**Mathematics . . . it looks like some kind of foreign language . . .**

“Ba + 2(na) = Banana.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born in 1966)

Problem: Greenville and Springfield are at each end of a railroad track 100 miles long. At exactly 10:00 a.m. one train leaves Greenville and another train leaves Springfield. The engineer operating the train from Greenville averages 50 miles per hour, while the engineer on the train from Springfield averages 40 miles per hour. Where will they meet?

Solution: In a hospital emergency room.

Math problems? Call 1-800-[(10x)(13i)^2]-[sin(xy)/2.362x]

Problem: If you had six oranges in one hand and seven oranges in the other hand, what would you have?

Solution: Really big hands!

Problem: How is the equation ‘2 + 2 = 5’ similar to your left foot?

Solution: It is ‘not right.’

Problem: If a hole measures 17 feet wide by 15 feet long by 35 feet deep, how much dirt would be in it?

Solution: There is no dirt in any hole, regardless of its size.

Mathematics and Mathematicians Facts

- People of any age who take time to learn about mathematics plus language are more likely to have great futures than people who do not.

- Math is used in all jobs and hobbies, and even in shopping at grocery stores and in playing sports.

- We use math in our daily lives, and as we grow older, we use even more math.

- Math can be fun and a good source of jokes; just keep reading to learn how.

- Mathematicians are people who make mathematics a big part of their work or interests.

- Math gets easier the more we practice it, just like jumping rope or riding a bicycle.

“Arithmetic is being able to count up to twenty without taking off your shoes.” -Mickey Mouse

Robin: What is [ ( 10 x 30 ) + 60 ] - 360?

Jay: A whole lot of work for nothing!

The letters in ‘eleven plus two’ can be rearranged to spell ‘twelve plus one’ - and the solution for both of the problems is the same number.

Teacher: Mel, if you had six candy bars on your desk and Vin took three, what would you have?

Mel: A big fight.

Problem: If it takes 13 men 11 days to dig a hole, how long will it take 7 men to dig half a hole?

Solution: There is no such thing as half a hole. (But there is such a thing as half a whole - we just threw that in because we thought it would be fun to complicate things!)

There are only two types of people in the world: those who do not do math, and those who take care of them.

The word algorithm is derived from the Greek word ‘arithmos’ meaning ‘number.’

A Dozen, a Gross, and a Score

A dozen, a gross, and a score,

plus three times the square root of four,

divided by seven,

plus five times eleven,

equals nine squared and not a bit more.

( ( 12 + 144 + 20 + ( 3 * 4^ ( 1/2 ) ) ) / 7) + (5 * 11 ) = 9^2 + 0

-John Saxon (John Harold Saxon, Junior (1923 - 1996))

2,520 can be divided by 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, and 10 without having a fractional leftover.

“Mathematics is the cheapest science. All one needs for mathematics is a pencil and a paper.” -George Polya

Problem: If 5 cats catch 5 mice in 5 minutes, how long will it take one cat to catch a mouse?

Solution: 5 minutes.

“Harriet hated math. She hated math with every bone in her body. She spent so much time hating it that she never had time to do it.” -Louise Fitzhugh: “Harriet the Spy” (1964)

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321. Can you see the pattern in the numbers on the right side of the equation?

“All over China, parents tell their children to stop complaining and to finish their quadratic equations and trigonometric functions because there are sixty-five million American kids going to bed with no math at all.” -Michael Cunningham

Problem: If it took five men one day to dig up a field, how long will it take ten men to dig up the same field?

Solution: No time at all - the field has already been dug up.

“A logarithm is just a misspelled algorithm.” -Author Unknown

Overheard: I just took my calculator apart . . . and it seems that it is true that what is on the inside is what really counts.

“Mathematics would certainly have not come into existence if one had known from the beginning that there was in nature no exactly straight line, no actual circle, no absolute magnitude.” -Friedrich Nietzsche (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche (1844 - 1900))

Problem: If you were given ten apples to walk three miles in the morning and 20 apples to walk five miles in the afternoon, what would you have?

