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Clocks and Timepieces

8/30/2019

 
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​What time does the clock show?
 
Before clocks and watches were invented, people planned their days by the rising and setting of the Sun. We continue to use sunrise and sunset as the most obvious reference points in our days.
 
“The first and original clock or timepiece known to humankind is still all around us even now: the Earth, the Sun, the Moon, and the movements thereof, which creates our days and nights and tides and seasons.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)
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​Sundials were invented more than 2,000 years ago and were among the first instruments used to tell the time. Small sundials, similar to the one built into the pocket compass shown above, were once very popular, and are still made and available for purchase even now. They require no batteries or winding.
 
Lessons from a Sundial
 
Ignore dull days; forget the showers;
     Keep count of only shining hours.
 
by Author Unknown
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​After the invention of sundials came hourglasses. Though they do not show the time of day, they do allow people to know when a period of time is up, as the sand finishes pouring out of the top half of the glass into the bottom half. Hourglasses come in different time measures, such as 1 minute, 30 minutes, or 1 hour, and for specific purposes, such as egg timer hourglasses to time the cooking of hard-boiled eggs. Some hourglasses allow users to put in more sand or remove sand to let them to choose how much time will be measured. Hourglasses are even made that contain liquid rather than sand to mark the passage of time.
 
Sometime in the 1400’s, also referred to as the 15th century, mechanical clocks were invented. The pendulum clock was invented in 1656, and continued as the most accurate clock type until the 1930’s, when quartz oscillators were invented. Digital clocks and wristwatches, and most analog clocks, are now built with quartz oscillators. After World War 2, atomic clocks were invented, and are at present the most accurate timepieces.
 
To synchronize your computer’s clock with the atomic clock, said to be the world’s most reliable timepiece, visit http://www.worldtimeserver.com/atomic-clock.
 
Have you ever noticed that by the time you have finished synchronizing all of your clocks, watches, timers, appliances, and devices, it’s time to start all over again . . .
 
“Don’t watch the clock; do what it does: Keep going.” -Author Unknown
 
Before 1687, clocks were made with an hour hand only.
 
Why are the long thin moving parts on clock faces called hands and not fingers? After all, they are long and narrow like fingers, and they do sort of point at the numbers . . .
 
“Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?” -Steven Wright (Steven Alexander Wright (born 1955))
 
Raymond: What did the big hand say to the small hand on the clock?
Myra: “Can you spare a minute?”
 
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Clock Song
 
The hands on the clock
     Go round and round,
     Round and round, round and round.
The hands on the clock
     Go round and round,
     To tell us the time.
 
The short hand on the clock
     Goes from number to number,
     Number to number, number to number.
The short hand on the clock
     Goes from number to number.
     To tell us the time.
 
The long hand on the clock
     Goes around by fives,
     Around by fives, around by fives.
The long hand on the clock
     Goes around by fives.
     To tell us the minutes.
 
by Author Unknown: can be sung to the same tune as that of “Wheels on the Bus”
 
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“My watch is three hours fast and I can’t fix it, so I’m gonna move to New York.” -Steven Wright (Steven Alexander Wright (born 1955))
 
The wristwatch was invented in 1904 by Louis Cartier.
 
Overheard: Let’s all synchronize our watches.
 
“My poor fellow, why not carry a watch?” -Herbert Beerbohm Tree (1852 - 1917): comment made to a man in the street who was carrying a grandfather clock
 
Preston: How should you greet a grandfather clock?
Pierce: “Hello, old timer!”
 
Heloise: What did the digital watch say to the grandfather clock?
Louise: “Look Pops, no hands!”
 
“Timepiece: An indicator device of the progression of events relative one to another, though in itself holding no sway over them.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)
 
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The Sad Tale of Mr. Mears
 
There was a man who had a clock,
     His name was Matthew Mears;
And every day he wound that clock
     For eight and twenty years.
 
And then one day he found that clock
     An eight-day* clock to be;
And a madder man than Matthew Mears
     You would not wish to see.
 
by Author Unknown
*An eight-day clock is a clock that is wound once in every eight days.
 
