me!

“Stop waiting for Prince Charming. Get up and find him. The poor idiot might be stuck in a tree or something.” -Author Unknown

It was an awful night - somebody was wearing the same outfit she was - her date!

What She Ate

There was a young girl who ate mice,
Tin cans, old shoes, and hair lice.
     She’d go out on a date,
     And she’d eat what she ate -
And never get asked somewhere twice.

by Author Unknown

“Opposites attract in the short-run and turn into a disaster in the long-run.” -Author Unknown

Overheard: Everyone has got a Prince Charming. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.

We live in a weird world, so it is recommended that dates be in public places with other people around. A woman should always carry enough money for taxi fare home and have the telephone number of a reliable taxi company. Additionally, a woman can arrange to have a friend or relative call her at a designated time during a date, and if the telephone is not answered, then someone can go to the prearranged place of the date to check up on things. A friend or relative can also write down the license plate number of the vehicle in which a woman’s date drives when she is picked up, or better yet, she can drive her own vehicle to the date.

“People tell me there are plenty of fish in the sea, well that is nice and all, but I am human, and I do not date fish.” -Author Unknown

Curly Locks

Curly Locks, Curly Locks,
     Wilt thou be mine?
Thou shalt not wash dishes
     Nor yet feed the swine,
But sit on a cushion
     And sew a fine seam
And feed upon strawberries,
     Sugar, and cream.

by Author Unknown: Mother Goose rhyme

“Hey, guys, one quality I’m not looking for in a man is the ability to maintain a virtual farm . . . just so you know.” -Unidentified Woman

Online dating has benefits and drawbacks. Many people misrepresent themselves online because it is easy to do so; they submit photographs of other people and claim it is them; they fib about their income, employment status, criminal records, and other personal details. Some of them are fraudsters. Some of the profiles on dating websites are not even of real people, but are fake profiles set up to lure more people onto the sites.

“My boyfriend and I met online and we’d been dating for over a year. I introduced Hans to my uncle, who was fascinated by the fact that we met over the Internet. He asked Hans what kind of line he had used to pick me up. Ever the tech enthusiast, Hans naively replied, ‘I just used a regular 56K modem.’” -Anne McConnell

Max: Why did the apple go out with a fig?
Maxine: Because it could not find a ‘date.’

Remembering bits of information about a person and working them into conversations is not only highly flattering but also shows interest.

How Passion Ate

I knew a girl named Passion;
     I asked her for a date.
I took her out to dinner,
     And gosh, how passionate!

by Author Unknown

Hey, guys, when you are low on funds and taking your gal out on a date, just remember that every night the stars put on a show for free.

Dating can be done as a couple or more than one couple. Two couples on a date are called a double-date. More than two couples is called a group date.

“Normal people flirting: Hey, you are cute - we should go out sometime! Me trying to flirt: So do you like bread . . .” -Author Unknown

A boy was about to go on his first date, and was nervous about what to talk about. He asked his father for advice. The father replied, “My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy.” The boy picked up his date and they went to a soda fountain. Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stared at each other for a long time, and the boy’s nervousness builds. He remembered his father’s advice, and chose the first topic. He asked the girl, “Do you like potato pancakes?” She said, “No,” and the silence returned. After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thought of his father’s suggestion and turned to the second item on the list. He asked, “Do you have a brother?” Again, the girl said, “No,” and there was silence again. The boy then played his last card. He thought of his father’s advice and asked the girl the following question: “If you had a brother, would he like potato pancakes?”

A chaperone on a date is a mature responsible adult who is present to make sure the dating youngsters behave themselves and do not get into trouble.

Read Dating: A form of speed dating in which the participants display a list of their favorite books underneath their name tags in order to facilitate the identification of a common interest.

Isn’t it about time you asked that special someone on a date?

If a man cannot decide what to wear on a date, he might want to wear something blue. Women are attracted to men in blue, we have been told.

“I don’t need to flirt; I will win you over with my social awkwardness!” -Author Unknown

“I won’t date a guy who doesn’t own a toolbox. I’m not saying you need to be able to knock down a wall or build a house or anything like that. But I’ve been out with a couple of guys who didn’t own toolboxes, and they couldn’t even change a light bulb.” -Kristy Swanson

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gwen.
Gwen, who?
Gwen will I see you again?

Hey, do you want to go out sometime? Oh, you say you do not date websites? Well, that is fine . . . we will just continue with more mildly amusing material . . .

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Knock-Knock Jokes

8/15/2018

0 Comments

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Justin.
Justin, who?
Justin the neighborhood and thought I would say hello!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Orange.
Orange, who?
Orange you glad I came by?

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Honeybee.
Honeybee, who?
Honeybee a deer and open the door, please.

Knock, knock.
Who’s -
Interrupting cow - moo-oo-oo!

Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
A bee.
A bee, who?
A bee, c, d, e, f, g . . .

Knock, knock!
It’s open - come on in!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Wendy.
Wendy, who?
Wendy red, red robin come bob, bob, bobbin’ along . . .

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Alice.
Alice, who?
Alice forgiven, please come home.

Knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock . . .
Now hang on a minute! Who’s there?
Charlie the Centipede.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Zeke.
Zeke, who?
Zeke and ye shall find . . .

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Nobel.
Nobel, who?
No bell, that’s why I knocked.

The ‘doorbell’ was at one time a real bell, either mounted on the outside of a building next to a door or inside a building with one end of a cord tied to it and the other end of the cord fed through a hole near the door; a visitor would shake the bell or pull the cord to announce him or herself. While the first electric doorbell was invented by Joseph Henry in 1831, knocking on the door or doorframe with one’s knuckles still remains the most common method of announcing oneself. And, of course, when a door is open or there is no door, the holler often seems to work well enough.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Danielle.
Danielle, who?
Danielle so loud, I can hear you!

Sign: Doorbell Broken. Please Knock Or Shout ‘Ding-Dong’ Really Loud.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
The electrician who has come to fix your broken doorbell.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Ben.
Ben, who?
Ben knocking so long that my hand hurts!

Text your friend: “I’ve got a great knock-knock joke. Want to hear it?” When he or she texts back, “Yes,” reply, “Okay, you start.”

Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Candice.
Candice, who?
Candice be the last knock, knock joke?
Well, we all know the answer to that - not likely!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Egg.
Egg, who?
Egg-cited to see me?

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Eileen.
Eileen, who?
Eileen this way, Eileen that way.

National Knock-Knock Day is on 31 October of each year - wait, isn’t that Halloween Day? Why would anyone want to knock on a door on Halloween?

Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Doughnut.
Doughnut, who?
Doughnut open the door - there are monsters everywhere!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gladys.
Gladys, who?
Gladys you and not another monster!

Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
A little child who can’t reach the doorbell!

Knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Octopus!

Knock-knock.
Who’s there?
Value.
Value, who?
Value be my Valentine?

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Tyrone!
Tyrone, who?
Tyrone shoelaces!

TSPKKJ: The Society for the Proliferation of Knock-Knock Jokes.

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Gorilla
Gorilla, who?
Gorilla me a hamburger, please, I’m hungry!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gouda.
Gouda, who?
Gouda see you again!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Just a minute, and I’ll see.

Doorknockers are typically pieces of iron, steel, or brass that are raised and struck against a metal plate on a door to make a noise that lets someone inside know that a visitor is waiting outside.

Molly: What did the inventor of the door-knocker win?
Dolly: The ‘no bell’ prize!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there!
Luke!
Luke, who?
Luke through the keyhole and you’ll see!

Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Water.
Water, who?
Water we waiting for? Let’s get on to the next knock-knock joke!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Dakota.
Dakota, who?
Dakota fits fine, but the trousers are too long.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Woo.
Woo, who?
You sure do get excited about knock-knock jokes!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Annie.
Annie, who?
Annie body home?

Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Jess.
Jess, who?
Jess me and my shadow.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Who.
Who, who?
Is there an owl in here?

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Love.
Love, who?
Love you!

Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Waiter.
Waiter, who?
Waiter minute while I tie my shoelaces.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Ike.
Ike, who?
Ike can’t stop laughing!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Tank!
Tank, who?
You’re welcome!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash, who?
No, thanks; I prefer peanuts.

Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Adore.
Adore, who?
Adore is all that stands between us, my sweet!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Patty O.
Patty O, who?
Patty O’Furniture!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
House
House, who?
House it going?

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Ben.
Ben, who?
Ben ringing your doorbell for a while now.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Shirley!
Shirley, who?
Shirley you must know me by now!

Knock-knock.
Who’s there?
Doris.
Doris, who?
Doris locked, so I had to knock!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Pasture.
Pasture, who?
Pasture bedtime, isn’t it?

This is ‘MFOL!’ . . . we have traveled from the Land of Imagination into the Real World . . . in search of milk and cookies . . . and broccoli . . .

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Nonsense

8/12/2018

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We do declare that to be such wonderful nonsense . . .

To Be or Not to Be

I sometimes think I’d rather crow
     And be a rooster than to roost
And be a crow. But I dunno.
     A rooster he can roost also,
Which don’t seem fair when crows can’t crow.
     Which may help some. Still I dunno.
Crows should be glad of one thing, though;
     Nobody thinks of eating crow,
While roosters they are good enough
     For anyone unless they’re tough.
There are lots of tough old roosters, though,
     And anyway a crow can’t crow,
So mebby roosters stand more show.
     It looks that way. But I dunno.

by Author Unknown

“Colorless green ideas sleep furiously.” -Noam Chomsky (Avram Noam Chomsky (born 1928)): “Syntactic Structures” (1957); an example of a sentence that is grammatically correct yet meaningless

Moorlands of the Not

Across the moorlands of the Not
     We chase the gruesome When;
And hunt the Itness of the What
     Through forests of the Then.
Into the Inner Consciousness
     We track the crafty Where;
We spear the Ego tough, and beard
     The Selfhood in his lair.

With lassos of the brain we catch
     The Isness of the Was;
And in the copses* of the Whence
     We hear the think bees buzz.
We climb the slippery Whichbark tree
     To watch the Thusness roll
And pause betimes in gnostic rimes
     To woo the Over Soul.

by Author Unknown
*copses: a small groups of trees

“Yally Bally had a jolly golliwog. Feeling folly, Yally Bally bought his jolly golliwog a dolly made of holly. The golliwog, feeling jolly, named the holly dollie Polly. So Yally Bally’s jolly golliwog’s holly dollie Polly’s also jolly!” -Author Unknown

“To appreciate nonsense requires a serious interest in life.” -Gelett Burgess (Frank Gelett Burgess (1866 - 1951)): “The Romance of the Commonplace” (1902), ‘The Sense of Humor’

I love to stand upon my head
     And think of things sublime
Until my mother interrupts
     And says it’s dinner-time.
by Author Unknown

“Nothing is capable to being well set to music that is not nonsense.” -Joseph Addison (1672 - 1719): as quoted in “The Spectator” (21 March 1711), Number 18

The Moon Is Up

The Moon is up, the Moon is up!
   The larks begin to fly,
And, like a drowsy buttercup,
   Dark Phoebus skims the sky,
The elephant, with cheerful voice,
   Sings blithely on the spray;
The bats and beetles all rejoice,
   Then let me, too, be gay.

I would I were a porcupine,
   And wore a peacock’s tail;
To-morrow, if the Moon but shine,
   Perchance I’ll be a whale.
Then let me, like the cauliflower,
   Be merry while I may,
And, ere there comes a sunny hour
   To cloud my heart, be gay!

by Author Unknown

“If half the road was made of jam,
   The other half of bread,
How very nice my walks would be,”
   The greedy infant said.
by Author Unknown

“Nonsense wakes up the brain cells. And it helps develop a sense of humor, which is awfully important in this day and age.” -Doctor Seuss (pseudonym of Theodor Seuss Geisel (1904 - 1991)): as quoted in ‘Author Isn’t Just a Cat in the Hat’ by Miles Corwin, published in “The Los Angeles Times” (27 November 1983); also in Philip Nel: “Dr. Seuss: American Icon” (2004), page 38

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Hickory Dickory Dock

Hickory Dickory Dock,
   The mouse ran up the clock,
The clock struck one, and down he run,
   Hickory Dickory Dock!

Hickory Dickory Dock,
   The bird looked at the clock,
The clock struck two, and away she flew,
   Hickory Dickory Dock

Hickory Dickory Dock,
   The dog barked at the clock,
The clock struck three, fiddle-de-dee,
   Hickory Dickory Dock!

Hickory Dickory Dock,
   The bear slept on the clock,
The clock struck four, he ran out the door,
   Hickory Dickory Dock!

Hickory Dickory Dock,
   The bee buzzed round the clock,
The clock struck five, she went to her hive,
   Hickory Dickory Dock!

Hickory Dickory Dock,
   The hen clucked at the clock,
The clock struck six, fiddle-sticks,
   Hickory Dickory Dock!

Hickory Dickory Dock,
   The cat ran round the clock,
The clock struck seven, she wanted to get ’em,
   Hickory Dickory Dock!

Hickory Dickory Dock,
   The horse jumped over the clock,
The clock struck eight, he ate some cake,
   Hickory Dickory Dock!

Hickory Dickory Dock,
   The cow danced on the clock,
The clock struck nine, she felt so fine,
   Hickory Dickory Dock!

Hickory Dickory Dock,
   The pig oinked at the clock,
The clock struck ten, she did it again,
   Hickory Dickory Dock!

Hickory Dickory Dock,
   The snake squirmed out of the clock,
The clock struck eleven, he said, “Let me get in,”
   Hickory Dickory Dock!

