There are no such things as ghosts . . . there are no such things as ghosts . . . there are no such things as ghosts . . . aa-aaa-aaaah-aaa-aa! It’s a ghost! Run! Run! Run!
Edith: What should you do when you see a ghost?
Edwin: Hope the ghost does not see you!
“The house ghost is usually a harmless and well-meaning creature. It is put up with as long as possible. It brings good luck to those who live with it.” -William Butler Yeats (1865 - 1939): “The Celtic Twilight” (1902), page 32
Horace: When do ghosts usually appear?
Horatio: Just before someone screams.
Ghosts and Apparitions Facts
- Ghosts seem to want to be noticed.
- When a ghost is present, people may feel a chill or a cold sensation.
- Ghosts may appear as mists or vapors.
- Ghosts can make clearly audible sounds as well as very faint, barely discernable sounds.
- Other words for ghost include apparition, disembodied soul, phantom, and spirit.
- Ghosts, just as with people, come in many different types: good, bad, friendly, humorless, mischievous, unfriendly, polite, rude, and so forth.
- Most ghosts cannot hurt people; however, people can injure themselves if they panic and hurry to get away from them.
- Ghosts sometimes hang out in groups with other ghosts.
- Ghosts make friends with other ghosts from different eras.
- Ghosts that lived hundreds of years ago can keep up with recent trends.
- A ghost is behind you right now - just kidding!
Elaine: Why did the ghost cross the road?
Eileen: To get to the other side - the spirit side!
Spirits can become more active at night, possibly due to reduced electronic disturbances from appliances and other devices, which compete with or drown out ghostly apparitions. For this reason, you are more likely to sense ghostly presences when televisions and washing machines are not in use and your house is quiet.
Bertie: Where do ghosts get their mail?
Gertie: At the ghost office.
Ghosts appear in four of William Shakespeare’s plays: “Julius Caesar,” “Richard III,” “Hamlet,” and “Macbeth.”
Carla: What did the little ghost order at the restaurant?
Marla: Spookghetti.
If ghosts can walk through walls and glide down stairs, then why do they not fall through floors?
Little Ghost
I saw a little ghost.
He saw me, too.
I said, “Hi!”
And he said, “Boo!”
by Author Unknown
Phasmophobia is a persistent fear of ghosts or of phantoms. People with this phobia may fear going into empty houses or dark spaces, react with alarm to strange and unexplained noises, and have a strong opposition to watching ghost movies. ‘Phasmo’ is Greek for ‘apparition’ or ‘phantom’ and ‘phobia’ is Greek for ‘fear.’ Phasmophobia is also referred to as spectrophobia.
Clarence: What do ghosts put on their bagels?
Terrance: Scream cheese!
“Eventually scientists will discover something that explains ghosts, just like they discovered electricity, which explained lightning, and it might be something about people’s brains, or something about the Earth’s magnetic field, or it might be some new force altogether. And then ghosts won’t be mysteries. They will be like electricity and rainbows and nonstick frying pans.” -Mark Haddon (born 1962)
Tables Turned
The ghost of bold Ned Kelly
came to haunt my Auntie Nellie,
but when it saw her in the light
it was the ghost that got the fright.
by Michael Dugan (1947 - 2006)
Al: What do ghosts add to their morning cereal?
Lex: Boo-berries.
Danielle: What do ghosts like for dessert?
Daniel: I-scream!
Michelle: What do ghosts like on top of their I-scream?
Marcel: Whipped scream and boo-scaries!
Have you ever heard your name spoken when no one is around? It could be that a ghost is trying to get your attention. Spooky!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Freighter.
Freighter, who?
Freighter ghosts, are you?
Ghosts have a sense of humor and love to hear humans laugh.
Rachelle: What is a ghost’s favorite breakfast?
Raquel: Ghost toasties with boo-berries.
Ghosts can leave behind certain scents, such as that of perfume, and they like the smell of lemons.
Bob: Do ghosts make good pets?
Rob: Only if they are housebroken.
Animals seem to be able to sense ghosts or spirits, and that is why they may sometimes be seen staring intensely at what appears to be nothing, perhaps even showing signs of being ‘spooked,’ such as barking, hissing, whimpering, moving erratically, or acting frightened of something undetected by human senses.
Edith: What should you do when you see a ghost?
Edwin: Hope the ghost does not see you!
