A dog will go to the ends of the Earth for a person . . . and also for an old stick . . .
If You Have a Dog
Thorns may hurt you,
Men desert you,
Sunlight turn to fog;
But you’re never
Friendless ever,
If you have a dog.
by Douglas Malloch (Douglas Malloch, Senior (1877 - 1938))
“The great pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself too.” -Samuel Butler (1835 - 1902): “The Note-Books of Samuel Butler” (1912), Part XIV: ‘Higgledy-Piggledy: Dogs’
Examples of the hundreds of different types of dogs include Beagles, Bloodhounds, Border Collies, Chihuahuas, Cocker Spaniels, German Shepherds, Golden Retrievers, Great Danes, Greyhounds, Irish Setters, Labradors, Mutts, and Saint Bernards.
“The dog has got more fun out of man than man has got out of the dog, for the clearly demonstrable reason that man is the more laughable of the two animals.” -James Thurber (1894 - 1961)
“If you can’t decide between a Shepherd, a Setter, or a Poodle, get them all - adopt a mutt.” -Author Unknown: American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (ASPCA)
Astoria: Why do dogs not like to travel on airplanes?
Star: They get jet-wag.
“In order to really enjoy a dog, one doesn’t merely train him to be semi-human. The point of it is to open oneself to the possibility of becoming part dog.” -Edward Hoagland (born 1932)
All dogs can be traced back to a weasel-like animal called the Miacis that lived in trees and dens about 40 million years ago. The Miacis later evolved into the Tomarctus, a direct forbear of the genus Canis, which includes wolves and jackals. The first dogs were self-domesticated wolves that hung around the earliest permanent human settlements, 12,000 or more years ago. The first identifiable dog breed appeared in about 9000 B.C.E., and seems to have been a type of Greyhound dog used for hunting. The domestic dog has been one of the most popular animals throughout human history. Dogs have formed such a strong bond as pets, workers, and companions to humans that they have earned the nickname, ‘Man’s best friend.’
“A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.” -Robert Benchley (Robert Charles Benchley (1889 - 1945))
Why do dogs sometimes turn around several times before taking a nap? Domesticated dogs, being descendants of wild dogs, retain some wild dog instincts. Wild dogs typically live in the forest or in the brush, and often have to trample down grass and weeds to make a comfortable place to lie down. They do this by walking around and around in tight circles. It is speculated remnants of this instinct account for a domesticated dog’s tendency to turn around a few times before taking a nap.
Paul
There once was a young man named Paul
Who went to a fancy dress ball;
He thought he would risk it,
And go as a biscuit,
But the dog ate him up in the hall!
by Author Unknown
Overheard: I feel sorry for people who do not have dogs. I hear they have to pick up their own food if they drop it on the floor.
Domestic dogs are omnivores, meaning that they eat a variety of foods, including meats, grains, and vegetables.
“From the dog’s point of view, his master is an elongated and abnormally cunning dog.” -Mabel Louise Robinson (1874 - 1962)
“If your dog is fat, you’re not getting enough exercise!” -Author Unknown
Allie: What are dog houses made of?
Ellie: Mutterial.
Thaddeus: What does a dog have on top of his house?
Tad: A woof.
Dogs see in three basic colors: blue, yellow, and gray. They do not see red and green as humans do, but instead see red and green as shades of gray or brown, brown being a combination of blue and yellow. This is not a problem for dogs, however, as they only need to see the colors necessary for them to survive in their world. Dogs can readily see their prey to hunt and kill it, but they do not need to be able to tell a red ripe tomato or apple from an unripe green tomato or apple because their close wolf ancestors are not dependent on having fruit in their diets. Dogs can see better in low light than humans, and they can detect motion, or movement, better than humans can.
“Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that’s how dogs spend their lives.” -Sue Murphy
Dogs hear both above and below humans on the sound frequency spectrum, and they can also pinpoint sound direction faster and hear sounds that are four times as far away as what humans are capable of hearing. Dogs can locate the source of a sound in 1/600th of a second, using the 18 muscles or more to position their ears for best sound reception.
Ned: Why does your dog keep turning around in circles?
Jed: He is a watchdog and he is winding himself up.
A man had seventy-two dogs in his house - until he finally found a doctor who cured him of whistling in his sleep.
