To succeed in life, we must be like ducks, which seem to effortlessly float along in the water, but which paddle energetically just out of sight beneath the water’s surface. Shown above is a pair of Pekin Ducks.
Pekin Ducks are a common farm duck raised for meat and eggs. The ducklings are covered in yellow down, and the adult birds have white feathers. They were brought to America from China in the 1870’s. Another popular farm duck is the Rouen duck, which was originally from France; this duck still has Mallard-like coloring. The Muscovy is an American breed of farm duck having dark feathers.
Jenny: What time do ducks wake up?
Denny: At the quack of dawn!
Ducks are mostly aquatic, or water, birds that live in freshwater and seawater. They can swim on the water’s surface by paddling with their webbed feet, and dive below the water’s surface to find food. Ducks can walk on land and fly through the air. Ducks build nests and lay eggs in them that hatch into ducklings.
Amelia: What type of movie is about water fowl?
Cecelia: A duckumentary.
Gretchen: Why did the duck join the military?
Gerard: She was good at quacking codes.
“When I see a bird that walks like a duck and swims like a duck and quacks like a duck, I call that bird a duck.” -James Whitcomb Riley (1849 - 1916)
“Suppose you see a bird walking around in a farm yard. This bird has no label that says ‘duck.’ But the bird certainly looks like a duck. Also, he goes to the pond and you notice that he swims like a duck. Then he opens his beak and quacks like a duck. Well, by this time you have probably reached the conclusion that the bird is a duck, whether he’s wearing a label or not.” -Richard Cunningham Patterson, Junior (1886 - 1966)
“If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, we have at least to consider the possibility that we have a small aquatic bird of the family Anatidae on our hands.” -Douglas Adams (Douglas Noel Adams (1952 - 2001)): “Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency” (1987)
“If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, but it needs batteries, you probably have the wrong abstraction.” -Author Unknown: analogy of the Liskov Substitution Principle, suggested by Barbara Liskov: “Data Extraction and Hierarchy” (1987) speech
Ducks cannot walk without bobbing their heads.
A duck was about to cross the road when a chicken walked up and said, “Don’t do it, Duck, because you’ll never hear the end of it!”
Amos: What do ducks put on their Christmas trees?
Moses: Duckerations!
Ducks Facts
- An adult male duck is called a drake.
- An adult female duck is called a hen.
- A young duck is called a duckling.
- The plural of duck is ducks.
- A group of ducks is called a flock.
- A group of ducks in water is called a raft.
- The sound made by ducks is called quacking.
- Ducks are omnivores, or animals that eat both plants and animals.
- Ducks can live for 3 to 10 years in the wild.
- Ducks can live for 8 or more years in captivity.
- Ducks are found on every continent except Antarctica.
Diving ducks and sea ducks search for food deep underwater. To be able to stay underwater more easily, diving ducks are heavy.
Pekin Ducks are a common farm duck raised for meat and eggs. The ducklings are covered in yellow down, and the adult birds have white feathers. They were brought to America from China in the 1870’s. Another popular farm duck is the Rouen duck, which was originally from France; this duck still has Mallard-like coloring. The Muscovy is an American breed of farm duck having dark feathers.
Jenny: What time do ducks wake up?
Denny: At the quack of dawn!
Ducks are mostly aquatic, or water, birds that live in freshwater and seawater. They can swim on the water’s surface by paddling with their webbed feet, and dive below the water’s surface to find food. Ducks can walk on land and fly through the air. Ducks build nests and lay eggs in them that hatch into ducklings.
Amelia: What type of movie is about water fowl?
Cecelia: A duckumentary.
Gretchen: Why did the duck join the military?
Gerard: She was good at quacking codes.
“When I see a bird that walks like a duck and swims like a duck and quacks like a duck, I call that bird a duck.” -James Whitcomb Riley (1849 - 1916)
“Suppose you see a bird walking around in a farm yard. This bird has no label that says ‘duck.’ But the bird certainly looks like a duck. Also, he goes to the pond and you notice that he swims like a duck. Then he opens his beak and quacks like a duck. Well, by this time you have probably reached the conclusion that the bird is a duck, whether he’s wearing a label or not.” -Richard Cunningham Patterson, Junior (1886 - 1966)
“If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, we have at least to consider the possibility that we have a small aquatic bird of the family Anatidae on our hands.” -Douglas Adams (Douglas Noel Adams (1952 - 2001)): “Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency” (1987)
“If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, but it needs batteries, you probably have the wrong abstraction.” -Author Unknown: analogy of the Liskov Substitution Principle, suggested by Barbara Liskov: “Data Extraction and Hierarchy” (1987) speech
Ducks cannot walk without bobbing their heads.
