On this episode of ‘MFOL!’ . . . When Food Attacks! What? Yes, we are getting uncomfortably close to Halloween.
 Overheard: My hobbies include eating and complaining that I am getting fat. “If we could give every individual the right amount of nourishment and exercise, not too little and not too much, we would have found the safest way to health.” -Hippocrates (about 460 B.C.E. - 377 B.C.E.) Overheard: I am in shape . . . round is a shape . . . isn’t it? “Every living cell in your body is made from the food you eat. If you consistently eat junk food then you’ll have a junk body.” -Jeanette Jenkins “I’m trying to lose some weight so I’ve gone on a garlic diet. You eat garlic with everything. It doesn’t make you lose any weight but people stand further back and you look thinner at a distance.” -Noel Britto “We tolerate shapes in human beings that would horrify us if we saw them in a horse.” -William R. Inge (William Ralph Inge (1860 - 1954)) “One of life’s mysteries is how a two-pound box of chocolates can make a person gain five pounds.” -Author Unknown “Never eat more than you can lift.” -Miss Piggy (Kermit the Frog’s beloved in the “Muppet Show” television series and in the Muppet movies) “As you know, there are more diet books than dieters, among them the Atkins diet, the Stillman diet, the Scarsdale diet, the Zone diet, the grapefruit diet, . . . the Beverly Hills diet, the Akron, Ohio diet, the Mayo Clinic diet, the Hold the Mayo diet . . .” -Mel Brooks and Carl Reiner: “The 2,000 Year Old Man in the Year 2000: The Book” (1997) “The diets people should be on are not the diets that last a few days or months, and designed mainly for rapid weight loss. The diets people should be on are the long-term diets, designed for years or a lifetime. That means their diets need to be nutritionally sound, evolving, and something they can live with, whether they are work-at-home people or on-the-go people.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966) Old Person of Dean There was an old person of Dean, Who dined on one pea and one bean; For he said, “More than that Would make me too fat,” That cautious old person of Dean. -Edward Lear (1812 - 1888) “Thin people are beautiful, but fat people are adorable.” -Jackie Gleason “If you wish to grow thinner, diminish your dinner.” -H. S. Leigh “My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.” -Orson Welles (1915 - 1985) “Cut out those intimate little dinners for two - unless there’s someone with you.” -Joey Adams (born Joseph Abramowitz (1911 - 1999)) Calorie: A type of tiny creature that lives in your closet and sews your clothes a little bit tighter every night. “In general, mankind, since the improvement of cookery, eats twice as much as nature requires.” -Benjamin Franklin (Benjamin ‘Ben’ Franklin (1706 - 1790)) “You know it is time to get serious about diet and exercise when your driver’s license reads, ‘Picture continues on other side.’” -Author Unknown  Smaller portion sizes are one of the steps that could help you meet your weight loss and weight maintenance goals . . . along with not eating any cheeseburgers. “He who stuffeth, puffeth.” -Author Unknown Weight scale: A type of amusement park ride for grownups. Many of us are fat or overweight in part because sugar is in nearly everything we eat. Sugar is put where it does not belong: in pasta sauce, peanut butter, ketchup, canned peas, and even coated on frozen mixed vegetables. Some restaurants sugarcoat their potato fries and other foods so that they will turn a golden-brown color when cooked in a deep fryer. The guilty parties will not even tell you they are doing this. What can we do? Contact the food makers and restaurants and tell them to stop it at once! How about this as a label: Warning - This food product contains added sugar or other sweeteners or artificial sweeteners, which can contribute to obesity, diabetes, tooth loss, heart failure, the blahs, and other chronic and severe disorders. Never eat foods containing artificial sweeteners, because they will stoke your desire for actual sweets such as sugars and starches. Once your desire for sweet has been stoked, it is an extremely difficult and lengthy process to turn it off - it is just a built-in part of human nature. Diet: A penalty for exceeding the feed limit. “Dieting is the only game where you win when you lose!” -Karl Lagerfeld (Karl Otto Lagerfeld (born 1933)) Weight Loss and Weight Maintenance Facts - A reduction of 500 calories a day will result in the loss of 0.45 kilograms (1 pound) of weight a week. - People are advised to seek competent in-person advice from a medical professional or other appropriate counselor before beginning any change in diet that could affect their health and overall well-being. - What weight loss and weight maintenance facts can you add here? Overheard: I am on a low fat, high stress diet, consisting of coffee and fingernails. “Many diet and meal plans creators claim you can lose weight if you eat their food, but the thing is, you lose weight by eating less.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966) “If you want to look thin, hang out with fat people.” -Rodney Dangerfield (born Jacob Cohen, known by the legal name Jack Roy (1921 - 2004)) A doctor in Berkeley, California, is making a name for himself through his success in reducing overweight people. Asked his secret, he replied, “I get a head start on a case, that’s all. On the patient’s first call, I spend only a few minutes with her, just long enough to weigh her and instruct her to keep a complete written record of every bite she eats during the two weeks until her second appointment. And,” he smiled, “by the end of those two weeks most patients have already lost about ten pounds!” Overheard: If you call me fat one more time, I will eat you! “Imprisoned in every fat man a thin one is wildly signaling to be let out.” -Cyril Connolly (1903 - 1974) An important, though often overlooked component of any weight loss plan is love. Too much or too little love can actually cause weight gain and physical inactivity. Betty: You know, if you eat really slowly, you won’t gain weight. Beatrice: I never heard that. Betty: Sure, because ‘haste makes waist.’ “The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not.” -Mark Twain (pseudonym of Samuel Langhorne Clemens (1835 - 1910)) “Fearing that there might not be anything to eat the following day, he immediately went about eating everything in sight, thus fulfilling his fear.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966) “Has it ever struck you that there’s a thin man inside every fat man, just as they say there’s a statue in every block of stone.” -George Orwell (pseudonym of Eric Arthur Blair (1903 - 1950)): “Coming Up for Air” (1939), part I, chapter 3 “All things being equal, fat people use more soap.” -Author Unknown “I stepped on one of those talking scales the other day, and it said, ‘One at a time, please!’” -Author Unknown “The one way to get thin is to re-establish a purpose in life.” -Cyril Connolly (1903 - 1974) A wise person once said, “Person who eats sweets, takes up two seats!”  Good food that is good for you . . . when in the right amount.
“I don’t drink milk, and I don’t eat bread, pasta, or rice. But I do eat a lot of meat, chicken, fish, and salads.” -Mikhail Baryshnikov (Mikhail Nikolayevich Baryshnikov (born 1948)) A Young Man Named Drew There was a young man named Drew Who weighed in at three-thirty-two He was in love with a skater And he wanted to date her, But in breaking the ice, he fell through. -Author Unknown “Eat well, feel swell.” -Author Unknown “My brain knows it’s just a diet, but my body thinks it’s a famine.” -Author Unknown Please complete the following questionnaire to let us know what kind of physical shape you are in. - Can you touch your toes? [ ] Yes [ ] No - Would you recognize your toes if we showed you a photo? [ ] Yes [ ] No - Do you remember what toes are? [ ] Yes [ ] No - When climbing stairs, do you gasp for air? [ ] Yes [ ] No - When climbing stairs, do you attempt to hitch a ride? [ ] Yes [ ] No - Did you know that there is such a thing as stairs? [ ] Yes [ ] No - Are you bigger than a bread box? [ ] Yes [ ] No - Are you bigger than a refrigerator? [ ] Yes [ ] No - Are you bigger than a truck? [ ] Yes [ ] No - In the unlikely event of a water landing, could you be used as a flotation device? [ ] Yes [ ] No - Do you wish this questionnaire was over so you could lie on the couch, eat a piece of cake, and watch television? [ ] Yes [ ] No - Are you answering this questionnaire while eating cake on the couch, watching television, and making faces at the cat? [ ] Yes [ ] No “Eat whatever you want, and if anyone tries to lecture you about your weight, eat them, too!” -Author Unknown “Don’t window shop at the bakery.” -Carol Weston (born 1956), website http://www.carolweston.com/ When watching your weight, a helpful phrase to remember is, “No, thanks, too rich for me!” “No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat.” -Covert Bailey Caution: Dieting Is Not A Piece Of Cake. “Being fat is like having your most humiliating ‘secret’ visible for the world to see and judge.” -Author Unknown A Girl Named Maureen There once was a girl named Maureen Who wished she were skinny and lean; But she loved pizza pie, Pastrami on rye, And ate till her plate was clean. -Author Unknown “As for ‘serving sizes,’ there are no agreed upon standards and no one really knows what they should be, so compare foods on a calories per ounce basis or other uniform unit of measurement.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966) ●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○● Methuselah’s Diet Methuselah ate what he found on his plate, And never, as people do now, Did he note the amount of the calorie count. He ate it because it was chow. He wasn’t disturbed as at dinner he sat, Devouring a roast or a pie, To think it was lacking in granular fat Or a couple of vitamins shy. He cheerfully chewed each species of food, Unmindful of troubles or fears Lest his health might be hurt by some fancy dessert, And he lived over 900 years. -Author Unknown ●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○● The best diet advice is: “No thyself.” -Frank Tyger (1929 - 2011) Overheard: I’m not fat - I’m just easy to see. “Dieting is just a matter of following the path of feast resistance.” -Bob Thaves and Tom Thaves: “Frank and Ernest” (4 April 2006) cartoon, website www.FrankAndErnest.com. “I am prescribing these diet pills for you,” said the doctor to the overweight patient. “I do not want you to swallow them. Just spill them on the floor twice a day and bend down to pick them up, one at a time . . .” “Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince, and dinner like a pauper.” -Adelle Davis (1904 - 1974): “Let’s Eat Right to Keep Fit” (1970) “The first law of dietetics seems to be: if it tastes good, it’s bad for you.” -Isaac Asimov (1920 - 1992): as attributed in Elizabeth Knowles, editor: “The Oxford Dictionary of Quotations” (1999) “I followed the same diet for twenty years, eliminating starches, living on salads, lean meat, and small portions.” -Gene Tierney (Gene Eliza Tierney (1920 - 1991)) “Overweight: Disadvantageously proportioned.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966) “One should eat to live, not live to eat.” -Cicero (Marcus Tullius Cicero, also known as Tully (106 B.C.E. - 43 B.C.E.)): “Rhetoricorum LV” “The only way you get that fat off is to eat less and exercise more.” -Jack LaLanne (Francois Henri ‘Jack’ LaLanne (1914 - 2011)), website www.JackLalanne.com. This is ‘MFOL!’ . . . hey, you there - yes, you, the 43-year-old financial applications developer in Yonkersville - we see you. Toss that cola and doughnut into the trash, turn off your computer, and go play outside with your friends!  This normally cheerful poor little yellow fellow is feeling just awful . . . let us continue reading to see if we can find something to give him a reason to smile . . . Overheard: Feelings are everywhere; be gentle. Colors can profoundly affect emotional responses. While not everyone experiences the same emotion in response to a particular color, most people find reds and oranges stimulating, and blues and purples restful. In contrast, gray, brown, black, or white tend to be emotionally dulling. In fact, studies reveal that children playing in an orange room were friendlier, more alert, more creative, and less irritable than children in playrooms painted white, brown, and black. “I lost my mood ring, and now I don't know how I feel.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966) Researchers note that the emotion most associated with fear is interest. Some psychologists have gone so far as to suggest that fear has two invisible faces: one, the wish to flee and, second, the wish to investigate. “The most important decision you make is to be in a good mood.” -Voltaire (pseudonym of François-Marie Arouet (1694 - 1778)) Only humans are known to express the emotion of astonishment with their mouths agape. However, there appear to be more similarities than differences in the way animals, especially primates including humans, express such basic emotions as anger, fear, happiness, and sadness. In fact, because animals and humans express similar kinds of emotions, some people believe the emotional difference between animals and humans is largely one of complexity and not of kind. “I’m sad, hurt, angry, mad, and disappointed. But you know what? I’ll put on a smile and move on. It will hurt, but I will survive.” -Author Unknown Facial expressions can control emotion. Studies show that if people adjust their facial expression to reflect an emotion, they actually begin to feel that emotion. “The fastest way to lift your spirits is to lift someone else’s.” -Author Unknown Researchers note that when concealing a strong emotion, people tend to let out ‘micro-expressions,’ or sudden displays of emotion, very briefly, often in as little as one-24th of a second, often unknown even to themselves. Overheard: I laughed until I cried . . . and then I cried until I laughed . . . it was an emotional day . . . Any emotion has three components: 1. Physiological changes (as for example, acceleration of heart rate) 2. Behavioral response, such as a tendency to escape from or stay in contact with whatever is causing the emotion, and 3. A subjective experience, such as feeling angry, happy, or sad. “Sadness and gladness succeed each other.” -Author Unknown The word ‘emotion’ is from the Latin ‘emovere’ meaning ‘to move out, remove, or agitate,’ as it is composed of the prefix ‘ex-’ meaning ‘out’ and root word ‘movere’ meaning ‘to move.’ “You can make yourself happy or miserable - it’s the same amount of effort.” -Ray Bradbury (1920 - 2012) Studies show that men and women experience the same amount of emotion, but women tend to show it more. “No matter how busy you are, you must take time to make the other person feel important.” -Mary Kay Ash (1918 - 2001) Clothing both affects and reflects emotional states. A recent study suggests a strong correlation between wearing certain clothes and emotional states. For example, it revealed that women who are depressed or sad are more likely to wear baggy tops, sweatshirts, or jeans. Women who had more positive emotions were more likely to wear a favorite dress or jewelry and generally look nicer. “So far as other people are concerned, you are your behavior. So far as you are concerned, you are your feelings.” -Peter Honey In the English language, there are more than 400 words assigned to emotions and sentiments. “Let’s not forget that the little emotions are the great captains of our lives and we obey them without realizing it.” -Vincent van Gogh (Vincent Willem van Gogh (1853 - 1890)) In Greek mythology, many of the ills that plagued humankind were creatures of emotion such as revenge, spite, and envy. Supposedly released by the goddess Pandora, they sought to torment the world. “Whenever you feel sad, just remember that somewhere in this world, there’s a person pulling on a door that reads, ‘Push.’” -Author Unknown Plato described emotion and reason as two horses pulling us in opposite directions. However, modern neurologist Antonio Damasio argues that reasoning depends on emotion and is not in opposition to emotion. “When I am sad, I sing, and then the world is sad with me.” -Author Unknown The definition of emoticon as given at https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/emoticon is ‘a group of keyboard characters (such as :-)) that typically represents a facial expression or suggests an attitude or emotion and that is used especially in computerized communications (such as e-mail).’  Scott Fahlman, at the time a Professor of the School of Computer Science at Carnegie Mellon University, is credited with creating the first digital smiley face emoticon on 19 September 1982. His homepage is http://www.cs.cmu.edu/~sef/.
“It was ten minutes of my life. I expected my note might amuse a few of my friends, and that would be the end of it.” -Scott Fahlman (Scott Elliott Fahlman (born 1948)), commenting on his creation of the first digital smiley face emoticon, or :-) Just a Few of the Many Keyboard Emoticons (Emotion + Icons) :) happy :-) happy :-)) very happy :-):-) laughing loudly :’-) crying for joy :D laughing :-D laughing ;-) winking ;-)=) big toothy grin *-<|:o) feeling celebratory :”> blushing (-: left-facing smiley ^5 high five {{ }} hug (put person’s name or initials inside the brackets) 8-] in love : ( sad :-( sad or frowning :-(( very sad :’-( weeping :-[ pouting =:-O scared :-@ screaming or frustrated yelling :-( ) shouting very loud :-(0) yelling :-V shouting ~ :-( steaming mad > :-( mad >:-< angry :-o shocked “Emoticons and emojis are mere symbols - no symbol can ever express the real you and how you feel!” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966) Emoji were created in the late 1990’s by NTT DoCoMo, the Japanese communications firm. The word is a contraction of ‘e’ and ‘moji,’ which translates roughly as ‘pictograph.’ Unlike emoticons, emoji are actual pictures of objects varying from faces to dancing figures to common objects to animals. The Emojipedia Website at www.emojipedia.org can help you find specific emojis to symbolize or communicate a message or feeling. Some researchers fear that technology, particularly social networking websites, is creating emotional disconnection rather than connection. Studies show that mothers are less tolerant of crying in boys than in girls, suggesting that the way emotions are expressed by adults are instilled by mothers during infancy. “Feelings are never right or wrong; they just are.” -Author Unknown Body language often reveals emotion. For example, a person standing with their arms on hips with elbows turned outward is an example of a territorial display. Someone with their hands folded and their thumbs popped up indicates that he or she has something positive to say. Touching the nose indicates someone is hiding something. A former United States Federal Bureau of Investigation agent and specialist in nonverbal communication says that the “feet provide the strongest body language signals.” “Pain and suffering are always inevitable for a large intelligence and a deep heart.” -Fyodor Mikhailovich Dostoyevsky (1821 - 1881) Several scientists claim that there is always some emotion occurring in the body, but the emotion is too slight for us to notice or to affect what we do. “Fake feeling good . . . You’re going to have to learn to fake cheerfulness. Believe it or not, eventually that effort will pay off: you’ll actually start feeling happier.” -Jean Bach A 1980 study by Robert Plutchik proposed eight primary innate emotions: joy, acceptance, fear, surprise, sadness, disgust, anger, and anticipation. He suggests that complex emotions such as guilt and love are combinations of primary emotions. “We are injured and hurt emotionally, not so much by other people or what they say and don’t say, but by our own attitude and our own response.” -Maxwell Maltz (1899 - 1975) Many psychologists consider instinct and emotion similar in that both are automatic. For example, fear is both an emotion and an instinct. However, while instincts are immediate, irrational, and innate, emotions have the potential to be more rational and part of a complex feedback system linking biology, behavior, and cognition. “You can’t get much done in life if you only work on days you feel good.” -Jerry West Most scientists believe that basic emotions are innate rather than learned. For example, people who are born blind and have never seen faces still display the typical facial expressions of the basic emotions. “Most of the work of the world is done by people who aren’t feeling very well.” -Le Baron Russell Briggs Using its website www.WeFeelFine.org, Stanford University analyzed about 13 million emotions that have been recorded on the web since 2005. They found older people are usually happier overall, but for varying reasons. Younger people are happy when they are excited, older people are happier when they are at peace. Additionally, women tend to feel more loved than men, but also feel more guilt. Men often feel happier, yet lonelier. Their findings suggest that the happiest time of day is lunchtime. “All great discoveries are made by people whose feelings run ahead of their thinking.” -Charles Henry Parkhurst (1842 - 1933) Of all facial expressions, the smile may be the most deceptive. There are about 18 different basic smiles, including polite, cruel, false, self-effacing, and so on. But only one reflects genuine happiness; this is known as the Duchenne smile, in honor of the French neurologist who determined this phenomenon, Guillaume-Benjamin-Amand Duchenne (de Boulogne). Humans are capable of making more than 10,000 facial expressions to express a wide variety of both obvious and subtle emotions. “Impatience comes from within. Anger comes from within. Happiness comes from within. All emotions and feelings come from within, not from without or outside of oneself. Think about it, before you blame or attribute to others your emotions and feelings, as for example, erroneously saying, ‘That person makes me angry.’” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966) Emotional abuse is similar to brainwashing in that it attempts to systematically wear away a person’s self-confidence, self-worth, and self-concept. Emotional abuse can take many forms, including using economic power to control, threatening to leave, degrading, belittling, continually criticizing, name calling, or shouting. “Words of malice always spring from envy.” -W. C. Fields (William Claude Dukenfield (1880 - 1946)) Most neuroscientists distinguish between the words ‘emotion’ and ‘feeling,’ using ‘emotion’ to describe the brain’s auto-programmed response to certain stimuli, and ‘feeling’ to describe our conscious impression of that response. “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” -Maya Angelou (Marguerite Ann Johnson (1928 - 2014)) This is ‘MFOL!’ and this has been such an emotional topic . . . because we put a lot of feeling into it . . . when time allows, we will put more work into it, to vastly improve it . . . much more follows . . .  “There is always something to be thankful for!” -Author Unknown
“Live in gratitude. When you are thankful for what you have, you are always rewarded with more.” -Author Unknown “I woke up. I have clothes to wear. I have running water. I have food to eat. Life is good. I am thankful.” -Author Unknown “Appreciation can make a day - even change a life. Your willingness to put it into words is all that is necessary.” -Margaret Cousins “You simply will not be the same person two months from now after consciously giving thanks each day for the abundance that exists in your life. And you will have set in motion an ancient spiritual law: the more you have and are grateful for, the more will be given you.” -Sarah Ban Breathnach (born 1947): “Simple Abundance” (1995) “Gratitude is when memory is stored in the heart and not in the mind.” -Lionel Hampton Knock-knock. Who’s there? Tank. Tank, who? You’re welcome! “People who live the most fulfilling lives are the ones who are always rejoicing at what they have.” -Richard Carlson (1961 - 2006) “What if you gave someone a gift, and they neglected to thank you for it - would you be likely to give them another? Life is the same way. In order to attract more of the blessings that life has to offer, you must truly appreciate what you already have.” -Ralph Marston (Ralph S. Marston, Junior (born 1955)) “To speak gratitude is courteous and pleasant, to enact gratitude is generous and noble, but to live gratitude is to touch Heaven.” -Johannes A. Gaertner “It is not happy people who are thankful, but thankful people who are happy.” -Author Unknown “Gratitude makes everything turn into a gift.” -Author Unknown “No one who achieves success does so without the help of others. The wise and confident acknowledge this help with gratitude.” -Alfred North Whitehead (1861 - 1947) “How happy a person is depends upon the depth of his gratitude.” -John Miller “My husband gave a battery of intelligence and personality tests to a job applicant. One question was, ‘If you were given a million dollars, what would be the first thing you would buy?’ The young man replied, ‘A thank-you card.’” -Beverly Weaver “The thankful receiver bears a plentiful harvest.” -William Blake (1757 - 1827) The Thank You Song For soap and tissues And useful things For jungle gyms And slides and swings For music and stories And pictures gay We sing our thank you song today For the blue of the sky For the gold of the Sun For mothers and fathers And friends and fun For bulbs in the soil And fishes that play We sing our thank you song today -Author Unknown Perhaps if we renamed ‘Thanksgiving Day’ as ‘Gratitude Day,’ people would more clearly understand its meaning? “Cultivate the habit of being grateful for every good thing that comes to you, and to give thanks continuously. And because all things have contributed to your advancement, you should include all things in your gratitude.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882) “The more you recognize and express gratitude for the things you have, the more things you will have to express gratitude for.” -Zig Ziglar (Hilary Hinton ‘Zig’ Ziglar (1926 - 2012)) “It is a sign of mediocrity when you demonstrate gratitude with moderation.” -Roberto Benigni (Roberto Remigio Benigni (born 1952)) “God gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today. Have you used one to say ‘thank you?’” -William A. Ward (William Arthur Ward (1921 - 1994)) “Gratitude helps you to grow and expand; gratitude brings joy and laughter into your life and into the lives of all those around you.” -Eileen Caddy (1917 - 2006) “Persons thankful for little things are certain to be the ones with much to be thankful for.” -Frank A. Clark (1911 - 1991) “Gratitude bestows reverence, allowing us to encounter everyday epiphanies, those transcendent moments of awe that change forever how we experience life and the world.” -John Milton “Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.” -William A. Ward (William Arthur Ward (1921 - 1994)) “Gratitude is a fruit of great cultivation. You do not find it among gross people.” -Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784) “In everything give thanks.” -Author Unknown: “The Bible,” ‘First Thessalonians,’ chapter 5, verse 18 “Say thank you to everyone you meet for everything they do for you.” -Brian Tracy (born 1944) “Feeling grateful or appreciative of someone or something in your life actually attracts more of the things that you appreciate and value into your life.” -Christiane Northrup “Gratitude is the memory of the heart.” -Massieu “What if you woke up today with only the things you thanked God for yesterday?” -Author Unknown “Gratitude is Heaven itself.” -William Blake (1757 - 1827): as quoted in Alexander Gilchrist: “Life of William Blake” (1863), ‘1803-1804,’ page 200 “Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.” -Melody Beattie (born 1948) “Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you, knowing that every step forward is a step toward achieving something bigger and better than your current situation.” -Brian Tracy (born 1944) “No matter how good or bad you think life is, wake up each day and be thankful for life. Someone somewhere else is fighting to survive.” -Author Unknown “Happiness is itself a kind of gratitude.” -Joseph Wood Krutch (1893 - 1970) “Thank you, thank you very much!” -Elvis Presley (Elvis Aron Presley (1935 - 1977)) “Take time today to appreciate someone who does something you take for granted.” -Author Unknown “Gratitude is like a magnet; the more grateful you are, the more you will receive to be grateful for.” -Iyanla Vanzant “A person who feels appreciated will always do more than is expected.” -Author Unknown “Many people who order their lives rightly in all other ways, are kept in poverty by their lack of gratitude.” -Wallace D. Wattles (Wallace Delois Wattles (1860 - 1911)) Overheard in a coffee shop: “Thanks a Latte.” “Gratitude is a sign of maturity . . . Where there is appreciation, there is also courtesy and concern for the rights and property of others.” -Gordon B. Hinckley (Gordon Bitner Hinckley (1910 - 2008)) “Gratitude in advance is the most powerful creative force in the Universe.” -Neale Donald Walsch (born 1943) “My life isn’t perfect but I am thankful for everything I have.” -Author Unknown “Unthankfulness is theft.” -Martin Luther (1483 - 1546) A grateful heart a garden is, Where there is always room For every lovely God-like grace, To come to perfect bloom. -Author Unknown: as quoted in the “Christian Science Hymnal,” #3 “Who does not thank for little will not thank for much.” -Author Unknown “Gratitude is riches. Complaint is poverty.” -Author Unknown In our daily lives, we must see That it is not happiness that makes us grateful, But the gratefulness that makes us happy. -Albert Clarke “Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others.” -Cicero (Marcus Tullius Cicero, also known as Tully (106 B.C.E. - 43 B.C.E.)) “The more you thank life, the more life gives you to be thankful for.” -Author Unknown “Gratitude is the most exquisite form of courtesy.” -Jacques Maritain “Upon waking, let your first thought be, ‘Thank you.’” -Author Unknown “Ingratitude is one of our great sins.” -Ezra Taft Benson (1899 - 1994): as quoted in “Ensign” (May 1977), page 33 “Jesus, please teach me to appreciate what I have before time forces me to appreciate what I had.” -Susan L. Lenzkes “Make it a habit to tell people thank you. To express your appreciation, sincerely and without the expectation of anything in return. Truly appreciate those around you, and you’ll soon find many others around you. Truly appreciate life, and you’ll find that you have more of it.” -Ralph Marston (Ralph S. Marston, Junior (born 1955)) “Someone else is praying for the things you take for granted. Be thankful.” -Author Unknown “If we appreciate what we have, it becomes more; if we belittle what we have, it becomes less.” -Author Unknown “The greatest thing is to give thanks for everything. He who has learned this knows what it means to live. He has penetrated the whole mystery of life: Giving thanks for everything.” -Albert Schweitzer (1875 - 1965) “The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more in life there will be to praise and celebrate.” -Author Unknown “Gratitude is the best attitude.” -Author Unknown “Outcomes rarely turn on grand gestures or the art of the deal, but on whether you’ve sent someone a thank-you note.” -Bernie Brillstein and David Rensin: “The Little Stuff Matters Most” (2004) “Gratitude is a duty which ought to be paid, but which none have a right to expect.” -Jean-Jacques Rousseau (1712 - 1778) “In ordinary life we hardly realize that we receive a great deal more than we give, and that it is only with gratitude that life becomes rich.” -Dietrich Bonhoeffer (1906 - 1945) “Gratitude is the intention to count-your-blessings every day, every minute, while avoiding, whenever possible, the belief that you need or deserve different circumstances.” -Timothy Miller Different Ways of Saying Thank You - Thanks a bunch. - Thank you large. - We couldn’t do it without you. - Thanks a million! - Can you think of other ways of saying, “Thank you”? Overheard: Always say, “Thank you.” This is ‘MFOL!’ Thank you for including us in your day . . . much more ‘Fun & Learning’ follows just below.  It is not always easy being cheesy . . . and still we continue curdling along . . .