Dogs have a remarkable sense of smell, and are capable of differentiating odors in concentrations nearly 100 million times lower than humans can. While humans have 5 million smell-detecting cells, dogs have more than 220 million. The part of the brain that interprets smell is also four times larger in dogs than in humans. Dogs have wet noses to collect more of the tiny odor particulates in the air.
Just like their wolf ancestors, dogs in a pack are more likely to chase and hunt than a single dog on its own. Two dogs are enough to form a pack.
“Have you ever considered what your dog must think of you? I mean, you come home from the grocery with the most amazing stuff, pork, chicken, half a cow. They must think you’re the greatest hunter on Earth!” -Anne Tyler
First Dog: Ruff, ruff! My name is “Bad Dog, Bad Dog!” What is your name?
Second Dog: Arf! My name is “Down, Boy!”
Harley: What do you get when you cross a Rottweiler and a Collie?
Elmer: A dog that bites you, and then goes to get you help.
Cynophobia, also known as kynophobia, is a persistent fear or loathing of dogs. To avoid dogs, sufferers of the phobia may barricade yards or refuse to travel except in an enclosed vehicle. When walking through neighborhoods, they may decide their route based on where the houses with dogs are. ‘Cynophobia’ is derived from the Greek words ‘kyon’ meaning ‘dog’ and ‘phobos’ meaning ‘fear.’
Eve: Why do dogs bark at people?
Evelyn: To give them a ruff time!
When meeting a strange dog, remember that the dog is likewise meeting a human stranger. Let the dog sniff the back of your closed hand, and do not show the dog your fingers - they are easier to bite!
We think we might be on to something here: Remember when dogs were named Bowser and said, “Bow-wow”? Along came dogs with names such as Spot, who said, “Arf, arf.” Then dogs with names like Duke and King started saying, “Woof-woof.” Next came dogs named Killer who said, “Grrr-grrrrrr!” We think dogs were much nicer back when they said, “Bow-wow.” How about you?
“The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.” -Andrew A. Rooney (Andrew Aitken ‘Andy’ Rooney (1919 - 2011))
Basenjis are the only non-barking domestic dogs. They yodel instead, and they are known to mimic the sounds of police car, firetruck, and ambulance sirens.
Danny: What is the quietest kind of a dog?
Denny: A hush puppy.
“Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.” -Ann Landers (Esther Pauline Friedman Lederer (1918 - 2002))
Dan: Does your dog like children and the elderly?
Stan: Yes, but he prefers dog food!
Sheila: Why does a dog wag his tail?
Shelby: Because no one will wag it for him.
In 2003, Doctor Roger Mugford invented the ‘wagometer,’ a device he claims can interpret a dog’s exact mood by measuring the wag of its tail.
“Dogs laugh, but they laugh with their tails.” -Max Eastman (Max Forrester Eastman (1883 - 1969)): “Enjoyment of Laughter” (1936)
“The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.” -Author Unknown
“I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven’t got the guts to bite people themselves.” -August Strindberg (Johan August Strindberg (1849 - 1912))
“A bone to the dog is not charity. Charity is the bone shared with the dog, when you are just as hungry as the dog.” -Jack London (pseudonym of John Griffith Chaney (1876 - 1916))
Chad: How is a dog like a telephone?
Chase: A dog has a collar I.D.
The Ten Things Your Dog Wants You to Know
If your dog could talk, these are some of most important things that he or she would like to tell you.
1. My life will probably only last 7 to 14 years. It will hurt me more than you know if I have to be away from you for longer than a day or two.
2. If you have patience with me and give me time to learn what you would like from me, I can promise you, you will never be disappointed.
3. Trust me with your life and have faith in our future together. If I don’t feel that you honestly believe in me, I will suffer great emotional stress. My sense of self-worth is wholly dependent upon your confidence in me.
4. Don’t stay mad at me for long or confine me to a cage to punish me. You have your friends, your job, and your recreation. I have only you!
5. Talk to me about anything you want as frequently as possible. Even if I can’t comprehend your precise words, I can understand the meaning of what you’re telling me by the tone of your voice.
6. Remember no matter how you treat me, I will never forget it.
7. When you consider raising your hand to hit me, remember I have teeth that could break the bones in your hand, but I choose not to bite you.
