Witchery And Witching

“Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Cackle maniacally, and people back away from you slowly.” -Author Unknown
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Witches Brew
 
Dash of bat whiskers
Three purple tadpoles
Dollop of goobly goop
One teaspoon frozen rainbow
Two pinches of ghost dust
Sprinkle with troll teeth
Mix thoroughly and simmer
Over low heat for 4 hours
Serve ice cold.
 
By Author Unknown
 
Angie: Why do witches wear pointy hats?
Angelica: To cover their pointy heads.
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The word ‘witch’ is derived from the Old English words ‘wicca’ meaning ‘wise man’ and ‘wicce’ meaning ‘wise woman.’
 
Corey: What is evil and goes around and around?
Courtney: A witch on a merry-go-round.
 
Apparently, even witches get lonely for the company of their own kind. Thus, they gather into ‘covens,’ of between two and thirteen witches. The word ‘coven’ was mostly unused in the English language until 1921, when Margaret Murray advanced the idea that witches across Europe met in groups of 13, which they call covens. When covens gather, they engage in communication with the spirit world, rituals, chants, sharing of news and gossip and recipes for potions and spells, and possibly whatever else your imagination is suggesting to you right now.
 
Ace: Why do witches carry black cats on their brooms?
Tex: Because elephants weigh too much.
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Bonnie: Why does everyone at witches’ conventions wear a nametag?
Lonnie: So they can tell which witch is which witch.
 
“There’s a little witch in all of us.” -Alice Hoffman (born 1952): “Practical Magic” (1995), words of character Aunt Jet Owens, at AliceHoffman.com
 
Jeremiah: What sound does a witch’s car make?
Hezekiah: Broom, broom.
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Sign: Witch Parking Only - All Others Will Be Toad.
 
Velma: What do you call a witch who can’t make up her mind whether to turn you into a frog or a toad?
Wilma: Witchy-washy.
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Cecil: How do witches keep their hair in place while flying?
Celeste: They use scare-spray.
 
Dora: What did the little witch hope to get for her birthday?
Laura: A haunted dollhouse!
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In 2013, Swaziland passed a law prohibiting witches from flying above an altitude of 150 meters (492 feet). Would you say that this law is unfair?
 
Bill: Have you heard about the good weather witch?
Penny: Yes, and she’s forecasting sunny spells!
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“What if ‘witch’ is only a word applied to a person who believes in ‘the old ways’ and who is unjustly persecuted by malicious people who have ill will toward the person and by crazed zealots who want the old ways to no longer exist?” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)
 
Ted: How do you make a witch itch?
Todd: Just take away the ‘w.’
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We would not want to attract the ire of any witches, but here is a little secret about the ways of harmless good witches: The ingredients they use in their potions and other concoctions are extraordinarily ordinary, but they give the ingredients fantastic names to keep their recipes secret. So for example, bat wings might really be leaves of cloves, and eye of newt might actually be pearl onions. Some folks just find having secrets makes their lives more interesting - that plus ‘secret recipes’ fetch a higher price in the marketplace than regular ones. On the other hand, malevolent or bad witches might actually use real scales of snakes and warts of toads and hairs of hares in their recipes.

At MFOL! we do all of our own stunts, but we must remind folks that flying through the air on a broom involves significant risk, and should be done only after lengthy training, and unlike the young man shown in the image above, should be done while wearing protective gear including a helmet, goggles, and a parachute.
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Wiccaphobia is a persistent fear of witches and witchcraft. Wow, there’s a word for nearly everything, isn’t there?
 
“The riches of witches are flying brooms, black cats, cookery with cauldrons, loud clear cackles, the camaraderie of covens - and spells that cause itches!” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)
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Witch: An apothecary who keeps a black cat and a flying broom and a cauldron, for showmanship. Apothecary: a person who prepares and sells medicines.
 
Overheard: Witch doctors aren’t just for witches anymore.
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Helen Duncan, a medium, or a person who purports to communicate with the spirit world, was arrested in 1944 in Portsmouth, England. She had been arrested originally for the catch-all charge of vagrancy, but when she came up for trial at the Old Bailey, the police promptly added the charge of witchcraft, and she was tried under the Witchcraft Act of 1735. Her case is the last known instance of a person in England being tried by law as a witch.
 
Shelia: Where does a witch park her broom after she is done flying?
Ophelia: In a broom closet.
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Would you be willing to entertain the possibility that witches, along with warlocks, wizards, sorcerers, and sorceresses are not real, but are creations wholly of human imagination? This would mean that some people might like to pretend that they are these things, and some people might accuse other people of being these things, and though they might indeed be either good people or bad people, they are not really witches, warlocks, wizards, sorcerers, or sorceresses.
 
Mathilda: Why do witches fly on brooms?
Hilda: Because nature abhors a vacuum.
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According to some people, if you wear your clothes inside out and walk backwards on Halloween, you will see a witch at midnight. We strongly advise against doing this, because it could result in tripping, falling, and serious injury. Instead, anyone wanting to see a witch should watch the movie “Hocus Pocus” (1993). It is rated ‘PG’ for ‘Parental Guidance’ advised; however, like all entertainment, it should be reviewed and approved by parents or other grownups for suitability before their children are allowed to see it.
 
Sal: What kind of pets do witches have?
Les: Scaredy cats!
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Felicia: What do little witches eat?
Felicity: Alpha-bat soup!
 
“Witch doctor: An alternative health practitioner.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)
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The cat, frog, pig, raven, goat, wolf, bat, and mouse were believed to be a witch’s ‘familiar,’ or a spirit in animal form that was used by a witch to perform evil deeds and cast malevolent spells.
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Sandy: What does a witch call for when she checks into a hotel?
Sandra: Broom service.
 
Lily: What do you get if you cross a witch with Wintertime?
Lilith: A cold spell.
 
Wanda: How does a witch make scrambled eggs?
Wendy: She cracks eggs into a pan and gets two other witches to make the stove shake with fright. Then she cackles just like a chicken!
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Chickens Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
What is the Witching Hour? The hour after midnight, when witches and other supernatural beings are thought to be active, and to which bad luck is ascribed, is called ‘the witching hour’ in folkloric tradition. All honest mortals are to be found at home fast asleep in bed at this time of night, and not wandering about in the dark.
 
Donny: How does a witch tell time?
Donald: By looking at her witch-watch.
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“When I consider the Question, Whether there are such Persons in the World as those we call Witches? my Mind is divided between the two opposite Opinions; or rather (to speak my Thoughts freely) I believe in general that there is, and has been such a thing as Witchcraft; but at the same time can give no Credit to any Particular Instance of it.” -Joseph Addison (1672 - 1719): as quoted in “The Spectator” (1711 - 1714), Number 117 (14 July 1711)
 
Wilfred: What do you call a witch who lives at the beach?
Mildred: A sand witch.
 
“I know of witches who whistle at different pitches, calling things that don’t have names.” -Helen Oyeyemi: “White is for Witching”
 
Rachel: What do witches put on their bagels?
Michael: Scream cheese!
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Simon: What do you call two witches on one broom?
Cinnamon: Broommates.
 
“‘A witch ought never be frightened in the darkest forest,’ Granny Weatherwax had once told her, because she should be sure in her soul that the most terrifying thing in the forest was her.” -Terry Pratchett: “Wintersmith” (2006)
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Wilma: How can you imagine yourself flying on a broom?
Wilfred: Just engage in witchful thinking!

All:
Double, double toil and trouble;
     Fire burn, and cauldron bubble.
 
Second Witch:
Fillet of a fenny snake,
     In the cauldron boil and bake;
Eye of newt and toe of frog,
     Wool of bat and tongue of dog,
Adder’s fork and blind-worm’s sting,
     Lizard’s leg and owlet’s wing,
For a charm of powerful trouble,
     Like a Hell-broth boil and bubble.
 
All:
Double, double toil and trouble;
     Fire burn and cauldron bubble.
 
By William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616): “Macbeth” (1606), Act IV, scene 1 [A cavern. In the middle, a boiling cauldron], lines 1557 through 1568

Irwin: How many witches does it take to change a light bulb?
Irving: Just one, but she changes it into a toad!
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“Mortified: A witch’s reaction upon being mortalized, or being changed into a mere mortal.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)
 
Cora: What is a witch’s favorite subject in school?
Corey: Spelling!
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Emma: What bounces and cackles?
Emmit: A witch on a trampoline!
 
A warlock, or a man-witch, went to the doctor one day complaining of headaches. “It’s because I live in a room with two of my brothers,” he said. “One of them has six goats and the other has four pigs and they all live in the room with us. The smell is terrible.” “Well, couldn’t you just open the windows?” asked the doctor. “Certainly not,” he replied. “My bats would fly out!”
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Homes And Families Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
Ollie: What do witches like to do on the computer?
Oliver: Use the ‘spell’ checker.

Hilda: Why don’t witches like to ride their brooms when they’re angry?
Mathilda: They’re afraid they might fly off the handle.
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“The witch knows nothing in this world is supernatural. It is all natural.” -Laurie Cabot
 
Ruben: What do witches say when they cast the wrong spell?
Benjamin: “Hexcuse me!”
 
“Do not meddle in the affairs of Wizards, for they are subtle and quick to anger.” -J.R.R. Tolkien (John Ronald Reuel Tolkien (1892 - 1973)): “The Fellowship of the Ring” (1954), book I, chapter 3
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Marcy: What has four wheels and flies?
Marcella: A witch on a vacuum cleaner!
 
Overheard: The local witch once threatened to turn me into a toad, but she changed her mind after thinking it over. She said it would be a waste of a perfectly good spell because no one would notice any change in my appearance!
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Appearances And Looks Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
What should you do if a geometric witch puts a hexagon you?
 
Darcy: How does a witch lose the weight gained from eating Halloween candy?
Darla: She hex-ercises.
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“I am a witch. A real house-haunting, broom-riding, cauldron-stirring witch.” -Samantha Stephens: “Bewitched”
 
Josie: What has six legs and flies?
Joey: A witch and a cat on a broom!
 
“Invisible as new spring winds, fresh as the breath of clover rising from twilight fields, she flew.” -Ray Bradbury: “The April Witch”
 
Rutherford: How can you tell twin witches apart?
Ruth: You can never really tell which witch is which.

Witches’ Menu
 
Live lizard, dead lizard
     Marinated, fried.
Poached lizard, pickled lizard
     Salty lizard hide.
 
Hot lizard, cold lizard
     Lizard over ice.
Baked lizard, boiled lizard
     Lizard served with spice.
 
Sweet lizard, sour lizard
     Smoked lizard heart.
Leg of lizard, loin of lizard
     Lizard a la carte.
 
By Sonja Nikolay (born 1936)

Lynne: Which cartoon do witches like to watch on television?
Linda: “The Scare Bears.”
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What are witches, and why do some people harm them in words and deeds? Mostly spinsters and widows, so-called ‘witches’ of the present time and historically have been elderly or poor women and less commonly men with limited means, so boiled lizard’s tails, bird’s feet, roots dug from the soil, and anything else they could scavenge or gather would be preferable to starvation. People who are different from them have engaged in persecuting them, motivated by fear and desire to steal property: fear that witches might teach the old ways, such as living in close kinship to nature and practicing natural healing for sickness or injury. To stop the spreading of their knowledge to children, the others scared children away by telling them the lie that witches eat children. Greed for power over others and greed to take others’ property away, like the houses and lands left to them by their deceased husbands or other relatives, motivated the people who oppressed and persecuted the ‘witches,’ who were in fact, not witches, but simply older or poor folks who were often alone, frail, and simply trying their best to survive. The accusations by some humans against others humans, calling them by the name ‘witch’ and similar names and inventing vicious lies about them, has led to the harming of large numbers of innocent people throughout human history and right up to the present day.
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Mandy: Why do witches fly on brooms?
Manetta: Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy.
 
Tongue twister: If two witches watched two watches, which witch would watch which watch?
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“For all you know, a witch may be living next door to you right now.” -Roald Dahl (1916 - 1990): “The Witches” (1983)
 
“Remember, ‘Peace on earth, goodwill to men,’ includes witches.” -Samantha Stephens: “Bewitched”
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Judy: What did one witch say to the other witch when she asked for a lift?
Trudy: “There’s always plenty of broom for one more.”
 
We cover a wide variety of subjects . . . because one size does not fit all . . . more fun follows . . . on MFOL!

Anatomy And Physiology

Humans are bioluminescent, meaning we glow in the dark, but the light we emit is 1,000 times weaker than our human eyes are able to detect.
 
Curious Young Gal
 
There was a young gal who said, “Why
Can’t I look in my ear with my eye?
     If I put my mind to it,
     I’m sure I can do it;
You never can tell till you try.”
 
By Author Unknown
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Impossible And Possible Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
The elements oxygen, carbon, hydrogen, and nitrogen make up 90 percent of the human body. The remaining 10 percent is made up of hamsters running on hamster wheels that electro-mechanically enable the body to do things like stand up, walk around, open and close the mouth, yawn, and blink.
 
Like fingerprints, everyone’s tongue print is different. Now stick out your tongue and say, “Aaaaaaaaahhh!”
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“It’s anything but amusing when your funny-bone gets hit.” -Author Unknown
 
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Ears.
Ears, who?
Ears looking at you, kid!
 
“If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn’t.” -Lyall Watson (1939 - 2008)
 
Gladys: What kind of advice do you get from hands?
Douglas: Finger tips.
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If your DNA (Deoxyribonucleic Acid) were stretched out, it could reach to the Earth’s Moon 6,000 times - but would you really want to visit the Moon that often?
 
Nellie: What did one toe say to the other?
Stella: “Don’t look now, but I think we’re being followed by a heel.”
 
In addition to the better-known senses of hearing, sight, touch, smell, and taste, humans have at least fifteen other senses. These include balance, temperature, pain, and time, as well as internal senses for suffocation, thirst, and fullness. Some humans have also been found to have a sense of humor.
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Humans And Human Nature Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
The human brain is 70 percent cholesterol . . . and the experts are telling you to cut back on cholesterol - do you see a potential problem with their advice? That’s right, they seem to want you to have a smaller brain!
 
There was a young lady whose chin
Resembled the point of a pin;
     So she had it made sharp,
     And purchased a harp,
And played several tunes with her chin.
-Edward Lear (1812 - 1888)
 
“The human body is a magazine of inventions, the patent office where are the models from which every hint is taken. All the tools and engines on earth are only extensions of its limbs and senses.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882)
 
The words for ten human body parts have only three letters: eye, hip, arm, leg, ear, toe, jaw, rib, lip, and gum.
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read The Alphabet And Letters Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
The normal human body temperature is about 37 degrees Celsius (about 98.6 degrees Fahrenheit). However, it is not uncommon for the temperature of some persons to be just slightly higher by as much as a degree due to their increased metabolism - particularly teenagers and young adults. As always, if you are concerned, seek a doctor’s opinion.
 
Human Anatomical Redesign Possibilities
- All joints double-jointed
- Elbow caps similar to kneecaps
- Eyes in the back of the head
- Fins
- Flight propeller on top of head
- Gills
- Two thumbs on each hand
- Wings
- Wheels
What would you like to add to this list?
 
Are you ready for your Anatomy And Physiology Quiz? It’s simple, really, just correctly spell the misspelled words in the picture shown below.

Wow, that was really difficult. Good job! Now on to something easier . . .
 
Humans use a total of 72 different muscles in speech. Be sure to give those muscles a real workout today.
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read The Spoken Word And Speaking Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
The average human body contains enough iron to make a 3-inch nail, enough sulfur to kill all of the fleas on an average dog, enough carbon to make 900 pencils, enough potassium to fire a toy cannon, enough fat to make 7 bars of soap, enough phosphorous to make 2,200 match heads, and enough water to fill a ten-gallon tank.
 
Did you know that it is physically impossible for you to lick your own elbows? Go ahead and try it - just do not injure yourself!
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Accidents And Safety Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“The chief function of the body is to carry the brain around.” -Thomas Edison (Thomas Alva Edison (1847 - 1931))
 
“Shin: A specialized anatomical feature of the human body designed for finding furniture in the dark.” -Author Unknown
 
The human liver has more than 500 functions. Getting you to the airport to catch your next flight and washing the dog are not among them.
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Life And Living Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
A condition called ‘synesthesia’ can cause the senses to overlap, so that affected people may taste words or hear colors.
 
People with hexadectylism have six fingers or six toes on one or both hands or feet. This might give them a significant advantage over the rest of us when it comes to typing and texting and other activities involving manual dexterity.
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Competitions And Competing Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
The human nose can detect a trillion smells! 
 
“A nose that can see is worth two that can sniff.” -Eugène Ionesco (born Eugen Ionescu (1909 - 1944)) at https://www.ionesco.de/homepage.html
 
Why can humans move their eyes in opposite directions toward their noses, but not in opposite directions away from the noses?
 
“Not everyone can wiggle their ears, you know. It’s something you’re born with.” -Kevin Henkes (born 1960): “Sun and Spoon” (1997) at https://KevinHenkes.com
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Reading And Books Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
The average person has 10,000 taste buds. Not all taste buds are on the tongue; about ten percent are on the insides of the cheeks. So, what does your tongue taste like?
 
Nonsense Poem
 
I’d rather have fingers than toes,
I’d rather have eyes than a nose;
     And as for my hair
     I’m glad it’s all there,
I’ll be awfully sad when it goes.
 
By Gelett Burgess (Frank Gelett ‘Gelett’ Burgess (1866 - 1951))
 
“The heart has eyes which the brain knows nothing of.” -Charles H. Parkhurst (Charles Henry Parkhurst (1842 - 1933))
 
Riddle: What can you hold in your right hand that you cannot hold in your left hand?
Solution: Your left elbow.
 
About eight percent of people have an extra rib, which is not really all that interesting - unless you happen to be a cannibal.
 
Our bodies burn a large amount of calories just to keep us at a steady 37 degrees Celsius (98.6 degrees Fahrenheit). The human body gives off enough heat in thirty minutes to bring two liters (a little more than two quarts or half a gallon) of water to a boil. If you could capture and use the heat, you could cook a pasta dinner with it. First, though, you will need some kind of mad scientist laboratory . . .
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Pastas Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
Kerry: What should you do if your ear rings?
Karen: Answer it.
 
Lizzie: How do you keep your ear from ringing continuously?
Beth: Get an unlisted head.
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Telephones Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
Humans are said to have fifty percent of their DNA (Deoxyribonucleic Acid) in common with bananas. Perhaps we should get to better know the elongated yellow fruit with which we have so much in common?
 
A Boastful Young Person
 
“I can pick up a cent with my toes,”
Said a boastful young person named Mose,
     But sharp-witted Millie
     Replied, “That’s just silly -
I can do the same thing with my nose.”
 
By Author Unknown
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Limericks Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.

The Operation Game features an Adam’s apple, broken heart, wrenched ankle, butterflies in the stomach, spareribs, water on the knee, funny bone, writer’s cramp, Charley horse, anklebone connected to the knee bone, wishbone, breadbasket, and brain freeze. Players attempt to remove each of these ailments from the patient, named Cavity Sam. The regular-size game can be purchased from www.Hasbro.com.
 
Becca: What has one foot on each end and a foot in the middle?
Becky: A yardstick.
 
Ahead: The thing on top of your neck.
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Daffynitions And Definitions Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
Joseph: Why is your nose in the middle of your face?
Joe: Because it is the ‘scenter.’
 
Hair is made of the same substance as fingernails, but you cannot make that fun screeching sound that drives everyone bonkers by running your hair over a chalkboard; only your fingernails can do that.
 
At any given time, your brain can generate up to 25 watts of power - enough energy to make a light bulb come on. You are indeed more powerful than you might have known!
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Light Bulbs And Artificial Lighting Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“The nose is that part of the body that shines, snubs, snoops, and sneezes.” -Author Unknown
 
“Fingerprints serve another useful function besides helping law enforcement officers catch criminals: the tiny ridges provide traction for the fingers to grasp objects. Fingers are among the many ‘tools’ integrated into our bodies, making humans the ultimate Swiss Army knives of the animal kingdom.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)
 
Your Nose Is Running
 
“Your nose is running,” Mother said.
     I answered, “Wow! That’s really neat!”
“Why’s that?” she asked. I said, “Because
     I never knew my nose had feet.”
 
By Jeff Moss (Jeffrey Arnold ‘Jeff’ Moss (1942 - 1998)): “The Other Side of the Door: Poems” (1991)
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Nonsense Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
If the human brain were a computer, it would perform 38 thousand-trillion operations per second. One of the world’s most powerful supercomputers, Blue Gene, can manage only 0.002 percent of that amount.
 