Chester: How do you make a cheese puff? Chet: Chase it around the kitchen. “The holes in your Swiss cheese are somebody else’s Swiss cheese.” -Melvin Fishman: “New York Times” (1982), ‘Higher Education Supplement’ Belinda: How do you know cheese makes people happy? Melinda: Because they smile when they say, “Cheese!” Swiss cheese is full of holes. The more holes you have, the less cheese you have. The more cheese you have, the more holes you have. Therefore, the more cheese you have, the less cheese you have. Elmer: What is a cannibal’s favorite cheese? Elma: Limburger. Why does Swiss cheese have holes? Swiss cheese is made by heating milk from a cow at high temperatures and then lifting the curd (solids) from the whey (liquids) in a fine-mesh net. This mass of curds is then made into blocks, salted with strong brine, wrapped to prevent drying, and stored for 6 to 8 weeks at 27 degrees Celsius (80 degrees Fahrenheit) to ferment. Holes are formed during this part of the process, as bubbles of carbon dioxide gas are liberated by bacteria used to promote fermentation. Cheese-makers call the holes in Swiss cheese ‘eyes.’ Kit: What search engine is popular among mice? Kat: ‘Ask Cheese.’ Overheard: “I’m glad the cheese stands alone, because that makes it easier to find.” Mildred: Which cheese lives in a tiny house? Milford: Cottage cheese. “The cream always rises to the top.” -Author Unknown Jessica: What did the blind man say after being handed a cheese grater? Jesse: “That is by far the most violent book I have ever read.” Milk is spoiled when it starts to look like yogurt. Yogurt is spoiled when it starts to look like cottage cheese. Cottage cheese is spoiled when it starts to look like solid blocks of cheese. Regular cheese is nothing but spoiled milk anyway, and it cannot get any more spoiled than it is already. “The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.” -Jon Hammond The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese . . . to us, that sounds like it might just be worth the wait . . . how about you? Chubby: When should you go on a cheese diet? Hefty: When you need to cheddar a few pounds. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Cheese! Cheese, who? Cheese a jolly good fellow! “I’ll try anything once, even Limburger cheese.” -Thomas Edison (Thomas Alva Edison (1847 - 1931)) Annette: What is the name of the area in the Middle East that is made entirely of cheese? Annie: Curd-istan. A man stopped by a sandwich shop one afternoon and placed his order with the counter girl. She rattled off the list of condiments on the sandwich and stopped to ask if he wanted yellow or white cheese. He responded by asking her what the difference was, to which she stated, “The color, of course!” Sandy: What cheese surrounds a medieval castle? Sally: Moatzeralla. “Poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese.” -G. K. Chesterton (Gilbert Keith Chesterton (1874 - 1936)): “Alarms and Discursions” (1911), ‘Cheese’ Scott: When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say? Eric: People! There are more than 450 types of cheese in the world, and about 240 of them originate in France - which is not to say that the French are any cheesier than the rest of the world, mind you. Trent: What did the cheese say after hearing a joke? Craig: That is a Gouda one! If only there were some way to make this big hunk of cheese into hundreds of little pieces of cheese, that would be just grate. Riddle: What cheese is ‘made’ backwards? Solution: Edam. Grated cheddar cheese from the supermarket can be squashed tightly together with one’s fingers to produce a block of cheese, ready for slicing or grating. (We have all kinds of totally useless information like this on the ‘Make Fun Of Life!’ Website, if that’s your kind of thing.) Justin: What did the vain cheese say when he looked in the mirror? Dustin: “I’m looking Gouda!” A Pile of De Brie One Saturday morning at three A cheese monger’s shop in Paree Collapsed to the ground With a thunderous sound Leaving only a pile of ‘de brie.’ -Author Unknown Andy: How do you make a milkshake? Randy: Give it a good scare! One day, at lunch at an elementary school, the cafeteria was serving Swiss cheese. A little girl received her meal and was disgusted by it. She told the lunch lady that she didn’t like the holes in her cheese. To that, the lunch lady responded, “That’s okay, honey, just eat around the holes, and leave them on your plate.” Freda: What is a lion’s favorite cheese? Fred: Roar-quefort. “A cheese may disappoint. It may be dull, it may be naive, it may be overly sophisticated. Yet it remains, cheese, milk’s leap toward immortality.” -Clifton Paul Fadiman (1904 - 1999) Zack: How do you approach a stressed-out Welsh cheese? Zelda: Caerphilly. Excellent Cheese There was an old man who said, “Please Give me some of that excellent cheese. I have smelt it for miles, Coming over the stiles. To your beautiful house on the Tees.” -E. V. Knox Why does sour cream have an expiration date? “How can you expect to govern a country that has two hundred and forty-six kinds of cheese?” -Charles de Gaulle (1890 - 1970) (1958), commenting on France “The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.” -Author Unknown Penelope: Why does cheese look sane? Penny: Because by comparison, everything else on the plate is ‘crackers.’ Turophobia is a persistent fear of cheese. We ourselves often have nightmares in which we are being chased by monsters made entirely of . . . cheese! Seriously, though, if you have turophobia, you need to know that we strongly believe you can conquer your cheesy fear . . . we are just not sure how. Horatio: What is the best cheese to coax a bear down a mountain? Horace: Camembert, come on bear! “As for butter versus margarine, I trust cows more than chemists.” -Joan Gussow (born 1928) We have not tested this yet, but we have heard that if you store opened chunks of cheese in aluminum foil, the cheese will stay fresh much longer and not mold. Leonard: Where does chocolate milk come from? Glenard: Chocolate cows! Purportedly, eating cheese before going to sleep helps you fall asleep faster and sleep better. Mitch: What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Michelle: Nacho cheese! Drew: What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Andrew: Stolen - you’re under arrest! Melanie: What do you call cheese that is sad? Melody: Blue cheese. Yogurt is a semi-solid dairy product made from partially evaporated and fermented milk. Yogurt is one of only three foods that taste exactly the same as they sound. The other two are goulash and squid. Kimmy: What dance do cheese makers do every Halloween? Kimberly: The Muenster Mash! Dairy Products Facts - Dairy products consist of milk and other products having milk as the main ingredient. - Most dairy products are good sources of calcium, which helps build bones and teeth. - Most dairy products are good sources of protein, which helps build muscle and other tissue. - Many dairy products are good sources of fats that are stored and burned for energy (the stuff that helps us be active). Artie: How do you keep from getting a pain in the eye when drinking chocolate milk? Marty: Always take the spoon out of the glass. “Cheese should be on the list of most important human discoveries of all time, which would be the use of fire, invention of the wheel, and then the making of cheese.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966) People in Siberia enjoy their milk frozen on a stick. Sour cream: A product that comes from discontented cows. Gouda is a Dutch yellow cheese made from cow’s milk. It is named after the city of Gouda in the Netherlands. “If I had to give up cheese or chocolate, I’d give up chocolate in a heartbeat.” -Amanda Peet Maybe it is time for humankind to create chocolate cheese? “If we could just get rid of all the margarine, the world would be a butter place.” -Unidentified Dairy Farmer More cheese, please! Some people who are lactose intolerant (allergic or sensitive) to dairy products from cattle can consume dairy products from goats and other animals. “My whole family is lactose intolerant and when we take pictures we can’t say cheese.” -Jay London The fat molecules in goat milk are five times smaller than the ones found in cow milk. It takes twenty minutes for the stomach to break down goat milk as opposed to the hour that the stomach takes to break down cow milk. “Give me a good sharp knife and a good sharp cheese and I’m a happy man.” -George R. R. Martin Now that we have chocolate milk, what’s next . . . bacon and cheese ice cream? “Swiss cheese is the only cheese you can draw and people can identify. You can draw American cheese, but someone will think it’s cheddar. It’s the only cheese you can bite and miss. ‘Hey Mitch - does that sandwich have cheese on it?’ ‘Every now and then!’” -Mitch Hedberg (1968 - 2005) “With enough butter, anything is good.” -Julia Child (Julia Carolyn Child (1912 - 2004)) Sweet dreams are made of Cheese, Who am I to diss a Brie. I Cheddar the world And the Feta cheese Everybody’s looking for Stilton. -Author Unknown: parody The word ‘cheese’ comes from the Latin ‘caseus’ meaning ‘cheese’ which in turn likely comes from the Proto-Indo-European root ‘kwat-’ meaning ‘to ferment’ or ‘to sour.’ “What happens to the hole when the cheese is gone?” -Bertolt Brecht (Eugen Berthold Friedrich Brecht (1898 - 1956)) Buttermilk contains no butter, and oddly, butterflies don’t, either, meaning ‘butterflies’ could not be ‘butter that flies.’ Overheard: For cheese a jolly good fellow, for cheese a jolly good fellow . . . which nobody can deny! If you think this topic is mostly ‘cheesy’ stuff, you are right. We need fun stuff about milk, butter, powdered milk, yogurt, sour cream, buttermilk, and other dairy products, so if you know any of that stuff, please contact us by email at MakeFunOfLife@mail.com. Now let us get back to more ‘making fun of life’ . . .  Sorry, we are all out of flowers for today . . . please come back again tomorrow! A Special Bouquet A rose can say ‘I love you’ And orchids can enthrall - But a weed bouquet in a chubby fist, Oh my, that says it all! -Author Unknown “Earth laughs in flowers.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882): “Hamatreya” (1846) Daisy: What did one rose say to the other? Iris: “Hi, Bud!” In 1634 in the Netherlands, a collector traded 454 kilograms (1,000 pounds) of cheese, four oxen, eight pigs, twelve sheep, a bed, and a suit of clothes for a single bulb of the Viceroy tulip . . . seems he traded a farm for a flower. Who bends a knee where violets grow A hundred secret things shall know. -Rachael Field (Rachael Lyman Field (1894 - 1942)): “The Pointed People” (1924), ‘A Charm for Spring Flowers’ A gentleman entered a busy florist shop which displayed a large sign reading, “Let Flowers Do Your Talking.” “Wrap up one rose,” he told the florist. “Only one?” the florist asked. “Just one,” the customer replied. “I’m a man of few words.” Jeremy: How do you make a flower grow faster? Jerome: Just push the ‘accelerator petal.’ “There are always flowers for those who want to see them.” -Henri Matisse (1869 - 1954) Caught Stealing A maiden caught stealing a dahlia Said, “Oh, you shan’t tell on me, shahlia? But the florist was hot, And he said, “Like as not, They’ll send you to jail, you bad gahlia! -Author Unknown Broccoli and cauliflower are not only flowers, but are vegetables for your dinner plate as well. Rose: Why couldn’t the flower ride his bike? Daisy: Because he lost his petals! “Flowers are the sweetest things God ever made, and forgot to put a soul into.” -Henry Ward Beecher (1813 - 1887): “Life Thoughts” (1858) “Always take time to stop and smell the roses, and sooner or later, you will inhale a bee.” -Author Unknown “If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers.” -Doug Larson (1902 - 1981): as quoted in “Reader’s Digest” (1984) “When I walk with you, I feel as if I had a flower in my buttonhole.” -William Makepeace Thackeray (1811 - 1863) “The fragrance always stays in the hand that gives the rose.” -Hada Bejar Molly: What kind of flowers grow on your face? Darla: Tulips.  These red lips are commonly called flowers, but are actually plant bracts. For an explanation, please visit http://davesgarden.com/guides/articles/view/3156/. Things to Do If You Are a Flower - Be a wonderful color like purplish-pink or peach or yellow. - Listen to the wind. - Dance in the breeze. - Be tickled by raindrops. - Grow toward the Sun. - Count every star in the night sky. - Be beautiful. - What would you do if you were a flower? “People from a planet without flowers would think we must be mad with joy the whole time to have such things about us.” -Iris Murdoch (1919 – 1999): “A Fairly Honorable Defeat” (1970) “The prettiest flowers take root in the dirt.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966) I will be the gladdest thing Under the Sun! I will touch a hundred flowers And not pick one. -Edna Saint Vincent Millay (1892 - 1950): “Afternoon on a Hill” “I hope that while so many people are out smelling the flowers, someone is taking the time to plant some.” -Herbert Rappaport “It’s okay to send flowers, but don’t let the flowers do all the talking. Flowers have a limited vocabulary. About the best flowers can say is that you remembered. But your words tell the rest.” -Jim Rohn (Emanuel James ‘Jim’ Rohn (1930 - 2009)) Pluck not the wayside flower; It is the traveler’s dower. A thousand passersby Its beauties may espy, To win a touch of blessing From nature’s mild caressing. -William Allingham (1824 - 1889): “Wayside Flowers” “All flowers are not to be picked; some are meant to stay rooted so their beauty may continue to sing praises unto nature.” -Grace Terrell I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud I wandered lonely as a cloud That floats on high o’er vales and hills, When all at once I saw a crowd, A host, of golden daffodils; Beside the lake, beneath the trees, Fluttering and dancing in the breeze Continuous as the stars that shine And twinkle on the Milky Way, They stretched in never-ending line Along the margin of a bay: Ten thousand saw I at a glance, Tossing their heads in sprightly dance. -William Wordsworth (1770 - 1850) (1804) “Take care of your peonies and the dahlias will take care of themselves.” -F. P. Adams (Franklin Pierce Adams (1881 - 1960)) Ezekiel: What do you get when you cross a flower with a monkey? Daniel: Chimp-pansies. Wild Flower Alphabet A for the Aconite, first of the year, B for the Buttercup, able to hold Dewdrop And rain in its chalice of gold. C for the Cowslip, sweet joy of the spring; When cowslips are blooming the nightingales sing. D for the Daisy, white star of the grass, Lifting its bright eye to us as we pass. E for the Eglantine, lovely wild rose, Sheds fragrance of sweetbriar where - ever it grows. F for the Foxglove, the sentinel tall, Guarding the forest from summer to fall. G for the Gorse of rich golden delight; Linnaeus went down on his knees at the sight. H for the Harebell, so fragile, yet strong, The dear little Blue Bells of Scotland in song. I for the Iris which grows by the stream, The Flower of the Rainbow, how golden its gleam! J for Saint John’s Wort, of medical fame, Balm of the Warrior’s Wound was its name. K for the Kingcup that loves marshy fields, And glorious the harvest of gold that it yields! L for the Ling, the dear flower of the heath, How tender its color, how fragrant its breath! M for the Meadowsweet, pleasant and rare Is the perfume with which it enchanteth the air! N for the Nightshade, or Bittersweet, flower, With its berries and blossoms of poisonous power. O for the Oxlip, a flower that you’ll find When cowslips and orchids in posies you bind. P for the Primrose, recalling to sight Paths in the woodland a-shimmer with light. Q for the Quaking grass, name that it takes From the way it unceasingly shivers and shakes. R for the Rest-harrow, staying the plough, Food for the gentle-eyed, ruminant cow. S for the Speedwell, tenderest blue; From the skies it has taken its exquisite hue. T for the traveler’s Joy that you’ll find Where sweet sheltering hedgerows wander and wind. U for the Upright Sea-lavender flower; The sand-swallows claim it for sheltering bower. V for the Violet, flower of the soul, Heart’s-ease of Paradise, making us whole. W for windflower, so fair to the sight, That throws o’er the woodlands her mantle of light. X forms a cross in the Passion- flower wild In Southern America, balmy and mild. Y for the Yarrow, all wayfarers know, As it grows by the wayside where ever you go. Z is the ribbon this posy to bind, With the thoughts and the fragrance It brings to your mind. -Author Unknown  When you look at these real flowers, they almost seem to be looking back at you . . . . but do not worry, they are benign . . . or perhaps there are more than nine . . .
“Flowers are as common in the country as people are in London.” -Oscar Wilde (Oscar Fingal O’Flahertie Wills Wilde (1854 - 1900)) “Whatever a man’s age, he can reduce it several years by putting a bright-colored flower in his buttonhole.” -Mark Twain (pseudonym of Samuel Langhorne Clemens (1835 - 1910)) “God gave us our memories so that we might have roses in December.” -James Matthew Barrie (1860 - 1937) “Many flowers are good fried or frittered. Blossoms of squash, pumpkin, honey locust, daylily, elderberry, and yucca are all tasty. Yucca flowers are also delicious stir-fried with green peppers and garlic.” -Homer Stillson (1930) The largest flower in the world, Rafflesia arnoldii, grows in Indonesia and can be as much as 0.9 meters (3 feet wide) and weigh as much as 6.8 kilograms (15 pounds). Annabelle: If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Bernice: Blushing June brides! (Alternative answers would include ‘Pilgrims’ or ‘Allergies.’) Five Little Flowers Five little flowers growing in a row, The first one said, “I’m purple you know. The second one said, I’m pink as pink can be.” The third one said, “I’m blue like the sea.” The fourth one said, “I’m a very red fellow.” The fifth one said, “My color is yellow.” Then out came the Sun, big and bright, And five little flowers smiled in delight. -Author Unknown “The flower which is single, need not envy the thorns that are numerous.” - Rabindranath Tagore (1861 - 1941) Plato: What kind of flowers do you give to a monster? Socrates: Mari-ghouls and morning-gories. “Every flower blooms in its own sweet time.” -Author Unknown A man walked into a flower shop “I’d like some flowers, please.” “Certainly, sir. What did you have in mind?” asked the florist. The man shrugged, “Well, I’m not sure, I uh, I uh, I uh . . .” “Perhaps I can help. What exactly have you done?” The name of the flower ‘heliotrope’ is derived from the ancient Greek words ‘helios’ meaning ‘sun’ and ‘trepos’ meaning ‘turning to go into to,’ because its leaves and flowers turn toward the Sun. The daffodil flower’s name is from the Old English ‘affo dyle’ meaning ‘that which cometh early’ because it is one of the earliest blooming flowers. The iris flower is named after the Greek goddess Iris, who was believed to carry messages of love from Heaven to Earth using a rainbow as her bridge. Irises are named after her because they bloom in just about all the colors of the rainbow. Doctor Joel Poinsett, the first American ambassador to Mexico, brought the poinsettia to the United States in 1828. The plant, called ‘flower of the blessed night’ in Mexico, was renamed in Poinsett’s honor. “Some people are always grumbling because roses have thorns. I am thankful that thorns have roses.” -Alphonse Karr (Jean-Baptiste Alphonse Karr (1808 - 1890)) Jamie: What do you get if you cross a daffodil with a crocodile? Mamie: I do not know - but I wouldn’t try sniffing it! “Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine to the mind.” -Luther Burbank (1849 - 1926) Anthophobia is a persistent fear of flowers, or parts of flowers. It is not difficult to imagine someone having this fear, considering that flowers are associated with bees and commitment. Still, dating someone with anthophobia could save you a lot of money around Valentine’s Day, birthdays, and other holidays. ‘Anthophobia’ is derived from the Greek words ‘anthos’ meaning ‘flower’ and ‘phobos’ meaning ‘fear.’ My, what pretty - and scary - flowers! Wild Flowers “Of what are you afraid, my child?” inquired the kindly teacher. “Oh, sir! The flowers, they are wild,” replied the timid creature. -Peter Newell “The grape Hyacinth is the favorite spring flower of my garden - but no! I though a minute ago the Scilla was! and what place has the Violet? the Flower de Luce? I cannot decide, but this I know - it is some blue flower.” -Alice Morse Earle (1851 - 1911) “I perhaps owe having become a painter to flowers.” -Claude Monet (Oscar-Claude ‘Claude’ Monet (1840 - 1926)) Flowering plants that need to attract moths for pollination are generally white or pale yellow, to be better seen in dim light. Plants that depend on butterflies for pollination have brightly colored flowers. Roses are red, Violets are blue - But they don’t get around Like the dandelions do! -Author Unknown “Flowers are happy things.” -P. G. Wodehouse (Pelham Grenville Wodehouse (1881 - 1975)) Merlin: What flower is the happiest? Mervin: The glad-iola. The preceding ‘Flowers and Florists’ topic needs your help to blossom into something laughable and fascinating. Tell us what you know at MakeFunOfLife@mail.com . . . now let us tiptoe through the tulips . . . on our way to more ‘making fun of life’ . . .  Does your fast food go, “Vrmmm, vrmmm!”? Jack: I made your favorite dessert - coconut pie! Jill: Mmm . . . what is this hairy brown lump in the middle? Jack: That’s the coconut! “The discovery of a new dish does more for the happiness of the human race than the discovery of a star.” -Jean Anthelme Brillat-Savarin “Forget about measuring things. Just tear off hunks of stuff and toss them in . . . Forget about shortening . . . Nobody really knows what it is.” -Bruce Jay Friedman: “The Lonely Guy’s Cooking Tips” “Until I discovered cooking, I was never really interested in anything.” -Julia Child (Julia Carolyn Child (1912 - 2004)) A Recipe for Happiness Take twelve whole months. Clean them thoroughly of all bitterness, hate, and jealousy. Make them just as fresh and clean as possible. Now cut each month into twenty-eight, thirty or thirty-one different parts, but don’t make the whole batch at once. Prepare it one day at a time out of these ingredients. Mix well into each day one part of faith, one part of patience, one part of courage, and one part of work. Add to each day one part of hope, faithfulness, generosity, and prayer, and one good deed. Season the whole with a dash of good spirits, a sprinkle of fun, a pinch of play, and a cupful of good humor. Pour all of this into a vessel of love. Cook thoroughly over radiant joy, garnish with a smile, and serve with quietness, unselfishness, and cheerfulness. You’re bound to have a Happy New Year! -Author Unknown Chop-suey is not a native Chinese dish, but was created by Chinese immigrants in California, United States of America. Cookbook: A volume that is full of ‘stirring passages.’ “If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and talks like a duck, it probably needs a little more time in the microwave.” -Lori Dowdy Measuring Cups - Before you pour sticky substances into a measuring cup, fill them with very hot water. Then, throw out the hot water, but do not dry the cup. Next, add your ingredient (peanut butter, honey, and so forth) and watch how easily it comes right away from the cup, leaving very little residue. Nadine: Why were screams coming from the kitchen? Arlene: The cook was beating the eggs! Grandma’s Recipes This has always puzzled me, just how much is a pinch? These recipes of dear Grandma’s surely are no cinch. A ‘snip’ of this, a ‘dab’ of that, a ‘lump’ of something else, Then ‘beat it for a little while,’ or, ‘stir until it melts.’ I have to be a wizard to decipher what she meant, By all these strange proportions in her cookbook worn and bent. How much nutmeg in the doughnuts? Grandma wouldn’t flinch, As she said, with twinkling eyes, “Oh, just about a pinch.” There must have been in her wise head a measuring device, That told her just how much to use of sugar, salt, and spice. -Author Unknown “My most irrational fear is that I’ll forget how to cook.” -Pam Sherman “To make an apple pie from scratch, we must first invent the Universe.” -Carl Sagan (Carl Edward Sagan (1934 - 1996))  Think back to a long time ago . . . do you remember when doing things was fun? It can be once again, starting in your kitchen. “One day during cooking class, the teacher, Mrs. Jones, was extolling her secrets for preparing perfect sauces. When she ordered us to the stoves to prepare our assignments, she said, ‘Don’t forget to use wooden spoons.’ As I stirred my sauce, I contemplated the physics behind the mystery of the wooden spoon, and decided it must have something to do with heat conduction. I approached Mrs. Jones to test my theory. ‘Why wooden spoons?’ I asked. ‘Because,’ she replied, ‘if I have to sit here listening to twenty-three metal spoons banging against metal pots, I’ll go nuts.’” -Author Unknown “Some people are like mad scientists in the kitchen - you never know if what they cook up will be edible or inedible - or will jump up off the plate and scurry across the room!” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966) If nothing sticks to nonstick coating, how do they make a nonstick coating stick to the pan? Need money? Give cooking classes! Bored? Make instructional cooking videos. Completely lost your marbles? Put on a broadcast cooking show! “I was 32 when I started cooking; up until then, I just ate.” -Julia Child (Julia Carolyn Child (1912 - 2004)) Mageirocophobia is a persistent fear of cooking. Does it come from a lack of familiarity with kitchen appliances, or perhaps how to measure ingredients? ●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○● Gracie Allen’s Roast Beef Recipe Ingredients 1 Large Roast Beef 1 Small Roast Beef Directions/Instructions Put both roasts in the oven. When the little one burns, the big one is done. -Gracie Allen (Grace Ethel Cecile Rosalie ‘Gracie’ Allen) (1895 - 1964) ●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○● Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying. Israel: How did the cook get the dinosaur into the frying pan? Jordan: He used shortening. “Tomatoes and oregano make it Italian; wine and tarragon make it French. Sour cream makes it Russian; lemon and cinnamon make it Greek. Soy sauce makes it Chinese; garlic makes it good.” -Alice May Brock Microwave: A miniscule hand gesture. Cooking foods often transforms their chemical makeup; it is chemistry in the kitchen, if you will. Liquids become solids, solids shrink or expand, frozen things become liquid, aromas are created, different colors blend together and change. ●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○● Easy Elephant Stew Recipe Ingredients □ 1 elephant (medium size) □ 1 rabbit (optional) □ salt and pepper to taste 1. Cut elephant into bite sized pieces; this takes about 2 months. 2. Add enough brown gravy to cover. 3. Cook over kerosene fire at 465 degrees. Serves 3,800 persons. For those who dislike elephant stew, the rabbit may be added - but only if necessary because most people do not like hare in their stew. ●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○● Overheard: “My cooking is fabulous - even the smoke alarm is cheering me on!” “Poultry is for the cook what canvas is for the painter.” -Jean Anthelme Brillat-Savarin “Cooking food is one of the great revolutionary innovations of history because it not only transformed the way we prepare food, but because it also became a center of cultural communion and organized society.” -Author Unknown Have you heard the one about the cook who got in a spat with a spatula?  What else can be cooked in a coffee pot? How about ramen noodles? Rice? Vegetables?
