“Whenever you buy something from a small local business, an actual person does a little happy dance.” -Author Unknown
“I don’t play sports. The only strenuous activity I do is shopping. But there’s a lot of walking involved in that - running sometimes, if there’s a sale.” -Author Unknown
“About eighty percent of the food on shelves of supermarkets today didn’t exist 100 years ago.” -Larry McCleary
To Market
To market, to market,
To buy a fat pig,
Home again, home again,
Jiggety jig,
To market, to market,
To buy a fat hog,
Home again, home again,
Jiggety jog,
To market, to market,
To buy a plum bun,
Home again, home again,
Market is done.
by Author Unknown
“I bet deep down you still wish your mom would take you clothes shopping every August for the new school year.” -Bridget Willard
“The woman just ahead of you at the supermarket checkout has all the delectable groceries you didn’t even know they carried.” -Mignon McLaughlin
A store manager overheard a clerk saying to a customer, “No, ma’am, we haven’t had any for some weeks now, and it doesn’t look as if we’ll be getting any soon.” Alarmed by what was being said, the manager rushed over to the customer who was walking out the door and said, “That isn’t true, ma’am. Of course, we’ll have some soon. In fact, we placed an order for it a couple of weeks ago.” Then the manager drew the clerk aside and growled, “Never, never, never, never say we don’t have something. If we don’t have it, say we ordered it and it’s on its way. Now, what was it she wanted?” “Rain.”
“I’ve been shopping all my life and still have nothing to wear!” -Sally Poplin
“I always make a list before I go to the grocery store. Sometimes I even remember to bring it with me.” -Author Unknown
“Grocery list (grow•sree list), noun: What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.” -Author Unknown
“The best things in life are free. The second-best are very expensive.” -Coco Chanel
“When the checker at the supermarket asked my uncle if he would like the milk in a bag, my uncle replied, ‘No, just leave it in the carton.’” -Author Unknown
“Self-Checkout Line - The place where customers of an establishment become unpaid employees of the establishment.” -Richard E. Turner (1937 - 2011): “The Curmudgeon’s Short Dictionary of Modern Phrases” (about 2009), ‘The Grammar Curmudgeon, a.k.a. ‘The Mudge’’
Overheard: Today I went to the corner shop - and bought four corners.
“Everything is worth what its purchaser will pay for it.” -Publilius Syrus (85 B.C.E. - 43 B.C.E.): as attributed in Darius Lyman: “The Moral Sayings of Publius Syrus, a Roman Slave: from the Latin” (1856): “Sententiae,” Maxim 847
Overheard: The food at the convenience store in my neighborhood is so old that the expiration dates are in Roman numerals.
“When you go out to buy, don’t show your silver.” -Author Unknown
Grocery Store Bagger, speaking to Customer: Paper or plastic?
Customer: Surprise me!
“The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.” -Erma Bombeck (Erma Louise Bombeck (born Erma Louise Fiste (1927 - 1996)))
“I went into a general store. They wouldn’t let me buy anything specifically.” -Steven Wright (Steven Alexander Wright (born 1955))
“I don’t play sports. The only strenuous activity I do is shopping. But there’s a lot of walking involved in that - running sometimes, if there’s a sale.” -Author Unknown
“About eighty percent of the food on shelves of supermarkets today didn’t exist 100 years ago.” -Larry McCleary
To Market
To market, to market,
To buy a fat pig,
Home again, home again,
Jiggety jig,
To market, to market,
To buy a fat hog,
Home again, home again,
Jiggety jog,
To market, to market,
To buy a plum bun,
Home again, home again,
Market is done.
by Author Unknown
“I bet deep down you still wish your mom would take you clothes shopping every August for the new school year.” -Bridget Willard
“The woman just ahead of you at the supermarket checkout has all the delectable groceries you didn’t even know they carried.” -Mignon McLaughlin
A store manager overheard a clerk saying to a customer, “No, ma’am, we haven’t had any for some weeks now, and it doesn’t look as if we’ll be getting any soon.” Alarmed by what was being said, the manager rushed over to the customer who was walking out the door and said, “That isn’t true, ma’am. Of course, we’ll have some soon. In fact, we placed an order for it a couple of weeks ago.” Then the manager drew the clerk aside and growled, “Never, never, never, never say we don’t have something. If we don’t have it, say we ordered it and it’s on its way. Now, what was it she wanted?” “Rain.”
