Make Fun Of Life!

This Frog Is Seeing Something

4/4/2020

This frog is seeing what is on www.MakeFunOfLife.net and is keenly interested . . . perhaps you will be too . . .

If you came here looking for fun, you are in the right place. Just travel down this page, skipping the topics that do not interest you, until you come to the ones that appeal to you. When you have a moment, be sure to explore some of the other pages shown on the menu bar at the top of this page, including our Library page, which includes Fairy Tales, Adventure, and Picture Quotations.

This is MFOL! . . . interesting to curious green amphibians . . .

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Age and Aging

4/3/2020

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“Life begins at eighty.” -Author Unknown

How to Grow Old

If you want to be an old man long before your time,
     Never fool with poetry, never make a rhyme.
Never play with children, never skip the rope,
     Never have a good time blowing bubble soap.
Never go a-fishing, never pass the ball,
     Never ramble in the woods in Summer or in Fall.
Never lift your eyes to God, keep ‘em looking down,
     Never wear a pleasant smile, always wear a frown.
Never take your time to eat, always overstuff,
     Never have the sense to know when you’ve had enough.

by Alex Rennie

“Once you reach 80, everyone wants to carry your baggage and help you up the steps. If you forget your name or anybody else’s name, or an appointment, or your own telephone number, or promise to be three places at the same time, or can’t remember how many grandchildren you have, you need only explain that you are 80.” -Frank Laubach: as quoted in Ann Landers: “Wake Up and Smell the Coffee! Advice, Wisdom, and Uncommon Good Sense” (1996)

“At age 7, Mozart wrote his first symphony. At 12, Shane Gould won an Olympic medal. At 14, Leann Rimes topped the Country Music charts. At 17, Joan of Arc led an army in defense of Europe. At 57, Ray Kroc founded the McDonald’s Restaurant chain. At 71, Michelangelo painted the Sistine Chapel. At 80, George Burns won his first Oscar. At 104, Cal Evans wrote his first book on the American West.” -Gil Atkinson: as quoted in Dan Zadra: “I Believe in You: To Your Heart, Your Dream, and the Difference You Make” (August 1999)

“When you are dissatisfied with the present and would like to go back to your youth, just think of Algebra and Geometry.” -Author Unknown

“Wrinkles mean you laughed, gray hair means you cared, and scars mean you lived!” -Author Unknown

“Ah, being young is beautiful . . . but being old is comfortable.” -Author Unknown

At a nursing home in Florida, some senior citizens were sitting around talking about their aches and pains. “My arms are so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee,” said one. “I know what you mean. My cataracts are so bad I can’t even see my coffee,” replied another. “I can’t turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck,” said a third. “My blood pressure pills make me dizzy,” another contributed. “I guess that’s the price we pay for getting old,” winced an old man. Then there was a short moment of silence followed by, “Thankfully, we can all still drive!” chimed in one cheerful woman.

On Growing Up

My grandmother is coming tomorrow
     And then I’m going to be four;
I’m getting so big that already,
     I can open the kitchen door;
I’m very much taller than Baby,
     Though today I am still only three,
And I’m bigger than bob-tail the puppy,
     Who used to be bigger than me.

by Author Unknown

“It is not by the gray of the hair that one knows the age of the heart.” -Edward George Earle Bulwer-Lytton (1803 - 1873)

Three sisters, who were 92, 94, and 96 years of age, lived in a house together. One night the 96 year old drew a bath. She put her foot in and paused. She yelled to the other sisters, “Was I getting in or out of the bath?” The 94-year-old yelled back, “I don’t know. I’ll come up and see.” She started up the stairs and paused. “Was I going up the stairs or down?” The 92 year old was sitting at the kitchen table having tea and listening to her sisters. She shook her head and said, “I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood.” She then yelled, “I’ll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who’s at the door.”

“We turn not older with years, but newer every day.” -Emily Dickinson (1830 - 1886)

Age

Mary’s five and Bea is three,
     Bob is nine, that’s three times Bea.
In four more years I’ll be eleven,
     That’s much better than being seven.
Granddad’s sixty I am told,
     How many years till I’m that old?
Funny how mum’s age never changes,
     She’s been twenty-one for ages!

by Author Unknown

“As I get older, I just prefer to knit.” -Tracey Ullman

“Wrinkles should merely indicate where the smiles have been.” -Mark Twain (pseudonym of Samuel Langhorne Clemens (1835 - 1910)): “Following the Equator” (1897), chapter 52

Advantages of Growing Old
- You can eat supper at 4:00 p.m.
- People call at 8:00 p.m. and ask, ‘Did I wake you?’
- There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
- Things you buy now won’t wear out.
- You enjoy hearing about other people’s problems.
- Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
- You realize how wise you are to have bought long-term care insurance.
- You have a party and the neighbors don’t even realize it.
- Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.
- You can’t remember where you found this list.

“The great thing about getting older is that you don’t lose all the other ages you’ve been.” -Madeleine L’Engle (Madeleine L’Engle Camp (1918 - 2007))

“As you get older three things happen. The first is, your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two . . .” -Norman Wisdom

A little silver-haired lady called her neighbor and said, “Please come over here and help me. I have a new jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to get started.” Her neighbor asked, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?” The little silver-haired lady said, “According to the picture on the box, it’s a rooster.” Her neighbor decided to go over and help with the puzzle. She let him in and showed him where she had the puzzle spread all over her table. He studied the pieces for a moment, looked at the box, and then turned to her and said, “First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to assemble the pieces into anything resembling a rooster.” He gently put his hand on her shoulder and said, “Secondly, I want you to relax. Let’s have a nice cup of tea, and well . . .” he said with a deep sigh, “. . . let’s put all the corn flakes back in the box.”

“Age is nothing at all . . . unless you are a cheese.” -Billie Burke (Mary William Appleton ‘Billie’ Burke (1886 - 1970))

“When I was little, I thought being an adult meant not having a bedtime, but I’ve come to realize that it just means being in charge of my own bedtime and it turns out that I am not equipped to handle that responsibility.” -Author Unknown

Games for When We Are Older
1. Sag, You’re It!
2. Pin the Toupee on the Bald Person
3. Twenty Questions Shouted Into Your One Good Ear
4. Musical Recliners
5. Doc, Doc - Nurse!
6. Simon Says Something Incoherent
7. Spin the Medication Bottle
8. Has Anyone Seen Where I Mislaid My Teeth?
9. Cane Dueling
10. Who Am I and How Did I Get Here?

Overheard: I just turned 92, and I have finally figured out what I want to do with my life.

Be wise with speed;
     A fool at forty is a fool indeed.
-Edward Young (1683 - 1765)

“How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you was?” - Satchel Paige (Leroy Robert ‘Satchel’ Paige (1906 - 1982)): as quoted in the “New York Times” (8 June 1984)

“I still have a full deck; I just shuffle slower now.” -Author Unknown

“I have often noticed that a kindly, placid, good humor is the companion of longevity, and I suspect, frequently the leading cause of it.” -Walter Scott (1771 - 1832): “Sir Walter Scott’s Journal 1825 - 1832” (1890), ‘20 September 1826’

“Youth is happy because it has the ability to see beauty. Anyone who keeps the ability to see beauty never grows old.” -Franz Kafka (1883 - 1924)

Old Age

I like my new bifocals,
     My dentures fit just fine,
My hearing aid is perfect,
     But, Lord, I miss my mind!

by Author Unknown

“I will never be an old man. To me, old age is always fifteen years older than I am.” -Bernard M. Baruch (Bernard Mannes Baruch (1870 - 1965)): as quoted in “Newsweek” (29 August 1955) (similar quotation attributed to René Descartes)

“The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom.” -H. L. Mencken (Henry Louis Mencken (1880 - 1956)): “Prejudices: Third Series” (1922), chapter 3

“As soon as you feel too old to do a thing, do it!” -Margaret Deland (1857 - 1945)

How Old Is Old?

An elephant outlives a monkey,
     A turtle, longer than man,
A housefly will last but a summer,
     A tree has a long life span.
A camel has humps when a baby,
     A deer slows down when fifteen,
Eight years is life’s span for a squirrel,
     One older is seldom seen.
You are young, my friend, not old but young
     If you find deep in your heart
Beautiful thoughts of deeds to be done
     Or some kind words to impart.

by Author Unknown

“It’s not the age of a person, but the attitude that matters.” -Author Unknown

“The older one gets, the more one comes to resemble oneself.” -Maurice Chevalier (Maurice Auguste Chevalier (1888 - 1972))

“You’ve heard of the three stages of man - youth, age, and ‘you’re looking wonderful’.” -Francis Cardinal Spellman

It’s happening so fast . . . all those Rock ‘n’ Rollers are now in rocking chairs! Some of the artists from the 1960’s and 1970’s are re-releasing their hits with new lyrics to accommodate us in our golden years. This is good news for those of us who are missing all of those great old tunes.
- Herman’s Hermits: “Mrs. Brown, You’ve Got a Lovely Walker”
- The Bee Gees: “How Can You Mend a Broken Hip”
- The Temptations: “Papa’s got a Kidney Stone”
- Marvin Gaye: “I Heard It through the Grape Nuts”
- Johnny Nash: “I Can’t See Clearly Now”
- ABBA: “Denture Queen”

“Age doesn’t always make you as forgetful as you may have been led to believe. It’s really having far too many worthless facts to remember that makes you forgetful.” -Author Unknown

“If you don’t learn to laugh at trouble, you won’t have anything to laugh at when you are old.” -Author Unknown

“He was of that awkward age, being too old for military service and too young for retirement.” -Author Unknown

“The key to successful aging is to pay as little attention to it as possible.” -Judith Regan

Randy: What goes up, but never comes down?
Sandy: Your age.

Grandpa was celebrating his 100th birthday and everybody complimented him on how athletic and well preserved he appeared. “I will tell you the secret of my success,” he cackled. “My wife and I were married 75 years ago. On our wedding night, we made a solemn pledge that whenever we had a fight, the one who was proved wrong would go out and take a walk. Gentlemen, I have been in the open air practically continuously for 75 years.”

“Age is just a number - you are as young or as old as you feel.” -Author Unknown

“A man is getting old when he walks around a puddle instead of through it.” -R. C. Ferguson

Sandra: How can a woman be 94 on her last birthday and 96 on her next birthday?
Cassandra: Today is her 95th birthday!

“Age does not protect you from love. But love, to some extent, protects you from age.” -Anaïs Nin (1903 - 1977)

“When one has reached 81 . . . one likes to sit back and let the world turn by itself without trying to push it.” -Sean O’Casey (1880 - 1964): as quoted in “The New York Times” (25 September 1960)

“It is a mistake to regard age as a downhill grade toward dissolution. The reverse is true. As one grows older, one climbs with surprising strides.” -George Sand (pseudonym of Amandine-Aurore-Lucile Dupin (1804 - 1876))

“We are always the same age inside.” -Gertrude Stein (1874 - 1946)

Stan: How can you tell that you are getting old?
Dan: You go to an antiques auction and three people bid on you.

“A man over ninety is a great comfort to all his elderly neighbors: he is a picket-guard at the extreme outpost; and the young folks of sixty and seventy feel that the enemy must get by him before he can come near their camp.” -Oliver Wendell Holmes, Senior (1809 - 1894): “The Guardian Angel” (1867)

“Age is a question of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” -Satchel Paige (Leroy Robert ‘Satchel’ Paige (1906 - 1982))

“Do not regret growing old . . . it is a privilege denied to many.” -Author Unknown

“Seasoned citizen - seasonings may include salt and pepper.” -Author Unknown

“There is a fountain of youth: it is your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to your life and the lives of the people you love. When you learn to tap this source, you will have truly defeated age.” -Sophia Loren (pseudonym of Sophia Sciccoloni (born 1934))

“As one grows older, one becomes wiser and more foolish.” -François de La Rochefoucauld (also known as François Duc de La Rochefoucauld (1613 - 1680))

“I am still learning.” -Michelangelo (Michelangelo di Lodovico Buonarroti Simoni, also known as Buonarroti Michelangelo (1475 - 1564)), at 80 years of age

“I’m not interested in age. People who tell me their age are silly. You’re as old as you feel.” -Henri-Frédéric Amiel (1821 - 1881)

For age is opportunity no less
     Than youth itself, though in another dress,
And as the evening twilight fades away,
     The sky is filled with stars, invisible by day.
-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807 - 1882): “Morituri Salutamus” (1875)

“You can tell you are getting old when you sit down in a rocking chair and cannot get it started.” -Author Unknown

“For years I wanted to be older, and now I am.” -Margaret Atwood (born 1939)

“One of the many things nobody ever tells you about middle age is that it’s such a nice change from being young.” -Dorothy Canfield Fisher (1879 - 1958)

“The older the fiddle, the sweeter the sound.” -Author Unknown

“I think all this talk about age is foolish. Every time I’m one year older, everyone else is too.” -Gloria Swanson (1897 - 1983): “Swanson on Swanson” (1981)

“The belief that youth is the happiest time of life is founded on a fallacy. The happiest person is the person who thinks the most interesting thoughts and we grow happier as we grow older.” -William Lyon Phelps (1865 - 1943)

“I am getting to an age when I can only enjoy the last sport left. It is called hunting for your spectacles.” -Edward Grey

“The older you get, the faster time passes in your mind, so use your time according to what is most important.” -A. J. Darkholme: “Rise of the Morningstar” (????)

Well, hello there! Did you know that right now you are the oldest you have ever been before and the youngest you will ever be again? We would like to encourage you to enjoy every moment you have. Now go out there and Make Fun Of Life!

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Waiting and Patience

3/26/2020

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Everybody’s waiting for something . . .

“Good things come to those who wait - but better things come to those who work for it.” -Author Unknown

“I was not born to wait.” -Gwenda Bond: “Double Down” (1 May 2016)

“I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.” -Steven Wright (Steven Alexander Wright (born 1955))

“Beware the Fury of a Patient Man.” -John Dryden (1631 - 1700): “Absalom and Achitophel” (1681), Part 1, line 1005; type of work: satiric poem

“Patience is the ability to count down without blasting off.” -Author Unknown

“You’re trying to eat grass that isn’t there. Why don’t you give it a chance to grow?” -Richard Adams (1920 - 2016): “Watership Down” (November 1972)

Pay-Off

All things may come
To those who wait,
But when they do,
They’re out of date.

by George Hill

“If you are patient in a moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow.” -Author Unknown

“Be patient with your impatience.” -Roy Masters (born Reuben Obermeister (born 1928))

“The secret of patience is to do something else in the meantime.” -Croft M. Pentz (Croft Miner Pentz (1931 -2008))

“What is done hastily is not done well.” -Author Unknown

“Everything comes too late for those who only wait.” -Elbert Hubbard (Elbert Green Hubbard (1856 - 1915))

Overheard: Patience is something that can only be learned by waiting.

“‘Patience is a virtue’ is always said by those who make others wait, and never by those who must wait.” -Author Unknown

“There is, however, a limit at which forbearance ceases to be a virtue.” -Edmund Burke (1729 - 1797): “Observations on a Late Publication on the Present State of the Nation”

“The key to everything is patience. You get the chicken by hatching the egg, not by smashing it.” -Arnold H. Glasow (Arnold Henry Glasow (1905 - 1998))

“Patience is powerful.” -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807 - 1882)

“How can a society that exists on instant mashed potatoes, packaged cake mixes, frozen dinners, and instant cameras teach patience to its young?” -Paul Sweeney

“All things come to those who wait - provided they work continually while waiting.” -Author Unknown

“In putting off what one has to do, one runs the risk of never being able to do it.” -Charles Baudelaire (1821 - 1867)

Once upon a time, there was a man who was very impatient with other people. To him, everyone seemed to be too slow to understand and too slow to do the right things. Also to him, people seemed too quick to come to the wrong conclusions and too quick to do the wrong things. The more the man had to deal with people, the more impatient he became with them, so he decided that he must get away from people until he could learn how to be patient. He built himself a little home deep in the woods, and far away from civilization, and lived as a hermit. Years later, a man was hiking through the woods, and met the impatient man. The hiker was amazed to find anyone living so deep in the woods and so far away from the rest of the world, so he asked the man why he was there all by himself. The man said that he was there to learn patience. The hiker asked how long he had been living all alone in the woods, and the man replied, “Thirty-one years.” Stunned, the hiker asked, “If there are no other people around you, how will you know when you have learned to be patient?” Annoyed by this lengthy conversation, the impatient man replied, “Go away, I have no time for you.”

“You will develop patience if you wait long enough.” -Author Unknown

“Patience is also a form of action.” -Auguste Rodin (also known as François Auguste René Rodin or Auguste-René Rodin (1840 - 1917))

Macrophobia is a fear of long waits. Personally, we are afraid of short waits. “The dentist will see you now.” “Oh, no . . . couldn’t we wait just a little longer?”

“Lateness is rudeness - always. There is no such thing as being ‘fashionably late.’ If you are running late, call to let your host know.” -Author Unknown

‘Hurry up and wait!’ could be the slogan of many individuals and organizations. Military people are familiar with this saying. People with government appointments may have heard this saying. People with medical appointments may suspect that this is what is going on. You make all kinds of advance preparations in order to be absolutely certain that you have everything ready that they require, and you make sure that you are not just on time, but at least a few minutes early - and what happens? You are made to wait for hours, because the people who insisted that you show up prepared and on time did not make the same efforts to be sure they were prepared and on time to meet you! It can be hard not to feel that these people do not respect you and that they are stealing your time away from you.

“Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish.” -John Quincy Adams (1767 - 1848)

“All things come to those who wait - provided they work continually while waiting.” -Author Unknown

“Patience with others is love. Patience with self is hope. Patience with God is faith.” -Adel Bestavros (Adel Azer Bestavros (1924 - 2005))

“Men count up the faults of those who keep them waiting.” -Author Unknown: French proverb

Overheard: Thank you for your patience.

“Patience is the greatest of all virtues.” -Cato the Elder (Marcus Porcius Cato (233 B.C.E. - 148 B.C.E.))

“If you have been waiting for someone or something for so long that you can actually feel yourself getting older while you wait, then you know that you have been waiting for far too long.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)

“Patience will come to him who waits for it.” -Author Unknown

“If the cat sits long enough at the hole, it will catch the mouse.” -Author Unknown: Irish proverb

“Patience is a key element of success.” -Bill Gates (born 1955)

“It is better to have a hen tomorrow than an egg today.” -Thomas Fuller (1654 - 1734)

“There is nothing to be gained by waiting for a better situation. You see where you are and you do what you can with that.” -Jacob K. Javits (Jacob Koppel Javits (1904 - 1986))

“Patience is not simply the ability to wait. It’s how we behave while we’re waiting.” -Joyce Meyer (born Pauline Joyce Hutchison (born 1943))

“If you wait, all that happens is that you get older.” -Larry McMurtry (born 1936): “Some Can Whistle” (1989)

“Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet.” [English translation]
“La patience est amère, mais son fruit est doux.” [original French]
-Jean Chardin (1643 - 1713): “Voyages en Perse et autres lieux de l’Orient” (1711), page 175

“Our patience will achieve more than our force.” -Edmund Burke (1729 - 1797): “Reflections on the Revolution in France” (1790)

“Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself.” -Francis de Sales (1567 - 1622)

“Abused Patience turns to Fury.” -Thomas Fuller (1654 - 1734): “Gnomologia: Adages and Proverbs” (1732), number 757

“When you are tempted to lose patience with someone, think how patient God has been with you all the time.” -Author Unknown

“You can chase a butterfly all over the field and never catch it. But if you sit quietly in the grass it will come and sit on your shoulder.” -Author Unknown

“No great thing is created suddenly.” -Epictetus (C.E. 55 - C.E. 135)

“Patience means self-suffering.” -Mahatma Gandhi (Mohandas Karamchand ‘Mahatma’ Gandhi (1869 - 1948))

“Waiting is one thing, but when people force us to wait for an exorbitant amount of time, they are actually taking a part of our lives away from us, because time is a measure of life.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)

“He that can have patience can have what he will.” -Benjamin Franklin (1706 - 1790): “Poor Richard’s Almanack” (June 1736)

“Even the nicest person’s patience has a limit.” -Author Unknown

“I have noticed that the people who are late are often so much jollier than the people who have to wait for them.” -E. V. Lucas (Edward Verrall Lucas (1868 - 1938)): “365 Days and One More” (1926), ‘October 3’

“Patience is the art of hoping.” [English translation]
“La patience est l’art d’espérer.” [original French]
-Luc de Clapiers, Marquis de Vauvenargues (1715 - 1747): “Réflexions” (1746), CCLI

“Patience and tenacity of purpose are worth more than twice their weight of cleverness.” -T. H. Huxley (Thomas Henry Huxley (1825 - 1895))

“Patience, noun. A minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue.” -Ambrose Bierce (Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce (1842 - 1914)): “The Cynic’s Word Book” (1906; retitled in 1911 as “The Devil’s Dictionary”)

“Patience is the art of concealing your impatience.” -Guy Kawasaki (Guy Takeo Kawasaki (born 1954))

“Patience is the calm acceptance that things can happen in a different order than the one you have in mind.” -David G. Allen (born 1945)

“Regardless of how much patience we have, we would prefer never to use any of it.” -James T. O’Brien

“If you wait until all the lights are ‘green’ before you leave home, you’ll never get started on your trip to the top.” -Zig Ziglar (Hilary Hinton ‘Zig’ Ziglar (1926 - 2012))

“When you are tempted to lose patience with God, remember how patient God has been with you.” -Author Unknown

“Patience is a virtue. The Moon and the Sun learned long ago that, if each patiently waits its turn, they will both have their chance to shine.” -Author Unknown

“Please be patient. God has not finished with me yet.” -Author Unknown

“Good things come to those who believe, better things come to those who are patient, and the best things come to those who don’t give up.” -Author Unknown

This is life’s dilemma and it is sure as fate
Some things can’t be hurried and other things can’t wait.
-Author Unknown

Overheard: Good things take time.

“Patience is the companion of wisdom.” -Augustine of Hippo (also known as Aurelius Augustinus Hipponensis and Aurelius Augustine (C.E. 354 - C.E. 430))

“Your capacity for patience will be rewarded eventually.” -Author Unknown

“Patience is the ability to let your light shine after your fuse has blown.” -Bob Levey

“A man who is a master of patience is master of everything else.” -George Savile (also known as Lord Halifax (1633 - 1695))

“Even a waiter finally comes to him who waits.” -Author Unknown

“Patience is the ability to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without becoming angry or upset.” -Author Unknown

“The things that come to those who wait may be the things left by those who got there first.” -Author Unknown

The two most common meanings of patience are as follows.
1. To wait without being frustrated, angry, complaining, and so forth.
2. To understandingly bear with the faults of others.

“Impatience can cause wise people to do foolish things.” -Janette Oke (born 1935)

“I feel like I’m waiting for something that isn’t going to happen.” -Author Unknown

“Patience is a necessary ingredient of genius.” -Benjamin Disraeli (1804 - 1881)

“People wait all week for Friday, all year for Summer, all of a lifetime for happiness.” -Author Unknown

“Impatience never commanded success.” -Edwin H. Chapin (Edwin Hubbell Chapin (1814 - 1880))

A little boy was standing patiently at the bottom of an escalator in a big department store. A saleswoman asked him, “Sonny, are you lost?” The boy answered, “No ma’am, I’m waiting for my chewing gum to come back.”

“The man who is waiting for something to turn up might start on his shirt sleeves.” -Garth Henrichs

Overheard: Be patient with people - nobody is perfect.

“Patience is not the ability to wait, but the ability to keep a good attitude while waiting.” -Author Unknown

“Don’t wait. The time will never be just right.” -Napoleon Hill (Oliver Napoleon Hill (1883 - 1970))

We would be flattering ourselves if we said that this topic was certainly worth waiting for . . . more fun and learning continues below . . . on MFOL!

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Housekeeping and Housecleaning

3/21/2020

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It turns out that real men actually can do real housework . . .

“The obvious and fair solution to the housework problem is to let men do the housework for, say, the next six thousand years, to even things up. The trouble is that men, over the years, have developed an inflated notion of the importance of everything they do, so that before long they would turn housework into just as much of a charade as business is now. They would hire secretaries and buy computers and fly off to housework conferences in Bermuda, but they’d never clean anything.” -Dave Barry (David McAlister ‘Dave’ Barry (born 1947))

Ethan: Did you hear about the man who crossed a bale of straw with an octopus?
Ethel: Yes, he got a broom with eight handles.

Dorothy Parker was a writer and a humorist who led a very busy life. One day she was foolish enough to accept two baby alligators as a gift. She brought them home, ran a little water in the bathtub, and put them there until she could decide what to do with them. The next day, the cleaning woman came by while Parker was out. When Parker returned that evening, she found the house uncleaned and this note: “Dear Madam, I am leaving. I cannot work in a house with alligators. I would have told you this before, but I never thought the subject would come up.”

“Twenty-one percent of people do not make their beds in the morning.” -Author Unknown

Bed-Making Machine

“I’ve been thinking it over, I mean,”
Said a child to her girl-friend Irene,
     “It’s a shame and a crime,
     After all this long time,
No one’s built a bed-making machine.”

by Author Unknown

Does vacuuming count as aerobic exercise?

Overheard: A clean house is a happy house!

“I keep a bowl of plastic fruit on the table in case a couple of mannequins drop in for a visit.” -Author Unknown

Dirty Dishes

Thank God for dirty dishes,
     They have a tale to tell.
While others may go hungry,
     We’ve eaten very well.
With home, health, and happiness;
     I shouldn’t want to fuss.
By the stack of evidence,
     God’s been very good to us.

by Author Unknown

“I’m not going to vacuum ’til Sears makes one you can ride on.” -Roseanne Barr (Roseanne Cherrie Barr (born 1952))

“I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes - and six months later you have to start all over again.” -Joan Rivers (pseudonym of Joan Alexandra Molinsky (1933 - 2014)): as quoted in Michèle Brown and Ann O’Connor, editors: “Woman Talk” (1984), ‘Work’

“Cleaning: Moving dirt from one place to another.” -Author Unknown

Why is there a light in the refrigerator and not in the freezer? Why do home refrigerators not have windows in the doors so people can look inside them without opening the doors?

“My husband and I have figured out a really good system about the housework: neither one of us does it.” -Dottie Archibald (Dorothy Bales ‘Dottie’ Archibald (born 1942))

Spring Cleaning

I’m really determined and keen
To start giving this house a Spring clean.
     I will do it I say,
     Yes, I’ll do it today . . .
Well, I’ll do it tomorrow, I mean.

by Author Unknown

“Our house is clean enough to be healthy, and dirty enough to be happy.” -Author Unknown

A woman admitted to being a less than fastidious housekeeper. One evening her husband returned home from work, walked into the kitchen, and said, “You know, dear, I can write my name in the dust on the mantel.” The woman turned to him and sweetly replied, “Well, darling, that’s why I married a college graduate.”

Fred: Why do refrigerators hum?
Ginger: Because they do not know the words.

“A new broom sweeps clean, but the old one knows the corners.” -Author Unknown

When Young Melissa Sweeps

When young Melissa sweeps a room
     I vow she dances with the broom!
She curtsies in a corner brightly
     And leads her partner forth politely.
Then up and down in jigs and reels,
     With gold dust flying at their heels,
They caper. With a whirl or two
     They make the wainscot shine like new;
They waltz beside the hearth, and quick
     It brightens, shabby brick by brick.
A gay gavotte across the floor,
     A Highland fling from door to door,
And every crack and corner’s clean
     Enough to suit a dainty queen.
If ever you are full of gloom,
     Just watch Melissa sweep a room!

by Nancy Byrd Turner (1880 - 1971)

“Housework is like stringing beads with no knot on the end.” -Author Unknown

“The washing of dishes does seem to me the most absurd and unsatisfactory business that I ever undertook. If, when once washed, they would remain clean forever and ever (which they ought in all reason to do, considering how much trouble it is), there would be less occasion to grumble; but no sooner is it done, than it requires to be done again. On the whole, I have come to the resolution not to use more than one dish at each meal.” -Nathaniel Hawthorne (1804 - 1864)

“Please Do Not Feed The Dust Bunnies.” -Author Unknown

Dust bunnies are magical. Santa’s elves make them at the North Pole during the off-season, and they are then delivered to people’s homes by the other little people: fairies, gnomes, pixies, leprechauns, and so forth, just in time for Spring cleaning.

“A house becomes a home when you can write, ‘I love you’ on the furniture.” -Author Unknown: “Dust If You Must”

A Request

Please be a dear
     And do your dish here
For if you do not
     The house will be wrought
With people disgusted
     By the mess that’s displayed
And hence are not able
     To dine at the table
For lack of clean dishes
     Restricts their good wishes.

by Author Unknown

“Cleaning is just putting stuff in less obvious places.” -Author Unknown

“There were times, indeed, when the vigor she put into her work was more of a relief to her feelings than it was an ardor to efface dirt . . .” -Eleanor H. Porter (Eleanor Emily Hodgman Porter (1868 - 1920)): “Pollyanna” (1912)

Amathophobia is a persistent fear of dust. Amathophobia is derived from the Greek words ‘amathos’ meaning ‘sand’ and ‘phobos’ meaning ‘fear.’ What is a fear of dust bunnies called?

“Dust is a protective coating for fine furniture.” -Mario Buatta (1935 - 2018)

Ivy: What do you call a pretty woman using a broom?
Ivan: Sweeping beauty.

Ataxophobia is a persistent fear of disorder or untidiness. Ataxophobia is derived from the Greek words ‘taxo’ meaning ‘order’ and ‘phobia’ meaning ‘fear.’

“The meal’s complete when the kitchen’s neat.” -Author Unknown

“There was no need to do any housework at all. After the first four years the dirt doesn’t get any worse.” -Quentin Crisp (Denis Charles Pratt (1908 - 1999))

“Nature abhors a vacuum. And so do I.” -Anne Gibbons

“Housework is something you do that nobody notices until you don’t do it.” -Author Unknown

Don’t overlook any available tongues when cleaning. Cats and dogs and other pets can lick clean food surfaces such as plates and floors; children can lick clean mixing spoons and eggbeaters.

