Gerard: How many misers does it take to change a light bulb?
Jeremy: None - misers are so cheap that they would rather sit in the dark than buy a new bulb!
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Light Bulbs And Artificial Lighting Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
“No matter what the product or service might be, you can always find it somewhere else cheaper!” -Ebenezer Scrooge
A boy asked his father for twenty dollars. His father replied, “Ten dollars, what in the world do you need five dollars for, I’d be happy to give you a dollar, here’s a quarter.”
“If saving money is wrong, I don’t want to be right!” -William Shatner (William Alan Shatner (born 1931))
“If you really want your friends to remember you, give them something cheap.” -Author Unknown
Miserly tip: Old telephone books make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don’t know.
“There is scarcely anything in the world that some man cannot make a little worse, and sell a little more cheaply. The person who buys on price alone is this man’s lawful prey.” -attributed to John Ruskin (1819 - 1900)
After being away on a business trip, Tim thought it would be nice to get his wife a little gift. “How about some perfume?” he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a bottle costing $85. “That’s a bit much,” said Tim, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $49. “That’s still quite a bit,” Tim complained. Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $17 bottle. “What I mean is,” said Tim, “I’d like to see something really cheap.” So the clerk handed him a mirror.
“In the old days, a man who saved money was a miser; nowadays he’s a wonder.” -Author Unknown
Jeremy: None - misers are so cheap that they would rather sit in the dark than buy a new bulb!
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Light Bulbs And Artificial Lighting Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
“No matter what the product or service might be, you can always find it somewhere else cheaper!” -Ebenezer Scrooge
A boy asked his father for twenty dollars. His father replied, “Ten dollars, what in the world do you need five dollars for, I’d be happy to give you a dollar, here’s a quarter.”
“If saving money is wrong, I don’t want to be right!” -William Shatner (William Alan Shatner (born 1931))
“If you really want your friends to remember you, give them something cheap.” -Author Unknown
Miserly tip: Old telephone books make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don’t know.
“There is scarcely anything in the world that some man cannot make a little worse, and sell a little more cheaply. The person who buys on price alone is this man’s lawful prey.” -attributed to John Ruskin (1819 - 1900)
After being away on a business trip, Tim thought it would be nice to get his wife a little gift. “How about some perfume?” he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a bottle costing $85. “That’s a bit much,” said Tim, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $49. “That’s still quite a bit,” Tim complained. Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $17 bottle. “What I mean is,” said Tim, “I’d like to see something really cheap.” So the clerk handed him a mirror.
“In the old days, a man who saved money was a miser; nowadays he’s a wonder.” -Author Unknown
Matthew: How was copper wire invented?
Matilda: Two cheapskates were fighting over a penny.
A man walked into a coffee shop and asked the waitress, “How much is the coffee?” “Coffee is three dollars,” the waitress said. “How much is a refill?” the man asked. “Free,” said the waitress. “Great, then I’ll take a refill!” said the man.
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“The miser acquires, yet fears to use his gains.” [translation to English]
“Quærit, et inventis miser abstinet, ac timet uti.” [original Latin]
-Quintus Horatius Flaccus (also known simply as Horace (65 B.C.E. - 8 B.C.E.)): “Ars Poetica” (18 B.C.E.), 170
Ned: Which dog has long hair and never spends any money?
Dan: An Old English cheap dog.
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Ellie: Why does Scrooge love all of the reindeer?
Angela: Because every buck is dear to him!
The following anecdote is about the Austrian poet Peter Altenberg. “Though in fact he maintained a very solid bank balance, Mr. Altenberg had a mania for begging. The poet and critic Karl Kraus tells how Altenberg besought him again and again to give him a hundred kronen, and on every occasion Mr. Kraus refused him. Finally, his patience at an end, Kraus burst out, “Look Peter, I’d gladly give it to you, but I really, really don’t have the money.” “Very well, I’ll lend it to you,” said Altenberg.” -Author Unknown: as quoted in Clifton Fadiman and André Bernard, editors: “Bartlett’s Book of Anecdotes” (2000)
Overheard: I hate to always eat and run, but with the way I tip, it’s the only safe procedure!
A Young Fellow Named B. B.
A certain young fellow named B. B.
Wished to marry a lady named Phoebe
“But,” he said. “I must see
What the minister’s fee be
Before Phoebe be Phoebe B. B.”
By Author Unknown
Matilda: Two cheapskates were fighting over a penny.
