Kitty: Why did the cat run across the road?
Katy: Because her owner didn’t want her to.
“What are cats? Cats do what they want. They rarely listen to you. They are completely unpredictable. When you want to play, they want to be alone. When you want to be alone, they want to play. They expect you to cater to their every whim. They are moody. They leave hair everywhere. Conclusion: Cats are tiny women in little fur coats.” -Author Unknown
Cat, noun: 1. A furry keyboard cover 2. A type of alarm clock.
The domestic cat, scientific name ‘Felis silvestris catus,’ is a small, usually furry, carnivorous animal. They are often called housecats when kept as indoor pets or simply cats when there is no need to distinguish them from other felids and felines. Cats are valued by humans for companionship and their ability to hunt pests. They are now found nearly everywhere humans live in the world.
“There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast.” -Author Unknown
Peggy: What do cats eat for breakfast?
Megan: Mice crispies and milk.
Cats are carnivores, or animals that eat animals. Cats use their highly sensitive sight and hearing and hunting skills to stalk, pounce on, kill, and eat small mammals, birds, fish, frogs, lizards, snakes, and bugs.
“Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?” -George Carlin
Cats are lethal hunters in part because they are sneaky and stealthy. When they walk, their back paws step almost exactly into the same place as the front paws do beforehand, which keeps noise to a minimum and limits visible tracks.
When a domestic cat goes after mice, about one pounce in three results in a catch.
“To pounce well, your cat must pounce often.” -Lynn Hollyn
Before a cat will condescend
To treat you as a trusted friend,
Some little token of esteem
Is needed, like a dish of cream.
-T. S. Eliot (Thomas Stearns Eliot): “Old Possum’s Book of Practical Cats” (1939)
“I had been told that the training procedure with cats was difficult. It’s not. Mine had me trained in two days.” -Bill Dana (William Szathmary)
Cats Facts
- An adult male cat is called a tom or a tomcat.
- An adult female cat is called a molly or a queen.
- A group of cats is called a clowder, a clutter, a cluster, a clan, a destruction, a herd, a pounce, a dout, a nuisance, a glorying, a glare, or a glaring.
- A young cat is called a kitten or a kit.
- A group of kittens all having the same mother is called a litter.
- The sound made by kittens is called mewing.
- The sounds made by cats are called hissing, meowing, mewing, purring, caterwauling, and yowling.
Helga: When do cats have eight legs?
Gertrude: When there are two of them.
A Cat’s Dictionary
- Purrple: A cat’s favorite color.
- Purranoia: The fear that your cat is up to something.
- Purring: The sound of a cat manufacturing cuteness.
- Purrpetual motion: A kitty playing.
- Purrsuasion: What a cat uses to convince you to do something for it.
- Purru: Where cats go on their vacations.
What makes a cat purr? A cat has two sets of vocal cords when born. One set, contained in a cat’s voice box, makes the ‘meow’ sound. The other set, which are actually false vocal cords, are vibrated upon inhaling and exhaling, which produces an involuntary continuous purring sound. Cats purr at about 26 cycles per second, the same frequency as an idling diesel engine. Interestingly, cats seldom meow at other cats, mostly just at humans. Cats do, however, purr and hiss at other cats.
“Cats are like greatness: Some people are born into cat-loving families, some people achieve cats, and some people have cats thrust upon them.” -William H. A. Carr
Dawn: What do you get when you cross a cat with a laughing hyena?
Eve: A giggle-puss!
Cats have excellent hearing. The ears of cats have 32 muscles that control the outer ear (human ears only have six muscles). Cats can independently twitch and rotate their ears 180 degrees, allowing cats to detect sounds from all directions without moving their heads. The little tufts of hair in their ears that help keep out dirt, direct sounds into the ear, and insulate the ears are called ‘ear furnishings.’
Ed: I heard you have a cat that can say her own name.
Ward: Yes, her name is Meow.
“One cat just leads to another.” -Ernest Hemingway
Katy: Because her owner didn’t want her to.
“What are cats? Cats do what they want. They rarely listen to you. They are completely unpredictable. When you want to play, they want to be alone. When you want to be alone, they want to play. They expect you to cater to their every whim. They are moody. They leave hair everywhere. Conclusion: Cats are tiny women in little fur coats.” -Author Unknown
Cat, noun: 1. A furry keyboard cover 2. A type of alarm clock.
The domestic cat, scientific name ‘Felis silvestris catus,’ is a small, usually furry, carnivorous animal. They are often called housecats when kept as indoor pets or simply cats when there is no need to distinguish them from other felids and felines. Cats are valued by humans for companionship and their ability to hunt pests. They are now found nearly everywhere humans live in the world.
