Eugene: How many circus performers does it take to change a light bulb?
Nigel: Two; one to change the bulb and the other to shout, ‘Taaa-daaaaaa!’
Agatha: How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Christie: Two; one to screw it almost all the way in, and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end.
Gertie: Why was the streetlight shining down on the road?
Gertrude: To light the way for the chicken to get safely across.
Orville: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Wilbur: To change a light bulb.
Carmella: How many chickens does it take to change a light bulb?
Christina: Just one, but it has to cross the road first.
Sylvester: How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Sylvia: Only one, but it sure takes a truckload of light bulbs!
Jerry: How many grocery store cashiers does it take to change a light bulb?
Jenny: Are you kidding? Why, they won’t even give change for a five-dollar bill!
Mel: How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
Vin: None, they just define darkness as the new industry standard.
Chandelier Man. I walked into a convenience store early this morning and there was a guy hanging from a light fixture on the ceiling, so I asked the clerk what he was doing up there. The clerk said, “Oh, don’t worry about him - he’s just some poor confused guy who thinks he’s a light bulb.” I said, “Don’t you think you should help him get down from there before he falls and hurts himself?” The clerk responded, “Well, yes, I guess I could - but then I would have to work in the dark.”
Mathilda: How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?
Mattie: Only one, because they do not like to share the spotlight.
Jeremy: How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?
Jeremiah: Two; one to assure us that everything possible is being done, while the other one screws the light bulb into a water faucet.
In 1802, English physician Humphrey Davy made an electric light by passing current through a platinum strip, creating the first-known carbon arc lamp.
Frankie: How many Spaniards does it take to change a light bulb?
Francine: Juan.
Jan: How many statisticians does it take to change a light bulb?
Jen: Exactly 1.67.
Herman: How many seabirds does it take to change a light bulb?
Sherman: About four or five terns ought to do the trick.
Would you like to have light bulbs that stay on even after the power goes out, and that you could remove from the sockets to use as portable light sources, just as if they were flashlights? You can. Visit www.lyfelite.com, and let them know you found out about them from www.MakeFunOfLife.net.
Joshua: How many carpenters does it take to change a light bulb?
Isaac: Two; one to hold it, while the other one hammers it in.
(When you have a hammer, everything begins to looks like a nail!)
Chester: How many boring people does it take to change a light bulb?
Chet: One.
A layer of dust can build up on light bulbs over time, reducing their light output. Take a dry cloth and wipe the dust off them to restore some of their light output.
A man was polishing a light bulb before inserting it into the socket, when there was a big flash and a genie appeared before him. “I am the genie of the light bulb,” the genie said. “I will answer any three questions for you - but only three. Do you have three questions you would like to ask?” “Who? Me?” asked the man. “Yes, you,” said the genie. “Now, what is your third question?”
In 1878, English chemist and physicist Joseph Swan created a working incandescent lamp and received a patent for it.
Vanessa: How many Roman Catholics does it take to change a light bulb?
Vanetta: None. They use candles.
Archie: How many atheists does it take to change a light bulb?
Archibald: One, but he or she will still be living in darkness.
“‘Don’t be the moth. Be the light bulb.’ When I say that I mean don’t follow the crowd. Just shine. Be the light bulb. Do your thing. Pave your own path.” -Sara Paxton
Iris: How many visitors to an art gallery does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Irene: Two; one to do it and one to say, “Huh! My four-year old could have done that!”
Gene: How many antelopes does it take to change a light bulb?
Jean: None; they are hardy animals that migrate between tundra and wide open plains, and therefore have no need for an artificial light source.
Nigel: Two; one to change the bulb and the other to shout, ‘Taaa-daaaaaa!’
Agatha: How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Christie: Two; one to screw it almost all the way in, and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end.
Gertie: Why was the streetlight shining down on the road?
Gertrude: To light the way for the chicken to get safely across.
Orville: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Wilbur: To change a light bulb.
Carmella: How many chickens does it take to change a light bulb?
Christina: Just one, but it has to cross the road first.
Sylvester: How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Sylvia: Only one, but it sure takes a truckload of light bulbs!
Jerry: How many grocery store cashiers does it take to change a light bulb?
Jenny: Are you kidding? Why, they won’t even give change for a five-dollar bill!
Mel: How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
Vin: None, they just define darkness as the new industry standard.