A duck was about to cross the road when a chicken walked up and said, “Don’t do it, Duck, because you’ll never hear the end of it!”
Amos: What do ducks put on their Christmas trees?
Moses: Duckerations!
Ducks Facts
- An adult male duck is called a drake.
- An adult female duck is called a hen.
- A young duck is called a duckling.
- The plural of duck is ducks.
- A group of ducks is called a flock.
- A group of ducks in water is called a raft.
- The sound made by ducks is called quacking.
- Ducks are omnivores, or animals that eat both plants and animals.
- Ducks can live for 3 to 10 years in the wild.
- Ducks can live for 8 or more years in captivity.
- Ducks are found on every continent except Antarctica.
Diving ducks and sea ducks search for food deep underwater. To be able to stay underwater more easily, diving ducks are heavy.
Mandarin Ducks seem to be in competition with butterflies for colors and patterns. The female Mandarin Duck is on the left, and the male Mandarin Duck is the colorful one on the right.
Laura: What do ducks like to eat with soup?
Lauren: Quackers!
Ducks in the wild are omnivores, or animals that eat plants and animals. They have a varied diet, feeding on aquatic (water) plants, grasses, frogs, small fish, small shellfish, snails, slugs, worms, grubs, insects, and other edibles in their environment.
Troubled Duck
A duck that I happened to hear
Was complaining quite sadly, “Oh, dear!
Our picnic’s today,
But the weathermen say
That the skies will be sunny and clear.”
by Author Unknown
Let’s make a new animal that we’ll call the ‘duckopotamus.’ Half duck, half hippopotamus, and perfect for flying between bodies of water like rivers and lakes to remove algae overgrowths from them with its huge appetite. Quick, let’s get to the patent office before anyone else thinks of doing this!
Jake: Why was the duck’s medical license revoked?
Jack: Because he was a quack.
A duck waddled into a store to buy some lipstick. The clerk asked how she would like to pay for it, and the duck said, “Just put it on my bill.”
Dabbling ducks feed on the surface of water, on land, or by ducking their heads underwater. Along the edge of their beaks is a comb-like structure called a pecten, which enables them to filter nutrients from the water and hold onto slippery food.
Margie: What goes, “Quick, quick!”?
Maggie: A duck with the hiccups.
Humans often throw pieces of bread to ducks as the ducks swim around in the water of lakes and rivers in parks. People consider this a relaxing recreational activity. To the ducks, it is free food that they get just for being ducks!
Riddle: A duck opens this a crack, and out comes a quack - what is it?
Answer: A bill.
“I was in downtown Boise, Idaho, and I saw a duck. I knew the duck was lost, because ducks aren’t supposed to be downtown. There’s nothing for them there. So I went to a Subway sandwich shop. I said, ‘Let me have a bun.’ She wouldn’t sell me just the bun; she said it had to have something on it. She said it’s against Subway regulations to sell just the bun. I guess the two halves aren’t supposed to touch. So, I said, ‘All right, put some lettuce on it.’ ‘That’ll be $1.75!’ I said, ‘It’s for a duck!’ ‘Oh, then it’s free.’ I did not know that ducks eat for free at Subway! Had I known that, I would have ordered a much larger sandwich. ‘Let me have the steak fajita sub, and don’t bother ringing it up - it’s for a duck! There are six ducks out there, and they all want Sun Chips!’” -Mitch Hedberg (1968 - 2005)
The Duck
Behold the duck.
It does not cluck.
A cluck it lacks.
It quacks.
It is especially fond
Of a puddle or pond.
When it dines or sups,
It bottoms up.
by Ogden Nash (Frederick Ogden ‘Ogden’ Nash (1902 - 1971))
Ducks are magical! A duck feather weighs about 0.016 to 0.063 grams, so when you see a duck feather, remember that it just barely exists.
Tucker: Who stole the bath soap?
Archer: A robber ducky!
Randall: When ducks fly in a V-formation, do you know why one side is longer than the other?
Russell: Is it because there are more ducks on that side?
