Overheard: “I have enough shoes.”
The earliest known footwear is a pair of sandals that date back to about 7,000 B.C.E. However, anatomical analysis of early humans seems to indicate that we may have begun wearing shoes as early as 40,000 years ago. Before then, we ran around barefoot and ate rocks. What’s that . . . oh, apparently, early humans did not eat rocks . . . just wild plants, raw meat, and bugs. Aren’t you glad you wear shoes?
Dustin: Do your shoes have holes in them?
Austin: No.
Dustin: Then how did you get your feet into them?
Shoe store sign: Limited Time Offer - Buy Two Shoes - And Get A Third Shoe Absolutely Free!
If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
Edith: Who always goes to bed wearing shoes?
Edna: A horse, of course.
Shoes all over the world were identical until 1822, when left-footed and right-footed shoes were made for the first time in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, United States of America.
Sonya: Why did the two shoes not get along?
Sonny: Because they both thought they were ‘right.’
If the shoe fits, it must be some kind of trick - don’t be fooled!
Overheard: Your shoes certainly make you look ‘well-heeled’!
The boots Neil Armstrong wore when he walked on the Moon are still floating around somewhere in outer space. He had to leave his boots there so that he could bring as many Moon rocks as possible back to Earth.
Ida: What has a tongue but cannot speak?
Emma: A shoe.
If the shoe fits, buy a pair in every color.
Sabrina: What runs around all day and then lies on the floor with its tongue hanging out?
Katrina: Your shoe!
In the silent movie, “The Gold Rush” (August 1925), comedic actor Charlie Chaplin actually ate his shoe. He portrayed his signature character, ‘The Tramp’ as a gold prospector who was trapped in a cabin during a snowstorm. Starving, he decided to boil his boot and eat the laces like spaghetti. Fortunately for Mr. Chaplin’s digestive system, the shoe used in the movie was made of licorice candy provided by the American Licorice Company.
“High heels were invented by a woman who had been kissed on the forehead.” -Christopher Morley (Christopher Darlington Morley (1890 - 1957))
Tutor: Can you name at least six things you can wear on your feet that begin with the letter ‘s’?
Student: Sandals, shoes, skates, skis, slippers, sneakers, snowshoes, socks, stilts, and stockings.
“It is totally impossible to be well-dressed in cheap shoes.” -Hardy Amies (Edwin Hardy Amies (1909 - 2003))
Many years ago, two salesmen were sent by a British shoe manufacturer to Africa to investigate and report on market potential. The first salesman reported back, “There is no potential here - nobody wears shoes.” The second salesman reported back, “There is massive potential here - nobody wears shoes.”
If the shoe fits your foot, it will not fit your budget.
Shoes and Footwear Facts
- The bottom of a shoe that touches the ground is called the ‘sole.’
- The edge around the opening of a shoe is called the ‘collar.’
- The holes in shoes that laces are fed through are called ‘eyelets.’
- The part of a shoe above the sole is called the ‘upper.’
- The plastic casings on the ends of shoelaces that prevent them from unraveling are called ‘aglets.’
- The tongue of a shoe will not lick your feet.
“Give a girl the right pair of shoes and she’ll conquer the world.” -Marilyn Monroe (pseudonym of Norma Jean Mortenson Baker (1926 - 1962))
Joe’s Shoes
The shoes of old Eskimo Joe
Fell apart as he walked in the snow.
“Have you needle and thread?”
I enquired, but he said,
“No, igloo them, not sew them, you know.”
by Author Unknown
“A man can walk without shoes, but shoes can’t walk without a man.” -George Daly
Squeakers: Shoes that mice wear.
Gregory: Who wears two pairs of shoes, both at the same time?
Geoffrey: Mules - as do horses, ponies, and mammoth donkeys used for riding.
“You cannot put the same shoe on every foot.” -Publilius Syrus (85 B.C.E. - 43 B.C.E.)
If the shoe fits, you are asleep and having a dream about shoes.