“There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast.” -Author Unknown
Peggy: What do cats eat for breakfast?
Megan: Mice crispies and milk.
Cats are carnivores, or animals that eat animals. Cats use their highly sensitive sight and hearing and hunting skills to stalk, pounce on, kill, and eat small mammals, birds, fish, frogs, lizards, snakes, and bugs.
“Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?” -George Carlin
Cats are lethal hunters in part because they are sneaky and stealthy. When they walk, their back paws step almost exactly into the same place as the front paws do beforehand, which keeps noise to a minimum and limits visible tracks.
When a domestic cat goes after mice, about one pounce in three results in a catch.
“To pounce well, your cat must pounce often.” -Lynn Hollyn
Before a cat will condescend
To treat you as a trusted friend,
Some little token of esteem
Is needed, like a dish of cream.
-T. S. Eliot (Thomas Stearns Eliot): “Old Possum’s Book of Practical Cats” (1939)
“I had been told that the training procedure with cats was difficult. It’s not. Mine had me trained in two days.” -Bill Dana (William Szathmary)
Cats Facts
- An adult male cat is called a tom or a tomcat.
- An adult female cat is called a molly or a queen.
- A group of cats is called a clowder, a clutter, a cluster, a clan, a destruction, a herd, a pounce, a dout, a nuisance, a glorying, a glare, or a glaring.
- A young cat is called a kitten or a kit.
- A group of kittens all having the same mother is called a litter.
- The sound made by kittens is called mewing.
- The sounds made by cats are called hissing, meowing, mewing, purring, caterwauling, and yowling.
Helga: When do cats have eight legs?
Gertrude: When there are two of them.
A Cat’s Dictionary
- Purrple: A cat’s favorite color.
- Purranoia: The fear that your cat is up to something.
- Purring: The sound of a cat manufacturing cuteness.
- Purrpetual motion: A kitty playing.
- Purrsuasion: What a cat uses to convince you to do something for it.
- Purru: Where cats go on their vacations.
What makes a cat purr? A cat has two sets of vocal cords when born. One set, contained in a cat’s voice box, makes the ‘meow’ sound. The other set, which are actually false vocal cords, are vibrated upon inhaling and exhaling, which produces an involuntary continuous purring sound. Cats purr at about 26 cycles per second, the same frequency as an idling diesel engine. Interestingly, cats seldom meow at other cats, mostly just at humans. Cats do, however, purr and hiss at other cats.
“Cats are like greatness: Some people are born into cat-loving families, some people achieve cats, and some people have cats thrust upon them.” -William H. A. Carr
Dawn: What do you get when you cross a cat with a laughing hyena?
Eve: A giggle-puss!
Cats have excellent hearing. The ears of cats have 32 muscles that control the outer ear (human ears only have six muscles). Cats can independently twitch and rotate their ears 180 degrees, allowing cats to detect sounds from all directions without moving their heads. The little tufts of hair in their ears that help keep out dirt, direct sounds into the ear, and insulate the ears are called ‘ear furnishings.’
Ed: I heard you have a cat that can say her own name.
Ward: Yes, her name is Meow.
“One cat just leads to another.” -Ernest Hemingway
So, you climbed a tree . . . and you cannot get back down . . . clearly you did not think your actions through from the beginning - now how are you going to get out of this bind?
Why do cats get stuck in trees? Cats can easily climb up into trees, but they cannot climb down head-first from trees, because their claws curve in the wrong direction for them to be able do so. So, to climb back down, cats must go down tail-first. However, cats may not know this instinctively, and therefore, they must learn how to do it. Until they do, many cats find trees to be very effective cat traps. Fortunately, cats do not stay permanently stuck up in trees; they always find their way back down on their own, even without human help, when hunger, thirst, or weather compels them. And, due to their mewing when temporarily stuck in trees, overly-compassionate humans often come to their aid.
Kat: How do you spell mousetrap in three letters?
Kate: C-a-t.
Why do cats arch their backs? Cats arch their backs as part of a complex body language system, usually associated with feeling threatened or being caught off guard. The backs of cats are extremely flexible because they have 30 loosely fitting vertebrae (not including the additional 18 to 23 tail vertebrae, in cats that have tails).
Remember the cat that discovered happiness was in its tail: He could never catch it, but when he ignored it, it followed him everywhere.
Katherine: What happened to the cat that swallowed a ball of yarn?
Katrina: She had three little kittens with mittens!