Microwave Oven: A space-age kitchen appliance that uses the principle of radar to locate and immediately destroy any food placed within its cooking compartment. It may seem like only a tiny matter, but apparently there is a huge difference between a level tablespoon, a rounded tablespoon, and a heaping tablespoon, when cooking. “Too many cooks spoil the broth.” -Author Unknown Riddle: Big as a biscuit, deep as a cup, Even a river can’t fill me up. What am I? Answer: I am a kitchen strainer. What’s for dinner? On www.MyFridgeFood.com, enter what you have in the refrigerator, and it will tell you everything you can make with it. Hey, what’s this bag of potato chips doing in the refrigerator? In 1958, Julia Child became the first woman designated as a full-fledged ‘Chef.’ A Tribute to Julia Child That marvelous cook, Julia Child, Took a trip into the untamed wild To seek a dish nu-trish And oh-so-de-lish, For hot buttered fish was too mild. -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966), in a tribute to one of the best-known cooks of all time, and an absolutely appalling limerick! Stella: What can people who cannot cook make for dinner? Bella: Reservations. “Home cooking: where many a man thinks his wife is.” -Jimmy Durante Chef 1: I have combined a sandwich, a salad, and a soup into a single dish. Chef 2: What do you call it? Chef 1: Slop. What is the best cookbook? May we humbly recommend to you Louise Bennett Weaver and Helen Cowles LeCron: “A Thousand Ways to Please a Husband with Bettina’s Best Recipes” (1917), the full text of which can be found at http://www.merrycoz.org/annex/1000Ways/1000Ways.xhtml. Flynn: What did the eggs do when the cook wanted to make an omelet? Gwyn: They scrambled! Why do we bake cookies and cook bacon? “A chef is a person with a big enough vocabulary to give the soup a different name every day.” -Author Unknown “What is sauce for the goose may be sauce for the gander but is not necessarily sauce for the chicken, the duck, the turkey, or the guinea hen.” -Alice B. Toklas Christian: I’m making a book of cooking jokes. Del: Mmm, I wonder what jokes taste like. Cookbooks We Have Yet to See - “Medieval Cookery: How to Roast Your Dragon” by the Good Friar John - “The Caveman’s Cookbook: How to Not Burn Fingers When Pulling Chunks of Caribou from Fire” by Neal Anders Thal - “The French Chef” by Sue Flay - “The Global Warming & Climate Change Cookbook” by Al Gored - “The Martian Cookbook” by Lil Greene Menn - “The Racecar Cookbook: Or, How to Make an Omelet at 200 Miles Per Hour” by A. Fast Driver - The Dinosaur Cookbook by Al O. Saurus Today, we learned something new: the Chinese dish called ‘chicken fried rice’ is fried rice with chicken - not rice that was fried by a chicken! The folks at the ‘Make Fun Of Life!’ Website would be delighted if you would add some of your own ‘Cooking and Recipes’ humor or tips to this batch. Email us at www.MakeFunOfLife@mail.com. Well, it is time to get back to the kitchen to cook up more jokes like the ones coming next . . .  Folks say they heard about it once . . . in a fairy tale . . . No more powerful and alluring words have been invented by humankind than these four: “Once upon a time . . .” Glen: What did Cinderella the Fish wear to the under-the-sea ball? Gwen: Glass flippers. Fairy tales can come true, it can happen to you If you’re young at heart. -Carolyn Leigh (1926 - 1983): “Young at Heart” (1954) song Betsy: What is beautiful, gray, and wears glass slippers? Betty: Cinderellephant! “Life is a fairy tale. But to see it, you must open your eyes.” -Olianna Port Peter: Why couldn’t the three bears get into their house? Paul: Somebody had put Goldie-Locks on the doors. “A life lesson from a fairy tale: Never look back . . . if Cinderella had gone back to pick up her shoe, she would not have become a princess.” -Author Unknown The Three Little Pigs There was a hungry wolf, A-searching for his lunch, He spotted three cute homes, A-sitting in a bunch The homes of three small pigs, Of hay and bricks and sticks. He tried to blow their houses down, But ended in a fix. -Author Unknown Amelia: What gives milk, goes ‘Moo!’ and makes all your wishes come true? Amy: Your dairy godmother. Cinderella’s slippers were originally made of fur, but the story was changed in the 1600’s by a translator, and her slippers became glass. “Hey, Cinderella, are you wearing bottles on your feet?” “Why, yes, I am. Thank you for noticing!” “Fairy tales are more than true - not because they tell us dragons exist, but because they tell us dragons can be beaten.” -G. K. Chesterton (Gilbert Keith Chesterton (1874 - 1936)) A tax auditor had just read the story of Cinderella to his four-year-old daughter for the first time. The little girl was fascinated by the story, especially the part where the pumpkin turned into a golden coach. ‘Daddy,’ she said. ‘When the pumpkin turned into a golden coach, would that be classified as income or a long-term capital gain?’ Vernon: What kind of story is “The Three Little Pigs”? Vera: A ‘pigtail.’ “The lesson of fairy tales is clear: You should never hesitate to trade your cow for a handful of magic beans.” -Tom Robbins (Thomas Eugene ‘Tom’ Robbins (born 1932)) Hansel: Why was Cinderella such an awful football player? Gretel: Because she had a pumpkin for a coach, she was always running away from the ball, and she kept losing her shoe. “You cannot live life and expect it to be an easy fairy tale. Even princesses in movies struggle to have a happy ending.” -Author Unknown Mouse: My, what big ears you have, and such a long nose, and pointed teeth - you are not going to eat me . . . are you? Elephant: Yes, I do have big ears, though my trunk is much more than just a great long nose, and my tusks are not for chewing like teeth are. Also, I am a vegetarian, and I do not eat mice. -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966): “Fairy Tales Re-Imagined” Rumpelstiltskin: What is it that everybody listens to but no intelligent person believes? Rapunzel: The weather reporter.  A charmed life is not theirs; a hard lot is theirs. Few fairy tale characters live in castles. Many of them call far more humble abodes their home. They sleep on the floor, subsist on boiled roots, nuts, and berries, and earn a precarious living doing difficult labor for meager pay, when they can get it. They must always carry a big, heavy stick to fend off thieves and wolves. Yet they rarely consider themselves poor or question the way life treats them, because just trying to stay alive each day fully occupies them. Possibly the lives of ordinary fairy tale characters have much in common with the lives of ordinary real people, and neither know much of the charmed world of princesses and palaces, except in fairy tales they might have heard. Olaf: What has six legs, four ears, and a shining suit of armor? Olga: A prince on horseback! ●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○● How to Survive a Fairy Tale Sound Advice. If you should find yourself lost in a book, Where certainly no one would think to look, Follow these tips to keep yourself safe, From witch, or from troll, or cold-blooded snake. Be Helpful. If someone should ask you for a helping hand, Help without thinking, do not be grand. Chances are, they will later come back, To assist you from a confusing trap. Listen. If you’re given advice, listen or be doomed, Even if it comes from an animal, However degrading, I am sure you will find It is highly preferable to stay alive. Be Cunning. While there are those who mean you no harm, There are the people on the other arm, Most would eat you without a regret, So stay alert to keep safe from them. Stay Safe. Stick to the path, Don’t open the door, Keep away from that cottage, Or we’ll see you no more. Now You Are Wiser. Follow these hints, And you will be safe, But beware if the rules you ignore and break. Don’t say we didn’t warn you. -Karissa E., from Spokane Valley, Washington, United States of America ●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○● Groucho: What grows on trees and is afraid of wolves? Harpo: The three little figs. “If you want your children to be intelligent, read them fairy tales.” -Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955) “Daddy,” a little girl asked her father, “do all fairy tales begin with ‘Once upon a time’?” “No, sweetheart,” he answered. “Some begin with ‘If I am elected . . .’” Overheard: No one is too young or too old for fairy tales. Erma: What did Cinderella say when the drugstore lost her photographs? Myrna: “Someday my prints will come!” “Life itself is the most wonderful fairy tale.” -Hans Christian Andersen (1805 - 1875): “The True Story of My Life” (1871) Goldilocks and the Three Bears: Once upon a time, there were three bears. A Mommy bear, a Daddy bear, and a Baby bear. One day they went for a walk. When they got back, Daddy bear asked, “Who’s been eating my porridge?” Baby bear asked tearfully, “And who’s been eating my porridge?” Finally, Mommy bear chimed in with, “Oh, stop this silliness - I haven’t made any porridge this morning as of yet.” Marty: Why did Cinderella fall down at the ball? Arty: Because she was wearing slippers. One day a boy was sitting in his first grade class as the teacher was reading the story of the “Three Little Pigs.” The story is about three pigs who build houses of straw, sticks, and bricks to protect themselves from the big bad wolf. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to acquire building materials for his home. She said, “. . . and so the pig went up to the man with a wheelbarrow full of straw and said ‘Pardon me sir, but might I have some of that straw to build my house with?’” Then the teacher asked the class, “And what do you think that man said?” My friend’s son raised his hand and said, “I know! I know! He said, ‘Wow! I don’t believe it - a real live talking pig!’” The teacher was unable to teach for the next ten minutes. “Cinderella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life.” -Author Unknown They say you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince, but if you do, you will end up with awful warts and other things you will not want. So, if you are wise, you will not kiss frogs, and though you will not get your prince-turned-frog-turned-prince, still, maybe, if you stand afar off, and just blow a kiss to a frog, the frog might wonder what you are doing . . . which is still something . . .  There are still fairy tales to be imagined, written, and illustrated with pictures . . . meaning there is still important work yet to be done, perhaps by you. Can you think up a fairy tale, write it down, sketch some scenes from it, and make it into a book? The answer is that yes, you can. It is one small part of the unlimited potential that is in you, in a world of endless possibilities that stretch further than any eyes can see. Fairy Tales Quiz - What do the three bears like to eat for breakfast? - What types of characters can be found in fairy tales? - Which fairy tale has seven dwarfs? - What is the purpose of fairy tales? - What fairy tale character is half-human and half-fish? - What is your favorite fairy tale? “I like Cinderella, I really do. She has a good work ethic. And she likes shoes. The fairy tale is all about the shoe at the end.” -Amy Adams Fairy Tales Quiz Answers - The three bears like to eat porridge for breakfast. - Characters such as talking animals, tradesmen, giants, children, princesses, and magical beings can be found in fairy tales. - The fairy tale that has seven dwarfs is, “Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.” - The purpose of fairy tales is to teach people about the dangers and wonderfulness of life in an entertaining fashion. - The Little Mermaid is a half-human, half-fish fairy tale character. - You get to decide which fairy tale is your favorite, and no one else gets to decide for you. “He’s away with the fairies,” is an Irish expression for someone who is a bit loopy or a daydreamer. In the original Italian version of “Cinderella,” the benevolent fairy godmother character was a cat. “Happily ever after is not a place; it is a state of being, and you have to work at it every day.” -Gwendolyn Heasley  “Someday you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again.” -C. S. Lewis (Clive Staples Lewis (1898 - 1963))
Cinderella, originally known as Aschenputtel, lost her left shoe at the stairway when the prince tried to follow her. We just thought you might like to know that. “Fairy tales in childhood are stepping stones throughout life, leading the way through trouble and trial. The value of fairy tales lies not in a brief literary escape from reality, but in the gift of hope that goodness truly is more powerful than evil and that even the darkest reality can lead to a Happily Ever After. Do not take that gift of hope lightly. It has the power to conquer despair in the midst of sorrow, to light the darkness in the valleys of life, to whisper, “One more time,” in the face of failure. Hope is what gives life to dreams, making the fairy tale the reality.” -L. R. Knost Clever Wee Pig There once was a clever wee pig Whose brothers were lazy and big. Their homes were too weak So they ran with a squeak To the house of the clever wee pig. -Author Unknown “We like stories that have happy endings, because they give us hope, or at least, do not take it away from us.” -Author Unknown Knock, knock. Who’s there? Andy. Andy, who? Andy all lived happily ever after! “If I’m honest, I have to tell you I still read fairy tales, and I like them best of all.” -Audrey Hepburn (1929 - 1993) Let us get lost in a fairy tale: Once upon a time, everyone lived happily ever after. Please send your fairy tale jokes and facts to MakeFunOfLife@mail.com. Thanks, and keep on ‘MFOL!’-ing.  “Hold on to your dreams, for they are, in a sense, the stuff of which reality is made. It is through our dreams that we maintain the possibility of a better, more meaningful life.” -Leo Buscaglia (Felice Leonardo ‘Leo’ Buscaglia, also known as Leo F. Buscaglia (1924 - 1998))
“The very least you can do in your life is to figure out what you hope for. And the most you can do is live inside that hope.” -Barbara Kingsolver (born 1955) “No dreamer is ever too small; no dream is ever too big.” -Author Unknown “Hope sees the invisible, feels the intangible, and achieves the impossible.” -Author Unknown HOPE: Hanging Onto Positive Expectations. “You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it come true. You may have to work for it, however.” -Richard Bach (Richard David Bach (born 1936)): “Illusions” (1977) “Don’t lose hope. When the Sun goes down, the stars come out.” -Author Unknown “Hope works for one simple reason: Those who believe something is possible will work toward achieving it and encourage others; those who believe something is not possible will give up, not begin, and even disparage those who do have hope.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966) “At the darkest moment comes the light.” -Joseph Campbell (1904 - 1987) “Hope has two beautiful daughters, named Anger and Courage; Anger at the way things are, and Courage to change them.” -Augustine of Hippo (also known as Aurelius Augustinus Hipponensis (C.E. 354 - C.E. 430)) “If one dream should fall and break into a thousand pieces, never be afraid to pick one of those pieces up and begin again.” -Flavia Weedn (Flavia Marie Weedn (1929 - 2015)): “Flavia and the Dream Maker” (1998) “Hope, like faith, is nothing if it is not courageous; it is nothing if it is not ridiculous.” -Thornton Wilder (Thornton Niven Wilder (1897 - 1975)) “What steps could you take right now to begin turning your dreams into realities?” -Brian Tracy (born 1944) “While there’s life, there’s hope.” -Terence (Publius Terentius Afer (185 B.C.E. - 159 B.C.E.)): “Heuton timoroumenos,” line 981 “Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born.” -Dale E. Turner (1917 - 2006) “Hope doesn’t require a massive chain where heavy links of logic hold it together. A thin wire will do . . . just strong enough to get us through the night until the winds die down.” -Charles R. Swindoll (Charles Rozell ‘Chuck’ Swindoll (born 1934)) “When the world says, ‘Give up,’ Hope whispers, ‘Try one more time.’” -Author Unknown “You can’t cross the sea merely by standing and staring at the water. Don’t let yourself indulge in vain wishes.” -Rabindranath Tagore (1861 - 1941) “Everything begins as a dream.” -Author Unknown “Let your hopes, not your hurts, shape your future.” -Robert H. Schuller (Robert Harold Schuller (1926 - 2015)) “Set out each day believing in your dreams. Know without a doubt that you were made for amazing things.” -Josh Hinds (Josh S. Hinds) “Hope, like the gleaming taper’s light, Adorns and cheers our way; And still, as darker grows the night, Emits a brighter ray.” -Oliver Goldsmith (1728 - 1774): “The Captivity” (1764), Act II “Dreams come true; without that possibility, nature would not incite us to have them.” -John Updike (John Hoyer Updike (1932 - 2009)) “Hope is important because it can make the present moment less difficult to bear. If we believe that tomorrow will be better, we can bear a hardship today.” -Thich Nhat Hanh (born 1926) “So many of our dreams at first seem impossible, then they seem improbable, and then, when we summon the will, they soon become inevitable.” -Christopher Reeve “Hope is necessary in every condition. The miseries of poverty, of sickness, or captivity, would, without this comfort, be insupportable; nor does it appear that the happiest lot of terrestrial existence can set us above the want of this general blessing; or that life, when the gifts of nature and of fortune are accumulated upon it, would not still be wretched, were it not elevated and delighted by the expectation of some new possession, of some enjoyment yet behind, by which the wish shall at last be satisfied, and the heart filled up to its utmost extent.” -Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784) “Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so shall you become. Your vision is the promise of what you shall at last unveil.” -John Ruskin (1819 - 1900) “Hope is a good breakfast, but it is a bad supper.” -Francis Bacon (1561 - 1626): “Apothegms,” number 95 “Happy are those who dream dreams and are ready to pay the price to make them come true.” -Leon J. Suenes “Hope is a waking dream.” -Aristotle (384 B.C.E. - 322 B.C.E.): as quoted in Diogenes Laertius’ “Lives of Eminent Philosophers” “Do all you can to make your dreams come true.” -Joel Osteen “Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work; you don’t give up.” -Anne ‘Annie’ Lamott (born 1954) “We all have dreams. But in order to make dreams come into reality, it takes an awful lot of determination, dedication, self-discipline, and effort.” -Jesse Owens (1913 - 1980) “Hope the Best but prepare for the Worst.” -Roger L’Estrange (1616 - 1704): “Seneca’s Morals by Way of Abstract” (1702) “Dreams are necessary to life.” -Anaïs Nin (Angela Anaïs Juana Antolina Rosa Edelmira Nin y Culmell (1903 - 1977)) “In all things it is better to hope than to despair.” -Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832) “Dreams are the seedlings of realities.” -James Allen (1864 - 1912) “The hopeful man sees success where others see failure; sunshine where others see shadows and storm.” -Orison S. Marden (Orison Swett Marden (1850 - 1924)) “The real people of genius were resolute workers, not idle dreamers.” -George Henry Lewes (1817 - 1878) “Everything that is done in the world is done by hope.” -Martin Luther (1483 - 1546) “It may be that those who do most, dream most.” -Stephen Butler Leacock (1869 - 1944) “The hopes of men have been justly called waking dreams.” -Basil (C.E. 330 - C.E. 379): in a letter to Gregory of Nazianzus, as quoted in Reverend S. Baring-Gould’s “The Lives of the Saints” (1873) “Hope is like the Sun, which, as we journey toward it, casts the shadow of our burden behind us.” -Samuel Smiles (1812 - 1904) “Most people never run far enough on their first wind to find out they’ve got a second. Give your dreams all you’ve got and you’ll marvel at the energy that comes out of you.” -William James (1842 - 1910) “Hope is a vigorous principle; it is furnished with light and heat to advise and execute; it sets the head and heart to work, and animates a man to do his utmost. And thus, by perpetually pushing and assurance, it puts a difficulty out of countenance, and makes a seeming impossibility give way.” -Jeremy Collier (1650 - 1726) “Help others achieve their dreams and you will achieve yours.” -Les Brown (Leslie Calvin ‘Les’ Brown (born 1945)) “To accomplish great things we must not only act, but also dream, not only plan, but also believe.” -Anatole France (pseudonym of Jacques Anatole François Thibault (1844 - 1924)): as attributed in Sidney Greenberg, editor: “Treasury of the Art of Living” (1964) “I have had dreams and I have had nightmares. I overcame the nightmares because of my dreams.” -Jonas Salk “Stop saying, ‘I wish,’ and start saying, ‘I will.’” -Author Unknown “The path to a dream is paved with sacrifices and lined with determination. And although it has many stumbling blocks along the way and may go in more than one direction, it is marked with faith. It is traveled by belief in you and others but requires courage, persistence, and hard work. It is conquered with a willingness to face challenges and take chances, to fail and try again and again. Along the way, you may have to confront doubts, setbacks, and unfairness. But when the path comes to an end, you will find that there is no greater joy than making your dream come true.” -Author Unknown “Never despair.” [English translation] “Nil desperandum.” [original Latin] -Horace (Quintus Horatius Flaccus (65 B.C.E. - 8 B.C.E.): “Odes,” book I, section 7, line 27 “Never deprive someone of hope; it might be all they have.” -H. Jackson Brown, Junior (born 1940) “It is good to dream, but it is better to dream and work. Faith is mighty, but action with faith is mightier. Desiring is helpful, but work and desire are invincible.” -Thomas Robert Gaines “Hope is both the earliest and the most indispensable virtue inherent in the state of being alive. If life is to be sustained hope must remain, even where confidence is wounded, trust impaired.” -Erik Erikson (1902 - 1994) “The only thing that stands in between you and your dreams is the will to try and the belief that it is actually possible.” -Joel Brown “There is always hope.” -Author Unknown “Miracles start to happen when you give as much energy to your dreams as you do to your fears.” -Richard Wilkins “A pocket full of hope is worthless if spent in all the wrong places on all the wrong people.” -S. L. Heaton “Don’t let someone who gave up on their dreams talk you out of going after yours.” -Author Unknown “Of all the people I have ever known, those who have pursued their dreams and failed have lived a much more fulfilling life than those who have put their dreams on a shelf for fear of failure.” -Author Unknown “At every crossroad, follow your dream. It is courageous to let your heart lead the way.” -Leland Thomas “Dreams don’t work unless you do.” -John C. Maxwell (John Calvin Maxwell (born 1947)) “Never stop believing in hope because miracles happen every day.” -Author Unknown “Dreams can come true if you take the time to think about what you want in life.” -Author Unknown “Hope is as cheap as Despair.” -Thomas Fuller (1654 - 1734): “Gnomologia: Adages and Proverbs” (1732), number 2542 “Dreams come a size too big so you can grow into them.” -Author Unknown “Practice hope. As hopefulness becomes a habit, you can achieve a permanently happy spirit.” -Norman Vincent Peale (1898 - 1993) “When you have a dream, you’ve got to grab it and never let go.” -Carol Burnett (Carol Creighton Burnett (born 1933)) “My hopes are not always realized, but I always hope.” -Ovid (Publius Ovidius Naso (43 B.C.E. - C.E. 17 or 18)) “Few wishes come true by themselves.” -Author unknown “Every moment is another chance to make your dreams come true.” -Author Unknown “False hope is better than no hope at all.” -Author Unknown “It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live, remember that.” -J. K. Rowling (born 1966): “Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone” (1997) “If you do not hope, you will not find what is beyond your hopes.” -Clement of Alexandria (also known as Titus Flavius Clemens (about C.E. 150 - about C.E. 215)) “Nothing is as real as a dream. The world can change around you, but your dream will not. Responsibilities need not erase it. Duties need not obscure it. Because the dream is within you, no one can take it away.” -Tom Clancy “Where there is no hope, there can be no endeavor.” -Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784): as quoted in “The Rambler” (6 April 1751) journal “All men who have achieved great things have been great dreamers.” -Orison S. Marden (Orison Swett Marden (1850 - 1924)) “For hope is but the dream of those that wake.” -Matthew Prior (1664 - 1721) “All men of action are dreamers.” -James G. Huneker (James Gibbons Huneker (1860 - 1921)) “Dreams and wishes do not come true by themselves, but without dreams and wishes behind them, actions - and even life itself - can seem undirected and purposeless.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966) “Trust your hopes, not your fears.” -David Mahoney “Dreaming, after all, is a form of planning.” -Gloria Steinem (born 1934) “Hope never abandons you; you abandon it.” -George Weinberg “If it were not for Hopes, the Heart would break.” -Thomas Fuller (1654 - 1734): Gnomologia: Adages and Proverbs” (1732), number 2689 “Nothing happens unless first a dream.” -Carl Sandburg (1878 - 1967) “Everything that is done in the world is done by the hopeful. No matter your age. No matter your circumstances. No matter your financial wealth. Without hope, nothing is possible. But with hope . . . well . . . watch out.” -Martin Luther (1483 - 1546) “Hope is itself a species of happiness, and, perhaps, the chief happiness which this world affords.” -Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784) “Your dreams tell you what to do; your reason tells you how to do it.” -Jonas Salk Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it! -Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832): “Faust,” lines 214 through 30, as translated by John Anster (1835) This is ‘MFOL!’ . . . where our ‘Hopes and Dreams’ are that you will visit often . . . as you make your way toward all the good that life has in store for you . . .  Chuck Norris sleeps with a night-light, not because he’s afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris. There once was a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris. “If you want to accomplish anything in life, you can’t just sit back and hope it will happen. You’ve got to make it happen.” -Chuck Norris Chuck Norris has never worn glasses in his life. If he can’t see it, then it doesn’t exist. If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you do. At his house, Chuck Norris is never asked to take out the trash. Chuck Norris has appeared in a number of action films, such as “Way of the Dragon” in which he starred alongside Bruce Lee, and he was The Cannon Group’s leading star in the 1980s. He played the starring role in the television series “Walker, Texas Ranger” from 1993 to 2001. Chuck Norris can eat just one potato chip. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. Chuck Norris never has to balance his household budget. It balances itself. Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice. It is considered a great accomplishment to go over Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. Chuck Norris can go up Niagara Falls in a cardboard box. When somebody yells, “Last one there is a rotten egg!” Chuck Norris is never the rotten egg.  So you think you can be like Chuck Norris . . . how high can you kick? When Google has a question, they ‘Norris’ it. Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle. “People whine, ‘I haven’t succeeded because I haven’t had the breaks.’ You create your own breaks.” -Chuck Norris Before the boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks inside his closet and under his bed for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Chuck Norris. The last digit of pi is Chuck Norris. He is the end of all things. Chuck Norris wakes up his alarm clock. Carlos Ray ‘Chuck’ Norris was born on 10 March 1940. He is an American Martial Artist and an actor. After serving in the United States Air Force, he began his rise to fame as a Martial Artist and has since founded his own Martial Arts school, called Chun Kuk Do. Mr. Norris has appeared in several action films. As a result of his ‘tough guy’ image, an internet phenomenon began in 2005 known as Chuck Norris facts, ascribing various implausible or even impossible feats to Mr. Norris. No matter what your mother always said, Chuck Norris can tune a fish. Jack was nimble, Jack was quick, but Jack still couldn’t dodge Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick. Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He simply decides what time it is. Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. Chuck Norris can watch the television show “60 Minutes” in 22 seconds. If you work in an office with Chuck Norris, don’t ask him for his three-hole-punch. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door. Chuck Norris is ‘The best a man can get.’ Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King and got one. It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself, to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart. Chuck Norris can divide by zero. Chuck Norris once shot down an enemy fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”  Once each year, on 24 December, Chuck Norris puts on a red and white suit and rides all around the world in a flying sleigh pulled by magical reindeer . . . so you had better watch out . . . and be good for goodness sake! “I’ve always found that anything worth achieving will always have obstacles in the way and you’ve got to have that drive and determination to overcome those obstacles on route to whatever it is that you want to accomplish.” -Chuck Norris Before sliced bread, people used to say “That’s the greatest thing since Chuck Norris.” But Chuck Norris was displeased by this. So he roundhouse-kicked a loaf of bread into slices. Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding. Chuck Norris knows how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie-Pop lollipop. Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg. Chuck Norris is a devout Christian and a political conservative. He has written several books on Christianity and has supported a number of Republican candidates and causes. Mr. Norris also writes a column for the conservative website WorldNetDaily. Chuck Norris got a perfect score on his Scholastic Aptitude Tests (SAT), simply by writing Chuck Norris for every answer. Chuck Norris once won a game of ‘Connect 4’ in just 3 moves. Chuck Norris is simultaneously a noun and a verb. Fear of spiders is arachnophobia, fear of tight spaces is claustrophobia, and fear of Chuck Norris is logic. Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that’s why there are no signs of life there. Ghosts sit around campfires and tell Chuck Norris stories. Chuck Norris can eat rice using only one chopstick. Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants. Chuck Norris felt sorry for Superman because he lost, so he taught him how to fly, and the two have been best friends ever since. If you feel like people ignore you most of the time, it is probably just because you are not Chuck Norris . . . but don't feel sad, because that's how we feel on days when you do not visit the 'Make Fun Of Life!' Website. Chuck Norris doesn’t have to cross the road - the other side comes over to him. Chuck Norris has a legitimate Martial Arts record. Some of his past students are probably familiar to you. They include The Osmonds - yes, those Osmonds, Bob Barker, Steve Mcqueen, and Priscilla Presley. Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water and make it drink. In the rain, Chuck Norris does not need an umbrella. The raindrops avoid him. Santa leaves out cookies and milk for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris once had a boomerang. It was way too scared to come back.  Become a better you! Chuck Norris wants you to get in shape and lose weight and become more confidant, all through an intense, dedicated program of Martial Arts, which is the training of both mind and body.