“The shoe that fits one person pinches another; there is no recipe for living that suits all cases.” -C. G. Jung (Carl Gustav Jung (1875 - 1961))
Melody: What is made of leather and sounds like a sneeze?
Clarabelle: A shoe.
A typical pair of casual shoes will last for about 500 miles of walking.
This just in: There is more to life than shoes. We are kidding, of course!
If the shoe fits, it must be some kind of magical shoe.
Shoes and Footwear Quiz
- Describe the perfect pair of shoes.
- In what types of jobs do people need steel-toed boots or shoes?
- What are aglets and what is their purpose?
- What are arch supports?
- What are sensible shoes?
- What features should a person look for in a shoe?
- What is a padded collar on a shoe?
- What items make up a shoeshine kit?
- Which of the following shoe toe shapes is best for your feet: pointed, squared, or rounded?
Otis: What does a shoemaker use to repair shoes?
Otto: Toe-nails.
“A handsome shoe often pinches the foot.” -Author Unknown
Presto: What results from wearing tight shoes.
A man walked into a shoe store, and tried on a pair of shoes. “How do they feel?” asked the sales clerk. “Well . . . they feel a bit tight,” replied the man. The assistant bent down and looked at the shoes and the man’s feet. “Try pulling out on the tongue,” offered the clerk. “Nath theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth,” the man said.
Al: What goes, “Thump, thump, thump, squish! Thump, thump, thump, squish!”?
Fred: An elephant wearing a soggy tennis shoe.
“Never buy shoes early in the day when your feet are their smallest.” -Frances Patiky Stein
The best time to buy shoes is when you are cranky and tired from walking and standing around all day, say for example, after work or school. This is because your feet are likely to be at their largest at this time of the day. That is right, your feet change in size throughout the day. It is shocking, we know. In the morning, you arise with your feet well-rested, but as the day progresses, you put a lot of pressure on your feet, causing them to spread out and swell up. If you try on shoes at the start of the day, well, that is when your feet are small, and if you were to continue to wear that same pair of shoes all day long, by the end of the day, your feet would not be happy, because they will be crammed into shoes that are too tiny.
Maxwell: Why do cobblers (shoemakers) go to Heaven?
Maxine: Because they have good soles.
“If the shoe fits, it’s too expensive.” -Adrienne Gusoff
A man walked into a shoe store and asked for a pair of shoes in size eight. The well-trained salesman said, “But sir, you need an eleven or an eleven-and-a-half.” “Just bring me a size eight,” the man said. The sales guy brought them out and the man stuffed his feet into them and stood up in obvious pain. He turned to the salesman and said, “I’ll take them. You see, I have lost my house to the tax collector, I live with my mother-in-law, my daughter ran off with her no-account boyfriend, and my business has filed for bankruptcy. The only pleasure I have left is at the end of the day when I go home and take my shoes off.”
“If you want to forget all your other troubles, wear shoes that are too tight.” -Author Unknown: “The Houghton Line” (November 1965)
“I have tennis shoes with little rhinestones that I slip on if I exercise. But I always wear heels, even around the house. I’m such a short little thing, I can’t reach my kitchen cabinets.” -Dolly Parton (born 1946)
“Sure, I may walk around as if everything is fine . . . but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off. I think that my shoe is trying to eat my sock, and that is a scary thought.” -Author Unknown
Darlene: What did the shoe say to the gum?
Darla: “Stick with me and we’ll go places!”
If the shoe fits, it’s obviously on somebody else’s foot.
Many people do not know that feet can increase by one-and-a-half shoe sizes or more throughout their lifetimes. A person’s feet can flatten and spread out as he or she ages, causing a permanent increase in both length and width. Additionally, changes in weight, surgery, amount of time spent standing and walking on the feet, lifting and moving heavy items all day long and other physical exertion at work and in play, and pregnancy, can cause foot size to increase. You may want to consider this the next time you go shoe shopping, especially if you are torturing yourself by trying to wear the same shoe size now that you wore years ago as a teenager or young adult. Try on slightly larger size shoes in slightly wider widths, perhaps with more toe room. Your feet will thank you!