“You sometimes see a woman who would have made a Joan of Arc in another century and climate, threshing herself to pieces over all the mean worry of housekeeping.” -Rudyard Kipling (Joseph Rudyard Kipling (1865 - 1936))

“I got the blues thinking of the future, so I left off and made some marmalade. It’s amazing how it cheers one up to shred oranges and scrub the floor.” -D. H. Lawrence (David Herbert Lawrence (1885 - 1930))

Come on In

Although you’ll find our house a mess
     Come-in - sit down - converse.
It doesn’t always look like this;
     Some days it’s even worse.

by Author Unknown

“My theory on housework is, if the item doesn’t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?” -Erma Bombeck (Erma Louise Bombeck (1927 - 1996))

“The best time for planning a book is while you’re doing the dishes.” -Agatha Christie (Agatha Mary Clarissa Christie (1890 - 1976))

“You don’t get anything clean without getting something else dirty.” -Cecil Baxter (Cecil Richard Baxter (1922 - 2014))

“When it comes to housework, the one thing no book of household management can ever tell you is how to begin. Or maybe I mean why.” -Katharine Whitehorn (Katharine Elizabeth Whitehorn (born 1928)): “Roundabout” (1962), ‘Nought for Homework’

Overheard: I got a new dishwasher today . . . I don’t know how long she will want the job.

If the shelves are dusty and the pots don’t shine,
It’s because I have better things to do with my time.
-Author Unknown

“The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.” -Author Unknown

“There may be dust in my house but there isn’t any on me.” -Author Unknown

“Have a place for everything and keep the thing somewhere else; this is not a piece of advice, it is merely a custom.” -Mark Twain (Samuel Langhorne Clemens (1835 - 1910))

What I Like

I like hugs
     And I like kisses,
But what I really love
     Is help with the dishes!

by Author Unknown

Overheard: When it comes to house cleaning, I always keep the nuclear option open.

May

Scrub and polish, - sweep and clean, -
     Fling your windows wide!
See, the trees are clad in green!
     Coax the Spring inside!
Home, be shining fair to-day
     For the guest whose name is May!

by Louise Bennett Weaver (Louise Bennett Weaver George (1889 - 1949)) and Helen Cowles LeCron (1886 - 1963): “A Thousand Ways to Please a Husband with Bettina’s Best Recipes” (1917)

“Are you an untidy or forgetful housekeeper? Just remember this simple saying, ‘ABC - Always Be Cleaning.’” -Author Unknown

“Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.” -Phyllis Diller (pseudonym of Phyllis Ada Driver (1917 - 2012)): as quoted in Jilly Cooper and Tom Hartman: “Violets and Vinegar” (1980), ‘I Liked You Better Smaller’

Housecleanin’ Time

Well, housecleanin’ time is with us once more;
     And, landsakes alive, it’s an awful chore!
What with scrubbin’, rubbin’, and washin’ paint,
     It’s not any picnic; you bet it ain’t! . . .
For it has to be done each Spring and Fall:
     The attic and cellar, bedrooms and hall.
Each room, in its order, gives up its dirt,
     Till I am weary and my back does hurt!

by Gertrude Tooley Buckingham (born 1880) (1940’s)

“My idea of superwoman is someone who scrubs her own floors.” -Bette Midler (born 1945)

“This business is ‘really cleaning up’!” -Author Unknown: owner of a successful cleaning service

“I make no secret of the fact that I would rather lie on the sofa than sweep underneath it. But you have to be efficient if you’re going to be lazy.” -Shirley Conran (born 1932): “Superwoman” (1975), ‘The Reason Why’

“At my house, ‘dust’ is a noun, not a verb.” -Author Unknown

“Helping his wife wash the dishes, a minister protested, ‘This isn’t a man’s job.’ ‘Oh yes it is,’ his wife retorted, quoting 2nd Kings, chapter 21, verse 13: ‘I will wipe Jerusalem as a man wipeth a dish, wiping it, and turning it upside down.’” -Tal Bonham

“Housekeeping is like being caught in a revolving door.” -Marcelene Cox

“I think housework is the reason most women go to the office!” -Heloise Cruse (Ponce Kiah Marchelle Heloise Cruse Evans (born 1951))

“This is a honeydew day. That is when you get a day off and the wife says, ‘Honey, do this,’ and ‘Honey, do that,’ around the house.” -Jim Lemon (James Robert ‘Jim’ Lemon (1928 - 2006))

“One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries.” -A. A. Milne (Alan Alexander Milne (1882 - 1956))

Overheard: I avoid cleaning my house because I get easily distracted by all of the interesting things I keep finding.

“Housekeeping ain’t no joke.” -Louisa May Alcott (1832 - 1888): “Little Women” (1868), part 1, chapter 11; line spoken by cook Hannah

“Always turn out your closet light. Otherwise, you’ll get up some morning and find you can’t start your closet.” -Charles Schulz (Charles Monroe ‘Sparky’ Schulz (1922 - 2000))

“An efficient homemaker is one who, after dinner, gives the children something to play with in the bathtub, namely, the dinner dishes!” -Author Unknown

“A place for everything, and everything in its place.” -Author Unknown: proverb

May the very lightness of your being have you walking on air . . . as you MFOL! each and every day . . .

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Smiles and Smiling

3/16/2020

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It is very important to remember to smile as often as possible, because as we all know, there is not enough smiling going on in the world today . . .

“I really don’t know how to smile. Is there someplace I could get lessons, like a school or a seminar?” -Author Unknown

“Smiling is a great way to look your best.” -Author Unknown

“I add a smile to everything I wear and that has worked great for me.” -David White (1916 - 1990)

“If you smile at someone, they might smile back.” -Author Unknown

Smile

I gave away my smile
     to the girl across the street.
She gave it to her brother
     as they sat down to eat.
Her brother gave it to their Mom,
     she wore it for a day.
Then gave it to another girl
     whose name was Paula Kay.
Paula took her smile outside
     and stood next to a tree.
She put her hands upon her hips
     then gave it back to me.

by Author Unknown

“A smile can brighten someone’s day without using a penny’s worth of electricity.” -Author Unknown

“Smiling is the best way to face every problem, to crush every fear, to hide every pain.” -Author Unknown

Worry less,
     Smile more,
Don’t regret,
     Just learn and grow!
-Author Unknown

“Always smile back at little children . . . to ignore them is to destroy their belief that the world is good.” -Pam Brown (Pamela Jane Barclay Brown (born 1948))

“If you see someone without a smile, give them one of yours.” -Author Unknown

“‘SMILE’ is an acronym for, ‘See Miracles In Life Everyday.’” -Author Unknown

“I have never seen a smiling face that was not beautiful.” -Author Unknown

“You’ll find that life is still worthwhile, if you just smile.” -Charlie Chaplin (Charles Spencer ‘Charlie’ Chaplin (1889 - 1977))

“It was only a sunny smile and little it cost in the giving but like morning light it scattered the night and made the day worth living.” -F. Scott Fitzgerald (Francis Scott Key Fitzgerald (1896 - 1940)): “The Great Gatsby” (10 April 1925)

“A smile is an act of kindness.” -A. D. Williams (Anthony Douglas Williams)

“Wear a smile and have friends; wear a scowl and have wrinkles.” -George Eliot (pseudonym of Marian Evans Cross, also known as Mary Ann Evans (1819 - 1880))

“A smile is something you can’t give away; it always comes back to you.” -Author Unknown

“Sometimes it’s hard to force a smile, but sometimes we have to; it’s what gets us through the hard times.” -Author Unknown

“A smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.” -Charles Gordy (1871 -1944)

“You want to know who’s got the most amazing and beautiful smile ever - read the first word of the sentence again!” -Author Unknown

“Smile . . . there are more than seven billion people in the world - don’t let just one ruin your day.” -Author Unknown

“Is a smile a question? Or is it the answer?” -Lee Smith

“If you want people to like you, smile!” -Author Unknown

“Nothing is more beautiful than a real smile that has struggled through tears.” -Author Unknown

“The world always looks better from behind a smile.” -Author Unknown

“A warm smile is the universal language of kindness.” -William A. Ward (William Arthur Ward (1921 - 1994))

“Lose your smile and lose your customers.” -Sam Walton (1918 - 1992)

“A smile is the shortest distance between two people.” -Victor Borge (1909 - 2000)

“Let your smile change the world; don’t let the world change your smile.” -Author Unknown

“A smile is worth much more than it costs.” -Author Unknown

“Sometimes just a smile on our face can help to make this world a better place.” -Robert Alan

“Smiles are great investments; the more you collect, the better you feel.” -Author Unknown

“I would walk miles for one of your smiles.” -Author Unknown

“A smile is the best makeup a girl can wear.” -Author Unknown

“Smiling is my favorite exercise.” -Author Unknown

“To receive a smile, give one away!” -Author Unknown

“A smile is a frown turned upside down.” -Author Unknown

“It takes seventeen muscles to smile and forty-three muscles to frown.” -Author Unknown

“A smile is the lighting system of the face, the cooling system of the head, and the heating system of the heart.” -Unknown

“All people smile in the same language.” -Author Unknown

“A smile is a powerful weapon; you can even break ice with it.” -Author Unknown

“If you will force yourself to smile, you’ll end up laughing. You will be cheerful because you smile. Repeated experiments have shown that when a person assumes the facial expression of a given mental mood - any given mood - then that mental mood itself will follow.” -Kenneth Goode

“A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.” -Phyllis Diller (pseudonym of Phyllis Ada Driver (1917 - 2012))

“After six years without seeing one, I love just seeing a smile - every smile I see gives me hope.” -Ingrid Betancourt (Ingrid Betancourt Pulecio (born 1961))

“A smile is the universal welcome.” -Max Eastman (1883 - 1969)

“I smile because I do not know what in the world is going on.” -Author Unknown

“A smile confuses an approaching frown.” -Author Unknown

“Keep smiling, because life is a beautiful thing and there is so much to smile about.” -Marilyn Monroe (Norma Jean Mortenson (1926 - 1962))

“A smile makes you feel good, and when you feel good, good things happen.” -Terri Lynn

“Smile! It increases your face value.” -Robert Harling (Robert M. Harling III (born 1951)): “Steel Magnolias” (5 November 1989)

“A smile on your face will do wonders for your appearance. It will give you youthfulness and optimism that beauty treatments or counselling sessions never could.” -Author Unknown

“Smile. The sunshine of your smile might chase the clouds from someone’s life today. It may be the ray of sunshine that someone needs in an otherwise stormy day.” -Author Unknown

“A smile is the light in your window that tells others that there is a caring, sharing person inside.” -Denis Waitley (Denis E. Waitley (born 1933))

“Smile, it is the key that fits the lock of everybody’s heart.” -Anthony J. D’Angelo

“A smile appeared upon her face as if she’d taken it directly from her handbag and pinned it there.” -Loma Chandler

Smile

It comforts the weary, gladdens the sad
     consoles those in trouble, good or bad.
To rich and poor, beggar or thief,
     it’s free to all of any belief.
A natural gesture of young and old
     cheers on the faint, disarms the bold.
Unlike most blessings for which we pray,
     it’s the only thing we keep when we give it away.

by Author Unknown

“Most smiles are started by another smile.” -Frank A. Clark (Frank Atherton Clark (1911 - 1991))

Ten Reasons to Smile

1. It makes you attractive
2. It changes your mood.
3. It is contagious.
4. It relieves stress.
5. It boosts your immune system.
6. It lowers your blood pressure.
7. It releases endorphins.
8. It lifts the face and makes you appear younger.
9. It makes you seem successful.
10. It helps you stay positive.

by Author Unknown

“Learn to smile at every situation. See it as an opportunity to prove your strength and ability.” -Joe Brown

“Smile, for everyone lacks self-confidence and more than any other one thing a smile reassures them.” -André Maurois (pseudonym of Émile Salomon Wilhelm Herzog (1885 - 1967))

“Before you put on a frown, make absolutely sure there are no smiles available.” -Jim Beggs

“A smile can brighten the darkest day.” -Author Unknown

The Smile

I had an extra smile
     When I left the house today
I thought I’d give it to someone
     I passed along the way.
I tried to give the smile away
     But incredibly
Each time I gave it to someone
     They’d give it back to me.
So now I have a bunch of smiles,
     What am I to do?
I think I’ll keep a couple
     And then give the rest to you!

by Author Unknown

“What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity. These are but trifles, to be sure; but scattered along life’s pathway, the good they do is inconceivable.” -Joseph Addison (1672 - 1719)

Smile and forgive;
It’s the only way to live.
-Author Unknown

“People are not perfect - except when they smile.” -Author Unknown

“If you did not start out the day with a smile, it is not too late to start practicing for tomorrow.” -Author Unknown

“Just because a person smiles all the time, doesn’t mean their life is perfect. That smile is a symbol of hope and strength.” -Lauryn Hill (Lauryn Noelle Hill (born 1975))

Lost Your Smile?

You haven’t lost your smile,
     It’s been there all the while,
Just waiting for the word,
     That smiling’s back in style!

by David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)

“If you don’t have a smile, I’ll give you one of mine.” -Author Unknown

“A smile of encouragement at the right moment may act like sunlight on a closed up flower; it may be the turning point for a struggling life.” -Alfred A. Montapert (Alfred Armand Montapert (1906 - 1997))

“Smiling is good for you and it is good for the people around you.” -Author Unknown

“I hope you always find a reason to smile.” -Author Unknown

“A smile gives your face something to do and it is good exercise and makes you look better.” -Author Unknown

“Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.” -Author Unknown

“We do not smile because something good has happened; rather something good happens because we smile.” -Author Unknown

“If you’re not using your smile, you’re like a man with a million dollars in the bank and no checkbook.” -Les Giblin (born 1912)

“Anyone can smile on their best day. I like to meet a man who can smile on his worst.” -Lauren Graham (Lauren Helen Graham (born 1967)): “Someday, Someday, Maybe” (30 April 2013)

“Smile and the world will smile with you . . . Frown and it will leave you alone.” -Pamela Prichard

“Smile, it’s the easiest way to improve your day.” -Author Unknown

“Nobody needs a smile so much as the one who has none to give. So get used to smiling heart-warming smiles, and you will spread sunshine in a sometimes dreary world.” -Lawrence G. Lovasik (1913 - 1986)

“Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.” -Teresa of Calcutta (Anjezë Gonxhe Bojaxhiu (1910 - 1997))

“Today, give a stranger one of your smiles. It might be the only sunshine he sees all day.” -Author Unknown, as quoted in H. Jackson Brown, Junior (born 1940): “P.S. I Love You” (1990)

“Smile - happy looks good on you!” -Author Unknown

“Smile, even when life does not present reasons for doing so, because your smile is a reason for many others to smile.” -Author Unknown

“Make it a regular habit to smile - and watch as miracles begin to happen all around you.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)

“Did you make someone smile today? You’ve still got time.” -Melissa Stewart

You look amazing when you smile . . . you should do that more often. Now back to further humor and inspiration and learning . . . on MFOL!

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Resenting and Forgiving

3/15/2020

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“Forgiving is not forgetting, it’s letting go of the hurt.” -Mary McLeod Bethune (Mary Jane McLeod Bethune (1875 - 1955))

“Without forgiveness life is governed by . . . an endless cycle of resentment and retaliation.” -Roberto Assagioli (1888 - 1974)

“Don’t carry a grudge. While you’re carrying the grudge the other guy’s out dancing.” -Buddy Hackett (1924 - 2003)

“The best revenge is a vow to never be like the one who hurt you.” -Author Unknown

“Resentment or grudges do no harm to the person against whom you hold these feelings but every day and every night of your life, they are eating at you.” -Norman Vincent Peale (1898 - 1993)

Forgiveness is a funny thing;
It warms the heart and cools the sting.
by William Arthur Ward (1921 - 1994)

“When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.” -Catherine Ponder (born 1927)

“When you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.” -Author Unknown

“Time spent in getting even would be better spent in getting ahead.” -Author Unknown

“I bear no grudges. I have a mind that retains nothing.” -Bette Midler (born 1945)

“Forgiveness means letting go of the past.” -Gerald Jampolsky (Gerald Gersham Jampolsky (born 1925))

“Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much.” -Oscar Wilde (Oscar Fingal O’Flahertie Wills Wilde (1854 - 1900))

“If you hug to yourself any resentment against anybody else, you destroy the bridge by which God would come to you.” -Peter Marshall (1902 - 1949)

“Life is an adventure in forgiveness.” -Norman Cousins (1915 - 1990): as quoted in the “Saturday Review” (15 April 1978)

“There is no revenge so complete as forgiveness.” -Josh Billings (pseudonym of Henry Wheeler Shaw (1818 - 1885))

“Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.” -Suzanne Somers (pseudonym of Suzanne Mahoney (born 1946)), website www.suzannesomers.com

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Let’s let bygones be bygones
     And start all over again.
Let us forget we parted
     And be the same as we started.

Remember, the sunshine
     Must always follow the rain.
So, let’s let bygones be bygones
     And start all over again.

by Joseph George Gilbert: “Let Bygones Be Bygones” (1933), stanzas 1 and 2

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“The heaviest thing to carry is a grudge.” -Author Unknown

“Don’t get even . . . get odd!” -Author Unknown

“You must forgive those who trespass against you before you can look to Heaven for forgiveness.” -Author Unknown: “The Talmud”

Good, to forgive;
Best, to forget.
by Robert Browning (1812 - 1889)

“The best revenge is massive success.” -Frank Sinatra (1915 - 1998)

“Let us forget and forgive injuries.” -Miguel de Cervantes (Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra (1547 - 1616))

“It is easier to forgive and forget than to resent and remember.” -Author Unknown

“He that cannot forgive others, breaks the bridge over which he himself must pass if he would ever reach Heaven; for all men need to be forgiven.” -George Herbert (1593 - 1633)

“The best manner of avenging ourselves is by not resembling him who has injured us.” -Jane Porter (1776 - 1850)

“The best revenge is to live on and prove yourself.” -Eddie Vedder (born 1964)

“Not to forgive is to be imprisoned by the past, by old grievances that do not permit life to proceed with new business.” -Robin Casarjian

“Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.” -Paul Boese (Paul Lewis Boese (1923 - 1976))

“Forgive, son; men are men; they needs must err.” -Euripides (484 B.C.E. - 406 B.C.E.)

“Forgiveness takes the burden of hate, guilt, and bitterness off your back and, with a lighter load, you can climb higher and faster, and be much happier in the process.” -Zig Ziglar (Hilary Hinton ‘Zig’ Ziglar (1926 - 2012))

“I think there are two kinds of forgiveness: the kind that when you forgive you’re also giving them another chance, or the kind where you forgive, but move on without them. Use both wisely.” -S. B.

“A man that studieth revenge keeps his own wounds green.” -Francis Bacon (1561 - 1626): “Essays” (1597)

“Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.” -Jesus of Nazareth: as quoted in “The Bible,” ‘Luke,’ chapter 23, verse 34

“Since nothing we intend is ever faultless, and nothing we attempt ever without error, and nothing we achieve without some measure of finitude and fallibility we call humanness, we are saved by forgiveness.” -David Augsburger (David W. Augsburger (born 1938))

“How often could things be remedied by a word. How often is it left unspoken.” -Norman Douglas (1868 - 1952)

“Forgive others, not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace.” -Jonathan Lockwood Huie (born 1945)

“No man can think clearly when his fists are clenched.” -George Nathan (George Jean Nathan (1882 - 1958))

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong.” -Mahatma Gandhi (Mohandas Karamchand ‘Mahatma’ Gandhi (1869 - 1948))

“Those who are free of resentful thoughts surely find peace.” -Buddha (also known as Siddhārtha Guatama or Shakyamuni Buddha (about 563 B.C.E. - about 483 B.C.E.))

“The practice of forgiveness is our most important contribution to the healing of the world.” -Marianne Williamson (born 1952)

“Forgiveness is the final form of love.” -Reinhold Niebuhr (1892 - 1971)

“Holding on to anger, resentment, and hurt only gives you tense muscles, a headache, and a sore jaw from clenching your teeth. Forgiveness gives you back the laughter and the lightness in your life.” -Joan Lunden (born 1950)

“Life appears to me too short to be spent in nursing animosity or registering wrongs.” -Charlotte Brontë (1816 - 1855): “Jane Eyre” (1847), chapter VI

“In taking revenge, a man is but even with his enemy, but in passing it over he is superior.” -Francis Bacon (1561 - 1626): “Essays” (1597)

“Nothing produces such odd result as trying to get even.” -Franklin P. Jones (Franklin Pierce Jones (1908 - 1980))

“Let It Go: Forgive So That You Can Be Forgiven” (2013): title of book by T. D. Jakes (Thomas Dexter Jakes, Senior (born 1957))

“Hold hands, not grudges.” -Author Unknown

“If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we would find in each person’s life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility.” -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807 - 1882)

“Sometimes the best revenge is to smile and move on.” -Author Unknown

“To forgive and forget means to throw away dearly bought experience.” -Arthur Schopenhauer (1788 - 1860)

“Forgiveness is just another name for freedom.” -Byron Katie (born 1942)

“People are more than the worst thing they have ever done in their lives.” -Helen Prejean (born 1939)

“I must forgive without noise or fuss.” -Albert Schweitzer (1875 - 1965)

“Forgiving is not a gift to someone else. Forgiving is your gift to yourself - a great gift - the gift of happiness.” -Jonathan Lockwood Huie (born 1945)

“He who forgives ends the quarrel.” -Author Unknown

“Forgiveness is not an emotion, it’s a decision.” -Randall Worley

“Holding a grudge does not hurt the person against whom the grudge is held, it hurts the one who holds it.” -Booker T. Washington (Booker Taliaferro Washington (1856 - 1915))

“Forgive yourself for your faults and your mistakes and move on.” -Les Brown (Leslie Calvin ‘Les’ Brown (born 1945))

“Some people insist - often very forcefully - that we must both forgive and forget, or that we have to either forgive or forget . . . as if those are our only options. Those are not our only options. When what has been done to us is horrendous, it becomes unforgiveable and unforgettable, so we can only choose an eventual third option: We neither forgive nor forget, but we learn to move past the pain, the fear, the disappointment, and the constant awareness, to a point at which we can live our lives.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)

“Forgiveness does not mean excusing.” -C. S. Lewis (Clive Staples Lewis (1898 - 1963))

“The more a man knows, the more he forgives.” -Catherine II (also known as Catherine the Great (1729 - 1796))

“Forgotten is forgiven.” -F. Scott Fitzgerald (Francis Scott Key Fitzgerald (1896 - 1940))

“Do not burn bridges that you might have to cross again someday.” -Author Unknown

“Any man can seek revenge; it takes a king or prince to grant a pardon.” -Arthur J. Rehrat

“The most important trip you may take in life is meeting people halfway.” -Henry Boye

“To err is human; to forgive, divine.” -Alexander Pope (1688 - 1744): “An Essay on Criticism”

I forgive myself for having believed for so long that . . .
I was never good enough to have, get, be what I wanted.
-Ceanne DeRohan

“Let not the Sun go down upon your wrath.” -Author Unknown: “The Bible,” Ephesians,’ chapter 4, verse 26

“Forgiveness is not something we do for other people. We do it for ourselves to get well and move on.” -Author Unknown

“The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive, but do not forget.” -Thomas Szasz (1920 - 2012): “The Second Sin” (1973), ‘Personal Conduct’

“Holding a grudge is letting someone live rent free in your head.” -Author Unknown

“I once met a man who had forgiven an injury. I hope some day to meet the man who has forgiven an insult.” -Thomas Buxton (Thomas Fowell Buxton (1786 - 1845))

“Forgive all who have offended you, not for them, but for yourself.” -Harriet Nelson (Harriet Uts Nelson)

“I forgive people, but that doesn’t mean I trust them.” -Author Unknown

“Forgiving people can be extremely difficult, if not impossible, when you fear that people will wrong you again, and that once again, just as before, you will be powerless to stop them.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)

“The best revenge is to be unlike him who performed the injury.” -Marcus Aurelius (also known as Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (C.E. 121 - C.E. 180)): “The Meditations” (C.E. 167), Book 6, meditation 5

“Forgiveness is freeing up and putting to better use the energy once consumed by holding grudges, harboring resentments, and nursing unhealed wounds.” -Sidney and Suzanne Simon

“Nothing on Earth consumes a man more quickly than the passion of resentment.” -Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche (1844 - 1900): “Ecce Homo” (English: “Behold the Man”) (1888)

“Forgive, forget. Bear with the faults of others as you would have them bear with yours. Be patient and understanding. Life is too short to be vengeful or malicious.” -Phillips Brooks (1835 - 1893)

“Never does the human soul appear so strong as when it forgoes revenge, and dares forgive an injury.” -E. H. Chapin (Edwin Hubbell Chapin (1814 - 1880)): “Living Words” (1861)

“Forgiveness is the noblest vengeance.” -H. G. Bohn (Henry George Bohn (1796 - 1884))

“Living well is the best revenge.” -Author Unknown: as quoted in George Herbert (1593 - 1633): “Jacula Prudentum; or Outlandish Proverbs, Sentences, &c. Selected by Mr. George Herbert” (1651), proverb 520

This is MFOL! . . . accompaniment for the journey called life . . .

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Shyness and Shy People

3/11/2020

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“Even wallflowers bloom.” -Author Unknown

“There is a shyness about me, and I really need to get out more.” -Priscilla Presley (Priscilla Ann Presley (born 1945))

“What the word shyness basically refers to is if someone is worried about how he or she appears to other people.” -Wanda Bethea

“Shyness displays itself differently in me. I think it’s more an awkwardness.” -Daniel Radcliffe

“Quiet people have the loudest minds.” -Stephen King (Stephen Edwin King (born 1947))

“If you want to do something big in your life, you must remember that shyness is only in the mind. If you think shy, you act shy. If you think confidant, you act confidant. Therefore, never let shyness conquer your mind.” -Arfa Karim Randhawa (Arfa Abdul Karim Randhawa (1995 - 2012))

“You know what my greatest personal stumbling block is? My shyness.” -Susan Lucci (Susan Victoria Lucci (born 1946))

“I like parties, but I’m shy, and I often find myself standing around, feeling awkward.” -Michael Bergin (Michael John Bergin (born 1969))

What is shyness? Shyness is a feeling of extreme discomfort and intense inhibition in social situations, preventing an individual from participating in interpersonal interactions and relationships. The physical symptoms of shyness can include blushing, sweating, rapid heartbeat, trembling or shaking, difficulty speaking, and upset stomach. Shy individuals feel insecure about themselves, have huge concerns about how others view them, and have a strong tendency to withdraw from and avoid social situations.

“I am quite shy and people think I’m aloof.” -Kristen Stewart (Kristen Jaymes Stewart (born 1990))

“The two commonest mistakes in judgement . . . are, the confounding of shyness with arrogance - a very common mistake indeed - and the not understanding that an obstinate nature exists in a perpetual struggle with itself.” -Charles Dickens (Charles John Huffam Dickens (1812 -1870))

“When you’re worried, tell yourself the truth: Shyness is a strength to build on, not a character flaw to be stamped out.” -Author Unknown: “Shyness Is Not a Character Flaw” (at the Malvern School)

“Scientists have found the gene for shyness. They would have found it years ago, but it was hiding behind a couple of other genes.” -Jonathan Katz (Jonathan Paul Katz (born 1946))

What causes shyness? Some people claim shyness is caused entirely by genetics, but it is likely closer to the truth that shyness has more than a single cause. Individuals vary, but other possible causes of shyness include emotional abuse, physical abuse, being bullied, moving often, being different from other people - and there are so many ways in which people are different that there is not enough space to list them here, prolonged isolation, poverty, hardships, losses, medical conditions, traumatization, upbringing, being the new guy or gal, culture shock, social inexperience, or a general difference in life experiences. Some shy people may have dealt with every single one of these things and more in their lives.

“If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.” -Dorothy Law Nolte (1924 - 2005): “Children Learn What They Live: Parenting to Inspire Values” (1998), page vi

“In talking, shyness and timidity distort the very meaning of my words. I don’t pretend to know anybody well. People are like shadows to me and I am like a shadow.” -Gwen John (Gwendolen Mary John (1876 - 1939))

“I bought a book to help me overcome my shyness and it really works - now I can talk to people while hiding behind it!” -Author Unknown

Shyness can hold back a student’s progress in school . . .

“I was actually pretty shy in school. My defense mechanism was to be the class clown. I remember getting into a lot of trouble for being disruptive, and I was brought in front of the head teacher, who said, ‘What’s going to happen to you - what are you going to do when you grow up?’ And I said, ‘Well, I’m obviously going to be a comedian.’” -Adam Clayton

“I’m very shy, so I became very outgoing to protect my shyness.” -Don Rickles (Donald Jay ‘Don’ Rickles (1926 - 2017))

“And like the old stereotype, I overcame my shyness by making my friends laugh.” -Paul Merton (pseudonym of Paul James Martin (born 1957))

“The level of shyness has gone up dramatically in the last decade. I think shyness is an index of social pathology rather than a pathology of the individual.” -Philip Zimbardo (Philip George Zimbardo (born 1933))

Wallflower: A decoration for ballrooms.

“If you do not make small talk, you will never make big talk.” -Author Unknown

Is it possible that shyness is sometimes a temporary state, like anger or fear, rather than being something permanent, like height or eye color?

“Life is too short to be shy!” -Carolyn Schrieber

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Shyness and Self-Esteem

While not all shy people have low self-esteem, shyness is often seen as a symptom of fear or lack of self-confidence. When you’re shy, it usually means that you’re self-conscious and worried about what other people think about you. Occasional shyness is normal, but when it becomes a habit, it can be detrimental to your progress in all of life: work, school, friendships, and social activities.

Because of the connection between shyness and self-esteem, building your self-esteem step-by-step can help you overcome your shyness. There are several things you can do to boost your self-esteem, whether you’re suffering from depression or you’re just having a bad day.

Make an inventory of things that you like about yourself. Do this as often as necessary. You can write anything - from simple things such as your ability to whistle, or more complex things such as your strength of character. It doesn’t mean that you should ignore your weaknesses and pretend that they don’t exist, you just have to accept yourself for who you are. Don’t include things such as financial success, the admiration of your peers, or the way you look. After all, self-esteem is about how you view yourself - these external factors don’t matter. When you gauge your strengths, you’ll be able to see how unique and valuable you are.

Find something that you’re good at, and work on it. If you have the talent for cooking, why not work on some new and original dishes? Activities involving art, such as painting and writing, can definitely give your mind a feeling of freedom and accomplishment. Even bird watching can improve your mood greatly. Whatever your talents are, make sure that you get to ‘practice’ them once a week, so that your mind will be given a chance to refresh itself after a stressful week of work or school.

Only recall good, happy, and exciting memories. Whenever you’re sitting down to think, make sure that you actively call out happy memories. This is because when you start thinking negatively, an entire swarm of negative feelings and memories will come right at you. Don’t waste your time with the bad. Think only of the good things you experienced, the great people you encountered, and even funny jokes you have heard.

Volunteer your time to the community or work with outreach programs. Being in a team that helps others allows you to think beyond yourself. Keep yourself busy by interacting with other people and learning from them. You’ll find that most people are very much like you - they all want to be surrounded by their loved ones, they have their own fears, and they also deal with feelings of inadequacy. When you realize that other people are just like you, you’ll see that there’s nothing to fear in social situations.