“The house ghost is usually a harmless and well-meaning creature. It is put up with as long as possible. It brings good luck to those who live with it.” -William Butler Yeats (1865 - 1939): “The Celtic Twilight” (1902), page 32
Horace: When do ghosts usually appear?
Horatio: Just before someone screams.
Ghosts and Apparitions Facts
- Ghosts seem to want to be noticed.
- When a ghost is present, people may feel a chill or a cold sensation.
- Ghosts may appear as mists or vapors.
- Ghosts can make clearly audible sounds as well as very faint, barely discernable sounds.
- Other words for ghost include apparition, disembodied soul, phantom, and spirit.
- Ghosts, just as with people, come in many different types: good, bad, friendly, humorless, mischievous, unfriendly, polite, rude, and so forth.
- Most ghosts cannot hurt people; however, people can injure themselves if they panic and hurry to get away from them.
- Ghosts sometimes hang out in groups with other ghosts.
- Ghosts make friends with other ghosts from different eras.
- Ghosts that lived hundreds of years ago can keep up with recent trends.
- A ghost is behind you right now - just kidding!
Elaine: Why did the ghost cross the road?
Eileen: To get to the other side - the spirit side!
Spirits can become more active at night, possibly due to reduced electronic disturbances from appliances and other devices, which compete with or drown out ghostly apparitions. For this reason, you are more likely to sense ghostly presences when televisions and washing machines are not in use and your house is quiet.
Bertie: Where do ghosts get their mail?
Gertie: At the ghost office.
Ghosts appear in four of William Shakespeare’s plays: “Julius Caesar,” “Richard III,” “Hamlet,” and “Macbeth.”
Carla: What did the little ghost order at the restaurant?
Marla: Spookghetti.
If ghosts can walk through walls and glide down stairs, then why do they not fall through floors?
Little Ghost
I saw a little ghost.
He saw me, too.
I said, “Hi!”
And he said, “Boo!”
by Author Unknown
Phasmophobia is a persistent fear of ghosts or of phantoms. People with this phobia may fear going into empty houses or dark spaces, react with alarm to strange and unexplained noises, and have a strong opposition to watching ghost movies. ‘Phasmo’ is Greek for ‘apparition’ or ‘phantom’ and ‘phobia’ is Greek for ‘fear.’ Phasmophobia is also referred to as spectrophobia.
Clarence: What do ghosts put on their bagels?
Terrance: Scream cheese!
“Eventually scientists will discover something that explains ghosts, just like they discovered electricity, which explained lightning, and it might be something about people’s brains, or something about the Earth’s magnetic field, or it might be some new force altogether. And then ghosts won’t be mysteries. They will be like electricity and rainbows and nonstick frying pans.” -Mark Haddon (born 1962)
Tables Turned
The ghost of bold Ned Kelly
came to haunt my Auntie Nellie,
but when it saw her in the light
it was the ghost that got the fright.
by Michael Dugan (1947 - 2006)
Al: What do ghosts add to their morning cereal?
Lex: Boo-berries.
Danielle: What do ghosts like for dessert?
Daniel: I-scream!
Michelle: What do ghosts like on top of their I-scream?
Marcel: Whipped scream and boo-scaries!
Have you ever heard your name spoken when no one is around? It could be that a ghost is trying to get your attention. Spooky!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Freighter.
Freighter, who?
Freighter ghosts, are you?
Ghosts have a sense of humor and love to hear humans laugh.
Rachelle: What is a ghost’s favorite breakfast?
Raquel: Ghost toasties with boo-berries.
Ghosts can leave behind certain scents, such as that of perfume, and they like the smell of lemons.
Bob: Do ghosts make good pets?
Rob: Only if they are housebroken.
Animals seem to be able to sense ghosts or spirits, and that is why they may sometimes be seen staring intensely at what appears to be nothing, perhaps even showing signs of being ‘spooked,’ such as barking, hissing, whimpering, moving erratically, or acting frightened of something undetected by human senses.
Don’t be frightened, because underneath the bedsheets, there are probably just . . . terrifying ghosts!
Glenard: What happened when the ghosts went on strike?
Leonard: A skeleton crew took over.
Ghosts seem to be more active at night and in dark places, possibly because it takes less effort for them to appear, or ‘manifest’ themselves, in those conditions.
Wendell: What is the first thing a ghost does when she gets into a car?