Solution: Tired Feet!

“Mathematics is like checkers in being suitable for the young: not too difficult, amusing, and without peril to the state.” -Plato

2um + 2um = Forum.

Overheard: Mathematics is made up of fifty percent formulas, fifty percent proofs, and fifty percent imagination.

Teacher: Does anyone know who invented fractions?

Student: Henry the 1/8th?

K4 + K5 = Canine.

“Ba + 2(na) = Banana.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born in 1966)

Problem: Greenville and Springfield are at each end of a railroad track 100 miles long. At exactly 10:00 a.m. one train leaves Greenville and another train leaves Springfield. The engineer operating the train from Greenville averages 50 miles per hour, while the engineer on the train from Springfield averages 40 miles per hour. Where will they meet?

Solution: In a hospital emergency room.

Math problems? Call 1-800-[(10x)(13i)^2]-[sin(xy)/2.362x]

Problem: If you had six oranges in one hand and seven oranges in the other hand, what would you have?

Solution: Really big hands!

Problem: How is the equation ‘2 + 2 = 5’ similar to your left foot?

Solution: It is ‘not right.’

Problem: If a hole measures 17 feet wide by 15 feet long by 35 feet deep, how much dirt would be in it?

Solution: There is no dirt in any hole, regardless of its size.

Mathematics and Mathematicians Facts

- People of any age who take time to learn about mathematics plus language are more likely to have great futures than people who do not.

- Math is used in all jobs and hobbies, and even in shopping at grocery stores and in playing sports.

- We use math in our daily lives, and as we grow older, we use even more math.

- Math can be fun and a good source of jokes; just keep reading to learn how.

- Mathematicians are people who make mathematics a big part of their work or interests.

- Math gets easier the more we practice it, just like jumping rope or riding a bicycle.

“Arithmetic is being able to count up to twenty without taking off your shoes.” -Mickey Mouse

Robin: What is [ ( 10 x 30 ) + 60 ] - 360?

Jay: A whole lot of work for nothing!

The letters in ‘eleven plus two’ can be rearranged to spell ‘twelve plus one’ - and the solution for both of the problems is the same number.

Teacher: Mel, if you had six candy bars on your desk and Vin took three, what would you have?

Mel: A big fight.

Problem: If it takes 13 men 11 days to dig a hole, how long will it take 7 men to dig half a hole?

Solution: There is no such thing as half a hole. (But there is such a thing as half a whole - we just threw that in because we thought it would be fun to complicate things!)

There are only two types of people in the world: those who do not do math, and those who take care of them.

The word algorithm is derived from the Greek word ‘arithmos’ meaning ‘number.’

A Dozen, a Gross, and a Score

A dozen, a gross, and a score,

plus three times the square root of four,

divided by seven,

plus five times eleven,

equals nine squared and not a bit more.

( ( 12 + 144 + 20 + ( 3 * 4^ ( 1/2 ) ) ) / 7) + (5 * 11 ) = 9^2 + 0

-John Saxon (John Harold Saxon, Junior (1923 - 1996))

2,520 can be divided by 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, and 10 without having a fractional leftover.

“Mathematics is the cheapest science. All one needs for mathematics is a pencil and a paper.” -George Polya

Problem: If 5 cats catch 5 mice in 5 minutes, how long will it take one cat to catch a mouse?

Solution: 5 minutes.

“Harriet hated math. She hated math with every bone in her body. She spent so much time hating it that she never had time to do it.” -Louise Fitzhugh: “Harriet the Spy” (1964)

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321. Can you see the pattern in the numbers on the right side of the equation?

“All over China, parents tell their children to stop complaining and to finish their quadratic equations and trigonometric functions because there are sixty-five million American kids going to bed with no math at all.” -Michael Cunningham

Problem: If it took five men one day to dig up a field, how long will it take ten men to dig up the same field?

Solution: No time at all - the field has already been dug up.

“A logarithm is just a misspelled algorithm.” -Author Unknown

Overheard: I just took my calculator apart . . . and it seems that it is true that what is on the inside is what really counts.