Hickory Dickory Dock,
   The snail slimed up the clock,
The clock struck twelve, what a sticky self,
   Hickory Dickory Dock!

by Author Unknown

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“Don’t, for Heaven’s sake, be afraid of talking nonsense! But you must pay attention to your nonsense.” -Ludwig Wittgenstein (1889 - 1951): “On Certainty” (German: “Über Gewissheit”) (1969), page 56

I Always Sneeze

Franks and fries, and French fondue
     Beans and burgers and biscuits, too
Chicken, chili, and cheddar cheese
     When I munch too much, I always sneeze!

by Author Unknown

Riddle: If it takes a woodpecker eight months to peck a four-inch hole in a tree, how long would it take a grasshopper to kick all the seeds out of a pickle four inches long?
Solution: There is no answer for this ridiculous riddle!

“Nonsense is the oddly appealing stuff that makes more or less sense than stuff that either makes sense or makes no sense.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

Tweedle-Dum and Tweedle-Dee

Tweedle-dum and Tweedle-dee
     Resolved to have a battle,
For Tweedle-dum said Tweedle-dee
     Had spoiled his nice new rattle.
Just then flew by a monstrous crow,
     As big as a tar-barrel,
Which frightened both the heroes so
     They quite forgot their quarrel.

by Author Unknown

“I conclude that there is as much sense in nonsense as there is nonsense in sense.” -Anthony Burgess (pseudonym of John Burgess Wilson (1917 - 1993)): “New York Times Book Review” (9 August 1987)

King Arthur

When good King Arthur ruled the land,
     He was a goodly king:
He stole three pecks of barley meal,
     To make a bag-pudding.
A bag-pudding the king did make,
     And stuffed it well with plums;
And in it put great lumps of fat,
     As big as my two thumbs.
The king and queen did eat thereof,
     And noblemen beside;
And what they could not eat that night,
     The queen next morning fried.

by Author Unknown

“Whenever you come near the human race, there’s layers and layers of nonsense.” -Thornton Wilder (Thornton Niven Wilder (1897 - 1975)): “Our Town” (1938)

Three Acres of Land

My father left me three acres of land,
     Sing ivy, sing ivy;
My father left me three acres of land,
     Sing holly, go whistle, and ivy!

I ploughed it with a ram’s horn,
     Sing ivy, sing ivy;
And sowed it all over with one peppercorn.
     Sing holly, go whistle, and ivy!

I harrowed it with a bramble bush,
     Sing ivy, sing ivy;
And reaped it with my little penknife,
     Sing holly, go whistle, and ivy!

I got the mice to carry it to the barn,
     Sing ivy, sing ivy;
And thrashed it with a goose’s quill,
     Sing holly, go whistle, and ivy!

I got the cat to carry it to the mill,
     Sing ivy, sing ivy;
The miller he swore he would have her paw,
And the cat she swore she would scratch his face,
     Sing holly, go whistle, and ivy!

by Author Unknown

“The nonsense that charms is close to sense.” -Mason Cooley (1927 - 2002): “City Aphorisms, Eleventh Selection” (1993)

“There are two ways of dealing with nonsense in this world. One is to put nonsense in the right place; as when people put nonsense into nursery rhymes. The other is to put nonsense in the wrong place; as when they put it into educational addresses, psychological criticisms, and complaints against nursery rhymes or other normal amusements of mankind.” -G. K. Chesterton (Gilbert Keith Chesterton (1874 - 1936)): “Child Psychology and Nonsense” (15 October 1921)

A Riddle

The man in the wilderness asked of me
     How many strawberries grew in the sea.
I answered him as I thought good,
     As many as red herrings grow in the wood.

by Author Unknown

“No one is exempt from talking nonsense; the misfortune is to do it solemnly.” -Michel de Montaigne (Michel Eyquem de Montaigne (1533 - 1592)): “Essays” (March 1580) Book III, Chapter I

A little nonsense now and then
     Is relished by the wisest men.
by Author Unknown

Mingle a little folly with your wisdom;
a little nonsense now and then is pleasant.
[English translation]
Misce stultitiam consiliis brevem:
Dulce est desipere in loco.
[original Latin]
-Horace (Quintus Horatius Flaccus (65 B.C.E. - 8 B.C.E.)): “Carmina,” Book IV, Ode 12, line 27

If

If all the land were apple-pie,
     And all the sea were ink;
And all the trees were bread and cheese,
     What should we do for drink?

by Author Unknown

“‘Tis the privilege of friendship to talk nonsense, and have her nonsense respected.” -Charles Lamb

A Song on King William III

As I walked by myself,
     And talked to myself,
Myself said unto me,
     Look to thyself,
Take care of thyself,
     For nobody cares for thee.

I answered myself,
     And said to myself,
In the self-same repartee,
     Look to thyself,
Or not look to thyself,
     The selfsame thing will be.

by Author Unknown

“Forgive me my nonsense as I also forgive the nonsense of those who think they talk sense.” -Robert Frost: letter (7 August 1915) to Louis Untermeyer

“Nonsense and beauty have close connections - closer connections than Art will allow.” -E. M. Forster: “The Longest Journey” (1907), Part I, Chapter 12

Lines by a Medium

I might not, if I could;
     I should not, if I might;
Yet if I should I would,
     And, shoulding, I should quite!

I must not, yet I may;
     I can, and still I must;
But ah! I cannot - nay,
     To must I may not, just!

I shall, although I will,
     But be it understood,
If I may, can, shall - still
     I might, could, would, or should!

by Author Unknown

“It is a far, far better thing to have a firm anchor in nonsense than to put out on the troubled seas of thought.” -John Kenneth Galbraith: “The Affluent Society” (1958), Chapter 11, section iv

This is ‘MFOL!’ . . . the best bunch of nonsense on the web . . . remember, it is not a waste of time and effort if it brings a smile to someone’s face . . .

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Faith and Belief

8/7/2018

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I Believe

I believe in the Sun,
   even when it is not shining.
I believe in love,
   even when I do not feel it.
I believe in God,
   even when He is silent.

by Author Unknown: lines written on the wall of a cellar in a building destroyed by bombing during World War 2, in Cologne, Germany

“Faith in something greater than ourselves enables us to do what we have said we’ll do, to press forward when we are tired or hurt or afraid, to keep going when the challenge seems overwhelming and the course is entirely uncertain.” -Gordon B. Hinckley (Gordon Bitner Hinckley (1910 - 2008))

“To disbelieve is easy; to scoff is simple; to have faith is harder.” -Louis L’Amour (born Louis Dearborn LaMoore (1908 - 1988))

“I truly believe we can either see the connections, celebrate them, and express gratitude for our blessings, or we can see life as a string of coincidences that have no meaning or connection. For me, I’m going to believe in miracles, celebrate life, rejoice in the views of eternity, and hope my choices will create a positive ripple effect in the lives of others. This is my choice.” -Mike Ericksen

“Sometimes the only available transportation is a leap of faith.” -Margaret Shepard

“Your belief determines your action and your action determines your results, but first you have to believe.” -Mark Victor Hansen

“Faith does not make things easy. It makes them possible.” -Author Unknown: “The Bible,” Luke, chapter 1, verse 37

“Sorrow looks back, worry looks around, and faith looks up . . .” -Elizabeth Kenny (1880 - 1952)

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Faith

Doubt sees the obstacles,
     Faith sees the way.

Doubt sees the darkest night,
     Faith sees the day.

Doubt dreads to take a step,
     Faith soars on high.

Doubt questions, “Who believes?”
     Faith answers, “I.”

by Author Unknown

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“Faith has to do with things that are not seen, and hope with things that are not in hand.” -Thomas Aquinas (1225 - 1274)

“Start each day by saying to yourself, ‘I can do this.’ As you leave home, say to yourself, ‘I can do this.’ At each step along the way, say, ‘I can do this!’ You can, and you will, because you are an ‘I can do this’ kind of person with faith in yourself, and the knowing that ‘I can do this.’” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

“Faith never fails: it is a miracle worker. It looks beyond all boundaries, transcends all limitations, penetrates all obstacles, and sees the goal.” -Orison S. Marden (Orison Swett Marden (1850 - 1924))

“Granted that faith cannot be proved, what harm will come to you if you gamble on its truth and it proves false? If you gain, you gain all; if you lose, you lose nothing. Wager, then, without hesitation, that He exists.” -Blaise Pascal (1623 - 1662), commenting on belief in God (a quotation often referred to by persons other than its author as ‘Pascal’s Wager’)

“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” -Author Unknown: “The Bible” (King James Version (1611)), ‘Epistle to the Hebrews,’ chapter 11, verse 1

“Faith without works is like a bird without wings; though she may hop with her companions on Earth, yet she will never fly with them to Heaven.” -Francis Beaumont

“Fear, too, is a type of faith - faith that it won’t work out.” -Mary Tricky (similar quotation attributed to Elizabeth David)

“If I didn’t have spiritual faith, I would be a pessimist. But I’m an optimist. I’ve read the last page in the Bible. It’s all going to turn out all right.” -Billy Graham (William Franklin ‘Billy’ Graham, Junior (born 1918))

“Faith is the bird that feels the light and sings when the dawn is still dark.” -Rabindranath Tagore (1861 - 1941)

“Be not afraid of life. Believe that life is worth living, and your belief will help create the fact.” -William James (1842 - 1910)

“When I was younger, I thought that the key to success was just hard work. But the real foundation is faith. Faith - the idea that ‘I can do it’ - is the opposite of fear (‘What if I fail?’). And faith creates motivation, which in turn leads to commitment, hard work, preparation . . . and eventually success.” -Howard Twilley (born 1943)

“We are what we believe we are.” -C. S. Lewis (Clive Staples Lewis (1898 - 1963))

“Act like you are blessed. Talk like you are blessed. Walk like you are blessed. Put actions behind your faith and one day you will see it become a reality.” -Joel Osteen (born 1963)

“I could not say I believe. I know! I have had the experience of being gripped by something that is stronger than myself, something that people call God.” -Carl Jung (Carl Gustav Jung (1875 - 1961))

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Faith

Faith . . .
Makes the outlook calm,
the uplook constant,
the inlook accurate.

Faith . . .
Makes yesterday a stepping stone,
today a new beginning
tomorrow a limitless possibility.

by Author Unknown

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“Faith is the hostess that will not entertain doubt.” -Jenna Wright

“There is no way to know anything for sure except by faith.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

“Those who stand for nothing fall for anything.” -Alex Hamilton (born 1936): “Born Old” radio broadcast, as quoted in the “Listener” (9 November 1978)

“Faith can reach beyond the limits of current reason.” -Rosemary M. Wixom

“Faith is the very first thing you should pack in a hope chest.” -Sarah Ban Breathnach

“I believe in the principle that I can make a difference in this world. It may be ever so small, but it will count for the greater good. The goodness of the world in which we live is the accumulated goodness of many small and seemingly inconsequential acts.” -Gordon B. Hinckley (Gordon Bitner Hinckley (1910 - 2008))

“Understanding is the reward of faith. Therefore seek not to understand that thou mayest believe, but believe that thou mayest understand.” -Augustine of Hippo (C.E. 354 - C.E. 430): “Ioannis Evangelium”

“Feed your faith and your fears will starve to death.” -Author Unknown

“Just as a small fire is extinguished by the storm whereas a large fire is enhanced by it - likewise a weak faith is weakened by predicament and catastrophes whereas a strong faith is strengthened by them.” -Viktor Frankl (Viktor Emil Frankl (1905 - 1997))

“Faith is to believe what you do not yet see; the reward for this faith is to see what you believe.” -Augustine of Hippo (C.E. 354 - C.E. 430)

“It is good to dream, but it is better to dream and work. Faith is mighty, but action with faith is mightier. Desiring is helpful, but work and desire are invincible.” - Thomas Robert Gaines

“The thing always happens that you really believe in; and the belief in a thing makes it happen.” -Frank Lloyd Wright (1867 - 1959)

“Man is made by his belief. As he believes, so he is.” -Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832)

“Fear imprisons, faith liberates; fear paralyzes, faith empowers; fear disheartens, faith encourages; fear sickens, faith heals; fear makes useless, faith makes serviceable.” -Harry Emerson Fosdick (1878 - 1969)

“In actual life every great enterprise begins with and takes its first forward step in faith.” -Friedrich von Schlegel (1772 - 1829)

“I feel for all faiths the warm sympathy of one who has come to learn that even the trust in reason is a precarious faith, and that we are all fragments of darkness groping for the Sun. I know no more about the ultimates than the simplest urchin in the streets.” -Will Durant (William James ‘Will’ Durant (1885 - 1981)): “The Story of Civilization” (1935 - 1975), volume 6, ‘The Reformation’ (1957), ‘Preface’

“Faith is a place of mystery, where we find the courage to believe in what we cannot see and the strength to let go of our fear of uncertainty.” -Brene Brown

When you walk to the edge of all the light you have
And you take the first step into the darkness of the unknown
You must believe that one of two things will happen
There will be something solid for you to stand upon
Or you will be taught to fly.
by Patrick Overton: “The Leaning Tree” (1 January 1975), ‘Faith’; type of work: collected poems by a single author in book form; author’s website: https://patrickoverton.com

“The question what to believe is perhaps the most momentous that anyone can put to himself. Our beliefs are not to be classed among the luxuries, but among the necessaries of existence.” -Felix Adler (1851 - 1933)

“The progress of mankind has always depended upon those who, seemingly isolated and powerless in their own day, have seen their vision and remained true to it. In the darkening corridors of time, they preserved integral their vision of the daylight at the end. This is a matter not of calculation but of faith. Our work may be small and its results invisible to us. But we may rest assured it will come to fruition in God’s good time.” -John Ferguson: “The Enthronement of Love”

“They are able because they think they are able.” -Vergil: “The Aeneid” (about 29 B.C.E. - 19 B.C.E.), verse 231; variously translated as “They can because they think they can.”