A man walked into a coffee shop and asked the waitress, “How much is the coffee?” “Coffee is three dollars,” the waitress said. “How much is a refill?” the man asked. “Free,” said the waitress. “Great, then I’ll take a refill!” said the man.
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Restaurants And Eateries Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
“The miser acquires, yet fears to use his gains.” [translation to English]
“Quærit, et inventis miser abstinet, ac timet uti.” [original Latin]
-Quintus Horatius Flaccus (also known simply as Horace (65 B.C.E. - 8 B.C.E.)): “Ars Poetica” (18 B.C.E.), 170
Ned: Which dog has long hair and never spends any money?
Dan: An Old English cheap dog.
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Domestic Dogs Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
Ellie: Why does Scrooge love all of the reindeer?
Angela: Because every buck is dear to him!
The following anecdote is about the Austrian poet Peter Altenberg. “Though in fact he maintained a very solid bank balance, Mr. Altenberg had a mania for begging. The poet and critic Karl Kraus tells how Altenberg besought him again and again to give him a hundred kronen, and on every occasion Mr. Kraus refused him. Finally, his patience at an end, Kraus burst out, “Look Peter, I’d gladly give it to you, but I really, really don’t have the money.” “Very well, I’ll lend it to you,” said Altenberg.” -Author Unknown: as quoted in Clifton Fadiman and André Bernard, editors: “Bartlett’s Book of Anecdotes” (2000)
Overheard: I hate to always eat and run, but with the way I tip, it’s the only safe procedure!
A Young Fellow Named B. B.
A certain young fellow named B. B.
Wished to marry a lady named Phoebe
“But,” he said. “I must see
What the minister’s fee be
Before Phoebe be Phoebe B. B.”
By Author Unknown
Miserly tip: When the very young and the very old team up, they can really benefit. Grab any available grandma or grandpa to take with you when shopping, give them your cash, have them pay at the checkout for your items so you can get a 5% senior discount, where available, and then use the savings to buy lunch for you and your new old person friend.
“I do not prize the word cheap. It is not a badge of honor . . . it is a symbol of despair. Cheap prices make for cheap goods; cheap goods make for cheap men; and cheap men make for a cheap country!” -William McKinley (1843 - 1901)
“Free speech: Using someone else’s telephone.” -Author Unknown
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Telephones Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
Good Places to Look for ‘Pennies from Heaven’
- Around parking meters.
- In laundromats.
- In outdoor water fountains.
- In parking lots.
- On the sidewalks when you go for long walks.
- Under amusement park rides.
- Under coin-operated vending machines.
- Under the bleachers at sports events.
“Small change can often be found under seat cushions.” -Author Unknown
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First man: Why do you always remove the batteries from the clock and keep them outside?
Second man: I want to extend the battery life, and so I put them in the clock only when I want to see the time.
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Penelope: Why do misers like paper money more than coins?
Penny: When they put it in their pockets they double it, when they take it out, it’s ‘in creases.’
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‘Tis strange the miser should his cares employ
To gain the riches he can ne’er enjoy.
-Alexander Pope (1688 - 1744)
“I do not prize the word cheap. It is not a badge of honor . . . it is a symbol of despair. Cheap prices make for cheap goods; cheap goods make for cheap men; and cheap men make for a cheap country!” -William McKinley (1843 - 1901)
“Free speech: Using someone else’s telephone.” -Author Unknown
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Telephones Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
Good Places to Look for ‘Pennies from Heaven’
- Around parking meters.
- In laundromats.
- In outdoor water fountains.
- In parking lots.
- On the sidewalks when you go for long walks.
- Under amusement park rides.
- Under coin-operated vending machines.
- Under the bleachers at sports events.
“Small change can often be found under seat cushions.” -Author Unknown
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Wisdom And Advice Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
First man: Why do you always remove the batteries from the clock and keep them outside?
Second man: I want to extend the battery life, and so I put them in the clock only when I want to see the time.
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Clocks And Timepieces Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
Penelope: Why do misers like paper money more than coins?
Penny: When they put it in their pockets they double it, when they take it out, it’s ‘in creases.’
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Money Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
‘Tis strange the miser should his cares employ
To gain the riches he can ne’er enjoy.
-Alexander Pope (1688 - 1744)
“There is always a little more toothpaste in the tube. Think about it.” -Bill Bryson (born 1951): “Notes from a Big Country” (1999)
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Teeth And Dental Care Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
There are money-saving devices, as for example, attachments that fit over tubes of toothpaste to allow every bit of toothpaste to be squeezed out; however, the problem with such devices is that people have to part with some money to have them.