Sharon: How do you keep your feet from falling asleep?
Sherry: Wear loud socks.
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Socks And Stockings Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
Veronica: What has a head but no brain?
Vera: A cabbage.
 
The human body has more than 600 muscles, which make up 40 percent of the body’s weight. Our muscles are actually much more powerful than they may seem to be. Human strength is usually limited to prevent our tendons and muscles from tearing themselves apart; however, this limitation can be overcome in an adrenaline rush, during which there are recorded instances of people lifting heavy boulders and even automobiles off people and animals that have been trapped under them.
 
Brain: I’m tired of doing all the work around here!
Muscles: What are you talking about?
 
A typical adult human is made up of more than 37,200,000,000,000 (37.2 trillion) living cells made up of 7,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 (7 octillion) atoms. For perspective, the Milky Way Galaxy has a mere 100,000,000,000 (100 billion) stars. Every year, about 98 percent of the atoms in human bodies are replaced by new ones. Now you finally know what is meant by the phrase ‘a whole new you.’
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Numbers And Counting Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
Riddle: What has fingers and thumbs but no hands?
Solution: A glove.
 
Human blood has roughly the same concentration of salt that seawater has.
 
Sit down and lift your right foot off the floor, and make clockwise circles. While doing this, draw the number 6 in the air with your right hand. Your foot will automatically change direction, and there is nothing you can do to stop it from doing so. Someone - and by someone we mean you - just kidding! - should investigate this phenomena to find out if it is in any way related to the rise in incidents of people hitting their accelerator pedals when they mean to hit their brake pedals, while steering a moving vehicle.
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Fun Facts And Trivia Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
Riddle: What can clap without using hands?
Solution: Thunder.
 
“A sharp nose indicates curiosity, and a flat nose indicates . . . too much curiosity!” -Author Unknown
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Inquisitiveness And Curiosity Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
The bump at the front of the throat is called the Adam’s Apple, which is said to be from the forbidden fruit getting stuck in Adam’s throat as he ate it in the Garden of Eden.
 
Lionel: What has four legs and one arm?
Lynette: A happy guard dog!
 
The human body is divided into three parts: the Brainium, the Borax, and the Abominable Cavity. The Brainium contains the Brain. The Borax contains the Lungs, the Heart, the Liver, and the Living Things. The Abominable Cavity contains the Bowels, of which there are five: A, E, I, O, and U.
 
Riddle: What has a head and mouth, but no eyes, nose, or ears?
Solution: A river.
 
Fingertip to fingertip, the width of your arm-span stretched out equals the length of your whole body from head to foot, which means you come pretty close to meeting the definition of a ‘square.’
 
Jenny: What has two legs, two arms, and two heads?
Jennifer: A two-headed monster.
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Monsters Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“A good heart is better than all the heads in the world.” -Edward Bulwer-Lytton (Edward George Earle Lytton Bulwer-Lytton (1803 - 1873)): “The Disowned” (1828), Chapter xxxiii
 
Bobby: Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long?
Billy: Because then it would be a foot!
 
Overheard: I would like to thank my Arms, for always being by my side . . . my Legs, for always supporting me, and my Fingers, because I can always count on you . . . without the hard work and contributions of each and all of you, I would not be where I am today, patiently standing here in the line at the supermarket checkout . . .
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Gratitude And Thankfulness Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
We are MFOL! . . . the magic doesn’t happen here . . . the magic happens in your life . . .

Television

“The television and I have the world’s best relationship, because we see each other every day and I am pretty sure it loves me as much as I love it.” -Author Unknown
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Love Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
Jared: How have you been?
Vera: Well, I’ve been through a tornado in the middle of an earthquake, followed by an alien invasion. I barely survived it all.
Jared: Wow, where were you?
Vera: I was at home . . . I probably should watch less television!
 
“Kristina, my wife, and I thought about this one day when the kids were, of course, watching television. And we took a big blanket and put it in the backyard and said, ‘Let's go out on our back and look at the sky and call it sky television.’ We saw all kinds of things.” -Clyde Edgerton
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of this article, or click or tap on these words to visit the Family Page.
 
“You watch television, and what does it do for you? Does it wash and dry your laundry? Does it put money in your bank account? Does it help you succeed in school or at job interviews? Does it give you the physique of Charles Atlas or the gracefulness of Ginger Rogers? Does it paint your house and mow your grass and trim your hedges? Does it help you meet amazing people? No - television does not contribute anything worthwhile to you, your life, your surroundings, or your world . . . and television may even be preventing you from living the life of your dreams . . . so throw the television out with the other household garbage, and spend your time with people, animals, and plants - or in making wacky inventions, exploring mysterious caves and mountaintops, and rehearsing jokes to tell to crowds of strangers!” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)
 
“My father hated radio and couldn’t wait for television to be invented so he could hate that, too.” -Peter de Vries (1910 - 1993)
 
A farmer’s son invented television when he was just 14 years old. While plowing potatoes, Philo Taylor Farnsworth (1906 - 1971) observed that the rows of a farm field had noticeable light patterns. Based on this observation, by 21 years of age, he had built the first working television that was entirely electrical and without any electro-mechanical parts, followed by an early video camera invention, which he used in combination to transmit his own entertainment shows between the rooms of his workshop. He held more than 300 patents in his lifetime, mostly in the field of television, but he also innovated concepts in the field of nuclear fusion.
 
“If it weren’t for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we’d still be eating frozen radio dinners.” -Johnny Carson (John William ‘Johnny’ Carson (1925 - 2005))
 
“The best thing on television the other night was a meadowlark on my neighbor’s antenna.” -William D. Tammeus: as quoted in the Kansas City “Star” newspaper: as quoted in “The Reader’s Digest” (1981) magazine
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Birds Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“Have you ever noticed that TV families never watch TV?” -Henny Youngman (Henry ‘Henny’ Youngman (1906 - 1998))
 
In 1965, BBC TV featured an interview with a professor who had just invented a device called ‘smellovision.’ This miraculous technology allowed viewers to experience directly in their own home aromas produced in the television studio. The professor offered a demonstration by cutting some onions and brewing coffee. A number of viewers called in to confirm that they distinctly experienced these scents as if they were there in the studio with him. Since no aromas were actually being transmitted, whatever these viewers thought they smelled coming out of their TV sets must be chalked up to the power of suggestion.
 
“People only know what they see on TV.” -Carmello Anthony
 
“There’s a new television series in development. When it is broadcast, people will be able to watch ‘famous celebrities’ and ‘influencers’ on their televisions, and those people will be . . . sitting on a couch watching television. So, it will be a television show about people watching television.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)
 
“I don’t watch TV. In my spare time, if I have any, I want to make music.” -Chino Moreno
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Creativity And Innovation Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“When I got my first television set, I stopped caring so much about close relationships.” -Andy Warhol
 
Emma: What was the television watcher doing at the beach?
Lee: Channel surfing.
 
“After 20 years of searching, you are forced to admit that there just isn’t anything good on TV.” -Author Unknown: “The Onion,” ‘Horoscope’
 
“Television is the single greatest threat to communications and connections within a family. You may as well be fifty miles away from the person sitting next to you if you’re both watching television.” -Author Unknown
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Homes And Families Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“The first time I got a universal remote control, I thought to myself, ‘This changes everything.’” -Author Unknown
 
“The worst thing about television is that everybody you see on television is doing something better than what you’re doing. You never see anybody on TV just sliding off the front of the sofa, with potato chip crumbs all over their shirt.” -Jerry Seinfeld (Jerome Allen ‘Jerry’ Seinfeld (born 1954)) at: http://jerryseinfeld.com/
 
“I may have made a lot of bad decisions in life, but at least I don’t watch daytime television.” -Andy Borowitz
 
“Imagine what it would be like if TV were actually good. It would be the end of everything we know.” -Marvin Minsky
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read The End Of The World Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“Whoever controls the media - the images - controls the culture.” -Allen Ginsberg (Irwin Allen Ginsberg (1926 - 1997))
 
“As long as there’s a jingle in your head, TV isn’t free.” -Jason Love
 
“The one function that TV news performs very well is that, when there is no news, we give it to you with the same emphasis as if there were.” -David Brinkley (1920 - 2003)
 
“When a child is watching television, he or she is not involved in play, not socializing with other individuals, and most importantly, not receiving feedback as to the actions or consequences of his or her behavior.” -David Perlmutter
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Parenthood And Parenting Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“Television is to news what bumper stickers are to philosophy.” -Richard M. Nixon (Richard Milhous Nixon (1913 - 1994))
 
“Television? The word is half Latin and half Greek. No good can come of it.” -C. P. Scott (Charles Prestwich Scott (1846 - 1932))
 
The English word television is derived from the Greek word ‘tele’ meaning ‘far’ or ‘at a distance’ and the Latin word ‘visio’ meaning ‘sight.’
 
“The word ‘television’ is a poor choice, not merely because ‘tele’ is Greek and ‘vision’ is Latin but also because it is a simple synonym of telescopy. One could have found a more characteristic Greek expression such as ‘teleopsy’ and derivatives from this word.” -André Blondel (1937)
 
“There was a show on television the other day that was so old . . . the cowboys were riding dinosaurs.” -Author Unknown
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Dinosaurs Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“It’s a good thing television shows are so awful; otherwise, some of us would squander our entire lives watching television.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)
 
“Television has changed the American child from an irresistible force into an immovable object.” -Laurence J. Peter (Laurence Johnston Peter (1919 - 1990)): as quoted in Laurence J. Peter and Raymond Hull: “The Peter Principle” (1969), page 324
 
“I haven’t had a TV in 10 years, and I really don’t miss it. ’Cause it’s always so much more fun to be with people than it ever was to be with a television.” -Chuck Palahniuk (Charles Michael ‘Chuck’ Palahniuk (born 1962)): as quoted in the “San Francisco Bay Guardian” (30 October 2002), newspaper
 
World Television Day is observed on 21 November of each year.

​‘Laugh tracks’ are also known as ‘canned laughter.’ Many of the laugh tracks now used in television programs, especially sitcoms and talk shows, were recorded in the 1950’s, when people still knew how to laugh - and had something to laugh about.
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Laughter And Laughing Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“Without television, I surely could have mastered several classical languages or learned to play the violin, right?” -Kim Brooks
 
Young Lady From Trent
 
There was a young lady from Trent
 
Whose TV antenna got bent -
     The neighbors went crazy;
     Their screens all got hazy,
For instead of receiving, she sent!
 
By John Etheridge
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Limericks Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“If you read a lot of books you are considered well-read. But if you watch a lot of TV, you’re not considered well-viewed.” -Lily Tomlin (pseudonym of Mary Jean Tomlin (born 1939))
 
“I can think of nothing more boring for the American people than to have to sit in their living rooms for a whole half hour looking at my face on their television screens.” -Dwight D. Eisenhower (Dwight David ‘Ike’ Eisenhower (1890 - 1968))
 
“Television has done much for psychiatry by spreading information about it, as well as contributing to the need for it.” -Alfred Hitchcock (1899 - 1980): “Alfred Hitchcock Presents” (1960)
 
“The average American family has no time for television; people must sit and keep their eyes glued on a screen.” -Author Unknown: as quoted in the “New York Times” (1939) newspaper
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read How To Manage Time Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“I hate television. I hate it as much as peanuts. But I can’t stop eating peanuts.” -Orson Welles (1915 - 1985): as quoted in the “New York Herald Tribune” (12 October 1956), newspaper
 
“Television is the triumph of machine over people.” -Fred Allen (born John Florence Sullivan (1894 - 1956))
 
“TV - a clever contraction derived from the words ‘Terrible Vaudeville’ . . . we call it a medium because nothing’s well done.” -Goodman Ace (born Goodman Aiskowitz (1899 - 1982)): letter to Groucho Marx: published in “The Groucho Letters”
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Abbreviations And Acronyms Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“I never thought television would or could be a long-term commitment.” -Jimmy Smits
 
“I have watched television for so many years that I am now an expert television watcher.” -Author Unknown
 
“We can put television in its proper light by supposing that Gutenberg’s great invention had been directed at printing only comic books.” -Robert M. Hutchins
 
“My husband wanted one of those new big-screen TV’s for his birthday. So I just moved his chair closer to the one we have already.” -Wendy Liebman (born 1961)
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Birthdays Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
What is your favorite television show?
 
“TV is chewing gum for the eyes.” -Frank Lloyd Wright (born Frank Lincoln Wright (1867 - 1959))
 
An estimated one in every four Americans has appeared on television, though most are not shown in close-up facial images. You might be walking down the street, standing in a line, sitting down at a sports or other entertainment event, eating lunch at a sidewalk cafe, or spending a leisurely day at a park. You won’t necessarily know that a camera is trained on you or scanning the area you are in, and in most cases, they don’t need your permission legally to do so. Most likely the video of you will be put into storage as ‘stock footage’ at a television studio, to be used at a later time to illustrate a news story. For example, a news program might do a segment on obesity. Someone will be sent to search through the stock footage until something is found that shows a sidewalk full of people walking. They will then edit the video in order to emphasize the obviously overweight people, and show it while a news commentator reads aloud some health statistics. This is just another good reason to always try to be at your best when you are out in public.
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Appearances And Looks Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
Fred: Hey, look, Helen, you’re on TV.
Helen: Fred, that’s ridiculous. I’m standing right over here - how could I possibly be on TV?
 
“I don’t watch television. I know better than that.” -Tom Baker
 
“I wish there was a knob on the TV so you could turn up the intelligence. They got one marked, ‘brightness,’ but it don’t work, does it?” -Gallagher (born 1946 as Leo Anthony Gallagher)
 
What kinds of things on television and in movies make you laugh?
 
“The human race is faced with a cruel choice: get a job or watch daytime television.” -Author Unknown
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Choices And Decisions Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“The story you have just heard is true. Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent.” -Author Unknown: “Dragnet” (1949 - 1957)
 
“People watch television to see people living the lives they could have if they did not squander their lives watching television.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)
 
“Time has convinced me of one thing: television is for appearing on, not for looking at.” -Noël Coward (Noël Pierce Coward (1899 - 1973))
 
“Television is about watching a life instead of having one.” -Beth Mazur
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Life And Living Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“Television is an invention that permits you to be entertained in your living room by people you wouldn’t have in your home.” David Frost (David Paradine Frost (1939 - 2013)): as quoted in Janet Wasko: “A Companion to Television” (2005), page 9
 
TV announcer: “Our regularly scheduled program will not be seen tonight because we’ve discovered that not broadcasting anything did better in the ratings than the program itself!”
 
“Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love, and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the ‘reception’ was good.” -Author Unknown
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Weddings Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“Not more than ten percent of the population will take up television permanently.” -Raymond Postgate (1935)
 
“Television won’t last because people will get tired of staring at a plywood box every night.” -Darryl F. Zanuck (Darryl Francis Zanuck (1902 - 1979)) (1946)
 
“Cathode-ray tubes are the most important items in a television receiver.” -John Logie Baird
 
“I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on, I go into another room and read a good book.” -Groucho Marx (Julius Henry ‘Groucho’ Marx (1890 - 1977)): as quoted in Leslie Halliwell: “Halliwell’s Filmgoer’s Companion” (1984)
 
“All television is educational television. The question is: What is it teaching?” -Nicholas Johnson (born 1934)
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Questions And Queries Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“You open it with the key of imagination. Beyond it is another dimension. A dimension of sound. A dimension of sight. A dimension of mind. You are moving into a land of both shadow and substance, of things and ideas. You’ve just crossed over into the Twilight Zone.” -Rod Serling (Rodman Edward Serling (1924 - 1975)): one of the intros to the “Twilight Zone” show

“Much of the conversation in the country consisted of lines from television shows, both past and present.” -Kurt Vonnegut (Kurt Vonnegut, Junior (1922 - 2007)): “Breakfast of Champions, or Goodbye Blue Monday” (1973), novel; author website http://www.Vonnegut.com/
 
“Television contracts the imagination and radio expands it.” -Terry Wogan (born 1938): as quoted in the “Observer” (December 1984) of London
 
“Television programs: The junk that fills the time between commercials.” -Author Unknown
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Daffynitions And Definitions Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“There is a lot of hype going on about high-definition television. But is it really worth it to pay more money to see the same junk in sharper detail?” -Thomas Sowell (born 1930)
 
“Whenever I lose my TV controller, I always find it in a remote location.” -Author Unknown
 
“I don't think you can read poetry while you're watching television very well.” -Edward Hirsch
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“Television is a device that permits people who haven’t anything to do to watch people who can’t do anything.” -Fred Allen (born John Florence Sullivan (1894 - 1956))
 
“It is a medium of entertainment which permits millions of people to listen to the same joke at the same time, and yet remain lonesome.” -T. S. Eliot (Thomas Stearns Eliot (1888 - 1965)): as quoted in the “New York Post” (22 September 1963) newspaper
 
“While theoretically and technically television may be feasible, commercially and financially I consider it an impossibility, a development of which we need waste little time or dreaming.” -Lee de Forest (1873 - 1961) (1926)
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Impossible And Possible Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“If you are annoying to enough people, eventually they give you your own television program. I’m pretty certain that’s how it works.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)
 
“Watching T.V. doesn’t have much of a payoff.” -Maxine Hong Kingston: “To Be the Poet” (2002), page 57
 
“I have never really acquired a taste for watching television.” -Alice Krige
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Habits And Routines Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
My TV’s Under The Weather
 
My TV came down with a chill.
As soon as I saw it was ill
     I wrapped up its channels
     In warm Winter flannels
And gave its antenna a pill.
 
By Willard R. Espy (Willard Richardson Espy (1910 - 1999))
 
“I used to think that television could be potentially the most powerful medium for the dissemination of knowledge that the world has ever known, it could be a very rich and rewarding thing if handled properly and that the problem was in the execution. I’ve now come, after ten years in the business, five years of which was as a television critic, to taking the very extreme view point. I think television itself is bad. The idea of television, the act of watching television, kills the imagination. It’s not like radio, with radio you had to listen, had to make things, you had to build things in your mind. Movies do that. Television is something else again. Television lays it all out there in a very prescribed way and the bare minimum of imagination on the part of the viewer is needed and I really fear for all of us.” -Harlan Ellison: interview (1979), as quoted in Robert W. Bly: “The Online Copywriter’s Handbook” (2002), page 19
 
Question: What is a British cow’s favorite sci-fi television program?
Answer: Dr. Moo.
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Cattle Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“Television is a new medium. It’s called a medium because nothing is well-done.” -Fred Allen (born John Florence Sullivan (1894 - 1956)): “The Big Show” (17 December 1950) radio program
 
“Reality shows are fake and are just as far from reality as people can get without being permanently institutionalized.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)
 
The Society for the Eradication of Television (SET) no longer exists, and Couch Potatoes likewise is defunct, so some of us must organize to eradicate the beastly television hobgoblin monster thing before it turns us all into gelatinous masses with non-functioning legs and permanently bloodshot eyes. Who will go forth to slay the dragon? Will it be you? How about you? You, over there, can you do it? Hey, can somebody get us some fresh batteries for the remote?
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“The best show on TV can usually be found on the OFF channel.” -Author Unknown
 
“Television has proven that people will look at anything rather than each other.” -Ann Landers (pseudonym of Esther Pauline Friedman ‘Eppie’ Lederer (1918 - 2002))
 
“I have never seen a bad television program, because I refuse to. God gave me a mind, and a wrist that turns things off.” -Jack Paar (Jack Harold Paar (1918 - 2004)): as quoted in “TV Guide”
 
“Cable TV is now evenly divided between shows about preparing food and shows about losing weight.” -Andy Borowitz
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Weight Loss And Weight Maintenance Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“Television: An electrical device which, when broken, stimulates conversation.” -Author Unknown
 
“The only thing television ever did for me was to give me a stiff neck.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)
 
“There are days when any electrical appliance in the house, including the vacuum cleaner, seems to offer more entertainment possibilities than the TV set.” -Harriet Van Horne (1920 - 1998)
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Housekeeping And Housecleaning Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“If television shows continue the way they’re going, the public will soon be demanding longer commercials.” -Author Unknown
 
“I’m not necessarily anti-television, I’m just in favor of so many things that are not television. So, I leave the television watching to others.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)
 
“The smallest bookstore still contains more ideas of worth than have been presented in the entire history of television.” -Andrew Ross
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Shopping Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“If you really think about it, when watching television, you have product placement all the time.” -Jay Chiat
 
“The best place in a house for a television? Behind the bags and boxes in a closet.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)
 
“There is an educational channel. It’s called ‘off.’” -Lily Henderson: remark made at 11 years of age
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“Late night T.V. is very educational. It teaches you that you should have gone to bed earlier.” -James Dent
 
What is your favorite television commercial?
 
