“I like pigs. Dogs look up to us, cats look down on us, but pigs treat us as equals.” -Winston Churchill (Winston Leonard Spencer-Churchill (1874 - 1965))
Mabel: What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede?
Hazel: Bacon and legs.
Pigs were domesticated, or tamed from wild animals, by humans about 9,000 years ago. Many wild pigs still exist, including wild boars, warthogs, and bushpigs. Some wild pigs have large tusks, which are long teeth used for fighting and digging for food.
Seth: What goes, “Oink, oink,” and steals your money?
Beth: A pig-pocket.
- An adult male pig is called a boar.
- An adult female pig is called a sow.
- A young pig is called a piglet.
- A group of piglets is called a litter.
- A group of pigs is called a sounder, a herd, a drove, a passel, a parcel, or a drift.
- The sounds made by pigs are called grunts, snorts, oinks, and squeals.
- Pigs are omnivores, or animals that eat both plants and animals.
- Pigs can live to be 15 years of age.
- Hogs are very large, very heavy pigs.
- Pigs are found on every continent except Antarctica.
Garth: Where do Eskimo pigs live?
Garret: In pig-loos!
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You’re Eating Like a Pig Again!
“You’re eating like a pig again!”
my mother scolded me,
“If you keep eating like a pig,
a pig is what you’ll be!”
I simply cannot fathom
what the fuss is all about,
and haven’t I a lovely tail,
and see my splendid snout.
by Author Unknown
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Gertie: Why did the pig become an actor?
Gertrude: Because he was such a ham.
About 2 billion pigs call the Earth their home. Look, here they all come now, headed right in our direction.
Herb looked up from fishing on a riverbank to see a herd of pachyderms stampeding directly toward his picnic basket. They must have escaped from Freddy’s hog farm - or were they just on their regular Saturday outing? Herb did not know the answer to this question, but one thing he did know for sure: If he did not reach the picnic basket before the pigs reached it, his coffee cup full of nightcrawlers might be all eaten up. Herb was in a definite pigdicament.
Lee: What happened when the pigpen broke?
Roy: The pigs had to write with a pencil.
An average pig squeals at a range of between 100 and 115 decibels. Piglets are known to get their heads stuck between the wood slats of fences and in other places in their perpetual search for edibles. When a piglet is unable to get free, it will panic and cry for help by ‘squealing like stuck hog.’
Seven piglets, pink and gray,
who could not keep from squealing,
chased each other all the way
from Wichita to Wheeling.
Under fences, over rails,
they raced with one another,
then turned around and twitched their tails,
and hurried home to Mother.
by Jack Prelutsky
Pigs are animals with stout bodies, small eyes, flat snouts, hoofed feet, and short tails. They vary in color from brown to black to white to pinkish.
Pigs are omnivores, or animals that eat both plants and animals. Pigs eat a variety of small animals, including worms, grubs, and snakes. However, most domesticated pigs that live on farms eat corn as well as agricultural waste and waste products from food manufacturing. After fields and orchards have been harvested of fruits and vegetables and grains, farmers sometimes release pigs to run around in them, where they gorge themselves on unharvested plant parts, as well as rotten fruits, vegetables, and grains that are not suitable for human consumption. If the fields and orchards were not cleaned up in this way by pigs, rodents, birds, insects, and other scavengers would be attracted to them, and the scavengers would then pose a threat to other crops. On small farms, pigs are often fed swill or slop, made up of kitchen scraps, restaurant waste, and foods discarded by grocers and markets.
“When I come to one of the forks in the road of life, I don’t waste time and energy wishing it was a spoon.” -Miss Piggy
I’m a little piggy,
Short and stout,
With a little piggy tail,
And a little piggy snout!
by David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)
“Never attempt to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and annoys the pig.” -Robert Heinlein (Robert Anson Heinlein (1907 - 1988)): “Time Enough for Love” (1973), ‘Prelude II’
Pigs are smarter than dogs - in fact, pigs are very intelligent animals. They are ranked as the fourth smartest animal on Earth.
2. Primates other than Humans
3. Whales and Dolphins
“A pig bought on credit is forever grunting.” -Author Unknown
A bull-voiced young fellow of Rawling
Competes in the meets for hog-calling;
The people applaud,
And the judges are awed,
But the hogs find it simply appalling.
by Morris Bishop
People with allergies sometimes keep pigs as pets because they have hair instead of fur, and so they shed very little. Pigs are easily trained to walk on a leash and do tricks. They can even be house-trained. Pot-bellied pigs are particularly popular as pets. Unfortunately, however, even adorable little piggies do eventually grow up to become gigantic fat hogs that take up a lot of space and demand a lot of attention. Oink!
Sue: Are you a great-big fat hog?
Sue: Don’t worry, little piggy, you’ll grow up someday!
Pinky: What do you call a sunburned pig?
Pigs roll around in the mud to keep cool because they do not have sweat glands. Mud also helps to keep them clean - what? Yes, it is true, mud baths help pigs keep their skin free of bothersome flies, fleas, tics, and lice. Additionally, because pigs can become sunburned, dirt and dried-on mud can provide them with sun-protection.
