Do people ever tell you that your sense of humor is a little odd? Well, here’s some stuff said by a guy with a really offbeat sense of humor . . .
“When I was younger, my mother told me, ‘Mitch, some day you’re going to have to move out of the house and get a job.’ Well, today is the day, that’s why I’m here with you people.” -Mitch Hedberg
“I find that a duck’s opinion of me is influenced by whether or not I have bread. A duck loves bread, but he does not have the capability to buy a loaf. That’s the biggest joke on the duck ever. If I worked at a convenience store, and a duck came in and stole a loaf of bread, I would let him go. I’d say, ‘Come back tomorrow, bring your friends!’ When I think of a duck’s friends, I think of other ducks. But he could have, say, a beaver in tow.” -Mitch Hedberg
“I did a radio interview; the DJ’s first question was ‘Who are you?’ I had to think. Is this guy really deep, or did I drive to the wrong station?” -Mitch Hedberg
“I like rice. Rice is great when you’re hungry and you want 2,000 of something.” -Mitch Hedberg
“People think I’m into sports because I’m a man. But I’m not into sports.” -Mitch Hedberg
“I want to hang a map of the world in my house, and then I’m going to put pins into all the locations that I’ve traveled to. But first I’m going to have to travel to the top two corners of the map, so it won’t fall down.” -Mitch Hedberg
“I saw a human pyramid once. It was very unnecessary.” -Mitch Hedberg
“How does a sesame seed stick to a bun? That’s magical. There must be some sesame seed glue out there. Either that or they’re adhesive on one side. Peel off the backing, place it on the bun.” -Mitch Hedberg
“I like to hold the microphone cord like this, I pinch it together and then I let it go, then you hear a whole bunch of jokes all at once.” -Mitch Hedberg
“I was going to get a candy bar; the button I was supposed to push is HH. So I pressed the H button twice. Potato chips came out! Turns out there was an HH button. You got to let me know. I’m not familiar with the concept of HH. I did not learn my AA, BB, CC’s.” -Mitch Hedberg
“I think foosball is a combination of soccer and shish kabobs.” -Mitch Hedberg
“I saw a commercial on late night TV. It said, ‘Forget everything you know about slipcovers.’ So I did, and it was a load off my mind. Then the commercial tried to sell me slipcovers, and I didn’t know what in the world they were.” -Mitch Hedberg
“I type 101 words a minute. But it’s in my own language.” -Mitch Hedberg
“As an adult, I’m not supposed to go down slides. So if I’m at the top of a slide, I have to pretend that I got there accidentally. ‘How did I get up here? I guess I have to slide down. Wee!’ That’s what you say when you’re having fun. You refer to yourself and some other people.” -Mitch Hedberg
“I went to a tent store. ‘What kind of tent do you need?’ ‘Circus.’” -Mitch Hedberg
“I wish I could play little league now. I’d be way better than before.” -Mitch Hedberg
“I got a smoke alarm at home, but really it’s more like a 9-volt-battery-slow-drainer.” -Mitch Hedberg
“An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You would never see an ‘Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order’ sign, just ‘Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.’” -Mitch Hedberg
“I got a business card because I want to win some lunches. That’s what my business card says: Mitch Hedberg, Potential Lunch Winner. Give me a call, maybe we’ll have lunch. If I’m lucky!”