Just remember, children and adults, watching television is bad for your intellect, causes muscles to atrophy, makes imaginations shrivel, and is a leading cause of suffering in relationships . . . so instead hang out on MFOL! . . . or, even better, go outside and play . . . with your human friends, your family, your animal friends, and your imagination.
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Playtime And Playing Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“I learned how to speak English watching television.” -Azita Ghanizada (born about 1978)
 
So please, oh please, we beg, we pray,
     Go throw your TV set away,
And in its place you can install
     A lovely bookshelf on the wall.
-Roald Dahl (1916 - 1990): “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory” (1964)
 
“When you watch television, you never see people watching television. We love television because it brings us a world in which television does not exist.” -Barbara Ehrenreich
 
“I don't think I miss anything by not watching television.” -Alexandra Paul
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Opportunities And Possibilities Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
We are MFOL! . . . for people who know there is more to life than what is shown on television screens . . . as for example, what’s coming up next . . .

Indolence And Industriousness

​“I was made to work; if you are equally industrious, you will be equally successful.” -Johann Sebastian Bach (1685 - 1750)
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read How To Be Successful Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“Each of us needs to withdraw from the cares which will not withdraw from us. We need hours of aimless wandering or spates of time sitting on park benches, observing the mysterious world of ants and the canopy of treetops.” -Maya Angelou (born Marguerite Ann Johnson (1928 - 2014))
 
“Laziness may appear attractive, but work gives satisfaction.” [translation to English]
“Luiheid mag aantrekkelijk schijnen, werken geeft bevrediging.” [original German]
-Anne Frank (Annelies Marie ‘Anne’ Frank (1929 - 1945)): “The Diary of a Young Girl” (1952), ‘6 July 1944’
 
“Thank God every morning when you get up that you have something to do that day which must be done, whether you like it or not. Being forced to work, and forced to do your best, will breed in you temperance and self-control, diligence and strength of will, cheerfulness and content, and a hundred virtues which the idle never know.” -Charles Kingsley (1819 - 1875)
 
“A human being must have occupation, if he or she is not to become a nuisance to the world.” -Dorothy L. Sayers (Dorothy Leigh Sayers (1893 - 1957))
 
“My ambition is handicapped by my laziness.” -Charles Bukowski: “Factotum” (1975)
 
“The dog that trots about finds a bone.” -Author Unknown
 
Overheard: My dog is so lazy that he hires other dogs to chase cats for him.
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Domestic Dogs Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
Dwight: Why did the lazy woman have a great big dog?
Edwin: So she would not have to bend down far to pet it.
 
“The lazy are always wanting to do something.” -Luc de Clapiers, Marquis de Vauvenargues (1715 - 1747): “Reflections and Maxims” (1746)
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Wishes And Wishing Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“When was the last time you spent a quiet moment just doing nothing - just sitting and looking at the sea, or watching the wind blowing the tree limbs, or waves rippling on a pond, a flickering candle, or children playing in the park?” -Ralph Marston (Ralph Seymour Marston, Junior (born 1955)) at https://GreatDay.com/
 
“He is idle that might be better employed.” -Thomas Fuller (1654 - 1734)
 
“Men who have attained things worth having in this world have worked while others idled, have persevered when others gave up in despair, have practiced early in life the valuable habits of self-denial, industry, and singleness of purpose. As a result, they enjoy in later life the success so often erroneously attributed to good luck.” -Grenville Kleiser (1868 - 1953): as quoted in “The Forbes Scrapbook of Thoughts on the Business of Life” (1950)
 
“Doing nothing is very hard to do - you never know when you’re finished.” -Leslie Nielsen
 
“It is the working man who is the happy man. It is the idle man who is the miserable man.” -Benjamin Franklin (Benjamin ‘Ben’ Franklin (1706 - 1790))
 
“Lazy people tend not to take chances, but express themselves by tearing down other’s work.” -Ann Rule
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Risks And Rewards Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
Every Day Will Be Sunday
 
A young fellow who did not much enjoy working, did do some work, figuring out that eventually every day will be Sunday. Every year has 365 days. If you sleep eight hours a day, it equals 122 days. This leaves 243 days. If you rest eight hours a day it equals another 122 days. This leaves 121 days. There are 52 Sundays, thus leaving 69 days. If you have a half-day on Saturday, this equals 26 days, and leaves 43 days. If you have 1 and 1/2 hours for lunch every workday, this equals 28 days, leaving 15 days. Two weeks’ vacation equals 14 days. This leaves only one day. And on Labor Day, nobody works.
 
By Author Unknown
 
“Tomorrow is the only day in the year that appeals to a lazy man.” -Jimmy Lyons
 
“Determine never to be idle. No person will have occasion to complain of the want of time who never loses any. It is wonderful how much may be done, if we are always doing.” -Thomas Jefferson (1743 - 1826): letter (5 May 1787) to Martha Jefferson
 
“Resting is rusting.” -Helen Hayes
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Daffynitions And Definitions Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“A man is not paid for having a head and hands, but for using them.” -Elbert Hubbard (Elbert Green Hubbard (1856 - 1915))
 
“Idleness is sweet, and its consequences are cruel.” -John Quincy Adams (1767 - 1848)
 
“Laziness grows on people; it begins in cobwebs, and ends in iron chains. The more business a man has, the more he is able to accomplish; for he learns to economize his time.” -Matthew Hale (1609 - 1676): as quoted in Tryon Edwards “A Dictionary of Thoughts” (1908), page 242
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“Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.” -Don Herold (1889 - 1966): as quoted in Herbert V. Prochnow and Herbert V. Prochnow, Junior, editors: “A Treasury of Humorous Quotations” (1969)
 
“People who have time on their hands will inevitably waste the time of people who have work to do.” -Thomas Sowell (born 1930)
 
Dede: What kind of shoes do lazy people wear?
Bebe: Loafers.
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Shoes And Footwear Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“There is no excellence without labor.” -Author Unknown
 
“Too much idleness, I have observed, fills up a man’s time much more completely, and leaves him less his own master, than any sort of employment whatsoever.” -Edmund Burke (1729 - 1797)
 
“The forty hour week has no charm for me. I’m looking for the forty hour day!” -Nicholas Murray Butler (1862 - 1947)
 
“If you are idle, you are on the road to ruin; and there are few stopping-places upon it. It is rather a precipice than a road.” -Henry Ward Beecher (1813 - 1887): “Lectures to Young Men: On Various Important Subjects” (1852)
 
“We will be friends forever because I am too lazy to find new ones.” -Author Unknown
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“Shun idleness. It is the rust that attaches itself to the most brilliant metals.” -Voltaire (pseudonym of François-Marie Arouet (1694 - 1778))
 
“Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.” -attributed to Steven Wright (Steven Alexander Wright (born 1955))
 
“It’s not enough to be busy, so are the ants. The question is, what are we busy about?” -Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862): letter (16 November 1857) to Harrison Gray Otis Blake
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“The hardest work in life is resisting laziness.” -Author Unknown
 
“Nothing is impossible to industry.” -Periander of Corinth (before 635 B.C.E. - 585 B.C.E.)
 
“Don’t just stay there like a bump on a log!” -Author Unknown

​Up, you sluggard, and get to work . . . or at least do some meaningful activity!
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Actions And Doing Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“You get out of anything in proportion to what you put into it.” -Author Unknown
 
“The unambitious sluggard pretends that the eminence is not worth attaining, declines altogether the struggle, and calls himself a philosopher. I say he is a poor-spirited coward.” -William Makepeace Thackeray (1811 - 1863): “The Luck of Barry Lyndon” (1844)
 
“Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.” -Jules Renard (Pierre-Jules Renard (1864 - 1910))
 
“We excuse our sloth under the pretext of difficulty.” [translation to English]
“Difficultas patrocinia præteximus segnitiæ.” [original Latin]
-Quintilian: “De Institutione Oratoria,” I. 12
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Overheard: I am allergic to lazy people.
 
“Laziness is contagious just like hard work is. I didn’t give myself an opportunity to be lazy and I didn’t surround myself with people who are lazy.” -Michael Chandler
 
In Works of Labour or of Skill
I would be busy too:
For Satan finds some mischief still
For idle Hands to do.
-Isaac Watts (1674 - 1748): “Divine Songs Attempted in the Easy Language of Children” (1715), Song 20: ‘Against Idleness and Mischief’
 
“The idler does not waste time; he merely wastes himself.” -Author Unknown
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If little labor, little are our gains;
     Man’s fortunes are according to his pains.
-Robert Herrick (1591 - 1674)
 
“Tomorrow is always the sluggard’s working day; today is his holiday.” -Richard Baxter
 
“Idleness is the holiday of fools.” -Author Unknown: proverb
 
“The contemplative life is often miserable. One must act more, think less, and not watch oneself live.” -Nicolas Chamfort (Sebastien Roch Nicolas Chamfort (1741 - 1794))
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“Idleness is the root of mischief.” -Author Unknown
 
“The ruin of most men dates from some idle moment.” -George S. Hilliard
 
“Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don’t turn up at all.” -Sam Ewing (1920 - 2001)
 
“Time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.” -Marthe Troly-Curtin: “Phrynette Married” (1912), page 256
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How can we help sluggards become better people? We can urge them on to becoming workers by letting them experience the consequences of their idleness. According to scripture, “For even when we were with you, we commanded you this: If anyone will not work, neither shall he eat. For we hear that there are some who walk among you in a disorderly manner, not working at all, but are busybodies. Now those who are such we command and exhort through our Lord Jesus Christ that they work in quietness and eat their own bread.” -Author Unknown: as quoted in “The Bible,” ‘2nd Thessalonians,’ chapter 3, verses 10 through 12
 
“Lazy people are always anxious to be doing something.” -Luc de Clapiers (1715 - 1747)
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“There is always hope in a man that actually and earnestly works: in Idleness alone is there perpetual despair.” -Thomas Carlyle (1795 - 1881): “Past and Present” (1843), book 3, chapter 11
 
“If a loafer is not a nuisance to you, it is a sign that you are somewhat of a loafer yourself.” -Edgar W. Howe (Edgar Watson ‘Ed’ Howe, also known as E. W. Howe (1853 - 1937))
 
“It is better to wear out than to rust out.” -Richard Cumberland (1631 - 1718): as quoted in G. Horne: “The Duty of Contending for the Faith” (1786), page 21
 
“Human beings find less rest in idleness than in a change of occupation. If you scoff at the idea, just try it. Instead of collapsing in an easy chair, try tackling your hobby. Or write that neglected letter, or help Johnny to build that radio receiver set. Activity - especially creative activity - is far better recreation than loafing.” -Gardner Hunting (Henry Gardner Hunting (1872 - 1958)): as quoted in “Weekly Unity” magazine
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’Tis the voice of the sluggard, I heard him complain:
     “You have waked me too soon, I must slumber again”;
As the door on its hinges, so he on his bed,
     Turns his sides, and his shoulders and his heavy head.
-Isaac Watts (1674 - 1748): “The Sluggard” as quoted in “Hoyt’s New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations” (1922), pages 384 and 385
 
“If you sleep till Noon, you have no right to complain that the Days are short.” -Thomas Fuller (1654 - 1734): “Gnomologia: Adages and Proverbs, Wise Sentences, and Witty Sayings” (1732), number 2788
 
“Lazy people are good for just one thing, and that is, making mediocre people look like they have accomplished something in life.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)
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“If you rest, you rust.” [translation to English]
“Wer rastet, der rostet.” [original German]
-Author Unknown: German proverb
 
“Few women and fewer men have enough character to be idle.” -E. V. Lucas (Edward Verrall Lucas (1868 - 1938)): as quoted in Herbert V. Prochnow and Herbert V. Prochnow, Junior, editors: “A Treasury of Humorous Quotations” (1969)
 
“Idleness is the great corrupter of youth, and the bane and dishonor of middle age. He who, in the prime of life, finds time to hang heavy on his hands, may with much reason suspect that he has not consulted the duties which the consideration of his age imposed upon him; assuredly he has not consulted his happiness.” -Hugh Blair (1718 - 1800): as quoted in Josiah Hotchkiss Gilbert: “Dictionary of Burning Words of Brilliant Writers” (1895), page 345
 
“If you’re coasting, you’re going downhill.” -L. R. Pierson

“Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under trees on a summer’s day, listening to the murmur of water, or watching the clouds float across the blue sky, is by no means waste of time.” -John Lubbock (1834 - 1913): “The Use of Life” (1894), chapter IV: ‘Recreation’
 
“There is no such thing as a lazy person; he is either sick or uninspired.” -Zig Ziglar (Hilary Hinton ‘Zig’ Ziglar (1926 - 2012)): “See You at the Top” (2000)
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What might someone be other than lazy? Tired, fearful, sad, overwhelmed, in physical pain, in emotional pain, traumatized, shy . . . Can you think of anything else?
 
“The only problem with having nothing to do is you can’t stop and rest.” -Franklin P. Jones (Franklin Pierce Jones (1908 - 1980))
 
“Sleepiness and laziness in a man are the beginning of his misfortune.” -Samuel Rapaport: “Tales and Maxims from the Midrash” (1907), ‘Genesis Rabbah 17,’ page 69
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Poverty And Prosperity Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
Overheard: I am going to do nothing all day today, starting just as soon as I am finished doing the nothing I did all day yesterday . . .
 
“Make rest a necessity, not an objective. Only rest long enough to gather strength.” -Jim Rohn (Emanuel James ‘Jim’ Rohn (1930 - 2009)) at https://www.JimRohn.com/
 
Rules For Lazy People
 
1. If you cannot reach it easily, you do not need it.
2. Get it done - but just not today.
3. It is always somebody else’s job.
 
By Author Unknown
 
“It is idleness that creates impossibilities; and where people don’t care to do anything, they shelter themselves under a permission that it cannot be done.” -Robert South (1634 - 1716)
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Impossible And Possible Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“Men are generally idle, and ready to satisfy themselves, and intimidate the industry of others, by calling that impossible which is only difficult.” -Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784)
 
“The superstition that all our hours of work are a minus quantity in the happiness of life, and all the hours of idleness are plus ones, is a most ludicrous and pernicious doctrine, and its greatest support comes from our not taking sufficient trouble, not making a real effort to make work as near pleasure as it can be.” -Arthur James Balfour (1848 - 1930)
 
“The best person to get something done is a busy person.” -Mark Burnett
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Differences And Individuality Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“It is necessary to work, if not from inclination, at least from despair. Everything considered, work is less boring than amusing oneself.” -Charles Baudelaire (Charles Pierre Baudelaire (1821 - 1867))
 
“Idle Fellows are the Devil’s Playfellows.” -Thomas Fuller (1654 - 1734): “Gnomologia: Adages and Proverbs, Wise Sentences, and Witty Sayings” (1732), number 3054
 
“Doing nothing results in having nothing.” -Daniel Burke
 
“The really idle man gets nowhere. The perpetually busy man does not get much farther.” -Heneage Ogilvie (William Heneage Ogilvie (1887 -1971))
 
“Merit and fame never crown the lazy.” -Author Unknown
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“A sluggard does not plow in season; so at harvest time he looks but finds nothing.” -Author Unknown: as quoted in “The Bible,” ‘Proverbs,’ chapter 20, verse 4
 
“The only thing worse than having too much to do is having not enough.” -Author Unknown
 
“If idleness does not produce vice or malevolence, it commonly produces melancholy.” -Sydney Smith (1771 - 1845): attributed in “The Review of Education” (May 1902)
 
“He who labors diligently need never despair; for all things are accomplished by diligence and labor.” -Menander of Athens (342 B.C.E. - 291 B.C.E.)
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Inspiration And Motivation Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“Laziness is a luxury that few people can afford.” -Igor Stravinsky (1882 - 1971)
 
“Plough deep, while Sluggards sleep; And you shall have Corn, to sell and to keep.” -Benjamin Franklin (Benjamin ‘Ben’ Franklin (1706 - 1790))
 
“If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.” -Author Unknown
 
“A man is a worker. If he is not that, he is nothing.” -Joseph Conrad (born Teodor Jósez Konrad Nalecz-Korzeniowski (1857 - 1924)): “Notes on Life and Letters” (1921), part II, ‘Well Done’
 
“The real people of genius were resolute workers, not idle dreamers.” -George Henry Lewes (1817 - 1878)
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Failures And Successes Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“Be sure to keep busy, so the devil may always find you occupied.” -Publius (also variously Flavius) Vegetius Renatus (also known simply as Vegetius (about 4th century C.E. - after C.E. 383))
 
“Laziness never arrived at the attainment of a good wish.” -Miguel de Cervantes (Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra (1547 - 1616))
 
“Idleness is emptiness; the tree in which the sap is stagnant, remains fruitless.” -Hosea Ballou (1771 - 1811): “Manuscripts,” ‘Sermons’ as quoted in “Hoyt’s New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations” (1922), pages 384 and 385
 
Lazy people work harder . . . at being lazy, that is!
 
“Those who do the least themselves are always the severest critics upon the noble achievements of others.” -Elias Lyman Magoon: as quoted in Josiah Hotchkiss Gilbert: “Dictionary of Burning Words of Brilliant Writers” (1895)
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“Laziness travels so slowly, that Poverty soon overtakes him.” -Benjamin Franklin (Benjamin ‘Ben’ Franklin (1706 - 1790)): “Poor Richard’s Almanack” (1756)
 
“If you want work well done, select a busy man - the other kind has no time.” -Elbert Hubbard (Elbert Green Hubbard (1856 - 1915)): as quoted in Elbert Hubbard II, compiler: “The Note Book of Elbert Hubbard: Mottoes, Epigrams, Short Essays, Passages, Orphic Sayings, and Preachments” (1927)
 
“Laziness is the seed of all evil.” -Author Unknown: Welsh saying
 
There is no remedy for time misspent;
     No healing for the waste of idleness,
Whose very languor is a punishment
     Heavier than active souls can feel or guess.
-Aubrey de Vere: “A Song of Faith, Devout Exercises, and Sonnets”
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“I am always busy, which is perhaps the chief reason why I am always well.” -Elizabeth Cady Stanton (1815 - 1902)
 
“Work is no disgrace: it is idleness which is a disgrace.” -Hesiod (about 800 B.C.E. - about 720 B.C.E.)
 
“A man who does nothing never has time to do anything.” -C. H. Spurgeon (Charles Haddon Spurgeon (1834 - 1892))
 
“Inactivity is the beginning of all vice.” -C. F. W. Walther (Carl Ferdinand Wilhelm Walther (1811 - 1887)): letter (14 January 1873)
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“Indolence is a delightful but distressing state; we must be doing something to be happy. Action is no less necessary than thought to the instinctive tendencies of the human frame.” -William Hazlitt (1778 - 1830): “Table Talk: Essays On Men And Manners” (1821 - 1822), ‘On the Pleasure of Painting’
 
In every rank, or great or small,
     ’Tis industry supports us all.
-John Gay (1685 - 1732): “Man, Cat, Dog, and Fly,” line 63
 
“He who would do some great thing in this short life, must apply himself to the work with such a concentration of his forces as to the idle spectators, who live entirely to amuse themselves, looks like insanity.” -John Foster: as quoted in C. N. Douglas (Charles Noel Douglas (1863 - 1920)), compiler: “Forty Thousand Quotations: Prose and Poetical” (1917)
 
Smiling uses fewer muscles and takes less effort than frowning, making smiling a great way for lazy people to contribute something useful to the world . . . the results of industriousness follows . . . on MFOL!

Housekeeping And Housecleaning

Ethan: Did you hear about the man who crossed a bale of straw with an octopus?
Ethel: Yes, he got a broom with eight handles!
 
Dorothy Parker was a writer and a humorist who led a very busy life. One day she was foolish enough to accept two baby alligators as a gift. She brought them home, ran a little water in the bathtub, and put them there until she could decide what to do with them. The next day, the cleaning woman came by while Parker was out. When Parker returned that evening, she found the house uncleaned and this note: “Dear Madam, I am leaving. I cannot work in a house with alligators. I would have told you this before, but I never thought the subject would come up.”
 
“Twenty-one percent of people do not make their beds in the morning.” -Author Unknown
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Habits And Routines Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
Bed-Making Machine
 
“I’ve been thinking it over, I mean,”
Said a child to her girl-friend Irene,
     “It’s a shame and a crime,
     After all this long time,
No one’s built a bed-making machine.”
 
By Author Unknown
 
“I keep a bowl of plastic fruit on the table in case a couple of mannequins drop in for a visit.” -Author Unknown
 
“Clutter is not just the stuff on the floor - it’s anything that stands between you and the life you want to be living.” -Peter Walsh
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Life And Living Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“Houses are full of things that gather dust.” -Jack Kerouac
 
Does vacuuming count as aerobic exercise?
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Physical Fitness And Exercising Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
Overheard: A clean house is a happy house!
 