Chuck Norris makes onions cry. Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn’t deceased, it is just afraid to move. The only time Chuck Norris was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake. “A lot of people give up just before they’re about to make it. You know, you never know when that next obstacle is going to be the last one.” -Chuck Norris Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain. If at first you don’t succeed, you are not Chuck Norris. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist. Vera: Why did the chicken cross the road? Harvey: Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris is 1.78 meters (5 feet, 10 inches) tall, which is the average height for men in the developed world. In all other ways, he is above average and, from what we have heard, decidedly better than you. They found Chuck Norris’ diary. It is now known as the “Guinness Book of World Records.” Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife with butter. Who wins in a fight between King Kong and Godzilla? Neither, Chuck Norris never lets his pets fight. Chuck Norris can read minds but he does not do so because he doesn’t care what you think. Chuck Norris uses a stunt double when making movies, for crying scenes. When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways. Chuck Norris can win an argument with his wife. Chuck Norris’ Gmail account is gmail@chucknorris.com (unverified). When giving a warning, Chuck Norris never has to count higher than 1. Chuck Norris does not have an ESC key on his computer because there is no escape from Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head. Chuck Norris can believe it is butter. If you can spell Chuck Norris in a game of Scrabble, you win . . . forever. Chuck Norris doesn’t call the wrong number. You answer the wrong phone. “Men are like steel. When they lose their temper, the lose their worth.” -Chuck Norris Chuck Norris can bake a cake in a freezer. Chuck Norris destroyed the Periodic Table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise. The Chuck Norris Website is www.ChuckNorris.com. When you visit, see if he still sells Chuck Norris Action Jeans for the Martial Artist, which will allow you to do high kicks and other fancy moves without cramping your style. The only thing Chuck Norris says in a job interview is, “Hi. I’m Chuck Norris and I start tomorrow. Any questions?” When there’s a meteor shower, Chuck Norris grabs a bar of soap. When asked how many pushups he can do, Chuck Norris responded, “All of them.” This is ‘MFOL!’ . . . we cannot say anything more at this time . . . because we’re too busy running from Chuck Norris!  “Golf is a puzzle without an answer. I’ve played the game for 40 years and I still haven’t the slightest idea how to play.” -Gary Player “If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age.” -Thomas Mulligan “The least thing upset him on the links. He missed short putts because of the uproar of the butterflies in the adjoining meadows.” -P. G. Wodehouse (Pelham Grenville Wodehouse (1881 - 1975)) “Don’t play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty.” -Harry Vardon “It’s a funny thing, the more I practice the luckier I get.” -Arnold Palmer, commenting on golf “Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun.” -Jim Bishop “The proper score for a businessman golfer is 90. If he is better than that, he is neglecting his business. If he’s worse, he’s neglecting his golf.” -Author Unknown: attributed to a member of the Saint Andrews Rotary Club Margot: How do you fix a broken golf club? Margaret: Try some putty. “I don’t like to watch golf on television because I can’t stand people who whisper.” -David Brenner Absentee: A missing golfing accessory. “Golf is a good walk spoiled.” -Mark Twain (pseudonym of Samuel Langhorne Clemens (1835 - 1910))  In Scotland, a new game has been invented, called Gentlemen Only Ladies Forbidden, also known as G.O.L.F. or, more commonly, golf. “One hundred years of experience had demonstrated that the game is temporary insanity practiced in a pasture.” -Dave Kindred, commenting on golf Before 1850, golf balls were made of leather and stuffed with feathers - no, we are not making this stuff up - cattle and chickens once played an important part in the game of golf. Golf balls have dimples to reduce drag, thus allowing them to fly further than perfectly smooth balls would. The dimples also give personality to the otherwise plain-looking spherical objects. Long ago, when primitive people screamed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called ‘witchcraft.’ When modern man does the same, they call it ‘golf.’ What is the origin of the word ‘caddie’? When Mary, later Queen of Scots, went to France as a young girl, allegedly for both education and survival, Louis, King of France, learned that she loved the Scot’s game called golf. So, for her enjoyment, he had the first golf course outside of Scotland built. To make sure she was properly chaperoned and guarded while she played, the kingly Louis hired cadets from a military school to accompany her. Mary liked this a lot, and when she returned to Scotland, which may not have been a very good idea in the long run, she took the practice with her. In French, the word cadet is pronounced ‘ca-day,’ which the Scots changed to ‘caddie.’ “Caddies: People who are paid to enjoy the game of golf.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966) “There is no similarity between golf and putting; they are two different games, one played in the air, and the other on the ground.” -Ben Hogan  Miniature golf courses often offer features not found on more-traditional golf courses, as for example, the active volcano shown here. Miniature golf is also known as mini-golf or putt-putt golf. “I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles.” -G. K. Chesterton (Gilbert Keith Chesterton (1936)) William Howard Taft (1857 - 1930) was the first golfer to become an American President. “As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round.” -Ben Hogan “The only reason I ever played golf in the first place was so I could afford to hunt and fish.” -Sam Snead, champion professional golfer “Even if the ball was wrapped in bacon, Lassie couldn’t find it.” -Author Unknown: overheard from an Irish caddie, after a particularly bad shot Golf: A long walk punctuated by disappointments. Kay: Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? Jay: Just in case he got a hole in one. Hole in One A golfer who hailed from Verdun Was intent on not being outdone. To avoid any glitches, He carried spare britches In case he got a hole in one. -Author Unknown “It is good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.” -Mark Twain (pseudonym of Samuel Langhorne Clemens (1835 - 1910)) “If you watch a game, it’s fun. If you play it, it’s recreation. If you work at it, it’s golf.” -Bob Hope (Leslie Townes Hope (1903 - 2003))  According to the rules of golf, the ball must be played as it lies . . . “‘Play it as it lies’ is one of the fundamental dictates of golf. The other is ‘Wear it if it clashes’.” -Henry Beard Adam: I’d move Heaven and Earth to break my 110 score. Dan: Try moving just Heaven. You’ve already moved plenty of earth. The Golfer “Who’s that stranger, mother dear - Look, he knows us, ain’t that queer?” “Hush, my own, don’t talk so wild; That’s your father, dearest child.” “That’s my father? No such thing! Father died away last spring.” “Father didn’t die, you dub; Father joined a golfing club. Now the place is closed, so he Has no place to go, you see. No place left for him to roam, That is why he’s coming home. Kiss him, he won’t bite you, child; All them golfing guys look wild.” -Author Unknown: “Boardwalk Illustrated News” Laddie: What kind of shirts do golfers wear? Lassie: Tee-shirts. “The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be caught dead in otherwise.” -Roger Simon Overheard: The only problem with golf is that the slow people are always in front of you and the fast people always end up behind you. Golf: Flog spelled backwards. A golfer walked into a pro shop at the local course and asked the golf pro if they sold ball markers. The golf pro said they did, and they were $1.00 each. The guy gave the golf pro a dollar . . . The golf pro opened the register, put the dollar in, and handed the golfer a quarter coin.  Although occasional mishaps do happen in golf, the game still has one of the lowest casualty rates among competitive sports. Misty: How golfers create divots. Two men were starting a game of golf. The first man stepped up to the tee, and his first drive resulted in a hole-on-one. The second man stepped up to the tee and said, “Okay, now I’ll take my practice swing and then we’ll start the game.” “Work: The thing that interferes with golf.” -Frank Dane A schoolteacher was taking her first golfing lesson. “Is the word spelled p-u-t or p-u-t-t?” she asked the instructor. “P-u-t-t is correct,” he replied. “Put means to place a thing where you want it. Putt means merely a vain attempt to do the same thing.” “Golf is the most useless outdoor game ever devised to waste the time and try the spirit of man.” -Westbrook Pegler “If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.” -Jack Lemmon “Golf is a game in which you yell ‘fore,’ shoot six, and write down five.” -Paul Harvey (1918 - 2009): as quoted in the “Wannabe Guide to Golf” (1997) by Jack Mingo The May 1990 issue of “Golf” magazine had good news for golf enthusiasts. It reported that Augusta National, the elite private golf course where the Masters tournament is held, would begin allowing public access to its course at certain times. As a result of this report, both Augusta National and “Golf” magazine received hundreds of calls from eager golfers inquiring about playing privileges. But the report was an April fool’s joke, despite its placement in the May issue. “Golf” magazine was forced to publish a retraction, reaffirming that Augusta National was still a private club open only to members and guests. “Golf: A word that is four letters in length.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966) “When the ducks are walking, you know it is too windy to be playing golf.” -Dave Stockton  Some people like to combine golfing and messin’ with ’gators in a single sport. It can be tricky though, especially if the alligator is ferociously hungry and lies between you and the spherical white object you are pursuing.
“The aim of golf is to get the ball moving down the fairway and into the green or some such fool thing - and if your aim is exceptional, to knock honking geese, flying insects, buzzing airplanes, stalking drones, and spying satellites right out of the sky.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966) “Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick.” -P. J. O’Rourke “I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off everything like golf. I have never been depressed enough to take up the game, but they say you get so sore at yourself you forget to hate your enemies.” -Will Rogers (William Penn Adair ‘Will’ Rogers (1879 - 1935)) “Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness.” -William Wordsworth (1770 - 1850) “Golf is 20 percent mechanics and technique. The other 80 percent is philosophy, humor, tragedy, romance, melodrama, companionship, camaraderie, cussedness, and conversation.” -Grantland Rice (1880 - 1954) “May thy ball lie in green pastures, and not in still waters.” -Ben Hogan, referencing the Twenty-Third Psalm This is ‘MFOL!’ . . . someday, we will look back on all of this, laugh nervously, and change the subject . . . until then, let’s just keep traveling along . . . and hope we're headed in the right direction . . .  It seems like an inviting house - shall we see if anybody is at home . . . are you ready for some weird and creepy fun? <O> <O> <O> <O> <O> <O> <O> <O> <O> <O> <O> <O> Never Mind Them Watermelons Well now, old Sam Gibb, he did not believe in ghosts. Not one bit. Everyone in town knew the old house back in the woods was haunted, but Sam Gibb just laughed whenever folks talked about it. Finally, the blacksmith dared Sam Gibb to spend the night in the haunted house. If he stayed there until dawn, the blacksmith would buy him a whole cartload of watermelons. Sam was delighted. Watermelon was Sam’s absolute favorite fruit. He accepted the dare at once, packed some matches and his pipe, and went right over to the house to spend the night. Sam went into the old house, started a fire, lit his pipe, and settled into a rickety old chair with yesterday’s newspaper. As he was reading, he heard a creaking sound. Looking up, he saw that a gnarled little creature with glowing red eyes had taken the seat beside him. It had a long, forked tail, two horns on its head, claws at the ends of its hands, and sharp teeth that poked right through its large lips. “There ain’t nobody here tonight except you and me,” the creature said to old Sam Gibb. It had a voice like the hiss of flames. Sam’s heart nearly stopped with fright. He leapt to his feet. “There ain’t going to be nobody here but you in a minute,” Sam Gibb told the gnarled creature. He leapt straight for the nearest exit - which happened to be the window - and hi-tailed it down the lane lickety-split. He ran so fast he overtook two rabbits being chased by a coyote. But it wasn’t long before he heard the pounding of little hooves, and the gnarled creature with the red eyes had caught up with him. “You’re making pretty good speed for an old man,” said the creature to old Sam Gibb. “Oh, I can run much faster than this,” Sam Gibb told it. He took off like a bolt of lightning, leaving the gnarled creature in the dust. As he ran past the smithy, the blacksmith came flying out of the forge to see what was wrong. “Never mind about them watermelons,” Sam Gibb shouted to the blacksmith without breaking his stride. Old Sam Gibb ran all the way home and hid under his bed for the rest of the night. After that, he was a firm believer in ghosts and spooks, and he refused to go anywhere near the old house in the woods. <O> <O> <O> <O> <O> <O> <O> <O> <O> <O> <O> <O> In the dark, dark woods, there is a dark, dark house. And in the dark, dark house, there is a dark, dark room. And in the dark, dark room, there is a dark, dark cabinet. And in the dark, dark cabinet, there is a dark, dark shelf. And on the dark, dark shelf, there is a dark, dark box. And in the dark, dark box . . . there is a ghost! -Author Unknown Horror stories can be more or less frightening than reality. They form an important part of human play, helping to immunize us against the real terrors of the world in which we live so that we can go on in spite of it all. And the humor? It is the sugar that helps the medicine go down. A woman awakened in the night to see a hideous apparition with glowing red eyes at the foot of her bed. The creature had an appearance like some sort of fog or mist, and she could see right through it. It had a hand on her husband’s ankle and was pulling him off the bed. The woman cried, “Stop!” The thing said, “He’s mine!” and continued to pull her husband off the bed. The woman screamed, “Be gone with you in the name of all that is good!” The fog immediately released the man’s ankle and vanished down into the narrow spaces between the floorboards, glowing red eyes and all, to be seen no more. When her husband awoke in the morning, he had dark bruises all around his ankle. Skeleton and Ghost A skeleton once in Khartoum Invited a ghost to its room. They spent the whole night In the eeriest fight As to which should be frightened of whom. -Author Unknown A couple was walking home after a Halloween party, and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery, they were startled by a tap-tap-tap sound coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, they discovered an old man with a hammer and chisel was chipping away at one of the headstones. “Hey, Mister,” the guy said after catching his breath, “You scared us half to death - we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working out here so late at night?” “Those fools!” the old man grumbled. “They misspelled my name!” Overheard: If people in horror movies would only listen to me, they might be able to escape! <O> <O> <O> <O> <O> <O> <O> <O> <O> <O> <O> <O> Bob Hill and his new wife, Betty, were vacationing in Europe; as it happened, in Transylvania. They were driving a rental car along a rather deserted highway. It was late, and raining very hard. Bob could barely see ten feet in front of the car. Suddenly, the car skid out of control! Bob attempted to control the car, but to no avail. The car swerved and smashed into a tree. Moments later, Bob shook his head to clear the fog. Dazed, he looked over at the passenger seat and saw his wife unconscious, with a large bump on her head. Despite the rain and unfamiliar countryside, Bob knew he had to carry her to the nearest phone. Bob carefully picked his wife up and began trudging down the road. After a short while, he saw a light. He headed toward the light, which was coming from a big old house. He approached the door and knocked. A minute passed. A small, hunched man opened the door. Bob immediately blurted out, “Hello, my name is Bob Hill, and this is my wife, Betty. We have been in a terrible accident, and my wife has been seriously hurt. Can I please use your phone?” “I am sorry,” replied the hunchback, “but we do not have a phone. My master is a doctor. Come in and I will go get him.” Bob carried his wife in. An elegant man came down the stairs. “I am afraid my assistant may have misled you. I am not a medical doctor. I am a scientist. However, it is many miles to the nearest clinic, and I have had basic medical training. I will see what I can do. Igor, take them down to the laboratory.” With that, Igor picked up Betty and carried her downstairs, with Bob following closely behind. Igor placed Betty on a table in the lab. Bob collapsed from exhaustion and his own injuries, so Igor placed Bob on an adjoining table. After a brief examination, Igor’s master looked worried. “Things are serious, Igor. Prepare a transfusion.” Igor and his master worked feverishly, but to no avail. Bob and Betty were no more. The Hills’ deaths upset Igor’s master greatly. Wearily, he climbed the steps to his conservatory, which housed his pipe organ, for it was here that he had always found solace. He began to play, and a stirring, haunting melody filled the house. Meanwhile, Igor was still in the lab tidying up. As the music filled the lab, his eyes spied movement. He noticed the fingers on Betty’s hand twitch. Stunned, he watched as Bob’s arm began to rise! He was even further amazed as Betty sat straight up! Unable to contain himself, he dashed up the stairs to the conservatory. He burst in and shouted to his master - You sure you want to know? Okay, you asked for it - “Master, Master! The Hills are alive with the sound of music!” <O> <O> <O> <O> <O> <O> <O> <O> <O> <O> <O> <O> “It’s fascinating to think that all around us there’s an invisible world we can’t even see. I’m speaking, of course, of the ‘World of the Invisible Scary Skeletons.’” -Jack Handy (born 1949)  Perhaps now would be a good time for you to make the maniacal laugh you have been working on . . .
In a Dark, Dark Room A man was walking home alone late one night when he heard a BUMP . . . BUMP . . . BUMP . . . behind him. Walking faster, he looked back, and made out the image of an upright coffin banging its way down the middle of the street towards him. BUMP . . . BUMP . . . BUMP . . . Terrified, the man began to run towards his home, the coffin bouncing quickly behind him . . . faster . . . faster . . . BUMP . . . BUMP . . . BUMP . . . He ran up to his door, fumbled with his keys, opened the door, rushed in, slammed and locked the door behind him. However, the coffin crashed through his door, with the lid of the coffin clapping . . . clappity-BUMP . . . clappity-BUMP . . . clappity-BUMP . . . on the heels of the terrified man. Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locked himself in. His heart was pounding; his head was reeling; his breath was coming in sobbing gasps. With a loud crash, the coffin started breaking down the door . . . Bumping and clapping towards him. The man screamed and reached for something heavy, anything . . . his hand came to rest on a roll of cough drops. Desperate, he threw the cough drops as hard as he could at the apparition . . . and . . . the coffin stopped! Why, you ask? Because, as everyone knows, cough drops stop the coffin! Earth itself is a horror story in a terrifying Universe. Here is just one example that proves it: Lightning strikes the planet about 6,000 times every minute, and there are little gray-green creatures called television repairmen that run around all over the planet, chasing the lightning to try to catch it - what, that isn’t true at all? “I grew up in Michigan on the Lower Peninsula, on Lake Saint Clair. We lived out in the country, at a time when there was still some of it around, and the woods spread as far as you could see. Other than the main road, everything was dirt. The road that this story takes place on is not far from my childhood home. I can’t say for sure if it is true or not. Some people swear that it is, while others insist it is just a made-up story. I never saw it but that does not mean it is not real. So here is the tale of my hometown ghost. It took place in Algonac, on Marrow Road. The story behind the road is that a woman went out in the middle of a winter night to try to find her toddler, who had somehow gotten out alone. Sadly, they both froze to death. If you park on the bridge at midnight and honk your car horn three times, she will appear to see if you have her baby. She is also said to be wearing a white gown at times and carrying her frozen baby. At other times, a green light will hover and chase people away.” -Author Unknown Overheard: I have seen things . . . awful things . . . empty coffee cup things . . . Horror stories and scary tales can have unstated morals - stories about haunted houses can keep people from trespassing in abandoned properties, which are often unsafe and can result in injury, typically from such things as people falling through floors with rotten floorboards, or old rafters and beams falling on people. Can you think of other possibly unsafe places that horror stories might protect people from? Poultrygeists: Haunted chickens. This story comes from the early twentieth century. Some of you may be old enough to remember the twentieth century. It happened in the life of a man named Jedidiah Jeremiah. As he tells it, “I inherited an estate in New Hampshire from my grandmother on my father’s side of the family. The house was a twenty-bedroom mansion. Large orchards covered the property. I stayed in the mansion to watch over the property until it could be sold at auction. I slept in the only heated part of the mansion, the servants’ quarters adjoining the kitchen. At nights, just before dawn, while I slept, my covers would be pulled off. After a few nights, this became tiresome, so I lay awake in bed one night, and when the covers began to be pulled off me, I pulled back. I became involved in a tug-of-war with some things that growled at me. I jumped up in terror, stood up on top of the mattress, and threw the covers on the floor at the foot of the bed. After that, for the remaining nights, I stayed in a hotel several miles away. I drove to the estate during the day. I arrived early one morning to look over the bedroom, and in the closet I found some loose floorboards that I pulled up. Underneath was a sort of tunnel leading through a crawl space to the outside of the mansion, with the orchards just a few hundred yards beyond. A few days following, while in the nearby town, I looked up the old cook. I mentioned the nighttime goings on.” “That,” he said, “Would have been the tree imps. They were waking you to let you know to begin preparations for breakfast.” “Tree imps?” I said. “Yes, the souls of the poor departed servants, staying on to care for the orchards, house, and grounds of the estate.” In the Dark In the dark, dark world There’s a dark, dark, country; In the dark, dark, country, There are dark, dark woods; In the dark, dark woods There’s a dark, dark house; And in the dark, dark house There’s a man trying to find the circuit breaker! -Author Unknown For a frightfully good time, read Maurice Sendaks’ book “Where the Wild Things Are” (9 April 1963). This children’s picture book is 40 pages long and has just 338 words. It is available from your local public library or bookseller or on the interwebs. End It Your Way! There was a young lady from Norway Who saw something strange in a doorway. What she saw she won’t say, But her red hair turned gray, Now won’t you just end it your way? -Author Unknown “The witching hour, somebody had once whispered to her, was a special moment in the middle of the night when every child and every grown-up was in a deep, deep sleep, and all the dark things came out from hiding and had the world all to themselves.” -Roald Dahl: “The BFG” (1982) Would it be better to have a horrible ending, or to have horrors without end? A Gruesome Story Do you want to hear a gruesome story? A farmer planted a pumpkin seed. He watered it and cared for it very well, And soon it grew some, and grew some! -Author Unknown Emma: What would you get if you crossed scary stories with nursery rhymes? Esmeralda: Mother Goosebumps. Some time ago, a woman who was an up-and-coming nature photographer, decided to spend a day and a night alone in the woods outside of town. She wanted to get photos of the woods and wildlife as naturally as she could, for her portfolio. She was not afraid of being alone, as she had camped by herself many times before. She set up a tent in the middle of a small clearing and spent the day taking pictures. She filled up two memory cards on that trip, but something was strange about them. What she saw in those pictures has stayed with ever since, and she is still trying to recover from the trauma they have caused her . . . almost every picture was accounted for, save for one picture in each memory card. These pictures were of her, asleep in her tent in the middle of the night. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Dawn. Dawn, who? Dawn be frightened, it’s just me! A man stood on the side of the road hitch hiking on a very dark night in the middle of a storm. As the night went by no cars passed him. The storm was so strong, he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly he saw a car come towards him and stop. The guy, without thinking about it, got in the car and closed the door, only to realize that nobody was behind the wheel. The car started slowly. The guy looked at the road and saw a curve coming his way. Scared, he started praying, and begged for his life. He hadn’t come out of shock, when just before he hit the curve, a hand appeared through the window and moved the wheel. The guy, paralyzed in terror, watched as the hand appeared every time just before a curve. The guy gathered his strength, got out of the car, and ran to the nearest town. Wet from the falling rain and in shock, he ran into a diner and asked for a glass of water, and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he had gone through. A silence enveloped everybody when they realized the guy was crying and seemed sincere. About half an hour later, two guys walked into the same diner, and one said to the other, “Look, that’s the guy who climbed into the car while we were pushing it.” “Monsters are real and ghosts are real. They live inside us and sometimes they win.” -Stephen King (born 1947) A young American tourist went on a guided tour of a creepy old castle. At the end of the tour the guide asked her if she enjoyed it. She admitted to being a bit worried about seeing a ghost in some of the dark cobweb-lined rooms and passages. “Don’t worry,” said the guide, “I’ve never seen a ghost in all of the time I’ve been here.” “How long is that?” asked the girl. “About four hundred years.” The Man Who Wasn’t There As I was walking up the stair, I met a man who wasn’t there. He wasn’t there again today, I wish, I wish he’d stay away. -Hughes Mearns (1875 - 1965): “The Psyco-ed” (1910) Knock, knock! Who’s there? Ghoul. Ghoul, who? Ghoul D. Locks and the Three Scares! Do have a scary story, the kind you might tell around a campfire? Please let us know at MakeFunOfLife@mail.com. There is an actual horror story going on right now - the story of all the people who have not yet heard about the ‘Make Fun Of Life! Website’ - and you can do something about it, by telling people where you saw this ‘Horror Stories’ topic and all of the other strange and wonderful stuff on this page . . .  