“I bought these shoes in Taiwan, and they said in the inside, ‘Made around the corner.’” -Frank Carson
Shoes called sneakers were first produced in about 1800. They had a simple rubber sole design, with the name ‘sneaker’ coming from the fact that their soles are so smooth and yielding that they hardly make a sound on the ground.
Hubert: What kind of shoes do detectives wear?
Hugh: Sneakers!
Another name for a detective is a ‘gumshoe,’ because detectives have traditionally worn soft-soled shoes.
If the shoe fits, buy it.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Pear.
Pear, who?
Pear of shoes!
Shoestring: What every self-made businessperson claims to have built a business on.
You can tell a lot about a person’s character by the shoes he or she wears.
Need money? How about this zany idea: Become a ‘shoe reading’ expert. People come to you, you look at their shoes, you tell them what their shoes reveal about them, and you then advise them on what kind of shoes to buy if they want people to have a different opinion of them based on their shoes. This idea makes a lot more sense than palm reading and other methods of ‘fortune telling.’
Overheard: So many shoes . . . and only two feet!
“Your shoes are only as good as the laces they’re attached to.” -Greg Sampson
Norma: Why did the shoelaces arrive late at the party?
Nora: Because they got all tied up earlier.
If the shoe fits, it is too good to be true.
There was an old woman who lived in a shoe . . . rumor has it that it once belonged to a giant who lived at the top of a beanstalk . . . the old woman was ambling along, looking for affordable housing in a safe neighborhood for herself and her children, when all of a sudden, a really big shoe dropped out of the sky. Aren’t fairy tales fun?
Emma: What is sixty feet long, green, and has two tongues?
Emily: The Jolly Green Giant’s sneakers!
If the shoe fits, buy the store.
“I stand corrected!” said the man in the orthopedic shoes.
Shoe store sign: Buy One Shoe - Get Second Shoe Free!
The ‘boat shoe’ was invented by Paul Sperry. He modeled the sole of the shoe after his dog’s paw.
Ernie: What did one shoe say to the other shoe?
Bernie: “You stay here, and I’ll go on ahead to see what’s underfoot.”
“Shoes divide men into three classes. Some men wear their father’s shoes. They make no decisions of their own. Some are unthinkingly shod by the crowd. The strong man is his own cobbler. He insists on making his own choices. He walks in his own shoes.” -S. D. Gordon
Here’s a great title for a song: “I’ve Got the Squeaky Shoes Blues, Yeah!” Now we just need you to write the lyrics, or words, to go along with the song title.
“Shoes speak louder than words.” -Author Unknown
“Shoes squeak louder than words.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)
Moses: What kind of shoes are made from banana skins?
Moe: Slippers!
“Between saying and doing many a pair of shoes is worn out.” -Author Unknown: Italian proverb
One way to determine if shoes are a good fit is to wiggle your toes. If the shoes are roomy enough for you to wiggle your toes, that means your toes are less likely to be squeezed together in a space that is too tight for them, at which time they would cry for help the only way they know how, which is by sending pain signals to your brain.
If the shoe fits, you have somehow been magically transported to a fairy tale land.
Riddle:
I run over fields and woods all day;
Under a bed at night, I wait not alone
With long tongue hanging out,
I will be filled in the morn.
What am I?
Solution:
I am a shoe.
Customer: Do you have alligator shoes?
Clerk: Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?
If the shoe fits, you are daydreaming again . . . time to get back to work.
City Slicker: How far is it to Springerville?
Country Bumpkin: Well, I don’t rightly know, but I’ll ask Jethro. He’ll know. Jethro’s traveled all over. He’s got shoes!
“If the shoe fits, you’re not allowing for growth.” -Robert N. Coons
“Shoes aren’t for sitting petty in, shoes are made for walking in.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)
This is MFOL! . . . and that’s everything we have cobbled together about shoes . . . What’s that? . . . Our shoes are calling to us . . . seems they want to go out walking . . . maybe we will see you out there . . .