“If you’re a fish, and you want to be a fish stick, you must have very good posture.” -Mitch Hedberg
“I would like it if four people did a cartwheel all at once . . . so I can make a cart.” -Mitch Hedberg
“I have a cheese-shredder at home, which is its positive name. They don’t call it by its negative name, which is sponge-ruiner.” -Mitch Hedberg
“I had my palm read. I wrote something on it first to see if she would read that too.” -Mitch Hedberg
“If 13 is unlucky, then 12 and 14 are guilty by association.” -Mitch Hedberg
“I know a lot about cars. I can look at a car’s headlights and tell you exactly which way it’s coming.” -Mitch Hedberg
“I went to the store and bought eight apples; the clerk said, ‘Do you want these in a bag?’ I said, ‘Oh, no, man, I juggle.’” -Mitch Hedberg
“I don’t wear a watch because I want my arms to weigh the same.” -Mitch Hedberg
“I’ve never stayed at a bed and breakfast. If I did, I figure you would start to get hungry! ‘Is that all you got around here? Well, maybe you can direct me to a chair lunch dinner.’” -Mitch Hedberg
“If you’re watching a parade, make sure you stand in one spot, don’t follow it, it never changes. And if the parade is boring, run in the opposite direction, you will fast-forward the parade.” -Mitch Hedberg
“Someone handed me a picture and said, ‘This is a picture of me when I was younger.’ Every picture of you is when you were younger. ‘Here’s a picture of me when I’m older.’ How you’d pull that off? What’s that camera look like?” -Mitch Hedberg
“I made $3,000 opening for the Neville Brothers, and they paid me in cash. That was a bad situation, because I bought ridiculous stuff. I bought a snake bite emergency kit.” -Mitch Hedberg
“I saw a seagull hanging out by a lake, but I said, ‘Don’t worry, dude. I won’t say anything.’” -Mitch Hedberg
“I hate dreaming. Because when you sleep, you want to sleep. Dreaming is work, you know - there I am in a comfortable bed, the next thing you know I have to build a go-cart with my ex-landlord. I want a dream of me watching myself sleep.” -Mitch Hedberg
“When you’re doing a show on stage, and they show you a red light, that means you have five minutes left. At some clubs, they hold a candle up in the back. That’s the worst method. You’re up here, and then you see a floating candle. ‘Oh, no! This place is haunted!’ I can’t be funny when I’m frightened.” -Mitch Hedberg
“I like vending machines, because snacks are better when they fall. If I buy a candy bar in a store, sometimes I will drop it so it will reach its maximum flavor potential.” -Mitch Hedberg
“I want to get a job naming kitchen appliances. That seems easy; refrigerator, toaster, blender. You just say what the thing does and add ‘er.’” -Mitch Hedberg
“A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.” -Mitch Hedberg
“When I was a boy, I would lay in my twin-size bed, wondering where my brother was.” -Mitch Hedberg
“I got a king sized bed. I don’t know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he’d be comfortable. ‘Oh, you’re a king, you say? Well you won’t believe what I have in store for you! It’s to your exact specifications! I believe I can set up your old lady, too!’” -Mitch Hedberg
“This is what my friend said to me; he said ‘Guess what I like? Mashed potatoes.’ It’s like, ‘Dude, you got to give me time to guess. If you’re going to quiz me, you must insert a pause in there.’” -Mitch Hedberg
“I bought a seven dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.” -Mitch Hedberg
“If you can’t sleep, count sheep. Don’t count endangered animals. You will run out.” -Mitch Hedberg
“If I’m out to dinner with a group of friends, and somebody offers to pay for the check, I immediately reach for my wallet. Inside is a note that says, ‘Say thanks!’” -Mitch Hedberg
“I don’t have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who’d be mad at me for saying that.” -Mitch Hedberg
“I like the public hot-tub at the hotels. I like when a guy is already in there, I say, ‘Hey, do you mind if I join you?’ Then I go turn the heat up, and I add some carrots and onions.” -Mitch Hedberg
“A friend said to me, ‘I think the weather is trippy.’ I said, ‘No, man, it’s not the weather that’s trippy, perhaps it’s the way we perceive it.’ And then I realized I just should have said, ‘Yeah.’” -Mitch Hedberg
“I don’t own a cell phone or a pager. I just hang around everyone I know, all the time. If someone needs to get a hold of me they just say, ‘Mitch?’ and I say, ‘What?’ and turn my head slightly.” -Mitch Hedberg
“Kittens play with yarn, they bat it around. What they’re really doing is saying, ‘I can’t knit, get this away from me!’” -Mitch Hedberg
“I wish my name was Brian, because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That’s a free compliment, and you don’t even have to be smart to notice it.” -Mitch Hedberg
“If a drink was ice cold, it would be impossible to drink. Because it would be solid. Here’s a drink, Mitch - it’s ice cold. I guess I could lick it.” -Mitch Hedberg
“I hope the next time I move I get a real easy phone number, something that’s real easy to remember. Something like 222-2222. I would say ‘Sweet.’ And then people would say ‘Mitch, how do I get a hold of you?’ I’d say, ‘Just press 2 for a while and when I answer, you will know you have pressed 2 enough.’” -Mitch Hedberg
“The thing about tennis is, no matter how much I play, I’ll never be as good as a wall. I played a wall once. They’re relentless.” -Mitch Hedberg
“I was going to get my teeth whitened, but I said, ‘I’ll just get a tan instead.’” -Mitch Hedberg
Mitchell Lee ‘Mitch’ Hedberg was born on 24 February 1968 in Saint Paul, Minnesota, United States of America. He was a standup comedian. Mitchell Lee ‘Mitch’ Hedberg passed on at 37 years of age on 30 March 2005.
