According to model railroad enthusiasts, model trains and toy trains are two completely different things. Sometimes in life, it is best not to disagree.
Ricky: What do you call a train carrying a load of apples and bananas and oranges?
Martin: A tooty-fruity!
What is the difference between railroads and railways? The two words are frequently taken to mean the same thing, and are often used interchangeably. Most of the English-speaking world uses the term ‘railways,’ except for Americans, who have a preference for the term ‘railroads.’
Clarabelle: What is the most difficult train to catch?
Maribel: The 12:50, because it’s 10 to 1 if you catch it.
On a typical train, the locomotive is the vehicle that contains the engine or motor, the controls, and the engineer (driver or operator). The wheeled sections of trains that carry freight, passengers, or equipment are called cars. Cabooses were special cars that are mostly no longer in use, attached at the ends of trains, to carry train crewmembers, signaling devices, and repair tools and supplies.
Laura: I would like to take a train to Chicago.
Ticket Agent: I’m sorry, only qualified engineers are allowed to drive them.
Laura: Very well - may I go to Chicago by way of Buffalo?
Ticket Agent: I’m sorry; none of our buffalo go to Chicago.
Laura: Just let me have a round-trip ticket, please.
Ticket Agent: To where?
Laura: Back here, of course!
Railroad: A thing having two backbones and a thousand ribs.
A British commuter hopped on a train to London and told the conductor he was going to Doncaster. “We don’t stop at Doncaster on Wednesdays,” said the conductor. “But I’ll tell you what, mate. We slow down at Doncaster to go through the junction. I’ll open the door, and you hop off. Mind you, we’re going fast. Hit the ground running so you don’t get pulled in by the train’s wake.” At Doncaster, the door opened, and the commuter hit the ground running. He was running so fast that his momentum carried him forward to the car ahead. There, another conductor opened the door, pulled him on board and, as the train resumed speed, said, “You’re mighty lucky I saw you, mate. This train doesn’t stop at Doncaster on Wednesdays.”
Ricky: What do you call a train carrying a load of apples and bananas and oranges?
Martin: A tooty-fruity!
What is the difference between railroads and railways? The two words are frequently taken to mean the same thing, and are often used interchangeably. Most of the English-speaking world uses the term ‘railways,’ except for Americans, who have a preference for the term ‘railroads.’
Clarabelle: What is the most difficult train to catch?
Maribel: The 12:50, because it’s 10 to 1 if you catch it.
On a typical train, the locomotive is the vehicle that contains the engine or motor, the controls, and the engineer (driver or operator). The wheeled sections of trains that carry freight, passengers, or equipment are called cars. Cabooses were special cars that are mostly no longer in use, attached at the ends of trains, to carry train crewmembers, signaling devices, and repair tools and supplies.
Laura: I would like to take a train to Chicago.
Ticket Agent: I’m sorry, only qualified engineers are allowed to drive them.
Laura: Very well - may I go to Chicago by way of Buffalo?
Ticket Agent: I’m sorry; none of our buffalo go to Chicago.
Laura: Just let me have a round-trip ticket, please.
Ticket Agent: To where?
Laura: Back here, of course!
Railroad: A thing having two backbones and a thousand ribs.
A British commuter hopped on a train to London and told the conductor he was going to Doncaster. “We don’t stop at Doncaster on Wednesdays,” said the conductor. “But I’ll tell you what, mate. We slow down at Doncaster to go through the junction. I’ll open the door, and you hop off. Mind you, we’re going fast. Hit the ground running so you don’t get pulled in by the train’s wake.” At Doncaster, the door opened, and the commuter hit the ground running. He was running so fast that his momentum carried him forward to the car ahead. There, another conductor opened the door, pulled him on board and, as the train resumed speed, said, “You’re mighty lucky I saw you, mate. This train doesn’t stop at Doncaster on Wednesdays.”
At some point before modern trains, people laid down metal tracks on roadways and built wagons with metal wheels to roll over them. The tramway system initially ran on horsepower. Electric motors, supplied by power from cables strung overhead, would come later in time.
Marcello: What kind of train do ballerinas travel in?