“Faith is the antidote for fear.” -Russell M. Nelson

“He does not believe, that does not live according to his Belief.” -Thomas Fuller (1654 - 1734): “Gnomologia: Adages and Proverbs” (1732), number 1838

“If you think you can win, you can win. Faith is necessary to victory.” -William Hazlitt (1778 - 1830)

“The only thing that separates any one of us from excellence is fear, and the opposite of fear is faith.” -Michael J. Fox (pseudonym of Michael Andrew Fox (born 1961))

“Faith consists in believing when it is beyond the power of reason to believe.” -Author Unknown

“It is a good thing to believe; it is a good thing to admire. By continually looking upwards, our minds will themselves grow upwards; as a man, by indulging in habits of scorn and contempt for others, is sure to descend to the level of those he despises.” -Arthur Helps (1813 - 1875)

This is ‘MFOL!’ . . . be of good cheer and talk to the world . . . of happiness . . .

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Resenting and Forgiving

8/4/2018

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“Forgiving is not forgetting, it’s letting go of the hurt.” -Mary McLeod Bethune (Mary Jane McLeod Bethune (1875 - 1955))

“Without forgiveness life is governed by . . . an endless cycle of resentment and retaliation.” -Roberto Assagioli (1888 - 1974)

“Don’t carry a grudge. While you’re carrying the grudge the other guy’s out dancing.” -Buddy Hackett (1924 - 2003)

“The best revenge is a vow to never be like the one who hurt you.” -Author Unknown

“Resentment or grudges do no harm to the person against whom you hold these feelings but every day and every night of your life, they are eating at you.” -Norman Vincent Peale (1898 - 1993)

Forgiveness is a funny thing;
It warms the heart and cools the sting.
by William Arthur Ward (1921 - 1994)

“I must forgive without noise or fuss.” -Albert Schweitzer (1875 - 1965)

“When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.” -Catherine Ponder (born 1927)

“When you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.” -Author Unknown

“Time spent in getting even would be better spent in getting ahead.” -Author Unknown

“I bear no grudges. I have a mind that retains nothing.” -Bette Midler (born 1945)

“Forgiveness means letting go of the past.” -Gerald Jampolsky (Gerald Gersham Jampolsky (born 1925))

“Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much.” -Oscar Wilde (Oscar Fingal O’Flahertie Wills Wilde (1854 - 1900))

“If you hug to yourself any resentment against anybody else, you destroy the bridge by which God would come to you.” -Peter Marshall (1902 - 1949)

“Life is an adventure in forgiveness.” -Norman Cousins (1915 - 1990): as quoted in the “Saturday Review” (15 April 1978)

“There is no revenge so complete as forgiveness.” -Josh Billings (pseudonym of Henry Wheeler Shaw (1818 - 1885))

“Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.” -Suzanne Somers (pseudonym of Suzanne Mahoney (born 1946)), website www.suzannesomers.com.

●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●

Let’s let bygones be bygones
     And start all over again.
Let us forget we parted
     And be the same as we started.

Remember, the sunshine
     Must always follow the rain.
So, let’s let bygones be bygones
     And start all over again.

by Joseph George Gilbert: “Let Bygones Be Bygones” (1933), stanzas 1 and 2

●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●

“The heaviest thing to carry is a grudge.” -Author Unknown

“Don’t get even . . . get odd!” -Author Unknown

“You must forgive those who trespass against you before you can look to Heaven for forgiveness.” -Author Unknown: “The Talmud”

Good, to forgive;
Best, to forget.
by Robert Browning (1812 - 1889)

“The best revenge is massive success.” -Frank Sinatra (1915 - 1998)

“Let us forget and forgive injuries.” -Miguel de Cervantes (Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra (1547 - 1616))

“It is easier to forgive and forget than to resent and remember.” -Author Unknown

“He that cannot forgive others, breaks the bridge over which he himself must pass if he would ever reach Heaven; for all men need to be forgiven.” -George Herbert (1593 - 1633)

“The best manner of avenging ourselves is by not resembling him who has injured us.” -Jane Porter (1776 - 1850)

“The best revenge is to live on and prove yourself.” -Eddie Vedder (born 1964)

“Not to forgive is to be imprisoned by the past, by old grievances that do not permit life to proceed with new business.” -Robin Casarjian

“Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.” -Paul Boese (Paul Lewis Boese (1923 - 1976))

“Forgive, son; men are men; they needs must err.” -Euripides (484 B.C.E. - 406 B.C.E.)

“I think there are two kinds of forgiveness: the kind that when you forgive you’re also giving them another chance, or the kind where you forgive, but move on without them. Use both wisely.” -S. B.

“No man can think clearly when his fists are clenched.” -George Nathan (George Jean Nathan (1882 - 1958))

“Forgiveness takes the burden of hate, guilt, and bitterness off your back and, with a lighter load, you can climb higher and faster, and be much happier in the process.” -Zig Ziglar (Hilary Hinton ‘Zig’ Ziglar (1926 - 2012))

“A man that studieth revenge keeps his own wounds green.” -Francis Bacon (1561 - 1626): “Essays” (1597)

“Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.” -Jesus of Nazareth: as quoted in “The Bible,” ‘Luke,’ chapter 23, verse 34

The lesson has not been lost . . .

“Since nothing we intend is ever faultless, and nothing we attempt ever without error, and nothing we achieve without some measure of finitude and fallibility we call humanness, we are saved by forgiveness.” -David Augsburger (David W. Augsburger (born 1938))

“Forgive others, not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace.” -Jonathan Lockwood Huie (born 1945)

“How often could things be remedied by a word. How often is it left unspoken.” -Norman Douglas (1868 - 1952)

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong.” -Mahatma Gandhi (Mohandas Karamchand ‘Mahatma’ Gandhi (1869 - 1948))

“Those who are free of resentful thoughts surely find peace.” -Buddha (also known as Siddhārtha Guatama or Shakyamuni Buddha (about 563 B.C.E. - about 483 B.C.E.))

“The practice of forgiveness is our most important contribution to the healing of the world.” -Marianne Williamson (born 1952)

“Forgiveness is the final form of love.” -Reinhold Niebuhr (1892 - 1971)

“Holding on to anger, resentment, and hurt only gives you tense muscles, a headache, and a sore jaw from clenching your teeth. Forgiveness gives you back the laughter and the lightness in your life.” -Joan Lunden (born 1950)

“Life appears to me too short to be spent in nursing animosity or registering wrongs.” -Charlotte Brontë (1816 - 1855): “Jane Eyre” (1847), chapter VI

“In taking revenge, a man is but even with his enemy, but in passing it over he is superior.” -Francis Bacon (1561 - 1626): “Essays” (1597)

“Nothing produces such odd results as trying to get even.” -Franklin P. Jones (Franklin Pierce ‘Frank’ Jones (1853 - 1935))

“Let It Go: Forgive So That You Can Be Forgiven” (2013): title of book by T. D. Jakes (Thomas Dexter Jakes, Senior (born 1957))

“Hold hands, not grudges.” -Author Unknown

“If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we would find in each person’s life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility.” -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807 - 1882)

“Sometimes the best revenge is to smile and move on.” -Author Unknown

“To forgive and forget means to throw away dearly bought experience.” -Arthur Schopenhauer (1788 - 1860)

“Forgiveness is just another name for freedom.” -Byron Katie (born 1942)

“People are more than the worst thing they have ever done in their lives.” -Helen Prejean (born 1939)

“Forgiving is not a gift to someone else. Forgiving is your gift to yourself - a great gift - the gift of happiness.” -Jonathan Lockwood Huie (born 1945)

“He who forgives ends the quarrel.” -Author Unknown

“Forgiveness is not an emotion, it’s a decision.” -Randall Worley

“Holding a grudge does not hurt the person against whom the grudge is held, it hurts the one who holds it.” -Booker T. Washington (Booker Taliaferro Washington (1856 - 1915))

“Forgive yourself for your faults and your mistakes and move on.” -Les Brown (Leslie Calvin ‘Les’ Brown (born 1945))

“Some people insist - often very forcefully - that we must both forgive and forget, or that we have to either forgive or forget . . . as if those are our only options. Those are not our only options. When what has been done to us is horrendous, it becomes unforgiveable and unforgettable, so we can only choose an eventual third option: We neither forgive nor forget, but we learn to move past the pain, the fear, the disappointment, and the constant awareness, to a point at which we can live our lives.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

“Forgiveness does not mean excusing.” -C. S. Lewis (Clive Staples Lewis (1898 - 1963))

“The more a man knows, the more he forgives.” -Catherine II (also known as Catherine the Great (1729 - 1796))

“Forgotten is forgiven.” -F. Scott Fitzgerald (Francis Scott Key Fitzgerald (1896 - 1940))

“Do not burn bridges that you might have to cross again someday.” -Author Unknown

“Any man can seek revenge; it takes a king or prince to grant a pardon.” -Arthur J. Rehrat

“The most important trip you may take in life is meeting people halfway.” -Henry Boye

“To err is human; to forgive, divine.” -Alexander Pope (1688 - 1744): “An Essay on Criticism”

I forgive myself for having believed for so long that . . .
I was never good enough to have, get, be what I wanted.
by Ceanne DeRohan

“Let not the Sun go down upon your wrath.” -Author Unknown: “The Bible,” Ephesians,’ chapter 4, verse 26

“Forgiveness is not something we do for other people. We do it for ourselves to get well and move on.” -Author Unknown

“The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive, but do not forget.” -Thomas Szasz (1920 - 2012): “The Second Sin” (1973), ‘Personal Conduct’

“Holding a grudge is letting someone live rent free in your head.” -Author Unknown

“I once met a man who had forgiven an injury. I hope some day to meet the man who has forgiven an insult.” -Thomas Buxton (Thomas Fowell Buxton (1786 - 1845))

“Forgive all who have offended you, not for them, but for yourself.” -Harriet Nelson (Harriet Uts Nelson)

“I forgive people, but that doesn’t mean I trust them.” -Author Unknown

“Forgiving people can be extremely difficult, if not impossible, when you fear that people will wrong you again, and that once again just as before, you will be powerless to stop them.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

“The best revenge is to be unlike him who performed the injury.” -Marcus Aurelius (also known as Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (C.E. 121 - C.E. 180)): “The Meditations” (C.E. 167), Book 6, meditation 5

“Forgiveness is freeing up and putting to better use the energy once consumed by holding grudges, harboring resentments, and nursing unhealed wounds.” -Sidney and Suzanne Simon

“Nothing on Earth consumes a man more quickly than the passion of resentment.” -Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche (1844 - 1900): “Ecce Homo” (1888)

“Forgive, forget. Bear with the faults of others as you would have them bear with yours. Be patient and understanding. Life is too short to be vengeful or malicious.” -Phillips Brooks (1835 - 1893)

“Never does the human soul appear so strong as when it forgoes revenge, and dares forgive an injury.” -E. H. Chapin (Edwin Hubbell Chapin (1814 - 1880)): “Living Words” (1861)

“Forgiveness is the noblest vengeance.” -H. G. Bohn (Henry George Bohn (1796 - 1884))

“Living well is the best revenge.” -George Herbert (1593 - 1633)

This is ‘MFOL!’ . . . if you forgot to bring your sense of humor, you can borrow ours . . . why, yes, it is a little off-kilter . . .

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Differences and Individuality

8/3/2018

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Birds of a feather flock together . . . and then there are the birds of a different feather . . . shown is Major Mitchell’s Pink Cockatoo, scientifically named Lophochroa leadbeateri, a native of Australia.

“You laugh at me because I’m different; I laugh at you because you’re all the same.” -Jonathan Davis

“There are three types of people the world does not understand: madmen, geniuses, and people who mumble.” -Author Unknown

“My father (Danny Thomas) used to tell me there are two kinds of people, the takers and the givers. ‘The takers sometimes eat better,’ he would say, ‘but the givers always sleep better.’” -Marlo Thomas (born 1937)

“Different men seek after happiness in different ways and by different means, and so make for themselves different modes of life and forms of government.” -Aristotle (384 B.C.E. - 322 B.C.E.)

“People can be divided into three groups. Those who make things happen. Those who watch things happen. And those who wonder what happened.” -Nicholas Murray Butler (1852 - 1947)

“There are two kinds of people in the world: you, and everyone else.” -Author Unknown

“There are three kinds of people: those who can count and those who cannot.” -Author Unknown

“Some people work up steam and some only generate a fog.” -Author Unknown

“There may be said to be two classes of people in the world: those who constantly divide the people of the world into two classes, and those who do not.” -Robert Charles Benchley (1889 - 1945)

“There are three kinds of people in the world. There are wolves and there are sheep - and then there are those who protect the sheep from the wolves.” -Christopher Shields

“In the not-so-long-ago-days, there were only four kinds of people: menfolk, womenfolk, youngfolk, and oldfolk. These days, they’ve divided us up into a near-infinite number of classifications, not to help us or to make the world a better place, but to manipulate us into being and doing what folks may not necessarily want to be and do.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

“All mankind is divided into three classes: those that are immovable, those that are movable, and those that move.” -attributed to Ben Franklin (Benjamin ‘Ben’ Franklin (1706 - 1790))

Overheard: There are two types of people: those who are forgetful and . . . uh . . .