“At my hotel room, my friend came over and asked to use the phone. I said ‘Certainly.’ He said ‘Do I need to dial 9?’ I say ‘Yeah. Especially if it’s in the number. You can try 4 and 5 back to back real quick.’” -Mitch Hedberg
“My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana, I said ‘No, but I want a regular banana later, so . . . yeah.’”
“I was walking down the street with my friend, and he said, ‘I hear music’ . . . as if there was any other way you can take it in. You’re not special, that’s how I receive it too. I tried to taste it, but that did not work.” -Mitch Hedberg
“When I was younger, my mother told me, ‘Mitch, some day you’re going to have to move out of the house and get a job.’ Well, today is the day, that’s why I’m here with you people.” -Mitch Hedberg
“I find that a duck’s opinion of me is influenced by whether or not I have bread. A duck loves bread, but he does not have the capability to buy a loaf. That’s the biggest joke on the duck ever. If I worked at a convenience store, and a duck came in and stole a loaf of bread, I would let him go. I’d say, ‘Come back tomorrow, bring your friends!’ When I think of a duck’s friends, I think of other ducks. But he could have, say, a beaver in tow.” -Mitch Hedberg
“I did a radio interview; the DJ’s first question was ‘Who are you?’ I had to think. Is this guy really deep, or did I drive to the wrong station?” -Mitch Hedberg
“I like rice. Rice is great when you’re hungry and you want 2,000 of something.” -Mitch Hedberg
“People think I’m into sports because I’m a man. But I’m not into sports.” -Mitch Hedberg
“I want to hang a map of the world in my house, and then I’m going to put pins into all the locations that I’ve traveled to. But first I’m going to have to travel to the top two corners of the map, so it won’t fall down.” -Mitch Hedberg
“I saw a human pyramid once. It was very unnecessary.” -Mitch Hedberg
“How does a sesame seed stick to a bun? That’s magical. There must be some sesame seed glue out there. Either that or they’re adhesive on one side. Peel off the backing, place it on the bun.” -Mitch Hedberg
“I like to hold the microphone cord like this, I pinch it together and then I let it go, then you hear a whole bunch of jokes all at once.” -Mitch Hedberg
“I was going to get a candy bar; the button I was supposed to push is HH. So I pressed the H button twice. Potato chips came out! Turns out there was an HH button. You got to let me know. I’m not familiar with the concept of HH. I did not learn my AA, BB, CC’s.” -Mitch Hedberg
“I think foosball is a combination of soccer and shish kabobs.” -Mitch Hedberg
“I saw a commercial on late night TV. It said, ‘Forget everything you know about slipcovers.’ So I did, and it was a load off my mind. Then the commercial tried to sell me slipcovers, and I didn’t know what in the world they were.” -Mitch Hedberg
“I type 101 words a minute. But it’s in my own language.” -Mitch Hedberg
“As an adult, I’m not supposed to go down slides. So if I’m at the top of a slide, I have to pretend that I got there accidentally. ‘How did I get up here? I guess I have to slide down. Wee!’ That’s what you say when you’re having fun. You refer to yourself and some other people.” -Mitch Hedberg
“I went to a tent store. ‘What kind of tent do you need?’ ‘Circus.’” -Mitch Hedberg
“I wish I could play little league now. I’d be way better than before.” -Mitch Hedberg
“I got a smoke alarm at home, but really it’s more like a 9-volt-battery-slow-drainer.” -Mitch Hedberg
“An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You would never see an ‘Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order’ sign, just ‘Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.’” -Mitch Hedberg
“I got a business card because I want to win some lunches. That’s what my business card says: Mitch Hedberg, Potential Lunch Winner. Give me a call, maybe we’ll have lunch. If I’m lucky!”
