Laundry

Hip-hip-hooray . . . for laundry day!
 
Joshua: What did the washer say to the dryer?
Samuel: “Let’s go for a spin!”
 
Never Judge Your Neighbor’s Laundry Skills . . . A young couple moved into a new neighborhood. The next morning while they were eating breakfast, the young woman saw her neighbor hanging laundry outside. “That laundry is not very clean,” she said. “She doesn’t know how to wash. Perhaps she needs better laundry soap.” Her husband looked on but remained silent. Every time her neighbor would hang her laundry to dry, the young woman would make the same comments. About one month later, the woman was surprised to see a nice clean wash on the line and said to her husband, “Look, she has learned how to wash. I wonder how that happened?” The husband said, “I got up early this morning and cleaned our windows.”
 
I·ro·ny (ꞌī-rǝ-nē), noun: the opposite of wrinkly.
 
Jenny: What happened when the leopard went to the laundromat?
Jimmy: He came out spotless.
 
“You might think that your clothes are happiest when you are wearing them. But your clothes’ best memories are likely to be of going for a spin in the washing machine and then the clothes dryer, enjoying some leisurely time relaxing in your dresser drawers, or just hanging around with the other clothes in your closet.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)
 
Considering all the lint in the dryer, if we keep drying our clothes, could they eventually just disappear?
 
Linus: What is big, gray, and hard to spot?
Lynette: A stain-resistant elephant.
 
“Give me a laundry list and I’ll set it to music.” -Giocchino Rossini (Gioacchini Antonio Rossini (1792 - 1868))

“Wouldn’t it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes and come out wrinkle-free and two sizes smaller?” -Author Unknown
 
Always Read the Label . . . One day, a teenager decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to his mother, “What setting do I use on the washing machine?” “It depends,” she replied. “What does it say on your shirt?” He yelled back, “Greendale High School.”
 
The most common invention of the 19th century was the washing machine. Between 1804 and 1873, at least 1,676 patents were issued by the United States Patent Office for various forms of the device.

They that Wash
 
They that wash on Monday
     Have all the week to dry;
They that wash on Tuesday
     Are not so much awry;
They that wash on Wednesday
     Are not so much to blame;
They that wash on Thursday
     Wash for shame;
They that wash on Friday
     Wash in need;
They that wash on Saturday
     Have lots of clothes indeed.
 
by Author Unknown
 
Laddie What did one sock say to the other sock in the clothes dryer?
Lassie: I’ll see you the next time around!
 
“Our laundry has just sent back some buttons with no shirt on them.” -Author Unknown
 
Maude: What should never be aired in public?
Blanche: Dirty laundry.
 
Historic moments in laundry: In 1949, the first unattended, 24-hour self-service laundromat ever in the United States of America was opened by Nelson Puett on North Loop in Austin, Texas.

Clothes dried outside on clotheslines smell better because of a process called ‘photolysis’ in which sunlight breaks down compounds that cause odor.
 
Hamper: A container with a lid, usually surrounded by, but not containing, dirty clothes.
 
Missy: What happened when the wolf went to the laundromat?
Misty: He became a wash and werewolf.
 
The Basic Rules for Clotheslines
- Wash the clothes lines before hanging any clothes - walk the entire lengths of each line with a damp cloth around the lines.
- Hang the clothes in the right order, following the instinctual method implanted in your brain.
- Never hang a shirt by the shoulders, always by the tail. Otherwise, what would the neighbors think?
- Wash day is Monday. Never hang clothes on the Weekend, or Sunday!
- Hang the sheets and towels on the outside lines so that you can hide your faded, raggedy work clothes in the middle, out of sight of everybody.
- Remember, even in subzero weather, clothes will ‘freeze-dry.’
- Always gather the clothes pins when taking down dry clothes! Pins left on the lines are ‘tacky.’
- If you are efficient, line up the clothes so that each item does not need two clothes pins, but share one of the clothes pins with the next article on the clothesline.
- Clothes must be off of the line before dinner time, neatly folded in the clothes basket, and ready to be ironed.
- Ironed?! Well, that’s an entirely different topic!
 
Mount Wash More: What to name that pile of dirty laundry.
 
Paul: Which American state has the most laundry to do?
Harvey: Washington.
 
“They earned a precarious living by taking in one another’s washing.” -Author Unknown
 
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This is the Way We Wash Our Clothes
 
This is the way we wash our clothes,
     Rub-a-dub-dub, rub-a-dub-dub;
See them getting clean and white,
     Rub-a-dub-dub, rub-a-dub-dub;
 
This is the way we hang them out,
     Flippity-flap, flippity-flap;
See them blowing in the wind,
     Flippity-flap, flippity-flap;
 
This is the way we iron them flat,
     Smooth as can be, smooth as can be;
Soon our wash day will be done,
     And nice clean clothes for you and me.
 
by Author Unknown: can be sung to the same tune as that of the song, “Here We Go ‘Round the Mulberry Bush”
 
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Laundry: Loads and loads of fun!
 
Jeb: Do you know any laundry jokes?
Ben: I have loads of them!
 
Here’s a tip for cheapskates or folks who live in the great outdoors. You may not want to hang your wet clothes to dry on tree branches or rocks, because they could be dirty or covered with debris. Carry a long piece of string with you. Double it, or fold it in half lengthwise, and then give it a few twists lengthwise. Tie each end to something, such as a tree branch. After your clothes are soaked by rain or after hand washing your clothes in the river or a container, simply insert your clothes anywhere in your string ‘clothes line’ between the twists, which will hold your garments securely in place against breezes and gravity. Clothes pins will be completely unnecessary.
 
Overheard: It’s laundry day, so I’m taking all my dirty garments down by the river to beat them on a rock.
 
A large-mouthed plastic bottle can be a washing machine. Simply fill it with water, detergent or soap, and an article of clothing. Put the lid on tight, and shake and shake the bottle. Pour out the sudsy water, pour in some new water, recap the bottle, and shake some more. Repeat as necessary to remove suds, then remove the article of clothing, squeeze or ring out the water if desired, and hang it on a clothesline to dry.
 
Clothesline: A solar-and-wind-powered clothes dryer.
 
Martha: What do you call doing 2,000 pounds of laundry?
George: A washing . . . ton!
 
Clothes dryer (klōz drī•yer), noun: An appliance that some people say eats socks, but which may actually be a portal that sends socks into another space-time dimension from which they never return.
 
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Clothes.
Clothes, who?
Clothes the lid or the washing machine won’t start.
 
This is MFOL! . . . life with a smile . . .