Curly: What did the pig say when he was sun-tanning in the Summer?
Porky: “I’m bacon out here!”
Priscilla Pig: “Wow, I never sausage heat!”
Harvey Hog: “I know - I’m almost bacon!”
A man was walking down the street with a pig under his arm. Another man walking in the other direction asked him, “Where did you get that animal?” The pig replied, “I won him in a raffle!”
Humans farm pigs for meat such as pork, bacon, and ham. Leather, lard, and glue can also be made from pigs. And, of course, jars of pickled pigs feet are a standard interior decoration of many grocery stores.
Little Pig: Hey, there!
Big Pig: Hay, hey? Hay is for horses - aren’t you glad we’re pigs?! Grunt, grunt.
Pigs have an excellent sense of smell. Pigs’ snouts are an important tool for finding food, for digging and poking around to uncover food hidden in the ground, and for sensing the world around them.
Could a small pig be called a ‘hamlet’?
Piglets weigh about 1.1 kilograms (2.5 pounds) when they are born. Adult pigs can weigh on average 136 kilograms to 318 kilograms (300 to 700 pounds). In the United States of America, a pig must weigh more than 82 kilograms (180 pounds) to earn the name hog; however, in much of the rest of the world, 54 kilograms (120 pounds) is accepted.
Gail: Why do pigs eat so much?
Glen: So they can make hogs of themselves.
“It was the best place to be, thought Wilbur, this warm delicious cellar, with the garrulous geese, the changing seasons, the heat of the Sun, the passage of swallows, the nearness of rats, the sameness of sheep, the love of spiders, the smell of manure, and the glory of everything.” -E. B. White (Elwyn Brooks White (1899 - 1985)): “Charlotte’s Web” (15 October 1952)
Question: What do you get if you cross a pig and a conifer?
Answer: A porcupine.
Rhoda: What do veterinarians put on sick pigs?
“One disadvantage of being a hog is that at any moment some blundering fool may try to make a silk purse out of your wife’s ear.” -J. B. Morton (John Cameron Andrieu Bingham Michael Morton (1893 - 1979))
Jacque: What did one pig say to the other pig?
Pierre: “Let’s be pen pals!”
Anablephobia is a persistent fear of looking up. Pigs do not have this problem, because it is physically impossible for them to do so, since their eyes are on the sides of their big fat heads, and their stocky necks do not allow them to bend their heads far enough. But that is fine for pigs, because most of their food is stuff that has fallen on the ground anyway, and it is not up in the sky.
Hickory, dickory, dare,
The pig flew in the air;
Net in hand, Farmer Brown
Soon brought him down,
Hickory, dickory, dare.
by Author Unknown
Daphne: What would happen if pigs could fly?
Phoebe: The price of bacon would go way up.
If you push a pig down a hill, does he then become a sausage roll?
Aggie: What do you call a kosher hog?
Agatha: A Harley motorbike.
Patty: Why did the three little pigs go play outside?
Patsy: Because their father was an awful boar.
Five Little Piggies
“It’s time for my piggies to go to bed.”
The great big mother piggy said.
“So I will count them first to see
If all my piggies came back to me.
One little piggy, two little piggies,
Three little piggies dear,
Four little piggies, five little piggies
Yes, they’re all here!”
by Author Unknown
If a pig loses its voice, is it ‘disgruntled’?
Little Piggy: Where can we store our computer files?
Boss Hog: On sloppy disks.
Swine Flu symptoms include a propensity for saying, “Oink, oink!” and an urge to roll in the mud. You can reduce your chances of getting the condition by being jabbed with a sharp needle by your doctor or other health care provider.
Laverne: What game do hogs like to play?
A mother pig was walking through a barnyard one day with one of her piglets. Suddenly, a raccoon raced out from behind the barn, giving the mother pig quite a scare, and the little hog laughed to see such sport, as the sow jumped over the coon.
Shauna: What do you get when you put a pig behind the wheel?
Shane: A road hog.
Pigment: Something you give to a pig so that it will have fresh breath.
Ode to the Pig: His Tail
My tail is not impressive
But it’s elegant and neat.
In length it’s not excessive -
I can’t curl it ’round my feet -
But it’s awfully expressive,
And its weight is not excessive,
And I don’t think it’s conceit,
Or foolishly possessive
If I state with some aggressive-
ness that it’s
the final master touch
That makes a pig complete.
by Walter R. Brooks (Walter Rollin Brooks (1886 - 1958))
Samantha: What wallows in the mud and carries colored eggs?
Samuel: The Easter Piggy!
Run to save your bacon! Pigs have four toes on each of their feet, but they walk on only two toes. Perhaps that is why pigs can cover a mile in 7.5 minutes when running at top speed. The fastest that an adult pig can run is 17.7 kilometers (11 miles) an hour for short distances.
Arabelle: What do you call a pig with three eyes?
Annabelle: A piiig.
This is MFOL! . . . and we’re going whole hog . . . to what’s next . . .