Kendall: She boo-ckles her seatbelt.
Children are more likely to see ghosts than adults are, and children may perceive ghosts as being their ‘imaginary friends.’
Ghost: I hear you have a new ghoul friend.
Vampire: Yes, it was love at first fright.
Ghost: It’s no wonder. She’s so boo-tiful.
Ghosts like to climb up and down stairs and walk in hallways. Perhaps they can only manifest themselves in the physical world by motion or exertion (effort).
Nellie: Why did the mommy ghost take her ghost child to the doctor?
Kelly: She was worried because he was in such good spirits.
Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955) may have postulated a scientific basis for the existence of ghosts. Since energy cannot be created or destroyed, but can only change form, could life-force energy manifest in ghostly form when physical life ceases?
Three Little Ghosts
Three little ghosts on Halloween night
Saw a witch and shrieked in fright
The witch just laughed and shouted, “Boo!”
One ghost ran home and then there were two.
Two little ghosts who shiver and shook
With every single step they took.
When the door opened wide
One little ghost said to the other . . .
I’m going home and stay with my mother.
One little ghost can’t have much fun,
so he ran home, and then there were none.
by Author Unknown
Pat: What did the ghost say to Santa Claus?
Rick: “I’ll have a boo Christmas without you.”
Ghosts are often protective of the places they haunt, and may even jealously guard the individuals and families in those places - if they are not trying to drive them away.
Shelia: What sport is popular with ghosts?
Ophelia: Shadow boxing.
Some alleged hauntings are actually ‘residual occurrences,’ or past events that replay themselves over and over, like the echoes of a sound or the ripples made by a disturbance in a pond. History very much tends to repeat itself in this kind of scenario. History very much tends to repeat itself in this kind of scenario. History very much tends to repeat itself in this kind of scenario.
Meredith: What did the mother ghost tell her baby ghost at the dinner table?
Merry: “Quit goblin your food.”
Ghosts do not sleep, so if you hear a strange whisper in your ear while you are sleeping, it may be a ghost.
Ghosts
glide across the
golden grass gathering
goblins and grabbing
grasshoppers.
They giggle and glide
above
the ground.
-Author Unknown
Often ghosts do not seem to know that they are no longer living persons. They seem to exist in a permanent state of confusion, almost as if they are imprisoned in a dream from which they cannot awaken. Many ghosts are happy, but some appear to be experiencing emotional pain. Some ghosts retain all of the memories and emotions of being alive, while other ghosts seem to have forgotten everything, as though in a state of amnesia.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
A ghost boo.
A ghost boo, who?
I’m sorry, please don’t cry, I didn’t mean to scare you.
Erma: What does a mother ghost say to her child when they get into the car?
Ernie: “Fasten your sheet-belt!”
If you like having a ghost around, say something nice to it, like: “You are really spooktacular and really great at haunting.” If you find being haunted bothersome, simply ask the ghost to leave, as they often will do just as they are asked. Say something like, “I know you are here but you are scaring me, please leave.”
Henny: What haunts your house and clucks?
Penny: A poultry-gheist!
A noisy, troublesome ghost is known as a ‘poltergeist,’ a word derived from the German words ‘poltern’ meaning to ‘create a disturbance’ and ‘geist’ meaning ‘ghost.’ They are pranksters who use their ghostly energies to move things and make noises. For example, they can cause objects to levitate, or make sounds such as door-knocking and chain-rattling.
Oscar: Why did the game warden ticket the ghost?
Carla: He was haunting without a license.
During American Woodrow Wilson’s presidency, his wife Edith Wilson ordered the gardeners to dig up Dolly Madison’s prized rose garden. It is said that Dolly Madison’s spirit showed up and put such a fear of ghosts into the workmen that they fled without turning over a single shovel-full of the soil. The garden still continues to bloom, having been in place for about two centuries now.
Elmer: What goes, “Boo, putty, putty, putty, boo, putty, putty, putty”?
Marla: A ghost replacing a broken window.
Cell phones spook ghosts. According to an expert in England, mobile phones are making ghosts disappear. Tony Cornell, of the Society for Psychical Research, told the British “Sunday Express” newspaper that reports of ghost sightings had begun to decline when mobile phones were first introduced. “Ghost sightings have remained consistent for centuries,” said Cornell, of Cambridge in Eastern England. “But with the introduction of mobile phones fifteen years ago, ghost sightings began to decline to the point where now we are receiving none.” Apparently, paranormal events, which some scientists put down to unusual electrical activity, could be drowned out by the electronic noise produced by phone calls and text messages.