By conquering any feelings of low self-esteem, you will realize that you are deserving of love, admiration, and respect. When you realize this, you will also be able to conquer your shyness during social situations.

by Author Unknown

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“I love being by myself, love being outdoors, love taking a long walk with my dogs and looking at the trees, flowers, the sky.” -Audrey Hepburn (1929 - 1993)

“My personality is hard to explain. I’m a big personality, and I enjoy being social. But I’m shy at first and sometimes ramble too much. I’m a shy extrovert.” -Author Unknown

Being ‘introverted’ and being ‘shy’ are not the same thing. Many introverts are not shy and many shy people are not introverts. The literal meaning of ‘introvert’ is ‘inward focused’ and usually refers to people who give their greatest attention to their own interests, often having little inclination to the interests of others. Shy people, however, are very often frustrated extroverts, that is, people who would like to be outgoing and social, but who also feel inhibited or held back.

“Shyness is the fear of social disapproval or humiliation, while introversion is a preference for environments that are not overstimulating. Shyness is inherently painful; introversion is not.” -Susan Cain (Susan Horowitz Cain (born 1968)): “Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking” (24 January 2012)

Shyness can stall a person’s work and career success - if he or she can get started at all . . .

“Shyness is nice, but shyness can stop you from doing all the things in life that you’d like to do.” -Steven Morrissey (Steven Patrick Morrissey (born 1959))

“Introductions are hard to come by when your natural state is shyness.” -Steve Martin (Stephen Glenn ‘Steve’ Martin (born 1945))

“We fail more often by timidity than by over-daring.” -David Grayson (1870 - 1946)

“I cannot make you understand. I cannot make anyone understand what is happening inside me. I cannot even explain it myself.” -Author Unknown

“The way you overcome shyness is to become so wrapped up in something that you forget to be afraid.” -Claudia Alta (Taylor) ‘Lady Bird’ Johnson (1912 - 2007)

“I grew up being very shy, very much a bookworm, and I remember desperately wondering how to be accepted by the popular kids.” -Lisa Kleypas (born 1964)

“I genuinely enjoy talking one-to-one. I have no shyness about that.” -Stephanie Beacham (born 1947)

“Sometimes those who don’t socialize much aren’t actually anti-social, they just have no tolerance for drama and fake people.” -Author Unknown

“I’m just shy - not antisocial - you can talk to me!” -Author Unknown

“Even when a person is as shy as a mouse, you still have to beware of the tiger within.” -Author Unknown

“I have had strange animals as pets all my life. I was shy growing up, and shy people tend to interact better with animals than people. Animals are direct, not duplicitous.” -Yvonne Craig (Yvonne Joyce Craig (1937 - 2015))

We cannot make shy people suddenly become non-shy by causing them to feel bad about being shy. Do not call a shy person antisocial, arrogant, egotistical, narcissistic, self-centered, mentally ill, introverted, slow, or sneaky - none of these things are what shyness is, and name calling and labeling will not help. Always remember: Just because you have labeled people does not mean you have helped them. Do not ridicule, tease, shame, or bully shy people. Instead, focus on encouragement, and if you know how, coaching or social skills teaching, keeping in mind that many shy people may very well know more about social skills than you do, but may simply have never had a safe opportunity to try them out and put them into regular practice.

“Women like silent men. They think they’re listening.” -Marcel Achard (born Marcel-Augustin Ferréol (1899 - 1974))

Overheard: My shyness has ruined so many opportunities.

“Cameras are a lifesaver for very shy people who have nowhere else to hide. Behind a lens they can disguise the fact that they have nothing to say to strangers.” -Pat Conroy: “Beach Music” (July 1995) novel

“It’s funny - when people call you ‘shy,’ they usually smile. Like it’s cute, some funny little habit you’ll grow out of when you’re older, like the gaps in your grin when your baby teeth fall out. If they knew how it felt - really being shy, not just unsure at first - they wouldn’t smile. Not if they knew how the feeling knots up your stomach or makes your palms sweat or robs you of the ability to say anything that makes sense. It’s not cute at all.” -Author Unknown

“A struggle with shyness is in every actor more than anyone can imagine.” -Marilyn Monroe (Norma Jean Mortenson (1926 - 1962))

“Stage persona notwithstanding, I’m extremely shy and quiet. Almost painfully shy. People misinterpret that as being above it all or not interested.” -J. Michael Straczynski (Joseph Michael Straczynski (born 1954))

“The fact of the matter is that most actors are shy people.” -Roger Moore (Roger George Moore (born 1927))

“I think I had a shyness about me, I think I discovered acting as a way to break out of that and as a way of belonging, a sense of being special.” -Michael C. Hall (Michael Carlyle Hall (born 1971))

Perhaps the most important consideration in addressing shyness is that we not waste people’s entire lifetimes while we argue over how to categorize shyness, whether it is caused by nature or nurture, or genetics or environment, or who is at fault. Instead, we need to focus on determining whether particular shy individuals are comfortable with their shyness or if they are suffering from their shyness. If they are comfortable with their shyness, we should let them be who they are. If they are suffering from their shyness, we should use the best of our humanity to help them. We can experiment a little - trying different ideas, discarding ideas that do not work and keeping ideas that do work.

“Shyness is really wondering if you have other people’s approval.” -Dorothy Sarnoff (1914 - 2008)

“I am very shy - really shy - I even had a stutter as a kid, which I slowly got over, but I still regress into that shyness. So I don’t like walking into a crowded restaurant by myself; I don’t like going to a party by myself.” -Nicole Kidman (Nicole Mary Kidman (born 1967))

“Writing is show business for shy people. That’s how I see it.” -Lee Child (pseudonym of James D. ‘Jim’ Grant (born 1954))

“I’ve gotten better at not making people feel uncomfortable with my shyness.” -Clea DuVall (Clea Helen D’Etienne DuVall (born 1977))

“I don’t really want to wax philosophic, but I will say that if you’re alive, you got to flap your arms and legs, you got to jump around a lot, you got to make a lot of noise . . . as I see it, if you’re quiet, you’re not living. You’ve got to be noisy, or at least your thoughts should be noisy and colorful and lively.” -Mel Brooks (born Melvin Kaminsky (born 1926))

“Sometimes quiet people really do have a lot to say, they’re just being careful about who they open up to.” -Author Unknown

Maribelle: What did the shy pebble say?
Clarabelle: “I wish I was a little boulder.”

“If you are shy, know that there can be some situations and circumstances in which you are not shy. Try to find them, and within them, give yourself the chance to learn and grow and develop, and in time, you will find yourself less shy in a wider range of situations and circumstances.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)

Golly, you sure look swell when you smile - you should do that more often! Much more MFOL! follows . . .

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Telephones

3/10/2020

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Cell phones are turning people everywhere into downward-facing zombies . . .

A man called a company and asked to speak to Bob. The person who answered the telephone said, “Bob will be on vacation for the next two weeks. Would you like to hold?”

Patrick: Why did old Mrs. Crow have such a huge phone bill?
Patricia: She made many long distance caws.

In the late 1930’s, Abe Pickens of Cleveland, Ohio, United States of America, attempted to promote world peace by placing personal calls to various national leaders. He managed to contact Mussolini, Hirohito, Franco, and Hitler (Hitler did not understand English and transferred him to an aide). He spent $10,000 on telephone calls in an effort to bring about world peace.

Caller: I would like the number for a Reverend in Marysville, please.
Operator: Do you have his name?
Caller: No, but he has a dog named Ben.

Mrs. Rogers picked up the phone to hear an anguished voice on the other end of the line saying, “Ma, this has been the worst day of my life. I am going crazy. The kids are all sick and home from school. I haven’t a thing in the house. I have a doctor’s appointment. I’m going out of my mind!” “I’ll come over,” Mrs. Rogers said, “but I don’t know why Robert can’t take care of the kids.” “Who’s Robert?” “Your husband.” “My husband’s name is William.” “You must have the wrong number.” “Oh . . . does this mean you’re not coming over?”

Caller: I would like the number of the Argoed Fish Café in Cardiff, please.
Operator: I am sorry, there is no such listing. Are you sure you have the spelling correct?
Caller: Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Café, but the B fell off.

How far do you have to stand from a telephone to make a long-distance call?

The first telephone conversation happened between two people who were just 18 feet apart - you might say it was a close call.

Suggested Recordings for Voice Mail and Answering Machines
- Glad you called but I just am not able to entertain you right now. However, if you are offering to buy dinner, I may be available sooner than you think. Don’t forget to leave your name and number so I don’t get mixed up with different offers and go to the wrong restaurant. Bye.
- Hello, this is Beulah’s toaster. Beulah’s new answering machine is in the shop for repairs, so please leave your message when the toast is done . . . cachunk!
- Hello. This is Ron. I am home right now but I cannot find the phone. Please leave a message and I will call you up as soon as I find it.
- Hi, I am not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.
- Hi, this is Arthur’s answering machine. He is not here, so speak freely at the beep.
- Hi. Now you say something.
- T is for turkey, D is for deer. One of those reasons is why we are not here. So leave a message at the beep.
-This is a test of the Answering Machine Broadcast System. This is only a test.

Darcy: Why there are so many people named Smith in the phone book?
Craig: They all have phones.

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Did you know that you can play tunes by pushing the buttons on a telephone? All you need to do is call a friend and push the numbered buttons as shown.

Row, Row, Row Your Boat
Row, row, row your boat
4, 4, 4, 8, 6
Gent-ly down the stream
6, 2, 6, 9, #
Mer-ri-ly mer-ri-ly
#, #, #, 0, 0, 0
Life is but a dream.
6, 2, 2, 1, 1

London Bridge
Lon-don Bridge is fall-ing down
6, 9, 6, 8, 7, 8, 6
Fall-ing down fall-ing down
1, 4, 5, 7, 8, 9
Lon-don Bridge is fall-ing down
6, 9, 6, 8, 7, 8, 6
My fair la-day
8, 6, 0, 4

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“If I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone?” -James Thurber

“Information. Can I help you?”
“I’d like the telephone number of the Theater Guild, please.”
“One moment, please . . . I’m sorry, sir, I have no listing for Theodore Guild.”
“No, no, it isn’t a person. It’s an organization. It’s ‘Theater Guild’.”
“I told you, sir, I have no listing for a Theodore Guild.”
“Not Theodore! Theater! The word is theater! T-h-e-a-t-e-r!”
“That, sir, is not the way Theodore is spelled.”

Riddle: I have a ring, but no finger - what am I?
Solution: A telephone.

The first bathtub came in 1850. The telephone was not invented until 1876. A lucky gal or guy could have spent twenty-six years in the bathtub without the telephone ringing once!

If you are in the United States of America or Canada, free wakeup calls are available from http://www.wakeupdialer.com/. Type in your telephone number and wakeup time, and the service will wake you with a ring. Don’t thank us, thank them!

“How does the phone cord get so tangled? All I do is talk, and hang up. I don’t pick it up and do a cartwheel and a somersault.” -Larry Miller

Caller: The water board please.
Operator: Which department?
Caller: Tap water

“One person’s wrong number is another person’s phone number.” -Author Unknown

John: What do you get if you cross a telephone and a dog?
Nadia: A Golden Receiver.

“Your cell phone has replaced your watch, camera, etc. Don’t let it replace your friends and family.” -Author Unknown

“For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.” -Author Unknown

A telephone rang. “Hello! Is your phone number 444-4444?” “Yes, it is,” came the reply. “Thank goodness! Could you call 911 for me? I super-glued my finger to the phone.”

More Suggested Recordings for Answering Machines and Voice Mail
- Hello, this is Sally’s microwave. Her answering machine just ran away with her tape deck, so I’m stuck taking her calls. Say, if you want anything cooked while you leave your message, just hold it up to the phone.
- Hi. Do you ever feel, like, your head is full of sand, not your regular loose sand, mind you, but compacted sand, and there were like, I dunno, bugs or something jumping up and down on the compacted sand? Well, sometimes I do. Bye.
- You have reached the number you have dialed. Please leave a message after the beep.
- Hello. You are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My humans do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through the office and do not need their picture taken. If you are still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.
- We’re not home, we’re rarely home,
And when we’re home, we’re on the phone,
So please leave a message at the tone!
- Hi! Cassi’s answering machine is broken. This is her refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I will stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.

A woman was being swamped with calls from strangers. The reason? A billing service had launched a toll-free 800 number that was identical to hers. When she called to complain, she was told to get a new number. “I’ve had mine for twenty years,” she pleaded. “Couldn’t you change yours?” The company refused, so she said, “Fine. From now on, I’m going to tell everyone who calls that their bill is paid in full.” The company got a new number the next day.

Caller: I would like the RSPCA please.
Operator: Where are you calling from?
Caller: The living room.

“Uneasy lies the head that ignores a telephone call late at night.” -William Feather (1889 - 1981): “The Business of Life” (1949)

The scene: Alexander Graham Bell’s laboratory. An exciting new discovery is about to take place. In the next room sits Bell’s assistant, a man named Watson, hard at work on Bell’s new invention to transmit sound over wires. As Mr. Watson toiled away in the room with the receiver, it suddenly rings - it must be Bell! He picked it up, and heard: “Good evening, sir. Are you paying too much for your long distance service?”

“Utility is when you have one telephone, luxury is when you have two, and paradise is when you have none.” -Author Unknown

The next time you try to call someone and their answering machine or voice mail greets you and asks you to leave a message, have a little fun with them. For example, say, “Hello? Hello? Is anybody there? I’m trapped inside your phone. It’s cold and dark in here, and I’m hungry and scared. I’ve got to get out of here. Please, please, help me!”

“I finally realized it . . . People are prisoners of their phones. That’s why they are called cell phones.” -Author Unknown

More than 50 percent of the people in the world have never made or received a telephone call. They depend on face-to-face live-in-person communication instead. If only the rest of us could be so fortunate!

Caller: The Union of Shopkeepers and Alligators, please.
Operator: You mean the Amalgamated Union of Shopkeepers?
Caller: Er, yes . . . that would be the one.

In Icelandic phone books, people are listed by their first names and not their surnames, or last names.

We’re sorry. You have reached an imaginary number. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees, divide by zero, and try again.

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Eletelephony

Once there was an elephant,
     Who tried to use the telephant -
No! No! I mean an elephone
     Who tried to use the telephone -
(Dear me! I am not certain quite
     That even now I’ve got it right.)

Howe’er it was, he got his trunk
     Entangled in the telephunk;
The more he tried to get it free,
     The louder buzzed the telephee -
(I fear I’d better drop the song
     Of elephop and telephong!)

by Laura Richards (Laura Elizabeth Richards (1850 - 1943))

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‘Telephone’ is derived from the Greek words ‘tele’ meaning ‘at a distance’ and ‘phonos’ meaning ‘sound.’ A telephone is an electronic apparatus that originally allowed people to send and receive sounds over a distance, and which now also allows people to send and receive text in text messages, sound recordings such as music, and images such as photographs.

You could answer the telephone with, “Hello.” However, you could also answer the telephone with, “Yellow,” and most people would simply regard you as having a ‘colorful’ regional dialect or accent.

Telepathy: A condition caused by talking too much on telephones.

In the first month of the Bell Telephone Company’s existence in 1877, only six telephones were sold. The first telephone book, made in 1878, contained only 50 names. Fast-forward to the present, when the world in which we live is essentially a very large telephone company.

Riddle: What do you call a rhinoceros in a telephone booth?
Solution: Stuck!

Nomophobia is a persistent fear of being out of mobile phone contact . . . and we had always thought it referred to a fear of gnomes . . . those terrifying and yet annoying little figures . . .

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Emergency Use Tips for Cell Phones

Your cell phone can actually be an aid to survival in serious emergencies.

The emergency number worldwide for cell phones is 112. If you find yourself outside of the coverage area of your cellular network and there is an emergency, dial 112 and the service will search any existing network to establish the emergency number for you, and the number 112 can be dialed even if the keypad is locked.

Have you locked your keys in the car? Does your car have remote keyless entry? If you lock your keys in the car, and the spare keys are at home, call someone at home on their cell phone from your cell phone. Hold your cell phone about a foot from your car door and have the person at your home press the unlock button, holding it near the cell phone on their end. Your car will unlock. This saves someone from having to drive your keys to you. Distance is no object; you could be hundreds of miles away, and if you can reach someone who has the other ‘remote’ for your car, you can unlock the doors, or the trunk, if you should somehow become locked inside it.

Your cell phone has hidden battery power. When your cell phone battery is very low, press the keys *3370#. Your cell phone will restart with this reserve, and will show a fifty percent increase in battery strength. This reserve will be recharged the next time your charge your cell phone.

To disable a stolen cell phone, first find your cell phone’s serial number, by keying in the following digits on your phone: *#06#. A 15-digit code will appear on the screen. This number is unique to your handset. Write it down and keep it somewhere safe. If your phone is ever stolen, you can call your cell phone service provider and give them this code. They can block your handset so that even if a thief changes the SIM card, your phone will be completely useless. You probably will not get your stolen phone back, but at least you know that the person who stole it will not be able to use it or sell it. If everyone did this, there would be no point in people stealing cell phones.

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The first transatlantic wedding took place on 2 December 1933. The groom was in Michigan. The bride was in Sweden. The ceremony took seven minutes and cost $47.50.

“So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said, ‘Who’s speaking please?’ And a voice said, ‘You are.’” -Tim Vine (Timothy Mark ‘Tim’ Vine (born 1967))

The dial tone of a typical telephone is in the key of ‘F.’

Bill was a frequent user of a pay telephone at a popular truck stop, and was greatly inconvenienced when the phone went out of commission. Repeated requests for repair brought only promises. After several days, Bill again contacted the phone company and told them there was no longer a rush. The phone was now working fine . . . except that all money was being returned upon completion of each call. A repairman arrived within the hour!

There are hundreds of millions of telephones in the world, so when you dial a number right in two tries, you are not doing badly at all.

Caller: I would like the number of the Scottish knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: I cannot find a town called ‘Woven.’ Are you sure of the name?
Caller: Yes. That’s what it says on the label - Woven in Scotland.

“Telephones [will] bring peace on Earth, eliminate Southern accents, and save the farm by making farmers less lonely.” -Author Unknown: printed in “The Wall Street Journal” (1995) ‘Century-old Pronouncements’

Are you receiving too many telemarketer calls? In the United States, call the Do Not Call Registry at 1-888-382-1222 or go to www.donotcall.gov. If you do not wish to be called by telemarketers, call the preceding number from the cell phone or landline phone you want to have placed on the Do Not Call Registry. Telephone numbers must be re-registered every five years, and people may continue to receive calls from politicians and pollsters, who are exempt from the registry.

“We can hardly realize now the blissful quietude of the pre-telephone epoch.” -Norman Douglas (George Norman Douglas (1868 - 1952))

Ring, ring . . . Hello? Hello? Is anybody out there?

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Poetic Epigrams

3/8/2020

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Look around the habitable world: how few
Know their own good, or knowing it, pursue.
-Juvenal (Decimus Iunius Iuvenalis (about C.E. 55 - about C.E. 130)): as quoted in John Dryden (1631 - 1700), translator: “The Satires of Decimus Junius Juvenalis: And of Aulus Persius Flaccus” (1693), Satire 10, lines 1 and 2

Once upon a time, it happened to me,
     the very sweetest thing, that could even be.
It was a fantasy, a dream come true,
     it was the day I saw you.
-Author Unknown

It sounds like stories from the land of spirits
If any man obtain that which he merits,
Or any merit that which he obtains.
-Samuel Taylor Coleridge (1772 - 1834)

Two cats can live as cheaply as one,
And their owner has twice as much fun.
-Lloyd Alexander (Lloyd Chudley Alexander (1924 - 2007))

A poetic epigram is a short and often witty poem expressing a single thought or observation. The word ‘epigram’ comes from the Greek word ‘epigraphein’ meaning ‘to write on’ or ‘to inscribe,’ and originally referred to inscriptions written on stone monuments in ancient Greece.

What is an epigram? A dwarfish whole;
Its body brevity, and wit its soul.
-Samuel Taylor Coleridge (1772 - 1834) (1802)

A house is built of logs and stone,
     of piles and post and piers;
A home is built of loving deeds,
     that stand a thousand years.
-Victor Hugo (Victor Marie Hugo (1802 - 1885))

A house is made of bricks and beams,
A home is made of love and dreams.
-Author Unknown

Early to bed,
     Early to rise
Makes a man healthy,
     Wealthy and wise.
-Benjamin Franklin (1706 - 1790)

The Joke

The joke you just told isn’t funny one bit;
     It’s pointless and dull, wholly lacking in wit;
It’s so old and stale, it’s beginning to smell -
     Besides, it’s the one I was going to tell!

by Author Unknown

Contentment is wealth, the riches of the mind;
And happy is he who can such riches find.
-John Dryden (1631 - 1700)

My mom (who’s on a diet)
     says she’s lost another pound.
I’ve tried to help her find it,
     but it’s nowhere to be found.
-Babs Bell Hajdusiewicz (born 1944)

Life is mostly froth and bubble,
     Two things stand like stone:
Kindness in another’s trouble,
   Courage in your own.
-Adam Lindsay Gordon (1833 - 1870)

When Adam Joked

Whatever trouble Adam had,
     No man in days of yore
Could say, when Adam cracked a joke,
     “I’ve heard that one before.”

by Author Unknown

Pursue thy work without delay,
For the short hours run fast away.
-Author Unknown

Words

A careless word may kindle strife;
     A cruel word may wreck a life;
A timely word may level stress;
     A loving word may heal and bless.

by Author Unknown

Genius, that power which dazzles mortal eyes,
Is oft’ but perseverance in disguise.
-Henry W. Austin (Henry Willard Austin (1858 - 1912)): “Perseverance Conquers All”

Great wits are sure to madness near allied,
And thin partitions do their bounds divide.
-John Dryden (1631 - 1700): “Absalom and Achitophel” (1681), part I, line 163

Whirls

Big whirls have little whirls,
     That feed on their velocity;
And little whirls have lesser whirls,
     And so on to viscosity.

by Lewis Fry Richardson (1881 - 1953): “The Supply of Energy from and to Atmospheric Eddies” (1920)

“An epigram often flashes light into regions where reason shines but dimly.” -Edwin Percy Whipple (1819 - 1886): lecture to the Boston Mercantile Library Association (October 1846), as quoted in Edwin Percy Whipple: “Lectures on Subjects Connected with Literature and Life” (1850)

No bees, no honey;
No work, no money.
-Author Unknown

Oh, words may rhyme,
     And sound sublime,
And sing and shout,
     Yet still say nowt.
-Author Unknown
nowt: nothing; naught

Keep out of ruts; a rut is something which
If traveled in too much, becomes a ditch.
-Arthur Guiterman (1871 - 1943)

Short Sermon

To give and forgive
Is a good way to live.

by Author Unknown

Joy and Temperance and Repose
Slam the door on the doctor’s nose.
-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807 - 1882)

Happy Ending?

There are no happy endings.
     Endings are the saddest part,
So just give me a happy middle
     And a very happy start.

by Author Unknown

Could fools to keep their own contrive,
On what, on whom could gamesters thrive?
-John Gay (1685 - 1732): as quoted W. H. Kearley Wright, editor: “The Fables of John Gay” (1889), ‘Fable XII: Pan and Fortune,’ lines 25 and 26

Are You a Poet?

You might not think it,
     You might not know it,
But somewhere inside you,
     There might be a poet!

by David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)

Do not loiter or shirk,
Do not falter or shrink
But just think out your work
And then work out your think.
-Nixon Waterman (1859 - 1944)

Mariner, do not ask whose tomb this may be,
but go with good fortune:
I wish you a kinder sea.
-Plato (about 427 B.C.E. - 347 B.C.E.)

Getting Along

We know how to get along
     every single day.
We take turns and share a lot
     while we work and play.

by Author Unknown

That man who lives for self alone
Lives for the meanest mortal known.
-Joaquin Miller (pseudonym of Cincinnatus Heine Miller (born Cincinnatus Hiner Miller (1837 - 1913)): “The Building of the City Beautiful” (1905), Chapter V: ‘How Beautiful!’ page 48

Always Finish

If a task is once begun
     Never leave it till it’s done.
Be the labor great or small,
     Do it well or not at all.

by Author Unknown: possibly also known by the title “Perseverance”

For every evil under the Sun
     There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try and find it;
     If there be none, never mind it.
by Author Unknown: as published in John Newbery, editor: “Mother Goose’s Melody” (1765)

Poetic epigrams vary in structure. They are typically couplets, or poems having two lines; tercets, or poems having three lines; and quatrains, or poems having four lines. Poetic epigrams of more than four lines are less common, in keeping with ‘brevity,’ a word often used in describing them. Some have titles, some have none. Poetic epigrams can be found as a few lines within longer poems, in much the same way that couplets, tercets, quatrains, and structures of more lines can be found within much longer poems.

Little strokes
Fell great oaks
-Benjamin Franklin (1706 - 1790)

Think that day lost whose low descending sun
Views from thy hand no noble action done.
-Jacob Bobart (1641 - 1719)

So all my best is dressing old words new,
Spending again what is already spent:
For as the Sun is daily new and old,
So is my love still telling what is told.
-William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616): ‘Sonnet 76’

Day-Dreamer

Too much thought:
Too little wrought.

by Author Unknown
wrought: brought into being or put together; archaic past tense of ‘work’

That man is thought a dangerouse knave,
     Or zealot plotting crime,
Who for advancement of his kind
      Is wiser than his time.
-Richard Monckton Milnes (also known as 1st Baron Houghton or Lord Houghton (1809 - 1885))
dangerouse: dangerous
knave: a no-good person
zealot: a fanatic

A Man Said to the Universe

A man said to the Universe:
“Sir, I exist!”
“However,” replied the Universe,
“The fact has not created in me
A sense of obligation.”

by Stephen Crane (1871 - 1900): “War Is Kind and Other Lines” (1899)

For he who fights and runs away
     May live to fight another day;
But he who is in battle slain
     Can never rise and fight again.
-Author Unknown: as published in Oliver Goldsmith, editor: “The Art of Poetry on a New Plan” (1762)

The Rooster

Hear the rooster crow out loud,
At the break of day:
“R-r-r-r-r, r-r-r-r-r!”
He says, “Get your chores done,
If you want to play.”
“R-r-r-r-r, r-r-r-r-r!”

by Author Unknown

Would you like to speak to your contemporaries, meaning people now living, or pass on learning across a great span of years, perhaps to coming generations, who have not yet arrived? Write a poetic epigram, carve it in stone, and let the passage of time carry your message to them.

To see a World in a Grain of Sand
     And a Heaven in a Wild Flower,
Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand
     And Eternity in an hour.
-William Blake (1757 - 1827): “Auguries of Innocence” (1803), lines 1 through 4

This is Make Fun Of Life! . . . the website for which you have been looking . . . is not proper English ever so peculiar?

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The End of the World

3/3/2020

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People are making jokes like there is no tomorrow . . .

Once upon a time in a magical land lived a snake named Nate. His purpose in life was to stay in the desert and guard the lever. This lever was no ordinary one, for if it was moved, it would cause the world to be destroyed. Nate took his job very seriously, and he let nothing get close to the lever. One day, he saw a cloud of dust off in the distance. He kept his eye on it because he was guarding the lever. The dust cloud continued to move closer to the lever. Nate saw that it was caused by a huge boulder - and the boulder was rolling straight for the lever! Nate thought about what he could do to save the world. He decided if he could get in front of the boulder, he could change its path and cause it to miss the lever. Nate slithered quickly to intersect the boulder. The boulder ran right over Nate, leaving him as flat as a pancake, but fortunately, the boulder was deflected as planned and missed the lever . . . leaving history to conclude that it was better Nate than lever.

“If the world comes to an end, I want to be in Cincinnati. Everything comes there ten years later.” -Mark Twain (pseudonym of Samuel Langhorne Clemens (1835 - 1910))

When will the world end? Scientists believe that Earth will exist for another 7.5 billion years before the Sun star becomes a red giant star and, in all likelihood, destroys the planet. Earth may cease to support life far before that time, however, due to the increased energy output from the Sun over time. Well before all of this occurs, humans will likely locate several extremely large rocks floating around in space, attach rocket engines to them, build habitable caves inside the rocks, pilot them out of the solar system, and become a spacefaring species until we discover new home-worlds. We will continue the fight for survival as we have since our long-ago beginnings.

The world may be ending tomorrow, but we’ve still got today . . .

Good Things about the End of the World
- No more waiting in rush hour traffic with your fuel gage near ‘E’ for ‘empty.’
- No more surprises in the amounts of your utility bills and phone bills.
- No more waiting in long lines at grocery stores while the ice cream in your shopping cart melts.
- No more phone calls in which a recording says, “Press 1 for English,” “Press 2 for billing questions,” “Press 3 to speak to a representative,” “Press 4 if you dozed off during this recording and forgot why you called,” and then you finally hear, “Sorry, all of our representatives are busy with other callers, please try again later.”
- No more homework or tests or restrictions on when and where you can chew bubble gum.
- No more hard-luck relatives asking to borrow money or sleep on your sofa.
- No more worrying about runaway shopping carts denting your car.
- No more dead cell phone batteries.
- No more trying to explain simple things to people who seem to have heads made from blocks of wood or some other hard, impenetrable substance.
- No more alarm clocks.
- No more need to worry about being short, bald, or overweight.

“I decline to accept the end of man.” -William Faulkner (William Cuthbert ‘Will’ Faulkner (1897 - 1962))

Mark and Luke were fishing on the side of a road. They made a sign reading, “The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it is too late!” and showed it to each passing car. One driver who passed by was not happy with the sign and shouted at them, “Leave us alone, you nutty end-of-the-worlders!” Then, all of a sudden, they heard a big splash. Mark grinned at Luke, laughed, and said, “Do you think we should just make a sign that reads, ‘Bridge Out’ instead?”

Overheard: Actually, the world has already ended, but the government covered it up in a huge conspiracy!

Fire and Ice

Some say the world will end in fire,
   Some say in ice.
From what I’ve tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
   But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
   To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
   And would suffice.

by Robert Frost (Robert Lee Frost (1874 - 1963)): “New Hampshire” (1923); type of work: collected poems by a single author in book form

Overheard: They say that the world is going to end in a few days, and I still do not know what I am going to wear . . .

It actually may be a little arrogant of people to think that the world is going to end in their lifetimes. After all, the Earth has been around for billions of years, and untold numbers of generations of people have existed on it for a meager part of that time. So, just what is it about our generation that makes us think that we are so special that the world is going to come to an end while we inhabit the planet?