Two Cats of Kilkenny
There once were two cats of Kilkenny;
Each thought there was one cat too many;
So they scratched and they spit,
And they tore and they bit,
Till, instead of two cats, there wasn’t any.
by Author Unknown
Domestic cats love to play, and this is especially true with kittens, who love to chase toys and play fight. Play fighting among kittens is a way for them to learn and practice the skills for hunting and fighting.
“There is something about the presence of a cat . . . that seems to take the bite out of being alone.” -Louis J. Camuti
Kitty has claws. Domestic cats have eighteen claws: five on each of their front paws and four on each of their back paws. The claws on the back paws of cats are not as sharp as the claws on the front paws because the claws in the back do not retract, and consequently, become worn.
The earliest ancestors of domesticated cats were wildcats that lived about 25 million years ago in Europe and Asia. Scientists call them by the Greek word ‘Proailurus,’ meaning ‘First cat.’ Humans began domesticating cats in about 7500 B.C.E.
“There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats.” -Albert Schweitzer
Domestic cats do not like swimming because their fur becomes heavy and does not insulate well against the cold when wet. The Turkish Van, however, is a type of cat that likes to swim. Originating in central Asia, it has a coat with a unique texture that makes it water resistant.
Ailurophobia is a persistent fear or loathing of cats. People with ailurophobia may fear being scratched or bitten by a cat or they simply may fear cats altogether, sometimes as a result of superstitious beliefs. Some people quite rationally avoid cats because they are allergic to cat dander. ‘Ailurophobia’ is derived from the Greek words ‘ailouros’ meaning ‘cat’ and ‘phobos’ meaning ‘fear.’
“There is, incidentally, no way of talking about cats that enables one to come off as a sane person.” -Dan Greenberg
When cats fall from heights, they tend to land on their feet due to their ‘righting reflex.’ The eyes and balance organs in their inner ears tell cats where they are in space so that they can land on their feet. Even cats without tails have this ability.
When cats fall through the air, they always land on their feet, and when toast falls through the air, it always lands with the buttered side down. We propose strapping buttered toast to the backs of cats, and the combination would hover, spinning just slightly above the ground. A large number of these buttered-toast-and-cats could be easily assembled to create a high-speed train that would link New York with Seattle.
Cat Prayer
Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray this cushy life to keep.
I pray for toys that look like mice,
And sofa cushions, soft and nice.
I pray for gourmet kitty snacks,
And someone nice to scratch my back,
For windowsills all warm and bright,
For shadows to explore at night.
I pray I’ll always stay real cool
And keep the secret feline rule
To never tell a human that
The world is really ruled by cats!
by Author Unknown
Chelsea: What happened when the cat slept under the car?
Chester: She woke up oily the next morning.
Why do cats get stuck in trees? Cats can easily climb up into trees, but they cannot climb down head-first from trees, because their claws curve in the wrong direction for them to be able do so. So, to climb back down, cats must go down tail-first. However, cats may not know this instinctively, and therefore, they must learn how to do it. Until they do, many cats find trees to be very effective cat traps. Fortunately, cats do not stay permanently stuck up in trees; they always find their way back down on their own, even without human help, when hunger, thirst, or weather compels them. And, due to their mewing when temporarily stuck in trees, overly-compassionate humans often come to their aid.
Kat: How do you spell mousetrap in three letters?
Kate: C-a-t.
Why do cats arch their backs? Cats arch their backs as part of a complex body language system, usually associated with feeling threatened or being caught off guard. The backs of cats are extremely flexible because they have 30 loosely fitting vertebrae (not including the additional 18 to 23 tail vertebrae, in cats that have tails).
Remember the cat that discovered happiness was in its tail: He could never catch it, but when he ignored it, it followed him everywhere.
Katherine: What happened to the cat that swallowed a ball of yarn?
Katrina: She had three little kittens with mittens!
Two Cats of Kilkenny
There once were two cats of Kilkenny;
Each thought there was one cat too many;
So they scratched and they spit,
And they tore and they bit,
Till, instead of two cats, there wasn’t any.
by Author Unknown
Domestic cats love to play, and this is especially true with kittens, who love to chase toys and play fight. Play fighting among kittens is a way for them to learn and practice the skills for hunting and fighting.
“There is something about the presence of a cat . . . that seems to take the bite out of being alone.” -Louis J. Camuti
Kitty has claws. Domestic cats have eighteen claws: five on each of their front paws and four on each of their back paws. The claws on the back paws of cats are not as sharp as the claws on the front paws because the claws in the back do not retract, and consequently, become worn.
The earliest ancestors of domesticated cats were wildcats that lived about 25 million years ago in Europe and Asia. Scientists call them by the Greek word ‘Proailurus,’ meaning ‘First cat.’ Humans began domesticating cats in about 7500 B.C.E.