Helen: What is a little ghost’s favorite game?
Ellen: Hide-and-Shriek.
Laddie: What game do baby ghosts like to play?
Lassie: Peek-a-Boo!
Todd: What do you get when you cross a ghost and an elephant?
Maude: A great big nothing.
Spirits can manifest in various ways, including orbs, streaks of light, dark shadows, mists, and strange blurs. Full-body apparitions are possible, but rare.
Jimmy: What is a ghost’s favorite kind of music?
Jeremy: Haunting melodies.
Ghosts and Apparitions Quiz
- What does a ghost look like?
- Have you ever seen a ghost?
- Have you ever heard a ghost?
- Have you ever felt the presence of a ghost?
- Is it harmful to believe in ghosts?
- Do plants have ghosts?
- Do animals have ghosts?
- Do you know any ghost stories?
- Would a ghost make a good pet or friend?
- What should you do if you see a ghost?
Rob: Where do ghosts send their little girls?
Roy: To all-ghouls schools.
Overheard: During the day, I do not believe in ghosts, but at night, I am a little more open-minded!
Ronald: What did one ghost say to the other ghost?
Donald: “Do you believe in people?”
Millions of spiritual creatures walk the Earth
Unseen, both when we wake and when we sleep.
-John Milton (1608 - 1674): “Paradise Lost,” line 677
Riddle: What is spooky and scares people - but is also nervous and jumpy?
Solution: A ghost that is afraid of ghosts!
Lars: Where do ghosts go fishing?
Darcy: Lake Erie!
This is MFOL! . . . if ghosts were real, you can be sure that we would be interviewing them right now, to find out if they know any silly jokes or have any secret knowledge. Yet, one can never be entirely sure, because there are many places in our world that have not yet been fully explored, and ghosts may be there waiting for us . . . Now go have fun with your life!
Glenard: What happened when the ghosts went on strike?
Leonard: A skeleton crew took over.
Ghosts seem to be more active at night and in dark places, possibly because it takes less effort for them to appear, or ‘manifest’ themselves, in those conditions.
Wendell: What is the first thing a ghost does when she gets into a car?
Kendall: She boo-ckles her seatbelt.
Children are more likely to see ghosts than adults are, and children may perceive ghosts as being their ‘imaginary friends.’
Ghost: I hear you have a new ghoul friend.
Vampire: Yes, it was love at first fright.
Ghost: It’s no wonder. She’s so boo-tiful.
Ghosts like to climb up and down stairs and walk in hallways. Perhaps they can only manifest themselves in the physical world by motion or exertion (effort).
Nellie: Why did the mommy ghost take her ghost child to the doctor?
Kelly: She was worried because he was in such good spirits.
Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955) may have postulated a scientific basis for the existence of ghosts. Since energy cannot be created or destroyed, but can only change form, could life-force energy manifest in ghostly form when physical life ceases?
Three Little Ghosts
Three little ghosts on Halloween night
Saw a witch and shrieked in fright
The witch just laughed and shouted, “Boo!”
One ghost ran home and then there were two.
Two little ghosts who shiver and shook
With every single step they took.
When the door opened wide
One little ghost said to the other . . .
I’m going home and stay with my mother.
One little ghost can’t have much fun,
so he ran home, and then there were none.
by Author Unknown
Pat: What did the ghost say to Santa Claus?
Rick: “I’ll have a boo Christmas without you.”
Ghosts are often protective of the places they haunt, and may even jealously guard the individuals and families in those places - if they are not trying to drive them away.
Shelia: What sport is popular with ghosts?
Ophelia: Shadow boxing.
Some alleged hauntings are actually ‘residual occurrences,’ or past events that replay themselves over and over, like the echoes of a sound or the ripples made by a disturbance in a pond. History very much tends to repeat itself in this kind of scenario. History very much tends to repeat itself in this kind of scenario. History very much tends to repeat itself in this kind of scenario.
Meredith: What did the mother ghost tell her baby ghost at the dinner table?
Merry: “Quit goblin your food.”
Ghosts do not sleep, so if you hear a strange whisper in your ear while you are sleeping, it may be a ghost.