“In life we shall find many men that are great, and some that are good, but very few men that are both great and good.” -C. C. Colton (Charles Caleb Colton (1780 - 1832))

Great minds discuss ideas;
Average minds discuss events;
Small minds discuss people.
by Eleanor Roosevelt (Anna Eleanor ‘Eleanor’ Roosevelt (1884 - 1962))

“I don’t divide the world into the weak and the strong, or the successes and the failures, those who make it or those who don’t. I divide the world into learners and non-learners.” -Benjamin Barber

“Youth looks ahead, old age looks back, and middle age looks tired.” -Author Unknown

Overheard: As different as two peas in a pod . . .

“An unlearned carpenter of my acquaintance once said in my hearing: ‘There is very little difference between one man and another; but what little there is, is very important.’” -William James (1842 - 1910): “The Will to Believe and Other Essays in Popular Philosophy” (1897), ‘The Importance of Individuals’

“There are two kinds of people one can call reasonable: those who serve God with all their heart because they know him, and those who seek him with all their heart because they do not know him.” -Blaise Pascal (1623 - 1662)

“A boss creates fear, a leader confidence. A boss fixes blame, a leader corrects mistakes. A boss knows all, a leader asks questions. A boss makes work drudgery, a leader makes it interesting. A boss is interested in himself or herself, a leader is interested in the group.” -Russell H. Ewing

“I’d rather be a climbing ape than a falling angel.” -Terry Pratchett (1948 - 2015)

There are at least two sorts of people who work in complex organizations like governments, businesses, and schools. There are those who, when a problem reaches them, contribute to its solution; and there are those who, when a problem comes to them, escalate it into something worse. A man of the latter type was called into the chief executive’s office and told, “Roberto, don’t be an embolus.” “A what?” Roberto asked. “A kind of blood clot - something that circulates through the system causing trouble.”

“Many are destined to reason wrongly; others, not to reason at all, and others to persecute those who reason.” -Voltaire (pseudonym of François-Marie Arouet (1694 - 1778))

“You be you and I’ll be me.” -Billy Connolly

Somebody once said that there are only two kinds of people in the world. There are those who wake up in the morning and say, “Good morning, Lord,” and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, “Good Lord, it’s morning!”

“Often the people who are different are the ones who make all the difference in this world.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

Variety’s the very spice of life,
That gives it all its flavor.
by William Cowper (1731 - 1800)

“The world is divided into people who do things and people who get the credit. Try, if you can, to belong to the first class. There’s far less competition.” -Dwight Morrow (Dwight W. Morrow (1873 - 1931)): in a letter to his son, as quoted in Harold Nicolson: “Dwight Morrow” (1935)

“Cherish forever what makes you unique, ’cuz you’re really a yawn if it goes.” -Bette Midler (born 1945)

“There are two kinds of men who never amount to very much: Those who cannot do what they are told, and those who can do nothing else.” -Cyrus H. K. Curtis (Cyrus Hermann Kotzschmar Curtis (1850 - 1933))

It is possible to be different and yet also remarkably similar . . .

“Today, there are three kinds of people: the have’s, the have-not’s, and the have-not-paid-for-what-they-have’s.” -Earl Wilson

Unique

Always remember that you’re unique
     Unequalled, uncommon, c’est magnifique
One of a kind, quite special and rare
     Singular, original, not one of a pair
Special, the exceptional you embody
     You’re really unique, just like everybody!

by Author Unknown

“There are three kinds of people in the world, the wills, the won’ts, and the can’ts. The first accomplish everything; the second oppose everything; the third fail in everything.” -Author Unknown: “Eclectic Magazine”

“We do not expect everyone to be exactly alike, and if we feel a cat should be like a dog, we are missing something important.” -Gladys Taber (Gladys Bagg Taber (1899 - 1980))

“Every human being is intended to have a character of his own; to be what no other is, and to do what no other can do.” -William Ellery Channing (1780 - 1842)

“I’m different. Always have been. It took a while but I have accepted that I am a magic not meant for everyone to understand, so they question. That’s okay. I will stay in my lane being all magical and stuff.” -Author Unknown

“Some people bear three kinds of trouble - the ones they’ve had, the ones they have, and the ones they expect to have.” -H. G. Wells (Herbert George Wells (1866 - 1946))

“Appreciate your uniqueness. Never in history has there been anyone exactly like you. Being one of a kind, you must be the best you can possibly be; develop your talents to the fullest. You can do anything you wish to do; the only limitation is your will. Make the most of the one and only you.” -Bob Keeshan (Robert James ‘Bob’ Keeshan (1927 - 2004))

“Beaten paths are for beaten men.” -Eric Johnston

“Each of us must dance to his own tune.” -Author Unknown: “M*A*S*H” television series; line spoken by character Charles Emerson Winchester III

“The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. To be your own man is a hard business. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.” -Rudyard Kipling (1865 - 1936)

“Everybody is unique. Compare not yourself with anybody else lest you spoil God’s curriculum.” -Israel ben Eliezer

“By being yourself, you put something wonderful in the world that was not there before.” -Edwin Elliot

“There are two types of people, those who extrapolate from incomplete data sets.” -Author Unknown

“Dare to be yourself.” -André Gide (1869 - 1951)

“A fruit salad is delicious precisely because each fruit maintains its own flavor.” -Sean Covey

“You are unrepeatable. There is a magic about you that is all your own.” -D. M. Dellinger

“Let’s acknowledge our differences and not deny them; appreciate them and value them; and each of us with our own uniqueness can contribute where we are needed. There is no need to go to war with each other upon the insistence that only one way of being or of doing is right.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

“Why are you trying so hard to fit in, when you’re born to stand out?” -Oliver James

“Here’s to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in square holes . . . the ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules . . . you can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can’t do is ignore them, because they change things . . . they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.” -Steve Jobs (1955 - 2011)

“There is only one you for all time. Fearlessly be yourself.” -Anthony Rapp

“At bottom every man knows well enough that he is a unique being, only once on this Earth; and by no extraordinary chance will such a marvelously picturesque piece of diversity in unity as he is, ever be put together a second time.” -Friedrich Nietzsche (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche (1844 - 1900))

“People can be divided into two classes: those who go ahead and do something, and those who sit still and inquire, ‘Why wasn’t it done the other way?’” -Oliver Wendell Holmes, Junior (1841 - 1935)

“Differences were meant not to divide but to enrich.” -J. H. Oldham

“Whatever else you may be sure of, be sure of this: that you are dreadfully like other people.” -James Russell Lowell (1819 - 1891): “My Study Windows” (1871)

“Each person is like a butterfly in the wind. Some can fly higher than the others. But each one flies the best it can. So why compare one against the other? Each one is special, each one is unique and beautiful.” -Author Unknown

“People are eternally divided into two classes: the believer, builder, and praiser; and the unbeliever, destroyer, and critic.” -John Ruskin (1819 - 1900)

“There are ten kinds of people in the world, those who understand binary math, and those who do not.” -Author Unknown

“Cultivate your own capabilities, your own style. Appreciate the members of your family for who they are, even though their outlook or style may be miles different from yours. Rabbits don’t fly. Eagles don’t swim. Ducks look funny trying to climb. Squirrels don’t have feathers. Stop comparing. There’s plenty of room in the forest.” -Charles R. Swindoll (Charles Rozell ‘Chuck’ Swindoll (born 1934))

“The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.” -Bertrand Russell (Bertrand Arthur William Russell (1872 - 1970))

“When we lose the right to be different, we lose the privilege to be free.” -Charles Evans Hughes (1862 - 1948): in an address at Faneuil Hall, Boston, Massachusetts, United States of America (17 June 1925)

“How glorious it is - and also how painful - to be an exception.” -Alfred de Musset (1810 - 1857): “Histoire d’un merle blanc” (“Story of the White Blackbird”) (1842)

“Don’t be like the rest of them, darling.” -Author Unknown

“There are two types of people - those who come into a room and say, ‘Well, here I am!’ and those who come in and say, ‘Ah, there you are.’” -Frederick L. Collins

“Everyone has his own specific vocation or mission in life; everyone must carry out a concrete assignment that demands fulfillment. Therein he cannot be replaced, nor can his life be repeated, thus, everyone’s task is unique as his specific opportunity to implement it.” -Viktor E. Frankl (1905 - 1997)

“It takes all kinds of people to make a world.” -Author Unknown

“Know that although in the eternal scheme of things you are small, you are also unique and irreplaceable, as are all your fellow humans everywhere in the world.” -Margaret Laurence

“Nobody can be exactly like me. Even I have trouble doing it.” -Tallulah Bankhead (1903 - 1968)

“Allow the world to live as it chooses, and allow yourself to live as you choose.” -Richard Bach (Richard David Bach (born 1936))

“When you’re different, sometimes you don’t see the millions of people who accept you for what you are. All you notice is the person who doesn’t.” -Jodi Picoult (Jodi Lynn Picoult (born 1966))

“Don’t undermine your worth by comparing yourself to others. It is because we are different that each of us is special. Don’t set your goals by what other people deem important, only know what is best for you.” -Ken Lewis

“People have one thing in common: They are all different.” -Robert Zend (1929 - 1985)

“All of us are stars and deserve the right to twinkle.” -Marilyn Monroe (Norma Jean Mortenson (1926 - 1962))

‘Make Fun Of Life!’ . . . because we are all a little bit funny . . .

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Rhyming Riddles

8/2/2018

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Riddle:
Sometimes curly,
Sometimes flat,
I’m over your head
And under your hat -
What am I?
Answer:
I am your hair.

Said the Little Dog to the Tree

“Now, why,” remarked the little dog,
   in speaking to the tree,
“Could one say that the heart of you
   is like the tail of me?”

The tree gave the conundrum up.
   The pup, with wisdom stark,
Explained the matter, saying,
   “It is farthest from the bark.”

by Author Unknown

Riddle:
Each morning I appear,
To lie at your feet,
All day I follow,
No matter how fast you run,
Yet I nearly perish
In the midday sun.
What am I?
Answer:
I am your shadow.

Riddle: What is a plaything for a girl or a boy?
Answer: A toy.

Riddle:
Never resting, never still.
Moving silently from hill to hill.
I do not walk, run, or trot.
All is cool where I am not.
What am I?
Answer:
I am sunlight.

Riddle:
Can you decipher the following?
Yy u r, yy u b
I c u r yy 4 me!
Answer:
Too wise you are, too wise you be,
I see you are too wise for me!

Riddle: What is sweet to eat and rhymes with dandy?
Answer: Candy.

Riddle:
What doth man love more than life,
Hate more than death or mortal strife,
’Tis that which contented men desire,
The poor possess and the rich require,
The miser spends, the spendthrift saves,
And all men carry to their graves?
Answer:
Nothing.

Riddle:
There’s not a kingdom on the Earth,
But I have traveled over and over,
And though I know not whence my birth,
Yet when I come, you know my roar.
I through the town do take my flight,
And through the fields and meadows green,
And whether it be day or night,
I neither am nor can be seen.
Who am I?
I am the wind.

Riddle: What goes in an envelope and rhymes with better?
Answer: A letter.

Riddle:
Until I am measured
I am not known,
Yet how you miss me
When I have flown.
What am I?
Answer:
I am time.

Riddle:
I am seen in the water
If seen in the sky,
I am in the rainbow,
A jay’s feather,
And lapis lazuli.
What am I?
Answer:
I am the color blue.

Riddle: What did your grandfather use to buy a gumball when he was a boy that rhymes with Jenny?
Answer: A penny.

Riddle:
Lovely and round
I shine with pale light,
Grown in the darkness,
A lady’s delight.
What am I?
Answer:
I am a pearl.

Riddle:
I am only useful
When I am full.
Yet, I am always
Full of holes.
What am I?
Answer:
I am a sieve.

Riddle: What helps us count and rhymes with seven?
Answer: The number eleven.

Riddle:
Glittering points
That downward thrust,
Sparking spears
That never rust.
What am I?
Answer:
I am an icicle.

Riddle:
Great deeds with little strength I do,
I close the open, open the closed, for you.
I keep the master’s house, the master keeps me, too.
What am I?
Answer:
I am a key.

Riddle: What is something you dig where the sea meets the land?
Answer: Sand.

Riddle:
I live in the oceans, the rivers, and seas;
When I’m cold I float -
When I’m hot, I’m free.
What am I?
Answer:
I am water.

Riddle:
I hear a lot
And I say a lot
Few ever look for me
And even fewer ever hear me
I hide in plain sight
Whether it's day or night
To help is all I want
But most like to bend me
And as if they had a wand
Never again shall anyone find me
They do this to control
Without realizing the high price of a soul
But when I’m least expected
They’d rather be protected
For there shall be no place to hide
What am I?
Answer:
I am the truth.

Riddle: What helps us breath and rhymes with rose?
Answer: Nose.

Riddle:
There was a girl in our town,
Silk an’ satin was her gown,
Silk an’ satin, gold an’ velvet,
Guess her name, three times I’ve telled it.
What is it?
Answer:
Ann is her name.

Riddle:
I sing when I’m struck
Or whenever they shake me.
By mold and cast,
The craftsmen make me.
What am I?
Answer:
I am a bell.

Riddle: What is hot and yellow, and rhymes with fun?
Answer: The Sun.

Riddle:
Little Nanny Etticoat,
In a white petticoat,
And a red nose;
The longer she stands,
The shorter she grows.
What is she?
Answer:
She is a candle.

Riddle:
You’ll see me when the Sun is high and also late at night,
I’m in the songs of holidays, when the snow is white,
Kings and Queens and royalty, are all found in me,
I’m the largest of them all, with just one you see,
Step by step with pounding feet, I’m tribes of angry men,
I’m above your hands right now, for help or to go again,
You’ll use me in the kitchen, or add a little more,
I’ll be in the years to come, and the days of yore.
What am I?
Answer:
I am the number twelve.