“If you want to say it with flowers, a single rose says: I’m cheap!” -Delta Burke
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Flowering Plants And Flowers Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
In 1951, the richest woman in the world was Harriet Sylvia Ann Howland Robinson Green Wilks (1871 - 1951), who left an estate of $94,965,229 (about $1,150,840,000 in today’s dollars) in a will that was found in a tin box with four pieces of carefully saved soap.
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Personal Hygiene And Cleanliness Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
Overheard: I am such a cheapskate that I do not even have skates!
“Cheap is seldom good, and good is seldom cheap.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)
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“I saw a small bottle of cologne and asked if it was for sale. She said, ‘It’s free with purchase.’ I asked her if anyone bought anything today.” -Steven Wright (Steven Alexander Wright (born 1955))
“Misers are no fun to live with but they make great ancestors.” -Tom Snyder (born 1936)
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Repeat after us: Cheap is good, cheap is good, cheap is good . . .
“A miser grows rich by seeming poor; an extravagant man grows poor by seeming rich.” -William Shenstone (1714 - 1763)
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Differences And Individuality Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Teeth And Dental Care Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
There are money-saving devices, as for example, attachments that fit over tubes of toothpaste to allow every bit of toothpaste to be squeezed out; however, the problem with such devices is that people have to part with some money to have them.
“If you want to say it with flowers, a single rose says: I’m cheap!” -Delta Burke
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Flowering Plants And Flowers Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
In 1951, the richest woman in the world was Harriet Sylvia Ann Howland Robinson Green Wilks (1871 - 1951), who left an estate of $94,965,229 (about $1,150,840,000 in today’s dollars) in a will that was found in a tin box with four pieces of carefully saved soap.
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Personal Hygiene And Cleanliness Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
Overheard: I am such a cheapskate that I do not even have skates!
“Cheap is seldom good, and good is seldom cheap.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Beaumont’s Quotations By David Hugh Beaumont.
“I saw a small bottle of cologne and asked if it was for sale. She said, ‘It’s free with purchase.’ I asked her if anyone bought anything today.” -Steven Wright (Steven Alexander Wright (born 1955))
“Misers are no fun to live with but they make great ancestors.” -Tom Snyder (born 1936)
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Genealogy And Ancestry Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
Repeat after us: Cheap is good, cheap is good, cheap is good . . .
“A miser grows rich by seeming poor; an extravagant man grows poor by seeming rich.” -William Shenstone (1714 - 1763)
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Differences And Individuality Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
A miser was at the top of a ladder when a coin fell from his pocket. The coin bounced off his shoulder as both he and the coin rapidly raced toward the ground.
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“I pity that man who wants a coat so cheap that the man or woman who produces the cloth shall starve in the process.” -Benjamin Harrison (1833 - 1901)
And then there was the miser who took his date to the beach and told her ‘shady’ stories so that he would not have to rent an umbrella . . .
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Miserly tip: Do not waste money on expensive music playing gadgets. Instead, just think of your favorite tune and hum it. If you want to ‘switch tracks,’ simply think of another song you like and hum that one.
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Overheard: Cheapest is best.
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“I pity that man who wants a coat so cheap that the man or woman who produces the cloth shall starve in the process.” -Benjamin Harrison (1833 - 1901)
And then there was the miser who took his date to the beach and told her ‘shady’ stories so that he would not have to rent an umbrella . . .
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Dating And Courting Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
Miserly tip: Do not waste money on expensive music playing gadgets. Instead, just think of your favorite tune and hum it. If you want to ‘switch tracks,’ simply think of another song you like and hum that one.
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Music Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
Overheard: Cheapest is best.
Keepsakes Of A Cheapskate
Empty cardboard boxes,
Meters of old string,
I am a cheapskate, and
I will save any old thing.
My bed is a rubber dingy
That washed up on the shore
I am miserly and stingy -
But even I won’t sleep on the floor!
By David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of this article, or click or tap on these words to visit the Beaumont’s Bits Page.
Empty cardboard boxes,
Meters of old string,
I am a cheapskate, and
I will save any old thing.
My bed is a rubber dingy
That washed up on the shore
I am miserly and stingy -
But even I won’t sleep on the floor!
By David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of this article, or click or tap on these words to visit the Beaumont’s Bits Page.
Melba: What do misers do when it is cold?
Blaine: They sit around a candle.
Brenda: What do misers do when it is really, really cold?
Belinda: They light the candle!