8. Before you scream at me for failing to respond to your commands as I usually do, take time to think about what might be wrong with me that would cause me to treat you differently. Maybe I haven’t been eating right or drinking enough water. Or maybe my age is catching up with me and I just can’t do what I used to do.
9. Take good care of me when I get old. Someday you will be as old as me and you will understand how it feels.
10. Be there for me through good times and bad. Never say you can’t handle taking me to the vets for stitches or surgery. Nothing could make me feel worse. Everything in my life is easier for me to deal with when I have you standing by my side. Remember my love for you is unconditional and it will last for your entire life.
by Danielle Hollister
Enormous and Shaggy
There was a wee lassie called Maggie,
Whose dog was enormous and shaggy;
The front end of him
Looked vicious and grim . . .
But the tail end was friendly and waggy!
by Author Unknown
“My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to 99 cents a can. That’s almost $7.00 in dog money.” -Joe Weinstein
“Dear God, please help me to be as good a person as my dog thinks I am.” -Author Unknown
Giles: What’s fast, furry, and goes, “Foow, foow”?
Gail: A dog chasing a car that’s going in reverse.
So, you are a dog and you chase cars - what exactly are your plans if you ever catch one?
Leon: Why was the puppy so well-behaved in class?
Noelle: He wanted to be the teacher’s pet.
“I hate a fellow whom pride or cowardice or laziness drives into a corner, and who does nothing when he is there but sit and growl. Let him come out as I do, and bark.” -Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784)
Crystal: In which month do dogs bark the least?
Amber: February, because with 28 days, it is the shortest month.
A man answered his doorbell and a friend walked in, followed by a very large dog. As they began talking, the dog knocked over a lamp, jumped up on the sofa with his muddy paws, and began chewing on one of the pillows. The outraged householder, unable to contain himself any longer, burst out, “Don’t you think you should train your dog better?” “My dog!” exclaimed the friend in surprise. “I thought it was your dog.”
Caleb: Why is a dog so hot in the summer?
Kyle: Because it wears a coat and pants.
Leash: The strap attached to a dog’s collar, enabling it to lead its person.
“Dogs are our link to paradise. They don’t know evil or jealousy or discontent. To sit with a dog on a hillside on a glorious afternoon is to be back in Eden, where doing nothing was not boring - it was peace.” -Milan Kundera (born 1929): as quoted in Doug Gelbert: “The Canine Hiker’s Bible” (2000), page 8
Ernest: How do you get a dog to stop barking in the front seat?
Nestor: Put him in the back seat.
“A dog has the soul of a philosopher.” -Plato (about 427 B.C.E. - about 347 B.C.E.)
Perth: Why do dogs run in circles?
Bertha: Because it is too hard to run in squares!
“No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does.” -Christopher Morley (Christopher Darlington Morley (1890 - 1957))
In dog language, ‘leather shoe’ means ‘chew toy.’
Aggie: Why did the dog stay in the shade?
Agatha: Because he didn’t want to turn into a hotdog!
I’ve Got a Dog
I’ve got a dog as thin as a rail,
He’s got fleas all over his tail;
Every time his tail goes flop,
The fleas on the bottom all hop to the top.
by Author Unknown
“I once had a dog who really believed he was man’s best friend. He kept borrowing money from me.” -Gene Perret (Gene Richard Perret (born 1937))
If you think that it is you who ‘owns’ your dog, just answer this question: Which one of you leads when you go out for a walk together?
Darla: Why do dogs not make good dancers?
Darlene: Because they have two left feet.
The Ambiguous Dog
The dog beneath the Cherry-tree
Has ways that sorely puzzle me:
Behind, he wags a friendly tail;
Before, his Growl would turn you pale!
His meaning isn’t wholly clear -
Oh, is the Wag or Growl sincere?
I think I’d better not descend -
His Bite is at the Growly End.
by Arthur Guiterman (1871 - 1943)
Imagine a parallel dimension in which it is the dog that takes you for a walk, where you lie on the rug and the dog is on the couch, where dog food looks and smells better than your food - what, you say that is the universe in which you already live?
Maggie: How do you know when you have a slow dog?
Mollie: He brings you yesterday’s newspaper.
“We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare, and love we can spare. In return, dogs give us their all. It’s the best deal man has ever made.” -Margery Facklam (Margery Anne Facklam (1927 - 2015))
This is MFOL! . . . now go have yourself a tail-wagging good day!