The earliest known footwear is a pair of sandals that date back to about 7,000 B.C.E. However, anatomical analysis of early humans seems to indicate that we may have begun wearing shoes as early as 40,000 years ago. Before then, we ran around barefoot and ate rocks. What’s that . . . oh, apparently, early humans did not eat rocks . . . just wild plants, raw meat, and bugs. Aren’t you glad you wear shoes?
Dustin: Do your shoes have holes in them?
Austin: No.
Dustin: Then how did you get your feet into them?
Shoe store sign: Limited Time Offer - Buy Two Shoes - And Get A Third Shoe Absolutely Free!
If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
Edith: Who always goes to bed wearing shoes?
Edna: A horse, of course.
Shoes all over the world were identical until 1822, when left-footed and right-footed shoes were made for the first time in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, United States of America.
Sonya: Why did the two shoes not get along?
Sonny: Because they both thought they were ‘right.’
If the shoe fits, it must be some kind of trick - don’t be fooled!
Overheard: Your shoes certainly make you look ‘well-heeled’!
The boots Neil Armstrong wore when he walked on the Moon are still floating around somewhere in outer space. He had to leave his boots there so that he could bring as many Moon rocks as possible back to Earth.
Ida: What has a tongue but cannot speak?
Emma: A shoe.
If the shoe fits, buy a pair in every color.
Sabrina: What runs around all day and then lies on the floor with its tongue hanging out?
Katrina: Your shoe!
In the silent movie, “The Gold Rush” (August 1925), comedic actor Charlie Chaplin actually ate his shoe. He portrayed his signature character, ‘The Tramp’ as a gold prospector who was trapped in a cabin during a snowstorm. Starving, he decided to boil his boot and eat the laces like spaghetti. Fortunately for Mr. Chaplin’s digestive system, the shoe used in the movie was made of licorice candy provided by the American Licorice Company.
“High heels were invented by a woman who had been kissed on the forehead.” -Christopher Morley (Christopher Darlington Morley (1890 - 1957))
Tutor: Can you name at least six things you can wear on your feet that begin with the letter ‘s’?
Student: Sandals, shoes, skates, skis, slippers, sneakers, snowshoes, socks, stilts, and stockings.
“It is totally impossible to be well-dressed in cheap shoes.” -Hardy Amies (Edwin Hardy Amies (1909 - 2003))
Many years ago, two salesmen were sent by a British shoe manufacturer to Africa to investigate and report on market potential. The first salesman reported back, “There is no potential here - nobody wears shoes.” The second salesman reported back, “There is massive potential here - nobody wears shoes.”
If the shoe fits your foot, it will not fit your budget.
Shoes and Footwear Facts
- The bottom of a shoe that touches the ground is called the ‘sole.’
- The edge around the opening of a shoe is called the ‘collar.’
- The holes in shoes that laces are fed through are called ‘eyelets.’
- The part of a shoe above the sole is called the ‘upper.’
- The plastic casings on the ends of shoelaces that prevent them from unraveling are called ‘aglets.’
- The tongue of a shoe will not lick your feet.
“Give a girl the right pair of shoes and she’ll conquer the world.” -Marilyn Monroe (pseudonym of Norma Jean Mortenson Baker (1926 - 1962))
Joe’s Shoes
The shoes of old Eskimo Joe
Fell apart as he walked in the snow.
“Have you needle and thread?”
I enquired, but he said,
“No, igloo them, not sew them, you know.”
by Author Unknown
“A man can walk without shoes, but shoes can’t walk without a man.” -George Daly
Squeakers: Shoes that mice wear.
Gregory: Who wears two pairs of shoes, both at the same time?
Geoffrey: Mules - as do horses, ponies, and mammoth donkeys used for riding.
“You cannot put the same shoe on every foot.” -Publilius Syrus (85 B.C.E. - 43 B.C.E.)
If the shoe fits, you are asleep and having a dream about shoes.