Arturo: Tutu trains.
The very first train reached a top speed of 8 kilometers (5 miles) per hour.
Chuck: What kind of train has no wheels?
Norris: A train of thought.
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l i v e ☆ l a u g h ツ l o v e ♥ g r o w ☼ l i v e ☆ l a u g h ツ l o v e ♥ g r o w ☼
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Get a Transfer
If you are on the Gloomy Line,
Get a transfer.
If you’re inclined to fret and pine,
Get a transfer.
Get off the track of doubt and gloom,
Get on the Sunshine Track - there’s room -
Get a transfer.
If you’re on the Worry Train,
Get a transfer.
You must not stay there and complain,
Get a transfer.
The Cheerful Cars are passing through,
And there’s lots of room for you -
Get a transfer.
If you’re on the Grouchy Track,
Get a transfer.
Just take a Happy Special back,
Get a transfer.
Jump on the train and pull the rope,
That lands you at the station Hope -
Get a transfer.
by Author Unknown
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l i v e ☆ l a u g h ツ l o v e ♥ g r o w ☼ l i v e ☆ l a u g h ツ l o v e ♥ g r o w ☼
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Marcello: What kind of train do ballerinas travel in?
Arturo: Tutu trains.
The very first train reached a top speed of 8 kilometers (5 miles) per hour.
Chuck: What kind of train has no wheels?
Norris: A train of thought.
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l i v e ☆ l a u g h ツ l o v e ♥ g r o w ☼ l i v e ☆ l a u g h ツ l o v e ♥ g r o w ☼
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Get a Transfer
If you are on the Gloomy Line,
Get a transfer.
If you’re inclined to fret and pine,
Get a transfer.
Get off the track of doubt and gloom,
Get on the Sunshine Track - there’s room -
Get a transfer.
If you’re on the Worry Train,
Get a transfer.
You must not stay there and complain,
Get a transfer.
The Cheerful Cars are passing through,
And there’s lots of room for you -
Get a transfer.
If you’re on the Grouchy Track,
Get a transfer.
Just take a Happy Special back,
Get a transfer.
Jump on the train and pull the rope,
That lands you at the station Hope -
Get a transfer.
by Author Unknown
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l i v e ☆ l a u g h ツ l o v e ♥ g r o w ☼ l i v e ☆ l a u g h ツ l o v e ♥ g r o w ☼
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Would you believe it - giants have taken over the train!
The standard American railroad width of 1.4351 meters (4 feet and 8.5 inches) originated in the width of Roman war chariots. Former English subjects living in the United States of America designed the railroad system based on measurements of pre-railroad tramways built in England. The tramways were built using the same tools used to build wagons, which were also the same width. The reason wagons were built to that width is that otherwise, they would break during long treks across the old English roads. Those roads, built by the Romans, were full of ruts carved out by the wheels of Roman war chariots. All Roman chariots were built to a standard width of 1.4351 meters (4 feet and 8.5 inches), and so English wagons were built with wheels that would fit into those ruts. Thus, chariots of ancient Rome are the forerunners of modern trains.
Mary: What do you call a train loaded with bubble gum?
Marty: A chew-chew train
Railroads and Trains Facts
- Train track rails are made of steel, and train wheels are made of steel; the combination is literally steel on steel, a very efficient and effective mechanism.
- The two main types of trains are freight trains and passenger trains. Light rail trains are used mostly for passengers and sometimes small shipments of mail and packages. Light rail trains include electric trolleys and trams.
- Despite the constant improvements being made to air-filled, rubber-tire vehicles that move on asphalt and concrete roads, freight trains are still the best way to move extremely large and heavy items and bulk materials such as manufacturing equipment, mining and drilling equipment, military equipment, construction equipment, coal, and grain, particularly over long distances.
- Passenger trains and light rail can carry large numbers of people at high speeds between and within populated areas, which can help ease traffic congestion and provide transportation for people who are unable to drive, who have no vehicles, or who seek convenience.
Doctor Watson: How can you tell a train just went by?
Sherlock Holmes: You can see its tracks!