If You Have a Dog
Thorns may hurt you,
Men desert you,
Sunlight turn to fog;
But you’re never
Friendless ever,
If you have a dog.
by Douglas Malloch (Douglas Malloch, Senior (1877 - 1938))
“The great pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself too.” -Samuel Butler (1835 - 1902): “The Note-Books of Samuel Butler” (1912), Part XIV: ‘Higgledy-Piggledy: Dogs’
Examples of the hundreds of different types of dogs include Beagles, Bloodhounds, Border Collies, Chihuahuas, Cocker Spaniels, German Shepherds, Golden Retrievers, Great Danes, Greyhounds, Irish Setters, Labradors, Mutts, and Saint Bernards.
“The dog has got more fun out of man than man has got out of the dog, for the clearly demonstrable reason that man is the more laughable of the two animals.” -James Thurber (1894 - 1961)
“If you can’t decide between a Shepherd, a Setter, or a Poodle, get them all - adopt a mutt.” -Author Unknown: American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (ASPCA)
Astoria: Why do dogs not like to travel on airplanes?
Star: They get jet-wag.
“In order to really enjoy a dog, one doesn’t merely train him to be semi-human. The point of it is to open oneself to the possibility of becoming part dog.” -Edward Hoagland (born 1932)
All dogs can be traced back to a weasel-like animal called the Miacis that lived in trees and dens about 40 million years ago. The Miacis later evolved into the Tomarctus, a direct forbear of the genus Canis, which includes wolves and jackals. The first dogs were self-domesticated wolves that hung around the earliest permanent human settlements, 12,000 or more years ago. The first identifiable dog breed appeared in about 9000 B.C.E., and seems to have been a type of Greyhound dog used for hunting. The domestic dog has been one of the most popular animals throughout human history. Dogs have formed such a strong bond as pets, workers, and companions to humans that they have earned the nickname, ‘Man’s best friend.’
“A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.” -Robert Benchley (Robert Charles Benchley (1889 - 1945))
Why do dogs sometimes turn around several times before taking a nap? Domesticated dogs, being descendants of wild dogs, retain some wild dog instincts. Wild dogs typically live in the forest or in the brush, and often have to trample down grass and weeds to make a comfortable place to lie down. They do this by walking around and around in tight circles. It is speculated remnants of this instinct account for a domesticated dog’s tendency to turn around a few times before taking a nap.
Paul
There once was a young man named Paul
Who went to a fancy dress ball;
He thought he would risk it,
And go as a biscuit,
But the dog ate him up in the hall!
by Author Unknown
Overheard: I feel sorry for people who do not have dogs. I hear they have to pick up their own food if they drop it on the floor.
Domestic dogs are omnivores, meaning that they eat a variety of foods, including meats, grains, and vegetables.
“From the dog’s point of view, his master is an elongated and abnormally cunning dog.” -Mabel Louise Robinson (1874 - 1962)
“If your dog is fat, you’re not getting enough exercise!” -Author Unknown
Allie: What are dog houses made of?
Ellie: Mutterial.
Thaddeus: What does a dog have on top of his house?
Tad: A woof.
Dogs see in three basic colors: blue, yellow, and gray. They do not see red and green as humans do, but instead see red and green as shades of gray or brown, brown being a combination of blue and yellow. This is not a problem for dogs, however, as they only need to see the colors necessary for them to survive in their world. Dogs can readily see their prey to hunt and kill it, but they do not need to be able to tell a red ripe tomato or apple from an unripe green tomato or apple because their close wolf ancestors are not dependent on having fruit in their diets. Dogs can see better in low light than humans, and they can detect motion, or movement, better than humans can.
“Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that’s how dogs spend their lives.” -Sue Murphy
Dogs hear both above and below humans on the sound frequency spectrum, and they can also pinpoint sound direction faster and hear sounds that are four times as far away as what humans are capable of hearing. Dogs can locate the source of a sound in 1/600th of a second, using the 18 muscles or more to position their ears for best sound reception.
Ned: Why does your dog keep turning around in circles?
Jed: He is a watchdog and he is winding himself up.
A man had seventy-two dogs in his house - until he finally found a doctor who cured him of whistling in his sleep.
