A first of its kind new species has been revealed to the public today, the web-footed flightless cat-bird. The creation is a culmination of more than a decade of gene-splicing work and other techniques that are closely held proprietary secrets of Boundless Laboratories Corporation of Aswego.
The new species is not without some controversy, however, as a group of scientists working at a competing laboratory across the street claim this is not an entirely new species of animal, but just an eclectic blend of Feline and Anatidae family genetic material, and is incapable of sustaining itself in any known habitat on the Earth. Doctor Eugene N. Fielder, spokesperson for the Global Institute of Biosciences, has stated, “. . . this appears to be some kind of witchcraft or sorcery, and whoever is responsible for this will be held to account. DNA manipulation is not a plaything for mischief-makers to toy with.”
Boundless Laboratories counterclaims the cat-bird is indeed capable of surviving in a natural setting, so long as there is an abundance of beetles, its only food source, which it catches by hopping distances of up to five-and-a-half meters straight up from the ground. “It always somehow manages to mysteriously land on its feet even after very high jumps,” quipped one geneticist. “And, it is as light as a puff-ball as it floats back to solid ground.” However, do not expect to see the animal in your neighborhood pet shop for at least the next several years, as an elastic tether jumping-leash has not yet been devised for it, and the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency is expected to demand proof that web-footed flightless cat-birds are not a hostile invasive alien species.
The new species is not without some controversy, however, as a group of scientists working at a competing laboratory across the street claim this is not an entirely new species of animal, but just an eclectic blend of Feline and Anatidae family genetic material, and is incapable of sustaining itself in any known habitat on the Earth. Doctor Eugene N. Fielder, spokesperson for the Global Institute of Biosciences, has stated, “. . . this appears to be some kind of witchcraft or sorcery, and whoever is responsible for this will be held to account. DNA manipulation is not a plaything for mischief-makers to toy with.”
Boundless Laboratories counterclaims the cat-bird is indeed capable of surviving in a natural setting, so long as there is an abundance of beetles, its only food source, which it catches by hopping distances of up to five-and-a-half meters straight up from the ground. “It always somehow manages to mysteriously land on its feet even after very high jumps,” quipped one geneticist. “And, it is as light as a puff-ball as it floats back to solid ground.” However, do not expect to see the animal in your neighborhood pet shop for at least the next several years, as an elastic tether jumping-leash has not yet been devised for it, and the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency is expected to demand proof that web-footed flightless cat-birds are not a hostile invasive alien species.
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