“If you’re a fish, and you want to be a fish stick, you must have very good posture.” -Mitch Hedberg
“I would like it if four people did a cartwheel all at once . . . so I can make a cart.” -Mitch Hedberg
“I have a cheese-shredder at home, which is its positive name. They don’t call it by its negative name, which is sponge-ruiner.” -Mitch Hedberg
“I had my palm read. I wrote something on it first to see if she would read that too.” -Mitch Hedberg
“If 13 is unlucky, then 12 and 14 are guilty by association.” -Mitch Hedberg
“I know a lot about cars. I can look at a car’s headlights and tell you exactly which way it’s coming.” -Mitch Hedberg
“I went to the store and bought eight apples; the clerk said, ‘Do you want these in a bag?’ I said, ‘Oh, no, man, I juggle.’” -Mitch Hedberg
“I don’t wear a watch because I want my arms to weigh the same.” -Mitch Hedberg
“I’ve never stayed at a bed and breakfast. If I did, I figure you would start to get hungry! ‘Is that all you got around here? Well, maybe you can direct me to a chair lunch dinner.’” -Mitch Hedberg
“If you’re watching a parade, make sure you stand in one spot, don’t follow it, it never changes. And if the parade is boring, run in the opposite direction, you will fast-forward the parade.” -Mitch Hedberg
“Someone handed me a picture and said, ‘This is a picture of me when I was younger.’ Every picture of you is when you were younger. ‘Here’s a picture of me when I’m older.’ How you’d pull that off? What’s that camera look like?” -Mitch Hedberg
“I made $3,000 opening for the Neville Brothers, and they paid me in cash. That was a bad situation, because I bought ridiculous stuff. I bought a snake bite emergency kit.” -Mitch Hedberg
“I saw a seagull hanging out by a lake, but I said, ‘Don’t worry, dude. I won’t say anything.’” -Mitch Hedberg
“I hate dreaming. Because when you sleep, you want to sleep. Dreaming is work, you know - there I am in a comfortable bed, the next thing you know I have to build a go-cart with my ex-landlord. I want a dream of me watching myself sleep.” -Mitch Hedberg
“When you’re doing a show on stage, and they show you a red light, that means you have five minutes left. At some clubs, they hold a candle up in the back. That’s the worst method. You’re up here, and then you see a floating candle. ‘Oh, no! This place is haunted!’ I can’t be funny when I’m frightened.” -Mitch Hedberg
“I like vending machines, because snacks are better when they fall. If I buy a candy bar in a store, sometimes I will drop it so it will reach its maximum flavor potential.” -Mitch Hedberg
“I want to get a job naming kitchen appliances. That seems easy; refrigerator, toaster, blender. You just say what the thing does and add ‘er.’” -Mitch Hedberg
“A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.” -Mitch Hedberg
“When I was a boy, I would lay in my twin-size bed, wondering where my brother was.” -Mitch Hedberg
“I got a king sized bed. I don’t know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he’d be comfortable. ‘Oh, you’re a king, you say? Well you won’t believe what I have in store for you! It’s to your exact specifications! I believe I can set up your old lady, too!’” -Mitch Hedberg
“This is what my friend said to me; he said ‘Guess what I like? Mashed potatoes.’ It’s like, ‘Dude, you got to give me time to guess. If you’re going to quiz me, you must insert a pause in there.’” -Mitch Hedberg
“I bought a seven dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.” -Mitch Hedberg
“If you can’t sleep, count sheep. Don’t count endangered animals. You will run out.” -Mitch Hedberg
“If I’m out to dinner with a group of friends, and somebody offers to pay for the check, I immediately reach for my wallet. Inside is a note that says, ‘Say thanks!’” -Mitch Hedberg
“I don’t have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who’d be mad at me for saying that.” -Mitch Hedberg
“I like the public hot-tub at the hotels. I like when a guy is already in there, I say, ‘Hey, do you mind if I join you?’ Then I go turn the heat up, and I add some carrots and onions.” -Mitch Hedberg
“A friend said to me, ‘I think the weather is trippy.’ I said, ‘No, man, it’s not the weather that’s trippy, perhaps it’s the way we perceive it.’ And then I realized I just should have said, ‘Yeah.’” -Mitch Hedberg
“I don’t own a cell phone or a pager. I just hang around everyone I know, all the time. If someone needs to get a hold of me they just say, ‘Mitch?’ and I say, ‘What?’ and turn my head slightly.” -Mitch Hedberg
“Kittens play with yarn, they bat it around. What they’re really doing is saying, ‘I can’t knit, get this away from me!’” -Mitch Hedberg
“I wish my name was Brian, because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That’s a free compliment, and you don’t even have to be smart to notice it.” -Mitch Hedberg
“If a drink was ice cold, it would be impossible to drink. Because it would be solid. Here’s a drink, Mitch - it’s ice cold. I guess I could lick it.” -Mitch Hedberg