The Duck Song
I’m a duck and I like the pond
Swim and play, all day long
All my ducklings swim along
“Quack, quack,” they sing my song
“Quack, quack, quack,” life is fun
Search for food under the Sun
See some snails, they can’t run
They taste so good, yummm . . .
Dad, the drake, he found slugs
Then there were the water bugs
Called to us to share his luck
And we all gave him big hugs
Together we swim along
In and out of the reeds we play
We live a life that’s happy and gay
Tomorrow is another day
by Author Unknown
Laura: What do ducks like to eat with soup?
Lauren: Quackers!
Ducks in the wild are omnivores, or animals that eat plants and animals. They have a varied diet, feeding on aquatic (water) plants, grasses, frogs, small fish, small shellfish, snails, slugs, worms, grubs, insects, and other edibles in their environment.
Troubled Duck
A duck that I happened to hear
Was complaining quite sadly, “Oh, dear!
Our picnic’s today,
But the weathermen say
That the skies will be sunny and clear.”
by Author Unknown
Let’s make a new animal that we’ll call the ‘duckopotamus.’ Half duck, half hippopotamus, and perfect for flying between bodies of water like rivers and lakes to remove algae overgrowths from them with its huge appetite. Quick, let’s get to the patent office before anyone else thinks of doing this!
Jake: Why was the duck’s medical license revoked?
Jack: Because he was a quack.
A duck waddled into a store to buy some lipstick. The clerk asked how she would like to pay for it, and the duck said, “Just put it on my bill.”
Dabbling ducks feed on the surface of water, on land, or by ducking their heads underwater. Along the edge of their beaks is a comb-like structure called a pecten, which enables them to filter nutrients from the water and hold onto slippery food.
Margie: What goes, “Quick, quick!”?
Maggie: A duck with the hiccups.
Humans often throw pieces of bread to ducks as the ducks swim around in the water of lakes and rivers in parks. People consider this a relaxing recreational activity. To the ducks, it is free food that they get just for being ducks!
Riddle: A duck opens this a crack, and out comes a quack - what is it?
Answer: A bill.
“I was in downtown Boise, Idaho, and I saw a duck. I knew the duck was lost, because ducks aren’t supposed to be downtown. There’s nothing for them there. So I went to a Subway sandwich shop. I said, ‘Let me have a bun.’ She wouldn’t sell me just the bun; she said it had to have something on it. She said it’s against Subway regulations to sell just the bun. I guess the two halves aren’t supposed to touch. So, I said, ‘All right, put some lettuce on it.’ ‘That’ll be $1.75!’ I said, ‘It’s for a duck!’ ‘Oh, then it’s free.’ I did not know that ducks eat for free at Subway! Had I known that, I would have ordered a much larger sandwich. ‘Let me have the steak fajita sub, and don’t bother ringing it up - it’s for a duck! There are six ducks out there, and they all want Sun Chips!’” -Mitch Hedberg (1968 - 2005)
The Duck
Behold the duck.
It does not cluck.
A cluck it lacks.
It quacks.
It is especially fond
Of a puddle or pond.
When it dines or sups,
It bottoms up.
by Ogden Nash (Frederick Ogden ‘Ogden’ Nash (1902 - 1971))
Ducks are magical! A duck feather weighs about 0.016 to 0.063 grams, so when you see a duck feather, remember that it just barely exists.
Tucker: Who stole the bath soap?
Archer: A robber ducky!
Randall: When ducks fly in a V-formation, do you know why one side is longer than the other?
Russell: Is it because there are more ducks on that side?
The Duck Song
I’m a duck and I like the pond
Swim and play, all day long
All my ducklings swim along
“Quack, quack,” they sing my song
“Quack, quack, quack,” life is fun
Search for food under the Sun
See some snails, they can’t run
They taste so good, yummm . . .
Dad, the drake, he found slugs
Then there were the water bugs
Called to us to share his luck
And we all gave him big hugs
Together we swim along
In and out of the reeds we play
We live a life that’s happy and gay
Tomorrow is another day
by Author Unknown
The most common and recognized species of duck are Mallards, or Wild Ducks. They are dabbling ducks that live naturally in the Americas, Europe, Asia, and North Africa. They have also been introduced to New Zealand and Australia. The male Mallard has a glossy green head, and gray wings and belly, while the female Mallard has brown-speckled plumage.
Maribelle: How are you today?