Warning: Reality.SYS corrupted. Reboot Universe? Yes / No

Popular Ways for the World to End
- An ice age turns the Earth into a giant ball of ice and snow, and nobody can get their cars out of their driveways.
- Acid rain eats holes in everything, including plants, fishes, cows, and your new patio furniture.
- A hole in the ozone layer lets cosmic rays come in to cook everything.
- Global warming or climate change causes droughts, floods, and you know, like, whatever.
- A really big space rock collides with the planet and we disappear like the dinosaurs did.
- A pandemic follows an accident at a lab in which viruses or germs escape.
- Extraterrestrial invaders come to live on our planet and tell us to leave or else.
- The Sun goes supernova - we will have to wait patiently for several billion years for this possibility.
- Scientific advancement or an invention goes all wrong, and doom happens in the form of robots, computers, or other machines.
- Genetically altered or mutated life forms either refuse to share the planet’s resources with us or they eat us.
- Boredom: A lack of excitement causes everyone to become lackadaisical from unbearable boredom, which can be helped only by thinking up new and exciting ways for the world to end.
- The atmosphere burns up, because the oxygen and other gasses in it are highly flammable.
- Can you think of other ways in which the world could end, and if you can, why are you wasting your time thinking about it?

It’s the end of the world - please pass the hot buttered popcorn this way.

Notice: Due to the lack of experienced trumpeters, the end of the world has been postponed for three weeks.

‘The end of the world’ and ‘nearly the end of the world’ are often depicted fictionally in movies, novels, television shows, and video games. However, it is best to keep in mind that these are common themes for entertainment purposes and should not be taken seriously. What should be taken seriously is making sure you are putting as much effort into your personal life as you possibly can so that you can enjoy the rewards of hard work, smart planning, and taking measured risks. Show up on time at your job, work hard, and be nice to people. Pay attention in school, do your homework, and have fun with your friends. Keep your home neat and presentable, pay your bills on time, and make excuses for visiting your neighbors. Spend time in family activities. Try new things and go on adventures. These are the important things in life, and ridiculously exaggerated fantasies about statistically improbable calamities should never overshadow them. Perhaps we really should end any unhealthy obsession with doom and gloom and each of us should get busy living our one and only life.

“The end of the human race will be that it will eventually die of civilization.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882)

In 7.5 billion years, the Sun will run out of fuel and turn into a Red Giant, at which time the Earth will be uninhabitable. For some unknown reason, this concerns many folks a whole lot and some can think of little else - given all the possible things that they could be thinking about!

“Do not expect too much of the end of the world.” -Stanislaw Jerzy Lec (1909 - 1966): as quoted in Umberto Eco: “Foucault’s Pendulum” (1989), Chapter 7, page 49

When the End of the World Arrives, How Will the Media Report It?
- The New York Times: “World to end tomorrow; story and analysis on page B11.”
- The Wall Street Journal: “World to end tomorrow; market to close early.”
- USA Today: “It’s Over!”
- The Washington Post: “World to end tomorrow; impoverished nations will be hardest hit.”
- Business Week: Dow Jones Plummets As World Ends.
- Microsoft Systems Journal: Apple Loses Market Share.
- Sports Illustrated: Game Over.
- Wired: The Last New Thing.
- Readers Digest: ’Bye.
- Discover Magazine: How will the extinction of all life affect the way we view the cosmos?
- Lady’s Home Journal: Lose 10 Pounds by Judgement Day with Our New ‘Armageddon’ Diet!
- America Online: System Temporarily Down. Try Calling Back In 15 Minutes.
- Inc. magazine: Ten Ways You Can Profit from the Apocalypse.
- Microsoft’s Web Site: If You Did Not Experience the Apocalypse, Download Software Patch APOT777.EXE.

“End of time: What happens when your clock stops working.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)

Overheard: Chicken Little only has to be right once.

Ode to End Timers

Fanatics are trying to fend
With this concept: the world’s gonna end.
When portentous predictions
Turn out to be fictions,
They re-do their math and amend.

by Madeleine Begun Kane (born 1949)

“Have you noticed that in ‘the end of the world’ movies and books, the world does not actually explode, burn up, or become barren and devoid of all life, but instead, the sky becomes dark and people are still milling about as usual, but acting just slightly more confused and disorderly than usual?” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)

“There’s no end in sight!” -Author Unknown

“Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.” -Charles M. Schulz (Charles Monroe ‘Sparky’ Schulz (1922 - 2000))

Yesterday is proof there will be a tomorrow. There was a yesterday to yesterday, and a yesterday to that yesterday, and so on, going far, far back in time. If you could know when the first yesterday was, and look forward from that day, you would find that the first yesterday had a tomorrow and that tomorrow had a tomorrow, and so on. All those yesterdays and tomorrows, going on and on . . . builds the case that there will be not only a tomorrow, but a tomorrow for that tomorrow and so on, and so, many tomorrows will follow today, going far into the future, and so, there will be many tomorrows . . . perhaps even beyond our ability to count.

“I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it said on the packet, ‘Best Before End.’” -Tim Vine (Timothy Mark ‘Tim’ Vine (born 1967))

What does “The Bible” say about the end of the world? “But of that day and hour knoweth no man, no, not the angels of heaven, but my Father only.” -Jesus Christ: as quoted in “The Bible,” ‘Book of Matthew,’ chapter 24, verse 36

Some people lead dull lives because they aren’t the kind of people who actually do things, but are instead the kind of people who wait for things to happen. These are the people who talk endlessly about silly nonsense such as when and how the end of the world will happen. There is nothing going on in their lives; they aren’t doing anything with their lives; they are bored and spend their lives wishing something would happen, and if it doesn’t, they talk about what they wish would happen or what they wish other people would or should do. Do not let yourself be one of those people; rather, be one of the people who are doing things. Life is so much richer for the people who do things than it is for the people who wait and idle their lives away in fearful imaginings. So grab a ball and play catch with someone, or write an essay or a silly poem, or build a table and some chairs, or get a camera and take pictures of people and nature and events, or talk to someone about a new job, or just do anything that comes to mind or that you have been putting off doing. Do not wait, and do not engage in wasting time talking about the end of the world or what you wish other people would do. Be a doer yourself.

“End of the world? Why, I can’t even find the beginning, because the world is round!” -Author Unknown

On 31 March 1940, the Franklin Institute issued a press release stating that the world would end the next day. The release was picked up by radio station KYW, which broadcast the following message: “Your worst fears that the world will end are confirmed by astronomers of the Franklin Institute in Philadelphia. Scientists predict that the world will end at 3:00 p.m. Eastern Standard Time tomorrow. This is no April Fool’s Day joke. Confirmation can be obtained from Wagner Schlesinger, director of the Fels Planetarium of this city.” The public reaction was immediate. Local authorities were flooded with frantic phone calls. The panic only subsided after the Franklin Institute assured people that it had made no such prediction. The prankster responsible for the press release turned out to be William Castellini, the Institute’s press agent. He had intended to use the fake release to publicize an April 1st lecture at the institute titled, “How Will the World End?” Soon afterwards, the Institute dismissed Mr. Castellini from his job.

“What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly.” -Richard Bach (Richard David Bach (born 1936))

“Our Earth is degenerate in these last days; there are signs that the world is speedily coming to an end; bribery and corruption are common; children no longer listen to their parents; every man wants to write a book; indeed, the end of the world is approaching.” -Author Unknown: Assyrian inscription carved in stone (about 1500 B.C.E.)

End of the World Quiz
- Does any person really know when or how or if the world will end?
- When a person predicts the world will end in a certain way on a certain day, and he or she is wrong, what happens?
- Was Chicken Little right when she proclaimed the sky was falling because a pinecone fell out of a tree and hit her head?
- Might a person say the world is ending because he or she is bored and wanting excitement or is seeking to be the center of attention?
- Has anyone ever predicted the end of the world in order to defraud people of their money and other assets, to get people to buy books, or to get people to pay to see movies or attend lectures?
- If you and I do not know when the world will end, why would we suppose that other people know that information either?
- What is the difference between predicting when the world will end and predicting whether it will rain or not rain on this date ten years from now?
- Make a list of one hundred things more important for you to do than worrying about the end of the world.

The following pretty well sums it all up: If you are planting a tree or teaching a child to read, and someone comes along shouting, “The world is ending, the world is ending!” first finish planting the tree or teaching the child to read, and then go look into the matter of the world ending.

“Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree.” -Martin Luther (1483 - 1546)

“In my estimation, we are far closer to the beginning of the world than we are to the end of the world.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)

Cheer up - it’s not the end of the world! Another somewhat silly and somewhat serious topic is coming right up . . . on MFOL!

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Chewing Gum and Bubble Gum

2/29/2020

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Bubble gum girl . . .

How to Blow a Bubble
1. Take a piece of gum and chew it until the flavor is gone.
2. Stretch the gum around your tongue.
3. Blow air into the gum, and close your mouth to seal the bubble.
4. Peel the gum off your face and start all over again.

Humans are the only animals on Earth that chew gum. If you give a monkey a piece of gum, the monkey will chew it for a couple of minutes, and then the monkey will take the gum out of his mouth and stick it in his hair.

Mary Had Some Bubble Gum

Mary had some bubble gum,
     She chewed it long and slow,
And everywhere that Mary went,
     Her gum was sure to go.

She chewed the gum in school one day,
     Which was against the rule,
The teacher took her pack away,
     And chewed it after school.

by Author Unknown

People have enjoyed chewing gum-like substances in many lands and from very early times. Some of the materials were thickened resins and latexes from certain kinds of trees. Others were various sweet grasses, leaves, grains, and waxes. Modern chewing gum was originally made from the natural gum chicle, found in the sapodilla tree. Chicle is expensive, so other natural gums and chewy synthetic materials are also in use presently.

“For some reason, chewing gum for me gets my brain going.” -Brie Larson

Studies have shown that chewing gum helps people concentrate. It’s true - in fact, right now we’re concentrating on the cinnamon-peach flavor of the chewing gum in our mouths! Seriously, though, chewing gum can help in studying for exams, tests, quizzes, and other brain-taxing endeavors.

Eunice: How did the chewing gum get across the road?
Josie: By sticking to the chicken’s foot.

William Wrigley, Junior originally got his start in the baking powder business in Chicago, Illinois. With each can of his baking powder, he included a free pack of chewing gum. However, when he learned people were buying the baking powder only because they wanted the gum, he stopped selling the baking powder altogether and focused solely on the gum. In 1893, he began selling two of the most popular chewing gums ever: Juicy Fruit and Wrigley’s Spearmint Gum. The rest is history . . .

Hugh: Where is the best place to have a bubble gum bubble-blowing contest?
Bert: On a chew-chew train.

Chocolate-flavored chewing gum is not possible because the cocoa butter in chocolate acts as an emulsifier on the chewing gum base, making it too soft and ruining the chewability of the product. You can test this yourself by putting a piece of chocolate and a piece of gum in your mouth at the same time and chewing them together.

Chewing gum burns about 11 calories per hour.

Who is that person? She is Natalie Wood (born Natalia Nikolaevna Zakharenko (1938 - 1981)), acting and blowing bubbles at the same time, in the comedy film, “Penelope” (1966)

Studies have shown that chewing sugarless gum sweetened with xylitol has an antibacterial action. It fights bacteria that cause tooth decay. Gum also increases the flow of saliva, which dilutes acid produced by bacteria. Saliva also contains calcium and phosphorous minerals that can help to repair soft spots in tooth enamel, actually healing early tooth decay.

Eugene: What did the shoe say to the chewing gum?
Wallace: “Stick with me, and we’ll go places.”

During World War 2, American military personnel increased the popularity of chewing gum by trading it and giving it as a gift to people in Europe, Africa, Asia, and other parts of the world.

You probably will not want to go out and nibble on any tires after reading this, but the fact is that chewing gum is made from rubber, just like the tires on bicycles and automobiles. No wonder rodents like to chew the insulation off wires - it’s like chewing gum for them!

Cheryl: Would you like some ABC gum?
Daryl: What’s ABC gum?
Cheryl: It’s ‘Already Been Chewed’ gum.
Daryl: No, thanks!

Chewing gum is a very stable product. It has a non-reactive nature and low moisture content. Because of this, chewing gum retains its quality for a longer time than most other food products - so long, in fact, that in most countries, chewing gum is not required by law to be labeled with an expiration date. Chewing gum can, however, become brittle and lose some flavor as it ages, but will still remain safe to chew.

“Does the spearmint lose its flavor on the bedpost overnight?” -Billy Rose: title of song (1924), music by Ernest Breuer; revived in 1959 by Lonnie Donegan with the title “Does your chewing-gum lose its flavor on the bedpost overnight?”

On 28 December 1869, a patent for an ‘improved’ type of chewing gum was obtained by dentist William Finley Semple of Mount Vernon, Ohio. He combined rubber with chalk, powdered licorice root, and other substances to make his gum. The resulting gum purportedly cleaned the teeth and strengthened the jaw. Other types of chewing gum did exist prior to Mr. Semple’s product, including a ‘State of Maine Pure Spruce Gum’ made by John B. Curtis starting in 1848, and an earlier patent for chewing gum obtained by Toledo, Ohio resident Amos Tyler on 27 July 1869. Mr. Tyler’s gum was made of white rosin and olive oil, which he heated and mixed together. Once it cooled, he cut it into strips, or sticks, and packaged each piece individually. Of course, prior to all of this, chewing gum had been around for thousands of years of human history, but it was of a simpler form and not widely sold commercially to the public.

Cinnamon, spearmint, and peppermint are among the most popular flavors of chewing gum today.

Modern chewing gum emerged from a series of failures. American inventor Thomas Adams had tried for an entire year to use chicle as a substitute for rubber in waterproof boots, rainwear, and toys. Mr. Adams was frustrated when the experiments did not work as he had hoped, and he was ready to throw away all of the remaining chicle. Then a visit to a drug store gave him an idea. There, he overheard a girl ask for a penny’s worth of paraffin wax candy, and he recalled that chicle had been chewed by people for many centuries. By 1870, he had developed a chewing gum manufacturing process, for which he obtained United States Patent #111,798 issued on 14 February 1871. He sold his product as ‘Adams’ New York Gum No. 1.’ In 1871, he made a licorice-flavored gum called Black Jack, the first flavored chewing gum.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Oswald.
Oswald, who?
Oswald my chewing gum!

The color of the first successful bubble gum was pink because it was the only color the inventor had. The color ‘stuck,’ and today, bubble gum is still predominantly pink.

According to a leading columnist on the subject of etiquette, chewing gum in public is perfectly all right as long as it is not done with too much gusto.

In 1919 in Lockport, New York, United States of America, a Baptist minister named W. H. Mason invented the first modern gumball machine, which he patented and turned over to his son, Ford Mason, who began manufacturing the machines in the basement of his father’s church. Ford Gum & Machine Company soon began producing gumballs, too, and the younger Mason spent a decade perfecting ways to protect the candy from moisture condensation inside the see-through glass globes. A single drop of water would ruin the colors of a barrel of gumballs. Once he had invented a water-resistant glaze, a person could take a handful of glazed gumballs and hold them under a running faucet without the color coming off.

Alike Yet Different Somehow

The gum-chewing student,
     The cud-chewing cow,
Somewhat alike,
     Yet different somehow.

Just what is the difference -
     I think I know now -
It’s the thoughtful look
     On the face of the cow.

by Author Unknown

The largest bubble ever blown was about 58 centimeters (23 inches) in diameter. The record was set on Tuesday 19 July 1994 by Susan Montgomery Williams of Fresno, California, United States of America. Hmmm, seems like that bubble might have been large enough to hold a small dog, a cat, a parakeet, and a goldfish inside it.

At one time, a manufacturer ordered his workers to stop chewing on the job - but the workers went to the National Labor Relations Board and won the right to do so.

Chewing gum while cutting onions can help keep people from producing tears.

Chewing gum on an airplane will prevent a person’s ears from popping. Chewing gum makes the salivary glands produce 250 percent more saliva than is normally produced, so people swallow more. This helps balance the pressure in the head.

Japanese chemists have invented ‘Mood Gum.’ Like the Mood Rings once popular in America, Mood Gum changes color when you are happy, sad, angry, and so forth.

Chewing-gum was illegal in all of Eastern Europe until Czechoslovakia began manufacturing it in 1957. Poland and East Germany quickly followed suit, but it was not until 1976 that the Soviet Union lifted its ban on gum. Tourists who visit Singapore are allowed to bring gum with them, but only a maximum of two packs per person. Any more than that and they can be charged with ‘gum smuggling’ which carries the penalty of one year in jail and $5,500 fine. A doctor’s prescription may be required for chewing gum. Anyone caught leaving chewing gum in a public area can be charged with a monetary fine, community work, or commonly, a public beating with a bamboo stick.

Do you have gum stuck in your hair, and you don’t want to cut your hair to get rid of the gum? It’s a sticky situation, but you can apply ice to the gum to make it cold and harden it, and then try to break it off in pieces. Or, you can use peanut butter or vegetable oil to soften the gum and then try to remove it. Afterward, wash your hair thoroughly.

Better than cough drops? Cough drops are just candy, but the act of chewing gum may provide some real relief from the sore throat that frequently accompanies a cold, influenza (flu), and some other conditions, by stimulating the flow of saliva.

Chewing gum first went into orbit when astronauts Edward Higgins White II and James Alton McDivitt smuggled the stuff onboard their space capsule during the Gemini IV mission that was launched on 3 June 1965 from Cape Canaveral, Florida, United States of America.

Any guesses as to what percentage of people are incapable of blowing bubbles with gum? Get a clipboard, a pen, a piece of paper, and decide how you are going to word your question or questions. Now go out and begin asking people, writing down the number of people who say they can blow bubbles and the number of people who say they cannot blow bubbles. But wait, there are probably a statistically significant number of people who have never tried and therefore do not know if they can or cannot blow bubbles, and you will want to count those people also. As an inducement to get people to participate in your study, you might offer them each a piece of gum. When you have your results, please let us know.

That is not all . . . we have much more humor for you on a huge variety of topics on Make Fun Of Life! - just scroll down the page. We are people . . . being silly . . . while chewing gum . . .

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Mail and Post Offices

2/26/2020

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Mabel: How can I keep birds from nesting in my mailbox?
Gertrude: Put a cat in it.

In 1913, it was legal to ship children by mail. With postage attached to their clothing, they rode trains to their destinations, accompanied by a letter carrier.

Melvin: What two words have the most letters?
Mailman: ‘Post office.’

Post Office Clerk: This package is too heavy. You will have to put another stamp on it.
Customer: And putting another stamp on it will make it lighter?

“Wanted: Young, skinny, wiry fellows not over 18. Must be expert riders willing to risk death daily. Orphans preferred. Wages $25 per week.” -Author Unknown: Pony Express (1860) advertisement

Carrier of news and knowledge,
Instrument of trade and industry,
Promoter of mutual acquaintance,
Of peace and good-will
Among men and nations.
-Charles William Eliot: as inscribed on the southeast corner of a post office in Washington, District of Columbia, United States of America

Michigan, United States of America, is the only place in the world with a floating post office. The J.W. Westcott II delivers mail to ships while they are still underway. The floating postal system has been in operation for more than 125 years.

Bobby: Have you heard about the romance at the post office?
Darren: Yes, a stamp is stuck on an envelope.

Tip for reopening envelope: If you seal an envelope and then realize you forgot to include something inside, place your sealed envelope inside a plastic bag, and then inside a freezer for an hour or two. It will then likely unseal quite easily.

A dog walked into a post-office, and joined the queue (got in line). When he reached the cashier, he said, “Hello, I’d like to send a telegram please.” The cashier, mildly startled to be addressed by a dog, said “Uh, certainly. What message would you like to send?” The dog said “Here is the message: Woof-woof. Woof-woof woof-woof. Woof-woof-woof, woof. Woof.” The cashier, half-sarcastically, said to the dog, “You haven’t quite reached the character-limit. Would you like to add an extra ‘woof’?” The dog replied, “Don’t be daft, that wouldn’t make any sense!”

One interesting fact about the Pony Express system for delivering mail in the United States of America is that there was not a single pony in the Pony Express . . . just horses.

A woman purchased a postage stamp at the post office. “Must I stick it on myself?” she asked. “Well, madam,” replied the postal clerk. “It might be better if you stuck it on the envelope.”

Oscar: What starts with ‘p,’ ends with ‘e,’ and has thousands of letters in it?
Roscoe: Post office.

The ‘ZIP’ in ZIP code stands for ‘Zoning Improvement Plan.’

Gwendolyn: What travels around the world while sitting in a corner?
Wendy: A stamp.

Every time you lick a stamp, you consume one-tenth of a calorie. Thank goodness for the peel-and-stick stamps, which allow us to ‘stick’ to our diets!

Shannon: What starts with ‘e,’ ends with ‘e,’ and contains one letter?
Shane: An envelope.

The world’s first adhesive postage stamp went on sale in England in 1840. It was the called the Penny Black, and portrayed Queen Victoria.

Joseph: What two letters describe a mailbox with nothing in it?
Sophia: ‘MT.’

Before 1863, the postal service in the United States of America was free.

A woman went to the Post Office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. “What denomination?” asked the clerk. “Oh, good heavens! Have we come to this?” said the woman. “Well then, give me fifty Catholic stamps and fifty Baptist stamps.”

The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher.

No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.

Benjamin Franklin was appointed the first United States Postmaster General on 26 July 1775.

“Neither Snow, Nor Rain, Nor Heat, Nor Gloom of Night Stops These Couriers From the Swift Completion of Their Appointed Rounds.” -adaptation of words by Herodotus: inscription on the façade of the General Post Office in New York City, New York, United States of America

The original wording of the above was: “Not snow, no, nor rain, nor night keeps them from accomplishing their appointed courses with all speed.” -Herodotus (484 B.C.E. - 425 B.C.E.): “The Histories of Herodotus,” book VIII, chapter 98

They just came out with a new postage stamp. It has a picture of people waiting in line to buy stamps at a post office.

Mailing an entire building has been illegal in the United States of America since 1916, when a man mailed a 40,000-ton brick house across Utah to avoid high freight rates.

Monica: What is big and gray, has forty feet, and runs to the post office?
Monique: A herd of elephants in a ‘stamp’-ede.

“Consider the postage stamp, my son. It secures success through its ability to stick to one thing till it gets there.” -Josh Billings (pseudonym of Henry Wheeler Shaw (1818 - 1885))

Postmen in Victorian England were popularly called ‘robins.’ This was because their uniforms were red. The British Post Office grew out of the carrying of royal dispatches. Red was considered a royal color, so uniforms and letterboxes were red. Christmas cards often showed a robin delivering Christmas mail.

Xavier: How many 3-cent stamps are there in a dozen?
Yvette: 12. (If you answered 4, go to the back of the line!)

Messenger of sympathy and love,
Servant of parted friends,
Consoler of the lonely,
Bond of the scattered family,
Enlarger of the common life.
-Charles William Eliot: as inscribed on the southeast corner of a post office in Washington, District of Columbia, United States of America

The Chicago Post Office at 433 West Van Buren is the only postal facility in the world people can drive through in an automobile.

Have you heard about the new postage stamps?
- The Peanut Butter Stamp: It sticks to the roof of your mouth.
- The Athlete Stamp: It is so sweaty that you do not have to lick it.
- The Hermit Stamp: It sticks to itself.
- The Welder’s Stamp: If you cannot lick it, join it.
- The Santa Claus Stamp: Yule love it.
- The Cat Stamp: It licks itself.
- The Stork Stamp: It delivers itself.
-The King Arthur Stamp: It is good for over-knight delivery.
-The Kindergarten Stamp: It is good for first class.
-The Fog Stamp: It comes with postage dew.

“I am a one-hundred percent qualified, thoroughly trained, all weather, truck loading, route walking, dog fearing, package delivering, always working, dedicated, unstoppable U.S. Postal Mail Carrier!” -Unidentified postal carrier

This is MFOL! . . . and we’re rushing out to buy some stamps to mail all of our love letters and letters to Santa and letters to our pen pals . . .

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Fishing and Anglers

2/25/2020

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At the end of the day, you can take your catch home . . . with full bragging rights . . .

Grace and her grandson Eddy were digging for fishing bait in the garden. Uncovering a many-legged creature, Eddy proudly dangled it before his grandmother. “No, honey, he won’t do for bait,” she said. “He’s not an earthworm.” “He’s not?” Eddy asked, his eyes wide. “What planet is he from?”

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Fishing

When I go fishing
     I’m always wishing
Some fish will be my prize;
     But while I’m fishing,
The fish are wishing
     Otherwise.

And all the wishes
     Of all the fishes
Seem always to come true;
     So all my wishes
To catch some fishes
     Never do.

by Author Unknown

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“Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish and he eats for a lifetime.” -Author Unknown

One way to tell the age of a fish is by looking at its scales. Fish have growth rings just as trees do. The growth rings on fish are called circuli, and clusters of circuli are called annuli. Each annuli marks one year of life in a fish. Somewhere out there might be somebody who knows what all of this means.

“Nothing makes a fish bigger than almost being caught.” -Author Unknown

Three men were sitting on a park bench. The one in the middle was reading a newspaper; the others were pretending to fish. They baited imaginary hooks, cast lines, and reeled in their catch. A passing policeman stopped to watch the spectacle, and asked the man in the middle if he knew the other two. “Oh, yes,” he said. “They’re my friends.” “In that case,” warned the officer, “you’d better get them out of here.” “Yes, sir,” the man replied, and he began rowing furiously.

“If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there’d be a shortage of fishing poles.” -Doug Larson (1902 - 1981)

“Give a man a fish, and he’ll eat for a day. Give a fish a man, and he’ll eat for weeks!” -Toshihiro Kawabata

Fisherman Fisher

A fitful young fisher named Fisher
Once fished for some fish in a fissure,
     Till a fish, with a grin,
     Pulled the fisherman in -
Now they’re fishing the fissure for Fisher!

by Author Unknown

“The fishing was good, it was the catching that was bad.” -A. K. Best

“Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Teach him how to fish and you get rid of him for the whole weekend.” -Zenna Schaffer

How many fishermen does it take to change a light bulb? Seven - and you should have seen the size of that light bulb. It was this long . . . Seven of us were almost not enough; we could barely handle it!

Fishing has been around for a long time. The oldest fishhook found so far dates back to about 42,000 years ago. Do you think the fish were any bigger back then?

“You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let it go. They don’t want to eat the fish, but they do want to make it late for something. ‘Where were you?’ ‘I got caught!’ ‘I don’t believe you, let me see the inside of your lip.’” -Mitch Hedberg

“Give a man a fish, and it will feed him for a day; give a man a fishing rod, and he will sell it for more fish, or burn it for firewood.” -Jon Culshaw

A five-year-old boy had gone fishing with his grandmother. After an hour or so, his grandmother asked him, “Are you having any luck?” He replied indignantly, “No, I don’t think my worm is really trying.”

James: What do you call a couple who go fishing together?
Elijah: Rod and Annette.

A fisherman accidentally dropped his wallet into the water, and was amazed to see a school of carp deftly balancing the wallet on their heads and tossing it from one fish to another. “Golly,” said the fisherman, “that’s the first time I’ve ever seen carp-to-carp walleting.” (pun on ‘wall-to-wall carpeting’)

Why not make fishing a family affair?

“Caution is a most valuable asset in fishing, especially if you are a fish.” -Author Unknown

“Give a man a fish, and you’ll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he’ll buy a funny hat.” -Author Unknown

Fish can be frozen, canned, and smoked to build a stockpile of food for the winter season.

“The first rule of fishing: The least experienced fisherman always catches the biggest fish.” -Author Unknown

Give a man a fish, and he has food for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he has to buy fishing licenses, park passes, rods, reels, fishing lines, hooks, tackle boxes, lures, spinners, sinkers, bobbers, nets, bait, knives, hats, fishing vests, fish finders, depth sounders, boats, outboard motors, gas cans, trailers, global positioning systems, ice chests, bags of ice, waders, buckets, sunglasses, sunscreen lotions, first aid kits, floatation vests, sandwiches, beverages, fishing pliers, cameras, binoculars, weight scales, tape measures, folding chairs, a 4-wheel drive vehicle, bumper stickers, ropes . . . did we forget anything?

“A fishing rod is a stick with a hook at one end and a fool at the other.” -Samuel Johnson

The Good Lord Sends the Fishing

Sitting still and wishing
     Made no person great;
The good Lord sends the fishing,
     But you must dig the bait.

by Author Unknown

To catch a Swedish fish . . . use a gummy worm. (A ‘Swedish fish’ is a candy.)

“Let your hook be always cast, for a fish lurks even in the most unlikely waters.” -Ovid (Publius Ovidius Naso)

The Fishing Pole

A fishing pole’s a curious thing,
     It’s made of just a stick and string;
A boy at one end and a wish,
     And on the other end a fish.

by Mary Caroline Davies

“The fish does not go after the hook, but after the bait.” -Author Unknown: Czech proverb

Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they will not bother you for weeks.

“Most of the world is covered by water. A fisherman’s job is simple: Pick out the best parts.” -Charles Waterman

“Fish: An underwater creature that grows fastest between when it is caught and the time the fisherman describes it to his friends.” -Author Unknown

“Bragging may not bring happiness, but no man having caught a large fish goes home through an alley.” -Ann Landers

Bret: How do you get your little sister to find so many worms for you when you want to go fishing?
Bert: Oh, that’s easy. Out of every ten she digs up, I let her have one to eat.

“Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Unless he doesn’t like sushi - then you also have to teach him to cook.” -Auren Hoffman

Kel: Are you fishing?
Cal: No, just teaching worms to swim.

Fish

One, two, three, four, five,
     I caught a fish alive.
Six, seven, eight, nine, ten,
     I let him go again!
Why did I let him go?
     Because he bit my finger so.
Which finger did he bite?
     The little one on the right.

by Author Unknown

Once upon a time, there was a fisherman who was always talking about the giant fish he almost caught. One day he took his two sons, Toward and Away, fishing with him. That night, he returned more excited than ever. “Honey,” he yelled to his wife, “you should have seen the fish I saw today. A tremendous green fish, ten feet long, with horns and fur all over its back. It came crawling out of the water, snatched our son Toward, and swallowed him in one gulp!” “Good gracious!” exclaimed his wife. “That’s horrible!” “Oh, that was nothing,” said her husband. “You should have seen the one that got Away!”

“The two best times to fish is when it’s rainin’ and when it ain’t.” -Patrick F. McManus

“Fishing gives you a sense of where you fit in the scheme of things - your place in the Universe . . . I, mean, here I am, one small guy with a fishing pole in this vast world and out there in the blue expanse of ocean are hundreds of millions of fish . . . all of them laughing at me . . .” -Author Unknown

“The early angler catches the best fishing spot.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)

A fisherman returned to shore with a giant marlin that was bigger and heavier than he was. On the way to the cleaning shed, he ran into a second fisherman who had a stringer with a dozen baby minnows on it. The second fisherman looked at the marlin, turned to the first fisherman, and said, “Only caught one, eh?”