“I hope the next time I move I get a real easy phone number, something that’s real easy to remember. Something like 222-2222. I would say ‘Sweet.’ And then people would say ‘Mitch, how do I get a hold of you?’ I’d say, ‘Just press 2 for a while and when I answer, you will know you have pressed 2 enough.’” -Mitch Hedberg
“The thing about tennis is, no matter how much I play, I’ll never be as good as a wall. I played a wall once. They’re relentless.” -Mitch Hedberg
“I was going to get my teeth whitened, but I said, ‘I’ll just get a tan instead.’” -Mitch Hedberg
Mitchell Lee ‘Mitch’ Hedberg was born on 24 February 1968 in Saint Paul, Minnesota, United States of America. He was a standup comedian. Mitchell Lee ‘Mitch’ Hedberg passed on at 37 years of age on 30 March 2005.
“At my hotel room, my friend came over and asked to use the phone. I said ‘Certainly.’ He said ‘Do I need to dial 9?’ I say ‘Yeah. Especially if it’s in the number. You can try 4 and 5 back to back real quick.’” -Mitch Hedberg
“My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana, I said ‘No, but I want a regular banana later, so . . . yeah.’”
“I was walking down the street with my friend, and he said, ‘I hear music’ . . . as if there was any other way you can take it in. You’re not special, that’s how I receive it too. I tried to taste it, but that did not work.” -Mitch Hedberg
Mitch Hedberg (Mitchell Lee ‘Mitch’ Hedberg (1968 - 2005)) was a stand-up comedian. Some doughnut shops have printed his lines on their receipts.
“I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut. I don’t need a receipt for the doughnut. I give you the money, and you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. We don’t need to bring ink and paper into this. I can’t imagine a scenario where I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut.” -Mitch Hedberg
“Is a hippopotamus a hip opatamus, or just a really cool opotamus?” -Mitch Hedberg
“I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at turkeys. There’s turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Someone needs to tell the turkey, ‘man, just be yourself.’” -Mitch Hedberg
“I haven’t slept for ten days . . . because that would be for too long.” -Mitch Hedberg
“I didn’t go to college, but if I did, I would have taken all my tests at a restaurant. Because the customer is always right.” -Mitch Hedberg
“I went to a restaurant, and I saw a guy wearing a leather jacket, eating a hamburger, and drinking a glass of milk. I said, ‘Dude, you are a cow. The metamorphosis is complete.’” -Mitch Hedberg
“I ate one anchovy, and that is why I did not eat two anchovies.” -Mitch Hedberg
“See, I write jokes for a living, man. I sit in my hotel at night and think of something that’s funny and then I go get a pen and write ’em down. Or, if the pen’s too far away, I have to convince myself that what I thought of ain’t funny.” -Mitch Hedberg
“I went to a record store; they said they specialized in hard-to-find records. Nothing was alphabetized.” -Mitch Hedberg
“I think animal crackers make people think that all animals taste the same.” -Mitch Hedberg
“I wear a necklace, because I want to know when I’m upside down.” -Mitch Hedberg
“If I bought a company that made hotdog buns, on Day 1 we would add two buns to every package . . . Day 2, work on deliciousness.” -Mitch Hedberg
“You know when you go into a restaurant, and it gets busy and they start a waiting list, and they start calling out names, ‘DuFresnes, party of two.’ They say again, ‘DuFresnes, party of two.’ But then if no one answers, they’ll just go to the next name, ‘Bush, party of three.’ Yeah, but what happened to the DuFresnes? No one seems to care. Who can eat at a time like this? People are missing! And they’re hungry! That’s a double whammy! ‘Bush, search party of three!’ You can eat once you find the DuFresnes!” -Mitch Hedberg
“I use the word totally too much. I need to change it up and use a word that is different but has the same meaning. Mitch, do you like submarine sandwiches? All-encompassingly!” -Mitch Hedberg
“I got an ant farm. Those fellows didn’t grow anything. Hey, how about some celery?” -Mitch Hedberg
“I can’t wait to get off the stage, because I’ve got some Life Savers in my pocket and pineapple is next!” -Mitch Hedberg
“I’m a hard act to follow, because when I’m done, I take the microphone with me.” -Mitch Hedberg
Some people live by the idea, “Figure out how to make fun pay, and you’re set for life!” Maybe we need more people like that . . . more Erma Bombecks, more Jack Bennys, more Lucille Balls . . . how would you like to join them in bringing fun to the world? Remember, you don’t have to be born funny - it’s something you can develop through practice and hard work, just like anything else in life. You make mistakes, but you keep trying; that’s the method. The joviality and edification continues below . . . on MFOL!