The great outdoors is now available in your choice of wonderful fresh natural outdoorsy scent or the all-new coffee and bacon over a campfire aroma . . . “I took a walk in the woods and came out taller than the trees.” -Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862) Each Campfire Lights Anew Each campfire lights anew The flame of friendship true The joy we’ve had in knowing you Will last our whole life through. And as the embers fade away We wish that we might ever stay But since we cannot have our way We’ll come again some other day. -Author Unknown “Earth and Sky, Woods and Fields, Lakes and Rivers, the Mountain and the Sea, are excellent schoolmasters, and teach some of us more than we can ever learn from books.” -John Lubbock (1834 - 1913): “The Use of Life” (1894), chapter IV: ‘Recreation’ “It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds, for the opportunity to rain on a tent.” -Dave Barry (born 1947) “The purpose of a wilderness journey is not to get from one end of the trail to the other, but to enjoy the landscape, and adapt to its ever-changing moods.” -Bill Mason “When you are lost in the woods, the most basic rule of survival is: Never look like food.” -Author Unknown: park ranger advice  Dog’s best friend is man . . . especially when man takes dog along on a hike! The International Appalachian Trail is a scenic nature path that extends from Key West, Florida, United States of America north to Belle Isle, Canada (with a ferry ride between the Gaspé Peninsula of Quebec and Newfoundland). But wait, there’s more: there are other trails and proposed extensions of trails, meandering through parts of Europe and Africa, along a path that was once in what are known as the Central Pangean Mountains that existed long ago as part of the continent of Pangea. “I would rather be among forest animals and the sounds of nature, than amongst city traffic and the noise of man.” -Anthony Douglas Williams Sleeping bag: A nap-sack. “Hiking is a bit like life: The journey only requires you to put one foot in front of the other . . . again and again and again. And if you allow yourself the opportunity to be present throughout the entirety of the trek, you will witness beauty every step of the way, not just at the summit.” -Author Unknown For those who have trouble sleeping, researchers say that one week of camping - without electronics - resets our biological body clocks and synchronizes our melatonin hormones with sunrise and sunset. Your Adventure Starts Here! Find gear for Fishing, Boating, Hunting, Camping, and much more at Bass Pro Shops by clicking on this link: www.BassPro.com. “May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view. May your mountains rise into and above the clouds.” -Edward Abbey (1927 - 1989) Camping Tips - Get even with a bear that raided your food bag by kicking his favorite stump apart and eating all the ants. - Old socks can be made into high fiber beef jerky by smoking them over an open fire. - A hot rock placed in your sleeping bag will keep your feet warm. A hot enchilada works almost as well, but the cheese sticks between your toes. - While the Swiss Army Knife has been popular for years, the Swiss Navy Knife has remained largely unheard of. Its single blade functions as a tiny canoe paddle. - When using a public campground, a tuba placed on your picnic table will keep the campsites on either side vacant. - Lint from your navel makes a handy fire starter. Warning: Remove lint from navel before applying the match. - You can compress the diameter of your rolled-up sleeping bag by running over it with your car. - In emergency situations, you can survive in the wilderness by shooting small game with a slingshot made from the elastic waistband of your underwear. - Check the washing instructions before purchasing any apparel to be worn camping. Buy only those that read, “Beat on a rock beside a stream.” - Tent stakes come only in the quantity ‘N-1’ where N is the number of stakes necessary to stake down a tent. - If you are on a tight budget, you can duplicate the warmth of a down-filled bedroll by climbing into a plastic garbage bag with several geese. Now for your outdoorsy tongue twister: Stalwart Stewart seldom shuns strolling in the sunshine on satisfying September days. “Of all the paths you take in life, make sure a few of them are dirt.” -John Muir (1838 - 1914) Did you know that you can go camping without ever making a campfire or using fuel and a cooking stove? You can still have coffee or tea, just use packets of an instant coffee and make sun tea with tea bags, and drink the beverages cold. You can eat foods such as beef jerky, nuts and seeds, fruits, and other ready-to-eat foods that you can carry with you. “The outdoors is what you must pass through to get from your apartment to a taxicab.” -Fran Lebowitz (born 1950): as quoted in “Mademoiselle” (1976) One summer, a father took his son camping for the first time. At every opportunity, he passed along outdoor-survival lore. One day they got lost hiking in the deep woods. He tried the usual tactics to determine direction - moss on the trees (there was none), direction of the Sun (it was an overcast day), and so forth. Just as his son was beginning to panic, the father spotted a small cabin off in the distance. He pulled out his binoculars, studied the cabin, turned in the right direction, and led them right back to camp. “That was amazing,” the son said. “How did you do it?” “Simple,” the father replied. “In this part of the country, all of the satellite television antenna dishes point south.” Backpacking: An extended form of hiking in which people carry double the amount of gear they need for half the distance they planned to go in twice the time it should take. Overheard: How can it be that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box of matches to start a campfire? The Universe has a funny sense of humor. Campers: Nature’s way of feeding mosquitoes. The following are actual statements left on United States Forest Service registration sheets and comment cards by backpackers after completing wilderness camping trips: - A small deer came into my camp and stole my bag of pickles. Is there a way I can get reimbursed? Please call. - Escalators would help on steep uphill sections. - Trails need to be wider so people can walk while holding hands. - Ban walking sticks in wilderness. Hikers that use walking sticks are more likely to chase animals. - Trails need to be reconstructed. Please avoid building trails that go uphill. - Too many bugs and leeches and spiders and spider webs. Please spray the wilderness to rid the area of these pests. - The coyotes made too much noise last night and kept me awake. Please move these annoying animals to another part of the park. - Reflectors need to be placed on trees every 50 feet so people can hike at night with flashlights. - Too many rocks in the mountains. “Camping is nature’s way of promoting the motel business.” -Dave Barry (born 1947) Pack out what you pack in. Make sure that every bit of packaging and containers and other material that you bring with you when you go camping or hiking or exploring the great outdoors goes back into your backpack or pocket and is carried with you back out of the area. Leave the wonders of nature unspoiled by litter and garbage, for the sake of those who will be there after you, both humans and animals.  “Out-Of-Doors, noun: That part of one’s environment upon which no government has been able to collect taxes. Chiefly useful to inspire poets.” -Ambrose Bierce (Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce (1842 - 1914)): “The Devil’s Dictionary” (1911)
“Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.” -George Carlin (1937 - 2008) “And forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair.” -Kahlil Gibran (1883 - 1931) This is 'MFOL!' . . . reminding you that the adventure of life is out there waiting for you . . . what are you waiting for?  Cell phones are turning humans everywhere into downward-facing zoned-out zombies . . . A man called a company and asked to speak to Bob. The person who answered the telephone said, “Bob will be on vacation for the next two weeks. Would you like to hold?” Patrick: Why did old Mrs. Crow have such a huge phone bill? Patricia: She made too many long distance caws. In the late 1930’s, a man named Abe Pickens of Cleveland, Ohio, United States of America, attempted to promote world peace by placing personal calls to various national leaders. He managed to contact Mussolini, Hirohito, Franco, and Hitler (Hitler did not understand English and transferred him to an aide). He spent $10,000 on telephone calls in an effort to bring about world peace. Caller: I would like the number for a Reverend in Marysville, please. Operator: Do you have his name? Caller: No, but he has a dog named Ben. Mrs. Rogers picked up the phone to hear an anguished voice on the other end of the line saying, “Ma, this has been the worst day of my life. I am going crazy. The kids are all sick and home from school. I haven’t a thing in the house. I have a doctor’s appointment. I’m going out of my mind!” “I’ll come over,” Mrs. Rogers said, “but I don’t know why Robert can’t take care of the kids.” “Who’s Robert?” “Your husband.” “My husband’s name is William.” “You must have the wrong number.” “Oh . . . does this mean you’re not coming over?” Nick: How do elephants talk to each other? Bernice: On ’elephones! Caller: I would like the number of the Argoed Fish Café in Cardiff, please. Operator: I am sorry, there is no such listing. Are you sure you have the spelling correct? Caller: Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Café, but the B fell off. How far do you have to stand from a telephone to make a long-distance call? The first telephone conversation happened between two people who were just 18 feet apart - you might say it was a close call. Suggested Recorded Messages for Answering Machines and Voice Mail - Hi, this is Arthur’s answering machine. He is not here, so speak freely at the beep. - Hello, this is Beulah’s toaster. Beulah’s new answering machine is in the shop for repairs, so please leave your message when the toast is done . . . cachunk! -This is a test of the Answering Machine Broadcast System. This is only a test. - Hello. This is Ron. I am home right now but I cannot find the phone. Please leave a message and I will call you up as soon as I find it. - Hi. Now you say something. - Glad you called but I just am not able to entertain you right now. However, if you are offering to buy dinner, I may be available sooner than you think. Don’t forget to leave your name and number so I don’t get mixed up with different offers and go to the wrong restaurant. Bye. - Hi, I am not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep. - T is for turkey, D is for deer. One of those reasons is why we are not here. So leave a message at the beep. Darcy: Why there are so many people named Smith in the phone book? Craig: They all have phones. ●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○● Did you know that you can play tunes by pushing the buttons on a telephone? All you need to do is call a friend and push the numbered buttons as shown. Row, Row, Row Your Boat Row, row, row your boat 4, 4, 4, 8, 6 Gent-ly down the stream 6, 2, 6, 9, # Mer-ri-ly mer-ri-ly #, #, #, 0, 0, 0 Life is but a dream. 6, 2, 2, 1, 1 London Bridge Lon-don Bridge is fall-ing down 6, 9, 6, 8, 7, 8, 6 Fall-ing down fall-ing down 1, 4, 5, 7, 8, 9 Lon-don Bridge is fall-ing down 6, 9, 6, 8, 7, 8, 6 My fair la-day 8, 6, 0, 4 ●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○● “If I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone?” -James Thurber “Information. Can I help you?” “I’d like the telephone number of the Theater Guild, please.” “One moment, please . . . I’m sorry, sir, I have no listing for Theodore Guild.” “No, no, it isn’t a person. It’s an organization. It’s ‘Theater Guild’.” “I told you, sir, I have no listing for a Theodore Guild.” “Not Theodore! Theater! The word is theater! T-h-e-a-t-e-r!” “That, sir, is not the way Theodore is spelled.” Riddle: I have a ring, but no finger - what am I? Solution: A telephone. The first bathtub came in 1850. The telephone was not invented until 1876. A lucky gal or guy could have spent twenty-six years in the bathtub without the telephone ringing once! “How does the phone cord get so tangled? All I do is talk, and hang up. I don’t pick it up and do a cartwheel and a somersault.” -Larry Miller Caller: The water board please. Operator: Which department? Caller: Tap water The dial tone of a normal telephone is in the key of ‘F.’ “I tried to call you the other day from a pay phone, but I put in my donor card number instead of my calling card number . . . it cost me an arm and a leg.” -Author Unknown Telepathy: A condition caused by talking too much on telephones. “One person’s wrong number is another person’s phone number.” -Author Unknown John: What do you get if you cross a telephone and a dog? Nadia: A Golden Receiver. “For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.” -Author Unknown More Suggested Recorded Messages for Answering Machines and Voice Mail - Hello, this is Sally’s microwave. Her answering machine just ran away with her tape deck, so I’m stuck taking her calls. Say, if you want anything cooked while you leave your message, just hold it up to the phone. - Hi. Do you ever feel, like, your head is full of sand, not your regular loose sand, mind you, but compacted sand, and there were like, I dunno, bugs or something jumping up and down on the compacted sand? Well, sometimes I do. Bye. - You have reached the number you have dialed. Please leave a message after the beep. - Hello. You are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My humans do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through the office and do not need their picture taken. If you are still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you. - We’re not home, we’re rarely home, And when we’re home, we’re on the phone, So please leave a message at the tone! - Hi! Cassi’s answering machine is broken. This is her refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I will stick your message to myself with one of these magnets. A telephone rang. “Hello! Is your phone number 444-4444?” “Yes, it is,” came the reply. “Thank goodness! Could you call 911 for me? I super-glued my finger to the phone.” “Your cell phone has replaced your watch, camera, etc. Don’t let it replace your friends and family.” -Author Unknown  A woman was being swamped with calls from strangers. The reason? A billing service had launched a toll-free 800 number that was identical to hers. When she called to complain, she was told to get a new number. “I’ve had mine for twenty years,” she pleaded. “Couldn’t you change yours?” The company refused, so she said, “Fine. From now on, I’m going to tell everyone who calls that their bill is paid in full.” The company got a new number the next day.
Caller: I would like the RSPCA please. Operator: Where are you calling from? Caller: The living room. “Uneasy lies the head that ignores a telephone call late at night.” -William Feather (1889 - 1981): “The Business of Life” (1949) The scene: Alexander Graham Bell’s laboratory. An exciting new discovery is about to take place. In the next room sits Bell’s assistant, a man named Watson, hard at work on Bell’s new invention to transmit sound over wires. As Mr. Watson toiled away in the room with the receiver, it suddenly rings - it must be Bell! He picked it up, and heard: “Good evening, sir. Are you paying too much for your long distance service?” Utility is when you have one telephone, Luxury is when you have two, And paradise is when you have none. -Author Unknown The next time you try to call someone and their answering machine or voice mail greets you and asks you to leave a message, have a little fun with them. For example, say, “Hello? Hello? Is anybody there? I’m trapped inside your phone. It’s cold and dark in here, and I’m hungry and scared. I’ve got to get out of here. Please, please, help me!” “I finally realized it . . . People are prisoners of their phones. That’s why they are called cell phones.” -Author Unknown More than 50 percent of the people in the world have never made or received a telephone call. They depend on face-to-face live-in-person communication instead. If only the rest of us could be so fortunate! Caller: The Union of Shopkeepers and Alligators, please. Operator: You mean the Amalgamated Union of Shopkeepers? Caller: Er, yes . . . that would be the one. In Icelandic phone books, people are listed by their first names and not their surnames, or last names. We’re sorry. You have reached an imaginary number. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees, divide by zero, and try again. ●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○● Eletelephony Once there was an elephant, Who tried to use the telephant - No! No! I mean an elephone Who tried to use the telephone - (Dear me! I am not certain quite That even now I’ve got it right.) Howe’er it was, he got his trunk Entangled in the telephunk; The more he tried to get it free, The louder buzzed the telephee - (I fear I’d better drop the song Of elephop and telephong!) -Laura Richards (Laura Elizabeth Richards) (about 1880) ●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○● ‘Telephone’ is derived from the Greek words ‘tele’ meaning ‘at a distance’ and ‘phonos’ meaning ‘sound.’ A telephone is an electronic apparatus that originally allowed people to send and receive sounds over a distance, and which now also allows people to send and receive text in text messages, sound recordings such as music, and images such as photographs. In the first month of the Bell Telephone Company’s existence in 1877, only six telephones were sold. The first telephone book, made in 1878, contained only 50 names. Fast-forward to the present, when the world in which we live is essentially a very large telephone company. Riddle: What do you call a rhinoceros in a telephone booth? Solution: Stuck! Nomophobia is a persistent fear of being out of mobile phone contact . . . and we had always thought it referred to a fear of gnomes . . . those terrifying and yet annoying little figures. ●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○● Emergency Use Tips for Cell Phones Your cell phone can actually be an aid to survival in serious emergencies. The emergency number worldwide for cell phones is 112. If you find yourself outside of the coverage area of your cellular network and there is an emergency, dial 112 and the service will search any existing network to establish the emergency number for you, and the number 112 can be dialed even if the keypad is locked. Have you locked your keys in the car? Does your car have remote keyless entry? If you lock your keys in the car, and the spare keys are at home, call someone at home on their cell phone from your cell phone. Hold your cell phone about a foot from your car door and have the person at your home press the unlock button, holding it near the cell phone on their end. Your car will unlock. This saves someone from having to drive your keys to you. Distance is no object; you could be hundreds of miles away, and if you can reach someone who has the other ‘remote’ for your car, you can unlock the doors, or the trunk, if you should somehow become locked inside it. Your cell phone has hidden battery power. When your cell phone battery is very low, press the keys *3370#. Your cell phone will restart with this reserve, and will show a fifty percent increase in battery strength. This reserve will be recharged the next time your charge your cell phone. To disable a stolen cell phone, first find your cell phone’s serial number, by keying in the following digits on your phone: *#06#. A 15-digit code will appear on the screen. This number is unique to your handset. Write it down and keep it somewhere safe. If your phone is ever stolen, you can call your cell phone service provider and give them this code. They can block your handset so that even if a thief changes the SIM card, your phone will be completely useless. You probably will not get your stolen phone back, but at least you know that the person who stole it will not be able to use it or sell it. If everyone did this, there would be no point in people stealing cell phones. ●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○● The first transatlantic wedding took place on 2 December 1933. The groom was in Michigan. The bride was in Sweden. The ceremony took seven minutes and cost $47.50. Bill was a frequent user of a pay telephone at a popular truck stop, and was greatly inconvenienced when the phone went out of commission. Repeated requests for repair brought only promises. After several days, Bill again contacted the phone company and told them there was no longer a rush. The phone was now working fine . . . except that all money was being returned upon completion of each call. A repairman arrived within the hour! “The Americans have need of the telephone, but we do not. We have plenty of messenger boys.” -William Preece (1878) (1834 - 1913), Welsh Chief Engineer of the British Post Office There are hundreds of millions of telephones in the world, so when you dial a number right in two tries, you are not doing badly at all. Caller: I would like the number of the Scottish knitwear company in Woven. Operator: I cannot find a town called ‘Woven.’ Are you sure of the name? Caller: Yes. That’s what it says on the label - Woven in Scotland. “Telephones [will] bring peace on Earth, eliminate Southern accents, and save the farm by making farmers less lonely.” -Author Unknown: printed in “The Wall Street Journal” (1995) ‘Century-old Pronouncements’ Ring, ring . . . Hello? Hello? Is anybody out there? Do you know any phone jokes or phone facts? Please tell! You can reach us at MakeFunOfLife@mail.com. This is ‘MFOL!’ . . . jolly good, then!  Sunny yellow optimism cookies, or gloomy blue-gray pessimism cookies . . . if only all decisions in life were so easy to make! Elvis: What kind of cookies do birds like? Priscilla: Chocolate-chirp cookies. “In the cookie of life, friends are the sweet chocolate chips.” -Author Unknown The American word ‘cookie’ comes from the Dutch word ‘koekjes,’ which came from the Dutch word ‘koek’ meaning ‘cake.’ ‘Cookie’ was introduced into the English language in the early eighteenth century. It is thought the term caught on in early America because of the evident Dutch presence. The British call cookies ‘small cakes,’ ‘sea biscuits,’ or ‘tea cakes.’ Victoria: Why was the little cookie sad? Flora: Because its mom had been a wafer so long. tough cookie, noun. 1. Someone with just the right mix of sweetness and strength. 2. Someone who does not crumble under pressure. Making Cookies I am making cookie dough Round and round the beaters go Add some flour from a cup Stir and stir the batter up Roll them, cut them nice and neat Put them on a cookie sheet Bake them, count them - one, two, three Serve them to my friends for tea.* -Author Unknown *‘Tea’ is this instance refers not merely to the beverage, but to ‘teatime,’ the time traditionally set aside each day in many places for partaking in tea and sometimes edibles such as cookies. “I just figured if I was going to make the world a better place, I’d do it with cookies.” -Ana Pascal: “Stranger than Fiction” (10 November 2006); type of work: movie Cookies baked in a muffin tray will not spread out and stick together, and may be fluffier.  Let us all return to a kinder, gentler, simpler time . . . a time of milk and cookies! Overheard: I went to dunk my cookie in a glass of milk . . . and I fell right in! Good thing the cookie fell in with me . . . crunch, crunch . . . glug, glug . . . mmm-mmm, yummy! “A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research shows America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make.” -Unidentified expert’s response to Debbi Fields’ idea of starting her company, Mrs. Fields Cookies (how very wrong the ‘expert’ was!) George: What kind of snack do little monkeys like with milk? Geoffrey: Chocolate-chimp cookies. Making Cookies Stir the dough and roll it flat Then cut cookies just like that Into the oven, watch them go They must bake a while, you know When they’re brown and nicely done We’ll have cookies for everyone! -Author Unknown  No-Bake Chocolate Peanut Butter Oatmeal Cookies, just as the name suggests, need no baking. For the recipe, please visit our activities page by clicking on the link here: http://www.makefunoflife.net/activities. Penny: Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Penelope: Because it was feeling crumby. Cookie: A method for converting sugar, flour, and butter into body fat. ●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○● Chocolate Chip Cookies Recipe for Engineers and Scientists Ingredients □ 532.35 cm3 gluten □ 4.9 cm3 NaHCO3 □ 4.9 cm3 refined halite □ 236.6 cm3 partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride □ 177.45 cm3 crystalline C12H22O11 □ 177.45 cm3 unrefined C12H22O11 □ 4.9 cm3 methyl ether of protocatechuic aldehyde □ Two calcium carbonate-encapsulated avian albumen-coated protein units □ 473.2 cm3 theobroma cacao □ 236.6 cm3 de-encapsulated legume meats (sieve size #10) Directions To a 2-L jacketed round reactor vessel (reactor #1) with an overall heat transfer coefficient of about 100 Btu/F-ft2-hr, add ingredients one, two, and three with constant agitation. In a second 2-L reactor vessel with a radial flow impeller operating at 100 rpm, add ingredients four, five, six, and seven until the mixture is homogenous. To reactor #2, add ingredient eight, followed by three equal volumes of the homogenous mixture in reactor #1. Additionally, add ingredient nine and ten slowly, with constant agitation. Care must be taken at this point in the reaction to control any temperature rise that may be the result of an exothermic reaction. Using a screw extrude attached to a #4 nodulizer, place the mixture piecemeal on a 316SS sheet (300 x 600 mm). Heat in a 460K oven for a period of time that is in agreement with Frank & Johnston’s first order rate expression (see JACOS, 21, 55), or until golden brown. Once the reaction is complete, place the sheet on a 25C heat-transfer table, allowing the product to come to equilibrium before serving. -Steve Strunk ●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○● We are trying really hard to remember . . . what is it Moses, Noah, or Job who led the Canaanites to the land of milk and cookies? Common Cookies - Chocolate Chip Cookies - Fortune Cookies - Ginger Snaps - Oatmeal Raisin Cookies - Peanut Butter Cookies - Sandwich Cookies - Sugar Cookies - Vanilla Wafers Can you think of other types of cookies?  Animal Crackers are cookies that were imported to the United States of America from England in the late 1800’s. Barnum’s Circus-like boxes were designed with a string handle so that they could be hung on Christmas trees. Animal Crackers Animal crackers, and cocoa to drink, That is the finest of suppers, I think; When I’m grown up and can have what I please I think I shall always insist upon these. -Christopher Morley (Christopher Darlington Morley (1890 - 1957)): “Chimneysmoke” (1921) National Animal Crackers Day is on 18 April each year. If the folks at ‘Make Fun Of Life!’ made the "Sesame Street" television show . . . Scene: Bert and Ernie are seeing Oscar the Grouch for the first time, as Mr. Grouch suddenly pops up out of a garbage can, and Bert points at him. Bert: Hey, Ernie, is that a cookie? Ernie: Gee, I don’t know, Bert. Let’s dunk it in a glass of milk and find out! Just then, Cookie Monster appears and says: Cookie?! Oscar the Grouch makes a surprised shriek and disappears back into the garbage can. Bert, Ernie, and Cookie Monster all laugh. Cut to next scene: The actual producers of "Sesame Street" are shown taking out a restraining order against the folks at ‘Make Fun Of Life!’  As you can see from this short topic, we need more humor, facts, and fun stuff about Cookies. If are someone who knows such things, please email us at MakeFunOfLife@mail.com . . . the search for funny continues . . .
 Even monsters like to have fun. Here we see Frankenstein’s Monster and Wolf Man sharing a laugh. Arnie: What is big, red, and eats rocks? Arnold: A big red rock eater! Lydia: Why don’t monsters play hide-and-seek? Lindsey: Who would want to look for them? Teratrophobia is a persistent fear of monsters, but did you know that the reason monsters hide under beds, ghosts hide in vacant houses, and the boogieman hides in closets is that they are all afraid of you? Pauline: What is the best way to speak to a big scary monster? Linette: From a long distance! Dom: What do monsters call human beings? Don: Breakfast, lunch, and dinner! Monster Facts - A monster is an imaginary creature that is often large or frightening in appearance. - Monsters can be ogres, ghouls, goblins, half-human-half-animals, space aliens, sea monsters, or any of many other types. - A group of monsters is called a gang, a troupe, or a horror. - Monsters will eat anything, including people, buildings, rocks, and lasagna. - If you see a motionless monster, do not poke it with a stick to see if it is alive, because it might be just taking a nap - and monsters can wake up grumpy or hungry from their naps. - People often mistake ordinary animals and other people for monsters when they cannot see them clearly, as for example, when it is dark or wooded. Manny: When is the best time to talk to a monster? Manuel: When it isn’t hungry! Ronnie: What did the monster eat after the dentist worked on its teeth? Ronald: The dentist. Ghouls Do ghouls Go out On a rainy day? When it Splishes and Splashes, Do Ghouls Wear Ghoul-oshes? -Lilian Moore Mae: What is the best way to talk to a huge hideous scary monster? Kay: By long-distance phone call. Hughie: Why did the monster eat a light bulb? Goldie: Because it wanted a ‘light’ snack. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Arthur. Arthur, who? Arthur any monsters under the bed? Chet: What should you do with a blue monster? Chester: Cheer her up! Myrtle: How do you make a blue monster green? Gertie: Take her on a roller coaster ride! It’s Boring Being a Monster It’s boring being a monster, Chasing kids around, Hiding underneath their beds, Not making any sound - It’s boring waiting on the stairs, Hoping they’ll walk by, Boring making little creaks, Trying to make kids cry. It takes so long to learn this trade, To skulk and tap and moan, It’s boring waiting all the time In someone else’s home. I want to see the world out there, I want to make some friends, Waiting for the night-time Never seems to end. I’d like to slide down banisters, Shriek and yell and scream, Boogie to some disco songs, Let off a bit of steam, I’d like to run around the house, Turn on all the lights, Eat marshmallows, watch TV, On dark and dismal nights. I’d like to have a bath sometimes, And clean my smelly hair - Put some decent clothes on, For someone who would care. I’d like to sit down to a meal, Smile and laugh and chat, Have a coffee and ice-cream, Put on a little fat. I dream of being normal, Having a little fun - It’s boring being a monster, When all is said and done. -Author Unknown Annette: What do you call a monster that has a bunch of children? Annie: A momster! Pierce: Where can lost monsters be found? Percy: Monsters are so big that they never get lost. Alvin Schwartz’s book “Kickle Snifters” (1 January 1976) describes creatures that maybe don’t really exist. The rubberado moves by bouncing, and laughs each time it lands. Bouncing is the only way a rubberado can get around. The squonk is always crying. If you catch a squonk and put it in a sack, it will cry so hard that nothing is left but a puddle. Kickle snifters live in old men’s beards. They laugh all the time because beards tickle. When a wunk gets scared, it digs a hole and jumps in, and then it pulls the hole in after it. These and other creatures are found in this astounding book available at your local public library and through booksellers. Bartholomew: Why did the Blob eat the North Pole? Barry: Because it wanted a frozen dinner. Dorothy: What’s the difference between a huge, scary monster and a puppy? Dottie: People like puppies.  These ‘monsters’ are just silly people in Halloween costumes.