“There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats.” -Albert Schweitzer
Domestic cats do not like swimming because their fur becomes heavy and does not insulate well against the cold when wet. The Turkish Van, however, is a type of cat that likes to swim. Originating in central Asia, it has a coat with a unique texture that makes it water resistant.
Ailurophobia is a persistent fear or loathing of cats. People with ailurophobia may fear being scratched or bitten by a cat or they simply may fear cats altogether, sometimes as a result of superstitious beliefs. Some people quite rationally avoid cats because they are allergic to cat dander. ‘Ailurophobia’ is derived from the Greek words ‘ailouros’ meaning ‘cat’ and ‘phobos’ meaning ‘fear.’
“There is, incidentally, no way of talking about cats that enables one to come off as a sane person.” -Dan Greenberg
When cats fall from heights, they tend to land on their feet due to their ‘righting reflex.’ The eyes and balance organs in their inner ears tell cats where they are in space so that they can land on their feet. Even cats without tails have this ability.
When cats fall through the air, they always land on their feet, and when toast falls through the air, it always lands with the buttered side down. We propose strapping buttered toast to the backs of cats, and the combination would hover, spinning just slightly above the ground. A large number of these buttered-toast-and-cats could be easily assembled to create a high-speed train that would link New York with Seattle.
Cat Prayer
Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray this cushy life to keep.
I pray for toys that look like mice,
And sofa cushions, soft and nice.
I pray for gourmet kitty snacks,
And someone nice to scratch my back,
For windowsills all warm and bright,
For shadows to explore at night.
I pray I’ll always stay real cool
And keep the secret feline rule
To never tell a human that
The world is really ruled by cats!
by Author Unknown
Chelsea: What happened when the cat slept under the car?
Chester: She woke up oily the next morning.
Cats sleep on average 12 to 16 hours a day, but never quite as deep as humans. Instead, they fall asleep quickly and wake up intermittently to check to see if their surroundings are safe. This means a nine-year old cat has been awake for only 3 to 4.5 years of its life. By snoozing so much, cats are missing out on a lot of life, so we should all take a lesson from this and stop snoozing so much ourselves.
Jim: Why do cats run around just before dawn?
Tim: They are looking for the ‘early bird.’
The eyesight of cats is both worse and better than that of humans. It is worse because cats cannot see color as well as humans do - scientists believe green grass appears red to cats. It is better because cats have a 285-degree field of vision and very good night vision, allowing them to see at light levels six times lower than what humans can see. Cats have natural built-in and fully-integrated night vision goggles, called cat eyes.
Myrna: What kind of cat will keep your grass short?
Myrtle: A lawn meower.
A cat usually has about 12 whiskers on each side of its face, divided into four rows. However, if you try to count them yourself, you might find your cat uncooperative, because whiskers are very sensitive to the touch. Cats use their whiskers to determine if spaces are too small to squeeze through. The whiskers act as feelers or antennae, helping cats judge the precise width of possible passageways.
A Kitten’s Thought
It’s very nice to think of how
In every country lives a Cow
To furnish milk with all her might
For Kitten’s comfort and delight.
by Oliver Herford
Young cats are called kittens. Like humans, kittens are born with blue eyes, and their permanent eye color sets in soon thereafter. One reason that kittens sleep so much is because they have a growth hormone that is released only during sleep. Kittens have about 26 temporary teeth, which are replaced with 30 permanent teeth when they reach about six months of age.
The Trouble with a kitten is that
Eventually it becomes a Cat
-Ogden Nash
Patsy: What goes, “Meow-tweet, meow-tweet?”
Patty: A catbird.
“I have been lying to both of my cats for years. Anytime they meow at me, I tell them, ‘I know, I know!’ . . . but I don’t . . . I just don’t know . . .” -Author Unknown
Foods that must not be given to cats include chocolate, onions, garlic, green tomatoes, raw potatoes, grapes, and raisins. The pain relievers acetaminophen and aspirin are extremely toxic to cats. While it is safe and even beneficial for cats to eat grass, many common houseplants are poisonous to cats. Feeding either only dog food or canned tuna meant for human consumption to cats can cause malnutrition. Most importantly, your cat wants you to know that it cannot survive on a vegetarian diet because cats were designed to be meat eaters.
Saul: How do you get milk from a cat?
Sal: Steal its saucer.
“Man is a kind of locomotive tree, pleasant to rub against, the lower limbs of which afford a comfortable seat, and from whose upper branches occasionally drop tidbits of mutton and other luscious fruit.” -Anonymous Cat
Ingrid: If lights run on electricity and cars run on gas, what do cats run on?