Dirty Dishes
 
Thank God for dirty dishes,
     They have a tale to tell.
While others may go hungry,
     We’ve eaten very well.
With home, health, and happiness;
     I shouldn’t want to fuss.
By the stack of evidence,
     God’s been very good to us.
 
By Author Unknown
 
“The objective of cleaning is not just to clean, but to feel happiness living within that environment.” -Marie Kondo
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read How To Be Happy Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes - and six months later you have to start all over again.” -Joan Rivers (pseudonym of Joan Alexandra Molinsky (1933 - 2014)): as quoted in Michèle Brown and Ann O’Connor, editors: “Woman Talk” (1984), ‘Work’
 
Why is there a light in the refrigerator and not in the freezer? Why do home refrigerators not have windows in the doors so people can look inside them without opening the doors?
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Questions And Queries Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“My husband and I have figured out a really good system about the housework: neither one of us does it.” -Dottie Archibald (Dorothy Bales ‘Dottie’ Archibald (born 1942))
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of this article, or click or tap on these words to visit the Marriage Page.
 
“Don’t wear headphones while vacuuming . . . I’ve just finished the whole house and realized the vacuum wasn’t even plugged in.” -Author Unknown
 
Spring Cleaning
 
I’m really determined and keen
To start giving this house a Spring clean.
     I will do it I say,
     Yes, I’ll do it today . . .
Well, I’ll do it tomorrow, I mean.
 
By Author Unknown
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Procrastination And Procrastinating Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“Cleaning: Moving dirt from one place to another.” -Author Unknown
 
“Decluttering is infinitely easier when you think of it as deciding what keep, rather than deciding what to throw away.” -Francine Jay
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Attention, men - vacuum cleaners are power tools!

It turns out that real men actually can do housework . . .
 
“The obvious and fair solution to the housework problem is to let men do the housework for, say, the next six thousand years, to even things up. The trouble is that men, over the years, have developed an inflated notion of the importance of everything they do, so that before long they would turn housework into just as much of a charade as business is now. They would hire secretaries and buy computers and fly off to housework conferences in Bermuda, but they’d never clean anything.” -Dave Barry (David McAlister ‘Dave’ Barry (born 1947))
 
“A new broom sweeps clean, but the old one knows the corners.” -Author Unknown
 
“Our house is clean enough to be healthy, and dirty enough to be happy.” -Author Unknown
 
A woman admitted to being a less than fastidious housekeeper. One evening her husband returned home from work, walked into the kitchen, and said, “You know, dear, I can write my name in the dust on the mantel.” The woman turned to him and sweetly replied, “Well, darling, that’s why I married a college graduate.”
 
Fred: Why do refrigerators hum?
Ginger: Because they do not know the words.
 
When Young Melissa Sweeps
 
When young Melissa sweeps a room
     I vow she dances with the broom!
She curtsies in a corner brightly
     And leads her partner forth politely.
Then up and down in jigs and reels,
     With gold dust flying at their heels,
They caper. With a whirl or two
     They make the wainscot shine like new;
They waltz beside the hearth, and quick
     It brightens, shabby brick by brick.
A gay gavotte across the floor,
     A Highland fling from door to door,
And every crack and corner’s clean
     Enough to suit a dainty queen.
If ever you are full of gloom,
     Just watch Melissa sweep a room! 
 
By Nancy Byrd Turner (1880 - 1971)
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“Housework is like stringing beads with no knot on the end.” -Author Unknown
 
“The washing of dishes does seem to me the most absurd and unsatisfactory business that I ever undertook. If, when once washed, they would remain clean forever and ever (which they ought in all reason to do, considering how much trouble it is), there would be less occasion to grumble; but no sooner is it done, than it requires to be done again. On the whole, I have come to the resolution not to use more than one dish at each meal.” -Nathaniel Hawthorne (1804 - 1864)
 
“Home Sweet Home - Please Do Not Feed The Dust Bunnies.” -Author Unknown
 
"Dust bunnies are magical. Santa’s elves make them at the North Pole during the off-season, and they are then delivered to people’s homes by the other little people: fairies, gnomes, pixies, leprechauns, and so forth, just in time for Spring cleaning." -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)
 
“A house becomes a home when you can write, ‘I love you’ on the furniture.” -Author Unknown: “Dust If You Must”
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A Request
 
Please be a dear
     And do your dish here
For if you do not
     The house will be wrought
With people disgusted
     By the mess that’s displayed
And hence are not able
     To dine at the table
For lack of clean dishes
     Restricts their good wishes.
 
By Author Unknown
 
“Cleaning is just putting stuff in less obvious places.” -Author Unknown
 
“There were times, indeed, when the vigor she put into her work was more of a relief to her feelings than it was an ardor to efface dirt . . .” -Eleanor H. Porter (Eleanor Emily Hodgman Porter (1868 - 1920)): “Pollyanna” (1912)
 
“I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner - all it was doing was gathering dust.” -Author Unknown
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Amathophobia is a persistent fear of dust. Amathophobia is derived from the Greek words ‘amathos’ meaning ‘sand’ and ‘phobos’ meaning ‘fear.’ What is a fear of dust bunnies called?
 
“Dust is a protective coating for fine furniture.” -Mario Buatta (1935 - 2018)
 
Ivy: What do you call a pretty woman using a broom?
Ivan: Sweeping beauty.
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May
 
Scrub and polish, - sweep and clean, -
     Fling your windows wide!
See, the trees are clad in green!
     Coax the Spring inside!
Home, be shining fair to-day
     For the guest whose name is May!
 
By Louise Bennett Weaver (Louise Bennett Weaver George (1889 - 1949)) and Helen Cowles LeCron (1886 - 1963): “A Thousand Ways to Please a Husband with Bettina’s Best Recipes” (1917)
 
“Don’t overlook any available tongues when cleaning. Cats and dogs and other pets can lick clean food surfaces such as plates and floors; children can lick clean mixing spoons and eggbeaters.” -Author Unknown
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Anatomy And Physiology Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“You sometimes see a woman who would have made a Joan of Arc in another century and climate, threshing herself to pieces over all the mean worry of housekeeping.” -Rudyard Kipling (Joseph Rudyard Kipling (1865 - 1936))
 
“I got the blues thinking of the future, so I left off and made some marmalade. It’s amazing how it cheers one up to shred oranges and scrub the floor.” -D. H. Lawrence (David Herbert Lawrence (1885 - 1930))
 
Come On In
 
Although you’ll find our house a mess
     Come in - sit down - converse.
It doesn’t always look like this;
     Some days it’s even worse.
 
By Author Unknown
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Poems And Poetry Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“My theory on housework is, if the item doesn’t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?” -Erma Bombeck (Erma Louise Bombeck (1927 - 1996))
 
“The best time for planning a book is while you’re doing the dishes.” -Agatha Christie (Agatha Mary Clarissa Christie (1890 - 1976))
 
“You don’t get anything clean without getting something else dirty.” -Cecil Baxter (Cecil Richard Baxter (1922 - 2014))
 
“When it comes to housework, the one thing no book of household management can ever tell you is how to begin. Or maybe I mean why.” -Katharine Whitehorn (Katharine Elizabeth Whitehorn (born 1928)): “Roundabout” (1962), ‘Nought for Homework’
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Reading And Books Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
Who’s there?
Dishes. 
Dishes, who?
Dishes me, who are you?
 
Overheard: I got a new dishwasher today . . . I don’t know how long she will want the job.
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Employment And Work Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
Ataxophobia is a persistent fear of disorder or untidiness. Ataxophobia is derived from the Greek words ‘taxo’ meaning ‘order’ and ‘phobia’ meaning ‘fear.’
 
“The meal’s complete when the kitchen’s neat.” -Author Unknown
 
“Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful.” -William Morris
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Minimalism And Extravagance Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“There was no need to do any housework at all. After the first four years the dirt doesn’t get any worse.” -Quentin Crisp (Denis Charles Pratt (1908 - 1999))
 
“Nature abhors a vacuum. And so do I.” -Anne Gibbons
 
“Housework is something you do that nobody notices until you don’t do it.” -Author Unknown
 
If the shelves are dusty and the pots don’t shine,
It’s because I have better things to do with my time.
-Author Unknown
 
“Have a place for everything and keep the thing somewhere else; this is not a piece of advice, it is merely a custom.” -Mark Twain (Samuel Langhorne Clemens (1835 - 1910))
 
What I Like
 
I like hugs
     And I like kisses,
But what I really love
     Is help with the dishes!
 
By Author Unknown
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Poetic Epigrams Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
Overheard: When it comes to house cleaning, I always keep the nuclear option open.

“Are you an untidy or forgetful housekeeper? Just remember this simple saying, ‘ABC - Always Be Cleaning.’” -Author Unknown
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Mnemonics And Memory Aids Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.” -Phyllis Diller (pseudonym of Phyllis Ada Driver (1917 - 2012)): as quoted in Jilly Cooper and Tom Hartman: “Violets and Vinegar” (1980), ‘I Liked You Better Smaller’
 
Housecleanin’ Time
 
Well, housecleanin’ time is with us once more;
     And, landsakes alive, it’s an awful chore!
What with scrubbin’, rubbin’, and washin’ paint,
     It’s not any picnic; you bet it ain’t! . . .
For it has to be done each Spring and Fall:
     The attic and cellar, bedrooms and hall.
Each room, in its order, gives up its dirt,
     Till I am weary and my back does hurt!
 
By Gertrude Tooley Buckingham (born 1880) (1940’s)
 
“My idea of superwoman is someone who scrubs her own floors.” -Bette Midler (born 1945)
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Superheroes Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.” -Jack Rosenbaum
 
“There may be dust in my house but there isn’t any on me.” -Author Unknown
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“I think housework is the reason most women go to the office!” -Heloise Cruse (Ponce Kiah Marchelle Heloise Cruse Evans (born 1951))
 
“I make no secret of the fact that I would rather lie on the sofa than sweep underneath it. But you have to be efficient if you’re going to be lazy.” -Shirley Conran (born 1932): “Superwoman” (1975), ‘The Reason Why’
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Idleness And Industriousness Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“Helping his wife wash the dishes, a minister protested, ‘This isn’t a man’s job.’ ‘Oh yes, it is,’ his wife retorted, quoting 2nd Kings, chapter 21, verse 13: ‘I will wipe Jerusalem as a man wipeth a dish, wiping it, and turning it upside down.’” -Tal Bonham
 
“We dream of having a clean house - but who dreams of actually doing the cleaning?” -Marcus Buckingham
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Hopes And Dreams Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“Housekeeping is like being caught in a revolving door.” -Marcelene Cox
 
“This is a honeydew day. That is when you get a day off and the wife says, ‘Honey, do this,’ and ‘Honey, do that,’ around the house.” -Jim Lemon (James Robert ‘Jim’ Lemon (1928 - 2006))
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Actions And Doing Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries.” -A. A. Milne (Alan Alexander Milne (1882 - 1956))
 
Overheard: I avoid cleaning my house because I get easily distracted by all of the interesting things I keep finding.
 
“Housekeeping ain’t no joke.” -Louisa May Alcott (1832 - 1888): “Little Women” (1868), part 1, chapter 11: ‘Experiments’; line spoken by cook Hannah
 
“At my house, ‘dust’ is a noun, not a verb.” -Author Unknown
 
Housekeeping Tips
 
If it’s loose, pick it up;
If it isn’t, dust it;
If it moves, feed it.
 
By Author Unknown
 
Is the dust in your house stardust?
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Stars And Astronomy Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“Always turn out your closet light. Otherwise, you’ll get up some morning and find you can’t start your closet.” -Charles Schulz (Charles Monroe ‘Sparky’ Schulz (1922 - 2000))
 
“An efficient homemaker is one who, after dinner, gives the children something to play with in the bathtub, namely, the dinner dishes!” -Author Unknown
 
“Happiness is . . . walking through my front door and seeing a clean, comfortable, and organized home.” -Author Unknown
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Happiness Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“A place for everything, and everything in its place.” -Author Unknown: proverb
 
May the very lightness of your being have you walking on air . . . as you MFOL! each and every day . . .

Worries And Worrying

“Life becomes happy, delightful and enjoyable when you set yourself free from worries.” -Author Unknown
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read How To Be Happy Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“Much that worries us beforehand can afterwards, quite unexpectedly, have a happy and simple solution. Worries just don’t matter. Things really are in a better hand than ours.” -Dietrich Bonhoeffer (1906 - 1945)
 
“Sometimes you have to stop worrying, wondering and doubting. Have faith that things will work out.” -Author Unknown
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Jeb: Let’s make a list of new things to worry about.
Jed: Wow, I never would have thought of that.
Jeb: Sure, it’ll be fun!
 
“Only a lack of imagination saves me from immobilizing myself with imaginary fears.” -Author Unknown
 
“A great many worries can be diminished by realizing the unimportance of the matter which is causing anxiety.” -Bertrand Russell (Bertrand Arthur William Russell (1872 - 1970))
 
“Instead of worrying about what you cannot control, shift your energy to what you can create.” -Roy T. Bennett: “The Light in the Heart” (25 February 2016)
 
“If a man can remember what he worried about last week, he has a very good memory.” -Author Unknown
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Forgetting And Remembering Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“There are two kinds of worries - those you can do something about and those you can’t. Don’t spend any time on the latter.” -Duke Ellington (Edward Kennedy ‘Duke’ Ellington (1899 - 1974))
 
If you’re worried and you can’t sleep,
Just count your blessings instead of sheep,
And you’ll fall asleep counting your blessings.
-Irving Berlin (1888 - 1989): “Count Your Blessings Instead of Sheep” (1954) song
 
“If you spend your whole life waiting for the storm, you’ll never enjoy the sunshine.” -Morris West (Morris Langlo West (1916 - 1999))
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Weather And Climates Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“We experience moments absolutely free from worry. These brief respites are called panic.” -Cullen Hightower
 
“Stop worrying . . . and start making jokes!” -Author Unknown
 
“Stop telling men not to worry; all thinking men do; and such only are the ones who do the world’s work.” -Martin H. Fischer (1879 - 1962)
 
“The best antidote to worry is work.” -A. J. Cronin (Archibald Joseph Cronin (1896 - 1981))
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Actions And Doing Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“Let us be of good cheer, however, remembering that the misfortunes hardest to bear are those which never come.” -James Russell Lowell (1819 - 1891): “Democracy” (1887)
 
“Our worst misfortunes never happen, and most miseries lie in anticipation.” -Honoré de Balzac (1799 - 1850)
 
“When despair for the world grows in me . . . I come into the peace of wild things who do not tax their lives with forethought of grief . . . For a time I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.” -Wendell Berry (Wendell Erdman Berry (born 1934)): “The Peace of Wild Things” (1968) at berrycenter.org
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Nature And Wildlife Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“We sort our lives into carefully labeled boxes: things we definitely need to worry about; things we may need to worry about; things we already have worried about and it didn’t do any good; things we worried about where there was a definite payoff; things we are worried about worrying about; things that we definitely do not need to worry about.” -Anne Wilson Schaef
 
“Never borrow sorrow from tomorrow.” -Author Unknown
 
My Worry
 
A little bitty worry
     Started early in the day;
By noon it seemed my worry
     Hovered, standing in my way;
The things and thoughts
     I should have had
Got buried in my mind,
     Until my little worry turned
Into the horrid kind.
     By bedtime I was frantic -
What to do, oh what to do!
     And then I couldn’t go to sleep,
For worrying - fretting, too.
     By morning I was almost sick,
When suddenly and soon,
     My worry had been all worked out
Before the toll of noon;
     Then I looked back
And saw my worry
     Just for what it was -
A thing that didn’t happen,
     As a worry seldom does.
 
By Bonnie Daisy Nelson: as published in “A Garden of Poems” from the Salesian Collection
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Poems And Poetry Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“Let our advance worrying become advance thinking and planning.” -Winston Churchill (Winston Leonard Spencer-Churchill (1874 - 1965))
 
“The antidote to worry is purposeful action.” -Brian Tracy (born 1944) at https://www.briantracy.com
 
“I have learned to live each day as it comes, and not to borrow trouble by dreading tomorrow. It is the dark menace of the future that makes cowards of us.” -Dorothy Dix (pseudonym of Elizabeth Meriwether Gilmer (1861 - 1951)): “Dorothy Dix, Her Book,” ‘Introduction’
 
“By forgetting the past and by throwing myself into other interests, I forget to worry.” -Jack Dempsey
 
“Worry is like anything else you do: keep practicing and, unfortunately, you’ll get better at it.” -Charles F. Glassman: “Brain Drain: The Breakthrough That Will Change Your Life” (2009)
 
“Worry is today’s mice nibbling on tomorrow’s cheese.” -Author Unknown
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Mice Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“Worrying won’t stop the bad stuff from happening, it just stops you from enjoying the good.” -Author Unknown
 
“There are so many unpleasant things in the world already that there is no use in imagining any more.” -L. M. Montgomery (Lucy Maud Montgomery (1874 - 1942)): “Anne of Windy Poplars” (1936)
 
“We would worry less about what others think of us if we realized how seldom they do.” -Ethel Barrett (1913 - 1998)
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Self-Esteem And Self-Confidence Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“Worry often gives a small thing a big shadow.” -Author Unknown: Swedish proverb
 
“Let not your heart be troubled.” -John: as quoted in “The Bible” (King James Version (1611)), ‘The Gospel According to John,’ chapter 14, verse 1
 
Overheard: Don’t tell me worrying doesn’t do any good - I know better! Most of the things I worry about never happen.
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Efforts And Benefits Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“Meditate upon exile, torture, wars, diseases, shipwreck . . . so that you may not be a novice to any misfortune.” -Seneca (Lucius Annaeus Seneca, also known as Seneca the Younger (3 B.C.E. - C.E. 65))
 
“When you spend time worrying, you’re simply using your imagination to create things you don’t want.” -Shannon L. Alder at https://www.shannonalder.com/
 
“Worrying takes up just as much time as work, but work pays better dividends.” -Author Unknown
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Time Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“People spend most of their lives worrying about things that never happen.” -Jean Molière (pseudonym of Jean-Baptiste Poquelin (1622 - 1673))
 
“My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.” -Michel de Montaigne (Michel Eyquem de Montaigne (1533 - 1592)): “Essais” (English: “Essays”) (1595), Book 3, chapter 1
 
“All forms of worry and anxiety are in essence fear . . .” -William J. Fielding (1927)
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“Worry: A state of mind that leads some persons to fear, every time the tide goes out, that it won’t come in again.” -Charles Wayland Towne: “The Foolish Dictionary, Executed by Gideon Wurdz, Master of Pholly, Doctor of Loquacious Lunacy, etc.” (1904)
 
“The most pleasant and useful persons are those who leave some of the problems of the Universe for God to worry about.” -Don Marquis (Donald Robert Perry ‘Don’ Marquis (1878 - 1937))

Image credit: Man photo created by asier_relampagoestudio - www.freepik.com.

A Worry
 
A worry crept into a mind,
Leaving claw marks and gashes behind.
     It turned the mind blue
     As it twisted each screw
Then it chuckled, and left, with a grind.
 
By Author Unknown
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Limericks Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“Don’t let your worries get the best of you. Remember, Moses started out as a basket case.” -Author Unknown

Never Happens
 
We often distress ourselves greatly in the
apprehension of misfortune which
after all never happens at all.
 
We should do our best, and wait calmly the result,
We often hear of people breaking down from overwork;
but in nine cases out of ten they are really
suffering from worry or anxiety.
 
By John Lubbock (1834 - 1913)

“Worry whomps and wails on weary souls.” -Terri Guillemets
 
“Wringing your hands only stops you from rolling up your sleeves.” -James Rollins
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“How to Stop Worrying and Start Living” (1948) is a self-help book by Dale Carnegie (Dale Harbison Carnegie (born Dale Breckenridge Carnagey (1888 - 1955))). Mr. Carnegie wrote in the preface of the book that he wrote it because he “was one of the unhappiest lads in New York.” He said that he made himself sick with worry because he hated his position in life. The goal of the book is to lead the reader to a more enjoyable and fulfilling life, helping them to become more aware of not only themselves, but of others around them. Mr. Carnegie addresses the everyday nuances of living, in order to get the reader to focus on the larger canvas of life. Available in print or e-reader version from your favorite book seller.
 