“I’ve been shopping all my life and still have nothing to wear!” -Sally Poplin
“I always make a list before I go to the grocery store. Sometimes I even remember to bring it with me.” -Author Unknown
“Grocery list (grow•sree list), noun: What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.” -Author Unknown
“The best things in life are free. The second-best are very expensive.” -Coco Chanel
“When the checker at the supermarket asked my uncle if he would like the milk in a bag, my uncle replied, ‘No, just leave it in the carton.’” -Author Unknown
“Self-Checkout Line - The place where customers of an establishment become unpaid employees of the establishment.” -Richard E. Turner (1937 - 2011): “The Curmudgeon’s Short Dictionary of Modern Phrases” (about 2009), ‘The Grammar Curmudgeon, a.k.a. ‘The Mudge’’
Overheard: Today I went to the corner shop - and bought four corners.
“Everything is worth what its purchaser will pay for it.” -Publilius Syrus (85 B.C.E. - 43 B.C.E.): as attributed in Darius Lyman: “The Moral Sayings of Publius Syrus, a Roman Slave: from the Latin” (1856): “Sententiae,” Maxim 847
Overheard: The food at the convenience store in my neighborhood is so old that the expiration dates are in Roman numerals.
“When you go out to buy, don’t show your silver.” -Author Unknown
Grocery Store Bagger, speaking to Customer: Paper or plastic?
Customer: Surprise me!
“The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.” -Erma Bombeck (Erma Louise Bombeck (born Erma Louise Fiste (1927 - 1996)))
“I went into a general store. They wouldn’t let me buy anything specifically.” -Steven Wright (Steven Alexander Wright (born 1955))
Dolly: What do you get when alien teenagers invade shopping malls on Earth?
Molly: Clothes encounters of the weird kind.
“If it’s good, they’ll stop making it.” -Herbert Block
Two men were lost in the desert. They were desperate for water, but just as they thought there was no hope, they chanced upon a village where market day was in full swing. They went to the first market stall they saw, and asked if they could buy some water. “No,” replied the stall owner, “I only sell fruit. Try the next stall.” So off they went to the next stall and again they asked for water. “Sorry,” said the merchant, “but I only sell custard.” “Custard?” one of the men said to the other, “What kind of place is this?” By then completely desperate, they went to the next stall, only to be told, “Sorry, but I only sell jelly.” Hearing this, one of the thirsty men turned to the other and asked, “Do you think this is a trifle bazaar?”
Overheard: Whenever I am at the market, I always seem to get the shopping cart with the one bad wheel.
Rule 1: The customer is always right.
Rule 2: If the customer is ever wrong, reread rule 1.
-Stew Leonard: policy of Stew Leonard’s dairy stores.
“When I was in the supermarket I saw a man and a woman wrapped in a barcode. I asked, ‘Are you two an item?’” -Author Unknown
So a guy walked into an antiques store and asked, “What’s new?”
“Three women and a goose make a market.” -Author Unknown
“I’m obsessed with shopping. I’ll get these urges to buy, like to shop for stuff on the internet. I search for all kinds of weird gizmos I could get.” -Tom Felton
Customer to bookstore owner: “I would like to return this book on modern medical procedures.”
Owner: “Is something wrong with it?”
Customer: “Someone removed the appendix.”
“Ill ware is never cheape.” -Author Unknown: as quoted in George Herbert (1593 - 1633): “Jacula Prudentum; or Outlandish Proverbs, Sentences, &c. Selected by Mr. George Herbert” (1651), proverb 61
The manager of a grocery store nabbed a shoplifter in the act. He was escorting the suspect to the office in the front of the store near the cash registers, when the shoplifter broke from his grip and tried to run away. After a scuffle, the store manager pinned him against the wall and looked up to see a number of surprised customers staring at him. “Everything’s fine, folks,” he reassured them. “This guy just tried to go through the express line with more than ten items.”
Sign at a farmer’s market: Please Do Not Put All Of Your Eggs In One Basket.
“Don’t a fellow feel good after he gets out of a store where he nearly bought something.” -Frank McKinney Hubbard (Frank McKinney ‘Kin’ Hubbard (1868 - 1930))
Question: What is the most expensive vehicle to operate?
Answer: A shopping cart.
Shopper: Someone who goes buy-buy.
Overheard: Once you’ve seen one shopping center, you’ve seen a mall.
Customer: Have you anything for gray hair?
Clerk: Nothing but the greatest respect.
The first product to have a UPC bar code on its packaging was Wrigley’s gum.
“Pleasing ware is halfe sould.” -Author Unknown: as quoted in George Herbert (1593 - 1633): “Jacula Prudentum; or Outlandish Proverbs, Sentences, &c. Selected by Mr. George Herbert” (1651), number 14
A small storeowner was being pressured to sell his store to the owners of a large department store, who had bought every building on the block, except his. Frustrated by the man’s refusal to sell, they eventually opened their huge store on either side of the small one, with a big banner running from one side to the other, proclaiming in huge letters “Grand Opening.” Below it, across the front of his small store, the man put up a small banner over his door: “Main Entrance.”
Storeroom: The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts cannot easily reach everything.