Chandelier Man. I walked into a convenience store early this morning and there was a guy hanging from a light fixture on the ceiling, so I asked the clerk what he was doing up there. The clerk said, “Oh, don’t worry about him - he’s just some poor confused guy who thinks he’s a light bulb.” I said, “Don’t you think you should help him get down from there before he falls and hurts himself?” The clerk responded, “Well, yes, I guess I could - but then I would have to work in the dark.”
Mathilda: How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?
Mattie: Only one, because they do not like to share the spotlight.
Jeremy: How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?
Jeremiah: Two; one to assure us that everything possible is being done, while the other one screws the light bulb into a water faucet.
In 1802, English physician Humphrey Davy made an electric light by passing current through a platinum strip, creating the first-known carbon arc lamp.
Frankie: How many Spaniards does it take to change a light bulb?
Francine: Juan.
Jan: How many statisticians does it take to change a light bulb?
Jen: Exactly 1.67.
Herman: How many seabirds does it take to change a light bulb?
Sherman: About four or five terns ought to do the trick.
Would you like to have light bulbs that stay on even after the power goes out, and that you could remove from the sockets to use as portable light sources, just as if they were flashlights? You can. Visit www.lyfelite.com, and let them know you found out about them from www.MakeFunOfLife.net.
Joshua: How many carpenters does it take to change a light bulb?
Isaac: Two; one to hold it, while the other one hammers it in.
(When you have a hammer, everything begins to looks like a nail!)
Chester: How many boring people does it take to change a light bulb?
Chet: One.
A layer of dust can build up on light bulbs over time, reducing their light output. Take a dry cloth and wipe the dust off them to restore some of their light output.
A man was polishing a light bulb before inserting it into the socket, when there was a big flash and a genie appeared before him. “I am the genie of the light bulb,” the genie said. “I will answer any three questions for you - but only three. Do you have three questions you would like to ask?” “Who? Me?” asked the man. “Yes, you,” said the genie. “Now, what is your third question?”
In 1878, English chemist and physicist Joseph Swan created a working incandescent lamp and received a patent for it.
Vanessa: How many Roman Catholics does it take to change a light bulb?
Vanetta: None. They use candles.
Archie: How many atheists does it take to change a light bulb?
Archibald: One, but he or she will still be living in darkness.
“‘Don’t be the moth. Be the light bulb.’ When I say that I mean don’t follow the crowd. Just shine. Be the light bulb. Do your thing. Pave your own path.” -Sara Paxton
Iris: How many visitors to an art gallery does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Irene: Two; one to do it and one to say, “Huh! My four-year old could have done that!”
Gene: How many antelopes does it take to change a light bulb?
Jean: None; they are hardy animals that migrate between tundra and wide open plains, and therefore have no need for an artificial light source.
Cyrus: How many fishermen does it take to change a light bulb?
Cyril: Only one, but you should have seen the size of that light bulb!
Otto: How many secularists does it take to change a light bulb?
Bob: None - they leave all of the good deeds for Christians to do.
“When Edison first started out with his ‘crazy’ idea for the light bulb, skeptics were unmoved. They called Thomas Edison a con man and taunted him to prove his bulb could really work. Despite the naysayers, Edison pushed on, demonstrating the importance of sticking with his ‘crazy’ idea which would go on to turn him into one of the world’s most well-known entrepreneurs. The key here is to fan the foolish fire no matter what!” -Linda Rottenberg
In 1879, Thomas Edison invented the first commercially available light bulb, meaning one that people could buy for their own use. His carbon filament incandescent lamp proved to be so vastly superior to candles and oil lamps that everyone from farmers to writers to lawyers to shopkeepers to preachers rushed out to buy them, which spurred the installation of electric generators and electric power lines across the United States of America and around the world.
“I’m one of those people that think Thomas Edison and the light bulb changed the world more than Karl Marx ever did.” -Steve Jobs
Bridget: How many real men does it take to change a light bulb?
Gidget: None, because real men are not afraid of the dark.
Violet: How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
Viola: That is not funny!
Amos: How many paranoids does it take to change a light bulb?
Moses: Exactly who are you, and why do you want to know?
Lola: Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?
Prudence: No, but if you will hum a little of it, I can fake the rest.
Janet: What did one light bulb say to the other?
Anette: “I love you a whole watt!”
Kenneth: How many “Star Trek” Borg does it take to change a light bulb?
Keith: All of them!
Dick: How many jugglers does it take to change a light bulb?
Jane: One juggler, but it takes three bulbs.
Eddie: What do you get when you cross a light bulb with a baby?