“Net income: The money a fisherman earns.” -Author Unknown

Two would-be fishermen rented a boat, and one caught a large fish. “We should mark the spot,” he said. The other fisherman drew a large ‘X’ in the bottom of the boat with a black felt-tip marker. “That’s no good,” said the first fisherman. “Next time out we might not get the same boat.”

“When you fall into a river, you are no longer an angler, you are a swimmer.” -Author Unknown

“All men are equal before fish.” -Herbert Hoover

“Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will stop bothering you.” -Author Unknown

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Fishin’

S’pose the fish don’t bite at fust,
     What be yew goin’ tur dew?
Chuck down yewr pole, throw out yewr bait
     An’ say yewr fishin’s threw?
Uv course yew hain’t; yew’re goin’ tur fish,
     An’ fish, an’ fish, an’ wait
Until yew’ve ketched yewr baskit full,
     An’ used up all yewr bait.

S’pose success don’t come at fust,
     What be yew goin’ tur dew?
Throw up the sponge an’ kick yewrself,
     An’ go tur feelin’ blew?
Uv course yew hain’t; yew’re goin’ tur fish,
     An’ bait, an’ bait agin’;
Bimeby success will bite yewr hook,
     An’ yew will pull him in.

by Harry N. Dascomb

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Fishing and Anglers Quiz
- What other creatures besides fishes can be caught with a rod and reel?
- How are freshly caught fishes cleaned and prepared before cooking?
- How much does a fishing license cost in your area?

“An angler is a man who spends rainy days sitting around on the muddy banks of rivers doing nothing because his wife won’t let him do it at home.” -Author Unknown: as quoted in the “Irish News”

That Fish Was Just Too Fussy

I said to a fish in a lake
“I have worms, peas, and chocolate cake.
     Would you care for a bite?”
     Said the fish, “I just might,
But I think it would be a mistake.”

by John Ciardi

“The charm of fishing is that it is the pursuit of what is elusive but attainable, a perpetual series of occasions for hope.” -John Buchan

Could you catch fish, and sell them to luckless anglers who caught nothing, or to local restaurants, hotels, and grocers?

“Catch a man a fish, and you can sell it to him. Teach a man to fish, and you ruin a wonderful business opportunity.” -Author Unknown

A man went ice fishing. He took out an ice pick and began to hack away. He heard a voice from above say, “There are no fish there.” He went to another spot and started to pick away. Again came the voice: “There are no fish there, either.” He tried a third spot. Once more he heard the voice from above - “Nope. Not there, either.” Finally, the man grew a little nervous, so he looked up and asked, “Are you God?” The voice from above boomed, “No, I’m the arena manager.”

“When I’m tired and can’t sleep, I count fish instead of sheep.” -Author Unknown

“Give a lazy person a fish and he will eat it. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and sleep all day.” -Author Unknown

This is MFOL! . . . Now we had all better get to bed early so we can get up early to get the best fishing spot early tomorrow morning to catch the food called fish . . .

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Theater and Thespians

2/18/2020

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Pirate Pete: Why couldn’t the eleven-year-old pirate get in to see the movie?
Buccaneer Bob: Because it was rated, ‘Arrrrrr!’

“Actors are people who dress up and pretend to be other people . . . and that’s why they call what they do ‘playing’ a part.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)

“I love acting, but it’s much more fun taking the kids to the zoo.” -Nicole Kidman

“The world’s a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.” -Seán O’Casey (1880 - 1964)

‘Thespian’ is another word for ‘actor.’ Thespian is derived from a man named Thespis and the suffix ‘ian’ which comes from the Latin ‘-iānus,’ meaning ‘like’ in this usage. Thespis worked at his acting art sometime in the 6th century B.C.E., and is believed by some researchers to have been the first credited actor.

“I’m an actor. And I guess I’ve done so many movies I’ve achieved some high visibility. But a star? I guess I still think of myself as kind of a worker ant.” -Bill Vaughan (William Edward ‘Bill’ Vaughan (1915 - 1977))

“All the world’s a stage but most of us are stagehands.” -Author Unknown

“Everyone wants to be Cary Grant. Even I want to be Cary Grant.” -Cary Grant (pseudonym of Archibald Alexander Leach (1904 - 1986))

For most of human history, people attended live performances by actors, musicians, lecturers, and other show people, also known as entertainers. The performers sometimes appeared on stages in outdoor or indoor theaters, but they also put on their shows in any available space, such as a town square or an empty field. Only in recent times have people been able to view and listen to shows and performances with the use of devices that record and replay them.

Jay: Have you tried the new Hollywood citrus soda with half the calories of regular soda?
Ray: What’s it called?
Jay: Lime Lite.

In 1816, Thomas Drummond devised a lighting source for theaters, consisting of a cylinder of lime heated by an incandescent flame and placed behind a lens or in front of a reflector. The resulting lime lights were extremely bright but tended to light up only a small part of a stage or other area into which they were focused, making the star performer highly visible as long as he or she stood within it. Soon, actors were competing to be inside the small area of focus of the lime light, so that they could be easily seen by the audience members. Locations where many people can see someone became known as ‘being in the limelight.’ Later, with the development of electric lighting, the phrase ‘being in the spotlight’ also came into use.

“You can pick out actors by the glazed look that comes into their eyes when the conversation wanders away from themselves.” -Michael Wilding

In 1891, Thomas Edison and William Dickson invented the Kinetoscope, a box that allowed short films to be seen by a single viewer. Initially, Mr. Edison was opposed to showing motion pictures on big screens to audiences in theaters because he thought one-on-one viewing would be more profitable.

“One of my chief regrets during my years in the theater is that I couldn’t sit in the audience and watch me.” -John Barrymore (1882 - 1942)

The first movie production studio in the world was built in 1893 by Thomas Edison at the Edison Laboratories in New Jersey, United States of America. It was a small wood-frame building covered in black tarpaper roofing material, and was built on a large turntable, so that the entire building could be rotated to allow the windows to face the Sun and let in the greatest amount of natural sunlight available at any time of day, which was necessary to make early motion pictures, or movies. All of the movies made in this studio were ‘silent movies,’ as sound would come only later in movie-making history.

“The talking picture will not supplant the regular silent motion picture.” -Thomas Edison

The Western character most portrayed on screen is William Frederick Cody, also known as Buffalo Bill, followed by William Bonny, also known as Billy the Kid.

“I wouldn’t say when you’ve seen one Western you’ve seen the lot; but when you’ve seen the lot you get the feeling you’ve seen one.” -Katherine Whitehorn: “Sunday Best” (1976), ‘Decoding the West’

The first movie stuntwoman was Helen Gibson, who doubled for Helen Holmes in the first 26 episodes of “The Hazards of Helen” (1914). She was trained as a trick rider on horses, and was married to cowboy star Hoot Gibson.

Jenny: The other day I sat through a terrible movie.
Jenna: Why didn’t you walk out?
Jenny: I wanted to, but the flight attendant wouldn’t give me a parachute.

The first major movie star is arguably Mary Pickford (1893 - 1979), who along with Charlie Chaplin, Douglas Fairbanks, and D. W. Griffith, formed United Artists Corporation in 1919. At the peak of her popularity, Mary Pickford made a record-breaking $10,000 a week (more than $196,000 in 2008 U.S. Dollars).

“Some of my best leading men have been dogs and horses.” -Elizabeth Taylor: as quoted in “The Times” (18 February 1981) newspaper; also as quoted in Judy Allen: “Picking on Men” (1985)

“Remember, there are no small parts, only small actors.” -Konstantin Stanislavski

Hollywood’s first canine celebrity actor was Rin-Tin-Tin (also spelled as Rin Tin Tin and Rintintin (1918 - 1932)), a five-day-old German Shephard found wounded in battle in the vicinity of Lorraine, France during World War One. American soldier Corporal Leland Leroy ‘Lee’ Duncan (1892 - 1960) adopted him and nicknamed him Rinty, trained him, and obtained silent movie work for the dog starting in 1922. Rin-Tin-Tin would sign his own contracts with his paw print.

“I got all the schooling any actress needs. That is, I learned to write enough to sign contracts.” -Hermione Gingold

A newspaper sent a short telegram message to Cary Grant on his birthday, inquiring as to his age, and reading only, “How old Cary Grant?” The imperturbable* actor, in a similarly brief telegram, replied, “Old Cary Grant fine! How you?”
*imperturbable: calm and steady

Mallory’s Salary

There was a young rustic named Mallory,
who drew but a very small salary.
When he went to the show,
his purse made him go
to a seat in the uppermost gallery.

by Author Unknown

In 1923, Mark Sennett, Harry Chandler, and the “Los Angeles Times” newspaper spent $21,000 to put up the “Hollywoodland” sign to publicize a real estate development. The sign was later shortened to the iconic “Hollywood” sign with large white all-capital letters, seen on the hillside today.

“Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.” -Author Unknown

When the executives of Warner Brothers Studios were having money problems, they decided to take a risk on a first-of-its-kind talkie, or talking motion picture. It was called, “The Jazz Singer” (1927), and Al Jolson (pseudonym of Asa Yoelson) was given the first-ever lead role in the talkie. All movies up to that time had been silent motion pictures.

“This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.” -Oscar Wilde

The last completely silent film produced for general distribution was George Melford’s “The Poor Millionaire” (1930), with lead actors Richard Talmadge (who played both the hero and the villain parts) and Constance Howard.

“Acting is the most minor of gifts. After all, Shirley Temple could do it when she was four.” -Katharine Hepburn (1907 - 2003), as quoted in Carolyn Warner, editor: “The Last Word: A Treasury of Women’s Quotes” (1992)

An Articulation Warmup for Actors

Give me the gift of a grip-top sock,
A clip drape shipshape tip top sock.
Not your spinslick slapstick slipshod stock,
But a plastic, elastic grip-top sock.
None of your fantastic slack swap slop
From a slap dash flash cash haberdash shop.
Not a knick knack knitlock knockneed knickerbocker sock
With a mock-shot blob-mottled trick-ticker top clock.
Not a supersheet seersucker rucksack sock,
Not a spot-speckled frog-freckled cheap sheik’s sock
Off a hodge-podge moss-blotched scotch-botched block.
Nothing slipshod drip drop flip flop or glip glop
Tip me to a tip top grip top sock.

by Author Unknown

“What can you do with a guy with ears like that?” -Jack Warner (1930), as a movie mogul rejecting Clark Gable

Lassie, the movie collie, first appeared in a 1930’s short novel titled, “Lassie Come Home” written by Eric Mowbray Knight. The dog in the novel was based on Knight’s real life collie, Toots. Lassie was played by several male dogs, despite the female name, because male collies were thought to look better on camera. The main canine actor who played the parts was named Pal. “So many of Lassie’s fans want to ask: Is he allowed on the furniture? Of course he is - but then, he’s the one who paid for it.” -Julia Glass

The largest number of takes for one scene was 324, all done of the comedy actor Charlie Chaplin in the making of the film, “City Lights” (1931).

“I always wanted to be a movie star. I thought it meant being famous and having breakfast in bed. I didn’t know you had to be up at 4:00 a.m.” -June Allyson

Radio City Music Hall in New York City, New York, United States of America was once the largest movie theater in the world. It opened in December 1932 with 5,945 seats.

A large, hand-lettered sign hanging on the wall of Stage 5 at Paramount Studios, from around 1940 read, “Please Do Not Feed The Actors.”

“There’s no business like show business.” -Irving Berlin (1888 - 1989): title of song (1946)

Actor Hugh Beaumont (Eugene Hugh Beaumont (16 February 1909 - 14 May 1982) was an actor, a television director, and an ordained Methodist minister. He is known for portraying Ward Clever, the father in the television series, “Leave It to Beaver” (1957 - 1963), and for his earlier acting role as private detective Michael Shayne.

“I’m not a film star, I am an actress. Being a film star is such a false life, lived for fake values and for publicity.” -Vivien Leigh (born Vivian Mary Hartley (1913 - 1967))

The author whose works have been adapted to film the most is William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616), which includes authentic film versions of his writings, as well as modern retellings such as, “West Side Story” (1961) and “The Lion King” (1994), and in countless parody movies.

“I have always noticed that when a fellow wants to finish a play, the only way to do it is to go away to the country and leave no address.” -George Augustus Moore (1852 - 1933): “Vain Fortune,” Chapter 1, referring to writing a play

The largest Hollywood film set ever built was the 1,312 feet by 754 feet Roman Forum for the epic, “The Fall of the Roman Empire” (1964).

One of the great American film directors was John Huston (1906 - 1987), whose films included, “The Maltese Falcon” (1941), “Moby Dick” (1956), and “Annie” (1982). But perhaps the toughest assignment he ever had was the modestly titled film, “The Bible” (1966). He found the ‘Creation’ and ‘Ark’ parts especially challenging. When a friend asked him how things were going, he replied, “I don’t know how God managed. I’m having a terrible time.”

The largest make-up budget for a movie was $1 million for “Planet of the Apes” (1968), which amounted to nearly 17 percent of the total movie production costs.

The largest indoor set was the UFO landing site built for Steven Spielberg’s “Close Encounters of the Third Kind” (1977).

One of Germany’s most prominent filmmakers, Werner Herzog, was chatting with director Errol Morris one day when Mr. Morris mentioned how difficult it was to find funding for his films. Wanting to challenge his buddy, Mr. Herzog told Mr. Morris to keep trying, and then added that if he ever finished a movie, “I am going to eat my shoe.” Errol Morris finally released the first of his many documentaries, titled “Gates of Heaven” (1978). Mr. Herzog kept his promise, and in 1980, with Les Blank filming the proceedings, Werner Herzog cooked his shoe in garlic and duck fat and then started eating his shoe.

The first movie stuntman was Frank Hanaway, a former member of the United States Cavalry. He was cast in “The Great Train Robbery” (1903), based on his ability to fall off a horse without hurting himself.

“No, no, no!” the director screamed. “Cut!” He stormed onto the set and confronted the leading man. “That’s no way to fall down a staircase!” he fumed. “What’s the matter? Are you afraid of messing up your hair or getting a scratch on that pretty face of yours?” The actor knew enough about this man’s temper to keep his own mouth closed. Let the director rant for a minute or two, then they could all get back to shooting the scene. “We can’t shoot this scene if you’re going to be a coward about it!” the director said. “Look, I’ll show you how easy it is.” He climbed to the top of the stairs and assumed the position the actor was supposed to take. Then his body tipped toward the steps, and he tumbled to the bottom. He looked at the actor from the floor and said, “Now do you think you can do it right?” “I guess so,” the actor said. “Good,” the director said. “Everybody back into position for the shot. Oh, and by the way, somebody call an ambulance. My leg is broken.”

Actor Bill Murray (William James ‘Bill’ Murray (born 1950)) has neither a publicist nor an agent, and yet he has had starring roles in such wildly successful and well-known movies as, “Ghost Busters” (8 June 1984) and “What About Bob” (17 May 1991). Does he rely on actual ‘friends in the business’ to get acting gigs?

The largest cast of living creatures in a film were the 22 million bees employed by Irwin Allen in “The Swarm” (1978).

Standards of decency and appropriateness in entertainment vary around the world. The “Muppet Movie” (1979) was disallowed by New Zealand censors on the grounds that it contained gratuitous violence. Sweden banned “E.T.” (1982) for children under 11 years of age because of their finding that it showed parents being hostile to their children.

“Actors: Puppets who pull their own strings.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)

The first feature film created solely with Computer Generated Imagery (CGI) was “Toy Story” (1995). More than 800,000 hours of mathematical equations went into the film, which works out to more than a week of computer time for every second on the screen.

“Nicko! Don’t play with the food! When I was your age, we didn’t have food!” - Lainie Kazan: speaking part in the movie, “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” (19 April 2002)

The Academy Award statue is named after a librarian’s uncle. One day Margaret Herrick, librarian for the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, made a remark that the statue looked like her Uncle Oscar, and the name stuck.

Cheryl: What was the scariest part of the horror movie?
Ethyl: When I ran out of popcorn.

The creepy character most frequently portrayed in horror films is Count Dracula, a creation of Irish writer Bram Stoker (1847 - 1912).

Lars: There I was, Sasquatch on my left, Frankenstein’s monster was on my right, and the Swamp Thing was fast approaching me. I screamed as loud as I could.
Cindy: Then what happened?
Lars: The usher told me that if it happened again, I would have to exit the movie theater.

Boris: How do you make a strawberry shake?
Doris: Take it to see a horror movie!

A Tragedy in Three Acts
Act I: Tyrannosaurus Rex and two small dinosaurs.
Act II: Tyrannosaurus Rex and one small dinosaur.
Act III: Tyrannosaurus Rex.

Marv: How do you fix a broken movie?
Merv: With video tape.

“People ask, ‘What’s the best role you’ve ever played?’ The next one.” -Kevin Kline (Kevin Delaney Kline (born 1972))

This is MFOL! . . . and we’re not acting . . . but then, many actors aren’t either . . . they entertain people by getting in front of an audience or a camera and just being themselves . . .

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Knock-Knock Jokes

2/16/2020

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Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Justin.
Justin, who?
Justin the neighborhood and thought I would say hello!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Orange.
Orange, who?
Orange you glad I came by?

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Honeybee.
Honeybee, who?
Honeybee a deer and open the door, please.

Knock, knock.
Who’s -
Interrupting cow - moo-oo-oo!

Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
A bee.
A bee, who?
A bee, c, d, e, f, g . . .

Knock, knock!
It’s open - come on in!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Wendy.
Wendy, who?
Wendy red, red robin come bob, bob, bobbin’ along . . .

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Alice.
Alice, who?
Alice forgiven, please come home.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Zeke.
Zeke, who?
Zeke and ye shall find . . .

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Isabelle.
Isabelle, who?
Isabelle necessary on the door?

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Nobel.
Nobel, who?
No bell, that’s why I knocked.

The ‘doorbell’ was at one time a real bell, either mounted on the outside of a building next to a door or inside a building with one end of a cord tied to it and the other end of the cord fed through a hole near the door; a visitor would shake the bell or pull the cord to announce him or herself. While the first electric doorbell was invented by Joseph Henry in 1831, knocking on the door or doorframe with one’s knuckles still remains the most common method of announcing oneself. And, of course, when a door is open or there is no door, the holler often seems to work well enough.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Danielle.
Danielle, who?
Danielle so loud, I can hear you!

Sign: Doorbell Broken. Please Knock Or Shout ‘Ding-Dong’ Really Loud.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
The electrician who has come to fix your broken doorbell.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Ben.
Ben, who?
Ben knocking so long that my hand hurts!

Knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock . . .
Now hang on a minute! Who’s there?
Charlie the Centipede.

Text your friend: “I’ve got a great knock-knock joke. Want to hear it?” When he or she texts back, “Yes,” reply, “Okay, you start.”

Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Candice.
Candice, who?
Candice be the last knock, knock joke?
Well, we all know the answer to that - not likely!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Egg.
Egg, who?
Egg-cited to see me?

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Eileen.
Eileen, who?
Eileen this way, Eileen that way.

National Knock-Knock Day is on 31 October of each year - wait, isn’t that Halloween Day? Why would anyone want to knock on a door on Halloween?

Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Doughnut.
Doughnut, who?
Doughnut open the door - there are monsters everywhere!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gladys.
Gladys, who?
Gladys you and not another monster!

Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
A little child who can’t reach the doorbell!

Knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Octopus!

Knock-knock.
Who’s there?
Value.
Value, who?
Value be my Valentine?

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Tyrone!
Tyrone, who?
Tyrone shoelaces!

TSPKKJ: The Society for the Proliferation of Knock-Knock Jokes.

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Gorilla
Gorilla, who?
Gorilla me a hamburger, please, I’m hungry!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Just a minute, and I’ll see.

Doorknockers are typically made of iron, steel, or brass, and are raised and struck against a metal piece on a door to make a noise that lets someone inside know that a visitor is waiting outside.

Molly: What did the inventor of the door-knocker win?
Dolly: The ‘no bell’ prize!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there!
Luke!
Luke, who?
Luke through the keyhole and you’ll see!

Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Water.
Water, who?
Water we waiting for? Let’s get on to the next knock-knock joke!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Dakota.
Dakota, who?
Dakota fits fine, but the trousers are too long.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Woo.
Woo, who?
You sure do get excited about knock-knock jokes!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gouda.
Gouda, who?
Gouda see you again!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Annie.
Annie, who?
Annie body home?

Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Jess.
Jess, who?
Jess me and my shadow.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Who.
Who, who?
Is there an owl in here?

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Love.
Love, who?
Love you!

Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Waiter.
Waiter, who?
Waiter minute while I tie my shoelaces.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Ike.
Ike, who?
Ike can’t stop laughing!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Tank!
Tank, who?
You’re welcome!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash, who?
No, thanks; I prefer peanuts.

Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Adore.
Adore, who?
Adore is all that stands between us, my sweet!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Patty O.
Patty O, who?
Patty O’Furniture!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
House
House, who?
House it going?

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Ben.
Ben, who?
Ben ringing your doorbell for a while now.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Shirley!
Shirley, who?
Shirley you must know me by now!

Knock-knock.
Who’s there?
Doris.
Doris, who?
Doris locked, so I had to knock!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Pasture.
Pasture, who?
Pasture bedtime, isn’t it?

This is MFOL! . . . our knuckles really hurt from all the knocking on doors, so we’re going onto a different topic coming up next . . .

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Adversities and Persevering

2/13/2020

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When you think your life is bad, just remember this furry fellow, who lives in a trash can. Of course, your expectations in life may be a little different than his . . .

“If you are ever in real trouble, don’t panic. Sit down and think about it. Remember two things, always. There must be some way out of it, and there must be humor in it somewhere.” -Louise Fitzhugh (1928 - 1974)

“Difficult times have helped me to understand better than before, how infinitely rich and beautiful life is in every way, and that so many things that one goes worrying about are of no importance whatsoever . . .” -Isak Dinesen (pseudonym of Karen von Blixen-Finecke (1885 - 1962))

“Our way is not soft grass, it’s a mountain path with lots of rocks. But it goes upwards, forward, toward the Sun.” -Ruth Westheimer (born 1928)

“Life can be wildly tragic at times, and I’ve had my share. But whatever happens to you, you have to keep a slightly comic attitude. In the final analysis, you have got not to forget to laugh.” -Katharine Hepburn (Katharine Houghton Hepburn (1907 - 2003))

“Some falls are means the happier to arise.” -William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616): “Cymbeline, King of Britain” (1609), Act IV, scene 2, line 2822; words of character Caius Lucius, general of the Roman forces

“I truly believe that we can overcome any hurdle that lies before us and create the life we want to live. I have seen it happen time and time again.” -Gillian Anderson (Gillian Leigh Anderson (born 1968))

“The human spirit is stronger than anything that can happen to it.” -Author Unknown

“It is a rough road that leads to the heights of greatness.” [translation to English]
“Confragosa in fastigium dignitatis via est.” [original Latin]
-Seneca (Lucius Annaeus Seneca, also known as Seneca the Younger (3 B.C.E. - C.E. 65)): letter to Lucilius

“Life is tough, but I’m tougher.” -Author Unknown

“When the going gets tough, the tough get going.” -Frank Leahy (1908 - 1973): as quoted in the “Daily Mail” (4 May 1954) of Charleston, West Virginia

“No man lives without jostling and being jostled; in all ways he has to elbow himself through the world, giving and receiving offence.” -Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881): ‘Sir Walter Scott,’ published in the “London and Westminster Review” (12 November 1838)

“If things go wrong, don’t go with them.” -Roger Babson (Roger Ward Babson (1875 - 1967))

“Trouble can always be borne when it is shared.” -Katherine Paterson (born 1932): “The Tale of the Mandarin Ducks” (1 January 1990)

“Determination, patience, and courage are the only things needed to improve any situation.” -Author Unknown

“Remember, if you ever get into a difficult situation, you can always count on your fingers and toes!” -Author Unknown

“No life is so hard that you can’t make it easier by the way you take it.” -Ellen Glasgow (1873 - 1945)

“By perseverance the snail reached the ark.” -Charles Spurgeon (Charles Haddon Spurgeon (1834 - 1892)): “The Salt-cellars: Being a Collection of Proverbs, Together with Homely Notes Thereon” (1889), ‘Proverbs,’ page 89

“Greatness is best measured by how well an individual responds to the happenings in life that appear to be totally unfair, unreasonable, and undeserved.” -Marvin J. Ashton (Marvin Jeremy Ashton (1915 - 1994)): as quoted in “Ensign” (November 1984), page 22

“I am an old man and have known many troubles. But most of them never happened.” -Mark Twain (pseudonym of Samuel Langhorne Clemens (1835 - 1910))

“Turn your stumbling blocks into stepping stones.” -Author Unknown: English proverb

“Many men owe the grandeur of their lives to their tremendous difficulties.” -Charles Spurgeon (Charles Haddon Spurgeon (1834 - 1892))

“Trying times are no time to quit trying.” -Author Unknown

“Troubles are often the tools by which God fashions us for better things.” -Henry Ward Beecher (1813 - 1887)

“People need trouble - a little frustration to sharpen the spirit on, toughen it. Artists do; I don’t mean you need to live in a rat hole or gutter, but you have to learn fortitude, endurance. Only vegetables are happy.” -William Faulkner (William Cuthbert ‘Will’ Faulkner (1897 - 1962))

“Adversity in immunological doses has its uses; more than that crushes.” -John Updike (John Hoyer Updike (1932 - 2009))

“If you don’t climb the mountain, you can’t see the view.” -Author Unknown

“There are no hopeless situations; there are only men who have grown helpless about them.” -Clare Boothe Luce (1903 - 1987)

“The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor can man be perfected without trials.” -Confucius (K’ung Fu-tzu or K’ung Ch’iu (about 551 B.C.E. - about 479 B.C.E.))

“Life’s challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they’re supposed to help you discover who you are.” -Bernice Johnson Reagon (born 1942)

“Show me someone who has done something worthwhile, and I’ll show you someone who has overcome adversity.” -Lou Holtz (Louis Leo ‘Lou’ Holtz (born 1937))

Square your shoulders to the world,
Be not the kind to quit -
It’s not the load that weighs you down,
But the way you carry it.
-Author Unknown

“Every adversity can make you bitter or better.” -Mary Kay Mueller (born 1953)

“When we long for life without difficulties, remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary winds and diamonds are made under pressure.” -Peter Marshall (1902 - 1949)

“History has demonstrated that the most notable winners usually encountered heartbreaking obstacles before they triumphed. They won because they refused to become discouraged by their defeats.” -B. C. Forbes (Robert Charles ‘Bertie’ Forbes (1880 - 1954)): as quoted in “Forbes” (1958)

“Great works are performed not by strength, but by perseverance.” -Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784)

“For a just man falleth seven times, and riseth up again.” -Author Unknown: “The Bible,” ‘Proverbs,’ chapter 24, verse 16

“Every trial endured and weathered in the right spirit makes a soul nobler and stronger than it was before.” -James Buckham (1858 - 1908): as quoted in Mary Allette Ayer, editor: “Keep up Your Courage: Key-Notes to Success” (1908)

“Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat.” -F. Scott Fitzgerald (Francis Scott Key Fitzgerald (1896 - 1940))

“If you get up one more time than you fall, you will make it through.” -Author Unknown

“Adversity causes some to break, others to break records.” -William A. Ward (William Arthur Ward (1921 - 1994))

“The brook would lose its song if you removed the rocks.” -Author Unknown

“While troubles will come, they are always temporary - nothing lasts forever. Thus, there is the famous legend that King Solomon, the wisest man of all times, had a ring inscribed with the words, ‘This too shall pass.’” -Aryeh Kaplan (Aryeh Moshe Eliyahu Kaplan (1934 - 1983))

“Expecting life to treat you well because you are a good person is like expecting an angry bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.” -Shari R. Barr

“People don’t ever seem to realize that doing what’s right’s no guarantee against misfortune.” -William McFee (1881 - 1966)

“Persistence in the face of adversity builds your self-confidence and your ability to persist even more.” -Brian Tracy (born 1944)

“I’ve traveled a long way and some of the roads weren’t paved.” -Author Unknown

“Adversity has the effect of eliciting talents, which in prosperous circumstances, would have lain dormant.” -Horace (Quintus Horatius Flaccus (65 B.C.E. - 8 B.C.E.)): “Satires”

“The mind which does not wholly sink under misfortune rises above it, more lofty than before, and is strengthened by affliction.” -Richard Chenevix Trench (known simply as Richard Trench until 1873 (1807 - 1886)): “An Essay Upon National Character” (1832), book I, part II, chapter III

“The rewards for those who persevere far exceed the pain that precedes the victory.” -Karen Bliss Livingston

“Difficulties are meant to rouse, not discourage. The human spirit is to grow strong by conflict.” -William Ellery Channing (1780 - 1842): “Self-Culture: An address introductory to the Franklin lectures, delivered at Boston, September, 1838” (1839), page 42

“There is no education like adversity.” -Benjamin Disraeli (1804 - 1881)

“I have never known anyone to achieve anything without overcoming adversity.” -Lou Holtz (Louis Leo ‘Lou’ Holtz (born 1937))

“Life has its peaks and its valleys.” -Author Unknown

“Adversity is another way to measure the greatness of individuals. I never had a crisis that didn’t make me stronger.” -Lou Holtz (Louis Leo ‘Lou’ Holtz (born 1937))

“Nothing lasts forever - not even your troubles.” -Arnold H. Glasow (Arnold Henry Glasow (1905 - 1998))

“Never let life’s hardships disturb you . . . no one can avoid problems, not even saints or sages.” -Nichiren Daishonen (1222 - 1282)

“Defeat is nothing but the first step to something better.” -Author Unknown

“One of the most difficult things everyone has to learn is that for your entire life you must keep fighting and adjusting if you hope to survive. No matter who you are or what your position is you must keep fighting for whatever it is you desire to achieve.” -George H. Allen (George Herbert Allen, Senior (1918 - 1990))

“Those who turn back know only the ordeal, but those who persevere remember the adventure.” -Milo Arnold

“The greater the obstacle, the more the glory in overcoming it.” -Molière (pseudonym of Jean-Baptiste Poquelin (1622 - 1673))

“What on Earth would a man do with himself if something did not stand in his way?” -H. G. Wells (Herbert George Wells (1866 - 1946))

“Life begins to become truly livable once we have learned how to get back up after we stumble and fall. The mastery of that knowledge may come about only following many falls but it finally comes to us and softens the pain and humiliation on each occasion that we stumble after that, and so we are able to face life with some courage because of what we have learned after falling. Everything eventually becomes easier with time and experience.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)

“There is no chance, no destiny, no fate that can circumvent or hinder or control the firm resolve of a determined soul.” -Ella Wheeler Wilcox (1850 - 1919)

“Most of the important things in this world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.” -Dale Carnegie (Dale Breckenridge Carnegie (1888 - 1955))

“Strong men are made by opposition; like kites they go up against the wind.” -Frank Harris (born James Thomas Harris (1855 - 1931)): “Oscar Wilde” (1916), chapter 6, page 59

“Our greatest glory consists not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.” -Oliver Goldsmith (1728 - 1774): “The Vicar of Wakefield” (1766)

“He that falls to-day, may be up again to-morrow.” -Thomas Fuller (1654 - 1734): “Gnomologia: Adages and Proverbs” (1732), number 2097

“If there is no struggle there is no progress.” -Frederick Douglass (pseudonym of Frederick Augustus Washington Bailey (1817 - 1895)): personal letter (30 March 1849) to Gerrit Smith

“I admire people who choose to shine even after all the storms they’ve been through.” -Author Unknown

“When you get into a tight place, and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hold on a moment longer, never give up then - for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.” -Harriet Beecher Stowe (Harriet Elizabeth Beecher Stowe (1811 - 1896)): “Old Town Folks” (1869), chapter 39: ‘Last Days in Cloudland’

“Endure, and preserve yourself for better things.” -Vergil (Publius Vergilius Maro, also known as Virgil (70 B.C.E. - 19 B.C.E.))