Dogs have a remarkable sense of smell, and are capable of differentiating odors in concentrations nearly 100 million times lower than humans can. While humans have 5 million smell-detecting cells, dogs have more than 220 million. The part of the brain that interprets smell is also four times larger in dogs than in humans. Dogs have wet noses to collect more of the tiny odor particulates in the air.
Just like their wolf ancestors, dogs in a pack are more likely to chase and hunt than a single dog on its own. Two dogs are enough to form a pack.
“Have you ever considered what your dog must think of you? I mean, you come home from the grocery with the most amazing stuff, pork, chicken, half a cow. They must think you’re the greatest hunter on Earth!” -Anne Tyler
First Dog: Ruff, ruff! My name is “Bad Dog, Bad Dog!” What is your name?
Second Dog: Arf! My name is “Down, Boy!”
Harley: What do you get when you cross a Rottweiler and a Collie?
Elmer: A dog that bites you, and then goes to get you help.
Cynophobia, also known as kynophobia, is a persistent fear or loathing of dogs. To avoid dogs, sufferers of the phobia may barricade yards or refuse to travel except in an enclosed vehicle. When walking through neighborhoods, they may decide their route based on where the houses with dogs are. ‘Cynophobia’ is derived from the Greek words ‘kyon’ meaning ‘dog’ and ‘phobos’ meaning ‘fear.’
Eve: Why do dogs bark at people?
Evelyn: To give them a ruff time!
When meeting a strange dog, remember that the dog is likewise meeting a human stranger. Let the dog sniff the back of your closed hand, and do not show the dog your fingers - they are easier to bite!
We think we might be on to something here: Remember when dogs were named Bowser and said, “Bow-wow”? Along came dogs with names such as Spot, who said, “Arf, arf.” Then dogs with names like Duke and King started saying, “Woof-woof.” Next came dogs named Killer who said, “Grrr-grrrrrr!” We think dogs were much nicer back when they said, “Bow-wow.” How about you?
“The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.” -Andrew A. Rooney (Andrew Aitken ‘Andy’ Rooney (1919 - 2011))
Basenjis are the only non-barking domestic dogs. They yodel instead, and they are known to mimic the sounds of police car, firetruck, and ambulance sirens.
Danny: What is the quietest kind of a dog?
Denny: A hush puppy.
“Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.” -Ann Landers (Esther Pauline Friedman Lederer (1918 - 2002))
Dan: Does your dog like children and the elderly?
Stan: Yes, but he prefers dog food!
Sheila: Why does a dog wag his tail?
Shelby: Because no one will wag it for him.
In 2003, Doctor Roger Mugford invented the ‘wagometer,’ a device he claims can interpret a dog’s exact mood by measuring the wag of its tail.
“Dogs laugh, but they laugh with their tails.” -Max Eastman (Max Forrester Eastman (1883 - 1969)): “Enjoyment of Laughter” (1936)
“The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.” -Author Unknown
“I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven’t got the guts to bite people themselves.” -August Strindberg (Johan August Strindberg (1849 - 1912))
“A bone to the dog is not charity. Charity is the bone shared with the dog, when you are just as hungry as the dog.” -Jack London (pseudonym of John Griffith Chaney (1876 - 1916))
Chad: How is a dog like a telephone?
Chase: A dog has a collar I.D.
The Ten Things Your Dog Wants You to Know
If your dog could talk, these are some of most important things that he or she would like to tell you.
1. My life will probably only last 7 to 14 years. It will hurt me more than you know if I have to be away from you for longer than a day or two.
2. If you have patience with me and give me time to learn what you would like from me, I can promise you, you will never be disappointed.
3. Trust me with your life and have faith in our future together. If I don’t feel that you honestly believe in me, I will suffer great emotional stress. My sense of self-worth is wholly dependent upon your confidence in me.
4. Don’t stay mad at me for long or confine me to a cage to punish me. You have your friends, your job, and your recreation. I have only you!
5. Talk to me about anything you want as frequently as possible. Even if I can’t comprehend your precise words, I can understand the meaning of what you’re telling me by the tone of your voice.
6. Remember no matter how you treat me, I will never forget it.
7. When you consider raising your hand to hit me, remember I have teeth that could break the bones in your hand, but I choose not to bite you.