Doctor Watson: How do you find a missing train?
Sherlock Holmes: Follow its tracks!
“There’s a train at 4:04,” said Miss Jenny
“Four tickets I’ll take; have you any?”
Said the man at the door,
“Not four for 4:04,
For four for 4:04 is too many.”
-Author Unknown
The longest railway in the world is the Trans-Siberian Railroad, built between the years 1891 and 1916. It is a network of railways connecting European Russia with the Russian Far East provinces. It is 9,288 kilometers (5,787 miles) long and spans 8 time zones.
Stella: How many train conductors does it take to change a light bulb?
Lester: Only one, but it doesn’t help, because he punches a hole in the new light bulb.
Railroad Tracks and Trains Safety
- All railroad tracks, the land around them, and any bridges, tunnels, fences, walls, buildings, or other structures, and the trains themselves, are the property of individuals, corporations (companies), public utilities, government agencies, or other organizations or entities. There are legal penalties for trespassing on someone else’s property, including monetary fines and jail time.
- Train conductors (drivers or operators) may or may not announce their presence by sounding the train horn or whistle or by having the vehicle lights on. Even when they do, because of auditory and optical illusions and the wide range of speeds at which trains run, a person can be fooled into thinking that a train is further away than it actually is, or not even be aware that a train is on a track headed for them.
- If a person walks on railroad tracks or alongside them as a shortcut to someplace, and falls and gets hurt, or is injured in some other way, he or she will probably be there for a very long time before anyone comes to the rescue, if anyone ever comes at all.
- When a person is hit by a train, he or she will not likely survive.
- Riding on a train without paying the fare or without permission, is also a form of trespassing and fare theft, and once again, trespassing is a crime with civil and criminal penalties.
- Railroad tracks and trains are a serious business, and not places to play or playthings. There are plenty of other places for people to be that are better and safer, such as sidewalks, parks, home, friends’ homes, relatives’ homes, libraries, public spaces, schools, jobs (workplaces), museums, galleries, stores, restaurants, and so forth.
The Ombley-Wombley
Once upon a railroad track
The Ombley-Wombley sat.
Rumble clang,
Jumble jang,
Crumble bang -
And that’s the end of that.
by Peter Wesley-Smith
The highest railway in the world is in Peru, where the Central Railway climbs to 4,784 meters (15,694 feet) in altitude in the Galera tunnel, at a location 174 kilometers (108 miles) from Lima. Tourists take it to get to the world-renowned ruins of ancient Machu Picchu.
At a station stop, the railroad’s president walked up to the locomotive and spoke to the engineer. “You were going 65 miles per hour and the speed limit is only 60 miles per hour, I saw it myself on the speedometer in the business car!” After a heated exchange, the engineer finally said, “You couldn’t possibly have been going 65, my speedometer said 60 miles per hour - and we never saw you go by us!”
Ernie: What kind of ears do trains have?
Arnie: Engine-ears. (Engineers.)
The standard American railroad width of 1.4351 meters (4 feet and 8.5 inches) originated in the width of Roman war chariots. Former English subjects living in the United States of America designed the railroad system based on measurements of pre-railroad tramways built in England. The tramways were built using the same tools used to build wagons, which were also the same width. The reason wagons were built to that width is that otherwise, they would break during long treks across the old English roads. Those roads, built by the Romans, were full of ruts carved out by the wheels of Roman war chariots. All Roman chariots were built to a standard width of 1.4351 meters (4 feet and 8.5 inches), and so English wagons were built with wheels that would fit into those ruts. Thus, chariots of ancient Rome are the forerunners of modern trains.
Mary: What do you call a train loaded with bubble gum?
Marty: A chew-chew train
Railroads and Trains Facts
- Train track rails are made of steel, and train wheels are made of steel; the combination is literally steel on steel, a very efficient and effective mechanism.
- The two main types of trains are freight trains and passenger trains. Light rail trains are used mostly for passengers and sometimes small shipments of mail and packages. Light rail trains include electric trolleys and trams.