“Life, misfortunes, isolation, abandonment, poverty, are battlefields which have their heroes; obscure heroes, sometimes greater than the illustrious heroes.” -Victor Hugo (Victor Marie Hugo (1802 - 1885))

“If all our misfortunes were laid in one common heap, whence everyone must take an equal portion, most people would be content to take their own and depart.” -Solon (636 B.C.E. - 558 B.C.E.) (similar quotation attributed to Socrates)

“Fight the good fight with all thy might.” -John S. B. Monsell (John Samuel Bewley Monsell (1811 - 1875)): “Fight the Good Fight” (1863) hymn

“However hard the road, however difficult today, tomorrow things will be better.” -Benjamin E. Mays (Benjamin Elijah Mays (1894 - 1984)): as quoted in Dorothy Winbush Riley: “My Soul Looks Back, ’Less I Forget” (1995)

“The work of many of the greatest men, inspired by duty, has been done amidst suffering and trial and difficulty. They have struggled against the tide, and reached the shore exhausted.” -Samuel Smiles (1812 - 1904)

“With every victory over adversity, you grow in wisdom, stature, and experience. You become a better, bigger person each time you meet a problem.” -W. Clement Stone (William Clement Stone (1902 - 2002))

“I would never have amounted to anything were it not for adversity. I was forced to come up the hard way.” -James Cash Penney (1875 - 1971)

“The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.” -Dolly Parton (born 1946): as quoted in Bob Phillips: “Phillips’ Book of Great Thoughts” (1993), page 264

Just remember, it’s all going to make for a great story someday . . . now who’s ready to go out into the big wide world and Make Fun Of Life!?

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Teeth and Dentists

2/11/2020

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It is always a delight to see someone doing such a fine job of taking care of his teeth . . .

Vera: What do you call a big white animal that is shaped like a tooth?
Veronica: A molar bear.

Humans have a variety of teeth, including incisors, canines, molars, and premolars, each designed for specific purposes. Incisors bite pieces from food. Canines hold food and tear it apart. Molars and premolars grind food.

Gilbert: What is a dentist’s favorite horror movie?
Herbert: “The Creature from the Plaque Lagoon.”

Your teeth are important - they help you to chew,
They help you to smile and say, “How do you do?”
Be sure to take care of them morning and night,
By brushing and flossing, you’ll keep your teeth bright.
-Author Unknown

Teeth and Dentists Facts
- Teeth help break down food by ‘chewing,’ or tearing, cutting, crushing, breaking apart, and grinding.
- Teeth are ‘rooted’ in bone tissue.
- Teeth are surrounded by gums and other ‘soft tissue.’
- Teeth are covered in a hard substance called ‘enamel.’
- Tooth enamel is the hardest substance in the human body.
- Cavities, also known as ‘dental caries,’ are recesses and holes in teeth that can lead to tooth loss if left untreated.
- People who clean, repair, and in other ways care for teeth are called ‘dentists.’
- Braces can help straighten or align crooked teeth.
- People who install and adjust braces are called ‘orthodontists.’

Madge: What did the dentist give the school marching band?
Marge: A tuba toothpaste.

Humans form two sets of teeth over the course of their lives. The first set, called predecessors or baby teeth, consists of 20 teeth. These teeth fall out and are replaced by adult teeth sometime between 6 and 12 years of age. The second set of teeth, known as succedaneous or permanent or adult teeth, consists of 32 teeth.

Darren: What does a dentist call his X-rays?
Darrel: Tooth-pics!

The earliest toothbrush was developed sometime around 3,000 B.C.E. It was called a ‘chew stick’ and was crafted from a small twig with a frayed end that was rubbed against the teeth. The first toothbrush with bristles is believed to have been developed in China in 1498. The bristles were taken from hogs at first, and later from horses. DuPont de Nemours introduced the first toothbrush with nylon bristles, called ‘Doctor West’s Miracle Toothbrush,’ in 1938. Squibb Pharmaceuticals marketed the first electric toothbrush, known as the Broxodent, in 1960.

Sign on dentist’s houseboat: ‘Offshore Drilling.’

Electric toothbrushes generate 3,000 to 7,500 strokes per minute, compared to about 300 strokes per minute with manual brushing.

Rex: What did the dentist of the year get?
Max: A little plaque.

“Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it’s awfully hard to get it back in.” -H. R. Haldeman (Harry Robbins ‘Bob’ Haldeman (1926 - 1993))

Dental Assistant: Do you have a dental plan?
Patient: Yes, I chew on the other side.

Surprisingly, good dental self-care is not complicated . . .

The Colgate-Palmolive Company claims ‘Tooth Fairy’ as a registered trademark. No word yet on how the Tooth Fairy feels about this infringement . . .

Rich: What are the six most frightening words in the English language?
Mitch: “The dentist will see you now.”

King James IV (1473 - 1513) of Scotland was an amateur dentist. He even paid people to let him practice on their teeth. Who could say no to his royal majesty?

Bertha: What do you call a dentist who offers to clean a werewolf’s teeth?
Bert: Crazy!

“Be kind to your dentist; after all, he or she has fillings, too.” -Author Unknown

There was never yet a philosopher
That could endure the toothache patiently.
-William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616): “Much Ado About Nothing” (1598 - 1599), Act 5, scene 1

Rusty: Painless dentist, indeed! Why, he is no different from any other dentist I have been to.
Randy: Why, did he hurt you?
Rusty: No, but he screamed when I bit his finger.

In 1867, Lucy Hobbs Taylor became the first woman in the United States of America to become a certified dentist. She graduated from the Ohio College of Dental Surgery.

Henrietta: What two letters spell big trouble for your teeth?
Helena: D-k.

Would you like to apply for a grant (free financial contribution) toward implants, bridges, or other re-transformation of your smile? Visit http://www.cosmeticdentistrygrants.org/CosmeticDentistryGrants/. Be sure to mention that you found about them from www.MakeFunOfLife.net.

Minnie: What happened when the dentist married the manicurist?
Reggie: They fought tooth and nail.

Nutty idea: The oil in cashews is said to help prevent tooth decay.

Brush Your Teeth

Brush, brush, brush your teeth.
     At least two times a day.
Cleaning, cleaning, cleaning, cleaning,
     Fighting tooth decay.
Floss, floss, floss your teeth.
     Every single day.
Gently, gently, gently, gently,
     Whisking plaque away.
Rinse, rinse, rinse your teeth
     Every single day.
Swishing, swishing, swishing, swishing,
     Fighting tooth decay.

by Author Unknown: sung to the tune, “Row, Row, Row Your Boat”

In olden times, long, long ago, the Tooth Fairy had a terrible time keeping up with lost teeth. The ones that were nearby she could hear when they fell out. Her ears got very sharp, and she could tell the difference between a tooth falling from a mouth and, say, an acorn falling from a tree. But beyond her hearing distance, she needed elves to help her, just as Santa Claus needs elves. When a tooth fell many miles away, the nearest elf would hop on his unicorn and ride to the next elf to spread the news. And he’d ride his unicorn, and so on, until the news reached the Tooth Fairy, who would give the elf a coin, and he’d ride back to make sure it made its way under the appropriate pillow. A lot of work, don’t you think? The Tooth Fairy is very faithful, so she made the system work. But today we live in the digital age, and the Tooth Fairy takes every advantage of this. All of the Tooth Fairy’s helper elves now have cell phones and webcams that eliminate the need for unicorns. A good thing, because unicorns are very hard to find these days. But best of all is the tooth scanner, an electronic gadget that can scan a house and locate each of the people in it, then scan their teeth to identify a loose tooth before it even falls out. So, the Tooth Fairy’s elves scan their houses and watch for the loose teeth to fall, then they call TF herself, who comes in person with her reward. Even though the Tooth Fairy now uses new technology to keep up her good work, she’s still as special as she always was. So, remember that when your next tooth starts to wiggle a little bit, you’re already on the Tooth Fairy’s radar and you’re sure to get your prize.

About 45 percent of people use mouthwash daily. Some mouthwashes can reduce the abundance of bacteria and fungi in the mouth, which can cause bad breath, leave an unpleasant taste, and produce acids that cause cavities.

Patient: How much do you charge for pulling a tooth?
Dentist: One-hundred and eighty-five dollars.
Patient: That much for only a few minutes work?
Dentist: Well, I could do it very slowly.

Things You Need to Know Before Visiting a Dentist
-Your teeth do not grow back. Find a dentist who is not aggressive in treating your teeth, and who will do the least amount of dental work necessary.
-Your oral health is linked to your overall health. Bad teeth and gums are linked to many chronic diseases, including diabetes, heart disease, and stroke.
-Dental materials are different. Some dental materials are better than others are. Better materials may cost more; however, they can last longer and save you time and money in the long-run.
-Your teeth are the best. No artificial material is better than your own teeth. Take excellent care of your teeth.
-Do not wait until your teeth hurt to schedule a dentist appointment.

Dentures: Two rows of artificial ivories that may be removed periodically to frighten one’s grandchildren or provide accompaniment to Spanish music.

“Be true to your teeth and they won’t be false to you.” -Author Unknown

Tooth Care Guidelines
- Brush your teeth either at least twice a day or within 20 minutes after each meal to ensure optimal dental health.
- Replace your toothbrush with a new one once every three months, because the bristles wear down with use and tiny microorganisms can grow in them over time.
- Thoroughly rinse your toothbrush after brushing and place it where it can dry completely.
- Flossing on a daily basis ensures healthy gums and teeth.
- Visit your dentist once every six months and any other time you feel a need to.
- Children as well as adults can have their teeth straightened and aligned by orthodontists.

Patient: The tooth you just pulled was not the bad one.
Dentist: Be patient, I am now getting closer to the right one.

A man walked into a dentist’s work area during a surgery and said, “Excuse me, can you help me? I keep thinking that I am a moth.” “You don’t need a dentist; you need a psychiatrist.” “Yes, I know.” “So why did you come in here?” “The light was on . . .”

Power Drill

There was a young dentist who thrilled
To the sound of a tooth being filled;
     He would practice, they said
     Every night in his shed . . .
With an old power drill he’s skilled.

by Author Unknown

Scientists may someday develop methods that will allow adults to grow replacements for their damaged or missing teeth. That, along with the invention of a bed that makes itself and a refrigerator that goes to the store all by itself and does the grocery shopping, will finally allow humankind to focus on the really important tasks ahead of us, like building a rollercoaster on the Moon.

Strange

Did it ever seem strange to you, Ruth,
That fairies would pay for a tooth?
     They could carve them, I guess,
     Or collect, more or less,
Or somebody’s stretching the truth.

by Author Unknown

Dentist: So are you doing anything fun for the holiday?
Patient: Fasdfsfwer aweorijsladf asdfewo waoefief . . .
Dentist: Oh, sounds fun!

Dentists . . . making the world a better place, one smile at a time . . .

Brushing

Here’s my toothpaste, here’s my brush
     I won’t hurry, I won’t rush.
Working hard to keep teeth clean
     Front and back and in between
When I brush for quite a while
     I will have a happy smile.

by Author Unknown (can be sung to the same tune as that of, “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star”)

There is not enough smiling going on in the world today. You can help to correct this situation by becoming a dentist, oral hygienist, dental assistant, orthodontist, periodontist, X-ray technician, dental office receptionist, or other professional who works with dental and oral hygiene. We would be amiss if we failed to mention the other smile care specialists, including the dental lab technicians who make dentures, partials, crowns, and implants.

Ruth: What did the tooth say to the dentist?
Russ: “Fill ‘er up!”

I’ve been Brushing

I’ve been brushing with my toothbrush,
     Brushing every day.
I’ve been brushing with my toothbrush,
     It’s how I fight decay.
All my teeth are gonna sparkle,
     How proud I will be.
Every time I want to smile, my
     Teeth will shine for me!
Always brush your teeth,
     Every single day.
Keep those cavities away!
     Use your brush and paste,
Just the way you should,
     Keep your smile looking good!

by Author Unknown: sung to the tune ”I’ve Been Working on the Railroad”

Do dentists go to other dentists, or do they just do it themselves?

Teeth and Dentists Quiz
- What is the hardest substance in the human body?
- What are people who install and adjust braces called?
- How often should a person brush his or her teeth?
- How often should a person schedule a visit to a dentist’s office?

Hansel: What is a dentist’s favorite day of the week?
Gretel: Toothsday!

Teeth and Dentists Quiz Answers
- The hardest substance in the human body is tooth enamel.
- People who install and adjust braces are called orthodontists.
- A person should brush his or her teeth a minimum of twice each day.
- A person should schedule a visit to a dentist’s office every six months or more often when necessary.

Do you need encouragement to brush your teeth? Visit https://www.2min2x.org/.

“You don’t have to brush all your teeth, just the ones you want to keep!” -Author Unknown

Somewhere, there is a dentist who can’t wait to meet you.

This is MFOL! . . . all this mention of teeth and dentists makes us want to go brush our teeth, so we will leave you to the next article . . .

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Fated Destiny and Free Will

2/8/2020

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“If you don’t like the road you’re walking, start paving another one.” -Dolly Parton (born 1946)

“We each choose between two lives, the one given to us, and the one we can make.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)

“We are what we think. We are what we say. We are what we believe. We are what we do. So isn’t it wonderful that we are completely in charge of all that we are?” -Regina Cates

“There is no chance, no destiny, no fate that can circumvent or hinder or control the firm resolve of a determined soul.” -Ella Wheeler Wilcox (1850 - 1919)

“Life is a compromise between fate and free will.” -Elbert Hubbard (Elbert Green Hubbard (1856 - 1915)): “A Thousand & One Epigrams: Selected from the Writings of Elbert Hubbard” (1911), page 36

“Your life is in your hands, to make of it what you choose.” -John Kehoe

“Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for; it is a thing to be achieved.” -William Jennings Bryan (1860 - 1925): speech (22 February 1899) in Washington, District of Columbia, United States of America

“Create your own destiny, because if you don’t, others will.” -Author Unknown

“You can begin to shape your own destiny by the attitude that you keep.” -Michael Beckwith

“No fate, but what we make.” -Author Unknown

“Every man makes his own fate.” [Non-literal modern parlance]
“Every man is the architect of his own fortune.” [English translation]
“Faber est suae quisque fortunae.” [original Latin]
-Claudius (Appius Claudius Caecus (340 B.C.E. - 273 B.C.E.))

Cassius: Men at some time are masters of their fate:
The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars,
But in ourselves, that we are underlings.
-William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616): “Julius Caesar” (1599), Act 1, scene 2, line 138

“A wise man shall overrule his stars, and have a greater influence upon his own content than all the constellations and planets of the firmament.” -Jeremy Taylor (1613 - 1667): as quoted in Reginald Heber: “The Whole Works of the Right Rev. Jeremy Taylor” (1822), book IV, chapter II, section vi

“Your word is your magic wand. The words you speak create your own destiny.” -Florence Scovel Shinn (1871 - 1940)

“Destiny is all about the choices we make and the chances we take.” -Author Unknown

“I don’t know what your destiny will be, but one thing I do know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who have sought and found how to serve.” -Albert Schweitzer (1875 - 1965)

“Man was predestined to have free will.” -Hal Lee Luyah

“Don’t let anyone tell you what you can or cannot do, or cannot achieve. Just don’t allow it. It’s wrong. It’s so wrong. Be what you want to be - and prove them wrong.” -Emma Watson (Emma Charlotte Duerre Watson (born 1990))

“We are not creatures of circumstance, we are creators of circumstance.” -Benjamin Disraeli (1804 - 1881)

“Up to a point a man’s life is shaped by environment, heredity, and movements and changes in the world about him. Then there comes a time when it lies within his grasp to shape the clay of his life into the sort of thing he wishes to be. Only the weak blame parents, their race, lack of good fortune, or the quirks of fate. Everyone has it within his power to say, ‘This I am today, that I will be tomorrow.’” -Louis L’Amour (Louis Dearborn LaMoore (1908 - 1988))

“We make our own fortunes and we call them fate.” -Benjamin Disraeli (1804 - 1881): “Miriam Alroy” (1870)

“A desire to be in charge of our own lives, a need for control, is born in each of us. It is essential to our mental health, and our success, that we take control.” -Robert F. Bennett (born 1933)

“No trumpets sound when the important decisions of our life are made. Destiny is made known silently.” -Agnes de Mille (1905 - 1993)

“Just because fate doesn’t deal you the right cards, it doesn’t mean you should give up. It just means you have to play the cards you get to their maximum potential.” -Les Brown (Leslie Calvin ‘Les’ Brown (born 1945))

“If fate means you to lose, give him a good fight anyhow.” -William McFee (1881 - 1966)

“The sin, both of men and of angels, was rendered possible by the fact that God gave them free will.” -C. S. Lewis (Clive Staples Lewis (1898 - 1963)): “Miracles” (1947)

“I am master of my own destiny, and I can make my life anything that I wish it to be.” -John Dennis McDonald (1906 - 1998)

“A man’s fate is his own temper; and according to that will be his opinion as to the particular manner in which the course of events is regulated. A consistent man believes in destiny - a capricious man in chance.” -Benjamin Disraeli (1804 - 1881): “Vivian Grey” (1826), ‘A Visit to a Celebrated Diplomatist’

“You are the designer of your destiny. You are the author, you write the story, the pen is in your hand, and the outcome is whatever you choose.” -Abraham Hicks (via Esther Hicks (born 1948))

I am the master of my fate
I am the captain of my soul.
-William Ernest Henley (1849 - 1903): “Invictus” (1875); type of work: poem

“I do not believe in a fate that falls on men however they act; but I do believe in a fate that falls on them unless they act.” -G. K. Chesterton (Gilbert Keith Chesterton (1874 - 1936))

“A belief in an unchangeable, fixed destiny is fatalism, which happens in the absence of hope and optimism.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)

“Life will always be to a large extent what we ourselves make it.” -Samuel Smiles (1812 - 1904) (similar quotation attributed to William James and Henry James)

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The Winds of Fate

One ship drives east and another drives west
With the selfsame winds that blow.
     ‘Tis the set of the sails
     And not the gales
Which tells us the way to go.

Like the winds of the sea are the ways of fate;
As we voyage along through life,
     ‘Tis the set of a soul
     That decides its goal,
And not the calm or the strife.

by Ella Wheeler Wilcox (1850 - 1919) (1916)

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Here’s a sigh to those who love me,
And a smile to those who hate;
And, whatever sky’s above me,
Here’s a heart for every fate.
-Lord Byron (George Gordon Noel Byron (1788 - 1824)): “To Thomas Moore” (1817), stanza 2

“Men are not prisoners of fate, but only prisoners of their own minds.” -Franklin D. Roosevelt (Franklin Delano Roosevelt (1882 - 1945))

“Do not take the agenda that someone else has mapped out for your life.” -John C. Maxwell (John Calvin Maxwell (born 1947))

“Freed by free-will, you are no longer fated to a destiny chosen for you by others and their beliefs, and your free-will takes you to places of your own choosing.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)

“Man is not the creature of circumstances, circumstances are the creatures of man. We are free agents, and man is more powerful than matter.” -Benjamin Disraeli: “Vivian Grey” (1827), volume II, book VI, chapter 7

And now for your Fated Destiny and Free Will anagram: The letters in the word ‘predestination’ can be rearranged to spell the phrase ‘I pertain to ends.’

“Events will take their course, it is no good of being angry at them; he is happiest who wisely turns them to the best account.” -Euripides (about 484 B.C.E. - about 406 B.C.E.)

“He picked up the lemons that Fate had sent him and started a lemonade-stand.” -Elbert Hubbard (Elbert Green Hubbard (1856 - 1915)): “Selected Writings of Elbert Hubbard” (1922), page 237

“If you don’t design your own life plan, chances are you’ll fall into someone else’s plan.” -Jim Rohn (Emanuel James ‘Jim’ Rohn (1930 - 2009))

“A lobster, when left high and dry among the rock, has not instinct or energy enough to work his way back to the sea, but waits for the sea to come to him. If it does not come, he remains where he is and dies, although the slightest effort would enable him to reach the waves, which are perhaps within a yard of him. The world is full of human lobsters; men stranded on the rocks of indecision and procrastination, who, instead of putting forth their own energies, are waiting for some grand billow of good fortune to set them afloat.” -Orison S. Marden (Orison Swett Marden (1848 - 1924))

“Some people succeed because they are destined but most because they are determined.” -Author Unknown

“Do not allow circumstances or other people to determine your fate. Look beyond circumstances and people to the greater and ever-expanding horizon of all possibilities.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)

“Our history is not our destiny.” -Alan Cohen: as quoted in Eric Allenbaugh: “Wake-Up Calls: You Don’t Have to Sleepwalk Through Your Life, Love, or Career!”

“Control your own destiny or someone else will.” -Jack Welch (John Francis ‘Jack’ Welch, Junior (born 1935))

“Life consists not simply in what heredity and environment do to us, but in what we make out of what they do to us.” -Harry Emerson Fosdick (1878 - 1969)

“It is almost more important how a person takes his fate than what it is.” -Wilhelm von Humboldt (Friedrich Wilhelm Christian Karl Ferdinand Freiherr von Humboldt (1767 - 1835))

“We must believe in free will - we have no choice.” -Isaac Bashevis Singer (born Izaak Zynger (1902 - 1991)): as quoted in Stefan Kanfer: ‘Isaac Singer’s Promised City’ published in “City Journal” (Summer 1997) magazine

“Personality, too, is destiny.” -Erik Erikson (1902 - 1994)

“Our destiny changes with our thought; we shall become what we wish to become, do what we wish to do, when our habitual thought corresponds with our desire.” -Orison S. Marden (Orison Swett Marden (1848 - 1924))

“If you don’t run your own life, somebody else will.” -John Atkinson

“My will shall shape my future. Whether I fail or succeed shall be no man’s doing but my own. I am the force; I can clear any obstacle before me or I can be lost in the maze. My choice; my responsibility; win or lose, only I hold the key to my destiny.” -Elaine Maxwell

“Be a creator of circumstances rather than just a creature of circumstances. Be proactive rather than reactive.” -Brian Tracy (born 1944)

“Whatever the place allocated us by providence, that is for us the post of honor and duty. God estimates us not by the position we are in, but by the way in which we fill it.” -Tryon Edwards (1809 - 1894): as quoted in Tryon Edwards, editor: “A Dictionary of Thoughts: Being a Cyclopedia of Laconic Quotations from the Best Authors of the World, Both Ancient and Modern” (1891) page 545

“If you don’t take charge of shaping your destiny, others will do it for you.” -Eric Allenbaugh

“Your life will be no better than the plans you make and the action you take. You are the architect and builder of your own life, fortune, destiny.” -Alfred A. Montapert (Alfred Armand Montapert (1906 - 1997))

“I can’t change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination.” -Jimmy Dean

This is MFOL! . . . every person should be free to decide his or her own destiny . . . because no human is the property of another . . .

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Questions and Queries

2/4/2020

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How can I get people to like me?

If you were to be trapped in a television show forever, which show would you choose?

Aren’t you just the cutest thing?

If you were a robot but did not know it, would you want people to tell you?

Where did you get that big, beautiful smile?

How can you know what you think until you speak so that you can hear what you have to say?

“It’s a healthy thing now and then to hang a question mark on the things you have long taken for granted.” -Bertrand Russell (Bertrand Arthur William Russell (1872 - 1970))

If you were on the second floor of a three-story building, would you not be upstairs and downstairs at the same time?

Would you tell me a true thing?

Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites?

Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?

If we can make semi-conductors, why can we not make complete conductors?

What is the speed of dark?

Why are violets blue and not violet?

Do you realize just how many holes there could be in the ground if people like you would just take the time to get a shovel and dig the dirt out of them?

What could possibly go wrong?

Why do British people not sound British when they sing?

Should Friday the 13th be made into a holiday?

If a chameleon was placed in a mirrored box, what color would it be - clear?

Why do we never hear any father-in-law jokes?

Why is it that when you walk up the stairs and you get to the top, you always think there is still one more step?

Is there a butterscotch flavored soft drink?

Can you make another word using all the letters in ‘anagram’?

Is there something else you should be doing right now?

Does it seem that some people specialize in turning positives into negatives?

What did moths congregate around before campfires, torches, and light bulbs were invented?

Does killing time damage eternity?

Can we spell creativity any way we want to?

How old were you when you were born?

Why doesn’t the fattest man in the world become a hockey goalie?

Why is a square meal served on a round plate?

If you could have picked your own name, what would it be?

What do penguins wear for play clothes?

Have you noticed that since everyone has a digital camera or a cell phone with a built-in camera these days, no one talks about seeing UFO’s and monsters and ghosts like they used to?

Who wants to go outside and play?

Is there mouse-flavored cat food?

What are male ladybugs called?

How can you tell when it is time to tune your bagpipes?

If you joined the circus, what kind of performer would you want to be?

Why don’t we call mustaches “mouthbrows?”

What do you think is the right age for marriage and why?

“You’ve got to ask! Asking is, in my opinion, the world’s most powerful - and neglected - secret to success and happiness.” -Percy Ross

Who is the funniest person in the world?

What things do you always carry with you in your pocket, purse, or wallet?

What just happened?

Whether you need the answer to a serious question or a silly question, call 1-334-844-4244 to reach the Foy Information Line at Auburn University in Auburn, Alabama, United States of America. The service is staffed by students, who try to answer questions on any subject, and is available during the school year, 24 hours a day Monday through Thursday and until 9:00 p.m. Friday through Sunday. Be sure to tell them you found out about them from www.MakeFunOfLife.net.

What are humans?

Since there is a speed of light and a speed of sound, is there a speed of smell and a speed of taste?

What’s next?

Was the pole vault accidentally discovered by a clumsy javelin thrower?

Are we ever going to make it up this hill?

An average four-year-old child asks 437 questions a day. Have you asked even one question today?

Do you have all of your ducks in a row?

What are male ballerinas called?

“He who asks a question may be a fool for five minutes, but he who never asks a question remains a fool forever.” -Tom J. Connelly

What would love do now?

How many days are in a light year?

Do some people have a condition that makes it difficult for them to remember the good things that happen and easy to remember the bad things that happen?

Are adults just older children?

Can you name something that is not weird, odd, or unusual?

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Alex?
Alex, who?
Alex the questions around here!

Why hasn’t someone invented a bed that makes itself yet?

If you were a crayon, what color would you be?

Question Everything.

Why do people go to the top of tall buildings and then put money in telescopes so they can see things on the ground in close-up?

Teacher: What if this was not a rhetorical question?
Student: What if this was not a hypothetical situation?

What do you like to do for fun?

A year from now, what will you wish you had done today?

“The word ‘question’ originates from the Latin root ‘quaestio’ meaning ‘to seek.’ Inside the word ‘question’ is the word ‘quest,’ suggesting that within every question is an adventure, a pursuit which can lead us to hidden treasure.” -Tom Wujec: “Five Star Mind” (1995)

Since we have kneecaps, why do we not have elbowcaps to protect our funny bones?

“If not you who? If not now when?” -Garry Herbert

How fast do you have to go to keep up with the Sun so that you are never in darkness?

“There are no foolish questions and no man becomes a fool until he has stopped asking questions.” -Charles Steinmetz (Charles Proteus Steinmetz (1865 - 1923))

If you could be any kind of animal, what would you want to be and why?

What is keeping you from doing the things you need to do?

Are there legitimate ways to earn money online?

“Asking silly questions now is better than correcting serious mistakes later.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)

Why is there one in every crowd?

If life is so wonderful and exciting and full of interesting people and places and things, then why are we all by ourselves looking at the screens of our electronic devices?

At the end of the day, are you better off than you were at the start of the day?

When a word is erased with a pencil eraser, where does the word go?

Who has been the biggest influence on your life?

Why do we believe everything we see on the internet but question what The Bible says?

What is your favorite work of art?

Which is a sign of higher intelligence, asking questions, or not asking questions?

Sales Person: Be sure to ask me if you have any questions.
Customer: Sure thing . . . so do I have any questions?

“There are no foolish questions, only foolish silence.” -Author Unknown

What kind of place is this?

Which do you like more: scary movies, romantic movies, or comedy movies?

Why does this keep happening?

“Bromidic though it may sound, some questions don’t have answers, which is a terribly difficult lesson to learn.” -Katharine Graham (1917 - 2001)

If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?

What is the best advice you ever received?

Would you rather go shopping or sightseeing, and why?

If a thousand seagulls were in an airplane while it was flying, with each bird weighing two pounds, and all of them flying around inside the airplane, would the airplane weigh 2,000 pounds more?

Do you play a musical instrument?

If you could go back in time and speak to your younger self, what age would you choose and what would you say?

Why do we say an alarm is going off when it is actually turning on?

Would we all be better off if we refused to accept anything that was offered to us for free?

What is your favorite song?

If the Universe is expanding, why are parking spaces still so hard to find?

“If water had a flavor, what color would it sound like?” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)

What do you think is beyond the stars?

Wow, those were some challenging and difficult questions! Fortunately, the topic that follows next on MFOL! is much easier . . .

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Fun Facts and Trivia

2/2/2020

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‘Meow’ means ‘woof’ in cat.