“Don’t fill your head with worries. There won’t be room for anything else.” -Author Unknown
 
“If you’re overwhelmed by thinking of all there is to be done, stop thinking about it so much and start working on it.” -Author Unknown
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Beginning And Starting Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“Worrying does not take away tomorrow’s troubles, it takes away today’s peace.” -Author Unknown
 
“Some of today’s worries are like puddles: tomorrow they will have evaporated.” -Author Unknown
 
“‘Each day has troubles enough of its own,’ so why anticipate them? If we do, we double them. For if our fear does not materialize, we have worried once for nothing; if it does materialize, we have worried twice instead of once. In both cases, it is foolish; worry doubles trouble.” -John R. W. Stott
 
“Do not worry too much - you will create a problem that was not even there in the first place!” -Author Unknown
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Problems And Solutions Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
Every life has some trouble
     When you worry you make it double.
-Bobby McFerrin (born 1950)
 
“Happy is the man who has broken the chains which hurt the mind, and has given up worrying once and for all.” -Publius Ovidius Naso (also known simply as Ovid (43 B.C.E. - about C.E. 17))
 
“There is a great difference between worry and concern. A worried person sees a problem, and a concerned person solves a problem.” -Harold Stephens (born 1926)
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Differences And Individuality Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“Work is as necessary for peace of mind as for health of the body. A day of worry is more exhausting than a week of work. Worry upsets our whole system, work keeps it in health and order. Exercise of the muscles keeps the body in health, and exercise of the brain brings peace of mind.” -John Lubbock (1834 - 1913): “The Use of Life” (1894), ‘Industry’
 
“Blessed is the person who is too busy to worry in the daytime, and too sleepy to worry at night.” -Leo Aikman (James Leo Aikman (1908 - 1978))
 
“Worry: Mountain climbing over molehills.” -Author Unknown
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“If you believe that feeling bad or worrying long enough will change a past or future event, then you are residing on another planet with a different reality system.” -William James (1842 - 1910)
 
“The more you pray, the less you’ll panic. The more you worship, the less you worry. You’ll feel more patient and less pressured.” -Rick Warren (Richard Duane Warren (born 1954)) at https://pastorrick.com/
 
Worry
 
Worry is a futile thing,
     It’s somewhat like a rocking chair;
Although it keeps you occupied,
     It doesn’t get you anywhere.
 
By Author Unknown
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Poetic Epigrams Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“It only seems as if you’re doing something when you worry.” -L. M. Montgomery (Lucy Maud Montgomery (1874 - 1942)): “Anne of Windy Poplars” (1936)
 
“Don’t worry; we all make mistakes, so forget about the past and move on with life.” -Author Unknown
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Mistakes And Errors Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“A worry a day drains the vitality away.” -Author Unknown
 
“Worry is a form of fear, and all forms of fear produce fatigue. A man who has learned not to feel fear will find the fatigue of daily life enormously diminished.” -Bertrand Russell (Bertrand Arthur William Russell (1872 - 1970))
 
“Worry takes as much time as work and pays less.” -Author Unknown
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Employment And Work Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“Show me a worrying person and I will show you a person who does not know how to relax.” -Albert E. Cliffe (Albert Edward Cliffe (1892 - 1954))
 
“Nothing wastes more energy than worrying. The longer one carries a problem, the heavier it becomes. Don’t take life too seriously. Live a life full of serenity, not of regrets.” -Douglas Pagels (born 1950)
 
“You can destroy your now by worrying about tomorrow.” -Janis Joplin (1943 - 1970)
 
“The activity of worrying keeps you immobilized.” -Wayne Dyer (born 1940)
 
“Worry is an unhealthy and destructive mental habit.” -Norman Vincent Peale (1898 - 1993)
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“There is only one way to happiness, and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will.” -Epictetus (about C.E. 55 - about C.E. 135)

​“Many people worry a lot today about tomorrow because they didn’t worry a little yesterday about today.” -Author Unknown: “Capsules of Wisdom”
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“How much pain have cost us, the evils that have never happened.” -Thomas Jefferson (1743 - 1826): letter (21 February 1825) to Thomas Jefferson Smith
 
“We have to fight them daily, like fleas, those many small worries about the morrow, for they sap our energies.” -Etty Hillesum (Esther ‘Etty’ Hillesum (1914 - 1943))
 
“Worry never accomplishes anything. When you have a problem, it is best to concentrate on the solution to that problem, not the problem itself.” -Thomas D. Willhite (Thomas Dale Willhite (1940 - 1983))
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“A man ninety years old was asked to what he attributed his longevity. ‘I reckon,’ he said with a twinkle in his eye, ‘It’s because most nights I went to bed and slept when I should have sat up and worried.’” -Dorothea Kent (1916 - 1990)

Do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?
 
Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?
 
Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
 
And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?
 
So do not worry, saying, “What shall we eat?” or “What shall we drink?” or “What shall we wear?” For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
 
Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
 
By Jesus of Nazareth: as quoted in “The Bible,” ‘Matthew,’ chapter 6, verses 25 through 34

“Worrying is carrying tomorrow’s load with today’s strength - carrying two days at once. It is moving into tomorrow ahead of time. Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.” -Corrie ten Boom (Cornelia ‘Corrie’ ten Boom (1892 - 1983)): “Clippings from my Notebook” (1982)
 
“Worrying is silly - it is like walking around with an umbrella, waiting for it to rain.” -Author Unknown
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Umbrellas And Parasols Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“If any man or woman knows more about worrying than I do, that man or woman is sincerely to be pitied. To begin with, I come of honorable generations of worriers, all of whom seemed to be deeply sensible of their responsibility for the carrying on of a world which they did not create. My grandfather used to worry about the weather and crops. My mother worried with an elaboration and finish which really lent distinction to her performance. She could worry harder and longer on less provocation than anybody else I ever knew. When it became my turn to take up the burden of the universe I was quite as successful as she.” -Mary Boardman Page: “The Confessions of a Worrier” (1899)
 
“To worry about tomorrow is to be unhappy today.” -Author Unknown
 
How can you make the ‘Worry List’ you carry in your head a little shorter?
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Questions And Queries Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
Don’t shoulder the burdens of others! . . .
Each man has his own special troubles,
     His worries and problems and woes;
     Give aid when you can to each mortal,
     But try not to feel all his blows!
For you, too, have burdens to carry;
     And, if you just wear yourself out
     In agony over all others,
     How can you, your own troubles, rout?
-Gertrude Tooley Buckingham (1880 - 1971): “Good Advice”
 
“Stop worrying about the potholes in the road and celebrate the journey!” -Barbara Hoffman
 
“In order to be done in a useful manner, worrying must be done quickly and then completely gotten over with. Worrying is a natural trait that helps us to figure out if there is something that needs to be done so that we can then do it, and if not, then stop worrying and get on with the daily activities and the great adventure of life!” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)
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“Never bear more than one trouble at a time. Some people bear three kinds - all they have had, all they have now, and all they expect to have.” -Edward Everett Hale (1822 - 1909)
 
“There are people who are always anticipating trouble, and in this way, they manage to enjoy many sorrows that never really happen to them.” -Josh Billings (pseudonym of Henry Wheeler Shaw (1818 - 1885))
 
“You can’t change the past, but you can a ruin a perfectly good present worrying about the future.” -Author Unknown
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Past-Dwelling And Living In The Past Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“Why worry? If you’ve done the very best you can, worrying won’t make it any better.” -Walt Disney (Walter Elias ‘Walt’ Disney (1901 - 1966))
 
“Worry is like riding a roller coaster. It scares the wits out of you, and you always end up right where you started.” -Author Unknown
 
“What if we knew for certain that everything we’re worried about today will work out fine? What if . . . we knew the future was going to be good, and we would have an abundance of resources and guidance to handle whatever comes our way? What if . . . we knew everything was okay, and we didn’t have to worry about a thing? What would we do then? We’d be free to let go and enjoy life.” -Melody Beattie (Melody Lynn Beattie (born 1948)): “The Language of Letting Go” (1990) at https://melodybeattie.com/
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Inspiration And Motivation Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
Unreal Troubles
 
If I must have an ill, may it be real,
That I may meet it eye to eye and fight,
And wheresoever it may strength reveal
Get after it with all my main and might.
The woe that but impends and wears the mind
With worry deep and most vexatious care,
Is harder fighting than the realler kind,
For when you come to strike - it isn’t there!
 
By John Kendrick Bangs (1862 - 1922): “The Cheery Way: A Bit of Verse for Every Day” (1920), ‘Unreal Troubles’ (March Fifteenth)
 
“Lots of men spend two dollars’ worth of worry over the loss of a quarter.” -Noah Lott (George V. Hobart): “The Silly Syclopedia” (1905)
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Money Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“Worry is a cycle of inefficient thoughts whirling around a center of fear.” -Corrie ten Boom (Cornelia ‘Corrie’ ten Boom (1892 - 1983))
 
“Worry is a total waste of time. It doesn’t change anything. All it does is steal your joy and keep you busy doing nothing.” -Author Unknown
 
“If you worry about what might be, and wonder what might have been, you will overlook what is.” -Author Unknown
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Today And The Present Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“It is the little bits of things that fret and worry us; we can dodge an elephant, but we can’t dodge a fly.” -Josh Billings (pseudonym of Henry Wheeler Shaw (1818 - 1885))
 
“Worry a little bit every day and in a lifetime, you will lose a couple of years. If something is wrong, fix it if you can. But train yourself not to worry: Worry never fixes anything.” -Mary Hemingway (1908 - 1986)
 
“I highly recommend worrying. It is much more effective than dieting.” -William Powell
 
“I’ve got 99 problems and 86 of them are completely made up scenarios in my head that I’m stressing about for absolutely no logical reason.” -Author Unknown
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Stress And Anxiety Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy.” -Leo Buscaglia (Felice Leonardo ‘Leo’ Buscaglia, also known as Leo F. Buscaglia (1924 - 1998))
 
“Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep always in the sunlight.” -Benjamin Franklin (Benjamin ‘Ben’ Franklin (1706 - 1790))
 
“Worrying is like wishing for something that you do not want.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)
 
“All worry is your imagination. Why not use your imagination to explore happier options?” -Marta Davidovich Ockuly (born 1952) at www.JoyOfQuotes.com
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Opportunities And Possibilities Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, but only saps today of its strength.” -A. J. Cronin (Archibald Joseph Cronin (1896 - 1981)): as quoted in “Today's Gift: Daily Meditations for Families” (1985) by Hazelden Publishing, page 11 at https://www.hazelden.org/
 
I was early taught to work as well as play,
My life has been one long, happy holiday;
Full of work and full of play -
I dropped the worry on the way -
And God was good to me every day.
-John Davison Rockefeller, Senior (1839 - 1937): verses written on his eighty-sixth birthday (8 July 1925)
 
“One day you’ll look back and realize that you worried too much about things that didn’t really matter.” -Author Unknown
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Difficult Pasts Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
     The other day someone sent me a “Don’t Worry Book.” Have you seen it? The book purports to be the constitution and by-laws of the “Don’t Worry Club,” which is exempt from fees, unlimited as to membership, has no badge and has absolutely no requirements except that worry is strictly forbidden . . .
     Its best feature, to my mind, is its very simplicity. There are no public meetings or conventions, no wearisome harangues, no “boards,” no “secretaries” to entertain, no fellow members to buttonhole or bore you, no badge to publish you. In short, the “Don’t Worry Club” seems to be a sort of independent secret society whose members, unknown to each other, are not restricted to race or color . . .
     As for myself, I am starting a “Don’t Worry Club” forthwith, and I wish to be its president - not that I crave office, but because I am seething with enthusiasm and want to push the society. If all eligible men and women were to become members, I am persuaded that the list would be a long one . . .
-Paterfamilias: ‘Don’t Worry’ published in “The Evangelical Episcopalian” (1900)
 
“The day you stop worrying will be the first day of your new life.” -Leon Brown
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read New Beginnings And Second Chances Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
At MFOL! we are worried that we might be taken seriously . . . okay, that’s enough worrying for one day . . . now let’s have fun or do work . . . whatever prevents worry from taking over . . .

Bicycles And Bicycling

“The bicycle, the bicycle surely, should always be the vehicle of novelists and poets.” -Christopher Morley (Christopher Darlington Morley (1890 - 1957))
 
The first bicycle in the world was invented in 1817. Riders sat on its seat and scooted it, or pushed it along with their feet, because it had no pedals - which no doubt wore out shoes quickly. The first bicycle to be fitted with pedal cranks and iron rims was built in 1840 by a Scottish blacksmith named Kirkpatrick MacMillan.
 
“A bicycle runs on fat and saves you money, whereas an automobile runs on money and makes you fat.” -Author Unknown
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“Tens of thousands who could never afford to own, feed and stable a horse, had by this bright invention enjoyed the swiftness of motion which is perhaps the most fascinating feature of material life.” -Frances Willard (Frances Elizabeth Caroline Willard (1839 - 1898)): “How I Learned to Ride the Bicycle” (1 January 1895)
 
Question: How do you know when a bike is thinking?
Answer: You can see its wheels turning.
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Minds And Thinking Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
Bicycle Facts
- Bicycles are rider-powered land vehicles.
- Bicycles have two large rotating wheels, with a rear wheel following behind a front wheel.
- The two wheels are connected to a frame, to which is also attached pedals, the rider’s seat, movable handlebars, manual brake controls, and accessories such as safety reflectors, bells, horns, electric lights, a cargo basket, and a water bottle.
- Bicycles typically use a chain to transmit the rider’s pedal-power to the rear wheel, which propels the machines forward.
- Balancing a bicycle to keep it upright is accomplished by the rider shifting his or her weight, leaning slightly to the left or the right.
- Steering is accomplished by moving the handlebars to turn the front wheel.
- Bicycles are most commonly used to transport a rider, but can also be fitted with racks or baskets for carrying cargo, and can even tow small trailers.
- More than one billion bicycles are found throughout the world.
 
“The bicycle is a curious vehicle. Its passenger is its engine.” -John Howard

Bicycles: Two-wheeled exercise machines, operated by humans, and invented for dogs to control body fat. To get maximum aerobic benefit, dogs must hide behind a bush and dash out, bark loudly, and run alongside for a few yards; the person swerves and falls into the bushes, and the dog can then walk away, refreshed from exercise.
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Physical Fitness And Exercising Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
Road bikes typically have thinner tires inflated to higher pressures than those found on off-road bikes such as mountain bikes, dirt bikes, and all-terrain bikes, taking advantage of the smoother surfaces that roads generally provide.
 
“The other day on a ride, I was speeding down a narrow, twisting, mountain road. Then along came a man who was driving very slowly uphill toward me, honking his horn, and shouting at me. “Pig, pig!” he said. “Pig, pig!” So I gave him a rude look and shouted back some insults as I sped by him. Still thinking about this awful man and his shouting, I turned the corner and promptly collided with a pig.” -Author Unknown
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Pigs And Hogs Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
Starlet: What’s the difference between a poorly-dressed man on a bicycle and a well-dressed man on a unicycle?
Alistair: Attire.
 
Bicycle tires come in many different types, so find out which type of tires best suit your cycling needs. Thin tires are for bicycling on pavement and on racing tracks, surface-gripping tires are for use on rough terrain such as rocky mountains, wide tires are for snow, and puncture-proof tires are for riding over ground that may have broken glass, sharp stones, or other material that can puncture or slice tires.
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Differences And Individuality Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“The journey of life is like a man riding a bicycle. We know he got on the bicycle and started to move. We know that at some point he will stop and get off. We know that if he stops moving and does not get off he will fall off.” -William Golding (1911 - 1993): as quoted in Abby Adams: “An Uncommon Scold” (1989)
 
“A bicycle does get you there and more . . . and there is always the thin edge of danger to keep you alert and comfortably apprehensive. Dogs become dogs again and snap at your raincoat; potholes become personal. And getting there is all the fun.” -Bill Emerson: ‘On Bicycling’ article published in the “Saturday Evening Post” (29 July 1967)
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Risks And Rewards Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.

Bicycles (a word commonly shorted to ‘bikes’) have two wheels. Human-propelled machines similar to bicycles include one-wheeled unicycles, three-wheeled tricycles, and four-wheeled quadracycles. Although unicycles (one wheel), tricycles (three wheels), and quadracycles (four wheels) do not have two wheels, they are sometimes still referred to as ‘bikes.’
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Numbers And Counting Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“The bicycle is just as good company as most husbands and, when it gets old and shabby, a woman can dispose of it and get a new one without shocking the entire community.” -Ann Strong: as quoted in the “Minneapolis Tribune” (1895) newspaper
 
The word ‘bicycle’ is derived from the Latin ‘bi’ meaning ‘twice’ or ‘double’ and the Greek ‘kuklos’ meaning ‘wheel.’ A ‘cyclist’ is a rider who powers a bicycle by moving the pedals.
 
Melvin: What is the hardest part of learning to ride a bike?
Calvin: The pavement.
 
About forty percent of the workers in Amsterdam, Netherlands commute to work by bicycle.
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Employment And Work Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“When man invented the bicycle, he reached the peak of his attainments. Here was a machine of precision and balance for the convenience of man. And, unlike subsequent inventions for man’s convenience, the more he used it, the fitter his body became. Here, for once, was a product of man’s brain that was entirely beneficial to those who used it, and of no harm or irritation to others. Progress should have stopped when man invented the bicycle.” -Elizabeth West: “Hovel in the Hills” (1 January 1977)
 
“The bicycle had, and still has, a humane, almost classical moderation in the kind of pleasure it offers. It is the kind of machine that a Hellenistic Greek might have invented and ridden. It does no violence to our normal reactions: It does not pretend to free us from our normal environment.” -J. B. Jackson
 
“Get a bicycle. You will certainly not regret it, if you live.” -Mark Twain (pseudonym of Samuel Langhorne Clemens (1835 - 1910)): “Taming the Bicycle” (1884)

Sometimes riding a bicycle is not safe. A major problem in some areas is that riding a bicycle on the streets carries a high risk of injury or even death because of unsafe motor-vehicle drivers. More attention needs to be given to this problem through education of motor-vehicle drivers - especially in teaching them that they will need to share the roads with other types of vehicles, no matter any contrary opinions. Motor vehicle drivers who create unsafe situations for cyclists must be denied the privilege of driving. More can be done to redesign streets and cities with the needs of cyclists in mind, making them welcome users, and not people who are merely tolerated. One way to make progress toward such goals is for bicycle riders to organize and work together on achieving them.
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Accidents And Safety Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“When I see an adult on a bicycle, I do not despair for the future of the human race.” -H. G. Wells (Herbert George Wells (1866 - 1946))
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read The Future And Predictions Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“Many things in life are like learning to ride a bicycle: You climb on and get it moving and you try to keep your balance and you have a few unpleasant accidents in which you are more scared and humiliated than you are injured and you learn very quickly how to work the strange mechanical contraption and before you know it you are quite good at it, and once you have learned how to ride a bicycle you never forget how it is done - so now you know the method to writing poetry and computer programs or making sandcastles and cinnamon scones or building skyscrapers and starting businesses; just get started and keep moving! Let us all get out there and do the things we have been dreaming of. Get on that bicycle of life and ride, ride like the wind!” -David Hugh Beaumont (born in 1966)
 
“I prefer a bike to a horse. The brakes are more easily checked.” -Lambert Jeffries
 
“For instance, the bicycle is the most efficient machine ever created: Converting calories into gas, a bicycle gets the equivalent of three thousand miles per gallon.” -Bill Strickland: “The Quotable Cyclist” (1997)
 
One of the reasons many people do not own a bicycle is that a bicycle might be stolen by bicycle thieves (strange, sinister people who are similar to horse thieves) - even when bicycles are secured to immovable objects with chains or cables and locks. One solution is the Yerka Bike, the world’s first theft-proof bicycle, which can be seen and purchased at https://www.yerka.world/. They have really great pedal-powered bicycles available for purchase right now, and also electric bikes that are in the planning-testing phase.
 
“Think of bicycles as rideable art that can just about save the world.” -Grant Peterson

A tandem bicycle is a bicycle built for two riders.
 
“The bicycle is the most civilized conveyance known to man. Other forms of transport grow daily more nightmarish. Only the bicycle remains pure in heart.” -Iris Murdoch: “The Red and the Green” (1965)
 
Do you need an idea for an endurance-aerobics exercise class? How about a bicycle built for six, eight, ten, twelve, twenty, or more riders, all of whom have pedals. The long vehicle can be ridden around the sunny countryside, rather than being one of those stationary exercise bikes that is confined within the mind-restricting uninspiring walls and all-ready-been-breathed stale air of a building.
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Efforts And Benefits Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“Life is like a ten-speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use.” -Charles Schulz (Charles Monroe ‘Sparky’ Schulz (1922 - 2000))
 
“Life is like riding a bicycle. You don’t fall off unless you stop pedaling.” -Claude Pepper (Claude Denson Pepper (1900 - 1989))
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Life And Living Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
Jake: Why did the bicycle have to stop and rest?
Jack: Because it was wheely just two-tired.
 