Howard: What does a boy monster call a girl who has three eyes, two noses, and three mouths? Howie: Cute! Melonie: How does a monster count to twenty-three? Melody: On his fingers. Official Bedtime Checklist for Monsters in the Home □ Say loudly, “Come out, come out, wherever you are!” □ Check under beds with flashlight. □ Check behind curtains. □ Look in closets. □ Look behind you. □ Listen for noises. □ Look inside all major appliances: washing machine, dryer, refrigerator, oven. □ Jump into bed and hide under the covers. □ Breath deep and relax. □ Sweet dreams! Eve: Why did the monster knit herself three socks? Evelyn: Because she grew another foot. Pearl: What happened to the monster who took the five o’clock train home? Ruby: He had to give it back. “Don’t eat with your fingers, dear,” said the humongous monster to her son. “Use your shovel.” Patricia: How do you keep a monster from biting his nails? Patty: Give him some screws. Zeke: What do you say when you greet a two-headed monster? Ezekiel: “Hello! Hello!” Ghoul A ghoul stood on a bridge one night, Its lips were all a-quiver; It gave a cough, Its leg fell off, And floated down the river. -Author Unknown (Don’t worry for the ghoul - it grew a new leg - but for almost a month it had the nickname ‘Hop-Along.’) Floyd: Why did everyone laugh when the ogre sat down to play the grand piano? Lloyd: Because there wasn’t a piano bench! Florence: Where do ogres dance? Laurence: At the odd ball! <0>_^_^_<0> <0>_^_^_<0> <0>_^_^_<0> <0>_^_^_<0> <0>_^_^_<0> The Monster I thought I saw a monster Underneath my bed - His tongue was yellow, And his eyes were red. I thought I saw a monster Underneath my chair - His face was purple, And he had pink hair. I thought I saw a monster In my room last night - His legs were orange, And his feet were white. I thought I saw a monster And that he saw me - But don’t tell my mother, She’ll be scared you see. -Author Unknown <0>_^_^_<0> <0>_^_^_<0> <0>_^_^_<0> <0>_^_^_<0> <0>_^_^_<0> Angelica: What has sixteen feet, is covered in green hair, and loves peanut butter sandwiches? Angelina: I don’t know either, but it’s eating your lunch! Daniel: What did the ogre get for his birthday? Danny: Another year older! The Ogglewop The Ogglewop is tall and wide, And though he looks quite passive, He’s crammed with boys and girls inside, That’s why he is so massive! -Colin West Cecilia: What is green and purple and goes, “Crunch, crunch”? Amelia: A monster eating crackers in bed. Aggie: Why can’t you join a monster in a glass of milk? Agnes: Because there isn’t room for both of you in one glass. “Two heads are better than one . . . as every two-headed monster will tell you.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966) Brenda: What kind of fur do you get from a monster? Branden: As fur as you can get. First Monster: There is an awful rumbling in my stomach - like a cart going over a cobblestone street. Second Monster: It is probably just that truck you ate for dinner. Monsters Quiz - Are monsters real? - Is ‘imagination run wild’ a good definition of a monster, and what other ways are there to describe a monster? - After escaping from our imaginations, where do monsters go to live? - Are there enough monsters in the world, or should we use our imaginations to make some more? - What should you do if you see a monster? - Can you draw a monster for us? Dawn: What is big, scary, and has three wheels? Don: A monster riding a tricycle! Clarissa: Where can a monster always find a friend? Melissa: In the dictionary. Why do monsters hide under beds? - They feel safe there. - They hope to hear a bedtime story. - They can just roll right into the space. - It’s like, out of sight, man. - Monster hunters rarely go under beds. - They’re afraid you might eat them. Stan: What is the best thing about being a two-headed monster? Lee: You can always tell when you have bad breath. Mandy: How does a ghoul eat? Amanda: By goblin. Overheard: I am 36 years old, and I am still afraid that there are monsters under my bed, and that they will eat my feet and hands if they dangle off the edge of the bed! Sylvia: Who grants wishes to unhappy goblins? Leah: Their scary godmother. Owen: What should you do if a monster shows up at your door? Osmer: Hope it’s Halloween! Gorgon The Gorgon, it’s known, is quite prone To stare and turn people to stone. Some Greek myths declare She had snakes for hair. It’s enough to make Frankenstein groan. -Author Unknown Lemuel: Why do demons and ghouls spend so much time together? Samuel: Because demons are a ghoul’s best fiend. Phoebe: Why did it take the monster ten months to finish a book? Ophelia: Because he wasn’t very hungry. Do ghouls gorge on goulash? Daddy Monster: Why does our little boy have so many holes in his head? Mommy Monster: Isn’t it just darling? He’s learning to eat with a fork today. Eli: What is round and green, is covered with yellow hair, has big scaly claws, weighs five hundred pounds, and goes, “Peckety-peck-peck!”? Lilly: There is no such creature, you silly person! Sometimes one joke is just not enough to get a monster through the day, so we have many monster jokes. You can do your part to help the monsters by sending your jokes to MakeFunOfLife@mail.com. Now go out there and make monstrous fun of life - because out there is where it is all happening!  “Kindness begins with the understanding that we all struggle.” -Charles Glassman “Little words of kindness, little acts of love - bring us just a little bit of Heaven from above.” -Author Unknown “From now on, your kindness will lead you to success.” -Author Unknown “It is difficult to give away kindness. It keeps coming back to you.” -Cort Flint “The whole worth of a kind deed lies in the love that inspires it.” -Author Unknown: “The Talmud” How far that little candle throws his beams! So shines a good deed in a naughty world. -William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616): “The Merchant of Venice” (about 1596), Act 5, Scene 1; line spoken by character Portia “Kindness is more important than wisdom, and the recognition of this is the beginning of wisdom.” -Theodore Rubin (Theodore Isaac Rubin (born 1923)) ●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○● Kind Hearts Kind hearts are the gardens, Kind thoughts are the roots, Kind words are the flowers, Kind deeds are the fruits. Love is the bright sunshine That warms into life, For only in darkness Grow hate and strife. Take care of your garden, And keep it from weeds, Fill, fill it with flowers, Kind words and kind deeds. -Author Unknown ●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○● “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” -Philo (Philo of Alexandria (20 B.C.E. - C.E. 50.)) “Let us be kinder to one another.” -Aldous Huxley (Aldous Leonard Huxley (1894 - 1963)) “Kind words are the music of the world.” -Frederick William Faber (1814 - 1863) “Tenderness and kindness are not signs of weakness and despair, but manifestations of strength and resolution.” -Kahlil Gibran (1883 - 1931) “A gentle word, a kind look, a good natured-smile, can work wonders and accomplish miracles.” -William Hazlitt (1778 - 1830) “The best way to keep good acts in memory is to refresh them with new.” -Cato the Elder (Marcus Porcius Cato (233 B.C.E. - 148 B.C.E.)) “Never lose a chance of saying a kind word.” -William Makepeace Thackeray (1811 - 1863) “The first rule of kindness is to be kind to yourself.” -Bryant McGill (born 1969) “Kindness is more than a thought, it’s an action.” -Author Unknown “Plant kindness and gather love.” -Author Unknown “A word of kindness is seldom spoken in vain. It can be and is often treasured by the recipient for life.” -George D. Prentice “The fastest way to lift your spirits is to lift someone else’s.” -Author Unknown “Kindness is wisdom.” -Philip James Bailey (1816 - 1902) “I wonder why it is that we are not all kinder to each other than we are. How much the world needs it! How easily it is done!” -Henry Drummond “Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God’s kindness: kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile.” -Teresa of Calcutta (Anjezë Gonxhe Bojaxhiu (1910 - 1997)) “Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.” -Teresa of Calcutta (Anjezë Gonxhe Bojaxhiu (1910 - 1997)) “Kindness is the golden chain by which society is bound together.” -Johann von Goethe (Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832)) “Always be a little kinder than necessary to everyone you meet, for you never know what burdens others may be carrying.” -Author Unknown “Kindness makes you the most beautiful person in the world no matter what you look like.” -Author Unknown Be Kind Be kind in all You say and do That others may Be kind to you. -Author Unknown “Remember, there’s no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end.” -Scott Adams  “Do one good deed for another person every day.” -Author Unknown
“Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the Sun makes ice melt, kindness causes misunderstandings, mistrust, and hostility to evaporate.” -Albert Schweitzer (1875 - 1965) There is in every human heart Some not completely barren part, Where seeds of truth and love might grow, And flowers of generous virtue flow; To plant, to watch, to water there, This be our duty, be our care. -John Bowring (1792 - 1872) “One of the most difficult things to give away is kindness - it is so often returned.” -Author Unknown “Anyone who proposes to do good must not expect people to roll stones out of their way, but must accept their lot calmly, even if people roll a few stones upon it.” -Albert Schweitzer (1875 - 1965): “Out of My Life and Thought” (1949) “Indulge yourself by being generous - help someone out, perform an act of kindness, offer a compliment. The person who will feel most uplifted by you having done so is . . . you.” -Paul Wilson: “The Little Book of Calm” (1996) “Carry out a random act of kindness, with no expectation of reward, believing that one day someone might do the same for you.” -Diana (Princess of Wales (1961 - 1997)) “Flowers leave some of their fragrance in the hand that bestows them.” -Author Unknown “If you’re naturally kind, you attract a lot of people you don’t like.” -William Feather (1889 - 1981) “Caring people help others not because they expect a reward but because it is natural to show kindness.” -Author Unknown Do it this very moment! Don’t put it off, don’t wait! There’s no use in doing a kindness If you do it a day too late. -Charles Kingsley (1819 - 1875) “Honey catches more flies than vinegar.” -Giovanni Torriano: “Italian Proverbs” (1666) “Shall we make a new rule of life from tonight: always to try to be a little kinder than is necessary?” -J. M. Barrie (James Matthew Barrie (1860 - 1937)) “Courtesies of a small and trivial character are the ones which strike deepest in the grateful and appreciating heart.” -Henry Clay (1777 - 1852): “The Great Compromise” “It’s a greater accomplishment to be kind than to be brilliant.” -Joseph Telushkin: “Words That Hurt” (15 April 1996), page 126 “Whenever you feel that something as simple as a smile or a kind act will go unnoticed, do it anyway. You never know how much it might change someone else’s life.” -Erin Bishop “Kind words don’t cost much. Yet they accomplish much.” -Blaise Pascal (1623 - 1662) “Never underestimate the impact of one good deed . . . it creates a ripple effect.” -Author Unknown “A good deed brightens a dark world.” -Author Unknown “The smallest good deed is better than the grandest intention.” -Dugnet (similar quotation attributed to Larry Eisenberg, Duguet, and Dugnat) Do not take lightly small good deeds, Believing they can hardly help. For drops of water, one by one, In time, can fill a giant pot. -Patrul Rinpoche “Remember that if the opportunities for great deeds should never come, the opportunities for good deeds are renewed day by day. The thing for us to long for is the goodness, not the glory.” -Frederick William Faber (1814 - 1863) “Being kind is more important than being right.” -Author Unknown “To cultivate kindness is a valuable part of the business of life.” -Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784) “Blessings ever wait on virtuous deeds, and though a late, a sure reward succeeds.” -William Congreve (1670 - 1729) “Kindness is in our power, even when fondness is not.” -Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784) “Three things in human life are important: The first is to be kind. The second is to be kind. And the third is to be kind.” -Henry James, Junior (1843 - 1916) “The greatness of a man can nearly always be measured by his willingness to be kind.” -George W. Young Have you done your good deed for the day? “The kindness lavished on dogs, if evenly distributed, would establish peace on Earth.” -William Feather (1889 - 1981): as quoted in Ted Landphair (at VOA News): “Featherisms” (6 October 2008) “One kind word can change someone’s entire day.” -Author Unknown “The kindest word in all the world is the unkind word, unsaid.” -Author Unknown “There are three rules of dealing with all those who come to us: 1. Kindness, 2. Kindness, 3.Kindness.” -Fulton J. Sheen (1895 - 1979) That day is best wherein we give A thought to others’ sorrows; Forgetting self, we learn to live, And blessings born of kindly deeds Make golden our to-morrows. -Rose H. Thorpe “A good deed is never lost: he who sows courtesy reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.” -Basil (C.E. 330 - C.E. 379): as attributed in Reverend Elon Foster’s “New Cyclopaedia of Prose Illustrations” (1877), ‘Second Series,’ page 395 “Have you had a kindness shown? Pass it on.” -Henry Burton “Remember to be gentle with yourself and others. We are all children of chance and none can say why some fields will blossom while others lay brown beneath the August Sun.” -Kent Nerburn “To remind a man of a kindness you have done him is very much like a reproach.” -Demosthenes (384 B.C.E. - 322 B.C.E.) “No act of kindness, however small, is ever wasted.” -Aesop: “The Lion and the Mouse” “Wherever there is a human being, there is an opportunity for kindness.” -Lucius Annaeus Seneca “You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson “Practice random acts of kindness and senseless acts of beauty.” -Anne Herbert You never can tell when you do an act just what the result will be; for with every deed, you are sowing a seed - though its harvest you may never see. -Author Unknown “You never know what someone is going through. A few nice words can help a person a lot more than you think.” -Author Unknown “Seek to do good, and you will find that happiness will run after you.” -James Freeman Clarke (1810 - 1888) “Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.” -Leo F. Buscaglia (Felice Leonardo ‘Leo’ Buscaglia (1924 - 1998)): “Born for Love: Reflections on Loving” (1992) “One good turn deserves another.” -Gaius Petronius Arbiter (C.E. 27 - C.E. 66) “The greatest pleasure I know is to do a good action by stealth, and to have it found out by accident.” -Charles Lamb (1775 - 1834): as quoted in “The Athenaeum” (4 January 1834), ‘Table Talk by the late Elia’ “No good act performed in the world ever dies. Science tells us that no atom of matter can ever be destroyed, that no force once started ever ends; it merely passes through a multiplicity of ever-changing phases. Every good deed done to others is a great force that starts an unending pulsation through time and eternity. We may not know it, we may never hear a word of gratitude or recognition, but it will all come back to us in some form as naturally, as perfectly, as inevitably, as echo answers to sound.” -William George Jordan This is 'MFOL!' . . . and now we are going out to do our good deed for the day . . .  Never stop looking up . . . “We can’t all be stars, but we can all sparkle.” -Author Unknown What are stars? Stars are massive spheres, or balls, of very hot burning gases, called plasma, held together by their own gravity. Most stars contain mostly hydrogen, with small amounts of helium. Some stars have tiny amounts of other elements as well. “At night, an enormous blanket is put over the Earth to keep it warm. The blanket is very old and worn out, and so it has many tiny holes in it. The holes where the Sun’s light comes through are called stars.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966) Stars form in nebulas, which are large gaseous areas of space. As gravity attracts and condenses more and more gas into clusters, young stars called protostars start to form. “It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves.” -William Shakespeare Stars radiate energy created from nuclear fusion, which is a process that takes place in a star’s core and involves hydrogen fusing, or burning, to make helium. Once nuclear fusion has begun in the core, a star is sufficiently fueled to spend the majority of its life as a main sequence star, or twinkly thing, in its most stable form. “Even a small star shines in the darkness.” -Author Unknown: Finnish proverb A brown dwarf forms if a star does not become hot enough to reach nuclear fusion. While a brown dwarf has failed to become a proper star, it is not a planet because it does glow dimly. The Star Twinkle, twinkle, little star, How I wonder what you are. Giant thermonuclear reaction, Held by gravitational attraction. Twinkle, twinkle, little star, You look small ’cause you’re so far. As you burn through constant fusion, Your twinkle’s just an optical illusion That happens when your light gets near, Distorted by our atmosphere. Twinkle, twinkle, little star, Spreading light and heat so far. As you use up fuel you’ll grow, And give off a scarlet glow. Maybe you’ll go supernova Exploding elements all over. Now I know just what you are, And I know I’m made of stars. -Author Unknown: parody of Jane Taylor’s poem, “The Star” (1806) The most common stars are red dwarfs. They are less than half the size and mass of our Sun, and burn their fuel very slowly. Red dwarfs last longer than any other type of star, at more than 100 billion years. They are cooler than most stars, and so shine less, eventually growing dimmer. “We are made of stardust. Every atom of every element in your body except for hydrogen has been manufactured inside stars, scattered across the Universe in great stellar explosions, and recycled to become part of you.” -John Gribbin: “Stardust” (2000) When smaller stars such as red dwarfs or red giants use up all of their fuel and nuclear fusion slows, they start to die, and become small white dwarf stars, which emit white light until they finally darken into black dwarfs. “All men have stars, but they are not the same things for different people. For some, who are travelers, the stars are guides. For others they are no more than little lights in the sky. For others, who are scholars, they are problems . . . But all these stars are silent. You - you alone, will have stars as no one else has them . . .” -Antoine de Saint-Exupéry (Antoine Marie Jean-Baptiste Roger (1900 - 1944)) A dwarf star is so dense that it would take eight people to lift a teaspoonful of its matter. As yellow dwarf stars like our Sun start to run out of hydrogen fuel, the core shrinks, heats, and pushes out the rest of the star, turning it into a red giant. Wish Upon a Star Star light, star bright, The first star I see tonight, I wish I may, I wish I might, Have this wish I wish tonight. -Author Unknown Red supergiants, such as Betelgeuse in the constellation Orion, make our Sun look small, having 20 times its mass, and being 1,000 times bigger in size. Red hypergiants, such as the largest known star, VY Canis Majoris, are even bigger, at more than 1,800 times the size of our Sun. “It is often in the darkest skies that we see the brightest stars.” -Author Unknown Big stars like supergiants and hypergiants have shorter lives because they consume their fuel at a faster rate than smaller stars. As these massive stars die, they explode into massive bright supernovas. If you tell the average person there are 278,805,732,168 stars in the Universe, he will believe you. But if a sign reads, “Wet Paint,” he has to make a personal investigation. Star matter blown apart in supernova explosions forms new stellar nebula, and the process of making stars begins all over again. “Stars are beautiful, but they may not take an active part in anything; they must just look on forever. It is a punishment put on them for something they did so long ago that no star now knows what it is.” -James Matthew Barrie: “Peter Pan” Very heavy stars that go supernova can actually turn into black holes, while other supernovas leave behind white neutron stars that are 20 to 40 kilometers (12.5 to 25 miles) in diameter and have dense cores made of neutrons. Riddle: I shine high in the sky - what am I? Solution: I am a star. As a star approaches the end of its life, it begins to change the helium into heavier chemical elements, such as carbon and oxygen, and the star will begin to change its color, density, mass, and size. “With every passing hour our solar system comes forty-three thousand miles closer to globular cluster M13 in the constellation Hercules, and still there are some misfits who continue to insist that there is no such thing as progress.” -Ransom K. Ferm Stars range in color depending on how hot they are. In order from lowest to highest temperature, they can be brown, red, orange, yellow, white, or blue in color. “Stars have always helped me to get things into perspective . . . I tried to let the starlight heal something deep in me that hurt.” -Madeleine L’Engle Stars are often between 1 and 10 billion years old. Some stars may even be close to the age of the observed Universe, at nearly 13.8 billion years old. An ancient astronomer stayed up all night trying to figure out where the Sun had gone. In the morning, it finally dawned on him.  Astronomers . . . mapping the way to future homeworlds for humanity . . . There are more stars in the Universe than there are grains of sand on all the beaches of the world. We know this because we have been traveling the world’s beaches with a pencil, a notebook, and a magnifying glass, counting all of the itsy-bitsy granules of sand . . . if you see us out there, be sure to say hello! Stars The stars are tiny daisies high, Opening and shutting in the sky. The daisies are the stars below, Twinkling and sparkling as they grow. -Authors Unknown Each galaxy contains hundreds of billions of stars and there are estimated to be more than 100 billion galaxies in the Universe. The total number of stars in the Universe is mind boggling, estimated to be at least 70 sextillion and possibly as high as 300 sextillion, which is 300,000,000,000,000,000,000,000. “Put three grains of sand inside a vast cathedral, and the cathedral will be more closely packed with sand than space is with stars.” -James Jeans: as attributed in Laurence J. Peter’s “Peter’s Quotations: Ideas for Our Time” (1993) Our Milky Way Galaxy is an area in space crowded with lots of stars - so many that it resembles a road of spilled milk. That is how it got its name! There are estimated to be somewhere between 200 and 400 billion stars in the Milky Way. Galaxies are speeding away from Earth at 90,000 miles per second. What do you suppose they know that we don’t? The light emitted by 200,000 galaxies makes our Universe a shade of beige. Scientists call the color ‘cosmic latte.’ Of course, if a scientist is up late at night looking at stars, it might be because he or she is highly caffeinated. The light from stars takes millions of years to reach Earth, so when you look at the stars, you are literally looking back in time. “Galileo invented the telescope, and then about five minutes later, invented spying on his neighbors.” -Author Unknown While a clear night sky may appear to be full of stars, there are really only about 2,000 to 3,000 stars visible to the unaided eye, meaning without the use of a telescope. These stars are all either close to the Earth or intensely luminous, meaning very bright, like yourself. Visiting an observatory, the backwoods man watched the astronomer look through his telescope. Just then a star fell. “Wow-weee!” exclaimed the man. “You sure are a great shot!” Stars only appear to twinkle because we see them through the Earth’s atmosphere. Stars shine at an unblinking steady state, but atmospheric disturbances called eddies, which we experience as slight breezes and winds, make stars look sparkly. The melody to the song, “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star” was composed by Mozart when he was five years old, and the lyrics were written by Jane Taylor. If you get into the bottom of a well or a tall chimney and look up, you can see stars, even in the middle of the day. We know this because we spend a lot of time hanging out at the bottom of old wells and chimneys . . . At just 149,600 kilometers (92,900,000 miles) distant, the nearest star to Earth is a yellow dwarf star called the Sun. The next nearest star to Earth is a red dwarf star called Proxima Centauri, also known as Alpha Centauri C. It was discovered in 1915 by Scottish astronomer Robert Innes while he was working at the Union Observatory in Johannesburg, South Africa. It is about 39.9 trillion kilometers (24.79 trillion miles) or 4.25 light years away. Light from this star reaches Earth in 4.25 years. A spacecraft using the newest, fastest propulsion systems would take about 75,000 years to get there. Arnold: Did you know there’s a star called the Dog Star? Owen: Are you Sirius? Binary stars and multi-star systems are made up of two or more stars that are gravitationally linked, so that they orbit around each other. Astronomy: A science that is way over most people’s heads. A comet is a relatively small solar system body that orbits the Sun. When close enough to the Sun, comets display a visible coma, which is a fuzzy outline or atmosphere due to solar radiation, and sometimes also a tail. When asked about flying saucers, the astronomer replied, “No comet.” Asteroids are small solar system bodies that orbit the Sun. Made of rock and metal, they can also contain organic compounds. Asteroids are similar to comets but do not have a visible coma (fuzzy outline and tail) like comets do. Telescope: A device for bringing the sky closer. A meteoroid is a small rock or particle of debris in our solar system. They range in size from dust to around 10 meters in diameter. Larger objects are usually referred to as asteroids. Star Star light, star bright, First star I see tonight, I wish I may, I wish I might, No - it’s just a satellite! -Author Unknown So-called ‘shooting stars’ and ‘falling stars’ are not actually stars, but are meteors. A meteoroid that burns up as it passes through the Earth’s atmosphere is known as a meteor. A meteoroid that survives falling through the Earth’s atmosphere and colliding with the Earth’s surface is known as a meteorite. The odds of anyone being struck by a meteorite are said to be ‘astronomical.’ ******************************************************************* When You Wish Upon a Star When you wish upon a star Makes no difference who you are Anything your heart desires Will come to you. If your heart is in your dreams No request is to extreme When you wish upon a star As dreamers do. Fate is kind She brings to those who love The sweet fulfillment of their secret longing. Like a bolt out of the blue Fate steps in and sees you through When you wish upon a star Your dreams come true. If your heart is in your dreams No request is too extreme When you wish upon a star As dreamers do. When you wish upon a star Your dream comes true. -Jesse McCartney  Stars have played a very important role throughout human history. They have formed a part of religious practices, been grouped into constellations, used in astrological star signs, helped to design calendars, and were very important navigational tools for early explorations across lands and seas.
If you would like to keep up-to-date on the goings on in a whole Universe of stars, click on the link www.stardate.org. “There wouldn’t be a sky full of stars if we were all meant to wish on the same one.” -Frances Clark (Frances Mary Clark (1860 - 1958)) At ‘MFOL!’ we think stars are, like, so stellar . . . and far out, too! Yeah, we know, we’re kinda weird sometimes . . . now go have fun with your life!  Humans use a total of 72 different muscles in speech. Be sure to give those muscles a real workout today, huh? Did you know that it is physically impossible for you to lick your own elbows? Go ahead and try it - just do not injure yourself! Curious Young Gal There was a young gal who said, “Why Can’t I look in my ear with my eye? If I put my mind to it, I’m sure I can do it; You never can tell till you try.” -Author Unknown There are ten human body parts that are only three letters long: eye, hip, arm, leg, ear, toe, jaw, rib, lip, and gum. In addition to the better-known senses of hearing, sight, touch, smell, and taste, humans have at least fifteen other senses. These include balance, temperature, pain, and time, as well as internal senses for suffocation, thirst, and fullness. Some humans have also been found to have a sense of humor. Humans are bioluminescent, meaning we glow in the dark, but the light we emit is 1,000 times weaker than our human eyes are able to detect. Like fingerprints, everyone’s tongue print is different. Now stick out your tongue and say, “Aaaaaaaaahhh!” Gladys: What kind of advice do you get from hands? Douglas: Finger tips. About eight percent of people have an extra rib, which is not really all that interesting . . . unless you happen to be a cannibal. Hair is made of the same substance as fingernails, but you cannot make that fun sound that drives everyone bonkers by running your hair over a chalkboard; only your fingernails can do that. The average person has 10,000 taste buds. Not all taste buds are on the tongue; about ten percent are on the insides of the cheeks. So, what does your tongue taste like? Sit down and lift your right foot off the floor, and make clockwise circles. While doing this, draw the number 6 in the air with your right hand. Your foot will automatically change direction, and there is nothing you can do to stop it from doing so. Someone - and by someone we mean you - just kidding! - should investigate this phenomena to find out if it is in any way related to the rise in incidents of people hitting their accelerator pedals when they mean to hit their brake pedals, while driving a vehicle. Nellie: What did one toe say to the other? Stella: “Don’t look now, but I think we’re being followed by a heel.” The normal human body temperature is about 37 degrees Celsius (about 98.6 degrees Fahrenheit). However, it is not uncommon for the temperature of some persons to be just slightly higher than this by as much as a degree due to their increased metabolism - particularly teenagers and young adults. As always, if you are concerned, seek a doctor’s opinion. Becca: What has one foot on each end and a foot in the middle? Becky: A yardstick. The average human body contains enough iron to make a 3-inch nail, sulfur to kill all fleas on an average dog, carbon to make 900 pencils, potassium to fire a toy cannon, fat to make 7 bars of soap, phosphorous to make 2,200 match heads, and water to fill a ten-gallon tank. Nonsense Poem I’d rather have fingers than toes, I’d rather have eyes than a nose; And as for my hair I’m glad it’s all there, I’ll be awfully sad when it goes. -Gelett Burgess Fingerprints serve another useful function besides helping law enforcement officers catch criminals: the tiny ridges provide traction for the fingers to grasp objects. Fingers are among the many ‘tools’ integrated into our bodies, making humans the ultimate Swiss Army knife of the animal kingdom. Shin: A specialized anatomical feature of the human body designed for finding furniture in the dark. Chin There was a young lady whose chin Resembled the point of a pin; So she had it made sharp, And purchased a harp, And played several tunes with her chin. -Edward Lear The human face has 43 muscles that create 10,000 expressions. It would take a lifetime for a person to try them all out. Your Nose Is Running “Your nose is running,” Mother said. I answered, “Wow! That’s really neat!” “Why’s that?” she asked. I said, “Because I never knew my nose had feet.” -Jeff Moss  The Operation Game features an Adam’s apple, broken heart, wrenched ankle, butterflies in the stomach, spareribs, water on the knee, funny bone, writer’s cramp, Charley horse, anklebone connected to the knee bone, wishbone, breadbasket, and brain freeze. Players in the Operation Game attempt to remove each of these ailments from the patient, who is named Cavity Sam. The regular-size game can be purchased from www.Hasbro.com. Be sure to tell them you saw them mentioned on www.MakeFunOfLife.net.