8. Before you scream at me for failing to respond to your commands as I usually do, take time to think about what might be wrong with me that would cause me to treat you differently. Maybe I haven’t been eating right or drinking enough water. Or maybe my age is catching up with me and I just can’t do what I used to do.
9. Take good care of me when I get old. Someday you will be as old as me and you will understand how it feels.
10. Be there for me through good times and bad. Never say you can’t handle taking me to the vets for stitches or surgery. Nothing could make me feel worse. Everything in my life is easier for me to deal with when I have you standing by my side. Remember my love for you is unconditional and it will last for your entire life.
by Danielle Hollister
Enormous and Shaggy
There was a wee lassie called Maggie,
Whose dog was enormous and shaggy;
The front end of him
Looked vicious and grim . . .
But the tail end was friendly and waggy!
by Author Unknown
“My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to 99 cents a can. That’s almost $7.00 in dog money.” -Joe Weinstein
“Dear God, please help me to be as good a person as my dog thinks I am.” -Author Unknown
Giles: What’s fast, furry, and goes, “Foow, foow”?
Gail: A dog chasing a car that’s going in reverse.
So, you are a dog and you chase cars - what exactly are your plans if you ever catch one?
Leon: Why was the puppy so well-behaved in class?
Noelle: He wanted to be the teacher’s pet.
“I hate a fellow whom pride or cowardice or laziness drives into a corner, and who does nothing when he is there but sit and growl. Let him come out as I do, and bark.” -Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784)
Crystal: In which month do dogs bark the least?
Amber: February, because with 28 days, it is the shortest month.
A man answered his doorbell and a friend walked in, followed by a very large dog. As they began talking, the dog knocked over a lamp, jumped up on the sofa with his muddy paws, and began chewing on one of the pillows. The outraged householder, unable to contain himself any longer, burst out, “Don’t you think you should train your dog better?” “My dog!” exclaimed the friend in surprise. “I thought it was your dog.”
Caleb: Why is a dog so hot in the summer?
Kyle: Because it wears a coat and pants.
Leash: The strap attached to a dog’s collar, enabling it to lead its person.
“Dogs are our link to paradise. They don’t know evil or jealousy or discontent. To sit with a dog on a hillside on a glorious afternoon is to be back in Eden, where doing nothing was not boring - it was peace.” -Milan Kundera (born 1929): as quoted in Doug Gelbert: “The Canine Hiker’s Bible” (2000), page 8
Ernest: How do you get a dog to stop barking in the front seat?
Nestor: Put him in the back seat.
“A dog has the soul of a philosopher.” -Plato (about 427 B.C.E. - about 347 B.C.E.)
Perth: Why do dogs run in circles?
Bertha: Because it is too hard to run in squares!
“No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does.” -Christopher Morley (Christopher Darlington Morley (1890 - 1957))
In dog language, ‘leather shoe’ means ‘chew toy.’
Aggie: Why did the dog stay in the shade?
Agatha: Because he didn’t want to turn into a hotdog!
I’ve Got a Dog
I’ve got a dog as thin as a rail,
He’s got fleas all over his tail;
Every time his tail goes flop,
The fleas on the bottom all hop to the top.
by Author Unknown
“I once had a dog who really believed he was man’s best friend. He kept borrowing money from me.” -Gene Perret (Gene Richard Perret (born 1937))
If you think that it is you who ‘owns’ your dog, just answer this question: Which one of you leads when you go out for a walk together?
Darla: Why do dogs not make good dancers?
Darlene: Because they have two left feet.
The Ambiguous Dog
The dog beneath the Cherry-tree
Has ways that sorely puzzle me:
Behind, he wags a friendly tail;
Before, his Growl would turn you pale!
His meaning isn’t wholly clear -
Oh, is the Wag or Growl sincere?
I think I’d better not descend -
His Bite is at the Growly End.
by Arthur Guiterman (1871 - 1943)
Imagine a parallel dimension in which it is the dog that takes you for a walk, where you lie on the rug and the dog is on the couch, where dog food looks and smells better than your food - what, you say that is the universe in which you already live?
Maggie: How do you know when you have a slow dog?
Mollie: He brings you yesterday’s newspaper.
“We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare, and love we can spare. In return, dogs give us their all. It’s the best deal man has ever made.” -Margery Facklam (Margery Anne Facklam (1927 - 2015))
This is MFOL! . . . now go have yourself a tail-wagging good day!