Gretta: Their paws.
“Most cats, when they are Out want to be In, and vice versa, and often simultaneously.” -Louis J. Camuti
Mother Cat
There was a mother cat,
Who ate a ball of yarn,
And when she had kittens,
They all had sweaters on.
by Author Unknown
“My wife said to me, ‘I think the cat wants to go out.’ ‘How could you possibly know that?’ I asked. ‘He’s put his hat and coat on,’ she said.” -Author Unknown
The ability of cats to find their way home is called ‘psi-traveling.’ Experts think cats either use the angle of the sunlight to find their way home, or that cats have magnetized cells in their brains that act as compasses.
“To keep a cat at home, butter its feet.” -Author Unknown
Advertisement: “Situation Wanted: Healthy kitten seeks good home - honest, loyal, conscientious, will do light mousework.”
Cats are employed on farms to help reduce the vermin population (rats, mice, and other small, destructive animals).
“Meow is like aloha - it can mean anything.” -Hank Ketchum
This is MFOL! . . . we wish you and all of your fury friends a purrrfectly marvelous day!
Jim: Why do cats run around just before dawn?
Tim: They are looking for the ‘early bird.’
The eyesight of cats is both worse and better than that of humans. It is worse because cats cannot see color as well as humans do - scientists believe green grass appears red to cats. It is better because cats have a 285-degree field of vision and very good night vision, allowing them to see at light levels six times lower than what humans can see. Cats have natural built-in and fully-integrated night vision goggles, called cat eyes.
Myrna: What kind of cat will keep your grass short?
Myrtle: A lawn meower.
A cat usually has about 12 whiskers on each side of its face, divided into four rows. However, if you try to count them yourself, you might find your cat uncooperative, because whiskers are very sensitive to the touch. Cats use their whiskers to determine if spaces are too small to squeeze through. The whiskers act as feelers or antennae, helping cats judge the precise width of possible passageways.
A Kitten’s Thought
It’s very nice to think of how
In every country lives a Cow
To furnish milk with all her might
For Kitten’s comfort and delight.
by Oliver Herford
Young cats are called kittens. Like humans, kittens are born with blue eyes, and their permanent eye color sets in soon thereafter. One reason that kittens sleep so much is because they have a growth hormone that is released only during sleep. Kittens have about 26 temporary teeth, which are replaced with 30 permanent teeth when they reach about six months of age.
The Trouble with a kitten is that
Eventually it becomes a Cat
-Ogden Nash
Patsy: What goes, “Meow-tweet, meow-tweet?”
Patty: A catbird.
“I have been lying to both of my cats for years. Anytime they meow at me, I tell them, ‘I know, I know!’ . . . but I don’t . . . I just don’t know . . .” -Author Unknown
Foods that must not be given to cats include chocolate, onions, garlic, green tomatoes, raw potatoes, grapes, and raisins. The pain relievers acetaminophen and aspirin are extremely toxic to cats. While it is safe and even beneficial for cats to eat grass, many common houseplants are poisonous to cats. Feeding either only dog food or canned tuna meant for human consumption to cats can cause malnutrition. Most importantly, your cat wants you to know that it cannot survive on a vegetarian diet because cats were designed to be meat eaters.
Saul: How do you get milk from a cat?
Sal: Steal its saucer.
“Man is a kind of locomotive tree, pleasant to rub against, the lower limbs of which afford a comfortable seat, and from whose upper branches occasionally drop tidbits of mutton and other luscious fruit.” -Anonymous Cat
Ingrid: If lights run on electricity and cars run on gas, what do cats run on?
Gretta: Their paws.
“Most cats, when they are Out want to be In, and vice versa, and often simultaneously.” -Louis J. Camuti
Mother Cat
There was a mother cat,
Who ate a ball of yarn,
And when she had kittens,
They all had sweaters on.
by Author Unknown
“My wife said to me, ‘I think the cat wants to go out.’ ‘How could you possibly know that?’ I asked. ‘He’s put his hat and coat on,’ she said.” -Author Unknown
The ability of cats to find their way home is called ‘psi-traveling.’ Experts think cats either use the angle of the sunlight to find their way home, or that cats have magnetized cells in their brains that act as compasses.
“To keep a cat at home, butter its feet.” -Author Unknown
Advertisement: “Situation Wanted: Healthy kitten seeks good home - honest, loyal, conscientious, will do light mousework.”
Cats are employed on farms to help reduce the vermin population (rats, mice, and other small, destructive animals).
“Meow is like aloha - it can mean anything.” -Hank Ketchum
This is MFOL! . . . we wish you and all of your fury friends a purrrfectly marvelous day!