“Cycology: The science of propelling one’s self through the environment to enhance well-being.” -Author Unknown
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Daffynitions And Definitions Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
Amy: When is a bicycle not a bicycle?
Susy: When it turns into a driveway.
 
“It is curious that with the advent of the automobile and the airplane, the bicycle is still with us. Perhaps people like the world they can see from a bike, or the air they breathe when they’re out on a bike. Or they like the bicycle’s simplicity and the precision with which it is made. Or because they like the feeling of being able to hurtle through air one minute, and saunter through a park the next, without leaving behind clouds of choking exhaust, without leaving behind so much as a footstep.” -Gurdon S. Leete
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Environmentalism And Animal Rights Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.

Outside Ride On A Bicycle
 
The one thing I just can’t abide
Is spending the whole day inside.
     The one thing I like
     Is riding my bike.
Oh, please let me outside to ride!
 
By Author Unknown
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Playtime And Playing Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“Melancholy is incompatible with bicycling.” -James E. Starrs
 
Some bicycles have a suspension system in either the frame or the seat or both. This is especially common in mountain bikes, which use a suspension system to help deal with the vibrations and shocks caused by uneven surfaces.
 
“Bicycling is a big part of the future . . . it has to be . . . there is something wrong with a society that drives a car to work out at a gym.” -Bill Nye, the Science Guy
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Humans And Human Nature Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“Cycle tracks will abound in Utopia.” -H. G. Wells (Herbert George Wells (1866 - 1946))
 
“Bicycle: A sort of torture device, having a seat designed for a nonhuman robotic entity made of metal. A bicycle enables its rider to unsuccessfully manipulate gears in an attempt to not short-out leg muscles, but which always fails. However, there are bicycles with seats that are comfortable and that have none of the troublesome gears and levers - but they are not available to you in your city, only to people living in far-away lands, where trees and flowers grow along the paths between the cottages of villages in wooded mountainous areas, on rivers gently flowing to the sea.” -Author Unknown
 
The energy required to cycle at low to medium speeds is roughly the same as the energy required to walk.
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Walking And Ambulating Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“Life is like riding a bike. It is impossible to maintain your balance while standing still.” -Linda Brakeall: “Unlocking the Secrets of Successful Women in Business”

The Penny-Farthing was an early type of bicycle, with a front wheel significantly larger than the rear. The name comes from the old British penny and farthing coins, analogous to the large and small wheels.
 
“I think the bicycle has done more to emancipate women than any one thing in the world. I rejoice every time I see a woman ride by on a bike. It gives her a feeling of self-reliance and independence the moment she takes her seat; and away she goes, the picture of untrammeled womanhood.” -Susan B. Anthony (Susan Brownell Anthony (1820 - 1906)) (2 February 1896)
 
“The bicycle will accomplish more for women’s sensible dress than all the reform movements that have ever been waged.” -Author Unknown: as quoted in “Demorest’s Family Magazine” (1895)
 
Orville Wright and Wilbur Wright, the brothers who built the first successful airplane, operated a small bike repair shop in Dayton, Ohio, United States of America. They used this workshop to build their 1903 Wright Flyer.

Daisy Bell
 
Daisy, Daisy,
     Give me your answer, do!
I’m half crazy,
     All for the love of you!
It won’t be a stylish marriage,
     I can’t afford a carriage,
But you’ll look sweet
     On the seat
Of a bicycle
     Built for two!
 
By Harry Dacre (pseudonym of Frank Dean (1857 - 1922))
 
When Frank Dean, also known by the pseudonym Harry Dacre, came to the United States of America from England, he was shocked at the cost of the duty for the bicycle he had brought along. A friend chanced to remark, “Lucky for you it was not built for two,” which gave him the idea for his famous song “Daisy Bell,” which in turn started the whole cycle of bicycle songs popular in the 1890’s. Is this an example of someone making the best of things?

“Bicycling, furthermore, is the nearest approximation I know to the flight of birds. The airplane simply carries a man on its back like an obedient Pegasus; it gives him no wings of his own . . . Plunging free downhill is like a hawk stooping. On the level stretches you may pedal with a steady rhythm like a heron flapping; or you may like an accipitrine hawk, alternate rapid pedaling with gliding. If you want to test the force and direction of the wind, there is no better way than to circle, banked inward, like a turkey vulture. When you have the wind against you, headway is best made by yawing or wavering, like a crow flying upwind.” -Louis J. Halle, Junior: “Spring in Washington” (1947)
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Birds Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“It is by riding a bicycle that you learn the contours of a country best, since you have to sweat up the hills and coast down them. Thus you remember them as they actually are, while in a motor car only a high hill impresses you, and you have no such accurate remembrance of country you have driven through as you gain by riding a bicycle.” -Ernest Hemingway
 
Many bicycles are sold with seats that are too small, narrow, and uncomfortable for riders. This is one place where bicycle manufacturers unwisely skimp on materials, with the ridiculous excuse that a narrow seat will fit better inside the cardboard box in which an unassembled bicycle is shipped. Many cyclists buy and install after-market seats that are wider, padded, and even equipped with springs to make the ride less bumpy and more comfortable.
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Shopping Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
Lilly: Why can a bicycle not stand on its own?
Holly: Because it is just two-tired.
 
“I’ve really had it with my dog,” said a man to his neighbor. “He’ll chase anyone on a bicycle.” “Hmmm, that is a problem,” said the neighbor. “What are you thinking of doing about it?” The man said, “I guess the only answer is to confiscate his bike!”
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Domestic Dogs Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
More than ten bicycles can be parked in the space taken up by one automobile. Parking an automobile can cost twenty dollars (U.S.) or more a day, while parking a bicycle is free.
 
Bicycle Race
 
On a bike race through Scotland did ped-al
A speedy French rider who led-all.
     “Is my lead big?” he cried.
     “Wee,” a Scotsman replied,
So he slowed down and won no gold med-al.
 
By Graham Lester
 
“It would not be at all strange if history came to the conclusion that the perfection of the bicycle was the greatest incident of the nineteenth century.” -Author Unknown
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read History Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“Last week I forgot how to ride a bicycle.” -Steven Wright (Steven Alexander Wright (born 1955))
 
“Bicycle means simplicity and simplicity means happiness!” -Mehmet Murat Ildan
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Minimalism And Extravagance Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“When the spirits are low, when the day appears dark, when work becomes monotonous, when hopes hardly seems worth having, just mount a bicycle and go for a good spin down the road, without thought of anything but the ride you are taking.” -Arthur Conan Doyle: as quoted in “The American Bee Keeper” (May 1895)
 
Before the word ‘bicycle’ came into common usage, bikes were typically called ‘velocipedes’ - not to be confused with velociraptors, which are a type of theropod, which lived around the time of the dinosaurs, which are a type of extinct reptile - but not all reptiles are extinct, as for example, crocodiles, which do not commonly have wheels . . . but we digress . . .
 
“One of the most important days in my life was when I learned to ride a bicycle.” -Michael Palin
 
“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.” -Albert Einstein
 
We are MFOL! . . . engaging in the pursuit of happiness on two wheels . . .

Forgetting And Remembering

“We didn’t realize we were making memories, we just knew we were having fun.” -Author Unknown
 
“People who ask me what I’m doing tomorrow probably assume that I even know what day of the week it is.” -Author Unknown
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Goals And Planning Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
I don’t know - I forgot my name!
 
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Amnesia.
Amnesia, who?
Oh, you have it, too . . .
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Knock-Knock Jokes Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, and the things you never want to lose.” -Kevin Arnold
 
“I remember things that happened sixty years ago, but if you ask me where I left my car keys five minutes ago, that’s sometimes a problem.” -Lou Thesz
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read History Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“A memory is what is left when something happens and does not completely unhappen.” -Edward de Bono (born 1933)
 
“Occasionally I have to think like myself to remember where I put something.” -Sue S. Taylor
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“To remember anything, it must be associated with something you already know. You must see it in your mind. Create action and detail to improve the image. It should be like, near, or opposite that which is to be remembered.” -Author Unknown
 
“I love those random memories that make me smile no matter what’s going on in my life right now.” -Author Unknown
 
“Improve your memory by doing unforgettable things.” -Author Unknown
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Inspiration And Motivation Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“When someone hands you their business card, write a short note on the back to help you remember that person.” -Corey Citron
 
“He who does not remember the past is condemned to forget where he parked.” -David Rudnitsky
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Vehicles And Driving Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“Memory is merely the process of tuning into vibrations that have been left behind in space and time.” -Michio Kushi (1926 - 2014) and Edward Esko (born 1950): “Spiritual Journey” (1994), page 62
 
“Memories are timeless treasures of the heart.” -Author Unknown

The following test was supposedly developed as a mental age assessment by the School of Psychiatry at Harvard University. Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake. (The average person over 40 years of age cannot do it.)
 
1. This is this cat.
2. This cat is.
3. This is how cat.
4. This is to cat.
5. This is keep cat.
6. This is an cat.
7. This is old cat.
8. This is fogey cat.
9. This is busy cat.
10. This is for cat.
11. This is forty cat.
12. This is seconds cat.
 
Now go back and read the third word in each line from the top down. If you enjoyed this mental exercise, feel free to pass it on to your friends and acquaintances.

“The more often you share what you’ve learned, the stronger that information will become in your memory.” -Steve Brunkhorst
 
“Memory is a record of your personal experience. It is a record of trial and error, defeat and success. Past failures will warn you against repeating them.” -Wilfred Peterson
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Failures And Successes Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“Memory is a child walking along a seashore. You never know what small pebble it will pick up and store away among its treasured things.” -Pierce Harris

​“Lord Dudley was one of the most absent-minded men I think I ever met in society. One day he met me in the street, and invited me to meet myself. ‘Dine with me today, dine with me, and I will get Sydney Smith to meet you.’ I admitted the temptation he held out to me, but said I was engaged to meet him elsewhere.” -Sydney Smith (1771 - 1845): as quoted in Herbert V. Prochnow and Herbert V. Prochnow, Junior, editors: “A Treasury of Humorous Quotations” (1969), page 1
 
“Not the power to remember, but its very opposite, the power to forget, is a necessary condition for our existence.” -Sholem Asch (1880 - 1957): “The Nazarene” (1939), page 3
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Life And Living Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“Most of us must learn a great deal every day in order to keep ahead of what we forget.” -Frank A. Clark (Frank Atherton Clark (1911 - 1991))
 
Jack: My memory is so bad . . .
Jane: How bad is it?
Jack: How bad is what?
 
“The advantage of a bad memory is that, several times over, one enjoys the same good things for the first time.” -Friedrich Nietzsche (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche (1844 - 1900))
 
Conditions Commonly Associated With Difficulty In Remembering
- Aging
- Being overwhelmed with information
- Lack of interest
- Overwork or exhaustion
- Stress and anxiety
- Trauma
Can you think of anything else?
 
“We have all forgot more, than we remember.” -Thomas Fuller (1654 - 1734): “Gnomologia: Adages and Proverbs, Wise Sentences, and Witty Sayings” (1732), number 5442
 
“How is it that our memory is good enough to retain the least triviality that happens to us, and yet not good enough to recollect how often we have told it to the same person?” -François de La Rochefoucauld (also known as François Duc de La Rochefoucauld (1613 - 1680)): “Reflections; or, Sentences and Moral Maxims” (1678), maxim 313
 
“Some people described as being ‘absent-minded’ actually may be daydreaming or thinking of other things, and are not actually absent-minded, but rather ‘otherwardly-focused.’” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)
 
“You never realize what a good memory you have until you try to forget something.” -Franklin P. Jones (Franklin Pierce Jones (1908 - 1980))
 
Ah, tell me not that memory
     Sheds gladness o’er the past;
What is recalled by faded flowers,
     Save that they did not last?
Were it not better to forget,
     Than but remember and regret?
-Letitia Elizabeth Landon (1802 - 1838): “Ethel Churchill; Or, The Two Brides” (1837), Volume II, page 201
 
“Better by far you should forget and smile than that you should remember and be sad.” -Christina Rossetti (Christina Georgina Rossetti (1830 - 1894))
 
“Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in the memory as the wish to forget it.” -Michel de Montaigne (Michel Eyquem de Montaigne (1533 - 1592))
 
My memory is not as sharp as it used to be. Also . . . my memory is not as sharp as it used to be. And not only that . . . but my memory’s not as sharp as . . . something . . . I forget . . . what was I saying?
 
“If you want to test your memory, try to recall what you were worrying about one year ago today.” -E. Joseph Cossman (Eli Joseph Cossman (1918 - 2002))
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Worries And Worrying Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“They say memory is the first thing to go. The second thing to go is memory.” -George Takei
 
“Never let your memories be greater than your dreams.” -Doug Ivester
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Hopes And Dreams Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“Memory is the treasury and guardian of all things.” -Marcus Tullius Cicero (also known as Tully or simply Cicero (106 B.C.E. - 43 B.C.E.)): “De Oratore,” I, 5
 
“Memories take us back, dreams take us forward.” -Author Unknown
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Past - Present - Future Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“If you wish to forget anything on the spot, make a note that this thing is to be remembered.” -Edgar Allan Poe (1809 - 1849)
 
“I am not my memories. I am my dreams.” -Terry Hostetler
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Affirmations And Self-Talk Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“I am so absent minded that sometimes in the middle of a sentence I . . .” -Author Unknown

“Memory is not just the imprint of the past time upon us; it is the keeper of what is meaningful for our deepest hopes and fears.” -Rollo May (Rollo Reece May (1909 - 1994)): “Man’s Search for Himself” (1953), page 220
 
“Teach me not the art of remembering, but the art of forgetting, for I remember things I do not wish to remember, but I cannot forget the things I wish to forget.” -Themistocles (524 B.C.E. - 459 B.C.E.): as quoted in Cicero: “De Finibus,” book ii, chapter 32
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Words Heal Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“Blessed are the forgetful: for they get the better even of their blunders.” -Friedrich Nietzsche (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche (1844 - 1900))
 
“‘The method of loci,’ an imaginal technique known to the ancient Greeks and Romans and described by Yates (1966) in her book “The Art of Memory” as well as by Luria (1969). In this technique the subject memorizes the layout of some building, or the arrangement of shops on a street, or any geographical entity which is composed of a number of discrete loci. When desiring to remember a set of items the subject ‘walks’ through these loci in their imagination and commits an item to each one by forming an image between the item and any feature of that locus. Retrieval of items is achieved by ‘walking’ through the loci, allowing the latter to activate the desired items. The efficacy of this technique has been well established (Ross and Lawrence 1968, Crovitz 1969, 1971, Briggs, Hawkins and Crovitz 1970, Lea 1975), as is the minimal interference seen with its use.” -John O’Keefe and Lynn Nadel: “The Hippocampus as a Cognitive Map” (7 December 1978)
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Geography Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“I have a terrible memory; I never forget a thing.” -Edith Konecky
 
“In memory everything seems to happen to music.” -Tennessee Williams (Thomas Lanier Williams III (1911 - 1983)): “The Glass Managerie” (1944)
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Music Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“To observe attentively is to remember distinctly.” -Edgar Allan Poe (1809 - 1849)
 
“Memory . . . is the diary that we all carry about with us.” -Oscar Wilde (Oscar Fingal O’Flahertie Wills Wilde (1854 - 1900)): “The Importance of Being Earnest” (1895)
 
“. . . memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you wish to never lose.” -Bob Brush
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Self-Concept And Self-Identity Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“Funny, I do not remember being this absent-minded . . .” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)
 
“A good life is a collection of happy memories.” -Denis Waitley (Denis E. Waitley, Senior (born 1933)) at https://www.deniswaitley.com/
 
The word ‘lethologica’ describes the state of not being able to remember the word you want. Now if I could just remember that word when I need to . . . what was it again?
 
“What isn’t remembered never happened.” -Lain
 
“Memory is the thing you forget with.” -Alexander Chase (Stuart Alexander Chase (born 1926)): “Perspectives” (1966)
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Daffynitions And Definitions Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
Three elderly men were at the doctor’s office for a memory test. The doctor asked the first man, “What is three times three?” “274,” came the reply. The doctor rolled his eyes and looked up at the ceiling, and said to the second man, “It’s your turn. What is three times three?” “Tuesday,” replied the second man. The doctor shook his head sadly, then asked the third man, “Okay, your turn. What are three times three?” “Nine,” said the third man. “That’s great!” said the doctor. “How did you get that?” “Simple,” he said, “just subtract 274 from Tuesday.”
 
“Age doesn’t always make you as forgetful as you may have been led to believe. It’s really having far too many facts to remember and too many tasks that must be completed that makes you forgetful.” -Author Unknown
 
Three sisters, who were 92, 94, and 96 years of age, lived in a house together. One night the 96-year-old drew a bath. She put her foot in and paused. She yelled to the other sisters, “Was I getting in or out of the bath?” The 94-year-old yelled back, “I don’t know. I’ll come up and see.” She started up the stairs and paused. “Was I going up the stairs or down?” The 92-year-old was sitting at the kitchen table having tea and listening to her sisters. She shook her head and said, “I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood.” She then yelled, “I’ll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who’s at the door.”
 
“Be careful who you make memories with. Those things can last a lifetime.” -Ugo Eze
 
“Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory.” -Georges Duhamel (1884 - 1966): “The Heart’s Domain” (1919)
 
“Memory is the mental function that tells a man his wedding anniversary was yesterday.” -Author Unknown
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Marriage And Marrying Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“One of the great mysteries of life is how a person can leave his or her car keys in the refrigerator.” -Author Unknown
 
“To observe attentively is to remember distinctly.” -Edgar Allan Poe (1809 - 1849)
 
When time who steals our years away
     Shall steal our pleasures too,
The mem’ry of the past will stay
     And half our joys renew.
-Thomas Moore (1779 - 1852): “Juvenile Poems” (1799 - 1804), ‘Song’
 
“We are our memories.” -Author Unknown
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Self-Concept And Self-Identity Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“You never know when you’re making a memory.” -Rickie Lee Jones
 
“God gave us memories that we might have roses in December.” -J. M. Barrie (James Matthew Barrie (1860 - 1937)): “Courage” (1922) rectoral address, paraphrasing lines from Geoffrey Anketell Suddert Kennedy (1883 - 1929): “Roses in December” poem, stanza 1, lines 1 through 3
 
God gave His children memory
     That in life’s garden there might be
June roses in December.
-Geoffrey Anketell Studdert-Kennedy (1883 - 1929): “Roses in December” poem
 
“Sometimes, I sit and think of all the memories I’ve made and smile. Then I smile even more at the thought of memories yet to be made.” -Author Unknown
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Smiles And Smiling Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“The best thing about memories . . . is making them.” -Author Unknown
 
We are MFOL! . . . reminding you to never forget, even for a moment, how truly amazing you are . . .

Cats And Dogs

If you are having difficulty deciding whether to get a cat or a dog, we may be able to help . . .
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Choices And Decisions Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
One trait cats and dogs have in common is that they will both look up to you . . . but they look at you differently.
 
“If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because you lap is warmer.” -Alfred North Whitehead

“Your cat will never threaten your popularity by barking at three in the morning. He won’t attack the mailman or eat the drapes, although he may climb the drapes to see how the room looks from the ceiling.” -Helen Powers
 
“My sister wanted a cat for a pet . . . I wanted a dog, so they bought a cat and taught it to bark.” -Charles ‘Chic’ Murray (1919 - 1985)
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Homes And Families Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
Inquiring cats want to know: If there are dedicated ‘dog parks,’ where are the dedicated ‘cat parks’?
 
Maryanne: Why are cats and dogs so self-confident?
Ryan: Because anything is paw-sible when you are a cat or a dog!
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Self-Esteem And Self-Confidence Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“In order to keep a true perspective of one’s importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him.” -Dereke Bruce
 
A pet cat and a pet dog cannot eat from the same bowl, as neither one should eat the food meant for the other. Even though modern processed pet foods all tend to look the same, the ingredients are different because the nutritional needs of the animals are quite different.
 
While cats have only about 473 taste buds and do not have a ‘sweet tooth,’ dogs have about 1,700 taste buds, and appear to like sweets much more than cats do. Humans have approximately 9,000 taste buds.
 