“Mathematics would certainly have not come into existence if one had known from the beginning that there was in nature no exactly straight line, no actual circle, no absolute magnitude.” -Friedrich Nietzsche (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche (1844 - 1900))

Problem: If you were given ten apples to walk three miles in the morning and 20 apples to walk five miles in the afternoon, what would you have?

Solution: Tired Feet!

“Mathematics is like checkers in being suitable for the young: not too difficult, amusing, and without peril to the state.” -Plato

2um + 2um = Forum.

Overheard: Mathematics is made up of fifty percent formulas, fifty percent proofs, and fifty percent imagination.

Teacher: Does anyone know who invented fractions?

Student: Henry the 1/8th?

K4 + K5 = Canine.

**“Mathematics is the language God used to write the Universe.” -Nathan Thomas Taylor (born in 1966)**

**Teacher: If I give you three rabbits, and then I give you two rabbits, how many rabbits will you have?**

Student: Six?

Teacher: Six?

Student: Yes, I have one at home already.

Arithmophobia is an irrational fear of numbers. Ours started with long division in the 5th grade.

The Evolution of Math Teaching

- 1960’s: A peasant sells a bag of potatoes for $10. His costs amount to 4/5 of his selling price. What is his profit?

- 1970’s: A farmer sells a bag of potatoes for $10. His costs amount to 4/5 of his selling price, that is, $8. What is his profit?

- 1970’s ‘New Math’: A farmer exchanges a set P of potatoes with set M of money. The cardinality of the set M is equal to 10, and each element of M is worth $1. Draw ten big dots representing the elements of M. The set C of production costs is composed of two big dots less than the set M. Represent C as a subset of M and give the answer to the question: What is the cardinality of the set of profits?

- 1980’s: A farmer sells a bag of potatoes for $10. His production costs are $8, and his profit is $2. Underline the word ‘potatoes’ and discuss with your classmates.

- 1990’s: A farmer sells a bag of potatoes for $10. His or her production costs are 0.80 of his or her revenue. On your calculator, graph revenue versus costs. Run the POTATO program to determine the profit. Discuss the result with students in your group. Write a brief essay that analyzes this example in the real world of economics.

- 2000’s: A farmer sells a bag of potatoes for $10. How is his action contributing to poverty in developing nations and climate change, and what would a fair punishment be to give the farmer under our social justice system?

2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.

Teacher: Which has more legs, a horse or no horse?

Student: No horse, because a horse has four legs, but no horse has five.

Problem: In a completely dark room there is a pile of socks. 75 of the socks are red and 139 of the socks are green. How many socks would you have to take to be sure of having a pair?

Solution: Just three.

“A mathematician is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat which isn’t there.” -Charles Darwin

Math problem: If you have 4 pencils and I have 7 apples, how many pancakes will fit on the roof?

Solution: Purple, because aliens do not wear hats.

Fuzzy math: Fur-covered formulas that purr or bark.

A student walked into the math department with a shiny new trophy, the kind people get when they win a contest. He said, “I won this in the Math Contest. They asked us what 7 + 7 is. I said 12 and got third place!”

“A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.” -Paul Erdos

A fifth grade teacher was giving a lesson in arithmetic. She asked the children to explain on paper how you know when to add, subtract, divide, or multiply. Here is one girl’s paper: If there are lots of numbers, you add. If there are only two numbers, with lots of parts, you subtract. But if there are just two numbers, and one is a little harder than the other, then it is a hard problem, so you divide, if they come out even, but if they do not, you multiply.

“Classification of mathematical problems as linear and nonlinear makes as much sense as classification of the Universe as bananas and nonbananas.” -Author Unknown

Son: We had a guessing game.

Mother: But I thought you were having a math exam?

Son: That is right!

Why can’t 1 + 1 = 11?

“Do not worry too much about your difficulties in mathematics; I can assure you that mine are still greater.” -Albert Einstein

Problem: Two fathers and two sons go fishing. Each of them catches one fish. So why do they bring home only three fish?