Maurice: What is a ‘camel’s hair’ brush made of?
Maureen: Squirrel fur!

The word ‘trivia’ comes from the Latin word ‘trivium,’ meaning a place where three roads meet. At such places, just as at public squares, people would gather and talk about all sorts of matters, most of which were ‘trivial.’

The English Channel between England and France grows about 300 millimeters wider each year. Perhaps the British are on their way to visit their cousins in America?

Instead of a birthday cake, many children in Russia are given a birthday pie.

“There is much pleasure to be gained from useless knowledge.” -Bertrand Russell (Bertrand Arthur William Russell (1872 - 1970)): “In Praise of Idleness” (1932)

Boston College is in Chestnut Hill, Massachusetts . . . much to the consternation of people who arrive in Boston, expecting to find it there.

The very first computer ‘mouse’ was made in 1964 by a man named Doug Engelbert. The mouse was made of wood.

Worcestershire sauce is really just anchovy ketchup.

Why do the wires on telephone poles hum? Well, it is not the electricity or people’s phone conversations that produce the hum. The hum you sometimes hear is caused by the wind passing through the wires and making them vibrate to make a sound, which varies in pitch depending upon the speed of the wind and the tightness of the wire.

There is no egg in eggplant, no ham in hamburger, and neither apple nor pine in pineapple. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads are meat - and not at all sweet.

The coins thrown into the Trevi Fountain in Italy are collected for charity.

The Antpitta avis canis Ridgley is a species of bird that barks like dog.

The international telephone dialing code for Antarctica is 672.

The average person consumes 45,424 liters (12,000 gallons) of water in a lifetime.

The most common time for wakeup calls at hotels is 7:00 a.m.

Van Camp’s Pork and Beans were a staple food for Union soldiers during the American Civil War.

The expression ‘three dog night’ originated with the Eskimos and means a very cold night - so cold that a person would have to bed down with three dogs to keep warm.

Aphesis is when unstressed vowels are skipped. Examples: Because - ’cause, amid - ’mid, especially - ’specially.

The United States Federal Aviation Administration once did a study that found the average airline stewardess (flight attendant) has a nose that is 5.5372 centimeters (2.18 inches) long. Does knowing this help stewardesses move around in the narrow spaces inside airplanes, or does it help to keep the aircraft weight low to conserve fuel and increase flight distance?

While she never lived further west than Ohio, Annie Oakley (pseudonym of Phoebe Anne Moses) was famous as an expert shotgun and rifle marksman in ‘Buffalo Bill’s Wild West Show.’

The world’s largest human-made hole is in Kimberly, South Africa. It has a circumference, or distance around its outer edge, of 1.6 kilometers, and a depth of 800 meters. Digging was started on it in 1871, to find buried diamonds.

The letter combination ‘ough’ can be pronounced in nine different ways. The following sentence contains all of them: “A rough-coated, dough-faced, thoughtful ploughman strode through the streets of Scarborough; after falling into a slough, he coughed and hiccoughed.”

‘Moon trees’ were grown from seeds taken to the Moon during the Apollo 14 mission in early 1971. NASA and USFS wanted to see if being in space or in the Moon’s orbit caused the seeds to grow differently.

Why is it that when people are in the public eye they are said to be ‘in the limelight’? Invented in 1825, limelight was used in lighthouses and stage lighting by burning a cylinder of lime in an oxyhydrogen flame to produce a brilliant light. In the theatre, performers on stage ‘in the limelight’ were seen by the audience as the center of attention.

Abdul Kassem Ismael, the Grand Vizier of Persia in the 10th century, could not bear to part with his 177,000-volume library when he traveled, and so he had the books carried by a caravan of 400 camels trained to walk in alphabetical order.

Phonetic ABC’s: A system used by the military and others when people need to spell out words to be precise in spoken communications. Usually this is done to avoid confusion when words or letters have similar sounds. Words are substituted for letters of the alphabet, commonly: Alpha for a, Bravo for b, Charlie for c, Delta for d, Echo for e, Foxtrot for f, Golf for g, Hotel for h, India for i, Juliet for j, Kilo for k, Lima for l, Mike for m, November for n, Oscar for o, Papa for p, Quebec for q, Romeo for r, Sierra for s, Tango for t, Uniform for u, Victor for v, Whiskey for w, X-ray for x, Yankee for y, and Zulu for z.

Blackboard chalk is not chalk, but is plaster of Paris.

China is believed to be the world’s oldest continuously existing human civilization. That is, if we consider humans to be civilized.

An average person consumes more than a ton of food and drink each year.

The car in the foreground on the back of an American $10 bill is a 1925 Hupmobile.

The real name of the horse in the television show “Mister Ed” was Bamboo Harvester.

Cartoon character Sylvester the Cat’s full name is Sylvester J. Pussycat.

The oldest business in the United States of America is the cymbal company Zildjian, which was originally founded in Constantinople in 1623, according to “American Heritage of Invention & Technology” (Winter 2000)

Question: If you were to spell out each number, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter ‘a’?
Answer: One thousand.

Intelligent people are said to have more zinc and copper in their hair.

A car traveling at 80 kilometers (50 miles) per hour burns half of its fuel just to overcome wind resistance. What a drag . . . on your wallet.

The Ten Commandments contain 297 words.
The Bill of Rights is stated in 463 words.
Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address contains 266 words.
A recent federal directive to regulate the price of cabbage contains 26,911 words.

Mike Hayes, a man from Rochelle, Illinois, funded his education by asking 2.8 million people for one penny each. This happened in 1987, so if you wanted to pay for your college education the same way today, you would have to ask more than ten million people.

Fried chicken is the most popular meal ordered in formal, or sit-down, restaurants in the United States of America. The next in popularity are roast beef, spaghetti, turkey, baked ham, and fried shrimp.

American car horns beep in the tone of F.

Hurricanes are storms that form over seas or oceans and last for up to ten days.

Bali, an island of Indonesia, has the world’s largest variety of flora, or plant life.

All the people on Earth could fit into a 1-kilometer cube, if done so in the manner that groups of people once stuffed themselves into telephone booths or crowds of clowns stuff all of themselves into compact cars

Cars were first started with ignition keys in 1949.

Chalk is made from tiny plankton fossils.

What is ‘dry ice’? Dry ice is compressed carbon dioxide gas. It is compressed until it is liquefied; after liquefaction, it is frozen. Dry ice is used as a refrigerant, as it is a solid that changes back to a gas without ever becoming a liquid. It remains in a solid state for a longer time, and at cooler temperatures, than ordinary ice.

Most of the vitamin C in fruits is in the skin.

William Moulton Marston was the creator of the fictional superhero Wonder Woman. He also invented the polygraph machine, widely known as the lie detector.

England’s first great industry was wool.

The world record for a photographic memory feat is held by a man in Burma who recited 16,000 pages of Buddhist canonical texts from memory.

Every year, one ton of cement is poured for each man, woman, and child on Earth. What are you going to do with yours?

Dreamt is the only English word that ends in ‘mt.’

Half of all crimes are committed by people under the age of 18.

During a total solar eclipse, the temperature can drop by 6 degrees Celsius (20 degrees Fahrenheit).

A wire clothes hanger is about 112 centimeters (44 inches) long when straightened.

Halley’s Comet passes the Earth every 76 years, and the next time it will return will be 2062.

An electric eel can produce a shock of up to 650 volts.

Jack is the most common name in nursery rhymes.

About 45 percent of the world’s human population lives in China and India.

The first comic strip was, “The Yellow Kid,” published in the “New York World” newspaper starting in 1896. The cartoonist was named Richard Felton Outcault.

Someone has said that it takes 17 muscles to smile and 43 to frown.

Two of the words in the English language that have all five vowels in alphabetical order are ‘abstemious’ and ‘facetious.’ Even more amazing is that no one really knows what these words mean.

It takes 1,100 watts of electricity to power a toaster.

The Sea of Tranquility on the Moon is deeper than the highest mountain on Earth.

‘Sheik’ means ‘old man’ in Arabic.

The symbol # is known as a pound sign, a hashtag, an octothorpe, and by other names. Octo means eight, and it does appear to have 8 legs. It also resembles the grid used in the game tic-tac-toe. Fascinating.

More than 500 meteorites, or rocks from outer space, hit the Earth each year.

Rubber bands last longer when kept refrigerated.

The Tower of Independence clock on the back of a U.S. $100 dollar bill shows the time as 4:10.

The first rugby club was formed in 1843.

The sari or saree, the traditional dress of women on the Indian subcontinent, has been used continuously and relatively unchanged for thousands of years.

The typical wave height from a Pacific tsunami is between 6 and 9 meters (20 and 30 feet).

Ninety percent or more of an iceberg is under water.

In 1872, Yellowstone Park in the United States of America became the world’s first national park.

The dishwasher was invented in 1889.

The largest island in the Mediterranean Sea is Sicily.

An average person consumes 100 tons of food and 45,424 liters (12,000 gallons) of water in a lifetime.

The supersonic Concorde jet made its first trial flight on 1 January 1969.

The oldest word in the English language is ‘town.’

The average person has 10,000 taste buds.

The Pyramid of Giza, one of the Great Pyramids in Egypt, is made of 2.5 million blocks of stone.

The longest one-syllable word in the English language is ‘screeched.’

Yahoo was originally called ‘Jerry’s Guide to the World Wide Web.’

At a National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) conference in 1972, Roxcy Bolton proposed naming hurricanes after Senators instead of women. She also preferred “him-i-canes.”

Classical music composer Ludwig van Beethoven was once told by a music teacher that he has no talent for music.

Before jets and jet lag, there were boats and boat lag.

The world’s knowledge is growing so fast that ninety percent of what we will know in 50 years’ time will be discovered in those 50 years.

The doorbell was invented in 1831.

The world’s record for continuous pogo stick jumping is 41 hours.

Fathers tend to determine the height of their child, mothers their weight.

‘Karoke’ means ‘empty orchestra’ in Japanese.

In 1972, a Swedish man balanced on one foot for over five hours, using nothing for support.

Castor oil is used as a lubricant in jet airplanes.

The three most common languages in the world are Mandarin Chinese, Spanish, and English.

Clark Gable’s middle name was Clark, and his first name was William.

Possibly, every person is afraid of something, and some people are said to be afraid of everything. Panophobia is a fear of everything, and nihilophobia is a fear of absolutely nothing . . . also known as being foolhardy.

‘Almost’ is the longest word in the English language with all the letters in alphabetical order.

The largest living structure on Earth is the 2,000 kilometer (1,243 mile) long Great Barrier Reef on Australia’s coast.

“Well, allow me to introduce myself to you as an advocate of Ornamental Knowledge. You like the mind to be a neat machine equipped to work efficiently if narrowly and with no extra bits or useless parts. I like the mind to be a dustbin of scraps of brilliant fabric, odd gems, worthless but fascinating curiosities, tinsel quaint bits of carving, and a reasonable amount of healthy dirt. Shake the machine and it goes out of order; shake the dustbin and it adjusts itself beautifully to its new position.” -Robertson Davies

This is MFOL! . . . where there is no such thing as an unimportant fact . . . more follows . . . with some fun . . .

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Personal Cleanliness and Hygiene

1/28/2020

0 Comments

Mildred: How does one give an elephant a bath?
Dorothy: First, get a very large rubber ducky . . .

Monkey bath: A bath so hot that, as you lower yourself into the tub, you say, “Oo-oo aa-aa, oo-oo aa-aa!”

Mud baths are more popular than some people might be aware. Many rich people pay a whole lot of money just to go to spas and resorts to soak and bathe in mud. Elephants also enjoy bathing in squishy mud baths - just as much as rich people do. However, elephants are much smarter than rich people, so they take their mud baths in the great outdoors and pay . . . nothing!

Michelle: What kind of person steals soap?
Michael: A dirty crook, that’s who!

Handwashing Song

Wash, wash, wash your hands,
Clean them both the same,
Between the fingers, front and back,
Until germs go down the drain!

by Author Unknown (can be sung to the same tune as that of the song, “Row, Row, Row Your Boat”)

Proper Handwashing
1. Wet hands with water.
2. Apply soap.
3. Lather hands, wrists, and lower part of forearms with soap.
4. Scrub thoroughly for half a minute.
5. Rinse with water.
6. Dry.

Aquadextrous (ak-wa·deksꞋtrus), adjective. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with one’s toes.

Queen Isabella I of Spain, who financed Christopher Columbus’ voyage of discovery to the New World, claimed to have bathed only twice in her lifetime. Even France’s King Louis XIV bathed only once a year. But they were not as strange as people might think, because during their time, attitudes toward bathing were very different from those common today. It just goes to show that we have learned a lot as a species, and we doubtless have much more to learn.

“Cleanliness is next to godliness.” -John Wesley (1703 - 1791)

“Cleanliness is next to goodliness.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)

“Cleanliness is next to impossible.” -Author Unknown

“Dirt is not dirt, but only something in the wrong place.” -Henry John Temple (also known as Lord Palmerston (1784 - 1865))

“Why Dirt Is Good: 5 Ways to Make Germs Your Friends” (2009) is a book by Mary Ruebush, Ph.D., who is an award-winning professor of immunology and microbiology at Kaplan Medical in Bozeman, Montana, United States of America. In the book, she demonstrates a lively mastery of her subject, providing readers with an education in immunology and explaining ‘good germs.’ The book offers medically sound advice, explaining how we can become healthier by exposing ourselves to some of the things in our environment that many of us tend to avoid obsessively.

Cats bathe with their tongues, though usually they bathe just themselves.

There are two kinds of people in the world: Some people bathe in the evening before going to bed, and some people bathe in the morning after waking up. Wait, maybe there are more than two kinds of people - what about people who bathe in the middle of the day, or people who bathe twice, first before going to bed, and again after waking up . . .

“A bit of muck never hurt anyone.” -Author Unknown: Yorkshire saying

Ablutophobia is a fear of washing or bathing. Most people with the condition learn over time that cleaning oneself is not to be feared; however, for those with a persistent case of the condition, compassionate counseling may be necessary. Because it can be embarrassing, many ablutophobia sufferers find discussing it difficult, and will need genuine understanding and encouragement in overcoming their fear. Ridiculing or teasing them will make the condition worse, and for those who smell bad, they most likely already know they do, so they won’t be helped by being lectured to or scolded about their body odor. Like most fears, ablutophobia can have a real cause, often being rooted in unpleasant or even traumatic experiences. It can also be a symptom of living in extreme poverty or of being in a family or other relationship in which ongoing abuse occurs, and these root causes would need to be addressed in order to help a person overcome ablutophobia. Ablutophobia is derived from the Latin word ‘ablutere’ meaning ‘to wash off’ and the Greek word ‘phobos’ meaning ‘fear.’

Riddle: The more I dry, the wetter I get - what am I?
Solution: I am a towel.

Young Lady from Crete

There was a young lady from Crete,
Who was so exceedingly neat,
When she got out of bed,
She stood on her head,
To keep from soiling her feet.

by Author Unknown

Why is it that no matter what the color of the bubble bath, the bubbles are white?

Nothing is quite as welcome after dirty, grimy work as are rest and relaxation . . . except perhaps cleaning up with soap and water.

If soap falls on the floor, does the soap get dirty, or does the floor get clean?

Global Handwashing Day is on 15 October of each year. Let us all wash our hands in celebration!

How do animals keep themselves clean? Chickens take baths by flopping around in dirt and dust, which prevents tics, lice, and other bugs from making their permanent homes under the chickens’ feathers. Pigs also keep bugs off themselves by taking mud baths, and caked-on mud has the additional advantage of reducing pigs’ sunlight exposure, because pigs, like humans, can get unpleasant sunburns.

Bob: Want to hear a ‘dirty’ joke?
Otto: Sure, why not.
Bob: A man fell in the mud.

Otto: Want to hear a ‘clean’ joke?
Bob: What is that?
Otto: The man took a bath!

Ivory bar soap, known for possessing the property of floating in water, was created by accident. A worker in a factory left the soap-making machinery running too long, which caused tiny air bubbles to form in the soap. Customers who bought bars of soap made from this particular batch wrote letters to the manufacturer, saying how much they liked having soap that floated in their bathtubs, and that is the story of how Ivory bar soap came to be the soap that floats.

“One keep-clean is better than ten make-cleans.” -Author Unknown

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l i v e ☆ l a u g h ツ l o v e ♥ g r o w ☼ l i v e ☆ l a u g h ツ l o v e ♥ g r o w ☼
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Reasons to Not Wash

If we take the same excuses that people use for not going to church and apply them to other areas of life, we would realize just how inconsistent people can be in their logic.

1. I was forced to as a child.
2. People who make soap are only after your money.
3. I wash on special occasions like Christmas and Easter.
4. People who wash are hypocrites - they think they are cleaner than everyone else.
5. There are so many different kinds of soap; I cannot decide which one is best.
6. I used to wash, but it got boring, so I stopped.
7. None of my friends wash.
8. The bathroom is never warm enough in the winter or cool enough in the summer.
9. I will start washing when I get older and dirtier.
10. I cannot spare the time.

by Author Unknown

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l i v e ☆ l a u g h ツ l o v e ♥ g r o w ☼ l i v e ☆ l a u g h ツ l o v e ♥ g r o w ☼
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Al: What is the best cure for dandruff?
Lex: Baldness.

If everyone on Earth took a bath in a single day, the entire supply of fresh water on our planet would become dirty, so it turns out that by staying dirty, some people are helping to ensure that the rest of us have clean water. How considerate of them.

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Santa Brought a Bar of Soap

A Funny Christmas Poem for Kids

Santa brought a bar of soap.
I asked him for a phone, but nope.
I didn’t get that brand new phone.
Just soap, and fancy French cologne.
He also brought some new shampoo,
some shower gel, and toothpaste too,
a scented candle for my room,
a dozen bottles of perfume,
deodorant and body spray . . .
I wonder what he’s trying to say?

by Kenn Nesbitt (Copyright © 2014 by Kenn Nesbitt. All rights reserved. Reprinted here with permission of the author.)

We extend a special thanks to the author for allowing us to share his poem with our website visitors. To see more of his work, please visit the funny poetry playground of Children’s Poet Laureate Kenn Nesbitt, at www.Poetry4Kids.com. On the site are funny poems and poetry books for children, classic children’s poetry, pictures, games, contests, poetry lessons and activities, and journals, plus a rhyming dictionary, funny poetry podcast, videos, school visit information, and lots and lots more!

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“In order for something to become clean, something else must become dirty.” -Author Unknown: ‘Imbesi’s Conservation of Filth Law’

Cleanliness and Hygiene Quiz
- What are three things that can help a person become clean?
- How often should a person take a bath or a shower?
- What happens if a person puts on too much perfume, cologne, or other scents?
- When should we wash our hands?
- Why should we wear flip-flops, sandals, or shower shoes when showering in gyms, schools, college dorms, and other places outside of our homes?
- Why should we not share our personal care items, such as toothbrushes, shaving razors, and nail clippers, with other people?
- What is the difference between the words ‘bath’ and ‘bathe,’ besides just the letter ‘e’?

And now the star of the show, second in popularity among bath toys only to a bar of soap and a washcloth, it’s the Yellow Rubber Duckies. Everybody applaud . . . try not to look so surprised!

Why do the instructions on hair shampoo bottles read, ‘Lather. Rinse. Repeat’? If we did this, would we never be able to stop?

“The bathtub is an epicurean innovation from England designed to corrupt the democratic simplicity of the republic. We of the medical profession warn against it as a producer of rheumatic fevers, inflammatory lungs, and all zymotic diseases.” -Author Unknown: as quoted in “The New York Times” (1841) newspaper

This is MFOL! . . . good clean fun . . . without all that soapy residue . . .

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Shoes and Footwear

1/23/2020

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These shoes are the cat’s meow . . .

“Give a girl the right pair of shoes and she’ll conquer the world.” -Marilyn Monroe (pseudonym of Norma Jean Mortenson Baker (1926 - 1962))

Overheard: “I have enough shoes.”

The earliest known footwear is a pair of sandals that date back to about 7,000 B.C.E. However, anatomical analysis of early humans seems to indicate that we may have begun wearing shoes as early as 40,000 years ago. Before then, we ran around barefoot and ate rocks. What’s that . . . oh, apparently, early humans did not eat rocks . . . just wild plants, raw meat, and bugs. Aren’t you glad you wear shoes?

Dustin: Do your shoes have holes in them?
Austin: No.
Dustin: Then how did you get your feet into them?

Shoe store sign: Limited Time Offer - Buy Two Shoes - And Get A Third Shoe Absolutely Free!

If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

Edith: Who always goes to bed wearing shoes?
Edna: A horse, of course.

Shoes all over the world were identical until 1822, when left-footed and right-footed shoes were made for the first time in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, United States of America.

Sonya: Why did the two shoes not get along?
Sonny: Because they both thought they were ‘right.’

If the shoe fits, it must be some kind of trick - don’t be fooled!

Overheard: Your shoes certainly make you look ‘well-heeled’!

The boots Neil Armstrong wore when he walked on the Moon are still floating around somewhere in outer space. He had to leave his boots there so that he could bring as many Moon rocks as possible back to Earth.

Ida: What has a tongue but cannot speak?
Emma: A shoe.

If the shoe fits, buy a pair in every color.

Sabrina: What runs around all day and then lies on the floor with its tongue hanging out?
Katrina: Your shoe!

In the silent movie, “The Gold Rush” (August 1925), comedic actor Charlie Chaplin actually ate his shoe. He portrayed his signature character, ‘The Tramp’ as a gold prospector who was trapped in a cabin during a snowstorm. Starving, he decided to boil his boot and eat the laces like spaghetti. Fortunately for Mr. Chaplin’s digestive system, the shoe used in the movie was made of licorice candy provided by the American Licorice Company.

“High heels were invented by a woman who had been kissed on the forehead.” -Christopher Morley (Christopher Darlington Morley (1890 - 1957))

Tutor: Can you name at least six things you can wear on your feet that begin with the letter ‘s’?
Student: Sandals, shoes, skates, skis, slippers, sneakers, snowshoes, socks, stilts, and stockings.

“It is totally impossible to be well-dressed in cheap shoes.” -Hardy Amies (Edwin Hardy Amies (1909 - 2003))

Many years ago, two salesmen were sent by a British shoe manufacturer to Africa to investigate and report on market potential. The first salesman reported back, “There is no potential here - nobody wears shoes.” The second salesman reported back, “There is massive potential here - nobody wears shoes.”

If the shoe fits your foot, it will not fit your budget.

Apparently, bears never wear shoes, as they prefer to gallop around in just their ‘bear feet.’

Joe’s Shoes

The shoes of old Eskimo Joe
Fell apart as he walked in the snow.
“Have you needle and thread?”
I enquired, but he said,
“No, igloo them, not sew them, you know.”

by Author Unknown

“A man can walk without shoes, but shoes can’t walk without a man.” -George Daly

Squeakers: Shoes that mice wear.

Gregory: Who wears two pairs of shoes, both at the same time?
Geoffrey: Mules - as do horses, ponies, and mammoth donkeys used for riding.

“You cannot put the same shoe on every foot.” -Publilius Syrus (85 B.C.E. - 43 B.C.E.)

If the shoe fits, you are asleep and having a dream about shoes.

“The shoe that fits one person pinches another; there is no recipe for living that suits all cases.” -C. G. Jung (Carl Gustav Jung (1875 - 1961))

Melody: What is made of leather and sounds like a sneeze?
Clarabelle: A shoe.

A typical pair of casual shoes will last for about 500 miles of walking.

This just in: There is more to life than shoes. We are kidding, of course!

If the shoe fits, it must be some kind of magical shoe.

Otis: What does a shoemaker use to repair shoes?
Otto: Toe-nails.

“A handsome shoe often pinches the foot.” -Author Unknown

Presto: What results from wearing tight shoes.

A man walked into a shoe store, and tried on a pair of shoes. “How do they feel?” asked the sales clerk. “Well . . . they feel a bit tight,” replied the man. The assistant bent down and looked at the shoes and the man’s feet. “Try pulling out on the tongue,” offered the clerk. “Nath theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth,” the man said.

Al: What goes, “Thump, thump, thump, squish! Thump, thump, thump, squish!”?
Fred: An elephant wearing a soggy tennis shoe.

“Never buy shoes early in the day when your feet are their smallest.” -Frances Patiky Stein

The best time to buy shoes is when you are cranky and tired from walking and standing around all day, say for example, after work or school. This is because your feet are likely to be at their largest at this time of the day. That is right, your feet change in size throughout the day. It is shocking, we know. In the morning, you arise with your feet well-rested, but as the day progresses, you put a lot of pressure on your feet, causing them to spread out and swell up. If you try on shoes at the start of the day, well, that is when your feet are small, and if you were to continue to wear that same pair of shoes all day long, by the end of the day, your feet would not be happy, because they will be crammed into shoes that are too tiny.

Maxwell: Why do cobblers (shoemakers) go to Heaven?
Maxine: Because they have good soles.

“If the shoe fits, it’s too expensive.” -Adrienne Gusoff

A man walked into a shoe store and asked for a pair of shoes in size eight. The well-trained salesman said, “But sir, you need an eleven or an eleven-and-a-half.” “Just bring me a size eight,” the man said. The sales guy brought them out and the man stuffed his feet into them and stood up in obvious pain. He turned to the salesman and said, “I’ll take them. You see, I have lost my house to the tax collector, I live with my mother-in-law, my daughter ran off with her no-account boyfriend, and my business has filed for bankruptcy. The only pleasure I have left is at the end of the day when I go home and take my shoes off.”

“I have tennis shoes with little rhinestones that I slip on if I exercise. But I always wear heels, even around the house. I’m such a short little thing, I can’t reach my kitchen cabinets.” -Dolly Parton (born 1946)

“Sure, I may walk around as if everything is fine . . . but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off. I think that my shoe is trying to eat my sock, and that is a scary thought.” -Author Unknown

Darlene: What did the shoe say to the gum?
Darla: “Stick with me and we’ll go places!”

Shoe Facts
- The bottom of a shoe that touches the ground is called the ‘sole.’
- The part of a shoe above the sole is called the ‘upper.’
- The plastic casings on the ends of shoelaces that prevent them from unraveling are called ‘aglets.’
- The holes in shoes that laces are fed through are called ‘eyelets.’
- The tongue of a shoe will not lick your feet.
- The edge around the opening of a shoe is called the ‘collar.’

If the shoe fits, it’s obviously on somebody else’s foot.

Many people do not know that feet can increase by one-and-a-half shoe sizes or more throughout their lifetimes. A person’s feet can flatten and spread out as he or she ages, causing a permanent increase in both length and width. Additionally, changes in weight, surgery, amount of time spent standing and walking on the feet, lifting and moving heavy items all day long and other physical exertion at work and in play, and pregnancy, can cause foot size to increase. You may want to consider this the next time you go shoe shopping, especially if you are torturing yourself by trying to wear the same shoe size now that you wore years ago as a teenager or young adult. Try on slightly larger size shoes in slightly wider widths, perhaps with more toe room. Your feet will thank you!

“I bought these shoes in Taiwan, and they said in the inside, ‘Made around the corner.’” -Frank Carson

Shoes called sneakers were first produced in about 1800. They had a simple rubber sole design, with the name ‘sneaker’ coming from the fact that their soles are so smooth and yielding that they hardly make a sound on the ground.

Hubert: What kind of shoes do detectives wear?
Hugh: Sneakers!

Another name for a detective is a ‘gumshoe,’ because detectives have traditionally worn soft-soled shoes.

If the shoe fits, buy it.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Pear.
Pear, who?
Pear of shoes!

Shoestring: What every self-made businessperson claims to have built a business on.

You can tell a lot about a person’s character by the shoes he or she wears.

Need money? How about this zany idea: Become a ‘shoe reading’ expert. People come to you, you look at their shoes, you tell them what their shoes reveal about them, and you then advise them on what kind of shoes to buy if they want people to have a different opinion of them based on their shoes. This idea makes a lot more sense than palm reading and other methods of ‘fortune telling.’

Overheard: So many shoes . . . and only two feet!

“Your shoes are only as good as the laces they’re attached to.” -Greg Sampson

Norma: Why did the shoelaces arrive late at the party?
Nora: Because they got all tied up earlier.

If the shoe fits, it is too good to be true.

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe . . . rumor has it that it once belonged to a giant who lived at the top of a beanstalk . . . the old woman was ambling along, looking for affordable housing in a safe neighborhood for herself and her children, when all of a sudden, a really big shoe dropped out of the sky. Aren’t fairy tales fun?

Emma: What is sixty feet long, green, and has two tongues?
Emily: The Jolly Green Giant’s sneakers!

If the shoe fits, buy the store.

Shoes Quiz
- What features should a person look for in a shoe?
- What are arch supports?
- What is a padded collar on a shoe?
- What are aglets and what is their purpose?
- Which of the following shoe toe shapes is best for your feet: pointed, squared, or rounded?
- In what types of jobs do people need steel-toed boots or shoes?
- Describe the perfect pair of shoes.
- What items make up a shoeshine kit?
- What are sensible shoes?

“I stand corrected!” said the man in the orthopedic shoes.

Shoe store sign: Buy One Shoe - Get Second Shoe Free!

The ‘boat shoe’ was invented by Paul Sperry. He modeled the sole of the shoe after his dog’s paw.

Ernie: What did one shoe say to the other shoe?
Bernie: “You stay here, and I’ll go on ahead to see what’s underfoot.”

“Shoes divide men into three classes. Some men wear their father’s shoes. They make no decisions of their own. Some are unthinkingly shod by the crowd. The strong man is his own cobbler. He insists on making his own choices. He walks in his own shoes.” -S. D. Gordon

Here’s a great title for a song: “I’ve Got the Squeaky Shoes Blues, Yeah!” Now we just need you to write the lyrics, or words, to go along with the song title.

“Shoes speak louder than words.” -Author Unknown

Moses: What kind of shoes are made from banana skins?
Moe: Slippers!

“Between saying and doing many a pair of shoes is worn out.” -Author Unknown: Italian proverb

If the shoe fits, you have somehow been magically transported to a fairy tale land.

Riddle:
I run over fields and woods all day;
Under a bed at night, I wait not alone
With long tongue hanging out,
I will be filled in the morn.
What am I?
Solution:
I am a shoe.

If the shoe fits, you are daydreaming again . . . time to get back to work.

Geoffrey: What has no feet but wears out shoes?
George: A sidewalk.

This is MFOL! . . . and that’s everything we have cobbled together about shoes . . . What’s that? . . . Our shoes are calling to us . . . seems they want to go out walking . . . maybe we will see you out there . . .