Riddle:
Old Mother Twitchett had but one eye,
And a long tail which she let fly;
And every time she went over a gap,
She left a bit of her tail in a trap.
What is she?
Answer:
She is a needle and thread.

Riddle:
A word I know
That six letters contains,
Subtract the last
And only twelve remains.
What is it?
Answer:
The word is dozens.

Riddle:
I like trees,
But I hate bees.
I sleep all day,
And I’m misty and gray.
I have mossy hair,
but I can still be a scare -
What am I?
Answer:
I am a bat.

Riddle:
As I was going to Saint Ives,
I met a man with seven wives,
Every wife had seven sacks,
Every sack had seven cats,
Every cat had seven kittens -
Kittens, cats, sacks, and wives,
How many were going to Saint Ives?
Answer:
Only I was going to Saint Ives.

Riddle:
In Spring I look quite gay,
Decked in comely green array,
In Summer yet more clothing do I wear;
When Autumn arrives here,
And the weather colder grows,
I fling off all my clothes,
Winter comes, and thinner and barer I show.
What am I?
Answer:
I am a tree.

Riddle:
I am a word of letters three;
Add two,
And even fewer there will be.
Who am I?
Answer:
I am the word few, becoming ‘fewer’ with two letters added.

Riddle:
In marble walls as white as milk,
Lined with a skin as soft as silk,
Within a fountain crystal clear,
A golden apple doth appear,
No doors there are to this stronghold,
Yet thieves break in and steal the gold.
What am I?
Answer:
I am an egg

Riddle:
I am in the church,
But not in the steeple.
I am in the parson,
But not in the people.
What am I?
Answer:
I am the letter ‘r.’

Riddle:
I run all day and I never walk,
I have a big mouth, but never talk.
What am I?
Answer:
I am a river.

Riddle:
I come in different styles,
I can walk with you for miles,
I come in a pair,
I’m something that you wear,
With heels I am glam -
Can you guess what I am?
Answer:
I am shoes.

Riddle:
In the warm months I wear green,
Both in the day and at night;
As it cools I shed yellow,
But during winter I wear white.
What am I?
Answer:
I am a tree.

Riddle:
You heard me before,
Yet you hear me again,
Then I fade,
’Til you call me again
What am I?
Answer:
I am an echo.

Riddle:
A brightly colored winged-thing,
I flit and flutter all about;
Two antennae, two eyes,
And six little legs have I.
What am I?
Answer:
I am a butterfly.

This is ‘MFOL!’ . . . made with ingredients such as rhyming words, vibrant colors, silly shapes, numbers large and small, letters, animal sounds . . . and lots of other fun stuff . . .

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Minds and Thinking

7/29/2018

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“The Thinker” (French: “Le Penseur”) (1902) is a statue by Auguste Rodin (François Auguste-René Rodin (1840 - 1917)). The statue is an image of the Italian poet Durante degli Alighieri (also known as Dante Alighieri or simply Dante (1265 - 1321)).

A Beautiful Thought

It just can’t be given or bought
And must be most tenderly sought.
With a velvety pelt,
So soft it may melt -
It’s known as a beautiful thought.

by Author Unknown

“Throughout all history, the great wise men and teachers, philosophers, and prophets have disagreed with one another on many different things. It is only on this one point that they are in complete and unanimous agreement. We become what we think about.” -Earl Nightingale (1921 - 1989)

“It is your ability to think that is your chief source of value; in fact, you are a mind with a body to carry it around in.” -Brian Tracy (born 1944)

“Guard your thoughts carefully. The quality of your thinking determines the quality of your life.” -Brian Tracy (born 1944)

“It is not enough to have a good mind. The main thing is to use it well.” - René Descartes (1596 - 1650)

“Don’t try to think too many thoughts all at once. Even the smartest among us can only think one or two things at a time.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor

“Good thoughts bear good fruit, bad thoughts bear bad fruit.” -James Allen (1864 - 1912)

“Thought is action in rehearsal.” -Author Unknown

“No mind is much employed on the present. Recollection and anticipation fill up almost all our moments.” -Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784)

“We are creatures of our thinking. We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory.” -Gordon B. Hinckley (Gordon Bitner Hinckley (1910 - 2008))

“The finest thought runs the risk of being irrevocably forgotten if we do not write it down.” -Arthur Schopenhauer (1788 - 1860): “Essays of Arthur Schopenhauer” (as translated by T. Bailey Saunders (1851)), ‘The Art of Literature: On Thinking for One’s Self’

“When all men think alike, no one thinks very much.” -Walter Lippmann (1889 - 1974): as quoted in “Speakers Encyclopedia” (1955)

“Good impulses are naught, unless they become good actions.” -Joseph Joubert (1754 - 1824), as quoted in Paul Auster, translator: “The Notebooks of Joseph Joubert” (1883)

“We seem to do most of our thinking in our minds.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

“Nurture your mind with great thoughts; to believe in the heroic makes heroes.” -Benjamin Disraeli (1804 - 1881): “Coningsby” (1844), book 3, chapter I

“What’s going on in the inside shows on the outside.” -Earl Nightingale (1921 - 1989)

“The mind attracts the thing it dwells upon.” -Napoleon Hill (born Oliver Napoleon Hill (1883 - 1970))

“Our best friends and our worst enemies are our thoughts.” -Frank Crane (1861 - 1928)

“We can do only what we think we can do. We can be only what we think we can be. We can have only what we think we can have. What we do, what we are, what we have, all depend on what we think.” -Robert Collier (1885 - 1950)

“To think is easy. To act is hard. But the hardest thing in the world is to act in accordance with your thinking.” -Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832)

“We become what we think about.” -Napoleon Hill (born Oliver Napoleon Hill (1883 - 1970))

“My thinking is first and last and always for the sake of my doing.” -William James (1842 - 1910): “The Principles of Psychology” (1890), Chapter 22

“We become what we think about most of the time, and that’s the strangest secret.” -Earl Nightingale (1921 - 1989)

“The biggest lesson I have ever learned is the stupendous importance of what we think. If I knew what you think, I would know what you are, for your thoughts make you what you are; by changing our thoughts, we can change our lives.” -Dale Carnegie (Dale Breckenridge Carnegie (1888 - 1955))

“If you change your way of thinking, you change your life.” -Brian Tracy (born 1944)

“If you realized how powerful your thoughts are, you would never think a negative thought.” -Author Unknown

“How can I tell what I think till I see what I say?” -E. M. Forster (Edward Morgan Forster (1879 - 1970)): “Aspects of the Novel” (1927)

“A thought is a substance, producing the thing that is imagined by the thought.” -Wallace D. Wattles

“Change your thoughts, change your life.” -James Allen (1864 - 1912)

The mind is its own place, and in it self
Can make a Heave’n of Hell, a Hell of Heav’n.
by John Milton (1608 - 1674): “Paradise Lost” (1667), Book 1, Number 3, lines 254 through 255

“Such as are your habitual thoughts, such also will be the character of your mind.” -Marcus Aurelius (also known as Marcus Aurelius Antoninus Augustus (C.E. 26 April 121 - C.E. 180))

“Every thought is a seed. If you plant crab apples, don’t count on harvesting Golden Delicious.” -Bill Meyer

“Clear thinking requires courage rather than intelligence.” -Thomas Szasz (Thomas S. Szasz (1920 - 2012))

“Our life is what our thoughts make it.” -Marcus Aurelius (also known as Marcus Aurelius Antoninus Augustus (C.E. 121 - C.E. 180)): “The Meditations” (C.E. 167), Book 4, meditation 3

“Let one therefore keep the mind pure, for what a man thinks, that he becomes.” -Author Unknown: “The Upanishads”

“Whatever you hold in your mind on a consistent basis is exactly what you will experience in your life.” -Anthony Robbins

“When people will not weed their own minds, they are apt to be overrun with nettles.” -Horace Walpole (1717 - 1797): in a letter (10 July 1779) to Caroline, Countess of Ailesbury

“Whatever you think about grows in your life.” -Author Unknown

“Few minds wear out; more rust out.” -Christian Nestell Bovee (1820 - 1904): “Intuitions and Summaries of Thought” (1862), volume 1

“Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.” -Author Unknown

“You live with your thoughts - so be careful what they are.” -Eva Arrington

“The man who acquires the ability to take full possession of his own mind may take possession of anything else to which he is justly entitled.” -Andrew Carnegie

“I realize that I will be, when my life’s labor is complete, the product of my thoughts.” -George Albert Smith

“I would suggest that today, we know about as much concerning the human mind as we knew about the galaxy in 1300.” -Alan Watts (Alan Wilson Watts)

“A man is literally what he thinks.” -James Lane Allen (1849 - 1925)

“You need to learn how to select your thoughts just the same way you select your clothes every day.” -Elizabeth Gilbert

“Don’t feed your mind with negative thoughts. If you do, you will come to believe them.” -Catherine Pulsifer

“Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?” -Author Unknown

“Do not worry at all about negative thoughts, and do not try to control them. All you have to do is begin to think good thoughts each day. Plant as many good thoughts as you can in each day. As you begin to think good thoughts you will attract more and more good thoughts, and eventually the good thoughts will wipe out the negative thoughts altogether.” -Rhonda Byrne

“I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.” -Author Unknown

“A purely mental life may be destructive if it leads us to substitute thought for life and ideas for actions. The activity proper to man is not purely mental because man is not just a disembodied mind. Our destiny is to live out what we think, because unless we live what we know, we do not even know it. It is only by making our knowledge part of ourselves, through action, that we enter into the reality that is signified by our concepts.” -Thomas Merton (1915 - 1968)

“Nurture your mind with great thoughts, for you will never go any higher than you think.” -Benjamin Disraeli (1804 - 1881)

Are you thinking what we’re thinking?

“If we examine our thoughts, we shall find them always occupied with the past and the future.” -Blaise Pascal (1623 - 1662)

“Life is but thought.” -Sara Teasdale (Sara Teasdale Filsinger (1884 - 1933))

“Think only about what you want . . . never dwell on what you don’t want.” -Shane K. Hughes

“Where does a thought go when it’s forgotten?” -Sigmund Freud (1856 - 1939)

“Everything’s in the mind. That’s where it starts. Knowing what you want is the first step toward getting it.” -Mae West (1893 - 1980)

“Be careful of your thoughts; they may become words at any moment.” -Ira Gassen

“Your mind is a powerful thing. When you fill it with positive thoughts, your life will start to change.” -Author Unknown

“If we keep an open mind, too much is likely to fall into it.” -Natalie Clifford Barney (1876 - 1972)

“What you think about you bring about.” -Author Unknown

“Training and managing your own mind is the most important skill you could ever own, in terms of both happiness and success.” -T. Harv Eker

“Happy thoughts are half of your health.” -Author Unknown

“You are free to think thoughts of worry or joy, and whatever you choose will attract the same kind back to you. Worry attracts worry. Joy attracts joy.” -Rhonda Byrne

It is the mind that maketh good or ill,
That maketh wretch or happy, rich or poor.
by Edmund Spenser (1552 - 1599)

“Thoughts have power. Thoughts are energy. You can make your world or break it by your thinking.” -Susan Taylor

“What you think about comes about.” -Author Unknown

“Ultimate human power is not in our possessions, but in our minds.” -Author Unknown

Overheard: Sometimes you have to think outside your mind . . .

“You become what you think about all day long.” -Author Unknown

“Thought creates character.” -Annie Bessant (1847 - 1933)

“Whatever you hold in your mind will tend to occur in your life. If you continue to believe as you have always believed, you will continue to act as you have always acted. If you continue to act as you have always acted, you will continue to get what you have always gotten. If you want different results in your life or your work, all you have to do is change your mind.” -Author Unknown

“The thoughts we choose to think are the tools we use to paint the canvas of our lives.” -Louise Hay (Louise Lynn Hay (1926 - 2017))

“What you think means more than anything else in your life. More than you earn, more than where you live, more than you social position, and more than what anyone else may think about you.” -George M. Adams (George Matthew Adams (1878 - 1962))

“A thought is a thing as real as a cannonball.” -Joseph Joubert (1754 - 1824), as quoted in Paul Auster, translator: “The Notebooks of Joseph Joubert” (1883)

“Our life is what our thoughts make it. A man will find that as he alters his thoughts toward things and other people, things and other people will alter towards him.” -James Allen (1864 - 1912)

“All that a man achieves and all that he fails to achieve is the direct result of his own thoughts.” -James Allen (1864 - 1912)

“Our lives would run a lot more smoothly if second thoughts came first.” -Author Unknown

“If you can think it, you can do it.” -Author Unknown

“Thoughts, like fleas, jump from man to man. But they don’t bite everybody.” -Stanislaw Jerzy Lec (1909 - 1966): “Unkempt Thoughts” (1962)

“You are what you think.” -Author Unknown

“Your life is a reflection of your thoughts. Think well.” -Danielle Pierre

“The secret of living a life of excellence is merely a matter of thinking thoughts of excellence. Really, it’s a matter of programming our minds with the kind of information that will set us free.” -Charles R. Swindoll (Charles Rozell ‘Chuck’ Swindoll (born 1934))

“You are today where your thoughts have brought you. You will be tomorrow where your thoughts take you.” -James Allen (1864 - 1912)

This is ‘MFOL!’ . . . that is pretty much all of our thoughts on thinking . . .