“Not everyone can wiggle their ears, you know. It’s something you’re born with.” -Kevin Henkes: “Sun and Spoon” (1997) Why can humans move their eyes in opposite directions toward their noses, but not in opposite directions away from the noses? Our bodies burn a large amount of calories just to keep us at a steady 37 degrees Celsius (98.6 degrees Fahrenheit). The human body gives off enough heat in thirty minutes to bring two liters (a little more than two quarts, or half a gallon) of water to a boil. If you could capture and use the heat, you could cook a pasta dinner with it. First, though, you will need some kind of mad scientist laboratory . . . “The chief function of the body is to carry the brain around.” -Thomas Edison (Thomas Alva Edison (1847 - 1931)) The nose is that part of the body that shines, snubs, snoops, and sneezes. “If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn’t.” -Lyall Watson Riddle: What can you hold in your right hand that you cannot hold in your left hand? Solution: Your left elbow. Ahead: The thing on top of your neck. Kerry: What should you do if your ear rings? Karen: Answer it. Lizzie: How do you keep your ear from ringing continuously? Beth: Get an unlisted head. Humans are said to have fifty percent of their DNA (Deoxyribonucleic Acid) in common with bananas. Perhaps we should get to better know the elongated yellow fruit with which we have so much in common? If the human brain were a computer, it would perform 38 thousand-trillion operations per second. The world’s most powerful supercomputer, Blue Gene, can manage only 0.002 percent of that amount. Sharon: How do you keep your feet from falling asleep? Sherry: Wear loud socks. A typical adult human is made up of more than 37,200,000,000,000 (37.2 trillion) living cells made up of 7,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 (7 octillion) atoms. For perspective, there are a mere 100,000,000,000 (100 billion) stars in our Milky Way Galaxy. Every year, about 98 percent of the atoms in human bodies are replaced by new ones. Now you finally know what is meant by the phrase ‘a whole new you.’ Riddle: What has fingers and thumbs but no hands? Solution: A glove. The human body has more than 600 muscles, which make up 40 percent of the body’s weight. Our muscles are actually much more powerful than they usually seem to be. Human strength is limited to prevent our tendons and muscles from tearing themselves apart; however, this limitation can be overcome in an adrenaline rush, during which there are recorded instances of people lifting heavy boulders and even automobiles off people and animals that have been trapped under them. Joseph: Why is your nose in the middle of your face? Joe: Because it is the ‘scenter.’ At any given time, your brain can generate up to 25 watts of power - enough energy to make a light bulb come on. You are indeed more powerful than you might have known. Veronica: What has a head but no brain? Vera: A cabbage. Human blood has roughly the same concentration of salt as seawater has. A condition called ‘synesthesia’ can cause the senses to overlap, so that affected people may taste words or hear colors. Riddle: What can clap without using hands? Solution: Thunder. People with hexadectylism have six fingers or six toes on one or both hands and feet. This might give them an advantage over the rest of us when it comes to typing and texting, and perhaps other activities involving manual dexterity as well. A sharp nose indicates curiosity, and a flat nose indicates . . . too much curiosity! Lionel: What has four legs and one arm? Lynette: A happy guard dog! The human liver has more than 500 functions. Getting you to the airport to catch your next flight and washing the dog are not among them. Norman Norton’s Nostrils Oh, Norman Norton’s nostrils Are powerful and strong; Hold on to your belongings If he should come along. And do not ever let him Inhale with all his might, Or else your pens and pencils Will disappear from sight. Right up his nose they’ll vanish; Your future will be black. Unless he gets the sneezes, You’ll never get them back! -Colin West The bump at the front of the throat is called the Adam’s Apple, which is said to be from the forbidden fruit getting stuck in Adam’s throat as he ate it in the Garden of Eden. Riddle: What has a head and mouth, but no eyes, nose, or ears? Solution: A river. The human brain is 70 percent cholesterol . . . and the experts are telling you to cut back on cholesterol - do you see a potential problem with their advice? That’s right, they seem to want you to have a smaller brain! A Boastful Young Person “I can pick up a cent with my toes,” Said a boastful young person named Mose, But sharp-witted Millie Replied, “That’s just silly - I can do the same thing with my nose.” -Author Unknown The human body is divided into three parts: the Brainium, the Borax, and the Abominable Cavity. The Brainium contains the Brain. The Borax contains the Lungs, the Heart, the Liver, and the Living Things. The Abominable Cavity contains the Bowels, of which there are five: A, E, I, O, and U. If your DNA (Deoxyribonucleic Acid) were stretched out, it could reach to the Earth’s Moon 6,000 times - but would you really want to visit the Moon that often? Fingertip to fingertip, the width of your armspan stretched out equals the length of your whole body from head to foot, which means you come pretty close to meeting the definition of a ‘square.’ Jenny: What has two legs, two arms, and two heads? Jennifer: A two-headed monster. The elements oxygen, carbon, hydrogen, and nitrogen make up 90 percent of the human body. The remaining 10 percent is made up of hamsters running on hamster wheels that make the body able to do things like stand up and walk around. The next time your anatomy teacher says, “Are there any questions?” raise your hand and ask, “Can a person laugh on the inside and on the outside at the same time?” More ‘MFOL!’ follows just below . . .  “Without ice cream there would be darkness and chaos.” -Don Kardong Brenda: What did the chocolate syrup say to the ice cream? Bernard: “I’m sweet on you!” Bert: Would you like some ice cream? Ernie: “Sherbert!” (“Sure, Bert!”) Sherbert is a common corruption of the word sherbet, a frozen dessert made of fruit syrup, milk, and the white of an egg, whisked until smooth and opaque, and then frozen. Sorbets are generally thought of as being fruit based, but can be made with other ingredients. Sorbets belong in the category of what are called ‘ices,’ and are sometimes referred to as granitas or Italian ices. Sorbets made without dairy products are preferred by some people, but always check the ingredients list on the package or ask the food server to find out what the sorbet contains. “My advice to you is not to inquire why or whither, but just enjoy your ice cream while it’s on your plate.” -Thornton Wilder (Thornton Niven ‘Thornton’ Wilder (1897 - 1975)) The ice cream soda was invented in 1874 by Robert Green. He was serving a mixture of syrup, sweet cream, and carbonated water at a celebration in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, United States of America. He ran out of sweet cream and in its place used ice cream. Laws forbidding the sale of sodas on Sundays prompted William Garwood of Evanston, Illinois, United States of America, to invent the ice cream sundae in 1875.  The ice cream cone was introduced in 1904. Tip: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a rolled waffle cone or sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips. August 6th of each year is National Root Beer Float Day. Kenny: We’re having root beer floats - would you like one? Lenny: Root beer floats?! Kenny: No, it just kind of sits there in the mug - but it’s still pretty good! To see our easy “Root Beer Float Recipe,” please visit the ‘Activities’ page by clicking on the link here: www.MakeFunOfLife.net/activities. Greg: How do you make an elephant float? Judy: You take some soda water, add two scoops of ice cream, and then one elephant. Timmy: Who serves ice cream faster than a speeding bullet? Jimmy: Scooperman! ●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●  Would you like to see the name of your company or product in this space, along with a picture, website link, and other information? If you offer ice cream, frozen treats, ingredients, equipment, tableware, utensils, accessories, packaging, or you have a wholesale business, a restaurant, a franchise, or a retail store, we can remove this paragraph and the sample image above, and in their place show an advertisement for what you are selling. Our low, low prices will floor you - but wait, there’s more: we can also make changes to this ‘Ice Cream and Frozen Treats’ topic to suit your needs if you like. Please contact us at www.MakeFunOfLife@mail.com. ●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○● What is your favorite ice cream flavor? Overheard: You can’t buy happiness, but you can buy ice cream, and that’s kind of the same thing. Is there a ‘plain ice cream’ that has no flavors, sweeteners, or colors added to it, just as there is ‘plain yogurt’? Not vanilla ice cream, just plain ice cream? Wow, like, somebody could totally invent that! Howza ’bout you there?  ‘À la mode’ is a French phrase meaning ‘fashionable’ or ‘up to date.’ In the world of dessert foods, it refers to a dish served with ice cream on the side or on the top of the food, as for example, a slice of pie with ice cream, called ‘pie à la mode.’ We’ll have ‘pie à la mode’ . . . because we’re trying to keep up with the latest in food fashions! I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream! Why can’t a fish stick be a frozen treat - just insert a chopstick in it! Wait, would that be redundant . . . a frozen fish stick on a stick . . . and then make it sticky with tartar sauce . . . a sticky frozen fish stick on a stick . . . this is why they won’t let us anywhere near places where food is being made - or let us engage in conversations with grownups!  Frank Epperson of California, United States of America, invented the Popsicle in 1905 when he was 11 years old.
The next time you go to a grocery store, look to see if ice cream is spelled as one word or two words on packages. You could be that person who leads the cause to change the world by spelling ‘ice cream’ as ‘icecream.’ After all, there is no country called ‘Ice Land,’ is there? Nope, instead it is ‘Iceland’! This is ‘MFOL!’ . . . we are diagonally parked somewhere in a parallel universe . . . and we are dripping melted ice cream all over the vehicle interior . . . it’s a good thing we brought the dogs along with us this time!  Behold the human creature, at once both simpleton and sage . . .
“Tis sometimes the height of wisdom to feign stupidity.” -Cato the Elder (Marcus Porcius Cato (233 B.C.E. - 148 B.C.E.)) “Wise men profit more from fools than fools from wise men; for the wise men shun the mistakes of fools, but fools do not imitate the successes of the wise.” -Cato the Elder (Marcus Porcius Cato (233 B.C.E. - 148 B.C.E.)): as quoted in Plutarch’s “Parallel Lives” “A wise man may look ridiculous in the company of fools.” -Thomas Fuller (1654 - 1734) “It is impossible to make people understand their ignorance, for it requires knowledge to perceive it; and, therefore, he that can perceive it hath it not.” -Jeremy Taylor (1613 - 1667): as quoted in Tryon Edwards: “A Dictionary of Thoughts” (1908), page 244 As a rule, man is a fool. When it’s hot, he wants it cool; When it’s cool, he wants it hot. Always wanting, what is not. -Benjamin Disraeli (1804 - 1881) “Nearly four decades ago psychologist Stanley Milgram had a volunteer stand stock still on a busy New York sidewalk and look up at the sky. About one in every 25 passersby stopped to look up, too. When five volunteers were recruited to sky-gaze, nearly one in five passersby stopped to look up. When Milgram and his colleagues assembled a group of 18 volunteers to simultaneously look up at nothing in particular, nearly one in two passersby looked up to see what was going on, snarling traffic within moments.” -Author Unknown: as quoted in the “Washington Post” (December 2007) newspaper “He must be a fool indeed who cannot at times play the fool; and he who does not enjoy nonsense must be lacking in sense.” -William J. Rolfe “By associating with wise people you will become wise yourself.” -Menander of Athens “A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.” -Douglas Adams “It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.” -Author Unknown “I never desired to please the rabble. What pleased them, I did not learn; and what I knew was far removed from their understanding.” -Epicurus (341 B.C.E. - 270 B.C.E.) “The wise man is but a clever infant, spelling letters from a hieroglyphical prophetic book, the lexicon of which lies in eternity.” -Thomas Carlyle (1795 - 1881) Simpletons and Sages Facts - A simpleton is a fool. - A sage is a wise or learned person. - Every human is part simpleton and part sage. “A wise person does at once, what a fool does at last.” -Baltasar Gracián (1601 - 1658) “Nothing is more terrible than to see ignorance in action.” -Johann Wolfgang von Goethe: “Proverbs in Prose” (1819) (1749 - 1832) “The greater idiot ever scolds the lesser.” -Herman Melville (1819 - 1891): “Moby Dick” (1851) “I am a member of the rabble in good standing.” -Westbrook Pegler “A moment’s thought would have shown him. But a moment is a long time, and thought is a painful process.” -J. E. Houseman “You can lead a fool to wisdom but you cannot make him think.” -Author Unknown “Who lives without folly is not so wise as he thinks.” -François de La Rochefoucauld (1613 - 1680): “Reflections; or, Sentences and Moral Maxims” (1678), Maxim 209 Overheard: I am always stupid at the wrong times . . . why can’t I be stupid at the right times? “Ignorance is bold, and knowledge reserved.” -Thucydides (about 460 B.C.E. - about 395 B.C.E.): as quoted in James Wood, editor: “Dictionary of Quotations from Ancient and Modern, English and Foreign Sources” (1899), page 178 ●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○● Dummy’s Guide to Life Do you find day-to-day life hard? Do you wish life had an instruction booklet? Do you wish your brain had an owner’s manual? If you answered, “Yes,” to any of these questions, you have come to the right place. Following you will find, free of charge, a short ‘guide to life.’ In here, you will find most of the information you need to live life day by day without injuring yourself. Read carefully, and carry out each instruction exactly. - Do not eat rocks. - Do not take naps in the road. - Do not throw a brick straight up. - Do not breathe car exhaust. - Walk around toxic waste dumps, not through them. - Do not stargaze with friends on a hilltop in a thunderstorm and use metal fishing rods as pointers. - If you need to get somewhere, and a freight train heading in the direction you are traveling just happens to be nearby, resist the urge to stand in front of it and grab hold as it passes. - If you want to pound on the radiator to tell the landlord to turn up the heat, do not do it with your head. - Do not make funny faces at angry bulls. - Do not stick screwdrivers into electrical outlets. - The warning ‘Do not try this at home’ really means ‘Do not try this at all.’ - Do not iron clothes while wearing them. - Do not sled down hills with roads at the bottom. - Do not lick ice. - Do not pour salt in your eyes. - Your body has the correct number of holes in it. Do not make any more. - Do not chase a bear into the woods to get a close-up photo. - Do not chew on aluminum foil. - Shovels are for digging holes in the ground, not the floor of your house. - Contrary to popular opinion, you are not supposed to strip the protective rubber coating off electrical wires before plugging them in. - If you want to chew gum, buy some. Do not use the gum from underneath the seats at schools and movie theaters even though it is free. - Do not kick stone walls. - Even if you need to get downstairs quickly, do not jump out of a window - use the stairs. - When using an acetylene torch, do not feel the flame to see if it is sufficiently hot. - Better yet, stay away from acetylene torches altogether. - Wear clothes. - Use a potholder when removing items from the oven. - No matter how tempting it is to be one of the animals, stay on the outside of all fences and cages and other enclosures at the zoo. - When sticking thumbtacks into bulletin boards, press on the flat ends. ●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○● “Ignorance is not a simple lack of knowledge but an active aversion to knowledge, the refusal to know, issuing from cowardice, pride, or laziness of mind.” -Karl Popper (1902 - 1994): as paraphrased by Ryszard Kapuscinski in ‘The Philosopher as Giant-Slayer’ in the “New York Times Magazine” (1 January 1995) Overheard: We have smart phones, smart watches, smart bombs . . . now all we need are smart people! “He who thinks himself wise, O heavens! is a great fool.” -Voltaire (François-Marie Arouet (1694 - 1778)): “Le Droit du Seigneur” (1763), part IV, line i “Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.” -Euripides (484 B.C.E. - 406 B.C.E.) “We all know a fool when we see one - but not when we are one.” -Arnold H. Glasow “You will do foolish things, but do them with enthusiasm.” -Sidonie Gabrielle Colette (1873 - 1954) “It is peculiarly a fool’s habit to discern the faults of others, and to forget his own.” -Cicero (Marcus Tullius Cicero, also known as Tully (106 B.C.E. - 43 B.C.E.)) “If a million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing.” -Anatole France (pseudonym of Jacques Anatole François Thibault (1844 - 1924)) Overheard: We are all fools, whether we know it or not. “A fool must now and then be right, by chance.” -William Cowper (1731 - 1800) Two sillies were walking down the street. The first one noticed a compact on the sidewalk and leaned down to pick it up. She opened it, looked in the mirror, and said, “Hmmm, this person looks familiar.” The second one said, “Let me look!” So the first one handed her the compact. The second one looked in the mirror and said, “You silly, it’s me!” “The fool wonders, the wise man asks.” -Benjamin Disraeli (1804 - 1881) An old proverb is, “A fool and his money are soon parted,” but one sometimes wonders, how did a fool and his money get together in the first place? “He that walketh with wise men shall be wise, but a companion of fools shall be destroyed.” -Author Unknown: “The Bible,” ‘Proverbs,’ chapter 13, verse 20 “The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool.” -William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616): “As You Like It” (about 1599) play Joyce: Why can’t you tell knock-knock jokes to a simpleton? Joy: Because they go to answer the door. “We are fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance.” -Author Unknown “I have always observed that to succeed in the world one should seem a fool, but be wise.” -Charles-Louis de Secondat (Baron de La Brède et de Montesquieu, also known simply as Montesquieu (1689 - 1755)) “Fools rush in where angels fear to tread.” -Alexander Pope (1688 - 1744): “An Essay on Criticism,” (1711), line 625 “Everybody plays the fool.” -Author Unknown: words from a love song Why do people who know the least know it the loudest? He trudged along unknowing what he sought, And whistled as he went, for want of thought. -John Dryden (1631 - 1700): “Cymon and Iphigenia” (1700) Ted: Why couldn’t the simpleton call the police? Theo: He found the ‘9’ button on the telephone, but couldn’t find the ‘11’ button. “Let a fool hold his tongue and he will pass for a sage.” [English translation] “Taciturnitas stulto homini pro sapientia est.” [original Latin] -Publilius Syrus (85 B.C.E. - 43 B.C.E.): “Sententiae,” Maxim 914 “A wise man rules his passions, a fool obeys them.” -Publilius Syrus (85 B.C.E. - 43 B.C.E.): as quoted in D. Lyman (Darius Lyman): “The Moral Sayings of Publius Syrus, a Roman Slave: from the Latin” (1856), Maxim 49 “I sometimes wonder if the manufacturers of foolproof items keep a fool or two on their payroll to test things.” -Alan Coren ●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○● Simple Simon Simple Simon met a pieman, going to the fair; Said Simple Simon to the pieman, “Let me taste your ware.” Said the pieman to Simple Simon, “Show me first your penny,” Says Simple Simon to the pieman, “Indeed, I have not any.” Simple Simon went a-fishing For to catch a whale; All the water he could find Was in his mother’s pail! Simple Simon went to look If plums grew on a thistle; He pricked his fingers very much, Which made poor Simon whistle. He went to catch a dicky bird, And thought he could not fail, Because he had a little salt, To put upon its tail. He went for water with a sieve, But soon it ran all through; And now poor Simple Simon Bids you all adieu. -Author Unknown ●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○● “One fool makes many.” -Author Unknown: as quoted in Jonathan Swift (1667 - 1745): “Polite Conversation” (1783) book “It is a profitable thing, if one is wise, to seem foolish.” -Aeschylus (525 B.C.E. - 456 B.C.E.) “His ignorance is encyclopedic.” -S. J. Lec (Stanislaw Jerzy Lec (1909 - 1966)): “Unkempt Thoughts” (1962) “The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all is the person who argues with him.” -S. J. Lec (Stanislaw Jerzy Lec (1909 - 1966)) “Do not seek after the sages of the past. Seek what they sought.” -Basho “Ignorance is not bliss. Ignorance is poverty. Ignorance is devastation. Ignorance is tragedy. Ignorance is illness. It all stems from ignorance.” -Author Unknown “No man really becomes a fool until he stops asking questions.” -Charles Proteus Steinmetz (1865 - 1923) “Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.” -Dale Carnegie (Dale Breckenridge Carnegie (1888 - 1955)) “The majority is never right. Never, I tell you! That’s one of these lies in society that no free and intelligent man can help rebelling against. Who are the people that make up the biggest proportion of the population - the intelligent ones or the fools? I think we can agree it’s the fools, no matter where you go in this world, it’s the fools that form the overwhelming majority.” -Henrik Ibsen (Henrik Johan ‘Henrik’ Ibsen (1828 - 1906)) “Today is the wise man’s day, tomorrow is the fool’s day. The wise man is the one who, when he sees what ought to be done, does it today. The foolish man, when he sees what ought to be done, says, ‘I will do it tomorrow.’” -Author Unknown “A word to a wise person is sufficient.” [English translation] “Verbum sapienti sat est.” [original Latin] -Author Unknown “The learned fool writes his nonsense in better language than the unlearned, but still ’tis nonsense.” -Benjamin Franklin (1706 - 1790): “Poor Richard Improved” (1748) Simpletons and Sages Quiz - What is a simpleton? - What is a sage? - Can a person be both a simpleton and a sage? “If the fool would persist in his folly he would become wise.” -William Blake (1757 - 1827): “Proverbs of Hell” (1793) Simpletons and Sages Quiz Answers - A simpleton is a fool. - A sage is a wise or learned person. - Every human is both a simpleton and a sage. “Fools look to tomorrow; wise men use tonight.” -Author Unknown: Scottish proverb “Dare to be wise!” [English translation] “Sapere aude!” [original Latin] -Horace (Quintus Horatius Flaccus (65 B.C.E. - 8 B.C.E.)) This is ‘MFOL!’ . . . the website for ‘Simpletons and Sages’ alike . . .  Photo Credit: “Self Esteem Shop” by Dave Hogg from Royal Oak, Michigan, United States of America http://www.flickr.com/photos/96223849@N00/80044383. Licensed under CC BY 2.0 via Wikimedia Commons. Given the state of the world today, just about every neighborhood needs a Self-Esteem Shop. Website: www.SelfEsteemShop.com. I’m Not Good Enough I don’t speak well enough. I’m not attractive enough. I don’t dress well enough. I’m not confident enough. I’m not educated enough. I’m not talented enough. I’m not creative enough. I’m not smart enough. I’m not good enough. Sound familiar? -Author Unknown “You are as good as any.” -Author Unknown “Real people aren’t perfect. Perfect people aren’t real.” -Author Unknown “Always hold your head up, but be careful to keep your nose at a friendly level.” -Max L. Forman (Max Leon Forman (1909 - 1990)) “Every achiever I have ever met says, ‘My life turned around when I began to believe in me.’” -Robert H. Schuller (Robert Harold Schuller (1926 - 2015)) “It doesn’t matter what other people think of you. All that matters is what you think of you.” -Author Unknown “Believe in yourself and you can do unbelievable things.” -Author Unknown “Raise your hand if you’ve ever felt as though you’d rather hide in bed all day than face the people that make you feel small or powerless” -Diana Agron (Dianna Elise Agron (born 1986)) “Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.” -Kurt Cobain (Kurt Donald Cobain (1967 - 1994)) “Nothing builds self-esteem and self-confidence like accomplishment.” -Thomas Carlyle (1795 - 1881) “You are wonderful. Valuable. Worthwhile. Lovable. Not because others think so. Self-worth comes from only one place: self.” -Karen Salmansohn “Have patience with all things but first with yourself. Never confuse your mistakes with your value as a human being. You are perfectly valuable, creative, worthwhile person simply because you exist. And no amount of triumphs or tribulations can ever change that.” -Francis de Sales (1567 - 1622) “There isn’t a ruler, a yard stick, or a measuring tape in the entire world long enough to compute the strength and capabilities inside you.” -Paul J. Meyer (Paul James Meyer (1928 - 2009)) “Every human being is trying to say something to others. Trying to cry out, ‘I am alive, notice me! Speak to me! Listen to me! Confirm for me that I am important. That I matter!’” -Marion D. Hanks Overhead: I compare myself to every person I ever see . . . and I lose every time. “Do not undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others. It is because we are different that each of us is special.” -Author Unknown “The only person you should ever compare yourself to is the person you were yesterday.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966) “Don’t let anyone ever dull your sparkle!” -Author Unknown “To establish true self-esteem we must concentrate on our successes and forget about the failures and the negatives in our lives.” -Denis Waitley (Denis E. Waitley (born 1933)) “There might be things about yourself that you do not like . . . until one day you notice those same things in someone else who seems to be doing well enough in life. So go ahead and take a closer look at other people. You will see something of yourself in some of them and you will come to know an important truth, which is that you are a good enough person just as you are.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966) “I may not be totally perfect, but parts of me are excellent.” -Ashleigh Brilliant (born 1933): title of book (1978) “Listen to your heart above all other voices.” -Marta Kagan “Your chances of success in any undertaking can always be measured by your belief in yourself.” -Robert J. Collier (Robert Joseph Collier (1876 - 1918)) One way to improve your self-esteem is to tell clean funny jokes to people . . . no kidding, it really works! Practice until you can tell the jokes without making mistakes, even if you stutter or forget how the jokes go at first. And, on the ‘Make Fun Of Life!’ Website, there are zillions of jokes and other funny stuff for you to tell to other people - but you cannot just post them on social media websites - you have to tell jokes to real people, face to face. “The way to develop self-confidence is to do the thing you fear to do and get a record of successful experiences behind you.” -Dale Carnegie (Dale Breckenridge Carnegie (1888 - 1955)) “At age 20, we worry about what others think of us. At 40, we don’t care what they think of us. At 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all.” -Ann Landers (pseudonym of Esther Pauline ‘Eppie’ Lederer (1918 - 2002)) “You’ve no idea of what a poor opinion I have of myself - and how little I deserve it.” -W. S. Gilbert (William Schwenck Gilbert (1836 - 1911)): “Ruddigore” (1887), act I Atelophobia (a-tel-o-pho-bia) is a persistent fear of never being good enough or a fear of an insurmountable personal imperfection. Often this fear can be rooted in the experience and upbringing we have had by others, such as families, neighborhoods, schools, relationships, friendships, and initial work experience. We may have to counter this effect by doing our own upbringing of ourselves and not allow other people to be the sole source of our own upbringing. We must raise ourselves. “The golden opportunity you are seeking is in yourself. It is not in your environment, it is not in luck or chance, or the help of others; it is in yourself alone.” -Orison S. Marden (Orison Swett Marden (1850 - 1924)) “Confidence comes not from always being right but from not fearing to be wrong.” -Peter T. McIntyre Overheard: You can now worry less about what kind of person you are, because somewhere out there is a dog who thinks you are wonderful! “Don’t listen to those who say, “It’s not done that way.” Maybe it’s not, but maybe you will. Don’t listen to those who say, “You’re taking too big a chance.” Michelangelo would have painted the Sistine floor, and it would surely be rubbed out by today. Most importantly, don’t listen when the little voice of fear inside of you rears its ugly head and says, “They’re all smarter than you out there. They’re more talented, they’re taller . . . prettier, luckier, and have connections . . .” I firmly believe that if you follow a path that interests you, not to the exclusion of love, sensitivity, and cooperation with others, but with the strength of conviction that you can move others by your own efforts, and do not make success or failure the criteria by which you live, the chances are you’ll be a person worthy of your own respect.” -Neil Simon (born 1927) “Love not what you are, but what you may become.” -Miguel de Cervantes (Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra (1547 - 1616)) “Dear Lord, when feelings of insecurity and self-doubt creep into my heart, help me to see myself the way you do.” -Author Unknown “Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit.” -e. e. cummings (Edward Estlin Cummings (1894 - 1962)) “The way to develop self-confidence is to do the thing you fear and get a record of successful experiences behind you.” -William Jennings Bryan (1860 - 1925) “If you believe in yourself, things are possible.” -Shannon MacMillan Overheard: I am really good at stuff until I find myself in a situation in which people are watching me do that stuff. “Confident people are able to laugh at themselves.” -Author Unknown “The foundation of lasting self-confidence and self-esteem is excellence, mastery of your work.” -Brian Tracy (born 1944) “Millions of people would love to be you.” -Author Unknown “Have confidence that if you have done a little thing well, you can do a bigger thing well, too.” -David Storey Overheard: I spent a fortune on deodorant and mouthwash before I realized that people did not like me anyway. “Self-confidence is the first requisite to great undertakings.” -Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784) “I am going to make it.” -You “Your faith in yourself is all you will ever have. Don’t let anyone take it away from you ever.” -Holly Marie Combs “Avoid negative people, for they are the greatest destroyers of self-confidence and self-esteem. Surround yourself with people who bring out the best in you.” -Author Unknown “Why should we worry about what others think of us - do we have more confidence in their opinions than we do our own?” -Brigham Young (1801 - 1877) “I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore, I am perfect!” -Author Unknown “Having a low opinion of yourself is not ‘modesty.’ It’s self-destruction. Holding your uniqueness in high regard is not ‘egotism.’ It’s a necessary precondition to happiness and success.” -Bobbe Sommer “Those with a high level of confidence may have as many or more weaknesses than those with low self-esteem. The difference is this: instead of dwelling on their handicaps, they compensate for them by dwelling on their strengths.” -Alan Loy McGinnis (1933 - 2005) “Our self-image, strongly held, essentially determines what we become.” -Maxwell Maltz (1899 - 1975) “One of the great tragedies of life, it seems to me, is when a person classifies himself as someone who has no talents and gifts. When, in disgust or discouragement, we allow ourselves to reach depressive levels of despair because of our demeaning self-appraisal, it is a sad day for us and a sad day in the eyes of God. For us to conclude that we have no gifts when we judge ourselves by stature, intelligence, grade-point average, wealth, power, position, or external appearance is not only unfair but unreasonable.” -Marvin J. Ashton: ‘There are Many Gifts,’ in “Ensign” (November 1987) magazine, page 20 “What you think of yourself is much more important than what others think of you.” -Lucius Annaeus Seneca (also known as Seneca the Younger or simply Seneca (3 B.C.E. - C.E. 65)) “Don’t define yourself by negatives.” -Author Unknown “Put your future in good hands - your own.” -Author Unknown “What you think of me is unimportant. What I think of myself is what matters.” -Robert T. Kiyosaki (Robert Toru Kiyosaki (born 1947)) “The best way to gain self-confidence is to do what you are afraid to do.” -Author Unknown “I think high self-esteem is overrated. A little low self-esteem is actually quite good. Maybe you’re not the best, so you should work a little harder.” -Jay Leno (James Douglas Muir ‘Jay’ Leno (born 1950)) “You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire Universe, deserve your love and affection.” -Buddha (Siddhārtha Guatama, also known as Shakyamuni Buddha (about 563 B.C.E. - 483 B.C.E.)) “Never bend your head. Hold it high. Look the world straight in the eye.” -Helen Keller (Helen Adams Keller (1880 - 1968)) Ofttimes nothing profits more Than self-esteem, grounded on just and right Well manag’d. -John Milton (1608 - 1674): “Paradise Lost” (1667; 1674), Book VIII, line 571 Also known, though possibly paraphrased, in the form: “Nothing profits more than self-esteem, grounded on what is just and right.” -John Milton (1608 - 1674) “You can’t let other people tell you who you are. You have to decide that for yourself.” -Author Unknown “Confidence comes from being prepared.” -John Wooden (1910 - 2010) “If you must love your neighbor as yourself, it is at least as fair to love yourself as your neighbor.” -Nicolas Chamfort (also known as Nicolas-Sébastien Roch (1741 - 1794)) “I am convinced all of humanity is born with more gifts than we know. Most are born geniuses and just get de-geniused rapidly.” -R. Buckminster Fuller (Richard Buckminster 'Bucky' Fuller (1895 - 1983)) “Don’t live down to expectations. Go out there and do something remarkable.” -Wendy Wasserstein “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” -Eleanor Roosevelt (Anna Eleanor ‘Eleanor’ Roosevelt (1884 - 1962)) “There is overwhelming evidence that the higher the level of self-esteem, the more likely one will be to treat others with respect, kindness, and generosity.” -Nathaniel Branden Overheard: I am going to be more assertive . . . if that’s okay with you. “Confidence is that feeling by which the mind embarks on great and honorable courses with a sure hope and trust in itself.” -Marcus Tullius Cicero (also known as Tully or simply Cicero (106 B.C.E. - 43 B.C.E.)) “You are officially the world’s okayest person.” -Author Unknown “All things splendid have been achieved by those who dared believe that something inside them was superior to circumstance.” -Bruce Barton (Bruce Fairchild Barton (1886 - 1967)) “High above the noise and fear mongering of critics and cynics softly speaks your true self.” -Mollie Marti “To have an incredible increase in self-esteem, all you have to do is start doing some little something. You don’t have to do spectacularly dramatic things for self-esteem to start going off the scale. Just make a commitment to any easy discipline. Then another one and another one.” -Jim Rohn (Emanuel James ‘Jim’ Rohn (1930 - 2009)) “You have to expect things of yourself before you can do them.” -Michael Jordan (born 1963) “The self-esteem to which I refer is something different. It is not blind, arrogant, vain love of self, but is self-respecting, unconceited, honest esteem of ourselves. It is born of inner peace and strength.” -James E. Faust: “Reach Up for the Light” (1 January 1990), page 31 “Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt.” -William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616): “Measure for Measure” (1604) “There are many wonderful things that will never be done if you do not do them.” -Charles D. Gill This is ‘MFOL!’ . . . there is definitely something a little ‘funny’ about this website . . .  [A kiss is] “A peculiar proposition. Of no use to one, yet absolute bliss to two. The small boy gets it for nothing, the young man has to lie for it, and the old man has to buy it. The baby’s right, the lover’s privilege, and the hypocrite’s mask. To a young girl, faith; to a married woman, hope; and to an old maid, charity.” -Linus Price ‘Skipper’ Hayes (1906 - 1962): “V. P. I. Skipper” (about 1930)
Kock, knock. Who’s there? Keith. Keith, who? Keith me, thweetheart! Walking up to a department store’s fabric counter, a pretty girl said, “I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?” “Only one kiss per yard,” replied the smirking male clerk. “That’s fine,” replied the girl. “I’ll take ten yards.” With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then held it out teasingly. The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a little old man standing beside her. “Grandpa will pay the bill,” she smiled. “A passionate kiss burns the calories in one potato chip.” -Francis Sheridan Goulart (1989) A one-minute kiss burns twenty-six calories. Kissing: A means of getting two people so close together that they can’t see anything wrong with each other. “A little kiss can make a big difference.” -Author Unknown “Teach not thy lip such scorn, for it was made for kissing, lady, not for such contempt.” -William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616) Bad Dream There was an old man of Peru, Who dreamed he was kissing his shoe. He woke in the night In a terrible fright, And found that it was perfectly true! -Author Unknown “You would think that, if our lips were made of horn, and stuck out a foot or two from our faces, kisses at any rate would be done for. Not so. No creatures kiss each other so much as birds.” -Thomas Buxton (Thomas Fowell Buxton (1786 - 1845)) Philemaphobia, also called philematophobia, is a persistent fear of kissing. Kissing is how you get germs - it’s horribly disgusting - and so gross! Jenny Kissed Me Jenny kiss’d me when we met, Jumping from the chair she sat in; Time, you thief, who loves to get Sweets into your list, put that in! Say I’m weary, say I’m sad, Say that health and wealth have missed me, Say I’m growing old, but add Jenny kiss’d me. -Leigh Hunt (James Henry Leigh Hunt (1784 - 1859)): as published in the “Monthly Chronicle” (November 1838) This is ‘MFOL!’ . . . putting a little bubbly optimism into your day . . .  Andrew: Why could the dinosaur not cross the road?