- Despite the constant improvements being made to air-filled, rubber-tire vehicles that move on asphalt and concrete roads, freight trains are still the best way to move extremely large and heavy items and bulk materials such as manufacturing equipment, mining and drilling equipment, military equipment, construction equipment, coal, and grain, particularly over long distances.
- Passenger trains and light rail can carry large numbers of people at high speeds between and within populated areas, which can help ease traffic congestion and provide transportation for people who are unable to drive, who have no vehicles, or who seek convenience.
Doctor Watson: How can you tell a train just went by?
Sherlock Holmes: You can see its tracks!
Doctor Watson: How do you find a missing train?
Sherlock Holmes: Follow its tracks!
“There’s a train at 4:04,” said Miss Jenny
“Four tickets I’ll take; have you any?”
Said the man at the door,
“Not four for 4:04,
For four for 4:04 is too many.”
-Author Unknown
The longest railway in the world is the Trans-Siberian Railroad, built between the years 1891 and 1916. It is a network of railways connecting European Russia with the Russian Far East provinces. It is 9,288 kilometers (5,787 miles) long and spans 8 time zones.
Stella: How many train conductors does it take to change a light bulb?
Lester: Only one, but it doesn’t help, because he punches a hole in the new light bulb.
Railroad Tracks and Trains Safety
- All railroad tracks, the land around them, and any bridges, tunnels, fences, walls, buildings, or other structures, and the trains themselves, are the property of individuals, corporations (companies), public utilities, government agencies, or other organizations or entities. There are legal penalties for trespassing on someone else’s property, including monetary fines and jail time.
- Train conductors (drivers or operators) may or may not announce their presence by sounding the train horn or whistle or by having the vehicle lights on. Even when they do, because of auditory and optical illusions and the wide range of speeds at which trains run, a person can be fooled into thinking that a train is further away than it actually is, or not even be aware that a train is on a track headed for them.
- If a person walks on railroad tracks or alongside them as a shortcut to someplace, and falls and gets hurt, or is injured in some other way, he or she will probably be there for a very long time before anyone comes to the rescue, if anyone ever comes at all.
- When a person is hit by a train, he or she will not likely survive.
- Riding on a train without paying the fare or without permission, is also a form of trespassing and fare theft, and once again, trespassing is a crime with civil and criminal penalties.
- Railroad tracks and trains are a serious business, and not places to play or playthings. There are plenty of other places for people to be that are better and safer, such as sidewalks, parks, home, friends’ homes, relatives’ homes, libraries, public spaces, schools, jobs (workplaces), museums, galleries, stores, restaurants, and so forth.
The Ombley-Wombley
Once upon a railroad track
The Ombley-Wombley sat.
Rumble clang,
Jumble jang,
Crumble bang -
And that’s the end of that.
by Peter Wesley-Smith
The highest railway in the world is in Peru, where the Central Railway climbs to 4,784 meters (15,694 feet) in altitude in the Galera tunnel, at a location 174 kilometers (108 miles) from Lima. Tourists take it to get to the world-renowned ruins of ancient Machu Picchu.
At a station stop, the railroad’s president walked up to the locomotive and spoke to the engineer. “You were going 65 miles per hour and the speed limit is only 60 miles per hour, I saw it myself on the speedometer in the business car!” After a heated exchange, the engineer finally said, “You couldn’t possibly have been going 65, my speedometer said 60 miles per hour - and we never saw you go by us!”
Ernie: What kind of ears do trains have?
Arnie: Engine-ears. (Engineers.)
So you just woke up from your nap . . . long slumbers can have strange consequences . . . just look at how much the world has changed while you slept . . . even trains are not the same!
“Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you’re just sitting still?” -J. Paul Getty
Siderodromophobia is a persistent fear of railroads or of trains. Oh, my good-golly, what if I board a train and it never stops and I can never get off it! I’ll be stuck on the train forever!
Trains and Railroads Quiz
- From what material are train tracks and train wheels made?
- What are the two main types of trains, based on what they carry?
- Why should you never walk on, or play near, railroad tracks?