Domestic cats, just like their wild forebears, are carnivores, or animals that eat other animals. Cat food is high, or dense, in protein, fat, minerals, vitamins, and calories. Cats eat smaller meals, but more meals, throughout the day, compared to dogs. When cats feel they have eaten enough, they will usually leave any remaining food in the bowl and go off to do other cat things, perhaps returning sometime later to eat again.
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Habits And Routines Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“Dogs eat. Cats dine.” -Ann Taylor
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Mealtimes And Eating Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
Domestic dogs, just like their wild forebears, and also like humans, are omnivores, or animals that eat both other animals and plants. Dog food will likely need to be measured with a measuring cup or scoop, or poured into a bowl of a known size, to ensure that a dog does not eat more than is required, because dogs will eat everything placed before them, even continuing to eat more than is healthy for them and well past fullness.
 
“‘I’d better not eat that,’ said no dog ever!” -Author Unknown
 
One way to reduce the chances of a pet cat or dog needing to go to the veterinarian after eating something it should not have eaten is to make sure that the cat does not eat the dog’s food and that the dog does not eat the cat’s food. Cats can digest small amounts of Vitamin D, but dogs cannot, so a dog that eats fish-based cat food might need to be taken to a veterinarian immediately.

Spot: What do you get when you cross a dog and a cat?
Fluffy: An animal that chases itself.
 
Understanding
 
I said “Hello” when I came in;
     Sport wagged his tail and licked my chin.
I said “Hello” to Boots, and she
     Purred and rubbed against my knee.
You can speak Chinese? What of that?
     I can speak dog! I can speak cat!
 
By Author Unknown
 
When cats chase their prey, they keep their heads level. Dogs and humans bob their heads up and down when chasing prey. Ducks cannot waddle, waddle, quack, quack without bobbing their heads. This could be a whole new way of looking at animals!
 
In contrast to dogs, cats have not undergone major changes during the attempted domestication process. This is likely because dogs got an earlier start; with the wild ancestors of dogs having a similar omnivorous diet to humans and mostly living in groups as humans do, they began voluntarily hanging around human settlements, possibly to scavenge discarded or unguarded food or to beg for food. Cats, having a strictly carnivorous diet, being nocturnal or more active at night, and often living solitary lives, may have been less drawn to early human settlements. Much later, when humans began to live less by hunting wild animals and more by agriculture, cats may have been drawn into closer quarters with humans, because food crops such as grains and fruits attract rodents, birds, and other small animals that cats prey on.
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Continuing And Progressing Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“You can keep a dog; but it is the cat who keeps people, because cats find humans useful domestic animals.” -George Mikes: “How to Be Decadent” (1 January 1977)

Post the following notice where it can be read by your pets:
 
House Rules For Dogs And Cats
 
Dear Dog and Cat,
 
When I tell you to move, it means to go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way.
 
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
 
The stairway was not designed by racecar drivers and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn’t help, because I fall faster than you can run.
 
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort.
 
Look at videos of dogs and cats sleeping, they can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm.
 
-Sincerely,
 
Your Tall Lanky Housemate

Dogs have lived with humans for more than 14,000 years. Cats have lived with humans for only 7,000 years.
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read History Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
A dog thinks: Wow, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me . . . They are amazing! A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me . . . I am amazing!

Can cats and dogs ever get along together? Yes, they can. Despite the stereotypes, not all dogs and cats are disagreeable towards each other. However, to increase the likelihood that a cat and a dog can live together without being adversaries, you may need to make some efforts. Begin if possible by introducing them while they are young animals, as a kitten and a puppy. At this age, they are learning about their surroundings and everything and everyone in it. They can become accustomed to each other’s presence, behaviors, appearances, and smells. You can facilitate the process by playing with them together, using pet toys and common everyday objects. However, it is important to always keep in mind that as different species, they will always have different nutritional needs, so each must have its own specific foods. They will also have different needs in sleep, activity level, and the amount and kind of attention they need from you. And, lest we forget, they will also have different needs when it comes to frequency of visits to the veterinarian.
 
Riddle: All of Laura’s pets are dogs except one, and all her pets are cats except one. How many cats and dogs does she have?
Solution: Laura has one cat and one dog.
 
“Cat people are different, to the extent that they generally are not conformist. How could they be, with a cat running their lives?” -Louis J. Camuti
 
“Every cat thinks he’s the cat’s meow, until he hears the dog’s bark, at which time he high-tails it out of there.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)
 
Fuzzy: Why are dogs required to be licensed, but cats are not?
Bowzer: Because cats can’t drive.
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Vehicles And Driving Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“Dogs can’t operate MRI machines. But catscan.” -Author Unknown
 
Cat brains are biologically more similar to human brains than they are to dog brains. Both humans and cats have identical regions in their brains that are responsible for emotions. During the time it has taken you to read this, the cat has just realized it can now call your other pet by the name ‘Dog-Brain.’
 
“A dog is a dog, but a cat is a purrrrson.” -Author Unknown
 
“Dogs have masters, cats have support staff.” -Author Unknown
 
Millie: What do dogs and cats have in common with cell phones?
Nellie: They all have collar I.D.’s.
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Telephones Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“When you have a cat, you can never be quite sure which one of you is the pet, or as someone once said, cats make great pets - out of their owners.” -Author Unknown
 
Cats can make more than 100 different vocal sounds. Dogs make only about 10. Conclusion: Cats talk too much - unless you have one of those dogs that barks all day and all night, of course . . . arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf . . .
 
“Cats make ‘purrrfectly’ marvelous pets, but dogs make ‘doggone’ good pets.” -Author Unknown
 
“Dogs come when they’re called. Cats take a message and get back to you.” -Mary Bly
 
“I used to love dogs until I discovered cats.” -Nafisa Joseph
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Adventure And Exploration Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“Dogs own space and cats own time.” -Nicola Griffith
 
“Perhaps dogs chase cars because of their herding instinct: A dog sees your vehicle pulling away from the rest of the vehicles parked alongside the curbs and in the driveways. The dogs thinks, ‘One of those things is straying from the rest of the flock, I must get it back with the others! Woof, woof!’” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)

Would you rather be a dog and chase cars that you will never catch, or be a cat and climb trees and get stuck in them?
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Questions And Queries Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“The cat could very well be man’s best friend, but would never stoop to admitting it.” -Doug Larson (Douglas Lincoln ‘Doug’ Larson (1926 - 2017))
 
Furball: How can you get a cat to do tricks?
Fido: Put a dog in a cat suit.

Dog And Cat Owners Have Different Personalities 

Dog owners and cat owners are as different as night and day, says an expert - who reveals the distinctive personality traits of each. People are like their pets, said Dr. Vinsey, Professor of Anthropology at Pace University in New York City, who made a six-year study of pets and their owners.

Dr. Vinsey characterizes dog owners this way:
- They tend to be more outgoing and sociable and they are more apt to be openly affectionate.
- Dog owners are more generous and helpful. They are more ambitious and assertive and more apt to take risks to reach their goals.
- Dog owners are more ‘outdoorsy’ - they love to tramp the hills, go camping, and participate in active, energetic sports.
 
Cat owners are a different type says Dr. Vinsey:
- They tend to be well-read, articulate and cultured and more imaginative, creative, and curious than dog owners.
- They are more apt to be loners. They enjoy privacy and tend to be aloof until they know someone well.
- Cat lovers are comfort lovers and tend to pamper themselves. They’re more finicky and choosy, have exotic tastes and are nonconformists. They also tend to be more opinionated and independent.
- Cat owners are indoor people. Their greatest joy is to curl up in front of a fire with a good book or a television miniseries to view.
 
But both cat and dog owners are far more flexible than people who don’t own pets, said the doctor. They take a less rigid approach to life and adjust more easily to changes in plans or circumstances, she said.
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Differences And Individuality Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.

“You cannot share your life with a dog, as I had done in Bournemouth, or a cat, and not know perfectly well that animals have personalities and minds and feelings.” -Jane Goodall
 
“Chaos: What happens when a dog person marries a cat person.” -Author Unknown
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Daffynitions And Definitions Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“A dog, I have always said, is prose; a cat is a poem.” -Jean Burden
 
“Cats’ hearing apparatus is built to allow the human voice to easily go in one ear and out the other.” -Stephen Baker
 
Cat hearing is better than dog hearing. Cats can hear sounds up to two octaves higher than humans can hear - but they will never tell you this, preferring to keep this ability exclusively for their own benefit.
 
Dogs are mentioned a total of 44 times in “The Bible,” 35 times in the ‘Old Testament,’ and 9 times in the ‘New Testament.’ Curiously, cats are never mentioned . . . maybe because they are not as good at herding sheep.
 
“If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow, but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much.” -Mark Twain (pseudonym of Samuel Langhorne Clemens (1835 - 1910))
 
“Properly trained, a man can be dog’s best friend.” -Corey Ford
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read How To Make And Keep Friends Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“Today I saw a woman talking to her cat. She really thought the cat understood. I told my dog when I got home . . . we both had a good laugh.” -Author Unknown
 
Proof that cats are smarter than dogs: You will never find a dozen cats pulling a sled through the snow. They know the best place to be in the winter is curled up in front of the fireplace.
 
“As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat.” -Ellen Perry Berkeley
 
“Dogs believe every stranger is a friend they haven’t met yet. Cats wait for a proper invitation.” -Vicki Brown
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Friendships And Friends Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“Cat’s Motto: No matter what you’ve done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it.” -Author Unknown
 
Good news: You do not have to choose between having a pet cat or having a pet dog - just get six of each, and then you’ll have an even dozen . . . your neighbors will not know if they should call you the eccentric cat person, the eccentric dog person, or the zookeeper!
 
We are MFOL! . . . making funny faces at animals . . . why do the cats always run away . . . while the dogs just bark and yip and whine . . .

Apathy And Enthusiasm

​“I was born excited!” -Mark Twain (pseudonym of Samuel Langhorne Clemens (1835 - 1910)), explaining the reason for his success
 
“Enthusiasm is the greatest asset in the world. It beats money and power and influence.” -Henry Chester
 
“An old dog can learn new tricks. If your enthusiasm has lost its vitality, do everything possible to revive it.” -Don McArt: “The Mental Makeover” (February 2004)
 
“Enthusiasm is the electricity of life. How do you get it? You act enthusiastic until you make it a habit.” -Gordon Parks
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Habits And Routines Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“An enthusiastic heart finds opportunities everywhere.” -Paulo Coelho (born 1947)
 
“If you have zest and enthusiasm, you attract zest and enthusiasm. Life does give back in kind.” -Norman Vincent Peale (1898 - 1993)
 
“Enthusiasm is the foundation of a Pleasing Personality, and you must have such a personality in order to influence others to cooperate with you.” -Napoleon Hill (Oliver Napoleon ‘Napoleon’ Hill (1883 - 1970)): “The Law Of Success: In Sixteen Lessons” (1928)
 
“The world belongs to the energetic.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882)
 
“I rate enthusiasm even above professional skill.” -Edward Appleton (Edward Victor Appleton (1892 - 1965))
 
“I would rather hire a man with enthusiasm, than a man who knows everything.” -John D. Rockefeller (John Davison Rockefeller, Senior (1839 - 1937)): as quoted in Bryan Curtis: “Classic Wisdom for the Professional Life” (2010), page 75
 
“Enthusiasm is nothing more or less than faith in action.” -Henry Chester
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Daffynitions And Definitions Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“The enthusiastic person will find ways around any setbacks, they may fall down, but they are quick to stand up again.” -Catherine Pulsifer (born 1927) at https://www.QuotesChristian.com and https://www.StressLessCountry.com/quotes/
 
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Ya.
Ya, who?
Wow, you sure are excited!
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Knock-Knock Jokes Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“Whatever you vividly imagine, ardently desire, sincerely believe, and enthusiastically act upon . . . must inevitably come to pass!” -Paul J. Meyer (Paul James Meyer, Senior (1928 - 2009)) at https://PaulJMeyer.com/
 
“Enthusiasm: Get-up-and-glow.” -Frank Tyger (1929 - 2011)
 
“Nothing is so contagious as enthusiasm; it is the real allegory of the tale of Orpheus - it moves stones, it charms brutes. Enthusiasm is the genius of sincerity, and truth accomplishes no victories without it.” -Edward Bulwer-Lytton (Edward George Earle Lytton Bulwer-Lytton (1803 - 1873)): “The Last Days of Pompeii” (1834), Book I, Chapter VIII
 
“Every man is enthusiastic at times. One man has enthusiasm for thirty minutes, another for thirty days, but it is the man who has it for thirty years who makes a success of his life.” -Edward B. Butler

​“Your enthusiasm will be infectious, stimulating, and attractive to others. They will love you for it. They will go for you and with you.” -Norman Vincent Peale (1898 - 1993)
 
“Enthusiasm is the propelling force necessary for climbing the ladder of success.” -Author Unknown
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Ladders Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“It’s faith in something and enthusiasm for something that makes a life worth living.” -Oliver Wendell Holmes, Senior (1809 - 1894)
 
“Think of yourself as on the threshold of unparalleled success. A whole clear, glorious life lies before you. Achieve! Achieve!” -Andrew Carnegie (1835 - 1919)
 
“A mediocre idea that generates enthusiasm will go further than a great idea that inspires no one.” -Mary Kay Ash (born Mary Kathlyn Wagner (1918 - 2001))
 
“Be not afraid of enthusiasm; you need it; you can do nothing effectually without it.” -François Guizot: as quoted in Josiah Hotchkiss Gilbert: “Dictionary of Burning Words of Brilliant Writers” (1895), page 209
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Fears And Courage Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“There is nothing greater than enthusiasm.” -Henry Moore
 
“Apathy can be overcome by enthusiasm, and enthusiasm can only be aroused by two things: first, an ideal, with takes the imagination by storm, and second, a definite intelligible plan for carrying that ideal into practice.” -Arnold J. Toynbee
 
“Enthusiasm releases the drive to carry you over obstacles and adds significance to all you do.” -Norman Vincent Peale (1898 - 1993)
 
No wild enthusiast ever yet could rest,
Till half mankind were like himself possess’d.
-William Cowper (1731 - 1800): “Progress of Error,” line 470
 
“Always remember that when contentment enters, progress ceases.” -Author Unknown
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Continuing And Progressing Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson: Essays: First Series” (1841), ’Circles,’ final paragraph
 
Forest: What is the difference between ignorance and apathy?
Willow: I don’t know and I don’t care.
Forest: That’s right!
 
“Nothing is so contagious as enthusiasm.” -Samuel Taylor Coleridge (1772 - 1834)
 
“When a person applies enthusiasm to his job, the job will itself become alive with exciting new possibilities.” -Norman Vincent Peale (1898 - 1993)
 
“We act as though comfort and luxury were the chief requirements in life, when all that we need to make us really happy is something to be enthusiastic about.” -Charles Kingsley (1819 - 1875)
 
“A different world cannot be built by indifferent people.” -Horace Mann (1796 - 1859)

“Enthusiasm finds the opportunities, and energy makes the most of them.” -Henry S. Haskins (Henry Stanley Haskins (1876 - 1957)): “Meditations on Wall Street” (1940)
 
“In order to be a success in business there is one thing you must do. You cannot be successful without it. That is ‘work.’ I have not told you anything new. Everyone knows that you cannot be successful in anything without work. Why does not everyone work? Because some lack the one thing that makes men want to work: ‘enthusiasm.’ That is something no one can give you. You must acquire it yourself and the only way that you can become enthusiastic about anything is to have a thorough ‘knowledge’ of it. You have never seen an enthusiastic man who was lazy.” -Thomas J. Watson (Thomas John Watson (1874 - 1956)): speech at Princeton University (13 October 1928)
 
“Enthusiasm is one of the most powerful engines of success. When you do a thing, do it with your might. Put your whole soul into it. Stamp it with your own personality. Be active, be energetic, be enthusiastic and faithful, and you will accomplish your object.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882)
 
“Apathy is the first step to anarchy.” -Author Unknown
 
“There is real magic in enthusiasm. It spells the difference between mediocrity and accomplishment . . . It gives warmth and good feeling to all your personal relationships.” -Norman Vincent Peale (1898 - 1993): as quoted in Frederic Brussat and Mary Ann Brussat: “Spiritual Literacy: Reading the Sacred in Everyday Life” (1998)
 
“Enthusiasm moves the world.” -Arthur James Balfour (1848 - 1930)
 
“Enthusiasm is the key not only to the achievement of great things but to the accomplishment of anything that is worthwhile.” -Samuel Goldwyn (also known as Samuel Goldfish, born Szmuel Gelbfisz (1879 or 1882 - 1974))
 
“It is always delightful to have one’s feeling expressed by some one else in language of enthusiasm one might oneself be afraid to employ.” -Alfred Austin (1835 - 1913): “Lamia’s Winter-Quarters” (1898), page 68
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Gratitude And Thankfulness Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“Enthusiasm is the yeast that raises the dough.” -Paul J. Meyer (Paul James Meyer, Senior (1928 - 2009)) at https://PaulJMeyer.com/
 
“All in favor of losing their rights, please do nothing.” -Author Unknown
 
“It is easier to be apathetic about enthusiasm than it is to be enthusiastic about apathy.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)
 
“I’m apathetic . . . and I don’t care.” -Author Unknown
 
“If you want to be enthusiastic, act enthusiastic.” -Dale Carnegie (Dale Harbison Carnegie (born Dale Breckenridge Carnagey (1888 - 1955)))
 
“Those who have arrived at any very eminent degree of excellence in the practice of an art or profession have commonly been actuated by a species of enthusiasm in their pursuit of it. They have kept one object in view amidst all the vicissitudes of time and fortune.” -John Knox (about 1514 - 1572): as quoted in Josiah Hotchkiss Gilbert: “Dictionary of Burning Words of Brilliant Writers” (1895), page 208
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Adversities And Persevering Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“A man can succeed at almost anything for which he has unlimited enthusiasm.” -Charles M. Schwab (Charles Michael Schwab (1862 - 1939))
 
“The continual intrusion into our minds of the hammering noises of arguments and propaganda can lead to two kinds of reactions. It may lead to apathy and indifference, the I-don’t-care reaction, or to a more intensified desire to study and to understand. Unfortunately, the first reaction is the more popular one.” -Joost A. M. Meerloo
 
“Flaming enthusiasm, backed up by horse sense and persistence, is the quality that most frequently makes for success.” -Dale Carnegie (Dale Harbison Carnegie (born Dale Breckenridge Carnagey (1888 - 1955))): as quoted in Ronald P. Keeven: “A Joke, a Quote, & the Word: Feed Your Body, Soul and Spirit” (2006), page 147
 
“Enthusiasm is the great hill-climber.” -Elbert Hubbard (Elbert Green Hubbard (1856 - 1915))
 
“Are you excited because things are going well, or are things going well because you’re excited?” -Author Unknown
 
“And whatsoever Ye do, do it heartily.” -Paul of Tarsus (C.E. 10 - C.E. 67): as quoted in “The Bible,” ‘Colossians,’ chapter 3, verse 23
 
“Enthusiasm . . . the sustaining power of all great action.” -Samuel Smiles (1812 - 1904)
 
“The real secret of success is enthusiasm.” -Walter Chrysler (Walter Percy Chrysler (1875 - 1940))
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read How To Be Successful Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“Enthusiasm is the sparkle in your eyes, the swing in your gait. The grip of your hand, the irresistible surge of will and energy to execute your ideas.” -Henry Ford (1863 - 1947)
 
We are MFOL! . . . in a world of possibilities . . .

Poetic Epigrams

Look around the habitable world: how few
Know their own good, or knowing it, pursue.
-Decimus Iunius Iuvenalis (also known as Decimus Junius Juvenalis or simply Juvenal (about C.E. 47 - about C.E. 138)): as quoted in John Dryden (1631 - 1700), translator: “The Satires of Decimus Junius Juvenalis: And of Aulus Persius Flaccus” (1693), Satire 10, lines 1 and 2
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Wisdom And Advice Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
Once upon a time, it happened to me, 
     the very sweetest thing, that could even be. 
It was a fantasy, a dream come true,
     it was the day I saw you.
-Author Unknown
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Love Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
It sounds like stories from the land of spirits
If any man obtain that which he merits,
Or any merit that which he obtains.
-Samuel Taylor Coleridge (1772 - 1834)
 
Two cats can live as cheaply as one,
And their owner has twice as much fun.
-Lloyd Alexander (Lloyd Chudley Alexander (1924 - 2007))
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Domestic Cats Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
What is a poetic epigram? Po·et·ic ep·i·gram (pō-ĕt′ĭk ĕp′ ĭ-grăm′), noun: a short and often witty poem expressing a single thought or observation. The word ‘poetic’ is derived from the ancient Greek word ‘poiein’ meaning ‘to make,’ in the sense of ‘to craft.’ The word ‘epigram’ is derived from the ancient Greek word ‘epigraphein’ meaning ‘to write on’ or ‘to inscribe,’ and originally referred to inscriptions on stone monuments in ancient Greece.
 
