“Barber: A brilliant conversationalist who occasionally cuts and styles hair.” -Author Unknown
Becca: Are you getting a new hairdo for the party?
Bella: No, I’m having a henna-do.
Becca: What’s a henna-do?
Bella: It runs around and goes, “Cluck, cluck, cluck!”
“You’re only as good as your last haircut.” -Fran Lebowitz (Frances Ann ‘Fran’ Lebowitz (born 1950))
Neil: What is the difference between a bad haircut and a good haircut?
Nellie: About three days.
Sudden Awakening
A clergyman told from his text
How Samson was scissored and vexed.
Then a barber arose
From his sweet Sunday doze,
Got rattled, and shouted, “Who’s next?”
by Author Unknown
A fellow rushed into a barbershop. “Cut everything short,” he said. “Hair, whiskers - and conversation.”
“Hair is vitally personal to children. They weep vigorously when it is cut for the first time; no matter how it grows, bushy, straight or curly, they feel they are being shorn of a part of their personality.” -Charlie Chaplin (Charles Spencer ‘Charlie’ Chaplin (1889 - 1977))
Tonsurephobia is a persistent fear of haircuts. ‘Tonsurephobia’ is derived from the Greek words ‘tonsore’ meaning ‘to cut’ and ‘phobos’ meaning ‘fear.’ It is a common fear in young children and to a lesser extent in adults. Some barbers give free lollipops or free combs to children to try to make the experience less scary for them.
Fern: What kind of haircuts to bees get?
Fran: Buzzzzzcuts.
Hair dresser (hare dres•er), noun: A magician who creates a hair style you can never duplicate.
I went to the barbershop the other day. The barber looked at my hair and said, “Sir, this is a comb, not a magic wand.”
Marv: Why did the barber win the race?
Merv: He knew a short cut.
“When you own a pair of haircutting scissors, you cut your own hair constantly.” - Emily Weiss
A woman’s conversation about a haircut: Oh! That is so cute! Do you think so? I wasn’t sure when she was gave me the mirror. I mean, you don’t think it’s too fluffy looking? Oh goodness no! No, it’s perfect. I would love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I’m pretty much stuck with this stuff I think. Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts that would look so cute I think. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck. Oh, that’s funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to take attention away from this two-by-four I have for a shoulder line. Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms. See how short they are? If I had your shoulders, I could get clothes to fit me so much easier. A man’s conversation about a haircut: Haircut? Yep.
“Brylcreem - a little dab’ll do ya.” -Author Unknown: advertising slogan for Brylcreem hair lotion
A barbershop owner put up a sign in response to the fancy salon down the street. The sign read, “Why pay forty dollars? We give haircuts for eight dollars.” The salon owner responded by putting up a sign that read, “We repair eight-dollar haircuts!”
“Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hairstylist you like.” -Author Unknown
Barbershop
When you visit the barber
And sit in his chair,
Don’t squirm
Like a worm
While he’s cutting your hair.
Don’t shiver
And quiver
And bounce up and down.
Don’t shuffle
And snuffle
And act like a clown.
Each wiggle
Will jiggle
The blades of the shears.
Clip-clip,
Clip-clip.
Those scissors can slip
And snip
Off a tip
Of one of your tender pink ears!
by Martin Gardner
Barber Shop: A place to go to when things get hairy.
A famous Hollywood actor went to a stylist and asked for a great haircut. The actor would be going to London for a command performance and would be meeting the Queen. The stylist did his best. A few weeks later the actor returned. Back in the stylist chair, he described his trip. The flight over to England was magnificent. In London, he had had three gorgeous days. The command performance had gone splendidly. After the show, he had been granted a private audience with the Queen. The stylist said, “Tell me what happened, tell me!” The actor said, “The Queen leaned over to me and said, ‘Who gave you that horrible haircut?’”
“Hairstylist: A person who is amazing when good, and horrible when bad.” -Author Unknown
Sign seen on a barbershop: During vacation of owner, a competent hairstylist will be here.
And then there was the hippie who finally decided he needed to get a haircut, because he was tired of falling flat on his face every time his hair became tangled up with his toes.
“Even the worst haircut eventually grows out.” -Lisa Kogan
Arnie: What man shaves twenty times a day?
Arnold: A barber.
“You can make a lot of mistakes with hair because it grows back.” -Paul Rudd
“Young man, take a haircut; you look like a chrysanthemum.” -P. G. Wodehouse (Pelham Grenville Wodehouse (1881 - 1975))
A priest walked into a barbershop in Washington, District of Columbia, United States of America. After he got his haircut, he asked how much it would be. The barber said, “No charge. I consider it a service to the Lord.” The next morning, the barber came to work and there were twelve prayer books and a thank you note from the priest in front of the door. Later that day, a police officer came in and got his hair cut. He then asked how much it was. The barber said, “No charge. I consider it a service to the community.” The next morning, he came to work and there were a dozen donuts and a thank you note from the police officer. Then, a Senator came in and got a haircut. When he was done he asked how much it was. The barber said, “No charge. I consider it a service to the country.” The next morning, the barber came to work and there were twelve Senators in front of the door.