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Past-Dwelling and Past-Dwellers

7/26/2018

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“Only look back to see how far you’ve come.” -Author Unknown

“You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest, that it leaves your arms too full to embrace the present.” -Jan Glidewell (James Janis ‘Jan’ Glidewell (1944 - 2013))

“If you’re yearning for the good old days, just turn off the air conditioning.” -Griff Niblack

“If you let go of the past, it no longer has a hold on you.” -Author Unknown

“Do not look back; if Cinderella had gone back to pick up her shoe, she would never have become a princess.” -Author Unknown

“You can’t have a better tomorrow if you are thinking about yesterday all the time.” -Charles F. Kettering (Charles Franklin Kettering (1876 - 1958))

“I live in the past because it’s cheaper there.” -Author Unknown

“Don’t look back - that’s not where the future is.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

“Living in the past is a dull and lonely business; looking back strains the neck muscles, causes you to bump into people not going your way.” -Edna Ferber (1887 - 1968)

“The Ogle Fish swims everywhere backwards, because it is only interested in seeing where it has already been.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

“Remember, you can’t reach for what’s in front of you, until you let go of what’s behind you.” -Author Unknown

“Don’t look back. You’re not going that way.” -Author Unknown

“We can draw lessons from the past, but we cannot live in it.” -Lyndon B. Johnson (Lyndon Baines Johnson (1908 - 1973))

“The past is a guidepost, not a hitching post.” -L. Thomas Holdcroft

“Stop being a prisoner of your past. Become the architect of your future.” -Robin Sharma (born 1965)

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The Good Old Days

“In my day, we couldn’t afford shoes, so we went barefoot. In the Winter we had to wrap our feet with barbed wire for traction.” -Bill Flavin

“In my day, we didn’t have virtual reality. If a one-eyed razorback barbarian warrior was chasing you with an ax, you just had to hope you could outrun him.” -Sarah M. Wolford

“In my day, we didn’t have days. There was only ‘time for work,’ ‘time for prayer,’ and ‘time for sleep.’ The sheriff would go around and tell everyone when to change.” -Elden Carnahan

“In my day, we didn’t have water. We had to smash together our own hydrogen and oxygen atoms.” -Diana Hugue

by Author Unknown: “Washington Post” (about 1997), contest on the subject of the difficulty of the good old days

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“For those who live in the past, there is no future.” -Author Unknown

“When setting priorities, going forward is likely to be found to be more important than looking back.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

“That which is past is gone and irrevocable, and wise men have enough to do with things present and to come.” -Francis Bacon (1561 - 1626): “Essays” (1597)

Aaron: How many past-dwellers does it take to change a light bulb?
Erin: Four. One to change the bulb and three to reminisce about how good the old burned-out, broken bulb was.

“I can’t go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.” -Lewis Carroll (pseudonym of Charles Lutwidge Dodgson (1832 - 1898)): “Alice in Wonderland” (1865)

“The water that is past cannot make the mill go.” -Author Unknown

“Don’t let yesterday use up too much of today.” -Will Rogers (William Penn Adair ‘Will’ Rogers (1879 - 1935)) (similar quotation attributed to Richard H. Nelson)

“If you are still talking about what you did yesterday, you haven’t done much today.” -Author Unknown

“Move forward, don’t look back, just forget the past.” -Author Unknown

Retrosaurus: A backward-looking dinosaur. Usage example: Past-dwellers can be crusty old retrosauruses at times.

“When we cling to the past, we become unavailable in the present.” -Author Unknown

“Look at life through the windshield, not the rear-view mirror.” -Byrd Baggett

“The more we look backwards, the less we will be able to see forward.” -Author Unknown

Past-Dwelling and Past-Dwellers Quiz
- What does it mean when a person is said to be dwelling in the past?
- What is the difference between dwelling in the past and reminiscing?
- What harm can it do to dwell in the past?
- How can a person stop dwelling in the past, start living in the present, and start working and planning for the future?

“It’s okay to look back at the past. Just don’t stare.” -Benjamin Dover

“We consume our tomorrows fretting about our yesterdays.” -Persius (Aulus Persius Flaccus (C.E. 34 - C.E. 62))

“It is not possible to go forward while looking back.” -Ludwig Mies van der Rohe (1886 - 1969)

“When you focus on what might have been, it gets in the way of what can be.” -Patricia Fripp

“Looking back gives you regrets. Looking ahead gives you opportunities.” -Author Unknown

“Never look back unless you are planning to go that way.” -Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862)

This is ‘MFOL!’ . . . perhaps someday, we will look back on all of this, laugh nervously, and change the subject . . . until then, we will just keep going forward . . . and hope we are headed in the right direction . . .

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Cheapskates and Misers

7/25/2018

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Matthew: How was copper wire invented?
Matilda: Two cheapskates were fighting over a penny.

A boy asked his father for twenty dollars. His father replied, “Ten dollars, what in the world do you need five dollars for, I’d be happy to give you a dollar, here’s a quarter.”

Miserly tip: Old telephone books make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don’t know.

“If you really want your friends to remember you, give them something cheap.” -Author Unknown

First man: Why do you always remove the batteries from the clock and keep them outside?
Second man: I want to extend the battery life, and so I put them in the clock only when I want to see the time.

After being away on a business trip, Tim thought it would be nice to get his wife a little gift. “How about some perfume?” he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a bottle costing $85. “That’s a bit much,” said Tim, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $49. “That’s still quite a bit,” Tim complained. Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $17 bottle. “What I mean is,” said Tim, “I’d like to see something really cheap.” So the clerk handed him a mirror.

A man walked into a coffee shop and asked the waitress, “How much is the coffee?” “Coffee is three dollars,” the waitress said. “How much is a refill?” the man asked. “Free,” said the waitress. “Great, then I’ll take a refill!” said the man.

“I do not prize the word cheap. It is not a badge of honor . . . it is a symbol of despair. Cheap prices make for cheap goods; cheap goods make for cheap men; and cheap men make for a cheap country!” -William McKinley

Free speech: Using someone else’s telephone.

A Young Fellow Named B. B.

A certain young fellow named B. B.
Wished to marry a lady named Phoebe
“But,” he said. “I must see
What the minister’s fee be
Before Phoebe be Phoebe B. B.”

by Author Unknown

If you want to find cheap EBay auctions, go to www.FatFingers.com and type in what you are looking for. It will search all listings with incorrect spellings - which means very few people can find them - which means c-h-e-a-p!

Ellie: Why does Scrooge love all of the reindeer?
Angela: Because every buck is dear to him!

The following anecdote is about the Austrian poet Peter Altenberg. “Though in fact he maintained a very solid bank balance, Mr. Altenberg had a mania for begging. The poet and critic Karl Kraus tells how Altenberg besought him again and again to give him a hundred kronen, and on every occasion Mr. Kraus refused him. Finally, his patience at an end, Kraus burst out, “Look Peter, I’d gladly give it to you, but I really, really don’t have the money.” “Very well, I’ll lend it to you,” said Altenberg.” -Author Unknown: as quoted in Clifton Fadiman and André Bernard (editors): “Bartlett’s Book of Anecdotes” (2000)

“There is always a little more toothpaste in the tube. Think about it.” -Bill Bryson (born 1951): “Notes from a Big Country” (1999)

There are money-saving devices, as for example, attachments that fit over tubes of toothpaste to allow every bit of toothpaste to be squeezed out; however, the problem with such devices is that you have to part with some money to have them.

Good Places to Look for ‘Pennies from Heaven’
- Around parking meters.
- Under coin-operated vending machines.
- On the sidewalks when you go for long walks.
- In outdoor water fountains.
- Under the bleachers at sports events.
- In laundromats.
- In parking lots.
- Under amusement park rides.

Penelope: Why do misers like paper money more than coins?
Penny: When they put it in their pockets they double it, when they take it out, it’s ‘in creases.’

“He who is frugal is the richest of men, and the miser is the poorest.” -Nicolas Chamfort (1741 - 1794): “Maxims and Thoughts” (1796), as translated by W. S. Merwin (1984)

Repeat after us: Cheap is good, cheap is good, cheap is good . . .

In 1955, the richest woman in the world was Mrs. Hetty Green Wilks, who left an estate of $95 million in a will that was found in a tin box with four pieces of carefully saved soap.

Overheard: I am such a cheapskate that I do not even have skates!

“Cheap is seldom good, and good is seldom cheap.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

“I saw a small bottle of cologne and asked if it was for sale. She said, ‘It’s free with purchase.’ I asked her if anyone bought anything today.” -Steven Wright (Steven Alexander Wright (born 1955))

“Misers are no fun to live with but they make great ancestors.” -Tom Snyder (born 1936)

“A miser grows rich by seeming poor; an extravagant man grows poor by seeming rich.” -William Shenstone (1714 - 1763)

A miser was at the top of a ladder when a coin fell from his pocket. He was hit on the head by the coin as it reached the ground.

“I pity that man who wants a coat so cheap that the man or woman who produces the cloth shall starve in the process.” -Benjamin Harrison (1833 - 1901)

Have you heard about the cheapskate who was pleased with himself because he had married a woman who was born on 29 February? He would only have to buy her a birthday present once every four years!

“Two cats can live as cheaply as one, and their owner has twice as much fun.” -Lloyd Alexander

And then there was the miser who took his date to the beach and told her ‘shady’ stories so that he would not have to rent an umbrella . . .

Keepsakes of a Cheapskate

Empty cardboard boxes,
     Meters of old string,
I am a cheapskate, and
     I will save any old thing.

My bed is a rubber dingy
     That washed up on the shore
I am miserly and stingy -
     But I won’t sleep on the floor.

by Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

Melba: What do misers do when it is cold?
Blaine: They sit around a candle.

Brenda: What do misers do when it is really, really cold?
Belinda: They light the candle!

Miser: A rich pauper.

Miserly tip: Do not waste money on expensive music playing gadgets. Instead, just think of your favorite tune and hum it. If you want to ‘switch tracks,’ simply think of another song you like and hum that one.

An Old Man of El Hums

There was an old man of El Hums,
Who lived upon nothing but crumbs,
Which he picked off the ground,
With the other birds round,
In the roads and the lanes of El Hums.

by Author Unknown

Overheard: I hate to always eat and run, but with the way I tip, it’s the only safe procedure!

Now you, too, can join us by standing up and proudly proclaiming, “I am a cheapskate!”

Bertie: What is the difference between a miser and a canary?
Bernard: One is a little cheap and the other is a little cheeper.

Miserly tip: Before throwing away old shoes, remove the shoestrings, which can be used to make clotheslines, dog leashes, a giant ball of string, and many other things.

One old geezer was so miserly that he kept a brown paper bag in the attic of his house, labeled ‘Pieces of String Too Short to Use.’

Why be miserly with humor and inspiration - when you can share what you find here with other people - and never have to pay for it?!

Gerard: How many misers does it take to change a light bulb?
Jeremy: None - misers are so cheap that they would rather sit in the dark than buy a new bulb!

Be sure to tell all of your cheap friends about us . . . and whether you are miserly or not yourself, do not forget to ‘MFOL!’ (‘Make Fun Of Life!’)

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Mornings and Dawns

7/21/2018

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This is the tower . . . you are cleared for takeoff . . .

“If you get up in the morning, you’re a morning person.” -Author Unknown

“There is a close connection between getting up in the world and getting up in the morning.” -Author Unknown

Getting Up

When I get up in the morning
     I’ll tell you what I do
I wash my hands and wash my face
     Splishety-splash, splishety-splash
I clean my teeth till they’re shining white
     Scrubbity-scrub, scrubbity-scrub
Then I put on my clothes and brush my hair
     And runnity-run, I run downstairs.

by Author Unknown

“I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.” -E. B. White (Elwyn Brooks White (1899 - 1985))

Al: Good morning.
Fred: And a great morning to you!

“One small positive thought in the morning can change your whole day.” -Author Unknown

Good Morning Mr. Sun

Good morning Mr. Sun
     Our day has just begun
We love to see your shining face
     Good morning Mr. Sun

by Author Unknown

“The morning is the rudder of the day.” -Author Unknown

Do you have trouble getting out of bed in the morning? A High Voltage Ejector Bed (HVEB) can help you get up and be on your way. Each bed comes fully equipped with dual pneumatic pistons, electric shockers, alarm bell, and flashing light.

“Lose an hour in the morning, and you will spend all day looking for it.” -Richard Whately (1787 - 1863)

“He who every morning plans the transactions of the day and follows out that plan carries a thread that will guide him through the labyrinth of the most busy life. The orderly arrangement of his time is a like a ray of life which darts itself through all his occupations. But where no plan is laid, where the disposal of time is surrendered merely to the chance of incident, chaos will soon reign.” -Victor Hugo (Victor Marie Hugo (1802 - 1885))

“Dawn begins at midnight.” -Author Unknown

Sunrise

A sunrise is
a lovely way
to begin a day.

by Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

“Each dawn is a new beginning.” -Author Unknown

Oh, What a Beautiful Mornin’

Oh, what a beautiful mornin’,
Oh, what a beautiful day,
I’ve got a wonderful feeling,
Everything’s going my way.
There’s a bright golden haze on the meadow,
There’s a bright golden haze on the meadow,
The corn is as high as an elephants’ eye,
And it looks like it’s climbing right up to the sky.
Oh, what a beautiful morning,
Oh, what a beautiful day,
I’ve got a wonderful feeling,
Ev’rything’s going my way.

by Oscar Hammerstein II (1895 - 1960): “Oh, What a Beautiful Mornin’” (1943) as presented in the musical “Oklahoma”

A crowing rooster tells all the barnyard, “It’s time to get up, you sleepyheads!”