What is an epigram? A dwarfish whole;
Its body brevity, and wit its soul.
-Samuel Taylor Coleridge (1772 - 1834): ‘What is an Epigram?’ published in “The Morning Post” (23 September 1802)
 
A house is built of logs and stone,
     of piles and posts and piers;
A home is built of loving deeds,
     that stand a thousand years.
-Victor Hugo (Victor Marie Hugo (1802 - 1885))
 
A house is made of bricks and beams,
A home is made of love and dreams.
-Author Unknown
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Homes And Families Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
Old Man Of The Isles
 
There was an old man of the isles
Who was surrounded by levers and dials.
     He pushed one that was green,
     And since then has never been seen,
That missing old man of the isles!
 
By David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Limericks Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
Early to go to Bed, and early to rise,
Will make a Man Healthy, Wealthy and Wise.
-Thomas Fuller (1654 - 1734): “Gnomologia: Adages and Proverbs” (1732), number 6080
 
The Joke
 
The joke you just told isn’t funny one bit;
     It’s pointless and dull, wholly lacking in wit;
It’s so old and stale, it’s beginning to smell -
     Besides, it’s the one I was going to tell!
 
By Author Unknown
 
Contentment is wealth, the riches of the mind;
And happy is he who can such riches find.
-John Dryden (1631 - 1700)
 
My mom (who’s on a diet)
     says she’s lost another pound.
I’ve tried to help her find it,
     but it’s nowhere to be found.
-Babs Bell Hajdusiewicz (born 1944)
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Weight Loss And Weight Maintenance Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
Pursue thy work without delay,
For the short hours run fast away.
-Author Unknown
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Time Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
Words
 
A careless word may kindle strife;
     A cruel word may wreck a life;
A timely word may level stress;
     A loving word may heal and bless.
 
By Author Unknown
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read The Spoken Word And Speaking Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
Genius, that power which dazzles mortal eyes,
Is oft’ but perseverance in disguise.
-Henry W. Austin (Henry Willard Austin (1858 - 1912)): “Perseverance Conquers All”
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Adversities And Persevering Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
When Adam Joked
 
Whatever trouble Adam had,
     No man in days of yore
Could say, when Adam cracked a joke,
     “I’ve heard that one before.”
 
By Author Unknown
 
It’s a beautiful world to see,
Or it’s dismal in every zone,
The thing it must be,
In its gloom or its gleam,
Depends on yourself alone.
-Author Unknown
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Attitudes And Expectations Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
Great wits are sure to madness near allied,
And thin partitions do their bounds divide.
-John Dryden (1631 - 1700): “Absalom and Achitophel” (1681), part I, lines 163 and 164

Whirls
 
Big whirls have little whirls,
     That feed on their velocity;
And little whirls have lesser whirls,
     And so on to viscosity.
 
By Lewis Fry Richardson (1881 - 1953): “The Supply of Energy from and to Atmospheric Eddies” (1920)
 
“An epigram often flashes light into regions where reason shines but dimly.” -Edwin Percy Whipple (1819 - 1886): lecture to the Boston Mercantile Library Association (October 1846), as quoted in Edwin Percy Whipple: ”Lectures on Subjects Connected with Literature and Life” (1850)
 
No bees, no honey;
No work, no money.
-Author Unknown
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Employment And Work Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
The wealth of a man is the number
Of things which he loves and blesses,
And which he is loved and blessed by.
-Thomas Carlyle (1795 - 1881)
 
Keep out of ruts; a rut is something which
If traveled in too much, becomes a ditch.
-Arthur Guiterman (1871 - 1943)
 
Short Sermon
 
To give and forgive
Is a good way to live.
 
By Author Unknown
 
Joy and Temperance and Repose
Slam the door on the doctor’s nose.
-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807 - 1882)
 
Oh, words may rhyme,
     And sound sublime,
And sing and shout,
     Yet still say nowt.
-Author Unknown
nowt: nothing; naught
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Poems And Poetry Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
Could fools to keep their own contrive,
On what, on whom could gamesters thrive?
-John Gay (1685 - 1732): as quoted W. H. Kearley Wright, editor: “The Fables of John Gay” (1889), ‘Fable XII: Pan and Fortune,’ lines 25 and 26
 
Are You A Poet?
 
You might not think it,
     You might not know it,
But somewhere within you,
     There might be a poet!
 
By David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Beaumont’s Quotations By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
Outwitted
 
He drew a circle that shut me out -
     Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout.
But love and I had the wit to win:
     We drew a circle that took him in!
 
By Edwin Markham (born Charles Edward Anson Markham (1852 - 1940)): “The Shoes of Happiness, and Other Poems” (1913)
 
When the Sun rises, I go to work.
When the Sun goes down, I take my rest,
I dig the well from which I drink,
I farm the soil which yields my food,
I share creation, Kings can do no more.
-Author Unknown
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Farms And Farming Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
Some write for pleasure,
     Some write for gain,
But I write simply
     To sign my name.
-Author Unknown
 
Getting Along

We know how to get along
     every single day.
We take turns and share a lot
     while we work and play.

By Author Unknown
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Manners And Etiquette Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
That man who lives for self alone
Lives for the meanest mortal known.
-Joaquin Miller (pseudonym of Cincinnatus Heine Miller (born Cincinnatus Hiner Miller (1837 - 1913))): “The Building of the City Beautiful” (1905), Chapter V: ‘How Beautiful!’ page 48
 
Always Finish
 
If a task is once begun
     Never leave it till it’s done.
Be the labor great or small,
     Do it well or not at all.
 
By Author Unknown: possibly also known by the title “Perseverance”
 
For every worry under the Sun
There is a remedy or there is none.
If there is a remedy hurry and find it.
If there is none never mind it.
-LeGrand Richards (1886 - 1983) (at 96 years of age); work appears to be a slightly altered version of an earlier work by an unknown author in John Newbery, editor: “Mother Goose’s Melody” (1765)
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Worries And Worrying Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
Poetic epigrams vary in structure. They are typically couplets, or poems of two lines; tercets, or poems of three lines; quatrains, or poems of four lines; quintains or quintets, or poems of five lines; and sestains or sestets, or poems of six lines. Poetic epigrams of more than six lines are less common, in keeping with ‘conciseness’ and ‘brevity,’ words often used in describing them. Some have titles, some have none. Poetic epigrams can be found as a few lines within longer poems, in much the same way that couplets, tercets, quatrains, and structures of more lines can be found within much longer poems.
 
Little Stroaks*
Fell great Oaks.
-Thomas Fuller (1654 - 1734): “Gnomologia” (1732), number 6319
*stroaks: strokes, or repetitive movements, as of the swinging of an axe
 
Your mind is a garden.
     Your thoughts are the seeds.
You can grow flowers
     Or you can grow weeds.
-Author Unknown
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Gardens And Gardening Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
Day-Dreamer

Too much thought:
Too little wrought.
 
By Author Unknown
wrought: brought into being or put together; archaic past tense of ‘work’
 
That man is thought a dangerouse knave,
     Or zealot plotting crime,
Who for advancement of his kind
     Is wiser than his time.
-Richard Monckton Milnes (also known as 1st Baron Houghton or Lord Houghton (1809 - 1885))
dangerouse: dangerous
knave: a no-good person
zealot: a fanatic
 
Do not loiter or shirk,
     Do not falter or shrink
But just think out your work
     And then work out your think.
-Nixon Waterman (1859 - 1944)
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Idleness And Industriousness Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
A Man Said To The Universe
 
A man said to the Universe:
“Sir, I exist!”
“However,” replied the Universe,
“The fact has not created in me
A sense of obligation.”
 
By Stephen Crane (1871 - 1900): “War Is Kind and Other Lines” (1899), Fragment
 
For he who fights and runs away
     May live to fight another day;
But he who is in battle slain
     Can never rise and fight again. 
-Author Unknown: as published in Oliver Goldsmith (1728 - 1774), editor: “The Art of Poetry on a New Plan” (1762)
 
The Rooster
 
Hear the rooster crow out loud,
     At the break of day:
          “R-r-r-r-r, r-r-r-r-r!”
He says, “Get your chores done,
     If you want to play.”
          “R-r-r-r-r, r-r-r-r-r!”
 
By Author Unknown
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Chickens Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
Would you like to speak to your contemporaries, meaning people now living, or pass on learning across a great span of years, perhaps to coming generations, who have not yet arrived? Write a poetic epigram, carve it in stone, and let the passage of time carry your message to them.
 
To see a World in a Grain of Sand
     And a Heaven in a Wild Flower,
Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand
     And Eternity in an hour.
-William Blake (1757 - 1827): “Auguries of Innocence” (1803), lines 1 through 4
 
We are MFOL! . . . when you are out under the night sky, if you listen carefully, you just might hear the stars twinkling . . .

Golf And Golfing

​“To golf or not to golf? What a silly question.” -Author Unknown
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Questions And Queries Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick.” -P. J. O’Rourke (Patrick Jake O’Rourke (1947))
 
“What other people may find in poetry or art museums, I find in the flight of a good drive.” -Arnold Palmer (Arnold Daniel Palmer (1929 - 2016))
 
“Golf is a game in which you yell, ‘Fore!’ shoot six, and write down five.” -Paul Harvey (1918 - 2009): as quoted in Jack Mingo: “Wannabe Guide to Golf” (1997)
 
The Golfer
 
“Who’s that stranger, mother dear -
     Look, he knows us, ain’t that queer?”
“Hush, my own, don’t talk so wild;
     That’s your father, dearest child.”
“That’s my father? No such thing!
     Father died away last Spring.”
“Father didn’t die, you dub;
     Father joined a golfing club.
Now the place is closed, so he
     Has no place to go, you see.
No place left for him to roam,
     That is why he’s coming home.
Kiss him, he won’t bite you, child;
     All them golfing guys look wild.”
 
By Author Unknown: as published in “Boardwalk Illustrated News”
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Homes And Families Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“The holes are numbered.” -Jack Nicklaus (Jack William Nicklaus (born 1940)): responding to the question, “You really know your way around a course. What’s your secret?”
 
“Success in golf depends less on strength of body than upon strength of mind and character.” -Arnold Palmer (Arnold Daniel Palmer (1929 - 2016))

​“There is no similarity between golf and putting; they are two different games, one played in the air, and the other on the ground.” -Ben Hogan (William Ben Hogan (1912 - 1997))
 
Two men were starting a game of golf. One man stepped up to the tee, and his first drive resulted in a hole-in-one. The other man stepped up to the tee and said, “Okay, now I’ll take my practice swing and then we’ll start the game.”
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Beginning And Starting Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing.” -Phyllis Diller (pseudonym of Phyllis Ada Driver (1917 - 2012))
 
A golfer walked into the pro shop at a local course and asked the golf pro if they sold ball markers. The golf pro said they did, and they were $1.00 each. The guy gave the golf pro a dollar . . . The golf pro opened the register, put the dollar in, pulled out a quarter coin, and handed it to the golfer.
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Money Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
What is the origin of the word ‘caddie’? When Mary, later to become Queen of Scots, went to France as a young girl, allegedly for education as well as survival, Louis, King of France, learned that she loved the Scot’s game called golf. So, for her enjoyment, he had the first golf course outside of Scotland built. To make sure she was properly chaperoned and guarded while she played, the kingly Louis hired cadets from a military school to accompany her. Mary liked this a lot, and when she returned to Scotland, which may not have been a very good idea in the long run, she took the practice with her. In French, the word cadet is pronounced ‘ca-day,’ which the Scots changed to ‘caddie.’
 
“Caddies are people who are paid to enjoy the game of golf.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)
 
“You can’t call it a sport. You don’t run, jump, you don’t shoot, you don’t pass. All you have to do is buy some clothes that don’t match.” -Steve Sax (Stephen Louis ‘Steve’ Sax (born 1960))
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Shopping Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
Golf balls have dimples to reduce drag, thus allowing them to fly further than perfectly smooth balls would. The dimples also give personality to the otherwise plain-looking spherical objects.

​“I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles.” -G. K. Chesterton (Gilbert Keith Chesterton (1874 - 1936))
 
“William Howard Taft (1857 - 1930) was the first golfer to become an American President. If you work hard to improve your golf game, perhaps you too might one day become an American President.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)
 
“Golf seems to me an arduous way to go for a walk. I prefer to take the dogs out.” -Princess Anne of Great Britain
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Domestic Dogs Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age.” -Thomas Mulligan
 
Before 1850, golf balls were made of leather and stuffed with feathers - no, we are not making this stuff up. Cattle and chickens once played an important role in the game of golf.
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read History Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“Through years of experience I have found that air offers less resistance than dirt.” -Jack Nicklaus (Jack William Nicklaus (born 1940)): commenting on why he tees his ball high
 
“Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun.” -Jim Bishop
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Marriage And Marrying Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“One hundred years of experience had demonstrated that the game is temporary insanity practiced in a pasture.” -Dave Kindred
 
Margot: How do you fix a broken golf club?
Margaret: Try some putty.
 
“The proper score for a businessman golfer is 90. If he is better than that, he is neglecting his business. If he’s worse, he’s neglecting his golf.” -Author Unknown: attributed to a member of the Saint Andrews Rotary Club
 
“I don’t like to watch golf on television because I can’t stand people who whisper.” -David Brenner

Some people like to combine golf and messin’ with ‘gators into a single sport. It can be tricky though, ’cause alligators are known to play their game by a completely different rulebook.
 
“The only reason I ever played golf in the first place was so I could afford to hunt and fish.” -Sam Snead, champion professional golfer
 
“Absentee: A missing golfing accessory.” -Author Unknown
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Daffynitions And Definitions Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
“If it goes right, it’s a slice, if it goes left, it’s a hook, if it goes straight, it’s a miracle!” -Author Unknown
 
“If I had my way, any man guilty of golf would be ineligible for any office of trust in the United States.” -H. L. Mencken (Henry Louis Mencken (1880 - 1956))
 
“Don’t play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty.” -Harry Vardon
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Wisdom And Advice Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
 
Kay: Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
Jay: Just in case he got a hole in one.
 
Hole In One
 
A golfer who hailed from Verdun
Was intent on not being outdone.
     To avoid any glitches,
     He carried spare britches
In case he got a hole in one.
 
By Author Unknown
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Limericks Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.

​Why do golf balls have dimples? Dimples reduce drag and generate lift, allowing golf balls to travel further through the air.

How many dimples are on golf balls? Golf balls typically have between 300 and 500 dimples, with an average of 336 dimples. To allow for innovation, the number of dimples is not set by any governing body in golf. Rather, other measurements of golf balls are set, which in turn tends to determine the number of dimples. The United States Golf Association and The R & A state that a ball must have a diameter, or distance across, of at least 1.680 inches and weigh no less than 1.620 ounces. Additionally, golf balls must be spherically symmetrical, having a dimple pattern that is the same no matter how the ball is oriented or where the axis on which it spins is located.
 
So, if the dimples on golf balls help reduce drag and generate lift so that golf balls can travel further through the air, why don’t aircraft and automobiles have dimples . . . hmmm . . . better go ask your grandfather, he might know!
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Grandparenthood And Grandparenting Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.

​“It’s good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.” -Mark Twain (pseudonym of Samuel Langhorne Clemens (1835 - 1910))
 
Adam: I’d move Heaven and Earth to break my 110 score.
Dan: Try moving just Heaven. You’ve already moved plenty of earth.
 
“If you watch a game, it’s fun. If you play it, it’s recreation. If you work at it, it’s golf.” -Bob Hope (Leslie Townes Hope (1903 - 2003))
 
“There is no such thing as natural touch. Touch is something you create by hitting millions of golf balls.” -Lee Trevino (Lee Buck Trevino (born 1939))
 
Laddie: What kind of shirts do golfers wear?
Lassie: Tee-shirts.
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“You can hit a two-acre fairway ten percent of the time and a two-inch branch ninety percent of the time.” -Author Unknown
 
“The golf swing is like a suitcase into which we are trying to pack one too many things.” -John Updike (John Hoyer Updike (1932 - 2009))

Miniature golf courses often offer features not found on more-traditional golf courses, such as the active volcano shown above. Miniature golf is also known as mini-golf or putt-putt golf.
 
A schoolteacher was taking her first golfing lesson. “Is the word spelled p-u-t or p-u-t-t?” she asked the instructor. “P-u-t-t is correct,” he replied. “Put means to place a thing where you want it. Putt means merely a vain attempt to do the same thing.”
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Overheard: The only problem with golf is that the slow people are always in front of you and the fast people always end up behind you.
 
“The least thing upset him on the links. He missed short putts because of the uproar of the butterflies in the adjoining meadows.” -P. G. Wodehouse (Pelham Grenville Wodehouse (1881 - 1975))
 
“Long ago, when primitive people screamed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called ‘witchcraft.’ When modern man does the same, they call it ‘golf.’” -Author Unknown
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“If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.” -Jack Lemmon (1925 - 2001)
 
The May 1990 issue of “Golf” magazine had good news for golf enthusiasts. It reported that Augusta National, the elite private golf course where the Masters tournament is held, would begin allowing public access to its course at certain times. As a result of this report, both Augusta National and “Golf” magazine received hundreds of calls from eager golfers inquiring about playing privileges. But the report was an April Fool’s joke, despite its placement in the May issue. “Golf” magazine was forced to publish a retraction, reaffirming that Augusta National was still a private club open only to members and guests.
 
“Golf is the most useless outdoor game ever devised to waste the time and try the spirit of man.” -Westbrook Pegler
 
“The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree.” -Author Unknown
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​Although occasional mishaps do happen in golf, the game still has one of the lowest casualty rates among competitive sports.
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“The aim of golf is to get the ball moving down the fairway and into the green or some such fool thing - and if your aim is exceptional, to knock honking geese, flying insects, buzzing airplanes, stalking drones, and spying satellites right out of the sky.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)
 
“When the ducks are walking, you know it is too windy to be playing golf.” -Dave Stockton
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“Misty: How golfers create divots.” -Author Unknown
 
“I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off everything like golf. I have never been depressed enough to take up the game, but they say you get so sore at yourself you forget to hate your enemies.” -Will Rogers (William Penn Adair ‘Will’ Rogers (1879 - 1935))
 
“Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness.” -William Wordsworth (1770 - 1850)
 
“Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards?” -Al Boliska
 
“Even if the ball was wrapped in bacon, Lassie couldn’t find it.” -Author Unknown: overheard from an Irish caddie, after a particularly bad shot
 
“Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two triple bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the Universe.” -Author Unknown
 
“I can airmail the golf ball, but sometimes I don’t put the right address on it.” -Jim Dent
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“Golf is 20 percent mechanics and technique. The other 80 percent is philosophy, humor, tragedy, romance, melodrama, companionship, camaraderie, cussedness, and conversation.” -Grantland Rice (Henry Grantland ‘Grantland’ Rice (1880 - 1954))

“‘Play it as it lies’ is one of the fundamental dictates of golf. The other is ‘Wear it if it clashes.’” -Henry Beard: “Golfing” (1985)
 
“Art said he wanted to get more distance. I told him to hit it and run backward.” -Ken Venturi: commenting on Art Rosenbaum
 
“Golf is a puzzle without an answer. I’ve played the game for 40 years and I still haven’t the slightest idea how to play.” -Gary Player (Gary James Player (born 1935)): as quoted in Jim Apfelbaum: “The Gigantic Book of Golf Quotations: Thousands of Notable Quotables from Tommy Armour to Fuzzy Zoeller” (2007), page 26
 
“One under a tree, one under a bush, one under the water.” - Lee Trevino (Lee Buck Trevino (born 1939)): commenting about how he was one under during a tournament
 
“The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody put a flagstick on top.” -Pete Dye
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“As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round.” -Ben Hogan (William Ben Hogan (1912 - 1997))
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“Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated. It satisfies the soul and frustrates the intellect. It is at the same time rewarding and maddening - it is without a doubt the greatest game mankind has ever invented.” -Arnold Palmer (Arnold Daniel Palmer (1929 - 2016))
 
“A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponent’s luck.” -Author Unknown
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“It’s a funny thing, the more I practice the luckier I get.” -Arnold Palmer (Arnold Daniel Palmer (1929 - 2016))
 
“May thy ball lie in green pastures, and not in still waters.” -Ben Hogan (William Ben Hogan (1912 - 1997)), referencing the Twenty-Third Psalm of the Bible
 
We are MFOL! . . . and we have invented our very own variation on the game of golf: we call it ‘goof’ and it is played with goofballs . . . or perhaps by goofballs . . . what’s that . . . golfers say we are not funny in the least . . .