“I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut. I don’t need a receipt for the doughnut. I give you the money, and you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. We don’t need to bring ink and paper into this. I can’t imagine a scenario where I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut.” -Mitch Hedberg
“Is a hippopotamus a hip opatamus, or just a really cool opotamus?” -Mitch Hedberg
“I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at turkeys. There’s turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Someone needs to tell the turkey, ‘man, just be yourself.’” -Mitch Hedberg
“I haven’t slept for ten days . . . because that would be for too long.” -Mitch Hedberg
“I didn’t go to college, but if I did, I would have taken all my tests at a restaurant. Because the customer is always right.” -Mitch Hedberg
“I went to a restaurant, and I saw a guy wearing a leather jacket, eating a hamburger, and drinking a glass of milk. I said, ‘Dude, you are a cow. The metamorphosis is complete.’” -Mitch Hedberg
“I ate one anchovy, and that is why I did not eat two anchovies.” -Mitch Hedberg
“See, I write jokes for a living, man. I sit in my hotel at night and think of something that’s funny and then I go get a pen and write ’em down. Or, if the pen’s too far away, I have to convince myself that what I thought of ain’t funny.” -Mitch Hedberg
“I went to a record store; they said they specialized in hard-to-find records. Nothing was alphabetized.” -Mitch Hedberg
“I think animal crackers make people think that all animals taste the same.” -Mitch Hedberg
“I wear a necklace, because I want to know when I’m upside down.” -Mitch Hedberg
“If I bought a company that made hotdog buns, on Day 1 we would add two buns to every package . . . Day 2, work on deliciousness.” -Mitch Hedberg
“You know when you go into a restaurant, and it gets busy and they start a waiting list, and they start calling out names, ‘DuFresnes, party of two.’ They say again, ‘DuFresnes, party of two.’ But then if no one answers, they’ll just go to the next name, ‘Bush, party of three.’ Yeah, but what happened to the DuFresnes? No one seems to care. Who can eat at a time like this? People are missing! And they’re hungry! That’s a double whammy! ‘Bush, search party of three!’ You can eat once you find the DuFresnes!” -Mitch Hedberg
“I use the word totally too much. I need to change it up and use a word that is different but has the same meaning. Mitch, do you like submarine sandwiches? All-encompassingly!” -Mitch Hedberg
“I got an ant farm. Those fellows didn’t grow anything. Hey, how about some celery?” -Mitch Hedberg
“I can’t wait to get off the stage, because I’ve got some Life Savers in my pocket and pineapple is next!” -Mitch Hedberg
“I’m a hard act to follow, because when I’m done, I take the microphone with me.” -Mitch Hedberg
Some people live by the idea, “Figure out how to make fun pay, and you’re set for life!” Maybe we need more people like that . . . more Erma Bombecks, more Jack Bennys, more Lucille Balls . . . how would you like to join them in bringing fun to the world? Remember, you don’t have to be born funny - it’s something you can develop through practice and hard work, just like anything else in life. You make mistakes, but you keep trying; that’s the method. The joviality and edification continues below . . . on MFOL!