“Be pleasant until ten o’clock in the morning and the rest of the day will take care of itself.” -Elbert Hubbard (Elbert Green Hubbard (1856 - 1915))

Mick: Top of the morning to you!
Mack: And the rest of the day to yourself!

“Do not shorten the morning by getting up late; look upon it as the quintessence of life, as to a certain extent sacred.” -Arthur Schopenhauer (1788 - 1860): “The Wisdom of Life and Counsels and Maxims” (originally published in 1851; as translated by T. Bailey Saunders (June 1890)), chapter 2

Sunrise

This
is the only gold
I’ll ever possess . . .

I treasure it,
counting its glory
each dawn.

by Pollyanna Sedziol (Pollyanna Rogers ‘Polly’ Sedziol (born 1935))

“I awaken in the morning with confidence, rejoicing in whatever work is given to me to do. Whatever that work is, I do it, not in order to earn a living or in a sense of performing an onerous duty; but, with joy and gladness, I let it unfold as the activity of God’s expression through me.” -Joel S. Goldsmith

“Those who do not get up in the mornings to work diligently at the business of life are fated to forever mourn over a lifetime of lost mornings.” -Author Unknown

“Don’t start your day with the broken pieces of yesterday. Every day is a fresh start. Each day is a new beginning. Every morning we wake up is the first day of our new life.” -Author Unknown

“We must take great care never to do anything before having said our morning prayers . . . The Devil once declared that if he could have the first moment of the day, he was sure of all the rest.” -John Vianney (Jean-Baptiste-Marie Vianney (1786 - 1859))

“Invest the first hour of the day, the ‘Golden Hour,’ in yourself.” -Brian Tracy (born 1944)

“You’ve got to get up every morning with determination if you’re going to go to bed with satisfaction.” -John Graham: letter (10 April 189-) to his son Pierrepont, as quoted in George Lorimer (George Horace Lorimer (1867 - 1937)), editor: “Letters from a Self-Made Merchant to His Son” (1902)

“When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive - to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.” -Marcus Aurelius (also known as Marcus Aurelius Antoninus Augustus (C.E. 121 - C.E. 180))

Good Morning Song

Oh, the duck says, “Quack,”
and the cow says, “Moo,”
the old red rooster says,
“Cock-a-doodle-doo!”
The sheep says, “Baa,”
and the cat says, “Meow,”
but I say, “Good Morning!”
when I see you.

by Author Unknown

“If you once turn on your side after the hour at which you ought to rise, it is all over. Bolt up at once!” -Walter Scott (1771 - 1832): “Diary” (2 March 1826)

“Start the day with a joke . . . because there’s no better way!” -Author Unknown

It is the dawn of a new day at ‘MFOL!’ . . . wait, somebody has just said that we have to wait until morning to be able to say that . . .

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Marriage

7/17/2018

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Forever and Always

Once upon a time,
     I became yours
and you became mine.
     And we’ll stay together
through both the tears
     and the laughter.
Because that’s what they call
     happily ever after.

by Author Unknown

“That we arrived at fifty years together is due as much to luck as to love, and a talent for knowing, when we stumble, where to fall, and how to get up again.” -Ruby Dee and Ossie Davis: “Ossie and Ruby: In This Life Together” (1998)

“Marriage is our last, best chance to grow up.” -Joseph Barth

“A man and a woman should choose each other for life. A long life is barely enough [time] for a man and woman to understand each other; and to understand is to love. The man who understands one woman is qualified to understand pretty well everything.” -J. B. Yeats (John Butler Yeats (1839 - 1922)), as quoted in Joseph Hone, editor: “Letters to His Son, W. B. Yeats, and Others (1944)

“Success in marriage depends not so much on finding the right person as it does on being the right person.” -Lowell L. Bennion (Lowell Lindsay Bennion (1908 - 1996))

Grow old along with me!
The best is yet to be.
The last of life, for which the first was made.
by Robert Browning (1812 - 1889): “Rabbi Ben Ezra” (1864)

“I wear my wife’s eyeglasses because she wants me to see things her way.” -Jayson Feinburg

“Happiness and laughter - that’s what it’s all about, isn’t it?” -Peggy Clark (19 November 2007), who was 84 years of age, having just married James Mason, who was 93 years of age, thereby making them Britain’s oldest newly-weds

“Take each other for better or worse, but not for granted.” -Arlene Dahl (Arlene Carol Dahl (born 1925))

“More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.” -Doug Larson (1902 - 1981)

“Marriage is an authentic weaving together of families, of two souls with their individual fates and destinies, of time and eternity - everyday life married to the timeless mysteries of the soul.” -Thomas Moore

“You should be slow to criticize your spouse’s judgment; after all, just look at who he or she married!” -Author Unknown

“Story writers say that love is concerned only with young people and the excitement and glamour of romance end at the altar. How blind they are. The best romance is inside marriage; the finest love stories come after the wedding, not before.” -Irving Stone (born Irving Tennenbaum (1903 - 1989))

“Romance is the icing, but love is the cake.” -Author Unknown

“A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.” -Dave Meure

“By all means marry. If you get a good wife you will become happy, and if you get a bad one you will become a philosopher.” -Socrates (470 B.C.E. - 399 B.C.E.)

“I should like to see any kind of a man, distinguishable from a gorilla, that some good and even pretty woman could not shape a husband out of.” -Oliver Wendell Holmes, Senior (1809 - 1894): “The Autocrat of the Breakfast-Table” (1858), page 98

“Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl.” -Stephen Leacock (Stephen Butler Leacock (1869 - 1944))

“Marriage is a mistake every man should make.” -George Jessel (George Albert ‘Georgie’ Jessel (1898 - 1981))

A University of Oregon study has found that humor helps marriages last. John and D. J. Rawlings, who have been married for fifty-two years, interviewed seventy couples who had been married an average of nineteen years each. The couples used humor and laughter to avoid conflict and to reduce tensions.

“A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.” -Robert Quillen (Verni Robert Quillen (1887 - 1948))

On their 50th wedding anniversary, a couple summed up the reason for their long and happy marriage. The husband said, “I have tried never to be selfish. After all, there is no ‘I’ in the word ‘marriage.’ The wife said, “For my part, I have never corrected my husband’s spelling.”

Overheard: Even married couples need to go on dates.

“Aravis also had many quarrels (and, I’m afraid, even fights) with Cor, but they always made it up again: so that years later, when they were grown up they were so used to quarrelling and making it up again that they got married so as to go on doing it more conveniently.” -C. S. Lewis (Clive Staples Lewis (1898 - 1963)): “The Horse and His Boy” (6 September 1954)

“Women hope men will change after marriage, but they don’t; men hope women won’t change, but they do.” -Bettina Arndt (born 1949)

For Sale By Owner: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000 or best offer. No longer needed, got married last month. Wife knows everything.

Overheard: All husbands are alike, but they have different faces so that women can tell them apart.

“Every minute you spend angry with your partner is a waste of sixty seconds in which you could be enjoying your marriage.” -Author Unknown

Have you heard about the man who takes his wife with him everywhere he goes so that he never has to kiss her goodbye?

The only people who listen to both sides of an argument are the neighbors.

“Chumps always make the best husbands. When you marry, Sally, grab a chump. Tap his forehead first, and if it rings solid, don’t hesitate. All the unhappy marriages come from the husbands having brains. What good are brains to a man? They only unsettle him.” -P. G. Wodehouse (Pelham Grenville Wodehouse (1881 - 1955)): “The Adventures of Sally” (1920), chapter 10

While attending a seminar on marital communication, Tom and his wife Peg listened to the instructor state, “It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.” He addressed the men, “Can you describe your wife’s favorite flower?” Tom leaned over, touched his wife’s arm gently and whispered, “Pillsbury All-Purpose, isn’t it?” The rest of the story is not pleasant, so we will stop right here.

Wife: Ward, wake up. There’s a mouse in the bedroom - I heard it squeak.
Husband: June, what do you want me to do, get up and oil it?

Hubby: How is a room full of married couples like an empty room?
Wifey: There is not a ‘single’ person in it.

“You enter into a certain amount of madness when you marry a person with pets.” -Nora Ephron

“Before marriage, a man ‘yearns’ for the woman he loves. After marriage, the ‘y’ becomes silent.” -Author Unknown

While on a car trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. The woman left her glasses on the table, but didn’t miss them until they were back on the highway. By then, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around. The man fussed and complained all the way back to the restaurant. When they finally arrived, as the woman got out of the car to retrieve her glasses, the old man said, “While you’re in there, you may as well get my hat, too.”

“Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays, and the other who never forgets.” -Ogden Nash (Frederick Ogden ‘Ogden’ Nash (1902 - 1971))

“Today is the fifth anniversary of my wife’s thirty-ninth birthday.” -Unidentified Man

Husband: Where did you get that new hat?
Wife: Don’t worry, dear. It didn’t cost a thing. It was marked down from $60 to $30, so I bought it with the $30 I saved.

“One advantage of marriage is that, when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again.” -Judith Viorst

Amy and Jamie are old friends. They had both been married to their husbands for a long time. Amy was upset because she thought her husband didn’t find her attractive anymore. “As I get older he doesn’t bother to look at me!” Amy cried. “I’m so sorry for you, as I get older my husband says I get more beautiful every day,” replies Jamie. “Yes, but your husband’s an antique dealer!”

So live that when your husband or wife says he or she is married to you, he or she will be boasting.

Angela: That new couple next door seems to be very devoted. He kisses her every time they meet. Why don’t you do that?
Gerald: I don’t know her well enough.

“Try praising your wife, even if it does frighten her at first.” -Billy Sunday (William Ashley ‘Billy’ Sunday (1862 - 1935)): as quoted in “The Independent” (28 April 1917) newspaper

“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.” -Friedrich Nietzsche (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche (1844 - 1900))

“When asked to share the top reason for their marital success, the men and women said, ‘My spouse is my best friend.’ When the dust settles from a passionate courtship, what’s left - and what will keep that marriage growing and vital - is friendship.” -Jan Yager (born 1948)

“My wife only has two complaints: nothing to wear and not enough closet space.” -Author Unknown

“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.” -Mignon McLaughlin (1913 - 1983): quotation possibly found in the “Atlantic” (July 1965) magazine

“Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they’re on the same side.” -Zig Ziglar (Hilary Hinton ‘Zig’ Ziglar (1926 - 2012))

“Most people get married believing a myth that marriage is a beautiful box full of all the things they have longed for: companionship, intimacy, friendship, etc. The truth is that marriage at the start is an empty box. You must put something in before you can take anything out. There is no love in marriage. Love is in people. And people put love in marriage. There is no romance in marriage. You have to infuse it into your marriage. A couple must learn the art and form the habit of giving, loving, serving, praising, keeping the box full. If you take out more than you put in, the box will be empty.” -Author Unknown

“What therefore God has joined together, let no man put asunder.” -Author Unknown: “The Bible,” ‘Mark,’ chapter 10, verse 9

For you wake one day,
Look around and say,
“Somebody wonderful
Married me!”
-Fred Ebb (1928 - 2004): “Cabaret” (1963), ‘Married’

“Formal courtesy between husband and wife is even more important than it is between strangers.” -Robert Heinlein (Robert Anson Heinlein (1907 - 1988)): “Time Enough for Love” (1973)

“Make a list of the traits of the type of spouse you would like to marry. Then make a list of the traits you would need to attract that type of person. Then throw away the first list and work on the second. Don’t just look for the right one - become the right one!” -Author Unknown

“All the wealth in the world cannot be compared with the happiness of living together happily united.” -Marie Marguerite of Youville (1701 - 1771)

“Don’t over-analyze your marriage. That’s like yanking up a fragile plant every twenty minutes to see how its roots are growing - you will kill it.” -Author Unknown

Brent Barlow posed a question to a group of priesthood brethren: “How many of you would like to receive a revelation?” Every hand went up. He then suggested that they all go home and ask their wives how they could be better husbands. He added, “I followed my own advice, and had a very informative discussion with [my wife] Susan for more than an hour that afternoon!” A conversation like that could be a revelation for any of us. -Author Unknown: as quoted in “Ensign” (September 1992), page 17

“What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility.” -George Levinger (born 1927)

“I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.” -Sigmund Freud (1856 - 1939)

“It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife.” -Jane Austen (1775 - 1817)

With all the world around us,
How glad I am that we found us.
by Author Unknown

“The good or ill hap of a good or ill life, is the good or ill choice of a good or ill wife.” -Author Unknown: Scottish proverb

“The difference between a good marriage and a mediocre one consists of leaving three or four things a day unsaid.” -H. Miller

“It’s no mistake that maturity and matrimony come from the same word.” -Author Unknown

“The secret of a happy marriage is simple - just keep on being as polite to one another as you are to your friends.” -Robert Quillen (Verni Robert Quillen (1887 - 1948))

“To keep your marriage whole, rarely show your worst side to your better half.” -Author Unknown

“The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship are ‘I apologize’ and ‘you are right.’” -Author Unknown

A marriage ceremony typically ends with a kiss because in ancient Rome, a kiss was a legal bond that sealed contracts, and marriage was seen as a contract.

“We have a strange and wonderful relationship. He’s strange, and I’m wonderful.” -Unidentified Woman

“We’re a fastidious couple; I’m fast, and she’s tedious.” -Unidentified Man

“The magic words for a great relationship are, “I love you just the way you are.” -Jonathan Lockwood Huie (born 1945)

In ancient Greece, Solon (638 B.C.E. - 538 B.C.E.) once contemplated making marriage compulsory, and in Athens under Pericles (495 B.C.E. - 429 B.C.E.), bachelors were excluded from certain public positions. In Sparta, single and childless men were treated with scorn. In ancient Rome, Augustus (63 B.C.E. - C.E. 14) passed drastic laws that compelled people to marry and penalized those who remained single.