“Know the name of the station you’re headed for. It’s a help in catching the right train.” -Author Unknown: “Agents Record” (1915), Volume 10, Issue 5, page 4, ‘The Real Salesman’ (“Agents Record” is a publication of the National Casualty Company)
Trains and Railroads Quiz Answers
- Train tracks and train wheels are made of steel.
- The two main types of trains, based on what they carry, are freight trains and passenger trains.
- Walking on, or playing near, railroad tracks is unsafe because trains travel at high speeds and usually are not able to stop in time to avoid hitting a person. Additionally, the tracks can cause a person who tries to walk on them to trip, fall, and be injured.
Clyde: What is the difference between a railroad guard and a teacher?
Claude: One minds the trains, and the other trains the mind.
Ask your know-it-all friend, “So, which was invented first: the train, or the railroad tracks?”
Problem: Trains travel from one town to another town all day always on the same track, always going nonstop, and always at the same speed. The 12:00 noon train took 80 minutes to complete the trip but the 4:00 p.m. train took an hour and 20 minutes. Why?
Solution: 80 minutes is the same as an hour and 20 minutes, so both trains ran in the same amount of time.
Overheard: No, I did not miss my train. I just chased it out of the station because I didn’t like the looks of it!
“Dear Mr. President: The canal system of this country is being threatened by a new form of transportation known as ‘railroads’ . . . As you may well know, Mr. President, ‘railroad’ carriages are pulled at the enormous speed of 15 miles per hour by ‘engines’ which, in addition to endangering life and limb of passengers, roar and snort their way through the countryside, setting fire to crops, scaring the livestock, and frightening women and children.” -Martin Van Buren (1830)
Passenger to railroad engineer: “What’s the use of having a train schedule if the trains are always late?”
Railroad engineer: “How would we know they were late, if we didn’t have a schedule?”
Siderodromophobia is a persistent fear of railroads or of trains. Oh, my good-golly, what if I board a train and it never stops and I can never get off it! I’ll be stuck on the train forever!
Trains and Railroads Quiz
- From what material are train tracks and train wheels made?
- What are the two main types of trains, based on what they carry?
- Why should you never walk on, or play near, railroad tracks?
“Know the name of the station you’re headed for. It’s a help in catching the right train.” -Author Unknown: “Agents Record” (1915), Volume 10, Issue 5, page 4, ‘The Real Salesman’ (“Agents Record” is a publication of the National Casualty Company)
Trains and Railroads Quiz Answers
- Train tracks and train wheels are made of steel.
- The two main types of trains, based on what they carry, are freight trains and passenger trains.
- Walking on, or playing near, railroad tracks is unsafe because trains travel at high speeds and usually are not able to stop in time to avoid hitting a person. Additionally, the tracks can cause a person who tries to walk on them to trip, fall, and be injured.
Clyde: What is the difference between a railroad guard and a teacher?
Claude: One minds the trains, and the other trains the mind.
Ask your know-it-all friend, “So, which was invented first: the train, or the railroad tracks?”
Problem: Trains travel from one town to another town all day always on the same track, always going nonstop, and always at the same speed. The 12:00 noon train took 80 minutes to complete the trip but the 4:00 p.m. train took an hour and 20 minutes. Why?
Solution: 80 minutes is the same as an hour and 20 minutes, so both trains ran in the same amount of time.
Overheard: No, I did not miss my train. I just chased it out of the station because I didn’t like the looks of it!
“Dear Mr. President: The canal system of this country is being threatened by a new form of transportation known as ‘railroads’ . . . As you may well know, Mr. President, ‘railroad’ carriages are pulled at the enormous speed of 15 miles per hour by ‘engines’ which, in addition to endangering life and limb of passengers, roar and snort their way through the countryside, setting fire to crops, scaring the livestock, and frightening women and children.” -Martin Van Buren (1830)
Passenger to railroad engineer: “What’s the use of having a train schedule if the trains are always late?”
Railroad engineer: “How would we know they were late, if we didn’t have a schedule?”
This is MFOL! . . . all aboard that’s coming aboard! Choo, choo! Chug-a-chug-a-chug-a-chug-a! Choo, choo! Clickety-clack! Clickety-clack!