Ellie: A light bulb that cries when it needs to be changed.
Before the invention and widespread availability of electric lighting, people slept on average ten hours each night.
Ted: How many astronauts does it take to change a light bulb?
Theo: None; changing a light bulb is not rocket science, you know.
May: How many police officers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
June: None - the light bulb gives itself up and turns itself in.
Bradley: How many consultants does it take to change a light bulb?
Todd: We will have an estimate ready for you a week from Monday.
How Many Dogs Does It Take to Change a Light Bulb?
Golden Retriever: The Sun is shining, the day is young, we have our whole lives ahead of us, and you are inside worrying about a burned out bulb?
Border Collie: Just one. And then I will replace any wiring that is not up to code.
Dachshund: You know I can’t reach that stupid lamp!
Rottweiler: Make me.
Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.
Lab: Oh, me, me!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!
German Shepherd: I will change it as soon as I lead these people from the dark, check to make sure I have not missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.
Jack Russell Terrier: I will just pop it in while I am bouncing off the walls and furniture.
Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I am sorry, but I don’t see a light bulb.
Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there . . . yep, sure it is, exactly there . . .
Greyhound: It is not moving, so who cares?
New Zealand Sheep Dog: First, I will put all the light bulbs in a little cluster . . .
Myrtle: How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb?
Myron: One, because they are efficient and do not have a sense of humor.
(Wenn Sie Deutscher sind, denken Sie bitte daran, dass dies nur ein Witz ist!)
John: How did the hipster burn his hand?
Jonathan: He changed the light bulb before it was cool.
Claire: How many Zen Buddhists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Clara: Two, one to screw it in, and one not to screw it in.
Melanie: How many burglars does it take to change a light bulb?
Melody: No one knows, because when the light comes on, they all scatter.
David: Why did the fifteen-watt bulb flunk out of school?
Arthur: She was not very bright - but don’t be sad, because she grew up and got a high-paying job in a government bureaucracy, doing nothing worthwhile every day!
Ivan: How many capitalistic exploiters of the working classes does it take to change a light bulb?
Igor: None, that is the historically determined role of the proletariat!
“Suppose you make a hole in an ordinary evacuated electric light bulb and allow the air molecules to pass in at the rate of 1,000,000 a second, the bulb will become full of air in approximately 100,000,000 years.” -Francis William Aston
Percy: Why was the hippie staring at the light bulb?
Mercy: He was trying to do some light reading.
In Victoria, Australia, only licensed electricians are permitted to change light bulbs.
Burt: How many Hegelians does it take to change a light bulb?
Bart: None - the bulb is just at one dialectical pole between ‘bright’ and ‘dark,’ so it will eventually synthesize these into at least some dim glow.
Lois: How many schoolteachers does it take to change a light bulb?
Louis: Who knows . . . why, on their tiny salaries, many of them cannot even afford to teach their students, let alone enlighten them!
Bertha: How many Analytic Philosophers does it take to change a light bulb?
Bert: None - it is a pseudo-problem . . . light bulbs give off light (hence the name); if the bulb was broken and was not giving off light, it would not be a ‘light bulb’ now would it?
Emily: How many evolutionists does it take to change a light bulb?
Emaline: Only one, to aim the X-ray machine, but the bulb changes very, very slowly.
Corey: How many South Americans does it take to change a light bulb?
Cora: At least, a Brazilian.
Maxine: How many tech-support people does it take to change a light bulb?
Maxwell: Please continue to hold . . . your call is very important to us.
We are MFOL! . . . changing the world . . . one light bulb at a time . . .
Cyril: Only one, but you should have seen the size of that light bulb!
Otto: How many secularists does it take to change a light bulb?
Bob: None - they leave all of the good deeds for Christians to do.
“When Edison first started out with his ‘crazy’ idea for the light bulb, skeptics were unmoved. They called Thomas Edison a con man and taunted him to prove his bulb could really work. Despite the naysayers, Edison pushed on, demonstrating the importance of sticking with his ‘crazy’ idea which would go on to turn him into one of the world’s most well-known entrepreneurs. The key here is to fan the foolish fire no matter what!” -Linda Rottenberg
In 1879, Thomas Edison invented the first commercially available light bulb, meaning one that people could buy for their own use. His carbon filament incandescent lamp proved to be so vastly superior to candles and oil lamps that everyone from farmers to writers to lawyers to shopkeepers to preachers rushed out to buy them, which spurred the installation of electric generators and electric power lines across the United States of America and around the world.