“The shoe that fits one person pinches another; there is no recipe for living that suits all cases.” -C. G. Jung (Carl Gustav Jung (1875 - 1961))
Melody: What is made of leather and sounds like a sneeze?
Clarabelle: A shoe.
A typical pair of casual shoes will last for about 500 miles of walking.
This just in: There is more to life than shoes. We are kidding, of course!
If the shoe fits, it must be some kind of magical shoe.
Shoes and Footwear Quiz
- Describe the perfect pair of shoes.
- In what types of jobs do people need steel-toed boots or shoes?
- What are aglets and what is their purpose?
- What are arch supports?
- What are sensible shoes?
- What features should a person look for in a shoe?
- What is a padded collar on a shoe?
- What items make up a shoeshine kit?
- Which of the following shoe toe shapes is best for your feet: pointed, squared, or rounded?
Otis: What does a shoemaker use to repair shoes?
Otto: Toe-nails.
“A handsome shoe often pinches the foot.” -Author Unknown
Presto: What results from wearing tight shoes.
A man walked into a shoe store, and tried on a pair of shoes. “How do they feel?” asked the sales clerk. “Well . . . they feel a bit tight,” replied the man. The assistant bent down and looked at the shoes and the man’s feet. “Try pulling out on the tongue,” offered the clerk. “Nath theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth,” the man said.
Al: What goes, “Thump, thump, thump, squish! Thump, thump, thump, squish!”?
Fred: An elephant wearing a soggy tennis shoe.
“Never buy shoes early in the day when your feet are their smallest.” -Frances Patiky Stein
The best time to buy shoes is when you are cranky and tired from walking and standing around all day, say for example, after work or school. This is because your feet are likely to be at their largest at this time of the day. That is right, your feet change in size throughout the day. It is shocking, we know. In the morning, you arise with your feet well-rested, but as the day progresses, you put a lot of pressure on your feet, causing them to spread out and swell up. If you try on shoes at the start of the day, well, that is when your feet are small, and if you were to continue to wear that same pair of shoes all day long, by the end of the day, your feet would not be happy, because they will be crammed into shoes that are too tiny.
Maxwell: Why do cobblers (shoemakers) go to Heaven?
Maxine: Because they have good soles.
“If the shoe fits, it’s too expensive.” -Adrienne Gusoff
A man walked into a shoe store and asked for a pair of shoes in size eight. The well-trained salesman said, “But sir, you need an eleven or an eleven-and-a-half.” “Just bring me a size eight,” the man said. The sales guy brought them out and the man stuffed his feet into them and stood up in obvious pain. He turned to the salesman and said, “I’ll take them. You see, I have lost my house to the tax collector, I live with my mother-in-law, my daughter ran off with her no-account boyfriend, and my business has filed for bankruptcy. The only pleasure I have left is at the end of the day when I go home and take my shoes off.”
“If you want to forget all your other troubles, wear shoes that are too tight.” -Author Unknown: “The Houghton Line” (November 1965)
“I have tennis shoes with little rhinestones that I slip on if I exercise. But I always wear heels, even around the house. I’m such a short little thing, I can’t reach my kitchen cabinets.” -Dolly Parton (born 1946)
“Sure, I may walk around as if everything is fine . . . but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off. I think that my shoe is trying to eat my sock, and that is a scary thought.” -Author Unknown
Darlene: What did the shoe say to the gum?
Darla: “Stick with me and we’ll go places!”
If the shoe fits, it’s obviously on somebody else’s foot.
Many people do not know that feet can increase by one-and-a-half shoe sizes or more throughout their lifetimes. A person’s feet can flatten and spread out as he or she ages, causing a permanent increase in both length and width. Additionally, changes in weight, surgery, amount of time spent standing and walking on the feet, lifting and moving heavy items all day long and other physical exertion at work and in play, and pregnancy, can cause foot size to increase. You may want to consider this the next time you go shoe shopping, especially if you are torturing yourself by trying to wear the same shoe size now that you wore years ago as a teenager or young adult. Try on slightly larger size shoes in slightly wider widths, perhaps with more toe room. Your feet will thank you!