Rumor has it that the best time to buy a new car is at the end of the month, because the sales people want their monthly reports to look good.
Huan: What are cashiers in China called?
Lok: Chinese checkers.
“Cheap things are not good; good things are not cheap.” -Author Unknown
The proprietor of a highly successful optical shop was instructing his son on how to charge a customer. “Son,” he said, “after you have fitted the glasses, and the customer asks what the charge will be, you say,” ‘The charge is 98 dollars.’ Then you pause and wait to see if he flinches. If the customer doesn’t flinch, you then say, “For the frames. The lenses will be another 98 dollars.” Then you pause again, this time only slightly, and watch for the flinch. If he doesn’t flinch this time, you say firmly, “Each.”
“Shopping: Retail therapy.” -Joe Heuer
“A bargain is something you don’t need at a price you can’t resist.” -Franklin P. Jones (Franklin Pierce Jones (1908 - 1980))
Sales Clerk to Customer: “This is an actual fire sale. The boss said that if I do not make a sale today, I am fired.”
Overheard: Aspirin, 300 for $2.87 - at that price, I can’t afford not to have a headache!
“Gift Shop: A place where you can see all of the things that you hope your relatives will not send to you for Christmas.” -Author Unknown
“Supermarket entrance: Say hello to good buys.” -Frank Tyger (1929 - 2011)
“I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, “Hey, the sign says you’re open 24 hours.” He said, ‘Yes, but not in a row.’” -Steven Wright (Steven Alexander Wright (born 1955))
“There is hardly anything in the world that some man can’t make a little worse and sell a little cheaper, and the people who consider price only are this man’s lawful prey.” -John Ruskin (1819 - 1900)
“The other line moves faster.” -Etorre
“I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.” -Tommy Cooper
“Is there ever a day when mattresses are not on sale?” -Author Unknown
Who buys,
Had need of an hundred Eyes;
But one’s enough,
For him that sells the Stuff.
-Thomas Fuller (1654 - 1734): “Gnomologia” (1732), number 6129
“A man without a smiling face must not open a shop.” -Author Unknown
“Let the buyer beware.” -John Fitzherbert: “A Book of Husbandry” (1523)
Shopping Tip: Do not shop when you are hungry. Shop after eating something, otherwise you will be tempted to buy everything that looks good and is edible in the store, including things you normally would not buy, things that you should not buy, and things that can ruin your diet and your budget.
“He is never likely to have a good thing cheap who is afraid to ask the price.” -Author Unknown
“We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.” -Henny Youngman (Henry ‘Henny’ Youngman (1906 - 1998))
“People will buy anything that’s one to a customer.” -Sinclair Lewis (1885 - 1951)
“Buying something on sale is a special feeling. In fact, the less I pay for something, the more it’s worth to me. I have a dress that I paid so little for that I am afraid to wear it. I could spill something on it and then how would I replace it for that amount of money?” -Rita Rudner
“Right or wrong, the customer is always right.” -Marshall Field
This is MFOL! . . . your one-stop shop for humor and inspiration and learning . . .
Molly: Clothes encounters of the weird kind.
“If it’s good, they’ll stop making it.” -Herbert Block
Two men were lost in the desert. They were desperate for water, but just as they thought there was no hope, they chanced upon a village where market day was in full swing. They went to the first market stall they saw, and asked if they could buy some water. “No,” replied the stall owner, “I only sell fruit. Try the next stall.” So off they went to the next stall and again they asked for water. “Sorry,” said the merchant, “but I only sell custard.” “Custard?” one of the men said to the other, “What kind of place is this?” By then completely desperate, they went to the next stall, only to be told, “Sorry, but I only sell jelly.” Hearing this, one of the thirsty men turned to the other and asked, “Do you think this is a trifle bazaar?”
Overheard: Whenever I am at the market, I always seem to get the shopping cart with the one bad wheel.
Rule 1: The customer is always right.
Rule 2: If the customer is ever wrong, reread rule 1.
-Stew Leonard: policy of Stew Leonard’s dairy stores.
“When I was in the supermarket I saw a man and a woman wrapped in a barcode. I asked, ‘Are you two an item?’” -Author Unknown
So a guy walked into an antiques store and asked, “What’s new?”
“Three women and a goose make a market.” -Author Unknown
“I’m obsessed with shopping. I’ll get these urges to buy, like to shop for stuff on the internet. I search for all kinds of weird gizmos I could get.” -Tom Felton
Customer to bookstore owner: “I would like to return this book on modern medical procedures.”
Owner: “Is something wrong with it?”
Customer: “Someone removed the appendix.”