“I’m one of those people that think Thomas Edison and the light bulb changed the world more than Karl Marx ever did.” -Steve Jobs
Bridget: How many real men does it take to change a light bulb?
Gidget: None, because real men are not afraid of the dark.
Violet: How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
Viola: That is not funny!
Amos: How many paranoids does it take to change a light bulb?
Moses: Exactly who are you, and why do you want to know?
Lola: Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?
Prudence: No, but if you will hum a little of it, I can fake the rest.
Janet: What did one light bulb say to the other?
Anette: “I love you a whole watt!”
Kenneth: How many “Star Trek” Borg does it take to change a light bulb?
Keith: All of them!
Dick: How many jugglers does it take to change a light bulb?
Jane: One juggler, but it takes three bulbs.
Eddie: What do you get when you cross a light bulb with a baby?
Ellie: A light bulb that cries when it needs to be changed.
Before the invention and widespread availability of electric lighting, people slept on average ten hours each night.
Ted: How many astronauts does it take to change a light bulb?
Theo: None; changing a light bulb is not rocket science, you know.
May: How many police officers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
June: None - the light bulb gives itself up and turns itself in.
Bradley: How many consultants does it take to change a light bulb?
Todd: We will have an estimate ready for you a week from Monday.
How Many Dogs Does It Take to Change a Light Bulb?
Golden Retriever: The Sun is shining, the day is young, we have our whole lives ahead of us, and you are inside worrying about a burned out bulb?
Border Collie: Just one. And then I will replace any wiring that is not up to code.
Dachshund: You know I can’t reach that stupid lamp!
Rottweiler: Make me.
Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.
Lab: Oh, me, me!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!
German Shepherd: I will change it as soon as I lead these people from the dark, check to make sure I have not missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.
Jack Russell Terrier: I will just pop it in while I am bouncing off the walls and furniture.
Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I am sorry, but I don’t see a light bulb.
Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there . . . yep, sure it is, exactly there . . .
Greyhound: It is not moving, so who cares?
New Zealand Sheep Dog: First, I will put all the light bulbs in a little cluster . . .
Myrtle: How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb?
Myron: One, because they are efficient and do not have a sense of humor.
(Wenn Sie Deutscher sind, denken Sie bitte daran, dass dies nur ein Witz ist!)
John: How did the hipster burn his hand?
Jonathan: He changed the light bulb before it was cool.
Claire: How many Zen Buddhists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Clara: Two, one to screw it in, and one not to screw it in.
Melanie: How many burglars does it take to change a light bulb?
Melody: No one knows, because when the light comes on, they all scatter.
David: Why did the fifteen-watt bulb flunk out of school?
Arthur: She was not very bright - but don’t be sad, because she grew up and got a high-paying job in a government bureaucracy, doing nothing worthwhile every day!
Ivan: How many capitalistic exploiters of the working classes does it take to change a light bulb?
Igor: None, that is the historically determined role of the proletariat!
“Suppose you make a hole in an ordinary evacuated electric light bulb and allow the air molecules to pass in at the rate of 1,000,000 a second, the bulb will become full of air in approximately 100,000,000 years.” -Francis William Aston
Percy: Why was the hippie staring at the light bulb?
Mercy: He was trying to do some light reading.
In Victoria, Australia, only licensed electricians are permitted to change light bulbs.
Burt: How many Hegelians does it take to change a light bulb?
Bart: None - the bulb is just at one dialectical pole between ‘bright’ and ‘dark,’ so it will eventually synthesize these into at least some dim glow.
Lois: How many schoolteachers does it take to change a light bulb?
Louis: Who knows . . . why, on their tiny salaries, many of them cannot even afford to teach their students, let alone enlighten them!
Bertha: How many Analytic Philosophers does it take to change a light bulb?
Bert: None - it is a pseudo-problem . . . light bulbs give off light (hence the name); if the bulb was broken and was not giving off light, it would not be a ‘light bulb’ now would it?
Emily: How many evolutionists does it take to change a light bulb?
Emaline: Only one, to aim the X-ray machine, but the bulb changes very, very slowly.
Corey: How many South Americans does it take to change a light bulb?
Cora: At least, a Brazilian.
Maxine: How many tech-support people does it take to change a light bulb?
Maxwell: Please continue to hold . . . your call is very important to us.
We are MFOL! . . . changing the world . . . one light bulb at a time . . .