Waldo: Where do sheep go to get sheared?
Oswald: The baa-baa shop.
11 March of every year is National Haircut Day. If you have a skilled barber or hairstylist, you won’t have to wear a hat on 12 March.
“As you grow older and wiser, the hairs that sprout from your body also grow older and wiser, making them more difficult to cut or trim. They learn to watch for you coming at them with trimmers and scissors, and they deftly move ever-so-slightly, escaping the consequences of those sharply edged cutting tools. If it helps, you can try to pretend that this isn’t so.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)
Eclipse, verb: What an English Cockney barber does for a living.
Son: Dad, did you get a haircut?
Dad: No I got them all cut.
“I don’t need a hairstylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.” - Author Unknown
Miserly tip: The best part of cutting your own hair is that you do not have to tip the barber - who is, of course, yourself.
Sally: Why did the rabbit go to the barbershop?
Sammy: To get a ‘harecut.’
There is a young schoolboy named Jason,
Whose mom cuts his hair with a basin.
When he stands in one place,
With a scarf round his face,
It’s a mystery which way he’s facing.
-Author Unknown
“I got my hair highlighted, because I felt some strands were more important than others.” -Mitch Hedberg (Mitchell Lee ‘Mitch’ Hedberg (1968 - 2005))
Phil: Do you think I need a haircut?
Len: Is there ever a time when you don’t need one?
“Don’t ask the barber whether you need a haircut.” -Daniel Greenberg
A ringlet is a type of hairstyle achieved by wrapping a lock of hair around the length of a thin curling iron, and it can also be sported naturally by people with sufficiently tightly curled hair. Ringlets are also known as tube curls. Child actress Shirley Temple was famous for her ringleted hair, which was styled every day by her mother.
The Barber
He cuts our hair
And shaves our face,
And talks and talks
With ease and grace.
by Author Unknown
You are in a better place now . . . welcome to MFOL! . . . we have much more humor and inspiration for you on a huge variety of topics on the website, and we add new material regularly, so be sure to visit often.
Becca: Are you getting a new hairdo for the party?
Bella: No, I’m having a henna-do.
Becca: What’s a henna-do?
Bella: It runs around and goes, “Cluck, cluck, cluck!”
“You’re only as good as your last haircut.” -Fran Lebowitz (Frances Ann ‘Fran’ Lebowitz (born 1950))
Neil: What is the difference between a bad haircut and a good haircut?
Nellie: About three days.
Sudden Awakening
A clergyman told from his text
How Samson was scissored and vexed.
Then a barber arose
From his sweet Sunday doze,
Got rattled, and shouted, “Who’s next?”
by Author Unknown
A fellow rushed into a barbershop. “Cut everything short,” he said. “Hair, whiskers - and conversation.”
“Hair is vitally personal to children. They weep vigorously when it is cut for the first time; no matter how it grows, bushy, straight or curly, they feel they are being shorn of a part of their personality.” -Charlie Chaplin (Charles Spencer ‘Charlie’ Chaplin (1889 - 1977))
Tonsurephobia is a persistent fear of haircuts. ‘Tonsurephobia’ is derived from the Greek words ‘tonsore’ meaning ‘to cut’ and ‘phobos’ meaning ‘fear.’ It is a common fear in young children and to a lesser extent in adults. Some barbers give free lollipops or free combs to children to try to make the experience less scary for them.
Fern: What kind of haircuts to bees get?
Fran: Buzzzzzcuts.
Hair dresser (hare dres•er), noun: A magician who creates a hair style you can never duplicate.
I went to the barbershop the other day. The barber looked at my hair and said, “Sir, this is a comb, not a magic wand.”
Marv: Why did the barber win the race?
Merv: He knew a short cut.
“When you own a pair of haircutting scissors, you cut your own hair constantly.” - Emily Weiss
A woman’s conversation about a haircut: Oh! That is so cute! Do you think so? I wasn’t sure when she was gave me the mirror. I mean, you don’t think it’s too fluffy looking? Oh goodness no! No, it’s perfect. I would love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I’m pretty much stuck with this stuff I think. Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts that would look so cute I think. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck. Oh, that’s funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to take attention away from this two-by-four I have for a shoulder line. Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms. See how short they are? If I had your shoulders, I could get clothes to fit me so much easier. A man’s conversation about a haircut: Haircut? Yep.