A miser was in a candle shop and asked, “Does one type of candle burn longer than another?” The shopkeeper replied, “No, they all burn shorter.”
“A cheapskate is a person who tries to live far above his means, while a miser is a person who successfully lives far beneath his means.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)
“He who is frugal is the richest of men, and the miser is the poorest.” -Nicolas Chamfort (also known as Sébastien Chamfort and Sébastien-Roch Nicolas Chamfort and Sébastien-Roch Nicolas de Chamfort, born as Nicolas-Sébastien Roch (1741 - 1794)): “Maxims and Thoughts” (1796), as translated by W. S. Merwin (1984)
Have you heard about the cheapskate who was pleased with himself because he had married a woman who was born on 29 February? He would only have to buy her a birthday present once every four years!
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There was an Old Man of El Hums,
Who lived upon nothing but Crumbs,
Which he picked off the ground,
With the other birds round,
In the roads and the lanes of El Hums.
-Edward Lear (1812 - 1888)
Now you, too, can join in by standing up and proudly proclaiming, “I am a cheapskate!”
Bertie: What is the difference between a miser and a canary?
Bernard: One is a little cheap and the other is a little cheeper.
“The happiest miser on Earth is the man who saves up every friend he can make.” -Robert E. Sherwood
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Friendships And Friends Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
“What he has is of no more use to the miser than which he has not.” -Publilius Syrus (also known simply as Syrus (85 B.C.E. - 43 B.C.E.))
Miserly tip: Before throwing away old shoes, remove the shoestrings, which can be used to make clotheslines, dog leashes, a hammock, a giant ball of string, and many other things.
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Shoes And Footwear Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
One old geezer was so miserly that he kept a brown paper bag in the attic of his house, labeled ‘Pieces Of String Too Short To Use.’
Why be miserly with humor and inspiration and learning - when you can share what you find here with other people - and never have to pay for it?!
“You don’t have to be a miser, just be wiser with your money.” -Dorethia Conner Kelly
Be sure to tell all of your cheap friends about us . . . and whether you are miserly or not, do not forget to MFOL! (Make Fun Of Life!)
Blaine: They sit around a candle.
Brenda: What do misers do when it is really, really cold?
Belinda: They light the candle!
A miser was in a candle shop and asked, “Does one type of candle burn longer than another?” The shopkeeper replied, “No, they all burn shorter.”
“A cheapskate is a person who tries to live far above his means, while a miser is a person who successfully lives far beneath his means.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)
“He who is frugal is the richest of men, and the miser is the poorest.” -Nicolas Chamfort (also known as Sébastien Chamfort and Sébastien-Roch Nicolas Chamfort and Sébastien-Roch Nicolas de Chamfort, born as Nicolas-Sébastien Roch (1741 - 1794)): “Maxims and Thoughts” (1796), as translated by W. S. Merwin (1984)
Have you heard about the cheapskate who was pleased with himself because he had married a woman who was born on 29 February? He would only have to buy her a birthday present once every four years!
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to visit the Birthdays Page.
There was an Old Man of El Hums,
Who lived upon nothing but Crumbs,
Which he picked off the ground,
With the other birds round,
In the roads and the lanes of El Hums.
-Edward Lear (1812 - 1888)
Now you, too, can join in by standing up and proudly proclaiming, “I am a cheapskate!”
Bertie: What is the difference between a miser and a canary?
Bernard: One is a little cheap and the other is a little cheeper.
“The happiest miser on Earth is the man who saves up every friend he can make.” -Robert E. Sherwood
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Friendships And Friends Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
“What he has is of no more use to the miser than which he has not.” -Publilius Syrus (also known simply as Syrus (85 B.C.E. - 43 B.C.E.))
Miserly tip: Before throwing away old shoes, remove the shoestrings, which can be used to make clotheslines, dog leashes, a hammock, a giant ball of string, and many other things.
Continue scrolling down this website page to read the rest of the article, or click or tap on these words to read Shoes And Footwear Gathered By David Hugh Beaumont.
One old geezer was so miserly that he kept a brown paper bag in the attic of his house, labeled ‘Pieces Of String Too Short To Use.’
Why be miserly with humor and inspiration and learning - when you can share what you find here with other people - and never have to pay for it?!
“You don’t have to be a miser, just be wiser with your money.” -Dorethia Conner Kelly
Be sure to tell all of your cheap friends about us . . . and whether you are miserly or not, do not forget to MFOL! (Make Fun Of Life!)
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