“Ill ware is never cheape.” -Author Unknown: as quoted in George Herbert (1593 - 1633): “Jacula Prudentum; or Outlandish Proverbs, Sentences, &c. Selected by Mr. George Herbert” (1651), proverb 61
The manager of a grocery store nabbed a shoplifter in the act. He was escorting the suspect to the office in the front of the store near the cash registers, when the shoplifter broke from his grip and tried to run away. After a scuffle, the store manager pinned him against the wall and looked up to see a number of surprised customers staring at him. “Everything’s fine, folks,” he reassured them. “This guy just tried to go through the express line with more than ten items.”
Sign at a farmer’s market: Please Do Not Put All Of Your Eggs In One Basket.
“Don’t a fellow feel good after he gets out of a store where he nearly bought something.” -Frank McKinney Hubbard (Frank McKinney ‘Kin’ Hubbard (1868 - 1930))
Question: What is the most expensive vehicle to operate?
Answer: A shopping cart.
Shopper: Someone who goes buy-buy.
Overheard: Once you’ve seen one shopping center, you’ve seen a mall.
Customer: Have you anything for gray hair?
Clerk: Nothing but the greatest respect.
The first product to have a UPC bar code on its packaging was Wrigley’s gum.
“Pleasing ware is halfe sould.” -Author Unknown: as quoted in George Herbert (1593 - 1633): “Jacula Prudentum; or Outlandish Proverbs, Sentences, &c. Selected by Mr. George Herbert” (1651), number 14
A small storeowner was being pressured to sell his store to the owners of a large department store, who had bought every building on the block, except his. Frustrated by the man’s refusal to sell, they eventually opened their huge store on either side of the small one, with a big banner running from one side to the other, proclaiming in huge letters “Grand Opening.” Below it, across the front of his small store, the man put up a small banner over his door: “Main Entrance.”
Storeroom: The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts cannot easily reach everything.
Rumor has it that the best time to buy a new car is at the end of the month, because the sales people want their monthly reports to look good.
Huan: What are cashiers in China called?
Lok: Chinese checkers.
“Cheap things are not good; good things are not cheap.” -Author Unknown
The proprietor of a highly successful optical shop was instructing his son on how to charge a customer. “Son,” he said, “after you have fitted the glasses, and the customer asks what the charge will be, you say,” ‘The charge is 98 dollars.’ Then you pause and wait to see if he flinches. If the customer doesn’t flinch, you then say, “For the frames. The lenses will be another 98 dollars.” Then you pause again, this time only slightly, and watch for the flinch. If he doesn’t flinch this time, you say firmly, “Each.”
“Shopping: Retail therapy.” -Joe Heuer
“A bargain is something you don’t need at a price you can’t resist.” -Franklin P. Jones (Franklin Pierce Jones (1908 - 1980))
Sales Clerk to Customer: “This is an actual fire sale. The boss said that if I do not make a sale today, I am fired.”
Overheard: Aspirin, 300 for $2.87 - at that price, I can’t afford not to have a headache!
“Gift Shop: A place where you can see all of the things that you hope your relatives will not send to you for Christmas.” -Author Unknown
“Supermarket entrance: Say hello to good buys.” -Frank Tyger (1929 - 2011)
“I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, “Hey, the sign says you’re open 24 hours.” He said, ‘Yes, but not in a row.’” -Steven Wright (Steven Alexander Wright (born 1955))
“There is hardly anything in the world that some man can’t make a little worse and sell a little cheaper, and the people who consider price only are this man’s lawful prey.” -John Ruskin (1819 - 1900)
“The other line moves faster.” -Etorre
“I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.” -Tommy Cooper
“Is there ever a day when mattresses are not on sale?” -Author Unknown
Who buys,
Had need of an hundred Eyes;
But one’s enough,
For him that sells the Stuff.
-Thomas Fuller (1654 - 1734): “Gnomologia” (1732), number 6129
“A man without a smiling face must not open a shop.” -Author Unknown
“Let the buyer beware.” -John Fitzherbert: “A Book of Husbandry” (1523)
Shopping Tip: Do not shop when you are hungry. Shop after eating something, otherwise you will be tempted to buy everything that looks good and is edible in the store, including things you normally would not buy, things that you should not buy, and things that can ruin your diet and your budget.
“He is never likely to have a good thing cheap who is afraid to ask the price.” -Author Unknown
“We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.” -Henny Youngman (Henry ‘Henny’ Youngman (1906 - 1998))
“People will buy anything that’s one to a customer.” -Sinclair Lewis (1885 - 1951)
“Buying something on sale is a special feeling. In fact, the less I pay for something, the more it’s worth to me. I have a dress that I paid so little for that I am afraid to wear it. I could spill something on it and then how would I replace it for that amount of money?” -Rita Rudner
“Right or wrong, the customer is always right.” -Marshall Field
This is MFOL! . . . your one-stop shop for humor and inspiration and learning . . .