Solution: The fishing group comprises a grandfather, his son, and his son’s son - hence just three people.

“The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.” -Robert R. Coveyou

Problem: How many feet would you have if you added an eight-foot snake to a six-foot snake?

Solution: None - snakes do not have feet!

“Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.” -Steven Wright

Need money? Become a math tutor, during after-school hours, on weekends, and on holidays.

“We used to think that if we knew one, we knew two, because one and one are two. We are finding that we must learn a great deal more about ‘and.’” -Arthur Stanley Eddington

Math·e·mat·ics: The study of the relationships among numbers, shapes, and quantities; and its use of signs, symbols, and proofs; includes arithmetic, algebra, calculus, geometry, and trigonometry.

A·rith·me·tic: The branch of mathematics that deals with addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division; and the use of numbers in calculations.

Arithmetic: A ‘subset’ of mathematics.

What is ‘casting out nines’? Is it like an incantation or a witch’s spell or sorcery?

Problem: A woman has seven daughters, and each daughter has a brother. How many children does the woman have all together?

Solution: She has eight children.

Is there more to mathematics than just numbers?

One day a mathematician decided that he was sick of math. So, he walked down to a hospital and announced that he wanted to become a doctor. The hospital administrator said, “Well, you look like a good guy. I would be glad to hire you, but first I have to give you a little test.” The hospital administrator took the mathematician to the hospital emergency room, which contained medical equipment, supplies, and a man with a broken leg who had just been brought in. The hospital administrator said, “Okay, you are the emergency room attending physician, and you see the patient. What do you do?” The mathematician replied, “Well, I get the man’s leg X-rayed, reset the bone, and apply a cast.” The hospital administrator said, “That is great . . . perfect. Now I have to ask you just one more question. What do you do if a man comes in who says his leg hurts, but it does not appear to be broken?” The mathematician puzzled over the question for a while and finally he said, “I use a sledge-hammer to break the man’s leg, X-ray it, reset the bone, and apply a cast.” The hospital administrator yelled, “What? That is horrible! Why would you break a man’s leg?” The mathematician replied, “Well, that way I reduce the problem to one I have already solved.”

Some people claim that ‘MATH’ stands for ‘Mental Abuse To Humans.’ They just need to focus and apply themselves, and they will find that it actually stands for ‘Miracles Attributable To Hard Work.’

Problem: Stephen has three piles of sand and George has four piles of sand. If they put them together, how many do they have?

Solution: If the piles of sand were all put together, there would be one pile of sand.

Riddle: When do two and two make more than four?

Solution: When they make twenty-two.

Approximately Ten Excuses for Not Doing Math Homework

- I accidentally divided by zero and my paper burst into flames.

- I could only get arbitrarily close to my textbook. I could not actually reach it.

- I have the proof, but there is no room to write it in this margin.

- I was watching the World Series and got tied up trying to prove that it converged.

- I locked the paper in my trunk but a four-dimensional dog got in and ate it.

- Isaac Newton’s birthday.

- I could not figure out whether ‘i am the square of negative one’ or ‘i is the square root of negative one.’

- I have a solar powered calculator and it was cloudy.

- I spent too much time making this list of excuses.

- I was reading jokes on the ‘Make Fun Of Life!’ Website and lost track of time.

If you add up the numbers 1 through 100 consecutively (1 + 2 + 3 + 4 + 5 . . .), the total is 5,050.

“Life is a math equation. In order to gain the most, you have to know how to convert the negatives into positives.” -Author Unknown

Teacher: What is half of eight?

Student: Up and down, or across?

Teacher: What do you mean?

Student: Up and down, it is 3, and across, it is zero.

“In mathematics you don’t understand things. You just get used to them.” -John von Neumann (1903 - 1957): as quoted in Gary Zukav: “The Dancing Wu Li Masters” (1979)

Riddle: Using the numbers 1 through 9 in order, can you make an equation exactly equal to 100?

Solution: 12 + 3 - 4 + 5 + 67 + 8 + 9 = 100.