“Marriage is like twirling a baton, turning a handspring, or eating with chopsticks; it looks easy until you try it.” -Helen Rowland (1875 - 1950)

Married people are twice as likely to go to church as unmarried people.

“The best thing to hold onto in life is each other.” -Audrey Hepburn (1929 - 1993)

“All men and women should freely use those seven words which have the power to make any marriage run smoothly: You know dear, you may be right.” -Author Unknown

“The goal of marriage is not to think alike, but to think together.” -Author Unknown

“Marriage is finding happiness . . . together.” -Author Unknown

This is ‘MFOL!’ . . . where folks can always say, “Yes!” to happiness . . .

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Daffynitions and Definitions

7/13/2018

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This stuff is amazing . . .

Abundance: A party held in a bakery, at which buns dance; not to be confused with abarndance.

“An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.” -Winston Churchill (Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill (1874 - 1965))

Aqualibrium (ak wa lib’ re um), noun. The point at which a stream of drinking fountain water is at the perfect height, thus relieving the drinker from having to suck the nozzle and from being squirted in the eye.

Atrophy: An award given to those who do not exercise.

Augmented reality: A step in the process of turning us all into cyborgs.

Beelzebug, noun. Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three o’clock in the morning and cannot be cast out.

“Bore: A person who talks when you want him to listen.” -Ambrose Bierce (Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce (1842 - 1914))

Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Brevity: Words that cover more ground than they occupy.

Brouhaha: A jolly tea party.

Buffet: A French word that means ‘get up and get it yourself.’

Buoyant: A young male ant.

“Buzzwords: How bees talk to each other.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

Cackleberry: A hen’s egg.

“Cat: A pygmy lion who loves mice, hates dogs, and patronizes human beings.” -Oliver Herford (1863 - 1935)

Chaos: What happens when a dog person marries a cat person.

“Christmas is sleeping with one eye shut while the other eye watches for Santa Claus.” -Charles Schulz (Charles Monroe ‘Sparky’ Schulz (1922 - 2000))

Cobweb site: A website that has not been updated for a long time.

Compromise: An agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted.

Computer chip: Any starchy foodstuff consumed in mass quantities while working at a computer.

Correctional facility: Rent-free public housing for law-breakers, who are thought to benefit from confinement in each other’s company.

Cosmetic makeup: War paint. (No doubt some folks will want to go to war over this definition.)

Courage: The art of being the only one who knows you are scared to death.

Definition: What you are now reading. Daffynition: A wacky definition.

Democracy: A system of government in which people take the law into their own hands.

Denial: A river in Egypt.

Dentist: 1. A collector of old magazines. 2. A filling station attendant.

Detail: What’s on the end of a dog.

“Diplomat: A man who remembers a woman’s birthday but not her age.” -Robert Frost (Robert Lee Frost (1874 - 1963))

Doctor: 1. A type of medical device used in making diagnoses. 2. Someone who practices medicine but charges as if he or she actually knew.

Doohicky: A doo-dad or a whatchyamacallit.

Dust: Mud with the juice squeezed out.

Eclipse: What an English barber does for a living.

Efficiency expert: Someone who waits to make up a foursome before going through a revolving door.

Elephant: A useful animal with a vacuum cleaner on one end and a rug-beater at the other.

“Exchequer: A playing piece from a checkers game that has left to join the chess set.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

Faith: The suspension of disbelief.

Farcical: A long bike race.

Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

Forthwith: adverb. Derived from ‘for Thwith,’ originally meaning to be completed in time for Thwith, an ancient Druidic feast of no fixed date. Now used to refer to any unspecified moment in the future and hence to completion of any task for which it would be unwise to provide a deadline.

Forum: Two-um plus two-um.

Fossil: An extinct animal; the older it is, the more extinct it is.

Fossil fuels: What dinosaurs used to run their cars.

Funology: The science of having fun.

Gardener: A plant manager.

Gazebo: A cross between a gazelle, a zebra, and a hippo.

Gihugeous: Really, really big.

Glitter: Fairy dust.

Grandparents: People who think your children are wonderful, but are sure you are not raising them right.

“Hammers: Manually-powered fastener-driving impact devices.” -Author Unknown: United States Pentagon

Happiness: What you can always find in the dictionary.

Hardware store: 1. Similar to a black hole in space if a husband goes in - he is not coming out anytime soon. 2. One of the rare shops in which women do not like to do shopping, and therefore, popular with men.

Harpist: A plucky musician

Hors d’oeuvres: A sandwich cut into twenty pieces.

Horsepower: Something that was much safer when only horses had it.

Hospital: A place where they wake you up to give you a sleeping pill.

Human: A useful domestic animal that is popular with cats, dogs, and fleas.

Humor: God’s gift to humankind to compensate for the law of gravity.

Immature: A word boring people use to describe fun people.

Impeccable: What every bird owner must be.

Intense: Where campers sleep.

Internet: The reason you are failing your classes.

“Junk is the stuff we throw away. Stuff is the junk we keep.” -Frank Tyger (1929 - 2011)

Kindred: A fear that relatives are coming to stay.

Laughingstock: Cattle with a sense of humor.

Lollipops: Behavior modification reinforcers.

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at statistics.

Magazine: A bunch of printed pages that tell you what is coming in the next issue.

Meterology: The study of parking meters.

Metronome: A city-dwelling dwarf.

Mirage: A place where a ghost keeps its car.

Mistakes: Proof that you are trying - so go ahead and keep making mistakes.

Mommy: The person who kisses the boo-boo after you scrape your knee.

Mouse Pad: Where Mickey and Minnie live.

Nitrate: Cheaper than day rate.

“Obsessed is a word the lazy use to describe the dedicated.” -Author Unknown

Ow: The first word spoken by a child with older siblings.

Peekaboo: Hide-and-Seek for ghosts.

Polarize: What penguins see with.

Predicament: When a woman does not want any more birthdays, but still wants the presents.

Prepone: To move forward in time; the opposite of postpone. Usage example: We are preponing tomorrow’s meeting by holding it today.

Propaganda: A gentlemanly goose or a proper gander; see also ‘impropaganda.’

Prophet: A person who foresees only ever doom and gloom; also known as a prophet of doom.

Public schools: A scheme for indoctrinating impressionable young minds with the ideology of political correctness, thereby creating the unthinking crazed zombie-like minions of Big Brother and his New World Order.

Quantum Physics: The dreams that stuff is made of.

Raisin: A worried grape.

Rectify: When you try to fix something, but end up wrecking it instead.

Relay: What chickens do when the farmer takes their eggs away.

Relief: What trees do in the Spring.

Sarcasm: Barbed ire.

Scandals: Footwear you should be ashamed of.

Seamstress: What occurs when 250 pounds of person are in a size 6 outfit.

Seven-course meal: Six cookies and a glass of milk.

Shingle: Sean Connery’s definition of a bachelor.

Slander: To lie or tell the truth about someone.

Slippers: Footwear made from bananas.

Snicker: A small laugh.

Stick: A boomerang that does not come back.

Stucco: What you get when you step on gummo.

Subdued: A guy who works on submarines.

Synergy: 1 + 1 = 3.

“Taxidermy: A skin condition caused by riding in taxicabs.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966)

Television: An electrical device which, when broken, stimulates conversation.

Thirteen o’clock: Time to get your clock fixed.

Top bunk: A bed where you should never put a child who is wearing Superman pajamas.

Traffic light: An apparatus that automatically turns red when your car approaches.

Tulips: The standard number of lips assigned to a person.

UFP: Unidentified Frying Pan. Usage example: The police report shows the would-be burglar appears to have been struck in the noggin by a UFP.

Vegetarian: 1. A bad fisherman. 2. A bad hunter.

Wasted energy: Telling a hair-raising story to a bald-headed man.

Webmaster: A spider. Usage example: Watch out for that creepy-crawly webmaster!

Yours: Anything which, up to the present, others have not been able to get away from you.

Zenophobia: The irrational fear of convergent sequences.

You can create your own zany word meanings and perhaps redefine the world! We now return you to further lightness and enlightenment . . . on ‘MFOL!’

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Zucchinis

7/11/2018

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Why, we seem to have a regular zucchini zoo going on here . . .

Karen: What is zucchinis favorite game?
Daren: Squash!

The variety of zucchini commonly grown in home gardens and sold commercially and in retail stores was cultivated by Italians from squash originally found in colonial America. Zucchinis, like all squash, originated in the Americas, meaning North and South America.

“You’re becoming a real vegetable any more, do you know that?” Tim’s wife said to him one day, for no apparent reason. “Who, me?” Tim replied, trying to make light of the situation by saying it with a sort of zucchini accent.

Zucchini also goes by the names Italian squash, courgette, vegetable marrow, long marrow, and garden marrow.

The word ‘zucchini’ is derived from the Italian word ‘zucca’ meaning ‘squash.’ ‘Courgette’ is a diminutive of the French word ‘courge’ meaning ‘gourd’ or ‘marrow.’

Together with pumpkins and some other squashes, zucchinis are a member of the species ‘Cucurbita pepo.’ Zucchinis are a variety of cucurtbits, genus cucurbita, meaning that they are in the same family as cucumbers, squashes, and melons.

Nikita: What vegetable looks like a bunch of animals?
Anita: Zoo-chini!

Zucchini is commonly found in a green-and-speckled variety, though there is also a yellow variety of zucchini.

The Zucchini Brothers, a band from Saratoga Springs, New York, United States of America, plays songs for children. They also have a cranberry bread recipe on their website . . . but alas, no zucchini bread recipe. To listen to their music, visit www.ZucchiniBrothers.com.

Zucchinis are ready for harvest about 35 to 55 days after planting from seed.

The three-day Annual Zucchini Fest in Obetz, Ohio, United States of America, is ‘everything zucchini.’ The event runs from 27 to 30 August of each year, and includes a parade, queen’s pageant, contests, arts and crafts, games, and much more. Information about the gala can be found at www.ObetzZucchiniFest.com.

Zucchini is harvested as a summer squash. Summer squash are squashes that are harvested when immature, meaning while the rind (skin or peel) is still tender enough to be edible. Biggest is not best when it comes to zucchini; the most flavorful zucchinis are small to medium in size.

A Christian couple heard that their vegetarian son would be coming home from college to spend the Thanksgiving Holiday with them. Said the man, “Let us prepare the fatted zucchini, Martha! Our prodigal son is returning.”

The largest zucchini on record was 176.5 centimeters (69.5 inches) long, and weighed 29.5 kilograms (65 pounds). The humongous veggie was grown by Mr. Bernard Lavery of Plymouth, Devon, England.

In parts of America, if you park your car in a suburban neighborhood in August, be sure to lock the doors, because if you fail to do so, the neighbors might fill your car with zucchini!

Slice a zucchini in half lengthwise, and hollow out the halves with a spoon. Add the fillings of your choice, which can be as varied as chili and cheese, diced tomatoes and sliced Italian sausage and Provolone cheese, chopped vegetables and hollandaise sauce, or whatever your heart desires. Bake in an oven at about 180 degrees Celsius (350 degrees Fahrenheit) for about 45 minutes, or microwave on high, until done. Allow to cool and . . . presto! . . . voila! . . . you have created the stuffed zucchini.

Some would say zucchini is a wonder food because of its fast growth, easy preparation, and low calorie content.

A typical whole zucchini has about 25 calories; by comparison, a typical baked potato has about 130 calories.

Zucchinis have more potassium than bananas have.

Even though zucchini is served as a vegetable, it is technically a fruit because it comes from a flower. Grocery stores usually do not sell the blooms, but they can often be found at farmers’ markets. The bright yellows beauties aren’t just for looking at - they can be stir-fried and eaten.

Overheard: A zucchini is a vegetable that can be baked, boiled, fried, or steamed before children refuse to eat it.

Raw, uncooked zucchini can be sliced and put into salads, similar to the way cucumbers are sliced and put into salads.

So, you have lots of fresh zucchinis, and you cook and prepare them, and they look great, but they have a bitter or sour taste. The next time, use smaller zucchinis that have been picked off the vine well before they are fully-grown and mature. As zucchinis grow larger, and as they age on the shelf at the market or in your refrigerator, they begin to ripen. The best zucchinis are ones that have not yet ripened and have not developed any bitter or sour taste. Much like cucumbers, you will want to eat zucchinis while they are small and well before they are full grown and ripened, preferably within a day or two of their arrival in your kitchen.

Zucchini zoodles can be added to spaghetti recipes, and it can be used as a replacement for other types of pasta noodles as well. ‘Zoodles’ are easy to make with the aid of some kitchen gadgets. Using a mandolin or a spiral slicer, first secure the zucchini on prongs, and then push the vegetable toward the blades. A smaller and less expensive option is a julienne peeler, which has a serrated blade that can be used to create thin wide strips.

Zucchini Quiz
- Zucchini is ready for harvest in how many days after planting from seeds?
- Are zucchini blossoms, or flowers, edible?
- What are zoodles made of?

According to www.NationalDayCalendar.com, 8 August of each year is National Sneak Some Zucchini Into Your Neighbor’s Porch Day.

Zucchini Quiz Answers
- Zucchini is ready for harvest 35 to 55 days after planting from seeds.
- Zucchini blossoms, or flowers, are edible, though usually stir-fried.
- Zoodles are strips of zucchini that can be used in place of pasta.

This is ‘MFOL!’ . . . where we plant smiles, grow fun, and harvest giggles . . . perhaps we should try that with zucchinis also . . .

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