“I bought these shoes in Taiwan, and they said in the inside, ‘Made around the corner.’” -Frank Carson
Shoes called sneakers were first produced in about 1800. They had a simple rubber sole design, with the name ‘sneaker’ coming from the fact that their soles are so smooth and yielding that they hardly make a sound on the ground.
Hubert: What kind of shoes do detectives wear?
Hugh: Sneakers!
Another name for a detective is a ‘gumshoe,’ because detectives have traditionally worn soft-soled shoes.
If the shoe fits, buy it.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Pear.
Pear, who?
Pear of shoes!
Shoestring: What every self-made businessperson claims to have built a business on.
You can tell a lot about a person’s character by the shoes he or she wears.
Need money? How about this zany idea: Become a ‘shoe reading’ expert. People come to you, you look at their shoes, you tell them what their shoes reveal about them, and you then advise them on what kind of shoes to buy if they want people to have a different opinion of them based on their shoes. This idea makes a lot more sense than palm reading and other methods of ‘fortune telling.’
Overheard: So many shoes . . . and only two feet!
“Your shoes are only as good as the laces they’re attached to.” -Greg Sampson
Norma: Why did the shoelaces arrive late at the party?
Nora: Because they got all tied up earlier.
If the shoe fits, it is too good to be true.
There was an old woman who lived in a shoe . . . rumor has it that it once belonged to a giant who lived at the top of a beanstalk . . . the old woman was ambling along, looking for affordable housing in a safe neighborhood for herself and her children, when all of a sudden, a really big shoe dropped out of the sky. Aren’t fairy tales fun?
Emma: What is sixty feet long, green, and has two tongues?
Emily: The Jolly Green Giant’s sneakers!
If the shoe fits, buy the store.
“I stand corrected!” said the man in the orthopedic shoes.
Shoe store sign: Buy One Shoe - Get Second Shoe Free!
The ‘boat shoe’ was invented by Paul Sperry. He modeled the sole of the shoe after his dog’s paw.
Ernie: What did one shoe say to the other shoe?
Bernie: “You stay here, and I’ll go on ahead to see what’s underfoot.”
“Shoes divide men into three classes. Some men wear their father’s shoes. They make no decisions of their own. Some are unthinkingly shod by the crowd. The strong man is his own cobbler. He insists on making his own choices. He walks in his own shoes.” -S. D. Gordon
Here’s a great title for a song: “I’ve Got the Squeaky Shoes Blues, Yeah!” Now we just need you to write the lyrics, or words, to go along with the song title.
“Shoes speak louder than words.” -Author Unknown
“Shoes squeak louder than words.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)
Moses: What kind of shoes are made from banana skins?
Moe: Slippers!
“Between saying and doing many a pair of shoes is worn out.” -Author Unknown: Italian proverb
One way to determine if shoes are a good fit is to wiggle your toes. If the shoes are roomy enough for you to wiggle your toes, that means your toes are less likely to be squeezed together in a space that is too tight for them, at which time they would cry for help the only way they know how, which is by sending pain signals to your brain.
If the shoe fits, you have somehow been magically transported to a fairy tale land.
Riddle:
I run over fields and woods all day;
Under a bed at night, I wait not alone
With long tongue hanging out,
I will be filled in the morn.
What am I?
Solution:
I am a shoe.
Customer: Do you have alligator shoes?
Clerk: Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?
If the shoe fits, you are daydreaming again . . . time to get back to work.
City Slicker: How far is it to Springerville?
Country Bumpkin: Well, I don’t rightly know, but I’ll ask Jethro. He’ll know. Jethro’s traveled all over. He’s got shoes!
“If the shoe fits, you’re not allowing for growth.” -Robert N. Coons
“Shoes aren’t for sitting petty in, shoes are made for walking in.” -David Hugh Beaumont (born 1966)
This is MFOL! . . . and that’s everything we have cobbled together about shoes . . . What’s that? . . . Our shoes are calling to us . . . seems they want to go out walking . . . maybe we will see you out there . . .
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