Ghosts
glide across the
golden grass gathering
goblins and grabbing
grasshoppers.
They giggle and glide
above
the ground.
-Author Unknown
Often ghosts do not seem to know that they are no longer living persons. They seem to exist in a permanent state of confusion, almost as if they are imprisoned in a dream from which they cannot awaken. Many ghosts are happy, but some appear to be experiencing emotional pain. Some ghosts retain all of the memories and emotions of being alive, while other ghosts seem to have forgotten everything, as though in a state of amnesia.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
A ghost boo.
A ghost boo, who?
I’m sorry, please don’t cry, I didn’t mean to scare you.
Erma: What does a mother ghost say to her child when they get into the car?
Ernie: “Fasten your sheet-belt!”
If you like having a ghost around, say something nice to it, like: “You are really spooktacular and really great at haunting.” If you find being haunted bothersome, simply ask the ghost to leave, as they often will do just as they are asked. Say something like, “I know you are here but you are scaring me, please leave.”
Henny: What haunts your house and clucks?
Penny: A poultry-gheist!
A noisy, troublesome ghost is known as a ‘poltergeist,’ a word derived from the German words ‘poltern’ meaning to ‘create a disturbance’ and ‘geist’ meaning ‘ghost.’ They are pranksters who use their ghostly energies to move things and make noises. For example, they can cause objects to levitate, or make sounds such as door-knocking and chain-rattling.
Oscar: Why did the game warden ticket the ghost?
Carla: He was haunting without a license.
During American Woodrow Wilson’s presidency, his wife Edith Wilson ordered the gardeners to dig up Dolly Madison’s prized rose garden. It is said that Dolly Madison’s spirit showed up and put such a fear of ghosts into the workmen that they fled without turning over a single shovel-full of the soil. The garden still continues to bloom, having been in place for about two centuries now.
Elmer: What goes, “Boo, putty, putty, putty, boo, putty, putty, putty”?
Marla: A ghost replacing a broken window.
Cell phones spook ghosts. According to an expert in England, mobile phones are making ghosts disappear. Tony Cornell, of the Society for Psychical Research, told the British “Sunday Express” newspaper that reports of ghost sightings had begun to decline when mobile phones were first introduced. “Ghost sightings have remained consistent for centuries,” said Cornell, of Cambridge in Eastern England. “But with the introduction of mobile phones fifteen years ago, ghost sightings began to decline to the point where now we are receiving none.” Apparently, paranormal events, which some scientists put down to unusual electrical activity, could be drowned out by the electronic noise produced by phone calls and text messages.
Helen: What is a little ghost’s favorite game?
Ellen: Hide-and-Shriek.
Laddie: What game do baby ghosts like to play?
Lassie: Peek-a-Boo!
Todd: What do you get when you cross a ghost and an elephant?
Maude: A great big nothing.
Spirits can manifest in various ways, including orbs, streaks of light, dark shadows, mists, and strange blurs. Full-body apparitions are possible, but rare.
Jimmy: What is a ghost’s favorite kind of music?
Jeremy: Haunting melodies.
Ghosts and Apparitions Quiz
- What does a ghost look like?
- Have you ever seen a ghost?
- Have you ever heard a ghost?
- Have you ever felt the presence of a ghost?
- Is it harmful to believe in ghosts?
- Do plants have ghosts?
- Do animals have ghosts?
- Do you know any ghost stories?
- Would a ghost make a good pet or friend?
- What should you do if you see a ghost?
Rob: Where do ghosts send their little girls?
Roy: To all-ghouls schools.
Overheard: During the day, I do not believe in ghosts, but at night, I am a little more open-minded!
Ronald: What did one ghost say to the other ghost?
Donald: “Do you believe in people?”
Millions of spiritual creatures walk the Earth
Unseen, both when we wake and when we sleep.
-John Milton (1608 - 1674): “Paradise Lost,” line 677
Riddle: What is spooky and scares people - but is also nervous and jumpy?
Solution: A ghost that is afraid of ghosts!
Lars: Where do ghosts go fishing?
Darcy: Lake Erie!
This is MFOL! . . . if ghosts were real, you can be sure that we would be interviewing them right now, to find out if they know any silly jokes or have any secret knowledge. Yet, one can never be entirely sure, because there are many places in our world that have not yet been fully explored, and ghosts may be there waiting for us . . . Now go have fun with your life!