Maryanne: Just ducky - quack, quack!
Ducks have interlocking feathers with a waxy coating that makes them waterproof. Ducks have a molting season, in which their feathers fall out and new ones grow to take their place. During molting, ducks are much more vulnerable to predators, or animals that want to eat them, because they need their feathers to be able to fly away from danger.
Dave: What do you call a duck that likes to swim with alligators?
Julia: Dinner.
Overheard: Whenever it’s raining and I walk past a stranger on the sidewalk, I make the comment that it’s great weather for ducks. They usually look at me like I’m goofy, but I wait a second and then I say, “Quack, quack!” which of course confirms that I must be.
Because ducks are curious and friendly creatures, they have been domesticated as pets and farm animals for more than five hundred years. All domestic ducks are descended from either the Mallard or the Muscovy duck.
Cosmo: What do you call a duck that leads an orchestra?
Stella: A con-duck-tor.
Phil said, “Look at that duck.”
Bill said, “That’s a swan, not a duck.”
“Duck,” insisted Phil.
“Swan,” insisted Bill.
All of a sudden, a low-flying goose was heading straight for Bill.
“Duck, Bill!” shouted Phil.
“Swan!” shouted Bill - and he was conked in the head by the goose.
Down is a layer of extremely soft feathers found under the outer feathers of birds such as ducks and geese. Ducks pluck down from themselves and use it to line their nests to keep their young warm and safe. Ducklings have only down growth covering them until they are old enough to develop feathers. Down is used as an insulator and padding in products such as jackets, pillows, and sleeping bags. It can be obtained without harming birds by gathering it from their nesting areas after young birds have become old enough to leave the nests and accompany their parent birds out into the wider world to learn the birds’ way of life and live on their own.
Patricia: What happens when you drop a duck egg?
Patrick: It quacks.
Marcia: What is the difference between a duck?
Darcy: One foot is the same.
(In case you are wondering, this ridiculous joke has no typing errors or omitted words. It is just as it is meant to be, which is to say, completely nonsensical.)
Amy: Where can you find out more about ducks?
Amelia: You can read all about them in the ducktionary.
Mallard-justed: A duck that does not fit in well.
Stephen: Why do ducks fly south for the winter?
George: Because it’s too far to walk!
Many wild ducks migrate seasonally. Some ducks are capable of flying 534 kilometers (332 miles) a day.
Cheryl: What is a fast duck?
Charlene: A quick quack.
Charlene: What is an even faster duck?
Cheryl: A quicker quacker!
Quack, Quack
We have two ducks: one blue, one black.
And when our blue duck goes, “Quack-quack,”
Our black duck quickly goes, “Quack-quack,” back.
The quacks Blue quacks make her quite a quacker
But the Black duck is a quicker quacker-backer.
by Author Unknown
Contrary to a common misconception, a duck’s quack does have an echo, though often too low to be heard.
Quentin: How do you fix a broken duck?
Quincy: Just use some duck-tape.
A duck walked into a feedstore and asked, “Got any duck feed?” The clerk told him, “No, we don’t have a market for it, so we don’t carry it.” The duck said, “Okay,” and left the store. The next day, the duck again walked in to the feedstore and asked, “Got any duck feed?” Again the clerk said no and the duck left. Next day, the duck again walked in to the feedstore and asked, “Got any duck feed?” The clerk said, “I’ve told you twice, we don’t have duck feed. We’ve never had duck feed, and we will never have duck feed. If you ask me again, I will nail your feet to the floor.” So the duck left. The next day, the duck walked in and asked, “Got any nails?” “No,” said the clerk. So the duck asked, “Got any duck feed?”
Six Little Ducks
Six little ducks that I once knew:
Tall ones, short ones, skinny ones, too -
And the one little duck with the feathers on his back,
He led them all with his quack, quack, quack.
Down to the river they would go,
Wibble, wobble, wibble, wobble, to and fro -
And the one little duck with the feathers on his back,
He led the others with his quack, quack, quack.
Into the water he would dive,
Then in would go the other five.
The one little duck with the feathers on his back,
He led them all with his quack, quack, quack.
by Author Unknown
Wise quacker: A smart duck.
Riddle: What do you call a crate of ducks?
Answer: A box of quackers.
Now let us all waddle about and be as happy as ducks . . . as we make our way to the next article . . . on MFOL!