“Brylcreem - a little dab’ll do ya.” -Author Unknown: advertising slogan for Brylcreem hair lotion
A barbershop owner put up a sign in response to the fancy salon down the street. The sign read, “Why pay forty dollars? We give haircuts for eight dollars.” The salon owner responded by putting up a sign that read, “We repair eight-dollar haircuts!”
“Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hairstylist you like.” -Author Unknown
Barbershop
When you visit the barber
And sit in his chair,
Don’t squirm
Like a worm
While he’s cutting your hair.
Don’t shiver
And quiver
And bounce up and down.
Don’t shuffle
And snuffle
And act like a clown.
Each wiggle
Will jiggle
The blades of the shears.
Clip-clip,
Clip-clip.
Those scissors can slip
And snip
Off a tip
Of one of your tender pink ears!
by Martin Gardner
Barber Shop: A place to go to when things get hairy.
A famous Hollywood actor went to a stylist and asked for a great haircut. The actor would be going to London for a command performance and would be meeting the Queen. The stylist did his best. A few weeks later the actor returned. Back in the stylist chair, he described his trip. The flight over to England was magnificent. In London, he had had three gorgeous days. The command performance had gone splendidly. After the show, he had been granted a private audience with the Queen. The stylist said, “Tell me what happened, tell me!” The actor said, “The Queen leaned over to me and said, ‘Who gave you that horrible haircut?’”
“Hairstylist: A person who is amazing when good, and horrible when bad.” -Author Unknown
Sign seen on a barbershop: During vacation of owner, a competent hairstylist will be here.
And then there was the hippie who finally decided he needed to get a haircut, because he was tired of falling flat on his face every time his hair became tangled up with his toes.
“Even the worst haircut eventually grows out.” -Lisa Kogan
Arnie: What man shaves twenty times a day?
Arnold: A barber.
“You can make a lot of mistakes with hair because it grows back.” -Paul Rudd
“Young man, take a haircut; you look like a chrysanthemum.” -P. G. Wodehouse (Pelham Grenville Wodehouse (1881 - 1975))
A priest walked into a barbershop in Washington, District of Columbia, United States of America. After he got his haircut, he asked how much it would be. The barber said, “No charge. I consider it a service to the Lord.” The next morning, the barber came to work and there were twelve prayer books and a thank you note from the priest in front of the door. Later that day, a police officer came in and got his hair cut. He then asked how much it was. The barber said, “No charge. I consider it a service to the community.” The next morning, he came to work and there were a dozen donuts and a thank you note from the police officer. Then, a Senator came in and got a haircut. When he was done he asked how much it was. The barber said, “No charge. I consider it a service to the country.” The next morning, the barber came to work and there were twelve Senators in front of the door.
Waldo: Where do sheep go to get sheared?
Oswald: The baa-baa shop.
11 March of every year is National Haircut Day. If you have a skilled barber or hairstylist, you won’t have to wear a hat on 12 March.
“As you grow older and wiser, the hairs that sprout from your body also grow older and wiser, making them more difficult to cut or trim. They learn to watch for you coming at them with trimmers and scissors, and they deftly move ever-so-slightly, escaping the consequences of those sharply edged cutting tools. If it helps, you can try to pretend that this isn’t so.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)
Eclipse, verb: What an English Cockney barber does for a living.
Son: Dad, did you get a haircut?
Dad: No I got them all cut.
“I don’t need a hairstylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.” - Author Unknown
Miserly tip: The best part of cutting your own hair is that you do not have to tip the barber - who is, of course, yourself.
Sally: Why did the rabbit go to the barbershop?
Sammy: To get a ‘harecut.’
There is a young schoolboy named Jason,
Whose mom cuts his hair with a basin.
When he stands in one place,
With a scarf round his face,
It’s a mystery which way he’s facing.
-Author Unknown
“I got my hair highlighted, because I felt some strands were more important than others.” -Mitch Hedberg (Mitchell Lee ‘Mitch’ Hedberg (1968 - 2005))
Phil: Do you think I need a haircut?
Len: Is there ever a time when you don’t need one?
“Don’t ask the barber whether you need a haircut.” -Daniel Greenberg
A ringlet is a type of hairstyle achieved by wrapping a lock of hair around the length of a thin curling iron, and it can also be sported naturally by people with sufficiently tightly curled hair. Ringlets are also known as tube curls. Child actress Shirley Temple was famous for her ringleted hair, which was styled every day by her mother.
The Barber
He cuts our hair
And shaves our face,
And talks and talks
With ease and grace.
by Author Unknown
You are in a better place now . . . welcome to MFOL! . . . we have much more humor and inspiration for you on a huge variety of topics on the website, and we add new material regularly, so be sure to visit often.