Riddle: Using only addition, can you add eight 8’s to get the number 1,000?

Solution: 888 + 88 + 8 + 8 + 8 = 1,000.

“A formal manipulator in mathematics often experiences the discomforting feeling that his pencil surpasses him in intelligence.” -Howard W. Eves

We know what you are thinking, and you are right . . . some of these jokes just do not ‘add up’ . . . and that is okay, because they are just for fun. If you have any math humor to add to this topic, please email it to us at MakeFunOfLife@mail.com

Student: Six?

Teacher: Six?

Student: Yes, I have one at home already.

Arithmophobia is an irrational fear of numbers. Ours started with long division in the 5th grade.

The Evolution of Math Teaching

- 1960’s: A peasant sells a bag of potatoes for $10. His costs amount to 4/5 of his selling price. What is his profit?

- 1970’s: A farmer sells a bag of potatoes for $10. His costs amount to 4/5 of his selling price, that is, $8. What is his profit?

- 1970’s ‘New Math’: A farmer exchanges a set P of potatoes with set M of money. The cardinality of the set M is equal to 10, and each element of M is worth $1. Draw ten big dots representing the elements of M. The set C of production costs is composed of two big dots less than the set M. Represent C as a subset of M and give the answer to the question: What is the cardinality of the set of profits?

- 1980’s: A farmer sells a bag of potatoes for $10. His production costs are $8, and his profit is $2. Underline the word ‘potatoes’ and discuss with your classmates.

- 1990’s: A farmer sells a bag of potatoes for $10. His or her production costs are 0.80 of his or her revenue. On your calculator, graph revenue versus costs. Run the POTATO program to determine the profit. Discuss the result with students in your group. Write a brief essay that analyzes this example in the real world of economics.

- 2000’s: A farmer sells a bag of potatoes for $10. How is his action contributing to poverty in developing nations and climate change, and what would a fair punishment be to give the farmer under our social justice system?

2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.

Teacher: Which has more legs, a horse or no horse?

Student: No horse, because a horse has four legs, but no horse has five.

Problem: In a completely dark room there is a pile of socks. 75 of the socks are red and 139 of the socks are green. How many socks would you have to take to be sure of having a pair?

Solution: Just three.

“A mathematician is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat which isn’t there.” -Charles Darwin

Math problem: If you have 4 pencils and I have 7 apples, how many pancakes will fit on the roof?

Solution: Purple, because aliens do not wear hats.

Fuzzy math: Fur-covered formulas that purr or bark.

A student walked into the math department with a shiny new trophy, the kind people get when they win a contest. He said, “I won this in the Math Contest. They asked us what 7 + 7 is. I said 12 and got third place!”

“A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.” -Paul Erdos

A fifth grade teacher was giving a lesson in arithmetic. She asked the children to explain on paper how you know when to add, subtract, divide, or multiply. Here is one girl’s paper: If there are lots of numbers, you add. If there are only two numbers, with lots of parts, you subtract. But if there are just two numbers, and one is a little harder than the other, then it is a hard problem, so you divide, if they come out even, but if they do not, you multiply.

“Classification of mathematical problems as linear and nonlinear makes as much sense as classification of the Universe as bananas and nonbananas.” -Author Unknown

Son: We had a guessing game.

Mother: But I thought you were having a math exam?

Son: That is right!

Why can’t 1 + 1 = 11?

“Do not worry too much about your difficulties in mathematics; I can assure you that mine are still greater.” -Albert Einstein

Problem: Two fathers and two sons go fishing. Each of them catches one fish. So why do they bring home only three fish?

Solution: The fishing group comprises a grandfather, his son, and his son’s son - hence just three people.

“The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.” -Robert R. Coveyou

Problem: How many feet would you have if you added an eight-foot snake to a six-foot snake?

Solution: None - snakes do not have feet!

“Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.” -Steven Wright

Need money? Become a math tutor, during after-school hours, on weekends, and on holidays.