Andy: Because there were no roads back then. Chance: How can you tell a dinosaur from spaghetti? Chaucer: A dinosaur will not slip off your fork. The word ‘dinosaur’ was coined in 1842 by biologist Richard Owen, who combined the Greek words ‘deinos’ meaning ‘terrible’ and ‘sauros’ meaning ‘lizard.’ Mr. Owen meant ‘terrible lizard’ in reference to the size of the creatures, rather than to any fearsomeness. While dinosaurs are not lizards, both dinosaurs and lizards are members of the group of animals known as reptiles. So, dinosaurs are reptiles. ‘Dinosaur’ can also be used to refer to a person or institution that has not adapted to change, as for example, “Government is a lumbering slumbering bumbling bungling dinosaur when it comes to adopting efficient new methods and recent technologies.” Millie: What do you get if you give a dinosaur a pogo stick to play with? Millicent: Big holes all over your driveway. Grant: I lost my pet dinosaur. Hugh: Have you put an ad in the newspaper? Grant: What good would that do - she can’t read! Unfortunately Dinosaurs lived so long ago they never had a chance to know how many kids would love to get a dinosaur to be their pet! -Bobbi Katz Rusty: What has a spiked tail, plates on its back, and sixteen wheels? Russell: A stegosaurus on roller-skates. Winston: Why are tall dinosaurs good at forecasting the weather? Winifred: Because they are the first to know when it rains. Some dinosaurs may have had colorful skin, but scientists do not know for sure. It is likely that most dinosaurs had green and brown scales to help them hide among trees and plants. Some dinosaurs had feathers, but were flightless. Chuck: Why could the long-necked dinosaur not see where it was going? Charles: Because it had its head in the clouds. Teri: When does a big fearsome dinosaur look like a cute little clown? Theresa: When it wears a cute little clown suit. Dinosaurs Facts - An adult male dinosaur is called a bull. - An adult female dinosaur is called a cow. - Young dinosaurs are called juveniles. - A group of plant-eating dinosaurs is called a herd. - A group of meat-eating dinosaurs is called a pack. - Dinosaurs lived on all of the continents, including Antarctica. - Dinosaurs lived to be about 75 to 300 years of age. - Scientists who study dinosaurs and other animals, as well as plants, through fossils, are called paleontologists. Buster: What do you call a dinosaur hitchhiker? Mack: A ten-and-a-half-ton pickup. Buddy: How do you run over a dinosaur? Holly: Climb up its foreleg, dash along its back, and slide down its tail. Some dinosaurs had tails that were more than 45 feet long. Long tails helped them to keep their balance while running. Ellen: What do you have when dinosaurs crash their cars? Allen: Tyrannosaurus wrecks. Tammy: How do you ask a dinosaur to lunch? Sammy: Say, “Tea, Rex?” Dinosaurs often swallowed large rocks. These rocks stayed in their stomachs and helped them grind up food. Molly: How do dinosaurs pay their bills? Polly: With Tyrannosaurus checks. Trudy: Do you know what the difference is between a piece of candy and a dinosaur bone? Rudy: No. Trudy: Good, then enjoy this dinosaur bone. When some humans first found dinosaur bones, they guessed that the bones must be from dragons or giants, which is how the myths, or fanciful stories, associated with these two types of imaginary creatures began. Additionally, hoaxers and practical jokers would put together the bones from different animals and humans to make fantastical creatures that never existed. So, to create a giant, they would take the very long leg bones from a dinosaur and put them in place of the regular-length leg bones in a human skeleton, and add in some bones from other animals. Next, they would make up a story to go along with it, perhaps about an entire race of giants living in a faraway land across the sea, in some remote mountains, forests, or swamps. Then they would put up a sign offering to allow people to see the ‘giant skeleton’ and regale them with made-up stories about it, for a modest sum of money. The more bones they could dig up from different animals, the better, because they could put them together in all sorts of ways to create all kinds of creatures that do not exist in nature, as for example, flying monkeys and mermaids. However, unlike pretend, mythical, and hoax animals, dinosaurs were once real, living creatures. Rachael: How long should a dinosaur’s legs be? Michael: Long enough to reach the ground. George: What do you get if you cross a dinosaur with a skunk? Martha: The biggest stinker you ever saw. Just as birds and reptiles do now, dinosaurs laid eggs from which baby dinosaurs hatched. Some dinosaurs built nests for their eggs and even fed and protected their babies when they hatched. The largest dinosaur eggs were as large as basketballs. However, the bigger the egg, the thicker the shell, so that if the eggs had been any larger, dinosaur babies possibly would not have been able to break out of the shells. Priscilla: What kind of materials do dinosaurs put on the floors of their houses? Della: Rep tiles. My Family of Dinosaurs My sister, finkasaurus, Is a tattle-telling shrew. My brother, slobasaurus, Doesn’t quite know how to chew. My mother, rushasaurus, Finds it hard to be on time. My father, cheapasaurus, Never spends an extra dime. Our doggy, barkasaurus, Keeps the neighbors up at night. Our kitty, scratchasaurus, Gouges everything in sight. And then there’s angelsaurus - Who, you might have guessed, is me - The only one who’s perfect In this crazy family. -Helen Ksypka Megan: How can you tell if a dinosaur is an herbivore or a carnivore? Melvin: Lie down on a plate. Most meat-eating dinosaurs had bones filled with air. Though their bones were huge, they were not as heavy as they looked. Birds have the same kind of hollow bones. Matthew: What would you get if you crossed a hungry dinosaur and a herd of 100 cattle? Matilda: A dinosaur that is no longer hungry. While dinosaurs are often thought of as having been huge beasts, many dinosaurs were smaller than modern humans. Scientists believe that larger dinosaurs, with their larger bones, were more likely to be preserved as fossils, while smaller dinosaurs, with their smaller bones, were more likely to be destroyed through natural processes, such as being washed away by rain, broken up and dissolved into the surrounding soil, or carried away and broken into pieces by animals that like to chew on bones. Angie: Which dinosaur had the biggest vocabulary? Angelica: Was it the thesaurus? Dinosaurs lived during a period of Earth’s history called the Mesozoic Era, meaning ‘middle life’ and also referred to as the ‘Age of the Dinosaurs,’ which stretched from the Triassic period 230 million years ago, through the Jurassic period, and up until the end of the Cretaceous period about 65 million years ago, when a mass extinction occurred. Dinosaurs existed for about 165 million years. By comparison, humans have been around for only 2 million years, and modern humans just 130,000 years. Bob: How did you break your foot? Fred: Did you see the Stegosaurus walk past? Bob: Yes. Fred: Well . . . I did not! The largest dinosaurs, such as the Brachiosaurus and Apatosaurus and Triceratops, were herbivores, or animals that eat plants. Plant-eating dinosaurs had eyes looking out to each side of their heads, so they could watch for danger while they ate. To help them fight off carnivores including the Allosaurus and the Spinosaurus and the Tyrannosaurus Rex, many herbivores had natural defenses, such as the spikes on the tail of the Stegosaurus and the three horns attached to the front of the Triceratops’s bony-plate head shield. Herbivorous dinosaurs tended to have blunt, meaning not sharp, hooves or toenails. Most plant eaters walked on four feet to carry their heavy bodies better. Some plant eaters could balance on their two back feet for a short time, enabling them to reach the tender shoots of the new growth at the tops of tall plants. Merry: Where do dinosaurs put bandages? Mary: On their Dino-sores. Meat-eating, or carnivorous, dinosaurs are known as theropods, which means ‘beast-footed,’ because they had sharp, hooked claws on their toes. Most meat eaters walked on two feet. This made them faster and left their ‘hands’ free to grab their prey. Chester: Why did carnivorous dinosaurs eat raw meat and herbivorous dinosaurs eat raw plants? Lester: Because they did not know how to cook. Leonard: What do you get when you cross a dinosaur with a lemon? Lenny: A dino-sour. (If your answer was a sour-saurus, that would also be correct). Tyrannosaurus Rexes (Kings of the Dinosaurs) lived about sixty-five million years ago in what is now western North America. T-Rexes were the largest carnivores (meat-eaters) in their habitat, often measuring 13 meters (43 feet) in length and 4 meters (13 feet) in height. The biggest Rex tooth found is about 30 centimeters (12 inches) long. Yet Tyrannosaurus Rexes had more than 98 percent of their DNA in common with modern barnyard chickens, so even with their reputation for being fierce predators, they were really just big chickens. Chet: What do you call one hundred dancing dinosaurs? Chip: An earthquake? Plant-eating dinosaurs often lived together for protection, as herding animals today do. The herds ranged from just a few adults and their young to thousands of animals. Christopher: What is in the middle of a herd of dinosaurs? Christine: The letter ‘s.’ Cal: What do you get if you tell a joke about a 26-ton dinosaur? Kel: Big laughs? Cal: Right! What do you get if you tell a joke about a 78-ton dinosaur? Kel: Bigger laughs? Cal: Right! And what do you get if you tell a joke about a 248-ton dinosaur? Kel: Even bigger laughs? Cal: Nope! They don’t come in that size. Tim: Why did the dinosaurs go extinct? Mat: Because they would not take baths! Evidence suggests that a massive meteorite (space rock) hit the Yucatan Peninsula in Mexico 65 million years ago. The resulting crater was 180 kilometers (112 miles) wide and was caused by an object 9.7 kilometers (6 miles) in diameter. It would have hit Earth’s crust with immense force, sending shockwaves around the world. Large amounts of debris would have been sent flying up into the atmosphere, which would have blocked out sunlight and significantly changed the Earth’s temperature and air. Earth tremors caused by the impact would have displaced large amount of water, causing widespread flooding. All large land animals that were out in the open would have died, including dinosaurs on land and large sea creatures swimming just beneath the water’s surface. Only small animals that could take shelter in burrows in the ground, caves, rock crevices, and deep underwater, would have lived. Some birds, crocodiles, fishes, insects, lizards, snakes, spiders, and turtles would have survived. They would have been witness to perhaps the most horrific event in Earth’s history. Victoria: Why was the dinosaur afraid to go back to the library? Vicky: Her books were sixty million years overdue. Brontosaurus The giant brontosaurus Was a prehistoric chap With four fat feet to stand on And a very skimpy lap. The scientists assure us Of a most amazing thing - A brontosaurus blossomed When he had a chance to sing! (The bigger brontosauruses, Who like to sing in choruses, Would close their eyes and harmonize And sing most anything.) The growled and they yowled, They deedled and they dummed; They warbled and they whistled, They howled and they hummed. They didn’t eat, they didn’t sleep; They sang and sang all day. Now all you’ll find are footprints Where they tapped the time away! -Gail Kredenser Harrold: What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up? Harry: A Try-try-try-ceratops! Rick: What do you say when you want your dinosaur to move faster? Richard: “Pronto, saurus!” Can humans outrun dinosaurs? Humans have a top average speed over short distances of just slightly more than 32 kilometers (20 miles) an hour. The fastest dinosaur, the Ornithomimus, is estimated to have been able to run up to 64 kilometers (40 miles) an hour. However, the big cats called cheetahs are the fasted known animals ever to exist on Earth, capable of accelerating from 0 to 70 kilometers (0 to 43.5 miles) an hour in 3 seconds. If you ever see a human professional athlete, an average dinosaur, and a typical cheetah on a racetrack running a race, both the dinosaur and the cheetah might look back at the human and holler, “Try to keep up, slow-poke!” Jake: What do you call a tyrannosaurus that talks and talks and talks? Jacob: A dino-bore! Eric: If three dinosaurs are a crowd, what are four and five? Erica: Nine. Despite being long extinct, dinosaurs are frequently featured in entertainment. One example of this is Michael Crichton’s 1990 book “Jurassic Park.” Made into a movie in 1993, the story features cloned dinosaurs brought to life with the help of DNA (genetic material) found in mosquitoes that had been trapped in amber. Jessie: Which dinosaurs were the best policemen? Jessica: Triceracops! Patrick: What did the Tyrannosaurus Rex do after lifting weights at the gym? Patricia: I am sure it rested because it was probably very dino-sore! Many scientists believe that dinosaurs are extinct, meaning that no living dinosaurs exist today. However, some scientists believe that birds are descended from theropod dinosaurs, and therefore, dinosaurs are not really extinct. As an unknown author said, “Dinosaurs aren’t extinct. They’ve just learned to hide in the trees.” Just maybe . . . birds could be . . . dinosaurs?! Herman: What makes more noise than a dinosaur? Sherman: Ten dinosaurs! Thud, thud, thud, thud . . . do you hear those huge dinosaurs coming this way? They will be expecting us to tell them some dinosaur jokes - do you know any? Email your jokes to MakeFunOfLife@mail.com and we will get them out to the waiting dinosaurs lickety-split!  “You can do with a ‘can do’ attitude!” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born 1966) “You have to believe that the best will happen.” -Lacy Richardson “Just because you can’t be a shining star is no reason you have to be a dark cloud.” -Author Unknown “Clear your mind of can’t.” -Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784) “A great attitude precedes a great performance.” -Author Unknown A Bad Attitude A boy who was terribly rude Found his trouble: a bad attitude. He pulled thorns from its side, Smoothed its raw, ruffled hide, Cut its claws, and his life was renewed. -Author Unknown “Change your attitude and change your life.” -Ann Bench “Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.” -Winston Churchill (Winston Leonard Spencer-Churchill (1874 - 1965)) “The world always looks better from behind a smile.” -Author Unknown ________________________________________________________ Formula for Living Successfully (It is easier than you might think!) Assign each letter of the alphabet a number. A = 1, B = 2, C = 3, and so forth all the way to Z = 26. Next, we formulate equations as follows. H+A+R+D+W+O+R+K = 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%. K+N+O+W+L+E+D+G+E = 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%. L+U+C+K = 12+21+3+11 = 47%. You will notice that none of the above add up to 100%. So, what does make 100%? Is it BEING PERFECT? No! Is it EDUCATION? No! Is it FATE? No! Is it GENETICS? No! Is it MONEY? No! Is it OTHER PEOPLE? No! Our ‘ATTITUDE’ in life is what makes for success, as in A+T+T+I+T+U+D+E = 1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%. To refresh, ‘Attitude matters 100% in life.’ Now wasn’t that fun? Every problem or condition has a solution, only if we are willing to change our ‘ATTITUDE.’ ________________________________________________________ “The most significant change in a person’s life is a change of attitude. Right attitudes produce right actions.” -William J. Johnson “Stay flexible - flexible people don’t get bent out of shape.” -Author Unknown “A bad attitude is like a flat tire; you can’t go anywhere without changing it.” -Author Unknown “Your attitude is contagious - is yours worth catching?” -Author Unknown  “In one minute you can change your attitude and in that minute you can change your entire day.” -Spencer Johnson “A propensity to hope and joy is real riches; one to fear and sorrow, real poverty.” -David Hume (1711 - 1776): “Essays Moral, Political, and Literary” (1875), volume 1, ‘The Sceptic’ (about 1750) essay “We tend to live up to our expectations.” -Earl Nightingale (1921 - 1989) “A Great Attitude becomes a great day which becomes a great month which becomes a great year which becomes a great life.” -Mandy Hale “An entire sea of water can’t sink a ship unless it gets inside the ship. Similarly, the negativity of the world can’t put you down unless you allow it to get inside you.” -Author Unknown “Your attitude is an outward expression of an inward feeling.” -Author Unknown “A man sees in the world what he carries in his heart.” -Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832)): “Faust” (1808) “Ask yourself a question - is my attitude worth catching?” -Zig Ziglar (Hilary Hinton ‘Zig’ Ziglar (1926 - 2012)) “Refuse to criticize, condemn, or complain. Instead, think and talk only about the things you really want.” -Brian Tracy (born 1944) “Any fact facing us is not as important as our attitude toward it, for that determines our success or failure. The way you think about a fact may defeat you before you ever do anything about it. You are overcome by the fact because you think you are.” -Norman Vincent Peale (1898 - 1993) “Be someone who finds something good in each day - then shares it with others.” -Author Unknown “Weakness of attitude becomes weakness of character.” -Albert Einstein “The person who says something is impossible should not interrupt the person who is doing it.” -Author Unknown “Train your mind to see something good in everything.” -Author Unknown Two men look out through the same bars: One sees the mud, and one the stars. -Fredrick Langbridge (1849 - 1923) “Positive attitudes create a chain reaction of positive thoughts.” -Author Unknown “The predominant thought or the mental attitude is the magnet, and the law is that like attracts like. Consequently, the mental attitude will invariably attract such conditions as to correspond to its nature.” -Charles Haanel “Surely the world we live in is but the world that lives in us.” -Daisy Bates “A bad attitude is merely a reflection of how you feel about yourself.” -David Roppo “Declarations are powerful. If you declare that you are going to be an optimistic, upbeat person at all times, an interesting phenomenon takes place. When people expect you to be positive, you don’t want to let them down. You live your intentions every day - every minute.” -Neil Eskelin “What is important to you is not so much the circumstances of your life as your attitude toward them.” -Ernest C. Wilson “The world is a looking-glass and gives back to every man the reflection of his own face. Frown at it and it will in turn look sourly upon you; laugh at it and with it, and it is a jolly, kind companion.” -William Makepeace Thackeray  “If you have a positive attitude and constantly strive to give your best effort, eventually you will overcome your immediate problems and find you are ready for greater challenges.” -Pat Riley “There is nothing so easy but that it becomes difficult when you do it reluctantly.” -Terence (Publius Terentius Afer (185 B.C.E. - 159 B.C.E.)) “Everything can be taken away from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms - to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” -Viktor Frankl (Viktor E. Frankl (1905 - 1997) “Every year of my life I grow more convinced that it is wisest and best to fix our attention on the beautiful and the good, and dwell as little as possible on the evil and the false.” -Richard Cecil “Look at everything as though you were seeing it either for the first time or the last time. Then your time on Earth will be filled with glory.” -Betty Smith (1896 - 1972): “A Tree Grows in Brooklyn” (1943) “We attract what we habitually expect; we become what we deeply believe.” -William Arthur Ward (1921 - 1994) “This is the precept by which I have lived: Prepare for the worst; expect the best; and take what comes.” -Hannah Arendt (Johanna ‘Hannah’ Arendt (1906 - 1975)) “It is the nature of man to rise to greatness if greatness is expected of him.” -John Steinbeck (1902 - 1968) “Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting a bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian.” -Dennis Wholey “Too many people miss the silver lining because they’re expecting gold.” -Maurice Setter “There are in life as many aspects as attitudes towards it; and aspects change with attitudes . . . Could we change our attitude, we should not only see life differently, but life itself would come to be different. Life would undergo a change of appearance because we ourselves had undergone a change in attitude.” -Katherine Mansfield (1888 - 1923) “The word ‘lose’ simply stands for Lack Of Success Expectancy.” -Doug Firebaugh “Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on Earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude.” -Thomas Jefferson (1743 - 1826) “Attitude, more than aptitude, will determine your altitude in life.” -Zig Ziglar (Hilary Hinton ‘Zig’ Ziglar (1926 - 2012)) “Be thine own palace, or the world’s thy jail.” -John Donne (1572 - 1631) “Attitude is greatly shaped by influence and association.” -Jim Rohn (Emanuel James ‘Jim’ Rohn (1930 - 2009)) “There is little difference in people, but that little difference makes a big difference. The little difference is attitude. The big difference is whether it is positive or negative.” -W. Clement Stone (William Clement Stone (1902 - 2002)) “It’s so hard when I have to, and so easy when I want to.” -Annie Gottlier “‘You become what you think about’ is the foundation of your actions and reactions. What are your thoughts? Positive all the time? How are you guiding them?” -Jeffrey Gitomer “Our attitude toward life determines life’s attitude towards us.” -Earl Nightingale (1921 - 1989) “The greatest discovery of my generation is that human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitudes of mind.” -William James (1842 - 1910): as attributed in Norman Vincent Peale: “The Power of Positive Thinking” (1952) “It is our attitude at the beginning of a difficult task which, more than anything else, will affect its successful outcome.” -William James (1842 - 1910) “The quality of our expectations determines the quality of our actions.” -André Godin “We don’t see things as they are, but as we are ourselves.” -Henry M. Tomlinson (1873 - 1958): “Out of Soundings” (1931), chapter 10 “Take charge of your attitude. Don’t let someone choose it for you.” -Author Unknown “It’s all in the way you look at things.” -Norton Juster “For success, attitude is equally as important as ability.” -Harry F. Banks “A little bird is content with a little nest.” -Thomas Draxe (unknown - 1618) “A healthy attitude is contagious but don’t wait to catch it from others. Be a carrier.” -Author Unknown “A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.” -Herm Albright (1876 - 1944): as attributed in “Reader’s Digest” (1995) “The world can change in an instant. So can the way you choose to see it. Why not choose to see the good in yourself and others?” -Bob Perks “Your attitude is either the lock on, or the key to the door of success.” -Denis Waitley  “Live up to the highest you know in all things.” -Mildred Mann (1904 - 1971)
“Your mental attitude is something you can control outright and you must use self-discipline until you create a positive mental attitude - your mental attitude attracts to you everything that makes you what you are.” -Napoleon Hill (1883 - 1970) “What we see depends mainly on what we look for.” -John Lubbock (1834 - 1913) “The most unknown, unused and unrecognized tool of the human mind, is the recognition that attitude is always a choice.” -Mark Horton “Ability is what you’re capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it.” -Lou Holtz (Louis Leo ‘Lou’ Holtz (born 1937)) “A great attitude does much more than turn on the lights in our worlds; it seems to magically connect us to all sorts of serendipitous opportunities that were somehow absent before we changed.” -Earl Nightingale (1921 - 1989) This is ‘MFOL!’ . . . it’s a whole new ‘fun’ attitude . . . |
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