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Simpletons and Sages

1/22/2020

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“Some folks are wise and some are otherwise.” -Tobias Smollett (1721 - 1771)

“By associating with wise people, you will become wise yourself.” -Menander of Athens

“It is peculiarly a fool’s habit to discern the faults of others, and to forget his own.” -Cicero (Marcus Tullius Cicero, also known as Tully (106 B.C.E. - 43 B.C.E.))

“A wise man may look ridiculous in the company of fools.” -Thomas Fuller (1654 - 1734)

“There are more fools in the world than there are people.” -Heinrich Heine (1797 - 1856)

“A wise man makes his own decisions, an ignorant man follows the public opinion.” -Grantland Rice (Henry Grantland ‘Grantland’ Rice (1880 - 1954))

“A fool may be known by six things: anger, without cause; speech, without profit; change, without progress; inquiry, without object; putting trust in a stranger; and mistaking foes for friends.” -Author Unknown

“Nearly four decades ago psychologist Stanley Milgram had a volunteer stand stock still on a busy New York sidewalk and look up at the sky. About one in every 25 passersby stopped to look up, too. When five volunteers were recruited to sky-gaze, nearly one in five passersby stopped to look up. When Milgram and his colleagues assembled a group of 18 volunteers to simultaneously look up at nothing in particular, nearly one in two passersby looked up to see what was going on, snarling traffic within moments.” -Author Unknown: as quoted in the “Washington Post” (December 2007) newspaper

Simpletons and Sages Facts
- A simpleton is sometimes perceived by others as being a fool.
- A sage is a supposed wise or learned person.
- Every human is made of part simpleton and part sage.

“You will do foolish things, but do them with enthusiasm.” -Colette (Sidonie Gabrielle Colette (1873-1954))

“The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.” -Bertrand A. Russell (Bertrand Arthur William Russell (1872 - 1970))

“Ignorance is bold, and knowledge reserved.” -Thucydides (about 460 B.C.E. - about 395 B.C.E.): as quoted in James Wood, editor: “Dictionary of Quotations from Ancient and Modern, English and Foreign Sources” (1899), page 178

As a rule, man is a fool.
     When it’s hot, he wants it cool;
When it’s cool, he wants it hot.
     Always wanting, what is not.
-Benjamin Disraeli (1804 - 1881)

“A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.” -Douglas Adams (Douglas Noel Adams (1952 - 2001))

“It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.” -Author Unknown

“I sometimes wonder if the manufacturers of foolproof items keep a fool or two on their payroll to test things.” -Alan Coren

“We all know a fool when we see one - but not when we are one.” -Arnold H. Glasow

“I never desired to please the rabble. What pleased them, I did not learn; and what I knew was far removed from their understanding.” -Epicurus (341 B.C.E. - 270 B.C.E.)

“I am a member of the rabble, in good standing.” -Westbrook Pegler

“A wise person does at once, what a fool does at last. Both do the same thing; only at different times.” -Balthasar Gracián (1601 - 1658)

“Nothing is more terrible than to see ignorance in action.” -Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832): “Proverbs in Prose” (1819)

“The wise man is but a clever infant, spelling letters from a hieroglyphical prophetic book, the lexicon of which lies in eternity.” -Thomas Carlyle (1795 - 1881)

“Ignorance is not bliss. Ignorance is poverty. Ignorance is devastation. Ignorance is tragedy. Ignorance is illness. It all stems from ignorance.” -Author Unknown

“A moment’s thought would have shown him. But a moment is a long time, and thought is a painful process.” -J. E. Houseman

Overheard: I am always stupid at the wrong times . . . why can’t I be stupid at the right times?

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l i v e ☆ l a u g h ツ l o v e ♥ g r o w ☼ l i v e ☆ l a u g h ツ l o v e ♥ g r o w ☼
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Dummy’s Guide to Life

Do you find day-to-day life hard? Do you wish life had an instruction booklet? Do you wish your brain had an owner’s manual? If you answered, “Yes,” to any of these questions, you have come to the right place. Following you will find, free of charge, a short ‘guide to life.’ In here, you will find most of the information you need to live life day by day without injuring yourself. Read carefully, and carry out each instruction exactly.

- Do not eat rocks.
- Do not take naps in the road.
- Do not throw a brick straight up.
- Do not breathe the exhaust from vehicles.
- Walk around toxic waste dumps, not through them.
- Do not stargaze with friends on a hilltop in a thunderstorm and use metal fishing rods as pointers.
- If you need to get somewhere, and a freight train heading in the direction you are traveling just happens to be nearby, resist the urge to stand in front of it and grab hold as it passes.
- If you want to pound on the radiator to tell the landlord to turn up the heat, do not do it with your head.
- Do not make funny faces at angry bulls.
- Do not stick screwdrivers into electrical outlets.
- The warning ‘Do not try this at home’ really means ‘Do not try this at all.’
- Do not iron clothes while wearing them.
- Do not sled down hills with roads at the bottom.
- Do not lick ice.
- Do not pour salt in your eyes.
- Your body has the correct number of holes in it. Do not make any more.
- Do not chase a bear into the woods to get a close-up photo.
- Do not chew on aluminum foil.
- Shovels are for digging holes in the ground, not in the floor of your house.
- Contrary to popular opinion, you are not supposed to strip the protective rubber coating off electrical wires before plugging them in.
- If you want to chew gum, buy some. Do not use the gum from underneath the seats at schools and movie theaters even though it is free.
- Do not kick stone walls.
- Even if you need to get downstairs quickly, do not jump out of a window - use the stairs.
- When using an acetylene torch, do not feel the flame to see if it is sufficiently hot.
- Better yet, stay away from acetylene torches altogether.
- Wear clothes.
- Use a potholder when removing items from the oven.
- No matter how tempting it is to be one of the animals, stay on the outside of all fences and cages and other enclosures at the zoo.
- When sticking thumbtacks into bulletin boards, press on the flat ends.

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l i v e ☆ l a u g h ツ l o v e ♥ g r o w ☼ l i v e ☆ l a u g h ツ l o v e ♥ g r o w ☼
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“Ignorance is not a simple lack of knowledge but an active aversion to knowledge, the refusal to know, issuing from cowardice, pride, or laziness of mind.” -Karl Popper (1902 - 1994): as paraphrased by Ryszard Kapuscinski in ‘The Philosopher as Giant-Slayer’ in the “New York Times Magazine” (1 January 1995)

Overheard: We have smart phones, smart watches, smart appliances . . . now all we need are smart people!

“He who thinks himself wise, O heavens! is a great fool.” -Voltaire (François-Marie Arouet (1694 - 1778)): “Le Droit du Seigneur” (1763), part IV, line i

“Who lives without folly is not so wise as he thinks.” -François de La Rochefoucauld (also known as François Duc de La Rochefoucauld (1613 - 1680)): “Reflections; or, Sentences and Moral Maxims” (1678), Maxim 209

“Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.” -Euripides (484 B.C.E. - 406 B.C.E.)

“If forty million people say a foolish thing, it does not become a wise one, but the wise man is foolish to give them the lie.” -W. Somerset Maugham (William Somerset Maugham (1874 - 1965)): “A Writer’s Notebook” (1946), page 76: ‘1901’

Overheard: We are all fools, whether we know it or not.

“You can lead a fool to wisdom but you cannot make him think.” -Author Unknown

“A fool must now and then be right, by chance.” -William Cowper (1731 - 1800)

Two sillies were walking down the street. The first one noticed a compact on the sidewalk and leaned down to pick it up. She opened it, looked in the mirror, and said, “Hmmm, this person looks familiar.” The second one said, “Let me look!” So the first one handed her the compact. The second one looked in the mirror and said, “You silly, it’s me!”

“A fool and his money are soon parted, but how did they get together in the first place?” -Evan Esar (1899 - 1995)

“The fool wonders, the wise man asks.” -Benjamin Disraeli (1804 - 1881)

“He that walketh with wise men shall be wise, but a companion of fools shall be destroyed.” -Author Unknown: “The Bible,” ‘Proverbs,’ chapter 13, verse 20

“The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool.” -William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616): “As You Like It” (1599) Act 5, scene 1; line of fictional character Touchstone

Joyce: Why can’t you tell knock-knock jokes to a simpleton?
Joy: Because they go to answer the door.

“We are fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance.” -Author Unknown

“I have always observed that to succeed in the world one should seem a fool, but be wise.” -Charles-Louis de Secondat (Baron de La Brède et de Montesquieu, also known simply as Montesquieu (1689 - 1755))

“Fools rush in where angels fear to tread.” -Alexander Pope (1688 - 1744): “An Essay on Criticism,” (1711), line 625

“Everybody plays the fool.” -Author Unknown: words from a love song

“The greater idiot ever scolds the lesser.” -Herman Melville (1819 - 1891): “Moby Dick” (1851)

Overheard: Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?

He trudged along unknowing what he sought,
     And whistled as he went, for want of Thought.
-John Dryden (1631 - 1700): “Fables Ancient and Modern; Translated into Verse, From Homer, Ovid, Boccace, & Chaucer: With Original Poems” (1700), page 544, ‘Cymon and Iphigenia, from Boccace’ [translated to Modern English]

Ted: Why couldn’t the simpleton call the police?
Theo: He found the ‘9’ button on the telephone, but couldn’t find the ‘11’ button.

“Let a fool hold his tongue and he will pass for a sage.” [translated to English]
“Taciturnitas stulto homini pro sapientia est.” [original Latin]
-Publilius Syrus (85 B.C.E. - 43 B.C.E.): “Sententiae,” Maxim 914

“Wise men learn more from fools than fools from wise men; for the wise men shun the mistakes of fools, but fools do not imitate the successes of the wise.” -Cato (Marcius Porcius Cato, also known as Cato the Elder (234 B.C.E. - 149 B.C.E.)): as quoted in Plutarch: “Parallel Lives” (beginning of second century C.E.)

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l i v e ☆ l a u g h ツ l o v e ♥ g r o w ☼ l i v e ☆ l a u g h ツ l o v e ♥ g r o w ☼
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Simple Simon

Simple Simon met a pieman,
     going to the fair;
Said Simple Simon to the pieman,
      “Let me taste your ware.”

Said the pieman to Simple Simon,
      “Show me first your penny,”
Says Simple Simon to the pieman,
      “Indeed, I have not any.”

Simple Simon went a-fishing
     For to catch a whale;
All the water he could find
     Was in his mother’s pail!

Simple Simon went to look
     If plums grew on a thistle;
He pricked his fingers very much,
     Which made poor Simon whistle.

He went to catch a dicky bird,
     And thought he could not fail,
Because he had a little salt,
     To put upon its tail.

He went for water with a sieve,
     But soon it ran all through;
And now poor Simple Simon
     Bids you all adieu.

by Author Unknown

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“His ignorance is encyclopedic.” -S. J. Lec (Stanislaw Jerzy Lec (1909 - 1966)): “Unkempt Thoughts” (1962)

“Do not seek after the sages of the past. Seek what they sought.” -Basho (Matsuo Bashō (1644 - 1694))

“No man really becomes a fool until he stops asking questions.” -Charles Proteus Steinmetz (1865 - 1923)

“Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.” -Dale Carnegie (Dale Harbison Carnegie (born Dale Breckenridge Carnagey (1888 - 1955)))

“Even a stopped clock is right twice a day. After some years, it can boast of a long series of successes.” -Marie Von Ebner-Eschenbach (1830 - 1916)

“The majority is never right. Never, I tell you! That’s one of these lies in society that no free and intelligent man can help rebelling against. Who are the people that make up the biggest proportion of the population - the intelligent ones or the fools? I think we can agree it’s the fools, no matter where you go in this world, it’s the fools that form the overwhelming majority.” -Henrik Ibsen (Henrik Johan ‘Henrik’ Ibsen (1828 - 1906))

“Today is the wise man’s day, tomorrow is the fool’s day. The wise man is the one who, when he sees what ought to be done, does it today. The foolish man, when he sees what ought to be done, says, ‘I will do it tomorrow.’” -Author Unknown

“A word to a wise person is sufficient.” [translated to English]
“Verbum sapienti sat est.” [original Latin]
-Author Unknown

Simpletons and Sages Quiz
- What is a simpleton?
- What is a sage?
- Can a person be both a simpleton and a sage?

“Fools look to tomorrow; wise men use tonight.” -Author Unknown: Scottish proverb

Simpletons and Sages Quiz Answers
- A simpleton is sometimes perceived by others as being a fool.
- A sage is a supposed wise or learned person.
- Every human is made of part simpleton and part sage.

“The truly wise are always simple - simple friendliness, simple decency, simple goodwill between man and man. It is the little mind that spins complications.” -Eugene P. Berlin

“Dare to be wise!” [translated to English]
“Sapere aude!” [original Latin]
-Horace (Quintus Horatius Flaccus (65 B.C.E. - 8 B.C.E.))

This is MFOL! . . . making fun of the mundane . . .

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Light Bulbs and Artificial Lighting

1/18/2020

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Eugene: How many circus performers does it take to change a light bulb?
Nigel: Two; one to change the bulb and the other to shout, ‘Taaa-daaaaaa!’

Agatha: How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Christie: Two; one to screw it almost all the way in, and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end.

Gertie: Why was the streetlight shining down on the road?
Gertrude: To light the way for the chicken to get safely across.

Orville: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Wilbur: To change a light bulb.

Carmella: How many chickens does it take to change a light bulb?
Christina: Just one, but it has to cross the road first.

Sylvester: How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Sylvia: Only one, but it sure takes a truckload of light bulbs!

Jerry: How many grocery store cashiers does it take to change a light bulb?
Jenny: Are you kidding? Why, they won’t even give change for a five-dollar bill!

Mel: How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
Vin: None, they just define darkness as the new industry standard.

Chandelier Man. I walked into a convenience store early this morning and there was a guy hanging from a light fixture on the ceiling, so I asked the clerk what he was doing up there. The clerk said, “Oh, don’t worry about him - he’s just some poor confused guy who thinks he’s a light bulb.” I said, “Don’t you think you should help him get down from there before he falls and hurts himself?” The clerk responded, “Well, yes, I guess I could - but then I would have to work in the dark.”

Mathilda: How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?
Mattie: Only one, because they do not like to share the spotlight.

Jeremy: How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?
Jeremiah: Two; one to assure us that everything possible is being done, while the other one screws the light bulb into a water faucet.

In 1802, English physician Humphrey Davy made an electric light by passing current through a platinum strip, creating the first-known carbon arc lamp.

Frankie: How many Spaniards does it take to change a light bulb?
Francine: Juan.

Jan: How many statisticians does it take to change a light bulb?
Jen: Exactly 1.67.

Herman: How many seabirds does it take to change a light bulb?
Sherman: About four or five terns ought to do the trick.

Would you like to have light bulbs that stay on even after the power goes out, and that you could remove from the sockets to use as portable light sources, just as if they were flashlights? You can. Visit www.lyfelite.com, and let them know you found out about them from www.MakeFunOfLife.net.

Joshua: How many carpenters does it take to change a light bulb?
Isaac: Two; one to hold it, while the other one hammers it in.
(When you have a hammer, everything begins to looks like a nail!)

Chester: How many boring people does it take to change a light bulb?
Chet: One.

A layer of dust can build up on light bulbs over time, reducing their light output. Take a dry cloth and wipe the dust off them to restore some of their light output.

A man was polishing a light bulb before inserting it into the socket, when there was a big flash and a genie appeared before him. “I am the genie of the light bulb,” the genie said. “I will answer any three questions for you - but only three. Do you have three questions you would like to ask?” “Who? Me?” asked the man. “Yes, you,” said the genie. “Now, what is your third question?”

In 1878, English chemist and physicist Joseph Swan created a working incandescent lamp and received a patent for it.

Vanessa: How many Roman Catholics does it take to change a light bulb?
Vanetta: None. They use candles.

Archie: How many atheists does it take to change a light bulb?
Archibald: One, but he or she will still be living in darkness.

“‘Don’t be the moth. Be the light bulb.’ When I say that I mean don’t follow the crowd. Just shine. Be the light bulb. Do your thing. Pave your own path.” -Sara Paxton

Iris: How many visitors to an art gallery does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Irene: Two; one to do it and one to say, “Huh! My four-year old could have done that!”

Gene: How many antelopes does it take to change a light bulb?
Jean: None; they are hardy animals that migrate between tundra and wide open plains, and therefore have no need for an artificial light source.

Cyrus: How many fishermen does it take to change a light bulb?
Cyril: Only one, but you should have seen the size of that light bulb!

Otto: How many secularists does it take to change a light bulb?
Bob: None - they leave all of the good deeds for Christians to do.

“When Edison first started out with his ‘crazy’ idea for the light bulb, skeptics were unmoved. They called Thomas Edison a con man and taunted him to prove his bulb could really work. Despite the naysayers, Edison pushed on, demonstrating the importance of sticking with his ‘crazy’ idea which would go on to turn him into one of the world’s most well-known entrepreneurs. The key here is to fan the foolish fire no matter what!” -Linda Rottenberg

In 1879, Thomas Edison invented the first commercially available light bulb, meaning one that people could buy for their own use. His carbon filament incandescent lamp proved to be so vastly superior to candles and oil lamps that everyone from farmers to writers to lawyers to shopkeepers to preachers rushed out to buy them, which spurred the installation of electric generators and electric power lines across the United States of America and around the world.

“I’m one of those people that think Thomas Edison and the light bulb changed the world more than Karl Marx ever did.” -Steve Jobs

Bridget: How many real men does it take to change a light bulb?
Gidget: None, because real men are not afraid of the dark.

Violet: How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
Viola: That is not funny!

Amos: How many paranoids does it take to change a light bulb?
Moses: Exactly who are you, and why do you want to know?

Lola: Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?
Prudence: No, but if you will hum a little of it, I can fake the rest.

Janet: What did one light bulb say to the other?
Anette: “I love you a whole watt!”

Kenneth: How many “Star Trek” Borg does it take to change a light bulb?
Keith: All of them!

Dick: How many jugglers does it take to change a light bulb?
Jane: One juggler, but it takes three bulbs.

Eddie: What do you get when you cross a light bulb with a baby?
Ellie: A light bulb that cries when it needs to be changed.

Before the invention and widespread availability of electric lighting, people slept on average ten hours each night.

Ted: How many astronauts does it take to change a light bulb?
Theo: None; changing a light bulb is not rocket science, you know.

May: How many police officers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
June: None - the light bulb gives itself up and turns itself in.

Bradley: How many consultants does it take to change a light bulb?
Todd: We will have an estimate ready for you a week from Monday.

How Many Dogs Does It Take to Change a Light Bulb?
Golden Retriever: The Sun is shining, the day is young, we have our whole lives ahead of us, and you are inside worrying about a burned out bulb?
Border Collie: Just one. And then I will replace any wiring that is not up to code.
Dachshund: You know I can’t reach that stupid lamp!
Rottweiler: Make me.
Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.
Lab: Oh, me, me!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!
German Shepherd: I will change it as soon as I lead these people from the dark, check to make sure I have not missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.
Jack Russell Terrier: I will just pop it in while I am bouncing off the walls and furniture.
Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I am sorry, but I don’t see a light bulb.
Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there . . . yep, sure it is, exactly there . . .
Greyhound: It is not moving, so who cares?
New Zealand Sheep Dog: First, I will put all the light bulbs in a little cluster . . .

Myrtle: How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb?
Myron: One, because they are efficient and do not have a sense of humor.
(Wenn Sie Deutscher sind, denken Sie bitte daran, dass dies nur ein Witz ist!)

John: How did the hipster burn his hand?
Jonathan: He changed the light bulb before it was cool.

Claire: How many Zen Buddhists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Clara: Two, one to screw it in, and one not to screw it in.

Melanie: How many burglars does it take to change a light bulb?
Melody: No one knows, because when the light comes on, they all scatter.

David: Why did the fifteen-watt bulb flunk out of school?
Arthur: She was not very bright - but don’t be sad, because she grew up and got a high-paying job in a government bureaucracy, doing nothing worthwhile every day!

Ivan: How many capitalistic exploiters of the working classes does it take to change a light bulb?
Igor: None, that is the historically determined role of the proletariat!

“Suppose you make a hole in an ordinary evacuated electric light bulb and allow the air molecules to pass in at the rate of 1,000,000 a second, the bulb will become full of air in approximately 100,000,000 years.” -Francis William Aston

Percy: Why was the hippie staring at the light bulb?
Mercy: He was trying to do some light reading.

In Victoria, Australia, only licensed electricians are permitted to change light bulbs.

Burt: How many Hegelians does it take to change a light bulb?
Bart: None - the bulb is just at one dialectical pole between ‘bright’ and ‘dark,’ so it will eventually synthesize these into at least some dim glow.

Lois: How many schoolteachers does it take to change a light bulb?
Louis: Who knows . . . why, on their tiny salaries, many of them cannot even afford to teach their students, let alone enlighten them!

Bertha: How many Analytic Philosophers does it take to change a light bulb?
Bert: None - it is a pseudo-problem . . . light bulbs give off light (hence the name); if the bulb was broken and was not giving off light, it would not be a ‘light bulb’ now would it?

Emily: How many evolutionists does it take to change a light bulb?
Emaline: Only one, to aim the X-ray machine, but the bulb changes very, very slowly.

Corey: How many South Americans does it take to change a light bulb?
Cora: At least, a Brazilian.

Maxine: How many tech-support people does it take to change a light bulb?
Maxwell: Please continue to hold . . . your call is very important to us.

We are MFOL! . . . changing the world . . . one light bulb at a time . . .

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Faith and Belief

1/16/2020

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I Believe

I believe in the Sun,
   even when it is not shining.
I believe in love,
   even when I do not feel it.
I believe in God,
   even when He is silent.

by Author Unknown: lines written on the wall of a cellar that had been a hiding place for persecuted Jews in Cologne, Germany during World War 2; the poem was discovered after the building had been destroyed by bombing

“Faith in something greater than ourselves enables us to do what we have said we’ll do, to press forward when we are tired or hurt or afraid, to keep going when the challenge seems overwhelming and the course is entirely uncertain.” -Gordon B. Hinckley (Gordon Bitner Hinckley (1910 - 2008))

“To disbelieve is easy; to scoff is simple; to have faith is harder.” -Louis L’Amour (born Louis Dearborn LaMoore (1908 - 1988))

“I truly believe we can either see the connections, celebrate them, and express gratitude for our blessings, or we can see life as a string of coincidences that have no meaning or connection. For me, I’m going to believe in miracles, celebrate life, rejoice in the views of eternity, and hope my choices will create a positive ripple effect in the lives of others. This is my choice.” -Mike Ericksen

“Sometimes the only available transportation is a leap of faith.” -Margaret Shepard

“Your belief determines your action and your action determines your results, but first you have to believe.” -Mark Victor Hansen (born 1948)

“Faith does not make things easy. It makes them possible.” -Author Unknown: “The Bible,” Luke, chapter 1, verse 37

“Sorrow looks back, worry looks around, and faith looks up . . .” -Elizabeth Kenny (1880 - 1952)

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Faith

Doubt sees the obstacles,
     Faith sees the way.

Doubt sees the darkest night,
     Faith sees the day.

Doubt dreads to take a step,
     Faith soars on high.

Doubt questions, “Who believes?”
     Faith answers, “I.”

by Author Unknown

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“Faith has to do with things that are not seen, and hope with things that are not in hand.” -Thomas Aquinas (1225 - 1274)

“Start each day by saying to yourself, ‘I can do this.’ As you leave home, say to yourself, ‘I can do this.’ At each step along the way, say, ‘I can do this!’ You can, and you will, because you are an ‘I can do this’ kind of person with faith in yourself, and the knowing that ‘I can do this.’” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)

“Faith never fails: it is a miracle worker. It looks beyond all boundaries, transcends all limitations, penetrates all obstacles, and sees the goal.” -Orison S. Marden (Orison Swett Marden (1850 - 1924))

“Granted that faith cannot be proved, what harm will come to you if you gamble on its truth and it proves false? If you gain, you gain all; if you lose, you lose nothing. Wager, then, without hesitation, that He exists.” -Blaise Pascal (1623 - 1662), commenting on belief in God (a quotation often referred to by persons other than its author as ‘Pascal’s Wager’)

“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” -Author Unknown: “The Bible” (King James Version (1611)), ‘Epistle to the Hebrews,’ chapter 11, verse 1

“Faith without works is like a bird without wings; though she may hop with her companions on Earth, yet she will never fly with them to Heaven.” -Francis Beaumont

“Fear, too, is a type of faith - faith that it won’t work out.” -Mary Tricky (similar quotation attributed to Elizabeth David)

“If I didn’t have spiritual faith, I would be a pessimist. But I’m an optimist. I’ve read the last page in the Bible. It’s all going to turn out all right.” -Billy Graham (William Franklin ‘Billy’ Graham, Junior (born 1918))

“Faith is the bird that feels the light and sings when the dawn is still dark.” -Rabindranath Tagore (1861 - 1941)

“Be not afraid of life. Believe that life is worth living, and your belief will help create the fact.” -William James (1842 - 1910)

“When I was younger, I thought that the key to success was just hard work. But the real foundation is faith. Faith - the idea that ‘I can do it’ - is the opposite of fear (‘What if I fail?’). And faith creates motivation, which in turn leads to commitment, hard work, preparation . . . and eventually success.” -Howard Twilley (born 1943)

“We are what we believe we are.” -C. S. Lewis (Clive Staples Lewis (1898 - 1963))

“Act like you are blessed. Talk like you are blessed. Walk like you are blessed. Put actions behind your faith and one day you will see it become a reality.” -Joel Osteen (born 1963)

“I could not say I believe. I know! I have had the experience of being gripped by something that is stronger than myself, something that people call God.” -Carl Jung (Carl Gustav Jung (1875 - 1961))

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Faith

Faith . . .
Makes the outlook calm,
the uplook constant,
the inlook accurate.

Faith . . .
Makes yesterday a stepping stone,
today a new beginning
tomorrow a limitless possibility.

by Author Unknown

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“Faith is the hostess that will not entertain doubt.” -Jenna Wright

“Nor do I seek to understand that I may believe, but I believe that I may understand. For this too I believe, that unless I first believe, I shall not understand.” -Anselm of Canterbury (about 1033 - about 1109)

“We have no way to know anything for certain except by faith.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)

“Those who stand for nothing fall for anything.” -Alex Hamilton (born 1936): “Born Old” radio broadcast, as quoted in the “Listener” (9 November 1978)

“Faith can reach beyond the limits of current reason.” -Rosemary M. Wixom

“Faith is the very first thing you should pack in a hope chest.” -Sarah Ban Breathnach

“I believe in the principle that I can make a difference in this world. It may be ever so small, but it will count for the greater good. The goodness of the world in which we live is the accumulated goodness of many small and seemingly inconsequential acts.” -Gordon B. Hinckley (Gordon Bitner Hinckley (1910 - 2008))

“Understanding is the reward of faith. Therefore seek not to understand that thou mayest believe, but believe that thou mayest understand.” -Augustine of Hippo (C.E. 354 - C.E. 430): “Ioannis Evangelium”

“Feed your faith and your fears will starve to death.” -Author Unknown

“Rarely do we find ourselves in circumstances in which we cannot choose for ourselves between faith and belief or doubt and uncertainty.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)

“Just as a small fire is extinguished by the storm whereas a large fire is enhanced by it - likewise a weak faith is weakened by predicament and catastrophes whereas a strong faith is strengthened by them.” -Viktor Frankl (Viktor Emil Frankl (1905 - 1997))

“Faith is to believe what you do not yet see; the reward for this faith is to see what you believe.” -Augustine of Hippo (C.E. 354 - C.E. 430)

“It is good to dream, but it is better to dream and work. Faith is mighty, but action with faith is mightier. Desiring is helpful, but work and desire are invincible.” - Thomas Robert Gaines

“The thing always happens that you really believe in; and the belief in a thing makes it happen.” -Frank Lloyd Wright (1867 - 1959)

“Man is made by his belief. As he believes, so he is.” -Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832)

“Fear imprisons, faith liberates; fear paralyzes, faith empowers; fear disheartens, faith encourages; fear sickens, faith heals; fear makes useless, faith makes serviceable.” -Harry Emerson Fosdick (1878 - 1969)

“In actual life every great enterprise begins with and takes its first forward step in faith.” -Friedrich von Schlegel (1772 - 1829)

“I feel for all faiths the warm sympathy of one who has come to learn that even the trust in reason is a precarious faith, and that we are all fragments of darkness groping for the Sun. I know no more about the ultimates than the simplest urchin in the streets.” -Will Durant (William James ‘Will’ Durant (1885 - 1981)): “The Story of Civilization” (1935 - 1975), volume 6, ‘The Reformation’ (1957), ‘Preface’

“Faith is a place of mystery, where we find the courage to believe in what we cannot see and the strength to let go of our fear of uncertainty.” -Brené Brown

When you walk to the edge of all the light you have
And you take the first step into the darkness of the unknown
You must believe that one of two things will happen
There will be something solid for you to stand upon
Or you will be taught to fly.
by Patrick Overton: “The Leaning Tree” (1 January 1975), ‘Faith’; type of work: collected poems by a single author in book form; author’s website: https://patrickoverton.com

“The question what to believe is perhaps the most momentous that anyone can put to himself. Our beliefs are not to be classed among the luxuries, but among the necessaries of existence.” -Felix Adler (1851 - 1933)

“The progress of mankind has always depended upon those who, seemingly isolated and powerless in their own day, have seen their vision and remained true to it. In the darkening corridors of time, they preserved integral their vision of the daylight at the end. This is a matter not of calculation but of faith. Our work may be small and its results invisible to us. But we may rest assured it will come to fruition in God’s good time.” -John Ferguson: “The Enthronement of Love”

“They are able because they think they are able.” -Vergil: “The Aeneid” (about 29 B.C.E. - 19 B.C.E.), verse 231; variously translated as “They can because they think they can.”

“Faith is the antidote for fear.” -Russell M. Nelson

“Faith is courage; it is creative. Despair is always destructive.” -David S. Muzzey

“He does not believe, that does not live according to his Belief.” -Thomas Fuller (1654 - 1734): “Gnomologia: Adages and Proverbs” (1732), number 1838

“If you think you can win, you can win. Faith is necessary to victory.” -William Hazlitt (1778 - 1830)

“The only thing that separates any one of us from excellence is fear, and the opposite of fear is faith.” -Michael J. Fox (pseudonym of Michael Andrew Fox (born 1961))

“Faith consists in believing when it is beyond the power of reason to believe.” -Author Unknown

“It is a good thing to believe; it is a good thing to admire. By continually looking upwards, our minds will themselves grow upwards; as a man, by indulging in habits of scorn and contempt for others, is sure to descend to the level of those he despises.” -Arthur Helps (1813 - 1875)

This is MFOL! . . . be of good cheer and talk to the world . . . of happiness . . .

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