“We used to think that if we knew one, we knew two, because one and one are two. We are finding that we must learn a great deal more about ‘and.’” -Arthur Stanley Eddington

Math·e·mat·ics: The study of the relationships among numbers, shapes, and quantities; and its use of signs, symbols, and proofs; includes arithmetic, algebra, calculus, geometry, and trigonometry.

A·rith·me·tic: The branch of mathematics that deals with addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division; and the use of numbers in calculations.

Arithmetic: A ‘subset’ of mathematics.

What is ‘casting out nines’? Is it like an incantation or a witch’s spell or sorcery?

Problem: A woman has seven daughters, and each daughter has a brother. How many children does the woman have all together?

Solution: She has eight children.

Is there more to mathematics than just numbers?

One day a mathematician decided that he was sick of math. So, he walked down to a hospital and announced that he wanted to become a doctor. The hospital administrator said, “Well, you look like a good guy. I would be glad to hire you, but first I have to give you a little test.” The hospital administrator took the mathematician to the hospital emergency room, which contained medical equipment, supplies, and a man with a broken leg who had just been brought in. The hospital administrator said, “Okay, you are the emergency room attending physician, and you see the patient. What do you do?” The mathematician replied, “Well, I get the man’s leg X-rayed, reset the bone, and apply a cast.” The hospital administrator said, “That is great . . . perfect. Now I have to ask you just one more question. What do you do if a man comes in who says his leg hurts, but it does not appear to be broken?” The mathematician puzzled over the question for a while and finally he said, “I use a sledge-hammer to break the man’s leg, X-ray it, reset the bone, and apply a cast.” The hospital administrator yelled, “What? That is horrible! Why would you break a man’s leg?” The mathematician replied, “Well, that way I reduce the problem to one I have already solved.”

Some people claim that ‘MATH’ stands for ‘Mental Abuse To Humans.’ They just need to focus and apply themselves, and they will find that it actually stands for ‘Miracles Attributable To Hard Work.’

Problem: Stephen has three piles of sand and George has four piles of sand. If they put them together, how many do they have?

Solution: If the piles of sand were all put together, there would be one pile of sand.

Riddle: When do two and two make more than four?

Solution: When they make twenty-two.

Approximately Ten Excuses for Not Doing Math Homework

- I accidentally divided by zero and my paper burst into flames.

- I could only get arbitrarily close to my textbook. I could not actually reach it.

- I have the proof, but there is no room to write it in this margin.

- I was watching the World Series and got tied up trying to prove that it converged.

- I locked the paper in my trunk but a four-dimensional dog got in and ate it.

- Isaac Newton’s birthday.

- I could not figure out whether ‘i am the square of negative one’ or ‘i is the square root of negative one.’

- I have a solar powered calculator and it was cloudy.

- I spent too much time making this list of excuses.

- I was reading jokes on the ‘Make Fun Of Life!’ Website and lost track of time.

If you add up the numbers 1 through 100 consecutively (1 + 2 + 3 + 4 + 5 . . .), the total is 5,050.

“Life is a math equation. In order to gain the most, you have to know how to convert the negatives into positives.” -Author Unknown

Teacher: What is half of eight?

Student: Up and down, or across?

Teacher: What do you mean?

Student: Up and down, it is 3, and across, it is zero.

“In mathematics you don’t understand things. You just get used to them.” -John von Neumann (1903 - 1957): as quoted in Gary Zukav: “The Dancing Wu Li Masters” (1979)

Riddle: Using the numbers 1 through 9 in order, can you make an equation exactly equal to 100?

Solution: 12 + 3 - 4 + 5 + 67 + 8 + 9 = 100.

Riddle: Using only addition, can you add eight 8’s to get the number 1,000?

Solution: 888 + 88 + 8 + 8 + 8 = 1,000.

“A formal manipulator in mathematics often experiences the discomforting feeling that his pencil surpasses him in intelligence.” -Howard W. Eves

We know what you are thinking, and you are right . . . some of these jokes just do not ‘add up’ . . . and that is okay, because they are just for fun. If you have any math humor to add to this topic, please email it to us at MakeFunOfLife@mail.com

**. Let’s make the world funnier!**