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l i v e ☆ l a u g h ツ l o v e ♥ g r o w ☼ l i v e 
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“You can’t turn back the clock but you can wind it up again.” -Author Unknown
 
Riddle: What runs but has no legs?
Solution: A clock.
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​Analog clocks and watches have hands that move around a dial, or clockface, and digital clocks and watches have numerical, or number, displays.
 
The tip of a 0.846666666667 centimeter (1/3 inch long) hour hand on an analog wristwatch travels at 0.000004425696 kilometers (0.00000275 miles) per hour. By comparison, the fastest-moving land snail, the common garden snail, has a speed of about 0.0503724672 kilometers (0.0313 miles) per hour. This must be the reason why so many pet snails are named Speedy, but so many wristwatches are named Old Reliable.
 
In many advertisements for analog watches, or watches with hands, the time shown is with the hands at 10 and 2 (the digital watch equivalent of 10:10), because the hand positions for this time are thought to subtly represent a smiling face in the minds of people who view the ads . . . and as we have been told, everybody likes a joyful timepiece.
 
Sign on a clock repair shop: Cuckoo Clocks Psychoanalyzed Here.
 
Olga: Why was the clock put in the tree?
Olaf: Because it was a little cuckoo.
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​Cuckoo clocks are not just for eccentric people anymore . . . but mostly they are. We are kidding - they are for anybody who wants one. You might need several of them, so that they keep each other company and do not get lonely . . . one for the kitchen, another for the living room, and one for the pack patio.
 
Cuckoo clock, noun: 1. A decorative clock with a little wooden bird inside it that comes out every hour and makes a two-note sound like a cuckoo.  2. A timepiece that drives some people crazy, or at the very least, to distraction.
 
Meanwhile, in a parallel Universe, a bird pops out of a cuckoo clock every hour and asks, “What time is it?!”
 
Clovis: What goes tick-tock, woof-woof?
Mavis: A watchdog.
 
“The clock talked loud. I threw it away, it scared me what it talked.” -Tillie Olsen: “Tell Me a Riddle” (1980)
 
Chronometrophobia is a persistent fear of clocks. Maybe it has something to do with that annoying tick, tick, tick, tick . . . or maybe it is the persistent bzzz-zzz or bbbrrrnnng or beep-beep-beep of the alarm . . . or the onward march of time . . .
 
Alarm clock, noun: 1. A device designed to scare the daylights out of you. 2. An electronic device used to wake up people who have no pets or children.
 
Rancher Rick: What do you get if you cross a clock and a chicken?
Farmer Fred: An alarm cluck.
 
Hickory, Dickory, Dock,
 
Three mice ran up the clock,
     The clock struck one and
That mouse hired a personal injury attorney
     And sued for assault-and-battery.
 
by Author Unknown
 
Riddle: What has a face but cannot talk?
Solution: A clock.
 
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l i v e ☆ l a u g h ツ l o v e ♥ g r o w ☼ l i v e 
☆ l a u g h ツ l o v e ♥ g r o w ☼ 
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The Clock

There’s a neat little clock, -
     In the schoolroom it stands, -
And it points to the time
     With its two little hands.

And may we, like the clock,
     Keep a face clean and bright,
With hands ever ready
     To do what is right.
 
by Author Unknown
 
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l i v e ☆ l a u g h ツ l o v e ♥ g r o w ☼ l i v e 
☆ l a u g h ツ l o v e ♥ g r o w ☼ 
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“Even a stopped clock is right twice a day.” -Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach (1830 - 1916)
 
Rudy: What do people do in clock factories?
Rudolph: They make faces all day.
 
Tick Tock
 
Tick, tock, tick, tock,
     Merrily sings the clock.
It’s time for work,
     It’s time for play,
And so it sings
     Through all the day.
Tick, tock, tick, tock,
     Merrily sings the clock.
 
by Author Unknown
 
This is MFOL! . . . and the clock is telling us it is time to get started on what is coming up next . . .

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