Maribelle: How are you today?
Maryanne: Just ducky - quack, quack!
Ducks have interlocking feathers with a waxy coating that makes them waterproof. Ducks have a molting season, in which their feathers fall out and new ones grow to take their place. During molting, ducks are much more vulnerable to predators, or animals that want to eat them, because they need their feathers to be able to fly away from danger.
Dave: What do you call a duck that likes to swim with alligators?
Julia: Dinner.
Overheard: Whenever it’s raining and I walk past a stranger on the sidewalk, I make the comment that it’s great weather for ducks. They usually look at me like I’m goofy, but I wait a second and then I say, “Quack, quack!” which of course confirms that I must be.
Because ducks are curious and friendly creatures, they have been domesticated as pets and farm animals for more than five hundred years. All domestic ducks are descended from either the Mallard or the Muscovy duck.
Cosmo: What do you call a duck that leads an orchestra?
Stella: A con-duck-tor.
Phil said, “Look at that duck.”
Bill said, “That’s a swan, not a duck.”
“Duck,” insisted Phil.
“Swan,” insisted Bill.
All of a sudden, a low-flying goose was heading straight for Bill.
“Duck, Bill!” shouted Phil.
“Swan!” shouted Bill - and he was conked in the head by the goose.
Down is a layer of extremely soft feathers found under the outer feathers of birds such as ducks and geese. Ducks pluck down from themselves and use it to line their nests to keep their young warm and safe. Ducklings have only down growth covering them until they are old enough to develop feathers. Down is used as an insulator and padding in products such as jackets, pillows, and sleeping bags. It can be obtained without harming birds by gathering it from their nesting areas after young birds have become old enough to leave the nests and accompany their parent birds out into the wider world to learn the birds’ way of life and live on their own.
Patricia: What happens when you drop a duck egg?
Patrick: It quacks.
Marcia: What is the difference between a duck?
Darcy: One foot is the same.
(In case you are wondering, this ridiculous joke has no typing errors or omitted words. It is just as it is meant to be, which is to say, completely nonsensical.)
Amy: Where can you find out more about ducks?
Amelia: You can read all about them in the ducktionary.
Mallard-justed: A duck that does not fit in well.
Stephen: Why do ducks fly south for the winter?
George: Because it’s too far to walk!
Many wild ducks migrate seasonally. Some ducks are capable of flying 534 kilometers (332 miles) a day.
Cheryl: What is a fast duck?
Charlene: A quick quack.
Charlene: What is an even faster duck?
Cheryl: A quicker quacker!
Quack, Quack
We have two ducks: one blue, one black.
And when our blue duck goes, “Quack-quack,”
Our black duck quickly goes, “Quack-quack,” back.
The quacks Blue quacks make her quite a quacker
But the Black duck is a quicker quacker-backer.
by Author Unknown
Contrary to a common misconception, a duck’s quack does have an echo, though often too low to be heard.
Quentin: How do you fix a broken duck?
Quincy: Just use some duck-tape.
A duck walked into a feedstore and asked, “Got any duck feed?” The clerk told him, “No, we don’t have a market for it, so we don’t carry it.” The duck said, “Okay,” and left the store. The next day, the duck again walked in to the feedstore and asked, “Got any duck feed?” Again the clerk said no and the duck left. Next day, the duck again walked in to the feedstore and asked, “Got any duck feed?” The clerk said, “I’ve told you twice, we don’t have duck feed. We’ve never had duck feed, and we will never have duck feed. If you ask me again, I will nail your feet to the floor.” So the duck left. The next day, the duck walked in and asked, “Got any nails?” “No,” said the clerk. So the duck asked, “Got any duck feed?”
Six Little Ducks
Six little ducks that I once knew:
Tall ones, short ones, skinny ones, too -
And the one little duck with the feathers on his back,
He led them all with his quack, quack, quack.
Down to the river they would go,
Wibble, wobble, wibble, wobble, to and fro -
And the one little duck with the feathers on his back,
He led the others with his quack, quack, quack.
Into the water he would dive,
Then in would go the other five.
The one little duck with the feathers on his back,
He led them all with his quack, quack, quack.
by Author Unknown
Wise quacker: A smart duck.
Riddle: What do you call a crate of ducks?
Answer: A box of quackers.
Now let us all waddle about and be as happy as ducks . . . as we make our way to the next article . . . on MFOL!
